#but im just so fucking weak and tired
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if my immunity system decided not to work then why should i
#i am so MAD#i am sick AGAIN like it's the 5th time since JUNE!!!! its not fever and antibiotics this time but i feel like shit#and i can't breathe and just want to sleep and i am constantly COLD#but like i have to live through it#because the worst part is it happens on my off days#when i have days off my body decides to get sick so i can't enjoy the free time and it's making me SO MAD#its gotten to the point it's almost unbelievable#personal#sorry but#i am so angry#because normally I'd enjoy two days with my family but TALKING HURTS and my nose is leaking and i can't breathe#and i have a 6 hour train journey ahed of me tomorrow and then a concert#and normally I'd be thrilled!!! like yay exciting day#but im just so fucking weak and tired#god let me live a little
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally can’t wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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i hate him i hope he explodes. im not even tagging this. im just pathetic and im obsessed with this pathetic stupid gay man. fuck you.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD
#me: yeah i gotta be respectful about the fucked up historical aspects of the lore#also me: AAAAUGHH HES GAY THE THIRD REICH IS FUCKING GAY IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE FUUUUCK#fuuuck i think the third reich is one of my comfort characters fucking hell man fuuuuuuck this is terrible fuuuck#what have i become#I SWEAR I CAN BE NORMAL#IM JUST HAVING A MOMENT#PLEASE DONT BURN ME AT THE STAKE#i promise im usually super normal about it#i am simply having a moment of weakness#FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE#im so tired bro im gonna crumble to dust
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Vehemently not wanting a ship to be canon so much that you have to comment it on other people's posts is reasonable, but saying anything that suggests you disagree means you're too obsessed with fictional characters?? Please what is the difference? If you're chill about fictional characters, why does their possible romance make you so irate??
#please im so tired why are people on the internet so narrow minded im so upset#just why is it so hard to mind your own business i do not understand#if you didnt see romance ok fine it doesnt make me wrong for seeing it#apparently “it shows” that i didnt watch the show this is so stupid who fucking cares#why the fuck do you care so much i dont get itttttttt#im so tired bc there are 53039384 people on the internet who all say the same thing#and no one even asked?!??#also as if the thousands of people who ship them all didnt watch the show pleaseee its so weak#its OK for people to notice different things in a show jfc#it doesnt mean neither person didnt watch it and it doesnt make either person wrong#its giving 5 year old who doesnt understand other people have brains of their own#but times by 1 trillion bc there are that many people who behave like this on the internet what the fuck is the point looool#no but seriously#I do know the reason its bc theyd rather spread their toxic world view than confront their own issues#but even so im tired of seeing it#go the fuck away please
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Kind of hard to ask as anon
But you doing ok?
Need to vent?
Hi very kind and thoughtful of you to ask, i am doing mmmmm suboptimal but i do not need to vent to a person per se, so much as i need to say absolutely insane shit in my tags and have everyone pretend not to see <3
#my stuff#asks#this is the problem with using tumblr as a multi-role platform bc when i want to talk about my fcuking metnal illness i stress-#about my online friends judging me for it#not in like a mean sense but just that it feels like it would change their opinion of me#like on tumblr u can say you have adhd or autism (i have the latter and likely the former)#but anything more intense is regarded as sketchy#so when i’m having symptoms disease of an additional metnal illness it’s like hmmm i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that#mostly because the majority of the time it’s something i mask over#and do subconsciously until i get particularly tired or stressed or fatigued#so when i get to those states i’m trying extra hard not to blindside everyone with what a fucking mutant i am under the surface#like yippee hooray more ammunition for some transphobe to use in 3 weeks next time i get anon hate#anyways im. tired. i need more tattoos. i need a vacation. i need a forever hug. i need to feel cute. i need things to just be okay#i need to not be fractured into so many snapping pieces i need to know what is expected of us#i need to not feel like an adult babysitting a child who’s actually controlling me#i feel weak and undisciplined but i know fixing those won’t fill the hole gnawing my heart#im going to bed. blegh.
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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#i feel disgusting#i feel awful and bad and. helpless#and so very weak#.........i was doing well cleaning for a little while and now suddenly its like nothing mattered#ive been out of laundry for a week I've done laundry once in the last 2 months#showers take a week or even more#trash keeps piling up dishes take so long#and i just....sit here#.....it all hurts#......everything hurts so fucking much all the time and i do need help but#how the fuck do you ask a friend to do your laundry for you what the fuck kind of ask is that#............i feel so pathetic#im so tired.....#.....i wish i could just sleep forever
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I feel so weak and I've been pushing myself too far. I'm back to feeling weak and tired and fuzzy and lightheaded and constantly drained... I just want to feel okay again. I just want answers and I want treatment and I want to feel like myself...
#im still so worried#and its been 6 months and i dont have any answers#ive lost so much and i despise it#i just feel like shit constantly and when i try to do stuff it ends up knocking me on my ass for a while#went to Boston with my friends and had a great time but yesterday was basically bed rest bc i pushed myself too far#i couldn't even bring groceries in the house because i barely have the fucking energy#i feel so weak and tired and i cant do anything and it worries me so bad...#i dont want to be in a fog anymore#i dont want to feel incapable anymore#dont mind me#im just mourning the loss of how my life used to be#i guess im just stuck with this until someone figures something out
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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random vent bc i’m currently not in the best mood and i keep forgetting this is my blog and i can do whatever i want ( ;∀;)
i just had the realization that i don’t specifically like age regression in terms of me regressing; because i don’t want to do things like drawing or watching cartoons or anything like that, i just yearn for the feeling of having someone else take care of almost everything for me because i’m just so drained in every aspect that i need someone else to do things for me.
like, i’ve been in such a rut for the past 6 months since i graduated from highschool and the weight of just existing and paying bills and things have been weighing on me. i’d just love for someone to help me and tell me when and how to do things without feeling stupid or like i’ll never be able to grow on my own and not be judged. if that even makes sense.
#vamp’s rambles#im always physically tired to#because uhm#in relation to taking care of bills and such#me as well as my mom have to budget on money#so my great solution to that is just not eating when there is food so we can stretch it as much as we can#or not even just for that#but also because we dont have a lot of FOOD in the first place#just ingredients for dinner#and in cases where i just want something small like fucking chips or something#i have to walk all the way to the store to spend money i should be holding on to to take care of OTHER bills#so on top of being mentally drained#i am 60% of the time physically weak bc i don’t eat as much as i should. especially bc i dont have much of an appetite either anymore#for whatever reason
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it’s me and these 2 cookies against the world
#💌#see i could go eat BUT im so fucking tired i think i would enter a food coma#speaking of being tired guys all nighters are not for the fucking weak#i’m gonna blame it on most of my assignments being writing based instead of memorization based though#bc i can write something over and over again and remember it just fine obv cos that doesn’t take much brain power#but i’m trying to work on an essay and like. girl. nothing about me is coherent#so i have decided to CHILL for tonight so like#expect your dashes to be spammed and your ao3 inboxes flooded#i think i’ve deserved it (contrary to popular belief. like ik i’ve been on here a lot lmaoo but i promise i am doing Things)#i just have three more hours to go
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Does jason smoke in canon?
quick response is here is him post-crisis shown lighting a cigarette in batman #408, so yes he did smoke. can't recall a panel of him post resurrection smoking but wouldn't be surprised if there is one, if i remember later I'll add it on. smoking isn't a BIG thing with him, not like fanon can emphasize, but there is an origin to him smoking when he was younger
[ID: two images of young post-crisis Jason Todd. First image is a panel of him sitting on a mattress in the apartment he's squatting in lighting a cigarette to his lips as Batman watches in the doorway. Second image is a close-up of the next panel where the cigarette has fallen from Jason's lips in shock and there is a little swirl of smoke. End ID]
#anytime i answer a question i feel like someone is going to respond r u fucking stupid hes smoking in every panel. like maybe im insane and#just blocked it out but i feel like theres a chance red hood jason smoked a cigarette u kno so dc can push bad boy aesthetic of it. but i#just cant distinctly recall a panel of it atm but also im tired#i do think theres something to be said about sheila smoking while he was beaten up and maybe that turned him off. but also i can see it as#him being triggered by cigarettes in certain ways/on some days but also enjoying the calm a cigarette can give him in the way he did as a#kid. but also he soooooooo about control & i could see him as viewing smoking as a weakness. like he does not need help. personally i dont#have a huge stake in him smoking. i dont think he would care for health reasons. i think he would do it to piss ppl off. and then maybe#v v rarely having one as a treat to show he can smoke if he wants & enjoy it but he does not succumb to addiction hes in control#<- not a reflection of how i view addiction this is jasons fucked up world. addiction isnt something you succumb to or weak for hes just a#stupid babygirl
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i kinda hope that some older zelda games get remade down the line to recontextualize and better fit the zelda timeline as a whole
like OoT especially would benefit from a proper remake-- maybe give Navi some actual personality so her getting shunted out of the Ganondorf fight actually FEELS like something
and by remake i dont mean the upscales that ALttP, OoT/MM, and TP/WW got on gameboy, 3ds, and wiiu respectively-- i mean full-ass remakes/rewrites with modern gameplay conventions. like FF7R, but for zelda
the only games i think would actually benefit from proper remakes would be OoT/MM-- OoT for lore reasons and probably better character writing, and MM for gameplay, on top of the added fact that an MM remake would give an opportunity to revive previously cut game content
#cyspeaks#its a zelda brain night tonight fellas#like im sure everyone's tired of me yelling about how mid OoT's writing is compared to the rest of the series#and im not saying it's BAD i just think that it could be so much better than it was#ESPECIALLY with the whole Navi thing like i never even really used her to tell me weaknesses my first playthrough#unless i was REALLY stuck on how to hurt something#AND THEN#IN THE GANON FIGHT#SHE HAS THE /AUDACITY/ TO BE LIKE “idk what his weakness is lol” AFTER HAVING A WHOLE BIT ABOUT NOT BEING MADE TO STAND ASIDE#fuck navi honestly worst written zelda character i hate that link canonically considered her a close friend
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Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn
#covid#life of sponty#ive been sick since i got back home on 12th#infected probably 1 to 3 days before that#so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid#and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion#i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed#it's effort to stroke the cat#the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery#just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them#shits fucked bruh#also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke#it's wild#desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever#i love onions#i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine#cough was only monstrous for like a day#rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable#the fatigue is wack though#I've never been this weak before#it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective#this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks
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"Why can't you eat healthy?!" And their suggestion is to not eat
#dont eat now because then what will you eat the rest of the week?#like she wont say the same the rest of the week. dont eat now what will you eat later?#eat a salad. but theres no vegetables#the only one allowed to eat is her and whoever she decides deserves it#this food is for X not for any of you. you are leaving him with no food. you are such horrible people#im tired. i feel so weak. if i want to eat or drink im selfish so i will just stay laying down but that makes me feel weaker in the long ru#i cant even distract myself with the internet or whatever because i keep getting recommended proana posts on all my fucking accs
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