#but im also psychotic and physically disabled

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

NO LITERALLY.

In seasons 3 and 4 Otto does some pretty heinous shit but. seasons 1 and 2 ock is like…yeah I kinda get it!!! I’d go murderously insane too if I was maimed, surgically altered without consent, and kept captive in a basement for years on end.

Out of universe, it might have to do with the fact that there was a consistent writing team for seasons 1 and 2, but a new team was brought on for season 3…and each episode of season 4 was written by a different person. I wish I was kidding. For the first two seasons, Otto’s motive is “not be fucking killed by Norman” and then “get revenge on Norman for the Everything.” By seasons 3 and 4, that motive is gone and he’s just doing evil for shits and giggles.

The infuriating thing is that (SPOILERS) they redeem Norman. They let him join the heroes. He becomes another Iron Man. And we all just ignore the fact that he’s kept a mentally and physically ill guy locked in a bunker for 15 years and threatened to pull the plug on said guy’s life support until said guy snapped. Idk about you but I kind of feel like they redeemed the wrong villain here

I have only watched maybe eight usm cartoon eps so what I’m about to say may or may not be super accurate but anyways Hey you guys ever think about how weird it was that no one ever really acknowledges the fact that Otto got kidnapped and enslaved by Norman for presumably years and that Doc Ock is narratively treated like any other supervillain and also that Norman is viewed a lot more sympathetically than him?

[angxl-k9]

May I expand. It’s not about the “animal packers” and etc. I believe that it’s nobody’s business. The issue is how nonsensical it sounds to say “I am an animal” out loud. People will laugh at you. You will damage your own relationships. Think. Is it worth it? And why do people act like that? Because it’s crazy.

There’s a popular conservative lie that is spread around of “litter boxes in schools” and “people identifying as animals” and that’s NOT REAL. It comes from a complete fabrication to make trans people look worse. Don’t try to make it real. I don’t care if it’s “been around for decades” that doesn’t change anything. It’s not about streamlining your identity to make it more digestible to outsiders who don’t understand, it’s about the threshold where “identity” crosses between “genuine insanity” and if you can’t SEE the clear line between those two things then there isn’t much hope for you.

Hey anon! Great to see you actually just hate therians! Hooray!

Even longer post, will also be under a cut!

Firstly, addressing the very popular but very wrong lie of "kids are using litter boxes in schools": These are for service animals. These are put in place by schools who have students (or teachers) who have disabilities that require them to bring a service animal to school with them. This has nothing to do with therianthropy, it is just a lie that Tiktok caught on to and spread it like wildfire.

(Now, to add in before this section, this isn’t to “throw clinical zoanthropes under the bus” with therian discourse. There’s nothing “wrong” with clinical zoanthropes, just like there’s nothing “wrong” with therians. I am simply stating facts. That’s it. I think it’s important to be educated about things like this. Let’s continue.)

Secondly, therianthropy is not "being crazy". It is not a mental illness, it is not a disability, it is not wrong. However, you may be interested im learning about "clinical lycanthropy" (or zoanthropy, different from therianthropy). This is an extremely rare, delusion-based psychiatric syndrome characterized by patients believing that they can or have physically transformed into a non-human animal. It is essentially the delusion that one can shapeshift into a werewolf (or similar animal). It is associated with psychosis (aka delusions and hallucinations). It is considered to be an expression of a psychotic or dissociative episode caused by another condition (like DID, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or depression).

This article describes a report done on clinical lycanthropy. Over 130 articles were screened and between 1852 and 2020, there were 43 cases of clinical lycanthropy identified. That's right. 43. Now, have you seen how many therians are on Tiktok? Yeah, more than 43. And they're definitely not from 1852. So how can you say that therianthropy is "being crazy"? And don't say "they're just delusional" because the only delusion that somewhat accurately presents like therianthropy is that of clinical lycan/zoanthropy. Professionals would know if someone is genuinely delusional, but why would they care about such a small group of people in the world?

There are also studies done on patients with clinical lycanthropy actually have differences in their brains. The part of the brain known to be involved with represent body shape can display unusual activation in patients with clinical lycanthropy, showing that when patients report their body changing and shapeshifting, they may genuinely be perceiving those feelings. Have therians ever claimed to you that they can feel their bones and skin and limbs shifting and changing to become that of a non-human animal? No, because therianthropy is not a delusion. There are often no physical feelings in the body of a therian when they, for example, experience phantom tails or ears etc. That begs the question, would you say that an amputee experiencing phantom limbs is psychotic?

So, people identifying as a non-human animal is real! There are reported cases of it in the medical field! Shocking, right? It must be crazy to you that there are documented medical cases of people identifying as animals, allllll the way back to 18-goddamn-52.

Thirdly, therianthropy has nothing to do with being trans. It never has, it never will. No one has ever claimed it to be. Being trans means that your assigned sex and birth does not match with how you perceive yourself and how you want others to perceive you. What you might be thinking of is being trans-species. This is okay too! It just means that your assigned species at birth (human, obviously) does not match with how you perceive yourself and how you want others to perceive you. See how I used two different words? Species and gender?

Plus not all therians are trans-species, like myself! Generally I don't have much of a desire to physically become a wolf or a cat or a shark. I'm comfortable being perceived as a human, even though sometimes I just wanna wag my tail and run around and put my ears back and growl! I know that some therians feel super uncomfortable in their human body and wish that they could change! And that's where the species-affirming packers come in. It's like being transgender but it is not! And no one is claiming it is.

Another thing is that a lot of therians tend to be neurodivergent. But you're not saying that therianthropy is ableist, are you? No, you're just trying to connect two dots that are miles away. Neurodiverse people can feel a disconnection with humanity, and that can explain for some people their alterhumanity. Of course, not all therians are neurodivergent nor do they believe that their neurodiversity are the root of their alterhumanity. Have a look at this poll from Reddit, almost two thirds of participants indicated that they're neurodiverse!

Now, being neurodivergent calls for being discriminated against in and of itself. Same with being LBGT+. And being any race except white. Do you really think that therians who are LBGT+ are going to be discriminated against more for their alterhumanity than their sexual orientation or gender? No. Do you really think that therians who are neurodiverse are going to be discriminated against more for their alterhumanity than their disabilities? No again. Do you really think that therians who are POC are going to be discriminated against more for their alterhumanity than their race? Absolutely not.

Ultimately, people have been discriminating against POC, gay, trans and neurodivergent people long before they were called "weird" for being a therian. People have been killed over simply being gay or trans or neurodivergent or . Therians may receive death threats, yes, and that is disgusting behaviour from hateful people, but no one (to my knowledge) has been killed simply for being a therian. The discrimination against LGBT+, neurodivergent and POC communities runs way way way deeper than anyone saying "therians are weird". Do you think that therians in these communities are going to be more worried about being laughed at because they're a therian than being literally slaughtered for their race, disabilities, sexual orientation or gender? No! There are way worse problems for people to worry about than people saying they identify as animals! It truly is not that deep to say "I identify as an animal". Some people identify as inanimate objects but you don't seem to care about that (although there is nothing wrong with identifying as an inanimate object).

Also I can't even comprehend what you're talking about "streamlining your identity to make it more digestible". How is identifying as an animal more digestible than identifying as a man instead of a female like I was born as?

[the-fluffqueer-deity]

Hi! You can call me KAngel/Kangel or Zai! I have a lot of names, but I’ll stick to those on this blog

I am a nevergender transmascfemneu xenine boygirlthing who uses a lot of neos, i prefer any neos and it/its, but i also use he/she, just never they/them

I am aromantic and aceflux and i have two amazing queer platonic partners, one of which im engaged to ( @what-is-logical---i-cant-tell )

I am an ageless/immortal being

I HAVE NO DNI BUT BE MINDFUL OF MY STANCES/OPINIONS

I have my own queer stance term, fluffqueer, and while im not fully radqueer, ill still use the tags because i fall under a lot of things that radqueers believe, and im still in radqueer spaces

My stances are: endo neutral (and anything similar), and critical pro contact for harmful paras. I am pro transID, i am proship/profiction, i am complex-c for harmful paras, and i am neutral on transharmed/transharmfu!

CisIDs: Polyfrag DID system, ramcoa, cult surviver, abused, assaulted/groomed, NPD, BPD, conduct disorder, OCD, psychotic, autism, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, mentally disabled, physically disabled, BIID, paraphile (MAP/autoMAP, zoo, necro, biasto/autobiasto, objecto, dacryphilia, sadomasochist, etc), AAC user, yandere, etc

TrisIDs: trisstalker, trisprogrammed, trismedicaltrauma, trisharmful, trisindoctrinated, trisobsessive, trislabexperiment (CisIDs but transseverity)

TransIDs: transgerman, transjapanese, transmissingeye (left eye specifically), transparalyzed (specifically in both my legs from the hips down), transunphotographable (specifically always appearing as a blur, transage (specifically ageless/immortal), transspecies, transfangs, transmurderer, permaneglected, transholy, angelflux, transautopsyscars, transvillain, transalicorn, permainjured, permaeyeliner, transkidnapped, transcultleader, transkidnapper, transabuser, transindoctrinator, transrapist, transintersex (hyperestrogenism), transhanahaki, transfrostbitten

SchrodingerIDs: schrodingerintersex, schrodingerppd, schrodingerdpd, schrodingerschizophrenia

Questioning: trismemowipe, permavictim,

[auschizm]

I've also had doctors basically emotionally abuse me into procedures (physically disabled too) and meds, which I think is important enough to bother bringing up (or bringing up again if it was already addressed, mb if it was, im cognitively fucked this morning lol). "Well report it" WHAT DO I REPORT? Shit that people will basically equate to "doc was mean"? The he-said-she-said my "crazy bitch refusing antipsychotics" word versus their Doctor Word? I've managed to stay out of inpatient by never revealing to a single living soul that I have psychosis or anything like it, but if I refuse meds I might as well just flee the fucking country. And that's absolutely my paranoia speaking wrt the severity of my reaction but god isn't it terrifying? Why can nobody see how fucking terrifying this is? I've had this hanging over my head since I started seeing shit during puberty, and it legitimately baffles me that nonpsychotics don't see it. I mean I guess most dont have exposure to it, but even those who do are so, so incredibly calm about it. And that's just as scary as nightmares about padded restraints.

You don't have to give like a super detailed response (or answer at all obv), it's just nice to get this out to someone I think would get it

This is unfortunately a very real and valid concern, because unfortunately most people are more likely to listen to the words/opinions of a medical professional than those of a psychotic patient, even when it's the doctor who's wrong/abusive

[sodachalice]

ive been in the psychiatric system since i was 11 or 12, my dad is a disabled autistic veteran who was disabled before becoming a veteran, my mom is a schizophrenic woman (she also thinks she has ADHD, i think she has autism.) who is physically disabled, my youngest sister is a semi verbal autistic. my great uncle is in a permanent holding facility due to his schizophrenia. my grandpa is a physically disabled ex firefighter, my uncle is an semi verbal autistic man, my aunt is also schizophrenic and physically disabled. my grandma experiences intense psychotic symptoms and imo is autistic. my great aunt has cereberal palsy, her caretaker is a part of our family. many of my uncles still live with their parents due to physical disabilities or mental disabilities that have made it impossible for them to work. this is why i speak about disability so much. my family is from all over, my dads parents are from mexico and ireland, my moms side of the family is from italy, and one thing that has always followed is disability and specifically ableism. many of us use mobility aides, AAC devices, etc. but one thing i've learned through all of this, is insisting that you are normal and arent disabled will literally rot your body and soul. people ask me how my family ever ended up so fucked up, why my dad is literally a cartoonish villain, why my mom is so crazy. and the answer isn't "theyre mentally unwell people" the answer is "they were literally barred from being who they are and getting the help they needed before they became adults and were constantly having adults in their lives reject and deny the pain they're in and force them through shit like military service or disabling work just to prove their worth and ensure they don't end up homeless and that caused them to lose sight of who they are and what their needs were and there for cut them off from their own empathy and understanding of themselves and other people and caused them to see any signs of disability as a trigger and an immediate scary thing that needed to be corrected"

people assume my family should be aware and educated about their disorders, as if that would've saved them from homelessness. as if having the disorder means you know about it and how to get over it. the reason i talk about disability so much is because literally no one else is willing to. if bringing up disability and ableism is proof that im a narcissist or ignoring other issues, then so be it. no one else is fucking doing it anyways.

[blackcofffeekiller]

Am I really getting psychotic or is this just all a fun game I'm playing with the people that are watching me all the time? I know I'm being watched all the time but sometimes I forget because I have memory problems but also like why would I forget if I thought it was really real. Am I just making it up? But why would I need to make it up? Am I actually faking but then like why do I feel like I'm being watched all the time and the NHS and my uni are plotting my downfall because they work for the government which is ran by the devil but like really why would they care about me. Maybe they're reading this post and they know I know they know. We'll find out soon. If the uni gives me time off to get my medication which I also don't want to take and will not take unless it's aripriarizole because it helps my sleep but like maybe I don't even need that. I don't need medication omg. I'm fine without it. But like if the uni lets me but wait I need the aripriarizole to get through the term because it helps my sleep but like no because I'm stronger than their poison they keep putting in me. Why would I take poison???? I want to be connected with god and life is good I think when Im connected with god but????? Why can't I make my mind up about what is right??? Because I don't have psychosis and I'm making it all up but why would I do that? I don't know if I'm making it up and chat gpt tells me it's common for people with psychosis in remission to feel like they're faking it but I always have a little voice in my head that says "you sound crazy" "that's wild to say" "you're faking it" but what reason would I have to fake it because why the fuck would I want to be on medication that makes you fat???? No I'm fucking over it. I'm not psychotic but I also believe psychotic things and I don't know what's real and not anymore. Is reality even real or is this a playground for souls to learn lessons and defeat the devil. Maybe I need to become a nun of some sorts but I don't believe in Catholicism at all. This is a long ramble and I'm sorry if you actually made it this far, I'm just venting and confused and I had to get my thoughts out. None of this life makes sense. It's like with my supposed 3D. I forget about it sometimes and then remember it but then it is still really real in the moments I have 3D thoughts so maybe I am actually psychotic??? But I'm not seeing shit and hearing shit I'm actually fine, just maybe a bit delusional but what if I'm not delusional and I'm actually experiencing a higher level of reality than everyone else. I'm being tested more than everyone else. Why me? Why do I have to go through this? I dont fucking get it. I wish I could just be normal. I don't understand myself and the mental health services don't give me the fucking time of day for anything so I literally have no idea what is going on. I could be malingering but why would I be malingering I have no reason to. They don't care because they work for the devil and want to destroy me. It's that fucking simple. Everything makes sense but it doesn't. I'm trapped here. I can't kill myself because I simply don't want to enough. Im terrified of ending up disabled physically. Having my brain is hard enough, I don't want any more stress.

[dogcrate]

Lycans aren't real.

You don't have Ehlers-danlos syndrome.

You are delusional, ableist, and if I saw you in real life, I would beat you with my cane and mace you.

Stop mocking people with real disabilities just because you don't want to admit that you're literally PSYCHOTIC.

I hope you get shot like a coyote since you want to pretend that you're an animal. FUCK OFF AND LEAVE US WITH EDS ALONE YOU RACIST ABLEIST PIECE OF SHIT.

lycans aren't real

to you. i experience a delusion of being one, so they are to me. this blog is for me to express my non-humanity and talk about it and how it affects me. i know that they are not considered a part of the shared reality, which is why those posts are tagged with "unreality".

you dont have EDS

i do, actually. thats not a delusion or a conclusion ive come to by myself. i have been diagnosed with it by a medical professional based off of my physical symptoms and family history.

you are delusional, ableist, and if i saw you in real life i would beat you with my cane

cool does that mean we can have a cane fight? bc i also use a cane, as well as a walker depending on what my body can take that day.

stop mocking people with real disabilities just bc you dont want to admit youre literally psychotic

for one, psychotic disorders can constitute a disability. mental disorders arent any less of a "real disability" than physical ones. for two, i openly admit to and talk about being psychotic. im schizophrenic. i experience pretty much 24/7 psychosis. i have no idea where youre thinking that i dont admit to being delusional.

as for the last bit. like. i am one of you. my schizophrenia doesnt negate my physical disabilities. im a schizophrenic with hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome. none of that is delusion. also idk where you pulled racist from besides your ass, it just kind of makes it sound like you wanted to throw buzzwords at the wall and hoped they'd stick.

[image id: anon ask reading "you are a dick to people with disabilities. follow your own DNI and go kill yourself before i do it for you". end id]

i know this was you too.

[unstablemotions]

having nightly nightmares about my cousin dying from medical maltreatment. i spend hours every morning to get over these nightmares trying to figure out if it happened or not, since my dissociative disorder makes it hard for me to tell the difference between dreams and reality. it's really hard because i have no idea what i can do to help her. i've tried reading up on the law, but what i find is bleak. it says that if a doctor has judged you to be psychotic, they can decide if they can use force to treat you. my cousin has an ME diagnosis, but it is from a private practitioner whom the public health care system are preventing her from seeing making all sorts of excuses, such as it costing too much money when they are not the ones paying. it is a common thing here that you get punished medically by the public healthcare system if you go private for some of your treatment, sadly. idk why, since the only reason people go private is the long waiting lists or being rejected treatment

i want to just travel to the place my cousin is and stop the psychiatry from entering her room, but that might just make it worse, since they might then involve the cops and it could stress out my cousin more. also she's too sick for visitors and she's also struggling with texting. i've tried to ask her if there's anything i can do, but so far she's just given me a link to a petition. i don't know if medical personnel here is gonna take it seriously since they are already so quick to reject the diagnosis from her private practitioner and also reject the recent psychiatric evaluation where they said she was not psychotic

when i studied psychology, we were taught that is was important to first rule out any somatic explanation for symptoms before giving a psychiatric diagnosis, but here it seems like they are just calling her psychotic, because they don't believe in ME being an actual disorder. i am so confused because i've grown up with a psychotic mom. i have psychotic friends. my cousin is not showing any of the same symptoms that they have - especially not enough to take away her freedom and forcefully treat her with strong medication and electroconvulsive treatment. she has seizures already. how tf is inducing a seizure gonna magically cure her?? i really hope they won't give her ect, but they've mentioned it to her so im scared. she can't fight back other than say no. even if she could fight back, if you're diagnosed psychotic, they can just sedate you and give you whatever treatment they think will help you by force. i know many people who've been forcefully treated either by being restrained or coerced. the psychiatry is horrifying

like i get that they think they are saving my cousin or whatever, but like why tf aren't they listening to her doctor or to her or her family/friends when they say that she's been improving through the treatment the private doctor gave her? yes, it's slow, but she's severely disabled with multiple things, so ofc she's not just gonna magically not be disabled and go back to work and uni. don't they think that if she could, she'd be out of bed? i get that delusions can make you think you can't do things that you actually can do, but you can't just call someone delusional before making sure that they are not suffering from a physical illness and actually cannot fucking walk. yes, some conditions get better if you push yourself, but not ME! lots of physical conditions get worse if you push yourself. but they won't listen to her. they won't listen to her doctor or the scientific consensus on ME. it is horrifying. she's not the only person i know who's been medically maltreated for their chronic illness - especially not if you're a woman and you experience chronic pain. they do not take you seriously. someone i worked with almost died from appendicitis because they didn't take her pain seriously. she's sterile now because they only took her seriously when her dad came and shouted at them. my mom was not taken seriously when she suspected she's got diabetes ii and was then fatshamed when they finally agreed to properly test her and it turned out she was diabetic. i know more chronically ill people, who've been struggling to be taken seriously. im so lucky i was taken seriously only because it's a fairly common genetic disease that runs in my family and it is recognised as real in my country, but so many people receive medical maltreatment and it is sometimes permanently damaging to them if not lethal. it is at the very least traumatising and takes years away from their life where they could have taken an education, got work experience, saved money for a home, build a family, ect.

this is just a rant for my own peace of mind really. i just need to get this frustration off my chest a little by screaming into the void. i have no idea what to do to help my cousin. all i can do is say i'm here if she needs me

[skys-archive]

I wanted to make a comprehensive post about non canonically disabled characters that disabled people relate to and why. I do not have the energy for that.

So I was like well I'll make a post about. How about Kakashi bc I'm rewatching Naruto. But ooohhhhh nnnnooooo my chronic fatigue means writing anything comprehensive = too much energy. Which is ironic because I wanted to talk about how his quick chakra depletion relates very closely to chronic fatigue syndrome and other chronic illnesses that cause long periods of fatigue and/or getting fatigued easily

Anyway im sure I'll make it eventually.

I wanted to talk about Hatake Kakashi, Saiki Kusuo, maybe Kaidou Shun. I'm sure there are more physically disabled coded characters I just can't think of any. I also want to do a post about characters that psychotic people relate to though the only character I have at the moment for that is Jinx from Arcane, she's the only one I really see as been done really well. So I might put them in the same post.

Feel free to reccomend some characters, I need them

[websitestar]

This is an Blog-style RP account for Simon Petrikov from Adventure Time. This blog takes place between the end of Adventure Time and the beginning of Fiona and Cake. I'll also be doing F2F on here, but I'm very shy of doing F2F interactions on tumblr so... this is my first time in a while!

My name is Jake, I use he/him or hy/hym, I'm 22 and I'm bigender. I'm autistic psychotic dissociative blah blah blah and physically disabled. You know me probably, I have a bunch of other characters. Im white and jewish. This is also technically my rp hub acc.

No PROSHIP no pedophilia no bigotry no racism no transphobia you get the idea. I don't RP smut don't ask.

Content Warnings

Simon definitely isn't one of my scarier muses, but I'm not shying away from him being an unreliable narrator, suffering from memory issues and dissociation, and his blog functions as a place for him to vent about Ice King related issues. If you are uncomfortable with unreality, this probably isn't the best blog for you.

This blog is not mutuals exclusive, sometimes I just don't follow back. I have a tendency to block/soft block a lot for my own reasons, don't take it personally. It's how I manage being online.

I also play @lucky7wice @playttimes @psiionic @beedbuugs @gaudygodby @lbm7094 @hypnoticocoon @esotericable @k1llc0re @19000hatervillage and @aftonenterprise-moved

[hypnoticocoon]

This is a Blog-style RP account for Jevil from Deltarune.

My name is Jake, I use he/him or hy/hym, I'm 22 and I'm bigender. I'm autistic psychotic dissociative blah blah blah and physically disabled. You know me probably, I have a bunch of other characters. Im white and jewish

No PROSHIP no pedophilia no bigotry no racism no transphobia you get the idea. I don't RP smut don't ask.

Warning

Jevil, due to the nature of his character, may spam your posts or dashboard. He will double or triple reply to a single post, or spam post replying to himself. Give me a heads up if you absolutely don’t want that done on your posts, and I’ll avoid doing it! But until I’m told, I won’t be able to tell if it’s bothering you or not.

This blog is not mutuals exclusive. This blog is a sideblog.

I also play @gaudygodby @lbm7094​ @esotericable @k1llc0re @19000hatervillage and @aftonenterprise-moved

[ragdollsgender]

hiiiiii welcome to my comics/capes sideblog. im yello or wings or dek. this will probably be primarily secret six and invincible, maybe some other dc on occasion or perhaps even worm if i ever get around to finishing that. perhaps my ocs if im bored of having nowhere else to post them

DNI

proshippers/anti-antis/anything else that people who think its fine to crank it to incest are calling themselves. selfcest is fine tho its basically jacking off

bigots obviously. including ace exclus, anti neopronouns, anti hesbian/shegays, and anti feminists (btw misandry is not real)

ppl under 18. i make occasional hornyish posts and talk abt the concepts of fetishes and dont reliably tag all of that all of the time. its fine to rb my posts from other ppl or whatever but dont follow/hang out on my blog ok

"invincible comic spoilers" and "invincible spoilers" will be tagged. no secret six spoilers tagged. its been 8 years and you can read them all in 2 days

serious wounds will be tagged “gore”, light blood isnt reliably tagged. posts that are kind of horny but not explicit might be tagged as “nsƒwish” or "suggestive". sometimes. if i decide to straight up post sex, that will be tagged as “nsƒw”. just "nudity" will also be its own tag and i AM for SURE planning on posting ragdolls lack-thereof in an artistic nudity context. you have been warned

my own art is just tagged “art” :) im open to requests. while im at it, you can also ask about my headcanons or anything else

its ok to tag any of my posts as any ships, as long as theyre not btwn family members or minor/adult pairings of course. dont tag any of my posts as genderbend. those are trans headcanons which is a different thing. explore a more nuanced model of gender with me

more abt me ^_^ im 21. im autistic and psychotic and physically disabled so if i seem to be making dubious jokes or getting really detailed on the headcanons its fine im allowed. im not objectum (probably) but im an ally <3 those jokes are lighthearted and not mocking

this is a sideblog so i follow and send asks from my main, which is hte-spagheti 👍

[anatomicalheart]

obligatory info.

kris, 21, it/its only with no fucking exceptions. transsexual agender aroace goat-thing fag.

host of a did system (yes, professionally acknowledged, so please dont send this shit to fdc or any of that). level 2 autistic, borderline, psychotic, & physically disabled, amongst other shit. dont ask, thanks!

csh freak. theistic satanist. knife collector. cr*pplepunk, ne*ropunk, & sch*zopunk.

obligatory dni under the cut.

read it, i dont care that its long.

blog warnings below as well.

censoring a lot of this so it wont show up in searches.

maps/nomaps. zoos. pr*ship/c*mship/etc. pro-c*ntact & anti-r*covery p*ra.

t*rfs. transmisogynists. tr*nsmeds. against x*nogenders, ne*pronouns, or it/its pronouns. anti-hesbians/shegays/etc.

z*onists, pro-isr*el, or neutral on the matter. pro-war losers and proud capitalists as well, you can all rot.

ableists & sanists. disability f*tishizers. “asp*rgers” users. “n*rcissistic abuse” supporter. use “n*rcissist/s*ciopath/schizo/psych*tic” as an insult. think low empathy = evil. against thoroughly researched self-dx. anti-ag*re/p*tre. f*tphobes.

tr*nsID (ie tr*nsrace, tr*nsabled, tr*nsage). transsp*cies exempt as long as youre not weird about it.

those who use the terms “sysm*d” or “tr*mascum”. what the fuck is wrong with you.

dr*amsmp or h*zbin h*tel fans.

those into dd|g/abd|/etc. personal boundary.

chr*stians. personal boundary.

end*genic syst*ms. personal boundary.

warnings.

i reclaim queer slurs. i wont censor or cw them.

if i piss you off i dont care. if you try to get on my ass im just gonna block you.

may post: illustrated nudity (without a cw), drugs/substances, suggestive shit, potentially triggering topics (usually with some sort of warning), disturbing imagery.

may also post about mental health. which is part of the reason lots of my brain shit is listed.

sometimes i block with no warning or notable reason. dont try to argue about this or get me to unblock you, im just gonna double down.

[thecoolertails]

so am i missing something or does this feel like a really out of proportion reaction to a physically disabled person with psychosis asking people to not totally derail their post about their personal experiences of having those disabilities? like... you can talk about more stigmatized and high needs autism and adhd and the history of eugenics tied to them and the erasure by low needs autistics without writing a huge targeted rant about how another disabled person is actually The Real Ableist for wanting that one post to stay on topic. like... a physically disabled and psychotic person asking for other people to engage with their post without making it about something else is 'the reason why there is not solidarity amongst the disabled'? seriously?? am i the only one seeing the irony here

[lilacs-echoing]

being in A level English is very impressive, so thjs may sound a lil psychotic /hj.

essentially the interpretations of lotf i like to rank like this

They are British schoolboys: possibly the simplest interpretation. basically it's what Golding kind of initially intended was to say that British children are NOT as good as we like to say they are.

They are mentally ill children: a little more complex and also combining two ideas. this one is based on not only the idea that the boys were socialized to act the ways they did and they represent how the physical and social puberty of boys changes them in horrible ways. it also proposes looking at the book through the lens of child psychology (jack has npd, roger aspd, ralph ptsd, etc.) there wasn't another level but this one could also represent looking at the book through the lens of humans and animalistic instinct or predator/prey dynamic (which is heavy in terms of ralph and jack)

they are ww2: this one is kind of weirder and imo not that hard to grasp but it requires outside knowledge. basically, the boys and the progression of the island would have reflected war, or specifically what golding served in, ww2. its very specific because it requires you to place the characters in certain positions. samneric would still represent herd mentality, they would represent how jews were being sold out by neighbors to keep said neighbors family safe. i personally believe in this way roger represents the gestapo, piggy represents historians/scholars, simon represents the victims themselves who couldn't keep themselves safe, and ralph would be allied powers. and jack is obviously the dictatorships of the axis.

they are political: this one is a lot like the previous but more general. it plays with the idea that democracy will always be socially unfavorable compared to tyrannical approaches. it plays with the idea that the whole island is a representation of a country where ralph represents democracy and jack represents dictatorship. there's lots more leeway for the middle.

they are gods: this is the biblical interpretation of lord of the flies. it is very muddy. you may see the island as a garden of eden. you may see the boys as representing adam and eve. you can see pig meat as the apple that causes sin. you can see it as a representation of hubris. you can see simon as Jesus. you can see roger as cain. this one is obligatory because of the title and character lord of the flies, but also a very common one in college environments.

i like another one, which is the idea that the island isn't political, but a social environment. this one includes the idea that piggy/simon/mulberry are disabled/different kids who are homogenized, the children MAY still represent ideas or groups of people but piggy could not only represent these and intelligence but like. boomers, too. roger/jack would then be a symbol for the uptick in violence amongst youth being unacknowledged. im not sure if simon would even represent himself anymore either. its interesting to try and fit this one to your views of social situations (especially if you are autistic and like LOTF i encourage you to try)

thank you for asking :) i might expand on some of these more in writing or with citations if necessary

honestly i could talk a lot about lotf and how it has different layers in how it can be analyzed and continues as far as analysis goes despite being such an old classic.

HOWEVER if you view the book as purely about morality and still don't view the boys as representations of anything else... i have to say its not a great take imo

having viewed the book in a classroom where classmates took radical approaches to the characters, i and a friend of mine were one of the only two people who liked roger and jack. brielle (my friend) is the biggest roger fan i know, and she's even had personal trauma w aspd in her life. it did not change the way she viewed roger.

you can view the novel as an intentional allegory to the horrors humanity is capable of. but assigning morals at face value to characters who act for all intensive purposes like children is a lil crazy imo.

which one sounds more radical, that the children lost guidance and started fighting because golding wanted to demonstrate how young children reflect society, or that the children lost guidance and started fighting because they're just archetypes of different morals?

check the way you interact w literature sometimes

[hauntedkkitty]

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane