#but if i can drop it to like 9 scenes ill be happy

[sagemoderocklee]

exhausted and torn between wanting to just watch somethin or play the sims, and actually wanting to write....

[grace-williams-xo]

RAMBLING THOUGHTS AFTER FINISHING PART TWO. GONNA ADDRESS MY P1 THOUGHTS FIRST. SPOILER WARNING.

1 & 2: I think Debling could’ve worked in the second half, and I’m kinda sad Cressida didn’t get a happy ending. The Creloise fell of a CLIFF after ep 5 but I think it could still be saved

5: no cishet man has ever loved his wife more than Anthony Bridgerton I’m gonna be ill

6 & 12: kanthony’s absence was felt BAD in the finale, I think their reactions to LW were sorely needed. Also Jonny and Simone have both said they’ll be at every sibling’s wedding and stick around for years but they missed Francesca’s??? Also felt their absence too much then. They’re both booked and busy I think we’ll continue to only get a couple episodes a season from them

8: Francesca did get to thrive happy in pt 2 my baby I love her

9: I think they managed to disconnect the mondrich plot even further like 😭 once again, I don’t mind them their plot just feels very empty

10: Pen and Delacroix CONTINUE to be my fave duo I love them so freaking much and they can never get rid of it

13: Portia’s growth this season continued to be 10/10 I loved her and Penelope’s relationship it really showed what it’s like to be closely related to people you oppose and the process of needing to forgive and understand them for your own peace of mind

14: that was not how I was expecting Colin to find out about Whistledown

15: Marcus felt a little rushed in part two but I think I need to watch the whole season together to fully decide

17: this was indeed the longest 27 days of my life I got Covid day after it dropped lmfao

MY ~NEW~ THOUGHTS:

We finally got character development from Cressida and if they write her out I’ll be inconsolable (as will Jessica Madsen)

I hope they paid Golda Rosheuvel good for her feet exposure. Worth more than titties in this economy

I feel the need to tell everyone that £5000 in 1815 is in the realm of £500,000 today and we cannot brush over the fact Penelope has made herself the equivalent of a literal millionaire

Anthony has two moods ‘I’m obsessed with my wife’ ‘I want to win this game’ like it is comical how drastically different his facial expression is in the game of charades compared to pretty much every other scene

Anthony saying the marriage is perfect and not hard work and Kate being like BOY I will humble you,,,, doing the lord’s work I love her so much

At some points I felt like Francesca was fighting Anthony for ‘Violet’s least favourite child’ award lmao

John saying he’s off to look at the wainscotting was unfairly funny

Cressida in the red dress is even better than I imagined fuck even if she’s not gay then I am

Peneloise back together the universe is healing I love my babies all we need now is creloise lovers and peneloise friendship simultaneously I don’t like it being one or the other sue me

However much Brimsley is getting paid isn’t enough,,,, Hugh Sachs the man that you are

I adored Penelope’s wedding dress so much and as bitter as I am still about no kanthony wedding in s2, it felt kind of right somehow for Polin to be the first wedding we properly see in this show

Most of the costumes and makeup feel like they got worse,,,,, big ‘I hired a 14 year old’ energy. I don’t need historical accuracy but I would like a modicum of care and the costume/hair/makeup dept looking at a single historical reference from before 1850,,,, please

We all got the bi Benedict we’ve been asking for and I appreciate it, and recognise that he needed Tilley to explore that, but I still would’ve preferred if they first main queer experience was not a threesome

If they go straight into benophie in s4 (which idk, I’m so torn bc I feel like F, E and B all could work well next season) then I also feel like bi Benedict was just them throwing a bone for 5 mins but meant nothing

The CONTENTIOUS Michaela Stirling,,,,, I was undecided until I saw it but that was the definition of gay panic from Francesca and it worked so well I am so excited.

As your resident peerage expert, it is much easier for women to inherit titles in Scotland than England so I wonder (not that anyone on this show knows anything) if that was a reason they chose Francesca to be sapphic [general peerage info and female inheritance info if you care]

On the above, if they can canonically end racism with one marriage then they can end homophobia with one marriage as well

We all know Eloise was the easy and obvious choice to be the queer love story but part of me does kind of like them not taking the easy route, and them going something more unexpected, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want Creloise/Sapphic El like they had eight children let’s be honest

Finch’s sneeze and Phillips’s “now Varely! The bugs!” were unfairly funny

Everything Lady Danbury said to Penelope about suspecting her and what not felt very in character and you can fight with the wall idc

Did they tell us the name of Polin’s baby boy???

Hyacinth saying she thinks of Gregory as the family pet,,,,, girl you an icon walking amongst mere mortals

Predictions I got right:

Anthony didn’t kill Colin, but “are you gonna duel your own brother” lmao I was on the right track

I knew Polin would win the Featherington baby race and I love that for them (but why were Prudence and Phillipa pregnant most of the season, barely showing, Kate was showing almost immediately, and then in the epilogue the sisters all had baby’s similar-ish ages???? Give the writers room a calendar please)

I SAID FROM DAY DOT THAT THE FURNITURE THEY BROKE FROM SEX WAS A CHAISE I CANT FIND THE POST BUT I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT WHERE DO I COLLECT MY PRIZE SOME OF YOUR GUESSES WERE TRULY FUCKING COOKED

Okay that was too long if you made it this far I’ll make you cookie ily

[pumpkinmetaphor]

🥘😱😁🙌 for the ask meme! Sits in your inbox with my big rainbow swirly lollipop

side note I hate that it's called an ask meme. This isn't a meme. What's so funny about it. It's so stupid there's nothing intended to be funny why are they calling it a meme this is like when I was 7 and would ask my dad if I could play videogames so he'd go on YouTube and put on a video playthrough of a game thinking that's what video games meant

☝️🤓 um ackshually...

The term "meme" originates from Dawkins's "The Selfish Gene" and is defined as a "replicator" and a "unit of cultural transmission." So a meme is not defined by how funny it is, a meme is defined by being passed on and changed and adapted and propogated and disseminated, now almost entirely understood in the context of online media. So an "ask meme" is called that because it's a cultural unit (understood by Tumblr culture, specific niche, specific demographic) that is being passed around and changed etc. Quote: "Examples of memes are tunes, ideas, catch-phrases, clothes fashions, ways of making pots or of building arches. Just as genes propagate themselves in the gene pool by leaping from body to body via sperm or eggs, so memes propagate themselves in the meme pool by leaping from brain to brain via a process which, in the broad sense, can be called imitation."

(dragged out via cane before I can start talking about Baudrillard)

ACTUALLY ANSWERING NOW

🥘What wip are you most excited about?

Aside from the new chapter dropping in the next hour or two? Chapter 11. Other than explicitedly chapters of Okay, Cupid! would be probably a side one-shot I have that functions as a chapter 11.5.

😱What's your greatest fear as a fanfic writer?

2 things. One, that people would feel something I've put a huge amount of time and effort into writing and THEY'VE put a huge amount of time and effort into reading jumps the shark at the last hurdle. I've been sitting on Chapter 9 for a while, and will probably be delayed with each chapter going forward because, despite planning this all out in like May 2023, I keep being like "oh no...what if this is the final cringey ooc straw for the reader?"

Two, I teach. I don't particularly fear my students finding my ao3 as much as I fear them finding my tumblr through my ao3 or any of my writing from when I was a preteen or a teenager. I also have less of a fear of them finding my fic and thinking eurgh she's so cringe lmao and more of a fear of them finding my fic and being like "this is poorly constructed and ill conceived, and you think you can grade our essays?" I wake up in a cold sweat.

😁What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

All of these make me very very happy. But my heart does soar whenever I get a comment. I do read my bookmark comments, appreciate my kudos, and enjoy Tumblr asks once I get over the initial sense of dread upon seeing the notification and thinking I'm getting hatemail. But I sometimes just reread my ao3 comments to myself, kicking my feet. Helps me get over the aforementioned fears that I'm going to start producing garbage.

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

You're going to have to wait and see some of them in the next chapter. BUT. I'll pick one or two bits that I think are my magnum opus from Okay, Cupid! Even if my writing for Homestuck is probably better tbh.

If "Kyoya and Kaoru went to see Venus in fucking Fur on Valentine's Day" has no automatic gigglers, then I'm dead. Sometimes you've got to laugh at your own jokes.

likewise, out of anything I've published for this fic so far, this entire scene with Akito was my favourite to write

kyokao equivalent of "you wear fine things well" in my head. Way to make it awkward. I struggle a lot as someone who worked as a scriptwriter and an animator to get actions and physical expression across in writing. This is one of the only parts I'm actually satisfied gets the physical action down without being overly clunky. Imo!

[casbutt67lue]

[BICU]My discord is lue01489 in which I use mostly for rp. If you don't have discord I can chat with you here or on Skype.

[B] please be as active as much as possible as I'm online a lot.

[BU]TO START THIS OFF. NO OCs AS MAIN CHARACTERS. SHIPS COME FIRST AND OCs CAN BE IN THE BACKROUND. THEY MUST NOT BE TO INVOLVED WITH PLOT UNLESS ITS CHILD OR FRIEND OF CHARACTER OR SHIP. THANK YOU.

This is for my rp availability. I'm in college and temporarily out of work so schedule will eventually change. (American central time)

TBD= To Be Determined

M- TBD

T- TBD

W- TBD

TH- TBD

F- TBD

SA- TBD

SU- TBD

I am an owl. I'm likely to respond even if it's past midnight.

I understand you have a life.

Just let me know ok?

[BIU] I need to know if your 16+, triggers, and your Timezone before we start the rp. Plz and thx

[BIU] SHIPS I WILL RP IS SABRIEL AND DESTIEL see rest of rules fore more details

[B]Some up front rules

In all honesty I perfer Sabriel with destiel as a background ship

I strongly perfer Gabriel

Plz no one under 16 though... I'm awkward around those younger than 16

I have no triggers so please tell me yours

I like to rp with trauma and mental illness and abuse(s) but have it as a back-story thing or mention it happening if were doing a 'save me' rp so if that bothers you please tell me up front.

I perfer AUs if you are not up to date with the show. Less risk of spoiling.

I'm not fond of real scene or play by play season episode rp and will steer clear of it but like I will be happy to do a non related to a season hunter in the Bunker or travel from motel to motel hunt style if you insist to not have an AU.

Feel free to drop a suggestion for an AU or plot.

I have a theory I like to use in rps for Gabe and if your interested ask me and I'll send it.

If OCs are asked about I'd rather be comfortable roleplaying with you before I allow them. If I like your style in character I'll give you the green light and I'll be comfortable to introduce mine. But I'll of course ask you first.

Out of character use () // to talk to me

Don't use ** for action this is not a script

Defining between paragraphs/scenes/characters just double shift or use ~ or ** between paragraphs. Nothing to fancy. I'm pretty basic.

I'll try and mirror your replys but my starters are almost always longer than the rest of my replies.

[B]RULES IN DEPTH

1. What is your Timezone- Country and State or city (mine is central and live in America in the state of Alabama)

2. What is your Age (I'm 21) (just say 16+ if your uncomfortable saying but again I perfer you to at least be 16) but I normally do 18+ rps unless your under 18.

3. Literate or Semi lit, 3rd person only, I write like a book, no less than 3-5 sentences as a reply

4. I allow OCs but not to fond of ocxmain-character... Sorry. I'll allow it on certain occasions as long as we can have one of my main ships.

5. I can play any spn character good or bad

6. I will play John if we do a Johnlock crossover with spn (currently not looking)

7. I will play Crowley if we do a Good Omens ship crossover with spn and can also merge the Sherlock ship

8. Nothing sexual if your a minor

9. I have AU's planned if you don't have rp ideas.

10. I mainly ship Sabriel and Destiel but accept certain ones... see ships wiki and non insest lgbt+ ships (perfer gxg, nbxany, poly, gxb as a backround ship and mainly bxb as the main though)

11. None of my OC's are straight (but straight is ok)

12. I will allow main characters and OC's to have a romantic FLING NOT PERMANENT relationship if only needed for drama or a non main character and OC can be together.

13. No dating yourself. If two characters are both played by you they can't date unless you give me one of the characters to play

14. Straight characters and relationships are allowed but I perfer bxb or gxg or poly of a mix if needed

15. I can play your OC if needed and you can play mine if needed

16. I'm open for suggestions like topic change

17. Loki from Marvel is allowed and usally given to you, the other roleplayer, use him as you please but must have a relationship good or bad with Gabriel (I rather love Loki tbh. Not spn version much but mcu Loki. And I love it if you know Norse Myth version of Loki and combine him/her/them) NGL I usually turn Loki into a tired soccer mom or Gabe's best friend who keeps trying to get into his or his partners pants if we're not using my OCs I have for Loki specifically.

18. What season of spn are you on? cuz I've seen them all

19. I do time skips just tell me before doing a timeskip

20. If a rp gets boring say it is and we can change it, or I will if it gets dull

21. I perfer Gabriel and he will be involved in any way possible (unless you want him telling me ahead of time)

22. I ship Destiel, Sabriel mainly and will allow Crobby, megstiel occasionally, and others, just read the ships wiki, and never wincest. Ever.

23. What season are you on? I'm up to date.

24. I mainly rp with AUs and plots which I also have a wiki to

[hay1ock]

Late as usual lol. Only Friends Episode 9. My heart is full and my anxiety for the next 3 episodes is high lol.

Really enjoyed this episode and was nice to see the main couples kind of moving back toward each other, though seems there’s still a rocky road ahead.

These are my opinions and how I viewed what went down between everyone this episode, but don’t be surprised when I’m not hating on Ray. He’s the character I’m most invested in still.

So, opening with the morning after the night before. I think every character has crossed some sort of boundary at some point throughout the show and certainly Top was amongst those last episode after cuddling up to a passed out Mew. I don’t know how long they stayed like that but I don’t imagine Mew would have reacted quite as well as he did by just finding Top outside fishing cups out the pool. Like Mew says later, I can see his efforts throughout the episode but it did feel a little bit too much at times, especially when Mew’s moms were there too. Maybe let the man breathe and have a chance to sort through his feelings properly.

I’m trying to think more positively about Top as I know he loves Mew. Sometimes you just don’t vibe with characters or even people in real life and there was just something early on that was off-putting about Top. It was those initial interactions that felt possessive over Mew that have left this lingering suspicion about everything he does. I guess from back when he was in full TOP TIER mode and was all Mr Smugface. I appreciate him deciding to not show Mew the video of Sand and Ray. When he was looking at it again when shopping with the moms I was like, for the love of god not now lol. Mew knew he wanted to talk about Ray and probably didn’t need any hints dropping in the end, but I think it did help prompt Mew to open a long overdue conversation with Ray.

Where Top and Mew go from here we’ll have to see with the introduction of Boeing. I figured with Top’s insomnia and sleeping issues he was maybe calling someone to stay over. Now I’m hoping it was just to have a body beside him so he knew he wasn’t alone and could get to sleep. I don’t personally think with all the effort he was putting in Top would risk actually hooking up with anyone else until he was sure there was zero chance of him and Mew ever happening again, but you never know. Plus the fact it’s an ex and a very real possibility his and Sand’s shared ex… not messy at all lol. Hopefully, Mew won’t regret deciding to give him a second chance. Again, I don’t really know how I’d feel if it ever happened to me. There are no feelings on Top’s part toward Boston and yes, Boston dripped poison in his ear. It was before Mew and Top swapped I Love Yous and had sex… I guess the only way to know if he can forgive him is by trying to be with him again. It will either reignite or snuff out completely the lingering feeling of love.

Jumping back to Ray and Sand. The tension between them in that music room scene was just wow. The amount of emotions Sand expressed with his eyes alone was just…First always impresses me.

In the end I feel bad for them both. Sand doing his best to walk away and move on, despite his feelings for Ray, and Ray desperate to hold onto the one person who has made him happy in a long time. Sand has known what Ray is like since their first meeting and yet he still fell for him. He’s seen the bad, the absolute worst, but he’s also seen the Ray who isn’t blackout drunk or high or triggered by his trauma and abandonment issues. It’s up to Sand if he thinks he can handle a person who is dealing with so much baggage. Personally, if Sand is strong enough I want for him to support and continue to love Ray. With him, Ray is so much better, episode 5 showed how good they can be together, and for each other, as Sand also got to have fun and live a little like a student should, not just living to work. Obviously, love isn’t a cure for mental illness and addiction, but thinking that even on the bad days, especially in Ray’s case, that someone can stick around and does love him, then it can make things a little bit easier. I just need Ray to realise there is someone there for him and so it’s now up to him to want to get better. Because Mew’s right, most people do have some kind of limit as to what they can put up with, and Ray is A LOT.

Now, I don’t support cheating and agree that with no context Ray and Top’s action are pretty much as bad as each other. As a viewer, however, I know the relationships of TopMew and RayMew are very different. Top and Mew were supposed to be in love. Top dropped his boyfriend (yep, based on passage of time and what was said in ep 3 and 4, and beyond, I am willing to die on this hill LOL) at home, met up with Boston, got his knickers in a twist over a kiss from 2 years ago and then decided (after Boston twisted the truth a little) fucking Boston was the appropriate response. I just find myself struggling to be as sympathetic about that situation as I am concerning the Ray and Mew and Sand mess. In a way, when Mew says how what Ray did was the same as what Top did to him, I felt as if he maybe saw it how I did - how Sand kind of falls into the role of Mew in this trio’s case. (Ray isn’t doing it behind Sand’s back as such but he is involved in perpetuating a lie about his and Mew’s relationship).

It is Sand and Ray who were in the developing relationship, where feelings of love were being nurtured. Sand had reset them back to friends after episode 5, but it seemed, after the crash, as if they were once again growing closer. But then, in comes Mew. This isn’t to villainize him. He himself was hurt and confused and looking to get away from himself, and probably didn’t think about what it really meant for the two of them if they stepped beyond friends. If he hadn’t questioned Ray’s feelings for him, opened the door to what if, then I feel like Ray would likely have never brought it up himself. He had been told by Mew if he wanted him in his life, he had to give up on thinking of him in a romantic light. However, Mew put it out there. Regardless of his feelings for Sand, Ray would never risk losing Mew, he said it himself during their conversation this episode. If he rejected Mew there’s the fear Mew might be upset, abandon him completely. If he told him there was someone else, about Sand, there’s the risk it would be seen as a betrayal - so you didn’t really love me (Mew) all this time? It was a lie?

I just really sympathise with Ray’s situation, especially when it feels as if his love for Mew has been his one reason for staying alive for the last couple of years (though it seems he’s only recently been living since meeting Sand). Though he was not actively pursuing Mew, being by his side and cherishing him as a friend has been a constant in his life, his purpose, one that was thrown into disarray when Top came into the picture. He’s scared of people leaving him and now he has two important people in his life he can’t let go of.

But in all of this, Sand is who I felt for the most. Sand was the one who had the most emotional investment in the mess. Who was watching the person he liked going back to another man.

Mew was never invested. We knew since last episode he wasn’t. Not kissing Ray when they were alone but doing so in front of Top to spite him. Daydreaming of intimate bookstore dates with Top but not seeming to want to do anything one-to-one with Ray, instead going out and requesting parties. Even this episode, Mew was happy to agree to drink with another man, lock eyes with him over the rim of his glass, get chatted up. It just felt like there should have been the conversation of ‘sure we can talk but my boyfriend will be here soon’ in that moment.

Then we’re at Mew’s place. I understand Ray saying love makes the most sense when used in talking about Mew. He knows he loves Mew vs whatever the hell it is that keeps drawing him back to Sand. Maybe if Mew had phrased it differently a conversation could have started but the word love for Ray at this point only applies to Mew. A kiss leads to things getting handsy and Mew pushing him away. Ray’s despair filled ‘again’, actually kind of hurt. Ray was harsh, frustrated but I believe him when he said it wasn’t only about wanting sex or beating Top. Ray has always seemed like he craves intimacy, be it kisses, sex, simply hugging Sand in the morning, always reaching out and taking hold of Sand’s hand/wrist and wanting a connection. Mew has the right to say no, but I understand Ray seeing it as rejection, why he asked was he that bad? It’s just more proof he’s unlovable. It was like he was begging for Mew to prove him wrong, give him any sign there was anything between them. But Mew stays quiet. Do I wish they could have talked calmly and maybe gotten to the bottom of what they were doing to each other right then? I really do. But instead they go their separate ways.

Sand really did underestimate Ray’s desire to come see him. And no, I don’t think it had anything to do with sex at this point either, despite what I’ve seen a few people think. Oh Mew wouldn’t fuck him so he’s off to Sand. Personally, I felt it was about him wanting his comfort person, the person who shows him intimacy and care. The person who despite Ray turning up at 2am and being pissed off still allowed Ray to cuddle up to him.

Will drop it in here that Sand Ray Nick is the comedy trio I never knew I needed. Nick and Sand were so wholesome this episode and I’m glad they got to have fun, have a little kiss and stick to being the good friends they are.

I’m glad Sand was honest with Ray, finally properly admitting how he feels about him. Ray’s been in an odd limbo with Sand, another reason he was probably scared to make a proper decision between the two of them, because what if he picked wrong and lost both of them. It was cute how Sand helped lead Ray out of the water.

And so, we’re outside the caravan. Ray back in his ‘would anybody really care if I wasn’t here’ mode. I kind of like that he was in Sand’s t-shirt that had WANTED on it. In that moment, Ray really did feel wanted, realising someone would care if he was gone. It was a mixed feeling when he said about following Sand’s dream with him, up til now there’s been no hint Ray thinks about the future. Mew was behind setting up the hostel for him, so it was nice to see him finally think about something, even if it is to accompany Sand on his dreams, rather than declaring them as his own just yet.

Now, do I wish we could have had a clean break with Mew before the beautiful sex scene? Yes, I kind of do. But for Sand’s benefit more than anything else. So, he could be sure Ray was finally choosing him. Because of what we know, the fact RayMew was a sham, that Mew had no feelings invested this time around that could actually be hurt, I personally wasn’t conflicted by Ray and Sand having sex. It really felt as if Ray had made his choice. Their scene together was beautifully done, the love in Ray’s eyes and the gentle kisses after sex as they lay together. I was so happy for them.

And then, for anyone still in doubt about Mew really not giving a fuck, we have the much needed conversation between him and Ray. I’m glad they came out of it still friends and it’s not hard to see why. Neither’s heart was really in it. I like that Ray was able to be honest when prompted. It gave me a similar feel as what happened with Sand at the end of episode 5, except this time he got to talk things through with Mew. I feel as if he doesn’t feel he’s allowed to talk about stuff, or maybe how to open up and start, it was like he wanted Sand to ask questions on that night and so in a way he was relieved when Mew asked and opened up the conversation. His expression seemed to relax, accepting it was time to get everything out in the open. I’m excited and scared where things will go next. Ray was less than convincing in saying he’d talk to a therapist when Mew reminded him. It does seem from the preview he might make a move in that direction, though it seems he’s in his ‘bargaining’ stage of his grief. If he’s going to do something difficult, then so should Sand in meeting his dad. Doing it for someone else rather than himself probably isn’t going to go well, even if he admitted he has problems and was seeking help for himself, the road ahead would be littered with ups and downs, but I’m hoping by the end of the series we can at least leave him (& Sand) on an up.

So, what else for Nick. Well, I suppose there could still be some bedroom kinks for Daddy Dan, but seems the name came from Nick rather than Dan instigating it. It was sweet to see Nick smile and apparently, feel something vs his sparkless attempt at kissing Sand. I hope Dan is a good guy, there is the possible power imbalance due to him being Nick’s boss, but I’d like to think it could work out. I just wonder what the ‘lots of issues’ with his last relationship were. The scene between Nick and Boston was… interesting lol. I’m not sure it needed to be done right then and there in the bathroom but hey, when you’ve gotta go pour out your feelings, you’ve just gotta go. Plus Boston was kind of a captive audience backed into the stall so Nick got to get everything off his chest. It looked as if Boston was slightly moved, and seeing Nick with Dan, it seemed as if he had some sort of regrets. I don’t know if it’s any form of love or like, or it’s more missing just having him around as a friend. They spent a lot of time together it seemed like at the water park and Nick taking an interest in his photography - like has he shared this passion with the people who were supposed to be his friends? So yeah, maybe it’s just having someone around who was constant and a bit more intimate. I guess we shall see…

And speaking of Boston. Good luck when Cheum finds out you shagged her brother. And it does seem Atom is Nick 2.0 the upgraded crazier version. It was interesting to see Boston step back inside the gate when Atom got angry, rarely see Boston being the one to get intimidated and back up. It was only supposed to be a one night stand type of deal, Atom asked for it and though there was a little bit of hesitation, Boston accepted the invitation for sex. I’m actually a little scared for Boston. People can do crazy things when feelings get involved and Atom really doesn’t seem to be handling his well. I’m hoping nothing serious goes down, but when Cheum finds out I’m not sure Boston will be back with the group anytime soon lol.

Is that everything? I think so. This was heavy on the Ray rambling I think lol, though he was in two large chunks of story with Mew and with Sand. I just find his character so interesting. Anyway, I look forward to seeing the three couples’ dynamics next episode as well as how the characters around them play roles in what goes on.

I really do love this show.

[eilinelsghost]

Sounds of Atandil

I initially shared part of the playlist in response to this ask, but I've realized I should just make a main post for it that I can keep updated as the series grows. The playlist is intended to go along with the Atandil series and includes one song per installment.

1. Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis || Ralph Vaughan Williams, Hallé, Sir Mark Elder So as I mentioned in the summary, this is basically the theme for the whole series. It has such a breadth of emotion and beauty in it, and it makes me tear up almost every time. I love this piece so much. And consequently it's really fitting that it's also the primary one associated with Part 1, since that is sort of the flagship installment of the series where all the philosophical framework gets laid out.

2. Gravity || Ludovico Einaudi This piece captures so much of the movement from Grief in All Her Guises. It conjures up the movement of the river in the opening scene, the butterfly that began the Quenya lessons, the laughter around the fire at lunchtime, the sound of Finrod's voice as Balan experiences it moving through him on the hilltop, the overarching movement of the stars dancing overhead.

3. Child of the Troubles || Andrew Simon McAllister Tragically this one no longer plays on Apple Music or Spotify, but I linked to the artist's page in the song title where you can stream it. This one is the partner track to Unfriends and Belen's run-in with the Laiquendi.

4. The Fall || Hans Zimmer Just such excellent Fen of Serech vibes here, especially the 2nd half. I literally listened to this one on loop while writing Ye Shall Render Blood and it is the whole mood of that installment.

5. Solringen || Wardruna The whole piece works well as the right feelings for A Shuddering in the Air, but specifically the chunk beginning at 4:44 was the underlying inspiration for the way they deliver the "oath of parting" in the burial rites at the end.

6. Night || Ludovico Einaudi Appropriately named musical accompaniment for Here in Our Frailty, which takes place all throughout the Longest Night. Additional excellent vibes as that sometimes the warbly effect on certain notes reminds me of the haunting ice sounds that I listened to on loop for the Finrod-has-a-freakout section.

7. Flora || Ludovico Einaudi Ok so apparently half of this playlist is just Ludovico Einaudi, but that's because his stuff is great. The peaceful vibes of lying in a golden field while your crush drops a snowdrop flower on your face and flirts while completely clueless are all over this one, so it's the partner piece to A Heady Fragrance of Honey.

8. Into Dust || Mazzy Star This is my ultimate doomed mortal/immortal relationship song. The only explanation needed here is honestly to direct you straight to the lyrics. It even references fading. Absolute perfection and the correct level of abject sorrow for In Memory Untarnished.

9. Citizen of Glass || Agnes Obel This one is just Correct for Vassal somehow. I'm pretty sure it is this line of lyrics that solidified it for me: Some let go and some hold on / There is no mistake / If I could wash all ill away / Tell me would you stay? But also it just has all the right feelings to it, if that makes sense.

10. Time Escaping || Big Thief Happy road trip music for the boys! Or. Well. Extremely depressing road trip music for the boys given the context and the song title and the mortality and um...god can't these two be happy for one second. Happiness I guess, much like the installment this goes with, is A Shifting Mirage.

11. The Path of the Fossils || Ludovico Einaudi He's back, folks! As I said - apparently half the playlist. But anyway, I love the recurring waves of impending emotion that continuously come back throughout this piece. It works so well with the barrage of feelings that both Finrod and Beren work through in Many a Dreadful Path. And in addition to that, the title plays very nicely with the shelf of memories and Beren's recollection of Emeldir telling him, “Know the path your forefathers set so that in such grounding you may see where your own should diverge.” 

12. Númenor || Bear McCreary I have...complicated feelings re Rings of Power (to put it mildly), but thankfully those have not killed how much I love this piece from the soundtrack. In fact, it's so thoroughly associated now with Balan's arrival in Nargothrond in Children of the Sun that I almost forget it very much belongs with something else.

13. Change || Big Thief So much of And Still the Light Returns is about each character navigating change in the other(s) or their circumstances that this just seemed appropriate. Also uh: Would you live forever, never die / While everything around passes? / Would you smile forever, never cry / While everything you know passes?

14. Stretch Your Eyes || Agnes Obel It took me quite awhile to land on one for In These Holy Waters. But about halfway through writing it, this song came on in an old playlist and immediately clicked. It's the movement of the water in the melody, the mingled mournfulness and defiance. The dark and the ghost / They dance so sweet and slow / Dug-out from below there / to damn the gods

15. Song with No Name || Johnny Flynn This album came out right as I was working on Darkly the Sundering Flood and I don't know that I could have found more perfect lyrics to sum up this whole installment than these: As I search for the solace the hills might give me / Heavy the tread of the dead on the way / The path in the rain, in the sun, won't gleam / And the ground is made with death and decay / And an echo of the ones who've walked before me / And joy for the ones who've walked beside me

16. Quene Note || The Henrician Consort Honestly? This one is vibes. I just really like it. It has all the tense melancholy I felt while working on No Gentler Pain.

17. Logos || Ludovico Einaudi Our guy returns again! I'm pretty certain that listening to this piece was what gave me the entire idea for this installment. The bit from 5:00 to the end is, well, no spoilers if you haven't read this installment yet, but it's the feral!Finrod bit.

18. River, Mountain and Love || Johnny Flynn & Robert Macfarlane Well this whole installment felt like a tone-break from the rest of the series, so why not also have a playlist number that feels the same? I am always and forever obsessed with this album. Won't you tumble and dance to the bluebell sea? / Won't you melt back down, won't you come home with me? / River fed all the ferns who unfurl in the old love of spring

19. Petricor || Ludovico Einaudi [Teaser for the upcoming installment.]

[minhru]

hi hi <3 my name's sun and not only am i super excited to be here, i'm also here to bring you min haru!! (slash the radio host at the sunset galleria slash perpetual daydreamer slash ex-actor-now-a-runaway slash ... u get the gist) but yeah under the cut i have some info abt him which ended up basc being me rambling far too much so pls bare with me whilst i try to rub two brain cells together to come up w a decent tldr @_@ nyways enough of me please like this post if youd like me to hit u up for plotting (i also have disc if thats better) or feel free to message first!! ♡

profile is linked here (x)

min haru, 27, full-time radio host and residential nap-taker

having two very famous actors as parents (think son yejin and hyun bin marriage news level) inevitably meant that he was not only born in seoul, but also under the glare of the much too bright spotlight

shoved into commercials and dramas as soon as he could walk thanks to the helping hand of nepotism and lots of media play

his parents loved each other a lot, both in front of and behind cameras, but for some reason that same affection never really extended to him

they saw him as a stain on their careers more than anything, considering he wasn't really the best actor despite his efforts and esp not compared to his parents

an article about his average performance in the new sbs drama on sundays, 9-10pm slot? netizens leaving negative comments? nothing he didn't hear from mom and dad first, and certainly not half as biting, even though it would be a lie to say they didn't have an impact on his already crumbling confidence

starred in dramas and films throughout his teens, though more often in supporting roles much to his parents' annoyance

rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat up until he hit 20, and his mom was hit with illness after illness and was forced to retire. years of stardom and unhealthy life habits eventually caught up to her and haru was left picking up the pieces, trying to take care of her whilst maintaining the rest of his packed life

haha-hehe-hoho-laugh-out-loud'd as much as he could until he eventually had a pretty public breakdown on the set of a drama (no amount of reporting could delete the behind the scenes video that was plastered over sns) one year later and was subsequently booted

and then, as most of the news outlets say, proceeded to "drop off the face of earth" aka delete all of his social media, move out from his family home and hide from the cameras. very few people know the reality, which is that his dad kicked haru out after he told him he no longer wanted to be in the industry

doesn't keep in contact with his dad anymore but still talks to his mom!! who sends him money etc, helped him for those few years after he disappeared when he shifted from tiny to tinier cities, working odd jobs here and there until the next big actor/actress appeared and the media eventually "forgot" about him considering it had been years

moved to daegu 3 years ago and working at sunset galleria ever since!! he's the v happy radio host @ the sunset radio kiosk, choosing the music that plays throughout the mall alongside reading out stories people send in, passing on comforting messages and reminding people to take care

also has two cats called mimi and momo that he adopted from a rescue :^) not the step dad but the #dad that stepped up

in terms of his personality: walls raised to the sky, quiet, very withdrawn. like very, very, very withdrawn. it's been over six years since he's been in the limelight and he still dislikes being in front of cameras, feeling like he's being perceived or watched, analysed etc etc

the irony of disliking attention yet being a radio host isn't lost on him but haru vc: at least people don't actually see my face at sunset unless they're nosy

perpetually nervous, fidgets a lot, a people-pleaser, very malleable. a genuine medical mystery because he has no back bone and there's very little in the world that can get him to express an emotion stronger than indifference

his tendency to be over-polite and inherently quiet nature means he can come across as rude even if that's the opposite of what he intends

always wearing headphones so he promises he isn't ignoring you, you just caught him at a really bad time

speaking of promising he isn't ignoring you -- he has a bad habit of not replying to texts for days or disappearing and taking a week off work whenever things get too hectic for him it's a habit he hasn't managed to shake off just yet

also embarrassingly clumsy. this might be the third time you've seen him walk straight into the glass doors

there's a difference between being lonely and being alone -- and he's both. paradoxically, he does want to make friends but just has no idea how to approach anyone and hopes that staring at you from a distance is a good first step

loves crocheting :^) like loooveess crocheting :^) just a 6'1" guy and his silly little crochet toys

plots -- i promise i'll scramble together a plots page soon but for now id love to brainstorm and fill in any open plots people want!! to throw out a few ideas

someone who knew him back in seoul; fellow child actor; someone who kept in contact with him after he disappeared; someone who thought he would keep in contact with them after he disappeared and he did not (sorry); childhood best friends; someone who swears they recognise him and he keeps telling you that recurrent delusions are something u need to get checked out; the classic ex-friends or exes; fwbs; avid listeners of sunset radio; you keep running into each other smoking under the "no-smoking" sign; one-sided crush from far away; fellow cat-owner; fellow music enthusiast; ex-fans who can't believe he's actually here; someone who recognises him from his meltdown video but pretends not to, etc etc

[hillbilly---man]

Friendly Fire!!

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Friendly Fire

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

This part from chapter 4 where Saiki is demonstrating to Akechi the problems he has been experiencing with his telekinesis:

The manga slowly lifted and inched through the air toward the men, fluttering its pages as if it were being shaken. They watched it bob unsteadily until it arrived above their table. Kusuo dropped it, and it collapsed onto the table between them in a heap. Kusuo tilted his head back and tightly closed his eyes, trying to keep from crying again.

I hate writing narration (I'm so bad at it lmao) so any time I feel like I did a decent job at it I feel like an artist. I really liked how well I could picture the scene when reading this.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not any that I actually wrote, but before this fic all I ever really wrote were sad endings. Friendly Fire was headed that way too out of habit, and due to the subject matter (it seemed hard to end on a positive note when the story is about a man's diagnosis with a degenerative chronic illness). HOWEVER! Once I realized how much I connected with the fic on a personal level, I became determined to give him a happy ending that wasn't just a magic cure (even though [SPOILER] there's literally a magic cure proposed in the last line. It doesn't count if I've retconned it in the sequel lol). The focus in the last part turned to getting over the anxiety of disclosing his illness and finding support in his friends, and none of that was really in my mind when I started it.

I don't really have an answer for the music question unfortunately (pretty sure I was mostly listening to Lemon Demon at the time but I don't really listen to music when I write except back when my fics were loosely based on songs)... so I'm picking another one

7: Where did the title come from?

Lmao I am really shitty at coming up with titles but this is the one where I fucking nailed it. His first symptom was losing control of his pyrokinesis. I didn't have the fic planned out very strictly at that point, so that's most of what I had to work with. Fire. Powers. Heat... something? Then I remembered the topic that the fic was ACTUALLY about (an autoimmune disorder lol) and made the connection between the fire thing and the concept of being attacked by someone on your side.... friendly fire (I have not given that much thought to literally any other title ever)

BTW you can still ask me stuff about my saiki fanfics if you want lol

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[raycats]

i recently found dark noise and i thought i’d drop by to commend you on your characterization of herman and feng min. the way you write them is so fluid and dynamic, something that’s hard to come by in dbd fan works. your analysis of feng min is striking. 

the first scene we see feng min sit on herman’s lap, in which he asks her if she wants him to tell her what to do, has made me think of their dynamic as something that could fall somewhere in the d/s spectrum. is that something you’ve considered for them, as part of their characterization? i’m intrigued by the idea of feng min using submission as an outlet, especially since she has a history of fighting for control only for her to squander it in some way. 

@wompuswoos​

Hey, thank you! I really appreciate your positive feedback <3 I do wish there were more cerebral DBD fics out there. I feel the setting is soooo ripe for character studies and there are so many characters in the cast that have so much breathing room to explore. That’s the nice thing about creating fanwork for DBD—all the characters are basically skeletons and you can flesh them out a lot.

Anyway, this is a really great question and I’m happy to elucidate!

My intention in writing that scene in chapter 9, and what Herman means when he says “You feel lost. You want me to tell you what to do, don't you? That's what you're really after” is that he realizes that what Feng Min craves is someone to quite literally tell her what to do. Not in a sense of submission or domination, but in a more broken emotion-based way. I mean, her life was fully, completely off the rails before the Entity nabbed her. She was at her absolute lowest point, dealing with a world-champion career that ended in failure and humiliation, struggling with substance abuse, deeply traumatized, and living with an untreated mental illness. And she was very, very alone in all of that. 

Feng Min is really hard on herself—she loathes her own weakness and she hates herself for it. She can’t grasp the concept of failure. She and Herman are alike in that way: the fatal flaw they share is that they both cannot tolerate the concept of failure and don’t even consider it to be a possibility until the situation is already out of control. I’ve made this comparison before, but essentially they have the same fatal flaw, but they react differently to it: when faced with failure, Feng Min directs her destruction inwards at herself, but Herman directs his destruction outwards at others. 

Feng Min has been alone for a very long time. Mostly because, in her self-hating self-sabotaging, she pushed people away, but what she really needed (and craved, although she wouldn’t admit it to herself) was someone who wasn’t afraid of trying to help her. She was drowning in the dark and surrounded by people who couldn’t comprehend that someone so successful could crash so hard, and others were reluctant to reach out because she was too stubborn and hurt to show how much she needed help. The fact that she isolated herself and is partly to blame for her own situation is something Feng Min has to learn to accept. But even in the Entity’s realm, away from her self-destructive vices and suicidal ideations, she still feels as though she has no direction and no idea what to do next. She just wants someone to lean on—someone to tell her that she can get back up again after falling so hard.

Herman picks out that pitiful loneliness very easily from her psyche. He finds her mind not difficult to read. He can see that she is someone with immense potential who has spun off the rails. And some part of him left behind a long time ago on Earth recognizes that human experience. He pities her for holding those feelings so close to her chest; he finds her regrets over her ambitiousness to be a waste of mental energy. He doesn’t have use for feelings like regret. He is someone who has had a lot of time to contemplate his own actions, to examine them in his very warped mind. Feng Min is something different to focus on. Having a one-on-one connection with a survivor is the most lucid he has been in a long time—no one, aside from other killers with psychic affinity, is able to “hear” his voice. It has amounted to a lot of time in his own head, and his head is not a very pleasant place to be. She draws out the scientist in him, the more grounded man he used to be, before he began walking the path that sunk him into madness and the thirst for power. 

In any case, I did anticipate another dimension/secondary meaning to this scene. I do think you’re also correct, in that sense. She wants to give up control, because her experiences so far have shown her that she doesn’t know how to cope with life unless it’s all going exactly the way she wants. The Entity’s realm has forced her to be sober and given her more clarity of mind, but it’s had a ricochet effect—it’s opening these wounds that she’s fought so hard to ignore and staunch with terrible coping mechanisms. She’s sick to death of being alone with her pain, but she doesn’t know how to move forward. She underestimates her own capabilities because she is so hard on herself. Ultimately, she will have to draw on her own inner strength; she is the only person with the real power to change her life. But just having someone to lean on is something her heart really aches for.

I hope this answered your question! Thank you for giving me something to chew on! <3

[rose-petal-spam]

Gift

Children were not an option with schlatt, but life likes laughing in the face of her plaything's plans.

A Dark figure stood outside Schlatts front door holding a sleeping baby boy. They gently placed a kiss on his head, setting him down in a basket of soft chubby flesh with curly blonde hair contrasting to the red blanket and white envelope setting in his lap. Soft sweet words and melodies kept the child's mind at ease as the figure rang the doorbell scurrying away from the scene of the crime leaving soft coos and cries on the doorstep of Schlatts house.

-----

Who the fuck could be up at 12 o’clock in the fucking night? Ughh if it Connor or ty I swear I’m going to skin their asses.

I can’t see shit in this fucking pitch-black house!

the hallway should be around here somewhere, oh great here it is.

fuck! the peephole is too tall, all I can see is the street which of course is empty.

Probably just the neighborhood kids playing a prank but I was supposed to get a package today with a schlattcoin in it.

The door squeaked slightly open summers lingering warmth invading the perfectly cool house.

the porch looked empty at least-

A small child sat in a basket slept soundly under the porch light golden fizz crowning him like a halo.

“What the fuck??”

Did someone just fucking leave a baby on my doorstep?

I glanced down the still vacant block, nothing had changed. No slow cars or anything, just a baby in a basket with a letter sitting on my fucking front door.

What do I do?

I-

I could just walk away from this definitely is not my problem in the slightest.

God damnit I can't just leave a baby on my doorstep-

fuck!

fuck Shit ass just FUCK! WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH THIS?

"Hey um did someone leave their baby on my porch?"

,,,

fuck. welp I just take him in and then drop him off at the orphanage in the morning

yeah they'll be able to take care of him, he'll be in good care.

yeah, then this whole weird dream can be over.

okay, kid let's get you inside whoever left you on my doorstep must be really upset.

ugh, fuck, it's too fucking dark in here to see anything.

Where was the floor lamp again?

Fucking! where is the stupid twisty thing

ah there!

the lamp flickered to life illuminating the dim living room, soft black second-hand couches with mismatched coffee tables, and a flat-screen TV. Half of the stains on the couch had been made by Connor at this point, and Ty always insisted on using a cozy on the coffee tables to not leave a watermark despite the countless others already there.

okay um, he'll just sleep in the basket tonight.

wait aren't babies supposed to sleep a certain way?

Maybe I should let him sleep in the bed with me?

fuck what if I accidentally move and sleep on him though-

yeah, let's just keep him in the basket what's the worst that can happen-

I'll just sit on the couch and yeah

I’ll just sit here and make sure he's' okay.

Then in the morning we can drop him off and find his mom and dad.

yeah,, just um sit here and make sure he's okay

,,,

Oh fuck- the letter

how the hell did I forget- and why the hell haven't I read it yet it literally had my name on it

,,,,

,,,

,,

fuck.

'I'm sorry to drop him off on your front door but I can no longer support him'. 'He is your son'. 'His name is Tommy after my grandfather Thomas'. 'please take good care of him'.

that bitch-

she just- after having the kid can't even go and support him!

I mean I would have-

I would have fucking helped out if I knew!

How haven't I heard anything about this?

fucking hell, I have a kid- I'm a dad now I guess? how the fuck-

I don't know the first fucking thing to being a dad

wait fuck am I ready to be a dad?

would I even make a good dad- I run a fucking scam business

how am i-

Small sounds came next to me, the small wiggling infant was stretching himself out kicking the blanket away. His bright blue eyes glanced at the world around him before falling shut again. I don't know why, but everything in me just swole with pride looking at his stupid ravioli sized fist and beautiful blue eyes

i-

I can't drop him off at the orphanage tomorrow

fuck

I can't just leave him.

I um

I guess I am a dad now? fuck I'm not prepared at all for this.

A small tight squeal erupted next to me as Tommy wiggled upset by something.

Fuck-

"fuck um- wait- shit no-no"

fuck I don't want to hurt him-

"shh shh it's okay little guy I got you it's okay"

his soft body fit in my arms as I gently cradled him, rocking him back and forth as he softly fell back into a deep sleep.

Okay yeah, yeah I um.

I can do this.

I'll be a good dad for you toms.

-----

A tale like any other filled the room: big happy balloons and birthday cake sitting on a table with a now 8-year-old Tommy sitting across from Jschlatt. The candles had long since lost their wish powers and gifts already opened and played with. Connor and Ty were sipping on their drinks listening to the story of how we got here with frosting-covered silverware and a now 9-year-old boy casually adding their comments on how Jschlatt didn't even know how to change a diaper before ty stepped in. Jschlatt had just finished his story of the now happiest day of his life.

"-and that Toms is the story of how I became your dad"

Tommy looked amazed and confused, his brows furrowed in thought.

god, he looks so much like me when he does that.

his horns should start sprouting soon too if I am correct.

"So I was your gift," he finally responded, "like from the Easter bunny?"

Conor snickered, remembering the panicked phone call he got that night at 1 am with Tommy crying in the background while I pleaded for him to come over and help. It was far from a gift at the time, more like being shoved into a car going 40 miles an hour with no clue what to do.

But I gotta bite. I would never trade it for anything in the world ever.

"Yeah, and to this day it's the best thing he ever got me way better than chocolate in my humble opinion"

yeah, the best gift I could have ever been given.

-----

This took a lot longer then the first fic ill admit but its also twice as long so i hope you guys injoy it just as much.

also again thank you gheysnakelady or @dadschlatt-tommyau for this amazing au i really like it.

[celosiaa]

avoidance

From a wonderful prompt I received! “A cold going around the season 1 archival staff and them just actively avoiding Jon because they don't want him to get sick because they know it'll be worst for him with his asthma. What they don't know is Jon's already caught it and is getting the wrong idea and just thinks he's being avoided because they don't want to catch it from him.”

Hope you enjoy this short little sickfic! Featuring hard of hearing Tim, especially for @haunted-by-catholic-guilt :)

“Oh, there he comes, Sash.”

“How does he look?” she replies, being sure to speak louder while Tim has his face turned away.

“Can’t tell yet.”

Tim cranes his neck and squints to better catch a glimpse of Martin, who walks toward their office from the lift, bundled up against the unseasonably cold weather in a knit scarf and hat.

“God, I need to get new prescriptions,” he says, rubbing his eyes against the blurriness.  “He’s got a hat and scarf on, though.”

“Ooh, things are looking promising!”

Turning back to her, jaw hanging open in mock-indigence, Tim places a shocked hand against his chest.

“Miss James, I’m horrified!  You would wish illness on our poor poet, Martin Blackwood, Esquire?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” she says, sniffling a bit as she punches lightly at his arm.

“Morning, everyone,” Martin croaks as he steps in—though it must sound rather congested, judging by Sasha’s satisfied smirk, and she holds out her outstretched palm to him.

“Morning, Martin,” Tim replies at once, not willing to hand over his fiver just yet.  “How are you today?  Just peachy, I’ll bet?”

Throwing him a glare from where he’s sat down at his desk, Martin’s face suddenly goes hazy, his eyes unfocused as he pulls his scarf quickly over his nose—before sneezing thrice, harsh and miserable, breaking off into painful coughs to finish.

“Aw, Martin, I’m sorry,” Sasha coos in sympathy, patting his back with one hand while reaching out to accept Tim’s begrudging fiver with the other.

“Don’t you apologize, Sasha,” Martin croaks after he recovers himself, rubbing a tissue against his dreadfully pink nose.  “We all know this is Tim’s fault.”

“Excuse me???” Tim bursts, throwing his arms wide in a gesture of disbelief.

“Shut it, you know it’s true,” Sasha concurs, unwrapping a spare tissue box to donate to Martin’s desk.  “You’re the one who fraternized with Research, knowing they’ve had this bug going around for weeks.”

“Why are you both attacking me?” Tim shouts, breaking off to cough for a moment, his own illness not yet entirely abated.  “This is homophobic.”

“Not if we’re all queer, you arse!”

He returns to clutching at his chest, taking a dramatic inhale.

“Martin, she’s slinging me with the cruelest of insults!  Are you really going to sit there and do nothing?”

“Basically, yeah,” Martin replies, voice whittled down to a hoarse whisper—he makes sure to speak slowly, such that Tim can read his lips.  “Because she’s right, and you deserve it.”

“I’ll have you know, sir—“

Tim’s scolding is interrupted by the opening of the heavy door to document storage, from which Jon emerges—looking unkempt as ever, carrying a stack of files tucked beneath his left arm.  Nodding briefly at them in greeting, he hastens across the room to his office, and Tim just barely manages a glimpse of him pulling his inhaler out of his pocket before the door shuts. 

“Is he coughing?” Tim asks, turning to gauge their reactions.

“Yeah.  God, he sounds absolutely horrendous,” Martin croaks, wincing at the dreadful wheezing coughs, ineffectively muffled behind the door.

“It’s his own fault,” Tim mutters, earning him looks from both Martin and Sasha.  “What?  He could ask one of us to root through the dusty shelves for him,  you know, like a normal boss.  But he won’t, because he’s too damn stubborn.”

Knowing he’s at least a little bit right, Sasha and Martin say nothing, only continuing to listen with concern as Jon pulls twice from his inhaler, before finally seeming to get his breath back.

“We should all try to keep our distance from him,” Martin says at last, giving them both a significant look.  “I don’t want him to get this—not when he’s coughing like that.  Don’t want to put him at risk.”

Grin dropping from his face, Tim nods solemnly back at Martin, and Sasha follows suit.

“You’re right, mate.  We’ll do our best.”

“Yeah, it’s a deal, Martin.”

“Thanks,” Martin replies, flashing them a sunny, if not stuffed-up, smile.  “Right then, anything specific to work on today?”

—

For what feels like the hundredth time that day, Jon slams the pause button on the tape recorder, snatching up a tissue as fast as he can—near-silently stifling two into it.  It makes his head pound every time, tears at his already-battered throat, but he’d rather not spread whatever miserable illness he’s managed to catch all around the office.

Though it seems that they’d all been avoiding him well enough as it is.

He’s not a fool—he knows he’s got a fever, knows that he’s contagious and really ought to be avoided—but when Martin had neglected to bring him his afternoon tea that day, well…he was more than happy to blame the lump in his throat on the fever.  For all he tells himself that it doesn’t matter, that he ought to take care of himself, it does nothing to settle the ache in his chest.  The one that his inhaler can no longer take the edge off.

Sighing in frustration, Jon does his best to turn his focus back to his work—rising unsteadily to his feet to search for the next file.

What was the number again?

God, I’m dizzy.

He stretches out a hand to brace himself against the filing cabinet, blinking away the stars sparkling across his vision as he adjusts to standing.

Right.  01319…0…8?  9?

Wait, did I—did I finish the last statement?

He muffles a cough into his elbow, bracing even heavier on the cabinet.

Doesn’t matter, I’ll just get this one anyway.

Won’t need to get up again, at least.

“Looking for something, boss?”

Tim calls from his office door, which he’s propped open—perhaps in the subconscious effort to tempt Martin into bringing him tea. 

Pathetic.

“Jon?  You alright?”

“Oh—err, of course,” he says at once, lifting his head toward him.  “Can I help you?”

“I was the one asking,” Tim chuckles, stepping forward into his office—before immediately retreating again.

Oh.

“Sorry, I would help you, it’s just—you know, with this cold going around, better not.”

“R-right.”

Jon buries his hurt as quickly as possible, refusing to let it show on his face.

“Right, of course.  Then, err, just—carry on then, I suppose, Tim.”

Turning back to the cabinets, Jon tries to leave the conversation there, feeling his chest beginning to tighten with every passing moment.  He doesn’t want to get Tim ill, not when they’re all so clearly worried about catching it—

“Jon?  You’re—you look shaky, are you alright?”

Don’t cough don’t cough don’t cough

“Fine,” he croaks, even as he brings a hand up to press against his fluttering chest.

“What was that?” Tim asks, stepping just a bit closer, tilting his head to better read Jon’s lips.

Don’t don’t don’t

He can’t hold it back anymore.

At once, Jon doubles over with coughing, shallow wheezing accented by the rumbling of congestion deep within his lungs—all of it nearly sending him to the ground with the force of it.

“Jesus, Jon—just sit down, alright?  Christ,” Tim urges, at last entering the room to grab him by the shoulders, lowering him to sitting with his back against the filing cabinet.

Every thought of hiding or sparing Tim from contagion flies from his head, replaced only with the gasping need for air, his body screaming at him to breathe—

“What’s going on?” Martin asks from the door, scanning across the scene quickly, alarm rising at once.

“Get his inhaler,” Tim orders, tipping Jon’s head forward between his knees.

“Oh god.  Right—right, h-here, I’ve got it—Jon?”

He taps gently on Jon’s upper arm as he crouches.

“I’ve got it here, can you look up?”

It takes every shred of focus he has left to his power, but he does—reaching out to cover Martin’s hands with his own as he guides the inhaler to his lips, pressing down on the button and drawing as deeply as he can from it.

“Good, good, that’s—that’s good, Jon,” Martin stammers, still holding the inhaler within his reach.

“Take another,” Tim demands, voice leaving no room for argument.  “When you can.”

After a few more labored breaths, Jon complies—chest expanding a little more now, though he can still feel the crackling wetness at the edges of it.

“Here, Jon, I’ve got you some water,” Sasha says as she enters the room, undoubtedly having heard the commotion from outside.  “You alright?”

“Shouldn’t be here,” Jon rasps, seeing Martin’s hands in his periphery, reaching up to sign for Tim’s understanding.

“I know—we didn’t want to get you ill, Jon, but—“ Tim cuts off momentarily, running a hand through his hair in frustration.  “I mean, it sort of seemed like you needed help, right?”

Wait.

“You didn’t…you didn’t want…to get me ill?” Jon asks through panting breaths, finally feeling steady enough to lift his head.

“Well, no, we—“ Martin suddenly breaks off, scooting a little ways back from Jon as he realizes their proximity.  “Of course we didn’t want you to get ill, your asthma’s been so terrible the past few days.”

Jon shakes his head in confusion, brows furrowing as he glances between the three of them.

“I...I don’t—“

Oh.

Oh.

“You didn’t…know I was ill?” he asks, and Tim’s eyebrows shoot into his hair, turning back to share a glance with both Sasha and Martin.

“Oh no, Jon, I’m so sorry,” Martin laments at last, sniffling a bit into his sleeve.  “We didn’t—we thought that, well…we thought we were protecting you from getting it.”

The relief Jon feels at this is astonishing—certainly inordinate for the situation, but…he finds he does not care much altogether.  Even if just a bit, the knot in his chest seems to loosen—his breathing made easier just for a moment.

“Woah—you alright?” Tim asks with renewed concern, the cause uncertain to him, before—

He feels a tear beginning to slip down his face.

“Oh,” he says, hurriedly scrubbing it away.  “Oh, I—I’m sorry, I—I-I’m fine, it’s alright, I don’t know why—“

“It’s alright, Jon,” Sasha says from above him, leaning down to press a warm hand on his shoulder.  “Look, if you feel like you can stand, I’ll drive you home, okay?  You need to rest.  I’m serious.”

The look she gives him now, that they all give him—it’s nearly enough to bring a smile to his face, his mouth barely quirking up at one corner. 

“Y-yes, I—thank you, Sasha,” he says, allowing Tim and Martin to lift him slowly to his feet, leaning against them momentarily as he sways just a bit.

“You’re calling your doctor on the way,” Sasha continues, leading them out of his office and toward the lift.  “I’m not leaving you alone until you do.”

“R-right,” he pants against the exertion of their slow-paced walking.  “I—thank you.  I suppose.”

“Don’t mention it Jon,” Martin says softly as they bundle him into the lift.  “Just get well, okay?”

Something warm and lovely floods through Jon’s chest at this, and he cannot help but nod—a half-smile flickering across his face as the lift doors close.

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[deantransgressions2]

8x03 heartache

#1: "i mean, that's got to be a ritual, man. or at least some sort of a heart sucking, possessed, satanic, crack-whore bat."

time tag: 2:58

#2: sam: "what? i had a year off. i took the time to enjoy the good things."

dean: "while avoiding doing what we actually do."

sam: "wow, dean. does it make you feel that much better every time you say it?" < if sam had a tumblr he would follow my blog.

but anyway the key word is "we", dean. you were not there. so sam went off and did sexy stuff he could. get over it.

time tag: 3:20

#3: "that chubby guy the last person to see the vic alive?"

time tag: 4:24

#4: "it's too bad i dropped out of lunatic 101" (said while interviewing a mentally ill man)

also: "he's a mushroom"

time tag: 8:22 + 9:08

#5: "i know where i’m at my best. and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you." (said to sam) okay dean, thats super cute of you. but is SAM at his best when he's next to you?

time tag: 15:33

#6: sam said maybe dean is better off hunting alone, and he doesn't have to "explain himself to anybody" .....2x03 flashback guys.

dean: "yeah that makes sense, seeing i have so many other brothers i can talk to about this stuff." ok so 1) you do have another brother and he's rotting in hell. 2) you never let sam talk to you ab his feelings, so why do you expect the him to listen to yours? and 3) get a therapist man.

time tag: 15:53

#7: sam: "i'm not saying i'm bailing on you. i'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. i mean, i want my time to count for something"

dean: "so, what we do doesn't count?"

??? sam is literally just saying that his life has just been one unbelievable steaming pile of dog shit and he wants some time to find happiness and actually feel safe for once. sam saved the world, and suffered immensely for it. if he wants to live a suburban life and go to farmers markets, then that’s his damn right.

time tag: 15:56

#8: "i got another email, this one is for you. from a university. answering questions about admissions."

sam: "just something i'm looking into. an option."

"you're seriously talking about hanging it up?"

does dean think university lasts till you die? that if u go to college you can't hunt ever again? or you can't once you graduate? does dean think he has any say in what sam choses to do with his life?

time tag: 23:25

#9: sam: "do you think brick thought maybe he'd burn to nothing when he crashed that car?"

dean: "yeah, but he didn't, which brings us here"

there is something about the wording of this, and sam's demeanor that makes me think he is talking about more than just brick. because sam once also fell to his death. except he came back, without consent. and now has to continue to deal with all the trouble and pain in his life. maybe ill elaborate more on this, but this scene just feels deep

time tag: 33:45

#10: "wow. back in business. got the win. admit it, feels good huh? you know, i was thinking about what randa said about, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. i get it man, i do."

sam: "i know, i know you do. i don't. not anymore. hell, maybe i never did."

"come on sam, don't ruin my buzz, would you?"

sam: "dean listen. when this is over, when we close up shop on kevin and the tablet, im done. i mean that."

"no you don't"

sam: "dean, the year that i took off, i had something i've never had. a normal life. i mean, i got to see what that felt like. i want that. i had that."

"i think that's just how you feel right now."

dean is so unbelievably obsessed with sam. why doesn't he just tell him "hey man, i love you, you're my brother and i'm happy you're in my life". then sam would be like "love u too man. im gonna go live a normal life. you are welcome to my home between hunts." done! happily ever after! instead we get dean, demonizing everything sam does that doesn't include him, and gaslighting him until sam adapts to dean's worldview. disgusting.

time tag. 38:09

[arcaneranger]

Final Thoughts - 2019 Long Shows

Dear Lord. This is where all the good shows went.

2019 was absolutely awful on a season-by-season basis (except for Summer, anyway), but that’s mostly because most of the best shows ran longer than what has become the industry norm of a single season. And indeed, heading into the new decade, we seem to be seeing a major renaissance for two- or split-cour shows, given the massive success seen by shows like My Hero Academia, Food Wars, and Haikyuu!!..particularly in comparison to the new perpetual-runners Black Clover (which, despite running for over two straight years now, is still not the most popular show of Fall 2017 by viewer count on MAL, and sits at a ‘meh’ 7.2), and even worse, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, which is faring even worse on both counts even though it premiered two whole seasons earlier and the fact that it is the sequel to Naruto.

As a reminder of my rules, the shows on this list may or may not have premiered in 2019, but they finished airing this year. The split-cour rule (stating that I judge any show that “finishes” and then premieres a “new season” within six months) didn’t come into play for any 2018 shows, but it will for Ascendance of a Bookworm and Food Wars this year, at the very least.

With that being said! 25 shows running longer than thirteen episodes finished airing this year after being simulcast, and of those…

I skipped 6:

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part V: Golden Wind, Fairy Tail Final Series, A Certain Magical Index III, Ace Attorney Season 2 and Cardfight Vanguard (2018) because I either dropped or have not finished their previous (also long-running) seasons.

Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS because the simulcast started late and also it was bad.

I Dropped 8:

Worst Long Show of 2019: The Rising of the Shield Hero

It’s always fun to see that a show you hated from its first episode only gets more and more distasteful afterwards, but it’s less fun when a service you have to promote because they’re the legal option is forced to shove it down your throat because they had a hand in making it and it became a massive hit that your friends don’t see any issue with because the author wrote a story that justifies its hero’s patronage of the slave industry. This is my punishment for watching the whole first season of The Asterisk War before I knew better.

YU-NO: A girl who chants love at the bound of this world

A confusing mess from the word go, this ill-fated adaptation of a visual novel from the nineties seems like it was mostly made to cash in on the popularity of the Science Adventure series, but failed to present itself in a way that made an ounce of sense or looked remotely interesting.

Fairy Gone

Am I really the only one that saw potential here? I mean yes, it ended up a boring slog that didn’t care to move its plot in a meaningful direction, but the first episode was at least cool. I guess Izetta: The Last Witch should have taught me better.

We Never Learn

I know that I’m in the minority in terms of the male demographic for shows like this, but honestly, how are bland harem shows still this easy to market? A copy-pasted protagonist with copy-pasted waifus drag down what could be an interesting setup for a story. 

Karakuri Circus

The first episode of this one had me excited, the second and third left me bored to tears and wondering if it would continue to look uglier by the minute. I haven’t seen a three-cour show look this janky since Knight in the Area.

Radiant

Having heard good things about this show from my cohorts, I do feel bad for saying I’ll probably never return to Radiant, but when you have a show that’s notably written by a European author...and it turns out to be a frustratingly standard shounen affair with middling production values, well, you can see my earlier annoyance with Cannon Busters.

Ensemble Stars

This one still gets to me. It almost looked like a male-idol show I would finally be able to get behind, what with its rebellious attitude and oddball setting...that is, until the setting got to be too unbelievable and the show began drowning its audience in side-characters because they had to squeeze every husbando from the mobile game into the story, and it all began to resemble UtaPri a little too much...but without the production value.

Boogiepop and Others

This was a hard drop, honestly. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I felt four episodes in, before concluding that I was bored and not particularly invested, two things that should never describe the experience of watching a Madhouse show. The fact that this was the project responsible for ruining One Punch Man only made it worse. There’s a slow burn, and then there’s walking away without turning the stove on.

And I Finished 11 (holy crap that’s like three hundred episodes just on their own).

That Time I Was Reincarnated as a Slime (5/10 & 1/10)

I’ll be honest, I had forgotten just how livid I was with the ending (and especially the sad excuse of a recap episode) of Slimesekai, and reading back through my write-up of it, it’s certainly coming back to me. While this year had bigger demons to fight (Shield Hero), the bad taste that Slime left me with hasn’t really faded, and the wasted premise bugs me to this day.

Hinomaru Sumo (7/10)

What Hinomaru lacked in production value, it happily made up for in good execution and earnest heart. I can’t believe this came from the same studio as Conception, Try Knights and 7Seeds, but if they can only get out one good show a year, I’m glad that we got one bringing attention to a sport that many will joke about but few understand, respect and appreciate.

Kono Oto Tomare (7/10)

Speaking of giving love to traditional Japanese culture, here’s a decent-if-unoriginal show about a local high school koto club down on their luck, and the troubled teens coming together under a scrappy protagonist to bring it back to life. Kono Oto Tomare doesn’t have much that you haven’t seen before, but a decently-executed club drama with Your Lie In April-inspired musical performances is more than enough to keep me interested, and since Forest of Piano kinda crashed and burned under the weight of its own self-importance this year, it was nice to have an alternative.

MIX: Meisei Story (8/10)

It’s hard to judge MIX next to the other shows on this list because it’s almost too old-school for its own good, revelling in an eighties storytelling style that didn’t end up jiving with a wide audience this year. But at the same time, its fun character dynamics (and a very good dub from Funimation, despite them saying they’d never touch sports anime again) were very entertaining to watch, even if it didn’t focus as much on the sport it was supposedly about as much as I’d have liked.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (8/10)

I fully admit that I’m very salty about the fact that this won Show of the Decade in Funimation’s poll while it was still on and I thought there were hundreds of more deserving shows, but I can’t deny that Demon Slayer was a very enjoyable experience, albeit one that I had notable problems with. That’s not gonna stop me from getting mad when it sweeps the Anime Awards in a few weeks, though.

Fire Force (8/10)

I was very afraid that David Productions wouldn’t be able to match the energy of Studio Bones’ adaptation of Ohkubo’s previous work, Soul Eater, but I was happy to be proven wrong. Even if the last few episodes contained a bit too much infodumping, it was all sandwiched between jaw-dropping fight scenes that proved that the people who make Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure can still handle the reins of a more traditional action show.

Fruits Basket 1st Season (8/10)

I know that my score for this one is a bit lower than others, but I think that Fruits Basket did pretty well in its first season, considering that it was largely spent setting up future storylines and adapting the part of the manga we’d all seen before, but with much higher production value. I’ve been familiar with this part of the story for over a decade, and the scene with Tohru and Kyo (you know the one) still made me cry. Now, we get the real plot going.

Dr Stone (9/10)

A great start to a totally new spin on shounen, Dr Stone gives me hope for survival in the post-Shokugeki world in which we’ll soon live, as a show that wears its research on its sleeve. A complex plot weaving interesting characters in and out of a narrative surrounding a philosophical battle where both sides actually do have fair points (even if one of them is going about it in a pretty cruel manner). More please.

Vinland Saga (9/10)

Once again, a great start to what will hopefully be years of quality storytelling, Vinland Saga made it seem like it was dragging in the middle only to reveal just what its slow burn had been leading up to, with twist-heavy storytelling and a fantastic cast to match the high visual quality of its brutal battles.

Run With the Wind (9/10)

It’s not often that Production I.G. gets to make a complete, fully-realized show anymore, and this one was a glorious reminder of the potential of the studio in the TV space, and a great rebound for the director of Joker Game. It’s gorgeous to look at, the cast is wonderful, and the story is both realistic and idealistic in a satisfying balance. It’s a miserable process to get to the finish line in real life, but sitting back and watching this was nothing but a treat. At least, until a minor fumble at the end.

Best Long Show of 2019: Dororo (9/10)

Speaking of complete stories, Tezuka Productions and MAPPA teamed up for a breathtaking adaptation of an underappreciated Tezuka classic that expands upon the story in exactly the right way to create a thrilling, savage, beautiful masterpiece that focuses a laser-sharp eye into the relationship between two characters in their journey to, literally and figuratively, become complete people. Also, that opening was killer.

And that’s it! That’s the fun list. Next comes the painful one. Stay tuned for the trash heap.

[perfectmusicdestiny]

Blank Space and Borderline

“I’ve got a blank space, baby/And I’ll write your name”. What is “Blank Space” really about? According to singer/songwriter/cat enthusiast, Taylor Swift, the song is meant to be a satire of the way the tabloid press perceives her. For Taylor, at least publicly, “Blank Space” is an exploration of this character that the press has created, a character who is a serial dater, just destroying man after man after man. It’s a fun tongue-in-cheek song with a fun tongue-in-cheek video. I would posit though, that there is more to the song and the video than that. Many people have noticed that “Blank Space” appears to be a portrait of a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I even read from one woman with BPD that she almost had to leave her apartment when she first heard the song, because it was so triggering. Why do people perceive the song in this way? I would argue that this is a legitimate interpretation of the song, even if it was an unintentional thing on Taylor's part. Just a quick note, I do not have BPD, but I do have a personality disorder called Avoidant Personality Disorder. It sucks, and is destroying my life. So, I know what it’s like to not be able to control your own brain and to get into these behavior patterns that you just can’t seem to break. Now, onward to the analysis!

What is “Borderline Personality Disorder?”. BPD is a mental illness that is characterized by extreme emotionality and instability in personal relationships. It is, unfortunately, a highly stigmatized disorder, even though with proper treatment, a person with BPD can live a full and happy life. The DSM-V currently lists 9 criteria for BPD. These are:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

In the current version of the DSM, you need to get 5 of the 9 in order to get the diagnosis. I’ve bolded the symptoms that the narrator of “Blank Space” displays in both the lyrics of the song and the music video.

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

This is most apparent in the music video. The Taylor character starts her “screaming, crying, perfect storms” when she spies her boyfriend using his cell phone, apparently to text someone else. People with BPD have a deep fear of abandonment, and something as simple as appearing to enjoy texting someone else can be distressing enough to cause a meltdown, which in this case it does. I also think that the “incredible things’ that she shows him are also a way of trying to preempt abandonment. If she shows him these incredible things, then he won’t want to leave her. In the music video, she drops his phone in the water, presumably to destroy the threat to their bond caused by the phone. There’s also a scene in which she mangles his car with a golf club. She is trying to destroy the thing that will allow him to leave her.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

According to an anonymous author writing for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “[f]or people with BPD, we usually have histories of rocky relationships with those close to us. We can go from loving and adoring you one minute (idealization) to being furious and hating you the next (devaluation). This is where the term “favorite person” comes from in the borderline community. There is usually one of two people that we absolutely idolize and want to spend all our time with, and if they are busy and can’t spend time with us we tend to get angry and feel abandoned”.

Taylor has a “long list of ex-lovers/They’ll tell you [she’s] insane”. “It’s going to be forever, or it’s going to go down in flames”. This lyric implies that the narrator idolizes her lovers at first as her one true fairy tale love. However, once she catches him texting someone, everything goes off the rails. She can also be seen destroying a portrait that she made of him. He’s no longer her perfect love, but someone whom she hates. That is, she can “make all the tables turn”. In the music video, you can see that she has a lot of portraits of different men in a particular corridor. One of the portraits, hilariously, has an axe sticking out of it. The Swift character paints these portraits during the idealization phase, but once the tables have turned and she goes into the devaluation phase, she destroys them. Do note though that she still doesn’t want him to leave her. The destruction of the car happens after the portrait-destroying scene. BPD has sometimes been called the “I hate you, don’t leave me” disorder. She hates him now, so she destroys his portrait, but she also doesn’t want him to leave, so she takes a club to his car.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

“Find out what you want/Be that girl for a month”. People with BPD often do not have a stable sense of self. Thus, they may mirror the personality of their “favorite person” in order to assure that the other person likes them, and won’t leave them. Within the context of BPD, a favorite person is It is important to note though that this will not last. She’ll only be “that girl for a month”. Once the devaluation of the person takes place, she will no longer be this person’s mirror or what this person wants.

4. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Her boyfriend possibly texting someone else on his cell phone led to “screaming, crying, perfect storms”. That’s it.

5. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

The song is called “blank space”. She has a “blank space, baby/And I’ll write your name”. The implication is that the narrator does feel this sense of emptiness and is trying to cure it with a romantic relationship. The reason why she goes out with all of these guys is to try to fill the emptiness.

6. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

In the music video, she sets fire to his clothes in an apparent rage. The Taylor character also cuts up all of his clothes. She bashes the hell out of his car. She throws what appears to be a very expensive vase at him after the phone incident. These would all seem to be inappropriate expressions of anger.

In conclusion, Swift’s character exhibits 6 of the 9 symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It really is fascinating how Taylor Swift may have unintentionally created a character with BPD. This leads me to think about how we characterize “crazy women” in our society, and what exactly that means, but that is a discussion for another day.