#but if he's with astarion he can get a little unhinged

[duskfallsfang]

don't mind me I just wanna show off some of Scra'el's greatest hits since i finished his playthrough a while ago and i miss him 👉👈

he's a half-drow archfey warlock. I have a whole backstory made-up and ready. And I'm a little obsessed with him still...

[tragedybunny]

I like the idea of Astarion not becoming too soft after the events of the game. Like he is in general a little friendlier and not so angry. But I think he never loses that sharp tongue and propensity to fuss when he's inconvenienced. He has his beloved, and they always get the best of him, and certain people are acceptable, but strangers can go to the hells. Part of this is because he's still deeply suspicious of strangers, and he does continue to work on that.

This is because, though I do love his softer side, I also appreciate the weird, chaos gremlin that he is and don't want all his edges sanded down. Like this man, if you're in a tavern and someone says something untoward to you, will straight up reply with something unhinged and if they don't back off he's flashing fangs and pulling out a dagger.

And he's not above a little tactical whining if he feels like he's been ignored. Though he does try to give you space, but sometimes he feels very lonely.

As time goes on, there's less anger and more mischief. He's convinced your neighbors that he hates that their house is haunted somehow. And you just sigh because at least he's not threatening to burn it down with them in it like he would've when you first met him.

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

I’m a fierce believer and defender of Smooth Brain Astarion (affectionate).

I love that, if left to his own devices, he ends up dead in a ditch. I love that this pasty menace of an elf is a walking disaster. I love that his brain produces one coherent thought per day, only to have it backfire on him later on. I love that his first choice in freedom is to unapologetically be the worst version of himself. Because it makes sense. 

That’s what abuse and trauma do to your brain—they fuck with it. 

And in Astarion’s defence, the man didn’t have to use his brain for nearly 200 years—it’s probably the very thing that kept him as alive as he can be; to survive 200 years of pure shit. 

And what use is his brain when his days and nights are dictated by someone else for as long as he can remember? When he has no say in what clothes he wears. When he doesn’t get to choose what or when to eat. When his body and mind aren’t his own, distorted by torture and hunger and self-loathing, forced to obey his vampiric master. Why use his brain when his survival depends exclusively on his abuser’s whims? 

Astarion could’ve come up with the most brilliant plan possible to escape Cazador or save a mark from their doom, but he never stood a chance of succeeding—which doesn’t mean that he didn’t get punished for trying (or even thinking about it) anyway.

Existing under Cazador was a game he couldn’t win, so why bother playing? 

And it’s only by chance that Astarion’s autonomy is returned to him literally overnight. It’s only natural that he’s overwhelmed by his newfound freedom. How is he expected to make sound decisions when he can’t even recall a time when he could do and say as he pleased? 

Of course Astarion is a walking disaster when he finds himself on that beach after the Nautiloid crash—and he’s fully aware of that! That’s why it’s so crucial for him to get on the player’s/other companion’s good side.

He’s self-aware enough to be so insecure about himself that he would rather trust a stranger’s capabilities than his own. 

Being a catastrophe of a person is part of Astarion’s character journey. Not only does he have to reclaim his personhood, he has to learn how to depend on his own brain again and I think that's such a painfully beautiful, important message Baldur’s Gate 3 sends. 

Because healing isn’t pretty. Nor is it easy.

You’re not alright the moment you’re free of whatever horrors you had to live through—and that’s ok! There’s time and room for you to adjust. 

And the moment Astarion feels more or less safe within his new environment, when he’s fed and treated like a person worthy of respect and consideration, his insights, skills and perception are crucial assets to the group.

Astarion knows his art and literature, and although his little remarks are unhinged at times, he's genuinely witty. Even his objections are, considering the circumstances, absolutely legitimate.

Personally, I love seeing Smooth Brain Astarion become more and more secure in his judgement the more Tav/other companions trust and support him.

Astarion is smart, his brain’s just been stewed for nearly 200 years.

[justporo]

Headcanons about Astarion pulling his partner out of a bad mood

I'm not feeling super great today so this is another very self indulgent headcanon post which is possibly a little unhinged but I hope you'll still enjoy it.

Astarion himself is no stranger to feeling whimsical or even throwing full blown temper tantrums; that's also why he knows how much of a drag it can be

So granted he isn't in a massively bad mood himself, he'll keep nudging you until you are out of your current bad mood

If you're both annoyed at each other though (like after an unnecessary fight) it might be that you're both sitting around brooding - that is until you can't take it anymore; Astarion might act like he's still pissed, but when you come closer (still with a pout even) and wrap your arms around him, he can't resist (even though he will make a show out of it): "Do you mind? I'm still brooding!", Astarion says but lifts up his arms crossed over his chest so you can hug him better. "Still love you though, you rat arse", you reply furrowing your brows dramatically, you don't even feel that angry anymore. "Love you too, you idiot", Astarion answers and presses a kiss to your cheek - with a teasing eyeroll and grimace. Not shortly after the mood's a lot better, the fight forgotten.

This man shows as much mercy with you when you're feeling down and grumpy as on the battlefield: none!

"I like you in bed, my love. No - in fact: I love you in bed. But not like this - get up, my sweet, you can dissolve into a puddle of misery later when I'm done with you."

He will absolutely fuss if you don't go along with what he's doing to lighten your mood; and he will keep doing it until you're either punching him or are rolling on the floor laughing

This might involve the following: "Do you know what you look like right now, my heart?", Astarion asks and then makes the most excessive grimace. You're still scowling at him. "Love" he sighs then "furrowing your brows at me will just give you wrinkles. We don't want that, do we?" And he pinches your cheek with his long fingers until you're getting up to beat his ass. "See, wasn't it easy getting out of bed after all?" "You'd also be astonished how easy it is to be put IN A COMA!" (But you have to agree with him)

He will also shower you with praise, no matter what about, until you believe him (at least for the moment)

Or he'll be so disarmingly cute until you can't help but fall into his open arms for a comforting hug

If really nothing helps, Astarion just stays with you

Maybe just talking to you so you have something to focus on, massaging your shoulders, your neck, your hands

Or just cuddling with you, holding you, until his presence alone eases the knot of negative feelings in your chest (and then maybe nibbling a bit on your ear when he feels that you're doing better)

He's also masterful in just helping you let out any anger you might feel ("That BITCH!" "Yes love, how could she!? Honestly you should've just stabbed her right then and there." "RIGHT!?")

Other ways of coping might involve a bottle of wine and him handing you some stuff you can smash angrily ("You really showed that mug, love, impressive... Remind me to net get on your bad side, darling.")

In short: Astarion is as good with putting you in a bad mood sometimes as getting you out of it

I just need Astarion to tell me "Keep going, you beautiful thing" every day for the rest of my life, is that too much to ask?? We love a supportive king.

Tag list: @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess @azukiel

[littlejuicebox]

Dadstarion prompt (sorry if I missed the boat on this!) - insecure postpartum Tav, struggling with their new body. Maybe some body worship from Astarion 👀? (Personal experience - I really struggled postpartum with adjusting to my new body, it changed in ways I never even imagined). Thank you and just want to say I love your Astarion 🥰

Adore You

Thanks for your request! Not 100% sure this is what you were looking for, but I already had a mostly finished piece I was working on that definitely fits the body-worship and Tav struggling with her body parts of this prompt. It's smut, though, and when the smut gods bless, I cannot deny their gifts.

Glad you love my Astarion! I adore him. And he adores his Tav. ;)

Summary: You are struggling with your post-partum body. Astarion is here to remind you that he still adores you.

This follows my Dadstarion section of my AstarionxReader series. But no worries, you can read it as a OneShot. Here’s the gist: Astarion is mortal and you have three children together. Gale, named after the Wizard of Waterdeep and the twins. That’s about all you need to know! See my other fics for more info and storylines.

Tags/Warnings: smut with a plot, body image issues, angst w/ comfort, PiV, fingering, oral, light overstim, light daddy kink, breast milk, breast milk drinking, all the depravity i'm generally known for tbh, light creampie kinda?

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: I'm an unhinged degenerate and no I won't apologize. Also women’s bodies are amazing and can produce life and are beautiful and my Astarion appreciates that about his Tav okay?

“Thank the gods for the nanny,” Astarion says with a dramatic sigh as he enters the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him, “Gale was about to make me read ‘P is for Peacock’ a third time and I was close to ripping my hair out, darling.” 

You chuckle softly as your husband greets you from where you’re seated at the vanity with a brief kiss and then moves to the small table in the corner of your bedroom to pour himself a goblet of wine. 

“And the twins?” He asks as his eyes watch the red liquid fall into the cup beneath it. He takes a few sips as you speak before setting the cup back down on the table.

“I’ve just fed them not too long ago and now they’re both asleep. Having Winifred to help me get them on the same schedule has been wonderful.” You respond as your husband nods and prepares a second, smaller goblet of wine, which he brings to you.

He settles himself beside you while you finish braiding your hair for bed and hums contentedly, “Perfect.”

Astarion’s hands wrap around your midsection and before you can stop yourself, you feel your body tense under his touch. The silver-haired elf pauses and frowns before retracting his hands, “Do you not want me to touch you, darling? You need only tell me.” 

You sigh and shrug as you finish off the half-portioned goblet in one long drink, mostly to avoid your husband’s gaze,  “It’s not that, it’s— it’s stupid.” 

“Look at me, little love.” He whispers, his fingers coming under your chin as they gently coax you to face him and meet his gaze. He moves forward and presses a soft kiss against your lips before continuing, “I love you. More than anything. You know this. Now, won’t you tell me whatever is the matter so that I can help?”

Your husband waits as you gather your thoughts. It’s complicated, it’s embarrassing. You know it’s silly, and vain, and yet you can’t help yourself. And you aren’t quite sure how to verbalize it all.

“I hate my body.” You finally say, your voice cracking as you speak, and something about finally saying that evil little thought aloud causes tears to spring in your eyes. 

Astarion’s mouth falls open in surprise and then he furrows his brows and quickly wraps his arms around your shoulders, not knowing what to say or do apart from physically enveloping you in his love. 

You continue on, speaking into his neck, sniffling as a few more tears run down your cheeks, “After Gale, I quickly returned to my previous weight. I hadn’t had any stretch marks. But carrying the twins— it’s different, Astarion. And I was expecting it to an extent but I just— I hate my body and I hate the way I look.” 

There is a moment of silence as your husband simply holds you against him, allowing space for your tears. When he speaks, his voice is a soft murmur into your hair, “Not that you should care what I think, but I adore your body, darling. And I love everything about the way you look.” 

You scoff and withdraw from your husband with teary, reddened eyes narrowed at him, “You have to say that.”

“I do not have to do anything,” He retorts, arching his eyebrow in a challenge, “Weren’t you the one that taught me that?” 

When you don’t respond, Astarion continues on, knowing he’s won. He takes your hand in his, gently lifting it to press a kiss against your knuckle. 

“I adore your hands. Which have both slain monsters and soothed our children,” He whispers before trailing kisses up your arm and to your neck where he presses another reverent kiss against those little fang scars. 

“I adore your neck, which once provided me with sustenance I hadn’t known in centuries.” 

Your face is beginning to grow hot under his devoted attention and compliments, and you move to shrink away from your husband, but he gently grabs you by the waist. He leans into you and brushes his nose at the meeting point between your ear and neck as he inhales the smell of your skin. 

“Why are you trying to hide from me, darling?” He asks with a little sulky pout, his chin resting on your shoulder. 

“I’m not, I—“ You begin, but Astarion quickly shushes you. 

“Then just be quiet and let me adore you, hm?” He asks before running his tongue against those fang marks, making you shiver. 

You nod slightly and your husband grins, “Good girl. Now, come here.” 

Astarion pats his lap and you slide to sit upon his thighs, forgetting your finished goblet on the floor underneath your vanity stool. He rests his chin upon your shoulder as the two of you gaze in the mirror together. 

“Do you remember when I used to do this all the time?” Astarion asks, not truly waiting for a response before his long fingers trace down the side of your neck, brush along your collarbone, and then wander toward your waist, aiming to untie your dressing gown. He moves slowly and watches your expression in the mirror, waiting for you to give him any indication to stop. 

But you didn’t want him to stop. Despite your feelings about your body, you still deeply crave your husband’s comforting touch. 

The silky fabric slips down your shoulders and pools around your waist, baring you before his adoring eyes. The elf smiles and presses a kiss to the back of your shoulder, still watching the two of you in the mirror. 

“Beautiful,” He whispers as he peppers a few kisses up your shoulder and the back of your neck, igniting a trail of goosebumps across your skin.

Astarion slowly drifts his hands up your sides before moving to cup a heavy, milk-stretched tit in each hand. The sensation causes you to wriggle. 

His tone is reverent, almost a whisper as he turns his head just slightly and flashes a toothy grin, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks, “I adore your breasts, which have fed our eldest and now feed our twins.”

He chuckles salaciously before saying the next part, “And which, on more than one delicious occasion, have also fed me.”

Your husband lightly teases circles around your nipples as he finishes the line that he knows will cause you to blush and then gently nips at your ear lobe, earning him a gasp. You feel Astarion’s arousal pressing into your backside as he continues to caress your breasts and uses two fingers from each hand to tease and stimulate your nipples. You arch into his touch and your thighs press together as you feel a growing slickness between your legs from his attentions. 

One of your breasts begins to leak milk, and when your husband feels the warm liquid dripping onto his fingers he hums and brings the digits to his lips. You watch in the mirror as Astarion dips the two fingers into his own mouth and licks them clean while continuing to tease your other breast. 

It isn’t long before that one begins leaking, too, and your lover chuckles in delight as he watches the liquid gold trail down the bottom of your breast and languidly drip down your stomach. 

The elf brings two fingers to slowly swipe up the stream of white liquid. Then he brings those same fingers to your lips, prompting you to open your mouth.

“Good girl,” He purrs before pressing those two digits against your tongue. Astarion lingers for a moment and you shut your eyes as you eagerly wrap your lips around his slender fingers and suck. You hear a little hum by your ear and feel your lover’s cock twitch in delight underneath you as he observes the scene.

“You are a vision, love.” He murmurs, as he slides his hand away from your lips, “Now, let me take care of you the way you deserve.”

The elf gestures for you to stand, causing your robe to completely slide off your body into a pool on the floor, before he quickly spins you and then hoists you onto the vanity desk. The smallest flicker of that arrogant rogue dances across his face as Astarion moves forward to dip his tongue into your mouth. He unhurriedly teases your tongue against his as he roams his hands up and down your torso until you're panting and moaning softly into his mouth. 

When he retracts, his pupils are filled with lust. His hands come to quickly pull his shirt over his head and then undo the laces of his trousers. Before long he’s standing in front of you in only his small clothes. 

Astarion grabs your hand and guides it to the bulge straining between his legs as he asks, “Do you feel what that divine body of yours does to me, little love?” 

“Yes– my love, I want–” You begin as you eagerly try to delve your hand inside your husband’s undergarments, desperate to free his gorgeous cock. But he catches your wrist and stops you with a soft tut and a playful glint in his eyes. 

“Soon. But not yet, darling. I haven’t quite finished adoring you yet. And I’ve got the best seat in the house.” He teases, before settling himself back onto the vanity bench and grinning mischievously up at you, “Now, be a good girl and open those beautiful, plush thighs of yours for me, won’t you?” 

You oblige, and Astarion takes a moment to admire you, fully barren to him and already soaked with arousal. His arms come under your knees, spreading you wider for him, as he grips your thighs with his hands. Then he turns and begins pressing tender kisses up your thigh. He makes slow work of the task, humming contentedly on his journey toward your sex and always lingering longer in the spots where you’ve developed stretch marks. 

By the time his face is right in front of your mound, you’re positively leaking for Astarion and he groans appreciatively at the sight. 

“Beautiful. I will never tire of seeing that gorgeous cunt dripping for me, darling,” He murmurs and before you can respond, your husband is delving his tongue between your folds and eagerly feasting upon your juices. 

You moan in delight when Astarion brings his tongue to trace around your clit, so familiar with your preferences that it doesn’t take long for him to coax you toward your peak. His tongue dances expertly around the swollen nub, each pass causing your pleasure to build. Two of his long, pale fingers slide into you, meeting no resistance, and he slowly pumps the digits in and out of your walls. 

You grasp onto Astarion’s curls and whine when he adds a third finger, and he knows you’re close, so he continues his ministrations and adds more pressure as he curls his fingers just so. His other hand comes up to find your nipple and tease it between his fingers as you climb the final steps toward your climax. 

A final flick of Astarion’s tongue, a final stroke of his fingers, and you burst with pleasure, whining in delight as your thighs tremble on either side of his head. Your walls spasm and send another gush of arousal onto the elf’s face. You begin leaking breast milk once again. 

“Delicious,” Your husband murmurs as he pulls back slightly to admire the glistening of your sex and then presses forward and takes one more lap of your sensitive folds, causing you to buck into his mouth as he chuckles against you. Astarion languidly runs his tongue up to your stomach, lapping at the thin rivulets of milk running down your torso and covering his face in a shiny layer of your juices and breast milk.

Then he stands to his full height and finally— finally— steps out of his small clothes. His pale cock springs proudly from its confinement, dripping thin strings of pre-come from the reddened tip, just for you. 

“Get over here, Astarion,” You eagerly demand, voice hoarse from your cries as you hook your legs around his torso and pull him against you. 

“Anything for my little love,” Your husband responds, voice full of gravel as he runs the underside of his cock against your slit, using it to lubricate his length. 

And then the head of his cock presses into you and your mouth falls open as Astarion buries himself to the hilt. His thumb comes to lightly tease your still-tender clit as he slowly rocks his hips back and forth. He’s watching your face intently as he thumbs circles around that needy, engorged bundle of nerves. 

You use your legs to pull the elf deeper and he grins before lowering his head so that it’s right by your ear. He takes the lobe in his mouth and suckles gently, causing you to whimper.

“You’ll do one more for me, won’t you darling? You always look so gorgeous when you do.” He coaxes, his mouth so close to your ear his breath tickles the sensitive flesh. And then he’s pitching his hips just slightly, aiming to hit your favorite spot with the tip of his cock. He’s gasping and grunting now as his own need for release starts to overpower him.

You’re almost there. You’re keening with each thrust from Astarion and your walls are clenching tighter and tighter around his cock. 

He moans in response at the sensation before pressing his thumb harder against your clit and rubbing it with single-minded intensity, working you toward release. You begin to relentlessly whimper again and Astarion smiles, his eyes locked onto yours as he watches your face contort in the feeling of immense pleasure.

 “There you go, little love. Let go for daddy.” He whispers, bringing his other hand to palm the ample flesh of your ass. 

And gods, you do. 

The second orgasm ripples through you harder than the first, and you have to clasp your hand around your mouth to stifle your moan. Your walls are pulsing around your lover’s cock as you ride the wave of ecstasy.

You go almost slack and before long Astarion is ripping your hand away from your face and pressing his lips against yours in a bruising kiss as he begins to rut wildly into you, shaking the vanity with every thrust. 

“Gods, the things your body does to me,” He growls as he pulls away from your lips, snapping his hips at a punishing pace as he chases his own release. Astarion’s hand is clutching firmly into your bottom, gripping so tightly there’s sure to be bruising tomorrow. His curls fall in front of his face and his ears begin to turn red as he continues to fuck you into oblivion.

Your husband is trying with every fiber of his being to hold on, to stretch out the delicious sensation of his cock plunging in and out of your walls, but every stroke into your tightness is pushing him further and further towards his peak. He snaps his eyes shut, shaking with the effort it’s taking him to restrain himself, to continue enjoying the feeling of your flesh gripping around his.

You are so thoroughly fucked that you cannot do anything but hold onto your lover and keen underneath him as he continues pounding into you.

 “Darling— hells — my love, you’re so tight, I can’t— I’m—“ 

And then with a sudden, sharp inhale of breath, Astarion is burying his thick length inside your walls and trembling as his cock twitches, relentlessly releasing its spend. He gasps into your ear as he slows his hips, but continues to rut, using his still-hard length to press his seed deeper into you. 

His praises come out in an incoherent string as he continues to languidly rock his hips back and forth. You cup his face in your hands as you kiss him, and Astarion smiles into the kiss, finally stilling his hips as his cock softens between you two. 

“Come here, little love.” He whispers, hooking his arms underneath you. You intuitively wrap your legs around your husband’s torso and he easily carries you to the bathroom. When he finally places you down, he brushes a few strands of hair from your face and then places a tender kiss on your forehead.

“Now let’s get you cleaned up.” He says, turning to start the tap before tossing a glance over his shoulder and chuckling lightly, “And then I have to fix your braid, dear… I’m sorry to tell you that I ruined it.” 

“I think you might have also bruised my ass,” You respond, turning to flash your bottom at Astarion. 

He drops down on his knees to examine the curve of your ass, one nimble finger brushing against the blooming blue marks. You let out a little whine in response, the flesh still tender. 

Astarion presses his lips onto the bruise and lingers for a moment. Then he pulls away and frowns slightly, eyes glossing across the marks before he looks up at you and says, “I’m sorry, darling.”

“It’s okay,” You respond, glancing back to grin over your shoulder. You see your husband peering up at you, the picture of devotion, “I enjoyed it.” 

“Did you, now?” He asks with an amused smirk, his eyebrow cocking in that signature arrogant way of his. 

You nod just slightly as he places another kiss against those little bruises. His hands travel up your thighs, brushing against the wetness dripping from your sex and onto your legs. Two fingers tenderly stroke between your drenched slit. 

“Hmm, and what do we have here, little love? Is this something else that needs cleaning? Won’t you let me take a look?”

You blush but oblige anyway, leaning forward over the counter and exposing your sex, leaking with Astarion’s seed and your arousal. 

He grins and licks a long strip between your folds, causing you to buck slightly and whimper at the stimulation on your still-sensitive cunt. 

“Too sensitive? Want me to stop?” He asks gently from behind you, one hand wrapped around your thigh.

“No, keep going.” You urge him, bending forward to further reveal yourself to him, eager to feel his skilled tongue pressed into you once more. 

A small groan of appreciation from your husband is all you hear before he delves his tongue back between your legs, working to clean up the mess he made. 

The bathtub overflows and spills water onto the floor before he’s done adoring you. At least for tonight.

[autistichalsin]

Gameplay changes I'd make to BG3 if I was in charge:

(Under a read more bc this is an insanely long list)

Ability to make party changes without going back to camp; I.E. "hey Lae'zel, go back to camp and tell Karlach to come here."

Able to see companion approval at all times even if they're not in the party

Able to make checks with any character, not just Tav. You used to be able to do this to an extent by having other characters do conversations, but when they made it so Tav was prioritized back in patch 6, they changed it so that even if you click with another companion, it switches to Tav. Ideally they would fix it so that if the conversation triggers automatically, it prioritizes Tav, and if you deliberately start a conversation with another companion, it recognizes that you wanted that.

Better item sorting. "Most recent" actually sorts by when you acquired the item.

Ability to text search for an item if you know its name.

Ability to mark an item as a favorite so you don't accidentally sell it/drop it/send it back to camp.

Quest items don't count against your weight total.

Quest items that are no longer relevant are no longer marked as quest items.

Either allow for character leveling past 12 (Even if class leveling is limited to 12) or adjust the difficulty across the board so you scale more evenly. Act 1 becomes a bit easier, act 2 remains about the same, act 3 becomes a lot harder. I should not hit the level cap early in act 3.

Alternatively, at least give a reward in lieu of XP when you hit the level cap. Items, gold, a points system that lets you use excess XP to buy additional spell slots/wilshape charges/rage charges/bardic inspiration, something.

Story mode; battles are disabled, allowing you to solely explore and focus on the story elements.

Dark Urge as a companion.

Ability to change who your unfortunate murder victim is, outside of Alfira and Quill. Maybe it's Zevlor, or Rolan, or Kagha.

More recruitable evil companions. Kagha, Wulbren, and Ethel are a good start.

Halsin recruitable in act 1 or at least no later than the start of act 2.

More reactivity for story developments after act 1, particularly in act 3 when it drops to little comments here or there.

More reactivity for Dark Urge story elements in particular, especially everything related to the Orin fight.

Ability to fast travel to quest-related markers.

Ability to hook up your companions. Let me smooch Halsin but hook up Karlach and Wyll, or let me romance Wyll while hooking up Halsin and Astarion!

Change point and click lines for characters to reflect story developments (resist Durge should sound less unhinged, Lae'zel shouldn't reference Vlaakith after turning away from her, etc)

Let your love interest answer questions about you during the love dryad test. You can select the right answers beforehand, and then they'll answer right or wrong depending on a bit of approval and a bit of luck/dice rolling. Halsin, of course, will automatically know you fear krakens.

Fighting Gortash at the coronation is actually an option that doesn't break the bridges and doesn't disable fast travel into Wyrm's Rock once he's defeated.

Give the gnomes the ability to fix Karlach's engine, or at least work on a prototype.

Option to speed up or entirely skip enemy turns, coming back to you and giving you a brief recap of who was hit and for how much damage/what status effects. This would make the courtyard, in particular, less of a slog. I should not be able to finish my turn, take a pee break, and come back to the enemies still attacking.

Ability to make it more clear what your relationship with Halsin is in a polymance- keep it as a one night stand/physical relationship, make it a poly romance with your other partner as your nesting partner, or even make it a throuple. Similarly, if the latter, add scenes of your partners getting to know each other better, kissing, etc.

Don't tie so many plot events to long rests while stressing that the player needs to hurry to avoid ceremorphosis. Either drop the facade that there is a rush, or make these plot developments happen outside of camp.

Consequences for using tadpoles beyond one (possibly two as of patch 7) dice rolls. Make it so using too many will cause you to squid, no matter what.

Ideally, bring back the plot that was teased in act 1, where instead of being the Emperor, you Dream Guardian was your tadpole, trying to seduce you to let it take over.

Better balancing for Rangers at higher levels, as as it is now, you basically have to multiclass them to get any decent use out of them. After level 5 any additional levels spent on Ranger are wasted.

Improve Eldritch Knight and Arcane Trickster to use the class's standard stat instead of int or wis for their spells.

All wildshape attacks minus three of the four myrmidons should count as unarmed for the purposes of tavern brawler and other similar things that buff unarmed attacks working.

Make the Emperor/Orpheus a fully autonomous party member, allowing you to give them equipment (and allowing them to use potions/spells they didn't already have on hand) during the final battle.

Fix pathfinding for characters you don't control, and especially fix them automatically jumping back to the other side of a gap just because you had to switch to a character who wouldn't make the jump before.

Improve Fly so that it is better than Jump outside of like 2-3 levels.

Some kind of enemy-rush mode where you see how long you can last against all the bosses in the game would be amazing.

Ability to either return to the city and finish up some quests before the epilogue.

New game plus.

Origin Halsin and Minthara.

The game does a better job of remembering that Halsin isn't tadpoled, and also does a better job of not always assuming that if you're in a poly relationship with him, you want the other partner prioritized for literally every scene.

Resist scene for Minthara and Halsin.

Recruitable Aylin and Isobel. Ideally, you can also romance them and become their third.

Dye preview, as well as clothing and armor previews.

Armor scales in weight with your size, so the same armor put on a small character will weigh less than the same armor on a large character, allowing little characters more options.

Druids automatically revert to human form for cutscenes, then return to wildshape after without losing a charge.

Orin can kidnap any character, including your romanced companion, but to compensate, there are less steps needed to access the Temple of Bhaal.

The kidnapped companion is not guaranteed to be unharmed even if you save them; depending on how long you took, they might have been badly tortured and receive a status debuff that lasts several days.

Faith-leap trial is fixed so that you can actually solve it without either a guide or cheesing it.

Let Wyll dump Mizora as a patron, then become an Archfey warlock with Thaniel and Oliver as his patrons. Wyll then becomes a nature defender.

More autonomy for Wyll in his quest. You can't make the pivotal choices of his story arc for him, and instead, your ability to convince him is tied to dice rolls that have a DC scaled to your approval, like for SH.

Able to take Scratch and Owlbear home in the epilogue, instead of only being able to send Owlbear with SH, Halsin, or you if romanced to either.

Let Karlach stay in the House of Hope if Hope lived, allowing her to live in Avernus without having to constantly fight and fear Zariel.

More interesting Speak With Animals conversations. They drop dramatically after act 1, and by act 3 there are very few times I use the spell anymore, just to talk to the kitties.

Able to cast certain spells (I.E. Hero's Feast) on all recruited characters, not just those in the active party.

54. Fix the morality system for Paladin oaths so that it's more clear what actions will break your oath ahead of time.

55. Give players more chances to fix things if a character turns temporarily hostile. I shouldn't lose a vendor, quest, etc for good because of a failed persuasion roll. There should be one more chance to fix it.

56. More deities for players to choose from; if not for Clerics, at least add more at the Stormshore Tabernacle. Ideally, allow even other classes to talk about having a favored deity, as most in the Realms do, and it would be interesting to, for example, be a Ranger, worship Mielikki, and have dialogue with Halsin, Jaheira, and Minsc.

57. Act 3 gets more unique music instead of largely reusing tunes from acts 1 and 2.

58. More companions so that every race and every class has representation.

59. Elves act more elven. Halsin and Astarion can have conversations in Elvish. Arnell is not confused by Shadowheart choosing her own name.

60. Free healing by Halsin. He is a world-renowned healer and would be great to see him use it more. Also, more shown of him researching medical conditions, helping sick/injured civilians in Baldur's Gate, etc.

61. The Shadow Curse breaks as soon as Ketheric dies or Thaniel and Oiver are reunited, whichever comes later, so the player can see the lands not influenced by the curse. Move the cutscene that plays on leaving the lands to this point, just without the bit of the party leaving the land.

62. Ability to save Art Cullagh so he won't die shortly after the game ends.

63. After you defend Halsin's portal, you get to play a side-quest where Halsin fights through the Shadowfell, finds Thaniel, and fights his way back. OR, you can delegate the portal defense to your other party members, and join Halsin in the Shadowfell to help him find Thaniel.

64. Introduce a weather system and a day/night system.

65. When you knock out a character using non-lethal attacks, the character is actually treated as alive, letting it be used outside of Minthara, Minsc, and Alfira.

66. Scene of Withers telling the players who he really is. Dark Urge players can become Withers' Chosen after they reject Bhaal, while Tav and non-Shadowheart Origins can be it from earlier on, maybe a scene early in act 2, and Shadowheart can be it after turning from Shar.

67. The Dark Urge's Urge manifests in battle, causing them to sometimes waste an action torturing a victim who's already been downed, or to turn hostile on allied characters.

68. More references to the Dark Urge being chronically ill as a result of their brain injury- this is brought up periodically in act 1 and then dropped for the most part. This could even lead to scenes of romanced characters comforting them when they have a headache or fainting spells.

69. More intra-party conflicts besides SH and Lae'zel, and the possible Halsin-Minthara ultimatum. Let the evil characters get angry at Gale for wasting magical items and try to kick him out.

70. Implement the Halsin-Minthara ultimatum, but don't make it an ultimatum; instead Halsin simply signals his intention to leave, and if you want him instead of Minthara, you bring up sending her away. Also make it clear that the Absolute still hunts Halsin for what happened in the Grove and for fighting Ketheric 100 years ago, showing that even without a tadpole, he has stakes in this too. Also make it clearer that Minthara is severely triggering his past trauma with all her pro-slavery talk, possibly causing him to gain a status debuff if he's near her. That way people will stop demonizing Halsin there will be more of a feeling of balance in the ultimatum.

71. Ability to rescue children (particularly the orphaned ones in act 3) and bring them back to camp for Halsin and/or Jaheira to mother.

72. When you're in the final battle, the companions who aren't fighting at your side are instead on a sidequest evacuating the city and fighting the midnflayers who are terrorizing the citizens. Alternatively, just for this one battle, you can bring all your recruited companions with you (it would certainly help make that courtyard fight more balanced if you aren't using invisibility potions).

73. Platonic paths get just as much weight as romantic ones. You can become Karlach's best friend forever and go on friendly outings with her. You can train with Lae'zel. Etc.

74. Setting for romance/sexual encoutners/offers to be turned off entirely.

75. Explorer difficulty allows you to multiclass still.

76. More quests for evil players.

77. Every romanceable character has at least one action that will cause them to break up with you, and every companion has one that will cause them to leave the party (outside of sinking approval to -40).

78. Option to turn on a "confirm action" button, so that accidentally clicking on an item in red that's right next to a communal use item doesn't get you aggro'd.

79. Optional choice to add in random encounters.

80. Reintroduce class-specific tadpole powers from Early Access.

81. Ability to help people in the city more; you can offer refugees shelter at your camp, feed or pay all beggars, etc. Telling the rich they suck for not helping is great but I want to be able to do more.

82. Sidequest for that Druid who's trying to save the dying tree in Baldur's Gate, ideally with special Halsin and Jaheira interactions.

83. More conversations like the one with Halsin and Jaheira in act 2, where controlling a character lets you talk to another and unlock special dialogues you don't otherwise get.

84. The circus is now a proper carnival, including magic-fueled rides, treatos, and a tunnel of love. Also, the Bhaalists are trying to interfere with the rides and get people killed, which you have to stop.

85. You have the option to tell owlbear cub that you don't want to give him the potion to make him grow faster because he deserves to stay a cub and grow naturally.

86. You can give companions little gifts, like SH with the night orchid. You can give Halsin his pipe back.

87. You can choose to join a companion in the endgame even if you haven't romanced them. You can move to Halsin's commune or keep Astarion company in the Underdark.

88. Ability to evict companions from your camp at any time, with a corresponding chewing out from the companions who stayed unless you have a really good reason for it.

89. Bring back the datamined bits where companions who left your party would later show up in the courtyard battle, tadpoled (if not already) and under the Absolute's control. (Maybe with a scene showing how it happened, including the tadpoling for Halsin and Jaheira who wouldn't have been infected before).

90. Bring back the datamined scenes from the morphic pool where the netherbrain would make the party have hallucinations corresponding to their insecurities. Including the option to comfort them after, especially your romanced partner.

91. Optional ability to cook meals yourself, maybe with a little cooking minigame like Pokemon has. Different foods can give you different status benefits the next day.

92. Ability to travel back to any act at any time before the final point of no return.

93. Act 1's point of no return is either entering the Underdark or the Mountain Pass, or entering the Shadow-Cursed Lands, but not either entering the Shadow-Cursed Lands from the Underdark or entering the Mountain Pass.

94. A gardening mechanic for edible plants and such would be fun, so you could have a steady supply of camp supplies and certain alchemy ingredients. Especially mushrooms since Minthara literally has her own mushroom farm.

95. Camp library so you can keep all your books, notes, and letters in one space to read without cluttering up your traveller's chest.

96. Alternatively, there are multiple traveller's chests for different items. Armors and weapons in one, scrolls, potions and other magical items in another, food and alchemy supplies in another, etc.

97. Ability to take care of and comfort characters who've been poisoned, infected with contagion, etc.

98. Let Halsin, SH, and the player cuddle more animals.

99. Every class gets a unique camp follower a la the Oathbreaker Knight.

100. Vendor of common things (animal speaking potions, some alchemy ingredients, camp supplies) in camp for the whole game.

[thedomesticanthropologist]

The BG3 characters on Tiktok

Wyll: has 2 accounts. One is for fitness, dancercize, calisthenics, and a little bit posing while flexing. The other is an unhinged BookTok account where he cosplays and acts out romance scenes with himself, stitches cosplay character actors with himself. Dramatic poetry, songs, reenacting Broadway play moments. Responds to every comment.

I would also accept a children's entertainment performer type account from him.

Shadowheart: Silent poses while staring down the camera. Almost every video is the same, but they all pop off in popularity saying she looks mysterious and beautiful. She uses the camera to do her eyeliner and outfit checks. No editing, always short videos, never replies in the comments. Manages to get makeup 💄 deals and free outfits sent to her all the time. Puts in mimal effort

Karlach: someone else films her just being herself. She has several viral videos. Sometimes she plans them, like seeing how much cereal she can eat in one sitting or if she can punch down an old shed she found without using any tools. Captions are usually just some version of a meysmash or one word in all capital letters.

Astarion: Influencer that got all his followers by gossiping and sniping at other influencers in their comment sections or making call-out posts but if they're unpopular he turns off comments or deletes them and pretends he didn't do anything. Posts thirst traps that would be extremely cringe but people fall for it because he's pretty. Never does "getting ready" videos without having already gotten ready off camera and faking that his hair is just naturally Like That. Ends up with a niche fan base that is extremely feral for him and he uses them to target other accounts and harass people who annoy him. Or when he's bored.

Laezel: her entire account is just clips the Shadowheart takes of her mispronouncing words or being irritable. She gains a surprising amount of followers. There starts to be an underground plot to figure out if shafowheart and laezel live together, with fans pointing out background items that match. Neither of them address it directly.

Halsin: it... it's a nature channel. Camera is set up on a log or something at a bad angle and he either whittles in silence for 15 minutes and then shows u a duck, or the camera is in his hands shaking and being fumbled regularly with his thumb half over the mic and the view isn't always in focus but you're pretty sure he's telling you about the symbiotic relationship of moss on a tree. Most of his comment section is people asking him to take his shirt off.

Gale: his tiktok would be exactly what is VA's tiktok already is probably honestly ajsdgjdhdhjg. But OK, so he would absolutely wear velvet outfits and spend 30+ minutes describing one book at a time per video feom his giant library. Sometimes does wine reviews, or cheese reviews. Mixed in is short videos of Tara snoring or her paws twitching in her sleep.

[halsinningiswinning]

Have you got a favourite BG3 headcanon to share? :D

I actually have quite a few, but I couldn't pick a single bloody one. So instead you get a delirious pain fuelled rambling about a few HC's I have~ Some, mind you, are gonna be sexual.

Thank you SM💞 This was a lot of fun!

1 ) Lae'zel is the most likely to earn her Red Wings. Sorry Astarion, but she's built different. His complicated relationship with sex would delay him having that chat I think, but maybe he can take the second place.

Lae'zel on the other hand always seems into her lover, and as a Githyanki would not have the same cultural understanding of menstruation. Why would it gross her out? She's seen her lovers blood before, on rare occasion spilled it herself. Finding out that they just bleed, casually, on a fairly regular basis as a part of their fertility cycles would both amaze and disturb her. We know her opinion on pregnancy and birth, so she'd find the reasoning behind menstruation to be pitiable, but the physical reality of it would be no less fascinating to her. Pour one out for any lover she has who isn't as comfortable with it as she is, because she fully will not understand their discomfort.

2 ) Gale isn't very good at sharing a kitchen. He's all too happy to cook for those he loves, be it romantic or platonic. In many ways it's an act of love and devotion, and it never feels like a chore to him even when he doesn't get much thanks.

He's less happy to have people cook for him, but he's mature enough to step aside. It'd be selfish of him to deny others the pleasure he sees in cooking, so as long as it's not too often he can accept it. Tho, in his youth I do imagine he was a picky eater, and his preference for cooking started there. Boy genuinely felt he was the best cook since he liked his food the best. Genius that one is.

His grace collapses when he's forced to share a space while cooking. Unless you remain out of arms length from him at all times he will make an annoyed little huff every time he sees you. It's not personal, you're just throwing off his groove. If frustrated enough he will simply grab your shoulders and move you out of his way. His ideal form of cooking together is him doing all the cooking, and you simply sitting in the corner talking to him, occasionally trying whatever he presents. It's a good thing.

3 ) Wyll actually has an unhinged story for just about every part of Baldur's Gate. I firmly believe we only got to hear a sliver of his stories in the game. I'm sure he knows not everyone wants to hear every detail, so he only shares what he thinks are the good bits. However, all you need to do to find out more is to ask him if he's been to that location before.

Oh to wander around the city with him on a lazy afternoon.

That fence? He was 12 when he climbed it, fell from near the top. His father was nearly beside himself, but a bush broke young Wyll's fall so he suffered no real injury. Just to his pride.

That tower outcropping? At only 8 years old young Wyll had wandered off, amazed at the view. Curled up in a little window hole, he fully missed the Fist hunting for him. Poor Ulder thought he'd been snatched away. Florrick found him asleep on the ledge, hours after he wandered off.

Keep him talking and you'll get nothing done. Wyll would thrive as a bard.

4 ) I think Halsin has large ebbs and flows in his libido. He's very sex positive, but I don't think that means he's hypersexual. He's had phases of his life where he certainly was, both before and after his drow capture, but it's not his baseline.

On the other hand he's had just as many phases of hyposexuality, sometimes lasting decades at a time. While I've used clinical language, he would not. To him his libido is simply obeying its own natural cycles, even though his highs and lows are more extreme than the average person may experience.

[morgana-ren]

Just had the most fucked up thought of all time:

Ascended Vampire Lord Astarion with a beloved consort that was finally able to escape his grasp. After years, she's finally able to secret herself away and slip her chains, running from him and going into hiding so that he can never drag her back again.

It's no secret that he's gone mad, driven to the brink by his obsession with her in her absence. He refuses to simply take another lover or find a willing wife, spending untold resources and wealth trying to find her and coax her back, but she somehow stays hidden from him, somehow just out of his reach--

--However, he refuses to let her go.

Instead, he becomes slightly unhinged.

Astarion barters with a devil once again, only this time, it's for possession of a succubus. A very particular succubus who knows of his wayward little lover, and just so happens to have her form tucked away in her repertoire thanks to their earlier adventures.

He commands Haarlep to take her image each and every time he fucks her. It's the only way he'll sleep with anyone else-- the only way he'll find release while she is gone.

And Tav knows every time he's ravaging her because she can feel it. Feel his hands ghost across her body, squeezing the rounds of her neck until she can't breathe, scratching down her spine until she bleeds-- she feels all of it through this succubus' infernal connection. She is forced to acknowledge his power over her— his utter obsession with her— day in and day out, being violated by him over and over again even as she's finally escaped him.

Each time he takes the succubus, he is reminding her what he's done to her— what he'll do to her again when he gets his hands on her. His fucked up little way of saying "I'm thinking about you, darling" as he violates her body and mind, and no matter what she does, she cannot escape it. A ticking clock counting down the hours until he can touch her again.

She cannot hide forever.

It's only a matter of time, and every time she feels the phantom warmth flood between her thighs, or the tightness in her throat that leaves her with an aching jaw, or the sharp, miserable pain in her backside that has her hobbling for days, she knows he's thinking about her once more.

[meanbossart]

Hi, just a warning for the following unhinged question. (I'm getting baby rabies.) I love seeing Dadstarion and Famstarionnstuff all over tumblr- AND of course that lil thing you drew with Drow and Astarion and fucking little Bhaalings into his belly sparked the question-

DOES DROW WANT KIDS SOMEDAY? UNCONSCIOUSLY? SUBCONSCIOUSLY? Like with the whole Sarevok, epilogue reveal, is it spoilers to ask how your Drow would deal with the new sudden urge to procreate? (Sorry if this is actually a spoiler for ANE future chapters) BUT If so, how does it manifest? Does he start nesting? Hoarding even more shiny crap and dirty rags than usual? Does he start adopting every mangy orphaned cub they come across? Does his dirty talk in bed just get progressively more and more disturbing and natally oriented that even he starts thinking "wtf" post encounter? Does he ever think about putting a round bundle under his shirt and pretending it's his and Astarions dhamphir love-child?

Also IF yes to any of the above, What would Astarion's reaction be?

TYVM

Unhinged fan of yours

First of all I love unhinged questions. Those are my favorite questions. This is an unhinged couple and It's what they deserve, so thank you for this LOL

This topic, at least in this context, never comes up in ANE so I think i can answer it without anything being considered a spoiler.

"Currently" I definitely don't think either of them consider the idea of children in the slightest, while both probably get on with kids relatively well, in their own weird ways (kids love weird people) they're strongly in the "don't want kids and never will" frame of mind despite any joking and uh thematic dirty talking.

THAT BEING SAID, they are both bound to exist for a long time. Depending on how things turn out for him, Astarion's lifespan is either a good 700 years or a big Ol Forever. Drows also live for up to seven centuries and I don't even know whether or not DU Drow's particular kind of Bhaalspawn-ness doesn't affect that, as you could argue he's some type of demigod. The idea that they may change their mind at some point is not out of the question.

In regards to DU drow getting a baby fever in the future, I do think it will be something they have to deal with. Obviously, him and Astarion can't procreate as they are, and even if magical options exist DU drow is still aware that it would be a bad idea to follow through with it. I have honestly no clue how a desire like that would externalize, but - and I hate to be a downer but I assume you want my sincere answer here - based on Sarevok's letter I don't actually think it would be as fun as the bedroom talk or the cracks he makes - it sounds like it would be a spiraling depression and state of unfulfillment that they would simply have to learn to cope with if he is to remain childless, peppered with a profound yearning for a More he can't quite pin down. Luckily I think Astarion's character has demonstrated time and time again that he has the ability to be extremely sensible towards that type of thing, and he would be pretty much the ideal partner in those circumstances (especially if we're talking an older, more mature Astarion). An adoptive child could sate that, or it could not, I have no idea, but I don't think he would ever just say "yeah fuck it lets have/get a kid" in response to it.

Either way, as I mentioned above I believe it's not out of the question (if not inevitable?) that they could come to become someone's guardians someday regardless, especially if they ever become more firmly settled in life and the people they are. I doubt it's something they will ever actively seek out (I don't really see them ever completely retiring from a dangerous lifestyle of their own will) but maybe they stumble upon an orphan or, more likely, kill some kid's actual parents and out of guilt keep it for long enough to develop a bond. Lets say this happens out on the road - maybe they want to at least drop it off at a city somewhere where the thing would have a better chance, but ultimately decide against it for whatever reason... Yeah I could see something like that happening lol It's a cute thought, and funny enough I don't think they would make the Worst parents, assuming their character developments continues in a generally positive direction.

[galedekarios]

You don't have to ship it, but they do have their similarities—enough that it really isn’t any two white dudes shoved together (unlike one pale elf and another wood elf are). Their personalities, alignments, and histories make them very different people, but some of their goals, struggles, hobbies, motives, requirements, and unpopular moral opinions align in ways that they don't with other origins. I think what similarities they do have are the reason why they butt heads at first, and why Gale later on softens up to Astarion as he becomes more comfortable with himself. They check a lot of the requirements for mirror characters, and it's a ship that's at its best when people hone in on that rather than using it to write out their yaoi punching bag Gale x perfect pained princess Astarion fantasies.

i was debating not answering this because this isn't really something of a debate for me or something that i will change my opinion on.

they share the same levels of surface similarities with everyone else in the roster, if you truly want to put your mind to it.

my point is not "don't ship" or "ship", my point is these sorts of shallow parallels can be drawn between any and all of them. it doesn't translate to them being "made for each other" or "written for each other" or being "narrative foils" or "mirrors".

some of their goals? which ones exactly? getting rid of the tadpole? regaining agency? learning to live the life they feel they lost? again, that's something all of them share.

what struggles? overcoming an oppressive relationship? again, that's something all of them share.

what hobbies do they share? reading? because they share the same reading animation despite ast*rion never talking about books? on the contrary, he even derides reading and books as a waste of time.

what motives? motives for what?

what requirements? consuming something? karlach needs infernal iron in order to survive.

what unpopular moral opinions? about what? in which respect?

it's all so shallow.

people mistake where gale's "unpopular moral opinions" come from in opposition to ast*rion's: in the beginning, they come from pragmatism and being smart enough to recognise that the group is facing a seemingly unwinnable battle against an unknown entity that is controlling an entire army to later finding out it's a legendary elder brain with a macguffin on its head. it's not about hubris nor is it about being unhinged or selfish. it's pragmatism against insourmantable odds and it's selflessness by act iii that makes him offer his sacrifice even if you have convinced him to live. if we are speaking about the crown, the boat scene beats you over the head with it stemming from gale's loss of faith in m*stra and wanting to be better than her in order to help - themselves and others.

they don't check "requirements for mirror characters" in any way that the others do not. i could take any and all of these "mirrors" and apply them to every other companion in the game if that is the level of "depth" we are using.

if we look past the shallow parallels you can draw for basically all of them, we see gale shooting down ast*rion's manipulation tactics right away ("i do enjoy our walks together. don't you, gale?" "uh sure. in silence."). we see their different approaches to what the journey throws at them. gale enjoys helping people, for no gain at all, and diplomatic solutions (arabella, mirkon, mayrina, zevlor, etc.), he needs someone who is on his side, someone who is willing to accept him for who he is. gale is genuinely good-hearted and kind. that is why they butt heads early on. not because they are similar. in opposition to that, ast*rion delights in cruelty. he is so needlessly and often. towards those in need, towards children, towards animals. he is out for no one but himself. he shows little emphathy to anyone, with the exception of himself always ("the problem with what cazador has done is that he did it to me.").

ast*rion in particular is often downright cruel and degrading to people around him, he's cruel and degrading to gale, to the problems he faces and who he is as a person (just a few examples from the top of my head):

from the moment when gale reveals his backstory ("why isn't this netherese jack in a box a blip on the horizon already?") to the mystra reveal (being more focused on what it means re: controlling the cult than gale's impending death), and his casual dismissal of who gale is as a person at every other turn ("i don't care what's in every mind flayer colony, gale - nobody does. except you."), to delighting in the fact gale was kidnapped by orin.

are k*rlach and gale foils because they share a bomb in their chest?

are sh*dowheart and gale foils because they share religious trauma?

are w*ll and gale foils because they share having a relationship with an incredible power imbalance with a female entity?

are h*lsin and gale foils because they both have a library?

are w*ll and gale foils because they have their tents set up next to each other in act i?

to wrap it up: they are completely incompatible to me.

they are "mirrors" or "foils" in the same way that karlach and gale are. or gale and wyll. or gale and shadowheart: at the most there are parallels you can draw that are tenuous at best and shallow at worst. the broad same general narrative structure doesn't create narrative foils.

i've tried to engage with this ship to see what people are doing with it and the relationship usually starts in the same way over and over again in a way that gale's character a disservice.

gale isn't someone who cares about physical attractiveness, nor is he someone who is into one night stands or sleeping with someone for the sake of it while ast*rion's entire romance set up hinges on the fact that you are being manipulated by him, sex and attraction as a springboard.

gale's entire romance set up hinges on the fact that you accept him as he is. it's a slow burn. mystra's missive forces his hand into confessing early and sharing himself with you in what time is left to him - sex is a component of a greater whole.

gale also isn't someone to just take insults or abuse or dismissal and then still run after said someone to have a relationship, he isn't someone where enemies to lovers work or fwb (both things that seem to be quite popular with this particular ship).

i'm not even going to touch on the 'dubcon' aspect i've also seen a lot of forcing 'favours' from gale because he needs magical artefacts because that's a whole different can of worms.

again: this is not a don't ship post. you are free to ship what you want. this is solely a this relationship doesn't work for me, much less as narrative foils, post, and i have seen nothing that would convince me otherwise in the game or from the people who do like this ship.

[m-for-musings]

BG3 meets VTM

So I'm a weirdo and I decided to glue together two of my hyper fixations: Vampire — The Masquerade and Baldur's Gate 3.

I've been playing VTM for 15 years now, and also acting as a Storyteller (GM) to it, but I'm prone to mistakes so if a vampire clan does not fit a character please let me know, let's jump into this weird, totally unhinged, theory together.

P.S.: I know that theoretically any clan can Embrace any individual, this is just a little joke with clan stereotypes and a silly way to imagine who would be Embraced into which clan and why. ALSO low-res clan symbol pics because I'm on my phone.

BG3 characters, but as Vampire Clans

(in alphabetical order)

Astarion: the whole Szarr clan would be a Hecata lineage. Rich, powerful, and full of sassy little bitches that turns into abusive sires that employs weird (and sometimes incestuous) "family" dynamics while also being obcessed with necromancy.

Gale: prodigy wizard doomed with a hunger for knowledge and driven by the promise of unravel the mysteries of the occult, while also being a "yes-ma'am"? Tremere it is.

Halsin: a shape-shifter who sometimes struggles with his bestial side and feels awkward in urban environments, just like a classic Gangrel.

Jaheira: she pretends otherwise, but it is clear that she has a network of spies under her command, and a deep knowledge of her home city's dirtiest little secrets and hideouts. Even her personal life is shrouded by secrecy, secured against (most) prying eyes. She comes and goes in a blink, sometimes disappearing without leaving a trace. A true Nosferatu elder.

Karlach: good old Brujah, with the head as hot as the heart, passionate and strong-willed (and stubbornly resolute) to fight for her goals and ideals.

Lae'zel: nothing screams more "Banu-Haqim" than a fierce and straightforward gith with a strong sense of purpose and justice, a thirst for retribution and loyalty to the elders that she seems worthy.

Minsc: threading a fine line between bold and oblivious, the embodiment of "The Fool" tarot Major Arcana. Completely unpredictable and impulsive, torn between the unhinged and the wise, finding sense where others see pure unbridled chaos, he would become a Malkavian.

Minthara: she has enough poise and status to be a classic high-borne Ventrue, being able to proudly recite her sire's lineage all the way up to the very first of them. Born to rule, with a commanding presence and unwavering will. BUT!!! She is also vicious, ruthless and ambitious enough to get the attention of the clan Lasombra, and their shadow-bending powers also fit the Underdark pretty well, so I'm torn between those two clans for her, although strongly prone to Lasombra.

Shadowheart: either by following Shar's principles or by completely defying the goddess, The Ministry is fit for her, be it for good or for evil, to tempt or to liberate, to expose secrets or hide it, to manipulate or to seek the truth, to be part of a cult or a leader to a sect. She can't fully abandon the spiritual aspect of life, be it for fullfil her desires or to serve her goddess.

Wyll: the Prince of the Gate is the last romantic. He has an innate sensibility, grace, charm, beauty and an unbridled appreciation for arts and love-tale's romance that can be found among the most classy Toreador.

[kaledya]

I'm will mess the order of our conversations but I need to explain how the things happened !

So I was on Youtube, and i saw your post about you wanting to do some dark fantasy/steampunk story on your own world (and it is also my favorite type of book but with more fantasy politics I'm writing in my langage) and I was so hyped for the idea like putting some pom-pom girl outfit or whatever to encourage you to do it!!

Like let's go ! You have the potential and I will watch it all ! (Well not that my support can really help cause I have no influence on internet whatsoever but ahah) I will love it ! Like slayyyy🌸🌸🌸

And then I thought perhaps you had some concept art already on tumblr so I go here and then... IMMEDIATELY was attacked by your gift  and I was not ready. Kaledya *take my hamster* Like the doodles are so sooo cute !

First, Narrator is smooth. Ah ! My crazy baby. Just by the shape of his smile you know its over ahah

Second, Lolicia's second outfit (thanks bg3 again) and just, I just love how calm she looks.🌸 You did her so well, I need to try to do a profile like that for her!

Third, my favorite, the Human Lolicia. So pretty! First the doodles with the big eyes ! I love when you do that with the characters its very adorable. And her human face and the look is so Lolicia i think like soft and... unhinged a bit scary. Love it.

Fourth, Vittorio aaaah. So mischievous. *take my Astarion hamster back.*

Thank you ! I was not prepared! I know I was suppose to be. But I was not ahah. I will gift you back !🌸

_

I'm glad you liked the gift ! I will draw more and hopefully get better and better !

And fore the shape-shifting idea of Constantine for justifying differents type of horns is 🌸clever🌸. All questions of people answered just by that!

Also yes thank you, I just play doll with Lolicia's outfit and I justify it by saying its Velvette who makes it ahah

_

Anw I like your OCs too! And yes Narrator steal hearts of everyone I saw, good for him ahah ! Oh yes ! I think even if Constantine had a very strict and extreme education, even princes had time to go out with "friends" even if Constantine never really had friends before Serinity he still had guys of his age to spent time with sometimes and they just had a moment to be free a bit. So teen Constantine and Verdelet/Narrator we will see them in the short story !

I saw Turkish people weaponry in museum too! I don't like guns of our times but old riffles like that ? Yes. And don't mention Berserk like its not a trauma manga 😭 ahah

_

I love all of your designs I just don't say it all the time but I do!

_

I just love when you give all the comments about the chapters, rating about the songs and the ambiance (thank you again i just can't-) and then you just like :

You : So beautiful, I love it but now THE REAL DEAL, I don't fucking care, I want to know ABOUT LOLICIA...

And that just kill me with laugh. Every. Time.

_

Also for your exams (that is a damn important part) glad you made it to your first exam ! And for your boss exam just take an armor, focus on shading and proportion and just go for it. Slay! Everything will be okay *pom pom girl movement* Just slap that ART exam in the face.

The villain career just killed me twice ! Honestly, I can write your villain songs no problem. Let me just kidnapped a musician real quick just in case...

_

Thank you ! And you will do a fantastic animator once you are in that university of animation you want to be in. I'm not even worry, you have made a lot of progress since your first and last animatics on youtube for exemple, from the positioning of the characters, the dramatic effect linked to the music lyrics, the differents perspectives and the little details in the poses and camera work. So continue to be what you are !🌸🌸🌸

Now I will write !

OMG!!! Do you like the steampunk/fantasy theme too!!?? I'm so glad to hear that!! I seriously love this theme, both visually and in terms of the factors it adds to the story.

Right now, in my mind, the place where the first part of the story will take place will be a city that relies on technology and does not have much magic. Maybe it could be a region with class distinctions, a bit like the cyberpunk universe.

Or a universe where there is a lot of life difference between the nobles (wealthy people) and the Lower class people. in Red Rising and Mistborn While one side lives a rosy life amidst wealth, the other side is drowned in misery.

And did I understand correctly? Are you writing your own story about this concept in your own language??

SHOW MEEEEEE (in niffty's voice)

And THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! AND YOUR WORDS MEAN A LOT TO ME, THANKS A LOT!!❤️❤️❤️ And it doesn't matter whether you have an influence on the internet or not, you are someone whose work I love very much, it is an honor to be supported by you!)

---

YAAAAAAAAAY *gently takes the hamster* I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!!! I wish I could draw them more now. I love all of them very much, and I love Verdelet more and more with each passing chapter! Lolicia is great as always and not to mention Abaddon. I want to draw him so bad and I'm so excited for Charlie's meeting with him!

*kindly gives the hamster back*

----

And definitely! Constantine was someone who thought that there could be alliances in hell, but even those he thought friendship was impossible, this changed with Serenity, but it was a very sloooooow process. Even then, at first, instead of calling Serenity a friend, Constantine says this "she is tolerable or I find her amusement."So it really was a long process of acceptance for him.

And yes! Although Constantine had no friends when he was young, he spent a lot of time with people at his age: his cousins, or other high nobles like Verdelet!

And I read that short story and loved it!!Constsntine's training sequence, the dialogues between him and Verdelet, everything!! I really loved the dialogues and dynamics of Verdelet and Constantine. It was great to read the little adventure between them!!

And I love brothel story arcs for some reason too.Strangely, very rich story arcs can occur in brothels. I always think of the Yoshiwara arc in Gintama, it was a really great arc.

Also, the scenes where Verdelet takes Constantine to the brothel and they live there were beautiful!

Con: These pants are not coming on tonight. *" You dont have my attention "by looking at the brothel*

Verdelet:HAH! I never said anything like that *rips out someone's heart and shows it to Con* We're just going to do a live anatomy lesson" *"well.. you got my attention now"*

The short story was a seriously fun read!

--

Definitely! In general, everything that is old seems more artistic to me, even the rain pipes on buildings.

Yes, it was a trauma (experiences traumatic flashback), but on the other hand, it was a masterpiece manga. It was a perfect manga, both in terms of story and drawings.(funny part is, I'm wearing a Berserk t-shirt while writing this part)

----

And (⁠´⁠⊙⁠ω⁠⊙⁠`⁠)⁠→of course I will do this, you always bless me in your writing

And LMAO I love Lolicia and your OCs in general. Sometimes I even say, "Damn the general plot, I want to see these characters."Looking forward to Lolicia and Con meeting *getting ready to draw ship fanart*

And all joking aside, I love the designs you chose for your OCs in general and I also love their personalities. They are so fun to read. On the other hand, if you write a story that is told only POW of your OCs Please send it to me, I'll be happy to read it! 🛐🛐

---

And thank you very much for the support!!!! I hope I can win by working hard But just in case *prepares rope for kidnapping*

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR KIND WORDS!!!!❤️❤️❤️

____

Now it's time to talk about short stories. The short story between Azrael and Abaddon was simply a masterpiece.I loved the dialogues between them, their protection details were very nice.I really liked Abaddon's personality, you really created a beautiful character.

Michael's idea of giving Charlie and Constantine a blessing to prevent them from going to the dark side was really interesting.At least it clearly worked on Charlie. 2x cinnamon rolls

And Azrael taking care of Lucifer's ducks was so sweet!!

I'm seriously excited to see abaddon in the future.

And I LOVED ABADDON'S DESIGN AND AZRAEL LOOKS AMAZING !!!

In short, thank you again for blessing my eyes!!

Have a good day❤️❤️

[preciouslittle-bhaalbabe]

More very specific headcannons for this version of Astarion and my durge, Tempest. Previous headcannon post can be found here. (My rp for this run is getting very detailed lol)

He calls her "my flower", "my treasure", "my love", all the pet names. But they always start with "my". She loves it.

She goes hunting with him in the mornings while the rest of the companions are asleep

He knows when The Urges are starting to take over and they have developed ways to cope and subdue them. Usually by killing goblins or gnolls in the wilds.

He has a dagger collection that only Tempest is allowed to touch.

Is weak against face touching, if Tempest holds his face in her hands he melts into a puddle.

Tempest has slightly poisonous blood due to being a drow and building tolerance (took a page from Mintharas book lol they're besties)

She cries if she thinks too much about all Astarion has gone through. Usually she's all for needless suffering. But not to him. Never to him.

The other companions are equally scared of and fascinated by her. She is unhinged and chaotic but also loves her chosen family very much and would do anything for them

She often gets overstimulated by The Urges and will leave camp to take a walk at night, Astarion always follows her from a distance to make sure she's ok.

She is a storm sorceress. Sometimes her kisses come with a little static shock.

[littlejuicebox]

Camping for beginners.

Written to sort of kill two birds with one stone. @coyote-mint this isn't Astarion soothing a baby, but it is Astarion giving Tav a break as she goes on a little, well-deserved vacation! @davenswitcher I also worked your storybook prompt in! Hope you two both like it; thanks for prompts! Special thanks to @chickywickers for helping me name the twins. :)

Summary: Tav/You are out of town and Astarion is full-time daddy duty without the nanny. In an effort to keep three children entertained, he decides upon camping in the backyard.

Tags/Warnings: all fluff, parenthood, children, dadstarion, the mildest reference to sexual encounters, mildest reference to bg3 events and trauma

Word Count: 2.5K

*

Astarion is pitching a tent in the ground, cursing to himself every few moments as he goes about the task. Once upon a time, he’d had Tav or Karlach… or perhaps even an unenthusiastic Lae’zel or an overenthusiastic Wyll to assist him.

But now, it’s him and three little boys in the midsummer heat. Tav won’t be back until tomorrow morning, after a week away visiting Shadowheart and Lae’zel in the Dalelands. It’s a sunny Sunday, and Winifred, the nanny, has weekends off.

So it’s all up to papa for a day longer. He’s sweaty, tired, and pulling from deeply hidden reserves of patience he didn’t know he had until now.

Astarion thinks he has never missed his wife more in all their time together. One more day. He can do it, right?

“Gale, hold this for me,” The frustrated father directs, guiding his ever-obedient and sometimes now shockingly stoic six year old to one of the tent poles.

Gale nods and follows his father’s instructions as his little brothers scream and run around the orchard with toy swords, wreaking havoc as usual. The younger Ancunins are a tornado of scraped knees and sticky fingers at any given time. Their parents consider it a win if the twins make it an entire day without breaking something.

Evander and Finnick are naturally more wild and unruly than their older brother ever was. Astarion is painfully aware that the streak of disobedience in the duo comes entirely from him. The twins test his patience far more than Gale ever had, and in the absence of their mother, the two have become almost completely unhinged.

Tav is the twin wrangler; they are softer with her – but then, she’s always had a way with the more surly, roguish types. Her unique charm somehow soothes them into compliance. Astarion lacks the same skills and is, unfortunately, paying for it this weekend.

The younger boys are straying too far away for Astarion’s liking, and as he hammers a stake into the orchard’s fertile earth, he shouts at the twins, “Evan and Finn, you two had better get your little behinds back—“

He stops and sighs; the twins are too interested in their make-believe and paying absolutely no mind to their father and his chastisement. Astarion resumes his task and without even looking back up at his eldest asks, “Gale, will you please contain them for a moment until we finish this?”

A lazy wave of Gale’s hand, reminiscent of Astarion’s own flippant movements when he speaks, and vines spring from the earth. The tendrils wrap around Evander and Finnick, holding each of them by the torso. A second tendril springs to life from the soil and wraps around the brothers, pulling them into its embrace just as the first tendril recedes. This process continues in a domino effect until the twins are but a few feet from their father, struggling against the vines and expressing their displeasure with grunts and screams.

Astarion lifts his head from the stake and watches the scene in a mixture of amusement and amazement, and when the boys are sufficiently contained he turns to smile at his eldest, “You really are exceptionally talented, you know that, don’t you?”

Gale smiles and nods before he looks down at the ground, unable to meet his father’s proud gaze as he says, “I know, Papa.”

The eldest Ancunin boy struggled in school all last year. His fragile confidence took a huge tumble, which his parents were working to restore to the best of their ability. Gale always required softer hands in comparison to his brothers; Astarion was still learning how to navigate this difference.

“Let go!” The twins shout in unison, short limbs flailing against the vines gently containing their three year old bodies.

They look like mirror images of one another, down to the dark wavy hair parted in opposite directions and vitiligo patches splattered across opposing green eyes. Evander’s is on his left eye, Finnick’s is on his right. Together, they look like a Rorschach Test.

Astarion’s patience is gone; part of him considers leaving the duo trapped in the vines until Tav returns. He narrows his eyes at the youngest Ancunins, pointing accusingly at them with the hammer, “You two asked to camp outside, and after very insistent pleas, I agreed. So if you don’t want daddy to pack up this entire thing and take you both back into the house, you are to stand there. Quietly.”

Finnick, the younger of the twins by a few minutes, wrinkles his nose in displeasure at his father, “Mean, daddy.”

A slow, long exhale escapes Astarion as he stares at the surly three year old with furrowed brows.

“My child, you have no idea how mean I can be, now hush so that your brother and I can finish this,” Astarion instructs, and then returns to work pitching the tent, ignoring the frustrated whines and protests from the twins all the while.

*

Around the small campfire, the Ancunin boys roast marshmallows on sticks as Astarion reads a tale from one of their story books. Apple is, as almost always, curled up next to Gale. The eldest Ancunin boy sneaks the dog marshmallows and his father pretends not to notice.

If that’s the most rebellious Gale ever is, so be it. The twins are a different challenge, entirely.

The story is all about slaying dragons, knights in shining armor, damsels in distress… the usual. The topic is exceptionally boring to the father of three, given all he’s experienced, but he’s gotten used to pretending this ridiculous droll is highly entertaining and throwing his voice for his kids amusement. 

And, plus, if the twins are entertained, they aren’t causing mayhem, which is all Astarion can ask for tonight. Tav will be back in less than twelve hours, he reminds himself.

All hail his wife, Lady Ancunin, the Hero of Baldur’s Gate, and the hero of this household. 

This weekend has Astarion regretting any moment he might have taken her for granted or not shown enough appreciation for her.

While the father of three continues to read, a sudden rustling at the edge of the orchard catches everyone’s attention. The three-year-old twins instantly cling to one another in fear and Apple’s head snaps up to peer towards the possible threat.

“Werewolf!” Evander shouts.

“Vampire!” Finnick continues.

Gale giggles and shakes his head, “No… it’s a raccoon. I can hear her. She smells the food.” 

Astarion’s nose wrinkles in distaste as his silver-haired son takes his plate of leftovers and meanders toward the edge of the property, but he chooses to remain silent and let his son feed the vile creature. With Gale around, it’s a wonder they aren’t overrun with vermin and rodents galore. Though, the feral cat colony the little boy single-handedly created is likely keeping the other animal population at bay.

Gale places the plate down, whispers something to the raccoon, and returns back to the campfire, nestling his head into Apple’s side as he settles back into the dirt.

“Papa… there aren’t really vampires and werewolves out in the woods… right?” Gale questions, his eyebrows shooting up into his forehead in concern as he thinks.

“Perhaps not in the woods right here…” Astarion responds, trying to figure out how to be honest with his children without frightening them entirely, “But they do exist… I’ve killed a vampire before.” 

At this the two younger Ancunins gasp and Gale shoots back up to sitting, his green eyes widened in shock as he asks, “You’ve killed a vampire before?” 

Astarion chuckles. Sometimes he forgets how little his children truly know of his past. He shuts the storybook in his lap closed and nods, a small smile crossing his face, “I have. Your mother helped me. Would you three like to hear about it?”

“Yes!” The boys all shout in unison, all coming as close to their father as they possibly can.

“Very well,” Astarion agrees with a grin, and then he launches into the tale of fighting Cazador, mindful to keep everything as child-friendly as a gorey battle can possibly be and leaving his enslavement entirely out of the picture. The children will learn about that later, he thinks, but now is not the time.

The boys are wholly captivated by their father’s tale until the twins begin to drift off, slumped against one another. Gale is the only one still awake when his father finishes the story. There is a moment of quiet at the end as his eldest reflects upon all that was revealed to him.

“Were you scared, Papa?” He finally asks, his fingers threading into the curled fur on Apple’s back.

Astarion nods in response, “Of course, Gale. But… I think you cannot be brave if you don’t feel a bit scared, first.”

The eldest Ancunin boy sighs. He has feelings about this that he has not yet been able to put into words. Gale’s general kindness and gentleness is such a stark contrast to many of the kids at school; he’d gotten himself into more than one scuffle. He was perceived as an easy target, because he knew better than to use his powers on the other children. As a result, Gale often simply let the other children attack him, not ever wanting to hurt anyone, even if it was in his defense.

Astarion had, more than once this year, gone to the school and threatened to retract their donations if the issue was not resolved. One of the child’s parents had been hit with a lawsuit after Gale returned home with a black eye. But come the start of next term, there was a strong chance this behavior would continue.

He and Tav had both lost countless hours of sleep over this very topic.

“How do you know…” Gale starts, and then stops with another sigh, staring up at the stars as he tries to find his words, “How do you know when it’s time to fight back?”

There is a moment of silence as the older elf considers this question. How do you know?

“If someone doesn’t listen when you ask them to stop, that is how you know, Gale,” Astarion responds, finally, his hand coming to ruffle the curls upon his eldest’s head, “And if someone is hurting you or someone you care about, and they refuse to stop when you ask them the first time, that is all the permission you need. Your mother and I will always agree with you if you are protecting yourself or your brothers in defense, little prince.” 

The silver-haired six year old nods with a yawn, his fingers still curled in Apple’s fur.

“Now come on, let’s get you and your brothers inside the tent for the night,” Astarion directs, picking up one of the twins and holding the flap open for Gale. He gets the two boys settled before returning to retrieve the remaining one and calling for Apple to join all four Ancunins. 

The fire is left glowing its final embers as the men all drift off to sleep.

*

You find the tent in the orchard after returning to a house filled with only your regular employees. Winifred, the nanny, and Pascal, the steward, are both clueless as to where your children and husband are this morning. When you enter the backyard, a snuffed fire and Apple keeping guard outside the tent not more than ten feet from the manor signal you’ve found your family.

You crouch and open the tent flap, only to be greeted by an adorable image. Astarion is on his back, one twin clinging to each leg and Gale nestled into the crook of his arm. All four of the Ancunins are still sleeping, seemingly exhausted from the night before. 

“Good morning, my little loves,” You greet in a soft murmur.

Astarion is the first to open his eyes and smile at you as he sits up, expertly maneuvering himself around three sets of other limbs.

“Welcome back home, Tav. We missed you. I think that perhaps I missed you the most.” Astarion greets, leaning forward to press an affectionate kiss upon your cheek and grabbing your hand to give it a squeeze.

“No, me!” Evander protests through a yawn as he scrambles to wrap his arm around your arm.

“No, me!” Finnick echos, sitting up and pushing a cluster of curls from his face to grin at you.

“I think it was me, mama.” Gale calls softly, his head still resting upon the pillow, eyes still shut.

You chuckle in response to this ridiculous argument before standing and lifting the tent flap entirely, “I missed you all, too. Alright everyone, let’s get inside for breakfast. I’m making pancakes.” 

A clamor of excitement from the Ancunin boys fills the orchard as your children exit the tent and begin the short journey back toward the house. Apple is running after them, her tail wagging excitedly because she knows she will get whatever leftovers the boys cannot finish.

As the children disappear into the house, Astarion grabs your hand with a mischievous grin, insistently pulling you into the tent with him.

“My love, the boys–” You begin to protest, but your husband cuts you off with a kiss pressed against your lips as his nimble fingers quickly shut the tent behind you.

“It’s Monday, surely Winifred is already in, hm?” Astarion questions, his mouth already trailing kisses along your neck, “She can handle the trio for… oh, twenty minutes?”

You gasp as the elf’s fingers slowly trail under your dress and up your thighs to grip at the flesh around your hips. And then you turn to meet your husband’s face as he pulls you into a kiss. Being in the tent reminds you of old times out on the road, all those years ago, and you quickly fall under the Astarion’s spell, just as you had back then.

Your husband breaks away from the kiss and begins to pull your dress over your head. He grins and roams his eyes over your body when you’re left in nothing but your underclothes, “And… not that it’s a competition, little love. But I maintain I missed you the most.” 

He doesn’t leave room for response as he pounces upon you, eager to show you just how much he missed you this past week. 

Less than twenty minutes later, the twins are back outside the tent, screaming impatiently for pancakes as an apologetic Winifred calls after them from the porch. Astarion groans and is forced to throw his trousers back on with a whispered, “We’ll finish this later tonight, hm?”

And then he’s climbing out of the tent, corralling the two younger Ancunin’s back into the house and buying you a moment to throw your dress back on before exiting yourself. 

When you enter the kitchen, Astarion has thrown his crumpled shirt back on and is already starting the pancake batter among a chatter of excited storytelling from the boys. Winifred is forcing the twins to wash their hands as they speak about the raccoon they thought was a monster and Gale asks you to confirm the two of you really killed a vampire.

At this last part you shoot Astarion a questioning look and he shrugs while flashing you an apologetic smile. He looks like the twins when they’ve been caught breaking something. You know you’ll have to follow up later, but for now, all you want to do is focus on your little loves.

They all missed you, and you missed them just as much. Perhaps more.

But it’s not a competition.

[firstknightvulion]

A little modern AU. Inpsired by (shamelessly ripped off from) a comic I saw.

Karlach works under the sink in Astarion’s kitchen.

Karlach: There we go!

She slides from the cabinets and stands up, wrench in hand. Astarion walks in from the other room, two beers in his hands.

Astarion: How’s the job going, darling?

Karlach: All done! Fucker was clogged tight. It’s almost like someone clogged it on purpose. Your landlord trying to get rid of you?

Astarion: *smiling* I do receive some noise complaints. *hands her a beer* Thank you, darling.

Karlach: *holding her hands up* I’m good, mate. I should be going.

Astarion: *big, wet sad cat eyes* You’re not going to stay?

Karlach: *stretching her arms above her head* Naw. That job took longer than I thought. I don’t want to waste your time. Unless you got another job.

Astarion puts his beers on the kitchen counter. He goes to a drawer on the other side of the kitchen. He pulls out a hammer. He walks over to his kitchen sink and starts smashing the faucet ferociously. The faucet is utterly destroyed, a small spurt of water shooting vertically. He sighs heavily and returns the hammer to drawer. With a feigned look of disappointment, he turns to Karlach.

Astarion: I’m sorry, darling. It seems my faucet is leaking. Could I bother you to take a look?

Karlach: *looks between Astarion and his now destroyed faucet several times. She sighs, smiles and grabs the beer Astarion offered her earlier* Sure, I can stay.

I was originally gonna have the roles reversed but I realized Karlach wouldn’t be so…indirect. Or unhinged.