#but i've had a lot of emotions recently
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Me, Us, and You
Synopsis: You've been used one too many times, and find comfort in the arms of those you love.
Foul Legacy x Reader Pronouns: Gender Neutral (no pronouns mentioned) Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Comfort Warnings: Mentions of being used as an emotional outlet
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“Hey… why do people like using me?” Foul Legacy looks up from the chunk of crystal he was batting around, tilting his head curiously. You catch his gaze, inquisitive and concerned, and sigh. “…Sorry. It’s nothing.” He frowns with a quiet trill. Not good- he’s seen this habit before, your way of pushing down your emotions, never speaking a word. Legacy shakes out his fur, rising to his feet and crossing the room before plopping down beside you, chittering in worry. His claws knead against the carpet, nudging and pushing up against you gingerly until you finally huff out a laugh and weakly shove him back. “…You get what I mean." He does. Far too well. He’s seen it happen, from behind a corner as Childe; idly twirling a coin between his fingers, walking up to meet you at your favorite restaurant, or merely happening to pass by on the street.
One, two, three. Then more. The number of times that you’ve been treated as a mere outlet. You’re too kind for your own good, too patient, too understanding. Why can’t you get angry? Why don’t you tell off the people who start using you as an object to vent their emotions to- or at least tell them no? Instead you just smile and nod, offer your advice even when you don’t know what to say since you don’t even know your own feelings and what they mean, but you try so, so hard to lift them up, help them feel strong, better, braver. And they do. They smile again, nod, laugh. Sometimes they take your advice, sometimes they just want someone to agree with them. Whatever the case, they leave lighter, and you leave with a new burden in your arms. It’s fine. You don’t mind carrying it for them, as long as they’re happier- you insist that it makes you happy if they are, too. But inside it still hurts, knowing you only exist when someone needs you to listen. When you need to fulfil a certain role or do something for someone.
They started getting used to it, too. Pulling you into conversations as innocently as a lamb only to pour forth a tidal sea of issues and frustration. They cry and rant and yell and scream and then pat you on the back with a smile with a see you soon and talk to you later. One even paused, looking at your tapping fingers, your focused expression, and told you to write things down. So you could remember them for later, if more things came up- we wouldn’t want you to forget, now would we? A pause, a strained smile, as you fished a notebook and pencil from your bag. It made dread coil in your chest, a heavy weight over your heart. That’s right. You only matter as long as you have use.
There’s a croon, and you blink, shaken from your daze. Foul Legacy stares down at you, crystalline eye wide and anguished. No. No, no, no- he hates that you think of yourself like that, as someone, something to be used. He crawls towards you, cupping your face in his claws and letting out a soft, saddened warble. His wings twitch and flutter, curling in your direction as if he wants nothing more than to cuddle you close and shield you from all the dreadful things in the world, because he does, his instincts scratching at his skull and hissing, biting, gnashing the source of your hurt, trying to vanquish it in battle and make it disappear. Protect. Heal. Love.
Legacy squeezes you a bit tighter, pressing your head against his lavender fluff, grown soft with how much you brush and fawn over it. You think he’s beautiful- you’ve told him before, time and time again. Beautiful, lovely, wonderful- why can’t you see how amazing you are, too? How much you help, how much you matter? Even if anyone else can’t see past their own nose, he knows how much you deserve to be showered with gratitude and affection. His gentle nuzzles shift and crackle lightly, turning to soft skin, scarred hands massaging your arms. Childe presses his forehead to yours, his despair on par with Foul Legacy’s, murmuring frantic words of reassurance filled with tears. Nothing, nothing, nothing. That’s all you ever call your feelings, your wants and needs. You’ve spent so long supporting others that you can’t even remember anything you desire, truly, nothing at all. He caresses your cheek, looking deep into your eyes with an oceanic gaze. Please, tell him something you want. Anything. Please. You shudder, and desperately reach your arms to him. Childe meets you halfway, wrapping you in a firm, tight hug and pressing his face against your shoulder.
He wants to give you everything, yet he knows what you need most is someone you can just exist with, not to help, not to complete a task for them, but just to be in their- his- presence. If you listen to his woes, ever, not even the Archons would be able to stop him from listening to yours, because you deserve it. Friendships go both ways, the world seems to have forgotten. Childe was your friend first, and he’s your friend now, and your love, your Harbinger, your sweet, monstrous Foul Legacy, and he adores you with every fiber of his being. Childe peppers kisses over your face, one hand human, the other armored talons, both him and his Abyssal half comforting you. Yes, they get what you mean. They get what you mean all too well, aching and weeping and watching you suffer again and again, wringing yourself dry for people who toss you away once their problems are solved.
But not with them. Never again with Childe and Legacy, forever by your side. You have no tears left to cry, but they still hush you, gently. Shh, shh… it’s alright. Everything will be okay. Childe sighs as he pulls away, tracing your features with a finger and holding back his own sobs, steadying his voice against his resentment towards the world for your treatment. “Talk to me. Talk to us. Please.” For us, we love you so.
#genshin x reader#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#gi ajax#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#foul legacy x reader#sfw#genshin sfw#genshin hurt/comfort#hurt/comfort#genshin comfort#comfort#tartagalia x reader#it's been a while since i've written and this one in particular was not planned#but i've had a lot of emotions recently#the thing about writing stuff down is based off of a true experience#and like in this don't get me wrong i love helping people feel better#but it kinda hurts when you feel like you're only being kept around as a therapist#i just needed some comfort from our favorite silly gingers#i hope other people enjoy as well#kinda happy i was able to write again though felt good#genshin fic
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A Little Survivor (With Grand Gourmand Bonus💚)
#rain world#rainworld#rain world survivor#survivor rain world#survivor rw#my art#fanart#Credit completely to Bitsbug for the written slugsign hehe#Honestly I wanna study linquistics purely so that what I can decipher & write my own signs OMGA#But for now Survivor is here to tell you to eat lots of murshrooms; They'll help you dodge better!#As always I've never full satisfied with my designs so here's my most recent take on Surv & Gor-Gor#I've noticed that I've given Survivor a lot more angles and 'weight'; Giving it a better build and focusing on it's back flares#Fun Fact about my bio-spec!!: Though 'flares' on the back act as chemical signal hubs#They release important information such as the slugcat's emotions/how old they are/what they just ate/etc#They grow larger the older the scug as well but final length all depends on genetics#I see Surv as a late teen/early adult so these flares are almost at their final length hehe#Gor-Gor's are final but unforutantely they're quite small and are mostly cover by the mantle hehe#Also last fun fact I originally had Rubicon as the world hell; but then I remember that Rubicon is hell#Oh the wonders of damnation
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*positive vibes intentions and wishes from the other side of earth being sent to you*
Hope you're doing well and if you dont right now i hope you will tomorrow!!! :)))
<33 THANK U FRIEND! i am getting better every day i think 💪
#not having a lot of practice regulating my emotions is a recent struggle i've had to start facing again which has been hard#but ten years of yoga and forcing myself to learn breathing exercises i think will be very helpful!!#and one thing i'd like to also try doing is not giving myself constant psychic damage by going on my phone all the time..#that will be hard but ultimately worth it..#anyway thank u for ur kind message!! i appreciate it#binask
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I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.
First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.
Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.
Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.
#pickle pontificates#mission to zyxx#if you freaking flip on episode 1 after reading this and are like. wow. they're talking a lot about butts and ejecting people into space.#what is pickle on about#well. sue me i guess. idk#I have a lot of feelings about this as a general topic so this is moreso just the most recent thing that's touched on it for me#okay so time for essay 2 in the tags#1. I don't really talk about TAZ on here but it's something I carry with me whenever I think about this kind of thing#I think that in the same vein as MTZ it started off very goofy and directionless and then gave me more emotions than I thought it would#and it's not perfect but balance was a cultural landmark in a lot of ways#i enjoyed amnesty but it didn't have the same spark. what drew me to balance was all the goofy improvisation#and the fact that it was never serious until it was#amnesty (although i loved the setting/concept and enjoyed the characters) crossed the line into taking things more seriously#and while that's not a bad thing in and of itself the thing i enjoy about the mcelroys is when they're goofing around#that's what they're good at and it's why i like them#subsequent arcs suffered the same thing to varying degrees#i slogged through most of graduation for some reason and although ethersea was better i didn't finish it#taz dracula was the first time i've felt that same kind of fun while listening since balance#and I really think it was because they were just getting silly with it. sure yeah elizabeth the sports druid. lady godwin turns into a hors#whatever!#their dad gets to follow through on his ideas and do whatever crazy but kinda logical thing he comes up with#but i guess the point is that to me taz feels very lightning in a bottle. balance is what it's capable of being but is not the default#all the other right ingredients had to be in the soup#2. noragami. ohh noragami.#you wormed your way deep into my heart and then flopped out of it like a messy slimy dead fish#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended#but there was so much potential. so many themes that DID hit hard throughout the story and could've knocked a man out cold#had they come back at the end#and they could have right up until so very close!!! it wasn't unsalvageable#in fact it still isn't. you'd hardly have to revise anything. you'd just have to write a different ending
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#guys can I be real for a sec#was texting my friend today and I casually mentioned I had probably developed a peach allergy#which is so depressing because I love peaches#but luckily I seemed to only be allergic to the fuzz on the outside#and my friend texted me 'I'll peel them for you'#and I think I died a thousand deaths at that#I told him that was one of the sweetest thing someone had ever told me and not to mind if I was getting emotional#and like it was chill after that we were havin a conversation on a completely different topic#but I don't think my friend really got how show-stopping jaw-dropping what he said to me was#and he's a chill guy so again I did tell him that was incredibly sweet because it's true and then we moved on#but I feel like I still need to scream at him in the face because my poor beating heart who is not casual at all about friendships#is going mad#these days especially I am rethinking a lot about my friendships and in general baout my human relationships#saw a friend I didn't see in a while a couple of days ago on a better night that I could have hoped for#spent yesterday night thinking about the words another friend told me#and now this guy it has relatively recently hit me how close we have grown. Like I recently realized I misremembered our relationship#and that we have been closer than I thought for longer than I thought#and today he hit me with this and he's chill but I am not and I kinda wanna send him that fucking post 'would you peel an orange for me'#I've had squishes more intense than your favourite romance books#I need to be hospitalised now because people care about me and like me and trust me. By people I mean my friends. Who'd have thought.
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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I've been doing SO MUCH HARD STUFF lately and ZERO DOPAMINE REWARD has been issued!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am owed at least a fucking WEEK of happiness or at the very least CONTENTMENT and i am gonna be PISSED OFF until i GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRR
#BLOGGING LOUDLY#i am so frustrated and annoyed and lonely that i am close to tears#i got my pin today but it's STILL TOO FUCKING HOT to wear my jacket! so i can't even enjoy it!!!#ive had to take stressful detours to and from work and my card has been declining and i got my credit knocked down a lot AND my wo#work campaign is going awful AND i have had to go to THREE crowded loud places this week AND my prescription DIDN'T GET FILLED#i dropped out of my only vending opportunity#my wife just got injured so now I've got to try to make them rest and not injure it WORSE and they refuse to let me take care of them#its not been the worst week of my life but it's NON STOP shit#since i loved my recent tattoo the universe said no more good feelings for you i guess!#i have been trying to reach out to my one friend more too and i hate myself for it. we're not even friends the way this is going#UGH!!!!!#my script not coming in is going to fuck my emotional state worse than anything else >:( i FILLED IT last week and it never processed!!!!!#>:'(
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So I had a fantastic date tonight.
#it was a gym date and the first time we were meeting each other so i was nervous about it but it turned out to be really really nice#he's new to the poly stuff and the way that he spoke about it told of an emotional and intellectual intelligence that was so fuckin hot#he's really cute and we have a kind of shocking amounts of crazy passions that are exactly the same#he can quote scott pilgrim as much as me#he has dice tattoos#he got really excited when i gave him the origami ball i made while bored in a meeting today and wouldn't stop fidgeting with it#we got dinner afterwards and talked a lot about a lot of different things about each other and it was just really nice#and he told me i have the prettiest brown eyes 🥺#he also said that he showed his husband my pictures and he was like 'damn he looks like he has a strong stomach.not abs but like a strongmn#and i got SO EXCITED#i pointed out my gym crushes to him because i wanted to test the jealousy waters and he reacted very well#he answered my questions with a level of thoughtfulness and contemplation that i felt deeply attracted to#i just think I'm going to fall for him really hard and I'm very very excited about it#my love life has been... lackluster recently for a lot of different reasons#and I'm so fucking excited to have someone that i can be excited about who is just as excited about me#I've been craving that for so long#I'm just thrilled and looking forward to the next date#we're going to be talking a lot#I'm gonna be a little sad for a second. the person who i thought was my stream of consciousness has shown me that he doesn't really care#and that's been hard for me to come to terms with. we haven't even had a conversation about it#but he's been the only person that I can tell things to when i get excited about something#and i don't feel like i have that. so I'm writing in a Tumblr post about this because I don't feel like i have anyone#to get excited with me about things#hopefully that will change soon. I'm very hopeful about him.#just please. whatever deity is out there. please let me find some happiness here. i have been craving and wishing for way too long#personal#edit: another very very good sign is that he's much smaller than me and a trans man who is getting back into the gym#but he didn't seem intimidated by my size and was even comfortable taking flexing selfies with me after.#if existing around me or in that setting triggered any physical insecurities#he didn't show it. which was a big change from the ball of anxiety i saw when walking into the gym. I'm just impressed in a few ways
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thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too
#a pretty significant plot point for one of my characters is heavily inspired by stuff my mom dealt with#i really hope i can properly convey the gravity of the topic. particularly with tact due to how poorly i've seen it handled#in my writing i try to approach any topic with the baseline amount of empathy that people deserve. i feel *a lot*.#i sincerely hope it comes through that i care so much about so much#a particularly hurtful exchange i recently had was me casually saying that i care about a lot of things and my grandpa almost accusitorily#asked “like what”#i'm generally pretty open about what's on my mind. i try to connect with people time and time again and so often do i get nothing in return#it makes it hard to go on. sometimes.#one day. i hope i'll meet someone who cares as much as i do. cares about me as much as i care about them.#if i meet even one it'll have all been worth it.#part of me feels like saying “i can't bear to live like this anymore”. but i can. and i have. i can bare a lot actually#i don't think i'd be alive if i couldn't#there's a lot wrong in the world right now. i can't bear to watch most of it. this of course makes me feel even more guilty#at the very least i've made a habit of clicking the arab dot org buttons daily. i can't handle watching but i can at least help.#in a small way. that is.#i definitely feel like i needed to get that out of my system. rambling is what i do. after all#i feel like i have an abnormally strong will to live. i remember coming very close to a suicide attempt once. the razor actually cut into my#wrist just a little bit. i very much wanted to die at that point. on an emotional level#but i just couldn't do it. i need to live. i just need to. it'll have all been worth it. eventually.#eventually.
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there's been so much potential lost to the passage of time
#i've had ppl from the past coming out of the woodwork recently and some of it feels like tests from the universe or something#“will you self sabotage?” “are you the same version of yourself that you used to be?” “have you grown?”#life is so funny tbh like if i could take myself out of emotions completely and just look at it all for the ironic mess that it is then#that would make it all pretty alright lmao#damn#i'm thinking a lot tonight all of the sudden#text post#my post#mine#text
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idly thinking here but honestly i think if this blog went down then i'd just be done with tumblr forever. like.....that's it. this is the blog i've had for as long as i've had a tumblr account, i'm not built like the people who can start again and remake over and over again. it'd be a sign that i just need to be done with this website for good i think.
#i mean i've vented on here about being on tumblr has been making me feel worse recently so it could just be that part of me talking#but idk man. i've had this blog since i was fifteen i can't even imagine trying to remake everything#and with the way this website keeps getting worse and worse structurally and the way i keep using it for emotional self harm.....#idk it might be for the best in the long run?#i dunno. i don't wanna lose all my shit or lose my place to ramble#and i've met some cool people on here. i don't wanna downplay the good#but a LOT of it has been really bad and i've been thinking a lot about how i need to reduce the amount of time i spend on here#and the biggest struggle with that aside from not really having anything to replace that with is the fact i consistently have access to it#not on mobile anymore thankfully the app is rancid lmfaoooo#but when i'm home and on my laptop it's way too easy to pop open a tab#and if i'm logged out i can always just log back in#idk. i don't really wanna go full nuclear on this blog but i also hate having it sometimes so ahaaaaa#marshy speaks#delete later
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tonight i've been almost entirely unavailable ooc! I've been painting & drawing & listening to cr. i just haven't been in the right headspace to be talking to people so I've stayed mostly to myself <3
#ooc.#tbd.#it's nothing personal to anyone i have a stack of messages i have just been Unable To Open tonight#i've been feeling really lame lately / like kind of a Shitty Friend so i just have been isolating a little more than i probably ought to#not entirely!!!#but still more than i probably should bcs i would rather work through the feelings than put myself at the center of others' attention#( not saying tht for pity it is a Me Issue & I'll work through it i just want to be blunt abt where I'm at )#i had a huge emotional high in recent months that i rode Hard & usually a low hits right after a high but it took a bit longer to get me#but i'm figuring shit out internally it's just a Process i do better on my own#bcs i have a lot of Weird Irrational thoughts that are my reality in the moment but if i put them out there then they become more permanent#if that makes sense???#idk dude im Certified Insane#it's 6am & im venting in tumblr tags its what i do
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i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.
the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3
#1. metroid prime trilogy: my first dive into metroidvania games and to this day it is probably my favorite genre next to soulsborne.#also as a space nerd egg “wow she's so cool i wish i could be like her” lmaooooo buddy..#2. eternal darkness sanity's requiem: REALLY great unique game. graphics r a bit dated but i think it otherwise holds up rly well.#great spellcasting system with a rock beats scissors beats paper type of thing between different uh. “types” of magic? sourced#from different gods that seem to exist outside of time. idk what bar it raised exactly but it made a strong impression on me#and I've been wishing i had something like it ever since. the sequel has been started multiple times but i don't think it's ever#gonna happen 😔 nintendo has some surprisingly GREAT rated R games.#3. fallout new vegas/skyrim: having enjoyed these so much I've had them on every system i think getting them for PC was a literal#game changer. i played vanilla then ultimate editions and Thought i played them to death but once i got console access on PC??#it kinda served as my entry point to using mods and recently I've even made my own mod for elden ring and dark souls 3 (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)#not that I really needed or used mods with those games - but just kinda being Aware™ that being on PC means u have access#to the game's underlying functionality that you don't get on console. making bat scripts for skyrim/fonv made for some#HILARIOUS gameplay 😭#4. Sonic adventure 2 battle: rly just the sonic games in general but this one FUCKS. Songs r bangers. love the characters.#u low-key kidnap the president for a bit?? more like u break into his car to talk with him nonchalantly lol but still 💀#i listen to the OST to this day!!! when i think of a favorite GameCube game this is one of the first to come to mind.#and the chaos 🥺🥺🥺 and Rogue hey queen (。ノω\。)#5. hard to pick a Last One here.. I'm sure there are a lot of games that could be a stand-in choice but RE4/Dead Space Trilogy:#these were some GREAT horror survival games with a good plot and engaging gameplay. Dead Space especially was one me and#all my friends played and took turns playing (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ just the time spent together alone was good but just rly solidifying that#u can have horror a good plot And good gameplay all in one. i love survival horror as a genre to this day ( ◜‿◝ ) wish i could#remember others i played but i can't?? speaks to how iconic they were at the time though.#6. (honorable mention) the mass effect trilogy: u wanna talk about great plot and engaging gameplay?? these games were SO#fucking good omg 😭 i LOVE the lil class system and the different abilities u get to use i loved that u could carry ur character and#decisions across games. and the fucking TRAGEDY of ur faves not making it thru the ending of ME2 (〒﹏〒) I fr#Went Back so i could try again and again till i at LEAST saved Jack but also saved everyone.#i think the emotional payoff for all ur characters ur invested in r pretty good when u make it to the third since it's p cinematic?#kinda want to play it again. ick do i want to touch the origin launcher though is the real question (´-﹏-`;) i bought it in a bundle#on steam and immediately asked for a refund when i realized i couldn't just play it through the steam launcher (ノ`⌒´)ノ┫:・┻┻#anyways. lots of time spent there too and another addition to the “you can have fun gameplay AND a great plot” pile.
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spring day never latches on to a permanent face. it takes the form of the people i miss whom i have no way of reconnecting with. ever since i read that message in my inbox, it has taken the form of you, kesya.
#i read that the night before a big midterm examination and tbh i haven't had the headspace to deal with the weight of the emotions until now#tumblr deactivations always bore more weight bc it's permanent and ig thats why it hurt a lot more i'm heartbroken#i didn't realize until now how much your deactivation has wiped—every ask sent; every reblogged interacted with; your tags; your writing#i've looked up to you for a while haha long before i've bombarded your inbox with lengthy asks abt bsd; i loved your writing first#then your thoughts second and how well articulated you were and eventually your whole being; how you consumed content as a whole#whenever you loved something you loved it in full; every piece of media you enjoyed was passed on with such appreciation#it showed in the way you passionately talked abt things; bsd-86-eren-aot to name a few. i always loved talking to you.#you always reciprocated my energy#i'm sorry for never getting around to answering your last ask i've been so busy with life. and i'm also sorry for finding out too late.#i can't quite sum up all my feelings into these tags. i just miss you a lot and i don't know where these emotions should go#but i hope they find you somehow. i'm not really going anywhere so i hope you'll find me here when the time comes.#who am i going to talk to when bsd s6 (whenever that may be) comes out? 🙁🙁#your presence is dearly missed kesya#i've received asks on your deactivation and have seen posts from your mutuals#for the past year since i've stopped writing here you've been the only thing i came for#i was always so curious to hear what you thought of the recent episodes or chapters. rest assured i'll love media the way you did.#just to carry on the bits and pieces i've absorbed from you somehow haha#i hope this finds you someday and you don't owe us an explanation or anything. pop into my asks if you do or just pm me directly.#i miss you. i'm sorry. i hope you're doing well wherever you are.#lots of love from a tumblr penpal-ish ahaha#love you!!#by-moonflower#kesya#kesya please find this T_T
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AUGUST REC FICS
Hello, my sweets!! Here I am, once again, for yet another month of reading and living vicariously through our one and only Reader. I haven't read much this past month, and most of these sweet authors are people I follow (and shockingly, some are my mutuals, too !!! I'm too much of a fangirl to believe it's true). Give these gorgeous, spectacular writers a ton of love. They all deserve it so much, considering they're blessing us with such amazing work for free. Like. Comment. Reblog. The equivalent of a five-star review
Like always, I will be going based on what I've read recently and not by the date the fic was posted. Reminder to please respect these writers. Some contents are 18+. MINORS should not be interacting in any way.
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Spencer Reid
✿ a muted shade of green by @dalamjisung ↳ the flow of this fic was so smooth my jaw dropped down on the floor as i read through (writer's first reid fic, and it was chef's kiss)
✿ hearts aligned by @raekensluver ↳ OMG this one had me melting. roommate spencer is such a dream
✿ sick love by @misserabella ↳ guilty pleasure unlocked. a wonderful reading session filled with interesting discoveries
✿ behind closed doors by @incognit0slut ↳ i loved binging this so much !!! was a giggling, kicking mess while reading this one; and it has four parts ! we're so spoiled
✿ kiss it better by @nereidprinc3ss ↳ tmi but was having an episode of mild anxiety attack, and this saved me in the middle of the night, giggling myself to sleep, so thank you for such amazing work x
✿ dead of night & nightvisions by @cxrrodedcoffin ↳ lol i read this at work and had to fight battles not to make any facial signs that i was consuming kinky content. the second part was another level, i was cackling like a witch
✿ much ado about nothing: act iii, scene v & act iv, scene i by @incognit0slut ↳ act iii, scene v left me speechless, reader didn't fold and i took that as a win. act iv, scene i played with my emotions lol
✿ just a number by @reidsdaisies ↳ i became a stand-up actress while reading this because it's overwhelmingly spicy and filled with tension i had to provide comedic relief for myself
✿ untittled req response by @mandarinmoons ↳ no because i saw my reblog post of this and i immediately snorted and then laughed some more after rereading it. pipe cleaner will never not be funny to me
✿ poison me, i'm fine by @gghostwriter ↳ no because this one needs more attention ?????????????? i loved reading this so much i was so tempted to pull my heart out and ship it to pau, show how crumpled it was after reading
✿ my best colors for your portrait & my face in every place by @none-of-your-bullshit ↳ i wasn't lying when i said august is for angst and i immediately gobbled this up after seeing it. the way my chest was so tight but also smiling because the writing style is amazing got me looking like a lunatic
✿ cute, outraged genius by @lavenderspence ↳ tina got me laughing like a gremlin. it's so adorable she made me fall in love with spencer all over again
✿ another untitled req response by @mandarinmoons ↳ sorry, sweethearts, ket just couldn't be bothered with titles lmao. secret lover reader is my favorite lover, sooooo you all will enjoy this cutie patootie creation
✿ one single thread of gold by @gghostwriter ↳ you'll overdose of sweetness. it's so adorable and a great way to feel giggly about spencer reid.
✿ for the fear of falling apart | part one by @pathologicalreid ↳ i haven't read the rest of the parts but mhmmm this was DELISH. well-written creation that made me show emotions while reading at work. my coworkers asked me my my eyes were so wide and i think that says a lot at how great this is
✿ second to none by @raekensluver ↳ ooooo this one got my blood boiling in a good way
✿ untitled work by @sincerelybubbles ↳ adorable stuff make me melt especially when it's a spencer one
— ✦ — ✦ ✦ — ✦ ✦ ✦
Aaron Hotchner
✦ darling, in any life series by @hotchfiles ↳ at this point are we even surprise im including yet another series form lari here ? anywayyy, i love me some old flame trope
✦ picket fence dream by @hotchfiles ↳ this is a new part from the choiceless hope series and i gobbled it up. i was screaming when i read this
✦ tells by @ssahotchnerr ↳ first thing i read in the morning, and i sobbed from the overwhelming sweetness
✦ silver by @solardrop ↳ okay but this was so adorable ??? plus im def one of those gals who tried to throw herself on him, maybe even catapult myself
✦ sympathy for the devil by @hotchfiles ↳ nosebleed. spice level is not as high as i make it seem but the writing really got me sweating. just read it, you'll understand what i mean
✦ spending time with you by @lavenderspence ↳ no because TINA CALLED ME OUT WITHOUT CALLING ME OUT. i was slightly offended. the gasp i gasped was so loud asdkfnkg. but it is adorable, go read it pls pls
✦ doctor, love by @none-of-your-bullshit ↳ i love when reader slaps the character with some reality like a seasoned raw steak.
sorry, not sorry if this post is filled with lari. I reread her works religiously, so here are my favorites from hers truly:
✦ help me hold onto you ↳ oh, this is like crack for me, and i always come crawling back no matter how hard i try to stay sober
✦ half asleep takin' chances ↳ still waiting for future aaron somewhere out there
✦ choices ↳ gonna be honest with everyone this one makes me wanna deck aaron hotchner and then deck reader for folding so easily and also deck myself because im no better than reader
✦ quis ut deus? & daniel 12:1 ↳ my fave series from lari and i will never not reread them over and over and over and over again because i love it so much idk what's the appeal on me but i love it and i want this framed and buried with me even if it's unfinished
I haven't had a lot of time to visit the good ole "for you" feed in a while, so I apologize for missing all the amazing work every writer has put out this month. I will make it up to you, I promise! And if you'd like, you can send me works or mention me so I can read certain creations that you deem noteworthy for the next rec fic month!
love lots, ker x
#spencer reid#aaron hotchner#criminal minds#criminalminds#ssa spencer reid#cm#dr spencer reid#doctor spencer reid#spencer reid criminal minds#spencer reid angst#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid series#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotch fic#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch x you#aaron hotchner smut#aaron hotchner fluff#ssa aaron hotchner#agent aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner criminal minds#aaron hotch hotchner
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@absolut--kurant!
I’m not Russian, but have been to Russia several times. My favourite ‘snack’ was СЫРОК. The chocolate covered yoghurty-cheese thing. Omg sooo yummy.
Oh yeah!
And there are so many of them, too.
#a russian_adventures.txt treat i have still never tasted 😭💖#i've been bingewatching boris's recipe videos again recently and snacking on your delicious gifts (still have quite a bit left!)#and had intense nostalgic feelings and especially for the things that involve cheese... (his cheese making video is a big comfort for me)#i feel like so much has been lost since 2020 and 2022 and this is a persistent feeling that's haunted me often this year#just having so much emotion 😭😖🙃#that aside i've decided i am going to try making this thing soon#there's no tvorog readily available where i am and i don't have a bar tray to shape them in which always made me hesitate#but i found a recipe that homebrews it with foil and i did find curd cheese with a similar texture so i'm going to go for it#wish me luck and my very normal weekend i am having 😂#love you lots 💖💖💖💖💖#russian adventures#syrok
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