#lots of love from a tumblr penpal-ish ahaha
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spring day never latches on to a permanent face. it takes the form of the people i miss whom i have no way of reconnecting with. ever since i read that message in my inbox, it has taken the form of you, kesya.
#i read that the night before a big midterm examination and tbh i haven't had the headspace to deal with the weight of the emotions until now#tumblr deactivations always bore more weight bc it's permanent and ig thats why it hurt a lot more i'm heartbroken#i didn't realize until now how much your deactivation has wiped—every ask sent; every reblogged interacted with; your tags; your writing#i've looked up to you for a while haha long before i've bombarded your inbox with lengthy asks abt bsd; i loved your writing first#then your thoughts second and how well articulated you were and eventually your whole being; how you consumed content as a whole#whenever you loved something you loved it in full; every piece of media you enjoyed was passed on with such appreciation#it showed in the way you passionately talked abt things; bsd-86-eren-aot to name a few. i always loved talking to you.#you always reciprocated my energy#i'm sorry for never getting around to answering your last ask i've been so busy with life. and i'm also sorry for finding out too late.#i can't quite sum up all my feelings into these tags. i just miss you a lot and i don't know where these emotions should go#but i hope they find you somehow. i'm not really going anywhere so i hope you'll find me here when the time comes.#who am i going to talk to when bsd s6 (whenever that may be) comes out? 🙁🙁#your presence is dearly missed kesya#i've received asks on your deactivation and have seen posts from your mutuals#for the past year since i've stopped writing here you've been the only thing i came for#i was always so curious to hear what you thought of the recent episodes or chapters. rest assured i'll love media the way you did.#just to carry on the bits and pieces i've absorbed from you somehow haha#i hope this finds you someday and you don't owe us an explanation or anything. pop into my asks if you do or just pm me directly.#i miss you. i'm sorry. i hope you're doing well wherever you are.#lots of love from a tumblr penpal-ish ahaha#love you!!#by-moonflower#kesya#kesya please find this T_T
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