#but i've discovered that getting to be creative and make things that you can visually appreciate (not just writing) is pretty awesome hsjweg

[bataranqs]

5 Happy Things

Nov. 23, 2022

1. WEDNESDAY (2022) IS OUT BABYYYY AND I’M LOVING IT

2. My student nearly fell asleep during class today and it was not great but she was very cute

3. I made two scrunchies yesterday (which was my first time making scrunchies period) and my little sister liked them enough to steal them (??? uncertain if this is bc they’re good or just bc she likes stealing my things)

4. You don’t have to wear socks at home! You can just be barefoot! Yeahhhh

5. I got this really lovely series of comments on ishte and I’m just. Yeah that fic is my baby. Also we’re somehow almost at 70k with that fic. How.

[shinidamachu]

inukag was born to be shipped by me and I was born to ship inukag as well

For ages now I've been meaning to write about the reasons why I ship Inukag as fervently as I do and @inukag-week felt like the perfect opportunity to indulge myself, so here we go.

I want to start with how aesthetically pleasing they are. From their perfect size difference to the complimentary color scheme of their outfits plus contrasting hair and eye colors, Inuyasha and Kagome just look absolutely good together.

Their character design makes it clear from the get go that they're visually a great match. The association is so strong that the audience becomes unable to picture one without the other, as if they're two halves of the same item. Different, yet unequivocally a team, a pair.

Decades ago, they already had that classic quality to them and I bet they'd never get out of style even decades from now. And the rich lore that surrounds the pairing only adds to that aesthetic: the well, the tree, the beads, the robe, the sword, all of it enhances how iconic they are. Even something as ordinary as star gazing becomes uniquelly theirs.

Futhermore, I just absolutely love the entire concept of it. The subvertion of the fairy tale archetype, the idea of a love that transcends time, of soulmates who actually work on building their bond. Loving each other was both inevitable and a choice they made every single day.

Inuyasha and Kagome were just two teenagers from different worlds — literally and figurativelly — discovering together what love was. This made their relationship very compelling, because the excange between them is insanely substancial.

And their overall dynamic is so wholesome. There was a push and pull, a give and take, that made it fluid rather than static. Every single milestone felt organic and kept the audience thirsting for the next one.

Nothing felt forced or rushed. The slow burn was competently written to showcase their relationship being build on a very strong foundation, consistent in intimacy, mutual trust and acceptance — recurring themes for them and for the story — and so the stages of their bond had such a natural pace, it highlighted how genuine and healthy it was.

Consequently, there are so many aspects of their connection to explore. There's a never ending room for angst and for light hearted moments and you can adopt a more mature perspective or go for comical instead: they manage to be versatile without being generic and to embod the best clichés in fiction without becoming one themselves.

It's hard to think of a trope they couldn't pull off or an alternate universe that doesn't work for them. It gives the fandom plenty of freedom to be creative and to have the best time with it.

Plus, their chemistry was off charts. The romantic tension bleed through every single interaction. Their passion is so strong you could feel it even in scenes that had nothing to do with romance. And they didn't even need to kiss to achieve that level of synchrony.

They were also compatible. Inuyasha and Kagome balance each other quite nicely. Even in a relationship, they still keep their individualities and remain interesting both as characters and as a ship.

The very thing that dooms most pairings — opposite personalities — is precisely what keeps them together. Inuyasha and Kagome are completely different from each other, but they're actually extremely similar where it actually matters: their morals and goals.

And they longer they stay together, challenging one another, growing through trials and tribulations, inadvertently learning what each other's needs are and fulfilling them, easing each other's sorrows, covering each other's backs, saving each other's lives in every possible way, learning each other and learning with one another, the more their dichotomy turns into a duality, because they gain a more nuanced perspective of themselves, of each other and of the world.

It's a level of understanding, closeness and respect incredibly difficult to match. And for Inuyasha and Kagome, no one else even came close.

Another thing is that they're not just complementary to each other, but to the story itself. Their romance enhaces the overall plot. It has a structural placement in the wider narrative, strengthening its core themes and fulfilling the characters individual arcs, ultimately resulting in a more compelling journey.

So many romances are disposable to their own story, but Inukag was detrimental to theirs. Inuyasha and Kagome's interactions served as pivotal points of their respective arcs. Taking only the narrative into consideration, their relationship holds a lot of weight and greatly influenced everyone around it and it tied everything together.

That's why their happy ending felt so satisfying: it feels earned because everything went full cycle. All of that symbolism, all of those parallels paid off. Anything different from what we got would simply lack narrative and thematic cohesion.

And even if they didn't end up together, they could never be circumstancial. There was a real reason why they met, a reason why the fell in love and why they had ever lasting impacts on each other's lives regardless. It wasn't just love for love's sake.

This is what makes them, in my opinion, an epic ship.

BONUS: their soundtrack is lit and their quotes are simply legendary.

[voidmade]

i thought pinterest would be second nature for me since i've been this hardcore of a tumblr girlie but honestly...i cannot get behind it no matter how much i try...i love how personal tumblr is, how you can share your thoughts and your own original content, and discover others' and such, and how it's actually a digital retreat; but with pinterest, the overstimulation is so real, why do i have 10 images at once in front of me, some of them repeating, things i have seen before on other platforms, the interface is mediocre at best, and then when you go on to make your boards - for me personally the worst thing you can do for a creative project is a pinterest board. i hate moodboards with a passion in general but i never felt more creatively inhibited as when i tried using pinterest to collect visual references for a project. it's difficult not to become very literal in regards with your references when you source images from there. and directly "quoting" something is really the norm these days, not so inspiring to me.

this is just me personally okay obviously if you like it and works for you, i'm very happy! i wish it would be a useful tool for me too actually :(

[animehouse-moe]

Yuuki Kamiya, Jujutsu Kaisen, and The Tragedy of Ao No Sumika x Specialz

Now, this isn't to say that Specialz is a terrible opening by any means, just that compared to the electric nature of OP3, it ends up feeling incredibly lackluster from a manga reader's perspective. Because of that, a major blow is dealt to the incredibly ambitious creative effort Kamiya, the director and storyboarder for both OPs, had put into each to personify his visual style. So, let me walk you all along the path explaining the pain in this failed conversion on the success of Ao No Sumika.

⚠️Warning: Manga spoilers for Shibuya will be discussed⚠️

I think it can be no clearer than the two images I've chosen to represent each opening what it was that Kamiya was going for here.

Gojo and Geto, the pair that once formed the strongest are now being pitted against one another. The two halves that constituted a whole now separated.

But let's rewind a little bit to take in the incredible nature of OP3 here. I didn't really speak on it during the arc, but the more I replay it, the more I discover more and more to truly appreciate within it. What makes OP3 so good? Well, I think a great example is Chainsaw Man ending 8.

What does it do? How does it do it? Despite appearances, this ending (as well as both of Kamiya's JJK openings) share very strong design principles with one another, and maybe even just a bit of Shingo Natsume inspiration. Anyways, the things that tie these openings together. Walk cycles, particularly ED8 here and Specialz, they share Kamiya's passion for slow motion walking animations. Character and group isolations also remain important to his creative vision. Singling out characters or groups to convey a feeling or an overall sense of purpose appears frequently, but once more is felt more strongly in Specialz than Ao No Sumika.

... I think most can read into where I'm going with this point. Specialz is closer to Chainsaw Man ED8 than it is to Ao No Sumika's opening. While the former opening still conveys Kamiya's visual style, it's a far greater breakout in terms of framing than Specialz is. We've seen Specialz before with First Death on Chainsaw Man. Not that it's not good, but it's something that leans on what Kamiya has already established.

Ao No Sumika on the other hand? It's light hearted, it's energetic. It's free. The very first scene we get in the opening is of an isolated Gojo using the fade in/out transitions that Kamiya enjoys, so we're very much aware of his style. But you follow it, and what do you happen upon?

Not an orchestrated and slow walking cycle, no. Rather, it's an energetic and full chase as we follow our Jujutsu High students to the train station. Immediately we break free of Kamiya's typical foundation to provide something outside of the box.

And you can find many examples of that within. Kamiya tends to lean towards a more methodic and "heavy" style before the action breakdown happens in an opening. Which, much like his penchant for walk cycles isn't a bad thing, it doesn't make the opening bad. It simply makes it a one-note affair that can prove to be disinteresting, especially when it can feel incredibly similar to JJK OP2 (Vivid Vice).

And that's not a baseless accusation, let me break it down. The walk cycles that appear from Natsume's OP2 in season one, featuring it's slow-motion and whatnot, also appear in OP4. The idea of groupings and the display of them appear in both as well. So on and so forth, you can find a lot of extraneous pieces that bear similarity to one another.

Once more, I believe you can see where I'm going. Whether or not intentional, it is a rather clear fact that Vivid Vice and Specialz share a lot of creative similarities. And, just to keep driving the point home, it's not a bad thing by any means. It's just not something great.

What I do think may be a little bad though is Kamiya's reliance on moments that will appear in the anime.

⚠️Once more, spoiler warning for Shibuya past this point⚠️

So, the front bits of Specialz certainly isn't bad, and a few pieces in between are solid, and the hand sign ending is arguably the best possible sequence to appear in this opening. But there's a lot of muddy bits in the middle that are just manga panels brought to the opening.

From about 44 seconds into the opening, it relies nearly entirely on manga panels for its visuals. There's a few exceptions like the Itadori-Sukuna changeover, but past that it's strictly manga panels.

Frankly speaking, I'm not fan. It's incredibly hype worthy, but it's not what I want to see in an opening. Considering how I've talked about Natsume here I'll use Vivid Vice as an example.

Dance around the story, feature your own take on it, your own inspired vision on how you would approach it. Play it with, shape it to your liking and allude to things that are much farther into the future than the literal present. Ao No Sumika understands this incredibly well, but it seems to elude Specialz.

I've kinda lost the plot, haven't I? The tragedy that befell this pair of openings is what I'm here to discuss, so let me tie a bow on it.

Ao No Sumika and Specialz are meant to be ying and yang. The happy and inspiring OP that tells the story of the nigh-unstoppable duo as they enjoy their blue youth, versus the dark and crimson life that awaits our sorcerers on Halloween.

Yuuki Kamiya loves blue and red highlights in their openings and endings, and they tend to contain both. But neither Ao No Sumika nor Specialz are complete in that regard. His visual style has been fractured to represent the two stories as they become one to show how intricately tied together Gojo's Past and Shibuya are.

And it's a shame. The electric opening that is Ao No Sumika ends up falling flat on its follow up with Specialz. Arguably the greatest potential in openings in a very long time hasn't quite been squandered, but it very unfortunately missed the mark.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hey Sophie. I prefer to talk about plural stuff anonymously at this stage of my life, but rainydaysystem has anons turned off (which is fair enough!) so maybe you could post this to share.

I no longer like the term MADD, I prefer the term neuronarration, since that's more grounded in mad pride and antipsychiatry approaches rather than shame and treating everything as a pathology. My daydreaming processes aren't inherently a bad thing, and it only becomes 'maladaptive' in specific contexts when the balance of my life has been thrown off by some type of event and my coping methods aren't up and running or aren't enough. But anyway, that's semantics, I used the term MADD from 2012-2023.

I'm using singular pronouns here but I'm plural & endo, and daydreaming has a major impact on my experience of plurality. I may end up making a neocities just to write about this stuff at some point.

The way I see it, daydreaming is a type of creative and theatrical process, right, like playing with dolls or dress-ups or creative writing. So that's why it can be so useful as a coping strategy, and also why it can be so emotionally engaging that it's hard to disengage from daydreaming - because we're social animals and theatrical play is something that's really good for our brains.

And different people daydream in different ways, but I have a very visual and sensory and spatial imagination, and so my daydreaming involves a lot of creative design of settings and characters and costumes and props and worldbuilding, and a lot of stories/scenes that I can replay and redevelop, and change what implications get drawn out, and change what emotional tone and themes get explored, like people do with fanfiction where the core cast/settings/themes are a jumping off point and you can process a lot of different things by engaging with them in different ways. So it's like my daydreaming is a medium that naturally has no finished endpoint because the fact that it's an open process is the whole nature of the beast.

I think a huge part of how it connects to plurality is that you're basically practicing really good internal coping techniques the whole time. Having a headspace/innerworld/wonderland, and designing it to have certain features, and having objects and behaviours internally that are supported by it, has a LOT in common with daydreaming. You've got a setting, and "characters", and when you need to have a conversation between people or process some emotions, you mentally go through the whole "scene". And there are obvious differences in terms of agency and volition, between an OC and a headmate, but you know, it's good for the social development of singlets to do some sort of narrative play because it's practice that helps them interact with other singlets, and I think that's what it's like with daydreaming and internal communication for plurals.

And there are resources out there trying to explain innerworld visualisation exercises so people can make use of coping techniques based on imagining resources inside the headspace and making use of them - I feel like I've got a lot of experience and a lot of confidence with visual and spatial and sensory imagination of settings and objects, so as soon as I discovered that type of coping advice, it was SO EASY to immediately deliberately integrate it as a plural coping technique. Because you basically practice the underlying skills all the time while daydreaming.

If you've practiced imagining settings and objects, you can easily use internal landscaping and headspace tools; and if you've practiced imagining narrative scenes involving multiple figures with different perspectives, and going deep into an emotional tone and then working towards resolving the narrative, you've practiced both emotional regulation and internal communication. And having that familiarity is good for your confidence and esteem and sense of efficacy and power and trust that you can turn to these tools whenever you need to.

That's the biggest impact of daydreaming on plurality for me, there are all these coping strategies that are notoriously especially useful for plurals who need to develop internal communication and collaboration between headmates in order to function, and not all plurals have headspaces/innerworlds, but it can really help using those techniques. And the daydreaming was like a 15-year intensive crash course on those exact ideal coping techniques, before I even knew about my plurality, so I could immediately put my daydreaming skills to work deliberately on plural stuff as soon as I knew about it. I think that was a profoundly important and good thing for me.

Thanks for sharing your experiences!

[corvidcrybaby]

Hello! After scrolling your blog, I must say, you have a very unique and pretty art style, i absolutely adore it. You have fantastic art I must say. Any inspiration for it?

OMGGGGG this is such a sweet message to open up to, thank you for this compliment, I take it as a high honor to have people wonder about my inspirations hahaha

As for the big one, it's honestly the man himself, Hirano. There's just so much of his approach to art that I've been so taken with ever since I first discovered it. His rendering is utterly jaw-dropping, and his sense of unique style never fails to inspire me. I love how distinctive and evocative all his trademarks are - all the duster coats and the creative ways he uses them in his panel compositions, the iconic facial expressions (I especially love how he draws scared faces and the way he draws teeth on characters when they're in a predatory position in the story, human or vampire) and his methods of hatch shading and rendering. More than anything, though, I love his sense of posing and character design and how those interact. His art has such a striking marriage of those two things and the aforementioned panel composition. His art inspired me to try to understand anatomy better and the elements of character design that might allow me to one day compose something that has the sheer level of coolness that bleeds from every page of his art, especially the title pages. There's such aesthetic maximalism to all his characters. That, and I love his use of heavy lines, sharp, angular edges in his lineart, and just GAAAAHHHHH I love his art so damned much. It makes me turn to my own art and say "how can I make this cooler," and especially in the aspect of visual storytelling that one can accomplish with a character's design. I'm aimlessly rambling but this is really the biggest one.

Beyond this, I've drawn from a really random grab bag of interests. There are a handful of artists online throughout the years whose work I've really enjoyed and found evocative inspiration in. Back in my teenhood I was enamored with the Nuzlocke comic community, with entries like this one and especially this one and the artists respectively, and even attempted one of my own that is now lost to the sands of the internet's endless aether (but if I'm being honest, I'd probably be wildly embarrassed if somebody found those, hahaha). Beyond this, it's a hodgepodge of inspirations like graphic novels and video games I've been super into. Halo, Borderlands, Fallout and the like all get a nod here, in that order. Zemira herself is basically an ODST. I also tend to absorb elements from more cartoon-leaning elements that I really like from random artists that cross my dash. I'd also give a nod to the 2003 Star Wars: The Clone Wars series in terms of the way it exaggerates certain features for stylistic ease.

Thanks so much for the ask!!

[truthseekerthedragon]

Eyes of a Writer: "Duties"

After having written a ~10k oneshot, I've decided to write a post detailing my thoughts on the story, inspirations, extra lore, and the like. I'm hoping this post helps other writers with their own stories and offers insight into their personal creative processes. There's a good chance I'll make more of these in the future, so keep your eyes peeled.

The story in question is "Duties," a Wings of Fire fanfic set within my Bloodbright AU (a comprehensive AU that involves overhauls to the canon, expanded worldbuilding, and events that occur centuries after the Wings of Fire timeline). The fic itself is about Winter getting tangled up in a coup, then discovering thousand-year-old secrets deep within the IceWing palace.

The fic can be found here. I recommend reading the fic first, as this post will spoil the entire thing.

Both the fic and this "annotation" have a content warning for verbal abuse and minor body horror. This post also contains images of hostile architecture.

Let's start with inspirations.

The design and atmosphere of the depths of the Shimmerspire Palace are heavily inspired by NaissanceE, a French indie game released in 2014. The game is a puzzle/platformer that takes place within a labyrinthine superstructure that defies words, a setting that I find extremely difficult to describe.

Image Description: The interior of a superstructure. It looks like the interior of a skyscraper if hollowed out, or perhaps an enormous rectangular tunnel that extends deep underground. The walls are lined with large, industrial blocks and overhangs and struts that may be pipes or supports. The walls sink down into a greenish-gray fog, and the occasional light or archway can be seen. Every surface is a smooth gray color.

Image Description: A... monument, perhaps? There are several sculptures all lined up in a row, each consisting of four overlapping cubes that point upward. The sculptures are lined up in the middle of a walkway with short walls inlaid with small lights to the sides. To the right a large building and light from an offscreen source can be seen. The monument is surrounded by enormous cube-shaped structures rising from a blue-gray mist or light. Rows of tiny lights shine from the cubes, making them resemble buildings. Some of these structures stretch to the ceiling, from which catwalks can be seen.

Such is the game's setting. The game has no real plot, only puzzles and platforming as you try to escape this place. NaissanceE is deeply unsettling to play (when you're not frustrated by failing the same jump 30 times, that is). Many parts of the Shimmerspire Palace's interior are lifted straight from the game's visuals.

If you want to know more about NaissanceE, you can find a video about it here.

The idea for the fic itself was something I had been tossing around for some time. I've wanted to write something with Winter in it, partially due to my frustration at how fanfics often portray his character (i.e. as a generic bully with no depth). I wanted to include Icicle as well, since I don't often see her in fanfics--and when I do see her, it's usually so the fic can treat her badly. I had the writer itch, or drive, or whatever, and I wanted to explore these characters.

I also had the idea for the eldritch IceWing palace. The Shimmerspire Palace's nature was part of my AU's lore and I had always intended to explore it in a story, but it was hard for me to come up with something. In the end I decided to tie it with Winter and the Protector Coup, another event that occurs in my AU (more on that below).

I used some music while writing. I've found that music can be an excellent tone setter for writing scenes, although I tend to be very picky with my music--for instance, songs with lyrics are a hard no, since lyrics are very distracting for me personally.

Here are the music/tracks I used for the fic:

The score of Swan Lake and, to a lesser extent, The Nutcracker for the scenes that occur in the normal sections of the palace. I find the Swan Lake score in particular to be quite fitting for the IceWing aristocracy. The music is grandiose, perhaps wistful.

Prométhée Part 1a for the sequence when Winter first enters the strange parts of the palace up to him meeting Foeslayer. It's part of NaissanceE's soundtrack. This track is beautiful yet unsettling.

The Deep Listening album for subsequent scenes deep in the palace interior. These ambient tracks are unsettling and, at least to me, convey a sense of scale. These are also in NaissanceE's soundtrack.

I used part of the Scanner Sombre soundtrack for the scene where Winter and Foeslayer crawl into the tunnel beneath the memorial. Scanner Sombre is a 2017 game about exploring a cave using nothing but a scanner, and the track does an excellent job at conveying what claustrophobia feels like.

Now, let's go over the fic itself with my notes in hand.

First, Winter's characterization. I spent some time trying to figure out how I'd write him. In canon, we rarely see Winter on his home turf; most of the time he's out and about in Pyrrhia. The way I see it, Winter's jerk behavior is a mask of sorts that he projects to gain a sense of security. He blames himself for Hailstorm's capture, so he tries to hide how weak he sees himself as by putting on a big, mean, tough-guy persona. We don't really see any jerk moments from him while he's in the Ice Kingdom, which makes me think that he drops the persona whenever he's placed in a situation where such behavior would be considered deeply inappropriate.

In this AU, there is no feud between the IceWings and NightWings, because in canon it was essentially a poorly done race metaphor and I decided to nix it to avoid bad implications. In addition, Winter never went to Jade Mountain Academy--in this AU, it was a failed project that didn't account for the fact that no one would want to go to school with dragons who were their mortal enemies less than a year ago. The wounds were still too raw.

Anyways, in the fic Winter is also quite knowledgeable in various subjects, such as history and his High Speech studies. This is all stuff he learned to climb the rankings and to make up for his subpar fighting skills. Him reciting the list of queens was an opportunity to show how hard he's working to climb the rankings, and it also let me sneak in some worldbuilding.

While there are IceWing guards in canon, I decided to add an elite imperial guard that was in charge of protecting the palace and the royal family. Looks like they're not very good at doing the latter.

If you're wondering why Winter had to wait so long, it's because coups in general can get very chaotic. It took a while before Hoarfrost could get everything in place for his dramatic little skit.

The Protector Coup itself is another AU event. I'm not a fan of The Dangerous Gift, especially not the scene where Snowfall destroys the rankings and most dragons respond to it by clapping. Why would most IceWing aristocrats respond like that to the destruction of the bedrock of their society? Absolutely ridiculous. It's more likely that we'd see a coup occur pretty much immediately.

Here's a little secret for you: Hoarfrost had actually been planning a coup for months, but seized the opportunity to depose Snowfall after she destroyed the rankings. Now he could definitively say he was doing it because of how utterly unfit Snowfall was to be queen. While Hoarfrost is doing it for the power, Taiga sees it more as a necessary evil. She's convinced that if Snowfall is queen for any longer, she'll destabilize the country.

Snowfall still destroys the rankings and the Great Ice Cliff in this AU, but there's no gift of vision (or, as I like to call it, the torture ring) that influences her here. So why did she destroy two animus gifts? That's something I might answer in another fic. Or not. I'll just say for now that it's related to Snowfall's PTSD.

You may have noticed that I changed the names of some countries in this fic, which I did because frankly, "Ice Kingdom" is just incredibly boring. "The Iceshard Hierarchy" is not only more distinct, but the name itself tells you something about the country's principles and how it sees itself.

In my AU, the High Speech works a bit like Latin: it's not spoken anymore, but it's still a prestige language that every dragonet in the Circles has to learn, ostensibly so they can read thousand-year-old archival documents. Translation is for suckers. Many aristocrats like Hoarfrost occasionally drop into High Speech for prestige/pretension points. I also wanted to add a sense of age, the sense that the IceWing aristocracy was very old, and I figured that introducing an extinct language was a good way to go about it.

Something else you may have noticed is Winter's comment that animus magic is "notoriously difficult to work with and [is] prone to error and misinterpretation." Animus magic works a bit differently in my AU, being more like a "soft" magic system that is difficult to shape to the caster's desires. You don't really see much of that in this fic except for, you know, the eldritch palace.

So. For those of you with the burning question, Is the palace alive like Winter thinks it is? Well, I have a definitive answer for you.

Yes.

Winter says the twins who made the palace died shortly after making their gift, but this isn't technically true. It would be more accurate to say that the animus twins (whose names are Quartz and Shimmer, by the way), disappeared after casting the spell and were presumed dead. However, my AU's animus magic operates by Fullmetal Alchemist rules in that you cannot create life from nothing; you have to use something that's already alive. I'll let you connect the dots from there. As a bonus, this also answers the "is the palace self-aware?" question posed by Foeslayer when she and Winter find the monument.

Speaking of Foeslayer, her introduction in my fic is very different from how she meets Winter in canon. For one, the nature of the enchantment that Diamond placed on her is much more horrifying! I decided to include Foeslayer in the fic because I didn't want Winter wandering through the eldritch palace by himself; that wouldn't be very interesting, and I knew I needed another dragon that Winter could talk to. I figured Foeslayer would be a good option.

The problem was, the nature of Foeslayer's enchantment in canon was extremely specific and didn't fit the rules of animus magic in my AU. I had to change it while keeping the spirit of the enchantment. So I thought to myself, "What is the most spiteful, petty thing Diamond can do to Foeslayer?" And I came up with "How about taking away her body autonomy while making sure she can't die?" And this is how I came up with mannequin Foeslayer.

This is how I imagine it went: After capturing Foeslayer, Diamond kept her around as a punching bag. Around this time Diamond also had lots of dragons who didn't like her style of leadership or that she had petty vendettas against, so she had these dragons locked up in the IceWing palace. Once these prisons were full, she realized she could feed these dragons to the bowels of the palace and never have to worry about them again. She got bored of Foeslayer and threw her into the deep interior as well, making sure to shred her wings so she couldn't leave by flying out the exit. And there Foeslayer remained for two thousand years.

When she meets Winter, Foeslayer says she had nearly forgotten how to think. Given how long she was down there by herself, no wonder. This also doubles as a JoJo reference.

Winter being able to understand her thousand-year-old language is both foreshadowed (when Hoarfrost spoke in High Speech) and serves as a worldbuilding element. Again, I use the High Speech to indicate age, but this time it's to show that Foeslayer speaks a long-dead language.

Foeslayer at one point says "longer than you think." This is a reference to Emesis Blue, a 2023 web horror film that is a dark reimagining of the lore of Team Fortress 2. The same phrase is repeated throughout the movie. In Emesis Blue proper the line references Stephen King's 1981 short story The Jaunt. References within references! Fun! Little does Winter know, Foeslayer has been alive for two thousand years, and she's been conscious the whole time, unlike in canon. She spent an eternity in there.

In case you're wondering why Foeslayer gave a fake name, it's because she was rather infamous in her own time, having eloped with a prince and all. She didn't want anyone to recognize her, because she'd rather just put all that behind her. The name "Discretion" comes from one of the NightWing diplomats in Runaway.

The part where Winter talks about his life was a tricky one. I kept going back and forth between writing out what Winter says as opposed to just telling the readers. I eventually settled on the latter since explaining Winter's character to people already familiar with him would be repetitive, but it wasn't an easy choice to make.

The panic attack scene was also tricky for me to write, but for a different reason--I've only experienced one panic attack in my whole life. Luckily there are lots of blog posts about what a panic attack feels like (thank you so much internet), and I think the scene turned out fairly well.

Given the mental and physical exhaustion that comes after a panic attack, I needed a scene where the characters could unwind. After some thought I settled on Foeslayer asking to hug Winter, sort of as a found-family thing. While Winter in this fic has an arc about learning to be himself and throw off the weight of the expectations placed on him, Foeslayer also has a mini-arc about learning to be a mother again. Having a mass murderer for a son and 2000 years with nothing but your thoughts for company tends to make you introspective. Winter needed a mother figure to support him, eventually allowing him to support himself, and Foeslayer needed a son figure after... you know. Foeslayer gets a do-over like in canon, but it's with Winter instead of her mind-wiped mass murderer son. The whole Peacemaker thing just never sat right with me, but then, I consider mind-wiping to be pretty heinous in general.

Hopefully you enjoyed the hugging scene as much as I enjoyed writing it. Warm fuzzy feelings for everyone!

Okay, now to the escape scene where Winter feels like he's being chased. This part is another shout-out to Emesis Blue, specifically the scene near the end where Soldier is running from an unseen creature that may or may not be a hallucination. If you're wondering what the Watsonian explanation for this scene is, I'll tell you that the palace feels bad about Winter and Foeslayer leaving. :(

Icicle in this AU really likes ruby earrings. They represent the blood of the Hierarchy's enemies.

Alrighty, now for the fun part: my breakdown/explanation of Icicle's character! In canon it's very clear that Icicle doesn't care for Winter, and the only dragon she seems to truly respect is Hailstorm. I extrapolated that Icicle has a personal honor code that she adheres to rigorously, one based around her view of strength. She sees herself as the ideal IceWing aristocrat: regal, intelligent, and deadly. Anyone who can meet her standards have earned her respect, perhaps even admiration and love; anyone who doesn't she views with nothing but contempt. I think Icicle's little monologue in the fic explains pretty much everything else about her character.

I think automatons warrant a quick mention. Automatons have been around for thousands of years, and during the early modern period were capable of complex tasks such as drawing pictures and playing chess (similar to what Winter knows automatons are capable of). Fans of The Magnus Archive will be familiar with the Mechanical Turk, which was actually operated by a human during chess matches.

Winter's metaphor of society fitting him into a mold is a nod to the manga short The Enigma of Amigara Fault. There's an excellent video that breaks down the cultural context behind the story, which can be found here.

And my final note for the story: The phrase "the cold does not forgive mistakes" originates from the Jacob Geller video essay "Fear of Cold," which can be found here. An excellent video about... pretty much exactly what it sounds like.

Thanks for reading my fanfic annotations. If you have a burning question about "Duties" that wasn't answered here, feel free to send me an ask.

[chacha-tortuga]

Do you have any particular inspirations for your artwork?

Hello!

I will preface this by stating that I draw way less than before for multiple reasons, so it's come to a point where all my inspirations are fuzzy in my mind. My visual library has been fueled a lot these last years but it's become passive to the point of not really thinking about it much anymore. The few times I draw for myself I rely solely on my comfort zone so it's become a feedback loop of trying to stick to my own art and where influences per se get drowed out. But answering this ask I will try really hard to find what got me to have various visual "it makes sense alright". I won't also mention the influences I have for professional related works because they change all the time and when I'm a technician I don't feel like my style has that much of an importance.

So, my Influences :

Style wise I had a before-and-after feeling when I discovered the art of Alexei Kallima. His works focus on various themes but I really am inspired by his paintings depicting hooliganism and violence. His compositions for his series of the team of parachutist women are simply incredible.

Speaking of hooliganism, the short film I Love Hooligans by Jan-Dirk Bouw is also an inspiration.

For my traditional art, I use mostly a gel pen freehand for my sketches, which is my favorite way of drawing all things considered. I use a bit of watercolour occasionaly to make my sketches more lively. My main influence in that medium has to be Gipi and his comic books. My favourite ones are Appunti Per Una Storia Di Guerra and S. You can absolutely see how I shamelessly copied his lines and features on his characters, I find them absolutely delightful.

My friend showed me a short film which was very similar in style, it's called Yul et le Serpent by Gabriel Harel. I loved it.

In terms of linework, Taiyo Matsumoto was also a before-and-after experience. I discoreved him with Amer Beton and Ping Pong and absolutely got won over style wise with Number Five. I now usually get a bit rougher with my ink lines with my pen like him. He gets different levels of detail and varies style depending on the feeling of a panel or the distance to the viewer. I joke saying he pretty much doesn't give a fuck about the character model and I wish I had that intuition about my own drawings. The animated adaptation of Ping Pong is probably my favorite anime, and inspires me greatly for my animation work. Once again playing with the medium.

My main "intuition" in art has always been colours. I love colouring my art and choosing what goes well with what and do the colour scripts for my projects and all. Movie wise the main guy who gets me creative is Rémi Chayé. The Long Way North is one of my favourite movies and the colours there are insanely good.

Otherwise I'm a huge fan of abstract art, I will only cite Rothko because it's the only one where I've seen his artwork in the flesh and I Get how his colours works organically.

Other abstract artists who inspire me, but not especially related to colours for my art are the russian avant-garde artists, I love constructivism and suprematism (I even got a tattoo of a work by Iakov Chernikhov, the one pictured in fact). So obviously Malevitch (regarding of the period), El Lissitzky, Rodchenko, Varvara Stepanova etc.

Ukrainian mosaic artists but in particular Galina Zubchenko.

For my personal art including my OCs my main inspiration is the photographer Robert Capa.

Another photographer I love is obviously Robert Mapplethorpe (two Roberts mentionned!).

You'll get that now I mostly draw stuff related to post apocalypse and/or wastelands scenarios, so the books Metro 2033, Roadside Picnic (a lot of books and novels from the Strugatski brothers in general). I tend to stick with an artisanal vision of these settings rather than a fully militarized one. I think it makes everything more interesting.

I can't not include obviously real footage and photographies of modern conflicts I guess.

I guess that's all I can think of "precisely" and can name with certainty. I also have a pinterest board for art inspiration if you want to check it out.

I hope that's not too disappointing of an answer and that it's at least interesting.

[theycall-vn]

About "They Call"

In depth information regarding They Call will be shared as soon as testing starts; until then, the content will remain a secret.

If you have any general questions that aren't answered below, asks are open, and I will answer as much as I can.

(Real information regarding vn will be added to this with the release of the demo!)

Release date: To be determined.

FAQ below cut:

Why keep the information to yourself?

To be blunt, I'm paranoid. I do not want someone to find and use any of the work I've put into this before I can even put it together. I will give sneak peeks through development, but they will be very small sneak peeks.

Theme?

They Call is both dark and not? The story itself is dark, but it's intended to be balanced out by... mundane fluff. Both with and without the other main.

Who is the other main?

They have been called the guardian, protector, and BB, now officially named. I will continue to call them BB and I'll be tucking their name away from public posts. I'm doing this so it can be a silly little surprise for you to discover when you play!

Anyway, they are the (entirely optional) romantic interest. You can develop the relationship you have with them any way you want - you can even complete the story as total strangers that vaguely tolerate each other's company!

Are there bad ends?

Technically, yes, but it has nothing to do with the relationship you have with BB. There are a lot of bad ends, and I do mean a lot.

What about other endings? Any "true" ends?

Without getting too into it, there is more than one. The good ends are all the same in that they are all the "true" end. They're merely... flavoured by your choices throughout the story.

18+?

Yes, this game is definitely 18+! Not just because of the (optional) sexual content, but also because the story itself can get very heavy, gory, and generally unpleasant. At current, I'm unsure how bad it's going to be. It's already very dark, but it's still super early in development. Content warnings will be clearly displayed once I'm able to list them all!

When can we expect sneak peeks and updates?

I am working on this entirely alone. I'm writing, programming, and making all the art for it (characters, backgrounds, CGs) on my own. Which, obviously, is going to take me a super long time. Especially considering this is my first time ever making something like this! Basically, you'll get sneak peeks when you get them - sorry it's not a more concrete answer!

How much will it cost?

After giving it some thought, I've decided to keep it free. On Itch.io, anyway. There will be an optional payment thing, of course. Only $3, (the price may change) seeing as this is the first time I've ever done this.

But! If things go well, I'm happy with the finished product, and I can drum up the courage, I will put it on Steam too. (if they'll let me) But that one will not be free - same price as whatever the optional Itch payment is.

What inspired this?

In truth, it started with a (literal) dream. (You can find out more about this dream in the very first progress post!)

It was dark, violent, and I could see BB and the UI used perfectly. So I made it a reality. I will also mention that most of this is written as catharsis, using my mind and mental struggles as inspiration and creative fuel.

In terms of technicalities, though, I was inspired by my favourite visual novels. That specifically being story structure and how you develop the relationship you have with the other main.

FAQ will be edited as time goes on.

As I said, if you have any more questions, (or even suggestions based off the "progress" posts) do not hesitate! Asks are open and will remain open. I'll answer as soon as possible.

Progress posts are not structured currently, they're mostly rambling about what I did or thought about that day. I might structure them and make them less... my brain flavoured as time goes on.

Important tags: - theycallvn (general tag) - theycallvn progress post (progress posts - what i've worked on) - theycallvn peek (sneak peek tag - writing & art) - theycallvn chat (ask tag)

If you'd like to keep track of future projects, you can follow @chasm-critter-studios (link)

[pewpewpugh]

More Than Friends: part 1

I never understood why they asked. Why every time I was around her, the question "Are you two dating?" would pop up. No, I'd reply. We're just friends. And we are, just friends that is. But that doesn't stop the butterflies when she looks at me with a certain expression. It doesn't stops the butterflies when she entwines our fingers at a party. And it certainly doesn't stop the butterflies when we're alone in her room, her arms around me and her head on my chest. The butterflies don't stop, I've tried. 

I was twenty seven when we met. She was twenty six. I was working a full time job as a social media executive in the city, for a start up company selling vintage clothing. You see, I'm what you would call a creative. I love to make things. Photography, videography, graphics, that kind of thing. I used to be a painter as a kid, but I grew out of that when I discovered technology. And that's my passion, making visual things that others can enjoy. I write scripts too, though the majority of them need filing under BIN. Anyway, i'm going on a tangent. I was testing out my new camera, a Canon EOS 750D DSLR, in the reception of the local TV studio when a girl stopped me to ask for directions to the closest cafe with good coffee.

'Walk out of the car park, turn right at the exit, follow the street until you reach the library and it's next door. If you reach Tesco, you've gone too far', I say.

She thanks me, and heads on her way. I never think another second of it, this happens often.

Two nights later, it's a Friday night and I'm heading to a party being hosted by a girl I've spoken all but two words to, but she's a friend of the girl I'm dating so I agree to attend. We arrive around 9pm and I'm dragged straight into the garden where I see a group of around 8 girls sat in a circle on the grass. Nicole, the girl I'm seeing, says her hello's and introduces me to her friends. 

'This is Sheree' she says to everyone, 'The girl I was telling you about'. 

I smirk at that. A huge, shit eating grin actually and she notices, rolling her eyes at me. She asks if I'd like a drink, to which I say yes, but I'll get them, and she points me in the direction of the kitchen. I leave her with her friends and head in the direction she gave, finding myself in an american styled kitchen area. Bottles everywhere. It was like a scene from Skins. I grab two bottles of Budweiser, and search for a bottle opener. 'There MUST be one around here somewhere', I think to myself.

'Here' I hear from my left, 'You might need this'.

Looking over, I see a girl with short blonde hair waving a bottle opener at me. I take it, thanking her for her help and opening the bottles in my hand.

'So, this might sound weird...' she starts. I raise my eyebrows at her, causing her to grin at me, 'but aren't you the girl from the studio a few days ago?' 

For the first time, I properly look at her. She was right. She was the girl I gave the directions to.

'Uh, coffee girl, right?' I ask. She grins again.

'That's me, though I hope the nickname doesn't stick...' There's an awkward silence before she continues, 'I'm Florence'

I nod in response, "Sheree'

'Nice to officially meet you. Your directions are shit, by the way. I hit Tesco' 

'Oh, fuck. Sucks to be you, I guess' 

I shrug at her. Florence again grins at me. She's making a habit out of that. I like it.

'So, what brings you to these neck of the woods? No offence, but you don't sound like you're from around here' 

'A project' She pauses, choosing her words carefully, 'I'm an actor"

'Ah, a stripper' I tease.

'Fuck off' She laughs, which was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard, 'Ive been doing voice acting at the studio I saw you at...'

I'm impressed. To me there is nothing more attractive than a girl with a talent. I look at her closely, taking in every detail of her face, trying to work out if I would know her, but nothing came to mind.

'Would I know anything you've been in?' I ask her curiously. 

'Maybe, maybe not' She shrugs at me, 'I-'

Just then, I felt two arms wrap around my waist and a chin rest on my shoulder. Nicole. Florences smile faulted slightly, before she turned her attention to the new arrival.

'Hi! You must be Sheree's... girl...?... friend...?' she paused between each word, unsure of how to go about the situation. We both knew she was flirting with me before, and now the situation had turned awkward. Not my girlfriend. Not my girlfriend. Not. My. Girlfriend.

'We're not quite at that stage yet, but maybe someday.' Nicole replies, before taking her drink from my hand, 'Thanks, kid' she kisses my cheek before skipping back outside to her friends. You're welcome, kid.

Florence furrowed her brows as we watched her leave. When she was out of sight, I turned again and caught Florence looking at me curiously. Not for the first time tonight either.

'She seems...'

'A lot' I interrupt.

'Nice' she continues.

I grin at her, taking a sip of my drink. She giggles, and I swear my heart nearly exploded. I'd found my new favourite sound.

[edge-oftheworld]

life update i guess. i feel like i got through the boy ep mania early with the close my eyes release (at least i'm hoping with the rest of it i can just. grieve and have hope all at once. i know the vibe of what's coming and i really need that in my life).

anyway, gonna try share more of the personal 'so this is what it meant to me' rather than 'this is what it means imo' sometimes, take the spotlight away from our beloved band members and their personal lives and into the listener experience--because i always have a hunch we have more in common than not as a fandom. i listen to a lot of music but i'm here blogging on tumblr about these guys because nothing unravels what's in my head like a 5sos song. which is why i love playing around with them and looking at different angles musically and lyrically!

right now, my bird is unwell and i'm literally so anxious all the time because of his health. and i know i need to slow down and also grieve lost futures etc (is it true if you're feeling anxiety it's a sign you need to grieve? or is that a myth idk) in order to best be there for him, and try show up well at my job etc too if only just so i can afford the vet bills. realising how much it's impacting me and life's not always like this and it won't be forever, but it's actually the most perfect time to be getting a new luke album (and ttpd, but we don't talk about her bc Boycott Things. i'm also rediscovering mistaken identity by delta goodrem which i do every 10yrs or so).

i'm also processing the whole religious trauma/ministry burnout thing. i know it's not a common thing to experience in my early 20s but i was a volunteer youth pastor for 3 years, in which i cared for a lot of people, saw a lot of pain, and wasn't really able to do everything and create the healing, freeing kind of connections I wanted, slowly realising not everyone goes to faith communities for these things and some are perfectly happy with the status quo. 5sos5 was the album that got me through the process of leaving that behind, and lately i've been thinking about making a little art moodboard comic thing with a slide for every song and what it means to me, bible verses related to that experience etc, and i hope i manage to prioritise doing that i think it'd be really good for me and when it's done i'll share it with you guys. make it pretty and visual and a story i can tell creatively to take back a little autonomy.

and then i'm also trying to walk my (asian, i'm half asian, and rn it's that side of the family that needs it most) through the process of discovering and accommodating neurodivergence. i'm lucky to be the one who has the resources to figure it out and so early in my life too, but it's hard to communicate between cultures and i'm so, so tired. there's so many feelings to navigate, everyone else's as well as my own. wfttwtaf has been really good for just helping process my feelings around that, but also actions, prompting me to imagine things from the kind of perspectives i need to, i don't know why it does this, but it does. the southeast asian inspo is minimal, but it's there enough for me to apply it to my life. and we're all trying to fight redefine the bloodline rn too.

i'm finding a lot of hope and optimism in finding myself as a musician through my orchestral arrangement of calm. inspired to keep chipping away at studying urban design through the city and place mentions of all their albums (as well as just the premise of somewhere new ep. i'm not really sure why). to figure out what it looks like to choose myself with superbloom. soothe my inner teen with sgfg, but process what was going on in leaving high school all those years ago (shut my eyes at 17, okay? i'm only just about to turn 23) with youngblood and trying to reclaim what's left of my youth inspired by the songs off self titled.

so i guess that's how it all relates to me. why i'm on here. and i know any projects i try to do are going to be slow rn bc i just have so much on, i'm trying to recover from burnout (board up my windows, tryna revive) and i'm so physically and mentally drained rn but this won't be forever. there's gonna be a nice, new equilibrium to come out of this and i hope soon. so thank you for being around while i gush about all these songs during this time!

oh!! and then processing my move interstate in literal december 2011 away from my childhood home in sydney with 2011 and efyts :)

[starleska]

What your favorite thing about TTTE/ RWS

James the Red Engine, of course!! 🥺 love this vain little prince!

no, honestly, thank you for asking this question because it's such a tough one to quantify when there's so much to enjoy. i've only been in the TTTE fandom for a few weeks (mildly side-tracked by discovering a blorbo from another fandom - sorry train fans 😂) but i am just astonished by the depth of lore and creativity in both the canon and the fandom!!!

the original Railway Series is full of so much heart and originality...beautiful illustrations, lovely little moral lessons, and such fun personalities from the trains. you can tell how much love the Reverend put into the series. the original Thomas the Tank Engine show brings those biting characters to life with simple yet visually stunning models, and it’s so much fun getting to see these trains move and interact with each other!! and finally, i haven’t had much time to explore the newer iterations of TTTE yet, but it all seems very sweet and i’m pleased it’s being brought to a new generation 🥰💖

but i’ll be honest with you - it was absolutely the fandom which sucked me in. i’ve been lurking on the periphery for quite some time, and was drawn in by the sheer passion and talent of people participating in the fandom. all those amazing train humanisations, in-depth theories which take into account the completely mental lore of Sodor and all its real-life equivalent events, how open and fun everyone is about their respective interpretations...it all just looked like a great thing to be a part of, and i wasn’t wrong 🔥🔥

like, honestly, as an autistic person i always knew TTTE would get me one day. trains are cool: there’s so much to learn about them in real life, from their history, to their modernisation, to all the models which exist, all of the lines and tracks and the engineering side of things. bringing a funny, colourful cast of mischievous trains into the mix, ripe for all kinds of fun fannish activities, was the killing move. it’s all so endearing and it makes my heart warm 😊💖

(plus...i’m already a fan of Cars and Choo-Choo Charles. it was inevitable 🤣)

[flame-shadow]

8. What do you like most about your own work?

10. What’s that one thing that inspired you to make drawing your consistant hobby?

8. What do you like most about your own work?

Hmmm. I like a decent amount of things about my art, but probably what I like most is that I can draw quickly and generally capture or quickly discover what I'm intending to draw. The sooner I can get an idea or the impression of a shape out of my head, the sooner I am freed from the burden of trying to remember something I can't visualize.

I think I've mentioned it before, but I don't have a strong ability to visualize things in my head (aphantasia), so when I have something in mind that I want to draw, it manifests as an impression - usually the abstract feeling of an expression or the flow of a pose - that I have to translate onto the paper. And when I don't get what I'm after the first time, then I can usually quickly figure it out with some sketchy lines and a few adjustments.

I've figured out a way to describe the experience of 'seeing' what's in my head, but it's kinda irrelevant here. Anyway, drawing quickly and ridding myself of intangible idea-demons.

10. What’s that one thing that inspired you to make drawing your consistent hobby?

I don't think there's a single identifiable thing. I have always been drawing; I'm one of those "since I could hold a crayon and push it around on a paper" people. I think it's more that.. there are some things which helped me out, and there are some things which were less fun but which ensured that I didn't actually STOP drawing as a hobby.

Before I list the factors, I want to set the stage. I was Not Good At Drawing Things for a long time. I have always been slow at developing my artistic skills and figuring out how to do things. Among my artistically inclined peers, I was almost always on the lower skilled, less creative end of the spectrum of artists, especially before my early-to-mid-twenties (this is a very subjective spectrum and it's not that great to compare yourself to others in this way, but tolerate my usage of it here please). I don't say this to put myself down, but I want to emphasize that not only was I not one of the ~ooh wow you're so talented~ artists, but I used to accept the quiet fact that I'd probably never be Great at art, that I'd mostly just be someone who had decent skills and could entertain people with my doodles. (And to be clear, I filled this niche for many years and was happy doing it! But I wanted to keep getting better, so I did.)

Things which helped me continue drawing: - support/encouragement from my family and friends, especially my mom who would buy me art supplies and paid for me to attend some after-school art classes during my elementary school years. those classes taught me some foundational techniques that I still think about and use today. - related, that art teacher from those classes. seriously, she was the one art teacher i have had who i actually genuinely always enjoyed interacting with (the other art teachers were a mixed bag, but what can you expect when they had to deal with middle and high schoolers all the damn time) - joy! i enjoyed and still enjoy the physical experience of drawing and expressing myself in a different way. there is a tactile pleasure to drawing on paper that cannot be experienced from drawing on a screen, and i think that helped engage me, and i often return to it when i need to feel more from drawing - spite. yeah, cycling back to those unfun art teachers, i absolutely have been motivated by spite to keep drawing. sometimes i think about going up to my middle school art teacher and giving evidence for the fact that i can paint now and i know how to draw contours and my dragons don't look like weird dog-lizards. and i think about going up to my high school art teacher and shoving so many pieces in her face and saying that i can too compose a drawing and use color well and my anatomy is loads better and also just because you don't understand the appeal of dragons doesn't mean i'll ever stop drawing them also fuck you for making me cry when i was trying my best for those entire two years i had your class im better now and also ive stolen what you taught me about critiques and turned it into something that people actually come to me for help with because unlike you, I can give a critique without making the artist shrivel up inside -dragons. dragons are super fun to draw and they have often been the only thing i had any desire to draw

That got long, whoops. I don't have simple answers for questions like these XD

Artist question list

[chairsarefornerds]

I have been filling my brain with too many pieces of media that deserve a longer amount of time in my head, I'm trying to catch up on Horror movies I feel I need to watch and there's so many that I feel like need more time in my head, and I will attempt to put my thought on the all the movies I've watched in the past few weeks here so I can think through it:

Scream Series - if y'all wann hear my thoughts lmk because this series I could go in depth on, the rankings go

Scream - 9/10

Scream 2 - 4/10

Scream 3 - 3/10

Scream 4 - 7/10

Scream 5 - 8/10

Scream 6 - 9/10

Crimson Peak - Spent this entire movie convinced they were cannibals and I've never been more disappointed to not see someone get eaten. Honestly solid twist but I predicted it in like 12 minutes and my roommate GASLIT ME. - 6/10

Fantastic Mr. Fox - Amazing, classic, made me cry 8/10

Us - Possibly the most frightening movie I've seen, literally one bad scene, and it's just because it slightly over explains, in a way that leads to some unanswerable questions interpreted as plotholes, however I think that piece is more symbolic and stylistic and this movie is one of my favorite horror movies ever, and also one of the most frightening things I've seen, period. - 9.9

Nope - GORGEOUS MOVIE, if you work or do entertainment at all I believe this movie should be required viewing for people in our profession, it is such a gorgeous commentary and has amazingly compelling characters and also one of the most horrific scenes to enter a horror movie. - 10/10

Nightmare on Elm Street - For a classic, I felt underwhelmed, I think it's hurt by the fact that I am familiar with Freddy as a character, and also knew most of the effects, personally it wasn't particularly suspenseful but possibly slasher films don't particularly speak to me? - 5/10

Nightmare on Elm Street 2 - SO GAY, the movie has easily the most frightening scene in this entire series, and has a wonderful meta-commentary of a queer boy discovering himself. This is without a doubt my favorite movie in the series, very dark and creepy with phenomenal effects, Wes Craven I bless you. - 8.5/10

NIghtmare on Elm Street 3 - Peak Freddy as a character, goofy, mean, amazing and such creative effects and kills, including most of the classics you think of when you think of Nightmare on Elm Street (The String Puppet, It's Prime TIme Bitch, and the insane overdose kill with those finger syringes) - 6/10

Nightmare on Elm Street 4 - SO BORING MAN also some weirdly creepy moments from Freddy, really boring but sadly not the worst, I didn't like it - 3/10

Nightmare on Elm Street 5 - Fucking - what happened in this movie? OH SHIT YEAH this is probably the stupidest conceit and the worst final act and such boring kills I just didn't like it, one of my least favorite movies I've seen honestly. Also... SUPER FREDDY SUCKSSSS - 2/10

Nightmare on Elm Street 6 - Confession time, such a fun fucking movie and I don't get the hate it is so fun, so funny, has a couple of the best scenes (and one of the worst but shhh) I absolutely adored how fun and camp this movie was, it also had literally the only moment I felt frightened since the second movie and it was just so fun, great effects and stupid fun slasher movie. - 8/10

IT (2019) - Always loved this movie, I can talk about it forever - 9/10

Salem's Lot (2024) - Reddit can fuck itself this is a wonderful vampire story and has some horrifying shots, as well as a fun story and characters. Terrifying visuals such a great movie. Now, I will say I haven't read the Stephen King book yet and from what I understand if you've read the book and want a faithful adaptation you should watch Midnight Mass instead, however it is separately a really great vampire movie, incredibly stylistic. - 8/10

Lisa Frankenstein - WOnderful commitment to its aesthetic as well as a really clever set-up and payoff, there's somthing beautiful in the way she is putting herself together with the pieces she cuts off of the people who make her feel incomplete, amazing movie will be watching it repeatedly - 8.7/10

The Barbie Movie - 9/10 you know, it made me cry, loved it of course should have watched it earlier.

Saltburn- Y'all understand a movie can be about a psychosexual relationship AND be a critique on class right? Like, this was my first time watching it and I think if you take away the class commentary you remove a large piece of the film and I'm worried some of the opinions I saw on this movie were written by people who believe a movie is incapable of holding two thoughts at once and I'd just like to talk because I fear we watched different movies if you go "it's actually not really about class" - 9/10

Ready or Not - Amazing horror movie, with a badass main character who goes through some BRUTAL moments, honestly if not Abigail then this is the epitome of Radio Silence. Hilarious ensemble cast and genuine surprises and shocks and pain throughout, a true delight. - 8.5/10

Rumble Fish - Stylistic movie, wonderful commentary with a great cast, I have yet to watch The Outsiders but this movie is the reason that I will. - 8/10

The Muppet Movie - Beautiful, Rainbow Connection always makes me cry, fun movie, should hav put it between som fucked movies and not on its own. - 8/10

Midsommar- Gorgeous, cult movie, amazing fake-out that reminds me of Get Out, where you think the "evil thing" is this one thing but it's actually this almost more fucked up but sybolically better thing instead, with fucking stunning effects and cinematography. - 9/10

Bodies Bodies Bodies - So funny, such a fun movie and great twist, I adore it! Amazing characters, including genuinely great queer rep, and great suspense! Wonderful cast and a hilarious movie- 9/10

I Saw the TV Glow - HOLY FUCKING- Y'ALL I CAN'T!!! I don't think i've been in aspot where, after sleeping on a movie I'm not able to analyze it, this movie is still staring into my soul. THIS. IS PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR. This movie opened me up and layed me there, holy shit y'all if you haven't seen it GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW. - 13/10

Oscar - Amzing'ly wonderful cute movie which needs nothing, if you like Clue you'll like this, if you like movies that are thinly veiled farce's you'll love this, wonderful character acting, 10/10

Yes I know they're not all horror, I needed to watch things in between so my mental health didn't fucking self-destruct. Any recommendations y'all think I should watch?

[phantalgia]

Why is it hard for me to engage with my interests?

One of my biggest struggles is being able to engage with any of the things that I enjoy. I don't really understand it and it comes from a multifactored place. But I think it can be broken down into two major blocks. A mental block and a physical one with some overlap between the two. So I guess we can be like Kamala Harris and use a Venn Diagram as a mental visualization.

Physical Blocks

I think if it wasn't clear enough already, I have some physical barriers that keep me back. From Dysautonomia-like symptoms I've had never been aware of since I was maybe 13-14. To COVID infections, twice, and a surgery that has knocked the wind out of me. Where the physical blocks intersect with the mental ones is in "hyperactivity" which is all I can call it as I don't know exactly what it is besides some guesses.

I think the physical blocks are clear and if we abstracted COVID and surgery from the equation, we're left with these mild dysautonomia-like symptoms. These have manifested mostly as trouble getting up out of chairs, some orthostatic hypotension, easily fatigued, loss of concentration, intense headaches, sometimes a feverish feeling, an overall intolerance to being upright (sitting or standing) without being short of breathe, blood pooling to extremities, puffy hands and feet, tight throat, short of breathe, and probably some others I can't think of.

Again, still leaving out COVID and post-surgery, this is what I dealt with before. I don't know what it is exactly. Because it very much could just be an overactive stress response. Or something along those lines. And I didn't know how much it affected me in every day life. Because it is so mild or has been blamed on other things like "not exercising enough" (which isn't true by the way, I was doing a lot of physical exercise), blamed on anxiety (which even then they didn't bother to try and do anything about), or was just dismissed outright.

To this day, because of COVID and post surgery experiences, I have become more aware of these symptoms because they have been THE SAME symptoms I dealt with before when I was in my teens but just cranked up a lot with some new stuff added in there like tachycardia. I had developed heart palpitations by the time I was 18-19 long before COVID. And then of course I would discover the Non-Compaction in my heart because of COVID. So in some ways COVID became a blessing and a curse telling me that I'm not making this up and I legit feel this way. My biggest worry as a teen was if I was ever going to be able to hold a job, I kept it a secret as I was embarrassed as to what people might say.

So with all the gaslighting and very real feelings I was having, it affects your mental well being. And I was not a happy kid. This is on top of whatever mental blocks I was already dealing with too.

Mental Blocks

All I really know is that I was really anxious growing up. That's about it. But it affected me in ways I didn't realize.

Most of the time I would spend days out of school just because my anxiety about school was so bad. There was nothing exciting about it or anything to look forward to. Much of it was stomach aches I would have early in the morning because I was so nervous.

These would go away by the time I did make it to school and spent some time there. But much of very early days at school, in elementary, just felt very linear, scripted almost like I was just a casual character.

But I had a lot of interests as a kid, I don’t remember how this happened but Leonardo Da Vinci was one of my biggest inspirations as a kid. I thought the idea of self teaching and being able to do more than one thing was so cool. To me it was unheard of in a time of specialization and very linear, structured, organized curriculum. It infected my perception of the world and how you were supposed to learn in school and outside of it.

Modern Education Soured Creativity in Learning

I eventually want to talk about an observation I had where for some reason, in certain hobbies I get very antsy and perfectionistic about things while in others not so much. So if I seperated learning to use a computer and academic work, using a computer I was able to learn without being so nervous about while academic interests made me nervous. This is something I could expand upon in a future post but it's more of an observation.

I think the very linear and structured nature of contemporary pedagogy painted this picture of the most ideal "learner" that I had to be. Which lead to a lot of procrastination, being distracted, being antsy about imperfections even before opening up a book. Things seemed daunting just before I even started. I would find myself pacing and pacing and never starting. This is as early as elementary school. But even if I did start what would happen?

Most of the time my mind would start to wonder, I'd get distracted or become self aware of what I’m doing and question it. Something didn't feel right and I couldn't figure it out. It would leave me uncomfortable. Sometimes I'd ignore the feeling or the feeling would get so unbearble I'd have to stop and almost breakdown or pace.

So there's a lot of anxiety here and maybe even an obsession over the most ideal of conditions for me to even start work on anything. This is a phenomenon that only occurs at home. Nowhere else. Not even at school. School just felt like I was passively moving along. Neither present nor unpresent.

These feelings and expectations for myself would creep up again in middle-high school and left me deeply deeply depressed. I still struggled to articulate the feelings I was having because they were so confusing.

On the days outside of school I would spend time trying to figure out why I felt the way I did, I did have unrestricted internet access afterall. At first I found out I was a procrastinator. I tried to use that as an explaination but that didn't work. So I kept looking for anything to describe how I felt. The closest thing I found was "perfectionist".

Perfectionist?

Perfectionism is kind of weird because what it is isnt an actual mental illness and is instead a personality trait that can be toxic. But if I was a perfectionist it created an environment for me where I couldn't get anything done, I was waiting for the correct conditions, and I had this ever looming feeling of "some thing not being right" if I was doing something.

It was quite literally ruining my life. And I tried so hard to explain to teachers and therapists that I was a "perfectionist" but I got dismissed each time and gaslit that I wasn't. My teacher essentially was insinuating that I was just lazy.

I couldn't quite understand why perfectionism wasn't technically a "mental illness". This feeling, this thing was ruining my life and had me institutionalized.

I actually still don’t understand why it isnt a "mental illness". But learning about anti-psychiatry and the history of psychiatry it makes sense. Perfectionism is a desired "trait" for capitalism. If you’re a perfectionist, it means you have the innate desire to be the best, you’re meritocratic even though it's costing you your body.

There is some academic research into perfectionism as a "personaility trait". Wikipedia has stated there's maladaptive forms that can lead to or be a sign of anxiety disorders, OCD, neurodivergency, etc. but there is a citation needed there, in the article.

Personally, I don’t like perfectionism. I think it's a horrible thing to be infected with and just ruins your life whether it exists by itself or is the result of neurodivergency or OCD. Nobody should ever be striving for any level of perfection and should instead be focused on the things in front of you. I don’t care if perfectionism has some "positive" qualities. They don’t. They'll just create burnout and alienate the affected person from others and their passions. It's the illusion of positive qualities.

I’m probably sounding like I’m trying to pathologize perfectionism and that does seem like it. That mostly is because it's coming from a deep hatred of those feelings that affect me. But I can only blame the environment that created "perfectionism" not perfectionism itself. Perfectionism is not a disease but a symptom of a society that requires meritocratic people and the self interested homo economicus.

With that all said, I don’t believe that perfectionism is a complete picture. As hinted, there's a connection between OCD, neurodivergency, and anxiety disorders. I think through that lens I might be getting somewhere.

Am I Neurodivergent or OCD?

It's kind of strange to be an advocate for "post-psychiatry" or "anti-psychiatry" and in favor of movements like "mad liberation" while still holding onto these labels. I don’t fully know what the discussion is surrounding labels in this area. I've seen arguments to go beyond them, reappropriate them, or just get rid of them outright. But when discussing fitting into a capitalist society, the labels can be a good tool, even if they don’t carry the nuances and the freedoms to not conform to certain standards.

I've wondered if I may be OCD or Neurodivergent in some capacity. My diagnosises have been clinical depression and generalized anxiety. Nothing more. I have been tested for depression, anxiety, bipolar, and ASD. It was nothing new, for ASD, I had a blip of it but not enough to call it Autism. A lot of my self research has found that it can be hard to diagnose neurodivergency in adults, especially if you mask it well and is very expensive. I didnt actually see any real experts in neurodivergency ever. So I may never know.

But I do feel like I fit many hallmarks of neurodivergency: difficulty concentrating, unorganized, trouble socializing, easily distracted, hyperactive, sensitivity to certain stimuli, stimming. It's hard for me to keep up with my thoughts while writing which is probably why I write so poorly.

And I feel like I have obsessions: obsessive rumination, obsessive interests that i protect, thinking about the same thing over and over again uncontrolably. I get a physical pain sensation when I don’t tend to my interests as well, it's like a nagging sensation.

They kind of overlap with each other. Sometimes the intrusive obsessive thoughts give me a release of adrenaline that i need to pace off and stim for hours on end. I will be so unaware of my surroundings and just lost in my head. It really prevents me from doing anything. And this applies with or without the perfectionist trait.

Another problem is because I am such a "perfectionist" I often won’t even do my interests because of the pain of starting or it "not feeling right". Or that I’m going about it the wrong way. Or it's too late or too long or I’m too "dumb". Many of these are just feelings before they ever become actual thoughts. So it tends to first go through my body, preventing me from doing anything then the thoughts come.

I have had friends tell me that they believe I’m ADHD. Just my behavior screams it. They say it because they have ADHD themselves. So it's quite possible I may have it. I did do a sheet test for OCD and ADHD with my psychiatrist in which I tested as possibly having both OCD and ADHD. But they're not offical diagnosises.

So I may not ever know what the truth is. I’m just as lost with what my mental blocks are as I am for my physical blocks. I’m left obsessively questioning the truth of who I am. And it causes me great fear and stress. I’m expected to go out there in the world and be like everyone else when I’m too anxious to even talk to someone in public. That isnt to say I havent made any progress in discovering myself. In recent years, Ive learned some things.

The Strides I've Made

I learned to let go of trying to find the most optimal way of learning things. Although, it's a bit complicated. It still comes back, and I think I can never escape the feeling.

I learned a little bit about how people learn and what really happens is just memory and associations with things that mean a lot to you. Diversifying resources on the same topic, mixing things up as you learn, trying non-linear approaches.

I learned that you can read a book non-linearly and can read as many books as you want at once. You can return to them any time you want. This may seem like a strange and obvious thing to say. But believe me, school really put this idea of the most ideal scenerio into everything. What is the most "optimial" might not be the most practical for everyone.

I learned to allow myself to go back and forth between what interests me and what doesnt. This applies to daily routine and to long term routine. Sometimes I want to read or watch something for 5 mins but something else catches my attention or thinking and I tend to that. Sometimes I want to learn art for 3 months and then drop it for another interest.

I learned that I just want to read everything and it's ok to go back and forth between books and maybe I won’t finish them. It's just how I roll. I can skip around in books, look at other sources and forms of media. It's ok, I can come back to them.

Adjust as you go. I can always improve my routine and where my mind goes. Starting a blog has been one of those improvements. It's a place where I can talk about things that I learned and am learning instead of having it all stuck in my head where they can get lost or jumbled up or make me overstimulated. I can empty it out, and it makes it easier to think about these concepts and retain them in memory. So ontop of that I learned to KEEP A JOURNAL essentially.

There might be more things I learned. But the thing is. I learned to accept my quirks instead of trying to avoid them which lead to idleness. It's still imperfect, and I think because of the physical stuff I’m dealing with I regressed quite a bit.

I’m trying to learn to forget about long term goals and focus on the now. Like have a long term or medium term goal in mind, then take that named goal. Take it out of your brain and lock it up in your own invisible safe. Don’t focus on where you want to be. Or on outcome. Focus on what you’re doing. Lock away the goals, you already know what they are, you can forget them and focus on what you’re doing.

Bottom Line

I’m currently on the path to learning the most important lessons: DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! Not what the most optimal is or the most effecient. Just DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. And if ANYTHING adjust it as you go. YOUR system probably won’t be the same system in a few days, weeks, months, or years. It'll probably always change, even subtly! MAKE A JOURNAL OR BLOG AT SOME POINT. That way you can organize and see your progress and thinking and get feedback. ACCEPT YOURSELF! DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU NOW! NOT THE IDEALIZED YOU!

Anyway, moving on...

Where Mental and Physical Blocks Intersect

What came first, the chicken or the egg? I’m still wondering if I was always like this, my environment made me like this. Or some mixture.

I think what makes it difficult to diagnose myself with anything is the fact that so much of these physical symptoms overlap with mental ones and vice versa. Anxiety looks like dysautonomia and dysautonomia looks like anxiety. Or it looks like ADHD, ASD, OCD. And on and on.

I can be certain that regardless, my physical symptoms make me lose my train of thought and I lose interest in things easily. It's quite difficult to get much done. The mental stuff also makes me insanely self concious which adds to stress and I have this ever looming feeling of inadequecy or pressure to be at my end goals.

My mind is hyperactive and any sort of stimuli gives me a surge of adrenaline and I have to pace and stim. But then I get sick afterwords or don’t have the energy to pace or stim but I do it anyway. There's a lot of contridicting stuff that happens between my mind and body. Even just in my mind too. Or should I just say my body as a whole acts in contridiction all the time.

It's a fight and a battle every day. It makes the joy of learning and experiencing things almost impossible. I’m fighting back as much as I can. I know part of that battle is also self acceptance of who you are NOW. Not who you should be. You’re a work in progress. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live life, just like any hobby or interest you pick up.

How These Blocks Manifest In Every Day Life For Me

On a "good" day my life might look something like this:

I wake up and do whatever comes to mind. If I’m at my computer I might be aflicted by the sensation of my soul dropping down to the floor weighing me down like wearing wet clothes, especially wet socks.

I get short of breathe, my head could feel tingly, and I just feel weighed down. I might have a tight throat. And some issues with concentrating but not too bad. It's more of an annoyance.

Eventually it causes strain in my head and even a full on headache or feverish feeling. Luckily I don’t get to the point where I’m that fatigued usually as I’m not in an environment where I have to strain myself as much.

However, the mental stuff comes in. It might be something I see, hear, think that triggers me to pace and stim non-stop. I get anxious about the stuff I’m doing and lose interest pretty quick.

I might be nervous or overwhelmed with an interest and never start. Or maybe I do start and it just stresses me out. Or maybe I lose interest and move onto something else. Or maybe something about it causes me to feel hyperactive and pace. There's a lot that happens there.

I tend to ruminate with things, often related to what i was doing and get into wacky scenerios in my mind or it branches off somewhere else non-stop. It's just so weird to have these competeing feelings of hyperactivity and extreme fatigue. It's nuts.

I’m put into a position of idleness. Or taking one step forward and two steps back.

My current hobbies I've been engaging with have been guitar and reading. However, because of the physical stuff it's been hard. I'll quickly switch between practicing guitar and reading and even between books. I’m ok with "forgetting" things I read because reading isnt about remembering things, instead they're stored somewhere, they just need the right trigger to cause memory. But there's also layering sources of the same topic or trying to find ways to connect to completely seperate topics together to enhance memory. I’m going off on a tangent....

Anyway, I may read back and forth between books until at some point I lose interest. I might start pacing and think of something related to what i read but it branches off till it's unrecognizable.

Recently I tried to incorporate some form of journaling to better organize and think about the stuff I’m reading but I started to become too obsessive and worried about it. It stopped my progress on reading and I’m scared to go back to reading because I’m afraid of not having forgotten what I was reading. Even though part of me knows that it's not a big deal I still get scared anyway. A lot of difficult concepts often scare me away or I forget easily or I gloss over which that's fine. It's all a journey.

I’m really obsessed with learning, just a hyper awareness of how I’m actually learning something and retaining information that it becomes so sacred to me that it's scary. It's a very strange thing. It keeps me idle or makes any approach to topics daunting. Ive looked into different theories of epstimology like constructivist and transformitive approaches. I like those two approaches. It feels like I am constructing my knowledge but also transforming my prior beliefs about learning as I learn.

Since I've been physically sick, the idea to start a blog came in to fill the void of my idleness, my fear of returning to my books/interests, guitar, and my emotional state. It's been hopefully a place where I can dump whatever is on my mind until I feel satisfied enough to move on and get back to my hobbies and write about those as I learn.

In Closing

So, it's hard for me to move forward with things. I’m really all over the place and idle at the same time. My writing style, I think, reflects that. It's slow for me to get things moving and I’m trapped in a state of confusion as to what I’m dealing with.

I hope in time I will know. But for now I’m glad to just be able to talk about these things that keep me in place. I feel like this isn't a complete picture of what it feels like but it's close enough for me.

[excusethequality]

My 2024 in Film: January

Since doing the whole year all at once was way too much of a chore, I figure this year I'll just do it by month.

Plus that way anyone who is interested can periodically get some ideas on what to watch during the year.

* = rewatched

January

*

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

(2023)

—Animated Coming-of-Age Action Comedy

When a family of mutated teenage turtles come across a band of mutant criminals, they are forced to choose a side: the humans they admire or the mutants they relate to.

I've always been a big fan of the ninja turtles so consider me biased, but I adore this movie. If you too are a turtles fan, you've probably already seen it. So for everyone else, here are some things that I love about this movie:

They are use actual teenagers for the turtles' voices and they do such a great job. Plus the production gave the kids a lot of creative control with the script and it really gives the characters a lot of life and realism.

There are so many interesting artistic choices going on in this! They use this really wild art/animation style that's purposefully made to be messy and have slightly broken proportions. Also the humans are designed to look a little more monstrous, while the mutants are made to look cuter. And more! They paid so much attention to the visual look of the film and it shows.

I'm always a sucker for themes of found family.

Jackie Chan is in it and he is SO good! Seriously, I know he isn't usually known in the US for his acting skills, but he brings some serious heat here. His Splinter might just be my favorite character in the movie.

Ayo Edebri is April O'Neil and she's probably my favorite version of April.

It is just such a fun movie. It's like a teenager personified in film. It's silly and heartfelt and quirky and passionate and full of emotion and personality.

If action-comedy kind of things just aren't your jam, this probably won't change your mind on the genre. But if you're on the fence about this one I thoroughly recommend you give it a go.

2.

The Boy on the Heron

(2023)

—Animated Fantasy Adventure

A boy with a tragic past must make an important choice for his future when he discovers the entrance to a magical world.

I'll need to rewatch this one after I've read up on it some, because I'm pretty sure some of the themes were going over my head. But I was a rather underwhelmed. It tonally felt a lot like Spirited Away to me, just not as good.

Also I need an animator to watch it and tell me if I'm crazy or if the proportions are sometimes really weird? Like when they did a close-up of a face where a hand was in the shot it looked like the hand was HUGE?

3.

Angst

(1983)

—Horror Thriller

A man gets out of prison and almost immediately begins to act out his twisted fantasies on an unsuspecting family he comes across.

This one made me really uncomfortable. I realize that that was the point, but that still doesn't make me like it. I know some other Horror fans love it, but it definitely wasn't my jam.

4.*

Palm Springs

(2020)

—Sci-Fi Rom-Com

While attending a wedding two guests become stuck in a time loop and are forced to relive the day of the wedding day after day. In order to move on with their lives the two must battle against the nihilism of their situation and discover what it really means to be alive.

Those that know me know that I'm a sucker for a good time loop movie and this one is no exception. Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti have a really fun chemistry. And I enjoy the very Millennial take on the genre.

5.

John Wick: Chapter 4

(2023)

—Action Adventure

John Wick discovers a way to get out from under the thumb of the council, but things get complicated when old friends are turned into enemies.

I know some people who love, love, love the John Wick movies and I wish I was one of them. I am typically a sucker for really well choreographed action movies, but I just cannot get into these. They just burn-out my brain with non-stop really long action scenes. It's too much action!

And I don't even really care about the stakes behind it all, so for me it's just like watching action for action's sake.

6.*

Exit Through the Gift Shop

(2010)

—Documentary

An eccentric French man's attempt at making a documentary on street art is turned on its head when one of the artists documents him instead.

I really liked this documentary when it came out and I've thought about it a lot over the years. All this discussion about AI art recently made me want to revisit it. The film asks some really interesting questions around the nature of art and of whether or not art made from copying other artists' styles and for purely commercial reasons (not self-expression) is still art.

7.

Jerry & Marge Go Large

(2022)

—Feel-good Bio-Pic

The dramatization of the true story of a married couple who discovered a loophole in their state lottery and proceeded to use it to help their small town.

It's the kind of middle-of-the road movie designed to be watched by families when they want to do something together but don't like the same things. The kind that when they're over will make everyone go, "Well that was nice, wasn't it?" and then immediately forget about it.

8.

Bunny Lake Is Missing

(1965)

—Mystery Thriller

A woman's young daughter goes missing while at school, but did she ever even have a daughter at all?

This movie is a wild ride. Plus it's one of those black & white movies that looks so crisp that you have to wonder why so many modern movies look so bad in comparison. My only big complaint is that the tension of its Thriller moments are often undercut by its wilder moments so it has you ping-ponging between two very different tones sometimes.

9.*

Winnie the Pooh

(2011)

—Animated Family Musical

Christopher Robin is missing and the gang of the Hundred Acre Woods is on a mission to save him...and also find what happened to Eeyore's tail.

Back in the day this movie made the mistake of releasing the same weekend as the last Harry Potter movie and subsequently got obliterated at the box office and most people just never saw it.

But it is so cute and funny and the animation is SUPERB! They aren't animating anything super crazy or flashy, so I think it flies under some radars, but it is so crisp! Like the animators in this are just so friggin' talented.

10.

Big Fish & Begonia

(2016)

—Animated Fantasy Adventure

A girl from a fantastical world under the sea puts everything on the line in order to save the soul of a young man who died while trying to save her life.

It's only been a couple months since I saw this and I don't think I could even properly explain the entire plot to you. Even while I was watching it I was having trouble following what exactly was going on.

It didn't help that I watched this after Winnie the Pooh, because the animation is a big step down in comparison. I get that they had a much smaller budget, but if you know you have a small budget you gotta plot accordingly or you're just gonna have to wind up cutting every corner you can find.

11.

Encanto

(2021)

—Animated Fantasy Musical

The only normal member of a magical family must go to extreme lengths to discover the secrets behind her family's powers.

I don't even know what to say. It's fine? The main character is great. There's some great animation to be found in here. But it feels like it was afraid of really committing to its themes and often plays it really safe.

Plus it is guilty of one of my many story pet peeves: when characters do some truly fucked up shit and then at the end they just say they're sorry and suddenly everything is perfect.

ESPECIALLY in movies for kids.

It is dangerous to teach kids that apologizing makes everything better, because it doesn't. It's a good first step, but if the person doesn't put in actual work into bettering themselves and making amends then apologies are just empty words. And far too many abusers and far too few victims know this.

12.

Suzume

(2022)

—Animated Fantasy Drama Adventure

A teenage girl inadvertently sets off a chain reaction that puts all of Japan at risk and embarks on a journey to set things right.

Considering it's directly dealing with the aftermath of the Great East Japan Earthquake from 2011, it's impossible to judge it properly from an outsider perspective.

It's a very ambitious film and I've thought about it quite a bit since seeing it.

My issue is that it was just trying to do way too much in too little time. If this had been a mini series or something though? Holy shit, it would be so good in that format.

13.

Self Reliance

(2023)

—Comedy Thriller

A depressed loser is offered a bizarre opportunity: the chance to receive a million dollars if he's able to avoid being murdered by a squad of hitmen for a month.

I was intrigued in the first act, having an absolute ball in the second act, and then the third act really spoiled everything for me.

Jake Johnson and Anna Kendrick are delightful though. I can't take that away from them.

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January Stats

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Movies watched this month: 13

Rewatches: 30.8% (4/13)

Favorite new movie of the month: Suzume

Least favorite movie: Big Fish & Begonia