#but i'm willing to give it a try
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I just bought Ultrakill, wish me luck
#ultrakill#it looks fun#i heard it's good#it's a first person shooter#i don't play those quite often#but i'm willing to give it a try
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Goddamn, that is a hell of a pitch. I might try Elestrals just for that
ngl i wasn't really super interested in elestrals before, but "digital client where literally Every Single Card Is Free" is one hell of a pitch
#i still think the core design concept of your mana is also your life is a bad one#but I'm willing to give it a try#for a client like that#scream into the aether
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What did/do you like about Pharah?
Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.
Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).
But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.
There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.
Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.
#i was a diehard pharmercy shipper back then btw#the inherent homoerotic experience of pharmercy gameplay.#the homoerotic experience of looking to the skies to fly to safety under the protection of your knight in shining armor#the homoerotic experience of feeling white hot murderous rage at an enemy trying to pick off your pocket mercy#i still kinda despise gency lmao. you cannot convince me mercy would be in love with genji. at all.#he'd make her feel so uncomfortable and guilty. in my head. the canon is obviously different#gency is sexless. absolutely zero bite or tension.#i could go on about mercy and how her character has so much missed potential#i'm no longer in my overwatch fandom phase but#i still think about that new flirty line they added in ow2 where mercy goes “ahh you're like my knight in shining armor!”#and pharah goes “that's what i'm goin for ;)” and i sigh dreamily#really happy that pharah outright says she's a lesbian too but it's hard to feel good about rep when you know blizzard uses it for pr#to be honest i'm willing to bet cash that blizzard's keeping pharmercy in their back pocket as ammo for the next controversy#last year we already saw logs about pharah fretting and taking care of mercy and the two talking about how good it is to see each other#tbh pharah has the same energy/demeanor as applejack. cheerful and competitive in a can of whoopass#but yeah overall pharah's a pretty shallow character. i have IDEAS on how i'd go about deepening her but. whatever#that's sorta what happens when you have to juggle a cast of 40 characters. a lot get left with the bare minimum#ok so i wrote this entire post up saying that pharah isn't in ow2's storymode when she is. she's in the story i just. forgot#because she doesn't do or contribute anything interesting#ok i'm stopping here. overwatch's story is such an interesting narrative mess i could go on for hours#i dunno how you come up with such incredible character designs and give them such an unincredible story#it's also so so so interesting seeing the conflicting takes on characters the writers have#mercy in gameplay and voicelines is peppy and cheerful and optimistic#but mercy in the storymode journal logs is tired. jaded. a total shut in who forgets to leave her room and social#and YES! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!!! THAT'S MERCY TO ME!!! THE DOCTOR WHO FORGETS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF#ask me#anon
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What would you choose? :0c
(note: original image is from HERE (link) - but I edited it to add a wider variety of options.. also added $3 extra to the total, even though I know that makes it more uneven lol, I thought if you're adding 10 whole extra items, the money to spend should at least be increased slightly, if that makes sense..)
#I would get orange juice. black coffee. AND iced coffee ($3) because I love the variety of having multiple drinks#then sausage and scrambled eggs ($8). Then sauteed mushrooms ($3)....AND... hrm.. then spending the remaining $4 would be hard#I wish I could get waffles (as they are my favorite and are superior in every way compared to pancakes. donuts. etc.) but I'm not willing#to give up the other savory things just to get them. so... then maybe I could get a biscuit or english muffin? and just put jam or#honey butter or something on it so it can be my replacement 'sweet and bready' thing instead of something from the $5 row??#OR I could also just assume that having the orange juice plus iced coffee would provide enough of a 'sweet element' to the meal#(since I largely prefer savory foods. I only like a tiny bit of sweet added for variety) and thus forego any sort of#'bready' thing entirely and just get the bowl of beans/onion/tomato (I'd leave the avocado since I don't like the#texture of them really lol). THEN I'd have $1 left to get the milk or the black tea... increasing my total of random drinks..#which is always the goal of course.. as a chronic ''person who is sipping at 5 different drinks at their desk simultaneously always'' perso#OR... I could just do.. waffle. scrambled eggs. sausage. mushrooms. and black coffee and orange juice.. which is... okay variety#augh... so difficult.. As my Ideal Breakfast is like a buffet type thing or something where you have like 25 different things to choose fro#and can get a little tiny bit of everything. My eating style is very much like.. I'd rather pick at a small amount of a ton of#different things than just have a very large amount of only one or two things. Thats why I LOVE sample platter type stuff.#So it's like... augh... the ideal option would be a tiny portion of EVERYTHING actually lol...#Difficult to choose...#ANYWAY.. Also no idea why I added croissant instead of bagel. I only thought about that afterwards. I do actually like bagels.#I've only ever even had a croissant like 2 times in my entire life. Yet I've had many bagels. For some reason it stuck out in my mind more#when I was considering 'essential breakfast foods' somehow... how could I forget them... bagels my beloved...#Blame it on the hot weather... 'What in the blazes? The sun hath obliterated the concept of bagels from my miind!'#(< meant to be said in a silly overdramatic elderly wizard accent or something)#Also I don't think ''bowl of beans. onion. avocado. and tomatos.'' is necessarily a breakfast classic or something gbhjjh#but I was just trying to think of a versatile vegetable-ish side that could be full of common breakfast additions#so people could do stuff like ''oh I get the toast option and then the bowl of stuff and I put the avocado on the toast'' etc.#Like a mix and match. You could mix ingredients from different parts. You could put scrambled eggs and bacon and onion#on the bread or soemthing. etc. I just feel like something is always missing if a Full Breakfast Spread#doesnt have some sort of onions or beans or mushrooms or asparagus or spinach like... some sort of thing that isn't just eggs and meat and#bread.. you know? lol..#But then again.. I am the Sampling Plate Style Variety Lover and Tiny Portion Of Food Picker so maybe thats just a me thing.
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If some other magicless person got stuck in Twisted Wonderland and tried to take my place, I'd simply let them. Yeah, bitch, now you take care of these motherfuckers and deal with Crowley's bullshit, see if I fuckin care. Have fun babysitting a bunch of sunovabitches who barely even remember you exist half the time.
I love the angst of "they pushed the Prefect away and replaced them only to miss them when they finally leave", but, also, if I were Yuu, I'd absolutely just let it happen. Call me a pushover, but I ain't shedding a tear for friends who left for the newest shiny thing. And it would relieve me from all the trouble. Guess who's not fighting Overblots anymore? This bastard, that's who.
#twisted wonderland#I'm not salty however yes I am#I'd not fight for people willing to replace me just like that#«but you'd be lonely» being accompanied by fake assholes is 10x lonelier#though that gives me an idea#how fun would it be if NRC started trying to replace Yuu and instead of going to RSA‚ Yuu goes to FUCKIN ROLLO#just knocks on NBC and «heeeeey» and Rollo is foaming at the mouth because «they kicked out a MAGICLESS PERSON??»#Rollo: You called me a monster when I lighted that fire‚ but can you call yourselves *men* after abandoning the Prefect#Bells of Notre Dame but instead it's Yuu running to NBC and Rollo taking her in#wait that also means I could make the others get obsessed with bringing Yuu back#so they'd have Hellfire. meanwhile‚ Rollo has a repentance arc through his relationship with Yuu‚ Heaven's Light#... I'm rambling#devaneios de bellee
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though, lingering over that last post....I wonder how easily this trips into horror story? I mean, in this world where there are child-producing marriages and then sisterhoods/brotherhoods for the rest, this obviously allows the family to keep a stranglehold on their collective assets and wealth. Therefore, I bet that family is an even more tightly-locked cage for those born into it.
Oh, you thought that if you could just escape marriage you'd be free, didn't you? You thought you could join the local order and letter manuscripts or tend goats or say prayers over the dying---but no. No, that's for other people's sons and daughters. You have no escape. You will serve your family forever, whether you will or no. You marry who they tell you to and live in your family's third-nicest castle your whole life; you can have as many lovers and bastards as you want, you can earn coin all on your own, if you can, but it will come to naught in the end. You will be cursed with absolute surety of where you fall: res nullius.
As it was and ever shall be, amen.
#and the reverse! no longer is becoming a monk or a nun a way to try and climb the ranks of a highly stratified system#because the wealthy nobles don't dump their spares into the church and pay for them to be abbot of wherever#instead they push them into brother/sisterhoods#where they don't have to worry about losing access to those familial assets long term#the question is then - if this system is so good at keeping everyone inside it#how does it break. where does it break.#I think you could do some real gender fuckery with this concept as well but I'd have to think about how#........also we'd probably have to change some probate law around. because there's no way that your third son#should be able to bequeath YOUR castle to his illegitimate son#even if you did give it to your son and his 'brother' on their wedding day.#I'd have to get really into medieval wills though and who has the time.#(I'm avoiding work can you tell?)#for my own purposes
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We've entered into the secon half of the series and an end to the torture is nowhere in sight. What is in sight however is gay shit so let's talk about it.
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Let's get the biggest thing out of the way first. The show was very clearly asking us to draw a parallel between Home and Peach, and Phoom and Vicha. You know, actual, explicitly in gay love couple Phoom and Vicha.
Their story obviously resonates a lot for our boys. Here is Dr. Phoom, a man who - is kind of responsible for the death of the man he loved - had somewhat moved on with his life only to find out later that said man he loved had died because of him - is here now, even later still, to apologise for that to the man who died. If that's not something Home can relate to, I don't know what is. On the other side we have Vicha, who - was abandoned and left to die by the man he loved - was unable to hear that mans explanation because of his interfering family, that was more worried about reputation than his happiness, and because he was in the moment too overwhelmed by the betrayal to give him a chance to explain. Which clearly mirrors Peach's story. (Thers's also the parallel of the class difference as Phoom seems to be at least middle, likely upper middle class by birth while Vicha seems to have lived at the dance school which would imply him to be the instructor's son or an orphan/otherwise family-less kid the instructer took in. Either way he was certainly not rich.) (And I guess Vicha knowing more about cooking than Phoom is also a parallel and also another indication of their different economic backgrounds.)
Dr. Phoom apologises for not being brave enough to tell Vicha what he wanted to tell him (which was also Home's problem)
And then Dr. Phoom finds out Vicha finally heard his apology but he's still sticking around and he says that's enough for him which prompts Home to look at Peach (again) because that is kind of what he hopes for. That he gets to properly apologise to Peach and that Peach will still be around afterwards.
Just like Dr. Poom he doesn't want to exocise his ghost, he wants to talk to him.
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Home fully acknowledges Pangpang as his baby sister (in law) in his contacts.
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Pangpang's viewers are devastated at their ship having sunk.
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They're being annoying talking by way of Pangpang even though they stand right next to each other. Which is also a classic trope for fighting couples (though it does admittedly also get used for friends sometimes)
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Fully adult man Dr. Phoom knows a lover's quarrel when he sees one.
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Peach knows that to facilitate communication between two lovers he needs to at least somewhat communicate with his own.
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For some reason their solution is to cosplay as dance students. And then they, of course, proceed to look at each other while making the "love" gesture.
We had previously seen Vicha do the same.
Looking at them doing that prompted Dr. Phoom to think of his own young love. He has definitely clocked what's going on here (though obviously he has more important things to worry about than some strangers relationship problems)
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Now this is certainly not something you'd say if the end goal was friendship
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Peach is using the same pic for Home's contact as Home is using for his, just zoomed in on a different place. And he has Home saved as DANGER DO NOT ANSWER! They're so annoying.
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Pangpang is very happy her parents might be getting back together
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Meanwhile Home is sitting at a bar, crying about calling Peach like he got dumped. (Which he did. For good reason.)
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We've seen so far that the ghosts are very limited. They are not fully concious and aware beings, rather they are "caught" in their desires at the moment of their death, they pretty much move solely with the goal of fulfilling their last wish. More like a broken record stuck in a loop than a living being that has multiple options to act and react to whatever happens around it.
It is noteworthy therefore that Home's ghost continued his journey to Peach as that makes this his biggest desire at the moment he fell into a coma.
Unfortunately it seems that he can't speak. Although Peach wouldn't be able to hear him anyway, so maybe all he wanted was to see Peach one more time. We'll see next episode how similar or not Home's ghost is to the others since Home is not completely dead. For now the biggest difference is that he still looks normal.
No Lesbian Corner this week because they didn't interact. Kan was gone being shady for most of the episode.
#peaceful property#peaceful property the series#poor peach really can't catch a break#first he finds out his bf was responsible for his death and subsequent debilitating ability to see ghosts#then he gets to a point where he belives that his bf is truly sorry about that and is willing to give him another chance#only to find out he was in a car crash on his way to see him and is very close to death himself#and now he has to help clear his name and try to safe his life#not knowing if they will succed or if Peach will never get to hear Home's apology#dome is happily posting memes by fans calling him a villain and i'm inclined to agree#all of this is evil. and i absolutely love it#the question is: when will i finally get to enjoy an ep of this show without having my heart sink into my stomach at the end again?
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Got a date for tomorrow evening. Cautiously optimistic, the guy seems super enthusiastic. But as always, there's the possibility that the vibes will different/off in person and then it's another lame date. Anyway, fingers crossed for a most non-heinous time
#dating nonsense#new date tomorrow night#courtesy of my new sluttier tinder profile#pls let this dude be cool in person#he's on the outside edge of my preferred age gap but I'm willing to give it a try#but like if I decide I'm into it he's clearly down to clown#we're meeting at a nerd bar which bodes well
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went to bed last night feeling that it was finally time to step back and let the dust settle and try to get things back to normal and then woke up to all that
#life#don't get me wrong i'm all for stepping back and starting over#i feel like people would be much more willing to give third or fourth chances if you just take responsibility#ACTUALLY own up to your mistakes (instead of playing the victim) and just say 'hey i fucked up i'm sorry i'll be taking a break'#for self reflection or whatever#all of us make mistakes all of us mess up and hurt others whether intentionally or not#it's human#yet i also feel like it's important what we do about it yaknow? you can't change the past but you certainly can the future#i believe we all can learn and grow from mistakes and become better#my naive dickhead ass wants to sincerely hope that he will change and get better#and choose being a respectful human being instead of chasing clout#but seeing how everything's been unfolding i fear that he will just go back to his old ways but will try to mask it better this time#hoping for starting over without doing the same old copy-paste stuff and being respectful#fearing it's just block-evading#anyway.. here's to hoping this will be the last of it
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I think stanning them is the single most boring thing you can do to a character.
Like, I love Iruka. Iruka's my blorbo from my manga since my teens. He's a caring adult who used to be a conflicted kid hiding his sorrow with laughter, what's there not to like? Him speaking his mind about the chuunin exam spoke to me for extremely relatable reasons. He's my projection character.
And you know what? There's nothing more interesting to me than exploring his faults. Please let's discuss his lack of self-control, getting so riled up during the chuunin exam nominations. Let's talk about his failures with regards to Sasuke, who had good grades and didn't act out so Iruka didn't pay him much mind even though Sasuke should have been flagged as a traumatized child. Iruka playing favorites. Iruka using his connections to keep playing favorites because he's worried... about his favorite. Iruka not fitting the shinobi mold. Iruka being lame. Iruka who spent years being a stern teacher to Naruto and apparently didn't think worth mentioning that he saw and appreciated Naruto's efforts until it was almost too late. Iruka failing.
Anyway, stanning is the single most boring and unproductive and dishonest thing you can do to a character
#naruto#umino iruka#iruka umino#anyway I'm using Iruka as an example because no one can accuse me of being impartial to him I am SO PARTIAL that is MY BOY right there#but tbh this is actually about kakashi because#i realized a kakashi stan replied to playfully kakashi-critical tags of mine months ago by taking offense to them#and i've been sitting here being very good at not replying to them because I'm trying to be a REASONABLE PERSON#(which is VERY DIFFICULT seeing as I'm a ball of barely contained indignation at the world)#'(girl it's been months can you chill have a kitkat' (i say to myself))#but I'm actually deeply frustrated to have someone go 'who wouldn't be offended [about a meaningless criticism of their favorite]' at me#i'd hope NO ONE would be offended by that#seeing as your fave is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER#anyway if you really like a character you should be more than willing to consider their faults and enjoy them#it's the spice that gives them flavor??? why are you taking it away?!#you can always disagree with somebody's interpretation of what is and isn't a fault#but what are you doiiiiing taking their defense#they're not reaaaaaal#Anyway I don't have sweets at home so I'll go eat some fruit#carrot has an opinion#fandom wank
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Been doodling Rhiannon a lot lately hehe
#blind man's bluff#ladyredms#bmb spoilers#l4d2#i love lena and her 4d chess brain!!! she's just trying her best :')#and idk why but i looooved drawing the background it looks like a bus seat from the 90s LMAOO#rhee calling nick her bestie was so iconic i love their friendship#recently thought about all the main (potential) couples first meetings and omg#1. almost vehicular manslaughter 2. attempted armed robbery and 3. willful destruction of property ??????? amazing#literally never would've guessed in a million years that the gas station robber would fall in love with coach#also i'm a total stupid romantic so i had to draw coach giving rhee his jacket#here's a fun lil easter egg: if you zoom into rhee's brunette roots i always include a small hidden heart there <3
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I have so many Thoughts I wanna say before I move on from the Public Safety Arc. There'll be manga spoilers by the way.
To be honest, I put off watching Chainsaw Man when I heard the protagonist's sole aim in life is to... touch boobs. I thought Denji was just like any other shonen MCs with perverted tendencies. I tried watching because it was animated by Mappa, but I stayed because of Aki, Denji, and Power (and Meowy). But as I reached the ending of Public Safety Arc, I realized Denji's more complex than that.
All his life Denji was deprived of basic needs; he couldn't even afford the bare minimum. He didn't get to experience love from a parent or admiration from his peers. Denji craved so much for love and affection, but the only way he knew how to get that was through sexual intimacy with a woman. Receiving affection from friends is completely foreign to him. That's why when he and Power did that in the bathroom, Denji's like, "Wait a minute... that's it?" Deep down Denji knew there's more to love than that—there's more to affection than just touching breasts. The moment he started to realize that, Makima just had to twist his mind and turn him back to his sexual urges (screw u for that makima btw).
Throughout the whole arc, Denji continued to believe in his idea that love is just about touch and sex. He ran after women after women who fulfilled that but left him feeling hollowed because, well, they tried to kill him afterwards. It's actually entertaining to watch Denji finally gets his first kiss only to get barfed on the mouth and his second got his tongue cut off. And Makima, the woman he truly loved, not only used him but also discarded him when she got what she wanted. Most of those women don't see Denji as more than a dog. Denji is just some dumb boy who doesn't deserve the normal life he's having.
But Denji really is just some boy. But he's Aki and Power's boy. There's nothing special about him. Aki and Power know that because they looked beyond the Chainsaw—they saw Denji as he is, and accepted him. People treated Denji like a dog and no one saw his worth as a person. But not Aki and Power. Aki gave him a house, taught him and Power manners, cooked for them, and taught him how to cook. Aki treated Denji and Power as his own. And Power, as unhinged and selfish as she is (affectionate), relied so much on Denji. I think that trust taught him to be a better person. To have someone rely on you can make you feel loved and respected. That's why helping Power overcome the fear of the Darkness Devil felt so natural to him. Sleeping with her on the same bed, taking a bath together, and Power walking in on him while he's on the toilet didn't feel naughty (as Denji said). The love Denji's searching for everywhere has always been in front of him: Aki and Power.
Makima can tell Denji she fabricated everything for all I care, saying everything has been a lie and that she set it all up to destroy Denji's mind and heart. But what Aki and Power felt toward Denji was real because they were the only ones who truly loved Denji without asking for anything in return. They saw him as he is, and loved him.
My precious children 🥺🥺🥺 I'm going to miss them
#the first Thoughts I had the moment I woke up#I'm a sucker for found family especially strangers turning into siblings#i really like how the love denji's looking for is just right there in front of him cooking him dinner and playing video games with him#he doesn't need to look further and compared with makima who'd only give “affection” to denji if he does what she orders#aki and power willingly give it all for denji without asking for anything in return. their love for him isn't transactional#that's why it hits so different when power's contract is “come find me” that really made me cry fr#she's asking denji “let's be together again. let's have fun again so come find me”#and aki was willing to give up his life long goal of taking down the gun devil if it meant saving denji and power#he knew denji and power are stronger than him but he joined the mission to protect them. not to get revenge on the gun devil#aki was planning to live his remaining weeks with denji and power. if he had spoken up about that maybe the two would understand#but aki got this Older Sibling Trying Not To Burden the Younger Ones. bro if you had told them you only have weeks to live#they'd do something to help you. you're their personal chef you keep them well fed ofc they'll help you#but alas tragedy makes character develop#chainsaw man#csm spoilers
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im out here doing ap level analysis on this series of events trying to figure out how and why a thing happened in a decade old minecraft series
#apollo's tag#hi everyone i'm watching tucker's pov of the day dianite joined#and trying to figure out exactly why he got so mad at tom that he was willing to make a deal with god to get revenge against him#and i'm pretty sure i can pinpoint the exact moment that he just went 'ok thats it fuck this shit' and went all in#you see tom moved his whole house like fifty blocks off of the mountain he lived on so that it was suspended in midair#and because of that the cactus pit tucker had built under it was exposed#and his horse (who he had just spent like twenty minutes getting out of a ravine) wandered into it and died#and he thought that tom led it in on purpose when he /hadnt/#the prank was actually genuinely completely harmless and they get that figured out later but by that point tucker had already made a deal#with mianite to get a sword to get his revenge against tom with and the payment was that he'd be in his service#and dianite ended up giving tom a sword as well so that he would be even#and made his payment being that he had to be in his service as well#so thats how all of this started.#because of a horse. and a misunderstanding. and two gods with a longstanding feud who eventually used these two to further their agendas#down on the mortal plane.#/Man./
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Tomorrow I'm going to try making butternut squash curry and organize the cabinet to see what I need to replace on the next market trip. I need to figure out some kind of low carb savory snack I can have, because avoiding snacks is failing miserably. I did get my partner to like quinoa recently so that will make for a nice rotation on the days I do let myself eat carbs. I miss pasta though.
#birdy attempts to diet#i have little willpower and give in to cravings way too easily#and partner tries to help but forgets that I'm trying my best to not need to go on more medications#on the plus side their willing to eat food they don't really like if i make it#i don't force them to but they do always try it at least#I'm tired though and it's only been a week
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i know i tend towards "hand me messages on a plate" in terms of what i want from media, and that's not where everyone falls. totally get that. i do appreciate and enjoy room for interpretation of meaning and i support show don't tell, absolutely. but sometimes (and especially in late seasons spn) i feel like they're not showing anything and they're not telling anything. and when it becomes a persistent pattern, i'm left asking, if you're not showing and you're not telling, is there anything there at all?
#i'm totally willing to admit that sometimes subtler messages go over my head#i'm dreadful at spotting symbolism for example#but some of these episodes I've looked at what I think they're trying to say from so many angles#and i just don't think there's anything meaningful there#or there is meaning but it's so convoluted and contradictory it doesn't land at all#or it contradicts the larger messages and themes of the show#this is part of what i was getting at earlier when talking about needing to understand chuck more#like give me SOMETHING. I don't need directions or a detailed map but at least give me a compass#i do think chuck explaining his whole plan in immense detail like a bad movie villain would have been fun and fitting#but even if they didn't want to do that. give me something before the season is. does math. 85 percent over#spn
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Man, today's question really reminded of how little interest Shidou seems to have in Amane as a person. He says he's frustrated that he doesn't have the time to "do something" about her, but even when she approached him, he didn't even try to reason with her or comfort her.
She tries to warn him that he's committing an unforgivable sin that will damn everybody, he's just like "Now, what could you be talking abooout? Anyways, just stop worrying about it and help me, okay?". And when she insists, his reply is "Ok, wow, you're so spoiled. Your parents must've been real soft on you until now, but that's not gonna fly with me, alright? I'm a responsible adult, I'm going to ignore you no matter how much of a brat you are"
He just dismissed Amane's very obvious mental breakdown as a mere temper tantrum, presuming that Amane doesn't truly care about anything she's espousing and that she's just trying to test boundaries. May I also point out how Shidou makes zero mention of Amane in his voice drama, either as a threat or as somebody who, like Fuuta and Mahiru, is in a precarious mental state?
And that casts a really different light on what "having the other adults deal with Amane" is supposed to mean. Is it really about making her more able to cope with the situation? Or just getting her out of the way? If it's about helping her, why does it matter so much that the adults do it?
Say, Muu and Haruka are in the best physical and mental shape out of everybody, and they have plenty of free time. Since Haruka says they're "sticking close" to Shidou, why doesn't he take a moment to suggest they should try to spend a little time with her, make her feel a bit better? Even if they can't convince her to change her mind, it'd at least useful to know in more detail what she's planning, right? After all, Shidou is willing to put his utmost ideal (dying to atone for his sins) on hold for the sake of the injured prisoners. Surely he must be very concerned about anything that could threaten their care, right?
Even if you take is as meaning "Well, the adults have the duty to care for the younger ones, so everyone under eighteen is exempt for responsibility", it's kind of really weird to put all the responsibility on three people having their own mental and physical breakdowns (Mahiru, Mikoto and Fuuta), one guy who said re:Amane that "we can't worry about that now" and "We'll just wait until the situation changes" last time Shidou spoke to him, and who's carrying the weight of being the only line of defense against Kotoko (Kazui) and one woman who's already taking mental care of Mahiru and also doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with anyone else (Yuno). Does a few years of age really give you that much more capability, such that it outweighs everything else going on?
So the fact that Shidou takes the trouble of specifying that an adult ought to help Amane really sounds like he's, at best, blinded by ideology. Only adults can help Amane because only adults are capable of taking meaningful action on anything, and only they have real ideological commitments that can beat a child's silly whims. At worst, Shidou is annoyed that Amane is threatening his worldview of "adults act, children obey", so he wants somebody to step in and bring her back into line. Of course, that person has to be an adult if they're to truly reinforce his perspective instead of opening a different kind of hole into it.
And this is hardly the first time he dismisses a child's thoughts on the basis of their age. In Molech, when Es tells him to treat them with respect as the warden, Shidou's answer is essentially "But we DO have a big age difference, so everything else is irrelevant. Let me pat your head to show how much I pity you, total stranger who's already annoyed at me for being condescending". At this point, either Shidou is being deliberately obnoxious or he's so thoroughly drunk his own kool-aid that it doesn't even register on the shallowest level when a kid tells him not to do something. Kids just go agoo-goo until they hit eighteen, yeah? No need to listen to their babbling.
And it's not just Shidou treating Es as both warden and child, he doesn't seem to have any respect for their ability to form their own opinion as a warden either. He literally goes "Hey, why go through the trouble of actually looking at evidence? Just take me at my word, way easier and faster". Even though by this point it's also obvious how much pride Es takes on being the guard and carrying out Milgram's mission, and that they don't necessarily trust Shidou. Again, either mockery or a frightful failure of basic pattern-recognition when the pattern doesn't match what Shidou expects from a child.
And to tie this back to Shidou's "my heart goes out to you" comment, sure, he's so concerned about any mental toll being the warden might take on Es… But he's still insisting on being murdered by them. Why? Surely Shidou of all people would know that murder can be hard on the killer. And if he wanted to die so badly, surely he can wait until Milgram is over and kill himself then, right? No need to make it Es' responsibility.
One of his last lines in the VD is "I feel sorry that you had to be given this role. And, I truly apologise for being so insistent about sentencing me to death as well… But, you’re perfect. You’ll give me the ending I’m most suited for." So apparently the thing is that being murdered by a child, specifically, would be very satisfying to Shidou, and Es' pain is secondary to that.
Kinda undermines all that talk about how tragic the situation is, doesn't it? In one of the app conversations, we see him being overwhelmed by sadness while grading Amane's homework, and he says "If everything about MILGRAM is true… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…". But apparently his sadness isn't so strong that it'll stop him from setting up that sort of circumstances.
The only way this makes sense to me if it's he's subsumed Es' choices into his own so utterly that he can't imagine anybody, not even Es, could possibly hold them responsible if they did kill Shidou. It was simply suicide with Es acting as a tool for it, no more guilty than a bullet. I'm sure you can see how utterly dismissive this is of Es' autonomy.
TL;DR: I'm sure Shidou loves the idea of children, but so far he's been severely lacking in empathy for actual children when they deviate from his concept of how they ought to be or when their wellbeing comes in conflict with his ideals.
#The Minigram comic about Shidou trying to make Amane break her dietary vows also makes his priorities look highly questionable#but Minigram is not really canon so I'm willing to give it a pass. I don't think the app version of events is all that bad on its own.#Anyways this is why I hate it every time somebody goes “Shidou should adopt Amane!”#Not only does that utterly ignore Amane's thoughts in favor of “Well she'll change her mind once she sees how nice life is outside her cult#But also Shidou has shown zero interest or ability to actually help or understand Amane in any way#Also I should clarify that I don't think Haruka+Muu or even Shidou could cleanly solve eveything with Amane if they just tried#but Shidou's total lack of trying really rankles all the same.#milgram#long post
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