#the question is: when will i finally get to enjoy an ep of this show without having my heart sink into my stomach at the end again?

[mephistopheleswasrobbed]

We've entered into the secon half of the series and an end to the torture is nowhere in sight. What is in sight however is gay shit so let's talk about it.

1

Let's get the biggest thing out of the way first. The show was very clearly asking us to draw a parallel between Home and Peach, and Phoom and Vicha. You know, actual, explicitly in gay love couple Phoom and Vicha.

Their story obviously resonates a lot for our boys. Here is Dr. Phoom, a man who - is kind of responsible for the death of the man he loved - had somewhat moved on with his life only to find out later that said man he loved had died because of him - is here now, even later still, to apologise for that to the man who died. If that's not something Home can relate to, I don't know what is. On the other side we have Vicha, who - was abandoned and left to die by the man he loved - was unable to hear that mans explanation because of his interfering family, that was more worried about reputation than his happiness, and because he was in the moment too overwhelmed by the betrayal to give him a chance to explain. Which clearly mirrors Peach's story. (Thers's also the parallel of the class difference as Phoom seems to be at least middle, likely upper middle class by birth while Vicha seems to have lived at the dance school which would imply him to be the instructor's son or an orphan/otherwise family-less kid the instructer took in. Either way he was certainly not rich.) (And I guess Vicha knowing more about cooking than Phoom is also a parallel and also another indication of their different economic backgrounds.)

Dr. Phoom apologises for not being brave enough to tell Vicha what he wanted to tell him (which was also Home's problem)

And then Dr. Phoom finds out Vicha finally heard his apology but he's still sticking around and he says that's enough for him which prompts Home to look at Peach (again) because that is kind of what he hopes for. That he gets to properly apologise to Peach and that Peach will still be around afterwards.

Just like Dr. Poom he doesn't want to exocise his ghost, he wants to talk to him.

2

Home fully acknowledges Pangpang as his baby sister (in law) in his contacts.

3

Pangpang's viewers are devastated at their ship having sunk.

4

They're being annoying talking by way of Pangpang even though they stand right next to each other. Which is also a classic trope for fighting couples (though it does admittedly also get used for friends sometimes)

5

Fully adult man Dr. Phoom knows a lover's quarrel when he sees one.

6

Peach knows that to facilitate communication between two lovers he needs to at least somewhat communicate with his own.

7

For some reason their solution is to cosplay as dance students. And then they, of course, proceed to look at each other while making the "love" gesture.

We had previously seen Vicha do the same.

Looking at them doing that prompted Dr. Phoom to think of his own young love. He has definitely clocked what's going on here (though obviously he has more important things to worry about than some strangers relationship problems)

8

Now this is certainly not something you'd say if the end goal was friendship

9

Peach is using the same pic for Home's contact as Home is using for his, just zoomed in on a different place. And he has Home saved as DANGER DO NOT ANSWER! They're so annoying.

10

Pangpang is very happy her parents might be getting back together

11

Meanwhile Home is sitting at a bar, crying about calling Peach like he got dumped. (Which he did. For good reason.)

12

We've seen so far that the ghosts are very limited. They are not fully concious and aware beings, rather they are "caught" in their desires at the moment of their death, they pretty much move solely with the goal of fulfilling their last wish. More like a broken record stuck in a loop than a living being that has multiple options to act and react to whatever happens around it.

It is noteworthy therefore that Home's ghost continued his journey to Peach as that makes this his biggest desire at the moment he fell into a coma.

Unfortunately it seems that he can't speak. Although Peach wouldn't be able to hear him anyway, so maybe all he wanted was to see Peach one more time. We'll see next episode how similar or not Home's ghost is to the others since Home is not completely dead. For now the biggest difference is that he still looks normal.

No Lesbian Corner this week because they didn't interact. Kan was gone being shady for most of the episode.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Must you, Japan? has become Thank You, Japan

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

BL OLYMPICS! Week 3

This is my last week of passing out metals in various sporting events, as part of the weekly updates.

Aug 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 9-10fin - There were a lot more unnecessary dramatic speeches than there was practical medical aid being administered. Very extra, boys. I wonder how long it took them to get that "birds meet hug" shot? Meanwhile, great grandpa‘s attitude that he knows best in every way is thoroughly annoying, and yet absolutely appropriate to his age. My great gramps (RIP), had he had the body of a 20-year-old, would behave in exactly the same self-righteous know-it-all way. The doctor is great. I would like him to get his own romance please? What happens when you are the villain in someone else's reincarnation story? There's a whole fanfic there. And yes I cried. I am a sap for this kinda thing.

Final thoughts:

This is a great little show about a young man who fell in love with a pretty girl 100 years ago, and when she died in his arms, he was cursed to live until he could meet her reborn self. Only this time around, she’s reborn into the body of a man. I love it when Thailand gets all up in its own historical business and reincarnation and shizz. I like this pair (it’s not DaouOffroad’s fault I didn’t enjoy most of their first series.) Daou’s wushu is pretty snazzy and we got a fun meet cute. (Erm... Remeet cute? Meet cute 2.0?) Plus this is a very PRETTY show. Despite some ham handed comedy moments, this ultimately has more in common with something like I Feel You Linger in the Air meets First Love Again, then (as one might expect) Until We Meet Again or The Director Who Buys Me Dinner. The leads turned in great performances, although Daou outclassed everybody else on that screen. It’s a good story and a great BL. I’m not sure this is going in my rewatch rotation, but I can’t find any major faults with it beyond a certain level of camp that is sadly endemic to lackorns. Also I’m going to give it credit as the kind of BL that one could safely recommend to lovers of melodrama and historical romance, without having to qualify it as “good for a BL.” It was, to put it succinctly, simply a VERY ENJOYABLE show. 

Under those auspices I really can’t give it anything less than a 9/10. 

Bronze in Fencing

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - It’s cute. They were cute. I enjoyed it a lot. I talk quite a bit about why they're using nai as a you pronoun here:

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 8 - Honestly the side couple is truly stellar in this show. I wasn’t sure about them at first but now I absolutely love them. Not sure how they are going to resolve such intense dislike (from JJ) by the end of the series. But I’m interested to see them try.

Meanwhile, there isn’t anything else airing right now that makes me laugh as much as the behind-the-scenes from this show. Highly recommended.

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 1-2 of 12 - Oh it is so much fun. I’m particularly delighted that our musician is a drummer and I don’t have to listen to him sing... I hope. I’ve been waiting for Big to lead a BL forever. I’m disposed to enjoy this. We can all be confident in one thing, the kisses are going to be great. I like the side couple too, very indulgent daddy. While I am disturbed by the tortoise in the tiny tank, I love the extrovert friendship group. They remind me of my own college crew. It is a cute premise, but I will need them to actually be together in the same room, looking longingly at each other a smooching within the next couple of episodes.

YouTube served me both episodes 1 & 2, and I don’t think it was meant to. So this may be next week's review as well.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I wasn’t wild about this ep or where this show is going. But I enjoyed the language play. 

Gold in Linguistic Gymnastics

(my new favorite sport)

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - Wow. Sam admitted it just out loud like that! Right after a betrayal? Balls on that boy. Worked on Yo tho. Too well, actually. I wish Yo had made him suffer and dragged him over the coals for a while. But I guess Yo really really likes him back. Meanwhile, the GL side plot also moved quite rapidly. A lot happened in this episode.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - Them ALL jumping into the water was totally ridiculous. It’s still a little slow, because it is a pulp, but I’m rather enjoying it.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 12fin - Almond and Latte were cute. The breakfast with the four of them was funny. I did laugh a lot. Almond getting "first time" advice from his two resident gay dads (or at least trying to) was super sweet. Also I got a lot of smiley kisses. Nice final ep.

Ultimately how do I feel about this show?

A story about 4 boys of differing personalities who end up living together and pair up, falling in love. Slow moving and waffling, with some artificially generated family drama makes this a classic Thai pulp except that in general it's a smiley kiss of a show. It had plenty of good qualities like great communication and sexual rep (including toys, first time, safe sex, and sexual identities). The heat levels were on point and well executed, and the performances were good. It’s just that the script and the directing were lackluster, rendering it ultimately forgettable. Still, fine on a rainy afternoon with some camomile tea or whatever. 7/10 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - I’m getting some sort of PTSD from this show, It is making me feel like I’m the problem. Trash watch

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 1-2 of 8 - Anyone surprised by this jump in the standings? Yeah, probubly not. Anygay... this show is GREAT. Warped af but great. Lemme try to explain.

I actually said out loud during ep 1, "Well this is boundary pushing." By which I mean mine and everybody elses. But it’s Japan, *checks watch* it’s about time they turned out something edging into unpalatable and kinky. And because it’s Japan, I’m more forgiving than I would be were this show nested in the clumsy hands of say... Thailand. So actually this being me, and me being of questionable taste, I’m enjoying this show a lot.

You want me to list the ways? Sure.

Younger seme with grabby hands.

The younger one identified the elder gay as his personal property and it’s now: single motivation, on target, against all odds.

Uke cares about his work and not much else.

Seme cares about the uke and not much else.

Uke is gonna make this boy WORK for it.

That one particularly Japanese style of obsession that I actually adore.

Passes the sniff test!

I’m being reminded of that KBL Love Mate. Which I believe I enjoyed but no one else did. For exactly this set of tropes. Only Japan is better suited to handle them. For me this is a case of:

Must you,Japan? = Oh yes? Well, thank you very much, Japan.  

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - enter the evil girl character. Yawn.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - It is what it is. 

It's airing but...

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 2 of 12 - I did not catch ep 2 before they took it down from USA YT. I don’t know why it’s down. Either they got a deal for distribution off YouTube or there’s some sort of scandal. Frankly, I wasn't particularly impressed with ep 1 so I’m not rabid to find wherever it’s gone or why. Still, perhaps someone will let us know the sitch in a comment? It's a me problem. I'm figuring it out.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun ????) 10 eps - OMG a uni student who looks too young and a... COP. GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. Why can't I find it? Do I have to go grey?

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) - A rich boy at uni suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I have a source, but I've decided to hold off and binge if it ends okay, since it's only 8 eps. I depend upon y'all to tell me if it's safe.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Ooo, nice spread.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming This Month!

8/12 First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) 12 eps - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan stars Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn tean. I can't wait. With thier powers combined!

8/13 Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues YT) 10 eps - supposedly Jinlo with air this on their YT channel. Stars August (Love Sick) so I'm excited despite Jinlo's poor reputation. From the trailer it looks like it's following the original pretty closely... just Thai style. GIMMEEEEE!!!!

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

8/22 The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) 12 eps - announced in 2023 this one has a high school set stepbrothers trope and is reputed to be high heat. From Taiwan! It's made for me. Based on a novel Mou Mou from the Your Name Engraved Herein folks, so it could go dark. Still, I'm very excited.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Linguistic flirting trope! One of my all time favorites. FANTASTIC. (I did keep hearing Gun yelling Papiiiiiii! in my head tho.)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[hannieoftheyear]

everybody gets horny on christmas (lsm)

santa's lap becomes the best place to sit when it's seokmin's face hiding behind the beard

✧.* pairing: santa!dk x fem!reader (check out the halloween chapter!)

✧.* w.c: 5k of pure filth

✧.* genre: smut!!!, crack, a little fluff sprinkled at the end, kinda pwp, there's barely a plot but hey (minors DNI)

✧.* content: santa d(ic)k, milfs go crazy over him, slight jealousy, everyone has a severe case of horniness again, cursing, both 'bad girl and 'good girl' are used, santa roleplay (?) just for a bit, explicit smut, service top!seokmin, pussy drunk!seokmin, fingering, oral (f rec.), multiple orgasms, bodily fluids, they do it on a chair, protected penetration (santa uses condoms✊ and so should you).

✧.* disclaimer: this is the christmas part 2 of the halloween au with the same name (linked above), it can be read separately but there's going to be a little context missing.

✧.* note: i just wanted to say that i wrote this for fun and is really truly unserious, and also apologize bc i suck at writing dirty talk :/ but hope you enjoy!

also i have a final in two days so wish me luck (and pray for me🙏)

special thanks to sabrina carpenter and her 'fruitcake' ep | link to the dividers used

The smell of baked chocolate chip cookies and freshly cut pine trees sneaks past the automatic doors every time a new family enters the mall. All of them are in search of the new hot spot in town. 

Even if the tradition of making kids sit on Santa's lap is terribly outdated, the kids lining up on the makeshift north pole on the center of the mall don’t seem to care, happy to be surrounded by the Christmas atmosphere and to meet Santa. 

The long line decreases gradually, kids leaving with the biggest toothy smile every few minutes, and their parents ready to figure out what they asked for. 

It’s the happiest season of the year, when everything seems possible, when kindness and friendship rule everyone’s relationships. That’s primarily the reason why you’re even in the line in the first place. Your friends dragged you to see the ridiculous suit Seokmin had to wear for his new job and make fun of him a little, all while showing up to support him. 

“Is it just me or is the line full of single moms?” 

Standing all the way on the back of the line, your friends are analyzing the people waiting while you’re just looking at them, eyes switching from each man to the next in a matter of seconds, tapping one foot on the ground with no patience and avoiding to look at the man working as Santa. 

“Why are you so fidgety?” Soonyoung’s the only one who’s not checking out every person in line. 

“I’m not! I’m a little tired that’s all, I don’t want to be here anymore.” 

“Surely this doesn’t have to do anything with our friend Santa Claus, right?” 

“I just don’t wanna be seen in this line full of kids. It's embarrassing.” Avoiding the question won’t work, but it’s all the defense you have at the moment. 

“No one here cares, and Chan’s right. The moms are going crazy over our Seokminnie.” 

Following Mingyu’s eyes, your gaze sits on a blonde lady standing right beside her kid, who’s already sitting on Seokmin’s lap, but the mom looks more interested in asking him questions than the little girl. 

“Yeah, I noticed.” 

The way your arms cross immediately is a dead giveaway that it actually bothers you, and by that time, your three friends are staring at you, expecting a reaction. 

“You two have been weird since Halloween.” Chan, not so innocently as it seems, brings back the topic you so badly want to avoid. 

“What do you mean? We're not being weird. Everything’s the same.” You protest.

“Yeah, except for the fact that you had his dick in your m–" 

“Oh my fucking God, shut up! There are kids around!” 

Your whisper-shout draws more attention than Soonyoung’s statement, getting you a few weird looks from the parents behind you on the line. He not only has no filter but also lives to torture you since that day. 

“Shit, I still can't believe they really did it.” Mingyu talks more to himself than to you, and that’s weirdly offensive? 

“I’m standing right here!” 

“Is it big? He never lets us see it.” Soonyoung shamelessly asks, without an ounce of embarrassment. 

“I can’t believe this.” 

Your only option is to look away from them, meaning straight to Seokmin, right when a lady attempts to sit on him “jokingly” while security –a minimum wage worker dressed as an elf, asks her to leave. 

“Bro, c’mon what the hell.” Even Chan has a limit of Soonyoung’s unserious thoughts he can hear. 

“What?”

Mingyu shakes his head in awe, not even answering Soonyoung’s question before going back to interrogating you. 

“Did anything happen after that?” 

The line moves forward, and in that second, when everyone’s focused on taking two steps, you seriously consider running away from the mall at full speed. 

“It was just a one-time thing, no big deal.” Maybe the cold wind entering through the doors can serve as an excuse for how red your face is probably getting. 

“Yeah, sure. You know, every time your name comes up and you’re not there, he starts shivering like a chihuahua.” 

“You two stay over a five feet radius away from each other at every party we go to.” 

“I saw how you reacted the other day when that girl was all over him at the sorority party.” 

“Are you all analyzing our every fucking move?” 

Maybe it’s been weird, but for them to notice even when they’re drunk means you’ve been doing a very bad job at hiding it. 

“We’re just worried about you both, that’s all.” Mingyu softly puts his hand on your shoulder, and you truly believe his words. 

“There’s nothing to worry about! We talked about it, and everything’s cool. Now, let’s leave the topic to die here, alright?” 

The silence is so loud, it’s obvious they still have questions, and it’s obvious you’re not gonna answer them. Not when the line starts moving forward again, and suddenly you’re one family away from being the next to be called on by the elf staff. 

Seokmin's eyes find yours just as the kid hops off his lap, smiling brightly at his parents and leaving the mall altogether. You’re frozen in place, and Soonyoung behind you is whistling teasingly as one of the staff repeatedly asks you to step forward. They were right. You are being weird. It is weird. But because they don’t know the whole story. 

A hand pushes your back slightly to the front, and you see yourself walking towards the hottest Santa you’ve ever seen. The loose red suit makes his frame appear impossibly broader, and he’s manspreading in a way that has your heart pounding. 

“W-welcome young lady.” Seokmin stutters in his Santa voice, forgetting his signature ‘ho, ho, ho’. 

One look back at the line, and you’re already regretting it. Your three friends are looking in your direction like you’re Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams on the verge of making out. But just to their right, the staff looks at you, bored and tired, almost screaming at you to hurry the hell up. 

Your legs tremble as you finally sit on Santa's lap, and the energy radiating from him is breathtaking. Something about you being visibly flustered must elevate his confidence through the roof, because as soon as you’re on top of his thighs, one hand places itself softly on your back, and the other teasing on top of your thigh, not outrageously high, but high enough that you know it’s on purpose. 

“What does this young lady want for Christmas?” 

The voice he’s been practicing comes out squeakier than he'd like, your arm wrapped around the side of his neck, causing unpredicted consequences. 

“I'd like for my friends to stop being so annoying.” Jokes are always a good way to lessen the atmosphere, right? 

“Have you been a good girl this year?” Seokmin's hand tightens on your thigh, erupting a fire on parts of your body that shouldn’t be getting woken up in public. “Only girls who behave get their presents.” 

The lower part of his face is covered by an ugly synthetic white beard, but something in the sound if his voice tells you there’s a growing smirk on his lips, hiding, teasing you in front of everyone. It would be so easy to just yank the beard off and wipe that smirk off his face, press your mouth against his until neither of you are able to breathe. 

“Santa should give presents to everyone.” It’s a miracle that you’re able to form one coherent sentence. 

A low chuckle escapes from him, and the feeling that he’s still not finished with you creeps up your spine, goosebumps appearing up to your neck as his face gets close to your ear. 

“Only the ones who didn’t behave say things like that.” 

His arm around your waist makes you hyper aware of everything around you. Or more like him so around you. 

“The guys have been asking questions.” Another try to ease the tension that quickly proves to be pointless as Seokmin seems to be on a mission. 

Your eyes don’t know where to go, staring at his focused gaze on your lips. His face gets ever so slightly closer to yours, the little hairs on your cheek perking up at the sensation, all while his hot breath fans over the side of your face, and his hand holds your jaw as his thumb grazes the apple of your cheek, brushing an eyelash with so much care, you almost melt right there on his lap. 

“Let them ask.”

At the end of those simple words, his eyes connect with yours, and his stare brings a new meaning to what he said, one that begins heating up your insides and blushing your whole face. Your brain works hard to produce any kind of response, but Seokmin has rendered you speechless. 

A soft cough drives his eyes away from you, and his hold on you shifts uncomfortably, like he’s just now realizing he’s in front of at least fifty people. The elf handling the line taps his foot impatiently against the floor, his arms crossed and rolling his eyes as both you and Seokmin look at him incredulously. 

“Come have dinner at my place.” Seokmin whispers as you motion to get off of him.

You instantly miss the warmth of him below you, sturdy and holding onto you for dear life. You can only nod with a quiet ‘okay’ as the staff rushes the next kid onto Seokmin’s lap, your friends nowhere to be seen. 

Why does your hand tremble as it reaches the door handle when you’ve done it a ton of times already? 

Seokmin had sent you a cryptic text right after the disastrous meeting that had your friends bullying and interrogating you all the way back to your home, about him leaving his door unlocked and letting yourself in, eliciting at least ten questions from your part, but he remained silent after his instructions. Now, you’re left expectant as you nervously talk yourself into opening the damn door. No suspicious noise can be heard from outside, and as you turn the handle and push the door open, the warmth of recently lit candles envelops you. 

“Seokminnie?” The smell of the promised food welcomes you in as you close the door behind you. 

The shy steps you take into Seokmin’s apartment after hanging your jacket provide you with a slightly better view of the Christmas themed dining room he’s set up, and from the corner of your eye, you catch a red human figure sitting on one of the chairs, intimidating you as you realize what it is. 

“What are you still doing in the suit?” You ask with a chuckle. 

“Come here.” 

He signals for you to sit on his lap, manspreading on the wooden chair as his body calls your name. The cheap plastic beard is nowhere to be seen, but he’s still wearing the weirdly nice fitting suit, burning red just like the fire heating up the room the closer you get to him. 

“You know, the guys are catching up to us.”  

It’s much more comfortable to be alone with him, sitting on his lap and letting his arms wrap around your waist as tight as he wants. You don’t fight the urge to connect your mouths together, not letting him reply to your statement as you press your lips against his, and he doesn’t even attempt to tease you, molding his shape to yours, holding your chest close to his with no way to escape. 

“Yeah, they’ve been interrogating me too.” Seokmin replies, half of his brain paying attention to you and the other half concentrating on squeezing your thighs. 

“We sh-should do something.” 

Getting lost in the feeling of his lips is too easy, erasing any stray reasonable thought from your mind. As his hands hold and touch any part of your body they want, be it your arched back, your chest or your thighs, and his tongue licks your lower lip like he wants you to go insane, you moan against him, and he takes it as a reminder of why he asked you to come to his apartment in the first place.

“Hmm, you’re not behaving much, aren’t you?” 

You almost let out a chuckle as he strays his face away from yours just as one of his hands creeps up your inner thigh, squeezing to draw your attention where he wants. But he doesn’t go any nearer to where you’re starting to need him the most. 

“Does that mean you’re putting me on the naughty list?” 

Nothing you say when you’re on top of him is embarrassing, you’ve learned, as Seokmin seems to like every sound that comes out of your mouth regardless. His hand trembles at your words, instinctively daring to graze the crevice of your inner thigh before moving away from your legs altogether. 

“Between us,” he says, voice low right by your ear, “I think I can give you another chance.” 

“Really? What should I do?” You don’t dare move in his hold, his thighs hard under your expecting ones. 

Seokmin refuses to let you connect your lips, drawing back with a smirk when you try. The hand that’s still on your body caresses the side of your cheek, so softly you almost hum as you lean into his touch. His fingers trace your jaw down to the side of your neck, and you have no other choice than to flutter your eyes closed and enjoy his teasing. 

“Be a good girl while I do what I want with you.” 

His lips graze your ear again, going down to leave wet kisses on the side of your neck as his hand continues to travel down the side of your arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps under his cold fingers. 

Your mouth agapes, wanting to say something, anything, but he reaches the hem of the jeans you decided to wear, and only a sigh leaves you as his fingers sneak under the fabric, touching from your back to your lower tummy as he sucks on the sensitive skin of your neck. 

“What do you want to do with me?” Your words come out completely breathless, and he chuckles against your skin. 

Wordless, his reply comes in the form of his hands at both side of your hips, lifting you up easily and sitting you down on the empty chair, his body kneeling in front of you in one swift move. Somehow, your jeans hang loose around your legs, already unbuttoned, and he yanks them down expertly. 

Seokmin’s eyes, wide open in marvel, scan over your bare legs, with goosebumps erupting from top to bottom at the sudden loss of the warm fabric. His head in between your open legs, almost naked only for him, just like your every fantasy since that first time. 

“I once promised you,” His lips graze your left knee as he speaks, hot breath against your cold skin sending shivers up your spine, “that I’d make you feel good.” 

“You’ve been very bad too.” You remember exactly the promise he had made, and remember every time you’ve been together since, never fulfilling it. “I thought you’d forgotten.” 

He shakes his head quickly as a reply. “I can make it up to you,” Seokmin’s soft slender hands massage your thighs open, slotting his torso in between them like that space was made for him, “but you have to be good for me.” 

His breath fans so close to your already craving core, he could purse his lips and they’d make contact with your covered folds, but he sways ever so slightly to the side, leaving a chaste kiss on the crevice on your inner thigh, a thousand miles away from where he knows you need him. 

“What do you want me to do?” Your fingers interlock with his as he continues groping anywhere his hands manage to go, pressing them harder against you in search for more of his touch. 

“Take what I give you.” He sneaks under the hem of your panties, barely grazing at your sensitive skin, with feathery light touches and teasing scrapes of his nails as he slips the wet fabric down your legs. 

“You’re not giving me anything right now.” 

The cold air making its way over your core contrasts with the heated blush Seokmin’s eyes erupt all over your body as he stares in awe at your wet folds. 

“So ready for me." A hum reverberates to mix with his words, and his approval sends a wave of arousal straight to your center. 

Having no other thoughts, you can only half-moan and nod at his words, locking eyes with him as he leaves a trail of kisses on the soft flesh of your inner thighs, each one closer and closer to your pulsing core, but as he's about to graze your lower lips, he skips your heat and directs his mouth to your other leg, never ending the teasing. 

Your legs open further on instinct, as if to persuade him into pleasing you once and for all. His fingers dare to spread your folds, the wet sound reaching your ears, his shy touch making you squirm on the chair. Something tells you that asking him to speed up won’t help you, so you only move one hand to the back of his neck, caressing his nape to encourage him.

The first lick of his tongue comes as a surprise, long and pointy right at your center, and the hand that was resting on his neck pulls at his hair, making him groan and sending vibrations through your whole body. 

Seokmin knows exactly when to slow down, licking your cunt up and down and sucking just where he knows you’ll like. Your insides clench against nothing, empty and leaking arousal as his lips wrap around your clit. But he drinks all of your juices, his tongue collecting your wetness like a dehydrated man. 

With his tongue focused on your hole, prodding timidly inside you as your walls beg to be stretched, your hands fly to his hair, keeping his face in place as the tip of his nose brushes your clit just right. He moans right into your cunt, enjoying the pull of his hair as you use him for your pleasure. Your throat hurts from moaning uncontrollably as your orgasm approaches at the speed of light. 

Not even in your imagination would you have pictured yourself getting so worked up so fast by a man going down on you, but that’s just Seokmin, being gentler and more skilled than most, eager to find every stop that has you squirming on top of him. 

His hands try to keep your legs open for him as you spasm with each swipe of his tongue, getting faster and faster the more he notices how close you are. And as he focuses his all on teasing your clit, you come undone at the rhythm of his moans against you. 

He makes out with your pussy mercilessly, prolonging your orgasm and making your legs tremble harder at his sides, almost closing around his head if it wasn’t for him holding them where he wants. The unholy wet sounds don’t stop and waves of arousal keep crashing down on you, the big smirk across his lips can be felt even through the filthiness of the act, and when he doesn’t move away when you start feeling overstimulated, you finally find your voice again.

“Hmm, Minnie, god.” Cracked and hoarse, it’s a miracle he even heard your words. Your hands try to push his head away, but one look into his eyes, and the motion stops immediately. 

“You promised you'd take everything.” The fingers that were holding onto the flesh of your thighs sneak to your wet, still sensitive center, collecting any remaining juices Seokmin didn’t get to drink. 

“Fuck, yes, I did.” Even a bare graze of his fingers has you breathless, ready for more in an instant. 

“Do you still want it?” Somehow, his doe eyes mix with his teasing glare, pretending to ask when in reality he knows your answer. 

“Yes.” One-word replies might be your best option to answer him, as moans and whines get stuck on your throat at the motions of his fingers, spreading your wet folds open and teasing your needy hole. “Please.” 

“Good,” without any more warning, Seokmin plunges two fingers inside you, receiving no resistance, “it’s my job to give my good girl anything she wants.” 

His hand begins working towards filling you up, molding your gummy walls to the shape of his fingers. Wet sounds fill Seokmin’s dining room, the food he prepared cold and forgotten in the kitchen, and the only other sounds echoing are your breathy moans and his occasional grunts. 

Seokmin’s tongue goes back to its place, torturing your clit as his fingers find your sweet spot, abusing it as you feel yourself getting wetter, if even possible. He thrusts harder, sharper, drilling into you and making your arousal drip onto the wooden chair. 

The red of his hair stands out tangled between your fingers as you try to press his face impossibly closer to your core. He moans in response, as if being pressed in between your legs is more pleasurable to him than to you. 

Locking eyes with him below you, the blushy filthiness of it all mixes with the oversensitivity from too recent orgasm, getting you close to another one faster than ever before. It’s too much, but you crave more, need more, and your walls clamp against Seokmin’s fingers, making it harder for him to pound them into you, but he persists, with pointy and determined thrusts that form stars on your vision. 

A whiny scream erupts out of you as he sucks on your clit, everything combined blurring every one of your senses and causing spasms all across your body as you come on his fingers.

The sinful sight of Seokmin licking his fingers clean is forever burned on your eyelids, and will hunt you even in your sleep. But before he has the chance of slipping his tongue between your folds again, you stand up and force him to sit down on your place. 

“It’s my turn to give now.” He just stares at you, brow lifting teasingly, waiting for your next move. There’s so much you could do, but the throbbing between your legs calls for only one thing, sitting in front of you. From the new angle, the outline of his very hard cock outshines the rest of his body, the thin red fabric loosely sits over the boner he doesn’t even try to hide. 

In what feels like a millisecond, you yank his pants and boxers down in one move, freeing him from his confines, but deliberately leaving the top of his costume on. 

His bare skin below yours, as you sit down on top of him, legs at both sides of his hips, feels so hot you almost don’t feel the drop in temperature in the room. His hard length springs up against your lower belly, furiously pink and ready for whatever. 

Your mouths crash in need, his hands on your back flushing you against him as your hands push his head further against you. It’s hard and needy, passionate as he always is, but somehow determined and not sloppy. 

The frenetic closeness traps his cock between your bodies, a never-ending friction as you grind against him. The top half of your clothes are still on the way, the hands creeping under the hem of your shirt indicating he wants yours off immediately, but refuses to let go of your lips. 

“Tell me you have a condom.” You manage to mumble with his mouth still gliding over yours. 

A ruffle sound echoes from your side, Seokmin’s hand searching eagerly around his pocket for what you asked. You’re not about to question if he had a condom there all day, just go on with it. 

You reluctantly separate your faces, both of you in a rush, nearing the desperate territory, to have him inside you. He throws his head back as your hands slide the condom down his length, the touch of your hands too much for him to handle. His hands grip your hips in an effort to help you lift your body, lining your entrance with his leaking tip. 

The mix of his spit and your arousal makes it easy for him to slide all the way down until you’re sitting on top of him again, his length stretching you just perfectly. You both take a second to breath as you get used to being filled completely, molded to his shape already. 

“You always take me so well.” He moans as he dares looking you right in the eyes. 

Only a smirk shows on your face as an answer, your hands moving down to open the red jacket he’s still wearing, unbuttoning it one by one and letting yourself feel his abs tensing under your teasing touch. Slowly but surely, his whole chest is finally revealed to you, but his hands refuse to leave your body, and the top half of his suit stays on. 

His hands on your ass press your body against him, inciting you to start moving before he loses his mind.

With your hands on his chest for support, you start grinding on him softly, feeling the veins of his cock dragging inside you at a tortuous pace. Seokmin knows no restrain when he’s inside you, so he groans and moans at every clench of your walls, unknowingly succeeding in making you do it more often and into speeding up the pace.

His hands eagerly creep inside your shirt, crunching it up like he desperately wants to see you bare on top of him. As soon as it’s off, his hands are on your tits, groping them as if it was his first time seeing them.

He grinds against you, following your rhythm and speeding the rush of both of your highs. Your walls tighten hard around his cock, feeling him twitching even through every move.

A loud moan gets out of you when his cock reaches that spot inside you that takes you to another dimension, and he immediately presses your lips together, a messy and wet make out that does little to muffle both of your moans.

The chair creeks below you as you test its limits, but it’s the least of your worries when he starts lifting his hips to meet you, the strength of his thighs even making you bounce on him slightly.

When one of his hands leaves its place on your chest to sneak between you and torture your clit even more, a guttural moan leaves you. He doesn’t stop, his thrusts getting as hard as possible as he chases your orgasms.

Walls already sensitive from your previous highs, and your swollen clit getting stimulated more and more, there’s only so much you can take before you start trembling on top of him.

Your third orgasm crashes over you hard, blurring any other sense that isn’t Seokmin’s cock dragging inside you.

And there’s so much tight clenching of your warm walls around him that he can take before he’s coming into the condom, twitching uncontrollably and slowly stopping his shallow thrusts.

Your lips come together once more, soft and lazy as you come down of your highs.

There’s a comfortable silence surrounding you. Even after you’ve both cleaned up and dressed up again, you find yourselves back on the same position, you sitting on his lap as he softly traces circles on your back, your breathings coordinated as you enjoy each other’s warmth.

“Do you think we should tell the guys?” Your whisper breaks the silence, the uncertain question making Seokmin’s ears perk up.

“I thought you didn’t want them to make fun of us.” His head lowers to look for your eyes, but you’re insisting on looking down.

“I know I said that but,” the sentence gets cut short, doubt and fear creeping up on your mind, but his hand comforting you encourages you to keep going, “today, you sounded like you don’t care.”

“Would it be bad if I didn't?” His sweet voice finally drives your eyes up to his, and the smile across his lips is big enough to make you melt.

“I– No, actually–“ You really try to say something that isn’t a mumble of nonsense, but it’s impossible. The matching smile plastered on your lips gives away how you feel, and he helps you gather your thoughts.

“They’re gonna be worse than ever.” Seokmin states.

You nod, holding back a cackle.

“But it’s nothing we can’t take.” He continues.

“Yeah, right.” You agree, even though a with a little doubt.

“It’s us two against them.”

“Right.”

“We can destroy them. "

“Exactly.”

“And do you want to be my girlfriend?”

The back and forth almost makes you answer automatically, and when you realize exactly what Seokmin was asking you, you freeze. Mouth agape and wide eyes, it’s not like you would ever say no to him, but he has taken a liking on taking you by surprise.

Your silence freaks him out, but as you straighten your posture on his lap and wrap your arms around his neck, you reply, “I’d love to be your girlfriend Lee Seokmin.”

His toothy smile widens impressively, his eyes curving like crescent moons right before he connects your lips again.

It’s different from before, a new feeling mixed in with the moving of your lips, welcomed fully as his hands caress your back again, with so much care you'd think he was afraid.

But that’s just who he is, who he always was. Your friend Seokmin. Your caring and loving Seokmin. Your boyfriend Seokmin.

heyyyyy happy holidays to everyone! hope you enjoyed this! ♥︎

lmk if you'd like another part! I love this couple, and I'm not opposed to writing an Easter chapter of this series :D

[enchantedflameandflower]

Update! Billy Butcher fic! A little angst and drama with a lot of The Boys and a bit of their comedic shenanigans!

karl urban masterlist

taglist: @2dead2function @nosebeers @vavafaure1994 @weallhaveadestiny @str8-jack-it

@jynx15 @hippo2211 @bvd13 @butchersdarkbird - finally, finally I have this chapter out! @butchersdarkbird I so so so hope you enjoy it, I know you've waited so long and it means so much to me!

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

This takes place a month after last ep of Season 3! I really really hope you enjoy! The chapter was getting crazy out of hand and starting to overwhelm and paralyze me, so I split it in two. SO this means the next part is already 90% written and will be much quicker! Thank you so so much to everyone reading! Also next part of my Gavin x reader fic will be out in a few days!

direct link to part 1

part 38

Glimmer Part 39

One month later.

The last rays of summer sunshine that could make it over the New York City skyline shone orange through the big windows of the top floor of the Flat Iron Building. In a few minutes they would be gone, hidden behind the tall buildings of the city as the sun made its decent. 

Addison sat with M.M. at his desk going over the stack of files of information she’d collected, analyzed and compiled on a handful of B level supes across the eastern seaboard. She had been supposed to meet with him that morning, but had spent the majority of it too nauseous to even move out of bed, much to her annoyance at the cliche, but her first trimester was nearly over, and it couldn’t come soon enough for her.

And of course they were bent together over a pile of papers of a supe Addison had been tracking upstate when Billy walked in, hanging up his coat on the rack by the door. “Well, don’t you two look cozy there, all huddled over your supe files together.” Billy waltzed past the desk, heading for the coffee pot. 

“Where’ve you been, Butcher?” M.M. asked. 

“Didn’t kill anyone, so don’t worry your pretty little head none. Just tailin’ a low level.”

M.M. and Addison continued to work while Billy made coffee then poured himself a mug and went to his desk. She knew it was always better to just not engage when he wanted to argue about her work, especially with M.M..

When they found a break, M.M. stood up and went over to the coffee pot but grumbled lifting it up to show there was barely any left. “You can’t just make enough for all of us?” he asked, frowning at Butcher. 

Addison and Billy exchanged a look. 

“I ain’t your bleedin’ secretary.” Butcher snarked, looking back to his own work. 

M.M. rolled his eyes, reaching for the bag to make some more. “Addison?” he asked over his shoulder as he picked up the coffee pot. 

“No, thanks, I’m good.”

M.M. turned to face her. “I’ve never once heard you turn down a cup of joe, Addi.”

She shrugged, shifting to look through her files. “It’s getting late,” she said off handedly. Luckily she was saved from having to say more by Frenchie and Kimiko coming in. 

Addison shuffled the files back together, bundling them in order for M.M. to take. “Just call if you have any questions.”

“You know we could really use you on the team -” M.M. said but Addison was already shaking her head before he could say more. 

“Uh-uh,” she said. “I don’t do team ups. And I’m not getting involved...in this,” she waved her hand around the room, somehow managing not to gesture at any one person in particular. “I’m really good at this stuff,” she tapped her fingers on the folders. “And I’m not working in the field. My body count is fine where it’s at.”

Her tone left no room for argument, and she was grateful M.M. accepted it for now. She finished up and went to sit on the edge of Butcher’s desk. He was standing in front of it, drinking his coffee and reading through a report he had in hand. 

“Take me to dinner?” she murmured, quiet enough the others couldn’t easily listen in. 

“It’s hardly 5,” he answered, flipping his papers over to look at his watch, then looking at her. 

“Yeah. Dinnertime,” she grinned. “What this isn’t a 9 - 5 job?” she teased him. 

Billy snorted. “Weren’t you textin’ me you were havin’ lunch just a coupla hours ago?”

“Soooo?”

“Well I’ll have to ask the boss ya know,” he set down his report on his desk behind her, leaning close and letting his hand brush across her hip. “I swear though I could feed you a horse these days and you’d still be hungry…” he teased.

But Addison barely heard the last of his sentence because M.M. had suddenly appeared behind Billy and had clearly heard the last of his words and she watched his face - she could literally see it in his eyes as he started to put the pieces together in his mind…

“Addison.”

She froze. No. Fucking. Way. She wasn’t ready, this wasn’t happening here, in front of everyone, she was not doing this…

“Tell me you did not,” M.M. groaned out loud, finally making Billy turn around and lift one brow.

Addison pursed her lips, subconsciously tugging her jacket closed around her.

“Oi, oi! Great, the whole gangs here,” Butcher grinned as Hughie came in, trying to change the subject but it didn’t work with any of them.

Hughie paused as he reached his own desk setting his stuff down, looking between Addi, M.M. and Butcher. Frenchie and Kimiko were off to the side watching cautiously. 

“Did not what?”

Everyone ignored him.  

“Tell me -” M.M. continued, in his most stern dad voice. “You two morons. Did not do - what I think you did.”

“Excuse me,” Addison huffed, furrowing her brows at M.M.. 

“Whoaaa,” Hughie spoke up walking over to them, confusion and shock in his eyes. “What are you talking about?” he asked M.M.. “What do you think they did?” Hughie turned to Butcher. “What did you do?”

“Nothin’ you haven’t done,” Butcher grinned wolfishly clapping him on the shoulder. 

They all seemed to turn to look at Addison at once and she groaned out loud. “Ugghhhh… fucking fuck…..”

“What is happening?!” Hughie flailed. 

Addison crossed her arms but Kimiko was smiling and Frenchie looked like he was about to burst. 

“Frenchie do not-“ Addison pointed at him, her eyes wide.

“We are having a baby!” Frenchie shouted. 

MM pushed his rolling chair into his desk, turning as if he needed to compose himself while Hughie stood in confusion looking between all of them. 

“Hey!” Annie came in the door then, pausing as she immediately picked up the tension. “What happened?” Her smile dropped from her face. 

“Who’s having a baby - ” Hughie started, more confused then ever then as looked at Frenchie then finally turned back to Butcher, then Addison, then back to Butcher again. “Holy fuck…”

“A baby?” Annie asked, clearly taken off guard and upset. The whole thing was like a fucking cirucs act and Addison was quickly losing any shreds of patience she had left.

“Addison and B -“ Hughie started to say then sort of seemed to just freeze before he shook himself out of it. “Congratulations, you two,” he recovered before he stopped again, looking between the two of them. “I mean…right? You want…”

“Yes, Hughie,” Addison interrupted him before he confused his own brain even more. “The baby is very much wanted. Thank you,” she gave him a soft smile but it quickly fell. 

“Addison we need to talk,” M.M. spoke up again pointedly. 

Addison rolled her eyes but her patience was no competition to Billy’s temper, and he had clearly already lost it with all of them.

“Good,” Butcher glared at M.M.. “You take her to dinner then.” He slammed his coffee cup down on his desk then turned to Addison, sliding his strong arm around her waist and tugging her against his body, obviously staking his claim on her and the whole situation before he left. His mouth met hers in a hot, steamy kiss and she had to curl her fingers into his shirt to keep from fainting away as his tongue flicked over hers. He broke the kiss almost as suddenly, squeezing her ass affectionately, then turned for the door, and reaching to grab his coat on the way out.

“I’m calling you tonight,” Addison yelled after him as soon as she caught her breath. “You better fucking answer!” But she knew he’d more than likely be sliding into her bed before the night grew too late.

Butcher waved his hand in the air and Hughie finally seemed to snap out of it as he breezed past. “Wait, Butcher!” He stood up to take off after him but paused and turned back to Annie. “I’m fine,” she said but Addison could tell she was annoyed. And then Hughie was chasing Butcher out the door. 

Addison decided she couldn’t deal with Annie right now and anyway M.M.’s intense stare was not leaving her space to worry about anyone else. 

“You’re not my father, for fucks sake,” she snapped, exasperated by they whirlwind of events, even though her lips were still tingling from Butcher’s fierce kiss. “I slept with Billy. We fucked up. I want this baby - more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Annie turned around then and left too, the door closing hard behind her and Addison slumped, dropping her head in her hands. Annie was her friend. She knew how much she hated Billy and honestly she mostly understood. She only wished she could’ve explained first before the news broke like this.

But at least Frenchie and Kimiko seemed to be on her side. “She is happy,” Frenchie spoke up and Addison lifted her head to give him a grateful look. “Surely that is what matters, no?”

M.M. finally seemed to soften a little. “Yeah, fine,” he agreed. “But I still want to talk.”

Frenchie nodded in concession and squeezed Addison’s shoulder reassuringly before heading back over to sit with Kimiko. 

“Let’s go,” M.M. nodded toward the door. “Monique always loved those double chocolate brownie shakes when she was pregnant with Janine. My treat.”

~*~*~

“I know what I’m doing,” Addison said quietly. “Billy and I have talked about it. At length. The baby comes first no matter what. I can do this on my own if I have to. And I can protect - the baby…if I have to. Even against him,” she added.

M.M. glanced up at Addison, with a raised eyebrow, but shook his head while he arranged his napkin and his burger on his tray. “You won’t have to. He loves you. And he might be a gigantic asshole. But he’s an asshole with a heart. He’d take himself out before he let himself hurt you.”

Addison used her spoon to take a big mouthful of her chocolate shake and hummed gratefully while M.M. gave an affectionate smirk. 

“Told ya,” he said. 

Addison smiled, remembering that conversation they’d had so long ago at that little diner on the road. It seemed like a life time ago now. 

“Remember when you asked me if I ever thought about having kids? I lied a little.”

M.M. glanced up at her studying her for a moment. 

“I really, really want this,” she continued. “And if I have to, I can handle it on my own.”

Finally M.M. nodded. She knew this wasn’t going to placate him entirely, but it was enough for now.

“Thank you,” she murmured, in between bites.

“For what.”

Addison shrugged. “For everything. For being a friend.”

“You know I’m just looking out for you, right? I’ve got you, Addison.”

And she knew he did, she just didn't know how much she would need it in the months to come.

~*~*~

Notes: I want everyone to know, no matter what happens in the show this WILL have a happy ending (but of course with tons of h/c, drama and angst along the way.) But I only do ultimately happy endings. Next up: Addison's conversation with Annie does not go as well and Billy and Addi have a heart to heart over the start of that baby bump ♥ Let me know what you think!

Karl Urban Masterlist

[wafflexdguy]

V SFW Alphabet!

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For people on Tumblr, the book on Wattpad is where you're a worker drone, but you can interpret yourself being whatever you want.

Follow my Wattpad account for more content.

Masterlist

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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

She doesn't really show affection often, but that's not to say that she doesn't show any at all. She'll occasionally do handholding and hugging. If she's really feeling flirty, she'll kiss you just so she can say how much you blushed.

Ignoring the fact that she was blushing as much as you were.

B = Bad Habits (What bad habits do they have?)

She can come off as careless. So much so that it almost seems like she doesn't care at all.

She doesn't really have a solution for this, because despite already being in a relationship, she really doesn't want to get too attached in case someone destroys the planet. It really only around Episode 4 that this ideology gets snuffed out.

Other than that is just that she can be a huge nuisance when it's inappropriate.

"Damn, should have brought marshmallows."

"V, my house is on fire. Not the time."

C = Comfort (Are they a good shoulder to cry on or do they get awkward?)

They get awkward. I mean, wouldn't you?

How she thinks about it is dependent on which episode you place yourself in. If it's prior to Ep.1, then it's more of:

"Ok, I kill Worker Drones for a living, but now I have one crying on my shoulder what do I do-?"

After that, It's more of just actually being awkward, since she hasn't shown affection in a long time, if not years. They'll listen, but their comfort isn't going to be the best.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Does she want to settle down? Mayhaps.

She doesn't really know. She likes the idea of finally being able to relax and just enjoying each others company, but at the same time, is it really even worth it?

If you ask her nicely, she'll probably do it.

E = Energy (Would you have trouble keeping up with them?)

No.

She's generally laid back but also semi-energetic, like what we see in the show. If you're not hugely energetic, you'll have no problem keeping up with her.

F = Fear (What are they scared of when it comes to you?)

Probably just you dying.

She doesn't like to think about the idea of you dying for obvious reasons, but also because she won't really know what to do with herself afterwards.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

She's not gentle per' se, but she's also not really overbearing. Occasionally she'll fuck around with you, getting you riled up and/or get you annoyed if she's really bored. If it gets too much for you though, she'll stop.

Now physically, she's actually kind of gentle when it comes to that. She won't go rough, since if she's showing affection, she's likely just feeling icky or bad. So she'll just want comfort normally like anyone would.

H = Honesty (Do they have secrets they hide?)

Really?

Yeah, she has secrets to hide. Like how she had assisted in killing an entire planet. But other than that, she doesn't have other huge secrets to hide.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not fast. It's probably going to have to be a major event that happens that doesn't have to be Ep.8 that'll scare her enough to where she'll just say "I love you". It can be just to where if you both somehow get really close to death, or if she gets close to death, It doesn't really matter.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

She doesn't get jealous often but she get jealous enough to where she'll get really annoyed. Why are you spending 5 hours talking to them?

Yeah, it'd take a bit to get her jealous.

If she's jealous for whatever reason, she'll just kill the drone in question. Simple as that. She needs the oil anyway.

If you manage to catch on early enough, you can stop her from killing said drone.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sloppy kisses if she's feeling really teasy and if you're okay with it.

L = Listen (Do they hang off your every word or have selective hearing?)

They don't hang off your every word, but they also don't have selective hearing.

She'll listen to you if she's not busy (obviously) but if she's doing something that isn't major, but still requires her attention, she'll hear you, but she probably isn't listening.

M = Maintenance (Are they high maintenance? Low? Maybe so?)

They aren't high maintenance. They're definitely low maintenance, because she was literally made to take care of herself.

Mentally though? They are also low maintenance, but she can get easily stressed. She might need your help to calm down if it ever gets to a point where she might lash out.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I eventually want to make a oneshot out of this, but basically how she typically sleeps (Upside down) but just hugging you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

They probably won't open up at all. More specifically: she wont just start telling you about her past, since she does her best to repress that as much as she possibly can. But she'll maybe vent to you about how her life sucked before she met you (or N) but that's about it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

If you want to speedrun pissing her off, get hurt. To be more clear, if you ever got hurt by another drone/person, she'll get instantly pissed off. Other than that, just being annoying can also anger her.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

They'll remember all the things you like and don't like that are easy to remember. She doesn't hang onto every little thing you like or dislike, but she'll make an effort to do something nice for you.

"Oh! A... Dead flower???"

"It's the only one they had."

Please note that results may vary.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

"I love you." You said out of the blue, looking away from her.

You and V had been sitting on top of a roof, just looking at the moon and embracing the moonlight above you. V, caught off guard choked on her own spit as she tried to process the sudden surprise.

She looked at you indescribably. You two had been unofficially been in a relationship, but hearing that made her core vibrate. Almost like it was reaching out to you. Craving that affection.

"Okay..." Was all she could say, leaning her head onto yours.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

She's protective over you. She doesn't like seeing you getting hurt (naturally) and typically will be quite murdery when it comes to your safety. Don't confuse her for yandere, it's just her usual attidtude.

You can't really protect her, let's be honest. (Again, you're worker drone in this scenario) So at most you'd be emotional support.

T = Temper (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

She'd put her fair share of effort into dates, much to your surprise probably. Gifts, though?

"V, not that I don't appreciate your gifts, but are dead flowers really the only thing they had?"

"Yes."

U = Unwind (How do they relax?)

Spending any amount of time with you probably helps her wind down, and typically just likes doing random bullshit with you. It can be anything, really, but it'll help her relax around you.

V = Value (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Probably not much. Maybe her hair, but that's about it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yeah, but she probably won't show it. This is assuming you haven't died by the way, so she knows you'll come back, but in the meantime, it's almost like there isn't much of anything to do.

She'll probably hang out with Lizzy until you come back.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Random Teasing Headcanon (RTH tm)

She'll occasionally show off her strength by picking you up. It can be anything, from a piggy back ride, to picking you up bridal style. She loves it when you blush uncontrollably.

Y = Yearning (How do they act when separated?)

Already answered, but bored and incomplete.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

She occasionally sleep talks. It can be from anything embarrassing, or just kind of heartwarming.

[colleybri]

Cassian x Bix and Rebelcaptain: Please let these ships be friends !

I ‘ship’ Cassian x Bix AND Cassian x Jyn. I see there has been some conflict in the past when the “new woman” was first brought in with the series, some that remains now, and I’m both saddened and bemused by that.

Rebelcaptain for me is a canon relationship… to a certain extent. I have no doubt that these brave heroes would have ended up together had they lived. That’s why I love it… the whole beautiful tragedy of what might have been, and the loyalty that binds people together when making a sacrifice like this. Were they actually in love, in canon? For me – no. Not yet. And that’s important for my personal enjoyment of Rogue One, especially its ending. As the novelisation stresses, Cassian dies without knowing Jyn as “There wasn’t the time”. And I simply don’t believe you can love someone without knowing them . But I enjoy the idea of exploring what would have happened had they lived. They are a perfect loyal “battle couple”, definitely my favourite fanon SW couple and great to imagine together. I see Rebelcaptain also as a way of giving them the happy ending they deserved. Oh - and the chemistry between Felicity Jones and Diego Luna on-screen is absolutely electric. In short and again: I have no doubt that they would have fallen in love had they lived and would have been perfect for each other. And they are a perfect fanon ship.

(^^ And I I think this is the exact moment in canon when they both acknowledge the loss of what might have been. It’s just heartbreakingly beautiful… )

Cassian x Bix - I don’t even think of it as a ‘ship’ per se as it is a 100% canon relationship, and one that is currently ongoing as we wait for Andor S2.. It’s fascinating to me – 17 years of friendship that has occasionally blossomed into a romantic/sexual relationship. It’s a genuinely unusual set up too. I’ve read a few takes that they are “over each other” by the time of the start of the series, to which I want to say … watch again, closely! They certainly have moved on to date different people, but it’s also very clear from their interactions (especially in the intense scene in Ep 7) that there is still a lot of extremely deep feeling between them – even if some of it is very negative. In the S1 production notes, the show’s creator Tony Gilroy says that they “are meant to be together… but it’s been impossible all these years. Now, she’s done with him … he’s burnt every last bridge .” Why? The series also provides the answer – Cassian is in many ways an absolute mess at the start of the season and Bix was quite rightly fed up with him as a boyfriend. He’s completely unreliable, likes short-lived affairs (often with married women - so no risk of commitment!), isn’t working regularly and has debts all over the place. This largely stems from his “unresolved childhood trauma”. He has a fear of “leaving people behind” and despite having a lot of love to give “ is so scared of being loved”. But he and Bix nonetheless prove to be incredibly loyal friends and their love in this platonic sense clearly runs very deep indeed. They have known each other since he was 10 so she is also something like a sister figure. Bix is still very protective of Cassian and takes personal risks for him… and he finally comes to appreciate this and pay back his metaphorical debt to her in the finale. The question now is what season 2 holds for them, if anything.

(^^ I love the way she is using her fingertips to push his hand off, as if to avoid the risk of too much touch. The gesture and look that says “Please don’t try and get close to me again because we both know how bad that is for us… but I’m such a total idiot when it comes to you that I will still very unwisely go out of my way to help you, especially when you look at me like that so please just don’t”)

Does loving their messy and complicated relationship mean that I want Cassian and Bix to ‘end up together’ ? No, and the obvious additional point is that they don’t! They are both going to be very different people at the start of S2 and over the following years of the story . Bix has been traumatised; Cassian has been radicalised. And that’s just the start. Perhaps they quickly drift apart. Perhaps some kind of betrayal is involved. Perhaps one or both of them will want to commit again to a relationship, but it’s impossible because of the demands of the rebellion (like Vel /Cinta). Perhaps Bix “ends up with” someone else (Brasso, ideally, especially if they both survive the season). Perhaps they will get back together at least for a while and enjoy a little last happiness before inevitable heartbreak. Perhaps all, some or none of these. But none of that stops me from loving and appreciating what they do have, what they have had up to now, and the intriguing dynamics of when they do interact on screen. Bix x Cassian attracts me as a fanfic ship because it’s all about exploring what is there and how it came to be, which is why I currently don’t write them beyond the present time of season 1. I’m waiting to see what happens next in Canon, as it were, because that to me is an important part of writing them. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying analysing the relationship by imagining them in the past.

So for me Bix x Cassian in no way impacts on Jyn x Cassian or vice versa, especially if you apply… real life principles rather than the ideals of fandoms: “soulmates” and OTPs. Many people – most people – will have a beautifully intense and loving relationship with more than one person at different times of their lives. I’m old – trust me on this one.

^^ Both relationships in these two scenes go way beyond romance. In the first - many years of close and loyal friendship. In the second: a bond created through brave and selfless sacrifice together. And for both: Cassian’s absolute hatred of being “someone who leaves people behind”: the quality that I love best about him. And saving each other. Literally and metaphorically.

And oh… it’s beautiful. Both moments are beautiful.

Edit: I won’t do any speculating here about the content of the trailers and articles. Except to say that there’s nothing in them that detracts from the emotional power of both ships. They can continue to happily coexist. 

[matan4il]

Buddie 618 meta

Since this could have been the show finale, not just this season’s, I hope you allow me to do a small overview of the ep as a whole with this in mind.

I’m gonna be honest, I want to send ABC a bouquet of flowers, because if this would have been the show’s last ep, it would have been an incredibly disappointing one. Not that it didn’t have merit. 911 has always been about the importance of the good that we do - for ourselves, for our loved ones and for strangers. That’s why the significance of this ep’s emergency was actually great. We got to see the 118 saving themselves, each other and be saved by a complete stranger, who wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for the 118 saving him four seasons earlier. My issue with it is that it would have been better IMO to spread out this emergency over two eps, really give it room to resonate emotionally, in much the same way that Buck’s lightning strike did. That would have also left more airtime for the team’s personal lives to get closure.

When looking at the personal resolution to the 118’s stories, I did like the return to Henren’s adoption via foster care storyline, it needed closure and I’m so happy this is the one it got. I have talked in more than one fandom about the importance of showing how same sex couples ACTUALLY go about becoming parents, so I think this is extra significant. I can’t wait to see this not just being a wink at the end of a show finale, but an actually developed storyline in s7. I also think “Here’s to more chaos and more love” is my fave line in this ep and a perfect summary of the best of 911. I also loved Bathena getting to go on their honeymoon, getting to live carefree for a moment. They absolutely deserve this, and it felt even better thanks to being a callback moment. I also enjoyed seeing Madney seal the details of their wedding. I have loved and enjoyed them since Maddie called Chim cute in 206, they deserve all the happiness and joy, and to me, having to see her twice this season bracing herself for the possibility of losing Buck and / or Chim (in 611 and now) made it even more meaningful to see Madney happy by the end of the ep. Again, I can’t wait to see the actual wedding in s7. It’s gonna melt all of our hearts. Still, all of these resolutions felt a bit rushed and I believe they could have had more of an impact if they were more than blink and you miss it moments during the final montage.

But if those felt underdeveloped, that’s nothing in comparison with Buck and Eddie’s personal lives’ resolutions. Was 911 really going to leave them with the “endgame” of women who literally only showed up as Love Interests in the last couple of eps of the show? If I weren’t a part of fandom, as a casual viewer, I would sincerely not have even remembered Marisol from her emergency, so I would have been confused by her and Eddie’s conversation. In fact, I found it funny that when Eddie wants to text her, it’s presented as a disruption to Bobby’s talk, just like Buck’s call with Kameron. I also thought it was wild that we discover Marisol and Eddie exchanged numbers, because that most certainly wasn’t even hinted at during 617. We clearly saw him walking away, they exchanged a last look, and that was it. Eddie and Marisol are so underdeveloped, we don’t even know how they happened! Did Marisol rush after Eddie? Did he come back to ask her for her number? Did they both decide to take the leap? How did the conversation go? Why was their phone call in 618 so awkward if they had already made their intentions clear when they exchanged numbers? We have zero answers to these questions. This was so forced, so unearned, so underdeveloped, it makes it painfully obvious that it was done just to not leave Eddie heterosexually single. Because I’m sorry, homosubtextually, he’s been married for years.

Which brings me to Buck and Natalia. I gotta roll my eyes at my own 615 meta, where I talked about the meaning of her name connecting her to birth, now we literally had her at the birth of Buck’s bio kid. What a piece of ironic foreshadowing. And yet, despite Natalia being a bit more developed than Marisol, despite the fact that Buck had what was maybe the most invested in personal resolution in the finale, it was still a let down for me. We have mostly seen why Natalia doesn’t suit him in eps 615 and 617. She did come back in the finale, but then so did Taylor in 414. That doesn’t mean either woman fits Buck as a partner. I’m left with the uneasy feeling that we have here a rerun of that s4 finale in terms of the ep shoving both men into relationships with underdeveloped LIs. TBH, the juxtaposition makes 618 worse IMO. Because the comparison with Marisol and Natalia actually makes Ana and Taylor look slightly more invested in! That says a lot about how little 911 cares about the 618 LIs. But it also gives me this bad sense of stepping in place with Buck and Eddie in terms of their romantic development. For example, the fact that Buck ends up tying yet another one of his couches to yet another gf at a way too early stage of their r/s (too much time couldn’t have passed between Kameron giving birth, ruining Buck’s couch, and his conversation about getting a couch together with Natalia since he was just getting around to having the old one looked at to see if it could be saved. He’s once again rushing into commitment with a girl he doesn’t yet know well enough, and who we saw in 615 he was idolizing as truly seeing him, when the truth was very different or she wouldn’t have run out on him in 617. I also can’t tell you why Natalia came back based on the few interactions we’ve seen between them, we haven’t had a single meaningful moment between them so far to explain it, making it clear he’s going in circles. I do suspect Buck doesn’t realize this is him repeating past mistakes, he thinks this is progress given his ability to let go of the baby, which could be an interesting angle to explore in s7. But probably what makes giving Buddie rushed heterosexual “endgame” LIs worse is that every bit of development either man made that isn’t about their love life got sidelined in this ep...

I think in a sense, the underdevelopment of all of Buck and Eddie’s LIs, even the “endgame” ones in what could have been the show’s finale, might actually be a testament to the power of Buddie. If a showrunner knows they could never hope to develop any LI to have with either Buck or Eddie even a tenth of what they have with each other, that can explain not even trying. In fact, we got a reminder of the strong bond between these two men during the call. Buck saved Eddie, just as Eddie saved Buck during the lightning strike. The way they looked at each other, the zoom in on their hands grasping one another, was very emotionally poignant exactly because we have seen these two losing their whole damn minds trying to save the other man on more than one occasion. And Buck used the words “I got you,” a reminder that they will ALWAYS have each other’s back, on and off the field. 

The good news is that ABC has a chance to correct the course of where this finale left off. I do believe the move is being done knowing they would have to rejuvenate 911 if they want it to fare better than on Fox, and I think that giving Buddie the room to become canon would be exactly that. But I have said in more than one of my ask replies that to me, no matter what, this show has been telling the epic love story of Buck and Eddie, with the little family they built. Whether TPTB go through with that canonically or not, this is what they gave us. And nothing will take that away from me. If 911 ends with Buddie being single, I’ll just assume their feelings realization and confessions happen after the end of the show. If 911 ends with “endgame” heterosexual LIs, I’ll just know that those couples eventually break up at some point during the 118’s post-show future, and then Buddie finally get together. Because that’s the story we got over the course of the last 5 seasons, one that only has a single possible resolution, whether the show itself gives it to us or whether it forces us to have to imagine and write it down in fix-it fics ourselves. We ALL know what we saw. We ALL get what Buddie have. We ALL see how that inevitably would lead to them getting together sooner or later, and if it doesn’t happen during the show, then later it is, but it WILL happen. That’s how I look at the show, and that’s why even if this were the last ep of it, it still wouldn’t have destroyed Buddie for me. I hope this POV can help others, too.

~~ I’m gonna be here during the hiatus, if anyone wants to be here with me. Thank you so much to all of you who made s6 a lovelier ride by taking it with me! I’m endlessly grateful for every single one of you. xoxox

~~ (my weekly meta posts) (my Buddie gifs) (all of my content)

~~ My tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here.

~~ Thank you to the amazing @whosoldherout​​ for making this season so much better with your gifs, for these meta posts and in general!

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom family :) We're finally back to new eps. I wasn't ready for this episode in the least. Idk I was ever gonna be ready tbh. If this isn’t the most apt ep name ever following the last ep. Bare with me as I once again sort through my thoughts and such. I'm really struggling with the 'mini' portion of these reviews the last few eps.

Ain't nothing mini about my emotions haha But I am sure come summer they'll be more refined for sure. Also thank you to anyone who reads these thoughts and enjoys them. It's still a trip to me people appreciate my thoughts. I just want to be a ray of sunshine and positivity with these.

A source of comfort while we all go through this together. Cause that's the beauty of fandom. Going through it together. Once again wanna preface there will be ZERO tolerance for bashing of any kind. They are both going through it right now. We all love these characters so much its why we're on here. I love conversation and comments but not spreading hate. With that in mind let's start eh?

6x07 Crushed

Tamara moving out still..... Ugh. I’m so sad about this. Truly the end of an era right here everyone. Also Lucy not wearing her necklace gut punch already to my feels...Poor Lucy wants her to stay but would never ask Tamara to do that. I wanna cry already for Lucy....I hate her necklace being missing and it's very obvious it's missing. *sad sigh*

I do love Lucy taking Tamara out to fancy dinner least. Channeling her emotions into something positive. Wanting to love on her before she goes. Tamara mentioning Tim getting kicked out of Metro…She isn’t wrong it is down hill after the pinnacle of Lucy indeed. Trying to give her a compliment but Lucy isn't taking it that way. I wanna cry for a second time. She looks so distressed. *sigh* Two massive pillars in her life are now gone and it's felt in this brief moment.

Tim in his old Metro office disassembling it. My heart. You all know how much I loved him In Metro. Killing me. Also just shows how much of a nose dive he took after this Ray debacle. Grey seeing this and sighing before going in after him. Tim seems like he’s in robot mode when Wade enters. Saying all the things he thinks Grey wants to hear since he’s back. No real emotion behind it. Just the grunt mentality he thinks he should have.

Gonna be more than just his trust you’re gonna need to earn back my love….Love Wade having him to ride along with Dr. London. Anyone needs it our boy does right now. Of course Tim bites back on this idea why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t be Tim if he didn��t. Tim saying breaking up with Lucy has nothing to do with the Ray situation. Uh... it has everything to do with that my love EVERYTHING.

Grey standing his ground saying if he wants to regain his trust this is where it starts. I love him saying breaking up with Lucy and being bounced back to patrol due to being reckless makes him question his judgement. As it should…You forget Timothy this man watched you grow with Lucy for years. Saw how much she made you grew and joy she brought out in you. Of course he is questioning your actions. He just watched you throw away the best thing ever that's ever happened to you. Your judgement is being judged severely....

I adore Wade Grey. He's not only putting Tim in his place and saying he could mandate therapy (which he would be justified in doing...) Or take the ride along. Then saying he’s taking Lucy out too. Just so he knows he is looking out for them both in this moment. The man knows what he is doing.

I can’t believe Smitty doing breakup odds. I’m incensed by this tbh. Also I want punch the dude who said Tim would’ve cheated. He would NEVER. How very dare you. I hate that list. It makes me wanna rage out so hard. If any of them knew them at all they’d know it would never be something like that. Also her and Aaron? Ewww no no no.... Lucy had every right to ream Smitty out more than she did. So inappropriate it's insane. For shame sir truly.

I'm glad she shut it down. Last thing they need is the station gossiping about them like this. They're going to anyways but Ugh I hate this whole thing. I feel sick. Of course she runs into Tim right after.... Worst timing ever. Breaks my heart because he still is excited to see her but she isn't ready for him. How could she be? He looks so sad. But Tim what are you expecting my love? No way she is ready to be near you let alone talk. This hurts to watch…Lucy trying so hard just not to have a meltdown right there in the station.

I was very excited for him to have this ride along I will say and this opening scene is why. Dr London on his ass already. I love it. As she should be. Saying he’s bringing Aaron as a buffer. Which he is… Classic avoidance attachment style. That’s our boy. She’s not wrong he prefers surface level relationships (other than Lucy...) to a deep intimacy. His default state with anyone who isn't his girl.

She has him dead to rights already. Saying it’s a defense mechanism when someone is raised by an overly strict or domineering parent. A father. She’s not wrong. We all know his history. Tim of course isn’t about this whatsoever only making her assessment about him even more valid. Their scenes starting off real strong.

Grey wanting to check in on Lucy I do love it. He’s not wrong she’s been through HELL this year. The detectives exam, Jeff Budney and now losing Tim. God this hasn’t been an easy season for her. To say she's going through it is the understatement of the century. I'm hurting for her so very much. Her entire world has been rocked to it's very core in the last week alone. Not mention everything else before this.

It’s so awkward Lucy inviting everyone but Tim to Tamara’s going away dinner…. In front of Dr. London too. That shot from Tim’s body cam seems very intentional. As he looks at everyone she’s inviting but him. Way his head goes back and forth. Grey patting Tim on the arm on the way out. *phew* Rough start to the shift.

Of course their first call is disturbingly close to what she and Tim are dealing with. Not exactly what Lucy needs. Hearing this woman talking about thinking he was the one then it just ended. *heart clutch* Crushed is an apt name for how I was feeling during this episode.

Lucy has clearly kept this all inside for too long with her reaction to the situation. Wade would never set you up like that. Just shows how hyper sensitive she is atm. Why he's doing this ride along with her. He wants to keep you sane not crazy. I wanna hug her so much. 'I do watch too much reality tv. It's my bad' Lmao. Needed a little levity. This made me chuckle.

We hit the ground running about breakups with Dr. London. Honestly no need to beat around the bush for this observation of Tim. ‘Breakups are a trigger for many men. Especially since stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking out help. For fear of appearing weak.’ If that isn’t Tim and this entire situation right now…

Hell that's his ENTIRE life. He was shamed into never wanting help and if he did he was meant to feel weak for it. Just like she is stating above. She is very good at her job and just getting started. Tim can't hide in any of his normal brush off statements. Which I love. She has him pegged already and it shows. Quite the opening jab from her to start this off.

Lucy looks on verge of tears at all times right now and I’m dying. Especially when Grey brings up his name. Asking if they’ve talked since the breakup? Melissa straight killing me in this shop right now everyone. Those pre tears.....Saying she thought he didn’t care about her personal life. He’s not wrong if it affects her job it does matter. The point of this ride-along. To gauge where she is currently.

‘Smart to make the connection between IA and them breaking up. ‘Just a bad week.’ Oh its so much more than that…. Lucy protects him of course with the unethical portion. Bad place or not she's not going to cast any suspicion with that. But It’s so very clear she is painfully unaware why he did this to her. To them.

Only that he’s not emotionally available to her. *sigh* This is true. The man is a disaster zone atm. I mean he’s definitely occupied mentally in a way she doesn’t understand yet. Hell I don’t even think Tim understands it really. All he knows is he think's he's toxic and she’s better off without him. Which is a huge part of this episode tbh.

So she isn't wrong he is not emotionally available right now. That much is painfully true. The joke about the Diamondbacks was funny but sad at the same time. They found good way of getting little funnies in there with Grey. I do appreciate that. I'm a sports girl so I this made me smile.

Dr London really coming at Tim in this next section. She is wasting ZERO time with him. ‘Lot of romantic feelings start out as platonic love.’ Going right for it when she says he and Lucy were friends first right? His reaction…Gonna makes me bawl Eric. Hurts to watch this. Looks like he wants to cry. Ugh Tim. Killing me softly. She is getting under his skin quicker than he was expecting and you can tell. Hitting at a very raw nerve he's trying to keep hidden. He looks so distraught and emotional when he replies 'I was her T.O.'

Tim saying he’s not depressed. Oh my love….but you are. Depressed and wracked with a massive amount of guilt. ‘I broke up with her.’ So so defensive. Can’t let good doctor see this whole thing is crushing him. That would be weakness. He is fighting off a panic attack in this moment. So unsettled by this entire interaction. She is picking up on that guilt that is all but exuding out of him in this moment.

She really brings it home saying internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. Self harm and suicide. If that isn't Tim Bradford my god. The self directed anger is him in spades. His face while she tells him all this.. Oh my lord. She has him dead to rights once again. He is experiencing so much guilt about it and it’s written all over his face. Tim is barely keeping it together while she is telling him stonewalling will only get him sidelined. Honestly I’m glad she’s confronting him like this. Coming at him so hard cause Tim needs that especially right now.

He can’t have passive people in this life when it comes to this kind of stuff. The one person who could knock sense into him he’s pushed away. So Dr. London being here is much needed. Of course Tim snaps at Aaron cause he can’t handle what he’s currently going through. Lashing out because what she is saying to him is true and he isn't able to handle it. Hitting very close to home. So he's defaulting back to S1 Tim in this moment. Destroying Aaron in the process..

I love them talking about Tamara and the unconditional love Lucy has shown her. It’s so true. It’s that love that gave her courage to leave. Even though it's hard to watch happen. It shows what accepting unconditional love can do for you. Lucy bringing back to Tim because how could she not? Mentioning about letting people go even if you really care about them them. *sigh*. You can tell she is on the verge of tears once again.

That feeling where you've been keeping it inside for far too long. It comes out in anything you talk about. Like right now in this moment. Even talking about Tamara is cycling back to Tim and it shows how deeply upset she is. How could she not be? She is losing two of her people in one fail swoop. It's a miracle she hadn't lost it sooner than this moment tbh.

Lucy crushing me some more in this episode. Further proving she has zero idea why Tim did what he did. How he could let go so easily. It was a blindside for us all but none more than for her. His person. The one who never ever expected him to leave her side. Tim did leave her with a cheap cliche nonsense about deserving better. It's so much complex than that but I can see why she is so angry about that. She deserved better than that.

It’s what upset her so much in that 6x06 scene. Because it felt like a cop out to her. When it’s so much deeper than that but Lucy doesn’t know that. Thats what killing me and her. Lucy going off saying it was her decision to make what she deserves. It’s true. She is so justified in saying this. Sadly Tim made that decision despite her willingness to love him no matter what.

Took away her choice to keep him even if he felt he wasn't worthy. Wasn't just HIS choice to make. That's what pissing her off and rightfully so. He doesn’t understand the unconditional love she had to give him or how to accept it. All he could see was how much better she was without him. All she wants is a real conversation with him and she didn't get to have that. He took the choice away from her and she's left holding the emotional bag of it all and it sucks.

Punches keep rolling with Dr London. Attacking his problem at it's damaged root. As much as he is trying to bury it he cannot hide from her and her assessment of him. This is a huge turning point in the ep. Tim saying he owns his mistakes and moves on. So cut and dry and she isn’t having ANY of it. Nor should she. He hasn’t moved on in the slightest. Once again pegging him for not only not being over it but having his whole identity being wrapped up in acting honorably. If he was past that he wouldn’t have ended things with Lucy. We wouldn't be here. But he feels not worthy and not honorable enough for Lucy so he cut ties.

Her noting it’s had a devastating effect on his self esteem. Which is why he is punishing himself. i.e He let the love of his life go. He feels he doesn’t deserve such things for being so un-honorable. My broken boy. Tim isn’t sure what’s she is getting at. Asking what she's talking about? She continues to portray him accurately. That he is punishing himself by depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. Or someone....Clearly that someone being Lucy.

The joy she brought to his life he no longer feels he deserves. Lucy was the one constant in his life that made him happy. So he’s depriving himself of it in order to punish himself. This sounds so harsh and severe but I relate to this. When I was new at my current job. I wasn’t very good at first. I was down right on the verge of being fired. I got a game plan to fix myself from my leader. BUT I was punishing myself for not being good enough in the first place. How did I do this? I took away something I loved and brought me joy. Music.

I refused to listen to music during my job because I felt I didn’t deserve it. I wouldn’t let myself enjoy it till I was better and had earned it back. I got to a place where I let myself have something I loved back and it helped so much and ultimately got me through it. So I relate to Tim doing this to himself i really do. He is denying the one person who brings him joy because of that self-punishment. He feels he has failed who he should be therefore he can't have what he wants and needs most. Lucy. You can really see it hit Tim by time Aaron rejoins them. She hit the nail on the head and Tim is feeling it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo SO MUCH. Ugh my heart. Her grounding method to remind herself she's a survivor. The problem with all that is him being the reason for that reminder. Which just hurts. I'm not crying you are....Tim so out of his depth all he can do is be awkward with his ‘Clocking out?’ Babe....No...(Also I feel personally attacked by this song they chose for this scene.)

Lucy calling him out for it instantly. Because well she’s his person. Bad place or not she is always gonna tell him what he needs to hear. Won't let him hide behind niceties. Confronting that things aren't ok between them and she won't let him use it to hide. Asking for a real adult conversation with him. One which he is NOT ready for. This hurt to watch not gonna lie. This whole situation hurts.

Tim deflects….with another cheap answer of saying he can’t give her what she wants. Ugh. You are everything she wants you foolish man. I don’t blame Lucy for cutting that convo off at the knees. She wanted more depth from him and got nothing in return. Telling him he has more to figure out than she realized…and feeling like she is no longer than person to help him with that.

My heart is breaking all over again… Lucy always felt she was his person to get him through anything and to hear this only hurts her further. Coming to that realization and taking off because of it. The song running through this scene is poignant and hurtful…Also the continual clutching to her tattoo as she departs from him. I'll just be weeping in the corner don't mind me....

I wasn't expecting the scene we got here in Grey's office. But was so pleasantly surprised. My hope was that Dr. London broke through to him. That his ride along with her wouldn't be a one-off. I’m so proud of Tim I can't even tell you. To not only see he has work to do but to ask if he could start seeing her as a patient. He seemed disappointed she didn't mandate sessions. Which he needed so he could advocate for himself. Blair had pegged him early on and I think this will be so so good for him.

His healing journey is starting now and I’m so excited for him. Even though my heart is outside my chest right now for our couple. This is going to be good for Tim. I know people have been weird about Dr London. I haven’t gotten a bad feeling from her. I could be wrong but haven't gotten that. I think this is the healing Eric was talking about. That journey he needs to be in order to find his way back to Lucy. Grey's line was perfect. It's SO hard to ask for help. Tim can see something is wrong and wants to fix it. This is a beautiful start to this journey for him.

This final scene with Tamara and Lucy made me cry. This whole ep has made me cry really. Their relationship has always been one of my favorites. To watch how they’ve both grown. How Tamara learned to trust again and receive that unconditional love Lucy had to give. Gah I love it so much. Took a broken untrusting girl and molded her into a confident bad ass. I've never been able to classify what they are. They're sisters, friends and family all wrapped up in one.

Hard to watch Lucy lose this piece of her life on top of everything else. Tim may have a lot of growth to do but I think Lucy too has room to grow from this all as well. She has been given quite the bad hand in this season. Maybe she can get some direction and clarity what she wants to do with career and such. I hate that she has to be the collateral damage to everything this year. It's hard to watch. But I am interested to see how she handles it all. See how she stands after all this. I think as hard as this is will end up making her more resilient.

Lucy been struggling with her own stuff this year as well. Being so good about pegging everyone around her but being blind in her own self awareness. it's going to be interesting to see how Lucy handles everything moving forward. I hope you all know how deeply my heart breaks for her. I don't like seeing her hurt anymore than I do Tim. I wanted to cry for her most of this episode. That being said I do think this growth journey will be good for her as well. Like Eric said she'll be ok they'll grow stronger from it. Can't wait to see how it plays out.

I wasn’t expecting one more scene with him reaching out like this. Telling her she was right. He’s mad himself. That stark realization that is coming over him. My god I’m so proud of him I could burst. Not only advocating for himself but telling her it was an emergency. When everything inside him is trying to do the 'honorable thing' and not call it an emergency when it is. To see he's not being a burden by reaching out like this. It’s so hard to take care of yourself when you don’t think much of yourself. It’s a foreign feeling and to act on it even more so.

Learning it’s ok to ask for help, to be imperfect, to set healthy boundaries and grow. Not an easy place to get to. This scene is HUGE for Tim. Now I mean this in the nicest way I can muster but If you can't grasp how groundbreaking this is for him you don't get him as a character at all. Nor do you understand the gravity of this SL/situation. Of what this final scene represents for him. Tim is seeing something is broken within himself and he doesn't know how to fix it. All he knows is something is wrong and he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. He wants to understand why and to get better.

I know I spent most of my 20's running away from therapy. Saying I didn't need it. That it was non sense. Pushing everything down and deflecting like Tim did. Wrapping my identity in the same things. Being SO DAMN HARD on myself. I still struggle with this but learning to give myself more grace. I can't properly explain the feeling you get when you realize you can't out run your demons anymore. What sets off something inside you that says 'I don't feel right, I don't know how to fix it but I know it's time to.' All I know is what sets it off is different for everyone.

For me it was the fact that I was set off by a kind comment. It was from a sweet lady who was a client of mine. Who commented on earrings my mother had gotten me. I hadn't thought much of it then she looked me in the eye with so much sincerity and said 'Your mother must love you very much.' That comment just hit me so hard. Triggered me. Cause some of my deepest seated trauma comes from my mom. I remember getting in my car and crying after. Texting my sister and telling her I thought it was time I got help. All I knew was something was wrong and it was clawing to the surface and I couldn't ignore it any longer.

That's Tim in this moment. Ray resurfacing was his demons coming up for air and not going away. This is his 'Come to Jesus.' moment about himself. Knowing what Dr. London was telling him today rang true. He just doesn't know to handle it and is reaching out for help to sort it out. Now He couldn’t gotten to this place without Lucy let’s not forget that. Tim wouldn't be in the place he is without her. BUT this is not Lucy's responsibility to fix. Nor should it be. As much as we love her being his person, this is Tim journey to go on.

Now my family/friends got me to place where I could see I needed help. Just like Lucy has for Tim. But it was up to me to take the first step. That's what this scene represents for him. His first step on his journey to healing himself. He knows he has work to do and I know he'll do it. He and I are alike and he will put his all into this. I'm excited the writers did what they did in this ep. Shows they're going to put the proper care into this SL. I can see a pathway way to their healing now and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in three weeks. I'm excited to see where the rest of the season goes for them both I really am. As always thank you for any likes, comments or reblogs I get for these they mean the world.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford. Mostly lol

I like the idea of Celina moving in but she’s not wrong it would be an emotional minefield… but do love the idea of her living Lucy I don’t want her to be alone. Have one little win for her.

This was the song during that finale scene. Thank you D to finding the link above. it's Chenford Personified in this ep. Once again whoever is doing this songs. You need a damn raise this hurt so good. The lyrics were so Poignant and painful. These one were my fav. 'I miss you. I miss you. I’ll always forgive you."

She will forgive Tim because that's who Lucy is. One of the many reasons Tim fell in love with her. That never ending desire to trust people and forgive them. To see the best in them. She will look at the deeper meaning of his actions and help him past them once he gets there himself. He will have to earn that forgiveness of hers and I have no doubt he will.

This will be a process of that I have no doubt. It won't be quick or easy but my god it'll be worth it. They always are. I don't expect this to be resolved by seasons end but I do expect them to be on their way there by the finale. This is a beautiful growth journey they're about to embark on and I'm ready to go on it.

[butterflydm]

rings of power (belated reactions) season 1: eps 1-4

Backstory: I'm a casual Tolkien fan, I would say -- grew up watching the animated movies (literally knew the songs by heart as a kid); read LOTR & the Hobbit but not the Silm; loved both the LOTR and the Hobbit movies. Read a bunch of fanfiction over the years by people who know a lot more about the lore than I do.

I tried watching the new series when the first season came out, but still felt like the pacing was really slow by the end of the second episode, so never got around to watching more.

Found out about the twist at the end of s1 and was intrigued, but not quite enough to give it another watch. Heard more bits and bobs about s2 when it came out, with people who share some of the same tastes in media as me enjoying it (shoutout to @markantonys). Liked and reblogged some interesting giftsets. Finally decided to give it another try.

Below contains vague spoilers for the whole show so far and for LotR

I went ahead and rewatched the first two episodes, and I found myself getting a lot more out of it this time than the first time. I remembered liking the dwarves a lot, and still really enjoyed that plotline, but I was able to get into the other plotlines a lot more as well this time. I actually do feel like I get what the pacing is doing now, even if it didn't work as well for me the first time around -- we start with the single thread of Galadriel's search for Sauron and then keep expanding outward from there, introducing the other important plotlines gradually. It was, perhaps, slightly too gradual for me in my first try at watching!

I've seen through episode four now and am thoroughly enjoying the show, enough that I plan to watch more of it with my mom later today.

Things really do pick up with increasing speed after episode 2. We also get some amazing costuming in Númenor -- the queen in particular has some great outfits, but I also really love the banded dress that Galadriel wears there.

My mom (unspoiled about the show) is fully willing to go with the theory that Adar is Sauron going by another name (as proposed by Arondir's (now deceased) guard-captain).

Now, unlike my mom, I am spoiled about the show and so I am watching Halbrand very carefully. One thing that I do find interesting is that the show starts out with Galadriel narrating that nothing begins as evil, so I do feel like that feeling is meant to extend to Halbrand/Sauron as well. Which is to say, I give him the benefit of the doubt that he actually does want to stay in Númenor and start a new life (whether or not he could actually stick to that once he'd spent several years there... that's more of an open question). I don't think his plan at this time is to return to Middle-Earth and set up shop there.

Both Nori and Galadriel have talked about feeling like there is something important about sticking with their mysterious respective stranger. Both of whom are Maiar (Maia? I did mention that I'm mostly a casual fan of Tolkien, lol). They both just give off the vibe of being important and consequential... to specific people. Not to everyone that they run across.

I really like what they're doing with Halbrand -- they are definitely leaning on his superficial (and false) similarities to Aragorn in LotR and, especially when he was in the prison cell, there were some moments when he really looked like Viggo too. I feel like I've already seen a lot of range from him as a character -- we've seen him being persuasive and diplomatic; we've seen a brutal flash of temper and violence; and we've seen him give Galadriel advice on how to manipulate people; we've also seen him teasing and bantering with Galadriel (very much enjoying their dynamic in these episodes).

Speaking of Galadriel, I am enjoying her a lot. She doesn't stop! Willpower and determination just always constantly turned to a thousand. She decides what's going to happen and then doesn't let anything stand in her way.

I'm glad that we got back to Elrond's storyline in the fourth episode and caught up with Durin and the dwarves. I did spend a lot of time trying to remember if Moria and Khazad-dûm were the same place (yes) and so that means that it may well be these unsafe mithril mining practices that lead to the Balrog waking up and the mountain being abandoned by the dwarves. I don't know the timelines well enough to know for sure. It made sense to me that it was the same place, because of the elf word for 'friend' being the word to open the gates into Moria in LotR.

Though I am fairly well spoiled about certain things about Sauron, I am still missing a lot of the connective tissue about the various plotlines, so I don't know what the blood-drinking sword is going to lead to yet. Except that it means that the mayor (tavern owner?) of the village was a true believer in Sauron even after all these years and has been keeping it. And probably encouraging the rest of his people not to trust the elves.

Super-minor note: I love the costuming for Bronwyn -- the blue dress with the reddish boots. It really pops against all the other characters in her storyline and she's always easy to spot. Appreciate that!

There really is a heartbreaking contrast between the lives of the people of Númenor and the people of the Southlands.

What are the Valar trying to do in all this? Was it the Valar who made the petals fall or was Halbrand/Sauron trying to help Galadriel out? He seems to enjoy... how did he put it? Her galloping around full-speed like a colt? Something like that, lol. So he might have wanted to give her a chance to get what she wanted from the queen. Playing multiple sides against each other seems to come pretty naturally to him.

We are seeing that ambition is being set up to lead to doom already in Middle-Earth, even without Sauron's direct presence -- Celebrimbor explicitly wants to create objects of power, not just objects of beauty. Adar is trying to find that blood-drinking hilt and is leading the Orcs to some kind of terror (he's already enslaving people in his search). And the dwarves have been mining in the dangerous old mines because they found a vein of mithril there.

Gil-galad tried to send Galadriel away to Valinor because he foresaw that her continued hunt for Sauron might end up bringing his danger back to the forefront and, from what I know (spoiler-wise) that ends up being true (in fairness, she did find Sauron! Even if she doesn't know it yet! And he will get defeated. You know. Eventually.)

Other things of note: I love Disa! Disa is wonderful. Disa-Durin-Elrond could make for a very nice polycule. What if Elrond had made it to their wedding and there hadn't been any estrangement! But I really like that we saw some consequences for long elven lifespans and how it can affect their relationships with people who don't live as long.

I like the angsty young teens well enough, though Theo is definitely in the roughest situation out of any of them (see: the Southlands kinda sucking as a place to live). Definitely perked up when I heard Elendil and Isildur's names!

I'm really curious about whether or not the isle of Númenor turning against the elves is all based on them being more insular and isolationist or if there's something else at work. That the old king was trying to return to the ancient elven ways because of a vision in a palantir... very curious where that vision is coming from. Galadriel's arrival being tied to the breaking of the sea wall and the destruction of the city. I... don't know my Middle-Earth history enough to say for certain, but I suspect Sauron is gonna be involved in that. Because it's Sauron.

Arondir is our most plainly heroic character overall, I'd say (Galadriel is driven by vengence; Arondir's focus has been on trying to save and protect) and he is very dreamy. I do like that we have these PoVs in the Southlands and what's going on there, so we see that Galadriel is justified in feeling like there is still evil to fight.

Having a lot of fun with this. Glad I gave it a second chance.

[starrycassi]

Okay, I'm actually obsessed with your 'jayvik works for silko au'. I like that Viktor is the face of their work, the confident one that everyone knows (and fears, as they should). Also, I imagine Jayce like he looked in THAT council room scene in e8s2 (he looks SO hot in those dark clothes and the beard, damn (and I'm ace so that's saying something, lol)). Just slightly longer hair maybe.

I think Jayce would be in denial for a few years about the true situation he's in, regarding not just Viktor and their power dynamics, but their work and Silko and the situation in Zaun in general. But then he would have a epiphany about it and then slowly realizes stuff and accepts it surprising well. By the end of the time skip he's completely on board with what he's doing (though in the same way Viktor is, and the two conspire together).

You said we can ask for more of the au so, if I may maybe request a tender moment between the two? Like their love confession or them getting together. Just Viktor being vournelable with Jayce and it's the firs time ever he is with someone since like really early childhood. And he's freaking out internally about it but just wants to so badly.

Or the scene where Vi and Cait meet them (mainly Jayce) post timeskip (does it happen the same time Vi and Jinx meet for the fist time? Or is it different). I just kind of want to see Caits reaction to Jayce being alive and the whole, he's working for the kingpin, making weapons and is married to an infamous henchman/silkos inventor/the Herald/whatever Viktor is. I think it would be hilarious.

What's your Ao3? Would you consider posting this au there?

First of: I'm SO glad people like this au because it's been on my mind ever since the show barely came out!! This + crow queen + the meadow au are the very first ones I developed for Arcane and I've been slowly going insane over them. Hehehe. I do have to preface this by saying: when originally created, it was done with *League* lore in mind. I've had to tweak and adjust things for them to make sense with some of the newer backstory + revelations. Which is one of the main reasons as to why I've only posted it as ideas/snippets. I don't even want to get into the logistics of how Piltover would evolve without the hexgates (since their creators are buried deep in the underground and refuse to work with anyone in the council) or what the presence of not only one, but now *two* apparent heirs for Silco could entail. It's a very nice idea that I love, but it's nowhere near as fleshed out as it needs to be for me to write a fic :((

One of the main reasons I enjoy it is the subversion of their power dynamic! In this one, is Viktor who has to step out and defend Jayce when needed (there's actually a scene very similar to the last EP of S1, where Viktor has to cement Jayce's standing as his *partner* (meaning, equal, so please stop trying to kill him or undermining him) in front of Zaun's chembarons. Though Jayce eventually ends up earning his own name and reputation! I've actually got a small scene for that in the works, but basically people's perspective of him goes: that's herald's new boytoy (is he going to last?) > that's herald's new lap dog (is he trying to steal sevika's spot?) > He is to Viktor what Sevika is to Silco + they fuck > that's herald's new apprentice (is he good enough for the title) to, finally > He is The Warden, Herald's partner, Jinx's second favorite. Jayce has to fight tooth and nail for his spot at Silco's chain of command, but once he has it no one dares question him. People fear provoking them both because of The Herald's vindictive vein as much as they are terrified of The Warden's senseless rage. However, Zaunites do start going to Jayce for help, since he is the kinder and more approachable out of the bunch. Silco lets Jayce run around fixing houses and "playing hero" because it's actually gaining them a lot of sympathy and making more people slowly rally behind his ideals.

I've also given silco a bit more of a political incline. There is a draft of Jayce and Viktor convincing Silco to start a small public school, but it's still a "maybe", since there's the whole child labor aspect and allat.

And, yeah. Jayce is completely in denial for almost a year. He's lost everything he's ever known, was faced with the crude reality that piltover will, can and has turned its back against one of their own. He's bitter and humiliated, after all, Jayce does have a bit of an ego in the og show and everything that transcends here hurts him. Also, Viktor and Silco are both spewing shit about Piltover in his ear every single day (not without reason lol). But you are generally right with that analysis!! When he does have the final breakdown, he bounces back fast as hell. He becomes really codependent with Viktor and Jinx in those times, then gets better and better at accepting the cards he's been dealt.

I'm still debating about the plot point of Viktor and Jayce conspiring to take over Silco's place and *actually* do something for Zaun. In this au we would have: them trying to win over Sevika, secretive plotting, them do their best to properly mold Jinx so she will eventually rebel (or, in case Silco is taken out by that point, she can step in and allow them a place at her side)

Also I'm SO glad S2 gave me a proper image for visualizing Zaunite Jayce. I was screaming at my computer when I realized that all my dreams had been answered. I'm debating giving him streaks of color or something. Idk yet.

I WILL write that as soon as I'm out of finals lol. I also have one of Viktor's efforts to convince everyone of Jayce being treated as his equal and the way they meet. It's all a bit convoluted.

Some things I'm not quite if I should change yet;

Originally, Singed cut off Viktor's leg and gave him a prosthetic, framing this as "getting rid of the bad parts". This would eventually evolve into the whole cyborg-viktor we see in the games. There was also a very homoerotic situation where he got Jayce to cut off his hand when the wrist stopped answering properly. Idk sorry I've a lot of weird kinks in store for them.

This also meant Viktor giving Jayce modifications. One thing that im definitely keeping is that he gives Jayce sharper canines + possibly adds a "venom" mechanism so he can better defend himself. They experiment on each other as a way to show love okay. Also Jayce gets a piercing. Idk where how or why but I need this man pierced. Maybe him and Viktor get matching ones like Alternate Ekko and Alternate Powder. Gold and Silver little bands. Why not.

There was a whole thing about Viktor just kinda going ham and trying to add body mods to their already shimmered soldiers.

Et cetera

Edit: I want to clarify that I understand that sevika is loyal to ideas, not people. She is loyal to Silco because he is the best bet they have at the moment, and then to Jinx for the same reason (yes she definitely cares for jinx but u get the idea). Still, they would have to work REALLY hard to convince this woman to put her life on the line to betray the biggest mob boss around. She does stand by them and their ideas a lot of times, wanting Zaun's betterment as much as they do.

[starryalpacasstuff]

LITBC Episodes 1 and 2; Differences in Mediums

I finally watched the first two episodes of litbc, and I am absolutely in awe. This show is doing a brilliant job at presenting the story in a way that remains authentic to the themes and storyline of the book but at the same time bringing in a new perspective that gives us a new take on the story. This is a perfect example of what an adaptation should be like; true to the story but also bringing something new unique to the different medium.

The third question the book club discussion post brought up actually happened to be one of the foremost things on my mind while I was watching the first two eps. How does the broader lens of the show affect our perception, as the audience, of the characters in Go Young's life? My initial impression was that the show was...kinder to the characters than the book was, in particular Nam Gyu and Mi Ae. But I've come to think that, rather than the show being the kinder one, it's simply a difference of perspective. In the book, a majority of our understanding of the events comes from Young, who has strong opinions and a cynical worldview. K3 is barely mentioned and is presented to us as the kind of person Young views him as; overbearing, dramatic, and in the end, entirely unimportant. With the show, we're able to see things from Nam Gyu's perspective a little and understand him more. Similarly, in the book we're only able to see Jaehee from Young's perspective and feel a similar sense of betrayal as he does, while the show, by allowing us to see the actual confrontation between Mi Ae and her boyfriend, helps us feel more empathy for her. I think that the show allows us to learn more about Go Young by developing the characters of the people he interacts with—his interactions with them tell us more about him because we know more about them.

I think an appropriate parallel to draw here would be the difference between a friend ranting to you about a horrible person in their lives that you know practically nothing about—in which you're honor bound to vehemently agree and join in on the bitching—and watching your friend have issues with a person you are better acquainted with—wherein you're far more likely to act as more of a mediator and try to get your friend to calm the fuck down.

I also think it's worth noting that at the end of the first two episodes, Mi Ae and Go Young seem far more friendly than Jaehee and Young; most noticeably due to the lack of Young's bitter internal monologue. I'm fairly certain that even in this iteration, Go Young's feelings aren't all that different, the difference lies in the perspective of the show, which is far less intimate with Go Young than the book.

While the book club was still running, I wrote a little about Jaehee here, in particular about her being an ally, her acceptance of Young, and her failure to understand him. But I think the show made it clearer that this failure to understand the other person went both ways. I think a few people had pointed this out last time, but the show made it far more clear; though Mi Ae and Go Young were close, their friendship was based largely on their shared experiences as outcasts and their similarities, and they rarely ever discussed anything deeper about themselves. The show makes this quite explicit with Mi Ae pointedly refusing to talk about her mother and Young simply never bringing his up with her. So, it was to be expected Mi Ae beginning to conform more to society's expectations would drive a wedge in their relationship. The show also makes it abundantly clear that Mi Ae drifting away from Go Young was a major factor in him being enraged at her when she confessed to having outed him—to him, it was something like the final nail in the coffin, proof that Mi Ae had changed.

I'm really enjoying the way this show is enriching our understanding of not only Go Young but also the other characters of the story; allowing us even more insight into these incredibly complex characters. I'm also quite excited to see the way the different directors will impact the episodes and what the entire show will be like as a collective—something to thing about next week.

[everythingdnddd]

So after a short break to mull over the end of campaign one and MUCH queuing and a now desperately needed distraction from *waves hands ambiguously at the world*... THINGS, I've now finally started Mighty Nein aand a few thoughts right off the bat:

- Travis actually participating in conversations is wonderful. I enjoyed Grog, but this is fun.

- Unrelatedly, that moment he said, "When Sam's lower teeth show you're in trouble" (2x2 04:22:00) killed me. Bless these people.

- Only two episodes in and already Taliesin's expressions and physical mannerisms are so amazing.

- And knowing that Percy's death would have resulted in the addition of a very questionable circus performer to Vox Machina is gold. Pure gold. I cannot even imagine. Can you imagine the latter half of Campaign 1 if that had been the case? Alongside Tary? Both of them? Gold. Better as is, I'm sure, but gold.

- I've had a spoiler that somewhere in Critical Role there's a character who dies almost immediately and I have a feeling it's in this campaign. I expected it sooner than Ep.3 tbh, but I'm still eyeing several of them with concern.

- The mental image of Kylre and Toya waking up in this dark tent to Nott and Jester just sitting there gleefully waiting for them to wake up was hilarious. I'm slowly being reeled in, but if I wasn't already, I would have been hooked then. The personalities in that moment are one thing. The colorful and cheery discomfort of it all and me screaming 'Go get Molly you dingbats!' at the screen is another. DnD, man. Gotta love it. (2x2 03:45:00)

That is all xD

[respectthepetty]

Dear Respect the Petty,

I have long enjoyed your posts about colors etc (like, to the extent that when you went on vacation I was legit sad), but I don't usually notice those details in shows by myself.

However, today, in Only Friends ep 4, something was so blatant that I finally picked up on it, and I have a question.

When Ray came to apologize to Mew for kissing him without consent, Mew was in the kitchen in this warm lighting, whereas Ray quickly moved into a dark blue space. The contrast was wild. And then Mew came closer to Ray and hung out in this half-and-half space with some blue on him.

I'm proud of myself for noticing something, but I don't know what it means about these boys/their colors/their mental states/their relationship.

Got any thoughts?

Thanks for sharing your insights (about this and also in general)!

@sorry-bonebag, this ask was so formal in structure, that I got a little scared. I felt like I had to answer it even though I have no less than ten other asks chilling in my inbox about the colors in Only Friends. But, honest moment here - I don't notice the colors when Khaotung is on my screen because I'm mesmerized by his beauty.

Like, LOOK at him!

I didn't even know what color that background was because my sight stopped at his face, and yellow is my favorite color! The jawline, the hair, the lips, the face, THE MAN! LOOK AT HIM!

So unlike Boston and Nick, who favor being in the dark together

Even when they have the opportunity for light, (God, I love their toxic asses)

I don't recognize color when Ray enters the room, not really at least. Of course, I noticed my little red flag being a demon ruining Sand's night by stalking him and breaking Sand's bottles, but only because Ray's lips really popped with that red background.

Just like the bar sign really made his lips pop that other time he was ruining Sand's night by suggesting a threesome at his house.

And because I like Boss "No Boundaries" Ton being lit up with the red lights while looking at photos, I did notice the transition into Ray's room focused on the red which then shifted to Ray pouring drinks.

But it's really because the opening credits only show the bar, the photos, and the alcohol in red because they are the dangers of this show.

So, like I was saying, I don't notice the colors because I'm captivated by Ray's glowing skin, which is why it pisses me off every time he is with Mew because Mew gets the Linda Evangelista treatment while Ray is forced into the shadows EVEN IN HIS OWN HOME!

Ray is usually watching Mew from the shadows or being overshadowed by Mew, literally! Mew is always sitting in front of Ray cutting him off from the light source.

Which is why I like it when Ray is with Sand because my little Ray of sunshine thrives. Even in the darkness, his skin is glowing!

The car ride the first night when Sand stopped him from driving drunk? Angelic like the heavens are shining on him! *bites knuckles*

But then again, that's how we were introduced to the boys in class. The spotlight was on Mew, Ray was in his shadow, and Boston was in the dark. (Chuem, you're doing great, hon!)

So you telling me that Mew, once again, gets to be in the warm light, while my visually stunning man who has never done a bad thing in his life (except, you know, the laundry list of bad shit he has done) gets the cool light even though they are IN THE SAME APARTMENT . . .

*takes a deep breath* It tracks.

But I'm glad that Mew stepped into the cool light with Ray as Ray apologized.

Because they are friends, and Mew has proven that although he can't give Ray light, he is willing to share some of Ray's darkness.

Which tells me that it isn't really Mew stealing light from Ray

But instead, Ray needs to step out into the light and embrace the warmth that others openly give him.

So I'm very proud of you for noticing this, and know that I'm really rooting for Ray realizing how good Sand is for his skin, I mean heart . . . no, I mean skin, so I can continue to enjoy the radiant being that is Khaotung when he gets that good lighting.

Thanks for the ask, and I'll try not to get entranced by Khaotung's flawless features, so I can notice cool visuals like you.

Wish me luck!

[bengiyo]

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Ayaka traveled with Hiroko for work, and they were a great team together. The romance gods came through for Ayaka and gave her a "there's only one bed" opportunity. Ayaka of course took her shot with everything she had, but Hiroko continued to intentionally misunderstand Ayaka. We left at Hiroko realizing she stained Ayaka's skirt, and suggested they go shopping together for a replacement.

I really hope your date goes well, Ayaka, but the comedy relies on you not realizing you're succeeding.

Man, this is still one of my favorite intros we've gotten in a while.

Episode 4: Can't lose confidence from dating a straight person

I love that the friends at the bar keep giving Hiroko shit.

Yes, Ayaka, try on as many different outfits as possible. You gotta see what reactions you get.

Ayaka has no friends? What about Risa?? I worry about people getting into romances when they have no other relationships to ground their lives.

Oh no... Does Risa have a crush on Ayaka??

I don't really enjoy clothes shopping. I would struggle with this date.

I was hoping we'd get another Ayaka fantasy. I love that it's a beach wedding.

A niece?? Hiroko, please.

No, she's not into Yuya! I get why you'd think that because he's beautiful, but it's not him!

What in the Love Stinks by the J. Geils Band is this??

Oh, Risa. I hope you don't actually like Ayaka, or at the least can find a way to a sustainable friendship. I feel for you, girl.

YES! GO TO THE LESBIAN BAR!!

I was also super nervous my first time in a gay bar.

Love that we got someone else hitting on Ayaka, backed by Mama telling her to lay off. It's good to show that queer people will flirt and solicit, but also that we supervise each other.

OOF. I feel for Hiroko here. She's probably closeted at work and was not expecting to have to reckon with a coworker knowing about her, let alone one she's been avoiding seeing that way.

No, don't cut it off there! We're finally at Hiroko being forced to confront Ayaka's queerness and feelings!

Oh, whoa, looks like next week is going to be disappointment city.

I'm so glad that we're in a world where lesbian bars exist, and women seek them out for community. Ayaka has questions, and I hope she gets the answers she needs. I'm also really hoping that Risa gets a positive resolution in this story. I'm always a sucker for unrequited gay angst.

[hooked-on-elvis]

Interviews for 'Elvis On Tour' documentary (1972) ✨

One of my favorites (if not THE favorite) Elvis Presley interviews. ♥

Producer and director Pierre Adidge & Robert Abel interviewed Elvis for the 1972 film "Elvis On Tour". Very limited snippets were used in the final movie, but luckily we have the full audio interview to enjoy. The exact date or location of this interview above isn't certain — some places say it can possibly have been Los Angeles around July '72, other places say March 31st 1972 at Radio Recorders Studio, Hollywood, CA (if so, that would be before the concerts filmed for the "EOT" documentary took place in April that year). There is actually footage from an interview in March 31, 1972 (also by Adidge and Abel) as you can watch it HERE [Youtube], but the audio interview above I'm not sure when it happened other than the year.

Either way, the questions made Elvis revisit his whole career, making him share his memories from way back when he was only a child performing in front of a live audience as an amateur, his early career in music, the feelings he had about his audience, his fans and performing live, and even his actor years in Hollywood.

There's great moments in those two interviews, funny and very interesting ones, but I also feel so sad when EP talks about his acting career. You can feel the profound sadness in his voice, disappointed his dream (because it was a dream for him, becoming a serious actor) turned out to be such a headache, something that took his peace of mind and, worse, his health away. At the same time Elvis was mature enough not to blame anyone but himself for his "failure" in Hollywood (failure in personal satisfaction wise, not success or financial wise), for the kind of material he put himself through in Hollywood.

Really, this whole interview is a must 'see' for all Elvis fans.

Above, a snippet from that 1972 interview, showing the humble guy that Elvis was. The "down to earth" real person his friends as well as entertainment world people mentioned many time over the years when talking about EP that got them in awe when meeting Elvis in person. A personality trait inherent to him, which is amazing for someone as big as he was/is.

Again, I will never cease to talk about how "Elvis On Tour" is such a masterpiece for so many different reasons, such as this interview. We have a few intimate Elvis interviews in the 50s, from articles to radio interviews, but in the 70s it was not that easy to get this kind of access to Elvis anymore; long-length interviews other than during press conferences were rarity.

Note: The pictures on the videos above are from July, 1972. Elvis is at the gates of his Beverly Hills home, visiting with fans, so those pics are not from the interview moment.

This picture comes from the other Adidge/Abel Elvis interview, the one with footage; March 31, 1972, in Hollywood, California.

[letsfaceitimhereforthecultstuff]

okay so i finally finished the first 2 seasons of 9-1-1, it took a lot longer than i'd anticipated due to other things like assignment deadlines and the app not working getting in the way but i did it

so here are the cliff notes (i might make more in depth posts in the future about some episodes because i have THOUGHTS)

cliff notes after the break i meant to add bullet points but i accidentally added a question instead and i don't know how to get rid of it (i'm currently on mobile) 🙃 so imma just use it

if the answer is no I don't need to know

first i gotta get this outta the way ... i'm not liking tommy i've only seen what 2 episodes with him in and i'm so sorry but he's been kinda mean (imma put that down to him being repressed maybe) but i'm hoping he gets a nice redempetion arc and it's not just brushed over because from what i've seen on here he's such a sweet guy but i did not get that from his first two appearances (maybe the writers just weren't expecting him to because a recurring character later)

i'm LOVING athena and bobby's relationship they're such a good fit for eachother i have been blessed to be able to witness it

it hurts so much whenever someone says "you're not their/a dad" to bobby like why would you do that

when did the writers and producers decided they wanted buck to be a queer character because I've been getting vibes already and it's led me to wonder which came first them wanting queer buck or fans wanting queer buck and them responding in kind

i'm enjoying the new dynamics that eddie's addition to the team has brought i love exploring interpersonal dynamics in my TV shows i also love eddie as a character and cannot wait to dive deeper into that man's psyche

speaking of interpersonal dynamics MADDIE!!! the ghost whisperer herslef [buck thinking a ghost called 911 HAD to be a nod to that right?!] anyways i love love love maddie i'm holding out hope for her and chim they've been through a lot and they deserve happiness

speaking of happiness when will they let chim live!?! - i know that's an ironic statement to make considering technically they've let him live twice - but they cannot seem to give this guy a break he's my guy also he's got a set of pipes on him in his flashback ep working at the kareoke bar singing garth brooks I keep thinking I've hit my peek with my love for this character and then they add something that makes me love him even more

if chim only has one fan it's me and if he has no fans then i have passed because that man means so much to me

they've been putting hen through the ringer a little bit too tbh but i appreciate that they're allowing queer people to get a little messy and make stupid mistakes but not villanising them for it and just being like these are things that happen in relationships sometimes you either work through it or you don't

i have been really appreciating how this show deals with queerness in general too its not this big flashy thing like "hey look over here we have some gays for you shiny shiny gays in our show" they just exist they're loveable they're flawed and they also just happen to be queer

okay imma stop before i ramble too much but if you wanna hear my thoughts on anything specific that happend in the first two seasons hit me up i love talking about this show and need more outlets for it