#the question is: when will i finally get to enjoy an ep of this show without having my heart sink into my stomach at the end again?

[mephistopheleswasrobbed]

We've entered into the secon half of the series and an end to the torture is nowhere in sight. What is in sight however is gay shit so let's talk about it.

1

Let's get the biggest thing out of the way first. The show was very clearly asking us to draw a parallel between Home and Peach, and Phoom and Vicha. You know, actual, explicitly in gay love couple Phoom and Vicha.

Their story obviously resonates a lot for our boys. Here is Dr. Phoom, a man who - is kind of responsible for the death of the man he loved - had somewhat moved on with his life only to find out later that said man he loved had died because of him - is here now, even later still, to apologise for that to the man who died. If that's not something Home can relate to, I don't know what is. On the other side we have Vicha, who - was abandoned and left to die by the man he loved - was unable to hear that mans explanation because of his interfering family, that was more worried about reputation than his happiness, and because he was in the moment too overwhelmed by the betrayal to give him a chance to explain. Which clearly mirrors Peach's story. (Thers's also the parallel of the class difference as Phoom seems to be at least middle, likely upper middle class by birth while Vicha seems to have lived at the dance school which would imply him to be the instructor's son or an orphan/otherwise family-less kid the instructer took in. Either way he was certainly not rich.) (And I guess Vicha knowing more about cooking than Phoom is also a parallel and also another indication of their different economic backgrounds.)

Dr. Phoom apologises for not being brave enough to tell Vicha what he wanted to tell him (which was also Home's problem)

And then Dr. Phoom finds out Vicha finally heard his apology but he's still sticking around and he says that's enough for him which prompts Home to look at Peach (again) because that is kind of what he hopes for. That he gets to properly apologise to Peach and that Peach will still be around afterwards.

Just like Dr. Poom he doesn't want to exocise his ghost, he wants to talk to him.

2

Home fully acknowledges Pangpang as his baby sister (in law) in his contacts.

3

Pangpang's viewers are devastated at their ship having sunk.

4

They're being annoying talking by way of Pangpang even though they stand right next to each other. Which is also a classic trope for fighting couples (though it does admittedly also get used for friends sometimes)

5

Fully adult man Dr. Phoom knows a lover's quarrel when he sees one.

6

Peach knows that to facilitate communication between two lovers he needs to at least somewhat communicate with his own.

7

For some reason their solution is to cosplay as dance students. And then they, of course, proceed to look at each other while making the "love" gesture.

We had previously seen Vicha do the same.

Looking at them doing that prompted Dr. Phoom to think of his own young love. He has definitely clocked what's going on here (though obviously he has more important things to worry about than some strangers relationship problems)

8

Now this is certainly not something you'd say if the end goal was friendship

9

Peach is using the same pic for Home's contact as Home is using for his, just zoomed in on a different place. And he has Home saved as DANGER DO NOT ANSWER! They're so annoying.

10

Pangpang is very happy her parents might be getting back together

11

Meanwhile Home is sitting at a bar, crying about calling Peach like he got dumped. (Which he did. For good reason.)

12

We've seen so far that the ghosts are very limited. They are not fully concious and aware beings, rather they are "caught" in their desires at the moment of their death, they pretty much move solely with the goal of fulfilling their last wish. More like a broken record stuck in a loop than a living being that has multiple options to act and react to whatever happens around it.

It is noteworthy therefore that Home's ghost continued his journey to Peach as that makes this his biggest desire at the moment he fell into a coma.

Unfortunately it seems that he can't speak. Although Peach wouldn't be able to hear him anyway, so maybe all he wanted was to see Peach one more time. We'll see next episode how similar or not Home's ghost is to the others since Home is not completely dead. For now the biggest difference is that he still looks normal.

No Lesbian Corner this week because they didn't interact. Kan was gone being shady for most of the episode.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Must you, Japan? has become Thank You, Japan

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

BL OLYMPICS! Week 3

This is my last week of passing out metals in various sporting events, as part of the weekly updates.

Aug 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 9-10fin - There were a lot more unnecessary dramatic speeches than there was practical medical aid being administered. Very extra, boys. I wonder how long it took them to get that "birds meet hug" shot? Meanwhile, great grandpa‘s attitude that he knows best in every way is thoroughly annoying, and yet absolutely appropriate to his age. My great gramps (RIP), had he had the body of a 20-year-old, would behave in exactly the same self-righteous know-it-all way. The doctor is great. I would like him to get his own romance please? What happens when you are the villain in someone else's reincarnation story? There's a whole fanfic there. And yes I cried. I am a sap for this kinda thing.

Final thoughts:

This is a great little show about a young man who fell in love with a pretty girl 100 years ago, and when she died in his arms, he was cursed to live until he could meet her reborn self. Only this time around, she’s reborn into the body of a man. I love it when Thailand gets all up in its own historical business and reincarnation and shizz. I like this pair (it’s not DaouOffroad’s fault I didn’t enjoy most of their first series.) Daou’s wushu is pretty snazzy and we got a fun meet cute. (Erm... Remeet cute? Meet cute 2.0?) Plus this is a very PRETTY show. Despite some ham handed comedy moments, this ultimately has more in common with something like I Feel You Linger in the Air meets First Love Again, then (as one might expect) Until We Meet Again or The Director Who Buys Me Dinner. The leads turned in great performances, although Daou outclassed everybody else on that screen. It’s a good story and a great BL. I’m not sure this is going in my rewatch rotation, but I can’t find any major faults with it beyond a certain level of camp that is sadly endemic to lackorns. Also I’m going to give it credit as the kind of BL that one could safely recommend to lovers of melodrama and historical romance, without having to qualify it as “good for a BL.” It was, to put it succinctly, simply a VERY ENJOYABLE show. 

Under those auspices I really can’t give it anything less than a 9/10. 

Bronze in Fencing

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - It’s cute. They were cute. I enjoyed it a lot. I talk quite a bit about why they're using nai as a you pronoun here:

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 8 - Honestly the side couple is truly stellar in this show. I wasn’t sure about them at first but now I absolutely love them. Not sure how they are going to resolve such intense dislike (from JJ) by the end of the series. But I’m interested to see them try.

Meanwhile, there isn’t anything else airing right now that makes me laugh as much as the behind-the-scenes from this show. Highly recommended.

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 1-2 of 12 - Oh it is so much fun. I’m particularly delighted that our musician is a drummer and I don’t have to listen to him sing... I hope. I’ve been waiting for Big to lead a BL forever. I’m disposed to enjoy this. We can all be confident in one thing, the kisses are going to be great. I like the side couple too, very indulgent daddy. While I am disturbed by the tortoise in the tiny tank, I love the extrovert friendship group. They remind me of my own college crew. It is a cute premise, but I will need them to actually be together in the same room, looking longingly at each other a smooching within the next couple of episodes.

YouTube served me both episodes 1 & 2, and I don’t think it was meant to. So this may be next week's review as well.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I wasn’t wild about this ep or where this show is going. But I enjoyed the language play. 

Gold in Linguistic Gymnastics

(my new favorite sport)

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - Wow. Sam admitted it just out loud like that! Right after a betrayal? Balls on that boy. Worked on Yo tho. Too well, actually. I wish Yo had made him suffer and dragged him over the coals for a while. But I guess Yo really really likes him back. Meanwhile, the GL side plot also moved quite rapidly. A lot happened in this episode.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 4 of 12 - Them ALL jumping into the water was totally ridiculous. It’s still a little slow, because it is a pulp, but I’m rather enjoying it.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 12fin - Almond and Latte were cute. The breakfast with the four of them was funny. I did laugh a lot. Almond getting "first time" advice from his two resident gay dads (or at least trying to) was super sweet. Also I got a lot of smiley kisses. Nice final ep.

Ultimately how do I feel about this show?

A story about 4 boys of differing personalities who end up living together and pair up, falling in love. Slow moving and waffling, with some artificially generated family drama makes this a classic Thai pulp except that in general it's a smiley kiss of a show. It had plenty of good qualities like great communication and sexual rep (including toys, first time, safe sex, and sexual identities). The heat levels were on point and well executed, and the performances were good. It’s just that the script and the directing were lackluster, rendering it ultimately forgettable. Still, fine on a rainy afternoon with some camomile tea or whatever. 7/10 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - I’m getting some sort of PTSD from this show, It is making me feel like I’m the problem. Trash watch

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 1-2 of 8 - Anyone surprised by this jump in the standings? Yeah, probubly not. Anygay... this show is GREAT. Warped af but great. Lemme try to explain.

I actually said out loud during ep 1, "Well this is boundary pushing." By which I mean mine and everybody elses. But it’s Japan, *checks watch* it’s about time they turned out something edging into unpalatable and kinky. And because it’s Japan, I’m more forgiving than I would be were this show nested in the clumsy hands of say... Thailand. So actually this being me, and me being of questionable taste, I’m enjoying this show a lot.

You want me to list the ways? Sure.

Younger seme with grabby hands.

The younger one identified the elder gay as his personal property and it’s now: single motivation, on target, against all odds.

Uke cares about his work and not much else.

Seme cares about the uke and not much else.

Uke is gonna make this boy WORK for it.

That one particularly Japanese style of obsession that I actually adore.

Passes the sniff test!

I’m being reminded of that KBL Love Mate. Which I believe I enjoyed but no one else did. For exactly this set of tropes. Only Japan is better suited to handle them. For me this is a case of:

Must you,Japan? = Oh yes? Well, thank you very much, Japan.  

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - enter the evil girl character. Yawn.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - It is what it is. 

It's airing but...

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 2 of 12 - I did not catch ep 2 before they took it down from USA YT. I don’t know why it’s down. Either they got a deal for distribution off YouTube or there’s some sort of scandal. Frankly, I wasn't particularly impressed with ep 1 so I’m not rabid to find wherever it’s gone or why. Still, perhaps someone will let us know the sitch in a comment? It's a me problem. I'm figuring it out.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun ????) 10 eps - OMG a uni student who looks too young and a... COP. GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. Why can't I find it? Do I have to go grey?

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) - A rich boy at uni suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I have a source, but I've decided to hold off and binge if it ends okay, since it's only 8 eps. I depend upon y'all to tell me if it's safe.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Ooo, nice spread.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming This Month!

8/12 First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) 12 eps - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan stars Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn tean. I can't wait. With thier powers combined!

8/13 Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues YT) 10 eps - supposedly Jinlo with air this on their YT channel. Stars August (Love Sick) so I'm excited despite Jinlo's poor reputation. From the trailer it looks like it's following the original pretty closely... just Thai style. GIMMEEEEE!!!!

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

8/22 The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) 12 eps - announced in 2023 this one has a high school set stepbrothers trope and is reputed to be high heat. From Taiwan! It's made for me. Based on a novel Mou Mou from the Your Name Engraved Herein folks, so it could go dark. Still, I'm very excited.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Linguistic flirting trope! One of my all time favorites. FANTASTIC. (I did keep hearing Gun yelling Papiiiiiii! in my head tho.)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[enchantedflameandflower]

Update! Billy Butcher fic! A little angst and drama with a lot of The Boys and a bit of their comedic shenanigans!

karl urban masterlist

taglist: @2dead2function @nosebeers @vavafaure1994 @weallhaveadestiny @str8-jack-it

@jynx15 @hippo2211 @bvd13 @butchersdarkbird - finally, finally I have this chapter out! @butchersdarkbird I so so so hope you enjoy it, I know you've waited so long and it means so much to me!

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

This takes place a month after last ep of Season 3! I really really hope you enjoy! The chapter was getting crazy out of hand and starting to overwhelm and paralyze me, so I split it in two. SO this means the next part is already 90% written and will be much quicker! Thank you so so much to everyone reading! Also next part of my Gavin x reader fic will be out in a few days!

direct link to part 1

part 38

Glimmer Part 39

One month later.

The last rays of summer sunshine that could make it over the New York City skyline shone orange through the big windows of the top floor of the Flat Iron Building. In a few minutes they would be gone, hidden behind the tall buildings of the city as the sun made its decent. 

Addison sat with M.M. at his desk going over the stack of files of information she’d collected, analyzed and compiled on a handful of B level supes across the eastern seaboard. She had been supposed to meet with him that morning, but had spent the majority of it too nauseous to even move out of bed, much to her annoyance at the cliche, but her first trimester was nearly over, and it couldn’t come soon enough for her.

And of course they were bent together over a pile of papers of a supe Addison had been tracking upstate when Billy walked in, hanging up his coat on the rack by the door. “Well, don’t you two look cozy there, all huddled over your supe files together.” Billy waltzed past the desk, heading for the coffee pot. 

“Where’ve you been, Butcher?” M.M. asked. 

“Didn’t kill anyone, so don’t worry your pretty little head none. Just tailin’ a low level.”

M.M. and Addison continued to work while Billy made coffee then poured himself a mug and went to his desk. She knew it was always better to just not engage when he wanted to argue about her work, especially with M.M..

When they found a break, M.M. stood up and went over to the coffee pot but grumbled lifting it up to show there was barely any left. “You can’t just make enough for all of us?” he asked, frowning at Butcher. 

Addison and Billy exchanged a look. 

“I ain’t your bleedin’ secretary.” Butcher snarked, looking back to his own work. 

M.M. rolled his eyes, reaching for the bag to make some more. “Addison?” he asked over his shoulder as he picked up the coffee pot. 

“No, thanks, I’m good.”

M.M. turned to face her. “I’ve never once heard you turn down a cup of joe, Addi.”

She shrugged, shifting to look through her files. “It’s getting late,” she said off handedly. Luckily she was saved from having to say more by Frenchie and Kimiko coming in. 

Addison shuffled the files back together, bundling them in order for M.M. to take. “Just call if you have any questions.”

“You know we could really use you on the team -” M.M. said but Addison was already shaking her head before he could say more. 

“Uh-uh,” she said. “I don’t do team ups. And I’m not getting involved...in this,” she waved her hand around the room, somehow managing not to gesture at any one person in particular. “I’m really good at this stuff,” she tapped her fingers on the folders. “And I’m not working in the field. My body count is fine where it’s at.”

Her tone left no room for argument, and she was grateful M.M. accepted it for now. She finished up and went to sit on the edge of Butcher’s desk. He was standing in front of it, drinking his coffee and reading through a report he had in hand. 

“Take me to dinner?” she murmured, quiet enough the others couldn’t easily listen in. 

“It’s hardly 5,” he answered, flipping his papers over to look at his watch, then looking at her. 

“Yeah. Dinnertime,” she grinned. “What this isn’t a 9 - 5 job?” she teased him. 

Billy snorted. “Weren’t you textin’ me you were havin’ lunch just a coupla hours ago?”

“Soooo?”

“Well I’ll have to ask the boss ya know,” he set down his report on his desk behind her, leaning close and letting his hand brush across her hip. “I swear though I could feed you a horse these days and you’d still be hungry…” he teased.

But Addison barely heard the last of his sentence because M.M. had suddenly appeared behind Billy and had clearly heard the last of his words and she watched his face - she could literally see it in his eyes as he started to put the pieces together in his mind…

“Addison.”

She froze. No. Fucking. Way. She wasn’t ready, this wasn’t happening here, in front of everyone, she was not doing this…

“Tell me you did not,” M.M. groaned out loud, finally making Billy turn around and lift one brow.

Addison pursed her lips, subconsciously tugging her jacket closed around her.

“Oi, oi! Great, the whole gangs here,” Butcher grinned as Hughie came in, trying to change the subject but it didn’t work with any of them.

Hughie paused as he reached his own desk setting his stuff down, looking between Addi, M.M. and Butcher. Frenchie and Kimiko were off to the side watching cautiously. 

“Did not what?”

Everyone ignored him.  

“Tell me -” M.M. continued, in his most stern dad voice. “You two morons. Did not do - what I think you did.”

“Excuse me,” Addison huffed, furrowing her brows at M.M.. 

“Whoaaa,” Hughie spoke up walking over to them, confusion and shock in his eyes. “What are you talking about?” he asked M.M.. “What do you think they did?” Hughie turned to Butcher. “What did you do?”

“Nothin’ you haven’t done,” Butcher grinned wolfishly clapping him on the shoulder. 

They all seemed to turn to look at Addison at once and she groaned out loud. “Ugghhhh… fucking fuck…..”

“What is happening?!” Hughie flailed. 

Addison crossed her arms but Kimiko was smiling and Frenchie looked like he was about to burst. 

“Frenchie do not-“ Addison pointed at him, her eyes wide.

“We are having a baby!” Frenchie shouted. 

MM pushed his rolling chair into his desk, turning as if he needed to compose himself while Hughie stood in confusion looking between all of them. 

“Hey!” Annie came in the door then, pausing as she immediately picked up the tension. “What happened?” Her smile dropped from her face. 

“Who’s having a baby - ” Hughie started, more confused then ever then as looked at Frenchie then finally turned back to Butcher, then Addison, then back to Butcher again. “Holy fuck…”

“A baby?” Annie asked, clearly taken off guard and upset. The whole thing was like a fucking cirucs act and Addison was quickly losing any shreds of patience she had left.

“Addison and B -“ Hughie started to say then sort of seemed to just freeze before he shook himself out of it. “Congratulations, you two,” he recovered before he stopped again, looking between the two of them. “I mean…right? You want…”

“Yes, Hughie,” Addison interrupted him before he confused his own brain even more. “The baby is very much wanted. Thank you,” she gave him a soft smile but it quickly fell. 

“Addison we need to talk,” M.M. spoke up again pointedly. 

Addison rolled her eyes but her patience was no competition to Billy’s temper, and he had clearly already lost it with all of them.

“Good,” Butcher glared at M.M.. “You take her to dinner then.” He slammed his coffee cup down on his desk then turned to Addison, sliding his strong arm around her waist and tugging her against his body, obviously staking his claim on her and the whole situation before he left. His mouth met hers in a hot, steamy kiss and she had to curl her fingers into his shirt to keep from fainting away as his tongue flicked over hers. He broke the kiss almost as suddenly, squeezing her ass affectionately, then turned for the door, and reaching to grab his coat on the way out.

“I’m calling you tonight,” Addison yelled after him as soon as she caught her breath. “You better fucking answer!” But she knew he’d more than likely be sliding into her bed before the night grew too late.

Butcher waved his hand in the air and Hughie finally seemed to snap out of it as he breezed past. “Wait, Butcher!” He stood up to take off after him but paused and turned back to Annie. “I’m fine,” she said but Addison could tell she was annoyed. And then Hughie was chasing Butcher out the door. 

Addison decided she couldn’t deal with Annie right now and anyway M.M.’s intense stare was not leaving her space to worry about anyone else. 

“You’re not my father, for fucks sake,” she snapped, exasperated by they whirlwind of events, even though her lips were still tingling from Butcher’s fierce kiss. “I slept with Billy. We fucked up. I want this baby - more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Annie turned around then and left too, the door closing hard behind her and Addison slumped, dropping her head in her hands. Annie was her friend. She knew how much she hated Billy and honestly she mostly understood. She only wished she could’ve explained first before the news broke like this.

But at least Frenchie and Kimiko seemed to be on her side. “She is happy,” Frenchie spoke up and Addison lifted her head to give him a grateful look. “Surely that is what matters, no?”

M.M. finally seemed to soften a little. “Yeah, fine,” he agreed. “But I still want to talk.”

Frenchie nodded in concession and squeezed Addison’s shoulder reassuringly before heading back over to sit with Kimiko. 

“Let’s go,” M.M. nodded toward the door. “Monique always loved those double chocolate brownie shakes when she was pregnant with Janine. My treat.”

~*~*~

“I know what I’m doing,” Addison said quietly. “Billy and I have talked about it. At length. The baby comes first no matter what. I can do this on my own if I have to. And I can protect - the baby…if I have to. Even against him,” she added.

M.M. glanced up at Addison, with a raised eyebrow, but shook his head while he arranged his napkin and his burger on his tray. “You won’t have to. He loves you. And he might be a gigantic asshole. But he’s an asshole with a heart. He’d take himself out before he let himself hurt you.”

Addison used her spoon to take a big mouthful of her chocolate shake and hummed gratefully while M.M. gave an affectionate smirk. 

“Told ya,” he said. 

Addison smiled, remembering that conversation they’d had so long ago at that little diner on the road. It seemed like a life time ago now. 

“Remember when you asked me if I ever thought about having kids? I lied a little.”

M.M. glanced up at her studying her for a moment. 

“I really, really want this,” she continued. “And if I have to, I can handle it on my own.”

Finally M.M. nodded. She knew this wasn’t going to placate him entirely, but it was enough for now.

“Thank you,” she murmured, in between bites.

“For what.”

Addison shrugged. “For everything. For being a friend.”

“You know I’m just looking out for you, right? I’ve got you, Addison.”

And she knew he did, she just didn't know how much she would need it in the months to come.

~*~*~

Notes: I want everyone to know, no matter what happens in the show this WILL have a happy ending (but of course with tons of h/c, drama and angst along the way.) But I only do ultimately happy endings. Next up: Addison's conversation with Annie does not go as well and Billy and Addi have a heart to heart over the start of that baby bump ♥ Let me know what you think!

Karl Urban Masterlist

[wafflexdguy]

V SFW Alphabet!

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For people on Tumblr, the book on Wattpad is where you're a worker drone, but you can interpret yourself being whatever you want.

Follow my Wattpad account for more content.

Masterlist

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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

She doesn't really show affection often, but that's not to say that she doesn't show any at all. She'll occasionally do handholding and hugging. If she's really feeling flirty, she'll kiss you just so she can say how much you blushed.

Ignoring the fact that she was blushing as much as you were.

B = Bad Habits (What bad habits do they have?)

She can come off as careless. So much so that it almost seems like she doesn't care at all.

She doesn't really have a solution for this, because despite already being in a relationship, she really doesn't want to get too attached in case someone destroys the planet. It really only around Episode 4 that this ideology gets snuffed out.

Other than that is just that she can be a huge nuisance when it's inappropriate.

"Damn, should have brought marshmallows."

"V, my house is on fire. Not the time."

C = Comfort (Are they a good shoulder to cry on or do they get awkward?)

They get awkward. I mean, wouldn't you?

How she thinks about it is dependent on which episode you place yourself in. If it's prior to Ep.1, then it's more of:

"Ok, I kill Worker Drones for a living, but now I have one crying on my shoulder what do I do-?"

After that, It's more of just actually being awkward, since she hasn't shown affection in a long time, if not years. They'll listen, but their comfort isn't going to be the best.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Does she want to settle down? Mayhaps.

She doesn't really know. She likes the idea of finally being able to relax and just enjoying each others company, but at the same time, is it really even worth it?

If you ask her nicely, she'll probably do it.

E = Energy (Would you have trouble keeping up with them?)

No.

She's generally laid back but also semi-energetic, like what we see in the show. If you're not hugely energetic, you'll have no problem keeping up with her.

F = Fear (What are they scared of when it comes to you?)

Probably just you dying.

She doesn't like to think about the idea of you dying for obvious reasons, but also because she won't really know what to do with herself afterwards.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

She's not gentle per' se, but she's also not really overbearing. Occasionally she'll fuck around with you, getting you riled up and/or get you annoyed if she's really bored. If it gets too much for you though, she'll stop.

Now physically, she's actually kind of gentle when it comes to that. She won't go rough, since if she's showing affection, she's likely just feeling icky or bad. So she'll just want comfort normally like anyone would.

H = Honesty (Do they have secrets they hide?)

Really?

Yeah, she has secrets to hide. Like how she had assisted in killing an entire planet. But other than that, she doesn't have other huge secrets to hide.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not fast. It's probably going to have to be a major event that happens that doesn't have to be Ep.8 that'll scare her enough to where she'll just say "I love you". It can be just to where if you both somehow get really close to death, or if she gets close to death, It doesn't really matter.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

She doesn't get jealous often but she get jealous enough to where she'll get really annoyed. Why are you spending 5 hours talking to them?

Yeah, it'd take a bit to get her jealous.

If she's jealous for whatever reason, she'll just kill the drone in question. Simple as that. She needs the oil anyway.

If you manage to catch on early enough, you can stop her from killing said drone.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sloppy kisses if she's feeling really teasy and if you're okay with it.

L = Listen (Do they hang off your every word or have selective hearing?)

They don't hang off your every word, but they also don't have selective hearing.

She'll listen to you if she's not busy (obviously) but if she's doing something that isn't major, but still requires her attention, she'll hear you, but she probably isn't listening.

M = Maintenance (Are they high maintenance? Low? Maybe so?)

They aren't high maintenance. They're definitely low maintenance, because she was literally made to take care of herself.

Mentally though? They are also low maintenance, but she can get easily stressed. She might need your help to calm down if it ever gets to a point where she might lash out.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I eventually want to make a oneshot out of this, but basically how she typically sleeps (Upside down) but just hugging you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

They probably won't open up at all. More specifically: she wont just start telling you about her past, since she does her best to repress that as much as she possibly can. But she'll maybe vent to you about how her life sucked before she met you (or N) but that's about it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

If you want to speedrun pissing her off, get hurt. To be more clear, if you ever got hurt by another drone/person, she'll get instantly pissed off. Other than that, just being annoying can also anger her.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

They'll remember all the things you like and don't like that are easy to remember. She doesn't hang onto every little thing you like or dislike, but she'll make an effort to do something nice for you.

"Oh! A... Dead flower???"

"It's the only one they had."

Please note that results may vary.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

"I love you." You said out of the blue, looking away from her.

You and V had been sitting on top of a roof, just looking at the moon and embracing the moonlight above you. V, caught off guard choked on her own spit as she tried to process the sudden surprise.

She looked at you indescribably. You two had been unofficially been in a relationship, but hearing that made her core vibrate. Almost like it was reaching out to you. Craving that affection.

"Okay..." Was all she could say, leaning her head onto yours.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

She's protective over you. She doesn't like seeing you getting hurt (naturally) and typically will be quite murdery when it comes to your safety. Don't confuse her for yandere, it's just her usual attidtude.

You can't really protect her, let's be honest. (Again, you're worker drone in this scenario) So at most you'd be emotional support.

T = Temper (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

She'd put her fair share of effort into dates, much to your surprise probably. Gifts, though?

"V, not that I don't appreciate your gifts, but are dead flowers really the only thing they had?"

"Yes."

U = Unwind (How do they relax?)

Spending any amount of time with you probably helps her wind down, and typically just likes doing random bullshit with you. It can be anything, really, but it'll help her relax around you.

V = Value (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Probably not much. Maybe her hair, but that's about it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yeah, but she probably won't show it. This is assuming you haven't died by the way, so she knows you'll come back, but in the meantime, it's almost like there isn't much of anything to do.

She'll probably hang out with Lizzy until you come back.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Random Teasing Headcanon (RTH tm)

She'll occasionally show off her strength by picking you up. It can be anything, from a piggy back ride, to picking you up bridal style. She loves it when you blush uncontrollably.

Y = Yearning (How do they act when separated?)

Already answered, but bored and incomplete.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

She occasionally sleep talks. It can be from anything embarrassing, or just kind of heartwarming.

[colleybri]

Cassian x Bix and Rebelcaptain: Please let these ships be friends !

I ‘ship’ Cassian x Bix AND Cassian x Jyn. I see there has been some conflict in the past when the “new woman” was first brought in with the series, some that remains now, and I’m both saddened and bemused by that.

Rebelcaptain for me is a canon relationship… to a certain extent. I have no doubt that these brave heroes would have ended up together had they lived. That’s why I love it… the whole beautiful tragedy of what might have been, and the loyalty that binds people together when making a sacrifice like this. Were they actually in love, in canon? For me – no. Not yet. And that’s important for my personal enjoyment of Rogue One, especially its ending. As the novelisation stresses, Cassian dies without knowing Jyn as “There wasn’t the time”. And I simply don’t believe you can love someone without knowing them . But I enjoy the idea of exploring what would have happened had they lived. They are a perfect loyal “battle couple”, definitely my favourite fanon SW couple and great to imagine together. I see Rebelcaptain also as a way of giving them the happy ending they deserved. Oh - and the chemistry between Felicity Jones and Diego Luna on-screen is absolutely electric. In short and again: I have no doubt that they would have fallen in love had they lived and would have been perfect for each other. And they are a perfect fanon ship.

(^^ And I I think this is the exact moment in canon when they both acknowledge the loss of what might have been. It’s just heartbreakingly beautiful… )

Cassian x Bix - I don’t even think of it as a ‘ship’ per se as it is a 100% canon relationship, and one that is currently ongoing as we wait for Andor S2.. It’s fascinating to me – 17 years of friendship that has occasionally blossomed into a romantic/sexual relationship. It’s a genuinely unusual set up too. I’ve read a few takes that they are “over each other” by the time of the start of the series, to which I want to say … watch again, closely! They certainly have moved on to date different people, but it’s also very clear from their interactions (especially in the intense scene in Ep 7) that there is still a lot of extremely deep feeling between them – even if some of it is very negative. In the S1 production notes, the show’s creator Tony Gilroy says that they “are meant to be together… but it’s been impossible all these years. Now, she’s done with him … he’s burnt every last bridge .” Why? The series also provides the answer – Cassian is in many ways an absolute mess at the start of the season and Bix was quite rightly fed up with him as a boyfriend. He’s completely unreliable, likes short-lived affairs (often with married women - so no risk of commitment!), isn’t working regularly and has debts all over the place. This largely stems from his “unresolved childhood trauma”. He has a fear of “leaving people behind” and despite having a lot of love to give “ is so scared of being loved”. But he and Bix nonetheless prove to be incredibly loyal friends and their love in this platonic sense clearly runs very deep indeed. They have known each other since he was 10 so she is also something like a sister figure. Bix is still very protective of Cassian and takes personal risks for him… and he finally comes to appreciate this and pay back his metaphorical debt to her in the finale. The question now is what season 2 holds for them, if anything.

(^^ I love the way she is using her fingertips to push his hand off, as if to avoid the risk of too much touch. The gesture and look that says “Please don’t try and get close to me again because we both know how bad that is for us… but I’m such a total idiot when it comes to you that I will still very unwisely go out of my way to help you, especially when you look at me like that so please just don’t”)

Does loving their messy and complicated relationship mean that I want Cassian and Bix to ‘end up together’ ? No, and the obvious additional point is that they don’t! They are both going to be very different people at the start of S2 and over the following years of the story . Bix has been traumatised; Cassian has been radicalised. And that’s just the start. Perhaps they quickly drift apart. Perhaps some kind of betrayal is involved. Perhaps one or both of them will want to commit again to a relationship, but it’s impossible because of the demands of the rebellion (like Vel /Cinta). Perhaps Bix “ends up with” someone else (Brasso, ideally, especially if they both survive the season). Perhaps they will get back together at least for a while and enjoy a little last happiness before inevitable heartbreak. Perhaps all, some or none of these. But none of that stops me from loving and appreciating what they do have, what they have had up to now, and the intriguing dynamics of when they do interact on screen. Bix x Cassian attracts me as a fanfic ship because it’s all about exploring what is there and how it came to be, which is why I currently don’t write them beyond the present time of season 1. I’m waiting to see what happens next in Canon, as it were, because that to me is an important part of writing them. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying analysing the relationship by imagining them in the past.

So for me Bix x Cassian in no way impacts on Jyn x Cassian or vice versa, especially if you apply… real life principles rather than the ideals of fandoms: “soulmates” and OTPs. Many people – most people – will have a beautifully intense and loving relationship with more than one person at different times of their lives. I’m old – trust me on this one.

^^ Both relationships in these two scenes go way beyond romance. In the first - many years of close and loyal friendship. In the second: a bond created through brave and selfless sacrifice together. And for both: Cassian’s absolute hatred of being “someone who leaves people behind”: the quality that I love best about him. And saving each other. Literally and metaphorically.

And oh… it’s beautiful. Both moments are beautiful.

Edit: I won’t do any speculating here about the content of the trailers and articles. Except to say that there’s nothing in them that detracts from the emotional power of both ships. They can continue to happily coexist. 

[matan4il]

Buddie 618 meta

Since this could have been the show finale, not just this season’s, I hope you allow me to do a small overview of the ep as a whole with this in mind.

I’m gonna be honest, I want to send ABC a bouquet of flowers, because if this would have been the show’s last ep, it would have been an incredibly disappointing one. Not that it didn’t have merit. 911 has always been about the importance of the good that we do - for ourselves, for our loved ones and for strangers. That’s why the significance of this ep’s emergency was actually great. We got to see the 118 saving themselves, each other and be saved by a complete stranger, who wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for the 118 saving him four seasons earlier. My issue with it is that it would have been better IMO to spread out this emergency over two eps, really give it room to resonate emotionally, in much the same way that Buck’s lightning strike did. That would have also left more airtime for the team’s personal lives to get closure.

When looking at the personal resolution to the 118’s stories, I did like the return to Henren’s adoption via foster care storyline, it needed closure and I’m so happy this is the one it got. I have talked in more than one fandom about the importance of showing how same sex couples ACTUALLY go about becoming parents, so I think this is extra significant. I can’t wait to see this not just being a wink at the end of a show finale, but an actually developed storyline in s7. I also think “Here’s to more chaos and more love” is my fave line in this ep and a perfect summary of the best of 911. I also loved Bathena getting to go on their honeymoon, getting to live carefree for a moment. They absolutely deserve this, and it felt even better thanks to being a callback moment. I also enjoyed seeing Madney seal the details of their wedding. I have loved and enjoyed them since Maddie called Chim cute in 206, they deserve all the happiness and joy, and to me, having to see her twice this season bracing herself for the possibility of losing Buck and / or Chim (in 611 and now) made it even more meaningful to see Madney happy by the end of the ep. Again, I can’t wait to see the actual wedding in s7. It’s gonna melt all of our hearts. Still, all of these resolutions felt a bit rushed and I believe they could have had more of an impact if they were more than blink and you miss it moments during the final montage.

But if those felt underdeveloped, that’s nothing in comparison with Buck and Eddie’s personal lives’ resolutions. Was 911 really going to leave them with the “endgame” of women who literally only showed up as Love Interests in the last couple of eps of the show? If I weren’t a part of fandom, as a casual viewer, I would sincerely not have even remembered Marisol from her emergency, so I would have been confused by her and Eddie’s conversation. In fact, I found it funny that when Eddie wants to text her, it’s presented as a disruption to Bobby’s talk, just like Buck’s call with Kameron. I also thought it was wild that we discover Marisol and Eddie exchanged numbers, because that most certainly wasn’t even hinted at during 617. We clearly saw him walking away, they exchanged a last look, and that was it. Eddie and Marisol are so underdeveloped, we don’t even know how they happened! Did Marisol rush after Eddie? Did he come back to ask her for her number? Did they both decide to take the leap? How did the conversation go? Why was their phone call in 618 so awkward if they had already made their intentions clear when they exchanged numbers? We have zero answers to these questions. This was so forced, so unearned, so underdeveloped, it makes it painfully obvious that it was done just to not leave Eddie heterosexually single. Because I’m sorry, homosubtextually, he’s been married for years.

Which brings me to Buck and Natalia. I gotta roll my eyes at my own 615 meta, where I talked about the meaning of her name connecting her to birth, now we literally had her at the birth of Buck’s bio kid. What a piece of ironic foreshadowing. And yet, despite Natalia being a bit more developed than Marisol, despite the fact that Buck had what was maybe the most invested in personal resolution in the finale, it was still a let down for me. We have mostly seen why Natalia doesn’t suit him in eps 615 and 617. She did come back in the finale, but then so did Taylor in 414. That doesn’t mean either woman fits Buck as a partner. I’m left with the uneasy feeling that we have here a rerun of that s4 finale in terms of the ep shoving both men into relationships with underdeveloped LIs. TBH, the juxtaposition makes 618 worse IMO. Because the comparison with Marisol and Natalia actually makes Ana and Taylor look slightly more invested in! That says a lot about how little 911 cares about the 618 LIs. But it also gives me this bad sense of stepping in place with Buck and Eddie in terms of their romantic development. For example, the fact that Buck ends up tying yet another one of his couches to yet another gf at a way too early stage of their r/s (too much time couldn’t have passed between Kameron giving birth, ruining Buck’s couch, and his conversation about getting a couch together with Natalia since he was just getting around to having the old one looked at to see if it could be saved. He’s once again rushing into commitment with a girl he doesn’t yet know well enough, and who we saw in 615 he was idolizing as truly seeing him, when the truth was very different or she wouldn’t have run out on him in 617. I also can’t tell you why Natalia came back based on the few interactions we’ve seen between them, we haven’t had a single meaningful moment between them so far to explain it, making it clear he’s going in circles. I do suspect Buck doesn’t realize this is him repeating past mistakes, he thinks this is progress given his ability to let go of the baby, which could be an interesting angle to explore in s7. But probably what makes giving Buddie rushed heterosexual “endgame” LIs worse is that every bit of development either man made that isn’t about their love life got sidelined in this ep...

I think in a sense, the underdevelopment of all of Buck and Eddie’s LIs, even the “endgame” ones in what could have been the show’s finale, might actually be a testament to the power of Buddie. If a showrunner knows they could never hope to develop any LI to have with either Buck or Eddie even a tenth of what they have with each other, that can explain not even trying. In fact, we got a reminder of the strong bond between these two men during the call. Buck saved Eddie, just as Eddie saved Buck during the lightning strike. The way they looked at each other, the zoom in on their hands grasping one another, was very emotionally poignant exactly because we have seen these two losing their whole damn minds trying to save the other man on more than one occasion. And Buck used the words “I got you,” a reminder that they will ALWAYS have each other’s back, on and off the field. 

The good news is that ABC has a chance to correct the course of where this finale left off. I do believe the move is being done knowing they would have to rejuvenate 911 if they want it to fare better than on Fox, and I think that giving Buddie the room to become canon would be exactly that. But I have said in more than one of my ask replies that to me, no matter what, this show has been telling the epic love story of Buck and Eddie, with the little family they built. Whether TPTB go through with that canonically or not, this is what they gave us. And nothing will take that away from me. If 911 ends with Buddie being single, I’ll just assume their feelings realization and confessions happen after the end of the show. If 911 ends with “endgame” heterosexual LIs, I’ll just know that those couples eventually break up at some point during the 118’s post-show future, and then Buddie finally get together. Because that’s the story we got over the course of the last 5 seasons, one that only has a single possible resolution, whether the show itself gives it to us or whether it forces us to have to imagine and write it down in fix-it fics ourselves. We ALL know what we saw. We ALL get what Buddie have. We ALL see how that inevitably would lead to them getting together sooner or later, and if it doesn’t happen during the show, then later it is, but it WILL happen. That’s how I look at the show, and that’s why even if this were the last ep of it, it still wouldn’t have destroyed Buddie for me. I hope this POV can help others, too.

~~ I’m gonna be here during the hiatus, if anyone wants to be here with me. Thank you so much to all of you who made s6 a lovelier ride by taking it with me! I’m endlessly grateful for every single one of you. xoxox

~~ (my weekly meta posts) (my Buddie gifs) (all of my content)

~~ My tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here.

~~ Thank you to the amazing @whosoldherout​​ for making this season so much better with your gifs, for these meta posts and in general!

[dulcewrites]

Fool Me Once (part 4)

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x reader (wc: 4.5k)

Summary: Your paranoia spikes as the safety of your children is put into question. Familiar faces come to King’s Landing as the fight for power continues to grow.

A/N: When I posted the first part, I had no idea this would be the response i get, let alone that I would be making multiple parts. I’m so grateful for all the support I have gotten, and I hope to keep writing hotd stuff y’all enjoy. This part will span events that happened in ep 8 of the show. Ep 9 and 10 will be part 5 🫶🏽🫶🏽. Hope y’all like it, and PLEASE come talk to me. Love chatting about fmo

Fmo masterlist

You tried to make it to your chambers without disturbing the party. Your father seemed confused by you sudden departure after Jayne pulled you away from him.

Ser Quinton insisted going into the chambers before you. There was a sick part of you that hoped she was in there. Waiting for Aemond; or better yet, waiting for you. At least if you saw her, you would feel less… mad. The descent to insanity may be held off by finally putting a face to worst time of your life. You think about the knife trick Quinton had taught you, and if he was right when he said it led to a slow death.

Your bottom lip wobbles when you walk into the room and see red. Alaric’s cot is smeared with blood. Whoever did this did not go to his nursery, they came here knowing you also have a place for him when he is extra restless in the night.

Quinton gives you a look. He can tell you are about to panic and reaches out for your arm. Lord Larys stands there, a dubious look on his face.

“You know it is quite rude to leave you own party. Mother told me to come get you,” Aegon strolls in casually with a lazy smile, and goblet in his hand. His smile falters when he sees the blood and the look on your face. “Seven Hells.”

“We need to tell the Queen,” Quinton pipes up after a beat of silence.

Your mind strays to what Alicent could have said to her son. What Aemond could have said to Alys. The woman that have haunted your thoughts for moon now being in Red Keep… in the room where you rest your head.

You look down at the bloody box, your hands stained red. Time seems to slow down and speed up as you think of what to do.

“This is your house sigil,” you turn to Larys ignoring Quinton’s request. “She was here. That bastard witch was here. She touched my child’s things.”

There’s a vibrating anger that courses through your body. It was not good enough to have your husband, or carry his child. Now she must resort to messing your child, to trying to goad you into a something.

Well, if that is was she wants…

Lord Larys raises a single brow, looking at the box quizzically. A normally self assured and smarmy man just as put out as you. “Maybe we should follow Ser Quinton’s idea by telling Queen Alicent.”

“Tell me what? The feast is about to start.”

Alicent’s rich tone cut through the room, and the four of you turn towards the chamber doors.

“What is all of this,” she gets a familiar furrow in her brow when she sees the blood stained box in your hands. Her doe eyes going from you, to her son, to Quinton, then to Larys before landing on the bloodied cot near the bed.

Alicent rushes into the room, and over to you. You watch as her face falls when she sees Strong sigil edtched in the box and Alaric’s blanket.

“This does not make any sense,” she mutters, shaking her head.

Your eyes flicker quickly over to Aegon, who has an I told you so look on his face. It sets in that any possible reprimand that Alicent gave Aemond was also met with giving him a chance to repair the situation. He had a chance to make a choice, and still chose wrongs. Your imbecile husband.

It is almost a joke at this point. He must really enjoy making you look foolish. That is the only explanation. Before you ask Alicent what she said to him during their talk, a flash of silvery hair at the door catches your eye.

There had been times you thought about killing Aemond. A slip of poison in the goblet, or smothering him with a pillow. Even more lately since you two share a room again. Not ideas you were ever proud of, especially when you thought about your children not having their father in their lives. Living with the grief of a dead father the rest of their lives.

But there’s something about this moment that makes you think you and your kids would be just fine without him. Just fine away from all these people.

“What is going on,” Aemond cautiously walks in, clearly apprehensive of the collection of people in the room. “Your parents are asking for us.”

“Aemond, you should go ba-,” Alicent starts. She is using the voice you have heard her put on when speaking to members of court. Collected and stern.

“This is your fault,” your voice trounces out hers. You move past Alicent and throw the box at his feet. “Your whore left us a gift.”

Aemond leans down to look at Alaric’s blanket. His shoulders stiffening instantly when he sees the box. He looks over at his mother. You have learned that they have their own little language through looks. A connection that can only be expected through mother and child. It only infuriates you more.

“She would not do this.”

Aemond shakes his head in disbelief, and you throw your hands up in frustration. The blood from them now starting to stain your dress. Your favorite purple dress tainted.

“Is her cunt so magical that it is making you blind in both eyes,” you hiss. “She came into this room, and soaked your son’s blanket in blood. Gods know whose blood.”

“My wife-“

You hold a hand up to stop him.

“You have already shown you have no respect for me, but if you think I am going to let your love affair with her effect my children, you are more foolish than I thought.”

Your eyes drifts down the small dagger around his waist. One slit to the throat is all you need. There’s a strange sense of adrenaline that runs through you.

A blood lust.

“We need to all keep our composure, fighting will do no good,” Alicent steps in between you two. “…. And we must remember our stations.”

She eyes you when she says the last part of the sentence.

“Before we jump to any other conclusions, let’s get one of the maidservants to clean this room up, and I’ll see to it that extra guards are sent to all the living quarters. We will discuss how to go forward after the feast.”

Alicent grabs Aemond’s arm in an attempt to pull him out of the room. Your vision blurs with anger. Jump to conclusions? Playing coy and hurt has gotten you nowhere. Your mother was wrong all those years ago; keeping your head is not the always answer.

“That is not going to work my Queen,” Alicent turns back around with a frustrated look in her eyes. “This a threat towards Alaric. And your son’s disrespect of his marriage is directly responsible; what other conclusion is there?”

She sighs before walking back over to you. Alicent takes your hand softly and lays the other over yours.

“Sweetling, do not let jealousy cloud your judgment,” the sweet tone of her voice makes your throat tight. “Anger will not change what happened.”

There is something about the way she is looking at you that reminds of when you used to go hunting with your father. A hobby you hated, but were forced to do when you were younger. You are the doe or wild sheep being toyed with before being slaughtered. Made submissive once the chase is too much to bear.

She hopes you will eventually grow tired of running. That you will take each blow gracefully… Just like she has, just like is expected of a dutiful wife. Is that not what sacrifice is; to become a cold carcass for the dragons to feed on.

Even with people on your side in the room, you have never felt so alone.

“He’s your grandson,” there’s a desperation in your voice that makes you feel so small. Your eyes move past her to Aemond. “He is your blood.”

Your husband is the one that set this all into motion, and you still have to be the one the beg for sympathy. Sympathy for you, and for your children.

“You know I would not want anything to happen to him,” Aemond addressed you with a low voice. Alicent nods in agreement. You bite your tongue that you taste blood.

“Fine, if you both want to make this right, we can do this my way,” you return the farcical sweet voice.

Alicent’s brown eyes darken a bit. As if she knows where you are going with this. You let go of her hand to turn towards Ser Quinton and Lord Larys.

“I want her gone… permanently.”

Quinton’s eyes widen a bit. There had been hushed whispers in the past. Funnily enough, your chivalric knight had the same idea Aegon did. Kill her before it gets too far.

“Sweet daughter, you are not thinking clearly,” the desperation that was once in your voice has now transferred to Alicent’s.

“She made a threat against the son of a Prince of the Realm. That is treason, and calls for punishment.”

“That is enough,” Aemond raises his voice. An unwavering glare pointed on your direction. “This discussion is over.”

You stare in disbelief as he walks out the room. Alicent looks as if she wants to say something, but just sighs and follows her son out. Lord Larys does not even give you a glance as we walks by, trying to catch up to Alicent. Silence permeates in the room, as you stare at the door. Foolishly expecting one of them to turn back around.

“We can figure something out,” Aegon finally speaks up.

A lump grows in your throat. You look down at the dried blood on your hands and dress.

“Give me the room please,” you mutter to him and Quinton. Neither of them move. “I need to change. Just please go.”

Your voice cracks at the end. They both have seen you cry before, more times than you are proud of. But there is something different about this time. More painful; more humiliating. You do not want to be seen this way.

“I will be outside if you need me,” Quinton says softly.

When the door finally shuts, your legs give out from under you. A sob caught in your throat as you take in the room. Your watery eye land on the chest full of dresses. Some a deep red, others vivid green. Pristine and pressed.

Your life sullied… just like your favorite purple dress.

The feast goes as expected. People dote on Daella and Alaric. Aemond and Alicent keep their distance; Alicent spares you sympathetic glances when she thinks you are not looking. Your mother does not seem to pick up on your discomfort. Your father, on the other hand, continues to give you puzzled looks throughout. Especially when you came back in a different dress.

There was a rush of relief that follows when your father suggest the children visiting your home. Anything that gets you away from King’s Landing is welcomed. Even if it is for a short time.

Your worries seems to get push to the side when news of Lord Corlys Velaryons declining health hits the Red Keep. The Queen, who already spends her days caring for a sick king, must now concern herself with the issues that arise from a sick lord.

Daella and Alaric have not left you sight. Much to her surprise and enjoyment, you even joined Daella in the Dragonpit and in the library for her lessons. The constant vigilance extends to them coming with you to the Grand Sept.

Jayne keeping them company, and Quinton watching on as you kneel in front of the candles.

There is so much for you to pray for, you do not know where to begin. Before you eyes can flutter shut, a voice interrupts you.

“I was hoping to find you here,” the familiar deep timber of Lord Hightower’s voice.

He kneels beside you with a gruff groan. Otto Hightower is not a man you speak with often, and by choice. An intimating man through and through.

“I am glad to see you are well,” he starts blowing out one of the incense sticks. “Especially after what happened at the feast.”

As Hand of the King, and now acting in place of Viserys as his health declines, it should not surprise you he knows. It is his job to know everything, but mentions of your behavior still makes you shift nervously.

“It is a shamed. What bullishness can bring; Aemond has always been too proud for his own good, even when wrong.”

You furrow your eyes, and turn to look at him as he continues.

“You and your children are very important to this family, especially now,” he says softly.

He means your money is important to him. He means the fleet that sits on the outside west of Westeros is important to him.

“So, if you still want that problem taken care of permanently. There are those that would be happy to find her and do that.”

Talk of murder in the sept… the irony is not lost on you. Killing Alys means possibly murdering a child. It was one the reasons why you felt so guilty about what happened at the feast. Larys had told you sick rumors, one about what she does to her children. Though your expectation of her are low, you can not imagine even her doing such heinous things. Her state leaves you utterly confused.

Your silence seems to give him all the answers he needs.

“I will leave you to your prayers,” Otto starts to get up.

Alaric’s babbling grows as Daella rubs his head while Jayne holds him. Your babies.

You grab Otto’s hand before he can fully get up.

“After the deed is done, bury her near Harrenhal. Let her be on her ancestral home,” you say lowly, eyes trained on your children before flittering over to his.

Otto gives you a head and a smile before getting up.

Targaryens take care of their own. It is time you do the same. The Mother will understand.

Aemond is tense, even more than usual. At first you thought he knew. That maybe he could smell the anguish on you. The suspicions of him knowing about you giving his grandsire the go ahead diminished when you learned that Rhaenyra and her family were coming back to the Red Keep.

With the Driftmark claim up in the air, the castle is expecting many visitors.

A part of you can not blame Aemond for being on guard. The history between the other side of his family is bad for obvious reasons. There will also be a divide and uneasy feeling now.

It is the anxious feeling that washes over when you see Prince Daemon walking towards you. Instinctively clutch Alaric closer to you, bouncing him as he begins to fuss. With all the self-assurance in the world, there is something eye catching about the bravado Daemon Targaryen has. His confidence would be a trait you admired if it did not often go hand in hand with his arrogance.

The last time you saw the Prince was at your wedding. A surprise to everyone, especially Alicent and Viserys. The joy Viserys showed when seeing his brother dimmed when Daemon made it clear he was not staying afterwards. Lady Baela and Lady Rhaena, his daughters, sending well wishes and gorgeous jewelry. Pearls from the Driftmark Seas and rubies earrings that you are sure from Pentos. Your family frequented Pentos during the summers when you were younger, the three of you crossing paths briefly during that time.

His appearance at your wedding was a confusing to both Aemond and you, especially since he came alone. No Rhaenyra in sight. A crude choice on the princess’ part your mother remarked.

“Ah there is my niece and my grandnephew,” his smile is bright. Brighter than you expected considering why he is here, and the state his brother is in.

You were expecting a cold reception, one to the match the treatment they received. You exchanged a knowing look with Aegon when all of you were told not to greet them on their arrival.

A fake smile fights to replace the furrowed look on your face.

“Prince Daemon, I hope your trip from Dragonstone was well,” you catch how his eyes instantly go to Alaric in your arms. The Godswood is quiet except for you two, and the sound of chirping birds.

“Would have been smoother on dragon back,” he shrugs. “I am glad to see all is well.”

He holds his arms out expectedly. You blink at him, and his blinks back; realizing he is not one to back down, you gently hand over Alaric. Alaric tiny hand reaches out to touch the shiny material of Daemon’s coat.

Daemon resolves brightens even more when Alaric is placed in his arms. You know him and Rhaenyra have had children, with one on the way. You wonder if that positive disposition has been shown to Baela and Rhaena. Or even to Rhaenyra’s other children.

“He looks like his father,” he gives you a sly smile. This time you can not try to muster up a fake smile. “How is he, your husband?”

He is goading you. Even from the handful of times you have been around Daemon, you know he likes playing these games. Riddles and leg pulling; he likes knocking people on their asses. It is the warrior in him.

“He is doing well,” short and sweet, the best way to go you think. Daemon gives you smirk in return. As if in his head, he is laughing at a joke that you are clearly not in on. You tilt your head in confusion.

“That is good to hear,” he does nothing to squash the curious look on your face. The uneasiness comes back. Thankfully before it can go any further, Helaena calls your name from across the garden, stating that Daella wanted to show you something. You can tell by the smile she gives you, it is a lie. You are once again reminded of why you are eternally grateful to call her sister.

“Duty calls.”

His tone is light but his eyes say something more. What they say is something you are still unsure of. He hands Alaric back to you. As you walk away, you can feel his eyes on your back.

The fleeting happiness you got from seeing Baela and Rhaena came to a screeching halt once the petitions are heard the Great Hall.

Who held the throne of Driftmark after Lord Corlys eventually passes was of no consequences. Everyone knew this was for something bigger. To call Lucerys Velaryon’s claim into question meant calling his mother’s as well. There was a sense of disappoint that tugs at you when the doors swept open to show a hunched, and rotting Viserys. His ability to prioritize Rhaenyra over his other children should not surprise you, but as a mother it still makes you upset. You can’t imagine not fiercely defending both of your kids equally. You see the looks on Aegon, Aemond, and Helaena’s faces; it tells you everything, more than the look on Rhaenyra’s.

You raise a brow at Rhaena from across the room when her grandmother announces her and her sister’s betrothals. She shrugs back at you. You want to let out a sardonic laugh. Another generation of girls bound by what good for their parents, bound by what will be good for others.

Thoughts are broken by Lord Vaemond Velaryon’s angry words ringing out. His actions may not be what you have done, but you understand his ire. There is a irony to House Targaryen, one that fiercely protects its own blood to the point of incest, snuffing out another house.

Daemon has a look in his eye. Much like the one he gave you when he asked about Aemond. He is itching for a reason to say or do something. Vaemond gives the perfect opportunity.

Loud gasp fall over the Great Hall when Vaemond body and head hit the ground… separate from each other. Both Helaena and you instinctively turn away in shock. You do not consider yourself a squeamish person, but there is something about it that makes your stomach churn. Aemond’s hand goes to yours, and he squeezes it. You can’t remember the last time you two have held hands.

It could be the obviously grotesque nature of it all. Or how inconsequential lives seem to those who get in the way of this family. It makes you think of Alys. Are you like that now? Years of being in this family making it easy for you to digest moving pieces on a board?

Vaemond’s body gets carried out, with Rhaenys following closely behind. The Queen Who Never Was; life riddled with loss, and now her good brother can be added to the list. You wait for Aemond to let go of your hand, but once Rhaenyra and Alicent finish watching Viserys leave the Great Hall, she sets her eyes on you.

“I was hoping we could have tea,” she eyes Aemond who makes no effort to move from semi in front of you.

Rhaenyra is a hard person to say no to, and she clearly knows it. So, when you simply nod, she gives you smile. She holds out her arm for you to take it. As you two walk out of the Great Hall, you look back. You expect to see Aemond or Aegon looking at you, but instead your eyes catch Alicent’s.

A sad look of longing etched into her pretty face.

“They are darling,” Rhaenyra remarks in a hushed tone as you two watch Daella interact with little Aegon and Viserys. Alaric resting near the two of you.

Jayne had made sure tea and mini tarts had been brought to the Princess’ chambers.

“I am secretly hoping this one is a girl.”

She smiles softly at you, rubbing her swollen belly. You know she must crave that bond between mother and daughter, especially after the untimely death of her own.

“I was surprised you wanted to have tea,” the small talk was sweet, but you knew it was leading to something else. Your walls up even more after your conversation with her husband.

“I was worried that you might have took me not coming to your wedding as… a slight on you,” she starts. “That was never the case. I just felt that it would be best for me and my children to stay away.”

Outside of the snide comment made my your mother and Alicent, her absence did not concern you. You keep that you think Aemond was happy she was not there to yourself. It had been years, and you could count on one hand how many times you thought about it.

“Jacaerys was quite upset with me,” she laughs a bit. “I think he wanted to see if it was actually happening. Uncle Aemond getting married to pretty girl from court.”

You did not return the laugh. You knew little of her oldest boys, the only things you have heard came from Aemond and Aegon. Not positive representations you are sure.

“As we move past that, I want to say that if you need anything, I am here. If you need any help… any advice or a place to stay. You are welcome at Dragonstone.”

The words make your wandering eyes snap to hers. Rhaenyra gives you a look. The Realm’s Delight sitting across from you in all her glory. Her form of intimidation is different from her husband or her half brothers. A presence that is hard to come by, and even more difficult to replicate.

They know.

You don’t know how, but they do. They are dangling it in front of your face. Taunting you, and your crumbling marriage. Showing weakness at this point will do you no good, not until you have proof or an explanation.

“Thank you Princess,” you lean over to pick up Alaric gently. You need to get out of here. “If I need any advice on fickle men, I will come to you. I know have your fair share of experience with that.”

Rhaenyra’s confident look flatters a bit. She hums softly.

“Daella love, let us go see how grandmother is doing,” you pick an excuse to leave. The mention of Alicent makes Rhaenyra frown. Her light eyes darkening with sadness.

As you leave the the Princess’ chambers, it comes to you. How the hell did Aemond and Alys even meet?

You have seen first hand that being around her grandchildren is the only time Alicent happy. Unabashedly sweet and warm; dimples on full display. The two of you had not had a real conversation since the feast, but you knew better than to keep your kids away from their grandmother. It was the quickest way to anger her.

“Rhaenyra would not do that,” her tone reminds you so much of her son. So certain, as if it was an insult to question the virtue of the people they… love. “Maybe she actually wants to help.”

“They both know. I cannot explain it, but they know about Alys or they at least know she was here.”

Her shoulder slump as Alaric reaches out to touch the large seven pointed star dangling from her neck. Alicent’s ability to defend Rhaenyra will always leave you a bit speechless. If one of the boys ever said something disparaging about their half-sister, Alicent was the first to give them a warning look. She was allowed to be upset, they were not. A fractured relationship being held together by longing.

“I understand it…. How hard it is,” you shuffle closer to her. “Having your mind consumed by someone who does not extend that same grace for your feelings.”

“I did not think she would go after the children,” Alicent whispers. “I get why you would want her…”

She trails off. Her big eyes get glassy, and she swallows thickly. She does not say anything as she looks into fire. She reminds you of a painted tapestry. Beautiful and tragic.

“Princess Rhaenyra may not have orchestrated anything. But do we put it past Prince Daemon?”

“We will figure it out,” Alicent says after a bit of silence. “You are right, something is off.”

A thought comes to your mind. “Do you know what Prince Daemon for Aemond as wedding gift?”

Daemon never got you a gift, simply giving you the ones Baela and Rhaena sent. But you vividly remember him getting Aemond something. Alicent thinks for a second for her brows raise in realization.

“A book of stories about warriors from the across the Realm,” how was he putting that to good use, “Oh, a map of the red keep. I silly wedding gift if you ask me.”

She shrugs. Your eyes go to fire to. A map seems inconsequential enough, but as your growing paranoia seeps into everything it becomes clear.

You must find this map.

Tag list (sorry to anyone I miss): @callsign-blue @hydrationqueensworld @flowerpotmage @giulia2372 @lol-im-done @dc-marvel-girl96 @iwanttohitmyself @crazylokonugget @xkennobi @tiddieshakeshownu @lwqfhp @lyra689 @ietss @enbywan @rialikesbts @lyannesworld @mendes-bae @123forgottherest @yentroucnagol @cecespizza01 @mihrimahsultan03 @hotd-fic @the-time-is-a-thief @kaicyl @ly17 @bbylime @stella-cadente @bellameshipper @happinessinthebeing @shamelessblazecrown @whodis-26 @queenofshinigamis @minthermie @aloneatpeace @psychadelichues @oh-thats-cute @vgucciking @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @zondereleutheromania @liathelioness @msmarvel-19 @archikina @lady-stark-winter-rose @dcfamily5807

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom family :) We're finally back to new eps. I wasn't ready for this episode in the least. Idk I was ever gonna be ready tbh. If this isn’t the most apt ep name ever following the last ep. Bare with me as I once again sort through my thoughts and such. I'm really struggling with the 'mini' portion of these reviews the last few eps.

Ain't nothing mini about my emotions haha But I am sure come summer they'll be more refined for sure. Also thank you to anyone who reads these thoughts and enjoys them. It's still a trip to me people appreciate my thoughts. I just want to be a ray of sunshine and positivity with these.

A source of comfort while we all go through this together. Cause that's the beauty of fandom. Going through it together. Once again wanna preface there will be ZERO tolerance for bashing of any kind. They are both going through it right now. We all love these characters so much its why we're on here. I love conversation and comments but not spreading hate. With that in mind let's start eh?

6x07 Crushed

Tamara moving out still..... Ugh. I’m so sad about this. Truly the end of an era right here everyone. Also Lucy not wearing her necklace gut punch already to my feels...Poor Lucy wants her to stay but would never ask Tamara to do that. I wanna cry already for Lucy....I hate her necklace being missing and it's very obvious it's missing. *sad sigh*

I do love Lucy taking Tamara out to fancy dinner least. Channeling her emotions into something positive. Wanting to love on her before she goes. Tamara mentioning Tim getting kicked out of Metro…She isn’t wrong it is down hill after the pinnacle of Lucy indeed. Trying to give her a compliment but Lucy isn't taking it that way. I wanna cry for a second time. She looks so distressed. *sigh* Two massive pillars in her life are now gone and it's felt in this brief moment.

Tim in his old Metro office disassembling it. My heart. You all know how much I loved him In Metro. Killing me. Also just shows how much of a nose dive he took after this Ray debacle. Grey seeing this and sighing before going in after him. Tim seems like he’s in robot mode when Wade enters. Saying all the things he thinks Grey wants to hear since he’s back. No real emotion behind it. Just the grunt mentality he thinks he should have.

Gonna be more than just his trust you’re gonna need to earn back my love….Love Wade having him to ride along with Dr. London. Anyone needs it our boy does right now. Of course Tim bites back on this idea why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t be Tim if he didn’t. Tim saying breaking up with Lucy has nothing to do with the Ray situation. Uh... it has everything to do with that my love EVERYTHING.

Grey standing his ground saying if he wants to regain his trust this is where it starts. I love him saying breaking up with Lucy and being bounced back to patrol due to being reckless makes him question his judgement. As it should…You forget Timothy this man watched you grow with Lucy for years. Saw how much she made you grew and joy she brought out in you. Of course he is questioning your actions. He just watched you throw away the best thing ever that's ever happened to you. Your judgement is being judged severely....

I adore Wade Grey. He's not only putting Tim in his place and saying he could mandate therapy (which he would be justified in doing...) Or take the ride along. Then saying he’s taking Lucy out too. Just so he knows he is looking out for them both in this moment. The man knows what he is doing.

I can’t believe Smitty doing breakup odds. I’m incensed by this tbh. Also I want punch the dude who said Tim would’ve cheated. He would NEVER. How very dare you. I hate that list. It makes me wanna rage out so hard. If any of them knew them at all they’d know it would never be something like that. Also her and Aaron? Ewww no no no.... Lucy had every right to ream Smitty out more than she did. So inappropriate it's insane. For shame sir truly.

I'm glad she shut it down. Last thing they need is the station gossiping about them like this. They're going to anyways but Ugh I hate this whole thing. I feel sick. Of course she runs into Tim right after.... Worst timing ever. Breaks my heart because he still is excited to see her but she isn't ready for him. How could she be? He looks so sad. But Tim what are you expecting my love? No way she is ready to be near you let alone talk. This hurts to watch…Lucy trying so hard just not to have a meltdown right there in the station.

I was very excited for him to have this ride along I will say and this opening scene is why. Dr London on his ass already. I love it. As she should be. Saying he’s bringing Aaron as a buffer. Which he is… Classic avoidance attachment style. That’s our boy. She’s not wrong he prefers surface level relationships (other than Lucy...) to a deep intimacy. His default state with anyone who isn't his girl.

She has him dead to rights already. Saying it’s a defense mechanism when someone is raised by an overly strict or domineering parent. A father. She’s not wrong. We all know his history. Tim of course isn’t about this whatsoever only making her assessment about him even more valid. Their scenes starting off real strong.

Grey wanting to check in on Lucy I do love it. He’s not wrong she’s been through HELL this year. The detectives exam, Jeff Budney and now losing Tim. God this hasn’t been an easy season for her. To say she's going through it is the understatement of the century. I'm hurting for her so very much. Her entire world has been rocked to it's very core in the last week alone. Not mention everything else before this.

It’s so awkward Lucy inviting everyone but Tim to Tamara’s going away dinner…. In front of Dr. London too. That shot from Tim’s body cam seems very intentional. As he looks at everyone she’s inviting but him. Way his head goes back and forth. Grey patting Tim on the arm on the way out. *phew* Rough start to the shift.

Of course their first call is disturbingly close to what she and Tim are dealing with. Not exactly what Lucy needs. Hearing this woman talking about thinking he was the one then it just ended. *heart clutch* Crushed is an apt name for how I was feeling during this episode.

Lucy has clearly kept this all inside for too long with her reaction to the situation. Wade would never set you up like that. Just shows how hyper sensitive she is atm. Why he's doing this ride along with her. He wants to keep you sane not crazy. I wanna hug her so much. 'I do watch too much reality tv. It's my bad' Lmao. Needed a little levity. This made me chuckle.

We hit the ground running about breakups with Dr. London. Honestly no need to beat around the bush for this observation of Tim. ‘Breakups are a trigger for many men. Especially since stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking out help. For fear of appearing weak.’ If that isn’t Tim and this entire situation right now…

Hell that's his ENTIRE life. He was shamed into never wanting help and if he did he was meant to feel weak for it. Just like she is stating above. She is very good at her job and just getting started. Tim can't hide in any of his normal brush off statements. Which I love. She has him pegged already and it shows. Quite the opening jab from her to start this off.

Lucy looks on verge of tears at all times right now and I’m dying. Especially when Grey brings up his name. Asking if they’ve talked since the breakup? Melissa straight killing me in this shop right now everyone. Those pre tears.....Saying she thought he didn’t care about her personal life. He’s not wrong if it affects her job it does matter. The point of this ride-along. To gauge where she is currently.

‘Smart to make the connection between IA and them breaking up. ‘Just a bad week.’ Oh its so much more than that…. Lucy protects him of course with the unethical portion. Bad place or not she's not going to cast any suspicion with that. But It’s so very clear she is painfully unaware why he did this to her. To them.

Only that he’s not emotionally available to her. *sigh* This is true. The man is a disaster zone atm. I mean he’s definitely occupied mentally in a way she doesn’t understand yet. Hell I don’t even think Tim understands it really. All he knows is he think's he's toxic and she’s better off without him. Which is a huge part of this episode tbh.

So she isn't wrong he is not emotionally available right now. That much is painfully true. The joke about the Diamondbacks was funny but sad at the same time. They found good way of getting little funnies in there with Grey. I do appreciate that. I'm a sports girl so I this made me smile.

Dr London really coming at Tim in this next section. She is wasting ZERO time with him. ‘Lot of romantic feelings start out as platonic love.’ Going right for it when she says he and Lucy were friends first right? His reaction…Gonna makes me bawl Eric. Hurts to watch this. Looks like he wants to cry. Ugh Tim. Killing me softly. She is getting under his skin quicker than he was expecting and you can tell. Hitting at a very raw nerve he's trying to keep hidden. He looks so distraught and emotional when he replies 'I was her T.O.'

Tim saying he’s not depressed. Oh my love….but you are. Depressed and wracked with a massive amount of guilt. ‘I broke up with her.’ So so defensive. Can’t let good doctor see this whole thing is crushing him. That would be weakness. He is fighting off a panic attack in this moment. So unsettled by this entire interaction. She is picking up on that guilt that is all but exuding out of him in this moment.

She really brings it home saying internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. Self harm and suicide. If that isn't Tim Bradford my god. The self directed anger is him in spades. His face while she tells him all this.. Oh my lord. She has him dead to rights once again. He is experiencing so much guilt about it and it’s written all over his face. Tim is barely keeping it together while she is telling him stonewalling will only get him sidelined. Honestly I’m glad she’s confronting him like this. Coming at him so hard cause Tim needs that especially right now.

He can’t have passive people in this life when it comes to this kind of stuff. The one person who could knock sense into him he’s pushed away. So Dr. London being here is much needed. Of course Tim snaps at Aaron cause he can’t handle what he’s currently going through. Lashing out because what she is saying to him is true and he isn't able to handle it. Hitting very close to home. So he's defaulting back to S1 Tim in this moment. Destroying Aaron in the process..

I love them talking about Tamara and the unconditional love Lucy has shown her. It’s so true. It’s that love that gave her courage to leave. Even though it's hard to watch happen. It shows what accepting unconditional love can do for you. Lucy bringing back to Tim because how could she not? Mentioning about letting people go even if you really care about them them. *sigh*. You can tell she is on the verge of tears once again.

That feeling where you've been keeping it inside for far too long. It comes out in anything you talk about. Like right now in this moment. Even talking about Tamara is cycling back to Tim and it shows how deeply upset she is. How could she not be? She is losing two of her people in one fail swoop. It's a miracle she hadn't lost it sooner than this moment tbh.

Lucy crushing me some more in this episode. Further proving she has zero idea why Tim did what he did. How he could let go so easily. It was a blindside for us all but none more than for her. His person. The one who never ever expected him to leave her side. Tim did leave her with a cheap cliche nonsense about deserving better. It's so much complex than that but I can see why she is so angry about that. She deserved better than that.

It’s what upset her so much in that 6x06 scene. Because it felt like a cop out to her. When it’s so much deeper than that but Lucy doesn’t know that. Thats what killing me and her. Lucy going off saying it was her decision to make what she deserves. It’s true. She is so justified in saying this. Sadly Tim made that decision despite her willingness to love him no matter what.

Took away her choice to keep him even if he felt he wasn't worthy. Wasn't just HIS choice to make. That's what pissing her off and rightfully so. He doesn’t understand the unconditional love she had to give him or how to accept it. All he could see was how much better she was without him. All she wants is a real conversation with him and she didn't get to have that. He took the choice away from her and she's left holding the emotional bag of it all and it sucks.

Punches keep rolling with Dr London. Attacking his problem at it's damaged root. As much as he is trying to bury it he cannot hide from her and her assessment of him. This is a huge turning point in the ep. Tim saying he owns his mistakes and moves on. So cut and dry and she isn’t having ANY of it. Nor should she. He hasn’t moved on in the slightest. Once again pegging him for not only not being over it but having his whole identity being wrapped up in acting honorably. If he was past that he wouldn’t have ended things with Lucy. We wouldn't be here. But he feels not worthy and not honorable enough for Lucy so he cut ties.

Her noting it’s had a devastating effect on his self esteem. Which is why he is punishing himself. i.e He let the love of his life go. He feels he doesn’t deserve such things for being so un-honorable. My broken boy. Tim isn’t sure what’s she is getting at. Asking what she's talking about? She continues to portray him accurately. That he is punishing himself by depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. Or someone....Clearly that someone being Lucy.

The joy she brought to his life he no longer feels he deserves. Lucy was the one constant in his life that made him happy. So he’s depriving himself of it in order to punish himself. This sounds so harsh and severe but I relate to this. When I was new at my current job. I wasn’t very good at first. I was down right on the verge of being fired. I got a game plan to fix myself from my leader. BUT I was punishing myself for not being good enough in the first place. How did I do this? I took away something I loved and brought me joy. Music.

I refused to listen to music during my job because I felt I didn’t deserve it. I wouldn’t let myself enjoy it till I was better and had earned it back. I got to a place where I let myself have something I loved back and it helped so much and ultimately got me through it. So I relate to Tim doing this to himself i really do. He is denying the one person who brings him joy because of that self-punishment. He feels he has failed who he should be therefore he can't have what he wants and needs most. Lucy. You can really see it hit Tim by time Aaron rejoins them. She hit the nail on the head and Tim is feeling it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo SO MUCH. Ugh my heart. Her grounding method to remind herself she's a survivor. The problem with all that is him being the reason for that reminder. Which just hurts. I'm not crying you are....Tim so out of his depth all he can do is be awkward with his ‘Clocking out?’ Babe....No...(Also I feel personally attacked by this song they chose for this scene.)

Lucy calling him out for it instantly. Because well she’s his person. Bad place or not she is always gonna tell him what he needs to hear. Won't let him hide behind niceties. Confronting that things aren't ok between them and she won't let him use it to hide. Asking for a real adult conversation with him. One which he is NOT ready for. This hurt to watch not gonna lie. This whole situation hurts.

Tim deflects….with another cheap answer of saying he can’t give her what she wants. Ugh. You are everything she wants you foolish man. I don’t blame Lucy for cutting that convo off at the knees. She wanted more depth from him and got nothing in return. Telling him he has more to figure out than she realized…and feeling like she is no longer than person to help him with that.

My heart is breaking all over again… Lucy always felt she was his person to get him through anything and to hear this only hurts her further. Coming to that realization and taking off because of it. The song running through this scene is poignant and hurtful…Also the continual clutching to her tattoo as she departs from him. I'll just be weeping in the corner don't mind me....

I wasn't expecting the scene we got here in Grey's office. But was so pleasantly surprised. My hope was that Dr. London broke through to him. That his ride along with her wouldn't be a one-off. I’m so proud of Tim I can't even tell you. To not only see he has work to do but to ask if he could start seeing her as a patient. He seemed disappointed she didn't mandate sessions. Which he needed so he could advocate for himself. Blair had pegged him early on and I think this will be so so good for him.

His healing journey is starting now and I’m so excited for him. Even though my heart is outside my chest right now for our couple. This is going to be good for Tim. I know people have been weird about Dr London. I haven’t gotten a bad feeling from her. I could be wrong but haven't gotten that. I think this is the healing Eric was talking about. That journey he needs to be in order to find his way back to Lucy. Grey's line was perfect. It's SO hard to ask for help. Tim can see something is wrong and wants to fix it. This is a beautiful start to this journey for him.

This final scene with Tamara and Lucy made me cry. This whole ep has made me cry really. Their relationship has always been one of my favorites. To watch how they’ve both grown. How Tamara learned to trust again and receive that unconditional love Lucy had to give. Gah I love it so much. Took a broken untrusting girl and molded her into a confident bad ass. I've never been able to classify what they are. They're sisters, friends and family all wrapped up in one.

Hard to watch Lucy lose this piece of her life on top of everything else. Tim may have a lot of growth to do but I think Lucy too has room to grow from this all as well. She has been given quite the bad hand in this season. Maybe she can get some direction and clarity what she wants to do with career and such. I hate that she has to be the collateral damage to everything this year. It's hard to watch. But I am interested to see how she handles it all. See how she stands after all this. I think as hard as this is will end up making her more resilient.

Lucy been struggling with her own stuff this year as well. Being so good about pegging everyone around her but being blind in her own self awareness. it's going to be interesting to see how Lucy handles everything moving forward. I hope you all know how deeply my heart breaks for her. I don't like seeing her hurt anymore than I do Tim. I wanted to cry for her most of this episode. That being said I do think this growth journey will be good for her as well. Like Eric said she'll be ok they'll grow stronger from it. Can't wait to see how it plays out.

I wasn’t expecting one more scene with him reaching out like this. Telling her she was right. He’s mad himself. That stark realization that is coming over him. My god I’m so proud of him I could burst. Not only advocating for himself but telling her it was an emergency. When everything inside him is trying to do the 'honorable thing' and not call it an emergency when it is. To see he's not being a burden by reaching out like this. It’s so hard to take care of yourself when you don’t think much of yourself. It’s a foreign feeling and to act on it even more so.

Learning it’s ok to ask for help, to be imperfect, to set healthy boundaries and grow. Not an easy place to get to. This scene is HUGE for Tim. Now I mean this in the nicest way I can muster but If you can't grasp how groundbreaking this is for him you don't get him as a character at all. Nor do you understand the gravity of this SL/situation. Of what this final scene represents for him. Tim is seeing something is broken within himself and he doesn't know how to fix it. All he knows is something is wrong and he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. He wants to understand why and to get better.

I know I spent most of my 20's running away from therapy. Saying I didn't need it. That it was non sense. Pushing everything down and deflecting like Tim did. Wrapping my identity in the same things. Being SO DAMN HARD on myself. I still struggle with this but learning to give myself more grace. I can't properly explain the feeling you get when you realize you can't out run your demons anymore. What sets off something inside you that says 'I don't feel right, I don't know how to fix it but I know it's time to.' All I know is what sets it off is different for everyone.

For me it was the fact that I was set off by a kind comment. It was from a sweet lady who was a client of mine. Who commented on earrings my mother had gotten me. I hadn't thought much of it then she looked me in the eye with so much sincerity and said 'Your mother must love you very much.' That comment just hit me so hard. Triggered me. Cause some of my deepest seated trauma comes from my mom. I remember getting in my car and crying after. Texting my sister and telling her I thought it was time I got help. All I knew was something was wrong and it was clawing to the surface and I couldn't ignore it any longer.

That's Tim in this moment. Ray resurfacing was his demons coming up for air and not going away. This is his 'Come to Jesus.' moment about himself. Knowing what Dr. London was telling him today rang true. He just doesn't know to handle it and is reaching out for help to sort it out. Now He couldn’t gotten to this place without Lucy let’s not forget that. Tim wouldn't be in the place he is without her. BUT this is not Lucy's responsibility to fix. Nor should it be. As much as we love her being his person, this is Tim journey to go on.

Now my family/friends got me to place where I could see I needed help. Just like Lucy has for Tim. But it was up to me to take the first step. That's what this scene represents for him. His first step on his journey to healing himself. He knows he has work to do and I know he'll do it. He and I are alike and he will put his all into this. I'm excited the writers did what they did in this ep. Shows they're going to put the proper care into this SL. I can see a pathway way to their healing now and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in three weeks. I'm excited to see where the rest of the season goes for them both I really am. As always thank you for any likes, comments or reblogs I get for these they mean the world.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford. Mostly lol

I like the idea of Celina moving in but she’s not wrong it would be an emotional minefield… but do love the idea of her living Lucy I don’t want her to be alone. Have one little win for her.

This was the song during that finale scene. Thank you D to finding the link above. it's Chenford Personified in this ep. Once again whoever is doing this songs. You need a damn raise this hurt so good. The lyrics were so Poignant and painful. These one were my fav. 'I miss you. I miss you. I’ll always forgive you."

She will forgive Tim because that's who Lucy is. One of the many reasons Tim fell in love with her. That never ending desire to trust people and forgive them. To see the best in them. She will look at the deeper meaning of his actions and help him past them once he gets there himself. He will have to earn that forgiveness of hers and I have no doubt he will.

This will be a process of that I have no doubt. It won't be quick or easy but my god it'll be worth it. They always are. I don't expect this to be resolved by seasons end but I do expect them to be on their way there by the finale. This is a beautiful growth journey they're about to embark on and I'm ready to go on it.

[starryalpacasstuff]

LITBC Episodes 1 and 2; Differences in Mediums

I finally watched the first two episodes of litbc, and I am absolutely in awe. This show is doing a brilliant job at presenting the story in a way that remains authentic to the themes and storyline of the book but at the same time bringing in a new perspective that gives us a new take on the story. This is a perfect example of what an adaptation should be like; true to the story but also bringing something new unique to the different medium.

The third question the book club discussion post brought up actually happened to be one of the foremost things on my mind while I was watching the first two eps. How does the broader lens of the show affect our perception, as the audience, of the characters in Go Young's life? My initial impression was that the show was...kinder to the characters than the book was, in particular Nam Gyu and Mi Ae. But I've come to think that, rather than the show being the kinder one, it's simply a difference of perspective. In the book, a majority of our understanding of the events comes from Young, who has strong opinions and a cynical worldview. K3 is barely mentioned and is presented to us as the kind of person Young views him as; overbearing, dramatic, and in the end, entirely unimportant. With the show, we're able to see things from Nam Gyu's perspective a little and understand him more. Similarly, in the book we're only able to see Jaehee from Young's perspective and feel a similar sense of betrayal as he does, while the show, by allowing us to see the actual confrontation between Mi Ae and her boyfriend, helps us feel more empathy for her. I think that the show allows us to learn more about Go Young by developing the characters of the people he interacts with—his interactions with them tell us more about him because we know more about them.

I think an appropriate parallel to draw here would be the difference between a friend ranting to you about a horrible person in their lives that you know practically nothing about—in which you're honor bound to vehemently agree and join in on the bitching—and watching your friend have issues with a person you are better acquainted with—wherein you're far more likely to act as more of a mediator and try to get your friend to calm the fuck down.

I also think it's worth noting that at the end of the first two episodes, Mi Ae and Go Young seem far more friendly than Jaehee and Young; most noticeably due to the lack of Young's bitter internal monologue. I'm fairly certain that even in this iteration, Go Young's feelings aren't all that different, the difference lies in the perspective of the show, which is far less intimate with Go Young than the book.

While the book club was still running, I wrote a little about Jaehee here, in particular about her being an ally, her acceptance of Young, and her failure to understand him. But I think the show made it clearer that this failure to understand the other person went both ways. I think a few people had pointed this out last time, but the show made it far more clear; though Mi Ae and Go Young were close, their friendship was based largely on their shared experiences as outcasts and their similarities, and they rarely ever discussed anything deeper about themselves. The show makes this quite explicit with Mi Ae pointedly refusing to talk about her mother and Young simply never bringing his up with her. So, it was to be expected Mi Ae beginning to conform more to society's expectations would drive a wedge in their relationship. The show also makes it abundantly clear that Mi Ae drifting away from Go Young was a major factor in him being enraged at her when she confessed to having outed him—to him, it was something like the final nail in the coffin, proof that Mi Ae had changed.

I'm really enjoying the way this show is enriching our understanding of not only Go Young but also the other characters of the story; allowing us even more insight into these incredibly complex characters. I'm also quite excited to see the way the different directors will impact the episodes and what the entire show will be like as a collective—something to thing about next week.

[everythingdnddd]

So after a short break to mull over the end of campaign one and MUCH queuing and a now desperately needed distraction from *waves hands ambiguously at the world*... THINGS, I've now finally started Mighty Nein aand a few thoughts right off the bat:

- Travis actually participating in conversations is wonderful. I enjoyed Grog, but this is fun.

- Unrelatedly, that moment he said, "When Sam's lower teeth show you're in trouble" (2x2 04:22:00) killed me. Bless these people.

- Only two episodes in and already Taliesin's expressions and physical mannerisms are so amazing.

- And knowing that Percy's death would have resulted in the addition of a very questionable circus performer to Vox Machina is gold. Pure gold. I cannot even imagine. Can you imagine the latter half of Campaign 1 if that had been the case? Alongside Tary? Both of them? Gold. Better as is, I'm sure, but gold.

- I've had a spoiler that somewhere in Critical Role there's a character who dies almost immediately and I have a feeling it's in this campaign. I expected it sooner than Ep.3 tbh, but I'm still eyeing several of them with concern.

- The mental image of Kylre and Toya waking up in this dark tent to Nott and Jester just sitting there gleefully waiting for them to wake up was hilarious. I'm slowly being reeled in, but if I wasn't already, I would have been hooked then. The personalities in that moment are one thing. The colorful and cheery discomfort of it all and me screaming 'Go get Molly you dingbats!' at the screen is another. DnD, man. Gotta love it. (2x2 03:45:00)

That is all xD

[respectthepetty]

Dear Respect the Petty,

I have long enjoyed your posts about colors etc (like, to the extent that when you went on vacation I was legit sad), but I don't usually notice those details in shows by myself.

However, today, in Only Friends ep 4, something was so blatant that I finally picked up on it, and I have a question.

When Ray came to apologize to Mew for kissing him without consent, Mew was in the kitchen in this warm lighting, whereas Ray quickly moved into a dark blue space. The contrast was wild. And then Mew came closer to Ray and hung out in this half-and-half space with some blue on him.

I'm proud of myself for noticing something, but I don't know what it means about these boys/their colors/their mental states/their relationship.

Got any thoughts?

Thanks for sharing your insights (about this and also in general)!

@sorry-bonebag, this ask was so formal in structure, that I got a little scared. I felt like I had to answer it even though I have no less than ten other asks chilling in my inbox about the colors in Only Friends. But, honest moment here - I don't notice the colors when Khaotung is on my screen because I'm mesmerized by his beauty.

Like, LOOK at him!

I didn't even know what color that background was because my sight stopped at his face, and yellow is my favorite color! The jawline, the hair, the lips, the face, THE MAN! LOOK AT HIM!

So unlike Boston and Nick, who favor being in the dark together

Even when they have the opportunity for light, (God, I love their toxic asses)

I don't recognize color when Ray enters the room, not really at least. Of course, I noticed my little red flag being a demon ruining Sand's night by stalking him and breaking Sand's bottles, but only because Ray's lips really popped with that red background.

Just like the bar sign really made his lips pop that other time he was ruining Sand's night by suggesting a threesome at his house.

And because I like Boss "No Boundaries" Ton being lit up with the red lights while looking at photos, I did notice the transition into Ray's room focused on the red which then shifted to Ray pouring drinks.

But it's really because the opening credits only show the bar, the photos, and the alcohol in red because they are the dangers of this show.

So, like I was saying, I don't notice the colors because I'm captivated by Ray's glowing skin, which is why it pisses me off every time he is with Mew because Mew gets the Linda Evangelista treatment while Ray is forced into the shadows EVEN IN HIS OWN HOME!

Ray is usually watching Mew from the shadows or being overshadowed by Mew, literally! Mew is always sitting in front of Ray cutting him off from the light source.

Which is why I like it when Ray is with Sand because my little Ray of sunshine thrives. Even in the darkness, his skin is glowing!

The car ride the first night when Sand stopped him from driving drunk? Angelic like the heavens are shining on him! *bites knuckles*

But then again, that's how we were introduced to the boys in class. The spotlight was on Mew, Ray was in his shadow, and Boston was in the dark. (Chuem, you're doing great, hon!)

So you telling me that Mew, once again, gets to be in the warm light, while my visually stunning man who has never done a bad thing in his life (except, you know, the laundry list of bad shit he has done) gets the cool light even though they are IN THE SAME APARTMENT . . .

*takes a deep breath* It tracks.

But I'm glad that Mew stepped into the cool light with Ray as Ray apologized.

Because they are friends, and Mew has proven that although he can't give Ray light, he is willing to share some of Ray's darkness.

Which tells me that it isn't really Mew stealing light from Ray

But instead, Ray needs to step out into the light and embrace the warmth that others openly give him.

So I'm very proud of you for noticing this, and know that I'm really rooting for Ray realizing how good Sand is for his skin, I mean heart . . . no, I mean skin, so I can continue to enjoy the radiant being that is Khaotung when he gets that good lighting.

Thanks for the ask, and I'll try not to get entranced by Khaotung's flawless features, so I can notice cool visuals like you.

Wish me luck!

[bengiyo]

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Ayaka traveled with Hiroko for work, and they were a great team together. The romance gods came through for Ayaka and gave her a "there's only one bed" opportunity. Ayaka of course took her shot with everything she had, but Hiroko continued to intentionally misunderstand Ayaka. We left at Hiroko realizing she stained Ayaka's skirt, and suggested they go shopping together for a replacement.

I really hope your date goes well, Ayaka, but the comedy relies on you not realizing you're succeeding.

Man, this is still one of my favorite intros we've gotten in a while.

Episode 4: Can't lose confidence from dating a straight person

I love that the friends at the bar keep giving Hiroko shit.

Yes, Ayaka, try on as many different outfits as possible. You gotta see what reactions you get.

Ayaka has no friends? What about Risa?? I worry about people getting into romances when they have no other relationships to ground their lives.

Oh no... Does Risa have a crush on Ayaka??

I don't really enjoy clothes shopping. I would struggle with this date.

I was hoping we'd get another Ayaka fantasy. I love that it's a beach wedding.

A niece?? Hiroko, please.

No, she's not into Yuya! I get why you'd think that because he's beautiful, but it's not him!

What in the Love Stinks by the J. Geils Band is this??

Oh, Risa. I hope you don't actually like Ayaka, or at the least can find a way to a sustainable friendship. I feel for you, girl.

YES! GO TO THE LESBIAN BAR!!

I was also super nervous my first time in a gay bar.

Love that we got someone else hitting on Ayaka, backed by Mama telling her to lay off. It's good to show that queer people will flirt and solicit, but also that we supervise each other.

OOF. I feel for Hiroko here. She's probably closeted at work and was not expecting to have to reckon with a coworker knowing about her, let alone one she's been avoiding seeing that way.

No, don't cut it off there! We're finally at Hiroko being forced to confront Ayaka's queerness and feelings!

Oh, whoa, looks like next week is going to be disappointment city.

I'm so glad that we're in a world where lesbian bars exist, and women seek them out for community. Ayaka has questions, and I hope she gets the answers she needs. I'm also really hoping that Risa gets a positive resolution in this story. I'm always a sucker for unrequited gay angst.

[shortpplfedup]

I've watched the first ep of we are and i can see the potential but im still not very keen on it. It reminds me of my engineer too much, which i enjoyed when it first aired but can acknowledge it had so many flaws. my fav thing about it was the friendship and I think we are will give me that. my question is, when did it click for you that we are is good(ish) and the brainrot started to foster?

I think having skipped a lot of the pulps in some ways made me the ideal candidate for this show. I've never seen My Engineer, so I don't have that as a point of comparison. The two shows this has put me most in mind of are Love By Chance and Hospital Playlist and two more divergent experiences you probably never did see. But arguably both those shows are about mundane bits of life, friendship and slow burn, considered relationships.

I started writing about this show after episode 5, because that's when it clicked for me what it was doing, or at least attempting. But it wasn't until episode...9? that I truly got the brainrot. Getting the backstory on Tan and Fang and realising how their love story is actually the core love story that the other couples are highlighting aspects of; grokking onto the real-time nostalgia element of the show's style; finally really understanding Phum, who is deliberately a difficult character to get to know; all these things came at exactly the right moment I think. This show is also not really a writing-driven or story-driven show, in fact there is no central plot at all. It's really all about the vibe, and the strength of the performances, the believability of these dudes as a group of friends just getting through university together and falling in love with each other. It's kind of a sitcom to be honest, one where you put the situation to the actors, you tell them the beats they have to hit, and you let them loose. You need actors the audience will stay with for that, so they cast this well.

The storytelling approach, the framing of this, it's a strange one. Because I agree in some aspects with people who got frustrated with it, but I have also thought and thought about it and...I don't know how else they could have structured this show and had it work better. A more straightforward telling would have fallen completely flat. Separating these out into separate stories would not have worked. Frontloading the backstories we've gotten on these characters and couples as the show unfolded would have been a disaster. The only other frame I see working is a Reply series-style retrospective, but that would be making a completely different show. Would it have been a 'better' show? Arguably? But I actually quite like the show we got. It's just this gentle, slow-paced, sunlit, soft-focus, low-stakes ode to love and friendship just past the coming of age stage, and I respond to that. It's not for everybody, no show is. There's just not enough there for some people, totally understand that. But if this is your kind of jam, this show asks for your patience, it deliberately makes you slow down and wait, and then it rewards you for for sticking with it.

[hooked-on-elvis]

Interviews for 'Elvis On Tour' documentary (1972) ✨

One of my favorites (if not THE favorite) Elvis Presley interviews. ♥

Producer and director Pierre Adidge & Robert Abel interviewed Elvis for the 1972 film "Elvis On Tour". Very limited snippets were used in the final movie, but luckily we have the full audio interview to enjoy. The exact date or location of this interview above isn't certain — some places say it can possibly have been Los Angeles around July '72, other places say March 31st 1972 at Radio Recorders Studio, Hollywood, CA (if so, that would be before the concerts filmed for the "EOT" documentary took place in April that year). There is actually footage from an interview in March 31, 1972 (also by Adidge and Abel) as you can watch it HERE [Youtube], but the audio interview above I'm not sure when it happened other than the year.

Either way, the questions made Elvis revisit his whole career, making him share his memories from way back when he was only a child performing in front of a live audience as an amateur, his early career in music, the feelings he had about his audience, his fans and performing live, and even his actor years in Hollywood.

There's great moments in those two interviews, funny and very interesting ones, but I also feel so sad when EP talks about his acting career. You can feel the profound sadness in his voice, disappointed his dream (because it was a dream for him, becoming a serious actor) turned out to be such a headache, something that took his peace of mind and, worse, his health away. At the same time Elvis was mature enough not to blame anyone but himself for his "failure" in Hollywood (failure in personal satisfaction wise, not success or financial wise), for the kind of material he put himself through in Hollywood.

Really, this whole interview is a must 'see' for all Elvis fans.

Above, a snippet from that 1972 interview, showing the humble guy that Elvis was. The "down to earth" real person his friends as well as entertainment world people mentioned many time over the years when talking about EP that got them in awe when meeting Elvis in person. A personality trait inherent to him, which is amazing for someone as big as he was/is.

Again, I will never cease to talk about how "Elvis On Tour" is such a masterpiece for so many different reasons, such as this interview. We have a few intimate Elvis interviews in the 50s, from articles to radio interviews, but in the 70s it was not that easy to get this kind of access to Elvis anymore; long-length interviews other than during press conferences were rarity.

Note: The pictures on the videos above are from July, 1972. Elvis is at the gates of his Beverly Hills home, visiting with fans, so those pics are not from the interview moment.

This picture comes from the other Adidge/Abel Elvis interview, the one with footage; March 31, 1972, in Hollywood, California.

[unfxrgetwble]

through time

Paring: Calum Hood x fem!reader

Warning: swearing & crying

Summary: Watching 5sos play Gotta Get Out makes you look back over the past ten years.

Word count: 3k

Author’s note: this is the first fanfic i have written since i was like 14 so plz be nice <3

enjoy!

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

2021

5SOS SHOW

You have been friends with the boys since the beginning of their career. You were one of the 11 people at their first show. You went to their rehearsals at Luke's moms house. And now you were sitting on the side watching them record their 10 year anniversary show. They were filming Gotta Get Out and your mind starts having flashbacks to the past 10 years.

2011

You are there sitting behind the camera as Luke and Michael tune their guitars and Calum and Ash set up the mics. They all sit down on their respective seats. You give them a countdown and then start the camera. Luke starts to play the guitar followed by ash on the drums (whatever that thing is). You make eye contact with calum and blush. You knew the boys from school and had a small crush on Calum so when Luke asked you to help with the video you obviously said yes. You had a little bit of experience with videography. By the time you zone back in they had finished the song. You told them you would edit it and get it back to them. You head back home and edit the video and send it back to them. The next day calum sees you after school

“(Y/N) (Y/N)” Cal is practically screaming. You whip your head around to see who is screaming at you. “We are going viral” he says out of breath.

“Wait, slow down cal. What? Y’all are going viral?” You say questioning.

“The video you edited for us, it’s going viral” he says as he finally catches his breath.

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you” you say, grabbing his shoulders. He pulls you into a hug out of excitement. It takes you a second to realize that he is hugging you then you hug back. You both pull away with red tinting both of your cheeks.

“Me and the boys would like it if you helped with our videos from now on.”

You agreed and from then on you helped with all of their video stuff from covers to vlogs.

2013

You were there when they launched their first ep. You were there when they went to London. You were sitting with them when Heartbreak Girl hit 1 million views. You were there for the try hard music video. When they told you that they were going on tour with 1D you were over the moon. You were so proud of them. When they asked you to go with them you almost started crying because that meant that you got to meet the One Direction. Of course you said yes. You went to America with them and helped film and edit the LA Vlogs. You traveled the world with them and you became so close with all of them. But you grew extremely close to calum. You would say he was your best friend. You still had your crush on him but you never said anything. You had also grown kinda close to Niall which made Calum a little jealous but he never brought it up.

2014

Release of 5 Seconds of Summer

You went on the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour that supported the album. Calum’s feelings for you had grown but he had always pushed them to the back of his mind due to fear of messing up the dynamic of your friendship with the band and also out of fear of the public. He had seen how other celebrities’ girlfriends had gotten hate and didn’t want you to experience that. But Luke, Micheal and Ash knew how you both felt and tried to get yall together but it just went right over both of your

2015

The release of SGFG

There were so many people there and you didn’t know a lot of them. You were always behind the camera. People knew of you but you were never in the spotlight. You were always the support. And now you were in a room full of people who live in the spotlight. There were flashing lights and loud music so you found a small couch in the corner and were sitting by yourself.

“(Y/n) how are you enjoying the party,” Luke had come up to me without me knowing.

“God Luke, you can’t sneak up on me like that dude.”

“Sorry man, I just saw you sitting by yourself and came to check on you” he says sympathetically.

“I’m okay I just don’t know a lot of people here,” you say quietly.

“Well I think Cal is looking for you and you know him” he says in a teasing tone while poking your side.

“Shut up please, I’ll go find him in a little bit” you say, slapping his hand away. He gets up, gives you a wink and then turns to leave. Now you are sat there thinking about all the feelings you have for Cal that you have bottled up over the past 4 years. You have been with him and the band for so long. You loved him. You couldn’t deny it much longer. When you were with him you were always laughing. He knew you like the back of his hand and vice versa. When you were upset you would always make you laugh by telling a stupid joke or something along those lines. When he was upset you would always help him work it through. He loved you for that. You were so intune with your emotions and gave the best advice. You were about to get up to find him and you see him standing there in the light looking like a god. He had on a graphic tee with black skinny jeans and converse. He looked beautiful in the lights. You get and walk over to him.

“(Y/N) you look amazing tonight, are you having fun?” He says yelling over the music.

“ Hey Cal, you look great, I’m having fun, Luke said you were looking for me” you yell.

“ Well I’m always looking for you”he says winking “but i just wanted to check on you, make sure you were having fun.”

You are slightly blushing now that you were used to him flirting. “Yeah, I’m having a good time, i might go home soon. You know this isn’t really my scene.”

“Aww (Y/n), please don’t go. We can have fun, I promise.”

“Idk cal, you know I’m not the party type.”

“(Y/n) please don’t make me beg.” He says starting to get on his knees. Now you are beet red. You grab Calum's arms and pull him up.

“Fine cal, I’ll stay” His face lights up as he pulls you into a hug. You end up having an amazing time. Playfully flirting back and forth all night.

2018

The release of Youngblood.

You went on tour with them for the Meet You There Tour. After one of the LA shows you all went to a bar to celebrate. You sat at the bar waiting to get a drink, the boys were sat up in the VIP section with drinks in their hands. While you are waiting for your drink, you look over and see Cal sat next to this beautiful girl. She had long blonde hair in a tight beautiful dress. You couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. So after you got your drink you continued to sit at the bar instead going back to the VIP section. You then felt a little tap on your shoulder , you turn around and see the one and only Niall Horan. You stood up and gave him a hug.

“Niall, oh my goodness, it's so good to see you. It’s been years. How have you been?” You say stepping back from your hug.

“Oh (Y/n), it is amazing to see you. I am good. You look amazing!” He says gesturing to you.

“Thank you so much Niall.” You say as you finish your drink, then ask for another one. You are hammering back drinking while having a conversation with Niall. By the end of your 30 minute long conversation you are pretty drunk. At this point you are telling Niall about how you are in love with Cal and you are jealous of the girl who was sitting next to him.

“(Y/n), what girl? Calum is sitting by himself staring at you”, he says matter of factly.

“What are you talking about? There was a gorgeous girl sitting next to him. She was all over him” you say, kind of slurring your words. He turns your body to look at the VIP section and Cal was sitting there by himself staring you down.

Calum had just sat down when this blonde girl came over to him. He looks over at her as she sits down. She starts to speak and he’s pretending to listen. He didn’t want to talk to other girls, he was just waiting on you to get back to save him. He finally realizes that you are taking so long so he turns away from the girl to see you hugging Niall. He watched as you talk to Niall and he has a pain in his chest. He watches you talk to Niall and you look absolutely stunning. All the feelings of jealousy from when they were on tour with 1D came rushing back. At this point the girl had gotten up because Cal was ignoring her. When Niall turn you towards him, you make eye contact with him. He stands up and walks over you. Niall says hey to cal and gives him a hug and hands you off to him.

“(Y/n) how much have you had to drink?” He says with worry as you almost fall out of your chair.

“I have no idea but why do you care? Why don’t you go talk to that blonde chick.” You slurred with an attitude.

“ What are you taking about?” He says and then you point in the direction of the girl. He looks over his shoulder and scoffs.

“I didnt want to talk to her. I was waiting on you to save me and you didn’t come back.” He states as he helps you stand.” Im taking you home. You are so drunk.”

You finally made it outside and you can’t help but stare at him. He is wearing black jeans, a white button up with a leather jacket and black boots. He looked so good.

“ Cal, I can’t do this much longer” you say with tears brimming your eyes.

“Do what (Y/n)?” He asked, confused.

“ I can’t keep watching girls obsess over you and not be able to call you mine. I'm so in love with you it hurts. I have liked you for the past 7 years, and I never said anything because I didn’t want to hold you back but seeing you with that gorgeous girl hurt. I couldn’t stop telling Niall about you. I talked about you almost the whole time. You are everything I have ever wanted. You are so kind and so thoughtful. You always know how to make me laugh and cheer me up when I’m crying. I don’t ever want to lose you but I can't sit back and not tell you how I feel. I just have to get it out. My feelings for you are so strong I just have to tell you.” At this point you are crying, tears streaming down your face. Calum looks so conflicted. There are so many thoughts running through his head. He is so happy that you liked him back, he was confused as why you thought that he was interested in other girls. He was sad that you were crying and he didn’t know what to do. After a good minute of silence he grabs your face, wipes your tears, and kisses you. You were shocked and it took you a second to kiss him back.

“You are drunk, lets get you home and we can talk about it in the morning.” He says and he takes your hand and starts walking home. The next morning you wake up with a headache and an arm wrapped around your waist. You turn around to see Cal laying next to you.

“Good morning, love.” He says with a deep morning voice.

“Goodmorning, what happened last night?” You ask with worry on your face.

“Well you got jealous, got drunk and then confessed your love to me, and then when we back here you told me you didnt want to sleep alone so i stayed over” he says nonchalantly.

“Fuck. Cal Im so sorry, I didnt want to tell you because I didnt want to make things weird between us, you are my best friend.” You put your head in your hands embarrassed.

“Do you mean it?” He ask.

‘What?’

“Do you mean it (Y/n)?”

“Yeah” you say looking at him. He grabs your face and he kisses you. You kiss back, and you felt a spark. When you finally pull away he just looks at you.

“(Y/n) I practically begged Luke to ask you to film that video. I have had a crush on you since year 9. I never had a reason to talk to you but I knew you liked videography so I mentioned you to the boys and Luke said you were friends. I would not leave him alone until he asked you. There were so many times that I wanted to confess by undying love for you but I chicken out. Like at the release party for Sounds Good Feels Good. Luke came up to me and told me that I should do it and that he told you that I was looking for you but when I saw you I got nervous. You are my dream girl but I never wanted to put you in a weird position and I didnt want you to get hate if you did like me back.” He confesses while holding your face in his hands.

2020

The release of CALM

You were in lockdown with your boyfriend of three years, Calum. You had kept your relationship with him a secret and the fans didn't think anything different because you were always around. They had their theories but they have had them since the boys got big, but you were a pretty private person. You had just made dinner for you and Cal. You had made your plates, feed Duke, and you make your way to Cal’s office to give him his dinner because he is on a call with the boys. You walk in, place his food down and kiss his head and as your are about to leave he just kinda looks at you with worry in his eyes.

“What’s wrong babe?” You ask with a worried look on your face. He looks at the computer then tells the boys he will be right back and puts himself of mute.

“Love, this is live. So now I think this means our relationship is public.”

“What?” You ask with shock on your face.

“You just called me babe and kissed me on stream.” He says calmly.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask holding is hand in yours.

“What? No love, I’m not mad at all. It is kinda funny, and now i get to finally post all of the cute pictures i have of you and duke.” He says with the laugh you love so much.

“Okay baby. Im sorry to interrupt,” and you kiss him as you leave. He goes back to the live stream and says “Well I guess its out, that is my girlfriend (Y/n). Some of you might know her she used to film all our vlogs back in like 2014. She has been friends with us since the beginning.” Luke chimes in with “be nice to her” and Michael and Ash backing him up. As you get back to the kitchen to eat Duke jumps up in your lap and you decide to check twitter and you are getting so many followers and many tweets of the clip from the live stream. You got a little bit of hate but so much love. You decide to tweet a picture of Cal and duke with the caption “now that we are public, here is a picture that Cal took on my phone of him and duke” and immediately there were so many replies and it was mainly people saying that they were excited for all the cal content they would get. It made you giggle but you shut your phone off and finished your dinner.

2021

5SOS SHOW

As all those memories flood though your mind you begin to tear up. Watching the boys sing Gotta Get Out has reminded you of where they had come from and how proud of them you were. You have watched them grow and come so far. They had just finished singing and Calum looks over to you and walks over to you. He grabs your face and looks into your eyes.

“My love, what’s wrong?” He says kind of giggling.

“I'm just so proud of you and the boys. I was there when you first filmed this song and I have watched you all grow so much. I'm just so proud of y’all.” You say as tears stream your face. Chrystal and Sierra had seen you crying and were right by your side. You had grown very close to the girls over the last couple of years. Soon all the boys were all around you too. The girls had heard your explanation to Cal, but the boys were so concerned. You looked at Cal standing next to Ash, Micheal, and Luke and started crying more. They just look at Cal with so much concern.

You finally calm down and say, “I am so proud of you boys. I have loved being able to be here throughout your entire careers, you have done huge things and seeing you play that song the same way it was the first time I heard it was surreal. I have watched you go from 14 year old boys to men and it is amazing. You guys are my family and I’m just so proud.”

They all gather around you and give you a big group hug.

“We wouldn’t be the people we are today without you (N/n),” Luke says.

“You were our rock during so many crazy times,” Ashton adds.

“You helped shape 5sos, you kept us going when we wanted to quit,” Micheal blurted out.

You were in full blown tears now, and cal looks at you and says “You were what we needed when we didn't know we needed it. You are the band's backbone. You may not have been in the spotlight, and you may have not told you but we love you and like what Luke says we wouldn’t be here without you. We love you. But I think I love you in a bit of a different way though.” He kisses you on the head and you give him a big hug and when you pull away you give Luke, Micheal, and Ash hugs.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

[astrangeraccoon]

Tmagp first listen : ep 18!

Finally up to date

Teddy! Why was he trying to ignore Alice?

He sounds very tired and like colder? Than we ve seen him before

Okay this whole conversation make me think one of my theory about leaving this work being more complicated than we think is correct

The audio scratch when he says maybe, he has nooooo intentions of contacting her

"In a hot way" Alice your bi is showing (also not at all projecting with that "obsessions w sam" comment

Pretty sure the audio scratchs again when he says he ll text her back, but why doesn't he want to do that? Like they clearly were friends what is blocking him?

Sam is so akward in lena s presence and I feel that so much, like same my guy same

Oh I hope Jack's okay, but I feel like Sam shouldn't have given his name to lena

"I hope you enjoyed our talks" yeaaah I'm suuuure he did

Ooooh it's an Augustus case! Grandpa is back

Oooh this one is very very recent like happened less than 2 weeks ago recent

"I hope she stays silent" who? The corpse?

Yes the corspe

That s our second talking corpse

À house equivalent of the spiral corridor w bonus spider?

"fog and smoldering yellow" lonely and corruption y/n

That one is kinda confusing me ngl

I appreciate Sam immediately warning Alice about it

I respect Alice decision to refuse to touch all that W a ten foot bar BUT I don't think that s gonna work

Alice is asking the right questions honnestly

This is just the latest flavor of awfull

You have no idea how right you are Alice

"if there's one thing I noticed [...] is that it's curiosity that get you killed" that explain so much of Alice behavior actually (wish Sam would follow her footsteps)

Oooh lena and Gwen are angry again

Alice please stop being an asshole for 5 second

Gwen is opening up!

Shit gwn s just broke my heart here. I have tears in my eyes she sounds so broken up

I'll go into Sam reaction in another post but the guy really accidentally went right into her trauma

Alice ignoring anything and everything supernatural... I approve of the technic but I hope she ll stop doing that before it get her or any of them killed...

Georgie!!!!! She s here!!!

"who keeps taking Georgie s face" ISTG if this is foreshadowing I'm gonna throw hand

Is it me or was there definitely a audio distortion when celia says "she s been all over town to find somewhere in stock"? That's feel like a weird thing to lie about, also which part was a lie?

The way the more she s lying the bigger the audio disturbance is...

"you don't need to lie to me" Georgie what do you know?

Oooh that s paranoia about being spied on by the government, soooo she can feel fear? She definitely can

Oh celia was lying bc she slept walk/teleported again!

Oh that episode was something there's so many interesting point!