#but i still really dont like it :[ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pangur-and-grim · 4 months ago

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one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

#example: a 'friend' in middle school told me I should ask a guy out. she said 'he'll totally say yes'.#he did not. which was the obvious outcome #but it took me years to realize that she'd said that hoping to fuel some drama for her own entertainment.#ANOTHER EXAMPLE #a guy in college approached me saying that he'd been seeing me around campus but was always too shy to talk to me #and that he really wanted to get to know me #so I was like wow 🥺 romance 🥺 and hopped into bed with him #and afterward I was like what do you wanna do 😊 should we see a movie 😊 should we go out 😊#and he was like nope. byeeee.#and I realized I got bamboozled into sex #total shocked pikachu face #I'm still not the best at this tbh. I'm like 'why would this person lie to me. lying is bad'.#anyway this is why I not looking forward to entering the dating world again #DONT BAMBOOZLE ME I'M GULLIBLE

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inkskinned · 2 years ago

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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joshuamj · 8 months ago

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Hero.

#legend of zelda #echoes of wisdom #loz eow #loz #zelda #tri #josh art tag #been meaning to do a full on stained glass drawing for like 2 years now lol #ive had ideas but none really stuck with me until this one #and the reason why is cuz this one was more of a scene! it wasnt just a normal drawing made to look like stained glass #it had what is supposed to be a literal window with someone standing before it looking up at it #also i find the timing of this drawing funny #cuz i just recently changed my shading style to resemble stained glass even more so than usual #cuz for years now ive gottem comments saying #my style reminds people of stained glass #and sometimes i see it sometimes i dont #cuz my shading style changes and sometimes it really did look glass like #but other times i dont think it did?? but i still got those comments??#maybe its like the way i do lineart or block out shapes?#idk but recently when i was growing tired of my previous coloring style i remembered those comments #and decided to lean into it #but now just a little while after that #here i am doing a legit stained glass illustration lol

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umblrspectrum · 7 months ago

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so like is it specifically planets the solver craves or can it get by with just eating dirt off the ground

#thank you those people in that one server i havent been there long enough to remember names #for bringing up the idea #is very funny #god i have genuinely no idea what to do for n's dialogue boxes. cannot think of a gimmick whatsoever #suprise attack by the artstyle change. i am imploding right now #cannot settle on any style whatsoever. genuinely changing by the hour #so strangely proud of ns hand in this one i dont know what it is about it but i really like it #hats still pisses me off though. why so difficult to draw #murder drones #art #murder drones uzi #murder drones n #serial designation n #murder drones cyn #or its #murder drones absolutesolver #who knows at this point #murder drones skig #still fighting tooth and nail for the tail to be named skig. it fits so well #iz go attack glitch headquarters for me #i think its late enough i can keep this unspoilered

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renewashere · 6 days ago

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my my what strong opinions you have there ford!

#i dont think eminem m&ms or skittles were really a thing back then #but i heard this joke before and i thought it sorta fit them :D #i might have put more effort in this than i should have #And I still don't like it that much #fiddleford mcgucket #stanford pines #my art #doodles #stanley pines #fiddleford hadron mcgucket #ford pines #mystery trio #gravity falls

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mochasucculent · 2 months ago

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AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOT ITS TEETH IN ME BUT I'M ABOUT TO BITE BACK IN ANGER

#jayce talis #arcane #arcane spoilers #jayce arcane #im getting jayceier.....still dont feel like i have his face down yet #but im getting there.....jaybe....jaybe not #HATE drawing all the little details but it bugs me when im not as accurate as i can be when drawing such intricate designs #fanart #been blasting take me back to eden for weeks now and really wanted to draw a jayce to it #i listened to this song so many times while i was working on this lmao

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gammija · 8 months ago

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A little something silly in my werewolf/vampire jmart au, for @milkteamoon as part of @magnusforgaza. Thank you!

This specific project has now closed, but here's a list of artists who are still individually taking requests for Gaza donations - go check them out

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lokh · 1 year ago

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fake dating au where shuro ends up pretending to go out with laios in order to secure his inheritance.... but is it really what he wants? a journey of romance and self discovery that ill never ever write

#i imagine some political intrigue too but frankly i dont know enough #not pictured: marcille and co losing their fucking minds becos laios what were u THINKING #shuro #nakamoto toshiro #laios touden #laishuro #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #art #maizuru #i imagine shuro also doesnt want to win his succession with something so. underhanded and untrue lmao.#and then when it DOES become true... well does he even want it really 😭#i feel like hed still end up doing it but at least hes actually examined his own wants etc #delicious in dungeon

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umblrspectrum · 3 months ago

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