#but i kinda love it standing on its own
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Day: 7 Wedding. for @bloodweaveweek , thanks for hosting! (link to silly wedding comic)
#BloodweaveWeek2024#bloodweave#gale dekarios#bg3 astarion#gale of waterdeep#Was gonna add the comic and this together#but i kinda love it standing on its own#BW wedding#stuff by me
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tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid
okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.
Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.
It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.
(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)
There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.
It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.
Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.
Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.
He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.
At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.
This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.
Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.
Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.
Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.
("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)
Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.
Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.
Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.
Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.
Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".
(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)
Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.
He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.
Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.
Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.
At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.
He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.
Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."
And there it is. There's his out.
Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."
The ball starts rolling.
Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.
He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.
It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.
Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.
He breaks the lock by hand.
Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.
The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.
And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.
I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"
I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.
Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.
But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.
Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.
Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.
Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.
Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.
And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#tales of the passerine au#i dont want to overemphasize how much vlad sucks but also i dont want to downplay it. but also i didn't wanna make this post too long#i didn't emphasize enough on vlad's possessiveness but i wanted to make this post as general enough as possible for the au.#for some more wiggle room in the future if i make more posts about this au.#the consequences for Danny repressing himself was not a concern i was focused on for the post but i am thinking about it and mulling it ove#i'll be blunt my main specific reason for why this occurs shortly after tue is bc it means dani doesn't exist yet and it means i dont have#to include her in the continuation of this au. i love that girl but she's a dead weight. i dont wanna come up with an elaborate reason as#to why she's not in the picture when i can just say 'she never created in the first place' instead. i don't have anything for her to do#I don't want to risk giving her a poor plot line just so that she exists in au.#sometimes i really hate just how long my posts get. i feel like it kills my engagement. but i also don't want to make posts that have#a part 1 and part 2 just because I think it got too long.#i feel kinda bad for having Danny take the spot of 'first partner' from Dick. But that was part of the reason i was inspired to make this a#i've already got the skeleton of a reasoning for danny becoming a vigilante being made in my head.#He can't go by Phantom since that risks drawing Vlad's attention -- a new vigilante showing up in Gotham. a place the visited frequently#who goes by the name Phantom? He'd be on that faster than chickens on meat. and nightingale has familial meaning behind it due to being#part of an ancestral name. it follows robin's theme of using it to honor his parents while still having its own unique enough lore to stand#on its own without feeling like a cheap copy. plus the bonus meta reason that it follows the bird theme. which personally is vital to me#my other alternative to Nightingale is Sparrow. mostly because it has good phonetic structure for a hero name. not too many syllables#a good balance of consonants and vowels. dont want a hero name with too many syllables or unbalanced consonants. or worse; both.#my reasonings is that hero names should be easy for a civ or teammate to yell while still being understood. max amount of syllables before#it threatens to become too wordy is 3. If it goes over 3 it should have a balanced consonant-vowel ratio. Wonder Woman is a good example#some things got cut here that were in the initial oneshot. like danny giving bruce his physical ghost core and showing up bloody.#the first son au
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since playing twilight princess again i cannot get behind the lu fandom characterization of twilight and wild i'm sorry. like i think twilight would be an overprotective big brother figure towards wild, absolutely. but wild doesn't take that sitting down. he doesn't like being coddled, and it's pretty clear (side note: i do really appreciate the analysis posts about wars and how hard he's been on wild potentially pushing wild closer and closer to a rather big memory. you can sort of see how twilight is not happy with how warriors is acting, but he's not saying anything right now. probably because it's not his place to, and also probably because wild wouldn't want him to right now).
i think that twilight and wild have a very different relationship to what most of the lu fandom thinks. they're close - that much is obvious from how they react when the other is hurt, and how twilight pushed through the rest to get to wild during the memories comic. but i think that a lot of the time, it feels like wild only exists around twilight, or he can't be left without twi otherwise he'll "do something stupid" or whatever. wild doesn't exactly appreciate twi's protectiveness or his advice all of the time, but he still looks up to twilight. despite whatever went down when they first met, wild worked to gain twi's trust in order for them to be so close. they're equals - just like the rest of the chain are equals. and yes, wild does a fair amount of dumb things and he's impulsive about it, but i would like to argue that twilight also does a fair amount of dumb things (in game and in comic)
(i think it also kinda feeds in to how wild is sort of infantilized by the fanbase. he's already not exactly trusted by the rest of the chain (legend especially, for some reason), and i think i'd like to explore that and how his relationship with legend formed. they seem to think he's sort of a loose cannon, especially after the previous arcs. wild hasn't seemed to realize it yet, but i do think something is coming, especially with him and warriors)
#linked universe#negative#its kind of why in my own half baked au i have the equivalents to those two kinda distant from each other#i mean they keep ending up in situations but they're not exactly close#(that and neither of them are super easy or quick to trust and roselia (botw/totk) never knew a wolf link)#i love their lu dynamic but i also think they should stand as their own characters yknow?#like twilight should be able to exist without wild present or being mentioned and vice versa#they both have a LOT of other interesting dynamics. i think twi's are more talked about honestly#they're all pretty close at this point with some exceptions. wild and warriors being one of them#(i also think that wild and time is another - my boy doesn't seem to do so well with authority)#anyways this isn't meant to take a dump on anyone's headcanons. mine just tend to be uh.... pretty different from the rest of you all#i've just been thinking about this and wild gets a LOT of heat from the fanbase for doing 'stupid' things#wild and hyrule i think get the most shit for it#(which i love their relationship too. they're very like-minded and spirited in a way the others don't fully understand)#(which makes sense considering that botw was heavily inspired by zelda 1)#(and early concept work for botw included a loz1 style demo? i think???)#anyways#delete later#<- maybe if this post gets the wrong sort of attention
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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mike standing at the window looking down on the parking lot: heh. would ya look at that. I'll never get a parking space that good again I tell ya hwat
micky: MIKE MY SISTER IS GIVING BIRTH.
#the monkees#m&m headcanon#as we go along#ive talked about it before but i know that mikes the kinda guy to stand snd admire his own parking#the man loves his cars#especially if its a real good parallel park job. cuz i think parking in general kinda stresses him out#but anytime he gets a good spot or parallel parks real good he cant help but admire it and talk about it#which usually devolves into a car infodump somehow. neztism
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ok but also vaguely re: the other post but also just in general like. i think it'd be super funny if like. mr jones taught ginny how to shoot ( at least enough to be somewhat familiar enough with handling them etc. ) but like just imagine mama ginny finally Having Enough and pulling a shotgun out of the backseat of her minivan,
#[ ♡ ] ── * virginia j. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#... she doesnt have a minivan. but the sentiment still stands-#idk its like the picture-perfect all-american stereotype kinda family on the surface that the Jones' give off. but then mr jones ofc having#the unfortunate aftermaths of being active m.ilitary in certain instances. ginny being so warm-hearted motherly nurturing etc#but also in her own right kind of hardened herself bc being a nurse / in the medical field is often fucking Horrendous & the shit u see-#but the both of them having tried incredibly hard in spite of both ends to give jesse as normal & loving & supportive of a family unit.#but i feel mr jones & vice versa with ginny - they were each others pillars in so many ways & him not being around both beats her down#& also reinforces her if that makes any sense idk#either way i just think mama ginny deserves a Fucking Gun sometimes- thats it. thats the hc. ur welcome !#( im also listening to ginnys playlist & im still so right for milf$ / stacys mom / & all the mom-cleaning-music type songs on here )
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THEM.
#MY LADS!!!!!!!!!!! LES GARÇONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#forever and always obsessed with my favorite detective and theif#I did a big doodle page but kinda wanted this to stand on its own since I love the shading on the leg#i do not think there is an official ship name thingie but for my own tagging purposes I’m going to call it:#youssane#lupin netflix#assane diop#youssef guedira#my art
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i don't need to be reminded that this game was originally headed by the kingdom hearts dude. luna going "i know you will" echoed the sora/kairi moment at the end of KH1 so loudly that i could tell it was him from a mile away.
#pp: ffxv#n.oct/l.una tried to be s.ora/k.airi so bad#man. if this game doesn't get a remaster/remake like 7 in a decade or two. JUST to redeem it#it had so much going for it and it just. has Not sold it#and i know there's side content and books and movies and stuff but like... ideally each piece of media should stand on its own#i shouldn't need extra content to get the full picture. i should WANT the extra content because the main media was so good#so far i'm just. kinda lackluster on n.oct as a whole. and l.una as a whole. they're so boring#the chocobros are fun and have humanity. the world building and sheer scope of the land is mindboggling#but i'm struggling to truly care about n.oct and l.una has been shown as nothing but this wholly benevolent good being#which makes her feel so flat and untextured. stories HAVE done the holy pious girl love interest WELL before - gestures @ TOS#but l.una just doesn't have anything else to her (yet that i've seen) and it's kind of sad. she could've been rad af#her show down with l.eviathan was already So Neat. she was UNFLAPPABLE#but then a.rdyn just. appeared like a ghost and ruined it lol
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Hrmmmm more things about James
His hair sensory issues actually isn't about touching his hair itself, it's more the feeling of weight/pulling on it or pressure on his scalp that makes him overstimulated
#sometimes he would let arcade stroke his hair when laying together in bed. he was very gentle about it so it didnt bother him#he cant even recreate the feeling of arcade doing that w his own touch. he wonders if it rlly was that he was so careful or/#/if it was simply the fact he loved him so much making him tolerate or even enjoy any way hed show him affection#kinda based off my own sensory experiences. bc like. i cant stand hugs unless its someone i rlly like. then i dont want them to let go#vinny rambles#james (oc)
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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I think it's a hatecrime against me that there aren't any slugs as big as the giant African snail. Why do the snails get to have all the fun I just want a giant slime noodle.
#I don't want to keep a snail as a pet because theyre kinda prone to shell injuries#and then they die. id be in a constant state of stress#i can't have tarantulas even though i really want to for the same reason - spiders molt and they can actually fuck up#and they fuck up kinda frequently. and if they fuck up they die#because they either tear off their organs in an attempt to free themselves or they essentially turn themselves to stone#or they suffocate. i know that I'd be extremely stressed every da#id be like 'what if it happens what if they fuck up molting i have to stand here on guard in case they start molting and mess up'#because sometimes if you're really fucking lucky you CAN manage to save them. but you have to#be there on time and you have to pray. because its much easier for you to kill them than save them#and i would never forgive myself for that#in general it's very stressful for me to keep pets who don't have very clear signals of joy and displeasure/pain because i#constantly worry about possibly taking bad care of them and them being unhappy#i loved my hamster but i did breathe a breath of relief when she died of old age because every day with her was just#so unbelievably stressful for me. i wouldn't help but be preoccupied with trying to figure out if i was doing something incorrectly#if i was a bad foster parent to her if she was content etc etc#she was a great hamster but the experience was very much 0/10 for me i would never own a hamster again#in the same vein i probably couldn't have a tarantula due to this as well.#plus tbh I didn't even want a hamster my parents got her for me because they wanted me to feel obligated not to kill myself#they said that if i killed myself they wouldn't care for her and she'd die so i had to stay alive.#a part of me knew they were bullshitting but it still freaked me out super hard and made me unimaginably anxious about#getting run over or anything happening to me and paradoxically that made me even more suicidal and depressed#didn't help that my mother didn't even believe in her own plan and accused me of planning to kill myself AND my hamster#she accused me of that several times. I've always had a lot of intrusive thoughts about hurting animals so it#made me break down and self harm every time. obviously that made my mother even angrier and many a time it led to#her accusing me of being a danger to her and others#if she felt particularly hysterical she screamed i was just like my father and that she feared me as much as she had feared him#when he still had a gun. you can imagine how that made me feel considering i jsed to have nightly night terrors about my father#killing my mother.
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Something something cringe culture is dead something something
I couldn't get this dance out of my head so i learned it and it was really fun☝️☝️
#i had to change the last bit cause 1 i have no fucking clue what they're doing with their legs there#and 2 i didn't wanna stand there awkwardly while the camera was focused on the christian kids so i watched a few different performances#and just kinda did my own thing#fun fact i have FIFTY THREE RECORDINGS of me doing this stupid dance#mostly to just improve little things#and the dance is just REALLY fun#i love the prom🙏🙏🙏#the prom#the prom musical#trent oliver#choreography#I LOVE DANCING🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#i cant tell if im any good at it but its fun and makes me happy so whatever🙏#dont mind my messy ass room
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ootd features the words "black dress" in its lyrics and people are like oh! this is a reference to another group's song, "black dress"!
i'm unwell.
#shrimp thoughts#also 'you people just Don't Understand' part 2: apparently there will be Part Two. just like with gee idle's allergy and queen/card#which. lol. apparently 'when allergy came out people were shocked because the it was basically 'if you're ugly tough shit just get a#surgery' but once queen/card came out everything was clear!' and like. how was it clear. what was clear.#one song is 'boo hoo i'm so ugly i hate looking at myself in the mirror and no one likes me i should get plastic surgery'#and the other is like 'ya hoo i'm so hot and sexy i'm like these two western celebrities!!!! i'm so cool i'm twerking on the runway'#kp/op kinda sucks balls in that it's like.... musical equivalent of tjlc crossed with marvel. it's basic ass pop made to sell except with a#faux deep garnish. and sometimes the garnish stands on its own! like if you take guerrilla it's clear that there's actually no deeper or#more detailed philosophy behind it. it's not really n.o where the 'rebellion' was actually supposed to be against something concrete#it's like. we want to feel! we don't want... not to feel! but the sound and visuals are strong enough that you don't mind it#like fuck yeah the lads are staging a revolution now! and now they're outlaws in a western! sort of! and now it's alice in wonderland!#but v often the companies actively make use of the fact that kp/op stans will obsessively look for Depth and Serious Themes in their#cultural reset slaying sotys. a girl looks at a butterfly? oh the song is about having an identity crisis like in that one poem about a guy#dreaming about being a butterfly. it's actually very deep and you can see it was all planned because there was a little butterfly icon#above the tracklist. and the fans get so attached to their headcanons theories and interpretations that they don't stop for a second#to check if there was anything in the 'text' in the first place#remember that one magritte post? this is also how kp/op stans interpret things. she wears a blue dress here and blue is the color of summer#and summer is when you have holidays and don't have to go to school! so by this blue dress she's trying to say that you should love#yourself and strive to be the best version of yourself by embracing your hobbies and extracurricular interests. this is so genius 😭
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u kno i really enjoyed watching hfjone with my friends and they loved it too but part of me is just a little sad they didnt get to watch the early first season with the added context of having grown up on object shows. like. obviously i made them watch bfdi first so they’d understand the point of it being a subversion but, like. having watched so many of these silly little competition shows as a kid it really adds to the Discomfort of those early episodes. like all the pieces of the competitions youve always known are there but it feels Wrong. its just a little sad they didnt get to experience that part like i did lol
#im sure someone more articulated could word this thought better than me but eh im just thinking out loud#the osc in terms of creatives is certainly very different now than when i was a kid#i used to go out of my way to seek out new shows constantly and i dont think i Ever encountered a non-competition show#im sure they were out there! but they were not talked about#honestly i almost never heard about shows other than bfdi and ii. and that was back when i was like actually active in the community#its really cool to see so many shows getting their fair share of love now#and its also cool to see more shows branch out in terms of genre. like hfjone!#love of the s*n is really catching my attention im really looking forward to seeing more of that one#and although happy star's saga was cut short for obviously understandable reasons#i think the HSGtOS shorts themselves are still really good and hold up on their own#does help hotline count? it counts if you look at pence. um. i also really like help hotline#anyway im kinda just rambling about a completely different point in the tags dont mind me#just thinkiing thinky thoughts#anyway im picky and burner is probably the only new-age competition show im really interested in#but my point still stands is cool to see the community as a whole branch out more even if im not really involved in it lol#bri talks#bestietag
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got a top surgery date after years and years and its made me start thinking about true love again
#ykno?#if i elaborate i'll cry for suuuure#blithering on#gender#trans#top surgery#its kinda insane how I've felt more depressed than I have in a loooong time- and then out of the blue i got a top surgery date and now im.#thinking how wonderful and beautiful life can be when you make it your own#and when you can find others who find beauty in similar ways to you#Im. so ready to be able to stand up straight and breathe deeply and hold my shoulders back and get chest tattoos and hug the people i love#its been five years. and I finally have a date. its in two weeks.#ive never had more of a reason to stay alive.#and Ive seen so many videos of people post op with their partners#and I just cant understand my mothers anxiety over me being alone forever#if im gonna be alone its because Im a got damn shut-in; not because of my transness#and I just got back from visiting portland......god there are so many lovely queer and trans people there i want to move there SO badly#to think I could live somewhere where running into other queer and trans folks is a daily occurance makes my heart ache soooo bad#anyway wow ive started rambling#and yeah I made myself cry but its happy crying for once! I cant believe i got a date. I finally got a date
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Fuck, only imagining kissing you still makes my heart jump a bit🤡
#delete later#clown#mine#feelings#her#i keep imagining you w sb else to prepare myself from the inevitable days but all im doing is borrowing grief from tmr which isnt#really helpful and i instead should be happy for n with her annieway#she deserves the world and be treated best#what a cliché thing to say but i get that it can still be true because why is it that things that r too sweet r deemed fake#im just quite sappy and i dont really say things i dont mean#ik i will love you for as long as i live even if it eventually transforms into a different kinda love#it will persist in a different form bc that just seems to be the kinda person i am or how love is for me#id keep caring and id keep wanting the best for you#parts of each person i came to love remain as parts of me annieway#i can never truly lose them nor can they#omfg lol crying while having covid just makes me feel like im choking or drowning tf my nose holes r completely blocked whats this lmao#kinda funny feeling tbh#sorry for being the odd one out of the two of us im already trying to make sure that nearly all i do is solely out of platonic feelings#so our friendship isnt “tainted” or driven by my inferior intentions or whatever but can stand on its own#which is as important to me as ppl not abandoning friends for a romantic relationship#or that ppl i come to fancy or could fancy value me enough as a friend first#im rambling#how long till it isnt this kinda love anymore#how long till i can be happy with and for her when she finds sb is everything she wants or needs and who treats her the way she deserves#sounds patronising of me tbh#idealising even#also have to keep reminding myself: this is just any other flirting with friends nothing to it any other flirting w friends with no intent#cuz i do value her as a friend as well#am i playing myself
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