#but i hope the best for you

[shadesofmauve]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.

[pangur-and-grim]

one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

[nvertoolate]

Hello

My name is Aya, and I am reaching out from Gaza, where my family and I are living in constant fear and suffering. Every moment poses a grave danger to our lives due to the ongoing war. The bombing never ceases, and we are running out of food and water.

Every passing minute increases our risk, and our hearts are filled with anxiety and pain. I urgently need your help to evacuate my family from this hell. We are desperately seeking a way out, but we need financial support to do so.😔😔

Please, extend a hand to save us and let the world hear our cries.💔💔

✅️ Verified by @gazavetters, my number on the list is (#217) ✅️

Best regards,

Aya.

https://gofund.me/4f615392

Hello, Aya.

As much as I want to give financial aid, I myself am in a dire situation at the moment but I want to help by spreading your message. I hope someone will be able to give the help you need.

[monstermonger]

Happy spooky season from your friendly neighborhood fire-lizard :D

[squirrel-pelusa]

Hi dear, how are you? it's Ola 🥺

I am writing to you today with a heavy heart, in desperate need of your help. I cannot express how unbearable the situation we are living in has become. My family is suffering from the harshness of the biting cold, and we are facing a severe shortage of food and clothing. Every day that passes feels like a lifetime, and each moment makes me feel more helpless and hopeless.

I need you today more than ever. The crazy rise in prices has made us unable to buy food, water and clothes during this harsh winter, So can you help us provide our basic needs? 💔

Imagine if you were in my place—how would you feel? It is incredibly hard to ask for help, and even harder to feel that your voice is not being heard. I implore you, please don’t ignore me. Don’t make me feel that our lives and the lives of my family are not valuable.

I need your support, and I trust that you can provide it. All I am asking for is your support. Every donation, no matter how small, will make a difference in changing the situation we are in. Please help us by donating to our campaign and by reblogging the pinned post on my page. Please don't stop at sharing.🥺🙏

This is my GFM link:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/empower-olas-pursuit-of-education-amid-crisis?qid=30ec4c502382b9962b96d698a687d9a8

My campaign has been verified by @/90-ghost, @/northgazaupdates, @/el-shab-Hussien, and @/nabulsi's vetted list #205.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1yYkNp5U3ANwILl2MknJi9G7ArY4uVTEEQ1CVfzR8Ioo/htmlview#gid=0

You are the hope I cling to in these tough moments. Please, don’t let me down.💔💔🥺🥺

Please don't ignore our need, don't ignore my ask, Please donate and share with others. 🥺🙏

With heartfelt thanks and appreciation,

Ola

Boosting!!

[buglaur]

[vamprisms]

hate this weird trend of shows and stuff being written with shipping and fandom in mind. um get thee hell out of that writer's room if i'm being fully honest

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Dog Meshi.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Toy chica and Abby are gonna be besties in FNAF 2

[datcravat]

SCIENCE BEGETS TRUTH✨

[egophiliac]

buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK

[vinestaff]

for what it's worth, i was telling the truth when I said I enjoyed working with you

[happyheidi]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ. April will bring blessings.

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

[bellaciao-ciao-ciao]

[technically-human]

Payneland² 

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]