#but i have to suffer until i get my bachelors at least

[zeadrous]

i wanna quit my job soooo bad omg

[xxxninjaxxx23]

A girl and her crush!

Part 1

Tara x Ethan

In the quiet town of Woodsboro California, 18 year old Tara Carpenter is at home cooking a big meal after hearing that Sam, her older sibling is coming over for a visit. It’s been about 5 years since Sam left for college in Modesto. It took a while but she managed to get a bachelors degree in law firm. She now works as a lawyer and a “damn good one too” as Tara quotes it.

The little sibling herself is almost about to finish high school and her father Stu Macher couldn’t be more proud. Ah yes, ever since her mother Christina Carpenter died of cirrhosis (a result to the past drinking) Stu made it his mission to raise his only daughter and her half sibling. The word “half” shocked the young sister when Stu told her that Sam’s father is his former best friend Billy Loomis.

From the stories she heard from her dad and Sam, Billy was an awful parent. He was always high on drugs or messing around in clubs rather than help take care of his own family and when he was home, he always lashed out at Christina over small things like someone taking the last orange or something not being cleaned.

Sam was no exception and has too suffered Billy’s wrath to where Christina would use makeup to cover up Sam’s bruises. Eventually Billy left the family and never came back. Stu used to check up on them every now and then, even berated Billy for beating his own family. He once got into a deadly fight with the said friend but despite Stu being taller and more fit, Billy’s strength tripled with drugs in his system and sometimes it took even Christina’s help to stop him.

Nevertheless, Stu and Christina kept each other company. One thing led to another and eventually Tara was born.

Tara didn’t realize how much she zoned on until she heard the smoke alarm go off “Ahh! Oh no, no!” Tara quickly turned off the oven and took out the garlic bread. It was a bit overcooked and looked very crunchy.

Stu ran into the kitchen “Tara What was that? Are you overcooking the food again?” He said with a sly smile. Tara giggled, her dad has always been a goofball always up for fun and jokes. “Um the garlic bread might be a little crunchy. But at least the pasta is ok.”

Stu smiled “Look at you already cooking meals by the age of 18.” He stared off into the window “If only your mother could have seen you now.” Tara nodded. She knew Stu was still grieving along with her as well. Christina wasn’t as bad as Billy was if you take away the bottles.

‘It’s actually Billy’s fault that mom started drinking heavily, eventually leading to her death’ Tara thought.

Then the pair hear the doorbell ring. Stu picks up the spoon and seasons the pasta “There’s your sister! I’ll take it from here sweetie, why don’t you show the guests to their table?” Tara nodded “Sure thing Mr chef.” She said before heading to the front door.

Tara opens the door where she’s greeted by Sam and a tall man with a beard. “Sam!!” Tara said hugging her as Sam hugged back. “Tara!! It’s been so long.” She takes another look at Tara. “My gosh. Look how much you’ve grown.”

The bearded man speaks up “Grown as in more mature right?” Tara shot a glare at him “Ha,ha. I may be small but I can still bite if I need to.” She said making a bite gesture at him.

Sam lightly slaps his shoulder “Richie!” Then turning over to Tara “O-K before this gets awkward. Tara this is Richie, my boyfriend. Richie this is my sister, Tara”

“Pleased to meet you “little” sister.” Tara got mad again but shook his hand a little rough “If you call me little or short one more time, I’ll tear your arm off.” Richie smiled “Well we don’t want that to happen now do we?”

Tara led the couple to the table as dinner was just about ready “I’ll go get the plates, don’t get too comfortable at dinner you two.” Tara said laughing as Sam tossed a napkin ball at her.

Tara gathered the plates with the food ready to go as Stu turned off the stove. “Um dad…we kinda need one more plate.” Stu hung up his kiss the cook apron “Oh? Did Sam invite a friend over.” Tara had to stop herself from laughing “Y-yeah a friend…I guess you could say that.”

Stu was confused for a minute but took another plate out and filled it, handing the dish to Tara. The sibling brought out the plates to the couple who shared a kiss “Um. Mr bearded man, you might not want to do that while my dad is here. Richie looked a little nervous but Sam held his hand.

“It’s ok sweetie. Our dad is nice one you get to know him.”

Tara smirked “Really? Because I saw him go wide eyed when you brought up having a “boyfriend” years ago. “Tara!” She shrugged “What? It’s true…Oop here he comes.”

Tara quickly takes her seat as Stu brought out the last two plates for him and Tara. He sets them down as his eye caught a man sitting at the table next to Sam “So you must be the “friend” Tara was talking about.”

Tara covered her mouth, snickering. Sam looked down for a minute then back up to her father. “Dad this is Richie….m-my boyfriend.”

Stu almost went wide eyed but kept a calm expression as he walked up and introduced himself to Richie which he did the same “it’s a pleasure to meet you sir” he said. Tara shook her head at Richie like saying “Good luck man, your gonna need it.”

As the family eats the well made dinner Tara prepared, Stu asks everyone what their future plans are, mostly Richie. “Well sir. I do like movies and writing in my free time. Im hoping to be a movie writer one day.”

Stu nodded “I’m a movie guy myself but writing one has always been a challenge for me.”

Tara looked over at Sam and Richie “Well dad I think these two can help you with that and make your dream come true.” Sam shook her head and nudged her boyfriend “Nope that’s all him. I’m just here to make sure he doesn’t get roped into a lawsuit or save him from one.”

Stu clapped his hands as he turned over to Tara “what about you sweetie? You going to follow in your sister’s footsteps or mine?” Tara smiled “Neither. I’m going to study to be an actress. It’s always been my thing ever since I was a kid.”

“I think I remember you begging me to buy you a stage.” Stu said, laughing “You wouldn’t let up so Sam and I had to make one out of cardboard.

After that, you asked me to be the cameraman while Sam was your co-Star on stage.”

Sam grinned “I still remember that all too well.” Then the family continued to talk to one another while finishing off their food.

(Later) “Sam you can take the guest room.” Stu said as he went to wash off the dishes. Richie was about to join Sam in the room but was pulled back by Tara. “What gives?” He said. Tara raised a brow and gestured over to her father in the kitchen. “Ohhh right, right.”

Tara called from the kitchen “Dad. I think Richie wants to stay the night is that’s ok?”

“Sure. Just make sure you get a blanket and pillow for him. You know where we keep them.” While Tara went to get a blanket and pillow for Richie, Sam went to the kitchen to chat with her step dad some more.

“So you got a new boyfriend huh?” Stu said as he was putting the clean dishes on the drying rack. Sam nodded as she put the drying towel away “Yes I do but….please don’t scare him away dad.”

“I won’t pumpkin. Your an adult now free to make your own decisions. I’ll have to respect them but you know I only want what’s best for you and Tara.” He looked out the window

“God knows I wouldn’t want you girls to end up in your mothers position because of….him.”

Sam didn’t say anything except hugging Stu from behind, letting tears fall from her eyes.

Afterwards, the family turns in for the night. Richie takes the couch much to Tara’s dismay as she wanted to play video games in the living room.

(The next morning)

Tara woke up later than her family as expected but she finds the guest room and couch empty. She heads into the kitchen to find Stu cooking breakfast “Hey dad, did Sam and Richie leave?” Stu shook his head. “Oh no they are just heading out to get groceries, they’ll be back shortly.”

Tara nodded as she decided to play video games in the living room as it was the weekend yet again. She invited Mindy and Chad game to play back 4 blood with her.

They all got excited to play another round and try to get further in the game. As they started up the game, Tara got lost in her thoughts.

The last week and chapter of her school life is drawing to a close and Tara was sweating bullets. She has yet to decide on what university to go to and if she would get accepted in.

‘Stop it Tara! You’re worrying too much about the future. I mean yes my career relies on me getting into the right school and making it in the big city.

“Damit! Noo. We were so close” Mindy said. Chad then spoke up “Tara? You still there.” Which the small girl snapped out of her thoughts and answered back.

“Sorry guys. I-I just need a moment. I’ll be right back”

Tara sets her headset down and does a quick skim through the photos on her phone. She smiled by how many pictures she took when hanging out with her friends. But her heart sank when it was her and a certain bleached haired boy she knew all too well. Tara also asked herself why she still kept them.

Seeing those pictures of him on her phone caused Tara to bury her face in her hands and sob. (though the mic was still on)

She still remembers that text and the girl with him all too well.

To be continued

[peekablue]

DONATIONS URGENTLY NEEDED FOR OLA’S FAMILY IN GAZA

Here is her story:

Hello, I'm Ola, a graduate student from the faculty of science - Al-Azhar University in Gaza Palestine. I truly appreciate you taking a moment to read my story. As you reading my message, myself and my family, “my mother, father, three sisters, and my little brother,” are fighting death in northern Gaza and trying to survive under all kinds of suffering including but not limited to destruction, fear, and instability, starvation, thirst, and poverty.

For eight months until now, we have been struggling to get proper food after prices increased by 15 to 20 times, struggling to have clean water for use and drinking. We lacked security and stability as we were forced to evacuate our house and left everything behind. Then we had to move at least three times since every new area we seek refuge to gets bombed.

Before October 7th, my days were filled with attending lectures, working, and volunteering. I completed my bachelor's degree in Mathematics with a GPA 96.01% with a grade of distinction with first class honors.

Once I completed my graduate studies, I began looking for a job to cover the study expenses. I got my first contract as a mathematics teacher on August 30, 2023, at a school here in Gaza. I was very excited, happy and full of passion for this new chapter in my life as a student and teacher at the same time. It was one month like a beautiful dream in which I began my work as a teacher to my students in the seventh grade. I was explaining mathematics using extracurricular activities.

However since October 7th, my life turned upside down, darkness prevailed, all hopes and dreams quickly vanished. Our once peaceful neighborhood has been devastated by relentless bombings, leaving my home, university, and my workplace destroyed.

Although, there is nothing here but rubble and ash color and a dark and gloomy future looms ahead, my family and I fight every day holding onto a thin thread of hope that tomorrow might be better. This is why I decided to start this campaign and seek your help and support to create hope for me and my family.

Your generous support and donation will help provide the basic needs needed for me and my family under these difficult circumstances. It will also give us hope that there is a better future waiting for us once the war stops Insha’Allah. It will also help me complete my higher education programs and become a better teacher and researcher insha'Allah.

I extend heartfelt gratitude to the caring donors who aid my journey. Your belief in the transformative power of education is a beacon of inspiration, and your kindness is a gift that propels me forward.

If you can donate, the link to her GFM is here:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/empower-olas-pursuit-of-education-amid-crisis

If you cannot donate, please spread this post and consider making one of your own.

[decompositie]

Ola's Family Call for your Support Amid Crisis

$36,800 raised of $50,000 goal

13.200 USD left to raise!

Vetted by @/el-shab-hussein and @/nabulsi

Ola's story:

Hello, I'm Ola, a graduate student from the faculty of science - Al-Azhar University in Gaza Palestine. I truly appreciate you taking a moment to read my story. As you reading my message, myself and my family, “my mother, father, three sisters, and my little brother,” are fighting death in northern Gaza and trying to survive under all kinds of suffering including but not limited to destruction, fear, and instability, starvation, thirst, and poverty.

For eight months until now, we have been struggling to get proper food after prices increased by 15 to 20 times, struggling to have clean water for use and drinking. We lacked security and stability as we were forced to evacuate our house and left everything behind. Then we had to move at least three times since every new area we seek refuge to gets bombed.

Before October 7th, my days were filled with attending lectures, working, and volunteering. I completed my bachelor's degree in Mathematics with a GPA 96.01% with a grade of distinction with first class honors.

Once I completed my graduate studies, I began looking for a job to cover the study expenses. I got my first contract as a mathematics teacher on August 30, 2023, at a school here in Gaza. I was very excited, happy and full of passion for this new chapter in my life as a student and teacher at the same time. It was one month like a beautiful dream in which I began my work as a teacher to my students in the seventh grade. I was explaining mathematics using extracurricular activities.

Although, there is nothing here but rubble and ash color and a dark and gloomy future looms ahead, my family and I fight every day holding onto a thin thread of hope that tomorrow might be better. This is why I decided to start this campaign and seek your help and support to create hope for me and my family.

your generous support and donation will help provide the basic needs needed for me and my family under these difficult circumstances. It will also give us hope that there is a better future waiting for us once the war stops Insha’Allah. It will also help me complete my higher education programs and become a better teacher and researcher insha'Allah.

I extend heartfelt gratitude to the caring donors who aid my journey. Your belief in the transformative power of education is a beacon of inspiration, and your kindness is a gift that propels me forward.

Thank you for making a difference in my life.

Sincerely,

Ola

[cbsghostsmetasandtrevor]

Okay but the AU of where everything is the same for 3x07 except Trevor volunteers as stripper for Nigel's bachelor party is sending me. And will probably live in my head rent-free, time will tell.

Yessss. Like Trevor being a stripper is just like... fitting.

He may not volunteer for Nigel, but he will do it if put on the spot and then volunteer for Isaac :)

And okay, so I may or may not have started it last night before I went to bed.

Wanna see?

“Wait,” Pete says, as Jenkins begins his dance at Trevor’s suggestion for a stripper for Nigel. “Given your past relationship, I don’t think Isaac would appreciate Jenkins being your stripper.”

“He’s right,” Sass says.

Even as Jenkins pouts, “But I’m the only volunteer.”

“Technically, Nigel didn’t ask for volunteers and choose you from his options,” Pete states.

“That may be true…” Nigel says, slowly, eyeing the ghosts that are more Isaac’s friends than his, “however, no one else has offered.”

There’s quiet for a second before Thor speaks, “Trevor do it.”

Trevor’s a bit taken aback, looking at the big guy in utter surprise. Sure, he was a stripper in college, hence why he always returned the favor when he finally had money to spare, and it’s not like everyone here hadn’t already seen his junk anyway, but it’s Nigel. He wasn’t exactly a big fan of Trevor.

“Yeah, Trevor should do it,” Pete adds.

Trevor nearly cranks his neck looking at him, still utterly speechless.

“Pete’s right,” Sass states. He’s looking at Nigel and Jenkins but speaks to Trevor. “You’re the one that came up with the stripper idea, so you should be the one to strip.”

“Well, I mean –”

“And it would probably make Isaac more comfortable than if Jenkins does it,” Pete adds.

“True, but –”

“Everyone see Trevor junk daily, no different now,” Thor finishes.

“Will none of you ever let go of the pants thing?” Trevor gets out. He hates that they constantly harp on it.

Sass sees an opportunity and takes it. “How about this? Everyone in this room promises to never bring up the pants thing ever again for all eternity or suffer six months in the woods and getting chopped in half by Thor’s axe every time they do it from here until we or you get sucked off.”

It’s tempting, too tempting. There’s at least half of the ghosts here, and that leaves a lot less ghosts that can or will mention the pants thing.

He looks at Nigel. “You cool with that?”

“By all means, I certainly wouldn’t complain.”

Jenkins looks like he wants to complain, but instead, sits back in his seat, clearly disgruntled.

***

This is just the start! :)

[hollyhomburg]

Advice from my experience, do NOT go to school and get a job in a career just because it is stable and pays well. I went to school for engineering and thought I would be set for life. It took a HUGE toll on my mental health. Those were the worst years of my life. I am much happier now that I have gone away from that industry but I am financially drained from student loans for a degree that I won’t use.

oh i totally agree with you! in fact i did the same thing for my bachelors degree in geology- i am likely never going to use it and i wish i'd gone for something different with school like- so so so hard you have no idea.

however, with dental hygienistry- it's a bit different for me than engineering was for you. i've spent the last 3 years working as a dental assistant and i love certain aspects of my job. i love helping people and getting to talk to them and getting updates through the months on them, helping people feel comfortable. I feel like for the first time i know the community where i've lived my whole life. i don't get grossed out by teeth very often anymore. it's a very structural job like- everything has its timing and it's place and i like how easy it is to predict what's going on. I feel secure and prepared every moment that i'm working and for me- living with autism and ptsd- that is /heaven/ to my brain. I know what to expect at every turn because there are only so many turns that it can take and i know all of them. it's more like- i'm getting a degree to become financially stable in a field that i already have work experience in? that i already know i am not miserable being around? does that make sense?

The thing is- everything is a job at the end of the day. writing is the only thing that i can foresee doing with my life where i would be 100% happy all the time and at least with dental hygienistry it will pay enough for me to like- have an apartment and a cat. i will never stop doing what i love but until making a career out of it becomes financially viable- i do need a second option to just like- exist without a level of suffering.

[beardeddetectivepaper]

$7,506/$20,000‼️‼️

Hello, I'm Ola, a graduate student from the faculty of science - Al-Azhar University in Gaza Palestine. I truly appreciate you taking a moment to read my story. As you reading my message, myself and my family, “my mother, father, three sisters, and my little brother,” are fighting death in northern Gaza and trying to survive under all kinds of suffering including but not limited to destruction, fear, and instability, starvation, thirst, and poverty. For eight months until now, we have been struggling to get proper food after prices increased by 15 to 20 times, struggling to have clean water for use and drinking. We lacked security and stability as we were forced to evacuate our house and left everything behind. Then we had to move at least three times since every new area we seek refuge to gets bombed. Before October 7th, my days were filled with attending lectures, working, and volunteering. I completed my bachelor's degree in Mathematics with a GPA 96.01% with a grade of distinction with first class honors.

Once I completed my graduate studies, I began looking for a job to cover the study expenses. I got my first contract as a mathematics teacher on August 30, 2023, at a school here in Gaza. I was very excited, happy and full of passion for this new chapter in my life as a student and teacher at the same time. It was one month like a beautiful dream in which I began my work as a teacher to my students in the seventh grade. I was explaining mathematics using extracurricular activities.

However since October 7th, my life turned upside down, darkness prevailed, all hopes and dreams quickly vanished. Our once peaceful neighborhood has been devastated by relentless bombings, leaving my home, university, and my workplace destroyed.

Although, there is nothing here but rubble and ash color and a dark and gloomy future looms ahead, my family and I fight every day holding onto a thin thread of hope that tomorrow might be better. This is why I decided to start this campaign and seek your help and support to create hope for me and my family. your generous support and donation will help provide the basic needs needed for me and my family under these difficult circumstances. It will also give us hope that there is a better future waiting for us once the war stops Insha’Allah. It will also help me complete my higher education programs and become a better teacher and researcher insha'Allah. I extend heartfelt gratitude to the caring donors who aid my journey. Your belief in the transformative power of education is a beacon of inspiration, and your kindness is a gift that propels me forward. Thank you for making a difference in my life. Sincerely, Ola

[poletje-s-teboj]

very soon you'll see (kris guštin/martin jurkovič)

HEY! after approximately 6-8 years i picked up writing again and decided to write a story about my two fave members. please keep in mind, i'm not a pro at writing, more like a beginner! english isn't my native language so i am excusing any grammatically or vocabulary mistakes. i hope you enjoy my story! have fun! :)

some day in april 2023

the sky of ljubljana was covered in fog, just as always. you couldn't see anything rather than a big shiny dot in the sky that somehow resembled the sun. the weather itself wasn't that cold actually, it just seemed like a typical day in november when you look out of the window, eventhough it was april and started to become quite hot in the afternoon, not the unbearable heat of the summer months tho. right now, it was kinda cold, so cold that kris needed to wear his warm coat and a scarf to not suffer from the weather.

he had been up all night, he attended the birthday party of one of his friends of university, who just turned 23. kris hasn't seen his friend from university for over a year now, since he hadn't been in the building after he got his bachelor's degree in chemical engineering. his friend was already doing his master's in the same field. it was a wild party: he met many of the friends he hadn't seen in ages, the party even had an own dj and of course, there had been lots of alcohol. (quite normal for an univeristy party) kris could still feel the alcohol in his body, just not as much as he felt it when he was still having the time of his life on the party.

the wind was blowing his brunette hair into his face, which annoyed him slightly. he only focused on getting his hair off his face which made him ignore whatever was happening around him.

he had been so busy fighting against the wind that was trying to cover his face with his own hair that he didn't recognise at first that someone's been tapping on his shoulder.

"hey kris, what are you up to so early in the morning?" a familiar voice asks him. he turned around and was now straight looking into the eyes of his friend and former bandmate martin. he smiled at kris and he looked slightly confused at his friend. kris felt some nervousity before talking to martin, that he had never felt before. it was an unknown feeling, the only similar thing was the way he felt when he talked to his ex girlfriend for the first time. but that can't be the same thing, or could it be? kris simply blamed it on the alcohol that is still left in his bloodstreams after the excessive party night with his university friends.

"hey martin, uhm i wanted to ask you the.. same.. th..thing." kris began to stutter and martin gave him a confused look. there had been another strong wind breeze and kris decided to hold his head against it to clear his mind and that for god's sake he'd stopped stuttering and talking bullshit to his friend.

"you good?" asked martin with a slightly concerned voice. "yes i am. i'm sorry for the stuttering, i guess it's the alcohol's fault. i was at a party of one my friends from my classes at uni. he turned 23 yesterday." he sounded better than in the first sentence he said to his friend but still kris only got one thing on his mind.

why did he start to feel the same way as he did when he talked to one of his girlfriends for the first time? he had never felt anything in that way towards martin, or any of his bandmates. they were just best friends, nothing more. at least for now.

"that must've been a great party. you sound quite exhausted" martin said while he was getting closer to kris. his feelings started to multiply and he couldn't help it. it's the alcohol's fault, kris thought. or maybe he was just in denial. he doesn't know it yet.

"i am. we were partying until the first busses were leaving ljubljana  so everyone could get home safely."

"i'm glad. and i'm also glad that you're finding your way home now too." martin made a short pause  he looked onto his phone and then straight into kris' eyes. "your bus is arriving in approximately 6 minutes. at least this is what the app says." he said this with a little grin on his face which made kris smile a lot. he smiled so much as if his crush would confess her love to him. something was for sure playing with kris' feelings at this point, he just needs to find out what.

"uhm.. thank you for looking that up. thanks martin." he couldn't resist but letting his little smile out. out of pure interest, he asks martin where he was heading so early. "ah i'm just going to pick something up in uni. one of my friends has borrowed a textbook from me and i need it back because i need to study for my exams." martin replied while he was occassionally checking his phone as if he was waiting for a certain message. kris was awkwardly standing next to him while he was waiting for the minutes to pass by so he could get onto his ride back home and go to sleep. he had been really tired. maybe these feelings towards martin were a hallucination caused by the unhealthy amount of alcohol kris has consumed in the past hours.

in his opinion, martin looked exceptionally handsome and put-together today considering the early hour and cold morning weather of their beloved home city. he was wearing a black coat and a black scarf that protected him from the cold. his blue sweater peaked through a little bit. he liked it when people looked well dressed. his hair looked like he stepped out of the hairdresser's just a few minutes ago. it was shining even with the only very limited light the morning sun of ljubljana offered that day.

he always thought martin was a good looking guy but never in the way he did now. he felt some feelings towards him. he couldn't describe where they came from, his guess was the alcohol from the party. but little did he know. kris began to stare at him for a little bit, but not too much, he didn't wanna make it too obvious. "ah alright, that's great, martin. good luck with your exams"

"thank you kris" he smiled at him and came even closer. from afar, kris could notice a bus approaching the station. it wasn't his. not even the bus martin is supposed to take. for his own surprise, martin threw his arm around kris' shoulder kinda pulling him even closer. kris had no idea what was going on but he didn't mind it because it's a usual thing he and his friends do.

"we all gotta study even if we don't like it, right kris?" "yeah, absolutely right" kris said it in a really awkward tone. he had no idea what to do now. his feelings were going crazy as if someone confessed their love to him while martin just put his arm around his shoulder.

his feelings were different now. they weren't as they usually had been. he felt kinda felt some deeper things for his friend that randomly occured on a friday morning in april. he started to feel warm and a bit nervous in martin's presence. he started to breath a bit faster bc of the rising nervosity. "how are your friends at uni doing? is their study going well?" he asked him while his brown eyes were looking directly into kris'. "they are doing great, their studies are going better than expected. master's degrees are no fun, you know that better than anyone" both of them were laughing a slight bit after kris said the last part of the sentence.

"look the 13 is coming!" martin shouted while pointing into the opposite direction to the bus that's approaching the station. kris was ready to leave forgetting that his friend has wrapped his arm around his shoulder. martin pat his shoulder and stroke through his hair for a short moment and kris' heart felt like it was about to explode. these small gestures made his feelings for his friend even more confused. "bye martin, see you!" martin let him go and waved goodbye at him with his typical heartwarming smile he always puts on. kris stepped onto the bus and after taking a seat, he noticed martin was outside of the bus waiting for it to leave and waving kris goodbye for a last time. he smiled and waved back at him.

kris was unsure about his feelings. he didn't have any ideas where they came from rather than the alcohol from the party last night, or at least the rest that has remained in his bloodstreams. maybe he was in love. maybe he wasn't. maybe it was the alcohol. he didn't know it yet. maybe he would find that out soon. the bus took off and he started to see his friend further away every second.

martin was one of his best friends for many years now, they had lots of great memories together and kris was scared that his new discovered feelings about him might destroy their friendship. he couldn't live without martin as a friend, he needs his caring personality in his life. he helped him with many problems. for now, kris urgently needed some sleep.

later that morning

sleep was necessary for kris. that party has drained him in a way he had never thought it would. he thought he was good in terms of coping with alcohol but apparently he wasn't the best. it showed this time. after he arrived at the door of the guštin home, he immediately opened the door quickly meeting his brother in the entrance hall.

"morning maks" he said with a quite voice. he wasn't even sure if his brother could comprehend his greet. "good morning kris, you lasted long at the party, wow" his brother jokingly answered while kris was throwing his jacket and scarf onto the hanger. "yeah I didn't expect it either ways. it was a good party tho" kris explained to his brother while he was closing the door. the next stop was the kitchen because he wanted a glass of water after the countless glasses and shots of alcoholic beverages.

he wanted to do his body a favour by drinking something healthy after all of this. maybe the glass of water will wash down any of the feelings for his friend he doesn't know how to cope with them. he poured himself an ice cold glass of water and he drank it all in one shot. maybe they are gone now. maybe it was just a thought of drunk kris. maybe they were there now. maybe he really felt something for his friend deep down. he didn't know it yet, but he'd find out soon. that glass of water was the most soothing thing kris had experienced this morning. it felt like the cleanse of his soul. he was now ready to go to sleep, he just needed to brush his teeth, otherwise he would feel disgusting if his teeth were not brushed before going to sleep. so he made his way over to the bathroom, he grabbed his tooth brush, poured the toothpaste over it and started brushing his teeth. he looked at himself in the mirror and thought "it's time to go to sleep, kris. you're tired." he actually was more than tired.

not much was missing for him to fall asleep in the bathroom of the guštin home. he somehow managed to drag himself over to his bedroom, where he simply fell onto his bed, not even having energy to change or take off his clothes. the only thing kris now wanted was to sleep, which succeeded. while he was trying to fall asleep, he thought about the things that have happened to him concerning martin. he couldn't find a way to explain it to himself. they have never been there, but why are they here now? kris was clueless. this little conversation with martin felt like a turning point for him, for some reason he felt different towards him. the feelings were less in a "close friend" way, more a "i'm in love" kinda way. he still blames it on the amount of alcohol he had consumed in the past day. they were probably caused by the endless drinks he had at the party. he didn't wanna think about it anymore, he just wanted to sleep. kris turned to the other side with his whole body and just like a miracle he fell asleep.

in the afternoon

"he is always sleeping in late"

"no wonders when he's been out till sunrise or even morning"

"but sleeping till 3pm is only a solution for our son because he doesn't work a normal job or go to university like most people his age do."

half asleep, half awake, rubbing his eyes and stretching, kris heard his parents arguing in front of the door of his room. again. it didn't happen often but sometimes the topics were either kris sleeping till the afternoon or maks playing video games and streaming late into the night. after his sleep, kris definitely felt like a different human being, like he had practically been reborn. he was ready to get up and trying to brush his hair out of his face with his fingers. after opening the door, he met his dad waiting for his brother to leave the bathroom.

"dobro jutro, kris" his dad said to him while he was impatiently waiting for maks to get out. he said the same thing to his father, avoiding any eye contact. his voice was still quiet from being overused at the party. after his brother got out, his dad got into the bathroom and started to brush his teeth. "well, who's the one to complain now?" kris thought. he walked into the living room where his mom and his sister were sitting on the couch while they were watching the midday news on the slovenian channel. "morning" he said to his mom who was drinking some tea. "good morning kris, I hope you slept well." he definitely did, which he then proceeded to tell her. his sister was busy with her phone, he guessed that she was texting someone of her friends since they had an upcoming birthday party.

his mom made chicken as lunch, from which kris wanted to grab a bite of. she noticed that he was searching for it, so she told it that she put it into one of the kitchen cabinets. "thank you" he said in a kind but still really tired voice. it still felt like he wasn't properly alive. he sat down and started cutting the chicken.

while he was eating, his mom interrupted him: "kris, could you do me a favour?"

he looked up from the plate and turned his eyes towards his mom. "sure, what is it?"

"can you please pick up some eggs, butter and milk at lidl? I need them for the birthday party of maja's friend tomorrow."

picking up groceries at their local lidl? sure. not a big deal for kris. at least he thought so at the beginning. "of course, mom. do you need anything more?" she stired her tea. "no, just these two things. thank you so much"

"no problem."

a few minutes later

kris took his wallet and keys with him from his room and put on his jacket, scarf and shoes. he now was ready to leave the house to get milk, eggs and butter for a birthday cake. he put a little note into the pocket of his jacket with the three groceries he needed to buy, so he'd not forget something.

kris stepped out of the door, locked it and started heading towards the local lidl, which is perfectly accessible via foot since it was only three minutes away from his home. the cold wind that has already hit him in the morning, sweeped through his hair again, causing a completely messy hairstyle. the cold wind brought him memories from that morning and the short talk with martin. oh how much he hopes not to accidentally run into martin at lidl because this is the last thing he wants to experience now. he hadn't thought about this in the past hour but he guessed, the feelings are still there.

kris was a bit embarrassed and too ashamed to meet martin now. but that wasn't a likely thing to happen. martin probably was at university or was studying for his exams now. at least this was what kris was hoping for. he wanted to ban martin from his thoughts now, fearing they'd get too messy. it succeeded. for now.

while walking down the road from that lead from his house to the grocery store, he saw one of his neighbors walking their dog. they greeted eachother and everyone made their own way. he used the entire walk to fight against the wind, constantly putting his hair out of his face.

after that, he shortly arrived at the lidl and kris walked in into the grocery store.

butter, eggs and milk. just three things. it was unlikely for him to meet martin here. kris walked through the alley of bread and sweets heading over to the counter of dairy products. he tried to take his little note out of his pocket, completely ignoring the people around him as he was too busy to get his note out in the fear he'd forget something.

not looking at the people around you was a mistake made by him, suddenly he bumped into someone. he didn't see who that was at first but after he let out an angry "excuse me?" he knew exactly who this had been and it was the person he didn't wanna meet today. kris and the person turned into the same direction, looking each other into the eyes. martin jurkovič.

"goddammit" thought kris. not him again. "oh hi martin, I am so sorry" kris apologized with a slightly shaky voice. "hey kris, it's okay, that happens. what are you searching for?" he asked his friend in his typical friendly voice kris loved so much. he was kinda nervous, but why? he really shouldn't think too much about it. "milk, eggs and butter. i need to get it for my mom because she wants to make a cake for maja's friend's birthday party" he said being a little bit nervous and while he was looking and secretly admiring his looks. not even the wind has destroyed martin's hair from looking good and well put together.

kris kinda wanted to avoid eye contact with him so he decided to look down at the floor, but he also didn't wanna be awkward for not looking at martin while they were talking to eachother. "great, i have to get groceries because bojan forgot to do so. or better said: he didn't want to. typical bojan." he noticed that martin was being a bit sarcastic about this sentence. typical bojan. he only ever said that when he's being sarcastic. "yes, yes, typical bojan. too occupied to go groceries shopping." kris answered, while he was trying to imitate martin's undertone, which he didn't manage that successfully. martin was grabbing the same milk kris wants to get and also some cheese, but kris wanted to wait until he's gone so he can concentrate on his little shopping adventure.

"what a coincidence to see you here today" said martin, while he was putting some packaged ham into his shopping cart. kris decided to look at him again with confidence and answered: "yes. what a coincidence." "as if this is what i wanted now. as if he's the person i wanted to meet today." he thought anxiously. martin looked at him kinda judgy because he wasn't putting anything into his shopping bag. "what are you waiting for kris? do you need to get to some products?" martin said while looking at him a bit judgingly. kris had no idea on what to say now, he couldn't say "no i am waiting until you left because i can't handle being in your presence, otherwise my mind would go crazy". instead he looked around a bit confused and answered with something that randomly entered his mind "oh no i just forgot to put them into my bag haha. i have been deciding for the past few minutes on what type of milk, butter and eggs to get." kris felt that he's starting to turn red, which wasn't nessacarily a good sign. martin was kinda confused now and he answered "oh okay, uhm.. i guess i have everything. see you, kris. goodbye" he pat him on his shoulder and went the opposite direction."bye martin. tell bojan hi from me." "i will" martin said without looking back at him.

"oh shit" kris thought while putting the milk into his black shopping back he got on his first day of university. goddammit, did he notice that something was off? "well, kris, you're stupid" he said to himself angrily. he was so stupid for acting like an idiot rather than a normal friend. he probably noticed that something was off. hopefully not, kris thought. stepping a few steps aside to the next aisle with the other dairy and animal products, he grabbed the butter and the eggs and went to the cashier as if nothing has happened.

after arriving at the cashier, martin was in front of him unloading the shopping cart onto the cashier. kris wanted to be quiet and he acted as if nothing has happened and he hoped, that martin doesn't notice him. while putting his three items onto the cashier martin accidentely turned around. "i didn't think of seeing you again this soon" "yeah me neither" kris said while he was laughing sarcastically a little bit. martin only smiled at him for a short bit and then he turned aroundbagain because it was his turn to check out. "hopefully he didn't notice anything weird" thought kris while he was staring at his friend handing over the money to the cashier. not a lot was going on in kris' mind, it was just him focusing on whatever martin was doing. after he put everything into his cart again, kris waved at him for a last time today (hopefully) and he proceeded to wave back at him. "bye martin" "bye, kris, see you".

kris watched martin keave the grocery store and in that moment, it was his turn to checkout. "5.21 please." the lady said while kris was handing over the 10 euro bill he got from his mom. "that's 4.79 in return" "hvala" kris said and put the things into the bag and left the store.

"why did we meet again and who let me act like an actual idiot there." thought kris while he was heading outside, already being greeted by the strong wind and he headed back home.

a few days later

"that was a great practice as usual, hvala" shouted bojan while he was putting his guitar away.

"absolutely" answered jure while he was trying to get a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket's pocket. all of them were ready to leave, except for kris. he decided to stay a bit to practice on his own. "bye kris" said nace and jan simultaneously and bojan waved at him, jure was already heading back outside. "bye guys, it was nice today!" shouted kris hoping the others would hear him.

he smiled as his friends made their way out of their rehearsal space. now it was just kris and his guitar. he decided to plug it in again and started to play random chords. after a while he began playing their songs. it felt like free therapy. just him and his guitar. for now. his mind shut down, he only thought about playing the guitar right now. all other thoughts were banned from his head. no martin. no feelings, just music. this was what he liked most. this is what he needs from time to time, simply to calm down.

the first song kris decided to play was plastika. it felt like as if he was on stage playing in front of thousands of enthusiastic joker out fans. his free therapy succeeded.

then he moved on to omamljeno telo and dopamin. he hadn't played the extended intro of omamljeno telo in a while, which meant it was time to reactivate it again. "ta pesem mi da občutek kot da letim". this sentence is always stuck in his mind, which a fan told him back in murska sobota last summer. kris wanted to fly now, to make any unreasonable thoughts drift away. his way of flying was simply playing the guitar, he decided to play the song twice. it was pure stress relief for the already quite stressed young man.

from flying and touching the clouds and the stars, he moved on to a song that was written by him. it's all about love and being addicted to it: dopamin. since it was his song, he decided to sing alongside while playing. he tried to not pay attention to the lyrics and their meaning. "to me, you're pure dopamin. to me, i want you even more. when you hit me with your gentle touch, the night turns into a glowing mosiac." martin. he tried as hard as he can not to think about him while playing. however, dopamin wasn't the right song to avoid thinking these thoughts. "life from day to day is an endless flow of lucid dreams about you." he couldn't see anything else rather than martin in these lyrics. it now felt like this song has been unintentionally written about him. after finishing playing this song, he put his guitar away. there's no space in his mind for guitar playing right now, since it has been occupied by his dearest friend martin jurkovič. they are still there. it confuses him. he has never felt that way towards any of his friends before. he had known martin for many years now, but never did kris think about having a crush on his friend.

the last two times they spoke were pure emotional chaos for kris: he couldn't look him in the eyes, otherwise he'd turn red. avoiding eye contact would make martin think he's acting weird. kris needed to find a way to make it through and didn't let something to be noticed. in his eyes, martin was not only a great friend and a smart guy, but also incredibly good looking. kris won't forget the sight in the early hours after getting home from a party, seeing him already being so well put together even due to the strong wind. his sense of humour and the way he cared about his friends, the thought of it made kris go straight to heaven. now he can't deny it anymore, he fell in love with martin. the feelings weren't only caused by the alcohol, the drinks just have awaken them in him. he leaned back onto the couch, throwing his arms onto the rest.

he in- and exhaled deeply, trying to relax, as suddenly the door opened. someone stepped into the rehearsal space, kris jumped up to see who came into the room. he couldn't believe his eyes as he saw a tall brown haired guy with a middle part and a beard enter the little room.

his eyes began to widen as martin shouted "hey kris! why are you still here?", he was approaching him and sat beside him onto the couch for a short moment, before he stood up to walk to the cabinets in the room. now kris needed to figure out how he'd deal with the situation now. either no or full on eye contact. quickly, he chose option two. "hey martin, long time no see haha. i decided to stay a bit longer to practice my own solos a bit. therapeutic activity, you know?" kris said while being slightly nervous in martin's presence.

"what brings you here?" he asked, while martin was searching for something in one of their drawers. he answered kris' question while he was pulling out a black leather notebook out of a drawer in one of their cabinets: "bojan forgot his lyrics journal and since i am always passing the space when i'm on the way to university, he told me to stop by and get it for him. he's got a great idea for a new song, he told me ealier this day." "good to have a rehearsal space that is quite central." kris said and he noticed that martin was approaching him to sit down next to kris. he shouldn't feel anything out of the ordinary, but he did. he could sense that his face was starting to turn red. after sitting down, martin stretched his arms und laid them onto the rest of the couch, so that one was directly behind kris' neck. it even touched his arm a little bit but kris tried to ignore it. in his dreams, martin would have hugged him tight and kris might even got to kiss him eventhough he knows that would never happen in real life. "I'm excited to see what Bojan comes up with" he said quietly while struggling to keep his mind clear and not reveal any of his feelings to him.

"me too" responded martin. kris thought he didn't notice anything, which was good. one wonder he was wondering about was, when martin would be leaving. he had no problem with him being there, the problem just was that kris feared, that he'd notice something was off. kris tried to think that it was just martin sitting next to him, nothing more, nothing less, no other thoughts. well, this didn't work the way it all was supposed to.

"after not being on stage with you all anymore, I forgot how comfortable this couch is. I feel like I could keep sitting there forever." martin told him while he was relaxing. kris anxiously looked fast from left to right a few times before answering his friend: "yeah, you have really forgotten about it, it shows haha. i really miss you performing with us on stage." he thought, it was a good idea to start talking about something emotional to hide his feelings and he tried to cover them up with silly little laughs, hoping martin won't notice anything. he turned towards kris and answered: "yeah, I miss it too, but you know why I left." now he was looking into kris' eyes, there was no way of kris leaving this situation now and martin would most likely notice something.

"I do, I really, really do, but I just miss you so incredibly much." he started to feel that some tears were coming down his face, but he didn't wanna cry. he didn't wanna show any emotion right now. "I miss y'all and performing as well, but it was the right decision for me to leave the band. you remember that it wasn't easy for me either. don't cry, please, kris. don't cry, everything's fine."

"I'm not crying" kris said, while he felt a little tear streaming down his face. martin noticed it and wiped away his tear. kris was not doing good right now, he felt how his face was turning red, that was not a good sign. martin looked at him and asked whether everything was fine. "no nothing's fine. this little move of you made me go completely crazy and I don't even know how to hide my feelings anymore" thought kris while he answered: "yes, thank you, martin. I'm good now." after looking at him for a little bit, martin decided to give kris the tightest hug he could imagine. it felt like a safe place for him and he wished to never let go, though it made his heart beat even faster. "it's not that i am gone forever, kris." martin whispered to him. "i know" he told him.

kris felt like crying but he couldn't, he had to hold it back, otherwise martin could guess something. after a few moments, he released his friend from his hug and looked at him. their eyes met but kris couldn't stand the eye contact for more than a few seconds, which led to him looking away. he decided to focus on the huge bookshelf they had in their rehearsal space, while martin was still looking at him. "kris, are you okay? is everything good?" martin asked him with a worried voice. "hopefully he didn't notice that something's off" thought kris to himself after hearing what martin said. "yes, martin, yes, I'm good. everything's good. don't worry, please." he looked at him for a little bit till he looks at the bookshelf again. his voice was a mixture of sounding a bit shaky and nervous.

"I don't believe you. you don't sound like everything is fine." replied martin judgingly. now kris was a bit scared. was martin going to find out? "but... but, martin.. I am fine.. like really." he said while turning his eyes from the bookshelf to the face of his friend.

"don't lie to me, kris. I can tell something's wrong."

"no, I promise you, I am good." he put his hand onto kris' shoulder and told him: "you know, you can tell me everything."

kris started to breathe a little bit heavier and said: "I.. I know.. it's just that I miss you with us on stage." he tried to hold back his tears and it somehow worked, at least for now. martin looked down for a second and then proceeded to tell kris: "I know that.. and I miss you all too. don't you think I miss performing too? I miss it more than anything but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices. but kris, remember, I am always here for you as a friend and for everyone else in the band. it's not that I am dead." I am always here for you as a friend. kris had no idea how to deal with this sentence. he was glad that martin would be always there for him, and he also knew that even if he found out, they would never be more than friends. that was what confused him. he actually wanted to cry now so that martin would give him a tight hug again, but he knew he couldn't. "I know, thank you." whispered kris quietly and they hugged again for a little bit. kris felt safe and he was glad martin didn't notice anything.

approximately one month later

it's been a month since kris had his little breakdown in front of martin. he had promised him to not tell anyone about it because kris kinda felt a bit ashamed for emotionally breaking down in front of his friend. he had lots of things going on this month, mainly eurovision, so there was no time to destroy his thoughts because of him. liverpool was a Rollercoaster of emotions for him and the entire band. they have arrived back home in ljubljana around one and a half weeks ago.

today was supposed to be a stressful day: joker out planned a meet and greet for fans in a bar in ljubljana and kris was one of the main organizers, so he had to arrive quite early. around 3pm, there was no one expect him and some of the people that worked at the bar.

"živjo!" kris shouted to the workers while entering the building. "živjo, kris!" a woman with long black hair greeted him back, after a few minutes, kris noticed that she was one of his former classmates, so he decided to chat with her for a bit. it turned out that she was part time working in this bar alongside medical school. they haven't seen eachother in many years, so he enjoyed talking to his former classmate for a bit, especially before the others were arriving.

but after that, he needed to go back to prepare everything for the fan meet and greet tonight. they haven't done a proper m&g in ages, so it felt like they were time traveling back to cvetličarna in 2021. he enjoyed talking to fans from time to time, though he wasn't as dedicated as bojan when it comes to meeting fans. kris is more a reserved type while bojan is outgoing and talkative, even with strangers.

while helping the employees to set up everything, kris thought about martin. he hadn't lost any thought to him in the past weeks because he was too stressed, but the thoughts are coming back. his feelings won't die in the near future, he was sure about that. "martin won't be there tonight, so no need to stress myself" he thought to himself while he was putting some joker out flyers onto the round tables. the others would arrive in 2 or 3 hours, until that, kris had time to think about his friend.

a while later

"it all looks really good" said bojan while inspecting the little flyers that were scattered all over the desks.

"carpe diem" was written all over it.

"I love these flyers! probs to whoever made them!" agreed nace with the happiest voice someone could imagine.

"good job, girls, guys and kris" responded bojan while jokingly mocking kris a bit for mentioning him on his own. he found that joke actually quite funny, so he laughed a little bit.

"kris, kris, kris!" he heard someone was shouting his name, so he turned around and saw jure running towards him. "hey jure, what's going on?" kris asked him, being slightly confused about jure's euphoric enthusiasm. "did you... did you know, we'll have a special guest tonight?" special guest. that sounded either really good or really bad, depends on who the special guest was. "nope, I didn't. who is it?" "can't tell you right now, you'll see. I know you're gonna be really happy." said jure while slightly jumping in his place, he was just like an hyperactive child at the age of 27. that's just jure. if jure said he'd be happy, kris decides to believe him.

it's been 8pm now, the starting time of the fan meet and greet. kris could already see lots of fans, mainly girls, queueing to get pictures and talk to the jokers. "the more often I look out, the more people I see waiting for us. dude, I feel like we're in the cvetka again." stated bojan, who just stood next to kris. "yeah, that's crazy, you're right. I am not even used to it anymore." answered kris.

now, the five members of the band decided to go out and all the fans were cheering and screaming. they felt like celebrities. it was a feeling that couldn't be replaced by anything else. all of the spotlights were on them and the fans were cheering as much and as loud as they could. "dober večer!" screamed bojan and the fans immediately responded with an even louder scream. they decided to play 5 songs tonight, two from their first and second album and their eurovision hit carpe diem. a fortune wheel chose their other four songs which had been metulji, dopamin, vse kar vem and katrina. dopamin. what a perfect song to play now, well.. at least martin wasn't here. the band started to play their songs and the audience was going crazy. kris could notice them having a lot of fun as usual.

after they finished carpe diem, bojan said: "you might think this was our last song, but I can assure you, there will be one more performance from us." kris was a bit shocked because he didn't know that they would be performing another song. bojan continued: "we haven't played this one in a while, and to be exact, it's not even an original joker out song. let's sing about starry skies and shooting stars." starry skies and shooting stars? there is only one song that would come to kris' mind: mogoče. but how would they be playing it if nace doesn't know the chords? he knew it. "and for that, let's welcome a special guest, applause for the one and only martin jurkovič!"

the audience was now screaming even louder than before as martin came onto the stage hugging jan and bojan at first, then jure and after that he walked over to kris. if you would've looked closely at him, you could tell his facial expression was shocked. now martin is here today as well and performing a song with them. kris was going insane internally. martin decided to hug him tightly as well, it wasn't as tight as the comfort hug he gave him in the rehearsal space. his heart was still about to explode. martin's touch made him go crazy. he had no idea how to deal with it that people and especially martin won't notice it. for this song, nace went backstage. he had no idea that they would be performing mogoče tonight. "that's why bojan wanted to practice this song, without bass the entire time." he thought to himself. "gremo fantje!" bojan shouted and the five started started to play. kris hadn't played this song in almost a year. the only thing that now helped, was concentrating on the chords and the audience, and not to focus on martin. "mi smo joker out in radi vas mamo" this is how they ended their concert.

martin gave everyone including nace a hug and as it was kris' turn, he whispered to him: "i'm glad to see you again, are you better today?" this short hug made kris definitely feel things, especially feeling martin's hands on his back. "yes" he said quietly and he let go and proceeded to go off-stage. it had been a short concert but it felt so good for kris to play in front of an audience full of joker out fans again after only playing only one song in liverpool all of the time.

"kris!" "kris! can i get a picture?" "come here, kris!!" "kris come to me please! i need a picture with you!" "can you give me your guitar pick?" this was what kris was hearing all of the time. this was gonna be a bit stressful, but that was his job. "yes sure! one by one!" he shouted the loudest he could and the fans started to somewhat line up to talk to him and to take pictures.

approximately two hours later

all the members were having a beer in the bar, relaxing after the meet and greet with the euphoric fans. they were laughing and had the best time. kris was talking to nace and jan while bojan and martin were chatting about something kris couldn't hear, probably about something related to their apartment since they lived together.

"mogoče sounded amazing live!" admitted nace. "I hope you weren't mad for not playing this song with us" said jan, joking a little bit. "no, I surely wasn't. you guys were amazing" replied nace to jan's sentence. "it was a strange feeling to play mogoče after such a long time live again." said kris, while taking a sip from his beer. "absolutely" agreed jan. during this conversation kris always looked awkwardly in martin' direction but hoping he and jan and nace won't notice him. kris wanted to secretly admire martin in his head, since he couldn't get the comfort hug from over a month ago out of his brain. he was constantly thinking about it. the way martin had been so sweet with him after kris had a emotional breakdown almost revealing his feelings to his friend.

"I actually didn't know bojan was planning this" jan said and kris agreed with him. bojan hadn't told anyone, but jure, about bringing martin on stage. one part of kris didn't complain, because he liked to admire him and the other part wanted to avoid him at all costs. what a conflict he carried within him.

"it was a surprise but a goo-" someone tapped onto his shoulder while he was talking and interrupted him. he turned around and saw martin. "oh hi, martin! what are yo-" "I need to talk to you, kris. nace, jan, can you give a minute with him?" he interrupted kris asking. "yeah sure" jan said and kept on talking with nace. kris felt a bit weird because why would martin wanna talk to him? his biggest fear was if he noticed something.

they both went to some corner in the bar together to able to talk quietly with eachother. they were standing next to eachother and kris decided to place his empty beer cup on the table. he was kinda nervous to be alone with him again. his feelings were already going crazy when martin's dark eyes just took a look at kris. "what do you wanna talk about, martin?" kris asked him. he was taking a sip from his cup and then placed it next to kris' empty one. "about the rehearsal space." shit. he thought to himself, he might have noticed it. "yeah, uhm.. sure." kris slowly answered. "I simply wanted to check on you, whether you're doing okay. it was hard for me to see you this down and all that because of me." "thank god he didn't notice anything" kris thought. but he had been a bit anxious now because he now had to talk about his feelings with martin. "yes, thank you. I am doing better now. I think I might've had a bad day because I had this breakdown. I am sorry, martin."

he reached out to kris by putting his hand onto kris' shoulder, which made kris kinda shake. he couldn't take his touch and acting completely normal. maybe it's time to reveal it. "no need to be sorry, kris. we all have bad days sometimes. but kris, why are you shaking? are you really all good? should I get you something to drink?" he was so caring, that's what kris loved about him. "yes, martin, i am. I wouldn't lie to you." he became quite nervous knowing he had martin's hand touching him on his shoulder. at the same time it felt good. kris felt some kind of safety. "hmm.. strange. I haven't seen someone shaking and claiming they are feeling well. are you sure you're good?" "yes, martin, I am 100% sure." "I can't believe you" martin replied and he sounded a judging. "no martin, I'm not good, I am in love with you and I just wish that you'd feel the same about me." this is what kris wanted to say. he wanted to confess his love. he didn't wanna lie to him. looking into his beautiful dark brown eyes was a challenge for him.

"kris, please explain to me, what is going on? I need to know it now, please. we're friends, you can tell me everything." he could tell him everything. everything, even his feelings for him, but he won't. at least for now. martin put his hand away from kris' shoulder. what a relief. "everything?" kris looked at him. "yes, kris. everything. even that you're in love with me." goddammit. he must've noticed something was off.

kris began feeling a bit insecure and he began to shake again.

"it's that... it's all about... you, martin. I have been having feelings for you lately." martin looked kinda shocked at him but then put his hand on kris' shoulder again. he couldn't look him in the eyes, he was too embarrassed to have revealed it to him. martin stared at kris' empty cup. they weren't looking at eachother for a moment until martin said: "well, kris, to be honest with you.." kris hoped for him saying "I have been feeling the same for you" but he knew it wouldn't happen. "I suspected it. I remembered a girl in my high school acting pretty much the same as you did when i was around." he wasn't expecting this answer from him. was he really that obvious? he guessed he had been. "you weren't very secretive about it. the way you acted lately around me made me guess it."

it's been out now. kris was happy that he told him about it but also a bit scared of his reaction. he just knew, martin would never feel the same. "yes, uhm.. so I guess it's out now haha" said kris while laughing a bit sarcastic. martin came a bit closer to kris and started to put his on his back and asked him: "and this is what makes you go insane?" "yes... yes, martin." he stroke kris' back and then decided to put his hand onto his shoulder again.

"is this what heaven actually feels like? definitely. this is my heaven, I rise above when he's near me." kris thought to himself. "good to know then. kris I have to tell you that I am totally fine with you feeling that way about me and it's not that I don't like the idea." kris' heart was beating even faster now, is something going to happen? this was the only thing he wished for right now. martin doesn't dislike the idea. his mind is going crazy.

kris was not sure how to deal with it anymore. he just wanted one thing now. suddenly martin pulled him closer and kissed him. kris had no idea what was going on right now. it happened. the thing he wanted to happen. he felt like he's flying, just as if he's playing omamljeno telo on his guitar. he just let it happen.

"martin, kris, can u plea-" bojan shouted and he was interrupted when he saw them. both of them released eachother and jumped back. they were looking bojan straight in the eyes. not only martin knows about it, but also bojan. "shit" thought kris.

THE END.

thank you sm for reading my story and i hope you liked it! :)

[bafflement]

Ozqrow Week - Day 7 - Alternate Prompt - Bachelor Party

Qrow stared around at the ridiculously ostentatious display of power and wealth around him in very real disgust. Trust Jimmy of all people to decide that his wedding had to happen here. Yes, Jimmy was from Atlas, but surely there were some limits if only on good taste? The colors clashed in ways he sincerely doubted Glynda would have been okay with had she known about it in advance, and dearest Brothers, was that an actual champagne fountain? Most of the guests seemed to be halfway to drunk already, the lightweights. He scanned the room, looking for a specific person amongst all the politically well connected invitees. Trust Jimmy to use even his own bachelor party as a means of drumming up support. The entire party felt slimy to Qrow, who was very well aware that he was here on sufferance. Jimmy didn’t actually have enough friends to afford to turn him away though, despite appearances. How many people were here just so they could say they had attended the party of the decade, after all?

All this schmoozing was making him vaguely nauseous. He was pretty certain he’d spotted at least five people tonight that he was highly aware that Jimmy casually despised. Oh, no… make that six. A red faced Jacques Schnee seemed to be screaming at another guest. He blinked but the image didn’t change. That was Oz, why was he in blue, had he actually followed the ridiculous dress code? Jacques was still going, gesticulating wildly as a seemingly unruffled Ozpin just looked down at him. He hadn’t fully realised how short the man really was until he saw the contrast between the two. Brothers, but Oz must be easily a foot taller than him. Why was Schnee so disgusted, anyway? He was one step up from pond scum, in all the worst ways and everybody knew it. He sighed internally, time to play the good friend and get Oz out of whatever the hells that situation was meant to be.

“Oh, hey, Oz, been looking for you. Are you done talking yet?” If anything, Jacques got even more red faced at the interruption, before seeming to hear something and come back to himself slightly. Oz, saint that he was, just looked at him patiently as though waiting for something to happen. Qrow had never really been quite sure why Oz hated the other man so much, although it was a sentiment widely shared on Remnant as a whole Oz had never really seemed to hate anyone before like he did Jacques Schnee. Except Salem, and wasn’t that a horrific thought. The idea of Jacques, or any Schnee really, with magical powers wasn’t something he really wanted to think about too closely.

There was a flash of something almost like hurt in Oz’s eyes as the other man turned away, probably to go scream at someone else. If this had been Qrow’s party, he would have been tossed out long before now. But then again, had this been Qrow’s party, he’d rather have drunk poison than let that man anywhere near it.

He glanced at Oz again, almost consideringly. He wasn’t really the type to settle down, but if ever there was someone that could tempt him into matrimony, it was certainly Oz. He hadn’t exactly been looking for love, but then that was always the way, wasn’t it? He’d fallen into it like a crow into shiny objects, and he couldn’t give it up now that he had it in his grasp.

“Oz? What was all that about, anyway?” He asked, hope over certainty that he wasn’t going to get a straight answer. Oz’s face worked briefly before the other man let out a deep, aggrieved sigh.

“Jacques Schnee remains himself, dismally so. He saw the colors I was sporting and decided to make a big deal out of things. It’s like he didn’t even read the dress code, not that you seem to have followed it, my dearest, dusty old Qrow.”

Qrow rolled his eyes. “Rather more surprised that you did, to be completely honest. I get the temptation to turn Jacques Schnee inside out, hell, I’ve had it a time or two myself… but seriously, what even was that? Why would he take offence to the way you dressed?”

“We had an agreement Qrow, not to pry too far into each others pasts. Put it like this, Mister Schnee seems to be of the erroneous assumption that he can control me in any way, shape or form. I do believe he has not himself truly gotten over past events. That and I fear he may have mistaken me for someone who is long dead, though I cannot be sure on the last issue.” Oz sighed again, stopping speaking. Qrow stared at him, narrowly. Had Oz been drinking? That was rather more information than the immortal ever tended to reveal after all. Then again, the provocation HAD been rather intolerable. He was reluctantly impressed, in a way, that Oz hadn’t taken the opportunity to turn Jacques inside out, though if he had actually raised a hand to the Headmaster then all bets would be off.

Just who did Jacques think Oz was, then, to react the way he had in public, around what passed for the great and the good of Atlasean society? Who would have been worth the risks, considering that enough people must have heard the one way screaming match to seriously tarnish the older man’ reputation? He glanced at Oz again, but his face had closed, eyes going distant in a way that meant he wasn’t going to get anything more out of his friend tonight. No matter what else might happen, they’d been hovering [heh] around the edges of a more than friends relationship for awhile now. He glanced back at the furious, red faced form of Jacques Schnee, For a second he’d almost seen Oz in his features. Nah, he couldn’t have. Maybe it was the company, everything was making him paranoid tonight.

[trashlie]

FP 202

There’s just a couple last thoughts I’d like to spit out before we move to 203, if I can, and this one in particular is something I didn’t get a chance to get to in my last post, one that I think both embodies the overall theme of ILY and I think hints at things to come yet. 

“Everyone’s got their own struggles. No matter how good you may think they have it. Remember that.” 

Shimhan’s words to Shinae in the hospital are significant because they demonstrate one of, if not the core, message that ILY has been telling us from the start. Even though it looks like some people may appear to have the good lives, are afforded better opportunities than you, even if on the outside everything appears to be well and good, more often than not this is not true. We all have struggles we must deal with, we all have personal burdens that we may not show to others. 

In the case of ILY, some of these are obvious. Shinae and Shimhan’s struggles are very overt and open - but as the timeline progresses, Shimhan attempts to keep it all together and pretend that his struggles are not nearly as bad as they really are. To us as readers, but not immediately to Shinae or even his friends, Nol’s struggles are apparent. Though he does a good job of keeping up a facade and hiding it all away, no one really knew just what goes on under the surface, what all he has endured and suffered through. 

But moreso, we see it true for all of the characters. Kousuke is a shining example: he has a good job, makes good money, he appears to be the favored son (or at least he certainly is by Yui), he is considered a gentleman and a most eligible bachelor. But Kousuke certainly has his own struggles, though he’s not opened himself up to them and Hansuke is one of the only characters to really key in on it. Kousuke has dealt with a lot of emotional neglect that has absolutely impacted his ability to deal with people and read and understand emotions - including his own. He has a nasty habit of repressing things and trying to compartmentalize things, attempting to apply logic to very illogical matters. The kind of neglect he suffered as a child manipulated the man he’s grown up to become, and he’s been so blinded by his quest for Rand’s favor that he’s unable to see what it’s done to him. Kousuke’s troubles are compartmentalized, shoved away in neat little boxes where he can continue to try to ignore them, but that doesn’t mean he lacks them.

Alyssa, too, lives up to this example, and Shinae actually touches on this. I think it’s something we may see more of, whether or not it’s through introspective Shinae in this flashback, or older and maybe just a little wiser current Shinae. To Shinae, Alyssa had everything she wanted: an intact family with a doting mother who spoils hers, a room full of books and portraits and expensive make up and sheet music and instruments, parents who are so involved in her life they border on suffocating, so many educational opportunities, skills Shinae can only dream of. It’s easy to look at the affluent and go “What can possibly suck about your life?” when they have all the things that could make your life easier. For Shinae, who fees lonely and maybe even neglected by how very busy her father is, the idea of parents who are so involved and so-ever present doesn’t seem like a bad thing, but to be the person who is smothered by a family that leaves you no real chances to try things out for yourself, it’s not a dream. In fact, there’s probably an argument to be made that because they seemed to be so involved in her life and she lacked connections with kids her age, this is largely a reason she isn’t good at interpersonal relationships and cannot deal with confrontation or disappointing people. It was probably born of a fear of disappointing her parents (especially when they make such efforts to meet her interests, which then can lead her to feeling guilty if she doesn’t follow through) that grew and expanded until it became what it has. 

But more than that, I think we’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Alyssa and the struggles she’s dealing with. The potential of sexuality especially comes into question here, because what a struggle that is to hide and bury deep down, right? But we also have seen enough hints to know that her home life is not as idyllic as it looks and I am willing to bet that, much like Kousuke, the manner of Alyssa’s upbringing has absolutely affected the way she developed emotionally. Though Alyssa is a clever and intelligent girl, it’s kind of like book smarts vs street smarts. She lacks the experience and understanding to know how to deal with interpersonal relationships and very complex feelings, especially laced with deep-set fears. I think something worth remembering about Alyssa is that the kind of fear she feels isn’t just something casual you can brush off. In the same way that Shinae struggled to open up to people because of the number of times she’s been burned and how hard it was to let her trust and rely on others, I think Alyssa’s fears are also deeply ingrained and are something she needs to work heavily through to deal with. I don’t say this to dismiss her actions and behaviors, but just to reinforce that she is merely a product of her environment, and to reiterate that I think this will be a running theme with Alyssa through the story, when we finally learn more about her. Especially now that Alyssa is entering adulthood and has an idol career, I think we will find a lot more about the struggles she’s dealing with, even though to Shinae, it looks like she has everything and that her life is as neat and tidy as Shinae wishes hers was. 

Rand, too, is nothing but struggles. Beyond the obvious Yui vs Rand, we’ve definitely seen it alluded to that Rand has lost a lot of things in life - and many of them seemingly by his own hand. It feels very hinted at that Rand was in love with Nol’s mom, and that his relationship with Yui is much like a prison. We’ve seen moments of him attempting to parent Kousuke, only to be shadowed by Yui who undermined him at every opportunity. I think it was probably Rand’s intention to try to keep Nol safe, but the ways he attempted it were so abhorrently bad he did worse damage than had he maybe sent Nol away. I think in time we’ll find deeper struggles confirmed - that perhaps Rand wanted to be a better parent but it put Nol in danger or something. 

And Yui, too, surely has her own struggles. My personal theory remains that love and romance were never really something Yui wanted. I think she ultimately wants to be powerful and in a society that favors men probably disdains the situation she’s in. I still believe at this time that marriage to Rand was meant to provide her the means to be the shadow ruler she really wants to be - the person who is actually in charge, but unable to be in title and name, and because of this she’s taken it out on others. I imagine, too, if we ever learn more about her own upbringing, we will learn of plenty of struggles. 

It’s such a simple line, but I think it tells us a lot about how we are supposed to interpret the events of ILY - that nothing has ever been simply what it was at face value to us, that there is always another side of the story. Our own personal struggles and journeys affect our interactions, and we will continue to see that play out in ILY. No matter how good someone’s situation seems, never forget everyone has their own struggles, everyone is saddled with their own burdens, and though it may not excuse their behavior, it will at least explain it. 

[babytowntm]

Branching out/ becoming adults

me again!

I'm going to be in a discord call soon with some friends of mine that I've tried to keep in touch with reguarly since our graduation last year.

We're all pretty busy though so it is quite hard, and finding time is difficult. we usually have these discord meet ups once every few months so we can update each other on our lifes and accomplishments. We also use our group chat frequently for that.

One of my friends, Annika, is currently undergoing job training as a chemical laboratorry assistent. She works in labs all day and is studying chemistry at the moment, until she gets moved to the green houses that they keep on the facility. I promised her I'd go see her facility next year so she could maybe give me a tour of the whole thing.

Another friend, Celine, is studying at uni to become a graphic designer. Originally she wasn't interested in the subject and she never really showed any passion or interest for it, at least not during our school years as far as I can remember. She started studying from home and doing an online bachelors degree. I hope she succeeds in doing so.

And lastly, Lorika, a friend of mine who needed some time to really find her way and what she wanted to do. Lorika is kind and very patient, but also a bit naive and unsteady when it comes to making decisions for herself. She needs a lot of time to think and even when decided, often thinks about the "what-if" possibilities.

Her parents are very strict, immigrant parent's are always like that one might say, and I guess in this case it is correct. They expect a lot from her and especially from her career path. So what happened? They forced her to take on a scholarship at a university to become a grade school teacher.

Shortly before we graduated, she applied for university- a uni that would be a 3h drive away from home. She even moved so she could be closer, applied for student aid and got herself a flat. Then the problems arose when she found it hard to make friends or even survive a normal day. She didn't enjoy her studies anymore (grade school teacher) and wanted to quit. Her parents didn't let her though so she was forced to suffer an entire year of uni before her parents gave out and she moved back home with them. Ever since of January 2022 she has been thinking about possible career paths for herself, maybe getting influenced by her family in the process. They ranged from Kindergarten teacher to social worker to "working with the disabled".

In the end she decided she'd to a few testing phases and applied for a few unpaid internships to gain experience. I'm proud of her, she really came a long way.

Welp, and I guess I never disclosed on here what I do. i'm also doing online uni from home to support my mom (single parent) with upkeeping the household and chores whilst also maintaining a close bond with my friends in the area. I'm working part time at an embroidery shop and study to become a social worker one day.

And by now a few of you might be thinking why I am even talking about this, and I guess I don't really have a reason other than to portray how different each of our lives have become over just one year. We've all branched out in different directions, with different interests, hobbies, study buddies and friend groups

Not going to lie, keeping in touch with friends from school is hard sometimes and it does take a lot of effort. It isn't easy to find time for each other anymore, unlike back then when you'd just meet up during lunch hour and talk about our day or teachers.

It is exciting though isn't it? We're becoming adults, slowly but surely, and it's amazing to see that development. Hopefully I'll keep that connection with them, because they mean a lot to me, but it's a bit unsteady from time to time. Sometimes we'll have months go by with that one friend just never answering or even letting us know if they're okay, and other times we'll talk on the daily.

I guess in some way this is your reminder, from little me to you, to maybe check on your friends that might have been on the down low lately.

[hufflpuffin]

Hello, my friend. I hope this message finds you well. 🙏

Please read this as if i were a member of your family. Maybe your sister, your daughter or your friend. As if my family who is going through difficult circumstances is your family.

I'm Ola, a graduate student from the Faculty of Science at Al-Azhar University . I'm a dedicated and passionate student, striving to become a good researcher and teacher.

Unexpectedly, my life took a drastic turn transforming me from a passionate student into a person struggling for survival. 🥺

My family is in a very difficult situation due to the harsh conditions we have been living in for more than a year. After the prices went up so crazy, I created this campaign to help me and my family meet our basic needs for food, drink, and other essentials and it will help us to rebuild our lives.

All I am asking for is your support. Every donation, no matter how small, will make a difference in changing the situation we are in. Please help us by donating to our campaign and by reblogging the pinned post on my page. Also if you can write a post about my campaign we all would be very grateful.♥️

I know for sure that you can't help all families that want your help but at least you can help those who come across your life.

I am the eldest daughter who tries to help herself, her siblings and her parents but of course I will not be able to do it alone. Will you help me with that?! The decision is yours 🥺

I would appreciate it if you could follow me to stay updated, as I will always need your help. 💔

This is my GFM link:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/empower-olas-pursuit-of-education-amid-crisis?qid=30ec4c502382b9962b96d698a687d9a8

My campaign has been verified by @/90-ghost, @/northgazaupdates, @/el-shab-Hussien, and @/nabulsi's vetted list #205.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1yYkNp5U3ANwILl2MknJi9G7ArY4uVTEEQ1CVfzR8Ioo/htmlview#gid=0

Thank you in advance for your kindness and support. I am waiting for your response. ❤️

Please donate and share with others. 🥺🙏

Sincerely,

Ola

Hello, I'm Ola, a graduate student from the faculty of science - Al-Azhar University in Gaza Palestine. I truly appreciate you taking a moment to read my story. As you reading my message, myself and my family, “my mother, father, three sisters, and my little brother,” are fighting death in northern Gaza and trying to survive under all kinds of suffering including but not limited to destruction, fear, and instability, starvation, thirst, and poverty.

For eight months until now, we have been struggling to get proper food after prices increased by 15 to 20 times, struggling to have clean water for use and drinking. We lacked security and stability as we were forced to evacuate our house and left everything behind. Then we had to move at least three times since every new area we seek refuge to gets bombed.

Before October 7th, my days were filled with attending lectures, working, and volunteering. I completed my bachelor's degree in Mathematics with a GPA 96.01% with a grade of distinction with first class honors.

Once I completed my graduate studies, I began looking for a job to cover the study expenses. I got my first contract as a mathematics teacher on August 30, 2023, at a school here in Gaza. I was very excited, happy and full of passion for this new chapter in my life as a student and teacher at the same time. It was one month like a beautiful dream in which I began my work as a teacher to my students in the seventh grade. I was explaining mathematics using extracurricular activities.

However since October 7th, my life turned upside down, darkness prevailed, all hopes and dreams quickly vanished. Our once peaceful neighborhood has been devastated by relentless bombings, leaving my home, university, and my workplace destroyed.

Although, there is nothing here but rubble and ash color and a dark and gloomy future looms ahead, my family and I fight every day holding onto a thin thread of hope that tomorrow might be better. This is why I decided to start this campaign and seek your help and support to create hope for me and my family.

your generous support and donation will help provide the basic needs needed for me and my family under these difficult circumstances. It will also give us hope that there is a better future waiting for us once the war stops Insha’Allah. It will also help me complete my higher education programs and become a better teacher and researcher insha'Allah.

I extend heartfelt gratitude to the caring donors who aid my journey. Your belief in the transformative power of education is a beacon of inspiration, and your kindness is a gift that propels me forward.

Thank you for making a difference in my life. Sincerely, Ola

[delphi-shield]

ᴀ ɴᴏɴ-ᴛʀᴀᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴏᴀᴄʜ ᴛᴏ ʟᴏꜱꜱ & ɢʀɪᴇꜰ // claire redfield

Claire Redfield x Reader hurt/comfort, fluff wc: 1.4k read on ao3 we always talk abt leon's raccoon city trauma but claire was there toooo she had hopes and dreams and her aspirations were ripped away from her in one night!!!

summary: Raccoon City took parts of Claire that she can never get back. She suffers prettily most days, a poster-child for how to handle survivor's guilt. Others, she torments herself with what could have been.

Or;

Claire decides to go back to finish her interrupted undergraduate degree.

content: hurt/comfort, fluff, established relationship, reader's pov

Claire keeps washing the same damn coffee mug.

It's been like this for the past five minutes. Claire half-heartedly scrubs at the cup, her mind somewhere far away, eyes glazed over.

That's what you picture, at least. From where you're seated, you can only see her back, her profile carved from the warm light of your apartment. It would be idyllic if you didn't know better. Stress suspends her at the kitchen sink, a string wound between her limbs that pulls her taut.

“You're gonna scrub the design off,” you warn. It takes a moment for your voice to penetrate her stupor. You picture her blinking, shaking her head slightly. Her ponytail swings gently, the image of her in your mind transposed into your kitchen.

Claire shuts the water off. She grabs a cloth to dry her mug. A new fixation. She's rubbing the damn thing hard enough that the ceramic squeals under her grip.

This is the part that takes patience.

Claire's been hemming and hawing like this for weeks now. It's never shaky hands and uncertain words with her - it's furrowed brow and loud huffs, a tumultuous battle within herself that leaves you in her wake. Dinners alone, late nights spent peering around the corner of her office, asking her if she's coming to bed. She returns your texts late, disjointed thoughts spilling into midday messages. You piece her meaning together from the shrapnel. Collateral damage.

As much as you'd love to light the spark in her eyes again, to smooth the worried creases from her forehead and ply what bothers her from pursed lips, you know it's futile. She needs the time and the space to tell you on her own, when she's ready. Push too hard and you'll get burned.

It's not work that's troubling her - you had checked. She presents at a conference next month, but in typical Claire fashion, she’ll do all her worrying about that the week before.

Chris is fine, too. That's the other big one that sets her teeth on edge. You'd checked in with him the other night. (Though you always suspected he alerted Claire of your calls. He wasn't good at keeping secrets where Claire was concerned. You're similar that way, you suppose.)

The cup stops squeaking. You lift your head up, dare to peer out of your foxhole. Claire's back is still turned to you. You duck back down, scroll on your phone to paint the illusion of casualty. Casualness, you correct yourself.

“I'm thinking about going back to school.”

You don't even pick your head up. “Oh, like for your master’s?”

Claire’s silence raises your eyes. Her shoulders are still drawn up high in her cream button-up.

“No,” she manages. Jesus, you've never heard her sound so small. “For my bachelor’s.”

You set your phone to the side and nod to the seat across from you. Your cheek squishes against your fist and you carefully curate your expression. A vulnerable Claire is a volatile Claire.

“So, like, a different major, or..?"

“I don't know.” Frustration sets her brow in a harsh crag. She huffs, swatting the question away with a hand.

Just gotta let her work this out, you remind yourself, biting your tongue. Something about this has her flayed open in her own home. She folds her arms across her chest, hands slotting against her ribs to stem the bleeding.

Claire's eyes flit to your phone. When you don't pick it back up, refuse to scroll aimlessly until the conversation is forgotten, she scowls.

“You know I never graduated, right?”

“Really?” You blink, shrug, anything to stay nonchalant. “I guess I just figured you had.”

“I finished my freshman year. Then Raccoon City happened.”

Your heart dips. It always comes back to Raccoon City eventually. You wonder if she spends more time in that burned out shell of a city than anywhere else, if her far-off looks always lead her back to the decimation and the rot.

You reach across to squeeze her hand. “You wanna go back?”

Claire nods. Her eyes filter past you, over your shoulder.

“I don't like leaving unfinished business.”

“I know.”

“God, it would be expensive. Like, a total waste of money.”

“Weren't you just bragging about TerraSave's tuition reimbursement plan like, a couple weeks ago?”

“Yeah, but…” The argument dies on her tongue, her words splattering on the table between you. You trace idle shapes against the back of her hand, waiting for her to disarm herself.

You can think of any number of reasons to tell her not to. You're sure they're the same ones that spin in her head now. Realistically, she doesn't need the degree. Not having it isn't preventing her from progressing in her career. She's been more than successful without it. But this isn't about her future. It's about her past.

Finally, she takes her finger off the trigger. Her shoulders round. Whether it's in defeat or acceptance, it doesn't make much of a difference.

“I don't know, I just – I'm almost 40.” She rolls her eyes, trying to cover up the way her voice had softened. “It's kind of weird to go back and sit in Comp 101 with a bunch of eighteen year olds.”

“Fuck ‘em.” Claire snorts, but the set of her shoulders doesn't round like you'd hoped. You reach across the table, fingers loosely encircling her wrist. “I'm serious, baby. Who cares? You'd tell me the same thing.”

“You don't think it's a waste of time?”

I don't think anything that helps you bury Raccoon City is a waste of time, you want to say. You weave around the landmine instead.

“No way. What major are you going to pick?”

“I was a psych major before everything…” She gestures nebulously in the air between you. A soft tap-tap-tap stirs from beneath the table, her heel clicking against the floor anxiously. “You know.”

You hum and squeeze her hand a little tighter, try to drag her off the streets of Raccoon City. You bounce ideas off of each other, both serious and silly.

This is nothing that will be decided over The course of one night, but she ends up leaning away from psychology. It's more practical to study business, she says. More useful for her work.

You've long devolved into talking nonsense. Claire had asked about your college experience, and you'd picked the stupidest stories possible, trying to see her smile, to see her throw her head back with laughter.

You pause mid-sentence, gasp, eyes sparking bright. “Oh my god, you're gonna be a non-trad. Let's get you one of those backpacks with wheels.”

“Stop,” she laughs, swatting your arm.

“I'm serious. You gotta have the full experience.”

“You're ridiculous.”

“You have to walk down the middle of the sidewalk no matter what.”

“I'm probably just going to do online classes.”

“And you only have two speeds - really fast, or the slowest walker on campus.”

“I'm definitely doing online classes.”

You shake your head. You're definitely ordering her that bag, even if she won't use it. As much as she travels, she might actually get some use out of it, even if she isn't physically attending classes.

You rise from the table and fill her sparkling clean mug with a layer of honey (local, the farmer's market last Saturday, her hand in your back pocket and fresh banana bread dangling from from the bag in the crook of her arm) and switch the kettle on. While you rifle through the cabinet for her favorite tea, you drum up your courage to ask something that could sour the peace.

“How come you never went back to school before now?”

For a moment, you worry you've ruined things. You peer over your shoulder at her, evaluating the thoughtful look on her face carefully.

“I had a lot going on. There was this whole thing with Chris, and–” Claire looks over at you, mischief burning in her eyes. “Hey. Did I ever tell you I'm not allowed back into France?”

“What.”

“Yeah. Not kidding. Hope you didn't want to honeymoon in Paris.”

The kettle clicks off. You nearly spill the water on yourself trying to pour her tea. Bustling back over, you carefully place it in front of her and then careen into your seat. Your chin drops into your hand.

“Tell me everything.”

Claire laughs. Her limbs loosen, both hands curled around her favorite mug. She leans in close and starts her tale. Paris, Antarctica - you wouldn't believe her if she were anyone else.

But she isn't. She's Claire Redfield, and she's finally back in your apartment, hand curled around your thigh. There's no Raccoon City in her eyes anymore. It will be back - she will always be there, in part. You aren't naîve enough to think otherwise. Tonight is proof, though, that she won't be stuck there.

[sleepybatfriend]

gonna use under the read more to journal some personal thoughts

I've been feeling really exhausted lately and I feel like my brain fog is getting worse. my audio processing sucks and I can't help but be anxious about how others perceive me.

I'm almost done with this diploma but now I have to decide if I want to have more schooling, get my masters so I'm qualified school-wise in whatever job I decide I want in my field. it would be best to get it done sooner than later; after all, my advance standing in the bachelor program has an expiration date.

but do I have it in me to commit to at least 3 more years of school? I barely retain information as is. my grades are getting worse and I struggle to get myself to do anything.

even doing things with friends who I desperately want to spend time with is exhausting. I keep having periods where I still feel so alone despite everything.

I really do worry there is something wrong with me, with my head, with my brain. I can tell it isn't working the way it should but I don't even know if there's anything I can do or if I just have to suffer until it has an aneurysm and kills me dead. and what then, if I spend so much time and energy trying to get this schooling done, just to have a brain that doesn't work right and hole where my heart should be.

sigh.

[aadhad]

Hello! I am relatively newly diagnosed adhd-c even though I had suspected it for a while and I recently finished up my bachelor’s degree in engineering. School was really good for me and my brain because it gave me really strict deadlines with somewhat harsh consequences for not meeting those deadlines, but now that I’m out of school I am really struggling with my executive dysfunction. I was wondering if you or anyone you knew had some tips on tackling that issue, anything is appreciated! (For context, the only advice I’ve received is from my NT therapist to ‘keep a planner!’ which I have already tried to many times before :’) )

It took me a while to get to this ask, sorry! Note: I've found coping mechanisms don't translate well from person to person, but it can't hurt.

First, I started being kinder to myself about planning implements like calendars and planners. I use one sometimes for a couple weeks and then never again. That doesn't mean the planner was useless, it was just helpful for a much shorter time than for an NT. It's not good advice to just "keep a planner" because the "keep" part sucks.

Meds really help if you have access. The shortage is a huge problem for me lately, but when I have my meds, I can at least get out of bed in the morning. I don't think this advice is new to any of us, but it is true :)

Cleaning is really difficult for me, especially when I'm working full time or more. I try to combat this by making little routines with some visual or location trigger. For example: I clean my counters / put away dishes while my Brita filter fills up.

I also have tried to use the "bored" part of my brain as a "go do something" trigger. It only works if you do something the second you notice boredom. Example: Waking up and playing a sorta-mindless game on my phone until I'm bored and then once I notice I'm bored, I swing out of bed.

The opposite of this "mindfulness" technique is to simply shut off the brain to do something. I know this isn't consistently easy, but sometimes enabling autopilot helps a whole lot. "Just do it" from an NT usually means power-through (which is almost impossible), but this "just do it" means don't think about it at all because it can sike you out. Even a faked "whelp, gonna do this now" pushes you into action mode more reliably than stressing about whether or not you can do a thing.

Also get rid of any apps that auto scroll. It's really hard to do, but I promise you it'll be better in the long run. It sucks executive function dry for even non-ADHD people, let alone those of us who already have deficits.

Finally, this is a way of framing that was incredibly helpful to me from about a year ago. Your ADHD mirrors the patterns of some chronic illnesses. It has flare-ups where you are suffering with no end in sight, and other times where you are fine. Unlike what a lot of people think, you can't just "coping mechanism" through the whole disorder. ADHD is not the result a lack of coping mechanisms, and we have to be gracious towards ourselves about it. More importantly, our employers have to legally be gracious about it.

[silverbirching]

Just remember, this is all your fault, @jayciethings!

"Mortal," intones the elven princess Illyrwynnethinadelle, her voice a glissando of cosmic chimes as she casts the nacreous fall of her moonlight-and-shadow hair over her shoulder, her eyes flashing fire in a dozen shades of cerulean, violet, and searing white. "I am older than your civilization."

Kenneth Nineways, owner, proprietor, bartender and primary headache-haver of the Inn of the Nine Ways, shakes his sandy-haired, aching head. "Look, be that as it may, your majesty--"

"My True Title cannot be spoken by human--"

"Be that as it may," Kenneth repeats testily, not wanting to get into a discussion of Elven nomenclature, since unlike her, he would eventually die of old age. "You're not getting your sweet little hands on this melon-tini until you show me proof you're at least... Morgan? What's the age for Celestial Elves again?"

Perched on a stool behind the bar, the Inn's resident accountant, rule-mongerer, bouncer and chief headache-inducer Morgan glanced down at the closely-written text of the massive tome on his lap. "'Born before the age of the Old Stars, when light was new, and the virgin cosmos had yet to behold Sin.'" Morgan clears his throat. Kenneth was no slouch, and even he had to acknowledge Morgan as the grand champion of superciliousness. "And not a day younger. Miss."

"Have you folks considered simplifying your calendar?" Kenneth asked rhetorically, turning back to the Princess. There had never been an elf, cosmic or otherwise, who had the ability to simplify anything. "Unless I see some ID, I'm afraid this novelty cocktail stays with me."

"You served them," Illyrwynnethinadelle says, jerking her head towards a bachelor party of rowdy Formic frat boys currently daring the well-soused groom-to-be to bare his exoskeleton to the trio of stone-faced Dryads sitting in the corner booth, nursing their Miracle Gro-and-Cokes. "They're eighteen hours old!"

"Which is legal for them!" Kenneth says, spreading his hands. "Look, your celestialness, my hands are tied."

"Their species only lives, like, four days," Kenneth murmurs. "Cut them some slack."

The princess turns on her heel and flounces back to her table, after Kenneth proves immune to her pout. Her party (consisting of two more pointy-eared people with tiny moons orbiting their heads, one person Kenneth could only assume was some kind of alligator-centaur, four housecat-sized pixies and a three hundred pound goldfish in a floating aquarium sphere, complete with novelty aerating treasure chest) get up and leave once she gives them the bad news. The fifth party of the night to leave in a huff, and all because of that stupid fine.

"I'll start a pub at the crossroads of all the worlds, I said," Kenneth says bitterly, belting the Princess of All the Stars in the Heaven's melon-tini and praying to the Gods--six of whom are playing drunken pub darts in the corner, and flouting his clearly posted "No Lightning" policy--to end his suffering. "It'll be great, I said. Why did I think this was a good idea?"

"You're not very bright," Morgan says serenely, peering up at the entity approaching the bar, and flipping through the pages of the book for the section on manticores. "And if he's less than forty-five Rainy Seasons old, watch out for the stinger."

I think this might be the funniest prompt I've ever heard for a short story.

@colubrina @silverbirching Please consider writing it 😅

"I think it would be very funny for characters in a fantasy setting to walk into a pub and try to order and the bartender sighs and goes, 'Species and age?' while pulling out a massive book holding the drinking age of every type of species capable of purchasing"