#but i have 50 pages to read so
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Thinking about flaming you again tbh because ily 🥰🥰 /hj
sigh. i love you too
#aki in ur pfp is me rn#i am so fucking exhausted#but i have 50 pages to read so#the grind don��t stop!!!#(i am losing my literac6)#BOY WHAT DA HELL BLY 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁#y u so mean to me#what THE SVALLOP#!!!!!!!*]€]]*{{%>#im delirious#inbox 💌#aireia!#precious moots!#i can’t be bothered to check if i spelled ur name right#(it means i love u)#WHY E U SO MEAN TO ME JUST LET ME HAVE MY FANTASIES#also sorry for not responding to your other sk i’m too lazy
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everyone has to be a little less mean to themselves about not reading enough books. letting go of reading as a pride thing is the first step to relearning how to actually enjoy reading for pleasure again. it's totally fine to start with a novella or with a comic or with a field guide or with literature meant for someone younger instead of being mad at yourself for not grokking ulysses in a week. just vary your diet and you'll be good.
i'm a literature scholar, i'm the one who has to be strict with myself about page counts and citations. you all? do what you want, just read and have fun.
#seeing so much “no one reads anymore! i don't read anymore!” doom and gloom everywhere#stop that! go read a 50 page novella as slowly as you want and sleep soundly at night.#none of you are stupid. fake concept.#however: many of you are wrong#victor text#also: i was assigned ulysses. had to read it in a week#it was basically fine as long as i used the big annotated guide of What Aspects Of Contemporaneous Irish Culture Were Being Referenced Here#with a big helping of 'oh okay that would have been impossible to intuit on my own i'm so glad i looked it up'
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A WORLD OF NOISE: THE ZABAJABA JUNGLE
ZABA by Glass Animals is 10 YEARS OLD TODAY.
A poem/stream of consciousness I wrote about ZABA on a rainy September night in 2022, one month after seeing Glass Animals live. ZABA was the album by which I found Glass Animals in 2018, and its abstract yet visceral nature continues to fascinate me. The more I listened, the more I felt I could understand the imagery drawn across its 11 tracks.
Essentially, I believe ZABA can be understood as a Queer reading and apologue of Plato’s allegory of the cave. There are many lines that allude to a (Queer) awakening from perceived societal constraints such as in Walla Walla (“it’s a ruse, all these creatures are a lie” & “i clap my hand and they’re gone into the night”), likely referencing the shadows projected by the puppet showmen in Plato’s allegory. Thus, the anguish expressed in songs predating ZABA’s release such as in Golden Antlers and in Exxus are symptomatic of a speaker trapped in a cave, unable to escape a deeper feeling of unease because they are only seeing the reality projected to them by a cisheteronormative system. It is only when the speaker escapes this metaphorical cave in Flip, the opening track of ZABA, (“I’m gonna shake my fetters / I’m breaking loose”), that they finally enter the confusing, overwhelming, but beautiful and fluid “world of noise” mentioned in Pools (and sonically created in Intruxx). Over the course of ZABA, the speaker wrestles with their preconceived notions of reality (Walla Walla uses a ton of imagery from The Matrix), relationships, gender, and sexuality, while simultaneously feeling betrayed by their family and society (Hazey and Toes).
The B-Side of ZABA dips into existential dread, as the speaker mourns the time they lost to the incomplete reality they had accepted in the cave, and the effects it had on their mental health (Wyrd), climaxing in Cocoa Hooves, as the speaker (or someone else), confronts them(selves) and the changes they have undergone in the ZABAJABA jungle. The speaker must choose if they wish to stay in the confusing yet euphoric jungle, or self-destruct (“set [their] wings on fire”) and return to the cave after flying too close to the sun and after indulging too deeply in their primal instinct. However, just as the freed prisoner in Plato’s allegory, the speaker runs the risk of never being able to live in blissful ignorance again, as their eyes may never re-adjust to the incomplete, crafted reality of the cave.
The last track of the album, JDNT, presents a conclusion as ambiguous as the title Dave refuses to explain. It is possible the speaker is accepting their doomed fate as prophecized to them by the antagonist in Wyrd, or radically accepting their outcast status, enjoying the “life untamed.” And perhaps, in the end, they triumph over their internal turmoil by recognizing it only has power over them if they allow it to, as it cannot “breathe without [them].” And thus, they return to the Earth, unfettered and born anew.
#if you read all that thank you i would love to hear your thoughts#also some lines in the poem are straight up just lyrics but#i wonder if anyone can piece together which portions reference which specific song#i have literally been working on this since last year#i can’t believe the poem itself is finally seeing the light of day#hopefully someone enjoys these rambles because i have 50 more pages from where this is from LMAO#my masterdoc is crazy#anyways this is all just my interpretation mixed with projection but i am very proud regardless#i could ramble about this for hours#anyways i hope u guys enjoy :) i’m so happy i finally finished this#glass animals#zaba#collage#my art
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some time ago god knows why i set on a journey of reading through gaster tag (with plenty of picking and choosing) and when a fic goes on about sans being depressed and trying to bring him back my mental image meanwhile goes something like this
#well not every time but for shorter ones mostly#gaster#my art#undertale#w.d. gaster#also the reason i had like 50 ao3 tabs open on my phone and funnily enough#the one post that went about people just having tabs open instead of mark for later button actually got me to use it#so now i have only 30 tabs open#also im pretty close to the end of the pages actually. and ive read a couple that i really liked that were pretty far down so id say worth#of course that is not counting the ones that i marked for later and most of those are on the long side#so in that sense im nowhere near the end and maybe at half
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Closely connected to the act of name signing was the act of writing poems on walls. As scholars have already pointed out, with beginnings traceable to the Six Dynasties, wall poems (tibishi) were already very widespread during the Tang. By Christopher Nugent's count, well over one thousand entries in the Complete Tang Poems had titles indicating that they began as inscriptions on some surface other than paper or scrolls. These surfaces included walls at places of gathering and transit, such as post stations, scenic sites, inns, and increasingly in the latter part of the Tang, Buddhist temples, which also served public roles for lay gatherings and performances. (100)
In one anecdote, a latecomer casts aspersions on a first writer's literary skills, comparing him to the general Xiang Yu (232-202 BCE), who was infamous for having learned just enough writing to manage his name: "Li Tang signed his name on a pavilion in Zhaoying County. When Wei Zhan [jinshi degree 865] saw it, he took a brush and dashed off a taunt: 'The rivers of Wei and Qin brighten the eyes, / but why is Xiren short on poetic spirit? / Perhaps he mastered only what Beauty Yu's husband could / learning to write just enough to put down his name.' " ... It would not be a stretch to imagine the sniggering of those who read this inscription in a frequented pavilion. (102)
For a degree seeker in Chang'an, these circuits of information and judgment received more discussion than the actual examination itself. Tang literati wrote copiously about activities such as name signing, public exposure, and triumph. It would not be an exaggeration to say that in ninth-century temples and popular recreation areas, the vertical spaces were teeming with verses that clamored for attention. (104)
selections on poetic graffiti from linda rui feng's city of marvel and transformation: chang'an and narratives of experience in tang dynasty china (university of hawaii press, 2015)
#china#tang dynasty#tagamemnon#<- couldn't stop thinking about graffiti from pompeii while reading this chapter so i suspect it may be of interest to rome-heads in genera#this was very promising book that felt like it failed to fully deliver - can't tell if the author was trying not to get into aspects which-#-have a paucity of surviving sources or if perhaps she was trying to avoid stepping on the toes of existing scholarship#e.g. nugent's mentioned book on poetry production/circulation or juduth zeitlin's article on wall poems and anxieties of loss#but even though i felt like it needed another 50-100 pages of fleshing out there are some generally remarkable moments in here#bits that can be put in remarkable parallel with imperial rome certainly; more fascinatingly with 19th- and early 20th-century fiction-#-that deals closely with 'new' modern urban life. where the forms & patterns of the city itself collude with residents against the newcomer#some interesting notes on bai juyi in here too. though i don't know if they're news to any real bai juyi stans out there
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SO!!! I FINALLY STARTED KILLING TIME AND UUUHH!!!! UUUUUUUHHHH!!!
#I'M ONLY 50 PAGES IN AND I'M GOING INSANE???#the parts that are the most insane aren't even the censored bits!!!#i refused to read anything about the plot beforehand so i didn't know it was about spock being the captain and jim being an ensign like !!!#i'm always going on and on about how spock doesn't want command because his only wish in life is to be at jim's side ya know. like forever.#so this is!!! feeding me!!! very specifically#anyway i know i'll have more to say as i read along but i might lowkey read the entire thing tonight i feel!!! like eating drywall!!!#my posts#st#tos#star trek#star trek the original series#spirk#spock#kirk#k/s#killing time
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my human anatomy class is going to send me to an early grave istg
#my professor can’t fucking teach#she assigns like 50 pages of reading every night#and our 3 hour labs are so difficult that i only get half through in those 3 fucking hours and have to go back for 3 more hours another day#i’m LOSING MY MIND
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up next on chapter 36 of idol sengen… _(:3 」∠)_
#(my toxic trait is that i’ll complain about my work endlessly but still end up doing it anyway… eventually.)#there’s rant 1 (ft. a need to deduce what asuna is saying in full) and rant 2 (which is available in full but still…)#there’s also another mona-rambling session in chapter 38… that im not touching with a 50 foot pole#(all you need to know for that mona-rambling [about frusu] is that mona’s frusu oshi is all of them)#(and that she thinks miyu is like *the* pinnacle of centres in idol groups)#(also someone won a junior dance competition but idk who bc it’s obscured lmao)#can i outsource these panels for a corn chip lmaoooo#m. maybe i should’ve actually worked on this while i was still unemployed last month huh…#bc excuse me company wdymmmmmm im starting work next monday?? the interview was just this monday hello?#ig the interviewer was legit when she said ‘so if i asked you if you can start work next monday—’ huh…#sigh… maybe ch 36 next month then… i’ll do my best over the weekend thoughhhhh#seriously though why is this volume so text heavy l m a o i really wanna get to chapter 40 but…#and then there’s the hard to clean text boxes which… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#…though i guess i should just count myself lucky that the chapters are still short enough to fit into a single post (with the image limits)#but dang. i just realised that my manga sengen thing has a page on manga updates lmao#who put it there lmaooooo and why is it only up till vol 2? wait. no. what. why does it link to manga.dex#bc dang. someone really had the time to dl the thing image by image? no wonder why they stopped after vol 2…#guess i might as well say why i dont want people to reupload my tls… since we’re in the final stretch and all#so. aside from the obvious ‘idw the creators to find out about it’… i probably made a ton of mistakes while tling it. esp in the early chaps#so i’d like to. y’know. have the chance to update the tls where possible. i’ve done that a couple of times already tbh.#like with rippei’s name post-vol 4 release. and some of the typesetting is p. gross in the early chaps tbvh#i swear tling idol sengen has made me incredibly conscious of grammar and typesetting like you wouldnt believe#esp with official tls… fan tls will always be perfect to me no matter how wonky the wording bc it’s hard but honest work yk#official tls (esp a.i tls) get no concessions from me bc it’s their job that they’re getting paid to do yk.#in any case (if you’ve read this far) if you see any mistakes in the tl please lemme know~~~ please dont hold back on your criticisms ok~~~?#just sound ‘em out in dms here or sth. don’t worry~~~ i won’t eat y’all if you try to correct me~~~~~ unless you’re the md reuploader (jk)#and ik i disabled comments on the other blog (or tried to at least) but that’s bc idw bots to flood the comments bc that’s annoying as he—#anyways sorry for the idol sengen wait (if anyone was waiting for it…) i’ll improve on my work ethic… tomorrow. maybe.
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If I am going to have any hope of meeting my reading goal this year I am going to have to get better about blocking out at least an hour to read every day and maybe not read as many 500+ page books.
#shay speaks#well this month ive been really good about getting 45-50 minutes in before bed#which nets me about 40-50 pages in crooked kingdom at least#and on my days off ive been inclined to read for hours in the middle of the day#hoping to finish crooked kingdom by next tuesday though#i have like 165 pages left so i should finish it earlier ideally
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iwtv fans, spoilers allowed, is this a show i can watch on a good day or is it so sad that it’ll ruin me and i should wait?
i wanna watch it for claudia if that gives you any insight into what my experience will be
#i read like 50 (?) pages of the book and like they weren’t having fun so i know it’s def a sad show but like how sad#and like is their breaks between the sad or is it sad all the way#interview with the vampire#also where are we pirating it ☝️#if you saw the terrible typo on this no you didn’t and in my defense i had roaches this morning i’m tired
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me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK
also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up
my hairline: two hops this time!
#i'm so stressed man#sehtoast rambles#sehtoast vents? fuck if i know#i just feel like i can't get ahead#i used to be able to get all my shit done by friday and have the bulk of the weekend to myself#but that's not doable at all this term#i just had a whole ass mental breakdown over fucking homework#like i'm almost grateful T made it near impossible for me to cry bc like#i was going to have a whole sobbing crying breakdown and at least i only had to feel the mental and physical anguish of it instead#it's 3am and i just made coffee so i can do the rest of my work#luckily the last two are super little in comparison but#i can't keep doing 30 pages of notes with 10 pages of homework and a 40 question 'quiz' for math#on top of making like 7 excel spreadsheets a week#not including the 50 page readings for management plus the 50 questions that follow and the writing assignments#i'm so glad my ids class is easy. dr s is my personal jesus christ for being so gentle with her students#idk i'm just... really not doin well rn#at all#idk if anyone read this far in#if you did ily and appreciate you
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i forgot to share. the final tally for how many books i read in 2024 is 16. this is far less impressive when you consider that 11 are childrens books (guardians of ga-hoole and alice in wonderland) and 3 are short stories. but still. and if youre wondering, every single book was either in the hdm universe or s guardians of ga-hoole book except for my alice in wonderland re-read
#technically itd be 17 if i included the imagination chamber in here but that book is like. so short#each page has maybe 4 sentences and its like 50 pages lol#ALSO. the guardians of ga'hoole books were all audiobooks but i am counting them because it matters to me#i dont really Like audiobooks but reading them physically is not an option for me#i cant read digitally + no local libraries in my area have the books + im not spending money on them
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riddle me this. why can i read 100-600 pages of a nonfiction book in a day (most of the time), but not read more than 30 pages of a fiction book unless i manage to hyperfocus on it (which only happens once every few months)?
#rant#there are periods where i can't focus on reading at ALL and like i take 20 minutes to read 2 paragraphs and on THOSE days#i cannot read a nonfiction book (and barely any emails)#but MOST days of the year i can read nonfiction and LOCK IN#even if i'm not able to otherwise hyperfocus on reading#but with fiction books i really do have to be in the cycle of my focusing on different stuff when it's fallen on fiction stories again#or i can't read shit...#and even when i CAN focus on fiction i usually tend to read 20-50 pages an hour. quite a slow rate. i think its cause im soaking in the#details?#i also wonder if a college degree of reading tons of science shit just conditioned me to MAKE myself read nonfiction daily#since i kind of had to in order to pass my classes#so now i just dont tend to have the same degree of inability to focus with nonfiction?
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i have to this day not full understood what proship and antiship are supposed to be and at this point im too scared to ask
#someone be mean to me on here so that i go back to my 50 pages of history artciles that i still need to read for tomorrow#i forgot that i have that lecture tomorrow#also isnt proship just liking to ship things?#why would you be anti that?#but again tf do i know#pro shipping#anti ship#<- people who see this because of that please explain to me what the hell you are discoursing about#i need distraction from austria-hungary#text
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📚
#I was overall kind of meh about reading Dracula but the Harkers#he's got a giant knife#she likes train schedules#if her soul is damned then so is his#each of them comes to is brink of death at some point and all they can do is call out to God and think of their beloved#who is doing it like them?#I think about them all the time#especially right now while I'm reading another sci-fi novel written by a man in the 50's#it's perfectly fine until a woman steps onto the page and then it's the worst thing in the world#“she was so ornamental that you just never thought about her being useful” (actual quote)#“she was one of the nice things about being a member of a race with two sexes” (actual quote)#“female pilots are the worst. sure they're better pilots and their reflexes are incredible but they're also terrible.” (paraphrasing)#I'm right near the 50% mark and we've met three women (a mother and two pilots) and so far they've each had about three paragraphs#and honestly I'm grateful#I would have given up this book otherwise
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eeee!!
#mayo blogs#i only have 50 pages left of iwtv#but i really don’t like reading pdfs on my ipad so i think i will switch over to the book anyway#i want to post a like step by step tracing of armand’s motivation around the trial in the show#but it kind of seems like work so i may not#it would be more fun to express narratively in armand/santiago fic but that is going to take me such a long time to write#and also like armand being armand you can only articulate so much of his thought process from his own pov#idk we’ll see what i do#but armand is so… he wants to be seen as a master manipulator but he’s just a bunch of trauma responses trying to reverse engineer#his own motivation after the fact when he’s under any kind of pressure#i’m really intrigued by the idea that armand ends up in the position he does after the trial because santiago accuses him of conspiring#with lestat to save louis and like that’s not what happened#but armand had to know what lestat was doing and could have stopped him if he wanted to and didn’t#so it’s true enough that armand can’t defend himself against the accusation#was thinking about the clip we get of them rehearsing the play after the reveal#where lestat is being a brat and santiago is looking at armand like ‘do something’ and armand is like kinda shrugs ‘you own this mess’#i want to poke that dynamic with a stick#i just… the show goes out of it’s way to show armand actively avoiding lying and being really bad at it the times he does#he’s a master at manipulating narrative but flat out lying is barely in his skill set#and i want to interpret the show through that lense with bits and pieces of book canon stuck in only when appropriate and supporting that#(tag essay on my own post… guess i could have put that in te post body but it’s too late now)
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