#but i guess we can only wait and see
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In a recent post you mentioned Sampo having some biblical references. Which ones? I think I missed them! š³
so, it's a bit of a stretch which is why i describe them as vague but then again everything with sampo is a bit of a stretch
but @/windr0sea on twt made a whole chart about it
considering we don't know if the annihilation gang is even alive, this might be null and void. But I still think it's interesting because snakes (especially paired with apples) have always held a bit of religious symbolism due to the story of satan disguising himself as a snake and convincing adam and eve to eat the forbidden fruit (commonly thought of as an apple)
Again, this is a bit of a stretch but it's also sampo koski we're talking aout
#hoyo did say the snake stuff was to make him seem untrustworthy#so maybe this was all unintentional#but they could also just not be telling us this for lore reasons#but i guess we can only wait and see#also there's a weird SU occurrence in which a blue haired hacker gives you 2 curios#one of which is an apple#but I'm not sure how important that is#the occurrence is called Curio Hacker if you're curious#sampo koski#hsr sampo#honkai star rail#lore#theory#m rambles
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šØTHE MOVIE WAS REAAALLLLLLLLLLLLšØ
hypnosis mic the movie is being touted as japanās first ever interactive movie, where the audience can influence the story with their votes!!!!! what are they voting on you ask????? the 3rd drb!!!!!!! the audience gets to choose who wins the third drb in their theatre showing, meaning there are at the very least, six possible endings!!!!!!
#this is vee speaking#will this factor into the actual drb or is this the drb????? we will find out at a later date ig lol#like deadass this is the only way we will see nagosaka win the drb lmao š#if this comes to los angeles (high likelihood atp lmao) i canāt wait to get one showing ever and fp wins LMAO#the language surrounding the movie tho seems to imply this is deadass the 3rd drb and there wonāt be anything else#which does fall in line with what theyāve been doing with the drama tracks for this round tbh but likeā¦ā¦ really lol???? ššš#like if i had to guess???? this is basically round one for the drb#the votes accumulated here will be the first round and round two will be the cd sales#idk if there will be a third round of voting with vr or something else but i can see them doing only two rounds#and the mid round results will be announced shortly after the movie run is over#but pls let there be a third virtual round lmao i canāt shill with movies and cds i donāt live in fcking japan šššššššš#like thatās my tragedy i want to see all the endings esp the bat champs end#but who knows how long iāll have to wait until the dvd comes out ššššš
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going āi know what you areā#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a āsafeā crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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this is a test
#iām bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters thatās actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring letās think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk iām not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad thatās a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isnāt all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw thereās probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i donāt#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like iām actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much itās crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books theyāre all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry thatās made everything a bit messy. i shouldāve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think youāre being annoying i literally donāt care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now itās just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i donāt really have any thoughts to put here idk if weāre halfway ermmmm omg itās#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. itās wild how itās basically almost christmas. like#what. thatās illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesnāt crash or#smth cause iāve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but iāve saved it and holy jesus itās a lot of text im just sat here giggling thereās really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldnāt that be crazy) so wait thereās 140#haracters and 30 tags so whatās 30 x 140. someone hurry. i havenāt done maths lessons in two and a half years iāve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao
#having my daily ''oh my god i need to change my program'' crisis#its just idk . i feel like im woefully underprepared for doing any of this kinda stuff when everyone around me already knows#what theyre doing and what they wanna get out of it. idk.#and i have a slightly better idea of what i want to do but i havent figured out how im gonna get there.#and idk.#we were talking about what we want to do with this line of study after graduating and the only thing i could think of#was that i didnt choose this specific field because of what it had to offer#i chose it because it was the easiest way to get out of the situation i was in for a LOT of fucking reasons#and now that im out i guess i can start thinking abt what i really wanna get out of all this. idk.#probably gonna need to wait till next semester anyway but thats fine. ive been waiting for this for 20 years i can wait a little longer#but idk i guess its just a little frustrating feeling so Behind everyone else.#but i guess this is what happens when u pack ur whole life into 2 suitcases to escape a high control cult. who knew!!!#its time for dinner and i crave my daily portion of chow mien. and then i will watch show 3 inches from my computer screen so i can see.#winter speaks#overall i am vibing. a little frustrated with myself but it cant be helped. i am vibing :]#personal
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when freedom is in sight!!!!!!!!
#(aka itās my last day of work!!!!!!!!! i can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!)#itās like 2.30 in the am rn and i have to get up in less than 4 hours but. still!!!!!#im too happy to sleep lmao i feel like a kid on christmas eve again#this weirdass company culture says that we (the leavers) have to treat everyone to pizza or sth#isnāt it usually the other way round though? shouldnāt they be treating the leavers as a show of gratitude for their hard work?#but āeh. the place is filled with cheapskates who only think about working us to the bone for the sake of their profits (i think)#so āØs o r r yāØ dear managers no treats for you~~~~~ im giving ind*m*e (censored for copyright) to my immediate colleagues only~~~~~~#you can always feel free to treat me though~~~~~ :)))) my wallet is always open for donations dear managers oā mine~~~#(this manager who expects me to treat everyone also outright refused when i asked her to treat me to beef wellington though :( sads :( )#(i worked sooooooooooo hard for you over the past couple oā years and i dont even get free beef wellington~~~? :( )#but euuuugghhhhhhhhh since the team leadās on leave today ig iāll be the one in charge for the morning shift today tooā¦#but itās my last day~~~~ i wanna relaxxxxxxxxxx (<-same person who took a short nap on the clock earlier)#anyways!!!!!! iāll finally have time for idol sengen after this aw yissssssssss wait for me asuna-chan im almost freeeeeeee#though. speaking of idol sengenā¦ im still waffling about whether to have asuna drop swear words during the [spoiler] sceneā¦#i mean. itād make sense in terms of context/how abrasive she was being but. sheās an idol!!!!!!! choices man..#well. i guess that itās retirement-meās problem to think about lol. i need to get through just 1 day of work first!!!!!!#āitās starting to sound like you quit your job to tl idol sengenāā n-noooooooo~~~? totally not i s w e a r!!!!
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got dam
all according to plan indeed huh
#except he still had to wait like 30 more episodes LOL sorry hermie#dndads#dndads spoilers#i guess. im referring 2 the recent thing. yknow. yknow the mascot thing#oakworthy#sure. SURE!!!#anyway. i love whatever this weirdass relationship theyve had is#im very excited to see how they navigate#my prediction in my heart#is that hermie either doesnt like normal YET but WILL.....#ORRRR and what i think more actually the case is#is that hermie likes normal but is in mega denial about it#so hes like yea w/e sorry u fell for my charms~ [<- he also fell for normals dorky boy powers]#and/or maybe he likes him but hes bitter about not getting enough attention lately#listen i think this could go one of many ways andĀ i can only predict so far bc#these podcasters are CONSTANTLY throwing me off in ways i never expect so. we shall see LOL
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HI TUMBLRR itās me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ādog tastes so good with riceā and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know itās not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like Iāve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now Iām stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean Iāll still be nice to them#but I just donāt think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if Iām overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like youāre old enough to know what youāre laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but Iām allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and theyāre not bad I just donāt lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I havenāt made any good drawings recentlyšššBUT WAIT!#i have a comic Iāll post in October weāll see how far I am in it by thenā¦#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like Iāll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that soundā¦ cause actually#for those of you who donāt know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! weāll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh itās an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#thatās how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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*remembers what they did to Vanny* 500 FUCKING PIPEBOMB ATTACK.
#em.txt#WHY#how can you see the fucking absolute fire that is building up & go. 'yeah douse it. now bring back peepaw AGAIN'#BUILD HER UP 2 GAMES EARLY --- & THEN DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!? FUCK#WE CAN'T HAVE WOMEN DO THINGS IN FNAF I GUESS#the company's scop was too big & they developed the game seperately from the environment & made the environment above the game#cut playable vanessa sections. cut vanny appearances.#remove all the plot make vanessa a bitch throw in some invisible walls call it done. 30 dollars now please#security breach isn't just bad. it's not fucking done.#the thing normally with cut content is i can usually agree like 'okay this game cut this but that was a smart choice'#it can be better for time or budget & it can make for better writing.#for instance all the cut content in ahit is neat & as much as i like moonie it's smart to cut his character to build up other ones#& makes for a tighter story & less convoluted area that's more fun to play#when i look at the cut content for security breach their are obvious issues.#it's obvious the company's scope went too far. you built too big an environment. you built the environment before your game.#you prioritized a cool area to the point you expanded the mall from 1 story to 3. do you think that time could have been speant elsewhere#& the other problem is the insane fucking crunch that scott cawthon as a dev placed on himself & others to maintain relevancy#a single person locking themselves ina room for months to stay relevant is fucked. a game studio physically cannot do that.#you see shit in the prerelease like they wanted a bowling minigame a kart minigame a freeroam minigame etc#what about vanny? what did you want with this character? you clearly had something in mind#but we needed to cut it so we can fit in mazercise i fucking guess or chica's bakery or trash heap#here's what we have: less than 1 minute screentime. the 2 vanessa ending comic. that's it#oh wait i forgot. 'vanny. sounds like vanessa & bunny. this cabnot be a coincidence ' & THEN IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN#princess quest used to be about that bitch in golden freddy you retconned it to be about vanessa SO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT#her whole shit is apparently in service to william afton. why isn't she in the afton fight at all#does she not know he's down there? is he unrelated? does she know she's working for the mimic? is she not working for him?#is she at all related to the fucking bunny from ruin or like what#what about the rainbow hair. what about her tech prowess. what about the cut missing kids only referenced in duffle bag messages now.#fuck you & fuck me as well why can't i be passionate about hvac systems#why's it gotta be this shittass gsme.
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun š. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15ā¬ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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air was like āif someone I hated looked like a character Iād like Iād just stop liking the characterā & I was like āif someone I hated looked like a character I like I would shave their head. I have so little in this world. theyāre not taking that from me.ā & air was like āwell youāre always talking about how you just stop caring about thingsā & Iām like. this is different. I Know What Iām About.
#my ramblings#if itās a bald character I guess Iāll glue a wig to their head lol#see if I have to carve out my emotions thatās fine#if I have to carve out what I like youāll have to rip it out of my cold dead hands#this is when air told me I had my priorities flipped#anyway thereās been a couple of video games and bands Iāve introduced to people and afterwards we had a catastrophic falling out#but 1) they were Mine First 2) they meant a lot to me 3) if anything Iād rather me ruin them for other person#rather than the other person ruin it for me#Iāve curated a very particular jenga tower built to get me through this life on this bxtch of an earth#Iāll bite someoneās hand off before I let them take a block#how do I feel about [x] happening in my life?#well wait two seconds and I can just pop it out and not worry about it for another year#how do I feel about [y] hyperfixation?#the flames of my passion shall only be extinguished on its own timeline#any outside interference shall never be forgiven and will be Dealt With#if itās confusing simply understand it. my internal logic is sound.
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behold my totally sensical dynamic diagram. from aus that everyone knows about. yeah
#makes sense mhm mhm#i just think. that if they were to meet. they would be strange about it#rin would HATE obito for daring to base all his ambitions around 'her' death (even if hes really only paying lip service to it)#but also you know she would get SO mad at anyone who dared to imply she was anything like either of the other rins#also she just. legit does not even remember kakashi's name. who dat guy. why does he have narrative significance#vs obito who would mostly just be elated to see his friends in a position where they are cool and can totally be friends again!!!#yayy#vs kakashi who is SO weird as akatsuki version. mind breaking#not because i think he is incapable of harm (he is very very very capable) but because his defining trait to me is loyalty#and him joining the akatsuki would be breaking that loyalty. feels weeird#scale of madara manipulation for sure goes kks>obito>rin#becuz kks needed SO much convincing. and obito needed the seal and rin murder#but rin definitely heard the words āperfect worldā and just decided to push off and finish that existential crisis#prolly freaked out madara a bit. rip that old man i guess he should have gotten a better vessel#who DIDNT do all of that in the name of *checks notes* throwing herself into the sun. man akatsuki!rin goes hard#we havent even gotten to the kagurin of it all. but i really do need to sit down and write a whole Thing up about that so#it can wait. lmao.
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Behold! A chameleon!
#op#medieval art#this is from a bestiary from around 1226-1250#from what i can tell the image comes before the description and the description starts on the next page#the first line of which reads essentially 'chameleons don't have one colour' so i can only guess it's a chameleon#i can't really understand the rest of the paragraph alas. only other thing i can understand is camelo est similis and the word ethiopia#i'm guessing camelo est similis means camels are similar? but shrugs. there's two words before it but i can't quite make it out#capite tainem? tamen? tainen? i don't know nearly enough latin for this#can't wait till i can read more bc it's so interesting to see what they know of such animals compared to what we know#this book also has a number of winged serphents and also sirens#fascinating stuff
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