#but i feel so fucking alone
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hi and welcome to I am having. one of the worst times of my life and I feel absolutely alone.
#tw vent#vent#of course my abusers are breaking no contact and trying to reconnect with me and apologizing and IM LETTING THEM because im just so tired of#being angry and alone#and i dont know what else to do#because i want to believe they've changed#i really do#but they hurt me so bad#and all those memories are coming back#and I'm having panic attacks and ptsd flashbacks#and i cant get drunk or high because i have nothing#so im raw dogging the mental illness#not to mention relapsing into all of my self destructive behaviors#and no one seems to notice?? or care? idk#i know people care logically#but i feel so fucking alone#and i just cant take it anymore
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i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat
#my art#re animator#herbert west#daniel cain#dan cain#danbert#no but srsly guys i get that hes the normal guy but you forget ... HES ALSO WEIRD !!! HES SO STRANGE !!!#if he was normal he would have called the cops on herbert ages ago#but guess what babey he ... well technically he did call the cops but he waited like 20 years to do it so .. !!#bro was an enabler dont forget that#sorry im like rlly crazy about dan...#which is unfortuante bc i feel kind of alone in that like YES herberts a baddie YES hes litterally me#but dan....... DAAAAAAAAAAAN (eagle screeching)#what the fuck am i saying!#edit hey guys its actually lucid dog that rant you see above you was written at likes 6am after an all nighter#we all know dan is weird i mainly meant i think he should get to be PORTRAYED as weird more#really im just weird about him (<3) and i need him to reflect that
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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no but the thing is. they KISSED. on screen. it was a real scene, not deleted, not removed from a script, it HAPPENED in front of the world's eyes. and AND the actors are normal about it and the whole cast and crew is normal about it and it's not vague and it's IMPORTANT. no matter the rest of it and what came after it, it happened!!
#and i AM gonna say this in the tags to avoid too much controversy but#STOP COMPARING GOOD OMENS TO SUPERNATURAL THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO POINT IN DOING THAT. WHY#why do you need to treat good omens as inferior to a show that was so fucked up. i love certain aspects of spn but#i would never in my life pit those shows against each other because they are nowhere near the same in ANY way#and guess what. i feel more fulfilled with the (CANON might i remind you) arc between crowley and aziraphale than i ever did with destiel#there. i said it and i WILL happily die on that hill alone if i had to#I LOVE WHEN ROMANTIC FEELINGS BETWEEN CHARACTERS ARE ACKNOWLEDGED AMD THEY DID THAT FOR FUCKING REAL#good omens spoilers#gomens#good omens 2#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#david tennant#michael sheen
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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Palestinian freedom fighters breaking out of Gaza and reclaiming their occupied territories. They’ve taken over israeli tanks and have chased out the settlers that were on that land. They’ve launched rockets everywhere and the iron dome has failed to intercept. This is about to mark a momentous event in history.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
#free palestine#it feels so surreal and so shocking#there’s so much hope but so much fear#you just know they’re about to retaliate with the genocide they’ve been planning for years now#i fear for my palestinian brothers and sisters but this is so fucking huge#they tore down part of the barbed wire fence!!!! the people of Gaza are breaking out!!!!#god there’s so much more on twitter but i beg if you look do NOT look at non-palestinian sources#they’re twisting the narrative as if this isn’t retaliation for 76 years of torture#as if the israeli forces and settlers didn’t kill 4 palestinians yesterday alone#as if they haven’t killed nearly 300 palestinians this year alone#do NOT let the media trick you into thinking anything after will be a retaliation to an attack Palestine started#PALESTINE is the one retaliating#also if you’re gonna come in here with both sides or whatever sincerely block me and lmk so i can blokc you#they’ve already out out statements to leave children and the elderly alone so any middle aged fuckers are free to kill :)#which is fine since they’ve likely killed hundreds if not thousands of their friends and family and neighbors anyway#tag: important#fuck israel#gaza#tag: october 7 2023
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Love, Dhes
Parker,
It's unfair how time with you feels so short. How the last 10 years have felt like no time at all. I like to think there are other versions of us out there, somewhere. Maybe in another timeline, another universe. I like to think we find each other no matter where we are or what we're doing. That we're together and happy and I get to love you in a dozen different lifetimes. That's what I hope, anyway. And I hope when this lifetime ends, we get to start over and do it all again. Because once just isn't enough. Not for me. Not with you.
I hope the next 10 years pass slower.
Love, Dhes
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#sue#dhestyn#kelly#bow#stella#duder the cat#marky#jax#i'm not fucking recovering from this#critical damage has been dealt to me#GODDDDDD this edit took me so LONG.#the GOOD news is there ARE other versions of them & they DO in fact find each other in every universe !!#whether or not they are happy though. well. that's a different story#cough monster boyz. cough slaughter house.#:-)#ngl a lot of the time i was working on this edit all i could think about was how much dhes has grown as a character#like baby dhes genuinely was such a punk. wouldn't be caught DEAD writing a love letter#let alone to kelly of all people#idk i'm just proud of him. seeing him so comfortable with himself... how he's able to show that to others & not feel afraid or ashamed...#it's really sweet!!!#like ik y'all don't know a whole lot about the boys as kids (bc i'm v protective of them so i don't share a lot lol) but trust me.#dhes has come a long way.#genuinely feel like i have watched him grow & learn & change & it does. give me feelings.#n e way. that's it.
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so when's the wxs phantom of the opera set
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#ruis hair continues to piss me off forever. and ever#Yes i stole their phantom outfits from the revue gacha game. Whos gonna stop me. I WAS SO MAD THAT PHANTOM NANA IS AN OBSOLETE CARD OK#the discerning revsta + pjsekai fan can see i gave emu nanas outfit and rui michirus. Becaude i am crazy. Edel de/light was crazy.#polysho#proseka#why are there so many fuckfign tags. Why so tagging. -the tumbler#Ok sorry#Watch me go insane. Phantom is such a fucking rui role inknow ok i know i know. thats why i gave it to him. but also. I have emu disease#INSTEAD OF THE BRAINTHEREIS EMUUUUUU!!!!!!#Trying to figure out if i should render these and how sucked. cause the first one was drawn on paper and scanned . i shoildve just left itA#Its ifne idekc. I did another emu phantom drawing but i dont feel like posting it alone so ill have to draw more of this. bye#i dont even like the phantom. and i want to kill andrew llyoyid webber with a hammer. And so should you
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#ffxiv#hythades#emet selch#hythlodaeus#ffxiv spoilers#crying in an alternative establishment that isn’t the club because the loud noises and sensations would make me cry even harder#my fathers eternal i love my papas they’re so fucking gay#uuuueueueueuoooueueueueuooouooeoeoouuoeoeououoeoeouoeou#they’re so sweet i genuinely felt nauseous making this so if you feel like shit also ur not alone
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Calypso, baby, im so sorry people can't understand the nuance of your character being a an antagonist and 100% raping someone just because they want to justify liking you, and instead, ignore that men SA exists and try to claim they are cheaters
(and for the record, is canon that Odysseus told Penelope what happened to both Circe and Calypso and she understood and literally said "dont blame yourself for something you were forced to you" so suck it up)
#epic the musical#epic calypso#the odyssey#listen i dont like Calypso as a character but she is AN ANTAGONIST#she did fucked up shit she raped Odysseus#you can still feel compassion towards why she was in the island alone for 7 years#it's like saying Penelope was cheating on Ody for having 108 men in his house and she was very close to marry one of them#Telemachus goes and participate in The Challenge and said that he was going to marry HIS MOM#(even though that last bit was to taunt the suitors so they didn't suspect he was in kahoots with his dad and kill them all)#*alone for 100 years whatever
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some people really need to learn how to knock
#just a guy in a room totally by himself guys. just totally alone. nobody else with him :))#don’t worry he just had some Cheeto dust on his fingers he had to clean off :))))#arthur lester#jarthur#john doe#(implied)#private eyes#malevolent#malevolent podcast#my art#art#god I can’t even REMEMBER the last time I made a fully rendered digital piece holyshittt#feels so fucking good to have fun and make fanart again. and sexualizing a middle aged man no less!!!#truly back on my brand 😌😌😌 what a breath of fresh air#we are SO back
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headcannon that the primes had like royal portraits (and sentinel had..so, so many) and so Optimus had to have one but he insisted Elita and Bee join him in it
#you know that scene in the dragon prince with harrow and viren and harrows portrait? Yeah#He refuses to have one alone#ngl this started as an oplita king and queen portrait thought but lowkey I want this to be shared out side of the oplita sub fandom aha#Because I think it would SO happen#like#that man. is NOT. posing for a portrait of him in his new body just had the worst break up in the history feeling shitty as fuck. by himsel#optimus prime#transformers#elita one#elita 1#transformers one#tf one#tf one elita#orion pax#tf one orion pax#tf one optimus prime#B 127#Bumblebee#tf one b 127#tf one bumblebee
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villain origin story
#iasip#iasip fanart#dennis reynolds#dee reynolds#trash twins#here's this scene that would not LEAVE ME ALONE#uhhhhhhhhh i feel like i should have a lot to say about this but hopefully it speaks for itself#i could think forever about the delicate collection of personality disorders. trauma responses. and insecurities that is dennis reynolds#machinegoods#my anti-frank bias is showing lmao#tell me I'm wrong though#also the IMPACT on dee of growing up dealing with a lot of the same shit and ALSO having dennis for a brother#so fucking interesting
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I am in my angst today so I'm going to drop a few of ansty Batfam headcannons.
- Bruce till this day do that father thing of open the door of his kids room to see if they're sleeping and then closing (even when they're just visiting).
- The first time he did that to Tim, Tim pretended to be asleep and then he just started sobbing because Jack used to do the same thing too, and his mother before him.
- Dick, when he moved out of the manor, still would use the Batcomputer to do research from time to time. Everytime he slept on from tiredness he would woke up with Batman's cape on his shoulders.
- No one knows Bruce has a good singing voice other than Dick and Jason because he would sing to their sleep, sometimes, when they had nightmares.
- He stopped singing when Jason died. The only person who was able to hear him sing again was Damian. He pretended to be asleep, because if he opened his eyes he would noticed how much he misses his mother.
- Jason singed to Damian sleep once at the league. None of them remember that.
- Damian tries constantly to assure himself that he could take down every member of his family if he needed to. Deep down he knows he can't.
- Bruce spent weeks trying to master how to cut someone's hair ( with Alfred's help ) so he could give Dick a haircut, because Dick said to him that his mother used to cut his hair.
- Bruce taught every single one of his sons how to shave their beard.
- Bruce had a mental breakdown once because he was starting to forget his mother's face.
- Cass overanalyze everyone's body language to see if they're healthy and happy. She tries to stop herself sometimes because more often the answer is no.
- Sometimes Tim flinches when Jason moves to fast near him. They never talked about that out loud.
- Sometimes Damian's hand tremble when he grabs his sword, he can still feel the blade.
- In one of Dick's worst fights with Redhood the moment he got home he threw up. His brother's eyes used to be blue like his and not green.
- There was a time where Jason was so happy that Bruce's blue eyes were the same shade of his.
- Bruce's hands still tremble when he sees his children on the battlefield.
- Bruce has a habit of messing with his children's hair, every single one of them picked the same habit after him.
- When Dick moved out to the Titans Bruce couldn't sleep for weeks.
- Jason avoids to change clothes in front of his brothers because of the face Dick made when he saw his autopsy scars for the first time.
- One time Jason had a panic attack and misdialed Tim's number, Tim stayed on the line until Jason managed to sleep.
- There's times where Bruce says the word Robin and all of them look at him.
#batfam hc#Batfamily headcannons#I'm *IN* my feelings so *EVERYONE* must suffer too#'oh but in the cannon' I don't care leave me alone#the source is that I made the fuck up#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#tim drake#bruce wayne#cassandra cain#damian wayne#alfred penyworth#dick grayson#jack drake#DO *NOT* TAG THIS AS BATCEST I swear tO GOD-
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Can we talk about how CRAZY it is that the UN General secretary visited Russia? Start a brutal war against your neighbour and then escelate it eight years later! Commit ecoterrorism, threaten nuclear terrorism, and intentionally and actively target civilians! In fact, why not kidnap them AND their kids and "rehome" those kids with your own citizens and punish them for expressing their own culture while you're at it! Commit genocide- as a treat! These actions have minimal consequences and absolutely will not make you a pariah state!
#I think everyone who has met with Putin since the war escelated should have a warrant out for their arrest as an accesory to genocide#''but Kat what about-'' THIS IS ABOUT UKRAINE#''but Kat they have to negotiate peace'' peace will only come when Russia FUCKING LEAVES ITS NEIGHBOURS ALONE#sorry I've been talking about Ukraine a lot lately one of my friends lost a brother so I'm feeling it super extra#Zelenskyy was RIGHT to ''snub'' him#current events
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
#im so frustrated that banner has been gone#and people think the comic is over because of that#which is reasonable to think#but it... idk#its already an uphill battle to try snd retain audience after a hiatus this long#let alone when webtoon is actively building thr expectation that theres no need to come back...#im so frustrated#every day there is something new with them its so exhausting#this isnt even the thing I've been majorly stressed about this is a fresh new frustration#i feel like they're not just being unhelpful#at this point i feel like theyre actively sabotaging my career.#im not allowed to promote my books#i can't make my links too big so no one can find me#people dont even know i have a patreon#i can't make any announcements on the comic#and now people think th whole thing is over and it isnt!#im so ;_;#im so frustrated and demoralized#and people complete reasonably are losing patience and interest#and. ah... it's fine. like genuinely it is fine.#it will come back soon and i am doing a good job#and everyone who sees it's back will be happy with what ive done#cause it's good. its really good...#but. yeah. idk. webtoon has been actively keeping me down since the beginning and im so over them#I've been so mistreated aysudjejjdjdjdj#i just want to finish the series and go ;_;#taking all my power to not **** ******#just gotta power through and get the fuck out#text post#update
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