#but i feel so fucking alone
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hi and welcome to I am having. one of the worst times of my life and I feel absolutely alone.
#tw vent#vent#of course my abusers are breaking no contact and trying to reconnect with me and apologizing and IM LETTING THEM because im just so tired of#being angry and alone#and i dont know what else to do#because i want to believe they've changed#i really do#but they hurt me so bad#and all those memories are coming back#and I'm having panic attacks and ptsd flashbacks#and i cant get drunk or high because i have nothing#so im raw dogging the mental illness#not to mention relapsing into all of my self destructive behaviors#and no one seems to notice?? or care? idk#i know people care logically#but i feel so fucking alone#and i just cant take it anymore
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i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat
#my art#re animator#herbert west#daniel cain#dan cain#danbert#no but srsly guys i get that hes the normal guy but you forget ... HES ALSO WEIRD !!! HES SO STRANGE !!!#if he was normal he would have called the cops on herbert ages ago#but guess what babey he ... well technically he did call the cops but he waited like 20 years to do it so .. !!#bro was an enabler dont forget that#sorry im like rlly crazy about dan...#which is unfortuante bc i feel kind of alone in that like YES herberts a baddie YES hes litterally me#but dan....... DAAAAAAAAAAAN (eagle screeching)#what the fuck am i saying!#edit hey guys its actually lucid dog that rant you see above you was written at likes 6am after an all nighter#we all know dan is weird i mainly meant i think he should get to be PORTRAYED as weird more#really im just weird about him (<3) and i need him to reflect that
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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no but the thing is. they KISSED. on screen. it was a real scene, not deleted, not removed from a script, it HAPPENED in front of the world's eyes. and AND the actors are normal about it and the whole cast and crew is normal about it and it's not vague and it's IMPORTANT. no matter the rest of it and what came after it, it happened!!
#and i AM gonna say this in the tags to avoid too much controversy but#STOP COMPARING GOOD OMENS TO SUPERNATURAL THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO POINT IN DOING THAT. WHY#why do you need to treat good omens as inferior to a show that was so fucked up. i love certain aspects of spn but#i would never in my life pit those shows against each other because they are nowhere near the same in ANY way#and guess what. i feel more fulfilled with the (CANON might i remind you) arc between crowley and aziraphale than i ever did with destiel#there. i said it and i WILL happily die on that hill alone if i had to#I LOVE WHEN ROMANTIC FEELINGS BETWEEN CHARACTERS ARE ACKNOWLEDGED AMD THEY DID THAT FOR FUCKING REAL#good omens spoilers#gomens#good omens 2#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#david tennant#michael sheen
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Suspirium - Thom York
#this is my very favorite song and i think ive been wanting to make this for abt a year#when i was at my most compulsivly unwell i would be focusing so hard and sleeping so little that i would feel physically sick#like the world was tilting around me and i would think: all is well as long as i keep spinning#bc i would stop moving and suddenly id be in pieces on the floor. but now i think my favorite lines are: when i arrive will u come and find#me? or in a croud be one of them? bc its such a profoundly lonely idea. i dont believe in a life after death. i think when ur gone ur gone#your brain stops and the thing that made you you is gone forever. but if i imagined an afterlife image getting off a train onto a crowded#platform and searching for my mom through all the chaos. when i arrive will u come and find me? would our connect extend past a lifetime?#or would u be in a crowed one of them? would i stand alone in a sea of people waiting for someone who was never coming?#its a very upsetting thought#im glad i waited to make this bc i feel the song more deeply after the death of my mom. it feels more sad and more ethereal.#there r like 2 different versions of the lyrics bc thom york is so fucking hard to understand#so i use the version i like better#original art
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Palestinian freedom fighters breaking out of Gaza and reclaiming their occupied territories. They’ve taken over israeli tanks and have chased out the settlers that were on that land. They’ve launched rockets everywhere and the iron dome has failed to intercept. This is about to mark a momentous event in history.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
#free palestine#it feels so surreal and so shocking#there’s so much hope but so much fear#you just know they’re about to retaliate with the genocide they’ve been planning for years now#i fear for my palestinian brothers and sisters but this is so fucking huge#they tore down part of the barbed wire fence!!!! the people of Gaza are breaking out!!!!#god there’s so much more on twitter but i beg if you look do NOT look at non-palestinian sources#they’re twisting the narrative as if this isn’t retaliation for 76 years of torture#as if the israeli forces and settlers didn’t kill 4 palestinians yesterday alone#as if they haven’t killed nearly 300 palestinians this year alone#do NOT let the media trick you into thinking anything after will be a retaliation to an attack Palestine started#PALESTINE is the one retaliating#also if you’re gonna come in here with both sides or whatever sincerely block me and lmk so i can blokc you#they’ve already out out statements to leave children and the elderly alone so any middle aged fuckers are free to kill :)#which is fine since they’ve likely killed hundreds if not thousands of their friends and family and neighbors anyway#tag: important#fuck israel#gaza#tag: october 7 2023
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some people really need to learn how to knock
#just a guy in a room totally by himself guys. just totally alone. nobody else with him :))#don’t worry he just had some Cheeto dust on his fingers he had to clean off :))))#arthur lester#jarthur#john doe#(implied)#private eyes#malevolent#malevolent podcast#my art#art#god I can’t even REMEMBER the last time I made a fully rendered digital piece holyshittt#feels so fucking good to have fun and make fanart again. and sexualizing a middle aged man no less!!!#truly back on my brand 😌😌😌 what a breath of fresh air#we are SO back
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Love, Dhes
Parker,
It's unfair how time with you feels so short. How the last 10 years have felt like no time at all. I like to think there are other versions of us out there, somewhere. Maybe in another timeline, another universe. I like to think we find each other no matter where we are or what we're doing. That we're together and happy and I get to love you in a dozen different lifetimes. That's what I hope, anyway. And I hope when this lifetime ends, we get to start over and do it all again. Because once just isn't enough. Not for me. Not with you.
I hope the next 10 years pass slower.
Love, Dhes
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#sue#dhestyn#kelly#bow#stella#duder the cat#marky#jax#i'm not fucking recovering from this#critical damage has been dealt to me#GODDDDDD this edit took me so LONG.#the GOOD news is there ARE other versions of them & they DO in fact find each other in every universe !!#whether or not they are happy though. well. that's a different story#cough monster boyz. cough slaughter house.#:-)#ngl a lot of the time i was working on this edit all i could think about was how much dhes has grown as a character#like baby dhes genuinely was such a punk. wouldn't be caught DEAD writing a love letter#let alone to kelly of all people#idk i'm just proud of him. seeing him so comfortable with himself... how he's able to show that to others & not feel afraid or ashamed...#it's really sweet!!!#like ik y'all don't know a whole lot about the boys as kids (bc i'm v protective of them so i don't share a lot lol) but trust me.#dhes has come a long way.#genuinely feel like i have watched him grow & learn & change & it does. give me feelings.#n e way. that's it.
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so when's the wxs phantom of the opera set
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#ruis hair continues to piss me off forever. and ever#Yes i stole their phantom outfits from the revue gacha game. Whos gonna stop me. I WAS SO MAD THAT PHANTOM NANA IS AN OBSOLETE CARD OK#the discerning revsta + pjsekai fan can see i gave emu nanas outfit and rui michirus. Becaude i am crazy. Edel de/light was crazy.#polysho#proseka#why are there so many fuckfign tags. Why so tagging. -the tumbler#Ok sorry#Watch me go insane. Phantom is such a fucking rui role inknow ok i know i know. thats why i gave it to him. but also. I have emu disease#INSTEAD OF THE BRAINTHEREIS EMUUUUUU!!!!!!#Trying to figure out if i should render these and how sucked. cause the first one was drawn on paper and scanned . i shoildve just left itA#Its ifne idekc. I did another emu phantom drawing but i dont feel like posting it alone so ill have to draw more of this. bye#i dont even like the phantom. and i want to kill andrew llyoyid webber with a hammer. And so should you
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headcannon that the primes had like royal portraits (and sentinel had..so, so many) and so Optimus had to have one but he insisted Elita and Bee join him in it
#you know that scene in the dragon prince with harrow and viren and harrows portrait? Yeah#He refuses to have one alone#ngl this started as an oplita king and queen portrait thought but lowkey I want this to be shared out side of the oplita sub fandom aha#Because I think it would SO happen#like#that man. is NOT. posing for a portrait of him in his new body just had the worst break up in the history feeling shitty as fuck. by himsel#optimus prime#transformers#elita one#elita 1#transformers one#tf one#tf one elita#orion pax#tf one orion pax#tf one optimus prime#B 127#Bumblebee#tf one b 127#tf one bumblebee
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Can we talk about how CRAZY it is that the UN General secretary visited Russia? Start a brutal war against your neighbour and then escelate it eight years later! Commit ecoterrorism, threaten nuclear terrorism, and intentionally and actively target civilians! In fact, why not kidnap them AND their kids and "rehome" those kids with your own citizens and punish them for expressing their own culture while you're at it! Commit genocide- as a treat! These actions have minimal consequences and absolutely will not make you a pariah state!
#I think everyone who has met with Putin since the war escelated should have a warrant out for their arrest as an accesory to genocide#''but Kat what about-'' THIS IS ABOUT UKRAINE#''but Kat they have to negotiate peace'' peace will only come when Russia FUCKING LEAVES ITS NEIGHBOURS ALONE#sorry I've been talking about Ukraine a lot lately one of my friends lost a brother so I'm feeling it super extra#Zelenskyy was RIGHT to ''snub'' him#current events#me
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The more I think about it, the more I question Arcane S2's politics and themes, which were so foundational to S1. Like, a tiny example [SPOILERS AHEAD]:
Singed wins. He gets exactly what he wants in the end. All his "efforts" are rewarded. What does that say about people who share his ideology of eugenics? He is the source of nearly every horrible thing and conflict that happened (Shimmer, the factory deaths, Jinx, Vander as Warwick, the corruption of Viktor), and he gets a happier ending than any other character. Not even a 'he got what he wanted but he has become completely unrecognizable/monstrous to his daughter' tag at the end. You can say they're setting him up and need to open his daughter to future shows, but the way you end a character's story says something about what you think about that character. What does it say when the eugenicist war criminal gets the happy ending he doesn't deserve?
#personal#delete later#and you can say “it's not that deep it's just what makes sense to end his character” but lets not kid ourselves#this past month people have been chattering about microexpressions in animation or metaphors and symbolism in interactions#and random props and set details. the end of a character's arc MEANS something thematically.#and it just feels offputting that the most unforgivable character wins while everyone else is dead or suffers alone#and don't give me that “sometimes the bad guy wins” look this is an extreme lol.#i would be fine with this outcome for singed if literally EVERY other character wasn't suffering. only singed got what he wanted#honestly fans who have been completely unwilling to consider negative analysis and criticisms of arcane annoy me so much#y'all chirp about how amazing it is that arcane is so political until the politics get weird. then it's a completely apolitical show#specifically the final “dirt under you fingernails” line. that felt so weird and offputting coming from vi#a part of this is definitely just reactionary anger at a fictional character. like. you caused untold amounts of suffering and agony#all for your daughter. fuck you you don't get your daughter
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#ffxiv#hythades#emet selch#hythlodaeus#ffxiv spoilers#crying in an alternative establishment that isn’t the club because the loud noises and sensations would make me cry even harder#my fathers eternal i love my papas they’re so fucking gay#uuuueueueueuoooueueueueuooouooeoeoouuoeoeououoeoeouoeou#they’re so sweet i genuinely felt nauseous making this so if you feel like shit also ur not alone
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HC they first met a year or two after Yelan got her vision; post fighting the in abyss but when Kaeya was still navigating his identity from Kaeya, Brother and Right hand of Diluc Ragnvindr to Kaeya Alberich, Cavalry Captain and Quarter master of the Knights of Favonius.
#We know Kaeya's a bit of a sadist and does leave his men in the dark most of the time#Back when he he'd been newly appointed i feel he'd be quite reckless as to how much 'pushing' his knights could handle on missions#used to working from diluc's shadow rather than being the one to direct commands#And Yelan after her experience in the Abyss chooses to work alone and secrectively so that the lives of her comrades won't be in danger#She sees that Kaeya operates very much like her but he does not have the luxury to work as 'freely' as she does when it comes to official#missions for there are still people working under him#(ofc both of them do whatever they want when it comes to going of abyss side quests)#There's no way she doesn't feel some sort of kinship they're really similar in many aspects#she does not want to see a repeat of her certain mistakes#Yelan is also questioning how the actual fuck do the knights operate because why is a 16yr old beefing with her to get to a mafia boss firs#They come to 'good terms' as time passes where they have mutual respect for each other#both of them try their best to outwit each other form time to time of course#Kaeya being petty(er) and Yelan being 'i need to set this guy straight'#But back then after seeing Kaeya work missions for the first time Yelan's thinking that this kid is too smart for his good#additional hcs for Back In That Day#Yelan: -still hasn't gotten her signature bob. -often uses a crutch because Abyss did a number on her and her pre existing chronic illness#Kaeya- has a fuckass mullet#yeah.. my apolocheese for the ramble#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#kaeya#kaeya alberich#yelan#yelan genshin impact#kms mention
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Calypso, baby, im so sorry people can't understand the nuance of your character being a an antagonist and 100% raping someone just because they want to justify liking you, and instead, ignore that men SA exists and try to claim they are cheaters
(and for the record, is canon that Odysseus told Penelope what happened to both Circe and Calypso and she understood and literally said "dont blame yourself for something you were forced to you" so suck it up)
#epic the musical#epic calypso#the odyssey#listen i dont like Calypso as a character but she is AN ANTAGONIST#she did fucked up shit she raped Odysseus#you can still feel compassion towards why she was in the island alone for 7 years#it's like saying Penelope was cheating on Ody for having 108 men in his house and she was very close to marry one of them#Telemachus goes and participate in The Challenge and said that he was going to marry HIS MOM#(even though that last bit was to taunt the suitors so they didn't suspect he was in kahoots with his dad and kill them all)#*alone for 100 years whatever
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I’m genuinely about to go square up with some fuckhead ass kids because my mother just informed me that they have not only once, but TWICE cut my youngest sister’s hair without her consent or knowledge.
the first time was in April and they cut like 6 inches off a random spot of her hair.
and yesterday, they cut fucking 14ish inches off because she started wearing her hair in a braid so no one could cut chunks out of it as easily so they just cut the whole fucking braid off.
I’m going to fucking kill them, who the fuck made them think this is an acceptable way to act and fucking treat someone. deadass going to go fight some fucking high schoolers over this, I swear to god.
kids are so fucking fucked up these days, I’m so beyond angry. she’s so fucking upset and distraught and nothing can be done about it. that hair is just gone. I feel so fucking sad and angry just on her behalf. why are kids so fucking cruel, she didn’t deserve that
#I wish I could afford to buy hair extensions to put in for her so she could have her long hair back#I feel so so so fucking awful about what’s happened and I just want to fix it#I’m so fucking angry and upset. they just keep targeting her and we don’t know why#but my mother got the police involved apparently. so hopefully something gets done? but I fucking doubt it#plus she’s fucking autistic like the kid just keeps to herself aside from 2 close friends#it’s not like she bothers anyone#she’s so calm and quiet and enjoys her alone time#like what did she do for them to think that was fucking okay#I’m so fucking angry
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