#they’re so sweet i genuinely felt nauseous making this so if you feel like shit also ur not alone

[fyllophobia]

[mystic-sky]

✨part 1 here ✨

Satoru’s only been in love once. Though it wasn’t with you, it wasn’t long before he met you either. The summer before he graduated high school he fell into a deep infatuation with someone. 

He was always a fast guy, even during his earlier youth- having lost his virginity in his sophomore year. He was a curious one, and he had the looks and the charm to scoop as many women as he chose. But he did give love a try with her. She was spunky, but shy at the same time. Outspoken, and he’d never forget how she kissed him first. She scooped him off his feet, somehow wrapping him around her finger- until she got bored. Gradually, there were no more late night phone calls, no more study dates and sneaking out together. She no longer responded immediately to his text messages, and casually rescheduled plans on short notice. Satoru had never been out right rejected before. But his nonchalant attitude lead him to adapt, and just reciprocate everything she had been doing. 

And in came his ex best friend, Suguru, who he no longer spoke to for external reasons.

He couldn’t go anywhere in school without witnessing or hearing the two laughing amongst one another or watching them hold hands. He felt nauseous every time he saw him wrap his arms around her; her sickening smile and her eyes sparkled just for him.

Senior year felt way too long. In the end, she left the both of them high and dry for an American University after graduation. But Satoru saw it as a lesson of sorts. He didn’t think all women were the same, but he certainly didn’t leave himself open to disappointment after this.

And that’s why he wasn’t the least bit surprised when he saw Suguru pressing his lips to your knuckles in the cafe you both first met in.

“Snake,” Satoru muttered under his breath.

He had no plans to walk inside the establishment at all, until he saw your cheery smile over the head of the brunette on his arm through the window. He shifted his gaze towards the source of your happiness, feeling that same sickening feeling from 3 years prior. 

He needed something sweet to rid the awful taste on his tongue. He took the brunette girl on his arm with him, offering to buy her a sweet drink. She happily obliged, simply ecstatic to be in his highly esteemed presence.

He imagined you didn’t even know who Suguru was, or what kinds of things he was capable of. But who was he to try and inform you? The both of you had split long before, and the last thing he needed was you thinking he actually cared about you. 

But he couldn’t stop looking at you. His heart swelled as he remembered when you both first met. It wasn’t even in lecture the way he had convinced you prior- oh no, long before that. It had been in sophomore year of college, the semester before you signed up for the political science course. 

He saw you in the college office, discussing electives you’d possibly be into with your counselor and one of your friends. He thought you were a cute, timid little thing. He gave himself a project, figuring he’d plant the seed and flirt with you in the near future when he had less women in his current line up. He could tell you were a busy one, rushing out of the office just as quickly as you came in. He didn’t even get a chance to make conversation with you. 

He signed up for a political science class, realizing just how low the probability of him ending up in the same class as you was. One semester later, he remembers chanting God is good as you sit idly in the middle of the lecture room when he arrives. 

The seats around you are taken, and he regrets being late on the first day. At least he had 2 hours to admire you from a distance. 

Your friends had came to get you as soon as class ended, making him miss his opportunity again to talk to you. The week after, you showed up late to class. Satoru being Satoru, it was impossible for him to keep empty seats beside himself due to his popularity. He watched you climb the steps and sit all the way in the back, far behind him. You had stayed to talk with the professor after class as a result. And unfortunately, his entourage of women couldn’t be kept waiting. That week he cut them all off. It was getting too difficult to maintain so many relationships along with his multiple sexual partners.

 A part of him thought having multiple partners and women around just wasn’t worth it. He grew tired of having multiple personalities around him. One sexual partner would be the most convenient. He didn’t even care if people thought he was dating that one specific person- as long as people left him alone. To rid himself of his options when he hadn’t even found a new contender for himself yet is what leeched at his brain. He might of been a bit of a sex addict. But there was also a part of him that was sure you’d be into him. All he had to do was try.

The third week you were absent. He almost lost his shit. He never saw you around campus ever, and he didn’t even know your name. This was getting a bit ridiculous.

Then, seemingly God sent, did he happen upon you in the university’s local cafe. He hadn’t known how long you’d been there since he had been studying himself towards the back.

You had gotten up and had been staring out the glass at the rain. A golden opportunity, he thought.

He packed his things, tossing his bag over his shoulder and umbrella in hand. Smoothly, he stood in the same space by the window. You were dazed, in your own little world, barely noticing his presence. He heard you speak,

“I guess I should sit back down,” you muttered quietly. She’s really not paying me any mind, he thought.

“Man, you don’t have an umbrella? That sucks.” He finally spoke, earning a startled look from you. He continued to stare straightforward towards the window pane. 

“Yeah, I know.” You say, sighing to yourself. He could see the slight blush in your cheeks through the corner of his sunglasses. 

“It says the rain is going to stop within the hour on the weather app.” He said, scrolling and tapping away at his phone. “You goin’ to the train station?”

“Oh, yeah.” You say shyly. He watched you nervously tucked some hair behind your ears before he looked straight ahead at the rain.

He also noticed you couldn’t stop stealing glances at him through the corner of his eye.

“Like what you see?”

You blinked at him repeatedly, earning a cocky chuckle from his end.

“Wanna walk with me?” He asked, peering down at you. He assumed it was too forward because he couldn’t read the look on your face after that. Just a series of blinks and a continuous puzzled stare. 

“I don’t even know you.” You said bluntly, and he felt that you meant it disrespectfully.

“Not yet.” He said slyly. “But I’ve seen you around campus a lot.”

Though that wasn’t true, he couldn’t possible tell you that he had been secretly admiring you every Wednesday for almost three weeks now either.

He watched you put a finger towards your chin before speaking.

“Professor Edamura’s class right?”

“Bingo.” He grinned.

“There’s like 120 people in that lecture.” You only took a guess, considering that was your largest class. 

“Yeah. But I think you’re the cutest.” He could’ve been smoother about it. But he was anxious to make his introduction. Only seeing you on Wednesdays sucked. This way, he could make sure you’d be thinking of him for a little while until you saw him again. 

Whose the mysterious tall guy with the white hair, or at least that’s how he thought you’d be thinking of him in his head.

“Thank you,” you say, squeezing your arms around your book and pressing it towards your chest. 

“Oh look, the rain is stopping.” He says, leaning forward, nose nearly pressing against the glass.

“Well, see you Wednesday.” He smiled a cheeky smile, before walking off. He felt you watching him stride down the street, and that’s how he wanted it to be.

Days later, Satoru was sure to be on time to class. He finally got a chance to sit beside you, offering you a wink and a smile. He could feel how shy you were, choosing not to make much conversation with you during the two hours of lecture. 

Luck was on his side yet again, considering he got paired with you for a group project. He offered to meet at his house, fixing up a group chat for the five of you. The other girls in the group talked over you while you made project plans before class ended. He was highly aware that they were trying their hardest to flirt with him, completely unphased by your presence. He felt bad that he couldn’t even really get close to you without other women somehow ruining things yet again. At least he learned your name and got your phone number. 

The next day, and also the night before the meet up, he texted you privately outside the group chat. 

He remembers checking his phone a few minutes later, seeing you’d left him on read. He realized he probably shouldn’t have been so forward. He chuckled at himself before tossing his phone on the bed and going to sleep.

You arrived somewhat early to his apartment, greeting him quietly before he told you to make yourself comfortable. It didn’t take long for the other three to text the group chat explaining that something had coincidentally came up, leaving you all alone with him. There you sat on the floor of his living room, not looking all that pleased to be in his presence. 

“Guess it’s just the two of us,” he chuckled. 

“Don’t look so happy about it.” He watched you roll your eyes.

“I can’t help it,” he says, sitting across from you on a different floor pillow. “I won’t lie. I had been thinking of asking you on a date. I didn’t think I’d get so lucky.”

“And did you text the other girls in our group the same thing the night before?” You say, nonchalantly opening your book. You didn’t even look his way. Your response threw him off.  Why were you acting like you hated him?

“No, they’re incredibly annoying.” He sighed genuinely, hoping he could change your outlook on him even a little.

“You’re pretty cool though. Kind of bummed you didn’t text me back.” He addressed. It sort of ticked him off that you didn’t respond to him. 

“Because I know what you’re up to.” You say, scribbling away in your notes.

“And what might that be?” He takes off his shades, putting them on the glass coffee table. He loved to play with the girls like this; acting so oblivious to his obvious intentions. 

“I’m not going to fall in love with you. I don’t have time for that.” You firmly set your pencil down, looking at him. He was taken aback. He’s intrigued and wants to poke at you some more.

“I don’t exactly want you to.” He chuckled. You looked at him before speaking again.

“So what do you want from me?” You say, placing your palm in your hand and leaning forward a bit to look at him directly. He thought the way you furrowed your brows at him was precious. He was fully aware you were being serious but he thought you were too cute.

“I said I wanted to take you on a date.” He laughs. “Get to know you a bit, but ultimately take you to bed at the end of the night, if you don’t mind. You can decline, I just wanted to show you a good time.”

Satoru may have been a downright whore up until now, but one thing he did manage to do was not lie to any of the women he dealt with. He never made false promises, and he never ever told women he would eventually commit to them. He hated when people tried to hold him emotionally accountable for things. He was typically clear to everyone about what he wanted from the beginning. Anyone who got their heart broken afterwards couldn’t say shit to him. 

“Sure,” you say calmly, to his surprise. You shift yourself around the table, right beside his body.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” you took hold of his jaw, delicately planting a kiss. He had no idea you were so confident. It had been so long since someone had kissed him first so forwardly and so passionately. For the first time in a long time he was mesmerized, feeling the summer before senior year of high school all over again on his living room floor. Your lips were incredibly soft and pillowy. He was already hard, wondering just what your sex was like if you kissed him like this.

You shifted over his body, straddling him against the bottom of the sofa. You’d give him exactly what he wanted.

“You better be good at this, or don’t even bother looking at me after we finish this project.” You break from his lips. His eyes widened a bit, staring deeply into yours before speaking. 

“Oh princess, I don’t ever disappoint.” He smirked. He lifted both your bodies off the ground. He sucked in your lips, kissing you firmly as he brought you to his bedroom. 

That night, he gave you the best sex of your entire life. He wasn’t lying about not disappointing you.

Sex with you was more than a memorable experience to him. The both of you had formed this bond having had done it so many times in one semester. You never pried or asked him about his personal life. You never hinted at wanting more than what he was already giving you. He would notice when you were stressed and life would occasionally beat you up. He lent you his ear, hoping to ease you the best he could. This kept up for almost a year, and he genuinely thought you’d get tired of the agreement by now. But here you were still, being exactly what he wanted you to be. You never smothered him, and that made him want to spoil you. 

He didn’t know how to communicate that unless it was while he had sex with you. You told him not to buy you gifts. Maybe he could treat you to dinner but you were keen on keeping things minimal. 

The most intimate moment you both had was probably the night before you both had ended it all.

He hadn’t seen you all week, and took you to dinner before bringing you home to bed like he always did. He wanted nothing more than your skin against his own. The warmth you gave him was intoxicating yet somehow endearing. He couldn’t dare fall in love with you, but his sex told you otherwise.

“Fuck, I missed you.”

Your entire head was hot from the whisper he made into your ear. He knew he shouldn’t have said it like that. The way your sweet and dazed eyes looked up at him- he knew it was starting to fuck with you. You let out a moan as he filled you up completely, grinding your sex towards him from underneath.

“It looks like you missed me too,” he chuckled. He could never forget the sounds your slimy cunt made every time he inserted himself into you. He knew you couldn’t lie to him even if you tried— your body wouldn’t let you.

He heard you moan back how much you missed him too, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close. This was getting bad and he knew that. But he never had someone hold him like that before- like they loved him. 

“I know baby,” he placed sweet kisses against your face and neck, “I know.”

This memory echoes in his brain as he watched Suguru play with your fingers at your table. He orders his drink, and the dame beside him is talking a thousand miles per minute but he doesn’t hear thing. He somehow tunes out the entire establishment, only focusing on you and the dark haired bastard right in front of you. 

She moves on quickly, he thought. He was thankful he had his signature dark shades on so he could stare at you as much as he wanted. 

Were you both just talking? Did Suguru establish the same friends with benefits situation with you? Or... was he your boyfriend? 

It felt like it was just yesterday you were telling him how much you missed him, how much you needed him. 

Satoru then remembered the bullshit speech you gave him once about how you didn’t have time to fall in love. 

So what the fuck was this?

He knew he could’ve handled the split so much better. But he was scared. He didn’t trust you. He didn’t want to find out if you were capable of hurting him. Were you that fickle? He knew he was one to talk, but he’d never forget the look you gave him that night- like you were in love with him.

But that was only two months ago. He watched the both of you get up, and pack your things. The nostalgic yet sick feeling from earlier grew tenfold in his stomach as he watched you and Suguru join hands. He watched him press a long sweet kiss against your forehead before tilting your chin up to his gaze. Suguru whispered something to you, obviously making you blush and stare at the floor. He presses another kiss to your forehead before leading you out of the cafe. 

Satoru’s chest felt tight, and he hadn’t felt this way in years. Such a green feeling, but mostly terrified that he might’ve been in love with you. 

Just how was he supposed to get you back?

✨part 3 here ✨

[thatsamericano]

That Thing That Isn’t Biphobia

Pairings/Characters: America/Romano. America and Japan brotp. Mentions of Belmano and past Prumano. Very brief mentions of Giripan, Gerita, and Lietpol. Human AU.

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Mentions of biphobia and violence (though no actual biphobia or violence). Mentions of ace/arophobia from Alfred’s parents, who don’t appear in the story.

Word Count: 3317

Summary: Alfred thinks he’s biphobic because he gets unreasonably angry and upset whenever he sees his roommate having relationships with men or women. He hates himself for being prejudiced against Savino, but an honest conversation with another friend helps him realize his “biphobia” wasn’t biphobia at all.

Note: Prequel to That Thing Where You Fall In Love With Your Best Friend. Inspired by the reddit story of the “straight” guy who fell in love with his gay roommate and mistook his jealousy for homophobia.

Alfred was supposed to be eating lunch with Kiku today, but after fifteen minutes he had only moved the sushi around the plate with his chopsticks several times. Guilt was gnawing away at his mind, and he couldn’t focus on anything else, even sushi that he knew would be tasty since Kiku had chosen the restaurant this time.

At least he wasn’t nauseous, like he would be when Savino was around his girlfriend.

Emma was perfectly sweet, and Alfred had no reason to dislike her. She was genuinely friendly to him and Tolys, even if her main reason for stopping by the apartment was to spend time with her boyfriend. She and Vinny were affectionate, but they didn’t engage in enough PDA to bother any reasonable person. Yet every time Savino would casually drop his arm around her shoulders and she’d snuggle up to his side, Alfred had to look away to keep his stomach from roiling. Every time he called her some sappy Italian endearment and she giggled and replied to him with something in Flemish, Alfred wanted to drive spikes into his ears just so he’d never have to hear them again. When they kissed in front of him, Alfred felt like screaming or crying, and he didn’t understand why.

The same thing had happened a few months ago when he was hooking up with Gilbert, that albino German dude he’d met because Vinny’s little brother was dating Gilbert’s little brother. Gilbert and Savino didn’t call each other sappy nicknames, because it was just a friends with benefits arrangement, but they did spend a few nights together. One morning, Alfred was in the middle of eating a bowl of Cap’n Crunch when Gilbert emerged from Savino’s room wearing only a pair of boxers. After nearly choking on his cereal, Alfred finished his breakfast as quickly as he could and left the apartment to circle the block five times, which calmed him down enough to refrain from punching some poor guy just for having sex with his roommate. By the time Alfred had returned, Gilbert had left, thank fucking God. But whenever he thought of the things they must have done together or the things Savino had done with Emma, a painful tightness seized Alfred’s chest, and it became extraordinarily difficult to breathe. Even after they had gone back to being just friends, Gilbert liked to visit occasionally, and he liked to tease Savino with comments made him splutter and blush. Every time he saw Savino’s reaction to some comment Gilbert had made, Alfred felt unreasonably angry, and he wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off Gilbert’s face with his fist.

Alfred knew it was wrong. Savino had never judged him for being ace/aro, and Alfred had absolutely no right to judge him for being bi. Savino was an amazing friend and a wonderful roommate, and he deserved all the happiness in the world. He certainly deserved better than living with a biphobic piece of shit like Alfred. What kind of fucked up asshole couldn’t stand to see one of their best friends happy just because the way they were happy was different from what they wanted for themselves?

Alfred hadn’t mentioned a word of how he felt to anyone. He didn’t want to hurt Vinny with this stupid prejudice that came out of nowhere, and he didn’t want everyone in his life to hate him the way he deserved. Savino, of course, wouldn’t want anything to do with Alfred if he knew, and neither would Tolys, who was bi too. All of his friends would be disgusted by the ugly and vicious sentiments Alfred harbored, and he would have to move back in with the shitty parents who thought his asexuality was a silly, immature phase he would grow out of eventually once he really came out of the closet. Even his own twin would want nothing to do with him. Mattie was straight, but unlike Alfred, he was a decent person who would never hate someone for being themselves.

But the sad truth was that he didn’t hate Savino. Vinny didn’t smile that much compared to Alfred, but when he did, it resembled the sun coming through the clouds. When he laughed at Alfred for doing something dumb, Alfred felt giddy, and he wanted to do something even stupider just to hear that beautiful sound again. He was a talented artist and an amazing cook, and Alfred had grown addicted both to Savino’s cappuccinos and to sitting at the counter and chatting with him while he worked. Vinny was like a human space heater, and he always smelled like fancy cologne Alfred wasn’t sophisticated enough to use himself. When they hugged, Alfred never really wanted to let go. The idea of not having Savino in his life was the worst thing Alfred could imagine, so he had to pretend everything was just fine and that nothing had changed.

He was frowning down at his sushi, too heartsick to eat any of it, when Kiku hesitantly spoke up. “Alfred-kun, are you all right? You’ve been unusually quiet, and you haven’t touched your food today.”

Alfred sighed and made eye contact with him. “I’m fine. Just not hungry, I guess.”

Kiku looked worried. “If you aren’t in the mood for sushi, we could go somewhere else. I don’t want you to skip lunch because you were trying to accommodate me.”

Alfred set down his chopsticks, which he hadn’t been using for their intended purpose. “It’s not the sushi, dude. I’ve just been feeling kind of off lately.”

“Off how?”

Alfred hesitated. Kiku was his close friend. In some ways, he understood Alfred better than anyone else because he was asexual too. The only difference was that he was gray-romantic, because he had gotten very close to someone once, and he wasn’t sure if what he’d felt for Herakles years ago was romantic or not.

That meant Kiku might be attracted to guys at least a little. So he would see the way Alfred had reacted to the mere idea of Savino being with a guy as a personal attack, and rightly so. He wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that, and Alfred couldn’t blame him.

Alfred hunched in on himself and fixed his gaze determinedly on the table top. “You shouldn’t worry about it. It’s a dumb problem, and I need to get over it.”

“But you’re my friend,” Kiku stated plainly. “Of course I’ll worry when you aren’t acting like yourself. I care about you.”

Alfred took a deep breath and blinked his eyes rapidly to stop himself from crying in the middle of a Japanese restaurant, which would unnecessarily embarrass everyone around him. Kiku’s concern only made him feel worse. He didn’t deserve it at all.

“I think I’m a bad person,” Alfred muttered. “I might’ve picked up on some prejudices from my parents, but it’s not like I want to feel this way. And I can’t blame it all on other people. It’s my responsibility to quit being a dick to people for no reason.”

“You’re prejudiced? Against who?” Kiku already sounded annoyed at him, and he hadn’t even heard everything. He’d barely heard anything.

“Bi people, I think. Either that or I just really don’t like Europeans, which isn’t okay either.” Alfred squeezed his eyes shut, dreading Kiku’s reaction.

For a long moment, all Alfred heard was the sound of people at others eating and talking to each other. Finally, Kiku spoke. “Alfred, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s biphobia, dude! Of course it doesn’t make sense.”

“But both your roommates are bi. And European, for that matter.”

Alfred groaned in despair and fisted his hands in his hair. “I know. And if they found out, they’d hate me forever and want nothing more to do with me.” Fuck, if he couldn’t make this go away, he was going to lose two of his best friends. In addition to Kiku, who he’d probably lost already.

“You’ve always seemed so fond of Tolys and Savino.” Weirdly, Kiku didn’t sound pissed off. He sounded like he was trying to reason through a complex math problem. “If you were prejudiced against them, wouldn’t this have come up sooner? You’ve been living with them for years, and you never mentioned having a problem with their orientation before.”

“Because I didn’t have a problem before! I didn’t know I was like this until Vinny started hooking up with that German dude a few months ago. I saw him coming out of Vinny’s bedroom one time, and ever since then I’ve hated Gilbert for no fucking reason.”

“Knowing they’d been together in that way made you uncomfortable?”

Alfred grimaced. “It was more than uncomfortable. More like angry. Really angry. I had to leave the apartment to calm myself down. I still feel like punching something whenever Gil teases him and makes him turn red. And when I think about them doing stuff with each other, my chest feels weird and it’s hard to breathe.”

Alfred dared to glance up at Kiku, who had a carefully neutral expression on his face. “I see. And what about his girlfriend, Emma? She seemed nice when I met her.”

Alfred sighed. “Emma is nice. But it’s a similar deal, only more sappy because they’re an actual couple. I feel queasy when they cuddle on the couch, and I feel so upset when they kiss in front of me, even if it’s not like they’re Frenching for five minutes or whatever. I can’t stand it when I hear them getting all sappy in Italian or Flemish. And I’m just as mad if I think about them having sex, which is why it’s probably biphobia and not homophobia.” Alfred chuckled weakly, disgusted with himself. “Apparently, I’m such a crappy friend I can’t let Savino be happy, even with a girl.” God, Alfred loathed himself.

Kiku’s next question surprised him completely. “How do you feel about Feliks? They’re still with Tolys, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, they are. Feliks is cool. I like hanging out with them. I think I might have accidentally gotten them a little too addicted to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, though.” Alfred smiled fondly at the thought of Tolys’s partner. Feliks was a fun person. Alfred had never had a problem with them.

“Were you ever uncomfortable when they showed affection in front of you?”

Alfred furrowed his brow. “Not that I can think of? But maybe it’s because Feliks and Tolys have been together for a while, so I’m used to it.” They’d been together since before Alfred developed this sudden, unexpected biphobia problem. God, he hoped that he didn’t start hating Feliks too. That would really suck.

Kiku nodded to himself. “I think I’ve figured out what’s going on. And contrary to what you told me, I don’t think you’re biphobic.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I think you’re jealous.”

“But why would I be jealous? Because Vinny goes on dates and hooks up with people, and I’ve never been with anybody? That doesn’t make any sense. I never wanted to be more than friends with somebody.”

Kiku gave him a pitying look. “But I think you do now. I think something must have changed, and now you have feelings for Savino. You were jealous of his most recent partners because you wish you were them.”

For a moment, Alfred was too stunned to say anything. He glanced down at his uneaten sushi. “But I don’t like people that way. I can’t. I never have.” He felt scared because so much of his identity was shifting away underneath him. It hadn’t been easy for Alfred to tell people who he was, especially when he had to explain it to people who wouldn’t inherently understand him the way Kiku did. Not everyone had accepted him. His own parents had made him feel like crap for it. He didn’t want to prove them right, because asexuality and aromanticism weren’t phases.

Every time he told people he was ace/aro, he’d been sure of himself. He’d been more certain of that than anything. But now he didn’t know who he was anymore.

“Alfred, how do you feel about Savino when he isn’t with another person?”

“Just being around him makes me happy. But that could totally be a friendship thing, right? It’s normal to feel happy around your friends. I’m happy around you and Tolys too!” But maybe it wasn’t normal to compare your friend’s smile to the sun or to think that the sound of their laugh was beautiful. Maybe you could enjoy hugging your friends, but something other than friendship was going on if you felt so warm and safe in their arms that you never wanted to let go.

Alfred glanced up into Kiku’s eyes, which were a warm, dark brown, filled with compassion and understanding. He felt calmer looking at his friend’s face, but he didn’t feel enraptured. He didn’t feel mesmerized when he stared into Kiku’s eyes, like he could do nothing but sit across from him and stare at him for hours. He had felt like that with Vinny.

Alfred coughed awkwardly and looked off to the side as he felt heat starting to creep up his neck and over his cheeks. His thoughts were weird, embarrassing, and really confusing.

“How do you feel about the idea of being in a relationship with him?” Kiku asked.

“I hadn’t really thought of it before,” Alfred admitted. “But it doesn’t sound bad.” Not much would change, really. They’d still be close, just in a different way. He’d be the one snuggling up to Vinny instead of Emma, and that would probably feel nice, considering how much Alfred liked hugging him. He’d be the person getting called something like “tesoro,” and the idea of a special nickname made him feel fluttery, just like he felt when Vinny had started calling him “Fredo,” only more intense. And the idea of kissing Savino on the lips instead of just that cheek kissing thing he did with his friends…

Okay, that made Alfred nervous. But not bad nervous, more like “I’m about to go on the biggest rollercoaster at the theme park�� nervous. Alfred had always enjoyed the thrill of rollercoasters, the experience of screaming his head off as his heart raced a mile a minute. If kissing could feel like that, then he definitely wanted to kiss Savino. At some point, he might even want to do more than kiss Savino, which wasn’t something he’d ever considered before. The mere fact that he was even thinking about having sex without immediately recoiling said a lot.

Alfred grabbed his drink and quickly slurped up a lot of soda through his straw. He felt like he was about to explode from all the feelings inside him, and the soda helped cool him down a little. He kept a tight grip on the glass afterwards.

“I like him,” he confessed, near tears. “I like Savi so, so much, and I have no idea what this means for me. I don’t understand who I am anymore.”

“You’re the same person you always were, even if you’re discovering something new about yourself. And you’re still my friend. That will never change.”

Alfred released the glass slowly. “Thanks, dude. That means a lot.”

“If you like, I could help you look on the AVEN website sometime. You might not be completely asexual and aromantic, but I’m sure there’s a term out there for what you’re experiencing. It might help you make sense of things.”

“I appreciate that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad I’m not a secretly horrible biphobic asshole, but my head’s kind of a mess right now.”

Kiku chuckled softly. “That’s understandable.”

Alfred finally felt good enough to eat something, so he picked up a piece of sushi with his fingers, since chopsticks were still awkward for him to use, even if he’d eaten with Kiku many times. Fortunately, it wasn’t considered rude to eat sushi with your hands. Alfred chewed his food, and he thought things over. “Vinny has a girlfriend, and he seems really happy with her. Having a crush on him and knowing I have a crush on him is gonna be awkward as hell. Maybe not as awkward as thinking I’m an evil prejudiced monster, but still.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage.”

“I probably shouldn’t tell him that part. But I do want to tell him and Tolys something once I figure all this stuff out. And my brother too. But telling my parents is… God, that’s gonna be a fucking nightmare. They were so shitty to me before, and they’re gonna be really smug and annoying if turns out they were right. I don’t wanna play into stereotypes like that.” Most people who said they were ace/aro didn’t change their minds later, but in his parent’s view, asexuality and aromanticism weren’t real, valid experiences, and any person who said they were asexual or aromantic was lying to themselves and using those labels as a mask for something else. Or maybe they just hadn’t found “the right person.”

Alfred had never intentionally lied about his sexuality, but his parents wouldn’t see it that way. This stupid crush on his roommate was reinforcing stereotypes that hurt people like the really awesome friend who had taken him out to lunch today and helped him realize his feelings, and Alfred felt guilty about that.

Kiku had an uncomfortable look on his face. “It’s not your responsibility to represent all people on the ace and aro spectrums. You have just as much of a right to explore how you feel as anyone else does. I think you should give yourself time to do that and only tell other people about this when you feel ready.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Right now, I don’t even know what to tell people.” Alfred picked up another piece of sushi and started to eat it.

“You told me today. That’s a good start.”

Alfred waited to swallow his bite, and then he gave Kiku a toothy, grateful smile. Kiku smiled back at him, and they finished their lunch together in a much more relaxed mood. Alfred didn’t have the dark cloud of guilt hanging over his head anymore, even if realizing he might be in love with one of his roommates gave him a lot of new things to worry about.

After they finished their food, they split the bill based on what they had ordered. Kiku had to take the bus back to work, so they would part ways outside the restaurant.

Alfred was a little surprised when Kiku inched closer with a shy look on his face and threw his arms around him. He wasn’t normally big on the whole physical affection thing.

Alfred returned the hug and laughed a little. “What’s all this about?”

“After our conversation today, I thought you might need it. Take care, Alfred.”

“Yeah, you too. Talk to you soon, bro.”

Kiku pulled away, nodded, and turned around to start walking to the bus stop. Alfred headed in the opposite direction, and he reflected on what had just happened.

Hugging Kiku was nice, but it didn’t make him feel tingly and floaty like hugging Savino did. Alfred appreciated the hug as a friendly gesture, especially since Kiku wasn’t the world’s huggiest person, but it had been easy to let go of Kiku when he wanted to leave. His arms didn’t feel empty, the way they did when Vinny stepped out an embrace, muttering under his breath about Alfred’s clinginess with a scarlet blush on his face.

Alfred didn’t feel the same way towards Savino he did to his other friends, but that was okay. Alfred was confused and a little scared by everything he’d realized today, but he wasn’t a terrible person, and he would figure things out eventually. He would be okay too.

[mulletcal]

get what you give, give what you get - a sugar daddy!cal blurb.

A/N: okay, so here’s one of my two fics for the fic event! i’m so happy and so grateful to be able to be apart of this cool event, and to have made some new friends along the way.  this truly was such a welcoming environment to toss ideas into.  also, this isn’t gonna be a conventional dom!cal sugar daddy type fic, but i hope you enjoy anyways.

word count: 2.6k warnings: mentions of death, light grieving, drug mention

Event Masterlist

***

The morning that Calum had gotten the call from his mother that his grandma had passed away, he had ended up in the cafe you worked at. A blank, emotionless expression with a muttered ‘thank you’ was Calum’s first impressions with the baristas there, assuming they probably thought of him as an asshole following that. 

Calum became a regular of the cafe though, realizing it wasn’t like the typical cafes he and his friends would frequent. No one knew him, he could be a nobody here. He didn’t have to have his friends look at him with sympathetic eyes while he mourned the loss of the biggest supporter in his life. His grandmother never questioned when Calum wanted to drop out of school to be in a band, nor did she ever bat an eye when that band never made it off the ground, leaving him working temp jobs just to get by. 

He was able to make it out for his grandmother's funeral, being around his family easing his grieving in the slightest bit. Calum wasn’t often able to see his grandmother, both of their schedules never really matching up other than the typical family holidays, and the fact that he lived in California, and her in Australia; but she always called him on his birthday to let him know how much she loved him.

It came as a shock to him when he received mail from his grandmother’s estate, letting him know that his grandmother had left him a ridiculous amount of money, quite possibly her entire fortune from throughout her life- he of course had no way of knowing, maybe she was that filthy rich and she never let any of them know. What had she left to his mother? His sister? Calum supposed reading the letter would answer some questions for him, but he instead stood there, at a loss for words with the letter in hand, unable to bring himself to open it.

Calum decided he’d need coffee to process this information further, maybe delay him opening the letter just a little bit.  He ended up not too long after that at his usual table in the cafe, giving a tight smile to the baristas who were working that day.  Turning the letter over and over in his hands, he jumped when someone had appeared beside him with a coffee and baked good.

“Sorry to bother you, you just hadn’t come to order yet, so we thought we’d bring it to you.  You seemed a little lost in thought,” You spoke softly, the mans’ warm brown eyes gazing up at you, slightly glassy and distant.  

“Oh, uh… Yeah, sorry.  But thank you, I really appreciate it.  D’you mind if I come up to pay shortly?”

“Don’t worry about it,” You said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “We’ve got you covered.”

The small gesture made Calum’s chest warm, a genuine smile appearing on his lips before you turned away.  Something about you made him pause; he had noticed you before, sure, but normally you were more bubbly.  You seemed sad today, and he briefly wondered if there was just a dark cloud hanging over the rest of the world like it was for him, or if his most recent loss was just making him bitter towards everything.

Turning his attention back to the letter in his hands, the feeling of the paper was making his skin hot, and uncomfortably so.  It was time to rip the bandaid off, so to speak, and open it.  What could possibly be wrong with the letter? Or the money? Had his grandmother been the leader of a drug ring, and Calum had somehow inherited that title? A million thoughts raced through his mind while he broke the seal, his breathing quick. 

His grandmothers writing filled the page, causing his eyes to water a little just due to the fact that she had written this herself.  She had meant for him to get this.  Calum’s eyes scanned the words, tears fully forming as he really read them.

‘Calum,

If you’re reading this, it means I’ve gone - though I’m sure you’re aware of that.  If you’re not well… Shit, sorry to tell you my love.’

He had to pause his reading to chuckle, wiping the tears away from his eyes as he did so.

‘Because you’re a sweet boy, I know you’re already wondering why.  Why did I leave all of this to you? What about your mum and Mali? Don’t fret, they will not be left empty handed.  This money, this is all for you.  I want you to go and live your dreams, my sweet.  I’ve always believed in you, in your talents; you’re a hard working young man with big dreams.  Take this money and do something amazing with it, take a trip.  Take all your friends on a trip for all I care, the main thing I want from this is for you to be happy. 

I love you, be well.  I’ll miss you.

Gran’

Calum sniffled quietly, once again wiping at his eyes when he had finished reading.  She had been gone less than a month, but the month had felt so long; Calum forgot briefly that she was gone, and gave her a call on her birthday, only to find that someone had already disconnected her phone.  That had been a rough day in particular for him. 

Finishing his coffee in silence, he tuned into the conversations around him, picking up on one in particular coming from behind the bar.  The barista who had previously brought him his coffee leaning against the counter, talking quietly to her coworker.

“It doesn’t make sense… they’re busier than ever, I don’t get why they let me go. They had even said it wasn’t a performance based termination…” 

Calum frowned, trying not to eavesdrop, but she continued on with her words.

“That was literally my only way to finally make ends meet.  My student loans are ridiculous, my landlord is an asshole and keeps raising the rent,” The woman sighed, “I gotta find another job.  Or marry rich.” The last part of her sentence was said with a half-hearted laugh, no hope in her voice at all.

A thought occurred to Calum then, the words in his Gran’s letter ringing through his ears, “Take your friends on a trip for all I care.” Well, his friends didn’t need any sort of vacation, choosing to live it up whenever and wherever they could; but this young woman, she could really benefit from money like this.  Also there was a hefty chance that the entirety of her student loan would hardly make a dent in his inheritance, which made him nauseous to even think about.

He couldn’t think about it for too much longer, or he’d chicken out, so he made his way up to the counter, both baristas turning their attention to him. “Something wrong, sir?” The second barista asked, but Calum’s eyes nervously remained on the first.

“I have an offer for you.  I heard your situation and I’d like to help, if you’d let me.”

The first barista clicked her teeth, leaning on her elbows on the counter so they were inches away from each other, “No offence man, but I’m not about to smuggle kilos of cocaine up my lady bits to pay off my college fees.”

Calum was a bit taken aback by her comment, letting out the first genuine laugh he had since his Gran had passed, “What? God, no! Listen.  I wanna pay off your student loans.”

“What’s in it for you?” She had cut him off, but he couldn’t blame her for being suspicious.  He would be too if a random person approached him offering to pay his debts.

“Nothing.  I don’t want anything in return, I swear.” Calum paused, “Well… Maybe one thing.”

She cocked her head to the side, encouraging him to continue, and he did.  “Maybe just someone to talk to? M’not a fan of feeling vulnerable in front of my friends, but you both have seen me cry in the middle of this cafe, so…”

Pulling back from the counter, she tossed a glance over her shoulder to the second barista, who was quick to leave the two of them alone.  Calum assumed she would be filled in of the details later anyways, so her being shooed away didn’t make him feel guilty. 

“Okay.. What?  Are you some kind of lonely sugar daddy? Surely you’re too young to be so lonely.”

Calum shook his head, letting out a sound of exasperation, but the smile remained on his lips, “I don’t know if you can tell, but I have no idea what I’m doing.  I almost never do.”  Pulling out the letter and setting it onto the counter, “My Gran passed away recently, and she left me quite a bit of inheritance; I have a strong suspicion that your student loans won’t hardly make a dent in the number, so let me help you.  In exchange for a friend.”

The girl thought for a moment, meeting his eyes to sense any deception.  “Can I think about it? Also, that does kinda make you a sugar daddy.  You’re paying for me to keep you company.”

“Take your time; also if I’m a sugar daddy and you say yes, that’ll make you my baby.”  With a final wink tossed her direction, he headed out of the cafe to go back to his apartment.

Calum returned the next day, hoping that he would find her working once again, his chest deflating a little when she wasn’t.  The second barista from the day before was working though, her eyes landing on him the second he came through the door.

“She’s sick today… Said she must’ve come down with the flu or somethin’.”

Calum nodded in acknowledgment, heading over to take a seat in his usual spot.  His plan to convince her was potentially out the window now, quite possible she would be avoiding coming to work because he weirded her out.  He had formed a whole plan, too, he was prepared to pay off her tuition, as well as a few months of her rent… Though he was prepared to pay for far more than a few months of her rent, he was sure that she wouldn’t let him unless she became really desperate.

Why was he so dead set on helping her? Was it because she was beautiful? Maybe, but she seemed more than that.  The way she never judged the moods he was in, simply gave him his coffee with a smile, most days him returning the gesture; or maybe it was the small fact that yesterday she noticed he wasn’t himself, so she had bought him coffee in a small hope of brightening his spirits. 

His phone buzzing on the table took his attention away from his thoughts, brows furrowing at the request for an AirDrop.  Calum accepted hesitantly, opening the phone to see that the first baristas contact information had been sent to him.  Looking over his shoulder, he laughed lightly at her friend from the day before staring him down, waving his hand in a thanks.

He clicked to send you a message, pausing before typing out, “Hey, it’s Cal.  The weirdo wannabe sugar daddy from the cafe? Your coworker/friend(?) Gave me your number.  Think she wants you to take my offer if you ask me.”

It was a few minutes until the three dots appeared, quickly disappearing and reappearing several times before he actually received a reply, “Yeah, definitely seems like it.  I don’t wanna infect you with whatever I’ve come down with, but I’d like to discuss terms.”

“We can do that, I’m also not terribly concerned about getting sick.  Send me your address.”

“Serial killer.  Here.”

The message that followed was her address, and Calum placed an order at his favourite restaurant for soup before he turned to ask her friend if there was anything she liked to drink when she was sick.

After another thirty minutes of picking up random things on his journey, he finally arrived at her door, biting his lip to hold back a laugh when she answered wrapped in a blanket.

“Welcome to hell… Or.  I dunno, it’s not hell cause it’s fuckin’ freezing.  Hurry up and get inside before you let the cold air in.”

Calum squinted, a small smirk tugging at his lips, “Doll, it’s nearing June in Los Angeles, there’s not a draft anywhere in sight, unless you’re talking about a cold beer.”

“Did you come here to talk about terms, or to make fun of me?” She said with a pout, curling up onto her couch.

“Actually, I’ve brought you some soup and crackers, and also have come to discuss terms… and  make fun of you.  You’ve gotten a three for one deal here, darlin’.” Calum grinned, placing the bag on the table in front of her, her pout only getting worse.

“Fine.  Only because you brought me soup.”

Calum rolled his eyes, helping her to get settled sitting up so she could eat her soup.  Something about the silence that fell between them while she ate wasn’t uncomfortable, but rather welcome.  It had been a long time since Calum was able to feel comfortable sitting in silence with someone, and it made him relax a bit into her couch.

“Okay so terms,” she started, setting the last of the soup down to turn towards Calum, “No sex.  If that’s what you’re expecting, I’m 100% out.  Not because you’re not attractive, but I don’t know if I’m personally cut out for the sex work business.”

Calum nodded, letting her continue on.  “And I want to be able to stop whenever I’d like.  I don’t want some sort of fixed term contract like m’buying a phone.  Honestly I can’t think of anything more than that.  What did you have in mind?”

Turning towards her as well, Calum rested his elbow on his leg, chin in his hand while he looked at her. “I wasn’t expecting much, if I’m honest.  I just want someone to spend time with.  The dating pool is slim, and I’m not particularly lookin’ for a girlfriend, so having someone to kinda bitch to after a hard day is what I was hoping for. And I’d want to hear about your day too.  What annoyed you the most, what was the best part of your day, things to take my mind off everyday life.”

She looked at him for a long moment, and Calum frowned in response thinking she was going to say no.  It wouldn’t affect him terribly if she had, but it would certainly mean he could never go back to that same coffee shop again.

“Why me?” She finally said, pulling the blanket down so it was pooled at her waist now.  “Why do you want to spend your money on me?”

“Like I told you yesterday, this money was inheritance.  My Gran told me to take my friends on vacation, or to do something fun with it; but in all honesty I’d rather do something useful with it, like helping someone else.  You seemed like you could use it, and from what I can tell you’ve never been anything but kind to me - so, you.  That’s why you, because you deserve a break.”

Her eyes had moved from Calum’s down to the floor, her breathing uneven, “Okay.”

“Okay?” “Yes, okay.  As long as you agree to my terms,” Lifting her head, Calum could see that her eyes were glassy, as if she had been trying to hold back tears when he spoke.

“I agree to your terms.  What costs shall we tackle first, baby?” His teasing tone earned him a pillow to the head, a stream of giggles falling from her lips.

“Another term - don’t call me baby.”

“Mmm, that one may have to be an agree to disagree there, baby.”

regular tag list:  @haikucal​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @boyfriend-cal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​ @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @mantlereid​ @inlovehoodx​ @irwinkitten​ @n-ctarinenga​​ @g-l-pierce​ @thecurlsofgod​ @idontneedanyone​

event tag list: @maluminspace​ @5sosnsfw​ @punkrockpreferences​ @castaway-cashton​ @readyplayermike​ @gigglyirwin​ @sexgodashton​ @5-secondsofcolor​ @mysticalhood​ @mermaidcashton​ @koalacal​ @loveroflrh​ @calumsmermaid​ @wildmichaelflower​ @goth5sos​ @h0tsos​ @fallinluke​ @jae-writes-fanfiction​ @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​ @sublimehood​ @shal-pal​ @cashtonasfuck​ @kingcals​ @calumcest​

[outr-banks]

All In Pt. 2 || Fic

(Rafe Cameron x Reader)

requested: yes

a/n: anon, i absolutely loved the suggestion, so here’s the part two that... tbh we all needed. the song that was running through my mind while writing is literally one of my favorite songs. anyways i hope you enjoy ;)

part one

warning: tension, light angst, light fluff

In which you’re on a date with Rafe Cameron after a whole summer of him pining after you. Sometimes dates determine whether you’re all in... or not.

song inspired: japanese denim by daniel caesar

(recommend listening while reading)

masterlist

-

Breathe. Just breathe. That’s what you’ve been trying to tell yourself for the past hour, but it isn’t doing much. It’s not like you haven’t been on a date before just something about this one sat differently than the rest.

If you can best describe it, it’s the way you feel about him that makes all the difference. No one makes you nervous and excited at the same time, hell even frustrated and annoyed. But through it all, you’re even more drawn to him. A kook, such like Rafe, becoming an important part in your life still amazes you and somehow worries you all at once. When you told your friends about the date with Rafe, they immediately thought you were joking but became uneased of how serious you are.

They didn’t fail to mention how different you are from Rafe, like on an astronomical level. Or how terrible he is with dating and relationships. It’s things you already knew and didn’t want to talk about, because you hate to admit they’re right. In easier terms: you’re a pogue and he’s a kook. He’s very black and white, while you are all the colors. You’re left and he’s right. These are the reasons you’re experiencing stress, even up untill tonight. You were all in. But as the days saturate there’s a chance in which that isn’t true anymore.

Just thinking about it made you feel nauseous, but you tried your hardest to push it aside and enjoy the date. The night approaches and you patiently wait for Rafe’s arrival. You begin to doze off in your anxious thoughts once again but the sound of the doorbell echoes your home.

You fling the door wide open and see Rafe with a grin on his face while holding a bouquet of flowers. Suddenly, all the nerves had washed away and your head is filled with positive thoughts.

“Wow, y-you look beautiful.” He says, stuttering to find words. His eyes travel up and down your figure.

He hesitantly passes the flowers over and you smell the sweet assortment. The beating of your heart takes flight and begin to feel giddy. You carefully settle the gift on a table and walk back to Rafe.

“Thanks, you look handsome.” Your lips spread thin into a warm smile and blush at his compliment.

Rafe looks absolutely adorable yet sexy. His hair is perfectly geled back and combed. You’re used to his floppy and bushy hair, but you liked this side of him too. A baby blue blazer hugs tightly around his muscular upper body, which is probably ripping at it seams. You’re incredibly lucky to have a chance to look at him this way. He is just simply irresistible.

“Ready to go?” Rafe reaches out a hand for you to grab and leads you down to his car.

All throughout the summer you loved making fun of him, or cracking up a joke but for the first time the atmosphere remains painfully silent and awkward. Things are changing, and you can’t help but think if this doesn’t end well, you’d might lose him before you even had him. Maybe his feelings for are not where they should be, that you’re probably just a summer fling to him. These same awful thoughts run through your mind, and you internally fight them telling yourself you need to prove your friends wrong. You are not any different than Rafe, and what you guys have is real.

He pulls up to a beautiful restaurant down by the beach. The sight before you is magical, something out of a dream. Sparkily lights hanged loosely around the place, reflecting angelically on the water. It’s perfect.

“Rafe, this place is wonderful.” You turn to look at him and found his eyes already on you. You grow timid underneathe them and playfully hit him. He laughs and hurries out of the car to open the door, chivalrously.

The both of you settle in a table outside, alone where the ocean is a panoramic view. It’s still a bit weird between you guys, but just on your end Rafe seems to be fine.

“No onions for me, thank you.” You and Rafe send in your orders quickly and face one another again.

“So,” You and him start. He laughs while you try to muster up a chuckle.

“Is everything okay? You just seem... different.” Rafe asks.

Different, why couldn’t he have said any other word? Your friends really got to your head, and you allowed it. The date is doomed.

“Rafe I-” You go to speak but was interrupted by the waiter placing down the food in front of you.

“Is it me, did I do something wrong?” Rafe’s expressions fall concern and searches your eyes for comfort.

“No, absolutely not. Rafe, you are perfect. This is all perfect. Everything just feels a bit overwhelming.” You talk with your hands and unable to look at him.

“y/n, I don’t understand it’s just a date.” His voice cracks and the sound of it breaks your heart.

“I’m not sure how to put into words, Rafe. We’re so different, right?” Your stare falls on his.

He uncomfortably shifts in his seat and then leans into his hand, “Yes we are but that doesn’t matter to me. I like you I thought you were all in this with me?”

“But shouldn’t it? I’m a pogue, Rafe. Let’s say this ends up going far and then what? Your life is nothing like mine I mean look...” You angrily stand up and gesture the place around you. It’s a place that’s so unlike you.

“Enough with the pogue and kook shit! I’m over that. I want you and me.” His voice raises.

He stands up from the table and paces back and forth, unable to come up with any words. Rafe pulls at his now messy hair and then places his hands on his hips, “where is this coming from? You knew that we come from different lives but that shit means nothing. It’s nothing compared to how I feel about you.”

“I know, you’re absolutely right. We are not the same, and I have to accept that.” You let out a sigh.

“Come on y/n, I’m not asking you to change who you are for me. I fell for you. The one who messed around with me or tested me. You have made me feel things I haven’t felt in such a long time, and that’s scary as hell to say. But, nothing is more scarier to me than not even have the chance to start something amazing with you.” His voice lowers and his body becomes at ease.

His authenticity and transparency towards his feelings for you are real and genuine. It hurts that you even had to question it. You shiver at the cold wind that passes, “I know I’m so sorry Rafe. God I hate myself for letting this get to me!”

He walks over and holds either side of your arms before falling into them. Hearing his heartbeat racing and breathing alone, calmed you down. Rafe wraps his blazer around your body, keeping you warm from the ocean breeze.

You lift your head up and rest your chin on his chest, “I’m such an idiot I ruined our first date.”

Rafe’s eyes soften when they meet yours. He leans down and places a kiss your head before resting his forehead against yours, “don’t worry we’ll have plenty to make up for it. y/n, I want to do this but I need to know if you’re all in.”

You take a moment to understand what exactly you’re signing up for. Sure, the mystery of it all is that you don’t know what life had in store for you and him. And maybe that’s a good thing. But for what you do know, you want to start this confusing and unusual journey with him. What you know is that what you feel for Rafe is real, and for however long it may last, it’s there and it’s now.

You look at Rafe with the biggest smile on your face. The happiness you feel inside cannot be contained any longer.

“Could you please say something?” Rafe looks at you desperate for an answer.

“Are you going to let me kiss you?” You say with a grin.

“Oh, so you’re one of those girls. Figured.” He rolls his eyes at you before crashing his lips onto yours. He wraps his arms around you bringing your body closer to him. It’s an embrace you never want to leave from.

Your lips detach from his and whisper against them, “I’m all in.”

[my-fanfic-library]

Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [17]

Masterlist

~^*^~

Your eyes were glued so where he had just stood before you. A vile mixture of emotions filled you up and you suddenly felt excruciatingly nauseous.

“Jack, I think we should go.”

“We haven’t been here long, are you feeling ok?”

“...I,” you continued to look at that spot, “I think my prawns were bad. I’m gonna puke.”

Your legs suddenly became weak. It was definitely just bad seafood. He hadn’t truly been there. He couldn’t survive in the sunlight. But... what if he had found you...? The last time you saw him, things had been on a sour note.

Oh god.

The blood left your face and a cold sweat overcame you. Anxiety had never hit you this hard before. You knew that if you took one step, you’d fall.

“Okay, you’re freaking me out. Can you walk?”

A bout of tinnitus began and you couldn’t hear him anymore. You felt dizzy. The intense shock and fear had rendered your body useless. You shook your head, but you couldn’t hear his reply.

Jack didn’t hesistate to sweep you up into his arms bridal style and you buried your head into the crook of his neck. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on breathing. Slowly, not wanting to make a movement too harsh to cause you to vomit, Jack carried you from the one side of Whitby, all the way to the other, near the crossing on the train tracks and placed you into his car. Your head rolled back and you groaned.

You felt awful.

With all of the unavoidable potholes and bumps on the road, the drive back to Robin Hood’s Bay felt like forever. By the time Jack was helping you out of the car, your head was spinning like crazy. Once again, Jack pulled you up into his arms and made no detour in taking you to bed. As soon as you were in, you blacked out.

A second fever dream came to you that day.

A wasteland of grey. It stretched out for what seemed like forever. The sky was grey as well. You turned around, coming to face a box. It stood still for a moment before beginning to violently shake. It rocked from side to side, and you expected it to topple over. Taking a cautious step backwards, you watched as the lid burst off. A burnt, mangled, steaming arm came out and pulled up a similarly singed body. Flesh had melted off, exposing bone, and part of her lip had gone. Her hair was thin, brittle strands and most of its volume burnt to nothing. Her blood had boiled to black and oozed from every oraface that had been created by the semi-burning of her being. You screamed but no sound came out.

“Bloofer lady...” her voice hissed.

As if it hurt to walk, she limped on both legs, nearing you with a crazed look in her eye. She continued to repeat those two words as she continued her way towards you. Every step she took, the more you saw just how badly burnt she was. Her skin had bubbled and festered with the heat, all kinds of bodily fluids oozing from burst blisteres. It had charred in most places where it hadn’t simply melted off. Smoke came from her body.

You trembled as you turned and standing some metres away was the figure. It was the burnt corpse of Lucy Westenra or the mysterious figure that had protected you from the flames last time.

Breaking into a sprint, you felt like you made no progress in trying to meet the man. However, Lucy seemed to be gaining on you. You began to cry.

When the first tear dropped down, the entire wasteland bloomed into green. The sky became a vibrant aquamarine and the sun burst free. The figure was before you in a second and it was him. It was his lovely smile, his adoring eyes, everything was still the same. He took you into his embrace and held you close, commanding the disgusting being that was once Lucy Westenra to leave.

“[First],” he whispered into your ear and your heart did a summersault, “come back to me.”

You jolted up in a cold sweat.

“JACK!” You cried at the top of your lungs.

There was a fanatic thud as he jumped from the sofa and made his way up the stairs to you. When he opened your door, you were silently crying.

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay,” he hurried to you, clambering onto the bed and pulling you into him, “it was a dream.”

“He was there,” you whispered, “and so was Lucy... but she didn’t look like Lucy...”

Jack knew what horror you had encountered in your sleep. He bit his lip and squeezed you tighter.

“It wasn’t real. It was a dream.” He reassured you, “here, I’ll go out and grab you some sleep relaxers, if you had bad seafood you’re probably gonna have some bad dreams.”

“That would be nice.” You smiled only slightly.

“Okay, why don’t you take a bath and calm down while I’m gone?”

You only nodded in reply.

~^*^~

The bathroom was steaming up. You heard the front door slam shut and then lock. Jack was gone. You knew he’d be a little while considering how far out you lived. Tugging up your shirt, you sighed. Your body felt groggy and kind of disgusting with such a thick layer of sweat. When you were finally ready to step into the growing tub of water, you turned just to grab the book you’d brought in with you to occupy your mind and screamed so loudly you thought that you had broken your voice box.

The terror, first of all, of being accompanied in the bathroom whilst being naked mostly caused the scream. It was also the stupid grin he wore on his face and the relief that he had somehow... stayed.

“Finally, I was beginning to wonder when he’d leave. It’s been a while, [First]. You’re looking more delicious than ever.”

Your hands flew up to your chest and you pulled the shower curtain in front of you to conceal yourself.

“What the hell are you doing in here?!” You shrieked.

“Nine months, an almost death - though I suppose you thought me truly dead and mourned me - and all I get is a rather rudely posed question as to why I’ve come to see you? Didn’t you miss me at all?”

“You fucking asshole!”

“Darling, are you in shock?

“Shock?! You’re meant to be dead! You drank Zoe’s blood! That was poison to you! You- you-!”

“I trained Renfield well. And luckily for me, you trusted him with my body. The first thing I did when I was freed from the Foundation was have another box of my soil brought to me. Luckily for you, it was enough to revive me.”

“How long?” You inquired, squeezing tight on to the shower curtain. You felt too exposed.

“Just over a month. I’ve been looking for you.” He stated plainly.

“Did you know Renfield killed somebody?”

“Yes. Isn’t he a wonderful specimen? I thought that girl was the best bride I had. Turns out it was the lawyer all along.” He mused, obviously surprised at his findings.

It went silent for a moment.

“Ok, not to sound rude but could you, like, get out?”

“Why?” You wanted to stride over there and hit him.

“Because I’m naked?” You rolled your eyes.

“Trust me, I have no issues with that.”

“Well I do!”

And then it hit you. It had taken a moment of true conversation with him to settle in. But Dracula truly was here. He’d come back to you. He had survived drinking Zoe’s blood and had searched for you until he had found you. You wanted to cry. It would never be outed to Jack, but you had genuinely missed Dracula.

He was looking at you, waiting for you to make your move. You didn’t intend on standing there naked all day.

“Can you pass me my clothes?”

“They’re right there.” He pointed out. They were just out of arms reach.

“Yes, but I can’t quite reach them.”

“Sure you can.”

“Dracula.” You warned.

“[First].”

You huffed. He was standing very comfortably on the other side of the room. He wouldn’t help you. Gripping hard onto the shower curtain, you began to stretch forward. In your mush of emotions, it slipped your mind that shower curtains could actually move and when the hoops on the rail slipped forwards with your weight as you leaned down, you lost your footing in shock.

And down you went, backwards into the steamy water. Dracula could not hold back his hearty laugh and once you had regained your senses, you sent the dirtiest glare his way. You pulled yourself up and his laugh stopped. The smile melted off of his face and something glazed over his eyes. He inhaled, even though he had no need to. It was a reaction. Like when the doctor hits your knee and your leg jolts. The way the beads of water cascaded down your curves, every minuscule feature of your body from every line, to every freckle, he memorised it. The slope of your waist, the length of your legs, the shape of your collarbones, the birthmarks. And of course, the way the water rolled effortlessly over your breasts.

Holy shit.

He lost his breath and that wasn’t even physically possible.

He really did love you.

Immediately, you covered yourself once more and the scowl that settled in was deep and full of fury.

“If you don’t get out of this bathroom in three seconds, I’m going to have to kick your ass.”

“[First], sweetheart, I’m a vampire who’s been resurrected. I’d love to see you try.”

“I took Taekwon-Do for six years, I will beat your ass down.” You narrowed your eyes, trying you make your bluff more convincing. Of course you hadn’t really taken any martial arts. You just wanted him out.

“I have a better idea,” he began, “why don’t I just join you? That way we’ll both be exposed and there’s no need to be ashamed.”

Cue a shampoo bottle being thrown at his head. It was then that he decided to get out.

He stood in your bedroom having opened the window and looked up at the sun. He was so relieved to have found you. He felt like he had been looking for so long. After helping Zoe to a comforting death, he nursed himself back to health and the first thing he had thought of when he regained consciousness was you. Sweet you who had captured his heart. He looked up at the burning sun, fighting back tears of happiness.

‘Thank you,’ he whispered, though he didn’t really know who to. He didn’t believe in a God, and even if he did, he would be disowned by the omnipotent spirit. Maybe he was just thanking the force that had lead him to you time and time again.

You didn’t bathe, instead you dried off immediately and joined him back in your bedroom. Your hair was soaked at the ends and Dracula thought that it suited you well.

During the time that he had been gone, reviving himself, you had changed. You’d changed your haircut a little, and you seemed to have filled out just a little. Not enough to be too noticeable to most, but to someone who had spent so long drinking in the sight of you every time he saw you, Dracula noticed. He liked it on you.

You sat down on the bed, eyeing him suspiciously. He simply smirked over at you.

“It’s nice to see you again.” He confessed. You didn’t reply, but decided to start almost interrogating him.

“Since when could you live in the sunlight?” You looked between him and the open curtains.

“Apparently the whole time. Van Helsing was the one who figured it out.” So, he wasn’t going to call her by name anymore?

“I see... how?”

“Vampire lore, you learn to believe it after so long.”

“Like mirrors?”

“No,” he breathed a laugh, “mirrors are a little more complicated.”

“What about all things holy?”

“Well...” he looked down, sucked in his lip and then looked back up at you, “I’ll tell you, since I don’t think anything I tell you would embarrass me after our encounter two minutes ago,” you threw a cushion at him, “it represents the one thing I couldn’t do - that I was too afraid to do. Well, I got the strength but it turns out some things are just more important than dying.”

“Interesting...”

“Anything else you’d like to ask me?” He teased.

You pondered for a moment. Maybe without all of the trauma, it would be different this time around. There was only one way to find out.

“Will you kiss me?”

He didn’t answer. It had been much too long since he last saw you. It had been much too long since he last held you. He craved your touch, the warmth that you gave to him just by being close.

“Don’t bite.” You whispered.

And his lips crashed onto yours. Just like before, you were able to relish in the feeling of his kiss for only a fleeting moment before you were consumed whole.

You were back at that place where the sun shone and it was fertile with greens and flowers of every colour. The feeling that spread through you was euphoric. Dracula stood before you and he beckoned you with his index finger. You complied immediately and found yourself in his arms.

“Mine.” He whispered.

He pulled you close and pressed kiss after kiss to your neck. Here in this hallucinatory haven, you didn’t feel threatened by his lips on your neck. No, you felt so at peace. You felt like you could do anything. Your fingers found their way to the base of his neck, tugging at the lowest stands of his hair. You hummed at the feeling of his lips.

You gasped, and you were back in the bedroom. Dracula’s hand was on your nape and he was looking at you with such intensity that you felt like you could melt. He pushed you backwards, until your back hit the headboard and he stood, moving to the door and locking it. When he returned to you, he lay at your side and pulled you into him.

“Enough of that, will you sleep in my arms?” He mumbled.

“Why did you lock the door?”

“Privacy.”

You snuggled into him. Never had you ever felt so at home. You smiled into his chest as his fingers began to play with strands of your hair.

Both of you would be content on staying like that forever.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker @cryiner @mitsukatsu @piratewhore @your-pixels-are-showing @tardisnesss @ladydovahkiin180 @catwomom @god-of-dramatic-death-scenes @th3rah @viper-queen @mephdcosplay @greghouse7 @faeprinces @kokoro-no-yami @trishaferdream @therealmoni @crazytxgradstudent @sansthelonelypunster @crowley-needs-a-hug @girlonfireice @wasntpriscilla @ivanna6026 @greeniemoon @blueinkblot @tefymorgan @misfitgirlwrites @lokiphan @newheart97 @middlespellman @bratty-sweetheart @dipsylou @lilmou5ie @the-fangirl-life10 @enchantersnight @imthedoctorlove @haleyea @hoefordarkness @divinemoonsters @dragosdaughter @certthekilljoy @asianbuttcheek

[theamberwriter]

Judgement Day [Billy Hargrove]

[ PART ONE ]

Paring: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Word Count: 5,483

Warnings: Cursing, smoking

Author Note: So this ends up in an AU, anyone who has watched season 3 should know what I’m talking about. Also ended up with slight Soft!Billy, lol Eyes burned into you, glaring you down as you walked through the mall. Voices whispered in hushed tones. Jealous, seething green-eyed vipers ready to strike. They stared, snootily flipping their hair over their shoulder. They heard it - you were the one to lock down the new reigning king of Hawkins, Billy Hargrove. And they hated you for it.

Lifelong friends glared you down as new enemies. Those you loved shunned you. Everyone around you tuned you out. Ghosted you. You no longer existed in their eyes. You pleaded with your parents. You begged your friends. But no one listened.

"You're an idiot," Steve remarked. He dug in and scooped something out of the freezer. "You want a doofus sundae?"

Robin's head rose out of the freezer in a green glow, eyes white. A semi-circle missing from her brain where her skull was gone and he'd scooped her. She was grinning wickedly.

"You're such a moron," she cackled. "I never liked you anyway."

"[Name], friends don't lie," El said, walking in. Just as ghostly, eyes just as blank. "You lied, [Name]."

"You lied," said Max. Then Mike. Then Lucas. Then Dustin. Then Will. All blank. All glowing. All ghostly and wrong.

you lied

You Lied

You LIED

YOU LIED

YOU LIED

YOU LIED

The chant became louder and louder until it was deafening. You screamed, covering your ears. 

You jolted up out of bed, screaming there too. But only peaceful darkness greeted you. No chants to be heard, just crickets chirping outside the open window. You were soaked from head to toe in sweat. You could barely catch your breath. A hand found its way to your arm.

"Another nightmare?" Billy groaned into the pillow beside yours. You'd snuck him in after your parents went to bed. 

Easing down beside him, you sighed, "Yeah."

"C'mere." You could barely hear him, but he grabbed you and tucked you up next to him. Pressing close to you. You soon heard him lightly snoring. Good to know one of you was getting sleep that night.

Billy crept out of your room when the sun peeked through your window. Like he always did. You were still asleep. He kissed you gently, muttering out, "Sleep well. It'll all be over soon. No more nightmares."

Then he drove swiftly into the dawn. Creeping back through his own window. Dreading this day in his own right. Today was the today that you both had decided to tell all of Hawkins the news. Or at least those in Hawkins that mattered to you. But they would spread it like wildfire.

It'd been about a month since the fateful movie night. Billy had learned to deal with the kids being around all the time. Especially since you'd chewed out a few times for being such a jerk to them. His relationship with Steve was still non-existent. But they coexisted peacefully for you. Even if somewhat awkwardly.

Robin had also become your new best friend. You hung out when you needed a break from the boyfriend drama. She didn't see anything wrong with you dating Billy. But was genuinely surprised that you hadn't gone for Steve. Given his protectiveness over you. But Steve was just a friend. He had been for a long time, and you didn't want to change that.

You had your stent with your crush on him. But that flame was long extinguished now. You supported him through his relationship with Nancy. Nursing him after with lots of corny movies and ice cream. Honestly, Steve was like a single mother. 

Once Billy was back in his own bed with your body heat gone. Your existence missing beside his, he couldn't sleep again. He stared at the ceiling, his stomach heavy. There were very few things in his life that held this kind of weight. 

At first, when he'd teased you about the book - it was only to get in your pants. But when you finally called him, he'd had a rough night. And you, who had no reason at all to deal with him, sat on the phone for hours while his stupidly drunken self blubbered away. Your words cradled him. Quieting him into sleep and sanctuary. When he was sober again, he thought it was a dream until you called to check on him.

Honestly, he'd hated the emotions that one small gesture gave him. At least for the first month or two. But you started calling more, or you'd sit quietly next to him and read during school, or you asked how his day had been when you walked passed him on the way to your car, or you'd do some other small gesture. Things he realized you had no reason to. But he found comfort in them, so you did them. 

He couldn't really remember what he'd told you the night you called, but he was happy that his drunk self had done something right. There were days he was scared it was all a dream. Some sweet hallucination caused by some drug he'd done, and it'd be whisked away with the high. But every day, for the ten months since you called him that first time, you were there. But so was Steve.

Billy was admittedly jealous at first. Worried you were cheating with how much time you spent around Steve. But you quieted him, reassuring over and over that Steve was a friend. And that he and Nancy had recently broken up. He wasn't ready for anyone else yet. And you didn’t want anyone else beside Billy, anyway. Billy wasn't satisfied until he spent a day spying on you guys in the mall and around town. He wondered if you'd secretly known he had.

Billy would take asking you out properly for the first time all over again over this. He needed only your approval the first time. This time, while he didn't need anyone's approval, he knew there were going to be issues. 

You'd been having nightmares for about two weeks. You even joked about going to California to avoid telling anyone. Billy did want to take you, to show you where he grew up and all of his favourite places and the beach and the water. Maybe teach you how to surf. But you both had to do this first. As tempting as it was to get in his car and drive away with you. He knew he couldn't.

You didn't want to get up when the morning birds called outside of your window. Blasted rens had built a nest in the tree just outside your room. And there was no sleeping once they began singing. But you didn't want to face the day. You had a twisting, burning, nauseous feeling in your stomach. 

You knew you had to, and wanted to, break the news to everyone. But were you ready to? Not in the least. Your parents would probably disown you. And all of your friends would give you the cold shoulder. This was going to be a nightmare. At least it couldn't be worse than your actual nightmares. Right?

It was Saturday, so your parents were at home. So were your siblings. You got ready quickly, knowing your parents already would be. They had a thing about being ready before breakfast. It was weird. You didn't want to go down when you heard cartoons come on the TV. But it was now or never.

You crept nervously down into the kitchen. Your mom was humming, mixing up something in a bowl. And your dad had the paper in his hand, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. You could see the heads of your siblings peeking over the back of the couch in the living room.

You stood awkwardly in the doorway. Heart pounding, you felt like you were going to pass out. But Billy was going to be at your house soon. So you had to say something. You cleared your throat.

"Good morning, sweetie," your mom said, spooning some batter into a pan.

"Someone's ready early, you going somewhere?" your dad asked peeking over the paper.

"I, uh," you stuttered softly. You nearly couldn’t choke it out. "I actually invited someone over for breakfast."

Your mom sighed. "It would've been nice of you to tell us. I'll have to make more."

"And who've you invited? Is it Steve?" Your dad didn't even move the paper. "I always liked him. He's a nice kid. Haven’t seen him around in a while. You two still friends?"

You went rigid. Your mind stumbling through a few lines. What did you tell them? Should you say it’s Billy? Or your boyfriend or? But out came, "Yeah we are. I just invited a different friend from high school."

That was such a big lie.

"That's nice, do we know them?" Your mom's eyes felt like they pierced you. Oh no.

"Maybe." You tried not to fidget. But your nerves were getting the best of you. Your mom could always tell you were lying when you did that.

You raced to the door when there was a knock. Shit, shit, shit, shit, was all you could think. Behind the door was Billy. His shirt buttoned, his cologne less overpowering than usual, and he didn't smell like he'd had a cigarette yet. His face mirrored your panic.

"Did you tell them?" he asked quietly.

You groaned. "No, not yet, I couldn't get it out! I just said I was having a friend over!"

Billy's eyes widened some. You had never seen him like this. His cool act had completely fizzled out. "Should I leave until you tell them I'm a little more than a friend?"

You grabbed his hand. "No, no - we can tell them together and we run for it if they get mad."

Billy kissed your knuckles. "Yeah, okay. Let's get this over with."

You gripped each other's hand tightly. Your heart racing, aching against your ribcage. This wasn't going to end well. You knew it already. You were already counting the steps to the front door.

"Uuhhh," was all you could get out as you stood in the kitchen passthrough. There was a clatter as your mom dropped her spatula. Her eyes shot between your intertwined hands, Billy, and your father. She gave you an are you serious?? look. You smiled warily and shrugged.

"[Name] aren't you going to -" your father started, tipping down the paper. He stopped when he saw Billy close behind you. He stood. "What is he doing here? What have I told you about the Hargroves? They're trouble!"

"Dad, listen -" you begged.

Your father slammed a hand on the table, sending coffee sloshing all over. "No - you listen to me, he is not welcome here -"

"We're dating," you yelled. Your parents went very still. "For nearly a year now, and I - Billy, let's go."

"It was very nice you meet you!" Billy called as you pushed him down the hall. 

 A fork and plate were thrown out of the kitchen doorway as you looked over your shoulder. Your father yelling, "I don't want either of you back here!"

"Now, dear…" you heard your mother mutter calmly as you shoved Billy out the front door.

"Charming folks," Billy noted as you both got in his car.

"Hurry up and drive," you rushed, watching the door. Your dad came storming out, yelling words you couldn't hear as you and Billy sped off. "I'm so sorry. I thought he'd take it better -"

"It's fine," Billy assured, reaching over to take one of your hands. But his face didn't read reassurance. Or any of the emotions that would've made you feel better. 

You groaned, sinking down in the seat. "It's going to be a disaster today, isn't it?"

Billy's thumb rubbed circles on the back of your hand. "Neil and Susan won’t be much easier to tell. But Max said she was going to stick around until we came over. We can go blow off some steam in the mall after if you want to. We can go see...Steve."

You chuckled some at the way Billy said his name. Like it was physically painful. You could see the displeasure in his eyes. But maybe a chat with Steve and Robin was what you needed. "Yeah, that'd be nice. Thank you."

The rest of the ride to Billy's was quiet. Just gripping each other's hand in a vice. He smoked two whole cigarettes. You knew this was stressful for him. But you were thankful to Max for sticking around. Finally, you rolled into the drive.

"You ready?" you asked softly. Billy was staring straight at the house. His face creased in worry. "Hey, hey - look at me."

Hesitantly, Billy turned to you. You placed a hand on his cheek. Putting your forehead to his, he closed his eyes and you felt breathing calm. But he didn’t relax any.

"It'll be fine," you cooed, "I will be fine. I promise."

You flinched when there was a knock on your window. You turned to find Max, who had a smile. You rolled down the window.

"[Name]!" she said, "I was wondering when guys were coming. I've been stalling. But Neil seems to be in a good mood. - C'mon. He's been talking about taking my mom somewhere."

"Let's go," you uttered, giving Billy's hand a squeeze. Then you both got out of the car. 

Max lead you up to the door, going in first. Billy followed, then you. You were pretty sure you'd never actually seen the rest of the Hargrove house. It was smaller than you'd thought. A large weight set, that must've belonged to Billy, tucked in the corner. A small smile touched your lips.

"Where the hell have you been?" the man you assumed was Neil snapped as his eyes landed on Billy. You took a step closer, your free hand pulling Billy's arm to your chest. Your own form of protection and comfort over him. It seemed to give him a boost.

"I was at breakfast," Billy said, his voice was strained. "This is [Name], we've been dating under the table for a while. I thought you'd like to them."

Neil glanced between you two before his whole demeanor changed. He put on a friendly front. Introducing himself as he reached to shake your hand. "Nice to meet you. Didn't know my son could hold down anyone."

You laughed awkwardly. You hated this man, you’d cleaned up Billy’s wounds one too many times. Max came in then, a tall red-haired woman in tow. You could see the resemblance. This must've been Susan.

"Mom, this is [Name]," Max said, "them and Billy have been dating for a few months. They're really cool."

The tense energy in the room was totally different than how you'd thought it'd be. It was worse. You could nearly cut it with a knife. But Susan still smiled, shaking your hand. "It's nice to meet you. How long have you two been together?"

You and Billy glanced at each other. You smiled at him, nodding. Then you said, "We've been together about eight or nine months…We wanted to make sure we'd work out before, you know, announcing it to everyone. Cause that'd be awkward…"

That was total waffle, but Susan seemed to buy it. Billy gave you a look that read, what the fuck was that excuse? You shrugged. You panicked, it was all you could think of. Couldn't tell an abusive father that his son was scared he'd knock you around too!

"Anyway, we better go," Billy said, "We have a whole day planned."

You nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, it was so nice to finally meet you. Neil, Susan - I'll see you around Max."

"Bye guys!" Max called cautiously as you and Billy slipped out the door.

"That was…" you trailed off, sinking back into the leather.

"Tense," Billy finished, turning on the car. He backed out and headed for the mall. "I might almost be glad to see Harrington after that."

You chuckled, but you could see how dealing with Steve would be easier for him. That house was...well, you could see how Billy turned out the way he did. You could see why he was such a jerk, and why Max was how she was. It was super unhealthy.

Billy relaxed when you got to the mall. The hustle and bustle would make him forget about Neil's uncertain reaction for a little while. He just wanted to stroll around with you, hand in hand, finally showing off his significant other. That's all he'd wanted, to proudly parade you around. Despite what you feared. Let them hate you, he thought, who cared? You two were happy.

You pulled Billy to a group of your friends once you got in the mall. There were four of them. You’d met them your freshman year. The one you were closest to was tall and blonde. A total cheerleader in high school, even now after you graduated. She'd had a thing for Billy for a while. It was so awkward that last semester to hear her gush about him. And what she’d like to do to him. You and Billy had decided by then to keep everything a total secret.

"Hey guys," you greeted. The four of them looked at you. Then Billy. Then your intertwined hands.

"Was is this?" the blonde asked, standing. Oh if looks could kill. Her were eyes sharp, her lips wrenched down into a pout.

"Billy and I are dating," you said warily. "I thought you'd like to kn -"

"Consider yourself blacklisted, [L/Name]," she stated, the other three stood as well. Each looking just as displeased as the next. They were like an unofficial Billy fangroup.

"What?" you breathed, Billy yanked you back. He wrapped himself around you protectively. You looked up to see the warning in his face. "Why? I thought we were friends!"

"I was friends with you because you were friends with Steve. And I stayed friends with you because you became close to Billy. But this is crossing the line. - You should've gone to college. You should've left Hawkins like you were planning before you met him." The blonde flipped her hair, just like in your dream. You watched as the group walked away without a second look.

"That could've gone better," you groaned. Honestly, what she said explained a lot. She always did ask if either of the two were going to be at whatever you invited her to. "Let's go see St -"

"You were gonna go to college?" Billy asked, his voice held a strange mixture of emotions. "You were gonna go, but you stayed here? Why? Is it cause of me?"

Oh dear, this was not what you wanted. "No, I applied before we even started hanging out and -"

"How many colleges?" He was hurt, you could see it in his eyes behind the fury.

You turned away from him. "That's not important -"

"How many colleges did you get into?" Billy said sharply, pulling you back to him.

You swallowed thickly, then looked back at him. "Ten. But it's really no big deal!"

Billy's face contorted into a strange expression you'd never seen him make before. He let you go, backing away to pace in a small circle. "Not a big deal? You could've left, but you stayed. - I never should have borrow that stupid book."

"No, Billy -" you pleaded, reaching for him. He backed away from your touch.

"You were better off without me. I knew it, but - college." Billy ran a hand through his hair. He how concerned your family was about you going. “I should’ve - you should’ve - just hung up when you called. Waited until I was sober to talk...you wouldn’t be in this mess...”

You caught his arm. "I decided to take a gap year when we started dating. I was going to tell you soon -" 

"Tell me what?" Billy snapped loudly, throwing his hands to the side. "That you're leaving?"

"That we are leaving, Billy!" you exclaimed, a little too loudly. He seemed taken aback. "I applied to schools in California. And I got into a few. I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to take you back."

Billy's heart was pounding. "Why? Why even bother?"

"Because that first night when I called. I was going to hang up. But then - you started to cry. About your mom, about how much you missed California, and all the terrible things your dad had done to you. And about how much you wanted Max to forgive you. About how no one would listen or take you seriously." You put a hand to his cheek. "I couldn’t leave you like that. I wanted to help. So I gave you what you needed, and I haven’t regretted that decision. I want to take you back. So you don't have to miss it anymore. So you and I can just - get away from here."

"Don't lie to me," Billy's voice shook, a wary edge to it.

You shook your head, "I'm not. I can show you the acceptance letters if you want."

"But your family? Harrington?" Billy was softer now, his brows scrunched in slight confusion.

"I can come back and visit. I want to be with you, and I want you to be happy. Hawkins doesn't make you happy, Billy," you stated. "I do, but Hawkins doesn't and I know that. So I want to run away with you."

Billy grinned, though he tried to hide it. He looked down at his shoes, which you noticed were his nice ones. You could still tell he was smiling like a little kid. He didn’t do that too often, much less with this many people around. He pulled you to him, hugging you tightly.

“Does Harrington know?” Billy asked in your ear.

You nodded. “I promised him no more secrets. I told him last week when I got the final letter.”

You pulled away to look at him. There was a spark in Billy’s eyes you hadn’t seen before. Happiness and mischief, a childish heart. He kissed you hard.

“I have all of the acceptance letters in my room, we can sneak in and get them. Then we can decide where to go from there. How’s that?” You played mindlessly with the front of his shirt. Not at all used to being like this is in public.

Billy kissed your forehead, sending a wave of warm tingles through your chest and stomach. “Perfect.” 

“Now can we please go to Scoops Ahoy before anyone else decides to tell me they used me?” you asked. Billy grabbed your hand and you headed towards the ice cream parlor. You relayed nearly everything you could bring yourself to tell Billy about your friends and their crushes on him.

“She actually said that?” Billy chuckled, taking a scoop of the sundae you were splitting. “I didn’t really think her the type.”

“That’s what happens when people spew about their crush to people who are close to them. Very rated R stuff tends to come out.” You rolled your eyes, taking a spoonful.

Billy smirked, leaning in. “And what kind of stuff comes out of you -” 

“And you didn’t even tell her you guys were dating?” Steve interrupted loudly, “those are some guts.”

“She would’ve spread it to everyone, so yes, I kept my mouth shut.” You paused thoughtfully. “I was honestly a little jealous. She did seem more his type than me.”

“I’d never leave you,” Billy muttered affectionately.

There was silence for a moment. Just the hum of the mall. You heard a few people laugh remarks as they passed the shop. Your stomach sank, but you knew it was just something you were going to have to get used to. 

“How many people do you think know by now?” Steve asked, staring out the entrance.

You shrugged. “It’s hard to tell. Our entire graduating class could know by now. Or they could have not said anything at all.”

“Well, if nothing else - you’ll always have us.” Steve gestured to the whole four of you in the creamery. 

“Yeah, I will,” you laughed. 

“What’re you gonna do when you go to California?” Robin asked you’d told her too.

You shrugged. “It depends on where we decide to go. But getting a job and an apartment is on top of the list, of course. But after that - it depends. If I can get my dad to talk to me, I want to come back for holidays, if you’re alright with that, Billy.” He nodded solemnly.

“Didn’t take it well?” Steve guessed, leaning on the counter.

You shook your head. “Said he didn’t want us back in the house. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Neil didn’t seem...exactly thrilled this morning, either.”

“I’ll deal with him,” Billy scoffed, waving it off.

“Billy…” You reached across the table and took his hand. “This is why I want to take you back to California. Get you away from him.”

Billy avoided your eyes, muttering out, “yeah.”

When you finished up your sundae, you waved goodbye to Steve and Robin. Then you and Billy wandered the mall. A few people you’d known in school caught your eye, and then swiftly gave you the cold shoulder. Billy got a few good on you mans out of passing guys. They seemed to take it a lot better than a lot of the girls. But what were you going to do? You knew these people, and passions could run deep.

You did have a few people you were friends with congratulate you. They grinned, actually greeting Billy for the first time in their lives. They hugged you and assured you that you could always go to them. But, even though they seemed all for it, you didn’t trust them. You even asked Billy if there was a kick me sign on your back, just in case. He assured you there wasn’t.

“So...what now?” Billy asked as you walked out of the mall. The sky was dark, just glowing neon signs lighting up the sky. It was getting cooler at night now, a shiver rolling down your spine.

“I,” you paused, looking out into the quiet parking lot. “I don’t know. All of Hawkins probably knows by now. It was kind of how I thought it was going to go. Too many people want you for you to be locked down.”

“Well, it’s their loss,” Billy sighed, a small smile on his face. “You’re stuck with me now. - Should I take you home?”

You shook your head. “I don’t know. - I don’t really want you to go.”

“I can sneak back in later,” he promised, leading you to where his car was parked. You slid into the cool leather seats, staring absently ahead of you. “If you can’t go home, but you can’t stay here. What are you going to do?”

“I could always sneak in, I guess and leave before my dad gets up. Or go to Steve's, or Robin's, or even sneak into your place." You chuckled a bit at the last option, you'd done it so many times.

Silence filled the cab for a few minutes following. Billy lit up a cigarette, you rolled the down window. You hated the smell. Finally, Billy sighed, “When do you want to leave?”

“What?” you questioned, turning to him. He wasn’t looking at you.

“California,” he restated, “when do you want to go?”

You shrugged. “After today - whenever.”

“Don’t...Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, [Name].” Billy took a deep drag.

You tapped your fingers against the door panel. “I won’t start until next fall. So we still have time to save up money and all. There’s probably no way my parents will pay tuition now, though.”

Billy was silent a moment. “Well...there’s only one way to find out. - [Name] I gotta take you home.”

You shifted in your seat to look at him. “What? No! I -”

“I already had a shit relationship with my parents. But you didn’t. You gotta fix, at least, that before we go,” Billy said in a serious, even voice. He wasn’t serious often, not like this. The look on his face, guilty and painful, twisted up your stomach. You couldn’t say no.

“Fine,” you sighed, “But if they don’t let me in, we leave tonight. I’ll sneak in, pack, and leave.”

“That’s a bit rash, for you anyway,” Billy noted.

You shook your head. “If they’re going to be petty about this - I’m going to be petty too. I’m eighteen, I can make that decision now.”

Billy nodded, taking another long drag. “Fine, if that’s what you want.”

The ride was silent. No talking, laughter, or music. Just the rush of air through the open windows. And the ride was over all too soon. You were suddenly sat in front of your house. The one you’d grown up in, the one that cradled you through broken bones and aching hearts. The one that saw your first steps, and your first loose tooth, and your first kiss on the front stoop in eighth grade on Halloween. Now it’d seen your first fight with your parents.

You couldn’t bring yourself to get out and knock on the door. But you didn’t have to. The front door opened, and your mom waved to you. You waved back. Then your dad appeared behind her. He beckoned you in. You stiffened, gripping Billy’s hand tighter.

“I’ll still be here, I’ll park down the block if you’re not out in ten. I’ll go through in your window,” Billy muttered, brushing his lips against your knuckles. You smiled, kissing him properly before getting out. You’d just gotten around the front of Billy’s car when you heard him too grumbled into the night. You rapped on the hood and nodded at the front door. Billy was quick to get out and join you at the front.

You father disappeared back into the house. But your mother let you in. You followed her, Billy in tow by his hand, down the hall to the kitchen. Your father was sat at the head of the table. Where he always was. You felt queasy, you couldn’t enough comfort from just holding Billy’s hand. Not this time.

Your father gestured to the table chairs. You two sat, your mother across from you. You and Billy held hands under the table. Everything was quiet for longer than you’d have liked. Finally, your dad let out a long, loud sigh. 

“ I cannot voice how disappointed I am, [Name],” he groaned, rubbing one temple.

“Dad -” you started, your mom reached a hand towards you.

“Of all the people in town...but,” he continued, he sounded more pained with every word. “I don’t want to lose you. So...I suppose, if he proves his reputation differently, then I won’t have an issue.”

“Re-Really?” Your chest squeezed. You hadn’t expected that.

“But he has to prove himself to me first. Also, no one said I had to like him. And there’s going to be some ground rules. First, no sex -”

“Oh, geezus, dad!” you whined, you didn’t have the guts to tell him it was too late for that. Billy squeezed your thigh, you tried to inconspicuously swat at him. But he just smirked at you.

“I’m just saying. And you have to be back before nine.”

You met his eyes. “Eleven.”

“Nine thirty.” Your dad caught sight of the look your mom gave him. “Fine, ten.”

You nodded. “And - what about college?”

“I...suppose...we’ll fund it. But you have to go this coming fall -”

“Already on it,” you gloated, “but we, as in Billy and I, not me, Billy, and dad, are going to make the best decision for us.”

“Fine, but you both have to keep jobs,” your dad bartered. You nodded, Steve could probably get you something. And Billy could charm his way into anything. “And you have to take your siblings to school.”

“Seriously?” you groaned. Your dad narrowed his eyes at you. “Fine. But I have a few rules of my own...”

The next hour was sat awkwardly bartering rules. Your parents didn't take the California news well. But they'd already agreed to let you guys determine what you wanted. So you were free to make your decision as you saw fit. And you knew what you wanted, a future happily with Billy. The man who was hard to love and who hardly loved.

Overall, judgment day went better than expected. People showed their true colors. But Billy had been right, you were better off without them. You now knew who your real friends were. You two were the talk of Hawkins for a few weeks following. But you didn't care. You finally had a future worth looking forward to. 

Watch out, California. Here you come.

[thatlittledandere]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 15, 16, 17, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 26, 27, 31 and 40 for that shipper ask meme (sorry for picking so many but those questions are GOOD)

You're right, they absolutely are. I'm sorry in advance that this is gonna be LONG and I'm on mobile so I can't even add a read more;;

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had

So I'm SURE there were relationships I was invested in in movies and cartoons I watched as a child (I've always been a sucker for romance, even though there was that period when I didn't want to admit it) but I can't remember anything from very far back;; So it was either Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter or Ichigo and Masaya from Tokyo Mew Mew, whichever I read first.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life

GOSH. You can't do this to me. I guess Romione because it was the time in my preteens when I was becoming more aware of... stuff, in general, abs the two cemented my love for friends-to-lovers. Then Ioryuu, because I've never been AS invested in and passionate about a ship before and likely never will. Nothing can compare to that intensity and ngl I miss it;; I miss the genuine hype I felt in my heart that made me interact with people and make things. So many things. I honestly can't think of a third one with such a lasting impact, sorry;;

3. What's your current OTP?

I imagine Souyo scenarios in my head every night before falling sleep and every morning after waking up, this is not a joke not an exaggeration. I still feel a little traitorous saying this on tumblr but their dynamic IS somewhat similar to the way I see Ioryuu so-

4. What's your current NoTP?

I don't think I have one? I have dislikes, some of them strong, but I don't see any of them often enough to be, like, actively angry. I have better uses for my time than willingly exposing myself to stuff I don't like.

5. Do you have any poly ships?

Not generally, juggling two characters is enough work lol. The only poly ships I've ever really actively shipped are Niels, Duncan and Natalie from the web comic Niels And the Gang by humon and Kinatsuen from Boueibu, but neither are actively on my mind much these days.

8. Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?

BOY HAVE I EVER. I've seen someone on tumblr have a side blog for self-shopping and not gonna lie, it's an excellent idea. My late teens were spent reading character x reader fics on Quotev and I started my fic career with the same genre. I don't really know what to do with myself when I DON'T actively ship myself with a character, which is my state of being now that Yosuke surpassed Yoosung as my favorite character;; Ibushi and Yoosung are the biggest ones but man oh boy I have shipped myself with characters from early age and I'm showing no signs of stopping! There's a reason that I main dating sims.

15. Have you ever "shipped at first sight"?

Not for long. I SUCK at forming first impressions. Usually if I start thinking I'll ship something, I end up not being so invested in it after all, and instead shipping something I swore off at first lmao. Which leads us to...

16. Talk about a ship you initially disliked

As a rule of thumb, all of them. I don't understand HOW it keeps happening but somehow almost all the ships I truly care/d about (that I didn't start shipping through osmosis before knowing them in the source material) started out as something I thought I "wouldn't be able to get behind." Gajevy. Shikatema. Sasunaru. Doctor/Rose. Karabita. Atsutodo. Kiribaku. Yoozen. Enatsu. Freaking IORYUU. EVEN SOUYO. IT'S BEEN YEARS I REALLY SHOULD KNOW THE PATTERN BY NOW

17. Talk about a pairing you've stopped shipping romantically

Like, I started to think they're better as friends after all? I guess NaLi. Then again, I mostly only shipped them out of spite in the first place because I wanted a counter for N/a//Lu, which I never liked at all;;

20. Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping

Now this time I can say for sure that there isn't one. I can't come up with ships myself and stay on board if there isn't content for it, canon or otherwise;; It's not a conscious decision or anything, it's just how my mind works. I get attached to stuff by exposure, whether from fans or the source material, and if the source material has enough content for two characters for me to pick up on and become interested, it's guaranteed to be enough to become a somewhat popular ship.

21. Is there a ship you just don't get, but have nothing against?

Actually... That's the extent I go to with notp'ing these days. I'm passionate about the right to ship whatever you want so by proxy I can't have anything "against" a ship, even if the sheer thought of it existing makes me nauseous. And I know how to think from points of view other than my own, so I can usually see the appeal, even if it appeals to me personally less than eating dog shit while walking barefoot on rusty nails that are also on fire.

That said, the only ships I have on my Tumblr blacklist are Yoo//ra/n and Suza//lu/lu because they're both popular ships for characters whose tags I am/was following and therefore get suggested a lot even if I want following anyone who ships then. Oh, and all B/LMa//tsu ships! I generally can't feel good about incestuous ships, but can and will fight for their shippers' right to do as they please as long as they stay respectful. (never saw blmatsus who weren't respectful. saw a plethora of anti-blmatsus who were absolute demons. actually the reason i moved away from the last remnants of my anti mindset was that i didn't want to be associated with THOSE anti-blmatsus, when the shippers they wanted dead were all such sweet people. food for thought.)

22. Which of your ships have the best chemistry?

All of them?? Lmao I don't understand this question, isn't shipping all about liking the chemistry between characters? Or the potential for it I guess, in which case the chemistry is whatever you want it to be, which is great B) I'm sorry I keep accidentally dodging questions I'm bad at choosing examples from a long, unordered list

23. Which of your ships deserve better writing?

Hhhhhhh I shipped Jerza for years and was still unsatisfied with their ending, Jellal didn't get to heal enough and we didn't really see them working through their past in an effective way and getting comfortable around each other. It's like they were supposed to be friends to enemies to lovers but the last part didnt really develop and their relationship stagnated at the stage were they were both just permanently awkward out of regret, and couldn't bring themselves out of it even though everything was forgiven forever ago. Or I've forgotten a lot of stuff that happened. Very likely. Is your a case of bad writing or good writing not working out the way I wanted it to? You're asking the wrong person.

25. Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs/graphics or similar?

EYUP. Harumichi was my otp for like a whole year before I saw a single episode with them lol. It was crazy, but it was REAL. I've also went into shows already paying attention to things I knew my friends/people I follow shipped, kind of hoping I'd get into it.

26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic I'm writing these questions down from screenshots and I cropped the rest of this one out by accident rip

Eeeh I go for the obvious. Best friend pairs, obvious pining, some rivalry with sexual tension, though I don't really know what to do with those. Then there's the fact that I never see it coming sick Persona 5 reference bro and start shipping the couple I thought "should just be friends" at first. This is more about my relationship to the ships than their dynamic but it's very constant...

27. Is there a ship you've shipped for most of your life?

Hmmm well I got into HP and started shipping Romione sometime in mid elementary school so it's definitely been more than half my lifetime since, but I don't really know if I "ship it" anymore. I didn't start disliking them or anything but for me, "shipping" is an active intrest in a fictional relationship, so if it reaches the stage where I like it, in theory, but I don't have the feels, it doesn't really count. That's why I can say I like ships without shipping them. It's gotta be actively on my brain, man.

31. Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love

I haven't mentioned Kannao once, which is criminal. So here's some of what I imagine their future to be like :D I've been getting new Persona followers recently so here's something for you to unfollow me over lmao

So first of all I ignore the canon that Naoto goes back to the city for her detective work after her first year of high school, shhh she stays in Inaba, only taking the occasional jobs. She and Kanji start dating during the spring break before their second year and get more comfortable with each other, so that the next summer they're still cute and very much themselves (which means somewhat reserved) but not as awkward anymore :) I haven't thought about what happens after they graduate but they get married in their early 20s and have a son <3 (Chie and Yukiko adopted their daughter only slightly earlier. They may or may not have had a bit of a competition going on) ((yes Souyo are very much together but if they end up having children I haven't thought about it it's later))

Kanji manages the textile shop and Naoto helps when she's free from detective stuff. They live in Inaba but Naoto is away quite often for her gigs;; She takes up a few jobs less when Kouta is little though so he wouldn't feel less close to his Mom than his Dad.

Both Kanji and Naoto suffered from unfair expectations growing up, so they try their best to make up for it with Kouta's upbringing. They want him to feel comfortable being himself and free to express himself the way he wants; they make sure he knows he'll always be loved and supported, and to never be ashamed of who he is. As a child it doesn't even occur to him that many social norms and social expectations exist, because Naoto and Kanji pretty much let him do whatever as long as he isn't hurting himself or anyone else. They might go a little overboard though, giving into Kouta's whims without much consideration at all. The Amagi Aunties enforce rules and keep kids grounded in reality much better lmao

40. If you could change one thing about your otp, what would that be?

HMNGHNMHGNMGH I WAMT YOSUKE'S INTERNALIZED BULLSHIT ACKNOWLEDGED!! It's there AtlUS!! Stop pretending oh my god.... I love the Dancing All Night story mode (so far. I am by no means done); Yosuke gets cool moments and Yu's internal monologue really shows how much he appreciates him. The dynamic is so much better than with a silent protagonist, and thank god they didn't go with the tactless anime Yu (as fun as he is). I know there are a bunch of nods to the cut romance across spinoffs but mannnn... I wish they were more serious about it. At this point it's not even that far-fetched to think Yosuke has feelings for Yu that he may or may not be aware of, and I know that Yu as the player character can't be too tied down to one option in canon, but still... Even the clown gets tired of jokes at some point. One can dream.

40 ship questions

[nebucat]

i’m very empathetic. i know i am

i’m able to easily imagine another’s perspective and how i would feel if i were in their position, and if i don’t right away then i try my best to do so

the issue was that i could see their perspective, i could understand where they were coming from, but i knew their perspective was skewed by insecurities and that they were too wrapped up in it and stubborn to think critically or have faith in me.

i didn’t... want to validate those insecurities, or i guess i didn’t want to reinforce that sort of thinking. i wanted to help them out of it! but i guess i just... didn’t know how. i didn’t know how to reassure them besides explaining my perspective. i didn’t want to just dismiss how they were feeling! i payed far more attention than they realized. to the point that i immediately understood the problem and felt how they were feeling because i’ve been there before. in some ways, i still am. feeling replaceable or insecure. and i know thats just what it is. i know insecurity obscures our vision. and it made me uncomfortable because the fact i knew it wasn’t true. the accusations of ‘ignoring’ them or losing interest in our writings was not true. but i didn’t know how else to tell them that.

especially because i shrink so much under accusations. my knee-jerk reflex is to accept fault for something as a fawner. the number of times i rolled over for them didn’t help my mental state because i genuinely did let myself be convinced of the things they were telling me. that i ignore them. that i’m dismissive. that i’m inconsiderate. and i am trying to unlearn all of that shit that got ingrained in my head. and it didnt... help either? that they would guilt trip me when i did try to share my perspective, only reinforcing the insecurities.

it was never... enough. i was never enough. i could never make them happy and there was always something i was getting criticized for. no matter what i did, now matter how hard i tried, i was ALWAYS doing something wrong. and they would rub it in my face with their cruel, vindictive comments.

‘if only you payed more attention’

‘you don’t want to disappoint your cool new friends’

‘you’d rather disappoint me than them’

‘you want to stop being as important to each other? fine. i’ll start giving you as equal amount of attention as i do everyone else. you want me to give you reassurance for things i’m not even aware of? ok. i’ll start showering you in those meaningless compliments everyone else throws around in this rpc’ 

‘it’s hard to care about setting off your anxiety when you clearly don’t care about setting off mine’

and i... i wanted to move IN with this person. i wanted a relationship with them!!! i genuinely saw a future with them. because i thought they were changing. i thought they cared. i thought they loved me back.... i wanted to be with them so badly and yet this person was so cruel to me. i was so naive to believe that was what real love looked like.

i don’t even want to think about what could have happened if i stayed. if i continued down that path with them. if i actually did move in with them. i was already so isolated from everyone in our community with them. but i would have been even more isolated if i moved in with them and i would have had no way to escape. thinking about it makes me so nauseous and freaked out.

im so fucking glad i left. i’m so thankful for the friends who helped me get out before it was too late. that week before shit hit the fan, i was such a fucking wreck. i was starving myself because trying to eat made me throw up, having anxiety induced nightmares and was crying literally every single day multiple times, pacing up and down the street at night trying to talk myself down and reason with myself, sleeping all the time because i’d rather be unconscious than awake. i wanted to die. i really wanted to fucking die. it was like highschool all over again. and seeing them groom another person and treat them the same way they treated me when WE first met... seeing how much they praised that person and flattered them and gave them so much positive attention, yet knowing how abusive and neglectful they’d been to me...

i was convinced i was a broken person. i remember saying that to myself, “i’m broken. i’m so broken” as i cried and cried and cried. they didn’t make me feel loved or safe. they made me feel broken.

and thats what narcissistic abuse is. they’ll appeal to you with sweet talk and praise and attention, shower you in compliments and make you feel like the most special person in the world. and once they have their hooks in you, they’ll slowly break you down and groom you into tolerating the abuse. the guilt trips. the manipulation and gaslights. they’ll provoke you to get you to fight with them so they can pick apart everything you say and poke holes in you in order to garner control over you. they’ll humiliate and use hostile humor to tease you in public spaces in order to keep you off balance and install shame inside you.

they do this because they need their narcissistic supply. it doesnt matter if its positive validation or negative validation, they do this because theyre deeply insecure to the core and have to depend on external validation in order to feel anything. and because they’re living in their own delusional reality, they think this is NORMAL and OKAY and that they aren’t wrong for acting like this. a narcissist can never be wrong and will NEVER hold them self accountable for their actions without dragging others down with them.

even the last MESSAGE this person sent me just goes to show they literally are incapable of holding themself accountable for anything. they’ll only apologize to convince you to give them another chance. and thats what that note was--- an attempt to convince me otherwise. but their actions speak louder than the sweet talk and sob stories. and i knew this for certain when i confronted them after calling the police for the suicide baiting. they denied it was a manipulation tactic and had the gall to shame ME for getting worried about them! LMAO. “i’m sorry YOU felt that way” “i’m sorry YOU felt pressured”. not a single apology for literally trying to manipulate me. not a single apology for being the one to use their suicidal idealization to keep me tethered for so long. because narcissists can’t hold themself accountable and will find any reason not to.

i used to have narcissistic behaviors. sometimes i still catch myself falling into old toxic patterns. but i KNOW i’m not narcissistic. i have empathy, i AM considerate and kind, i TAKE accountability for my actions without using self deprecation or excuses, and nothing good and nice i tell people is fake or forced. i have so much love in my heart for people and i’m proud of myself for how far i’ve come and how hard i work to grow and better myself.

so i guess there is one thing i can thank them for. for getting me to fall in love and realize how much i truly have to give. i’m going to invest that love in the people who actually love and respect me, and respect my feelings. and continue working on myself for the benefit of my and those around me.

and who knows, maybe one day i’ll find someone as funny and charming who’ll treat me better. someone i can share as much of myself with as i did with them, who wont take me for granted. until then, i just want to learn to be content with myself.

[peonysimmer]

previous|beginning|next

*special thanks to @lyrics-and-intoxication​ for lending me this build, you’re the bestttt

The bell over the door jingles and Haleigh automatically lifts her head to see who’s entering. It’s an older gentleman, definitely not her sister. She reaches for the cup in front of her, lets the warmth of the coffee seep into her palms, but doesn’t dare take a sip, she feels nauseous enough without adding acidic coffee to the mix. She’d ordered their drinks ahead of time, Allison’s sickly sweet “coffee” sits across from her, caramel dripping down the mountain of whipped cream and sticking to the domed lid. She lets her thoughts drift, tries to rehearse her impending conversation but quickly gives up, she thinks about Zack and their talk. She can’t believe they’d almost kissed last night, well, that’s not exactly true, more so she can’t believe that she’d been so distracted that she’d managed to forget about it. They’re probably going to need to have an actual adult conversation about that at some point, just saying “shit happens” isn’t really the best way to handle things. 

The bell rings again, pulling her attention back to the present. When Allison steps through the door the temperature seems to drop exponentially and it has nothing to do with the chilly air swirling in behind her. Haleigh watches as she searches the room, and she notes the way her chin tilts defiantly when her gaze lands on her. As she makes her way to the table Haleigh’s relieved to see that she doesn’t actually look all the different from when she took her leave from the family over a year ago. In the light of day and without the tight dress and makeup she looks much closer to her actual age of sixteen. It makes Haleigh feel the slightest bit better to know that other factors had been in play other than her absence. 

Allie sits down primly, her posture perfect, if a little bit rigid, and lays her phone down on the table face up; a move that would have incensed their mother, but Haleigh gets the message loud and clear. A tense silence settles between them, Allie’s obviously not going to start them off and Haleigh’s not sure how to begin despite being the one who asked to talk. 

“Thanks for meeting me,” she finally says, it comes out a bit stilted. 

Allie scoffs and takes a sip of her coffee. “Sure.”

Sighing quietly, Haleigh stares down at her own cup, watching the steam dance in the air before disappearing. “Look, I know you’re pissed with me and you have every right to be, but I just want to talk.”

“Then talk,” Allison says flatly, her expression clearly conveys just how unimpressed she is with the whole situation and it’s suddenly apparent just how much she looks like their mother.

Taking a deep steadying breath she does her best to get her thoughts in order. She thinks about what Zack told her, to be genuine with her feelings and maybe it’ll coax Allie to reciprocate. 

“Listen, Allie I know I probably hurt you.”

Allison rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything, her gaze stays pinned to the window behind Haleigh, refusing to look at her while she speaks. 

“I was mad at our parents and I needed to get out of there, to distance myself from the toxicity of that life. None of that had anything to do with you, but I left you too, and I’m sorry,” she admits. It’s harder than she’d expected, to be vulnerable, to push down her pride long enough to admit that she’s made mistakes, and her sister’s unflinchingly cold stare doesn’t make it any easier. She trudges ahead regardless. “I know an apology doesn’t really make up for anything, but I’d like to work on fixing things.”

“Why?” Allison questions, her head cocked to the side in mock confusion. “Because you suddenly feel bad? Because you saw me last night and remembered that you have a sister? Let’s be honest, if we hadn’t run into each other this conversation wouldn’t be happening,” she says bitterly. 

Haleigh nods. “You’re right, we wouldn’t be here. But that’s not because I don’t want to talk to you, it’s just easier to ignore a mistake than take the necessary steps to rectify it. And yes, there’s guilt involved, of course there is; I left home and acted like you didn’t exist anymore, but believe it or not that wasn’t my intention. I know it’s probably hard to understand, but I needed to be isolated from that life, it wasn’t healthy for me anymore. I’ve changed a lot this past year, I’m still growing and learning, and I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to start letting go of all these past grudges and hurt. I’d like for us to be a part of each other’s lives again.”

Allison taps her manicured nails against the plastic of her cup as she mulls over Haleigh’s monologue. “I’m glad you’re doing better,” she starts, but her tone makes it hard to tell if she truly means that. “But what if I don’t want us to be involved in each other’s lives? Let’s be honest Haleigh, it’s not like we’ve ever been close. You never wanted anything to do with me when we were younger, why start now?”

It’s a fair assessment. They’d never been the best of friends; with a six year age difference it felt like there was entire lifetime between them. When Haleigh had friends over the last thing she wanted was for her baby sister to intrude, and after awhile a rift had grown between them until they were just two people inhabiting the same home but rarely interacting. Looking back it’s not something she’s proud of.

“If the two of us continuing to go our separate ways is what you think is best for you then I won’t press you on it,” Haleigh says diplomatically. “But I’d appreciate it if you would truly consider it, maybe when things are a little less fresh. I know I’ve hurt you-”

“You don’t know anything!” Allie snaps, her eyes, just shades lighter than Haleigh’s own, flash with irritation. A few customers glance their way and Allison takes a deep breath until she appears unaffected and calm once again. “You say you’re sorry, but you have no idea what the ramifications of you leaving the family have been like for me.”

“Then tell me,” Haleigh pleads.

A bitter laugh escapes Allison’s throat and she stares at Haleigh with clear disdain. “It’s all eyes on me now, you know. It’s up to me to take your place, to be the next in line for the company, to represent this family. Mom and dad are on me all the time for the smallest details. They stopped traveling so much after you left, like they’re afraid that if I’m left to my own devices for too long I’ll turn into some common degenerate. And you know it’s just astounding how despite all your fuck ups and disappointments, I still can’t compete with you. I’m not as charming or as social; I’m not as smart, even though my GPA is perfect and I take all AP classes; I’m not as involved in school despite the fact that I’m in two more extracurriculars than you ever were; I’m not as pretty or as talented,” she lists off, getting more agitated by the word. “Nothing I do can compete with your ghost, it doesn’t matter how hard I try, I’ll never make up for your mistakes. Now tell me how that’s fair." 

Haleigh’s heart sinks, she’s well versed in her parents’ impossible ideals, and she starts to feel her own anger flare. As a teenager nothing she did had been good enough, so why act like she was a prime example now? 

"It’s not fair to you,” Haleigh responds, though she’s sure Allison’s comment had been rhetorical. “They’ve always held us to impossible standards.” It was part of the reason why she’d spiraled so hard as soon as she’d gotten some semblance or freedom. “That’s on them though, you don’t have to kill yourself trying to please them." 

"Easy for you to say, not all of us are interested in living the lower class lifestyle.”

“Right,” Haleigh says shaking her head sadly. She’d kind of hoped that Allison hadn’t developed that specific trait, that she wouldn’t look down on the lower class the same way their parents do. 

“Are we done here?” Allie asks as she taps at her phone, but it’s obviously not a question. 

“It would seem so, but look about last night,” Haleigh starts and she’s once again reminded or her earlier talk with Zack before she pushes the thought away. “I’m not going to lecture you or anything. I’m not a hypocrite,” she adds when she notices Allison’s annoyed glare. “I just want to make sure that you’re not making any decisions that could put you in a dangerous situation. I remember the things my friends and I were getting into when we were your age, and I’d hate to see you make the same mistakes.”

Allison gives her a sharp smile. “Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m doing cocaine at parties. I’m not an idiot.”

White hot anger floods Haleigh’s system, there’s enough of an edge to Allie’s grin to tell her that she knows exactly what she’s doing with that comment. And Haleigh knows why she said it, that impulse to hurt someone who hurt you is terribly familiar, to find a wound and pick at it until it’s raw and bleeding; it’s a defense she’s employed many times throughout her life. That doesn’t mean she’s just going to let it slide though.

“Watch it,” Haleigh practically growls, low and cold. 

Allie’s eyes flash with the challenge. “Is that what all this was really about? You wanted to make sure that I wasn’t on the fast track to overdosing like your little friend? What was her name again? Wendy?”

“That’s enough!” Haleigh snarls, her nails are digging into her jean clad thighs and it feels like the bite is the only thing keeping her from completely losing it. The blood is rushing in her ears, drowning out the rest of the noise, and her breathing has picked up but she can’t seem to get it back under control. 

Allison stares coolly, apparently pleased with getting a rise out if her. “I agree, I’ve got better things to do anyway." 

She grabs her phone and leaves her mostly untouched drink on the table. Haleigh watches her strut out the door while her heart continues to pound rapidly in her chest. Breathing deeply she concentrates on slowly uncurling her fingers and rubs at the spots she’d been clawing at. She gnaws at the inside of her cheek as she tries to fight back the deluge of emotions that threaten to pour though, she’s got one last thing to say.

"Goddamnit,” she sighs before grabbing her back and stalking after her brat of a sister even though every cell in her body is begging her to just forget it and go home, she needs to be the bigger person here. “Allie, wait,” she calls, and if it sounds like she doesn’t really want her to listen, well that can’t be helped right now. 

Allison doesn’t look up from her phone but she does stop and allow Haleigh to catch up to her on the sidewalk. “Make it quick, I have plans.”

Haleigh fights back the urge to make a couple rude comments of her own and feels like she deserves an award for the amount of sheer discipline she’s exhibiting. 

“Fine, I just wanted to say that regardless of where we stand with each other, if you’re ever in a situation where you need a safe ride home or a place to stay the night, you call me and I’m there okay? Don’t make a stupid decision because of pride.”

Still tapping at her screen Allison doesn’t say anything until she slides her phone into her pocket. “Okay, great whatever. Glad we had this chat,” she says, every word dripping with sarcasm. “My ride’s here,” she states as an expensive car pulls into the parking lot, a girl around Allie’s age behind the wheel. She hops into the passenger seat without so much as a glance. 

Haleigh lingers on the sidewalk for a moment, feeling utterly exhausted and emotionally raw. She knew this wasn’t going to go smoothly, but she never could have imagined that Allison would bring up Whitney’s death just to spite her. She may not have known all the important details surrounding that particular tragedy, and certainly not what part Haleigh played in it, but she knew enough to understand just how cruel she was being. 

And maybe she should feel some sense of accomplishment that she at least took the first step to reconnect, but right now it’s hard to feel anything other than disheartened. 

Ignoring the way her hands shake as she grips the steering wheel she heads home with the intent of sipping on a hot cup of tea and wallowing in the privacy of her room for the rest of the day.

[ghost-nabbers-imagines]

Family: Sal x Fem! Reader

*your pov*

I shuffled in bed, turning over for what felt like the millionth time trying not to disturb my sleeping husband. I was married to my high school sweet heart Sal Fisher. I couldn’t sleep due to our daughter Diane being in a different room. She was was just 3 months old, had light blue hair just beginning to show, big and bright blue eyes like her dad, and a love for heavy metal courtesy of uncle Larry. We had named her after Sal’s mom Diane but called her Ann for a nickname.

We had been trying to get her to sleep in her own bed but tonight I just really missed her despite her being just in another room. I let out a small quiet sigh questioning if I should pull Sal’s arms off of my stomach and pretend like I'm going to the bathroom. Maybe if I just saw she was ok I’d feel better. Before I could even decide Sal pulled his arms away and sat up making the bed squeak slightly. "Love? Are you awake?" He asked in a whisper. I sat up and faced my handsome husband and judging by his appearance he hadn't been sleeping either. "Yeah love i couldn’t sleep either. Did you have a nightmare or something?" I asked knowing about his sleep problems.

He sighed and grabbed my hands running his calloused thumbs over my palms. "No it’s just... can I go get the baby? She has her whole life to sleep alone but she'll only be this little for a short time." He mumbled looking up at me with his big puppy dog eye. I smiled at my adorable husband. "I was thinking the same thing." I  admitted happily. Sal flashed a big smile kissing me on the head before jumping up. He exited our room and while he got Ann I grabbed an extra blanket and formed a little cushion for her to lay on between Sal and I.

Pretty soon Sal came walking back in with a somewhat fussy baby in his arms. "There there Ann it's ok." He cooed setting the baby on the blanket I had set up. He returned to his spot and I both laid on your sides facing the baby. "You're beautiful just like your mom you know that little one?" Sal gushed smiling at our daughter. "But she has her daddies pretty eyes." I giggled smiling at this cute sight. When I found out I was pregnant I had been so worried, Sal and I were so young what if we weren’t ready for a family? Or what if he ended up changing his mind about me?

*Flash Back*

I was sitting on the bathroom floor still wearing Sal’s shirt and a pair of underwear as my pajamas. I stared down at the stick in my hand. It read Positive and it had been the fifth one I’d taken. How the hell did this happen? Sal and I were always extra careful. Tears were streaming down my face as I stared at the stupid lines on the stick. This is it. I knew things were too good to be true with Sal. This is how it would end. He was just getting his life started he wouldn’t want to start a family this soon.

I threw the test at the door with a loud scream crying much harder. But no sooner then I had done that did I hear footsteps running upstairs. I didn’t even hear Sal come home, but I guess it's better to get it over with. I mean if he kicks me out at least I can get started on packing. Sal suddenly burst through the door clutching a baseball bat and looking around. He must’ve thought there was an intruder or a spider like last time. Seeing nothing except me sitting on the floor crying he sat the bat down confused. "Baby what's wrong, I heard you yell." He asked leaning down next to me. I pointed at the test that sat in front of the sink.

He eyed me curiously before picking it up. His eyes widened and he sat to the ground his hand running through his hair. "Is this for real?" He asked swallowing like his mouth was dry. I nodded with a sniffle unable to look at him. "Holy shit." He whispered in what seemed to be a laughing tone

I stood up from the floor keeping my eyes glued to the floor. “I’ll pack my bags.” I said through a shaky sad voice. He quickly stood up in front of me. “What? I-I don’t understand, why would you do that? Is it not mine or something?" Sal panicked tears brimming in his eyes. I looked up to meet his gaze now. "No of course it's yours but can you really be a dad right now Sal? Is that what you want?" I questioned with a sniffle. He nodded excitedly placing his hands on my waist. "Babe when I married you I wanted a family with you. To be honest I've been thinking about it myself but I was too nervous about asking you about trying for a baby." He chuckled. “I know it’s your choice and all love but if you’re keeping the baby which I really hope you do then I’m gonna be there for it all.” He continued cupping my face in his hands. My frown turned into a smile seeing how genuinely happy he was

“We're gonna have a baby." I laughed feeling the excitement I hadn't had the chance to feel yet. "We're gonna have a Baby!" He repeated before picking me up and spinning me a round. "Woah careful there love you're gonna make us nauseous." I chuckled placing a hand on my small bit growing tummy. He sat me down and gave me a kiss that had so much love behind it. "I love you (Y/n) (your middle name) Fisher!" He Cheered. "I love you too baby! I laughed. He placed his hands on my stomach admiring me happily. He seemed so happy. I'm so glad he wasn't upset and that I didn't have to leave. "Can we go tell Larry and Lisa?" He asked with excited eyes. I nodded unable to resist his cuteness. He quickly pulled me out of the room.

*end of flashback*

“You guys are my absolute world. My everything. I really can’t believe I have the privilege of being with you and raising s kid with you." Sal said staring at me with an intense look on his face. "Where'd that come from baby?" I asked placing a hand over his. Sal sighed holding my hand in his. "I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck up and lose you two. I really mean it, you guys mean everything to me. But I’m so scared that someday I’m gonna wake up from this dream and go back to being a lonely little freak. My biggest fear is scaring you both away.” He admitted. "Oh Sal that's never going to happen! We both love you so much. Trust me neither of us are going anywhere. You have my heart and I have yours. And she has both of them.” I told him moving my hand to cup his scarred face.

"I love you so much (y/n).  And I love Ann. I don’t have nightmares often anymore but when I do they’re all about the same thing. That you’ll finally realize I’m a monster and leave me. Or that Ann will be scared of me.” Told me. "The nightmares are wrong Sal. You care about both of us way too much for that too ever happen. And Ann adores you. Trust me love you’ll never scare either of us away.” I promised. Sal smiled widely at me again.

"Thank you love. I don't know what I'd do without you."

“You'll never have to find out babe."

"I love you Mrs. Fisher."

"I love you too Mr. Fisher."

And with that he leaned forward giving me a kiss. We both leaned down kissing Anns head softly before we laid down and finally got some rest. Sal treated us so well and always went out of his way to show us how much he loved us. It was truly our happily ever after.

[minaminokyoko]

Spider-Man: Far from Home--A Spoilertastic Review

Oh, my baby boy is back and it feels good.

Like many of you, I was looking forward to FFH due to the trauma left behind by our final film with all the Avengers present, and I needed to see my sweet Spider Son to try to dry my tears. I'm happy to say Far from Home is just the popcorn flick we need this summer: light, enjoyable, fun. I do admit to a bias right off the bat, before I begin the review: I am one of the hugest fans of the Iron Dad and Spider Son dynamic, and so I knew by default that I wasn't going to like this movie as much as the first one. Sorry. I am a skank for adopted family tropes, and I think Iron Dad and Spider Son was one of the strongest relationships developed in the MCU period. Losing Tony is just...agonizing. I've sectioned it off in my brain as Did Not Happen just to get by, honestly, and so keep that in mind as we proceed.

Spoilers ahead.

Overall Grade: B

Pros:

-Lemme get this out of the way: MY SONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN MY SPIDER SON OH MY GOSH PETER PARKER IS SUCH A GOOD BOI AND A SWEET SMOL BEAN AND I HAVE NO MATERNAL INSTINCTS EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO MCU PETER PARKER AND I LOVE THIS CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I JUST WANT TO PROTECT HIM AND HUG HIM AND BRUSH HIS HAIR AND COOK HIM DINNER I LOVE MY LITTLE BOY Y'ALL.

-Ahem. Tom Holland still shines in this role. I really, solidly care about Peter Parker. He's a great kid and he's very realistic in the way that he's written and acted. He's just a shy, awkward little nerd with a heart of gold who unfortunately has been forced into the worst situations that he's not ready for. I wanted to punch "Nick" in the face for how much goddamn pressure he put on a kid who is literally still in the goddamn mourning process just like everyone else. Peter has so much to deal with and he's only had these powers for a short amount of time, so it's natural that he's so frustrated and anxious and he wants time to go after things that are important to him. I found that very understandable and sympathetic, even if the "I just want to be normal" trope has been done to death in superhero media. MCU Peter has so much heart and I'm proud of this baby for what he's able to accomplish.

-The allusions to Tony and the void left behind hit home quite hard. Especially that fucking gravestone part of the Mysterio sequence. That was just...cruel. Tony taught Peter so much, and he genuinely loved that kid. He grew to love him and trust him and worry about him, and it's so awful that Tony won't get to see him grow up to be his own man. I'm grateful for the time they had together, and I really love Tony leaving Peter the glasses and the A.I., knowing that while he might still make a mistake, he would do the right thing in the end. (Side note: EDITH is as funny as it is fucked up, "Even Dead, I'm the Hero." God fucking damn you, Tony, that is so in-character and it hurts my soul.) "Nick" shoving all that pressure onto Peter made me want to kick his ass, especially since he talks down to him and tries to blame him for not being ready when he only just got into the game relatively speaking. But I also loved the sequence of him in the plane doing exactly what Tony used to do in his lab. It's such a great parallel, showing that Peter is his own person but he's also a chip off the old block, and that is very sweet to see. (I also squealed at the Led Zeppelin comment, oh my son, such a cutie.)

-I was extremely hesitant about them choosing Gyllenhaal for the role of Mysterio (not because of his skill as an actor, just because he looks like a giant puppy, sorry) but now I see why. He's an unstable narcissist and it fits him. What a jerkoff. I was furious with how callous he was and how he shifted blame everywhere like it's just SO necessary to kill all these people for fame, fortune, and money. Ugh, what a shitbird. So kudos to him. I didn't think he could pull it off, but he sure as hell did.

-The effects were fantastic. I really do think the illusion sequence will go down in MCU history as one of the most visually creative, disorienting, heartbreaking things we've seen so far in the saga. It was harrowing, especially the Iron Man suit crawling out of the grave. What a kick in the fucking nuts for Peter, and for us.

-Peter and MJ, while it did get a little overwhelming, were cute as shit. And I'm glad that the modern films are removing the stigma of the "I can't let my family and friends know I'm the hero" thing. It was definitely heavily done in the 80's, 90's, and early to mid 2000's and I'm fine to see it being phased out at least in terms of the MCU. It's a little more realistic that most of your family or friends would be able to handle your secret, and not only that, help you out on occasion. I'm glad she knows and their kisses were freaking adorable. Sweet babies.

-That. First. End. Credits. Scene. What a fucking killer. First off, God bless whoever at Marvel Studios listened to the thousands of fans begging them to cast J. K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson again, continuity be damned. The man IS the embodiment of the character, and I absolutely fucking ADORE that they gave us the nod and the wink we all wanted even back when Spidey was Andrew Garfield. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Next, oh my God, my sweet baby boy, my smol bean, got called out and branded as a murderer. Fuck, this is gonna be a serious problem, and considering the fact that we don't have the next MCU film lined up yet (at the time this was posted, and mind you, San Diego Comic Con is in two weeks, so maybe they'll clarify) the consequences could definitely be crazy. Poor Peter. He's gonna have a lot of work to do in order to undo this mess and prove that he's not Spidey, but this could also mean they're adapting some part of the Civil War story, maybe. We'll see, but that was a big ass bomb to drop.

-The Skrulls second credit scene was a genuine surprise, and it made sense. I thought Nick felt a little off the whole movie, and that really does explain why--it's someone else doing an impression of him and trying their best. Nick would've been smart enough to know probably right off the bat that Beck wasn't who he said he was. His story was way too noble and convenient. Nick would've probably have run facial recognition and then it would ping for a former Stark Industries employee, and that would've been a wrap. I like that it being a Skrull justifies what would be a plothole. Neat idea.

-I appreciated the Spidey's eye view of the action. Those were some cool shots and they were centered well, so you didn't feel nauseous or anything. It kept you in the action and was very engrossing and cool.

Cons:

-The bystander syndrome that everyone got this time around is a little irksome. It's the same reason that while I really, really love Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, I default don't like it as much as the first one since everyone got put into the bystander spot except for basically Peter in the very end. While it was nice to have them defend themselves, I'd have liked it more of MJ and Ned and the others figured their own way out of escaping the drones. Why? Because it would show Peter that it's not always on just his shoulders. His friends are competent and they can help, and I think that would've been a better way to go rather than him doing it himself.

-Some of the humor was flat. JB Smooth and the other teacher are the worst offenders, I'd say. They were given too much screentime and they're not that funny.

-The May and Happy subplot goes almost nowhere and isn't fully explored, and I kind of would've been fine if it hadn't been in the movie at all. It doesn't add much.

-The ending was kind of unclear? Did Beck actually get shot and die from his wounds? If so, then what was the official story about the drones and his body and whatnot? It's all pretty damn vague. If Beck is dead, that's disappointing. I kinda wish Marvel would stop killing the villains at the end of almost all the films. Longest running recurring villains are Loki and Thanos, I think. Vulture lived, and I'd like him to return in the future if possible. You can use actors more than once, Marvel, they're not tissue paper.

-Nitpick: It did almost feel like we missed a movie where Peter likes MJ. She was more a cameo in the first one than a full lead, so it almost felt like there's a short film somewhere of them getting closer and him getting over Liz and liking MJ instead.

-Nitpick: Same with the whole "other guy also likes MJ" subplot. Eh, I could leave it out and not miss it.

-Nitpick: I still can't with how they expect anyone to buy that Night Monkey story. I mean, it's black suited Spidey no matter which way you look at it. And yes, people should immediately notice he's at the very least one of the students at Peter's high school, and then it can't be too hard after that. I mean, Peter doesn't even change his voice while he's in the suit.

-Nitpick: I was kind of hoping for more clues or reactions to half of everyone, you know, being fucking murdered by Thanos for five years and returning to their lives. But I guess that was just pushed aside because it could become a whole rabbit hole issue. Still, though, I was hoping someone would tell us if the Snapped just don't remember being dead or if there is some kind of afterlife they experienced. (Side note: wow, holy shit, the teacher's mini story about it was dark and awful but I did laugh out of shock. I mean, damn. Low blow, wifey. Low fucking blow.)

-They mention spidey sense but I'd have liked it if they explicitly explain why he has it sometimes but other times he doesn't? It seems to fluctuate, but why and how? Is it more like anxiety or an extra sense? Is it based on his emotional health? I want clarification.

All in all, I had a good time and I'd put this in the middlegrade MCU films. I still really enjoy Holland in the role and I want nothing but good things for him and this franchise.

[rkmason]

    ▰▰▰▰▰▰ MNET GLOBAL AUDITIONS, SEASON 5 ˟ INTERVIEW TAKE 2 ▰▰▰▰▰▰

if he’s being completely honest, his main concern right before he goes in for the interview is shit how do i get through this without cursing? if you go by his thoughts alone, he’s already failed. 

there’s no clapperboard in his hands and none in sight— at least, he doesn’t think so and after bowing to the staff member fixing his mic and making sure he’s good to go, he’s grinning, small talk and making jokes about whether or not they can hear him as he holds up his hand to his ear and chin as a makeshift phone. 

“do you need me to mark the scene? is that what it’s called?” he looks like a fool when he keeps moving his arms around and lightly clapping his hands, “d’ya hear that?” sure, he might look like an idiot but he swears the staff member is laughing. he swears it— besides, after working all day, they’ve got to be tired. hopefully, they’re feeling well-rested. he knows his own heart is still raring to go, racing around as if it’s as competitive as he can be during a pick-up game in the park. 

introducing himself feels weird no matter how many times he’s done it in the past few years, no matter how he’s been doing that before moving to seoul. hell, he used to do it all the time as a tour guide back home but nothing feels quite the same as doing it in front of a camera. 

the temptation to say hey this is choi minho and you’re watching mnet while drawing out an ‘m’ with an extended arm like he’s wielding a magic wand is real but somehow he makes it through to the moment he’s told go. 

“my name is choi minho. i also go by mason, romeo, #2020 if you’re feeling nostalgic. call me anything you’d like if you have pizza.” chuckling, he runs his hand through his hair. “do i get a number yet? ah— missed a chance to ask for yours, guess my romeo tendencies are slipping away.” it’s time to make a new name for himself anyway, right?  

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?

“excited?” he can’t easily say he lost it for a minute, felt nauseous the next, until he came back around to being genuinely happy. this is mnet after all. “what’s that people say? third time’s the charm.” hopefully, that doesn’t mean third season of the mgas but his third chance at a company. then again, it already sounds like one too many and he’s toeing that line once more between charm and arrogance. rationale and hubris. 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  thoughts on the set? 

“it’s looking good! pretty slick and i gotta say it feels a lot different from the last time i was doing this.” there’s a part of him that wonders how much he should bring up the past— how many times before it’s too annoying but can’t blame a guy for being amazed by the changes, right? “i gotta ask though... with all these chairs... any chance of playing musical chairs later?” 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  the reveal of the judges?

oof— the question didn’t settle less comfortable the second time around. the first being with jinkyung earlier when they were waiting in their seats. dabin on one side, jinkyung on the other. years ago, he would’ve never expected they’d be there at mgas season five. he doesn’t know quite what to think except that all he can do is move forward so with a bright grin, he chuckles, a wistful expression in his eyes. “it’s good to see ‘em again. looking forward to their feedback,” which is a double-edged sword but hey he brought himself here, might as well charge straight for it. 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  thoughts on your performance?

“i just wanna let people know it’s a song about my past. don’t worry ‘bout me, i promise i’m not that lonely anymore,” minho laughs, wets his lips all of a sudden when he realize how that sounds when combined with the fact that it’s speculated he was kicked out for dating. ah... maybe it would’ve been better if he accidentally cursed by now huh? “some family and friends have been calling me out lately on acting okay and, uh, well i was gonna say it feels good and it does. not right at that moment but i feel good now, feel good about being honest. that song is personal for me and i hope people can relate and use it to channel those kinds of feelings out instead of letting it eat away at ya.” 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .  favorite performances?   

“i’m not a fan of picking favorites like that, y’no, but can i say this? the song choice this season? fire.” hands held up like that part in bomb bomb [another song that’s fire might he add] and he’s shaking his head. “come on with this variety though. we got some classics, some english, someone singing in spanish, all these instruments too? someone played a violin. a violin!” he exhales deeply, shaking his head as his gaze falls, just in awe of everything he’s seen today alone. 

“the judges got it tough but we’re all pretty entertained today aren’t we? gotta sit through 100 performances and i haven’t felt sleepy once. that one girl who did a trap version of baby shark? i’m blown away. that one guy who remixed havana and i think it’s smooth. he is smooth. i like his vibe, real—“ can he say sexy or sensual? is that as bad as cursing? no clue but— “passionate.” that seems safer to say. 

“there’s this one girl, voice of an angel. sia? i think it is... her and seoyeon is the other one. it was a sweet song, went well with her voice. oh, sweet and psycho was good too. she’s a streamer, isn’t she? i can’t forget my boy kikwang. don’t sleep on his potential, alright? aw man, sorry but i keep thinking about all the different kinds of music we heard today. we got jo bros, fall out boy— what throwbacks, and even a song from coco. i’m not gonna say that movie makes me cry but i’m a little emotional about that one. i think we all ought’a be. sam smith, bruno mars, tinashe, beyonce— oh wait, can i say all these names like that?” huh, how do copyright rules work anyway. saying celebrities is fine, isn’t it? feels like a dumb question. [it is mason, so it probably is] 

“i could keep going, but i ought’a wrap it up so i’ll say this, it’s all worth watching so stay tuned, alright?” he wags a finger at the camera playfully. “go to the youtube channel for the full performances, you won’t be disappointed. mine too,” he jokes with a cheeky grin. 

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Q .   least  favorite performances?  

“i don’t think that exists here.” thank you, next. 

PROFILE / SKILLS / ARRIVAL / 1ST SKILL / INTERVIEW / BONUS SKILL / 2ND SKILL ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ THE CALLBACK: PERFORMANCE / INTERVIEW

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Eijiro/Takara one-shot from Eijiro’s PoV [kind of a bonus chapter, but also kinda separate]

So...this is an idea I’ve had for a while, but @elite-guard-hardygal and I were talking and they did this challenge where you write something nonstop in, like, an hour or something, so I thought ‘yeah, let’s do it!’ and out came this last night but then I was too tired to post it so I went to bed. Take this thing as you will. 

Like the title says, it’s kind of a bonus chapter, but not really. It’s just my brain trying to explain Eijiro’s feelings and actions around Takara, and how they’re changing. Anyway, I’m also tagging @dailyojiromashirao , @souskena, and @fandoms-fandoms-everywhere99 but feel free to ignore guys! Next chapter of Takara’s Hero Academia is coming soon, okay!

Hope you all like this little one-shot! :)

God Bless and Good Day! 

~The Lupine Sojourner

Eijiro really wished he could Harden his stomach so he wouldn’t feel nauseous as he headed on to the bus for the practical entrance exam for UA.

But, alas, he couldn’t, so he climbed aboard and sat down in misery. He wished the test would hurry up and be over already. He didn’t really even pay attention when someone sat beside him. “Hey.” He mumbles, not really even looking at the person and not expecting anything to come of it, his small smile half-hearted at best.

“Hello.” It was a girl, apparently, and she was responding, so Eijiro continued to face her. May as well use this as a distraction, right? Besides, his mother raised him to be polite, so he extends a hand.

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima.” The brunette girl smiles. He notices her brown eyes have flecks of blue in them like sapphires dropped on the ground. He blinks. Where’d that come from?

=#=#=#=#=

Walking into UA as a student was a surreal experience for him. Sure, he put it down as his top choice and gave the exam his all (with that girl, Takara, right beside him. Teaming up with her was awesome, even if it felt a little like cheating due to her earth quirk vibration thing), but to actually pass and get into UA? That was something else!

He could only hope he’d see more of Takara in the future. There was something so...genuine and outgoing about that girl. She wore her heart on her sleeve and spoke her mind. She wasn’t afraid to do what she wanted and help those she could along the way.

Eijiro thought she was very manly, in her own ways. Like Crimson Riot said, manliness wasn’t dedicated only to males. It applied to any gender. And Takara...Takara was manly.

“Hey, Eijiro!” Speak of the angel and she shall- -angel?! Wha- -no, no, no! Contain yourself! Eijiro scolds himself internally.

“Hey, Takara!” He replies, swallowing the emotions bubbling up in him at calling her an angel, even if it was just in his head. She’s standing in the UA uniform, stockings beneath the skirt and looking absolutely made for UA. She definitely belonged here. Beside her was her father, Present Mic. It was...weird seeing him as a teacher, not some DJ or announcer, but Eijiro played it cool. Present Mic nudges Takara, whispering something that makes her blush and- -holy shit she’s so cute when she’s blushing!

Wait...no, no! Stop thinking like that! You just met a few months ago! Stoppit! Eijiro growls at himself, praying his face was still neutral as Takara hisses in reply before turning back to Eijiro, looking a little embarrassed. Damn, she was cute! Friends can think friends are cute, right?

=#=#=#=#=

Watching Takara as excited as he was for the rescue training was torture! How was he supposed to concentrate on the training ahead when she was sitting right beside him and positively bouncing in excitement?! In her hero outfit, too! That outfit looked outstanding on her like she was born to wear it. His outfit felt super lame in comparison, but Takara had liked it, even blushing a little as she complimented it, so Eijiro felt a little better about it.

Eijiro was admittedly surprised when Tsu compared Midoriya’s Quirk to All Might’s, but he could see the resemblance when he thought about it. However, there was a difference. Takara is first to point it out, smiling as usual. Izuku looks relieved when the spotlight was off him and Takara didn’t mind being the center of attention.

Eijiro envied that. He pretended he didn’t mind, that nothing bothered him, but the truth was he was camera shy and awkward when it came to being in the spotlight. Eijiro smiles, deciding to add to Takara’s note about All Might’s Quirk not damaging his body.

“Yeah, and that makes a huge difference.” Takara looks at him gratefully and Eijiro feels his heart swell a little. She was so cute sometimes. “Still, I bet it’s cool to have a simple augmenting type-a Quirk. You could do a lot of flashy stuff with it.” He was just thinking aloud now, holding up a hand and Hardening it. “My Hardneing’s super strong and can stop bad guys in a fight, but it doesn’t look all that impressive.” Takara shakes her head.

“Not true!” She counters. “It’s super cool! Makes you look like a badass!” Dear Lord she was too sweet! He bites his lip to keep from blushing. “I might draw attention using my Water or Earth Quirk, but I’ll take whatever damage I can’t dodge or block. You won’t.” He is surprised she likes his dull, boring Quirk so much, but he’s also not about to let her compliment him without something in return and says the first thing that came to his mind.

“But both your Quirks are so cool!” He blurts. Takara blinks. However, Izuku is next to speak.

“I think your Quirk looks really cool, Kirishima!” He says. “You’re definitely Pro material with a Quirk like that!” Eijiro squirms a little sheepishly.

“You really think so? Seems like it’d be easier if I had something flashier.” Eijiro couldn’t believe it! Two people, each with amazing Quirks of their own, liked his stupid Quirk?! His heart fills with happiness, and his eyes lock on to Takara.

“Nah.” She says, smiling genuinely at him. “It’s not what the Quirk is, it’s how you use it that matters. You can have pretty much any Quirk and still become a popular hero if you’re willing to work at it and learn how to use your Quirk better. Mom and Dad taught me that when we started working on my Quirks together.” Eijiro smiles. He was happy she had such an outlook, but it was hard to believe her when there was a lifetime of evidence that his Quirk wasn’t impressive at all. However, if Takara said his Quirk could be impressive, he’d put in the work to prove her right. He’d show her that she was right to believe in and support him.

“I’ve been wondering, Takara.” Tsu interjects, derailing the previous conversation, “I know the Yamadas are your parents, but...you don’t look like them.” Takara squirms a little and Eijiro is about to intervene to save Takara from an obviously uncomfortable topic, but Takara then clears her throat.

“We-well, Mom’s my godmother.” Such a simple statement, but what an impact it had.

The unspoken truth settled in Eijiro’s mind. She was once orphaned, taken in by her godmother and raised in a family she wasn’t born into. Suddenly, everything about Takara seemed a little clearer: why she didn’t have siblings, why her Quirks were so different than the Yamadas, and why she really didn’t look much like them at all. Eijiro found a new appreciation for Takara and looks at her in awe. She was so strong to have been through that and still come out smiling and happy and friendly!

=#=#=#=#=

When Eijiro saw the smoke villain suddenly appear in front of the class, only one thought rang through his head.

This will not be like middle school! I’ll actually do something this time! I won’t stand by!

When Eijiro leapt out at the smoky villain, he wasn’t all that shocked to see Bakugo leap out with him. What he was shocked at was Takara, though perhaps that shouldn’t have been that surprised, considering that she always was the first to defend her friends or help someone. Eijiro was happy he wasn’t alone, though. This was easily the most scared he’d ever been, regardless of the brave face he put on and the words he spoke.

When the smoke villain enveloped them in thick purple smoke, claiming their objective in attacking the USJ was killing All Might and the students, Eijiro instinctively grabbed Takara by the waist, hoping he could keep her with him and protect her as the wind from the swirling smoke intensified. This was nuts! How were these villains supposed to kill All Might!? It was clear they’d thought this out, and Eijiro prayed they’d survive.

When Takara was yanked out of his grasp, his heart shattered. He hadn’t made a difference. He’d only made things worse by provoking the villain with his idiotic attack! Damnit! He could only wonder where Takara was sent as he felt himself free fall into a concrete floor of a building, hearing Bakugo screaming in rage, pain, and shock beside him. That hothead was not Eijiro’s ideal pick for a battle buddy, but he’d have to make due, he supposed.

When Bakugo and Eijiro teamed up, they were virtually unstoppable, turns out. They had this unknown connection allowing them to defeat the group of baddies in the earthquake zone (he thinks it’s the earthquake zone, anyway) with relative ease. Throughout the entire fight, Eijiro couldn’t stop thinking about Takara. He couldn’t do anything about it, though, til he got through these bad guys.

When he got to the main square, following Katsuki to start looking for Takara, he was stunned by what he saw. These guys looked tough! A hell of a lot tougher than the thugs he and Bakugo had taken down. Worst of all, they had All Might! The hero was held by some giant human-like...thing, the smoky villain’s warp quirk allowing the huge thing to subdue the Symbol of Peace. Then Eijiro looked around.

When he saw Takara, he nearly gagged. She was covered in blood and her leg was bent unnaturally. Her chest seemed...off and he races over in the middle of whatever unimportant thing he’d been about to say. Takara was so much more important to him than showing off or fighting right now.

When he picks her up, he nearly puts her back down when she lets out a loud hiss of agony. Eijiro set off with her in his arms. Everything else can wait. He had to make sure Takara was okay! She’d been so genuine and amazing to him since their chance meeting on the bus, so long ago, he couldn’t imagine losing her like this. He shudders at the thought of what would have happened if he hadn’t gotten to her in time. He looks over his shoulder as he carries her and sees All Might now free from the grasp of that giant...thing.

When he asks what happened, Takara replies “Nomu.” Was that huge thing that held All Might ‘Nomu’? Was it ‘Nomu’ who did this to his Takara? If he wasn’t so worried, he’d run right back there and make that bastard pay! Takara’s groans and winces distract him from his thoughts of revenge and remind him of his task. He had to protect his Takara! (wait... his Takara?! When did he start thinking of her like that?! That’s not appropriate or respectful at all!)

When he apologizes for not holding on to her (being too damn weak to accomplish his goals), Takara is quick to tell him he’d have been hurt, too. He understands what she’s trying to say and doesn’t take it personally. He still feels shitty for not keeping a grip on her when they were separated, even though Takara tries to tell him otherwise.  

When he sees his teacher, in worse shape than Takara, something breaks in him. Mrs. Yamada had been so brave, leaping down to hold off the villains like that, and now she’d been nearly killed. Turns out, the thing that hurt Takara also hurt Mrs. Yamada, and Eijiro is furious but unwilling to stray from his mission to protect his best friend (best friend was a safe title right? Not like ‘angel’ or ‘his’ Takara). He had to get her away from the fight!

When the other teachers show up, he can’t help breaking down, trying desperately to keep it together long enough to get her up the rest of the godforsaken stairs. Now that the teachers were here, things would be okay, right? He wouldn’t lose Takara, right? He was allowed to cry now, wasn’t he?

When he gets to the top of the stairs, his tears flow as he sobs for help. He’d never admit it aloud, but the stairs were so long and he was already so tired from fighting that he couldn’t keep hiding his terror and fears. He was so tired, but he couldn’t rest yet. Not til he knew Takara would be okay! His efforts couldn’t have been in vain, right?!

When Present Mic sobs briefly over his daughter, Eijiro’s own tears are added to the mix. If he’d been there, he’d have been able to help. If he’d been stronger, this wouldn’t have happened...

When the Voice Hero charges Eijiro with looking after Takara, he takes it very seriously, making sure to stay with her in the ambulance ride to the hospital, where he reluctantly had to stay in the waiting room, the minutes ticking by slowly, every second torture.

When he’s finally let back to see her, he races to her room, stopping to compose himself before walking in. He didn’t want to appear too desperate or weird...even though she likely wouldn’t care. She was so sweet like that.

When he sees her, when he knows she’s okay, the painful worry in his chest lessens a little.

When he sees her, everything’s a little better. Just a little. He then sees her cast and bandages and feels the guilt and shame return full force and he can’t help voicing it.

When he expresses regret for not holding on to her again, falling back into those dark thoughts, she is there with soft, gentle words that lift the crushing guilt and shame he felt a little.

When she tells him ‘I’ll be okay’, he believes her.

[lickstynine]

Misadventures of Kit: Chapter Ten

written with @ocsickficsideblog

The next few days were bumpy; Kit wasn’t sure he’d have made it through without Alistair staying with him. He’d spent almost four hours talking to the mental health overseer he was assigned, answering questions and filling out paperwork, and every day since, he’d been required to write in his notebook for at least thirty minutes. While it helped to write about his feelings, the obligatory time limit was quite grating, and it was hard to focus with how lousy he felt. The high-calorie diet the doctor had put him on was miserable. He felt bloated and nauseous almost constantly, and even when his weight seemed to be going in the positive direction, the doctor still had things to fuss about.

Apparently, despite the healthy diet and vitamin supplements, Kit’s blood tests still didn’t look good. The doctor had sent in a hematologist, who discovered that he had a suspiciously low red blood cell count. They’d sent several vials of his blood out for testing that morning, leaving him feeling faint as well as queasy. The poor nurse was properly struggling to coax lunch into him. Kit had rejected  a health shake, a fruit salad, and a bowl of pasta, and now they were arguing over a single slice of peanut butter toast.

“I don’t want it. I feel sick.”

“That’s because they took your blood, dear.” The nurse, bless her, was still being quite patient. “You’re going to feel poorly until your body can replenish it. Eating will help.”

“I already drank the juice the phlebotomist gave me.” Kit huffed, as if a single cup of juice were equivalent to a meal.

Alistair gently nudged Kit with his foot. He was sitting at the bottom of the bed, drawing, his hair tied up in a terribly messy topknot so he looked like a volcano spewing lava. “You can manage that one slice, Kit. They’ll put you on IVs again if you don’t.”

Kit cringed. After having so much blood drawn, the last thing he wanted was another needle jabbing him. At the same time, just the sight of food was making his stomach turn. Alistair’s words seemed to have more weight than the nurse’s - after a long moment of silence, Kit sighed and reached for the toast.

Alistair smiled at him, genuine pride shining in his eyes. “You’re doing so well with this, Kit…”

The older boy managed a weak smile. “I’m trying.” He mumbled, peeling the crusts off of his whole-wheat toast before taking a bite. It was painfully dry, but he’d been brought milk rather than water. He powered through several small bites before caving and picking up the glass. He sipped slowly, wishing it weren’t so creamy and thick. Alistair pulled a face too. He couldn’t imagine having to chug a glass of tepid milk, but he smoothed out his features whenever Kit glanced his way.

Now that Kit was eating, the nurse shuffled away, leaving him in peace to slowly and miserably peck away at his toast. Kit wasn’t sure what was worse - the cloying sweetness of the peanut butter, or the overwhelming richness of the milk. He ate about two-thirds of the toast before setting it aside with a grimace. Alistair let him get away with that, grinning. “Thanks, Kit.”

“I feel worse than when I got here.” Kit whined. “I'm convinced this peasant hospital is a scam.”

“It’s widespread free healthcare, Kit. Established by Enurin Bevan in 1949 to care for the masses. A good thing,” Alistair said, knowing it annoyed Kit when he parroted history facts like that.

“Well I'm not the masses and I hate it.”

“You are the masses. You eat and shit the same as I do.” He paused. “Well. Maybe you don’t eat. But they’re trying to remedy that.”

That actually made Kit snort, and he kicked Alistair lightly. “I'd like to think I do both with far more poise and composure than you.”

“How do you shit with poise and composure?”

“Not like you.” Kit grinned.

“I bet you’re always constipated with your diet. You can’t constipation-shit with poise.”

Kit scoffed. “You're disgusting.”

“You’re not saying no,” Alistair teased.

“I don't hold conversations about my bathroom habits.” Kit rolled his eyes.

“Hey, you’re lucky you can get out of bed. When I had appendicitis, for the first few days I had to use a bidet. Talk about humiliating! And when I’d burned my bloody arms I couldn’t even lift them, so I had some poor nurse in the bogs with me then too. You can’t take a shit in peace in these places.”

“First of all, bidets are not the abomination you make them out to be, and you only hate them because you haven’t gotten over the time your dumb arse mistook one for a drinking fountain.” Kit smirked.

Alistair scowled. “I was only five! Pammy used to tease me about that even years later.”

“Only because you still get so huffy. It’s hilarious.” Kit was chuckling now, unable to wipe the grin off his face.

“It’s not! I bet other kids have done it…”

“All the more reason for you to not be so flustered!” Kit pointed out.

“I suppose…” He sighed. “Still. Trust me to manage it.”

Kit nudged his shoulder. “Hey, don't actually get upset. I did plenty of stupid shit when I was younger. You probably remember more of it than I do.”

“I wasn’t getting upset, don’t worry. Just thinking…”

“About what?”

“Before. It would have been fine if Auntie and Pammy had been able to stick around, wouldn’t it?”

Kit went quiet, the cheerful smile melting off his face. “Maybe…”

“Sorry,” Alistair said wretchedly. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” He yanked his hair out of its ponytail, pulling a face as he shook it back over his shoulders. He’d been by Kit’s side almost all the time - he usually only had a quick wash in the sink in the morning, and he had only washed his hair once since the day Kit was admitted.

The sight of his cousin’s disastrously greasy hair made Kit cringe. “Lord, you can take a proper shower, you know. I feel lousy, I don’t have the energy to run off and do anything stupid.”

“Why? Do I disgust you?” Alistair grinned.

“Disgust is a strong… accurate word.”

Alistair snorted. “Can I shower here? They have a chair in there. It’s fucking luxury.”

Kit laughed. “That’s luxury to you?”

“I get to sit on my arse, so yes. Never do anything standing that you can do laying down. You ever tried to have sex standing up? It’s fucking exhausting. Your legs ache.”

Kit shrugged. “Sometimes the person is worth it. Besides, you get to lie down after.”

“You say that like I’m not just banging one boy.”

“That sounds like a you problem.” Kit grinned. “Or really, more of Julie’s problem.”

“Oh, ha ha. He’s never complained. Just for that I’m not going to wash my hair.”

Kit sighed dramatically. “Why do you hate me?”

Alistair grinned, swinging his legs off the bed anyway. “You want anything before I go?”

“Do we have any more ginger ale?”

“Yes.” Alistair fumbled in the bedside cupboard, opening the bottle for Kit out of habit. The older boy accepted it without complaint, taking a sip and waving as Alistair gathered his clothes to go shower.

“Enjoy your luxurious shower chair.”

“I will. Stay alive, you. Gingers don’t give up,” Alistair said, pulling a face to show he was joking, then disappearing into the bathroom. Kit rolled his eyes, glancing down at his soda and wondering if it was still cannibalism to drink your own kind.

The bathroom door locked, and before long, the steady sound of running water lulled Kit into a half-sleep. He was curled up in his blankets, staring drowsily into the middle distance when a familiar voice in the hallway made his blood run cold.

“Out of my way! Don’t you know who I am? I don’t care, let me in right now!”

Kit sat up with a start, instinctively drawing the covers closer around himself. The door slammed open, and he scooted as far away as he could, pressing against the safety bars on the bed. The massive shadow more than enveloped him, and Kit retreated deeper into his blankets, wishing they could swallow him up.

“Look at you. Clinging to cheap blankets in some rickety peasant bed. How far have you fallen?” Reggie sneered.

“I… I didn’t fall…” Kit mumbled, staring down at the sheets as his father’s gaze bore into him. “It was just the nearest hospital.”

“That you shouldn’t have fucking needed!” Reginald spat. “What were you thinking? Trying to snuff out my bloodline with one cowardly swoop! You’re bloody lucky I’ve not got another heir. If I did, I’d disown you for this. You could stay in this filthy peasant hospital with your filthy peasant cousin and stop being my problem.”

Kit didn’t know what to say; he was just grateful they were in a public place, where the worst Reggie could do was yell. When his father continued to glare at him expectantly, he mustered up a weak. “Sorry…”

“You’d best be fucking sorry!” Reggie’s eyes burned with an uncanny flame, made almost as orange as his hair by the cheap incandescent light. His powerful fist latched onto Kit’s shoulder, pulling the smaller boy close. “If you ever try something this stupid again, you’d best finish the job, or I’ll do it for you.”

Kit’s heart was beating so quickly it felt like it might burst. It took every ounce of courage left in him to nod. He couldn't have spoken if his life depended on it. Luckily, that was enough confirmation for Reggie to drop him back on the flimsy mattress.

“You’d best not bring another peasant faggot home this time.” The older man straightened up, stomping off towards the door again.

Alistair had cut his shower short, having heard the commotion. He hadn’t been able to make out the words, and hadn’t recognised Reggie’s voice; he’d just wanted to have a snoop and watch whoever was kicking off. He looked horrified as he came out of the shower just as Reggie turned to go. He ran to Kit at once, his face flaming red with rage, his wet hair tangled. “Oi! What the fuck are you doing here, you asshole?”

Reginald spun around, scrunching his nose at his soggy, disheveled nephew. “Did I interrupt your mud bath?”

Alistair took in the state of Kit now, his eyes flashing. “What did you do to him? He was getting better, starting to smile again. Why’d you have to come in here and ruin everything? Why can’t you you all get lost and leave us in peace?”

“I'm ruining things?” Reggie snorted. “How do you think your mother and I feel, knowing our noble bloodline has dwindled to almost nothing, thanks to you faggots?”

“Oh yeah? Well, at least us “faggots” can actually get it up. I found viagra in your medicine cabinet, you dirty bastard!”

If Kit hadn't been on the verge of a panic attack, he would've laughed. A weak smile cracked his face, but it vanished when Reggie turned to scowl at him.

“What're you smirking at, ingrate?”

“No… nothing, sir…” Kit ducked his head, quickly withering under his father's flaming glare.

“Leave him alone!” Alistair cried. “If you’ve nothing kind to say to your own bloody son, then get your insensitive arse out of here before I kick it out.” He stood firmly in front of his uncle, barely reaching up to his chest.

Reginald smirked. “I'd love to see you try.”

“Al, don't…” Kit was looking at his cousin with pleading, fearful eyes.

Alistair looked back at Kit - and for once it seemed to break through the fury. He saw Kit’s face, white with fear, shaking like a wet kitten. Alistair moved away from Reggie, going to wrap his arms around Kit. The older man sneered.

“You faggots have fun cuddling. I'm leaving before the poverty starts to rub off.” Reggie walked out the door before Alistair could snap back again.

“Asshole,” Alistair growled, then turned his attention to Kit. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Kit shook his head, sniffling and sinking down in his blanket nest. Alistair climbed into bed with him. “What did he say?”

Kit didn't answer, just leaning on Alistair for support. He was eyeing the door warily, like he thought Reggie might still come back. Alistair held Kit in his arms tight. “I’m sorry… I didn’t realise it was him. He’s got a cheek, coming here.”

Kit shrugged. As unpleasant as his father's visit had been, he wasn't surprised. He was shaken, though, and it took a while for him to find his voice again.

“He… he said… if I ever tried something this… this stupid again, I'd better finish the job, or he… or he'll finish it for me.”

“He said what? That bastard!”

Kit flinched, though he knew his cousin was angry for him, not at him. He just nodded, once again at a loss for words. Alistair tried to swallow his fury, gripping Kit’s face in his hands. “We won’t let him do that.”

“Promise?” Kit looked desperately up at Alistair, fear shining in his eyes. Though they were the same colour as Reggie's, there was no fire in them.

Alistair nodded fervently. “I promise. I’ll never let that happen.”

Kit latched tightly onto him. “I hate it here. I want to go home. Your home.”

Alistair nodded. “They’re sending you home soon, I know it. They’ve been giving me all these leaflets and notes about how to care for you.”

“We still haven't heard back from the hematologist. Shouldn't they have gotten the lab results by now?” Kit fussed.

“Don’t ask me. I was rubbish at science, I just drew the whole lesson. Sometimes it takes a week or more, I think.”

Kit sighed. “So will they like, call when they get the results, or make me come back in, or what?”

“They call you to come in if there’s something wrong.”

“But do they call either way?”

“Yes,” Alistair said, laughing.

Kit's cheeks went pink with embarrassment. “I don't know! I've never used commoner healthcare before!”

“Stop calling it that! This is a very rare and good thing, to have public healthcare.”

“How am I supposed to differentiate it from my regular healthcare then?” Kit asked.

“This one is free,” Alistair declared. “You don’t get upgrades or a big fat bill at the end.”

“I'd rather pay and get the upgrades…” Kit mumbled.

Alistair snorted. “I know you would.”

“You're so mean to me.” Kit declared dramatically.

Alistair laughed. “Oh yeah, I’m awful.”

“The worst.” Kit was smiling even as he said it, stretching out across Alistair's lap. He gently nudged his cousin's shoulder, hoping Alistair would lay down.

Alistair giggled at him again, slumping back obediently. “You can ask me to lie down, you know.”

“I don't want to bother you…” Kit mumbled, resting his head on Alistair's chest. “just… if you don't mind.”

“I obviously don’t mind. I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

Kit nodded, snuggling up closer. “You're warm. And your heartbeat is soothing.”

“That’s why you put babies on your chest. They find it soothing, like being back in the womb. No idea what Mother’s heartbeat sounded like. I can’t imagine it being soothing. Maybe it was the Jaws theme tune.”

Kit snorted. “I wouldn't be surprised. Father's is probably a war drum.”

“Yuck, imagine curling up on his chest.”

Kit cringed and shook his head. “No.”

“It’d be like that scene in Totoro. Where it opens its mouth and yawns and almost swallows that little girl,” Alistair giggled. He remembered long ago Totoro games with Kit, when he’d stand trying to make shoots grow or collecting acorns or searching for soot sprites.

Kit just shook his head, trying to think more about the Totoro games and less about being so uncomfortably close to his father.

“Do you remember all our games?” Alistair whispered. “When I was sent off to that awful boarding school at seven, I’d be excited for weeks about seeing you every holiday.”

“You would?” Kit seemed surprised.

“Of course I would! What else did I have to look forward to?”

Kit shrugged. “I don't know. I just didn't feel like I was that much fun. I was never as energetic as you, or as imaginative…”

“Oh, I was only so in my own head back then because nobody else paid any attention to me. You were just as imaginative.”

“I think you've always been more creative than me. I like that about you, though.” Kit murmured.

“You do?” Alistair seemed surprised. “Nobody ever said that…”

Kit nodded. “I never knew where to explore, or what games to play. I probably never would've left my room as a kid if it weren't for you.”

“Pammy said we complimented each other. I got you outside, you stopped me wandering into an animal trap or something.”

Kit laughed. “I don't think you were ever quite that bad. No, I take it back. I forgot about the frozen pond.”

Alistair grinned. “We had fun while it lasted.”

“You had fun.” Kit rolled his eyes, smiling and snuggling up to his cousin.

“You liked skating when it was at the proper rink. Remember how we’d go?”

“Barely. It's been ages. Tell me about it?” Kit begged.

“Sometimes Auntie took us, and then Pammy when we were older. Remember, she could barely move a centimetre without falling? She had to use those little props for the tiny kids to hang on to. But we could both go out and skate together. You were the one who could do it all properly, I just tore along and bashed into things - but at the end you’d take my hand and we’d skate together, and you’d steer me in and out of the crowds so it was like I was doing it properly too…” 

Alistair trailed off, actually shivering. He’d been so far off in his memories that he’d felt the artificial cold of the rink, heard the chink of skates on hard ice, felt the wind blow his hair back as he went gliding fast, Kit deftly dragging him out of the path of the public.

Kit closed his eyes with a wistful sigh. “You should draw that…” he mumbled thoughtfully.

“Yeah… Now I really want to.”

“You can move me if you want.” Kit offered.

“No no, I’ll do it when we get home. I want my pastels.”

Kit nodded, secretly grateful that he got to stay put. He snuggled up closer, yawning and wrapping his arms around Alistair. The younger boy ran his hands through Kit’s hair, hoping to soothe him to sleep. It worked quite well, and only minutes later, Kit was snoring away. Alistair was awake longer - though Kit was skinny, he was still a grown man, and it was hard to get comfortable with him lying on top of Alistair - but he eventually fell asleep too.

[darkdrabblings]

Did you know that it's actually possible to get pregnant with twins by two different fathers? This doesn't seem to bode well for poly mchanzo's s/o *eyebrow wiggles*

Ma’am. These were supposed to be headcanons. Now I’ve gone and written a whole 2,600-word fic about this.

Shit.

But to answer your question, I have read about that happening. It’s exceedingly rare, but honestly how rare would it really be if you had two burly, fertile men basically tag teaming you every night?

They’d be so excited when you finally started signs of being pregnant, between your irregular cycles and your morning sickness waking them up. They finally decided to check and make sure as you d your usual dash from the shared bed into the restroom to empty the contents from last nights meal.

Hanzo was the first one to assist you as you kneeled on the floor, softly pulling your hair back as a knowing smirk began growing on his face. Jesse came in shortly afterward to check on you, and Hanzo ordered him to run to the store and buy a pregnancy test.

You’d never seen Jesse get dressed so quickly, and by the time you finished, he was already out the door. Hanzo watched you as you brushed your teeth, trying to get the taste of bile out your mouth.

When you finished with that he approached you from behind, his left arm gently wrapping around your abdomen, pulling your back flush against his naked chest, and rests his chin on your shoulder.

You silently watched your reflections in the mirror as his tattoos began to glow and his dragons slowly appeared to curl around your waist as well, chittering to each other before making their way up your torso to whisper in Hanzo’s ear. After they’ve made their assessment, they retract back into his arm.

“It seems as if you finally succeeded in something,” he praises before kissing your cheek.

You feel like throwing up all over again when Jesse barges back in the room. The two of you around to face him as he stumbles into the restroom holding about half a dozen tests, his hat askew, and his shirt inside out. You laugh at the sight before you, making Jesse’s eyes light up, and Hanzo pulls you possessively closer to him.

You pull away from Hanzo’s hold and help Jesse place the tests on the counter before he turns you towards him to place a kiss on your lips. Hanzo comes up behind you and peppers kisses up and down your shoulder and neck. When Jesse’s hands begin to wander under your shirt, you finally decide to pull away.

“Maybe, I should take the tests,” you say while grabbing a random one off the counter.

“There is no need,” Hanzo said, his lips by your ear this time.

“Whaddya talkin’ about, Hanzo? Didn’t ya send me out to get these?” Jesse asked before taking your lips in his again.

God, you were going to throw up again.

“Yes, but while you were out my dragons made an appearance to confirmed what I already knew.”

“And zat would be?” Jesse asked with your bottom lip between his teeth.

“That our favorite pet is pregnant with my child,” Hanzo smugly said as his hands wandered back to your front, resting them against your abdomen.

Jesse releases his hold on you and steps around to face Hanzo.

“And what exactly makes you think that it’s yours?” he demanded.

“As I said before, McCree, my dragons told me.” Hanzo let go of you as well and turned around to face Jesse.

“As if I’d trust the diagnosis of a couple of blue lizards.”

You rolled your eyes as Hanzo opened his mouth to yell when you stuck a test in between them.

“If the two of you wouldn’t mind taking your bickering into the next room. I’d like to see for myself,” you said as you began to push both Hanzo and Jesse out.

You could see Hanzo begin to get upset but Jesse at least Jesse understood and grabbed him by the arm to pull him out.

--------------------------

Ten minutes later and you couldn’t stop from crying as each test told you the same thing.

You were pregnant.

They’d succeeded in their fucked up plan to make sure you wouldn’t leave them. One of those psychos was the father of your child.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and you heard Jesse’s voice ring out behind it. “Everything okay in there, sweet pea? You’ve been in there for some time.”

You don’t bother wiping away your tears as you open the door. They’re well aware of your feelings towards this situation. Jesse’s in front as Hanzo peeks from behind him and you stare at them for a moment before telling them the news.

Jesse breaks into a grin as he leans down to pick you up bridal style, carrying you back into the room and laying you back down on the bed. Hanzo wears a genuine smile on his face as he looks down at you before facing back to Jesse.

“I told you she was carrying my child.”

“Now wait just one damn minute!”

--------------------------

They booked you an appointment with Angela that very same day too, and she triple-confirmed your pregnancy but did add in the fact that you were about 14 weeks along. She also scheduled you for your first ultrasound for the following week.

That had to be the longest week of your life. Between being immediately relieved from active duty by Jack and the constant arguing on whose child it is, they were slowly driving you mad.

Finally, the day of the appointment finally arrived, and you swear they were more nervous than you as they each stood on either side of your bed. They each held one of your hands tightly between there own as Angela spreads the cold gel on your stomach, making you shiver.

After a few seconds, Angela rubs the fetal doppler on your stomach, and the three of you hold your breath as a heartbeat begins to sound through. She smiled and started to point at the small blip on the screen that supposedly showed your baby, but she stopped mid-sentence, her head cocking to the side as she seemed to listen intently to the heartbeat.

“What is it, Doctor?” Hanzo asked with a worried tone as Jesse loudly swallowed and tightened the grip on your hand.

Angela suddenly broke out into a smile, and for the second time that month you knew that bad news was coming.

“Well it seems as if you’re in luck,” she proclaimed, “Looks like it's going to be twins!”

“You’re shittin’ me, doc,” Jesse said in disbelief.

“Nein. They’re not identical of course. You see here,” she says pointing to two different points on the screen. “They’re fraternal.”

Jesse and Hanzo were both speechless, neither saying a thing until Jesse broke out into a smile and began to laugh.

The room felt like it was spinning as you started to get nauseous again, and this time you were sure it had nothing to do with the twins growing inside you. Even though you were staring straight at the screen and hearing their heartbeats, you couldn’t stop the bile rising in your throat.

Hanzo broke you out of your train of thought as he kissed your temple. “Do you hear that, my pet? You’ve done so well.”

“Now, I must warn you,” Angela started again as she scribbled something in your chart. “Since you are in a relationship with the two of them....”

You almost laughed out loud when she mentioned the relationship but stopped when you caught Hanzo’s glare out of the corner of your eye.

“And the children are fraternal; there is a slight chance that each child could have a different father.”

There’s no way. This can’t be happening.

Now the room was spinning, and this time they might have suspected something was wrong when the machines began beeping frantically. Angela’s voice called out to you, and that seemed to snap you out of your trance.

You stared at her dumbfounded, hardly paying attention as Hanzo gloated over to Jesse on how it still counted as him being right.

“Sorry, Angela. I’m just a little surprised is all,” you whispered as you pulled your hands out of theirs when you heard Jesse’s tell-tale growl of annoyance at Hanzo.

“That’s completely understandable. I know it is a lot to take in. But, we probably won’t know for sure until the children are born. They could both very well still be the child of only one father.”

That didn’t make you feel any better.

“In the meantime, I'm going to put you on strict bed rest with this being your first pregnancy; I feel as if twins might be too much for your body to handle. So I want you hydrated and well-rested...”

Her voice faded out as you stared at the screen, watching the beating hearts of your children. Before you knew it, you were back in your room with both men always doting over you and fighting amongst themselves. Hanzo convinced that both were his and Jesse scoffing at every turn saying how it didn’t matter who’s children you carried because neither one of them was going to leave you anytime soon. That usually shut him up.

--------------------------

The months passed quickly, much to your relief. About a few weeks after your first visit you had begun to show rather quickly and just as the good doctor had said, it had put a strain on your body. You were grateful Hanzo and Jesse were with you, even if they didn’t give you a second to yourself. One of them always keeping an eye on you in case you tried to run. As if you could if you tried.

As the months went, you began to think that maybe it wasn’t all that bad being with them. Sure, they consistently argued over you, but they were so caring while you were pregnant. It almost made you forget on how they forced you into this sick “relationship,” and bred you like you were some prized sow.

But when you found out that you were expecting boys, they lavished you in so much affection and care that evening. Neither of them was shy on having sex while you carried one of their likely children and they didn’t hesitate on bringing you to the edge over and over again.

And even when your breasts began to get sore from the pregnancy, they made sure to take care of it. Each one latched on to a breast as they rubbed their hands up and down your stomach, feeling the life with you kick as they feasted on your warm milk.

Unfortunately, that didn’t last and the day finally came when you woke up in a wet pile with pain radiating from your lower back and abdomen. It must have been around 4 in the morning, but Hanzo jumped out of bed the instant you began to cry in pain. He knew it was going to happen any day now and he was packed and ready.

You managed to wake up Jesse by using his real arm as a grip, squeezing as tight as you could until the contraction passed while Hanzo grabbed the backs and car keys. Jesse just yelled along with you as your nails dug deep into his skin.

To say the delivery was smooth was a stretch. Your contractions were too close together by the time you arrived at the hospital so that the epidural would have been of no use. Jesse fed you ice chips as you squeezed his metal hand, while Hanzo dabbed at your forehead with a cold towel.

The doctor Angela had referred you to eventually arrived just in time as you got ready to push.

The first twin was the easiest, eager to be born. It only took you a few pushes before you felt relief when he came screaming into the world. As soon as the nurse handed him to you, wrapped tightly in a blue blanket, his chocolate brown eyes stared right into yours. You’d recognize that dark brown anywhere, and you didn’t need a test to prove that this was McCree’s son.

“Gabriel,” Jesse said as he pressed his face closer towards yours to get a closer look at his child, “I want to name him Gabriel.”

You were about to respond when another round of contractions hit, making you scream as the nurse quickly came to take Gabriel away.

The cramps hadn’t been this intense before, and now they were driving you insane. Hanzo came to your other side and softly spoke into your ear at what an amazing job you were doing, resuming the cold towel on your forehead. You sobbed as the pain lingered now, never fully going away.

“I can’t. I can’t do this Hanzo. It’s too much,” you cried out as they came back quicker than you expected.

“You’re doing well, my love. You’re doing so well,” he mumbles against your hair as the doctor tells you to push again.

You try to push, but you feel so spent from the first one, it’s not as simple, and you toss your head back against the pillows and yell in frustration. Everything is too much for you at this point. The doctor telling you to push, mixed with the urge to push, while cramps ravage your body is overwhelming. Hanzo kisses your forehead, ignoring the mixture of sweat and water on his lips.

“Beloved,” Hanzo speaks to you again. “I wouldn’t have chosen you if I thought you were weak.”

“I thought the dragons wanted me,” you scoff and tried to push again to no avail.

“The dragons work off of the emotions of their Masters. If they chose you, it’s because I deemed you worthy first.”

You turn to look at him in disbelief and just as you answer him, another chance to push appears, and you let out another scream instead, squeezing Jesse’s hand once more. Suddenly you feel Hanzo slip his left hand into yours as a blue glow appears beneath his shirt.

You feel a sense of calm wash over you, and you give one more hard push. You scream once more as muscles contract, and you finally feel that relief once more when the youngest one finally came into the world.

He didn’t cry, barely making a peep, as the nurse's weigh and measure him before handing him to you when they finished. You finally released your hold on Jesse's hand and he took that opportunity to flex his fingers as he walked over to see Gabriel. Who was more than content on talking to himself as he tried to shove the entirety of his hand in his mouth.

Hanzo smiled at you as the two of you looked down at the youngest one. You smiled as well when you noticed that had your eyes, nose, and lips. Hanzo reached out to cradle his head when his dragons made an appearance.

They slowly floated around the three of you, stopping every once in a while to smell and touch him. Finally, when they were satisfied, they disappeared back into Hanzo. You looked at him quizzically, but you knew the answer.

“What do you want to name him?” you ask as Jesse finally sits next to you, handing you the first twin.

“Jiro,” Hanzo says as he cradles his son’s head.

“Fitting,” Jesse responds while laying another kiss on your forehead.

The nurse comes back in after everything has been cleaned up to take the twins for their first baths. You see that the men are eager to go, but they don’t want to leave you alone.

“It’s okay. Go with them. It’s not like I can go anywhere,” you say motioning around.

They each give you a kiss, and you notice that Hanzo’s lasts a bit longer than usual, but you say nothing as they follow the nurse and close the door behind them.

You’re finally alone for the first time in months, and you can’t help but cry as you realize that you miss the warmth of their bodies already.