#but i dont know what im capable of
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#per my last reblog#i think it really does show how if youre worrying about making someone feel loved and accepted then youre probably doing well already#but my family has never cared about how i might feel#its really weird the way they are about emotions#like they dont understand someone can feel more than base happy/sad#so its like im feeling worse than like how id feel having stubbed my toe they dont know what to do#and their solution is to ignore it#and ofc this just makes things so much worse over time because they are still doing this when because#of them doing this when i was a kid i now dont really know how to cope or anything#its just a lot and i havent felt as bad as i do now for a couple years#thats really scary actually bc i hoped i was getting better#but nope still feel like shit now i just know what and who to blame#but not what to do about it#i want to go back to church and thats the big warning sign#bc what i really want is for things tonbe easy and to be given ready made answers and solutions#church provided that stability and maybe thats part of the reason i clung on for so long even though i didnt believe#i dont want to be like this#i dont want this to be how i end up#i dont want to die here#but i dont know what im capable of#vent post
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Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff The Avengers (2012)
matching each others freak
#marveledit#dailymarvelgifs#steverogersedit#blackwidowedit#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#black widow#captain america#the avengers#my gifs#another one baby#this came along a lot easier and faster#helps that it was all one scene so i could do basically the same coloring and stuff#anyways i love this scene it makes me fucking crazy#i love these two im so sad about what happened to them individually but also as a duo#they barely know each other at this point in the avengers but steve totally goes with her completely bonkers idea to hitch a ride on one#of the aliens?? like shes out of her mind#shes not enhanced or anything either the way steve is like yeah shes a badass and very capable but shes also very much human#but he doesnt argue with her at all he sees her throughline and is like well she wouldnt suggest it if she couldnt pull it off#and his like.... awestruck look as she zooms away...... i know he thinks shes so cool#i just love them i love nat and steve as friends i love their dynamic#i dont ship them romantically but like. i do get it
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Oh, I'll bow my head, I'll clip my wings I was never gonna make it anyway (x)
#haha whats this doing here I dont remember drawing this#jimmy solidarity#jimmy solidarity fanart#trafficblr#thank you to the person who introduced me to this song among others in the Jimmy brainrot#you know who you are#it was Bree#tubby art#Im not going to expand on ideas here lol but fuck yeah Jimmy clipped wing symbolism#sorry to anyone whos annoyed by the constant canary theme etc but dude its way too good symbolism and imagery sorry#I dont make the rules#this is why his character is so cool and compelling and makes me wanna rip my hair out#Jimmy is a very good and capable man. I hope the angst art etc doesnt make people think that I think otherwise#you can be cool and capable and still suffer baby!!!
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the star you've longed for
#PLEASE WATCH REVUE STARLIGHT!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥#project sekai#revue starlight#pjsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#emunene#prsk#proseka#yuri win. i make my fav pairing fight tothe death#HAPPY EMUNENE WEEK LOOOOOL#Can i be hinestni think this sucks it took way too long cause i forgot how to draw for a week#im seeing demons and stuff. i feel more normal now. Also you may recall emu has a big hammer for revstar#thats the bottom of it the gem thing all the weapons have hers is sharp#i remember seeing meta post abt how mahiru has a blunt weapon because she never actually aimed for the lead role#rather she only wanted to be by karen's side. so her weapon wasnt capable of cutting anything in the first place#Fastforward to the movie and well LOLLLLL#though i think its funny in the movie her mace is still mostly used for i timidation againstbhikari.. bc again shes not winning for a lead#revue starlight youre neat. maybe i like revstar.#<- has been insane for 4+ years#Needed their pose to be smth where nenes weapon isnt visible because I DONT KNOW WHAT WEAPON TO GIVE HER. OOMFS HELP. I NEED A NENE WEAPON.#i thought some sort of polearm/spear/halberd etc something with range but that can be ambitious#but i feel like smth with that much footwork needed doesnt suit her.. And she cant hsve a sniper i dont think thatwould fucking work#aruru gets pistols in the revue but aruru also is Ummm well shes uhhh. [screaming] [car crash]#throwing knives would be funny wouldnt it. Put that gamer aim to use#idk if the emunene week tag is on here but i'll donit anyways#emuneneweek2024#EDIT: i have decided nene gets a rapier. its awesome. thanks for coming#tsukasa has his giant flag and i dont want to budge on that. im thinking about giving rui the throwing knives since he juggles.#it would be funny. saki + rui knife juggling
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it's always super weird when you find out someone you thought you vibed with doesn't actually like you that much and really just tolerated you.
maybe it's just a neurodivergent problem. maybe normal people can always tell.
i can never tell. you talk to me a lot about our many shared interests, we hang out a lot, I thought we had chemistry, I felt comfortable with you and you never seemed uncomfortable with me, and you never told me I upset you...
but I guess I'm the idiot for being an open book and always telling people if they've done something I don't like. and for being willing to have hard conversations about boundaries from time to time.
my bad.
#gonna start lying like the rest of you#ah yes let me pretend i like you#im starting to think these kinds of people are just too insecure to shut down a friendship#like you just need to have friends to the point where you tolerate my existence#even tho i am offensive to your sensibilities#like come on bro#thats sad#just dump me#it wont bother me#not everyone is capable of tolerating me#thats alright#but say something you pussy#stop wasting both our times#pretending to be my friend hurts you more than me#i have real friends#i dont need parasitic pseudo friends who just need to feel wanted#im done with that#i know what a real friend looks like#youre not it and im not it for you either#i couldve been if you were honest#but people are not honest with others or themselves and thats what i hate most about people
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On the string propaganda
Heeellll yeah
Bestie is an entire PLACE
I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.
No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.
I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?
You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.
#sorry im just a really passionate on the string believer#you cant tell me that these massive structures kilometers wide capable of things we cant even image would look at something thats#thats comparable to a speck of dust and be like#yes i would like to rid myself of practically my entire body to be that tiny#this aint no “if i were a supercomputer i'd be sad i couldnt see the sky like i do now”#thats only because you have something to compare it to#if i were to suddenly loose everything to be just some microscopic creature i'd be miserable but only because i know what im loosing#id be loosing the ability to think like i do now id be loosing the ability to enjoy the things i do now#i dont know what life is like as a microscopic creature but i wouldnt be willing to give up my life as i know it now#and i think with iterators are the same#just how different is their life from ours and what things can they see that we are missing out on?#give up everything comfortable and known and for what??#to feel the sun? they absolutely have various temperature sensors#see the sky? those overseers were made to see things those visuals are in 4k#other animal comforts?? what about computer comforts??#what makes a lil creature happy may not necessary make a massive supercomputer happy#sorry big rant in the tags um just wanna say this is no hate to anyone who wants their creatures off the string#these are fictional beings and you do whatever makes you happy take them off the string set them loose yess enjoy little robots running#around be happy i love reading ya alls off the string shenanigans#rain world#iterator#drawins#oc veil of dreams#rw talk#rain world oc#iterator oc
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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“The man who lives in darkness is fast to delight in the smallest rays of sunshine, while the man who lives in light will quickly lament a moment of shade. Let the darkness unfetter you and teach you to savor the good. Let the shadow remind you just how bright a single beam of moonlight is.”
I'm back with another small installation of the Dawnbreaker Dark Edits because all three of these poses were making me Feel Things™ but LoRDT that first one those handssssss 😩💜 Anyway I hope everyone is doing okay and I love you all!
#lnds#love and deepspace#lads#l&ds#love & deepspace#zayne#zayne love and deepspace#kay's edits#Dawnbreaker Zayne#DB!Zayne#Dawnbreaker 🌄#Im back on my bullshit temporarily~#i got super sick again and im down#my Rheumatologist said my white bc count was waaaaay off and thats not cool so my body is fighting ~something~ but we dont know what yet so#anyway if i die I leave Dawnbreaker in the fandom's capable hands but Im having Greyson burried with me sorry not sorry
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Listen I love "I am no man" as much as the next lady who was once a barefoot girl who ran around with a sword. But it irks me Every Time that she sneaks off to battle because Theoden and Eomer a) genuinely want to keep her from experiencing this Horror and b) maam you are third in line to the throne imagine if all three of you died. Do you have no love of country and land???
#listen even the state of the union requires one guy to go hang out alone in a bunker#eowyn was the last line of defense!!#and also. she hasnt HAD to fight in war before! its BAD! Eomer obviously hates it!#im an older sister. if i had experienced the horrors and knew what i was going into. i would not have my brother go as well#i would not wish it on him#iirc its less girlbossy in the book. but in the movie i just want to smack her upside the head#girl they dont want you to fight bc you are GOOD at what you do and they need someone they love and trust to make it thru#and if they both die they will be able to rest easy knowing the land they died for was in capable and loved hands#keep in mind as well that tolkien WAS in war.#rip to her but if i was the kings neice id take the responsibility that was falling upon my shoulders and know that i wasnt trained#and KEEP THE PEOPLE!!!! Maam who do you think is gping to lead your people?????#lotr#nia post#and yeah i love her role in the battle#but her lack of responsibility to her people and her position always bugs me
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also here's two terrible photos of what ive been knitting this week:
there's too many stitches so i cant stretch it out properly, and the construction makes it hard to really show it off. also im in bed so it's the best i can do right now.
anyhow this is clue 1 of Stephen West's Go Go Dynamo MKAL, which im two weeks behind on but it's fine. it's been fun so far, minus the 'bubbles', which are the bane of my existence.
#im a stockinette hater (when worked flat. truthfully im a purl hater even though i Norwegian purl)#but it really has been fun#i truly dont know how this man comes up with this stuff#my mom is also making one in shades of blue#technically we're only supposed to use two colors but that's not something either of us are capable of#i thought about putting the pics under a readmore bc it's an MKAL but idk how big a deal it is here#like on ig or ravelry id use the placeholder image but like. i dont think anyone here will really be 'spoiled' for it yknow?#if im wrong let me know#oh and to those who have no idea wtf im talking about#every year stephen west does an Mystery Knit Along#with 'clues' (parts of the pattern) released every week and the idea is you dont know what you're making when you start#it will be a shawl but we have no idea how it will be constructed or what stitch patterns will be used or what it will look like#(my mom and i always wait until week 2 or 3 to see what it starts as bc we've been had in the past by a different designer)#clue 4 comes out next week and we have no idea where it's gonna go#theyre fun even though we cheat lol#anywayy#knitting#ks talks
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Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...
And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!
#im not saying its what caused my psychotic breakdown cause there were many factors#but needless to say it played a HUGE part especially surrounding the debilitating paranoia i was left with for years#i should mention that i only learned LAST YEAR that this person supposedly gave up according to them#by an old mutual classmate (the only one im still in contact with sadly because this person destroyed all the connections i held dear)#(we were classmates for years and this fucked me up cause we were friends for years before it all went down)#but yeah so last year they gave up apparently and it started 2012.#id managed to evade their notice online since 2019 when they last contacted me on facebook and i assumed id simply shook them off#given the habits i developed as a result of it that still affect me in ways i hate#but yeah its only been about a year of feeling relatively safe for the first time since 2012... and even then only relatively#cause i have no idea how permanent that is. and i dont dare to fully relax knowing what the person is capable of in terms of violence#hysterically tumblr is one of the very places online where they never found me it seems#but yeah. apparently they can just move on and here i am meanwhile still feeling the effects#such as feeling like im drenched in ice even in fucking *ffxiv* just because someones targeting or emoting at me#even though its never actually a problem! its a normal thing! and yet that brief moment of dread and fear seems to stick#IDK WHY IM RANTING ABOUT THIS I WAS JUST REMINDED AND. AURGH#awful. horrible. hopefully itll be fine forevermore and that ill be able to relax one day#silvi talks
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im trying to rewrite sdr2 the hardest murder mystery cases to write are the ones where komaeda is involved
bc of his stupid luck i have to consider that theres a chance of failure and it benefits komaeda somehow AND keep track of his bad luck / good luck
#other than that im having fun writing murder cases#i just have a hard time for the motive tho#if its realistic like teruterus then im fine#but when it starts going to like they did it cuz they were brainwashed#i find it difficult writing it realistically than logically#like i can write “oh they did it for despair”#while i dont even know what that means exactly#so i get stuck#oh also#i have to keep in mind the “randomness” of the killings where anyone or at least the majority of the students is capable#or suspects of the murders#danganronpa#danganronpa 2#dr2#dr#dr 2#sdr2#rambles#sdr2 rewrite
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Sweetest Bellara
#dragon age the veilguard#bellara lutare#fan art#art#dragon age#veilguard#does every tag so if anyone wants to block the related posts they can#anyway we learned what was in her hair#it was pain and sadness#i did this in the middle of work and i can feel the case im working on right now is feeling very neglected#i have other ideas i wanna draw but i dont know if i am capable
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ok so i just saw the tentacle porn episode of the animated series. i get what you guys were talking about now. that was. hm.
i havent laughed that hard in a hot minute tho
#star trek#star trek tas#and if i said hear me out. what then#im just saying if it was me the vendorian was confessing its feelings for...#“can you love me in this form?” you dont know me. you dont know what im capable of#sorry for being a monsterfucker on main again whoops
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Paul and Ted should team up and kill Sam for Charlotte me thinks
#im rewatching tgwdlm and this just popped into my brain#they totally could and should kill Sam#it would be great#+ it really works with both their characters#we know Ted is capable of killing and that he does actually care for Charlotte but he's too insecure to ever let her truly know that#Paul very obviously cares about Charlotte he actively put himself in danger during show me your hands to get Charlotte away from Sam#and we KNOW he is capable of murder from nmt#also Sam is trash#throw the whole man out#tgwdlm#ccrp#Ted/Charlotte#< idk if they have a specific ship name sorry#Chai latte if you want#i do ship it but this doesn't have to be a them post#Sam Sweetly#Charlotte Sweetly#Ted Spankoffski#Paul Matthews#i dont think the lords would even be a factor in this#Charlotte would just come in one day kinda sad and Paul would be like what's up?#and it we be something with Sam and Paul and Ted would just share a look and nod#cut to midnight in the witchwoods Paul and Ted covered in Sams blood digging a hole to bury him in#'so beanies tomorrow?' 'sure Paul'
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mumbo’s grown into such an amazing builder ♥️♥️♥️ he’s so cool ♥️♥️
he’s always been better than he thinks but he’s really grown into it now. like i remember looking back that . in season 5 his seaside town project. it wasnt. great. like we knew what it was but… it was so bland. very 2017. part of that was the biome, sure, and it was also very much a secondary project at the end of the season, but the megabase was all prismarine and quartz and clean lines. geometry. hard to detail - except for the storage system and the aquarium and he popped off with those. but he didnt get time or really.. have the skills? to grow it all to its full potential.
and then in season 6 everything was all hypermodern/futuristic clean lines again that detailing isnt really possible with. he did well with what he could detail, but everything was so smooth, it was hard.
and season 7 it was basically.. just one big build. again, he did really well with it, but it was such a monolith that it was hard to add these tiny details to it. and there was no easy way to look closely? no real places to add them. the golden heart is the exception here.
season 8 we saw the start of something incredible, with the arm chair mountain. the tiny houses on the cliffside were there to provide colour. but they were… empty. again, i get why, and i dont know how to add something to them other than to maybe up the scale and that wouldve been REALLY hard.
we didn’t see much of him in season 9, but he fell back on the geometric designs and clean lines. it looked good! i loved the colour scheme. but the most detailed part of that build was the moat. the screeching crevice. and no one really looked at that after it was all built up.
but he didnt lose the skills from s8. in fact, he improved them.
because now we’re here and he’s making concept art and detailing with shadows and odd block choices and. i honestly think. if he puts his mind to it and keeps this up. we’ll have another heavy hitting builder. this build feels alive. it feels real.
#my post#SORRY FOR BEING NOT NORMAL ABOUT MUMBO but also im NOT AT ALL SORRY#i just. ive been watching this guy since i was like 12. you dont go that long and not start. caring about the guy?#anyway#theres a whole nother post not really implied at all in here about how youtubers get put in a box and MUST stay there even if they show they#are more than capable of fitting in a completely different box#etho’s still called primarily a redstoner despite being a fantastic builder and . well once upon a time he was good at pvp#i feel like this is gonna happen and to an extent is happening with mumbo too#you say mumbo jumbo and people will go ‘oh the redstone guy’ and people will continue to say that forever?#it’s not necessarily a bad thing i just think people are more complex than that#mumbo IS a builder. mumbo IS a redstone engineer. hes both#gem managed to pull off the mutlitalented building/pvp skillset. but pvp is a different type of skill#i dont know. i dont know. someone will know what i mean#mumbo jumbo#hermitcraft
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