#sorry im just a really passionate on the string believer

[xenomorphicdna]

On the string propaganda

Heeellll yeah

Bestie is an entire PLACE

I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.

No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.

I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?

You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.

[bohemiansweede]

Always & Forever

Fanfic

Pairing Brian May & Roger Taylor

Warning 🔞Same sex

A/N please like and reblog my posts thank you

Rogers POV

(R Roger B Brian M Man W Woman A Real Estate Agent)

🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡

R Bri?, do you want anything to drink?

B Yeah.. I would love a beer .. DAMN

A string on his guitar broke and he cursed loudly

I fetched a beer and returned to him

Finally he removed his eyes from his precious red special and looked at me

B Thanks Rog

He fired off one of his smiles that made me weak

Looked down on the guitar again and fiddled with the new string

I sighed

R I’m bored

B Yeah?

Still fiddling

R Yeah .. When is Freddie and John returning?

B Ohh Roger .. what can you possibly have in mind?

R I blushed and opened my beer and looked at him

His thick curls almost fell over his entire face, just his prominent nose was visible, I smiled and went over to him and sat down.. just next to him and looked at his fingers still adjusting the new string.. his long fingers.. how they with skill moved up and down the neck of his guitar

B Roger?

R Eh what?

B I caught you looking didn’t I ?

R Yeah… maybe

B You are distracting me

R I am? .. oh I’m sorry…

B Are you?

R No.. I laughed nervously and stopped when I realised that he was very close with his face

B Roger?

R Mmm?

B You want to fuck on the middle of the day?

R yes… ahh yes.

I felt his hand moving up my thigh and I swallowed thick

B Is that sooo… Even though they can return..very very soon

He grabbed my cock hard

R Uhhh

B You want me to stop?

R no.. NO .. FUCK

Finally our lip’s crashed together

I pushed my tongue inside his mouth and started to unbutton his pants

He moaned loudly and kissed my neck

B I don’t know if I can wait… But I can’t say no to feel your lips around my cock

I just loved when he was a little demanding, so confident

R Lay down Brian

B No

R No?

B I want to look at you from above while you sucking me

My mouth watered and my knees went weak

I sat down on the floor and looked up on him unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall

I looked up and took my hand around his length slowly stroking him

B Ohhh F…

I smiled and kissed the glistening head

My mouth opened and took him deep until it touched the back of my throat

B Good boy

He pulled my hair a little and started to move his hips

Fucking my mouth deep and slow

I whined and held around his legs taking him harder and deeper

His precum tasted salty and I felt that he couldn’t last long like this

But determined I continued

Suddenly I heard voices

I stopped and let his cock go with a pop

W Wow such a beautiful building this is

M Yes darling.. it really is

W I can’t believe it is still for sale

R What was that?

B mmmmm i don’t know.. don’t stop Rog

I abruptly stood up

R Is anyone here?

B i don’t know and i don’t care

R But…

B Shhhhh….

He placed his finger over my mouth and quieted me with a passionated kiss

I answered by dragging my fingers through his hair

B Turn around

R Now?

B No… yesterday

He smiled crooked and helped me turn around

B Bend over sweet boy

I did as I was told and not long after I felt his tongue circle my hole

R Ahhhh

I pouted my ass upwards and the voices outside instead of making me want to quit they triggered me and made me more excited

He entered a finger inside me and started to fuck me

Desperately I grabbed my cock and started to stroke it

B Say it

R ahhhh what …

B I want you to say it

R FUCK… I want you to fuck me .. please Brian

B That’s my boy

He entered me with full force and fucked me hard and deep

Our skins slapped together and we made pornographic sounds

R AHHHH GOD SHIT AHHHHHH

B FUCK… YOU ARE SO TIGHT …

I almost yelped and felt my cum flushing over my hand

His legs started to shake and his fingers dug into my hips

B AHHHHH FUCK FUCK IM COMING

R COME BRIAN COME

He slammed even faster and with a loud cry he came inside me

We ended up in a pile on the couch

He touched my hair and kissed my forehead

And I smiled like a cat that got it’s milk and tangled my legs together with his

W what was that?

M I heard it too ., Does anyone live here? I thought it was empty..

A Well…. It is empty. Nobody has lived here for almost 70 years. It used to be an combined apartment and studio in the 70s … And the legend says. That the two men living here are still here . When they died at old age.. people believe that they returned here back to when they were young and deeply in love

W it… it’s a ghost?

M stares at his wife

A smiling a little. Well… they are friendly ghosts and they do no harm. Sometimes you can hear them making music and sometimes making love . I hope it doesn’t scare you off

B Roger? You know i love you

R I do.. and i love you

B Forever?

R Always and forever

🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡👻🧡

Please enjoy my other novels in my master list

[andypantsx3]

shoto and 'when i find out who is responsible for this...' IM A SUCKER FOR OVERPROTECTIVE SHO LMAO

This one was one of my faves to write, I really hope you like it!

Damage | Todoroki/Reader

Prompt: “When I find out who is responsible for this...” Word Count: 1600 words Tags/Warnings: SFW, ye olde quirk accident trope Notes: Special thanks again to my lady love @bobawithpomegranate for beta-ing me!! Also, for anyone who hasn’t suffered a corporate job: KPIs = key performance indicators, which are a set of business metrics used to measure success in certain areas.

The first sign that something was wrong should have been in line for security. 

Ayako—your favorite member of the Todoroki Agency security team—was waving a detector wand over your clothes when she asked casually, “How’s it going?”

Any other morning, your response was something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s going. How are you?” This morning, however, you blurted, “Good! Except that I bumped someone on the train and spent ten minutes trying to get a coffee stain out of this shirt, and I feel a little sick when I think about leading the KPIs review because Shouto’s property damage numbers are up again which doesn’t look great, so I skipped breakfast but honestly I’m super hungry right now, that was a bad choice, and—”

You cut yourself off, utterly bewildered. Ayako looked similarly nonplussed, raising a slim brow. 

“Uh, nevermind. I’ll just be going,” you said, and hared off to the rest of the security checkpoints before she could give commentary.

So you might have known that something was wrong even before you let yourself into Shouto’s manager’s office, armed with your monthly spreadsheets and performance slide decks. But you hadn’t given it more thought since then, a move which proved to be a complete mistake.

Shouto was already there, lounging in the set of chairs in front of his manager’s desk, looking less like a hero waiting for a meeting and more like some airbrushed ad for his dark turtleneck or his close-fit grey slacks. Your heart shot into your throat at the sight of him, like it usually did, and you had to remind yourself to relax.

Though he was unbearably handsome to the point of distraction, Shouto was relatively easy to get along with, something that should have made you calmer in his presence. He was straightforward, possessed of very little ego, thoughtful, and a very linear and strategic thinker—you’d worked extremely well with him the past couple of years, and Shouto, though he had less to do with the daily operations of the agency, had helped push your promotion last year to Director of Public Relations. It should have added up to an easy and uncomplicated work partnership, but his personality only made your unfortunate crush on him even worse.

He was so horribly, horribly perfect. And you were an awful little metrics gremlin, called in to roast him over the open flame of public opinion once a month. Really not something Shouto might be interested in.

“Y/N,” he said, looking up from his phone and fixing you with an intent look. Your heart stuttered under those heterochromatic eyes.

“Hi, Shouto,” you said, setting down your bag and digging out your laptop for something to take your attention off of him. “How are you?”

“I’m well,” he answered in his deep tone. “How are you?”

And that was it. The damning question that sent it all to hell.

“My heart feels like it could explode any second, and I feel kind of faint, weirdly weak, and incredibly distracted,” you answered, naming the symptoms of his very presence.

There was a beat of silence. You froze, crouched over your bag, laptop halfway out of it. Then it hit you what had just been said, and you slapped a hand over your mouth in horror. 

Shouto was up out of his chair in the blink of an eye, kneeling in front of you with cool fingers on your face, angling it towards him.

“You’re not well?” he asked, those eyes locking on you with an alarming intensity.

His attention only made things worse. “I feel like I might pass out,” you said, cringing even as the words left your mouth.

Fuck, what the hell were you saying? You were making it sound like you were some Victorian maiden, ready to swoon in the mere company of a gentleman. And why were you saying this shit? You’d worked with him for years and you’d never let slip the effect he had on you—what was wrong with you this morning?

You thought back to the coffee incident on the train this morning, the way the girl whose drink you had spilled had startled, the way she had weirdly apologized to you even as you were in the midst of your own apology.

A sense of foreboding settled over you. 

Oh.

Oh fuck.

“I think I’ve been hit with a quirk,” you blabbed.

Shouto’s features shuttered, a hard look you’d never really seen before entering his eye. He went over to his manager’s desk, dialing a number on her office phone, and then he was talking in low tones, asking someone from medical to come up to her office immediately.

Then he was back at your side, easing you carefully to the floor like you actually were in danger of passing out, and not just a huge idiot with an incredibly fat crush that made you say the world’s most ridiculous things.

“When I find out who’s responsible for this,” he uttered, low and dangerous, “they might never be able to use a quirk again.”

For some reason, the threat warmed you, even as it sent a little shiver down your spine. Was it weird to find him hot when he was angry?

You clamped your mouth firmly shut, lest you tell him exactly what illness prevailed you, but your silence was all for naught.

Because when one of the medical staff made it up to the office, pressing a quirk testing strip to your skin, she pronounced, “A truth quirk.”

Shouto caught your hand before it could smack into your forehead, looking surprised that he had done so. And then even more surprised at the pronouncement.

“A truth quirk,” he echoed, looking down at you curiously. His fingers were gentle where they held your wrist.

You squirmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

“But then, you’re still not well,” he said. He looked up at the medical staffer. “She’s feeling faint, and having problems with her heart.”

“She’s fine,” the staffer confirmed, holding up a scanner with your vital readings. They were embarrassingly perfect—incredibly, perfectly, damnably normal.

You could have died. You literally could have died.

Shouto looked down at you with a little wrinkle on his perfect brow, obviously wondering how you could admit symptoms like that given a truth quirk, only for there to be no physical sign of them. You tried to hold down the truth, but another question from him doomed you.

“But how?” he asked, clearly concerned, cool fingers smoothing over your cheekbone.

“I have an insanely huge crush on you,” you blurted. Then you unleashed a string of colorful swears, flushing so hot you thought you might catch fire.

Those heterochromatic eyes went a little round at the edges.

The medical staffer looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh as she bade a quick farewell. She was out the door before you could catch her sleeve and hold her like a shield against Shouto’s incredibly penetrating stare.

“I’m. Um. You know, sorry and everything,” you added. “I won’t let it interfere with work. I mean, I haven’t, any of the past couple years—fuck, oh my god, I just said that—”

Shouto was watching your mouth like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of it.

“Say it again,” he said.

You paused, staring at him. “What?”

“Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“My heart feels like it could explode any second, and I feel kind of faint, weirdly weak, and incredibly distracted,” you answered obediently.

“Because of me,” he said, like it was a wonder.

You gave him an annoyed look. Obviously because of him, who the fuck else did he think wielded that combination of attractiveness and straightforward appeal like an S-class quirk of its own?

Shouto choked on a laugh, and you realized with some horror that you’d said all of that out loud. 

Damn the fucking truth quirk.

“I don’t know,” Shouto said, sounding amused. “I think I rather like it. When I find out who is responsible for this, I might have to thank them instead.”

This stopped you short.

He what now?

“I’m sorry, what?”

Something a little like a smirk curled the corner of Shouto’s mouth. “It is generally gratifying to know one’s feelings are returned, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I wouldn’t know—” you started, feeling annoyed with him again. Then you choked when the implication of his words sank in.

Shouto’s fingers slid down to cup your chin, and suddenly it felt like every nerve ending in your body was concentrated there, the touch magnified a thousand-fold into an all-consuming sensation. 

“Would you like me to kiss you?” he asked lightly, looking smug.

“Oh my god yes—” The answer was out of your mouth before he’d even finished the question.

Shouto laughed, and then he was leaning in. You could feel the smile still on his mouth when it met yours. Shouto’s kiss was careful and attentive, but you could sense something deeper beneath, the same kind of restrained sort of passion that underlaid his quirk. Having that kind of controlled intensity turned on you was something you could have never prepared for.

The kiss became deeper and more heated, and Shouto was just easing you backwards again, still pressed firmly to you, when the door opened and his manager blew in.

“This is a fucking office,” she said, stepping over the two of you like you were a grimy puddle in the street. “Now hurry the fuck up, we have KPIs to review. Shouto—don’t think this will derail me from your property damage numbers increasing.”

Shouto huffed into your mouth, slumping against you.

You couldn’t do anything but laugh.

Current event masterlist in pinned!

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

One Night| Hunter

Note: Nsfw content,

Warnings: creampies, p in v, facials, squirting, name calling, rough, hair pulling, light choking, smoking 18+ content

Reader: Female

"Thanks again." Y/n thanked the kessel burbon slid to her, sliding credits to Cid, "any more missions?"

"No,those clone boys took the last one I had." Cid spoke, "there won't be any more for a few cycles."

"Clones took my jobs?" Y/n questioned, sipping the hard liquor.

"Yeah! When wrecker through those KT troopers like it was nothing!" Omega cheered as the group walked down into the bar.

"Speak of the devil." Cid spoke, Y/n turning her head.

"Yes Wrecker's strength was acceptionally helpful this mission. Yet Omega's new tracking skills came in handy." Tech spoke.

"And Echo's climbing skills! How do you do that with one hand?!" Omega cheered.

"Pratice." Echo spoke.

Hunter chuckled at Omega's happiness.

"We did good boys-"

He stopped, seeing Y/n casually talking to Cid, sipping on her drink, her hair a mess, a few braids in her short hair making her hair uneven in both long and short length. In baggy black robes a belt tired tigh around her waist. Boots knee high with her baggy pants tucked in. Her eyeliner red and in sharp wings up towards her relaxed brows.

She turned her gaze towards hunter, her eyes a cybernetic white, then her head followed. Her gaze lingering on him as she smiled smally.

"Oh no no no! Watch your eyes dark and broody!" Cid argued, rushing around the counter.

"Don't mind me I'm also looking disrespectfully." Y/n teased getting up from her seat, following behind Cid.

"Uh," Hunter tried to speak, woah was his only thought process, "Your...new."

"Not knew. Just havent seen me before." Y/n smiled, standing next to Cid with a hand on her hip, "names Y/n's and Im presuming you all are the clones that have been taking my jobs?"

"Oh, we are?" Omega looked up at Hunter, who was still at a lost for words.

"What?" Hunter asked looking down at Omega.

Y/n chuckled, walking up to the longer haired male, "Listen, dark and broody, we can be friends. I just want my missions."

She leaned into his face, his face becoming red "Y-yeah..."

"Thanks then." Y/n smiled, his eyes gazing to his banana, "I'll take this as payment for taking my last missions."

With ease she pulled the headband off his head, turning her head half way to talk to Cid she smiled.

"I'll see you late then mom." Y/n chuckled, nudging Hunter as she passed, "Im off to collect some credits Im owed."

"Did she just call Cid Mom?" Wrecker questioned Y/n walking out the bar and up the steps.

"I believe she did." Tech responded.

Hunter was hit in the side with Cid's walking staff, "I'm docking your pay half!"

"What!?" Hunter argued.

"Thats what you get for lookin at my kid like that!" Cid defended, "watch it next time"

"Well if our pay has already been docked. She was quiet pretty. Her eyes especially." Tech repsonded as Hunter nudged him hard.

"Hey-"

"Don't worry, Hunter if you marry her Cid's your new mom!" Wrecker laughed shoving the man.

"I don't even know her!" Hunter argued.

"And that'll never happen!" Cid defended, "now watch it before I dock all your pay! You won't be seeing her again."

"But she took Hunter's bandanna." Omega pointed out, Hunter feeling his head.

"She did?!"

"And I thought Wrecker had it bad for that twilek girl he helped at the market." Echo told.

So there Hunter was, left the whole day with no headband, atleast 3 standard hours he waited, rubbing his head feeling as if he was missing something, well he was missing something.

"Hey! Mom! You'll never guess the load I got this time!" Y/n called out walking down the steps and into the bar, "I beat fifteen of the finest warriors apparently! Yeah right!"

Y/n walked in, gym bag at her side, the boys turning to the girl, stripped down to a tank top and a diffrent set of black pants that were tucked into her boots, a certain red bandana around her thigh.

"Oh you're all still here." She spoke, "I was-"

Hunter stepped infront of her, "I'd like my bandana back."

"Hm? Yeah come on." Y/n spoke, walking around him, "follow me."

"Yeah no sorry- not happening-" Hunter argued grabbing her wrist, "just hand it over."

Y/n ripped her wrist from him, hurting his hand in the process, "well then take it off, its right there."

Hunter kept his gaze away from Y/n's thigh, her ahoulder looking interesting at the momment.

"Well its mine then." Y/n spoke going to walk away but her arm was grabbed, Hunter turning to her as he kept his gaze up, his hands feeling for the band,

She chuckled, "little higher and you'll be at my zipper-"

He sighed looking away as he felt his bandana, his hand reaching around and untying it from her thigh.

"You smell nice." Y/n teased

"I don't see how you're Cid's kid." Hunter commented.

"Not by blood sweetheart." Y/n commented.

There was a chuckle as Hunter turned his head, Tech and Echo going back to there silence Wrecker luckily out and about with Omega. Hunter removed the band finally as Y/n chuckled.

Y/n leaned over, kissing Hunter's cheek as he flushed, "rooms down the hall on your left, we should be lucky my mom's on the upper floors."

Hunter only nodded as Y/n walked away, waving to his two brothers who were playing sabbec at the bar.

Hunter turned around to follow her a few mintues later, "don't be too loud."

Hunter glared at the two but made his leave anyways, following Y/n's instructions. Making it to the last door he knocked the door sliding open as Y/n sat on the floor, a tray in her lap, neon fairy lights on the strung carelessly on the walls and ceiling, weapons littered on the floor, some things hanging on the walls, there was a mess of the bed.

"So you came." She spoke popping whatever she was rolling into a jar, setting it on her nightstand and pushing the tray into the drawer. Standing up zhe grabbed a box of matches, throwing herself into one of the large bean bag chairs, big enough for two people, "lock the door would you?"

He did as asked, "why call me in here?"

"Well...Dark and Broody." Y/n spoke, "sit, come on."

Patting the seat besides her he walked over, "I have a name."

"Okay? Tell me it."

"Hunter."

"Okay Hunter." She spoke, "you seemed tense. So we. Me and you. Are gonna smoke-"

"Smoke? Smoke what-"

"One of these." Y/n spoke holding up the jar, "Kessel herb."

"Spice? Yeah no-"

"No. Herb." Y/n defended, "there's a big difference."

Hunter watched her swish the jar around in front of him, "you pick one for me atleast."

Mentally sighing he did as asked, Pulling out a joint for her she smiled, closing the jar and setting it aside, "atleast this doesn't smell bad, smells like flowers."

Hunter watched her open up the match box, the joint between her lips as she striked the first match, a complete dud, she moved onto the second one, also a dud, by the fourth one Hunter was wondering if she'd ever light the thing.

"Dropped them in water-"

"I can do it." Hunter cut off, Y/n gladly handing him the match box as she leaned over, he striking out on the first match but the second one he got working, the flame bright and prominet despite the red undertone of the lights, leaning over as well he lit the thing easy as pie.

"Thanks."

He watched her take a deep inhale in bowing out through her nose she leaned back, muscles already calming and relaxing.

"Why did you really call me in here."

"I told you to smoke." Y/n spoke, "I know a stressed man when I see one. Shit half the time I am a stressed man."

Hunter watched her take in another puff, "Plus it would ruffle my moms scales."

Hunter chuckled Y/n was right about that much, "yet also wanted to see if you wanted to hook up for a night."

Hunter coughed, not because of the smoke but the abruptness, "I'm sorry?"

"Well I seen you look at me the way you did earlier," she told, "and you're pretty good looking, but you seem to atleast have a good head on your sholders, men I know that look at me usually make a comment right away, you kept them to yourself."

Hunter responded with silence, "it's just a suggestion, an idea." She told him turning to look at him.

Again silence and Y/n contuined to smoke as if it was no problem that he said no, he found it, hot, sexy even. She knew what she wanted and she asked if told no she was okay with that, carrying out through her day.

"Why me?"

"I just explained why, you." Y/n spoke, "its yes or no tense guy."

Hunter shifted, its been a while, he mentally sighed, Y/n returning to smoking casually. Was this a way of teasing? If it was, it was harsh, and it was working. Shifting once more there chlothed and armored touching one another.

Damn, Hunter thought, to have her strong thigh in his hand, his head between her thighs. He looked up seeing Y/n pull the joint away once more, feeling the stare Y/n turned her head

"Wanna try it after all?" Y/n questioned, bringing the joint infront of him, "if not more for me."

Fuck it, the empire rules the galaxy, the republic fell, his brother is trying to kill them, what could he possibly loose from having any fun.

He took it with gloved fingers bringing it to his lips, Y/n watched him take a deep inhale, Y/n impresssed.

"This isnt your first rodeo." She teased.

He leaned in closer to her, if even physically possible, removing the joint from his lips, he pushed closer to Y/n, his lips placed on her's softly, and only for a momment, then pulled away, strings of smoke coming from both there lips now as Hunter's mind felt clear, relaxed.

"Lets do it." Hunter responded, usuing his armor as an ash tray, pressing the ashes to death on his chest plate as the embers died.

"One puffs not gonna get you anywhere." Y/n teased.

"But you will..." he whispered against her lips, pressing furthur once more he kissed her.

The kiss much more passionate than the first, Y/n running her hands through his hair, his bandanna slipping off in the process as she tossed it away.

"Fuck you're so hot..." He whispered into the kiss, Y/n moaning softly, his hands untucking her white tank top from her pants.

"Don't tell Im sharing with someone, thats why you came back all undressed." He teased against her lips, his hands hiking up her t-shirt past her covered breast.

"If sharing means arena fights. Then yes." Y/n teased back causing Hunter to chuckle.

Hunter pulled away, unclapssing his armor as she watched, letting it be tossed to the floor he was stripped down to his blacks. Bitting her lip at the buldge in his blacks, he leaned back into her,kissing her lip's passionately, forcing his tongue into her mouth she groaned, his touange pressing against his as they fought.

The kiss ended in a tie, both pulling away panting, Hunter let his hand's find her bare skin in the mean time, traveling up her adoment and covered breast he found her shirt, pulling away he lifted it over her head and arms. About to kiss her again she stopped him, pulling on the edge of his blacks, she pulled his shirt up, he lifting his arms in the process, his gloves rolling off with his sleeves in the process. Tossing the article of chlothing somewhere random. He removing her black sports bra, he kissed her just above her breast.

She humming in pleasure as he did so, traveling up to her neck, kicking her boots and socks off in the process, her legs tensed squeezing together Hunter had found her sweet spot, the space just above her collar bone, where her muscle was tense.

"H-hunter..." she panted, kissing the side of his head as she let out a soft groan, her head rolling back as her fingers tugged on his hair.

"You drive me crazy doing that..." Hunter whispered against her skin, dragging his kisses down her chest, and to her breast, where he let himself take in one of her soft buds.

"Fuck..." he moaned, his hair being pulled once more.

"Maker you're mouths amazing-" Y/n spoke her legs squeeze together tighter, adding to her pleasure as she groaned.

Switching over to give the second one just as much attention his hand cupped her other breast, squeezing her battle scared flesh softly, his other hand slipping behind her waist band slipping into her panties.

Hunter pulled away from her bud with a intoxicated look, "Your soaked..."

Y/n chuckled, "and you're hard as a rock..."

Pulling his hands away from her, she watched him undo her pants, pulling them down as quick as he could, and with her help of kicking them off they were gone.

Y/n reached for the last of his blacks, pulling them off his hips he pulled at them as well, removing his boxers as well. His chlothes barely releasing his length, Y/n's hand wrapped around the base of his aching cock.

Y/n's face laced with warmth and a teasing smirk she let her thumb rub the strip under the base of his cock, he groaned watching her tease his cock. His hand pulling at her panties she raised her hips to help, and he loosely pulled them down enough to let his hand go between her legs.

His finger's teasing her clit softly as she meweled, "Fucking hell..." she whined softly.

Both messes under each other's touches Y/n picked up a pace, her hand starting to milk his cock as he moaned heavily, body both relaxed and tense he gripped her thigh.

"Easy- now..." Y/n whispered to him, planting a soft kiss on his lips, "Don't wanna finish just in my hand do we?"

Hunter shook his head no, "you better be on something...I'm gonna cum in you till you beg me to stop..." he moaned.

She chuckled, leaning into his ear, "yeah? Am I gonna be sitting in pools of your cum?"

"Fuck yeah you are." He told her, "f-from every fuckin hole, starting with you're mouth."

She was taken back both by comment. He stood up as she looked up at him, his cock in her face, she moved forward, her lips brushing against his cock as she licked his tip, the taste of Pre-Cum now on her touange.

"Salty..." she teased kissing down his shaft, her hand wrapping around his base. Looking up at him his face was flushed, yet still held a determined look of lust in his eye.

Pulling back to the tip of his cock she kissed the tip, opening her mouth she pushed his tip in, her hands resting on his hips.

Fuck does he feel so good down my throat, Y/n thought, her eyes closed as she moaned, bobbing her head almost instantly causing Hunter to groan.

"Easy doll. You don't wanna choke." He teased, watching her bobbing increase he moaned loudly, her pace only increasing, "Maker you know to suck cock- s-shit-"

Y/n pulled away jacking his siliva covered cock off, "H-hunter fill me with your cum please. I wanna be in a pool of your cum."

He covered his mouth, what the fuck., but he wasnt complaining, watching her deep throat him again he groaned, his hips starting to pool back and thrust, and as soon as he knew it he was holding the back of her head, mouth fucking her hard.

"Yeah baby take it all...like a little slut take it all for me." He moaned, " hell- I'm-"

Hunter hit deep inside her mouth, cumming down her throat, mid way pulling out letting the rest coat her face.

"H-hunter!" She meweled, but he covered her mouth, not wanting anyone to hear.

She swallowed his cum, groaning into his hand as he pulled his hand away.

"They can't hear us..." she panted, cum covered her face and mixed with her drool as she tried to catch her breath, "t-the walls are solid concrete..."

"Well then...I suppose I will be making you scream..." he panted as she bit her lip, looking down at her he chuckled.

Face covered in cum, running down her lips and chin, her breast perky, marks already starting to form on her neck, her panties down to her knees as she sat waiting for him, flushed and horny.

"Maker I can not wait to put my cock in that tight pussy of your's." He told her, his thumb holding her chin.

"Then do it. Fuck me till you can't cum no more" she begged, watching him kneel down infront of her, causing him to chuckle.

"I want a taste of you first." He told her.

Pulling her panties off she bit her lip as he grabbed her legs roughly by the back of her knees, spreading them from one another, she shifted in her spot, allowing her legs to spread a bit wider and give him a better veiw. Hunter didn't bother teasing her, her pussy soaked and aching as he dived in, eating at her clit.

"F-fuck Hunter!" She cried, her back arching as she gripped onto his hair immediately.

Y/n was in heaven, Hunter between her legs completely devoring her.

"Baby so sweet..." he moaned into her cunt, licking up every bit of her fluid he could, shoving his touange deep inside her.

"Oh- maker! Fuck me! Please fuck me!" She begged, his fingers joining his touange deep inside her, as an incoherent mewel escaped her lips, his fingers thrusting deep inside her.

"Come on baby..squirt for me i wanna taste it." He whispered against her cunt.

"H-holy shit!" Y/n exclaimed, her eyes rolling to the back of her head, eating her raw her back arched and her legs squeezed together but he pulled away, spanking her on the back of the thigh.

"Do that again and I'll stop eating you out and fuck you until you're raw." Hunter deamnded, she nodded mindlessly, as he went back to devoring her.

Her pussy pulsating as he shoved his touange deep insider her, his fingers competing for space.

"H-hunter..." she whined, feeling like she was to snap, "H-Hunter- Hunter! Hunter!"

She squirted into his mouth, her legs squeezing together in pleasure.

"F-fuck!" She moaned, back arching as her legs shook, "F-fuck,"

He pulled away from her, flicking her clit with his fingers intesifiying her orgaism. Moaning loudly she watched him getting up to his knees he leaned over her grabbing her face.

"I told you if you closed your legs again I'd fuck you until your raw." He argued as Y/n blushed deeply.

"I'm sorry sir..." she apologized, pussy still pulsating, still completely soaked with a mix of her own cum and his siliva.

"What did you call me?"

"S-sorry daddy." She apologized.

"Atleast you know your place."

Holy fuck, where did this Hunter come from? Not that she knew Hunter at all, but it was still a shock to see the 'dark and broody' man become such a sex addict that liked to be called daddy.

"You either call me daddy or sarge," he demanded grabbing her chin, "understand?"

She nodded in response.

"I can't hear you."

"Yes daddy."

"Good girl..." he praised, "the better you are the more cum you'll get, understand?"

"Yes daddy."

He spred her legs open again, his knees resting on the bean bag below her as he lined himself up with her soaked entrence. Pushing his tip in her she moaned loudly, her feet resting on his hips, he chuckled, grabbing her hips tightly he shoved himself in her fully.

"F-fuck!" She cried out, "Oh maker yes!"

He started beating into her without warning, she crying out in pleasure as her body shook.

"D-daddy so rough! Oh-yes!" She shouted.

"Touch yourself While I fuck you," he demanded, her hand hand reaching between her legs,rubbing her clit while he fucked her senseless, "Good girl, looks like someone wants to be filled with cum."

She moaned nodding her head in the process as he beating balls deep into her, hearing his cum filled balls slapping against her soaked skin.

"F-fuck daddy please!" She begged, one of his hands finding the back of her hair as he gripped it, arching her over.

"Please what baby girl? Come on. Tell daddy what you want."

"P-please cum in me!" She cried drooling in pleasure, he groaned her tight pussy walls clenching around him, "H-Hunter!"

Moaning heavily he gripped her hair tighter, her free hand gripping his forearm as she bit her lip. The feeling built up in her stomach.

"Y-yeah! D-daddy! Daddy make me cum!" She begged, he watched her come unraveled, beating into her roughly her back arched, toes curling as she moaned loudly, soaking his cock as she squirted onto him, he pulled out of her, rubbing her clit intesifiying her orgaism.

"Oh- Shit!" She cried, the quicker he rubbing her clit more she squirted, slipping back into her he delievered a few hard thrust as she cried out, pulling out once more her orgaism intense as she held her legs open.

"Fuck daddy!" She cried.

"Come on baby let it all out." He praised, slipping into her again and fucking her roughly for a few more thrust, pulling out once more as she squirted the last she could.

"H-hunter- Hunter!"

"Shh baby. Shh." He spoke leaning kissing her roughly she kissed back, pulling away he looked down at her, "You still need my cum in you huh baby?"

"Mhmm, yes please." She begged.

"Good girl." He praised, kissing her sloppily as she groaned.

Pulling away she held onto his arm as he pushed his way back into her, causing her to mewel out his name.

"What a perfect little pussy." He told her, starting to thrust into her, his hand rest at the side of her throat as his thumb pulled her chin down, she wore a curled smile with a deep blush, her pupils dialted wide and pupils seemingly in the shape of hearts.

"H-hunter...daddy..." she meweled.

He grunted down a groan, feeling himself starting to become unraveled, "pussys still tight for me,fuck-"

His gripp tightned around her neck, causing her to choke slightly, as his thrust became sloppy, becoming increasingly rougher as her moans grew louder once more. Loosing rythem he pulled his hand away from her neck, his hands gripping her hips for leverage as he pulled them against his thrust, groaning loudly he still beat into her harshly, his cock pulsating in her. She begged for him to creampie her, her hands finding his hair as she tugged and pulled.

"Ah! Fuck! Yeah! Fuck!" He groaned, "Oh! OH!"

He shoved himself deep inside of her keeping her steady as her back arched, his own body arching into her's as he released a massive load of cum into her.

"Oh! Fuck yeah!" He groaned, completely loosing control, contuining his rough thrust.

"H-hunter! Hunter! Holy shit!" She cried out.

"Fuck Im cumming again!"

"H-hunter! Fuck!" A second smaller load was shot into her, filling her womb with his hot seed as he held her hips tight, rocking into her steadily as to make sure he stuffed her. He panted heavily, his ears seemingly ringing as he looked down at her.

Her mouth agape as she breathed heavily, her breast rising and falling with heavy pants.

"Good girl..." Hunter praised, slolwy pulling out of her, Y/n letting out the last of her soft moans.

He panted heavily, his hands spreading her legs as she ended up holding her legs open by her inner thighs, Hunter watches the thick cum leaked out of her, cum covering her pussy folds.

"Good girl." Hunter praised, a few of his fingers scooping up some of the cum as she opened her mouth, letting it sloppily leak from Hunter's hand to her mouth and face, "Now, turn over on all fours, Im not done with you yet."

[omiscurls]

hi! (this request is heavily inspired by a kdrama i just watched called sweet home lmao) could i request a childe x gn reader fic where childe and the reader r both severely injured and the reader had to kill someone for self defense and as theyre running away the reader feeling super guilty is like “i’m so terrible i killed someone” and childe is trying to comfort them and they find a place to rest while being both on the verge of death and the reader is like “i killed someone, i’m so scared that it’ll be my last memory”and the childe is like “try to forget abt it it’s ok” and the reader is like “u don’t think abt either too” (yk implying like oh don’t think abt the ppl you’ve killed before childe, bc im assuming he’s killed a lot of ppl) and he’s like ok with a sad smile and they die together in each other’s arms holding hands?)/?:))2 help this is wayyy to detailed i’m sry but if u want the reference scene it’s from this video , they show the specific scene in time stamps 0:57-2:56 again i’m so sorry if this is too detailed or if u don’t wanna write it!!! tysm <3

memory

a/n oh my god that is just my kind of angst, thanks for the request and i hope you'll enjoy!!

prompt: honestly? dying with tartaglia (that sounds like a creepy tv show's title and i'm proud of it)

contains: tartaglia

warnings: angst, death, blood, major character death, self-blame, murder, more blood, really a lot of dying and bleeding, please do not proceed if you're not comfortable with the topics

adrenaline was probably the last string that had your body moving and functioning in any way. the blood in your veins made you deaf, only capable of noticing the sounds of it pumping behind your ears, head pulsing like a bomb about to explode.

your whole body shook, and you felt a metallic taste on your tongue, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent throwing up, which you predicted would happen in a matter of seconds.

"hey!" you finally heard childe yell, sounding distant even still, when you lifted your gaze away from the body before you and noticed he was standing fairly close. "come on, move, or his buddies" he said pointing to the lifeless man beneath you "might just come to get revenge"

with that he took your arm by the waist and pulled you along with him.

you stumbled over your own feet, and almost fell down every couple of minutes. your lungs started to burn after mere seconds, and you couldn't even find breath to tell him to slow down. you also knew he couldn't, having better self-preservation instincts than you, he understood the situation you two were in better.

fuck.

you looked behind you, to the spot where blood painted the grass red under a pile of dead bodies, some of your allies, some of your foes, but from this kind of distance, you couldn't even make out which one was which. your gaze fell down to your hands, covered in sticky redness as well.

you just killed somebody.

it wasn't even the consequences that frightened you, it was the sheer act of life leaving his eyes before he fell down, of his pupils staring at you in one last beg for mercy before freezing like that for the eternity ahead, for how his body seemed to have gained weight in a matter of seconds, almost pulling you down with him. the ringing in your head got more intense as you choked on a strained sob.

"they're dead" you breathed out, making your partner laugh sarcastically.

"good guess" he answered, his grip on your arm loosening as the both of you climbed up a hill.

"no, you don't understand, they're- dead dead! i- i didn't think i-" you stumbled over your words, panic settling in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the situation.

"what, you didn't think that if you pierce a person through with a blade they're gonna die?" he asked rhetorically, back almost slamming against a tree, sliding down to the ground with a breath of relief. "fuck, looks like i got pierced, too" he noticed, looking down onto his side, the grey material of his uniform getting dark and sticky. he hissed, trying to lift it up, and gave up on his attempts, instead opting to look at you.

you didn't sit down, but kept staring forward with the most frightened expression he had ever seen you wear. eyes wide open as you searched for answers in thin air, hands shaking, moving up to cover your mouth.

“hey” he whispered way gentler than before, urging you to sit down in front of him “it’s okay, it was only self-defense. you did kill them, but you didn’t murder them or anything, it was kill or be killed”

his words held so much confidence in what he was saying, you almost felt comforted. he really did master the art of bending the truth to his liking, didn’t he?

“i did it, what if he was someone’s father, or brother, or whoever else, what if i just destroyed someone’s world? he was a human being just as much as i am, i had no right-“ you started relapsing into panic, hands gripping on your hair, head moving down to hide between your legs.

only then did tartaglia notice the huge wound right across the back of your thigh, and several others. fuck, he instantly thought, whoever did it knew what he was doing, cut you in a very specific place, with intent to kill.

he couldn’t even fight back the wave of anger coming crushing at him, but bit his lip instead of saying anything. there was no way the both of you could get to a safe place in time.

he used to be so passionate about continuing to live, normally he would’ve just throw you over his shoulder and run, until his legs gave out, but now, he didn’t even have the energy to stand up. he barely could move his hand, and the more he tried to fight it, the more tired he became.

the feeling of helplessness was eating him alive, both from not having any way of providing you safety, and for not protecting you earlier, not to mention how he couldn’t find the right words to say to you now.

“listen” he started carefully, waiting for you to stop sobbing. “it’s painful, killing someone. it leaves a hole inside you that you don’t know how to cover. it makes your thoughts twist and fight back against you, it makes you want to leave your own head for how bad you feel. it sucks, believe me, i know. you didn’t deserve to have to feel this shitty. i’m- i’m sorry. for not shielding you well enough.” he said bluntly, not a hint of comfort or the usual beating around the bush that he used every time he intended to coax you. just pure, brutal truth. for once.

“it’s okay” you mumbled quietly. your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and you felt how it started to fall off its support. the numbness in your legs, this sort of stressful feeling of being constantly out of air- “i don’t want to die, though”

the sentence felt like a whimper, a cry of help, but tartaglia knew there was exactly nothing he could do.

“am i gonna die?” your voice felt a little stronger, laced with fear, and you lifted your eyes back onto him, in search of a “no” that you knew you wouldn’t find. “i’m gonna leave this world with killing a man as my last memory” you laughed bitterly, before laugh became a cry, and tears mixed with sweat on the surface of your cheeks. “that’s the worst fucking death i could ever imagine”

“baby, look at me” he asked calmly “come here”

when you moved to sit on his side, his hand, sticky from blood, intertwined its fingers with yours, and squeezed tightly.

“look. we’re sitting on a hill, under a tree, the sun is high up in the sky, a meadow below us, it’s a perfect date!” he laughed so authentically, you almost believed it was true. “we’re on a dream date, isn’t that amazing? and look.”

with that, he tilted your head towards his, and kissed you softly and shortly.

“i love you.” he said in the calmest manner he could force out “is that a better memory?”

you placed your head on his side, attempting to hug him even a little bit, tears staining his uniform even more.

“i don’t want to leave you.”

“i’ll be right behind you. guarding your back, like i always do. after all, i promised to always protect you, right? death won’t change my plans.”

[traashsmash]

You have too love getting lost, right.

Word count: 626

Stiles x Reader

Warnings: 18+, Unprotected sex, smut.

Stiles!" you said breathless "slow down!" He didnt slow down, he just ran faster up the hill. Until he couldt run anymore. "Im sorry y/n, its just fun hearing you scream my name" he teased. "Hey, we are in class, the others are around some plays. i thought we were suppost to keep us secret!" you almost couldt say that sentence, because running is not really your favorite thing to do. "oh dont worry about the others, they are running another place!" he smiled as he walked towards me. "I cant believe that you really ran away from all the others! Why did you do that?" you wasnt really mad at him, you just sound angry when you're tired. "calm down angry bird! i just wanted to be alone with you and show you this view." He turned me around so i could see the beautifull view. The blue sky had no clouds, and the birds was flying over beacon hills. you could feel his arms wrapp around you as you enjoyed the view. A soft kiss placed on your neck, going up torwords your chin. He stopped at your carotid artery and placed two fingers on it. "y/n." he whispered so close to your ear you could feel his breath. "Are you scared of something? Your puls is really fast right now." he smirked. "You dumb ass." you whispered back, as you turned around and faced him. " You know why my puls is fast, you are just teasing!" His hands went down to your waist as he pulled you closer, and continued kissing your lips instead of yourvneck. His soft lips against yours in a passioned kiss. You know its not the first time you are making out, but you couldnt help it. It still made your stomach fill with butterflies. you could feel him growing harder second by second, so you let down your hands going towards his sweatpants. he pulls you asides to a place a bit less open than where you were standing. He stared taking of his t-shirt and you couldnt stop staring at his veiny arms. "Dont just stand there and stare at my arms. dont you wanna know what they can do?" he laughed. You took of your t-shirt and his lips met yours yet again. His hands moved down to your shorts and started buttoning it up. It didnt feel like he was trying to do it fast beacause your panties are already soaked. you brushed your hand against his length, and started pulling the string on his sweatpants. He pushed you against the tree and pulled his boxers down. and then pulled down your panties. He moved your legs apart while you were still standing against the tree, and ran his length over your swollen clit which made a shiver go down your spine. He entered your entrance slowly, you let out a soft moan which made him go faster. "Sti...stiles...mff." you mumbles as you were trying not to scream, since you knew your class couldnt be that far away. He hit the spot perfectly which made your walls close in on his lenght. "im... mhf.. stiles! im there...mh..." you couldnt be quiet anymore. but as soon as you said that he pulled out. "Stiles! I was almost there!" "y/n. someone is coming." he whispered. "Oh yeah. Well that cant be me!" you started getting dressed since he had already put on his sweatpants. "No. like i heard someone talking." he hurried getting dressed before those people got here. "Hey! Stiles, y/n. did you get lost or something?" Scott yelled while laughing. "Yeah sorry. We're coming now." Stiles said still breathless. You walked up to stiles and whispered "You own me for when we get home!"

[heymrstargazer]

random and unnecessary facts about my ocs thats basically just a ploy to get everyone to fall in love with them (just ross and colin for now because im lazy)

Colin:

really dislikes the color yellow for no reason in particular

will argue that he hates cuddling all day and sleeps as far away as possible but always ends up half on top of ross anyway

absolutely loves cooking and learning new recipes

(actual detail in the story but) every christmas he gets everyone a book (ross gets one hes already annotated) and he spends for fucking ever picking out the perfect one (austin gets those level 1 childrens books)

hates oil paints with a passion but is committed to learning how to use them (acrylic is his favorite)

(also an actual detail in the story and one i stole from my own plant) has a little succulent named Ben Plantt (like ben platt)

has a love of old record players but they can make him a bit sad just cause he can’t always enjoy them

of course for the most part being deaf doesnt bother him but occasionally it gets to him (aha fuck nora and liam)

has designed every single one of ross’ tattoos 

is surprisingly athletic but doesn’t ever have a reason to use it

is incredibly paranoid about a lot of things but is also really good at hiding it

he has pretty severe ocd. he can get around fine but occasionally it can be hindering. his biggest thing is counting and germs gross him tf out (me? projecting? never.)

has a bad habit of not shutting the fuck up and it always gets him into more trouble than he needs

he has a very intricate mug collection

Ross:

fucks around on the guitar for the most part but when colin has his cochlears off he’ll sing

when colin can hear him he’ll just sing whatever (usually to bother him. example being two trucks)

but in the cases where colin has them off he is the cheesiest fucking sap and does songs like im yours by jason mraz, marry you by bruno mars, and banana pancakes by jack johnson

played baseball all through middle and high school and was actually really fucking good at it but didn’t care enough to take it further

has a very complex theory about the ghosts in the mansion (he doesnt really believe in them but the idea is there (also totally not me projecting again))

he loves doodling but is really reluctant to let anybody see because he watches colin draw masterpieces over and over again and gets pretty shy about it (colin loves them and keeps a few in his wallet like the sap he is)

chews on his nails, sweatshirt strings, earbuds, etc despite how many times hes tried to stop

has really nice handwriting (sorry colin)

literally cant see for shit. his glasses have a really high prescription so they’re basically like little magnifying glasses and he hated them when he was younger (cause ya know they make your eyes and everything look super big) but hes gotten over it by now

thinks its highly entertaining when colin tries putting his glasses on (instant headache ngl) and asks him how they look when ross literally cannot tell at all

really good with tech stuff but complains about having to fix everything (who? me? no definitely not)

just never fucking wears shirts around the bedroom (and later his and colins house)?? whenever he puts one on if its cold or hes about to leave colin always acts surprised because ‘i didnt think you had any’

i could continue but i will stop for now

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

How about 4 or 18 for the drabble/ficlet thing? Your choice!

18. Do you ever think we should just stop this?

Thank you so much for the ask, I know you asked it awhile ago (so im sorry it took so long!) but at least its finished, so that's something. Its a bit awkward as im still working on getting into the groove of writing, but I think its okay, and hopefully you’ll like it!! <3

~~~

Sometime in the seventies…

“Johnny…d’you ever think we should stop this”

“Stop what?” John replied, half asleep, as he shuffled Paul closer into his arms.

“Y’know…this.” Paul paused, but after receiving nothing but silence from John, he continued “This affair; sneaking behind everyone’s backs. We’ve just been on and off again for the past however many years-”

“And being “off” didn’t work for us, remember?”

They were in some hotel bed, lost in the damp streets of New York. 

“Yeah, I remember…”

*** 

It had all started again with that visit to Johns, after Linda had turned to John and asked him “Do you miss England much John?” 

“Frankly, I miss Paris.” He hadn’t even turned to even look at Paul, but both knew too well the subtext of that statement. 

***

Finally, they had a second alone together.

“What the fuck was that John?” Paul had half-whispered, so that none of the others in the next room could here they’re arguing.

Underwhelmingly, John retorted with “Hm?” 

“Y’know what…all that Paris shite”

John could hardly contain a smile, “Well, I miss Paris. It’s a nice city!”

There was a silence until Paul broke it with his realisation, “You’re gonna be difficult about this, aren’t you?”, then shaking his head, he added with an air of light-heartedness, “You’ve always been difficult.” 

“And you’ve always loved that about me, eh Macca?”

“I haven’t” he replied defensively though smiling. “What did you mean with that Paris comment then? Don’t be difficult for once and just tell me, eh.” 

John swallowed, a little anxious he replied, “I want to be with you. Again.”

“Johnny, don’t start this again-”

“Well why the fuck not Paul? I miss you, you miss me, so why don’t we just say fuck it and be together”

“Because!” he replied frustratedly, “I have Linda, and you have Yoko, or May, or whoever the fuck you’re with these days! I have a family – and I can’t risk sacrificing everything and everyone in my life just so that you can string me along for a few good fucks when you’re down and out.” He paused, then insisted, “I love you Johnny, you can convince yerself I don’t mean that, but I do. But I just can’t waste another year having an affair with you. Were in a good place, the two of us – we don’t argue like we used to…

And I know you – you’re self-sabotaging, and so just when things are going good for us, you’ll cheat on me, or you’ll leave me, or you’ll insist im leaving you when I just want to be close to you.”

“Well, Dr. Freud…” John joked, then taking a few slow steps closer to him, and cupping Pauls hands in his own, “I won’t this time…”

But Paul was quick to interrupt with, “Ive gotta be honest, I dont believe you mate. I mean I can’t believe you, can I Johnny?” He asked rhetorically. 

John remained silent, in a moment of self-reflection – but Paul had untangled his hands from the others, and had already turned around ready to leave. 

But with a total shift in tone, John erupted with, “D’you know you were never perfect either, now were ye Paul!” Paul turned around to look at him, he had a stern look in his eyes. “I mean, how was I ever meant to believe anything you’d ever bloody said when you were always so fucking inhibited!

Used to drive me insane, never being able to tell what you were thinking.” His tone, though still aggressive, was getting weaker with every word. 

Paul’s look had softened, but he was slow to respond with, “Johnny…” He took a step closer to him, “Johnny, could you really make something like this work?”

John simply sighed. He recognised in that distressed look of Pauls that, no, he probably could not make this work; he recognised that he’d never made any relationship work, because he’s never allowed one to work; he recognised that he could be marinated with all the love in the universe, and he’d still convince himself that everyone would ultimately abandon him. 

But perhaps most significantly, he recognised that he was a lost cause – therapy won’t change shit, because he’s never going to be able to dust away that spiders-web of self-loathing that’s been building up in his lungs and in his heart and in his head his whole life. He is Gods lonely man.*

However, before he could articulate this recognition, he was taken by surprise when Paul took a step closer, grasped him by his hips, and enclosed their lips with a kiss. It was a kiss guided by a plea: a plea to John to just allow Paul to love him this time, forget self-sabotage, leave destruction in the past. But this kiss was also tainted with a plea to either let love in, or let him the fuck out. He really cannot survive another relationship with John if it’s going to consist of a cycle of renewal, abandonment, renewal, abandonment, renewal, abandonment etc. 

They broke away, Pauls hands still urgently grasping his shirt. They looked into one another’s eyes, because while they weren’t so great with verbal communication, they always had a way of reading each other’s mind. They were both so desperate, and yet so fucking tired. 

“Paul…I don’t know if I can do it.” Defeated, Paul turned his head away from Johns gaze, though his hands remained tightly clenched to Johns shirt. “I think…I think I’m just meant to be alone; I don’t want to be, but ive done it all! Therapy, drugs, Jesus – whatever it is that’s meant to make mad men sane…has never worked for me.”

Paul turned to look back at him; staring urgently into his eyes, he asked “Would you try? Would you try to let this work for us?”

“I’ve been trying me whole bloody life Paul. Or at least, since I met you.”

“Since you met me…” Paul absent-mindedly muttered.

They were silent for the moment, until Paul blurted out softly, “Y’know, I have always loved you. What you were saying about me a minute ago there, bein’ “inhibited” and that – well I know ive always confused you a bit…always been an enigma. 

But I have always loved you. D’you know that Johnny?”

“I know…” he said unconvincingly in response, so quietly even Paul who was mere centimetres from his lips could hardly hear him. 

Nervously, John pulled Pauls hips closer to his own, and pressed his lips to Pauls. It wasn’t so much a kiss of passion, but more so the calm after the storm. Still, it was a much needed calm that each melted into so sincerely. 

Maybe this could work – then again, it probably won’t. But do they have any choice but to try?

*A line I stole from the movie Taxi Driver (1975)

[willowistic22]

ok im gonna say it, what taylor swift song is romeo besides love story

Haha was waiting for this one actually. Can’t believe I can’t use love story grr. but yeah i get it. though plsss gimmie the chance to add a little bit of love story? I just love that song yknow. And jfc when I say ‘love’ it doesn’t always mean the romantic kind, aight? N e wayyys lesgo !

Love story. Pretty self explanatory actually. ‘We were both young when I first saw you’ I feel that him being a hopeless romantic started pretty young. He was young dumb but in love and that’s basically how he is when he’s in love. He loves the feeling when he first falls in love, when a love is still young. You don’t really know what you’re doing but you still act like you are because you can’t help it. Romeo mostly embrace the the whole being young and in love just because he loves the feeling and believes that PDA isn’t as bad as ppl might think. Well, not entirely but just enough yknow.

Invisible String. The song is basically the soulmate trope in a song form. And he does believes in soulmates. Let me crack into the... angsty stuff heheh >:). He has a long history of loving himself and sometimes doubt that there are ppl out there that would actually like him yknow. So he pretends there’s like this invisible string that connects him to others. Like destined to meet these few certain ppl. That’s what has kept him afloat all this time. Not many ppl would know it but it’s the truth.

Wonderland. ‘Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?’ and also ‘We found Wonderland, you and I got lost in it’ Now this one is more towards his mentality in stuff. Sometimes when he’s clouded with love (romance or otherwise, take your pick) he gets too easily excited like ‘woah!!! someone likes me!!!’ and goes a bit too quickly. Many ppl were scared off by how clingy this kid can get. Romeo has learned to calm himself yknow, but sometimes he gets too lost and forgets all about it. The second one is mostly because, in plain simple words, he thinks the world is full of shit. His mental health has been hit hard and some days just seem so plain and boring and he’s tired and he didn’t even know why he got up that morning. Sometimes he closes his eyes to pretend he’s somewhere he wants to be. Where he’s wanted and it’s acceptable to cling on ppl. Where he’s not tired and the world around him is in fact wonderful to be in.

Blank Space. Some ppl will describe him of having an endless list of ppl he was once associated with. Call it lovers, friends, whatever. Mostly they get scared bcs the more time they spent with Romeo, more of his true colors are being shown. Some impressions Romeo left them was ‘annoying’ ‘clingy’ and ‘too serious in stuff’. It’s only because Romeo just wants to find a connection. He likes stuff with meaning behind it. Not those meaningless relationships or small talk. He wants to find someone to give his all. Obv these ppl has shown him that when Romeo is proper and polite, just like the way he usually presents himself towards strangers, they like him but not when he’s being his passionate self and so they don’t deserve his heart. ‘Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane’ Lots of ppl misunderstands his passionate self as ‘crazy’. But that’s just how he feels his feelings. Whether he’s sad, happy, or angry. It’s all because he has all this passionate energy to use up. Now here’s the kicker: he doesn’t give up to find that connection. He knows he’ll most likely get his heart broken again but he’s resilient. 

Lover. Yes, yes, we’ve made it perfectly clear that he’s a hopeless romantic. But this song specifically resonates with him. ‘Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?’ Romeo never half asses anything when it comes to getting to know others. He will go out of his way to listen to your laughter and sorrows because he loves the human personality. He thinks it’s so complex and amazing. Sometimes in one conversation he can really get a lot of information from someone. ‘With every guitar string scar on my hand, I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover’ After all that disappointment he is still determined to love. Like I said before he’s resilient when it comes to these things. ‘Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever?’ Once you got his love he will stick with you forever. This might be in a way calling him clingy and maybe he is. But that’s just how he shows his loyalty towards someone. And the rest of the song is basically what it’s like for Romeo to be in love and to be loved by Romeo. Beautiful and at peace, like you’re floating on clouds and everything in the world doesn’t matter anymore.

...Ready For It. Haha yes this sounds like a stretch but bare with me. ‘But if he’s a ghost, then I can be a phantom. Holding him for ransom, some’ I feel that despite the ‘bad impression’ he’s given ppl that left him, he did left some form a good mark on them too. Some have tried to insert themselves back in his life, realizing that maybe Romeo isn’t as bad as they thought he was. Of course, there are others that don't, which is always fine for Romeo’s end because he does understand that he’s ‘not for everyone’. ‘In the middle of the night, in my dreams. You should see the things we do, baby’ Despite his openness to love anyone, he does have his own standards. A vivid version of the kind of ppl he would like to share his heart with but he doesn’t over stretch himself to get them to like him other than maybe the usual meeting a person for the first time.

Don’t Blame Me. ‘Don't blame me, love made me crazy. If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right’ Let me tell you that when it comes to forming a connection/relationship, it really brings out Romeo’s true colors. And I’ve said before that that’s when ppl start leaving him bcs he doesn’t like his passion being executed in a lot of aspects of his other personality. He’s considered ‘crazy’ for that. ‘Lord, save me, my drug is my baby, I'd be using for the rest of my life’ But when it comes to connecting to the right ppl, he will shine and thrive. Maybe he’ll use this opportunity to finally be himself without fearing that these ppl will leave his as well. ‘For you, I would cross the line’ and then there’s the priceless loyalty towards those ppl that I've mentioned. Yeah, Romeo will do anything for the ppl he loves.

This Is Me Trying. It’s how I think Romeo in his low would look. I’ve mentioned before that his mental health sometimes hits very low that he can barely do anything. It looks more like everything that he does is so tiring and all he can do is just stay in bed. He wants someone to know that he’s trying his best to get up just to brush his teeth or get some food. He wants someone to know that he’s trying his best. As much as he wants to, he can’t get through a day like that all alone. He needs someone else to be the one telling him to do things because days like these are usually when Romeo can’t bare to listen to himself. A simple ‘I’m proud of you’ from someone else can be enough to get him to other things that seems difficult. But hey, he’s trying.

To quickly sum it up: Love story is how he views love to be (young, beautiful, yet stupid in the same way) and he proudly embraces it. Invisible String is how he believes in soulmates to cope with the disappointment he faces from ppl that don’t like his true colors. Wonderland is how he tends to get over excited when it comes to ppl that show any form of attention towards him that can be viewed as affection plus how he likes to pretend to be in a world where it’s okay for him to be clingy. Blank Space is how his passionate soul somehow turns him into a crazy person that can’t make a connection with others last. Lover is for how he feels/looks when Romeo does love. ...Ready For It is for how he leaves different kinds of marks on the people he had once connected in the past. Don’t Blame Me is for how the people he wants to connect to brings out his true colors and how he will thrive when the person he connects with is the right one. This Is Me Trying is how Romeo looks like when he’s in his lowest moment and needs someone to support him.

If this doesn’t make any sense then I’m sorry just ignore this pls:)

[tutubola-moved-on]

Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

[notgalaxii]

ah! can you do 55 with asmo?? ❤ please

Woo! This one was fun if we ignore the fact that I've written it twice now because I wasn't satisfied. There might be grammar errors here and there because Im sick and all foggy headed and shit, I'll edit her another time. Anyways, happy reading! Thank you for the request my love 💕🤞

Prompt: Shut up and kiss me already 

"MC, how about we go out tonight?~" 

It was a sweet prompt from one of your best friends in the world, not just in the Devildom. However, it almost always led to something chaotic. Some nights Asmodeus disappears into the night and takes part in some wild orgy; some nights he tries to hook you up with someone; some nights he gets crowds when he really doesn't want to. Nine times out of ten, something happens.

This night was no different for the two of you. He dressed you up, styled your hair to his liking, then ushered you into some crazy nightclub that you definitely couldn't have gotten into on your own. Now, you danced together, pinkies locked so you don't lose each other in the mass of drunk demons, holding your alcohol in your free hand. The pinky holding had been Asmo's idea; it was a lot cuter than handholding and less intimate so you weren't uncomfortable. 

"Would you like a refill, cutie?" he quizzed, a bright smile stretching from ear to ear. 

“Yes, please,” you hummed, passing your cup over to the demon. Asmo took the glass from your hands almost gracefully, as gracefully as he could when he was buzzed, before turning on his heel and waltzing back to the bar. 

“I’ll be right back then, my dear!” he called over his shoulder. You chuckled to yourself, resuming the rhythm you had created to the beat of the music that was blaring through the club. 

He did this pretty often: holding you close for a few hours and then disappearing into the night, coming back a solid half hour later with a drink and a lipstick stain on his cheek. It was a little annoying at first, but you grew accustomed to it throughout your friendship with him. Seeing him throw compliments and flirts at any passing beautiful face like he was asking the time of day made your stomach churn still, even though it’s a part of your new daily routine. Not only did he nonchalantly chat it up with anyone, but the demons fell for it. Even when he wasn’t using his charm, strangers seemed to throw themselves at your best friend left and right. It wasn’t the flirting itself that entirely bothered you. It was what they were looking at. 

On the outside, Asmodeus was nothing more than a self-centered bratty perv who’s diet consisted of nothing but drama and attention. He was so much more than that to you, though. Asmodeus was a gentle and passionate man in more ways than one. When he loves people, he loves them. He learns them, he spoils them, he lives them, he breathes them. Asmodeus knows the ins and outs of everyone he cares for, what they like, what they don’t like, and every way to supply them with their needs. He’s thoughtful and kind.

The case was no different with you. You hadn’t spent a day without Asmodeus by your side since you started your stay in the Devildom. He’s taken you to all of his favorite stores, showed you all of the most beautiful sights to see, he’s fed you the most delicious food he could think of, and most of all, he’s spent quality personal time with you. Your favorite nights were those spent in his room before bed, trying out new face masks together, and just talking about life. For someone who seems self-centered, Asmodeus had always been the best listener when it came to you. In your eyes, he was no less than a glistening jewel that had caught the moonlight in the depths of a hidden cave. 

Just as expected, you spotted your favorite demon in the crowd near the bar, chatting with a beautiful woman. The look on his face read a combination of, “I can’t wait to get out of this conversation,” and “I should buy more alcohol.” Hers, however, was reading unadulterated desire, something that you had learned to pick up on when spending time with Asmodeus. By some miracle, you managed to meet his sunset gaze through the mass. It felt almost as if the smile he directed towards you had roped you in, dragging you closer to him. 

“Ah! It looks like you found me!” Asmo giggled once you fell at his feet.

“You’re not that hard to find, you know,” you teased, flickering your gaze to the woman he had just been chatting with. She was definitely more attractive up close, as she was shooting daggers at you with her eyes. 

“Well, I believe we had a lovely chat but I have previous engagements to attend to,” Asmodeus told her, lowering his hand to lock his pinky with yours again, “Perhaps I’ll see you sometime again in the future?” 

“I hope I can count on it,” her voice was low and almost sultry. Paying no mind to her comment, Asmo beckoned you to follow him off into a more secluded area.

“She seemed like a treat,” you scoffed before sitting down. 

“Hmm? You seem like you desire something. Tell me, MC, what is it?” Asmodeus inquired, not bothering to sit down. You looked up at him, watching the way the pink and gold hues danced in his eyes with glimmers of content, how his champagne hair effortlessly curled just out of the way of his gaze, how his skin looked so delicate and soft to the touch. He was absolutely right, you desired something. You desired him. You desired to reach up and run your fingers across his perfect skin. You desired his sunset gaze to be fixated on you and only you. You desired him to make an attempt to charm you again even though he knows it won’t work in the way he wants it to. You were already charmed by him, no magic involved.

“I just want to know what possesses you to make you walk up to random strangers and try to charm them,” it wasn’t a total lie, but it definitely wasn’t what you really desired. 

Asmodeus quirked an eyebrow at you in surprise, but it soon settled. The expression of shock was replaced by an arrogant smile. It was mesmerizing, the way his rosey lips pulled into an enchanting gleam. You wondered if he knew that he had your heart on strings and with every pull of his smile, he tugged on them. 

“She approached me, actually. I just wanted to get you a drink,” Asmodeus leaned down closer to you so that your faces were level. In doing so, a few strands of his hair fell in front of his eyes. There was a new thing you had desired, to run your fingers through his hair, push it out of the way, see just exactly how soft it was. “Is that all you wanted, MC? I feel like there's something still locked deep away in your chest. Why don’t you help me open it?”

“Oh, I’m sorry! If I had known that it was her doing then I wouldn’t have pestered you about it. Forgive me, Asmo,” you fumbled, brushing aside his last statement in hopes that he would drop it.

“Shh, just be quiet and kiss me already, would you?” Asmodeus cajoles, “That is what you’d like, isn’t it, love?” 

A warmth invades your face, peppering your cheeks with a deep shade of red. It takes a brief moment of contemplating whether it’s worth it or not, sacrificing your friendship to soothe your inner desires, but you comply with the Avatar of Lust’s demand. Once you’ve closed the distance between the two of you, your lips melt right against his. 

The kiss is everything you hoped it would be and more. Asmodeus’ lips were soft, smooth, and tasted faintly of the sweet chapstick that he had applied before the two of you set off. Unexpectedly, however, his kiss was gentle and loving rather than fervent and needy. He moved his lips against yours very slowly, yet skillfully. The feelings that Asmodeus’ touch gave you as his hands made themselves home on your waist and cheek were second to none; he sent ripples of euphoria throughout your entire body and chills down your spine. 

“I-I was really hoping you didn’t figure that one out,” you scrambled for words the moment his lips vacated yours. 

“I know you, MC,” he giggled. You almost hoped that he didn’t know you well enough to pick up on that you were desperate for more. 

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; but “sentimental boy” is my nom de plume

word count: 1916

pairing: connor/gn!reader

genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort

summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.

a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.

gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,

written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)

I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it

maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.

you did what you were designed to do.

memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.

whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.

he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.

but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.

anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.

no matter how much he begged and cried for it.

he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.

but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–

you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.

you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.

connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.

the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.

the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »

the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.

« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.

he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »

still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.

he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesisonly gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.

but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely  nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.

sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t  share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.

instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».

like my work? consider buying me a coffee // checking out my masterlist | links can be found on my desc

[clarafms]

✼:♡*ﾟ✿ ↝ alisha boe . cisfemale . she/her .  ／ lucille ‘lucky’ sheridan is blasting bad friend by rina sawayama again … ugh , i swear they play that song every single day ! you’d think they’d learn how to pipe down . oh , you don’t know them ? they live in apartment 2b . i haven’t talked to them much , but i know that they’re twenty-three years old , and that they’ve been living in the complex for two years . i always run into them when they’re coming back home from vinnie’s vinyls , and they seem really piquant and  impetuous . maybe you’ll have better luck with the aries than i do .

hiiiii  babes,  i’m  lily  !  i’m  so  sorry  this  is  late,  i  had  to  decompress  after  my  very  last  final  of  the  semester  ( she’s  a  scholar  ! )  anyway  this  is  my  daughter  lucky  n  i  love  her  very  much.  here  is  a  stats  page  and  here  is  a  page  that  i  made  with  some  quick  social  media  stuff  but  you  can  read  below  the  cut  for  more  about  her  and  hit  me  up  because  im  always  a  hoe  for  plots  !  i’m  so  excited  to  meet  w  all  your  muses  so  give  this  a  like  if  you  wanna  plot  !  intro:  tw  death,  tw  drugs

lucille aminah sheridan was born on april 12, 1997 in brooklyn, new york to yasmiin ahmed and kieran sheridan. it was a difficult labor, over twenty-four hours, and yasmiin suffered obstructive labor. she died in childbirth, but the baby miraculously made it out alive and unharmed. kieran, in shock, named her lucille aminah after their grandparents, but the nurses were the first to call her ‘lucky’. 

lucky’s childhood was an interesting one, to say the least. to cope with the loss of his partner, kieran lost himself in drinking and drugs. lucky was generally left on her own most of the time to adventure around bed-stuy. she was rosy-cheeked, giggling lightning, zigzagging down bedford avenue. their family aren’t exactly well off, not with kieran’s debts hanging over their heads, but lucky finds ways sprinkled throughout her lonely existence to entertain herself: it was the neighborhood store owners and the families in her apartment complex who would allow her to hang around and not go home, the pizza parlor that will let her bum a slice, the skate park where the older boys ruffle her hair, and most importantly music. 

lucky is a bright and creative kid, but she didn’t generally excel in school; it’s too much sitting around, too many rules, and lucky has a bit of an authority problem. but she took to music like nothing else -- learning piano, guitar, singing, and music production. when lucky is fourteen, she wins a scholarship to the packer collegiate institute in historic (read: wealthy) brooklyn heights. for the first time, she is suddenly and painfully aware of her well-worn clothes, the way her father shows up to concerts and parent-teacher conferences with scotch on his breath. through sheer drive alone, she propels herself to berklee college of music on a full scholarship. she graduates with a degree in music production and decides to move as far away as possible; after all, she’s always loved an adventure. 

she’s now been living in apartment 2b at opal apartments for two years now and she genuinely loves both the apartment complex and vancouver. she has regular dj nights at downtown bars and she’s been able to string together steady gigs and production opportunities to scrape together an existence that she’s happy with. 

personality wise, she is a CLASSIC aries -- she’s short-tempered and reckless, will rush into anything she believes is an adventure. impulse control is at a -1000.

she’s also very creative and charming in a witty-mean kind of way. steadfastly loyal to her friends -- if you get into her inner circle it’s for life ! her friends are her chosen family. 

she’s passionate about things, but it definitely comes off as a little theatrical if you don’t like her?

her worst trait is that she’s incredibly competitive about everything. she literally will get mad over a game of cards.  

she loves to skateboard, she’s definitely more of a tomboy in terms of style and personality. she wears a lot of bright colors. big pants tiny top bisexual energy !!

spends all her time at vinnie’s vinyls ! she loves it there. 

you can click here for some connection ideas i reblogged, but here are some more:

ride or die friends: pleaseeeee she needs some people to be crazy with !! let her be goofy and dumb

sibling type relationship: someone who she can just tell everything to !! 

frenemies/enemies: someone that just... does not like lucky or vice versa !! definitely love it... plus we could add a lil ~spice~ if you’re interested

fwb: secret feelings ? hate you love you ? :~)

secret relationship: listen i LOVE this type of plot and want it so bad

exes: i could definitely see her being involved with someone especially when she had just moved to vancouver and didn’t know anyone !! maybe they ended on bad terms/good/possible getting back together/fwb ?? choose ur own adventure !!

[nthngbxtfanfics]

Not her - Jooheon scenario

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | FINAL

As you may noticed. Part 6 got deleted, just because Tumblr did such an amazing job in synchronizing the App version with the Web version. YEY.

So now I had to rewrite it. It makes me so sad cuz the previous version was so damn awesome!

But that doesn’t mean that I’ll be taking mercy on you.

Welcome to my rollercoaster of emotions.

Taglist:

@lidda​ @meiiyue​  @pleasantpeachstudent  @im-what-iam  @elenaramos1 @1crazyteenage-dirtbag @ghostofyoujungkook

I hope I didn’t forget anyone...

“What?” You thought your ears would play a sick prank on you. But that wasn’t the case. His words repeated in your mind, trying to figure out if these words had any truth in them.

“I-”

“Stop! Don’t repeat yourself. I don’t wanna hear that!” you interrupted him as the weight of his question pulled onto your heart-strings. A new kind of pain evolved within your chest, making it hard to breathe.

“But Y/N-” he took a step forward, opening his arms, trying to reach out to you.

“Stop! Jooheon I told you to stop. I don’t wanna hear more from you, don’t you understand?” your body reacted automatically with your words and took a step back, further away from him. You felt uneasy, you couldn’t understand your own actions, emotions or thoughts. Everything was so confusing.

“But Y/N I do wanna be with you! I’m not lying to you! I’m fucking serious” his words got heavier in your chest. You couldn’t face him anymore, you closed your eyes avoiding the man in front of you. Your sobs made your body tremble, your limbs became cold. The whole warmth in your body was gone.

“Please don’t do that to me Y/N.” Jooheons heart was in extreme pain. Your fragile figure, your tears. The pain in your body was visible and he hated that sight. His vision was blurry, tears stained his cheeks. He never wished to bring you to this state, he wanted you to be happy but not in pain. He knew he was selfish the whole time, neglecting his feelings and you. He wanted to erase those emotions and failed and this was his punishement.

Once again, Jooheon tried to come closer to you, to embrace you in his arms and yet again, your body reacted on it’s own. Your arms wrapped around your waist, hugging your trembling body, trying to give yourself some warmth. Your feet took you another step back, away from Jooheon, searching for a safe spot in the room.

“I’m pleading you Y/N. Please let me explain everything.” Jooheon couldn’t hold back his emotions, he needed to release them or else he would go insane. He wanted you to know everything, hoping it would ease the pain in you.

Your legs became weak, you searched for a place to rest your feet. Your body sat down onto the soft matress of Hoseoks bed, your upper body leaned forward, your elbows rested on your knees and your hands supported your head. You kept your eyes away from Jooheon, too scared to see his broken state. His voice was enough for you, it broke your heart to hear the sadness in it. Your mind was empty and dark, tears kept flowing down your now red cheeks.

Jooheon took your silence as a sign for him to continue. His gaze wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wanted to catch every reaction of your body, for him to move on. He hesitated, finding the right words to start. He saw how vulnerable you were and he wanted to be more cautious and careful with them. Too scared to hurt you even more. He took a deep breath, finishing it with a shaken sigh.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” His lower lip started to tremble more, trying to hold back a sob and tears started to reapear, taking over his vision. His head turned away from you for a short time to return with shut closed eyes, trying to stop the drops from falling. As he opened them, they catched your small figure and let the tears free. Jooheon took another much smaller bit of air, his teeth hold onto his trembling lip, trying to stop it. He himself was drained, all energy left his limbs. Anger was no where to be found, all he wanted was to lock you in his arms and never let go. His desire to keep you safe and warm became stronger, his first priority became you. His own heart gave him a hard time through this situation. He wanted you back, but he needed to earn that reward. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just too stupid and selfish to notice how much I actually hurt you with my actions. All I wanted was to get rid of these emotions for you. I wanted to get rid of this everlasting pain, I have when I don’t have you beside me. When you smile and I’m not the main reason for it.” His own sobs interrupted him, he took this opportunity to calm down a little and to wait for some reaction coming from you. Your body was still, listening to all his words. Words full of pain, sadness and love. Honesty weighted those words, you couldn’t argue with that.

“Y/N I love you since the day we first met. It felt like love at first sight, your smile brought warmth to my heart. Your hugs brought me strength through my busy schedule days. Your voice brought me the sweetest dreams at night, even if they were short, I knew I could lean on you. I wanted to ask you out back then, but I don’t wanted to pressure you on being my girlfriend, especially since I’m a member of Monsta X. But I don’t wanted to loose you, I wanted you beside me. That’s why I kept you as my best friend.” The words became heavier and the knot in Jooheons throat tighter. His mouth became dry, swallowing his own saliva became a struggle. “The more time I spent with you the more I fell for you and became more scared to confess my feelings. I was too afraid to scare you away. I don’t wanted to ruin our friendship and throw our memories to waste. You mean so much to me I can’t loose you.” He took another breath to put more words together.

“When I introduced you to the other members, I was so happy that you got along so well. That the members love you almost as much as I do. But as you started to get closer to Kihyun, that even rumors started to circulate, that you two were dating. My mind went crazy, I was so jealous, I couldn’t think straight. I was so close to punch my brother and loose my chance to you. I couldn’t let this happen. That’s why I acted like I was fine with this whole situation. I came to the conclusion to get rid of my feelings for you.” As memories started to flood his mind, tears of pain and betrail started to fall free from his glassy eyes.

“I went to my studio to get drunk or wasted and ended up in clubs, hooking up with some random chicks. Only to erase you from my mind. I searched you in every woman I was with, but no one was as perfect as you, only worse.” Jooheon stopped himself, to wait for a response from you. But your body stayed still this whole time. Jooheon grew confident and walked towards your figure. He kneeled down in front of you, reaching your eye-level. He lifted his hands to reach for yours. He took them away from your tears-stained face and held them tight in your lap. Squezzing them a little, to comfort you. His thumb circled your palm, warming up the little spot. His hands radiated warmth and your shoulders began to relax. Jooheons eyes laid on your hands, they fitted perfectly in his palms.

“I thought, my only option was to get a girlfriend. I hoped it would actually help and I was wrong. It only got worse. Especially after Kihyun cleared up the situation, that you two aren’t dating and that you both were not really interested in doing so. That’s also when Hyejins real face was revealed to me. I know, you tried to convince me first and I didn’t believed you. Only when Changkyun told me about everything that happened. The things she did to Hoseok-hyung, to Hyunwoo-hyung and to you. But If I’d knew about the coffee incident earlier, I would have done something about it.” Jooheon lifted his eyes, searching for yours. They hid behind your messy bangs, Jooheons hand automatically took action and lifted itself, to brush some strands behind your ear. Revealing your now puffy eyes. His hand rested on your cheek, cupping it. Tears welled up in your eyes, waiting for release. You couldn’t hold them back and let them free, yet again. Jooheon catched those tears with his thumb, before they could reach the soft cushion of your swollen lips. His thumb rubbed lightly on your cheek, another comforting gesture. You leaned into the warmth of his palm, your eyes shutting close. Enjoying that small moment.

“Y/N. I don’t know why I was so careless and so stubborn. As I saw you and Kihyun today, so close. I couldn't hold it anymore, it made me so mad. I never meant to scare you like that. I don’t know myself anymore. Please forgive me for being me, for being too stupid to not see what’s best for me and for letting go of you.” Jooheons hands started to tremble, as new words flooded his mind. Words he wanted to let free.

“Please look at me Y/N” You raised your head, meeting Jooheons glassy eyes, tears asking for release. You could see all kinds of emotions in those lost, dark orbs. Pain, sadness, anger and love. Your reflection, visible in them like a mirror. His gaze was strong, but didn’t afraid you. The opposite, you wanted to fall in them deep as deep as you could. Like falling into the galaxy, you desired the feeling of no gravity and the stars becoming your home.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, the three words repeated themselves in your head. A force within him took over his body as Jooheon reached forward, the desire to feel your lips on his became so strong. There was no stopping in his movement until he met the softness of your plump lips. You were taken a back at the sudden contact but gave in. Your lips worked in sync, your brain felt dizzy, your surroundings became blurry. More tears left your closed eyes, Jooheons tears got mixed with yours. The kiss was soft, passionate and full of pain.

A sudden strange feeling of pain, different and stronger than before, filled your body. You pulled back from the kiss. Your sobs became stronger, your body started to tremple again and more thicker tears started to fall. Your head fell onto Jooheons chest, hiding in his presence. Jooheon immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around you nd pulled your legs over his lap. One hand caressing your back, the other holding your head in place. His arms were strong around you, not letting you go. His own emotions started a battle with him, but he needed to be strong for you. He never saw you in this kind of state. Sudden guilt builded up within himself.

An internal battle started within you, a battle between your heart and your mind. Your heart wanted to let go, to feel the love he was giving you. The long deserved warmth from the man you love so dearly. Your mind was screaming to let go, it was too soon to give in. It warned you from further harm, you weren’t ready to receive and live with that love. You had to leave now or it’ll be too late, but your heart wanted you to stay a little longer. You needed to heal and it knew you could do it with him.

Jooheon waited for you to calm down, but wouldn’t let go of you. He would never forgive himself if he’d let you slip away from his fingertips. He needed you and you needed him, he wanted to be there for you. His grip got stronger as his thoughts went further. He felt in peace as your cry decreased and you stopped fully.

His warm chest, transfered warmth to your cold body. But the battle within you increased, making it uneasy to stay in his arms. But your body lost almost all energy that was left. The weaker you got, the stronger the force to leave became stronger. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you used your last bit of strengh and escaped out of Jooheons grip.

“I’m sorry but I can’t” You rushed out of the bedroom, leaving a shocked Jooheon behind. As he lost sight of you, his body reacted immediately and run after you as fast as he could. Begging you not to leave him.

“Y/N! You can’t leave like that. Y/N wait!” you slammed the front door, right infront of Jooheons face. His hand reached the doorhandle, trying to open it. But another hand stopped his motion and shutted the door, when Jooheon managed to open it a little.

“Jooheon!” Jooheons head snapped towards the calling voice. “Leave her alone.” Hoseok was concerned about you and Jooheons well being. But he couldn’t let Jooheon leave in the state he currently was.

“But Hyung...” Jooheon collapsed into his members firm chest, letting his emotions take over. His sobs were strong, his tears thick. Hoseok wrapped his arms around the younger one. His cries were loud enough so the others could hear the pain, their rapper was suffering.

They listened to the whole situation that happened behind those thin walls. They felt sorry for both of you. But no one blamed you for running away, you had a really hard time and Jooheon just came over and put more confusion into your emotional hurricane.

“Why did she left? All I wanted was to give her my love” Hoseok tried his best calming down the broken-hearted man. Jooheons sobs became louder as he continued. “Why do I deserve all that? She took my heart, left and threw it away.”

“Y/N needs time, you overwhelmed her with your confession. She needs time, let her breath a little. She loves you. She’ll come back. I know that and you know that too, you know her better than we do.” Hoseok held him tight, picking the right words to comfort him more.

“But why does it hurt so much?“

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I promise.”

Your feet took you as fast as you could, the pain coming from your soles got ignored. Your breathing was heavy and painful, your throat was dry, unbearable. Your speed slowed down as exhaustion made itself present and your familiar bus-station became visible. You made sure, that Jooheon nor a member was following you, before you halted completely. You searched for your purse, to take the next bus back to your place. Your search was unsuccessful, you forgot your purse at the dorm and running back was definitely no option for you.

You decided to walk on your own. Your pace was slow, exhaustion took over your body, just like the wish for your place called home. Your arms hugged your own body, giving yourself the much desired warmth, you needed. Your mind was lost, the unfamiliar pain now gone, your heart crying. You couldn’t understand why, no happiness fueled your body. The man that you love so dearly confessed his feelings to you and repeatedly stated to be with you. But why couldn’t you find the hapiness in that moment. Why did that voice warn you? Was it really too soon to give in and fall? Was there more to come?

The apartment complex became visible as you slowly reached your destination. You made your way towards the elevator, picking the right floor. As the doors opened, the sight of the heavy door became visible. You expected a warm feeling building up in your chest, whenever you saw this door. But now it seemed so foreign. Your fingers moved and punched the code to your place into the touchpad. The doors automatically opened, giving you space to enter. The apartement was dark and cold. A feeling you’ve never been greeted by. As the doors closed, your body slammed against the wood and slid down onto the floor.

No tears left your eyes, no pain left in your chest, your mind dark. But a small sad smile decorated your lips. Your teeth finding the soft pad of your lips, holding back the new tears as realization hit you.

Please, Find me

[rosemallowss]

Im so sad too with all that´s happening around TBWDOA, it was magical the first time that I listened it: so much life, love and humanity even in the darkest places of the world... I felt that the hope around it was more strong that any problematic subject... I know that maybe im being naive and self-blinded by my own privileges, but im so angry that the controversy destroyed what for my was so beautiful. I dont know if this is weird, but I wanted to talk with someone that maybe feels the same :(

Hey dude, I thought exactly the same thing. I actually still think it, but every time I see any trace of the show in my camera roll or the copy of the album, it’s so hard not to think about all the angry people. I think now that it’s been a few weeks however, I can fully hold a discussion about this musical without feeling guilty or sad. Despite what other people think, I really don’t believe that the writers has hostile intents at all. If you look at old posts like this:

You can tell just how passionate they were about this show. & plus, I realized recently that these guys tend to write shows about topics that are not normally talked about as well. Example: this show and ‘Talk To Me’– a show about a child who is on the Autism spectrum. I suppose you could kind of count their other show “With The Right Music” as kind of that? However I’m actually not totally clear on what that show is about since it wasn’t actually written to the end– though I think it is about a closeted teenager in high school. I suppose this counts because there aren’t that many musicals written about closeted teenagers. I truly don’t believe that they were trying to offend anyone– simply were just so so invested in trying to get a story out there, maybe one that was unfamiliar to them, and perhaps it was also bad timing that the full show was released? Or maybe they were just as naïve too when they wrote the show probably around 2015 (earlier?) I used to always get their attention (unintentionally I swear) on Twitter when I’d talk about the show. Those dudes were really kind. And they follow back a lot of their fans. So, perhaps it was just naïvety? I’m aware that they’re attempting to make it right, and they are probably at the moment in conversation with Afghan Americans. That’s important, and speaks more than words I think. I know Troy, Nikhil, Sittichai, and Jonathan have been under fire. Troy has gone silent and if I’m not mistaken I think Sittichai and Jonathan as well? Other actors in the show such as Osh (Zemar) and though a small appearance– Shiv Pai (future Paiman’s son) have gotten no such comments I realize. Maybe the show was bad timing. Perhaps it would’ve had a more positive outcome in terms of rising popularity had it been talked about in a past tense; in a sense that “this practice doesn’t happen anymore” so that the setting is not modern day, but instead sometime in the late 1900s?Would that have made the show less controversial? Maybe? But we can never be sure. Would it have been less controversial if they minimized the extend of the abuse? Or removed that altogether and made it that it was simply two boys falling in love in rural Afghanistan who were coming terms with the fact that they were feeling this feeling with each other? well, yeah, because it would just be a love story in a different setting, and we’d probably see Feda and Paiman exploring the marketplace as well. If this was the case, I’d assume the conflict of the story would be homophobia from parents/internalized homophobia itself, or struggling to understand themselves. Another conflict could be something that many teenagers experience as well, such as fear of the future. Maybe arranged marriage could still be a conflict, and since Feda’s name literally means “sacrifice” he’d probably still have to die in the end. Perhaps they could have rewritten the show like that and the show would have little to no controversy? The music is incredible, and it could even portray the beauty of Afghanistan through their amazing way of writing music. I’m just brainstorming and rambling here, sorry! when it comes to this show it seems as though that I always just vomit out more words than anyone cares to hear. Let’s address why it was controversial as well though... Many were repulsed by the idea of s-x trafficking as a musical, and even more outraged with the musical being about Afghanistan. It showed negative parts of the country, and that would add on to people’s perception and dislike toward Afghans, which if you live in America you are aware of the racists’ stereotypes and disdain toward Afghans. (If you are naïve like me, you probably did not catch that as well. I truly forgot that there were people who perceived Afghans in a negative light. I was awed by the diversity in the show and so focused on that) I believe that they also have said how gay men are usually perceived as pedophiles as well and this show did not help to minimize that harmful stereotypes. I’m obviously kind of dumb because I didn’t realize that stereotype.

However it is true, because realized I often see this trope in fiction books about “creepy uncles preying on their nephews”. Though people don’t agree with the fact that it is a musical, I always saw it as a different way of storytelling. There’s a book called The Kite Runner that talks about the same topic in this musical by the way. I didn’t know this but my friends have had to read that book as an assignment in their English class. I thought, well, TBWDOA, it just tells the story through songs. So all in all, these were many of the points people made, and you cannot be upset with them for being angry. When I first listened to the show, I was aware it was controversial, but I thought the controversy would be something that can be discussed and debated while being enjoyed. Similar to how Hamilton is often debated for glorifying the founding fathers while still being a good show. However, when I replied to one comment because I thought that this was how it was going to go, I was bombarded with several other comments, I was called pedophilic and was told that because I was not Afghan that I should not speak and when someone said that, I realized “okay, I was wrong to think that this was an issue that could be debated!” I did not realize how much deeper it would be. As a result, I was flooded with comments from instagram and twitter and it was STRESSFUL and overwhelming that I just couldn’t sleep and had to take a break! However someone told me that even the most controversial, flawed works of art should be appreciated or discussed. It’s up for debate if that’s true. The show is incredible in portraying the strength of the human spirit— “find your voice, even if it’s weak, using it can make a difference that will lead to a greater change.” It showed a boy who used something that was SUPPOSED to degrade and silence him as a tool to lift him up and strengthen him– that was an incredible theme. He found power in the resources he could. Dancing was supposed to be something he could not decide, but he made it his own, would not let it weaken him, and used it as a tool to push him toward more positive hopes. There’s something so powerful about people taking back the thing that was supposed to weaken them, and twisting in into something that gives them strength. Though just because the music embodies the main characters incredibly and the message is empowering, we cannot ignore that perhaps, yes the show was quite insensitive to many Afghan Americans. It might take me several months before I can listen to any song from this show again though. But the show has such a special place in my heart, for making me fall in love with music theory and musical instruments all over again, for pulling my heart strings with incredible themes/life lessons, and the show embodying that theme in a heartbreaking final song, and then lastly providing a beautiful love story. Am I insensitive for saying that? I really don’t want to be, but a story like this has never made me feel like that before. I was intrigued by Islamic wedding customs and researched into that. I fell in love with the purpose of whirling dervishes, and fascinated by how beautiful that was. I watched videos about them, i read about them. Feda talked about an old Afghan poet in the show and god, for hours I looked up that poet and read the translated English phrases (didn’t finish however). I was taken by the beautiful geography of Afghanistan. I researched beyond the show to look at Afghan culture and I appreciated that. I understood that, of course this wasn’t a common practice that is active in Afghanistan. But I’m aware now that so many people will not see it that way at all. They saw the show as indulging the idea that this practice is apart of their culture which is not true, and the original theater did not market that well at all.. I want to hope that this was just really bad timing, that this show was misinterpreted, and in the future will be enjoyed and discussed rather than torn apart. I never like being on the controversial side of things, but, gosh, I don’t know.

But, I know exactly how you feel. And I welcome any asks/my messages are open for discussion about this show now.

[silvanable]

Match-Up : Ikemen Sengoku

@nad-zeta

Hi there love! I hope you are doing well! Can i please request a ikemen sengoku matchup. ^0^

❤🥰 i am a aries, infp, Hufflepuff female 🦊 i am shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, i like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating. I will definitely be the person making jokes at inappropriate times and something about inappropriate things (its one of my coping mechanisms) 😂 I love my friends and family and will fight anyone how threatens them, although when it comes to me you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly cant stand up for myself). I swear like a sailor although i am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.

i love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life (it is one of my coping mechanisms and has helped me slowly overcome an eating disorder)😂

i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery, i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), romcoms, and  sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato. I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken time

I tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 My face will give away what i am thinking. i enjoy my own alone time and i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein), i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure.  I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).

I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.

🙈 Thanx so much dear ❤ Sorry if this is TMI🔥Cant wait to see who i get matched with 🌈🎀

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oh chica, i absolutely adore you just by this description.

i definitely had a fun time sorting out who i think would best compliment your personality & it was most certainly a tough one to settle on but in the end there must only be one~

i  hope you enjoy it!

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↪  GUIDELINES

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ー SHINGEN TAKEDA : TIGER OF KAI

after long debate i can see you and shingen as being a very favorable pair.

for starters, while you might not believe it you do have some very parallel personality traits (especially those based on your star signs!!).

you both have a rather optimistic disposition and a value for honest because shingen has never lied he just avoids answering questions.

additionally, you are both very difficult to get to know, as you have a tendency to bottle up your true feelings or are too shy and reserve to open up.

besides you being a beautiful woman, that would intrigue shingen even more. he wants to know why lies behind that quiet & guarded mask, to see what’s in your mind.

your dark humor & self-deprecating jokes would certainly concern him at first, especially because a “goddess such as you should never doubt yourself”.

i feel like what you said on being awkward around the menfolk would make you somewhat resistant to his flirt.

and by resistant i mean you turn red in a full blown blush and completely withdraw on yourself. you’d be lucky to get out a thank you or might completely bat the compliment off with a snarky comment ( and we’re on the inappropriately timed jokes too! ).

everything he learns about you is something new and surprising & he would be absolutely enthralled with you.

you’re a chef from your time? he’d love to watch you cook and savour whatever meal you’d be so generous as to let him taste.

you love to write & read? conspiracy theories? he would ask you all about what you read, what you’re interested in writing, and even indulge you as you ramble on about your favorite conspiracies.

then there’s your protective nature.

you take insults or things against you without batting an eye, but the moment someone insults him or any of those you care for, suddenly a warrioress comes out in you like he’s never seen.

you’re shy one day and another you’re so straight forward with him, he values that courage, even if you do not see it, and how honest you are. he admires honesty.

finding out you swear like a sailor would surprise him the most.

he has such a fondness for this young, gentle, and very fun & loving women and sudden she’s in the garden, profanities leaving her mouth in a never ending string after stubbing her toe ( can’t tell me that it doesn’t hurt enough NOT to swear ).

this man would have to do a double take just to make sure his eyes & ears weren’t deceiving him.

shingen would absolutely tease you about that later, how such an angel could have such strong words.

your passion and dedication to your work is something else shingen would find admirable, as he understands having a love of something you do & the beauty of being able to create it.

he is super attentive & always watching over for you and your moods.

you’re upset? he can see it in everything you do.

tired out and need a little you time? he’ll arrange for you to be undisturbed for a time and offer to bring you sweets to snack on & a book to enjoy your alone time with.

you are his angel of beauty and kindness, his goddess of ever compassionate forgiveness, and everything he comes to hold so dearly, meaning he will shower you endlessly with compliments & gifts if nothing more than to see you smile.

at kasuyagama you’re the castle’s mediator, as your personality seems to lean more towards peace & calm.

all that really means is you end up stopping shingen from teasing kenshin & keeping kenshin at best you can from being overly stabby.

i have to throw in that dates would be of the utmost importance to shingen with you.

he would have to take you to ever possible tea house to get you to try all of his favorite sweets and he would absolutely be abusing the fact you love them to against you to indulge you both.

yukimura would not be happy with either of you for constantly eating sweets & junk because it’s bad for your health and you need actual food to survive.

all. the. snuggles.

you have a favor for a calm & quiet atmosphere, so i can see you and shingen spending nights on the terrace in the cool evening air to admire the stars & moon.

correct me if i’m wrong, but you trapping shingen for morning cuddles? just five more minutes then you’ll let him go not really.

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