#but i dont feel like i can talk to him
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notice how I always ask you 'are you okay?' but you always tell me 'I hope you're okay'- notice how my question gives you space to elaborate if you need it and gives you space to not be okay, notice how yours is a closed statement that I just have to nod and agree with otherwise I'll be seen as hostile..
#i know im probably overthinking it#but i dont feel like i can talk to him#i dont feel like i can be not okay around him and im tired#it feels like only one of us in this relationship can be unwell at a time#and its always his turn#bpd#bpd blog#bpd splitting#bpd diary#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd safe#actually bpd#actually borderline#actually eupd#actually cluster b#actually mentally ill#quiet borderline#borderline blog#borderline thoughts#borderline personality disorder#eupd#cluster b#cluster b pds#cluster b safe
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Holiday Classics
Been thinking about Ford watching the 70s Animated Lord of the Rings Movies... (companion comic to this post!)
#the other two VHS tapes Fidd's is holding are Rankin-Bass' The Hobbit (1977) and Return of the King (1980)! The 70s animated pseudo-trilogy!#A lot of people pointed out on my other lotr 'crossover' post that Ford would have seen the 70s movies!#And i wont lie i entirely forgot they existed. But now i remember i have so many feelings on it okay. Ford my silly LOTR nerd#I dont think he would have seen Bashkis in theaters. far as I can tell it was a VERY limited (likely mostly CA) run in the middle of winter#but Rankin-Bass'? Aired on NBC & ABC. He absolutely woulda watched them or rented a VHS later. Which is why he's most excited by Bashki's#He's just such a nerd. I need him to nerd out. But also lowkey angst on how his single focus on bill/the portal lead#him to neglecting even the small things in life. Like knowing a VHS release of an adaptation of his favourite book series had come out#GF fanart#Gravity Falls#gravity falls comic#Fan art#fanart#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#young fiddleford mcgucket#*holds two random VHS tapes in one hand to check Fidd's pose in the 2nd panel makes sense* Well thats mathamatically feasible!#young stanford pines#stanford pines#ford pines#Book of Bill#comic#artists on tumblr#my art#Grunkle ford#fiddauthor#cause Fidds is not talking about the movie there. Well okay he's talking about the portal but He COULD BE TALKING ABOUT- *I am dragged off*
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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my love for foppish fictional men truly knows no bounds
[image description: two drawings focusing on flavio from paper mario: the thousand-year door. the first picture of flavio singing, drawn in a simple, sketchy style. the second drawing is a comic. the first panel shows mario and goombella sitting across from flavio, who has a dreamy expression on his face and is saying, "we shall gather a crew and set off on a journey of romance!". the second panel is of goombella replying by saying "yknow that there are only male sailors in rogueport, right?", with a note below that panel saying "shes a lesbian shes just also homophobic". the third panel is of flavio looking confused, followed by the final panel of flavio in front of a rainbow background as he says "yes? does flavio stutter??". end id]
#I LIKE HIM hes silly!!!!!!#was very nice getting to draw for myself inbetween commissions#i dont feel awful rn which is incredible given how my life has been goin recently#anyways fun fact i used to have a paper mario oc i shipped w flavio. he was a himbo pirate captain#i have a flipnote of those two together... somewhere on my youtube#hotel mario voice I Dare You To Find It If You Can!#doc talks#my art#paper mario#paper mario ttyd#pmttyd#ttyd#flavio#goombella#mario#smb#also i HATE that flavios backsprite in the remake doesnt have a gay little ponytail. you dont know him like i do.
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Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')
#tomgreg#succession#dont even talk to me i started watching this show when i had nothing to do at work and now i watch it with averiel my good friend averiel#and we are going to watch s4 together and i feel physically ill from bein so excited#so ya thats what ive been up to... anyway. i love these idiots they desever nothing but the worst (affectionate)#im also a tomshiv lover btw. im the one who yells 'THIS IS HOW TOMSHIV CAN STILL WIN' while they are actively losing on screen#thats the kind of person i am#dont look at me (lying on the floor)#okay i was not going to say stuff in the tags and let the art speak for itself but i NEED to point out details in the wine Painting..#i put a lot of work into that one. thinly veiled metaphors and symbolism yknow..#greg is gripping the stem of the wine glass with his full fist. tom and greg are dressed in the same outfit (sock garters included)#greg look appalled but he is not doing anything about the spill. tom is fondly pouring greg more and more wine. he is doing him a favor#i colored the red wine the same way i would color blood :) oh and tom is not really touching greg#only holding the chair in place. greg is making himself look smaller than he is like usual#oh and @ the person who said that it's the inverse of the tom and nate scene i love the way you think. i did not think of that before#but god. yeah. i actually thought about the scene change from when roman uhh.. christens his office in s1. the one with the coffee machine#i always go insane at that cut. this is not exactly the same since it's more.. about emotions but yknow.. it can be.. the same...
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free my boy from his own show he did nothing wrong
#they did him soo dirty wth and no one gaf about him at aaaal jentry started to being a dick i mean yeah sure understandable but the rest#of the cast?? they didnt interact with him but judge him as if he was the worst they didnt care to know him uug the show was okay there's#just things like this i didnt like at all i belive it was a wasted opportunity to befriend michael and stella with kit they would definitely#get along i also hated the fact jentry told stella kit wasnt a human when it is something sensitive for him she just came out him and showed#no remorse and faced no consequences that felt so out of character i swear😭 AND I ALSO DISLIKE michael and jentry as partners#it feels as if they are just trying to make their childhood crush real yknow i dont fucking see any intimacy between them besides their#first interactions i mean i dont ship jentry and kit but dude their emotional intimacy is deep they even kinda share the same vision of live#anyway go watch jcvtu so i can know what the sigma happens next i swear if kit doesnt revives i swear#myart#sketch#fanart#jcvtu#jentry chau vs the underworld#kit#kit jcvtu#okay so talking a lil about my sketch mmm i used that photo for the pose because there's no way ill break my head over it and well the thing#kit has in his hands is supposedly the thread he uses for his humans cosplays#if theres anyone reading this excuse my grammar is just that idc im having fun
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house md is wild because house tells wilson that he’ll sacrifice many things but never himself and then he sacrifices himself for wilson. and then he sacrifices himself for wilson. and then he sacrifices himself for wilson. and then he
#also like. this is the guy who said that 'people dont change' for the majority of his life and then when wilson is dying hes like 'i can cha#nge' its that he doesn't talk about his feelings and he cannot bear to show weakness until it seems that he is losing wilson and then#he will literally say anything to keep him its that he is shown repeatedly to be a vicodin addict and that hes destroyed relationships over#his pain and his need for vicodin but he'll give wilson his own pills and go without to make sure wilson has enough meds its that he is#old and cynical and his beliefs about humanity have been written in stone and his walls are topped with turrets and barbed wire but the gate#s fucking open for wilson time and again and wilson is the exception to the rules time and again its. so fucked up#wilson is quite literally his anchor in humanity wilson is his achilles heel wilson is his entire support system the foundations of gregory#house's life have been built around one james evan wilson from the moment he saw that twink throw a bottle into a mirror. am i making sense#here. do these words mean anything#house#wilson#hilson#house md#hatecrimes md#house is a very very carefully constructed facade and wilson is a fucking sledgehammer.
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if i said i picked up this issue for anything but drunk erik i fear i'd be lying
(Wolverine (2020) #3)
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#magneto#ok fine logan can get a tag too. this IS his story after all ja/lkLAJVEAVKLJ#wolverine#snap scans#i should read the rest of this run but its like 47 issues i think so. gonna take some time with that#spliced up the panels so its easier to look at everything. and so i can frame drunk passed out erik on my wall#someone uploaded some of the first page some time ago but 1.) i forgot to rb it 2.) it didnt include the rest of the scene#it ESP didnt include erik fallin face first on the table and his lil sleepin face on the next page like please im gettin cuteness aggressio#im so miffed that these are printed on the same page cause i woulda framed this spread otherwise like PLEASE#this shit got me GIGGLING SO BAD i cant. 'dare i say it .......' he's so unnecessary i love him so much#he's so silly ..... also someone said it best in that whenever erik's drawn like a bug it's the best thing#like look at him. that's a beetle. that's my little beetle and i love him i need to put him in a terrarium and watch him#honestly theres a LOT of things i have scanned and wanna share however i have to do it. Reasonably so to speak#in that i dont want to accidentally drown out all my doodling with comic scans jvEALKVJEAKL#maybe i'll do it sandwich style ... art -> scan -> art -> scan etc etc#that does remind me i have a doodle i wanted to do today. so maybe ill do that and share another thing i got scanned ....#unfortunately i do very much love reading the comics. a troublesome thing cause theres so much i wanna share and talk about#like from this issue too i love how hank describes what charles' mutation feels like#its not a grand thing but i love it whenever charles' telepathy is described and how it effects him physiologically#maybe hank was just Theorizing what it feels like but still ... i love that insight so much .....#i'll share that quote another time- i prob won't scan the page cause it's just a text log but i will say it was from here dont worry#ok ive rambled long enough BYE im gonna go draw charles
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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act 2 bloodweave has a certain Flavor
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion ancunin#astarion x gale#bloodweave#gale dekarios#can we talk about gale being suicidal. i feel like we dont talk about it and we should talk about it#he wants to LIVE DAMMIT but he doesnt think hes enough as he is#so clearly he doesnt deserve to#so he thinks he has to either die for a cause or throw away who he is in order to become enough#i love him so many#yeah shocking im a gale girlie <3
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Spencer Reid is a very private person, he has his things that he doesn't tell his teammates. So, when he meets you, he doesn't tell them, it's not important and it never comes up, so they just don't know. When he starts wearing a ring that you both insist isn't a wedding band, he doesn't tell anyone. You're not married legally, so why does it matter? The team notices, but outside of some snide and humorous remarks, nothing is said about it. Your relationship is a quiet thing, it's between you, and Spencer and only the two of you. People will ask if you're married, and you'll both say no as you fidget with the ring on your left hand. You're husbands in every meaning of the word, except for the legal aspect, but thats your business, not anyone else's. You're not boyfriends though, you're thirty years old so boyfriends doesn't quite fit the bill anymore, you refer to each other as partner, because that works well enough. You live together, you have a joint Bank account, you're the beneficiary of his life insurance policy should anything happen, you share an insurance plan. It's just how it is between the two of you. Hotch knows simply because to add you to is insurance he had to go through Aaron, but he doesn't like making it his business what Spencer does.
#starchildz imagines#um#i dont know what this is tbh#im just... talking ig#i feel like hed be a rlly private person about his relationships#spencer reid x male reader#but once the team finds out you can count on him *never* shutting up#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid criminal minds#dr spencer reid#im mentally unwell#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds x you#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds bau#criminal minds x male reader#bau x male reader#bau#bau team#criminalminds
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y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.
#chyanne speaks#house md#hilson#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#i think his inability to be alone is such an interesting quality of his that isnt touched on enough#like yes we all haha at his long string of unsuccessful relationships but we dont talk abt it all stemming from his inability to be alone#his first wife leaves him and then he remarried quickly#he cheats on the second wife and remarries quickly#the third wife cheats on him and leaves him and he immediately moves in with house#and then starts dating a patient and immediately moves in with her#but!!! then he moves into the hotel and is alone for like almost a year! and honestly he NEEDED IT#bc GROWTH happened in that year and he meets someone who doesn't fit his M.O. who breaks away from the mold#although he does immediately move in with her too but still. amber was different. she was the step in the right direction#and then she dies.#and then wilson throws himself into the left field. everything needs to change. he's spent so long fearing being alone.#so he tries to leave so he is completely and totally alone without house to fall back on#but house needs him. he needs him too much. they need each other too much.#and he falls back to house again. and he's content that way. he's always the most content when he's with house. always feels the least alone#and then sam comes back into his life and ruins e v e r y t h i n g#he falls right back onto those old patterns. kicks house out and moves her in. and then what happens??? of course??? she leaves him. again.#and then he's alone again and it hurts. he gets a cat that we only hear about twice and then never gets brought up again#but wilson has his kitty. he has house. he's not alone. he can be content.#and then house fucks everything up. he goes to prison. wilson is alone again.#im honestly SHOCKED that wilson didnt remarry in that year they were apart but he was rly trying to change!#he was working on himself and trying to make changed he thought would be good for him#and then house comes back. and house won't LET wilson be alone. he wont leave him alone.#and it's exactly what wilson has been yearning for since the day he drove that car into cuddys house#and in the end. as long as he had house that was all that mattered. as long as he had house he wasn't alone.
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im figuring out how they feel about each other
text:
Edd: Matt's just such a nice person! He always knows how to cheer me up <3
Tord: Matt is always willing to play along with whatever bullshit I come up with. He can also be quite thoughtful, when he remembers to be.
Tom: *shrug* He's objectively hot.
Tm: ...what.
Edd: Wow... where would I be without Tord, really? He's *always* been there for me.
Tom: ...
Matt: Oh, Tord's great! He always has the best ideas for pranks and stuff... especially on Tom!
Edd: Tom'a got his issues, but deep down he's just like a teddy bear. Just as cuddly, too!
Tord: Tom is really fun to mess with. He deserves it... most of the time.
Matt: Tom's the best! He's a great listener and an awesome musician! I'm a little jealous of him, to be honest.
M: Also he's reeeeeeeally cute when he's angry!
E: *nod*
Td: *nod*
Tord: Edd's always been with me. I don't know what I would do without him.
Tom: ...Edd's the reason I'm here.
Matt: Edd's the best! He's kind, smart, supportive, creative, inspiring... everything!
#TORD GETS A STUPID SHIRT!!!! GIVE HIM A STUPID SHIRT!!!!!#it says ''dont talk to me until ive had my gun''#ehehehehehhehehehehher#i made this like. a week ago but didnt feel like i could post it on my main or art blog#so its going HERE. where i can HYPERFIXATE TO MY HEARTS CONTENT#*slamming two pots together* POLYWORLD SHIPPERS!! ANY POLYWORLD SHIPPERS OUT THERE??? COME GET YALLS JUICE#eddsworld#my art#sketch#polyworld#ew tom#ew matt#ew tord#ew edd#(and all of my ship stuff will be tagged so feel free to block)#shipsworld#i. have. THOUGHTS.
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should surprise absolutely no one that i much much much prefer radahn when hes older (and not mindless! or mindcontrolled!)
(doesnt look amused about what malenia just did in that ol trailer- and possibly even moreso about what she said)
that (and base game) version of him is the only one to meeeeeeeee
#ganondoodles talks#elden ring#radahn#general radahn#starscourge radahn#i dont like how the tags immediately suggest to tag it with miquella too#LEAVE HIM ALONE#also sorry for that sudden spam of elden ring#i have fallen hard for radahn okay#doesnt mean zelda is over at all#i just LOVE HIM SO MUCH THE POOR MAN NEEDS A BREAK#imagine knowing that when you die you get send to your half brother that wants to marry you just so he can become a god-#-and then when you fight of the lady sent to kill you specifically so that happens infects you with a horrible disease that turns your-#-mind to mush- AND YET HE STILL REFUSED TO DIE#im still in the believe that no one else really knew and it was a ll a secret#that also MEANS THAT JERREN DIDNT KNOW#I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM#you organize an entire festival to kill a beloved general turned into a zombie to give him an honorable death#not knowing you are sending him to be stitched together as his younger self and mind controlled by his brother that wants to marry him#to become a god like marika#we know more about what others wanted from radahn than what he was actually like!!!!!! the fuck!!!!
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doodles of my fav sillies
anton belongs to @poicyss
#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it#im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3#im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow#homemade comfort blorbos......#watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks#or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands#i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks#its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days#i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside#cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine#AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached#i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right#on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands#and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits!#i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly#the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking#maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol#myart#my art#my oc#oc#friend oc#augusta#anton#vincent#sillies family#doodles
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So I think my perception of Grian's reasoning for enabling the horrible Jimmy ecosystem and also my perception of his character as a whole has been turned on its head completely and I feel really bad for him after watching Kingdom of Valor and it's like bad roleplay but it's. it's done things to me and I've never ever felt this much for Grian not even in my sadboy Grian Desert Duo phase. I don't know what to do about this
SA word under cut
Episodes 6 and 10 (like the entirety of it) for context. :( . :(. But like major warning if you watch those episodes, especially 10, because um they didn't use any disclaimers
#what the fuckkkkkkkkkk man what the fuckkkk hello#dont talk to me#Grian will never be the same to me again. Like everything makes too much sense now esp with Jimmy but at what cost#dont want Grian to kill himself anymore but at what cost...#like obviously its a completely seperate and abandoned thing but it makes so much fucking sense#from the perspective that Grian prioritizing his wellbeing over anyone else's is why he enforces the ecosystem#just so no one else including potentially him can take his place. Not so much putting Jimmy down as it is him protecting himself#he is still very awful but. I feel bad for him he might be a little bit of a son now I fear#Grian repeatedly saying he'd kill himself and shit. what the fuck#cw sa#cw suicide#tw suicide#tw sa mention#tw rape mention#and they made the conscious decision to put a new skin on him of him being bloodied and his clothes ripped and in um specific ways#and I could so easily see Jimmy in that same situation like that is just alternate universe Jimmy right there#and the two guys with him. his FRIENDS. who he cares about. are just joking about it nonstop and hitting him. help him. Help him#and they have this whole diary about a previous victim who's named Jimmi like hello. what a wild fucking coincidence#most unintentional abhorrent foreshadowing ever just to torture me specifically even though I've seen kingdom of valor only now#kingdom of valor#ok bye dont talk to me#tubby art
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