#but i don't know how to get into the realm they're in! i'm stuck outside the dimensional membrane of archives and conservation

[cappurrccino]

i want to make an old friends senior dog sanctuary but for old timey books. it's sad when we get big donations of old books here bc someone thought of us (!!!) but our collection is so small and narrowly focused that we have to try to find other homes for them (the donors are aware of this, don't worry), and what i really want is a big big book museum the size of like the bodleian or something even bigger to keep them all in

they're lovely! they're neat! and someone out there will certainly, at one point, be interested in the historical perspective they provide! makes me think i should have just toughed it out in the archives gauntlet with the bad professor and got my certs!

[dragon-kazansky]

Veil of the dreamless

Morpheus x Reader

A cursed Morpheus holds your father prisoner when he enters The Dreaming without permission. You, also able to enter the realm, take his place. Now a prionser to the Dream Lord, you do all you can to learn about the curse and hopefully break it.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Chapter Eight - The mirror

☆☆☆

Morpheus takes you back to his room. He claims there is something else in there he should show you. While he fetches the item in question, you stand in the middle of his room and look at the ruby rose.

It has very few petals left on it. You frown. You still don't know how to break the curse.

A pain settle in your heart.

Morpheus returns to you with a mirror in his hand. He looks at you gently.

"This mirror is magic. It can see into your world." He holds the mirror our to you. You take it carefully. "I've been keeping an eye on your village..."

You look down into the mirror. At first, you only see your reflection, but then it changes to your home in the village. You see your father pacing back and forward in the house. He looks worried.

You see Hob sitting on the couch watching your father. Your father is talking to him, explaining what has happened. Hob believes every word. The Dreaming. Morpheus. The curse. Hob believes every word.

You watch Hob stand up and place a hand on your father's shoulder.

"I know of him."

"You do?"

"He's an old friend."

"Can you save them?" Your father asks.

"They're not in danger. Not unless Desire is there, too."

"Desire?" You look at Morpheus.

"My sibling. The one who had me cursed."

"How do I break it?"

He looks like he wants to tell you, but resists. He looks back at the mirror again.

"I need them safe."

"They are safe." Hob says.

"I want them home."

Your heart aches for your father. You miss him. But you're glad he's safe at home.

"I... I'm going to send you back."

You look back up at Morpheus. "What?"

"You will no longer be kept here. I will send you home."

"Morpheus..."

He shakes his head at you. "I was angry at first, but you have gained my trust and my friendship. I will not keep you here any longer. I will send you home to be with your father."

You reach out and take Morpheus' hands in yours. "I will tell him what a good man you are. I will tell him of how you looked after me, how you saved me."

Morpheus smiles. "Thank you."

"But-!" You go to ask him how you can break the curse for him, but je doesn't give you time. You're swept up in a gust of sand and the next thing you know you're standing outside your house.

"Morpheus..." You whisper his name.

You look up at the house and feel your heart breaking. You're glad to be home, but you also didn't want to say goodbye to Morpheus. Would you even see him again?

You realise you're still wearing the clothes from the ball, and you almost want to cry. Tonight had almost been utterly perfect... and now he had sent you home. You look at the mirror in your other hand. You can see him in it. He looks... sad.

You reach for the front door and find your father and Hob. Both of them turn when you enter. Your father calls your name and reaches out to you. He pulls you into a hug.

You look at Hob. Hob looks at you.

There's an understanding. Hob can read you like his books. Something about you has changed.

You cling to your father.

"What happened to you?"

You look at him. "Morpheus looked after me... I... Father... he needs my help. I need to go back..."

"Back? You can't go back! He's a madman!"

You try to argue with him. Hob comes to your side and takes you in his arms. "Tell me," he whispers.

"His time is nearly up... if I don't do something, he'll be stuck like that forever..." You tear up.

Hob rubs your back. "Desire will go to him when his time nears its end. I can help you get back to him."

You look up at Hob. "How?"

"Come with me."

Your father watches as Hob takes your hand and leads you out of the house. You follow without question.

The only thing you can think about is saving Morpheus, and perhaps you can be open with him. Deep down, you know, you're falling in love with him.

He needs to know.

☆☆☆

@littleblackcatinwonderland - @kpopgirlbtssvt - @missdreamofendless - @intothesoul -

[necrotic-nephilim]

I want you to know that before you I didn’t even consider Cass/Tim/Jay before and now I can’t stop thinking about them. They could have such a fucked up dynamic or such a deep bond and I need them so bad my teeth hurt. Also, pretty.

i'm HAPPY to spread the propaganda for any ship involving Cass-

it's such a *fascinating* dynamic bc we don't have a ton of canon for what a relationship between Cass and Jason would look like. and i think the fanon take of "oh Cass would hate Jason for being pro-murder" isn't necessarily true. bc while yes, the morality will always be a sticking point for these two, Cass is about Drive. she is of everyone, the most wholly dedicated to the Mission outside of Bruce. and Jason is *also* about drive. the two of them have it in common, how absolutely focused they get on their concepts of what justice should look like. and if nothing else, i think they could respect each other. i think a well written Jason *should* respect Cass and have respect for how she was raised and how she's grown past it. she's done the one thing that he struggles to do: moved on from her tragic backstory and started to look forward.

and of course, they both have nuanced relationships with Tim. Tim and Cass love each other so deeply, and Jason is already weirdly obsessed with Tim. i think it's within the realm of possibility (if DC didn't write her out of comics for so long lmao) for Jason to extend that weird obsession to Cass. in the same way he respects Tim, he would respect Cass. respect both what she is and what should *could* be, similar to Tim. i like the idea of the three of them together in a very fucked up way- though like you said it could also be a healthier, deeper devotion. but something about how Jason would crave to sink his teeth into either or both of them is so good.

especially if they're already together, it'd drive Jason up a wall. i think it's fun if he tries to make them jealous by paying attention. tries to make Cass jealous by showing a lot of attention to Tim and getting up in his business, *knowing* that Cass is a protective partner. or vice versa trying to make Tim jealous with comments like "what? worried about someone else around your girl?". they know what he's doing, and they're pissed that it's *working*. i think Cass deserves to be sickly fascinated with someone like Jason, obsessed with the soft side of him that she *knows* exists and wanting to try to save him, while also being drawn into his intensity. so Cass wants to save Jason, Jason wants to corrupt Cass, and Tim is stuck in the middle with feelings for both of them unsure if he can stop them from killing each other or fucking. tbh he wants to be there for both.

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Ghouls and sex pollen: thoughts? Feelings? I’ve seen in some fics the concept of excessive rads gets a Ghoul going, but I’d love your expert opinion ;)

My feelings are as follows: sex pollen is one of my favorite tropes for sci-fi and I go a little nuts thinking about it, frankly. It's often heavily tinged with flavors of BDSM/primal play/self-denial/dubcon/etc., and I enjoy stuff in that vein. I'm also a real dupe for what is basically forced escalation of sexual tension between characters that don't wanna admit how badly they'd like to fuck one another, and the trope lends itself really nicely to exactly that.

I've seen similar fics to the ones you mentioned, and I've also seen fics that take a more traditional approach and have a more literal sex pollen/inhalable pheromone vehicle. Both work great for the canon and setting, in my opinion. Thanks to the likes of Vault-Tec, we have biological experiments gone horrifically awry in the vein of Vault 22 (a crop research vault whose researchers all fell victim to what is basically a "zombie ant"-style parasitic fungus that eventually coats your entire body) to lend credence to the possible existence of something like that. The fungus that took over Vault 22 also originally came as donated samples from the X-22 research lab/botanical garden at Big MT. If you don't know anything about the horny, intellectually overstimulated little freaks featured in Old World Blues, well...let's just say that something like a "sex pollen" being created by someone there, purposefully or through acts of unbelievable incompetence, isn't outside the realm of possibility.

However, literal sex pollen is a more broadly-applicable trope, and it's for that reason that I also really like the excessive rads/radstorm idea. Trust me, I know that in the incredibly niche terms of "Fallout ghoul fucker fanfiction tropes", the idea that high radiation situations are basically the same thing, but for ghouls, is as overdone as 70's pornos with plots about fucking pizza delivery guys or whatever. But, like...I will firmly argue that it's that popular for multiple reasons. Those reasons are that it's fun to read, fun to write, and a pretty canon-appropriate way to provide that sort of instantaneous, almost insurmountable sexual tension that I was talking about before.

As I sort of touched on the other day in my little drabble about sex with glowing ones, I think radiation is not only something that rapidly heals ghouls, but something that actively re-energizes them when they're exposed to higher amounts of it. Maybe it even makes them a little stronger, a little faster. A lot hornier.

To me, though, it's less like the overwhelming, visceral, "I need to fuck something now or I'm seriously gonna fall over dead" sort of horny that you often see in sex pollen fiction. In my mind, it's almost more of an ecstasy-style euphoria that makes you feel so good and alive that all you wanna do is sink yourself into the person next to you. Lots of energy, shared good feelings with others who can feel what you're feeling. It lends itself heavily to things getting physical, and quickly.

And not just because the increased rads in the atmosphere would recharge them, either. I imagine things like radstorms, or spending time in a particularly irradiated location, provide a fairly significant analgesic effect to ghouls who suffer from chronic pain in some form, of which I imagine there are a great many. More who do than don't, I'd be willing to bet. Ghoulification is hell on the body, and that's before you factor in how many of these people have stuck around to put wear and tear on their bodies far past the typical human life span. There's a reason characters like Raul complain about their joints all the time! Pain is exhausting, and even those with high sex drives can find themselves hampered if they're always hurting and tired. Take away the hurt, provide some energy, and don't be shocked at what happens!

I will say, though, that I would certainly leave room for the possibility that some ghouls would have more of a "take me into a high-rad area or a storm and I'm gonna have to carry you out, because you won't be able to walk once I'm finished with you" sort of reaction to these situations. Factors like a lack of overall daily pain, higher than average sex drive, a particularly sadistic or aggressive nature, or already present intoxication would increase the odds. In cases like that, extra precaution would need to be taken so that they didn't accidentally do you serious harm; increased inhibition means loss of control, and the average ghoul is already strong enough to hurt you if they want to without extra radiation fueling them.

Plus, you know, there's the matter of how the increased rads will impact you without your partner even being factored in. I hope you're stocked up to your eyeballs in Radaway!

[taeloke]

Overanalyzing 4KOTA Chapter 142 instead of just waiting for more info (1/2?)

Honestly? I'm writing King's side of this separately, because it's about time I started talking about him here l and I know I can go on forever about him. That field of over-analysis needs its own house. I would go off about him first but then I'd forget his kids entirely and I don't want to do that to them... Speaking of--

So silly. So precious. Berte is so Helbram-coded and I'm sure that's intentional resemblance.

You know...I wonder which of their traits were inherited from Diane's parents. Probably the golden hair on almost half of them at least. Sixtus and Tioreh's pink hair looks more like a genetic mutation...unless their hair color is inherited from the leaf color of the Sacred Tree? That's possible too.

Diane seems less energetic since becoming a mother. She's settled down and has been shown to be gentle more often than bubbly, which was the impression she gave me in the original series. I'm assuming she hasn't fought since entering the Fairy Realm, too. She's put the stress of the Holy War behind her, and I'm happy that she seems content with her lots of babies. I wonder if she'll get to hear about Dolores once the current issues are over. I'm sure hearing she's Nasiens's adoptive big sister will be a shock. Diane deserves to know that.

The way Tioreh says this makes me suspect Puck is the one behind Nasiens and Myrtel's switcheroo. He must really love that "prank" in that case. Regardless of who was behind it, though, that's actually fucked up. A fairy trolled their own king by swapping their first child with a human, probably knowing exactly what issues both kids would be put in. I can't call this just a prank. I love King to death, but his people are their own kind of awful...

For this moment, let's glance back at how she reacted to that news at first.

Tioreh must have been suspecting this the whole time Nasiens was here, but this reveal may be the moment she started to seriously believe it, if not when Nasiens admitted to feeling healthier in the Fairy Realm. After this, she started to open up about her siblings more and telling Nasiens that he's like them--especially like Phao. All of this is stuff that Nasiens didn't know about since he met her two years ago. All of the tension in this family over Nasiens and Myrtel has been building up for so long...and right now we're watching it all cave in. I'm sure King and Diane had good intentions for hiding the truth, but hiding it's not working anymore.

And Diane knows it's not working anymore. I'm stuck on her asking "Is that bad for you?" Why is she asking that of all things? Is that what King and Diane were so worried about when they decided to never come out about this? Did they think their kids would be upset with having a human for an older brother?

Okay, but maybe that's not all that they considered. Maybe they got worried about how their people outside of their family would react to their theories being confirmed. If that happened, as unfortunate as it is, Mertyl would probably get more ostracized than he was. With that in mind, I'm sure his parents made that choice to protect him from some of the problems he'd inevitably go through. It's a nice thought that way, but this was still a bad call. They made too many assumptions of their own kids' feelings.

In other news...Phao was lurking... Now they're all gonna know and clear up this misunderstanding with their parents, right?

Anyway, I feel like I've written too much for one post, so I'll go on about the rest of the chapter tomorrow. Closing this part with this:

myrtel peek

[another-lost-mc]

THOUGHTS ON NB LESSON 48???????? THOUGHTS PLS 🙏🏼

If I had to put it into words, it is exciting and stupid.

So, Simeon becoming human was his punishment back in OG S2, right? I don't think Michael intended for him to become a demon. There's already a process for that, and that's not what happened here. It doesn't take months for angels to become demons if they're kicked out of the Celestial Realm, and they're banished to the Devildom and not the human world. Is there some outside influence that's turning Simeon into a demon? Or is Simeon's doubt/resentment slowly corrupting him from within because he's human? I would've preferred the drama of him being banished/willingly choosing to fall and becoming a demon like the other fallen angels than whatever is going on now.

Solomon has known about this and has probably been looking up causes/potential solutions in his free time. As usual, he's being completely coy and playing it off like no big deal. Shady retirement home escapee is up to his regular shenanigans and no one seems to care.

Diavolo and Barbatos - this seems like something they should've known about from the beginning. Did they know? Is there some contrived, flimsy excuse to explain why they didn't say anything (or how come they didn't know before, if they do now?)

Also, I feel like Michael should be more involved with what's happening?

My guess: we're learning about this just before halfway through the current season because we're going to be spending the rest of the time figuring out a way to fix Simeon. If they wanted to actually make him a demon, that seems like a really cool cliffhanger to leave players pumped for an upcoming season. Instead, we get a bit of random drama in between science fair fluff.

This game has no stakes. Belphegor's emo phase and MC's literal murder? Resolved. The three rings? Fixed. The dark crevasse? Closed. MC stuck in the past? Not for long! I'm not sure why this would be any different.

This is probably going to tie back into Nightbringer's identity/purpose somehow. Is it Simeon? Is it Michael, or Father, or Barbatos, or Solomon? Who knows.

Speaking of Nightbringer - if the whole purpose of sending MC back into the past is related to Simeon turning into a demon, what happens after? Whether Simeon actually becomes a demon or remains a human/angel, wouldn't that mean Nightbringer's whole purpose no longer matters? Maybe they'll manage to drag it out past this season, but at this point, they could tell me MC or Luke is Nightbringer and I might not even care that much. (Those are my favourite crack theories tbh.)

Unpopular opinion: morally grey angel Simeon is more compelling than demon Simeon. He doesn't have to be a demon to be sketchy, or lustful, or deceitful. Simeon is merely a symptom of a bigger problem, which is the Celestial Realm and the very rigid rules and expectations Father expects his angels to abide by. Instead of making their most troubled angel a demon, maybe it would be more interesting to address that issue at the source.

[smolsix]

-blows dust off this blog-

So

Little Nightmares III, huh???

I was trying to avoid being excited about it because no solid release date and 2024 could be a few months from now or a year from now and Idk how long I can handle being so fuckin hyped for this game YEEHAW

BUT I CAN'T, I KEEP THINKING ABT THE GAME AAHAHHGAGA

so here are my thoughts, if you wanted to know

FIRST OF ALL, i am so glad that after we saw LTNM II we thought it'd be co-op but it was just an AI, that we finally get co-op! AND ONLINE TOO, i spent the first day worried it'd be shared screen same room situation since i wasn't trying to get my hopes up but then I realised I can just.. google it.. AND IT IS!!! ONLINE!! IDK WHO I AM GONNA PLAY IT W FIRST AAAAAAAA

anyways, you can definitely tell it's a new studio working on this game, the world feels mostly the same but the character designs themselves are definitely stylistically similar, but not the same. With Six especially, the MC designs were very simplistic and realistic but used colour (or for Mono, a single design quirk being the bag) to stand out against their backgrounds and against the enemies which are largely neutral colours. But these new ones feel... "over designed"? On their own they definitely aren't, but in comparison to Mono, Six, Seven, and even NPCs like the flashlight girl, they have a lot more going on (especially the little wrench kid, Idk which one is Alone and which one is Low yet btw OOP)

Despite it being a new studio and you can tell, new puzzles and environments, they're still doing their best to have the OGs vibes and whatnot to feel familiar, namely in the trailer they bring back the fuses, and the additional gameplay video there's a short scene with an environment with all the shelves you can find in LTNM 1s gnome section (the one with the cart that is affected by the Maws swaying).

But regardless, it still feels different enough my brain is still nervous about it. I also feel In A Way about Tarsier having LTNM II explode and their franchise getting the attention it deserves, only to have it stuck with Bandai and now it's going to likely explode again and they aren't involved. Idk how anyone on that team feels about it, but if it were me omg.

Also the only boss we've seen so far (i hope they add more and i def want some to be a surprise so im not gonna assume this is the only one for now) feels... out of place? it has the design qualities of a LTNM boss, but the size of it makes it more of a spectacle than a warped/corruption of an adult. All the previous bosses fit in their environment, we are the small ones and they are scaled to the world around them. This is the first time, outside monster Six who imo is a bit of an outlier anyways due to her circumstances, we're getting a boss who is this huge and doesn't even fit their own environment. I hope we get a lore reason for this in some way, because currently the boss doesn't have the same vibe as the others and it's throwing me off a bit. Don't get me wrong, it'll be terrifying, but looking at the picture as a whole they are sort of out of place for me rn. I don't hate the bitch either, I'm not gonna be like omg get rid of it or change it, but it does strike me as odd seeing it for now.

And yes the tall man is too tall for a lot of things, but he's not THAT big. He's more like yer tall guy who hits his head off doorways, which happens irl anyways LMAO

Little Nightmares primarily tries to capture the feeling of being a small child and how everything is big and scary, but a doll that huge is out of the realm of reality set up for us already. It's gone from scary corrupted animal to godzilla, if that makes sense.

OH AND THE MIRRORS ARE VERY LTNM COMICS OF THEM TEE HEE < 3

[mintjamsblog]

Phone call

Tommy/Alfie (+Cyril) drabble

It's gone 2 am when his phone rings, late enough that he knows nothing good'll come of answering. Private number the screen says. He hesitates, and swipes right with one hand pressed over his eyes.

There's silence at the other end, heavy and deliberate. He shouldn't have bloody well picked-up, but since when did shouldn't matter? Teeth clenched, he listens whilst a familiar weight settles itself in his stomach. Slowly he reaches over to mute the black and white war film he's been watching. He's long since lost the plot, having dozed on and off through most of it. Easy enough to guess the ending, they're all the bloody same — victory mixed with grief mixed with a dose of moral high ground. He leans back on the leather sofa to wait.

Beside him, Cyril opens his eyes and raises his chin a little. Alfie shakes his head in response — I know, mate, I fuckin' know. Cyril slumps back down on his paws. It's late, and Alfie's tired, and he ought to hang up right now. Never fucking does though, does he? 

He tucks the phone into his shoulder and laces his hands together, stretching his arms out in front of him until the knuckles crack loudly. 

Over his shoulder, in the kitchen, a little red clock on the oven indicates ten past. He watches the seconds blink, counts them in his head as if he suspects the digital display is trying to cheat him. It isn't. Time ticks by just as slowly as it always bloody does.

"Right then," he says when the minutes have clicked over to eleven. "Time you went out, Cyril."

He puts his phone onto speaker and sets it on the coffee table. There's movement at the other end of the line, a shuffling sound and breaths. Still there then. 

Cyril's reluctant to move from his spot; it's cold outside and he has no desire to leave the warmth of the sofa. Alfie grabs hold of his collar and hauls him over the edge. Cyril moves like a sack of potatoes, waiting until the last bloody second to plant his feet on the rug. One of these days he'll forget to bother and land like a seal on his belly, looking pretty fucking embarrassed.

"Oi," Alfie curses mildly. "Mind me fucking feet!" 

There's another noise from the coffee table. Footsteps, perhaps, the rhythm scuffed and uneven. Alfie takes Cyril to the back door and shoves him into the garden. "That's it, go sniff out some rats. Do yer fuckin' business."

He slides the door closed and peers out, watching Cyril plod towards the shed. As he steps back he catches sight of himself in the door — it's dark inside and out, and so the television flickers both behind him and in front of him, reflected in the black glass. He looks like a ghostly figure trapped between two realms — hair stuck out at all angles, fingers entwined at the back of his head. He really should hang up. Put an end to this fucking charade.

He will. When Cyril comes in.

There's a deep cough and a slurred word from the coffee table. Alfie doesn't turn, he watches the phone screen flicker in the glass, as if seeing it in reverse somehow means he ain't complicit.  

"M'sorry," the phone-voice says, and Alfie closes his eyes, holds his hands briefly over his ears.

"Tommy" —he turns back towards the room— "go the fuck to bed, alright?"

The line goes quiet once more, save for the distinctive slosh of liquid against glass. "I know you don't wanna hear it."

Oh how much Alfie wishes that were true. He squats in front of the little screen, rests his head in his hands. How many nights has he spent searching for an explanation he could stomach? Bargaining with unknown gods for Tommy to deliver anything close to a palatable excuse? He listens to Tommy swallow. His heart feels like a butterfly being squashed by a giant fist.

"S'true. I'm so fucking sorry. If I could just ... if I could go back, Alfie—"

Alfie stands too suddenly. Strides away, black spots speckling his vision. He wrenches open the back door. "Cyril!" he bellows into the night. "Get your arse back in here." His skin feels hot in the gush of cool air. His pulse unaccountably fast. He slams the door and locks it, ushering Cyril towards the stairs. "Bed!" he barks at the dog. Cyril makes his way out to the hall, obedient in the way he only is when he likes the order.

The phone remains silent as Alfie checks the kitchen window, locks the front door, turns off the TV. He glares at the coffee table, willing Tommy to speak. Or not to speak. He doesn't fucking know. He picks the phone up, thumb hovering over the power button. It's a simple enough fucking thing: switch it off, go to bed.

"Don't go." Tommy's voice is a whisper, so quiet it makes Alfie jump.

"Go to sleep, Tommy," he sighs and takes the phone upstairs. Cyril has already settled down at the foot of his bed, in the dark.

"Can't," comes Tommy's voice, thick and tired and undercut with that little thread of defiance that Alfie's too weary to deal with. 

"Well some of us have to, mate." He puts the phone on his bedside without turning on the lamp — the shroud of darkness makes all of this somehow more deniable. He pulls off his clothes and shuffles beneath the duvet, the silence hammering at his ears.

"Good night." He means to sound final, but his voice is too soft, too quiet.

"Leave your phone on."

"Tommy. This has got to stop."

"Please."

"Why do you only ring me when you're out of your fucking tree?" He doesn't expect an answer. Doesn't get one neither.

"Please. Alfie."

"Fuck's sake. Five minutes, alright?" He turns over, closes his eyes. 

Next thing he knows, it's light and there's a sick feeling in his stomach. He reaches out for his phone; the screen is black, the battery dead. He tucks it under his chin.

At the bottom of the bed Cyril huffs and rolls over, but refuses to take his usual spot on the other pillow. He peers up at Alfie with a disapproving look.

"I know, mate." Alfie sighs. "I fuckin' know, alright?"

Or read it on A03

[aquarii-if]

Liviana has never cared for birthday gifts.

In her eyes, the best parts of her birthday came from the people she was surrounded with. Even if she never got another gift again, she'd be willing to do anything to spend every birthday surrounded by people she loves. She never wants to be lonely on her birthday.

But despite the thousands of people standing outside right now, she's never felt so alone.

While the day used to be spent laughing with friends and eating the small candy her mom could afford, nowadays, she can’t spend a single second of the day without seeing reminders.

Her eyes trail down to the framed picture on her dresser, four smiling faces look back at her. She feels tears brink on the corner of her eyes as memories come flooding back. Celebration is hard when in the middle of a war, but she remembers her old friends trying their best with what they had. Cakes made out of dirt that they smashed and threw at each other, pretending the gunshots were fireworks, sneaking off to a new area to explore... Sure, it was depressing, knowing that as soon as the day was over they'd turn back to the horrifying reality, but it was nice to just forget for a little while.

Now, as queen, she no longer has to worry about the scary noises and the blood staining her clothes. She gets to spend her birthday surrounded by her citizens and a pile of gifts she once believed only existed in fairytales.

Without the friends she's had since birth.

She shakes her head, looking away from the picture, remembering what Estelle told her after it was over. "They knew what they were doing when they started the revolution. They knew the risks. You knew the risks. It's not your fault, Liviana. They'd hate to see you beating yourself up over this."

Estelle's right, but she can't convince herself to believe it. While she's here celebrating, enjoying her reign as queen, enjoying being alive, they're all stuck in Mahina's realm. The only consolation that they're even the slightest bit happy is promises and reassurances from Mahina herself, a woman who is known to not be trustworthy.

She's interrupted by a loud knock at the door, startling her out of her thoughts. She doesn't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Are you just going to sit here and sulk all day?" Estelle calls out, tapping her fingers on the door frame.

When Liviana doesn't turn around, Estelle groans, bringing a hand up to her face. "Liv, you can't keep doing this. Hiding in your room isn't going to bring them back. I know you're still grieving, but it's not going to get any easier if you don't allow yourself to take a break and feel for once."

Liviana wipes a stray tear from her cheek as she shakes her head. "I can't trust myself to not cry in front of everyone."

Estelle walks over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Then cry."

Liviana meets her eyes. "What?"

"Show them how you feel." Estelle shrugs. "They'll understand, they were there too. They lost people, loved ones, friends... They probably feel the same way you do. You're Mitan, Livi, not a machine, you're allowed to grieve and you're allowed to show that you are grieving. I promise they'll understand, and I'm sure they'd appreciate you reminding them that you do care."

They fall into silence for a moment, listening to the cheering and festivities outside,  before Liviana slowly nods. "Yes... You're right. I can be strong, but I'm allowed to feel weak as well."

Liviana turns to the mirror, fixing herself as a small smile appears on her lips. "Let this day of my birth be dedicated to those who cannot celebrate anymore. My friends, my family, my comrades, we shall use this day to remember those who are believed to be forgotten."

[wewebaggit]

"El never had romantic feelings for Mike"ers 🤝 "Mike had romantic feelings for El"ers

Y'all think y'all are arm wrestling bt it's actually called a handshake in most parts of the world.

Both come from some weird desire for romantic miIeven to have meant nothing/something for both.

Cuz everything has to be just right and fair and neatly tied in a bow. God forbid the gay boy have struggles with his sexuality or the straight girl get her heart broken in the process. Evil evil things. To have your feelings unrequited. Unless it's Will. Cuz he's single and has to stay single and pure and loyal and what not, and it's only temporary. Soon in a few years after the time skip at the end of the series he'll be rewarded for being reduced to a pathetic little sap with no social life beyond Jonathan, Mike and the horrors of having spidey sense for 2 seasons.

And yeah there will be cirque du soleil levels of acrobatics being performed to show why this story and narrative makes sense. And I'm not opposed to it for being that but just that on show that prides itself for show don't tell it neither shows nor tells and then there's outside the show telling by cast cuz inside the show showing was less subtle and more in the realm of not there at all.

MiIeven is NOT a "plot device" for Byler any more than Mike being revealed gay is a plot device for independent El. They're both self contained arcs for the respective characters. MiIeven thoroughly exploited the BSY dynamic with how their interactions were framed and played and okayed and filmed. It's incredibly condescending to fault the GA for buying into the self insert fantasy of nerdy boy gets supergirl when the show didn't shy away from profiting off of it. Regardless of Mike's impending sexuality. Especially because of the super ambiguity of Mike's sexuality it cannot be classified as anything but trope exploitation. Subversion where? Leaving some visuals here.

El initiating the kiss in S1E6

And I'd love it if anyone explains them to me that's not the tired af "El's idea of romantic love comes from her watching soap operas" cuz she was shown watching it once. She was stuck in a cabin with a TV so she watched TV most of the time and daytime is soaps. You know what she (also) watched regularly? Westerns. Miami Vice.

Also El did make the first move in s1e7 to kiss Mike. Before Mike ever kissed her in s1e8. And before the soap operas n all other things. Point being. The BSY has always been BSYing.

Poor babies being forced by Lucas, Nancy and daytime TV into making out and enjoying it. Tsk tsk. (S3E1)

A forced to be flustered and blushing El after talking to her boyfriend.

Time to make out some more. It hits different at 4:20. - Mike & El probably. Dunno it's on mute.

Naive but powerful fawn rebelling against father for nerdy boyfriend. Ya. White American thing cuz Mike would be pissing his pants if he were anywhere else or maybe anyone else. (Can you imagine Lumax this way?)

For God's sake your platonic soulmate and so called lesbian awakening's brother is dying there.

Don't even understand the point of this shot. Since Mike never looked Billy's way. Or comforted Max. A glance at El that, idk what it meant, no mike crow expressions to guide me.

Scenes from a Marriage (1973) dir. Ingmar Bergman

Scenes from a Marriage (2021) dir. Hagai Levi

There's an intentional way in which the MiIeven scenes (not just the kisses 🤮) are filmed in a more "adult" way as opposed to the "cute teenaged romance" way that some people purport it is in contrast to Lumax and Duzie. (I guess they didn't go through puberty.🤷‍♀️) Heck even Jancy, Stancy never looked this weird even though sex was shown/ implied. (Because they were played by actors born in the 20th century and even then they weren't 13 🤷‍♀️.)

MiIeven is not a plot device for Byler. It is fan service. The adults shipping them and comparing them to various other adult couples isn't outta nowhere. Please compute. Which is why it was stretched for 4 seasons.

As of NOW Mike's sexuality is still plausible deniability and the breakup too is neither here nor there. It's NOT straightbaiting. Lmao. Not at all. It's fan service. Leaving the OBVIOUS BSY aside, the point neither party were forced into anything nor were they doing it to keep appearances cuz canonically NOBODY cared. Not Dustin, not Lucas, definitely not Will and I'm sure neither did Max.

El was a willing participant and initiator and Mike was also not opposed to it until puberty monster/feelings caught up with him. El has shown her attraction to guys and it is okay. There's no need to take that away from her cuz that is also an experience of girlhood. She barely has any experiences anyway. Let her have that.

It's the same for Mike. He's not some evil monster for being gay. Not anymore than Joyce was for being with Bob out of convenience and the fact that she liked him n didn't hate him. Mike does love El and cares about her deeply as all of S4 shows.

So to sum it up. Yes I smooshed 2 posts cuz I couldn't be arsed talking about these 2 AGAIN. But Mike and El were independent agents when they decided to embark on their disastrous romantic journey and Born Sexy Yesterday is REAL.

P.S. If you find this shit cute and y'all roll your eyes over byler kissing n what not (even in fics goddamnit). Hit your head against a spiked wall till you can't no more. Piss and love. 💙💛

P.P.S. Mike's the clingy one. NOT Will.

[thedecoy-if]

Honestly, the way you're acknowledging that MC's original world is still turning while they're stuck at *squints at notes* .. Eternia. Eterna? It's 5am and I forgot. Anyways, the way you're acknowledging that just. It just make it hurt all the more, man. I don't really know how all this will pan out, but MC is going to be faced with some really tough choices down the line, what with being stuck between two worlds. Maybe even two lives, if they start adjusting to their life in Angsty Kidnapper Land.

Unless... they turn out to be some sort of realm walker...

Ahahaha. Anyways. Incredible game!! It is such fun. You know how many times I've replayed the demo? Four times. Four. I keep going back just to pick all the 'furious, on the warpath' options. Hell-hath-no-fury MC is the BEST. It's incredibly cathartic, watching MC being rightfully pissed about their situation, watching them freely express their anger. I tend to keep more aggressive emotions like anger to myself, so it's very refreshing. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that I'm using your story as some odd way to cope with my own life's trainwreck state. It's amazing <3

Honestly, this Eternia place has terrible manners. Hells upon hells, MC woke up in a dungeon. After getting kidnapped. And they expected MC to take it well.

Like.

A dungeon. Really? A dungeon? How 'bout a bedroom? Is that so hard? Really? If they're concerned about security, I'm sure it's not hard to post guards outside of said bedroom? Maybe put up a few wards if that's a thing there?

Azzy even knew that MC was an average citizen!! An ordinary(?) human! The man practically recited MC's profile on the spot! Honestly, how the hell was plopping MC into a cell supposed to endear them (and their cause) to MC?

They could've been going for an intimidation tactic but. MC's someone they're going to be closely working with, and with the current state of affairs, it seems like they might be doing so for quite a while - so it would be better if they started off on a good note, no?

A good note that is certainly not waking up to a dungeon in a strange land. And a good note that is absolutely not getting stared/glared at very angstily by some knight with a crush(?) on your doppelganger.

Yes, this is for you, Theokins. Honestly, the nerve of him, acting like MC's at fault for having the same face as S. I understand that the man is hurting, but damn.

That line in the bar, when MC tries to escape and Theo 'says the word prince as if MC had somehow tainted it' - ugh. Whatever Theo's feelings about S are, MC has nothing to do with it. He may be doing it subconsciously, but his callousness/Sad Boy-ness with MC is getting on my nerves. I happen to like this MC a lot, thank you very much, so I'm feeling very protective of them.

I have a feeling know that MC getting caught in the crossfire of people's feelings/expectations for S is going to be a running theme in this story. Which in turn will probably definitely come with a healthy heap of identity crises. Joy. I can almost feel the internal hair pulling I'll be doing.

I do hope that we'll have chances to bully Theo at least a little bit in the future, though. I usually play the genuine, good natured MC, but they just can't let Theo escape scot free from the consequences of his attitude, no? :D

Ehehehe.

TLDR: The Kidnapper Squad absolutely sucks at the hospitality and tact aspect of kidnapping. Surprise surprise.

Anyway. Don't get me wrong. I've griped and rambled through 90% of this monstrosity of an essay, but I completely adore this story. The way it sparks genuine emotional reactions from me - it's great fun. The first time I played the demo, I was going through the scenes with extremely vivid ramping indignation. I was even gripping my computer mouse tighter and tighter, wishing I could just chuck it and nail [insert kidnapper squad member here] on the head with it. The range of emotional reactions you allow the MC is, frankly, impressive - and it's immersed me into the story in a way that few stories are able to do.

I'm very excited to see what comes next! Of course, take as long as you need - pieces of art aren't made in a day <3 Thanks so very much for creating this story and sharing it with us. You're awesome! I'm sorry if this... letter...? rant...? Ran for far too long (it definitely did). I just got very excited. And I tend to go on and on when I am. :D

I hope you have a very nice day! <3

Oh my gooodnesss I love long asks mostly because it makes me really happy that you got invested in the story!

Firstly, I'm so glad you liked the story and thank you for the kind words! I'm really happy it resonated with you. I tend to keep any negative emotions to myself as well, but I knew I wanted to give readers the option to be as feral and as angry as possible. An angry MC is basically what I'd hoped I'd be in that situation instead of the reality (scared and very obedient lol...). MC is a totes new yorker, i had to squeeze in the angry NYCers that tend to be our stereotype lolol

And yes, these Eternans suck. I say this a lot but I am happy they've gotten people angry. They're supposed to! They went about 'kidnapping' MC in the worst way but I find the whole thing kind of funny, especially considering they just throw MC in a room anyway like you could've done that in the first place!?! They get better, I promise!

Theoden is.....interesting. 'Sad Boy' is honestly the most perfect way to describe him. He's like a moody teenager. His relationship with S is super complicated and I'm excited to get into it, considering what they have is not at all straight-forward (evil laughter).

And don't worry, bullying Theoden is coming hehehe

You're def right about expectations and identity crisis. One of the major (internal) conflicts MC deals with having to separate themselves from S. It's also something the whole kidnapper squad has to adjust to, and it's definitely not easy. Especially if you're romancing them. Even worse if MC starts getting comfortable and actually enjoying themselves at Hotel Kidnapper.

Thank you for the nice words and I'm so happy you loved the story 🥺 the fact that you played it four times means so much to me! I hope you like what I have planned.

and please, I'm always happy to hear long rants (especially if its just ragging on Theoden lol).

Thank you!!

[fellamarsh]

18, 23, 27!

Hello lovely anon! Thank you for your submission to the Fell A Marsh Memorial OC Ask Zone. Apologies for my lateness getting back to you; I saw this ask and was very excited for it, but then I went to sleep and forgot it existed.

I'm mostly going to answer these for characters from Hierarchy of the Unseen since it comes out tomorrow (!!!) but I'll probably throw in a couple other characters too.

18. which ocs will bend the rules as much as possible without breaking them? which do it to get what they want, and which do it just for spite?

Bending the rules as much as possible without breaking them is very Kor, specifically when he's still part of Mant's legion. His whole deal is he does not want to have to work any more than possible, but he also doesn't want to get in trouble (the consequences would be very bad for his continued existence). And while he mostly does this to get what he wants, there's definitely an element of spite to it. The demons believe that their god sent them to torture humans as punishment for some transgression in the spiritual realm, and Kor very much does not buy into this - he hates the gods (and/or does not believe in them) and the vampires that carry out their supposed will, and does whatever he can to not go along with them.

23. which ocs have the most book intelligence? which have the least?

In HotU, Mant is maybe the one with the most book intelligence - Mitzli definitely has some practical training as a demon hunter but I don't know that they've read a lot, while Kor actually struggles with reading (he hasn't gotten to do much of it in his life). One of the things that set Mant apart from the other vampires are his many books; Kor catches him reading or writing multiple times in the book.

Even if he had the chance to do so, I don't know that Kor would read much; if he thought he could find some interesting secrets or something immediately useful in a book he'd probably skim through it, but otherwise I don't think he'd be interested. He has things to do. Also he is very stupid.

Being able and willing to read isn't necessarily what I would consider "book intelligence", though - so stepping outside of HotU, Fae (from Both Sides of the Moon) is by far the (major) character I have with the most education. He went to magic school and managed to graduate despite not having any magical talent himself, and (minor BSOTM spoilers) he's able to puzzle out the workings of some very ancient vampiric technology in... less than ideal circumstances. He's also very stupid in his own special way (all of my characters are lol) but he's definitely book smart! There's arguably another character in BSOTM who's smarter but they aren't in much of the story (though they're very important) and their existence is kind of a huge spoiler so. I will not be discussing them further lol

27. which ocs put lots of care into their physical appearance? which ocs could not care less?

This is a great question for HotU because I think both Mitzli and Kor care a lot about their physical appearance but in wildly different ways. Kor is a shapeshifter, so he's put lots of thought into how he looks as a rule, but he also has a sort of go-to human form (who he often names Linna) that he's refined over the years, and is his preferred presentation among humans. The demons are kind of gender essentialists, so Kor keeps himself masculine around them in order to not get misgendered, but he loves to play around with his gender expression when he's among humans. He's also very full of himself and thinks he's very attractive; I think if he somehow managed to get like, stuck in a form he considers less than ideal he would immediately throw the world's biggest, babiest, most pathetic tantrum.

Mitzli cares about their appearance in general a lot less than Kor, but they do put a lot of thought into how other humans perceive them. They're half-vampire and have a bit of a guilt complex going on, so they refuse to disguise their vampiric traits, mostly their red eyes; but they're in a position where they're meeting lots of new people and need to gain their trust. As such they are very careful about wearing their demon hunter uniform around people, and consider what sorts of expressions to use and how to speak when they're entering new villages, to the point that they often rehearse their own introduction on their way there.

Aaaanyway thanks again for the ask mysterious anon!!

[makangerous]

Ayumu Rank 8 (Fortune Confidant)

You receive a text message from Ayumu.

Check the book “Psientific Meditation to Achieve Your Potential”. It's at the closest Shinjuku bookstore to me. No one ever looks at it, so it should be fine. Goodbye, Emi.

(Ayumu was in trouble last time he sent me a weird text… I should investigate this soon.)

You rush over to the Shinjuku bookstore.

Morgana: What's the name of that book Ayumu mentioned? “Psientific” something? You should search for it.

(It was tucked away behind the other self-help books. Let's open it up…)

Morgana: Hey, a piece of paper fell out! What does it say?

I've been wondering why I have these powers. Perceiving Mementos doomed me to a life on the street. My tarot readings can only do so much. If they're not enough to break me from this cycle and give me somewhere to belong, they're not good enough to truly help others. I've realized that maybe this isn't the world I'm supposed to be in. Maybe Mementos is calling me home. The Kiritani over there always sounded furious. But perhaps he's calmed down now. Or he's hurt. I should visit him regardless. He's one of the only people who accepts me. This book taught me breathing techniques and other ways I can slip into this dimension layered under ours. I might be able to ask my cards to take me directly to where he is. I would've brought you to Mementos with me, but you have too much to live for out here. If I ever come back, I'll tell you how it was, okay? – Ayumu

Morgana: No way! Did he actually enter Mementos on his own? We need to get him out of there, stat! Round up the others!

You call the Phantom Thieves and go to Mementos.

Ann: There's a real, live person stuck in here?! Without a Persona?

Makoto: How did he sneak in without the Nav? At any rate, we must hurry. Do you have any idea what floor he could be on? Was he trying to find something in particular?

You lead the team to the floor where Kiritani was fought.

Ayumu is lying facedown on the ground. The Shadow of a certain Shinjuku landlord is gazing down at him.

Ryuji: There he is! Yo! You alright? We came to save ya!

Yusuke: Quiet. There's a shadow standing by his side. We should prepare for battle before drawing any closer.

Shadow Fukui: Boy, you're incredibly lucky I was here. Those Shadows would've had you for dinner. What were you thinking, forcing yourself into a realm that makes you sick? You've got drive, but you have no clue where to direct it. You play with cards instead of getting a job… Yet you raised quite a sum that way. Maybe you know something I don't. I'm the one who's underwater on my properties. I paid millions for them, but no businesses want to move into such a shady area. It's been like this for over a year. I have to sell all of them so my own family doesn't have to live on the street. Wanna trade lives? …Nah. Tell you what, though, I'll give you a hand.

The Shadow disappears.

Morgana: The Shadow's gone! Quick, let's return him to the real world before he wakes up.

You run forward and grab Ayumu.

(We left Mementos, but Ayumu's still unconscious. There's a keycard in his pocket with the name of the hotel he's staying at. I'll take him over there while everyone else goes home…)

You carry him to the hotel.

Inside Ayumu's hotel room, Ayumu lies on the bed as you hover over him. His eyes open.

Emi? I'm back here… You rescued me, didn't you? That was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I phased in exactly as planned. Within a second, my brain felt like it exploded and I passed out. I forgot how overwhelmed I get experiencing Mementos from the outside. Why would it be better inside? I saw a man rush over to me as I collapsed. …Who was it?

>Fukui.

Oddly enough, yes. I remember now. Why would he be there, and why would he care?

Ugh, it's no use trying to puzzle it out tonight. You're my favorite guardian angel, though. Thank you so much. It's going to take me years to pay back this debt to you… Oh well. You should head home. It must be really late. I'm going to sleep some more…

[suxdixx4god]

i don't create a kosher kitchen or avoid chametz for passover

i live an inclusive life i share most of my resources time and spaces w other people and they aren't kosher or know what chametz is

i'd rather just read about the passover story on passover and observe awareness of the story

i can keep kosher to a certain level but like unless i lived and existed in a jewish only community or just was alone all the time there's literally no way for me to successfully perform the tradition correctly. it's not possible.

and i don't think religion is worth changing things abt my life like being socially focused and working w the public and being out in shared spaces and environments all the time.

i can only observe it to the point where it can fit into my daily life if it doesn't i modify the practice or observance of it and if anyone dislikes that i dislike them

and i don't believe in Kareth. If Hashem is real and connected to a person, Hashem should exist with you if you break a rule or not.

like how many traditions and rules have been written using god as a front to make ppl obey it. if hashem is this other dimensionly being that exists outside the mundane physical earth realm i don't think hashem would actually give a fuck if you ate bread or drank a pepsi zero. some things i think ppl do just to feel alive or like they have something they can do with other people.

i like leaving fruit out for sukkot cause i super fuck w that holiday.

passover tho like, i can read about what happened and absorb the information. i don't get what my stomach today has to do with their situation back then, because it doesn't have anything to do w it. :|

i'm abt that symbolic sh!t like lighting candles, that's cool. but i'ma eat my fucking breadrolls and i'm not gonna endure kareth.

nobody is going to endure kareth. any religious text that says you'll be punished eternally for not being good enough at something or doing something right, that's abusive. and if it rlly does work that way i know how to throw hands and tussle if i wake up in the fiery depths of a fucked up shouldn't be real law.

i think god is a dramatic such a fucking dramatic entity. if someone told me i have to act a specific way or my life will be cursed and i will suffer endless consequences i would beat the fuck out of them.

but that's why i always fucked w Lilith more anyways 🤷🏻‍♀️

i don't even think hashem is the main character of judaism i just think they're the fucking loudest one

bro thinks so too that's why they always like "oh don't seek out other entities besides me i only want u 2 like me and listen 2 me 👉🏼👈🏼" girl so ur admitting there are other relevant entities in the conversation let's open the doors set some seats out and work together why u so scared 4

TLDR i think i'm slowly overtime developing a type of judaism that is congruent w being in shared spaces and in public 24/7 cause as much as i appreciate jewry um

i can't stop my life for a mid tradition and i'm not going to unless it serves a rlly significant purpose

i am witchly i believe a lot of the stories from ancient history's past have also been misinterpreted for centuries

i've done spells before where in exchange for one thing i abstained from a different thing and they have basically worked

i think in the particular situation where communities were trying to flee and escape and asked hashem for divine power to enable the journey, i think something metaphysical had to occur to get that wheel turning and get them free.

but i'm not trying to do anything metaphysical on passover i'm probably on my computer doing work and chilling.

like they had to do what they had to do to get what they needed done, done. and it worked. but thousands of years later i just don't get why i would have to repeat the ritual. we're not stuck in that situation anymore. we can relax now. ?? sheesh if i have to flee a king that's forcibly holding my family hostage i'll do whatever divine hexing bullsh!t i have to do in that scenario but on passover this year i am just chilling on my computer.

i ain't omitting chametz curse me idgaf

technically a rabbi might choose to exempt me because i have a digestive disease and also autism so changing the foods i've decided are safe to eat could cause a medical crisis for me

but even if that was not the case i just don't fuck w Kareth. people should uphold the traditions and values that they resonate with.

[3vocatio]

Hello!! I saw your tags about Simeon discovering what it means to be human; how the devs won't go there even though it's such an interesting topic.

And just!! Yeah!! There's no way the transition from angel to human could or should be anything but messy!!! There should be grief and horror and the whole slew of complicated emotions accompanying the transition.

He has to learn how to exist in a body that looks the same but is so so different!! The human body is so needy and so fragile.

What's it like to suddenly need to sleep every night, to need to eat multiple meals per day? What's it like to sleep wrong and now there's pain in your neck (and now you can't just hand-wave it away), what's it like to trip and now your ankle is fucked up and you can't walk on it?

And I mean,, the way humans experience emotions must be completely different to how angels and demons do, even if they're technically the same emotion!! There's the whole mood being dictated by how well you've slept or whether you've eaten enough recently, and there's also feeling things so intensely you cry, but then there's also like,, fear??

I get so caught up on the fear!! Angels and demons are so powerful compared to the average human!! I'm not sure if I've forgotten some lore but it seems to me that their biggest existential threat is just members of their own species that are stronger than them?? Surely their fear must exist in a different way to human fear because they're so comparatively untouchable.

(Yes I know Mammon is canonically a scaredy-cat but I like my interpretation better 😔)

But my point is like.. humans are so afraid all the time. There's a phobia for everything!! We get spooked constantly!! How does it feel to suddenly get a rush of adrenaline because there was a sudden loud noise, when before that wouldn't have garnered a reaction?? Simeon must be so aware of how helpless he is to his environment now.

Akdjsks actually no idea how coherent any of that is or how useful?? The ideas are but umm. Yeah. Simeon just being sorta fine with becoming human is thee most boring route they could've gone with it.

Also while typing this I wanted to say something about like, the discomfort of being permanently stuck in a physical body, and how immutable the physical body can feel while you're in it, but it occurred to me that I don't think it's canon that the angels and demons physical vessels are in any way temporary to them? Or that they spend any time outside of their bodies or anything so ://

What even is the canon difference between angels and demons and humans in om lol <- rhetorical, you don't have to try to answer that skdkd

thank you for thinking that my tags are worth the read, despite how nonsensical i can come across ^^;; warning...! i have Many thoughts.

i believe that simeon has shown signs of being more human than angel ever since we met him in season 1, but it's especially evident in season 2 before he stole the ring of light. he fulfills the diplomatic role for the celestial realm, standing up against two demons with the intention of passive aggressively directing the conversation in his favor. while this was most definitely favorable for the celestial realm, i think that it's within his personality to act like this, too.

this might just be me acting desperate and reaching out for any semblance of the simeon that i love and cherish dearly, but i think this translates well into what being an author means for him.

rather than being duplictious as diavolo stated, i think that simeon simply guards his heart in the same manner that solomon does. he isn't one to hide—he's one to know who will understand him on a level that he wishes to be understood, which is why i think solomon confronting him first meant so much to him. he wants to be known in the way that others such as solomon or satan wish to be known, but cannot allow just anyone to see their vulnerability.

personally, i always start writing with something i know. sometimes it’s a memory, sometimes it’s a thought, other times it’s an emotion or an observation or a fantasy, but it starts from something i know. i write from the heart, and most times, i like it. it means everything i’ve written is a piece of my heart; some are deep and dark and personal while others are lighter and softer, but everything i’ve written is heartstuff, and that’s the scary part of it all. the thing that makes me pause before writing. it’s all personal. it’s all revealing some small microscopic part of me. with fiction, it’s easier to stay anonymous. to inject parts of you in your characters but also making a lot of it up. but... there’s still no hiding. you either write your secrets bold and plain or it works its way into metaphors. either way, it all comes out with the wash. a piece of your heart was there all along. with simeon being an author, i believe that this may be the case for him, too.

simeon focuses so intently on everyone around him and it inspires him to write, and i think you'd be continually impressed by how honest someone is by how their perception of someone is a direct reflection of who they are as a person. he recognized that asmodeus' behaviors were ultimately ruining him, he questioned diavolo's friendship to lucifer and boldly declared what it actually meant, and he cleverly constructed requests for his initial birthday that were clearly tied to each of the brothers' virtuous counterparts to their sins as he indulged in their respective sins. he seems to have a good grasp as to who he is as a person, or rather, is actively learning.

this is a common theme for simeon.

“this is the terror: to have emerged from nothing, to have a name, consciousness of self, deep inner feelings, an excruciating inner yearning for life and self-expression and with all this yet to die.”

unlike the other angels we've seen—luke with his yearning for adhering to duty and being as dignified as michael or mephistopheles, or raphael playing carefully by the rules and refusing himself to voice his opinions that are inherently connected to his self-worth—we see simeon exploring so deeply within his own identity. i believe that this is a human trait more than anything else.

while angels can certainly hold compassion for humans, i don't believe they pity them. they're only messengers. protectors. they dont formulate extravagant stories like humans do.

except for simeon.

he forms a legacy through his art—why would an immortal angel engage in such a human act?

because art is fragile. you can spend months working on a drawing, a piece of writing and it can so easily be destroyed. a broken canvas, a deleted file, the swift press of the backspace key and it’s gone. the same can be said about anything that’s created by hand, but it’s different with art. there’s the physical work and the mental work of art but also the emotional. art is all about expressing the inexpressible and that takes a lot of complicated emotion to do; i think about all the things that are too hard or too scary or too much to express otherwise. emotions that we shield and protect from being seen, but then they transform into art, into physical things. we don’t think of them as vulnerable anymore but they are, in a different way. they are still the raw edges of us put to paper or music or ink and they still hurt, they still break.

simeon already bore the humanity that the rest of the celestial realm was forbidden to tamper with, and he has ever since he learned what it meant to grieve. he was never a part of lucifer's family, but he loved them so deeply regardless. he saw the violence that was engraved within celestial values, and he saw the violence that would ensue down below in the devildom, too. both realms would've chained him down and he would have no way of freely expressing himself, of having free-will. he was never meant to fit in either the celestial realm, nor the devildom (my condolences to everyone who enjoys fallen!simeon sdjfncksd).

i think that turning human is both a blessing and a curse for him. a near immortal being whose never truly felt the capacity of the vast range of emotions that most humans would be able to feel is then turned into a human would most likely create a trauma unlike any other. the sheer tidal wave of emotions of the new physical existence, especially against his will, most definitely created a HUGE mental and spiritual scar that would never be healed; i believe that this was the turning point for simeon. everything seemed so right because this is how he has been acting since the celestial war, and yet so off because he finally became human, no longer an angel. he no longer held his previous identity, and now, he must forge a new era for the identity he holds now.

i love the idea of simeon speaking with barbatos before it even happens, speaking about what time might truly mean for him. i love the idea of simeon feeling time in his body for the first time and it scaring him to his core because he finally knows human fear. we know as angels to be pure and righteous, and that is what simeon must've thought of himself before reality truly struck him where it hurt the most. i love the idea of simeon breaking down in front of solomon, who knows the heavy burden of having your humanity being such a huge vulnerable thing to caress and hoping that no one strips you of it.

even if simeon turns back into an angel, it will only add onto his complexity of his relationship with being human; i believe he would truly be the most tragic character in obey me.

“I have been mortal and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, though I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret.”

[bondsmagii]

Man I see you getting all these asks about people turning 30 and depressed/terrified about it, but literally I'm 32 and hotter and cooler than ever. I go out with my friends and party every other night, I go to shows and festivals, camping and road trips. I'm having the time of my life, definitely having WAY more fun than I did at 22, because now I have a car, real friends, a wonderful partner, actual money and am now medicated. I look forward to the rest of my 30s, it's gonna be rad as fuck

this is such a nice message, because... yeah. I don't want to invalidate how people feel, because god knows I experienced the same kind of increasing dread as my twenties started getting behind me, so I try to go for encouragement and a different perspective rather than simply saying "oh don't worry, your twenties actually suck" lol. it's better to remind people that even if they are turning 30, that's still nowhere in the realm of "old".

but sincerely? all the evidence I have seen points to lives exponentially improving once people get out of their 20s. I think we have this idea that our 20s are going to be the time, because let's be real -- being a teenager sucks. anything seems better than that, and thanks to this and the fact that we're bombarded with media telling us what a roaring adventure our 20s will be, we go into them expecting things to be great. in reality, they pretty much suck. your 20s are the age where you're too young to be taken seriously but too old for anyone to feel sorry for you or feel an obligation to help you out or go easy on you. they're often marked by uncertainty, university stress, and poverty. many people move constantly during their 20s, thanks to university or changing financial situations, and this lack of security is also a headache. a lot of people also find it very difficult to make friends outside of a school setting, and wonder how the hell to go about it once they're an adult. finally, you're usually completely in charge of running your own living space for the first time, including thinking of meals every damn day, and that takes a lot of getting used to. by the time you hit your 30s, most, if not all, of these issues have been ironed out or are in the process of being ironed out.

my early 20s were probably the most miserable time of my life. I was living in poverty, I was stuck in a lot of situations that fucking sucked, and I wasn't a very great person. my mid 20s were spent dealing with the fallout from that shit and being unable to enjoy anything because of the financial trauma that I'd incurred. my late 20s were spent looking at 30 and feeling like shit because I thought I'd "wasted my youth" and the door was now closed for me to achieve anything. but then guess what happened! like a month and a half ago I turned 30, and I took stock of the last decade, and holy fucking shit I was glad to see it go. my life is nowhere near perfect, but I am a much better, cooler, and sexier person and I only get better, cooler, and sexier. I can no longer understand why I dreaded turning 30 so much. my most sincere advice to everyone with this dilemma in their 20s is that they should be looking forward to their 30s. only with hindsight do you realise that a lot of the stuff you were told about your 20s, that you feel like shit for "failing" to experience or achieve, was a fucking lie.

and don't even get me started about the later decades. I've had friends in their 40s, 50s, and even 70s. every single one of them insists that their current decade is the best they've had.