#but i don’t experience any of that it’s all secular stuff

[morgenlich]

the main thing that does keep me hesitant about whether or not i have ocd is that, while i absolutely have obsessions, and they are frequent and distressing enough they significantly impact my qol and make me genuinely suicidal, i have never really had compulsions. i know there’s like a thing where you can be diagnosed w ocd when you only have the obsessions, but ehhh it at least makes me wonder how likely i am to find a therapist who will take me seriously about it

[wortcunningwitch]

wanting to expand on something that was talked about in this post and its notes, and that is the overwhelming majority of witchcraft books being just. Meh. not super useful for a witch past a certain stage in their practice, under-researched, too much fluff, you name it. and by that first part of the sentence, i’m speaking from personal experience: me — a witch of about 4 years, give or take — i have a lot of trouble finding books that give any kind of depth to my practice or that aren’t just regurgitating info within the witchcraft sphere. i have to almost exclusively look at historical and academic texts if i want to grow in my practice, and it’s a pain in the ass sometimes.

to be clear, i don’t think looking at historical/academic texts (especially if you’re a folk practitioner, like me) is bad! i just would appreciate more specifically witchcraft books that clearly reflect study and knowledge of magical and mundane topics. in terms of stuff i’ve personally read, Wild Witchcraft (Rebecca Beyer) is a good example; it’s about green witchcraft, but it has one hell of a bibliography and provides in-depth info that’s appropriate for just about anyone, beginner or expert.

and i do think wicca plays a part in this. i think there’s a very wiccanized view of both history and witchcraft that one finds in a lot of mainstream witchy books — stuff like forcing the wheel of the year & other wiccan practices on what’s intended to be a secular book, and suggesting/saying shit like “(modern) witchcraft is what our ancestors practiced” (which, no the fuck it’s not, unless you’re talking about folk magic). ultimately, i think it sets up a certain mindset — especially in beginners — of taking things at face value and never quite reaching beyond that surface-level information. and i’m also of the opinion that if we want to tackle these issues in witchy books, then we need to begin to leave wicca behind. there’s better posts on this out there, but to provide a short explanation, wicca involves a lot of appropriation and pseudohistory; and yet, it makes up the framework from which so many modern witchcraft authors write. sue me for insulting wicca, who cares, but i think it’s doing more harm than good to the world of witchy literature.

i’m not gonna lie, i didn’t expect this post to end up being this long and yappy. i think there’s still points to be made with regard to how capitalism plays a part in all this, but i don’t feel like writing it all out, and i think there’s people & authors who can dissect that more eloquently than i. let me know your thoughts? :)

[laineystein]

I understand and agree the very observant would probably adjust to life in Israel very quickly. I know there’s a lot of Israelis that are secular as well, and I think they live ok? I don’t know for sure. To my understanding though, the government is tilted to favor the more observant Jew. As someone who isn’t terribly religious, that concerns me as much as the bombs and the bomb shelters. As far as stuff like the weather, to each their own. I grew up experiencing Lake effect snow storms and still do. I couldn’t handle year round hot weather. Where I live, a 60 degrees Fahrenheit and a sunny day happening before the summer heat descends is considered an opportunity to wear shorts and sunbathe.

I respect your opinion and I’m glad you feel at home in Israel. To me, personally, trading a bomb shelter and bombs to escape colleges students aspiring to be terrorists isn’t a trade off that nets a positive gain. To me, it’s the same.

That being said, I hope you, your husband, and the growing baby are doing well. 🙂.

I think the key here is that, again, I have lived in both Israel and the diaspora so I can confidently state where I prefer to live. I see a lot of Israeli Jews and a lot of Diaspora Jews both saying they’d prefer to live elsewhere but none of them have actually tried. So their opinion is based on perception and not fact. I’m not discounting their opinions as invalid but it’s worth acknowledging that they’re based in theory, not actual experiences they’ve had.

Yes, our current government is more conservative and does favor a more religious society but that’s not indicative of our population as a whole and even many religious Jews don’t favor our current government and didn’t vote for them. I also think it’s dangerous to say that more observant Jews would adjust to life in Israel quickly because that’s not an accurate statement. I, as an observant Jew, find being observant here is easier than in the diaspora - my level of observance doesn’t make life here easier, my life is easier because my level of observance is accommodated for in Israel unlike in other countries. Many religious Jews move from the diaspora and struggle with things just as secular olim would. Anyone moving from any country to another will struggle to adapt to that country. An Italian who grew up in New York will struggle to fit in in Italy. It’s the same thing. They’re different places and even if some of the practices may be the same, they’re still different cultures and customs, etc etc etc.

I need everyone to be careful not to paint Israel and Israelis with such a broad stroke brush. Just like every country, we are diverse and nuanced. Just like every country, those differences both cause difficulties and are what make Israel and Israelis so great. Half of the people in my life are not religious in the way that I am and they are all proud Israelis who would never want to live elsewhere. Some of them despise our current government and I have a few secular friends that vote Likud and always have. Again - it’s important not to fall into the same propaganda trap that we see with the pro-H@mas group that all Israelis are radical zealots with close minded viewpoints that enable us all to support a problematic government. That assessment applies to like 0.0001% of the Israeli population. Israelis are not a monolith, our government and levels of religious observance cannot be viewed through a monolithic lense. That’s just not how life works.

Bottom line - I don’t care where y’all want to live. Everyone should be able to live where they want to live. I just think a lot of diaspora Jews in particular essentially talk themselves out of living in Israel because it’s just unfamiliar to them and they feel that it makes them a bad Jew for not wanting to live here. Which is inaccurate because again, I don’t think anyone cares. I certainly don’t. Live where you want to live. Jew do Jew.

Thanks for the well wishes. Eye injuries aside, we’re all doing great BH 😅

[sanguinifex]

Wonder what would happen if you took all the community stuff that churches do and just did that without any of the dogma or fucked-up political causes that churches in the US virtually always have.

Like, I would love to spend an hour or two mid-morning on a Sunday listening to some live music, having some readings from an important philosopher, and then hang out eating donuts and socializing afterwards. I just don’t want to encourage faith in things that aren’t part of observable reality, or have such an organization suborned by monied interests that tell people that anyone who cares for the common people wants to kill babies and eat trafficked children.

The un-Church could even have Sunday un-School where kids do science experiments or (at the higher grades) discuss secular ethics. Instead of Bible study, you get Wednesday philosophy night, basically a book club for secular philosophy and literature.

I think you’d need a large city or a college town to actually do this, but it would definitely be more constructive than just arguing with Christians on Reddit.

[wttt-dirus-work]

Can u tell me some stuff about Quebec?

wanna give her a cameo in an fic

Hey! So first of all, YESS!

Now, you weren’t quite precise in your ask, so imma share a variety of my own headcanons to give you some more info^^

Physically:

She has middle back long, slightly curled deep brown hair, with copper reflect in the summer, and the crystal-clear blue eyes you can imagine (when she’s angry her eyes become more white than blue, and the air is way colder than before). Her skin is pale, pinkish on the nose and cheeks in the winter, and she got some freckles. In autumn, her hair is redder and more blond than brown (leaves changing colour) when she’s in the south of the province.

Her body temperature is usually colder than any of the Northeast States and lower the more she is north in her province (the only state who share the same temperature is Alaska). Now, during the summer, depending on what’s going on, she can get as warm as the lower east coast state when she has wildfire. If she had tornadoes, she’s physically frazzled, and if it’s flood, her skin takes a greenish or bluish tint. If it’s a good summer (no fire, tornadoes, or floods) she has a good temperature, around the same as the Northeast states.

For her clothes, from Automn to spring (October to April), it’s usually a t-shirt under a flannel, a toque (beanie) or earmuff, jeans, mittens, and converse (boots if there’s snow). Her shirt is usually a HABs shirt (Montreal Canadian hockey team), especially during hockey season, her flannel dark blue or bright red, and her toque vary. Sometime is a blue one with her name on it, other times a white one with a pompom, or it’s a Nordiques de Québec one (Québec City hockey team before they were bought by Colorado and became the Avalanche).

During the summer, it’s usually capri pants or long shorts, a tank top or t-shirt, a cap (usually a Buffalo bills one, or Jersey Devil after she started her relationship with NJ), and sunglasses. Sometimes she wears flip-flops, other times sandals, depends on her mood and where she’s going. She’s a fervent user of sunscreen and always got water on her.

Character:

Honestly, depends on the situation. She can be a real Bitch if she wants to, mainly with the other province when they attack her (usually the wests ones). She’s a mom friend if she knows you and care about you and will make fun of you if you embarrass yourself with her (she respects boundaries tho). She knows her worth and is incredibly stubborn when she wants to. If you dare compare her to France she’ll make you regret it and she is really proud of her culture (never says Poutine was made anywhere else than in Québec, she and I will fight you about it). She’s always happy to teach people French and if you respect her she’ll respect you.

She’s polite meeting new people and like to share culture; she’ll judge you if you do something stupid though.

Concerning religion, she’s a little lost. When she became New France, in the 1500s, she was divided between the Catholics and Natives spirituality (usually animist) before staying Catholic. Then, during the Quiet Revolution in the 60s, Québécois rejected religion, and made the government secular (not linked to religion). So, I believe she’ll be mainly Agnostic, for mostly only the oldest generations (Boomer and older) are church goers.

Relationship:

Now, her relationship is carved from centuries of existence and experience and differ from if they’re Canadian or not.

Canadian provinces and Territories:

She’s *friendly* with New Brunswick and Nunavut, but don’t really speak with Prince Edward Island or Nova Scotia. She’s extremely supportive of Newfoundland and Labrador (Trans man) and has a great relationship of mutual respect with Northwest Territories (They’re as old as the other and have known each other for a long time).

Concerning Ontario it’s more of an indifferent to *I kind of care about you* relationship. They don’t agree about a lot of things and usually snap each other (Ontarian drivers are terrible, I swear), but they will support each other when the West become snappy at them.

Québec barely care about Manitoba (the feeling’s mutual) and Yukon (they don’t know each other well).

Now, for the West province, well, its complicated. British Columbia is a bitch most of the time because she likes to rile up other people. Québec respect her because she’s alone on the other side of the Rockies and is the oldest Western province, and as women alone on their own for a long time of their existence, they both respect each other. It doesn’t stop BC from having terrible social skills (except when she’s high, then she’s like a hippie and is nicer while also staying passive-aggressive).

Now, Alberta and Saskatchewan are twins; they share the same Province day and are only older than Nunavut. Saskatchewan is the nicest one, but still resent Québec for trying to separate in the 70s. Alberta uses Québec to blame most of her problem; the French province is far from her, refuse to speak to her in English, and well, Québec doesn’t care about them most of the time. To her they are children, who doesn’t understand her, or even try to get her point of view, so she won’t fight them about it.

Concerning the states:

I wrote about QC and Alaska and their relationship in I've tried to put this all behind me (I think I was wrecked all along), but in short they met during the New France era, when Alaska was still owned by Russia, and became close friends despite the language barrier. They met again because of Maine.

For the Northeast, Virginia, Georgia, and the Carolinas, I already share some of it in my fic Five times Québec helped a Northeast State. I headcanon her as on the Aromantic spectrum (Gray or Demi) and Pansexual, and she slept with PA, NH, and Vermont before they settled down (NH with Vermont and PA with Ohio). She and Jersey have a together/not together relationship (really you need to read the fic to get it) and she’s married to NY (QPR).

Maine is like her brother, Connecticut, NH, and Vermont her close friends, and the rest are her friends. She loves Virginia and their ability to bring the other back in order when they get too chaotic. Mass, PA and she are always ready to fight each other concerning hockey (they were pissed when tempa won two Stanley cup), and she likes to watch Rhode Island kick someone’s butt.

For the other southern states, well they helped her out when Britain ordered her captured (before her wedding to NY) and she always liked them for that.

Finally, Louisiana. I didn’t present their relationship yet, but I’m working on their fic.

Louie resent her. It’s not conscious, more something they both refused to acknowledge, really. He didn’t know that, when they were separated, she was sold to the British while France sold him to Spain. He resent her because she never tried to get to him, or get him back, and how she never helped him from Spain treatment.

I’m waiting to write those two, so yeah.

That was it! You got me to write a story, omg. If you have any question hit me up^^

[pepprs]

ok yeah hi. it is very inappropriate for me to do this publicly when it is such personal whatever information. but i need other ppl (esp other jewish ppl) to know what im thinking and like. give me permission to act on it or whatever (cringe) and since i don’t have a new therapist yet im substituting my mutuals for one lol. so here’s this. tw for like… religion and me asking questions that have implications for all religion / culture in general and things like that. and also food. also not that i think anyone who follows me would do this but this post is not an invitation to proselytize to me or convert me to a different religion etc etc. ok here we go. this post is called: i am probably the wicked son and i am going to hell for it (not that jews believe in hell i don’t think but whatever). discuss ♥️

ok so here’s the deal. passover starts on wednesday. my family is not really that observant. we don’t do a Haggadah or a Seder or anything like that we literally just have my grandpa over for 2 nights of completely non traditional dinner where the only religious aspect is us saying a generic hebrew prayer for Passover at the beginning where we don’t even know what the words mean and then we just have normal conversation and don’t eat leavened stuff or most grains for a week. we don’t even eat matzah or any of the other passover foods you’re supposed to eat.

(here’s the part where i feel like even in asking the question im inviting god to smite me with a lightning bolt LOL) so i erm.. really do not want to not eat leavened stuff for a week. literally just because i eat leavened stuff sooo much and so much of what i eat is bread and it keeps me reliably full and i get hungry so fast and im hungry all the time. but it’s like.. im not special for that. im not unique in getting hungry fast or in relying on bread. (to my knowledge) im not ill or suffering in any way that makes me unable to observe the dietary requirements of this holiday. and in fact i probably eat too much bread than is actually healthy for me. but im just depressed out of my mind and need to make sure im eating things that keep me full and not letting myself be hungry. and i just really don’t want to not eat bread.

but the thing is i know not doing that is like one of the biggest… i don’t want to say sins but sins. that you could possibly do. like i just looked it up and the punishment is called “kareth” which is basically “the extinction of the soul” 💀 which ties Rigjt into my anxiety / guilt / whatever about making my own life and choices different from my mom’s and how the way she gets angry at me for doing something different than her makes me experience ultimate cosmic primal rejection / abandonment LMAO. but like my connection to judaism is already basically nonexistent bc we basically don’t do any of the holidays except rosh hashanah / yom kippur / passover / hannukah and what we do observe is so non traditional and secular that it basically doesn’t even count. and also i don’t “look” jewish and don’t have a “jewish last name” or whatever. and i know this is like complicated / bad in some ways to admit but i don’t feel any connection to my ancestors who made their exodus out of egypt or whatever (and who also probably were fullest having eaten bread and didn’t have the privilege of choosing whether they wanted to lol). and most of the jewish ppl in my life are either completely non observant or only casually observant and it’s more of a cultural / traditional thing than a religious thing. and i don’t rly feel a sense of community w other jews though ive fluctuated w that from time to time but i especially don’t rn bc of the situation with isr*el and p/alestine and how most of the observant jewish ppl i know are z*onists. the only thing that’s keeping me observing the holidays is obligation and precedent because that’s always how my family has done it.. and also i find meaning and whatever in rosh hashanah and yom kippur and hannukah. but i actually don’t at all for Passover. it’s always been my least favorite holiday which is ironic bc it was my parsha when i was bat mitzvahed. i feel disconnected to it probably because we never did seders and stff. and i don’t feel like i owe my ancestors anything for escaping egypt (girls who are the wicked son <3) but if i did i don’t see why we reenact the suffering we experienced instead of… celebrating that we are not suffering anymore! and eating a lot of the things we couldn’t eat while we were! and living our lives to the fullest! like why is it not a holiday about joy and gratitude instead of plunging ourselves back into reenacting suffering. says the girl who projects all the time and makes herself miserable every day LMAO but like.. idk. it’s making me so mad.

and the thing is i don’t even… like idk. the whole wicked son thing fucks me up so bad and strikes a nerve bc why are you labeled wicked / disrespectful / whatever for questioning precedent and figuring out how you want to make meaning in your life. like throwback to my mom getting fucking PISSED at me when i came home for passover last yr (i think it was passover or another jewish holiday) and said i was trying to figure out why im vegan and she took that as such a personal offense bc she couldn’t believe that i would question something she engrained in me.. idk. it was so fucked up. i feel like conflating god / my judaism and my mom / my veganism is not a good idea and is suggesting blasphemy but idk. im gonna be honest actually. i don’t know if i believe in god or if my questioning that makes me agnostic and not jewish. if i do believe in god it’s spinoza’s god who (according to this fb post i read in 2020 that has stuck with me ever since) says that basically god is the universe and… like it’s LITERALLY the end poem from minecraft it’s like you don’t have to be afraid of me or spend your days doing rituals to honor me just because that’s the precedent. make your own rituals. you will find me in no book or temple or whatever if you can’t find me in the precious moments of life like a sunset or joy or someone’s eyes. like you should just be who you are and not be afraid and indulge in the human experience and that is how you thank me and you don’t have to repent for anything because why would i make humans who make mistakes by nature and then punish them for doing that. and idk. that speaks to me so much. that’s what i hope so badly that god is. that’s why i hope so badly that me having questions and doubts about this stuff and figuring out how to connect to / honor my ancestors and culture and whatever in a meaningful way (and if i actually want to) is not going to invoke cosmic punishment of some kind because i am a human being and im allowed to have questions about things like this and to do things my own way that feels right for me given the circumstances and it’s okay to want to live (and to try to build) a life where as many rituals and sacrifices and burdens as possible are ones i choose and accept and consent to and am lucid about. especially when most of those burdens and stuff that ive experienced so far are things i have not gotten to choose at great mental and emotional cost. right? i want it to be that way so badly. i think if that was god then god wouldn’t want me to not eat brwad for 8 days just because that’s what the precedent is about how to honor the pain my ancestors suffered. god would want me to make my own tradition and if it was one of joy and gratitude for my ancestors and indulgence and exploring what being jewish means to me i think that would be okay with god. like LOL. but also am i just making excuses for not eating bread for a week and playing god or whatever and in doing so hopping and skipping and jumping to my doom in the form of kareth. do you see what i mean

but anyways yeah. this is really more of a thing for when im at work (which makes it even LESS of a big deal like im only there for 9-10 hours a day or whatever) bc if i didn’t do passover at home my mom would kill me so im leaving that aspect of it alone for now. but Omg im at a point in my life where doing things i do not get to choose is painful and im on the verge of a breakdown every day and the thought of having my diet disrupted for a week and being hungrier than usual when everything else in my life feels like it’s falling apart and i know how much being even slightly hungry impacts my mental health is making me lose my shit! like it’s just one too many things. but again im not special in that and i could do it if i had to. but do i have to if i don’t want to. what should i do.

[thatbitchsimone]

I love you I love you

Thank you thank you

It’s a long story of circle of abuse, I used to save her from my father hitting her and few years later I had to save myself from both of them hitting me

I truly believe she’s evil, not what she does to me but to others also, she beats and humiliates not only me but the maids too, the other siblings are not beaten, the brother sometimes rarely but he’s her worshipper so i don’t think he minds.

I will get a job soon but I don’t think I can move out, it’s not very common here you know, and my father is like a influential guy, but hopefully when I earn my own money and cut her off I’ll be happy, we have a big house so living separately is possible.

I found out something today and it made me sick to my stomach, I have my whole life faced disgusting men, but turns out my brother is also one of them, he is after all my fathers and mothers son. he is an Andrew tate fanboy btw so you can guess his entire personality by that lolllllll.

I am so sorry this is alot of stuff to hear on a site where you are supposed to have fun, I am sending you apology hugs, take care 🫂❤️

Btw have you read the bell jar by Sylvia plath? It’s so depressing it’s taking me months to finish HAHAHAH

that is fucking awful and yes, i dont even believe in the whole concept of evil (i was raised without religion in a completely secular country + im very into psychology so good vs evil is not part of my worldview lol) but some behaviors even i just have to describe as evil and ur mom fits that pretty well like abusing ur own children is fucking evil. i have empathy for her to some extent since her behavior is clearly the result of her being abused herself like u said but it gets clouded by the absolute disgust and hatred and rage i feel for her for letting herself become the abuser herself and keeping the circle of abuse going by passing it on to her children. its one thing to not have the strength or power to stop ur husband from abusing ur kids, but straight up joining in on the abuse is a whole other level of disgusting and im so sorry u have to experience this.

but i do have to say that u seem like a genuinely good person like i really feel like u have so much kindness and love in ur heart and u seem like a very strong, sensible and intelligent girl and i get a strong feeling that the cycle of abuse is gonna end with u (as in, u wont be carrying it on and u will break free from it and if u have kids in the future u will be a good and loving mom to them) and i just wanna acknowledge that bc thats amazing and inspiring and i admire u so much like i just have so much admiration for u right now like u are everything u are the moment u are the vibe

anyway, glad to hear that u at least live in a big house so that u can at the very least have some space from her even tho u live together. i get that its not as easy or simple as some ppl think to ”just move out” especially if u live in a very family oriented culture where its not the norm to do so on top of it all so i think the best thing to do currently is to just kind of try to stay out of her way and honestly just not even listen to the bullshit she says bc her insults are kinda meaningless tbh bc lets be real, if u were skinny she would just use something else to criticize u for. she just wants to put u down in any way she can no matter what u look like. u could probably look like a damn supermodel or movie star and she would still find something to pick on and put u down for, bc she has issues. shes disturbed. her words are empty and her opinions on u are just completely irrelevant. why should u care if a deranged abusive sadist doesnt ”approve” of ur body and size? this woman thinks its ok to mentally torment everyone around her, even HER OWN CHILDREN that she just so happens to not just verbally and emotionally abuse but straight up physically abuse. shes a child abuser. actual scum of the earth. like honestly next time she says something about ur body or calls u fat or whatever this psychopath likes to call u just remind urself that this woman is actually disturbed and sick in the head like shes literally a terrible human being lol who the fuck is she to criticize anyone like ok so u got a little extra meat on ur bones meanwhile she is a deranged sadistic child abuser. like girl whatever flaw u may have is nothing compared to the flaws she has like u are so far above her in every way that actually matters like ur literally so much better than her in every way like shes actually pathetic.

sorry about ur brother btw. seems like us women can never catch a break from these male parasites that are crawling around everywhere these days. they just keep getting worse and worse now with all the andrew tate shit brainwashing them. thank god we women have each others backs in this vile current climate. sisterhood is so important, especially now with all this crazy shit going around.

and yes ofc ive read the bell jar! read it for the first time when i was 16 and have reread it a few times since then. its one of those books that deeply resonates with nearly every woman who reads it even now generations later like its truly timeless in that way thats why its so good

[spiritofmoonbeams]

About me.

If you’re reading this, I’m Spirit Of Moonbeams. Call me Spirit or Moonbeam.

Identity stuff:

Pronouns: Fluid, but primarily they/them. I also will not kill you for using she/her. I also unironically like hy/hymn.

Sexuality: Lesbian.

Gender: Fluid.

Kintype: Werewolf.

Theriotype: Arctic wolf.

Beliefs: Agnostic? Agnostic fits my experience the best. For now at least, I’m a secular, solitary, eclectic witch. Ex-catholic, so please don’t preach to me :)

Fandoms I’m in:

The Magnus Archives

My Little Pony

Wings Of Fire

Heathers

Marble Hornets

The X-Files

Ghost and Pals

Things I like but don’t really interact in any fandom for:

The Barbie Movie

Everything Everywhere All At Once

Neverworld Wake

The Trials of Morrigan Crow

Warrior Cats

Batman: The Doom That Came To Gotham

Yellowjackets

Vocaloid

I… don’t really know what to put here. I really like eating crystallised ginger. It’s my favourite food, but condensed milk straight out of the tin is a close second.

Thanks for reading this far!

DNI: If you don’t think you’ll like reading through this blog. Idrc, man. I can and will block and report anyone who gives me enough reason to do so. This is your first warning. Don’t let there be a second.

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

This piece in The New York Times details how Halloween and other holiday celebrations have been canceled at some public schools, under extremely vague equality terms. The best the article can muster is that this action has been taken in the spirit of “building equity, fostering inclusion, and building a sense of belonging throughout our schools.” It seems that because some kids come from families that don’t do Halloween - Jehovah’s Witnesses? I don’t know, the piece is bizarrely silent on the question - nobody should be able to do Halloween stuff at school. As New Jersey’s (Democrat) governor says, this sounds pretty fucking stupid! The small minority of kids who don’t do Halloween are watching Halloween stuff on YouTube and TikTok and Disney+, they’re seeing Halloween decorations in front of house after house, they’re aware of the Halloween displays in stores, they’re listening to their peers talk about their costumes and parties and trick or treating. They know about Halloween. They’re gonna be sad about not participating whether their 2nd grade class cancels their party or not. You have the right not to do Halloween in your family, but the resulting sadness for your kid is on you. Why deprive other kids?

I would really love to hear someone more fully articulate the point about equity and inclusion because as it stands it really seems completely senseless. Are Hanukkah celebrations out? The vast majority of kids don’t celebrate. Should we shut down any dreidel playing in public schools, under the identical logic that most kids will feel excluded? How about Eid? Barely more than 1% of Americans are Muslim, after all. Doesn’t that mean that recognition of Eid in the classroom is a matter of introducing a holiday that not every student celebrates? Or Indigenous People’s Day, given their percentage of the overall population? Ah, but of course the whole DEI thing only really applies to majority imposition on minority rights - the fact that Halloween is a secular holiday enjoyed by the vast majority of children perversely makes it more of a target for exclusion, not less. I suspect that this sort of thing is really a matter of fretful liberal bureaucrats who feel like they need to Do Something and found this Thing To Do. I also wouldn’t be surprised if some of the places that implement these policies quietly roll them back in the future. Who are you really serving, here?

Either way, the bigger issue remains: not everyone can do everything, and not everything is for everyone. The existence of the religious and cultural and national traditions that inspire holiday celebrations inevitably mean that those celebrations won’t be for everyone. Yet we’ve created this inescapable ideology that anything that’s for any child must be something for every child, and the related (and equally misguided) notion that any child can be or do anything. Canceling holidays is a different animal than specific children learning about their inevitable human limits, but the stated moral logic of these administrative actions stem from the same bad impulse - the thinking that says that if any kids can’t do something, this is an emotional setback they can’t overcome, rather than a simple reality of life. The basic human experience of not partaking in something other people enjoy becomes instead an error that has to be corrected. In our culture, if any individual kid can’t do something that other kids can do, that’s treated as injustice. That’s a check we can’t possibly cash. [...]

My time working in K-12 schools had left me shaking my head, again and again, at how relentlessly the “you can be anything you dream” ideology was pushed on kids. Everywhere you looked, there was another poster insisting that If You Believe, You Will Achieve! and related cliches. It was as close to a secular civic religion as I have encountered in 21st-century American life. And it seemed and seems pathological in a couple of dimensions. The first problem is that the kind of people who get up in front of crowds and say “I never gave up on my dreams, and I made it!” don’t understand survivorship bias - all the people who never gave up but nevertheless never make it don’t get invited to stand up in front of crowds and make speeches. The second is that, once we have misapprehended the nature of success in that way, the insistence that we should never give up becomes immensely cruel; it keeps people stuck pursuing kinds of success they will never achieve, and it tells them that if they eventually give up, that failure is their own fault.

A healthy and kind culture would instead say “you should reach for the things you want, but wanting and not getting is what adult life is all about, and you must learn to live with disappointment and failure.” We would bake in a constant set of reminders that we have limitations, weaknesses, and problems that we can’t always overcome. Part of the problem with the recent refusal to give kids bad grades or otherwise note their academic struggles is that there’s no opportunity to make them understand themselves in a critical and realistic way. Honestly, athletics is one of the few places in our society where young people regularly encounter the knowledge that they can’t succeed in a given field. If I had decided to be a champion sprinter at four years old, and had worked as hard as I possibly could for the next decade, by high school I would still have found myself getting dusted at every meet by kids who actually have athletic gifts. That’s painful but sobering and ultimately healthy. Getting cut from the football team hurts, but when coaches do it they’re at least reflecting some basic reality about a given kid’s ability and forcing that kid to consider their limitations. Unfortunately, because academic and artistic skills are harder to quantify, so many people with intellectual or artistic aspirations never encounter their limits until they’ve invested an immense amount of their lives into them. [...]

Look, people are forever exceeding our expectations. That’s why I’ve always been opposed to hard tracking in schools - that is, placing students on different curricular paths that they and their parents can’t choose - despite my overall ideas about education. Individuals can and do beat whatever trend. We just have to remember that the trend remains the trend. People with Down Syndrome have defied expectations about what they’re capable of again and again, with some of the highest-functioning among them proving to be capable of living on their own, holding down jobs, and having adult relationships. It’s also true, though, that there are people with Down Syndrome who are disabled to the point that they need constant supervision and will never be able to live without such support. It’s additionally true that, at present, it seems unlikely that a person with Down Syndrome will ever become a research physicist. The thing I’ve been trying to make clear to people for the past three years is that we’re all limited in this way, ultimately, that none of us have truly limitless potential. I am very happy to tell you that I have had exactly zero chance of becoming a research physicist in my life; that’s just not a future that ever fit within my own very-real limitations. As long as we entertain the fiction that such limitations don’t exist, we’re harming our young people.

When I first moved to Brooklyn I quickly found myself broke. I had spent the past couple months without a job, as I had finished grad school, and had to spend money on a couple UHaul rentals, on a place to stay before I was ready to move to New York, and on the absurdly expensive combination of first month’s rent, security deposit, and broker’s fee. Everything was so expensive, and the paycheck that seemed so crazy big after six years of school had come to seem very small once I was actually living on it. So I applied to sell my sperm at a clinic. I was running very low on cash and I didn’t have any other good ideas. When the people at the clinic saw that I’m over six feet tall, white, and have a PhD, they were very motivated to sign me up. And then during the screening, when they learned that I have bipolar disorder, they shook my hand and said no thanks. I guess there was some part of me that wanted to be offended. But bipolar disorder has a major genetic component, and their decision was perfectly defensible. Obviously, not being able to make money at a sperm bank is no great injustice, but equally obviously, there are other, more serious things that my disorder has prevented me from doing. It doesn’t feel good. But then, that’s life.

[followingnewhorizons]

Many thanks to @ant-soul for submitting these questions. I apologize for my late response but I hope my answers prove satisfying in some form or another.

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

There are many secular quotes which have inspired me in one way or another but these days I find holy writs have a power much more inspiring, though much quieter in nature.

One such instance I shall quote in part, from the Quran:

God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear (2:286)

Below I will share some links to other quotations I've found beneficial, especially as of late.

https://themuslimvibe.com/faith-islam/10-inspirational-verses-from-the-holy-quran-to-give-you-hope

https://islamcan.com/blog/2019/12/10-beautiful-verses-of-the-quran-about-hope/

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

Children are wondrous little people. Though I see not many grown people realize the responsibility and care it takes when raising a child in the world. Too often, it seems, children are patronized by adults and I think these sorts of things are best explained by those authors of so-called "childrens books."

While I love children I would not want the aforementioned responsibility of caring for any. I've a responsibility to myself that humbles me still as a person settling into his third decade on earth.

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

I am afraid of God only, and my personal failings to Him, and those reasons should be manifestly obvious to any person of sense. I should clarify that I am scared by daily stresses and worries, but these are fleeting things, not worthy of my fear. That emotion is reserved for God Almighty, alone in His tremendous majesty.

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

I am decidedly introverted by my nature, though certain excitement can rouse me to an extroverted state.

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

Not that I recall, though in recent years I've taken to keeping a small council of plush animals, and these objects are symbolic of that innocence and wonder I have the benefit of looking back upon as an adult.

I should share a photo of these things sometime...

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

I grew up for most of my childhood and early adult years in a tiny town of 500 or so people in the Midwest.

I miss the quietude and the flora and fauna of that place, and I long to visit my favorite haunts once again. It has been just over a year since I was there last, but it's been about five years since I've moved to the city and I haven't stayed in my hometown for more than a few days since that time.

Nostalgia and my sentimental nature pain my heart and my immediate thought is to jot down some wistful verse to capture the essence of what I miss. Maybe something shall come of that.

Pink: Where is home?

Increasingly over the years I become certain that home is not here on earth, or at least it is not to be found in the "worldly" life, here I mean the daily grind, as people are wont to express it these days.

No, indeed I am convinced that true home is elsewhere, among that ephemeral and ethereal stuff of the spirit. If I am crude in my expression, do forgive me. I only mean to say that I long for that incorporeal existence that awaits us all in the end.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without? :D

Hope, certainly. After a particularly trying year (and after what I thought were several trying years already) I am convinced that hope is a necessary ingredient constituting a sound mind and spirit. Hope is evidence of our recognition of God's grace bestowed upon us, in abundance. When circumstances appear to be without hope, an exercise in quieting one's mind can prove this hopelessness an illusion of our limited vision. I speak from recent experience--do not underestimate the dark allure of hopelessness but rather esteem the presence of hope and it's taste as a reward in itself, an antidote to all which seeks to debase perseverance and our noblest human attributes.

Thank you kindly for these, it was a pleasure to answer.

[w-k-smith]

Especially since the first episode of Loki dropped, I’ve been thinking a lot about how prevalent the “Bureaucracy Gothic” vibe has been in pop culture recently.

In Loki, this complicated hierarchy with outdated office furniture and a business casual dress code and cranky supervisors and annoying training materials....has a death grip on reality, and eerily, seems to derive authority only from itself.

In Umbrella Academy....well, ditto, practically.

In Good Omens, angels and demons have been operating on rules and tallies and sometimes the honor system for so long that many of them seem to not think about God very much at all. Like bored employees whose manager is out-of-sight, out-of-mind, and who act like dicks to customers because they think there won’t be consequences.

In The Good Place, corporate machinery grinds on without any thought to whether the system is working or whether any of it is fair. And in this case that apathy leads to most people getting tortured for eternity.

So, like, why is this stuff all over the place?

Is it because Western culture has become so wrapped up in this kind of capitalism that we have to picture Cosmic Authority as working the same way? Especially when artists are deliberately disconnecting the story from explicit religious beliefs (though, yeah, a lot of examples are in a Vague White American Christianity color scheme). Do we spend so much time using this system to judge and value each other that we think that’s how we are ultimately valued and judged?

Or

Is it the opposite? Are the artists in question so nihilistic and filled with dismay for society that, to them, the only way this being part of some kind of “plan” would make sense is if God/”God” is an out-of-touch Chairperson of the Board who has delegated morality to burned-out middle managers?

Or

Is it just for the absurdity of cramming profound spiritual questions into mundane packages? Kind of along the same lines that it’s funny to see a big dog try to sit on a small pillow.

Because, in my experience, when secular art is directly depicting God/gods/the afterlife/the divine/etc. it’s usually actually about something very human. Like class warfare. Or abandonment issues. And when secular art actually wants to talk about Blah Blah Bible Jesus Magic, it tends to drape a metaphor over the stage. Like aliens. Who decided aliens were going to be a stand in for God. I’m not saying I don’t get it but when did it happen.

What makes Bureaucracy Gothic harder to figure out is, it’s kind of doing both of those things at the same time.

In the meantime, am I going to re-read The Screwtape Letters again? Yeah, that’s a strong maybe.

[maddwizard]

putting politics totally aside, belief in a faith involving magic or spirits that isn’t a mainstream religion (i.e., witchcraft, astrology, belief in ghosts, etc.) does not make you more “progressive” or “woke” than people who believe in a mainstream religion. I am not telling you you can’t practice or have faith in what you choose to, but you are still choosing to believe in pseudoscience or total blind faith, despite actual science contradicting such things. 

As I said, politically, anyone of any faith can be liberal or “woke,” and I’m not giving commentary on that. However, religion is a different ballgame and as I see it, there’s people who believe in things that can’t be proven (or outright oppose science) and there’s people who don’t. Some of that stuff is fun to experiment with just for fun, and some people actually believe in superstitions and supernatural/magical things. Regardless, belonging to any religious group, believing wholeheartedly in magic or supernatural beings, or consciously choosing a pseudoscience or lack of science over concrete scientific discoveries when presented with the two, puts you all in the same bucket as far as I’m concerned, even if some of y’all “woke” folks like to think of yourselves as radically different from Christians, Muslims, or whoever.

Also, s/o to my agnostic/secular folks. I have respect for people who can say “fuck if I know” and just trust that there are things humans have discovered, and there are things we haven’t. Extra respect for those who are comfortable with that feeling and don’t become so desperate for answers that they debate joining religion to feel as though they’ve found “truth.” It’s time people make decisions politically, socially, and economically based on concrete things, and not whatever cosmic deity they’re trying to please.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Is Social Justice A Religion? - Andrew Doyle | Modern Wisdom Podcast

Chris: How similar do you draw the parallels in terms of religion? You know, like the sacred texts, the idols...

Andrew: It's a way that you can understand it, if you perceive it as a religion. Because it's a belief system, albeit of a secular kind, which is largely faith-based, so they believe in these invisible power structures, they believe in lived experience, they believe in all this stuff that you have to just take on trust. And the people who are uniquely qualified to detect these power structures, those who have studied “Whiteness Studies” or whatever it might be - so there's that element to it.

But also it it bears all the hallmarks of fundamentalist religion insofar as it will not tolerate any dissent. It attacks heretics, it roots them out, it excommunicates anyone who strays from it. It has its own liturgical cant, doesn't it? Phrases that you are expected to repeat, like “trans women are women,” “trans men are men,” et cetera.

It has its own esoteric language, pseudo-religious language, it has its own gods - Judith Butler, Kimberly Crenshaw, Michel Foucault - its own saints at least.

It has its foundational holy texts. It has all sorts of things in common with religion, so yeah i think it's a really helpful way to understand it.

But also, the main thing I think, is that as Stephen Weinberg the physicist said, “without religion you have good people doing good things and bad people doing bad things; for good people to do bad things that takes religion.”

And it makes sense of things for us, because the Inquisitors who who burned people at the stake, strapped people to the rack, thought they were doing God's work, thought they were the good guys.

The social justice activists who have this incredible unmitigated rage and ferocity, who will happily destroy your life, they will end you. They are merciless and brutal, but they think they're doing good.

And that I think is that's why it makes sense to think of it as a religion. That's why it it helps us to comprehend why - look a lot of the people in this movement will be bullies and will be the sadists. It attracts people of that kind, because they get to do what they want to do and look like the good guys and they get away with it.

But most of them will be really decent people who think that they are upholding social justice and who will think that they are combating racism, combating fascists. They probably believe that fascists are everywhere even though all the studies tell us that they're not.

So that's why I think the comparison with religion is important to understand, because I don't want to just dismiss these people as all... you know, if you just judge them on their actions you think, god these people are psychotic, they have no human empathy. Just none.

But it can't be that, can it? Because I have a fundamental belief in humanity and I think some people are sociopaths, some people have no empathy, and some of them will be part of the social justice movement, sure. But I think most of them are pretty good people who just got it very wrong.

==

Long but worthwhile chat between Chris Williamson and Andrew Doyle.

[hillbillyoracle]

I’m getting burnt out of Agnostic and Atheist voices being some of the loudest in damn near every spirituality space I’m in. Especially when those voices conflate hard materialism with intelligence and the ability to consider things carefully and thoughtfully. I’ve been seeing it in Buddhist circles for ages and it’s becoming more and more of a thing in the Pagan circles I’m in too. 

It’s also frustrating when those voices position themselves as especially oppressed within already oppressed and minority religions. If you’re a materialist who chooses to engage in a spiritual religion or space, some tolerance and acceptance for the spiritual would not only be polite but essential. Coming into spiritual spaces, demanding space and consideration, and being dismissive of spiritual experiences is uh...certainly a choice. 

To me it really seems like walking into a burger joint and demanding a perfect curry, like that’s not what this place is for and there are places that already do that. Go there instead. Like even if you get back in the kitchen and try to make one yourself you’re going to be missing some key ingredients and tools so like...it’s never going to compare to what you could just get from a place that actually is made for that. Then to sit in the lobby and get mad when people come in and order burgers - it’s just...very weird. But idk. Do you I guess. 

I miss being in Pagan spaces where I didn’t have to clarify that yes I do actually believe tarot cards can predict the future and communicate with spirits and no I’m not just doing it for self reflection. Yes, I’ve had direct and vivid experiences with people who’ve died and spirits. I miss when more of the Buddhist spaces I frequented didn’t have “Do Buddhists actually believe in ghosts and hell? I can’t believe in a religion that actually thinks those are real!” threads like every damn day. 

This is absolutely no shade at any of my agnostic and atheist friends. I would not be following y’all if y’all were the problem. If you’re about to comment “Well I don’t...” then this isn’t about you. Chill. 

It’s about a specific current of those voices that I keep seeing crop up time and time again that’s just really making it difficult to find community spaces I can relax in. I’m fucking tired of being in a spiritual space then having to keep coming across posts/threads that are basically “I’m much smarter for not believing in the supernatural and you all need to grow out of these fairy tales.” 

I was going through some of my posts I’ve written over the last couple years and I saw how I’ve been so hesitant to talk actual spiritual experiences because the crowd that isn’t actively ignoring health/science tend to be loudly secular and can often be dismissive. And I know those are the circles where a lot of my stuff tends to float in outside of my immediate one and I’ve gotten some very weird comments on posts that are even vaguely certain of spiritual concepts. So it’s a little stifling at times. 

I’m thankful for some of the people I’ve cultivated in on my feed and in forums I frequent who are either spiritual themselves or very chill with spiritual beliefs even if they don’t have them. But any time I leave that little bubble of folks - damn. It’s very tiring. 

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

My dad told me I won’t be autistic anymore once I go to Heaven but the thought of being neurotypical makes me feel like I wouldn’t be myself and I don’t want to change since my autism isn’t something that needs to be “”cured”” or fixed. I dunno if this makes sense but any advice for autistic Christians?

Whew i feel you, anon!! I am autistic and I was made that way by God with beautiful purpose!! and so were you! I have no desire to be allistic, and honestly, i have found my autistic mind to be vital to my faith.

The Bible has been my special(ized) interest since I was very young; my deep passion for the Bible has been my lifeline in times of wrestling with church, faith, and God.

If i weren't autistic, i wonder whether i'd have simply walked away from all the pain and trauma that human beings speaking for God have inflicted on me and too many others. Being autistic is what has opened me to seeing that God is always on the side of the oppressed -- and that God's justice is not human justice, not unlike how the intense sense of justice many autistic folk experience often defies normative ideas of justice.

I've also long had a special(ized) interest in languages; this has proven vastly helpful in learning ancient Greek and Hebrew. Being autistic has helped me learn the original biblical languages and thus get to know the Bible even better!

So yeah, i'm with you -- the thought of being neurotypical is horrifying. Not only would i cease to be me, but the very things that have tied me to God would melt away!

Thank God, that's not what God's good news for us is!! Rather, God's will for each of us is to live into our full selves -- with unique gifts! -- the selves that They blessed and call Good. And for autistic folk, that means our autistic selves.

I imagine your dad ascribes to the common assumption that all disabilities will be "healed" or "fixed" in heaven......but just because that's the normative assumption doesn't mean it's fact. Some resources for you to explore that offer other ideas:

My "disabled AND blessed" youtube series. The first video talks about the gifts that autistic folks bring to our faith communities just as we are! And other videos talk about how disability isn't a flaw but part of the diversity God delights in.

Wander through my disability theology tag. See, for instance, this quote about a Deaf woman who imagines herself as still Deaf in heaven!

i also have another disability theology tag (lmao) on my other more academic blog that has some AMAZING passages....for autistic stuff in particular, there's the autistic theology tag.

...Jesus as autistic, anyone?

And here's my google doc with recommendations for anyone getting into disability theology. There are so many fantastic books out there for people who want to know what Good news God has for disabled folk, including autistic persons!

Google the neurodiversity movement, if you're not already familiar, and learn about the idea that being autistic is natural and not brokenness from a "secular" perspective

So. Yeah. What will be removed from God's Kin(g)dom is discrimination, not diversity. We will still be what here and now is called autistic -- and we will be fully welcomed and valued for what we bring to the table, rather than shunned and shamed!

If anyone has further thoughts or resources for anon, please share!

[benevolentbirdgal]

“Thirteen” Tips on Writing Jewish Characters / Some  Jewish Identity Stuff Explained

So you want to write a Jewish character, but don’t want to write a caricature? Or are worried they won’t register as Jewish to readers, or something will be off or wrong? Well I, friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional, am here to help! 

Note: The Jewish community is made up of roughly 14 million people worldwide with all sorts of backgrounds, practices, life circumstances, and beliefs. I’m just one American Jew, but I’ve had exposure to Jewishness in many forms after living in 3.5 states (at several different population densities/layouts), attending Jewish day school and youth groups, doing Jewish college stuff, and landing a job at a Jewish non-profit. I’m speaking specifically in an American or Americanish context, though some of this will apply elsewhere as well. 

Let’s start with the word “Jew.” It’s not inherently a slur, but can absolutely be used as one. I am a Jew. You can call me a Jew, just not a Jew. Like most minority groups, there are slurs against us, but Jew is the proper demonym. It can be used disrespectfully as a noun, but isn’t inherently disrespectful. Think “Chava is a Jew” versus “You’re being such a Jew.” 1a. Any use of Jew as a verb by gentiles (non-Jews) is not okay. Your Jewish characters should be horrified by someone telling them they “Jewed down the price.” 1b. Any use of Jewess by gentiles is not okay and your Jewish character should not be cool with it.  1c. Many Jews would actively prefer to be called such because that’s what we are and “Jewish person” is stepping away from our Jewishness. But I get that not everybody is going to be comfortable calling us Jews. That’s okay, and “Jewish person/people” or “X is Jewish” is TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.  1d. With that said, Jewish people refers to ourselves as Jews. If Sarah is Jewish but is squicked about referring to herself as a Jew, your Jewish readers will immediately know she’s written by a gentile.  1e. Actual slurs against Jews is a post for another time (did you know K*ke literally means circle?). 

Your Jewish-American character likely does not speak Hebrew, Yiddish, Ladino, or any other Judeo-Language (languages that are a mix of Hebrew and at least one other language, typically written in the Hebrew abjad). Three notes on this, however: 2a. If your character is an immigrant or the child of an immigrant, they might speak the Judeo-language of the old country. The most common will be Israeli-Americans speaking Hebrew, but families still speaking Yiddish, Ladino, Judeo-Arabic, and other families do still exist. The children of Jewish immigrants might also speak another language that isn’t a Jewish one, like Russian or Spanish.  2b. If they are in a VERY religious Ashkenazi community, they might speak Yiddish at home and in the community.  2c. Odds are decent, however, that your American Jew can read but not understand Hebrew. If your character went to Jewish Day School or Yeshiva, they definitely read Hebrew, and will have some understanding of it (but likely not fluency). 

Despite what I just said above, your Jewish-American character likely drops a lot of Yiddish words and phrases into their day-to-day speech. Which words/phrases in probably a list for another time, but the most common will be foods, family names (i.e. “Zayde” instead of Grandpa), and sassy expressions. They may incorporate some Hebrew to a lesser extent. 

There’s not just one version of kosher. There’s kosher, kosher-style, Halav Yisrael, glatt kosher, etc. Depending on your character’s level of kosher, they’ve need a hecksher (kosher mark) on any given item or only eat at kosher restaurants, although not all Jews keep kosher and many keep “kosher-style” (i.e. only eat theoretically kosher things).

Your Jewish character should be a whole character, both in general and in relation to their Jewishness. This means, among other things, that they aren’t obsessed with Israel and I/P discourse one way or the other and that while writing you remember that not all Israelis are Jews and not all Jews are Israelis. Your Jewish character is not constantly agonizing over the I/P situation, has a life outside of their Jewishness, and shouldn’t be a cardboard stand-in for your desire to discuss the middle east. 

The Jewish experience varies dramatically with geography. Jews living in Omaha, Richmond, Philly, Kansas City, Boca Raton, and New York City are all American Jews. They will have drastically different Jewish experiences. I strongly recommend doing research on the Jews in the specific place your story takes places, but generally:  6a. The closer you are to the northeast coast and NYC (except south Florida) the better and more varied your Jewish resources.  6b. NYC has the highest Jewish population of any city on the planet. Big cities like Boston, Chicago, and L.A., as well as just outside of NYC in NJ and NYS, and suburban/exburb south Florida will have lots of Jewish resources: day schools (Jewish + secular education mix), maybe Yeshivas (Jewish focus), multiple synagogues, a Jewish Community Center, Jewish dating services, social stuff, Jewish charities, and youth activities. Your character will have other Jewish friends and their gentile friends will likely know other Jews. Antisemitism is still a problem and usually takes the form of excluding Jews from activism, thinly-veiled stereotyping or excusing antisemitism from people from other oppressed groups, but it’s usually not as overt as elsewhere. Almost always safe to disclose Jewishness.  6c. Small and mid-size cities Denver, Virginia Beach, Charleston, and Harrisburg will have a JCC or Jewish federation, multiple synagogues, and maybe a Jewish day school. Your character is not the only Jew their gentile peers have met, but the bagels are meh. They will have other Jews to bond and commiserate with. Antisemitism here is mostly like that in big cities with occasional burst of overt incidents and attacks. It is generally physically safe for them to disclose Jewishness.  6d. Big towns and small cities in the south or mid-west will have maybe one synagogue - probably reform or Chabad. Your character will have to seek out Jewish spaces, but they will be easy to find. They will not be everybody’s First Jew, but it will be unusual. Antisemitism here is mostly overt - most of the antisemites your character deals with will be very obvious and many will be violent. Jews in such situations will not hide their Jewishness per se, but will be more selective in choosing to disclose it.  6e. Rural areas and small-small towns will not have a synagogue. Your character and their family may be the only Jews or there might be a small group that meets on occasion or carpools to the nearest synagogue. They will have to actively seek out the others Jews and they will be difficult to find. Disclosing their Jewishness is a serious consideration and not always safe. Odds are they are many people’s First Jew, which gets really weird real fast. Beyond the harmless ignorant-but-trying-to-learn-from-their-first-Jew types your character will interact with, there’s also violent and overt antisemitism here.  6f. If your character is in college, they will likely have a Chabad and/or a Hillel on campus if they are at a large school or a school with a significant Jewish population. 

Related: when Jews meet each other for the first time, a game of “Jewish geography” ensues as they try and trace people they know in the other person’s state/city/community. 

Jews come in all shapes, colors, sizes, genders, sexualities, politics, and religious beliefs. There are all sorts of Jewish people with tons of different intersecting identities. Don’t box yourself in to writing one kind of Jew. Just research a ton on the particular subsection of the Jewish community your character is a part of - a Mizrachi-Jewish Persian-American bisexual woman is going to have a different experience than a straight Ethiopian-American Jewish man who is going to have different experience from a queer Ashkenazi-Jewish-American girl with non-Jewish family.  8a. Jews with Ashkenazi (eastern/northern European) ancestry and customs are the biggest group in the U.S., but by no means the only group or representative of every Jew. Sephardi (Spanish/southern European/north Africa), and Mizrachi (north Africa and the middle east) are the next biggest groups. It would not be unusual for your character to have Polish-Jewish, Iraqi-Jewish, Moroccan-Jewish, or Russian Jewish ancestry or a mix.  8b. Each of these groups have their own customs, Judeo-languages, local holidays, and local historic tragedies. Generally, historic Sephardi communities were linked between themselves, historic Ashkenazi communities were linked between themselves, and historic Mizarchi communities were linked between themselves. The three had some, but limited contact. Additionally, all three major groups have subdivisions within them.  8c. There are also smaller groups that don’t fall within the three traditional categories, like the Ethiopian Jews, the Cochin Jews (India), Chinese Jews, Gruzim (Georgian), and more. Most of these smaller groups were not in contact with the wider Jewish world.  8d. All Jewish groups start from the same base texts (the written Torah), and the majority include the oral Torah as well. Local interpretations and traditions develop, these are referred to as minhag(im) (customs). For example, the biblical commandment is to not boil a baby goat in its mother’s milk. Some communities extend this to mean no chicken and milk, others reason that chickens don’t produce milk so the mixture is acceptable. Both are equally valid interpretations rooted in tradition, but they are different.  8e. Marrying between Jewish subgroups in the U.S. is super common and outside of extreme or really intense groups is not frowned upon. Traditionally, the father’s minhagim are followed, i.e. a Syrian-Jewish father and a Spanish-Jewish mother would follow the Syrian-Jewish minhagim with their children. Many modern couples choose the mother’s traditions or mix them up, but that’s the traditional route. 

Unless they are VERY religious, your character’s family is unlikely to be particularly wound up about them being LGBTQ the way a comparably Christian family might, at least not because they’re Jewish. Samuel’s Jewish mother is likely unconcerned he likes boys and is much more empathetic than he must marry a Jewish boy and raise any kids Jewish. 

There are so many Jewish holidays, and they are not all celebrated the same or with the same intensity. Probably enough material for its own post, but the ones most likely celebrated by your character: 10a. Shabbat and/or Havdalah. Shabbat starts Friday nights with candles, wine/grape juice and challah bread, Havdalah ends Shabbat with a braided candle, wine, and aromatic spices. Shabbat dinner is usually a meat meal and it is common to invite guests or eat with friends and family (in normal times).  10b. The “High Holidays” - Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. Jewish students often skip school for these. Yom Kippur is a 25 hour fast with services all day, Rosh HaShanah has services in the evening and morning.  10c. Passover - arguably the most important holiday. Celebrated with two sometimes agonizingly long Seders (ritual meals), family gatherings, and abstaining from leavened bread for 7/8 days.  10d. Hanukkah - Not actually that spiritually important, but culturally important for American Jews. Typically celebrated with candle lighting, presents, visits to family members, and greasy food. 

There’s a lot of wine involved in Jewish ritual, so it’s unlikely your character’s Jewish family are teetotalers. 

Jewish families tend to be very intense, loud, opinioned, caring, and involved, compared to many other assimilated American families. Shabbat dinner is not quiet. Dissent is a Jewish value - differing opinions are allowed (and expected in many circles), as is the ability to argue/defend competently. 

Jewishness can mean ethnic identity, cultural identity, and/or religion. There are several major denominations religiously, although that needs to be its own post in detail. The noteworthy movements at this point are Orthodox (further subdivided into Ultraorthodox and Modern Orthodox), Conservative (middle of the road, no relation to conservative politics), Reform, and Reconstructionist (both very “choose your own/your community’s adventure).

Probably will write more parts in the future, but this is heinously long already! Hope this is helpful!