#but i cant sleep rn but my brain is Going
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𓇼 POV: you’re a model soft launching your relationship with jensen ackles
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yourusername never drinking again 💔
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charli_xcx yeppp!
yourusername @/charli_xcx no i’m being so serious 💔 j had to make me a bed in the bathroom to sleep on 💔💔
y/n_lover @/yourusername J?? who the fuck is J?? 😭😭
addisonraee i feel you
quenblackwell chew
alexconsani mother
random_user the amount of coke done at this party…
user_6483 @/random_user HELP
girlblogger_ i jus know EVERYONE was bumpin that ❄️
random_user @/girlblogger_ 356 party girl 🤷♀️
i_heart_y/n 9th slide… bae is that man bothering you 🤗?
ribbonprincess @/i_heart_y/n “WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE? WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE? NO ITS ACTUALLY PISSING ME OFF”
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yourusername your favourite artist’s favourite artist ⭐️
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chappellroan ily ❤️
yourusername @/chappellroan you were so amazing bb!! 🥹❤️
y/ns_bxtch @/chappellroan YALL ARE FRIENDS??? my worlds are colliding 😥
pearlzier omg they’re having a mother off
archiveofvirtue i love when hot people are friends with hot people
ribbonprincess called the two cvntiest girlies and they answered ⭐️
wi4hfulth1nking WHO IS THE MAN OH MY GOD SOMEONE PLS FIND OUT
random_user @/wi4hfulth1nking i’m pretty sure it’s jensen ackles
user_63839 @/random_user huh
girlblogger_ @/random_user 🤨 that can’t be him?? what would they even talk about??
deans_lover @/girlblogger_ i’ve stared at that man’s biceps enough to know that that is DEFINITELY him
y/n_lover @/random_user am i being punked rn 🤨🤣?
random_user @/girlblogger_ girl how tf must i know? someone saw him at her concert and that second last picture looks like him smh 😒
deansbite serving omg
yourbestfriendsuser you actually took him with 😭!
yourusername @/yourbestfriendsuser yes lmao!! he can’t stop singing hot to go now 😭😭😭
bluemerakis @/yourusername WHO IS THIS HE?? 💔💔💔
beausling @/yourusername i feel like im being cheated on rn what the fuck
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jensenackles Learnt the new YMCA 😎
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jaredpadalecki gen’s been talking about her too! 😃
jensenackles @/jaredpadalecki 😂
pearlzier WHAT UNIVERSE IS THIS?? JENSEN KNOWS CHAPPELL ROAN?? MY GAY HEART IS EXPLODING OMG
random_user i love when old people do young ppl things like soft launching it’s so funny
user_33 @/random_user33 he’s not even that old i’m crying 😭
ribbonprincess what the fuck
blue-d how does he knows about chappell roan LMFAO??
archiveofvirtue @/blue-d “someone cooked here”
random_user01 @/archiveofvirtue @/yourusername
bluemerakis hey! so i just fell to the floor?? this is so insane 😧
beausling i wonder what his favourite song is 😭
wi4hfulth1nking what a diva
dean_jensen01 bye @/yourusername definitely took him lmfao 😭
girlblogger_66 @/dean_jensen01 is he not married….
dean_jensen01 @/girlblogger_66 girl no 😭 he’s been divorced for like 5 years now alr
girlblogger_66 @/dean_jensen01 oh?? 😭
yourusername 20m
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yourusername @/radiocomusic 🕺
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yourbestfriendsuser omg putting smaller artists on the map fr ⭐️
yourusername @/yourbestfriendsuser LMAOO he’s gonna be so grumpy when he sees this 😭😭
beausling shes so hot i cant even be mad 💔
girlblogger_ @/jensenackles you’re sleeping on the couch tonight smh 😒
random_user say sike rn 😀
deans_lover the sleeveless shirt? SLUT
jensenackles had the best time baby 😎❤️
yourusername @/jensenackles now you have to come with me to an ethel cain show 🤗
archiveofvirtue @/jensenackles @/yourusername i’m actually tweaking rn
bluemerakis @/jensenackles baby?? i swear i just had my pants on 😥
pearlzier @/jensenackles oh piss off 😣
wi4hfulth1nking my brain is short circuiting
deansbite and my ovaries screamed “FERTILISE US” 🗣️
yourusername liked your comment
deansbite @/yourusername liked my comment lmfao 😭😭😭😭
blue-d @/deansbite hello?? 😭😭😭
girlblogger_ i wanna lick the sweat off of his neck 💔
yourusername @/girlblogger tastes yummy!
girlblogger_ @/yourusername ☹️
archiveofvirtue @/yourusername that should be me 💔
beausling @/yourusername girl can you fight omg? 😐
random_user_ @/yourusername absolutely not
ribbonprincess mama y papa
user_7393 this is so random 😭
yourusername 10m
𓇼 thank you for reading chica’s 🥥🌺
𓇼 tags: @pearlzier @deansbite @bluemerakis @bluemerakis @archiveofvirtue @ribbonprincess @filmologetica @dianawinchester03 @beausling @wi4hfulth1nking
𓇼 comment if you would like to be added/removed from the taglist for the jackles insta au’s 🌺
𓇼 reblogs would be greatly appreciated!! 🥥
next insta au’s to be posted will be one for jdm (made especially for @bluemerakis), one for mgg and then one for drew starkey ⭐️
𓇼 masterlist
#jensen ackles#jensen ackles x reader#gibson g1rl’s recs ꩜ .ᐟ#gibson g1rl’s fics 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚#jensen ackles fluff#jensen ackles smut#jensen ackles fic#jensen fucking ackles#dean winchester#supernatural#dean winchester x reader#insta au
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I just don't think my brain needed another thing to think about
#shut up avery#i getting the fire brain feeling again#so im laying in bed and trying to not#focus on shit#cause i didn't sleep last night#but i cant sleep rn but my brain is Going#and i cant like. watch anything cause my laptop is goin thru it.
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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doing projects isn't working, I'm kinda doing one thing, then putting it down and trying smth else, it's not feeling good, I don't feel like doing anything, blah blah blah
#the thing is Im actually doing stuff. i finished gluing the cardboard pieces of the mini bed and I cut my old yoga mat and glued pieces#together to make a mattress. I had made a pillow before#and now that im waiting for glue to dry I was looking at how to crochet a little blanket for it#but my brain cant wrap itself around crochet rn so i was once again looking for ways to make mini books#I want to make a little poem book and it feels too daunting to actually make it rn but#i could just get the poems I want together#hey did you know that any time I go through my poem tag on my blog I can't not cry?#anyway nothing feels right#doing anything else seems impossible rn. I just want to sleep#again I say: BWEHHHHHH#personable
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Fml. I have mental illnesses for real fhat arent just garden variety anxiety and depression <- sorry it turned into a vent/rant in the tags. The perilous poster
#THIS IS NOTHING IM FINE !!!#i just had to remember earlier that sometimes i dont get to be myself#and i drove through my ahit moms town for no reason#and we got a kitten and of course i feel like the only one reasonably concerned#so idk if my concerns are valid or if im overreacting and i dont know how much of my worry is justified#what if im just being a party pooper?#ANDDDD on top of that i dont know where the kitten is rn. and its fine. ots fine#but my mind keeps flashing me images of him stuck somewhere or hurt or somethinf#and i was supposed to be watching him but i left to make food#but my family keeps going 'oh lets do a small trip' so i dont add anything to the list#and then they get a bunch of bs and i dont get any food#WE DONT NEED COSMIC BROWNIES MAN I NEED TO EAT A REAL MEAL THAT MAKES ME FULL PLEASE GOD#and our older cat hates the kitten and im worried the stress is gonna kill him because hes fucking 19#agghh aaghhhhhhh and i cant keep up with everyone and im overwhelmed and i think im just like#upset because i havnt had real food but fuck man idk what to do about that#i coukd bike down to the store and get a sandwich#but my stupid brain keeps going 'if you leave the kitten will die and its your fault'#even though thats not fuckong correct#and i just. aaghhh. aaghhhhhh#and im overheatinf rn but i cant go to my room bc aforementioned kitten desth prophecies#and i. just. aaghhhh ghhhhrrhhhh ghrrrr#im fine im fine i just need to complain i need to be a bitch#ANDDD im tired cause i coulsnt sleep which isng helping#god ive been having a bunch of panic attacks lately too i stopped having them so much after quitting school
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cool feeling soooo blocked and angsty and tired as of late. scared that my saw fixation is slipping, scared i am no longer able to write, that the last 3 months have been a fluke. i have a bunch of WIPs and i dont even wanna touch them rn. pls be patient w me oomfies :')
#txt#probably just.....depression and hospitality burn out#my brain is still full of lynnmanda but i cant find the words#i am barely even eating or doing anything except sleep go to work smoke and drink rn grrrrrhhhgrgr bark bark i hate my brain so fuckign muc
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gotta get up early for class tomorrow im so sleepy but i suddenly felt the urge to calculate how much money's been spent on my post secondary education till now and i literally feel nauseous
#LIKE.... what the fuck .#and the way my contribution has been minimal how am i ever gonna like . repay my dad for this#also how does he just .....spend so much . he'll always pay for anything school related w/o saying anything weird#like why is this genuinely making me crysjrjfjskwkfj#i KNEWWWW it was a lot but i was just thinking id love to pay him back for it somehow#so i was like lemme pull up all my undergrad invoices and the current stuff too and i did the math and .....#LIKE I FEEL SICK obv i have Issues w my dad but sometimes i feel so bad for him his dad passed away when he was 15#so i feel like he jas that Thing for like being super present in his kids' lives#and education is like a Biiiiig thing for him bc he had to work and earn and pay for his own (ig his mom helped as much as she could)#THIS IS MAKING ME SOB IM SO SAD#and the way i cant even fucking find a job to at least earn SOMETHINGGGG i can help with its so stupid#anyway idk Whats going on in my brain rn i should sleep god#like im so grateful but theres so much guilt too ??#desi culture is insane bc imagine you work your whole entire life and then you have to pay for every one of ur kids' education weddings etc#OK GOOD NIGHT will i delete this is it too . personal . idk#h talks
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god this fucking sucks.
#thinking that things were ok and safe COVID wise and then having the rug pulled out from under me I mean.#when I say I wish I never stopped masking I mean it for practical reasons too but a huge factor for me has also just been the psychological#distress of thinking things were safe and having that freedom followed by the gut punch of how abysmal the reality of COVID is!!!#we were never safe the freedom was false and now I'm trying to protect myself and others and nobody in my life will do the same for me#and I know I've had 1-2 infections and the compounding damage is high risk for me and the brain damage makes me so upset#bc my brain is already really bad and terrible and frustrating to live with and I cant handle it getting worse I cant#I just want to live and be a person and not have to worry about this and compromise my bodily safety bc I dont have anywhere to go where#the ppl I would cohabitate with would even CONSIDER being covid conscious and masking up like even a little bit#and I cant get too upset bc weve been lied to and traumatized and its really really hard to counteract that. bc im doing it rn and it#fucking SUCKS and i want to feel safe again so bad but I know that would be a lie#the absolute kindest and most understanding ppl around me are still treating this like its my personal problem. like ok when YOU feel safe#this is not a live and let live situation fuck!!! fuck you!!!!!#ok. gonna cry and try to sleep#it speaks
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not to sound like a quitter, but.
#wat do u do wen ur in iceland with two of ur best friends#but u cant fucking sleep#and u dont have any of ur creature comforts and by gods are u a creature of comfort#and u have no money#and youve put very little effort towards this trip and even less money lmao#like wow i have ppl who will just. buy me plane tickets and tour tickets and food#which is lovely but ultimately soul crushing#bc im going to spend the next four years repaying that#bc i cant get it the fuck together with my spending habits#like ffs im almost 30 and i keep spending my money like a 10yo who found $5 in the street#and cash doesnt feel like a real option in iceland#and unfortunately i also screwed myself by not getting my new credit card#there is. a lot of negativity in my brain rn.#yeah its bc im tired as shit but with the insomnia#like i would pretend to sleep bc i know its better than doom scrolling but fuck#my brain refuses to be distracted from the self loathing rn#2hrs of lying there and i was like okay ill read fic for a bit so i stop. Thinking.#but then i close my eyes and my brain just fucking flushes itself again#anyway. screaming. hollering. homesick.#i only have unhealthy coping mechanisms at this point and unfortunately my fave one is illegal here sooooo.......#might try buying a pack of smokes tmrw lmao#provided i dont find anything sharp first heyyo
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[pained wailing emoji]
#.pdf#rd#THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE#i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out#every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️#im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much#my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24#(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so)#and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work#and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only#time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive#i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really#work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all#so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol#ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse#idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would-#-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs.#i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..
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is it the covid or the period or the stress or the overwhelming anxiety abt the future or the economy or the autism or th
#i feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears#every interaction i have leaves me feeling jaded. i cant remember anything and i can barely take care of myself#im turning 23 in less than a month#what am i doing with my life#no job offers no savings#incredible amounts of debt for what. a degree i wont use? a degree that wont get me a job?#if i even manage to get it. im so close to graduation but im so tired#i dont know if i can scrounge up enough points to qualify for a degree because im going to fail the course im taking rn#and i feel awful about talking about it because i feel like i disappoint both myself and my family#and i swing between feeling so hopeless to just angry and i dont want to feel angry anymore#sorry anyways im gonna try to sleep again#shush nono shush
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getting discharged today hopefully. only stayed the extra night because my mom wants me to but more specifically i need to talk to the PA when he comes in at 6 am and beg him to prescribe me better pain meds for home bc atm the ones theyre wanting me to take with me are even WEAKER than what was being given for pre op, aka the the exact useless pain med that is too too too fucking weak and useless for my post op pain literally at all. like zero difference.
#if i magage to get that worked out im absolutely fucking telling them to discharge me as soon as possible#they was literally the most miserable thing ive had ro di in my life#and i just want to go home with strong enough pain shit#that i want have to be sobbing so bad from the pain which only ends up aggravating the full front of my neck#wont*#too msny typos#still can use my finger good yet and my over months long brain fog is still in me#and even since the surgery i cant sleep even 30 minutes at time from the pain even with the valium and ambien they give mw#like at this point just give me a actual pain med that willl work instead of just givin me shit to make me pass out#sorry if this is mostly incomprehensible esp in the tags. ive been running off absolutely no sleep rn jist pain
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well meaning advice to just push through nerves/anxiety/discomfort and do things is fine and all but i dont think youre understanding that doing enjoyable things i chose and want still make me feel like im walking to the fucking gallows
#not exaggerating. i cant focus on work rn bc my brain keeps going 'whats the point you wont even be here next week'#???? i definitely will be here next week the world is not ENDING you stupid organ#sorry i complain about this all the time but i also suffer from it all the time so!#extra cranky bc my bodys starting to hurt from the cold and i cant get my sleep right to be able to exercise to help that#whatever whatever this week is a washout lets try and be normal from next week. fuck this stupid baka life
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I don't think i feel ashamed of anything as much or often as i do insomnia....weird. Annoying. Nothing wrong with it i wish i felt less ashamed
#stupid brain doesnt know when to shut off#i always vividly walk thru the fear i felt as a teen when my dad woule be getting up for work at 5 am#and the series of chores hed go thru before deciding if i was gonna pretend to be asleep or not in case he came to make sure i was up#and often he didnt id just be waiting for him to scamper bc#im so easily hurt by even simple#barbs or even prodding about lack of sleep#my dad going oh still up? with disappointment is like 100 f grades#i cant even remember his insult. just an immediate deep guilt and shame and disappointment#sometimes he'd even laugh and jokenw me (rare but treasured) but still the shame#hm#i probably need to be in therapy rn#depression snd unemployment hitting hard!!!!!! gotta get a fuckin job asap
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...
#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals#and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away#from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird#ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas#there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil#lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit#like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside#all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶#maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha#ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i#dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January#so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes#just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im#afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see#me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over#im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol#i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful#unrelated
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getting asks makes me so happy, thank you guys for trusting my input and for taking the time to send asks!! 🥺💖
i have a feeling i'm going to be online quite often this week, so if anyone has any questions about astrology, spiritual stuff, healing, anything, i'm always here!! happy to answer asks about certain placements (ie: gemini moon traits, mutable dominance traits, etc), compatibility (taurus x scorpio sun compatibility), astrology topics (what do the planets mean, what are the houses, etc), take requests for posts (ie: what does saturn in the signs mean), etc!!! <3
#luna.txt#i'm going through some stressful weird life stuff rn#and it's nice to come back to tumblr again and talk about astro and take my mind off the bad 💕#i feel like i'm in a whole new healing girl era but like still kinda in my endings painful girl era#im having feelings and thoughts and as a scorpio u can understand how stressful that is for me#JLKFDJFKLDFJ#anyway<3 love u guys#hope ur all doing well#pls send as many asks as u want#(i just cant read ur entire chart im sorry!!!)#anyway i was supposed to sleep early tonight bc i have so many work meetings tmrw#but now my brain is just like on Go mode and stress mode so#perhaps ill stay awake going thru old asks and answering any new ones i might get!!!!#and also.. staying awake for le sserafim comeback omg.. my fav gg (along w purplekiss) im so excited#ANYWAY!! im happy to talk anytime even if its not abt astro#feel free to come yell at me abt ur problems or ur wins or anything<3#im always happy to give older sister advice too.. or younger sister advice if ur older than me..#also always happy to talk about girl groups or genshin or myg or exo<3#ok ill stop rambling now.. its been a while since i treated tumblr like a diary oops
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