#and often he didnt id just be waiting for him to scamper bc
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I don't think i feel ashamed of anything as much or often as i do insomnia....weird. Annoying. Nothing wrong with it i wish i felt less ashamed
#stupid brain doesnt know when to shut off#i always vividly walk thru the fear i felt as a teen when my dad woule be getting up for work at 5 am#and the series of chores hed go thru before deciding if i was gonna pretend to be asleep or not in case he came to make sure i was up#and often he didnt id just be waiting for him to scamper bc#im so easily hurt by even simple#barbs or even prodding about lack of sleep#my dad going oh still up? with disappointment is like 100 f grades#i cant even remember his insult. just an immediate deep guilt and shame and disappointment#sometimes he'd even laugh and jokenw me (rare but treasured) but still the shame#hm#i probably need to be in therapy rn#depression snd unemployment hitting hard!!!!!! gotta get a fuckin job asap
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