#but i believe and have and built an affirming community around me

[not-so-superheroine]

pope francis goes, maybe lgbtq+ catholics should have some rights, and conservative catholics lose it.

liberation theology is great actually. i wouldn't know about it without conservative catholics insulting the pope about it. anyway, adopted it into my personal theology. thank you jesuits and people who are upset about them.

also, its still discriminatory. he also says very non-affirming things. yet it's still too much "acceptance" in some people's mind. what happened to loving your neighbor as yourself?

i am happy for lgbtq+ catholics, small steps, i understand. but if it makes you more comfortable in expressing your faith and being included in it, i love that for you.

a lot of people don't get why lgbtq+ persons may stay, and think it's to attract lgbtq+ persons to a non-affirming institution, but i think that's simplistic.

i think people fail to realize that it may be for lgbtq+ persons who are staying. some won't leave bc of their faith, and they should be treated well, you know?

some people simply will not leave because of their beliefs at the end of the day, so progress must be made and is a good thing. this is what i have learned through my conversion elsewhere.

[yuurivoice]

Saw a goofball post about ASMR Roleplay, romantic plots, narratives, etc. and so on.

Let me share some of my philosophy with you as someone in this game for 7 years, 150k subs on YouTube, and who turned this into a lucrative business for himself. I say all that not to flex, but to assure you that maybe I know a little bit about what I'm talking about.

Audio Roleplays, ASMR Roleplay, etc and so forth is not some sort of rigid, strict thing. If you believe that content in this niche has to adhere to strict rules, structure, and expectations, you've already entered into this with strange expectations because there is such a vast array of ways you can go about presenting this content.

Some of it is slice of life moments in time with an assumed relationships between character and listener. Before narrative audios started to pick up steam, or rather, a handful of folks (myself included) developed followings centered on original characters and stories, the vast majority of creators in this space were just doing snippets of experiences. And, in case you were unaware, that approach is wildly successful. Boyfriend Experiences, audio smut, etc. has a much wider appeal at this time because a listener can drop right in and enjoy it.

If you have somehow deluded yourself into thinking that every audio has to adhere to strict narrative rules, be defined by conflict, or things happening beyond whatever the vibe calls for, you're willfully putting yourself and the niche in a box. Which is fine, but seeing people piss and moan about it is strange.

My approach has been to blend narrative series along with one-shots. One-shots serve as super self indulgent audios that aren't tied to the narrative and allow listeners to engage with some of their favorite characters they fell in love with in the narrative without furthering the plot.

Sometimes I play the game, explore tropes and clichés that are popular for the sake of taking a crack at it. Because it brings in new listeners who then become fans of my narrative work and creates genuine supporters of my passion projects.

And ya know? It fucking works. It works really well. I can drop a very straightforward, stripped down comfort audio with Alphonse like I did today and move listeners to tears. And then we can continue on with BitterSweet when I'm good and ready. It keeps the channel running, keeps the audience engaged, and keeps me working.

The bigger point here is that creators should be able to approach their work as they see fit, without concerns about goofballs with strange expectations and standards dictating to them what is and is not valid. You wanna know what's valid? Creating shit that you like, that the people who support you like. However you achieve that is all good in my book.

Having some goofy ass superiority complex about how people play pretend with pretty voices is strange behavior. I'm proud that my community has never flung that kind of nonsense around, and I'm speaking on it to affirm that kind of stance for the folks who rock with me.

If you're a listener who has recently stumbled into this niche, I implore you to explore, listen to others, find what you like and enjoy it because you enjoy it. There are countless people making audio content these days and there's no wrong way to do it, never has been. There's something for everyone, and if someone tries to tell you otherwise, be wary.

I'm not about negative nonsense, not about tribalism or putting down one person over another. Lift up your faves and share why you appreciate them and their style. But petulant bickering and shitting on others because of something as trivial as audio content? Nahhhh. If I catch anyone spouting nonsense like that in my name, I try and snuff it out as fast as possible because that's not how my shit is built.

If you are someone who fucks with me and my work but has had some opinions like that, I implore you to chill because none of this has ever been that serious. I want people to enjoy what they want to enjoy because for the love of fuck, life is too short to try and grandstand over this silly little niche. Or please get all the way away from me and my people.

Deuces. ✌️

[9w1ft]

What is your personal interpretation of Happiness? I've seen ex Kaylors use it as the closure song between them, the ones who don't hate Karlie of course. But you said you don't really believe they broke up. So is it just a metaphor or actually fiction as more of a concept for what it feels to move on?

i have a really specific interpretation for it that has stood the test of time with what i’ve felt through midnights and ttpd, but as some may know i’ve been keeping it to myself for awhile now. i still think that im keeping it to myself unless a few things happen that would affirm my interpretation 🙂 but i thought id add a little more on to this answer for the fun of it, without fully showing my hand.

firstly, one broad thought i have about it is that people tend to ignore or not notice how the instrumental gets upbeat for the last section of the song, and her voice matches it. it’s sort of subtle but i think it’s important to understanding the emotions of the song.

in the fandom, the ‘are kaylor still together’ / ‘when did they break up’ questions are a not insignificant part of a lot of community discourse and so i think naturally a lot of people look to taylor’s songs for answers to these questions. but ultimately they are questions posed by us not her, and i feel like people never stop and think about if they’ve been asking the right questions. i think how did it end is a satirical take on this point actually. that there’s a thirst for answering our own questions that often disregards the people involved, because ultimately it’s about the thrill of knowing, the thrill of gossip, and the thrill of controlling the gossip. and in some cases, making a coin off of the gossip. but i digress.

i also think a lot of ex-kaylors, through no fault of their own, had that immediate ‘breakup’ reaction and interpretation for the song in the context of the time that it was released, winter 2020. people were very much looking around from october 2020 and thinking “what happened??” but now, we can go back and observe how things have played out since then, and with that new context i think it’s a bit easier to arrive to the interpretation i did

phrases like “i see it for what it is” or “leave it all behind” can sound quite negative when sung in a somber tone, but can also sound resolute or even positive when sang with more conviction. i think that so many of the lyrics in this song can come off sounding breakuppy but, and as people in long term committed relationships might help me attest, there are often disagreements or changes or moves that happen that were not what you had planned for and you can hold it against your partner and/or loved ones and you cling on to it, return to it, and harbored feelings can morph into something that looms larger for you over them than it should. and that state of mind often gets in the way of your happiness and everyone’s happiness. you are haunted by your strong feelings that something should have gone a particular way, the way you wanted it to and you had planned for. and maybe you realize that in pursuit of the very specific way you wanted things to go that you might have hurt people along the way, you may have made things harder or more complicated to proceed, and maybe you acknowledge that it’s just not worth it to be hung up on it anymore. maybe you acknowledge that happiness is something that has been built by everyone, and it’s here, and it’s within your reach. and from a birds eye view, you can see this reality and you can see that ultimately you’re not that far off from where you wanted to be and you can see the happiness on the horizon that extends from your history to beyond your lifetimes, and you could be happy with everyone if you just allow yourself to get over the particulars that you’re hung up on.

ultimately, taylor describes life as a willow, so i think we can guess how she proceeded. she didn’t break, she bent with the wind! and to me i see a little bit of the trademark wryness she kept with her through everything, we see it in songs like willow, and fortnight is another example of this, for me. to me, happiness is taylor working through feelings like i described above from within the existing relationship. and to me, especially knowing what we know now (and by knowing i mean, what anyone is able to see with their own eyes), the song doesn’t mean they have to have broken up. and i really think the song shows how they came out of it more unified than ever.

[halfhoursonearth-writes]

As I write through the timeline of Sozin's Comet in my current fic, I'm having a fresh bout of finale feels. In particular, I've been ruminating on how Aang and Katara's romantic ending unfolds in a way that undermines Katara's character arc. (And this rumination has grown into a wall of text. Truly, who let me on this platform?)

I'm not even thinking about the kiss. I've been stuck on that scene at Zuko's coronation where the shot pans around Aang then Katara, gazing dreamily up at the Avatar. You know the one. The moment when we the viewers are suddenly made to understand that she's admiring Aang anew, romantically.

Prior to this, the last time we see Katara and Aang interact is before the Avatar disappears. More specifically, we see Aang huff off after getting frustrated at Katara for trying to help when she doesn't fully appreciate the moral quandary he's grappling with.

For Katara, who has carried the wounds of her father leaving her behind for war most of her life, it is hard to imagine Aang's departure could fail to stir up feelings of abandonment, even if she doesn't believe he intended to disappear. But, like Zuko says to her as Aang first walks away, the Avatar does need time to figure out his way forward alone.

To find a path to victory that does not compromise his ethical framework is a solo undertaking for the Avatar, one his friends have demonstrated they cannot be part of, not even Katara, who has always been there to lift him up before. That he didn't need to rely on his steadiest supporter for this marks important character growth for Aang; we already have been told that letting go of some level of his earthly attachment to Katara is built into his character journey. And the need to uphold his peoples' legacy is an essential character motivation for Aang. There is something powerful about the notion that, as the last airbender, he must seek out the right approach to this last task on his own.

But what about Katara's essential character motivations? As we're told and shown, she will never turn her back on the people that need her. It's one of her great virtues, and we're given no reason to think otherwise. Helping people who need her is where we see Katara find her greatest fulfillment. For most of ATLA, helping Aang is at the heart of this.

But at the coronation? Aang has just come back after appearing to abandon Katara to be celebrated for a victory he didn't need her help to achieve.

And standing next to Aang is Zuko, who acknowledged that he needed Katara's help to embrace his destiny, and who in turn, granted her the opportunity to embrace hers.

I think it's worth pausing on the fact that the show gives Katara a tremendous arc. She transforms from a child whose life has been upended by war—gifted with a power that she can't harness, and burdened with grief and hurt she can't let go of—into a catalyst for global change, one of the greatest-ever masters of her element, and a person capable of offering world-changing forgiveness where it is earned. When Katara was a child, the Fire Nation came uninvited into the heart of her community and upended her life, and in the finale, she arrives in the heart of the Fire Nation to upend the same order that ravaged her home in the name of peace—an achievement that is made possible by both her hard work (bending mastery) and her compassion (extending empathy, forgiveness and life-saving assistance to Zuko).

In the finale, Katara affirms that by helping the people who need her, she can change the world.

In the finale, Aang affirms that singular conviction to his ideals can guide his way, even if it is a path he must walk alone.

Can these visions of self and purpose be reconciled in a healthy partnership? Certainly. In fact, I can see how Aang letting go of Katara's constant help—and Katara letting go of an Aang-centric identity—supports a healthy future romantic relationship for the two of them, where their dynamic finds a balance it never has during ATLA. But Katara and Aang haven't worked through any of that yet. If they have spoken at all before the coronation—if he has, for instance, apologized for disappearing—it was not deemed essential content for the viewer.

And what marks Katara's epiphany of love? The moment when Aang is celebrated as "the real hero" for what he has achieved in her absence. For this to ring emotionally true, for this to be the moment she knows she loves him, she must subsume her character arc and motivations (which are inherently collaborative) to Aang's individual journey. His story, his desires, they come first. It's his show, after all.

And none of this is news, of course. It's barely boot-scuffs on well-trodden ground. The abandonment of Katara's hero arc is canon; where the hell is her statue? etc.

But still, I'm stuck on Katara watching proudly from the crowd. If that moment doesn't feel quite right—it never has for me—maybe you want more for Katara. I'd put her on the dais, but I'll settle for something subtler.

Just for a moment, after she looks up proudly at Aang, let's nudge her admiring gaze a little to the right. Who does she see? Someone who has come to deserve his honorable destiny because he would cast it aside to save a life—her life, the life of a girl he once betrayed to lay claim to that purported honor. Jumping in front of that lightning, Zuko shows he will choose humans over concepts and that, at any cost, he will be there for the people that need him. That's what will make him a good leader. He and Katara, over long-woven arcs, affirmed this truth together.

She looks on admiringly. She made this possible.

She should be proud. Of both of her friends, but more importantly, of herself.

Is this an argument for Zutara over Kataang in the finale? I don't think so. That's probably a different accidental essay.

This is merely a longwinded observation that Avatar the Last Airbender built powerful, beautiful, arcs. But in the very end, it didn't tend them all the same. And after all this time, it still rankles.

[sencubussubs]

Loving Yourself in manifestation

(adorable banner art by Nekosuke)

I, like most law of assumption content creators, preach self concept. I’ve talked in a previous post about what self concept is and little ways you can incorporate it into your daily life but today i want to emphasize the inner love and respect for yourself that manifestation both uses and heightens. (This is a bit of a ramble be aware)

in brief, since i have talked about it before, your dominant thoughts about yourself, what you are capable and deserving of, and how you see yourself in relation to others (all your self concept) reflect into the world around you (the 3D). Most of you should be familiar with this sentiment, it is a large part of LOA(ss) after all :3

This does not mean however, which the law of attraction community often misconstrue, that you have to feel good and amazing all the time. You do not have to be a ray of sunshine to manifest anything. You are allowed to have bad days, you are allowed to feel upset. The important part is that you KNOW you are a person worthy of respect, love and your desires.

something i love about law of assumption, is that many people come to this community and the law feeling lack - desperate for something or someone and believing they need it or them to be worthy, happy or even just okay. But with doing the techniques and really learning of the law, they create a good self concept and they realise their own worth and value.

Something i love about the law is the inner transformation you go through. Most people come to the law in a state of lack as they are desperate for someone or something and - though they may not realise it - believe this thing or person will make them worthy, happy or have value. Once they are introduced to self concept and really start applying it though, it really changes all of this: this feeling of inner fulfilment, happiness and worthiness just for being you! This feeling of content and happiness just for being me is unmatched, truly.

No person or thing is going to give you value, the only meaning or value assigned to anything is that which you give to it. And the person who deserves to be assigned the most value is YOU babe.

The neural pathways that we have built over time are mostly reflections of our societies’/community’s/family’s norms. Most societies preach being humble, not being overly optimistic, always looking for worst case scenario. As we grow up these dominant, core thoughts become reflected back to us. But, as put by bashar, this makes us belief thief’s. it’s silly but i think it’s important to learn that you do not have to hold on to anyone else’s beliefs. That which does not serve you, bye bye!

Of course i like to be humble, but i think it’s often pushed way further than that to not even believe in your own inherent worth in fear of being selfish. i choose to believe in my power, my looks, my personality and my worthiness. I am fully aware that i can have bad days and that things go wrong - and even though i’m sure i could manifest even this away, i prefer to live my life and have my world like this - but i refuse to have a mindset that always assumes the worst. after all, our assumptions reflect back in the 3D. You deserve to assume that things always work out for you and as you assume it so it shall be :)

quick side note, two affirmations that have really helped me to unlearn assuming the worst:

- All is well, all will be well

- Everything is always working out for me, no matter how it looks at any given point in time.

Okay, having discussed the importance of self concept and identifying with assumptions and beliefs that serve you, back to the main point of this sort of appreciation post. Though your journey may start from a state of lack, the change in self concept brings not only your manifestations but also so much happiness and fulfilment. Now this is gonna sound silly to longer time loa lovers as of course the whole point is to embody the state of wish fulfilled, and that’s gonna make you feel good, but i feel like many new manifestors - at least definitely me when i started - don’t realise the true fulfilment and happiness within yourself that this journey will give you.

What at first seems like a chore and silly little affirmations to get a goal, becomes little smiles throughout the day when i remember how happy i am to be me.

it is the greatest reward.

love,

saph <3

[nerdygaymormon]

i'm going to leave the church bc pres nelson's talk was absolutely the final straw for me but i feel extremely ashamed bc I still believe in a lot of the gospel so i'm just. feeling like i've betrayed both sides of myself and i was wondering if you had any tips on how to reconcile that?

That was a tough talk. Tbh, it felt like Elder Oaks' fingerprints were all over it. It seems so unlike the talk Pres Nelson gave 6 months ago about being a peacemaker.

I empathize with feeling that there's two sides to you and somehow you're betraying both. It can feel like the two sides are always in tension with each other.

I recently heard Darius Gray and Tom Christofferson talk, both of them spoke of taking breaks from the LDS Church. Think of it as self care, taking a break from the tension.

Stepping away can feel overwhelming and you might be uncertain. That's normal. If it feels like the wrong thing, you can always go back. Keep that in the back of your mind, take a deep breath, and unclench and relax. Have patience with yourself and the things you feel.

My advice is contemplate what things are meaningful to you about Mormonism and carry it with you. That can be some of the teachings and the values, that can be part of the culture. You can take the best parts with you.

My other main advice would be don't rush into big changes. Some people are eager to make a big break and rip the Band-Aid off. They go experience all the things that were taboo. They drive thru Starbucks and grab an iced coffee on their way to the bar for their first shots. You don't have to fit it all in on the first day.

I don't know if you're queer, but we have a period of time when we're in the closet. It can be that way with your family & friends who are in the LDS church. At some point, you will come out to your family that you're no longer attending church which can be scary because a lot of relationships with people who are in church revolves around the church. We can always turn to church for small talk, it's a built-in topic that always has something that can be discussed. When you're ready, it's important to have open & honest conversations with your loved ones about your decision to leave, that way you don't have to be on guard and pretend when you're with them.

One thing Mormons are good at is building community. Stepping away can feel lonely. It's important to find some support. In queer LDS spaces there's always some who've been on this journey and they can understand what you're experiencing. You could try connecting with folks on the Queerward discord, you can check out Affirmation because they may have a local chapter near you. If nothing else, you can choose to follow some ex-Mormons on social media and hear their stories.

Being an active member of the LDS Church takes a lot of time, you now get to choose what to do with that time. You can use some of that time doing things that bring personal growth and self-empowerment. You can pursue some new hobbies and interests. Find things that bring you joy, fulfillment and a sense of purpose.

As I said, this can be seen as self care. Take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, getting enough rest. Find things to make you laugh. Therapy is an excellent way to process your feelings as you go through this major life change.

Lots of love to you!

[velvetvexations]

Hi Velvet! Would like to open this ask with a bit of positivity-- I've been having it rough lately, both in the general life department and my personal issues department, and scrolling your blog really helps calm me down and relax <3 I wish good things upon you, your loved ones, and the community you've built here. I'm really sorry for dumping this super long ask into your inbox, but I'm not sure who else would engage with what I have to say here. And on that note, I'm also extremely grateful to you.

I've been thinking a lot lately on all the "tme privilege" discourse that's pretty much overrun this site and wanted to throw in my two cents to the conversation as a bigender person (male + female). Full disclosure that I'm an AFAB perisex individual, and do not identify with the transmasc nor the transfem label. I haven't personally made any original posts on the topic myself, but I'd like to believe I generally have a grasp on where everyone is coming from.

In the broadest sense, I think holding these kinds of charged discussions during a period in which society is experiencing a collective moral panic over trans people has put a lot of us on edge. It's caused us as a community to forget the base truth that ultimately we are trying to navigate our very personal traumas through these discourses, and our priority has shifted from proactively extending compassion and sympathy to each other to defensively antagonizing and segregating ourselves out of hypervigilance. The natural consequence of such hypervigilance on social media platforms is the creation of an environment where opinions and perspectives are constantly being policed. So to a certain extent, I'd posit that the argument is not so much a direct trans intracommunity issue as it is a online socialization phenomena that intersects with trans digital spaces and our current political climate. As a lot of older trans people (by which I mean 30+) have observed, this is a fairly recent trend in trans discourse, and conversation was typically much more open and less hostile even a decade ago.

In the more specific, rhetorical sense, I can't make heads or tails of the logical throughline in any of the most radical arguments. It is just the case that sometimes lived experiences will contradict each other, and sometimes the things that have shaped one person's suffering will have shaped others' in similar but also very different ways-- it's frustrating that no one seems to understand this. Watering down the nuances of reality to these very clear-cut definitions of what makes up specific types of people's experiences is just strange to me. I am supposed to believe I would be TME despite identifying as a woman who also seeks gender-affirming care that would masculinize her bottom parts. I would love to hear what exactly would distinguish me from the specter of the degenerate trans woman in the eyes of society if I start walking around with a cock and boobs at the same time while calling myself a woman and a man simultaneously. I certainly would no longer be treated as a member of the social class of women, and I most definitely would be excluded from the social class of men. And yet by all means this is supposed to fall under the umbrella of transmasc experiences, despite me not claiming transmasculinity in any way shape or form. If I have physically transitioned and I am a woman, and then experience transphobia in ways that interface with my womanhood, how can that not be called transmisogyny? Then do I call myself TMA? But I was born with the sex designation of female! I was socialized as a girl and wouldn't possibly be able to grasp the depth of the trauma that real trans woman go through… It just goes around in circles. This is also honestly why I find myself identifying much more with intersex individuals than I do with binary trans individuals in general but, man, these circlejerks sure do jerk those circles.

I'm always happy to give people a space to talk about things. There's way, way too much hostility going on between people who should be working together. It's always important work to push back against that and to not swallow what you're told you have to accept as reality. You're doing really good at that.

[aerospas]

Hello! :) I've really enjoyed all your posts so far. It feels like you understand these characters on an incredibly intimate level, and so many of your headcanons and characterizations hit the spot for me. Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful things you create with us! Looking through your writing brightens up my day every time.

If possible, I'd like to request a Star Trek matchup. I've only watched TOS, AOS and a bit of DS9 and TNG, but I'm completely open to any character that comes to mind regardless of series and gender.

I'm a transmasc enby and lean towards masc or androgynous presentation. I have dark brown eyes and wavy hair. I have a bit of grey hair from stress and a single dimple that shows when I smile or purse my lips. My height and build are on the lower end of average and I've been told I have fairly broad shoulders.

My MBTI is INFP. I'm reasonably sure my enneagram is 4w5, but I could be wrong. I'm neurodivergent and that factors into a lot of my personality and worldview. I'm an old soul. I have a variable social battery, but I am always there for people when it matters the most. I feel things quite deeply, but I strongly believe that emotions and logic go hand in hand, and as a result have a pretty high EQ.

I'm very easygoing and approachable, and like to make lots of friendly acquaintances in my daily life. I try to connect a bit with everyone I can strike up a conversation with regardless of age. I care a lot about people and I think people would generally consider me sweet or easy to get along with. With my closer friends, I'm maybe the dad friend counterpart to our other mom friend. I'll be silly with them but am usually the first to go no-nonsense when they need a voice of reason. My brand of humor is quite deadpan, but I laugh a lot at my friends' antics. I will only sass or give a ribbing to people I consider fairly good friends, but make sure to avoid any sore spots.

I'm passionate but not really competitive and thrive in environments where everyone really loves what they do. I have no problem taking on leadership roles or otherwise. I generally serve as a mediator for conflicts, and don't mind speaking up for other people's needs. Otherwise, I'm somewhat easily embarrassed and prefer to deal with problems myself instead of asking people to go out of their way to help me.

I gravitate towards creative mediums like art, reading and writing, music and theatre, but also have a soft spot for anthropology and biology. I really like talking to and connecting with other people. It is pretty easy for me to find beauty in all sorts of places and people and things, and one of my favorite things to do is to take things slow and focus on the little things for a while.

I'm demisexual, sex-positive, and probably ambiamorous. My love language is words of affirmation then physical touch, in that order. Gender doesn't really factor into my attraction for someone and I find people attractive because of who they are as a person, not how they present. I'm most drawn to people who are fundamentally kind but are unafraid to push me to think about things from more perspectives. I feel like the basis for my attraction is first and foremost the capacity for a strong bond built around trust and communication.

-🪁

from the original series, i'd pair you with, spock!

with your introspective and empathetic nature, spock would find himself drawn to your depth of understanding and your unique perspective on life. initially intrigued by your combination of logic and emotion, he would appreciate the way you balance your feelings with rationality, much like he does himself. your gentle demeanour and quiet strength would complement spock's reserved nature. your capacity for understanding others' emotions, despite your own occasional struggles with vulnerability, would resonate with spock's own internal conflict between logic and emotion; he would admire your ability to navigate the complexities of human interaction with grace and compassion.

from deep space nine, i'd pair you with, kira nerys!

kira would admire your courage and resilience, seeing in you someone who understands the importance of fighting for justice in the face of adversity. initially, she might be cautious around your easygoing nature, unsure of how to reconcile it with your deep sense of purpose, but she would come to trust your sincerity and reliability. your willingness to mediate conflicts and support those in need would resonate strongly with kira, who shares your dedication to protecting others.

[faithfromanewperspective]

nothing i've seen exemplifies the inadequacy of the protestant view on self-improvement and isolated personal responsibility like the utter devaluation of Indigenous australians. i see it everywhere; i don't really know how to go on around it in a world where no one knows how to address what needs to be addressed in a productive way.

because we do have some alarming statistics. you know some of the things you demonise people about? and not just incarceration. people have a weird thing about people being on the dole (unemployment benefits). most of us don't; we're anticapitalism and feminists and stuff but. abuse. that's another statistic, yes. one we very much still call a choice even in the most neurodivergent affirming spaces. racist statistics. choices. is an Indigenous person more likely to perpetrate abuse?

but they don't know the cause and effect of generational trauma caused by colonialism. denial of community is a form of spiritual starvation. removal from family. abuse. unmet needs. we're doing much better and we forget that this happened. and we think that because we're doing much better, things are automatically going to be all of a sudden fine. they forget that bodies remember. they forget that it's so much harder to love when your needs are unmet. you're spiritually starved, still. how are you to love the next child?

and yet. we need those children to be born and loved. they are our future. it's up to us as a nation to love them. no one more than those who have the love of a god. i'm sorry christians i will keep calling you out again and again. but this is the real protestant work ethic. to simply love. to simply feel and transmit love it's not a demand or a burden don't you see it can come from within? don't you see the world needs it? don't you know you can opt out yes but the joy actually is to opt in? and yes it's hard work. what are protestants known for? unless the hard work is all a habit to ensure we never feel.

and this love means autonomy. it means respect. it means contexualising the gospel, yes, but so much more reparations on top of that and it might mean acknowledging some things are harmful! it might mean changing them! like all of this blame. but i blame you, christians. i blame you for not doing better knowing i'm tugging at the reins of my sleep deprived manic soul just to fix the mess that you created. i don't know how i'm meant to do that. i don't know how i'm meant to not at least try. spend every waking hour finding ways to do this. i can't read the bible without getting mad. i'm isolated, too. spiritually starved, because i need community with me. how am i meant to feed an entire nation in love when i'm so alone? but how can i see the state of things and not?

i see injustice every day. i feel like i must be hallucinating it because no one else seems to see it. but i do. it traumatises me let alone how much it must them. how can i pour from such emptiness? do you know how much i long to do something? i need to. why do i have to fix things? who am i if i'm not fixing things? maybe i should find the answer to that first. maybe let myself be filled up in love and connection with the land but where am i supposed to find that? is there still community out there? who aren't built on oppression that they don't realise exists until it's happening to them?

i'll pray. i always pray. i don't know what to do with this life. i'm either behaving recklessly or i can barely move. barely think. when i think it always comes back to this. always comes back to we need to do better. they told me in the bible there's a god who died to help us do better. and i see this god's fandom and i don't fucking see it. i don't know which one is the delusion. i'll choose to believe it in opposition of what i see every day. it's like rebellion. it's so, so isolating though, to believe something that evidence shows isn't true. others adjust their beliefs. don't hold as tightly to the same hope. but i have to hope. because it's not for me. it's for a nation who deserve better.

[identityarchitect]

U were v nice in my asks so! Will u perhaps tell me abt Rain World lore 👀 (if you want to ofc :))

OOHOIHOOHOHOHOOHOHO YES I VERY MUCH WANT TO im going to use this an excuse to talk about my rw ocs because i love them dearly

so. rain world takes place in a world where death is never permanent. every creature - microorganisms and leviathians both - is stuck in a cycle, never capable of truly dying.

there was a civilisation on this planet referred to as 'the ancients'. the ancients drilled deep into the earth and discovered void fluid, which was capable of truly erasing something from the world, as well as being capable of producing significant power.

now, the ancients felt an obligation to the 'lesser beings' of the world; those that were not capable of ascension on their own. they could erase themselves with void fluid, but that wouldn't help the lesser beings (this is known as the 'great problem'; how to achieve total global ascension of all beings).

the ancients created iterators to solve this.

[id: an iterator can as seen from very far away. it's a supermassive, rectangular metal structure supported by multiple 'legs'. /end id]

this is an iterator can. iterators are biomechanical - they're robots, but they also have cells and dna and such. they're very complicated.

[id: an iterator puppet, a humanoid figure suspended on a long robotic 'arm', with wires coming out of their figure. /end id]

iterator puppets are what the iterator uses to speak to their citizens. this one is five pebbles! he's the guy in my pfp and i love him dearly.

because iterators need huge amounts of water to survive, the surface world quickly became harsh and unlivable, so the ancients built cities on top of iterators. also - this isn't explained in game but around the world you find shelters which are completely watertight, and protect you from the rain. i presume the ancients built these for the wildlife that still lived on the surface.

(also, small tidbit that'll become relevant later - the ancients created many 'purposed organisms', which were beings designed for a specific purpose. as far as i know they did this for everything that needed doing, rather than do anything by hand and/or automate it with purely mechanical machines.)

eventually, the ancients all decided to ascend, leaving behind vast iterator populations (moon says there could be thousands of iterators; because iterators 'breathe out' as much water as they take in, the last couple generations of iterators could be placed almost completely freely because water was available nearly everywhere) still trying to solve the great problem.

at some point an iterator called sliver of straw broadcasted the 'triple affirmative' - that the solution was found, that the solution was portable, and that the solution was technically implementable and generally applicable. she is also the only iterator ever confirmed to be dead, which is not an easy feat.

multiple groups split off from the ensuing chaos. the two we know about are 'triangulators' - those who believe the solution itself is dangerous, and should be inferred without being directly known, and 'sliverists' - those who believe death /is/ the solution, and that the self destruction taboo should be destroyed. (the self destruction taboo makes it impossible for iterators to self destruct, due to genetic code in every one of their cells.)

so! that's the basics. now onto my ocs

glimmer of sea salt (she/any) is an iterator situated atop a lake. she's technically a part of the local group headed by stormclouds overhead, but due to her distance from the rest of them her communications are not strong enough to talk to them directly; instead any messages must be passed on via her neighbour, three tears of a fox. glimmer is also a triangulator. she's generally quite calm, speaking bluntly and clearly and not getting openly excited over much. when she's upset or angry she does start to openly express emotion.

[id: whiteboard drawing of an iterator puppet wearing an orange and blue cloak. their face has a circle w/ 3 lines coming out of it. on the sides of their face are two triangles, with things that look like antenna coming out of the top. /end id]

here is the she <3

two scavenger clans got into a war on and in her can over who would be allowed to live on/in her can. she made a purposed organism, the protector, to go and drive the scavs away through any means necessary.

[id: whiteboard drawing of a slugcat (a four-legged mammal with a cat-like face, and a slug-like tail) holding a spear, with three spears on their back. they have visible fangs, a bite taken out of one of their ears, and oval-shaped eyebrows above their eyes that make it appear as though they are angry. /end id]

the protector is so very autism btw.

so after it got rid of the scavs, it saw three tears of a fox's can and was like "huh that looks neat lemme go check it out" and immediately set out on a journey (where glimmer had inteded for it to live out its life as a housecat.)

SO. three tears of a fox.

[id: an ms paint drawing of an iterator puppet. they look upset or bored. there are red-coloured tentacles coming out of one of their eyes (of which they have three; two in the normal position and one in the middle of their forehead. the last eye is the only one with a pupil, which is cat-like.) there are two circles on the side of their face, with ears similar to a fennec fox's. there are two triangles on either side of their face, on their cheeks. on their cloak is a symbol made of an upside-down v, a line directly down from the middle, and two lines going to the side. /end id]

[id: a whiteboard drawing of the same iterator, without the tentacles, and with one of her ears pierced. /end id]

i love her so much she is HORRENDOUS. so she HATES the ancients with a passion. i hc that there are taboos preventing iterators from expressing this hatred (if they even develop it) or harming iterators. however, fox got damaged somehow, and whilst fixing herself, she accidentally managed to get rid of these taboos. she immediately attempted to put all of her citizens in a death loop, which caused a mass evacuation event to glimmer's can (which wasn't intended to have a city on it, so they arrived to like. 2 hastily built houses yknow). fox had managed to trap almost 1/3 of her citizens however, and it was many cycles of negotiation between glimmer and fox before glimmer could convince her to let them go.

i think because of the way she got rid of the taboos, fox is like. full of hatred. all of the time. she can feel emotions other than hatred, but she doesn't like acknowledging them, and she especially doesn't like others acknowledging them. the other iterators in the local group don't necessarily like talking to fox because of how tricky she can be to talk to. glimmer is the only iterator that fox allows to acknowledge that fox feels emotions other than hatred. fox is also trans and she and glimmer are in gay love.

fox also has a purposed organism!!

[id: an ms paint drawing of a slugcat which is noticeably furry. there are circles on their tail, as well as webbing on their tail to aid with swimming. beside this is a close-up of one of their paws, showing that their paws are also webbed. /end id]

this is cub! cub is a bit smaller than the average slugcat, and purposed to be able to design iterator cans, specifically to function as communication between glimmer and fox. cub is also very very nervous, and got super attached to fox, whereas the protector was not very attached to glimmer.

i don't have any art of him but stormclouds overhead is the local group senior. due a malfunction in the processes which create rain, his can became damaged and parts of it collapsed before he was able to fix the malfunction. a clan of slugcats moved in and he was like "well, making purposes organisms out of these Beastes is all the rage nowadays. maybe ill give it a try" and he makes his librarians! he gives them like. harnesses which allow him to access a camera on them. they can also edit and read pearls (a form of data storage) at will!! have you seen that video of when the person put a camera on their cat? it's like that.

[hannahleekuhn]

31 and Figuring It Out

In March I got laid off. I had been working for the same company in a flexible position, that I loved, for nine years. In the time since my layoff I have been working solely as a freelance photographer and spending most of my time applying to jobs and playing trad wife at home. Not to say I haven't appreciated my first real summer in almost a decade, while also noting that I haven't really spent all that much time outside or playing with my friends while dreading the return to the classroom......but again I am 31 so life wouldn't feel like my childhood summers. I am fully ready to never clean another dish or do another load of laundry again, but I hear that's a lifelong thing too. Oh well.

The photography has been rewarding, I have more time to connect with clients and be more hands on in planning and communication. Editing has been happening faster and I find the pacing of the editing easier when I don't have to fit it into every single evening after working full time. The problem is once the winter hits, I don't have another wedding for 6 months and 6 months without an income is a huge, giant, super super scary upcoming deadline.

I've applied to so many different things, have hardly got any responses. I've had 1 interview, which didn't even seem like they were interviewing me for a job, just trying to find out information about a competing company. And with all of the rejections saying I have too much experience, not enough experience, or just the automated response email that says I didn't pass the pre-screening.....as a neurodivergent human it's hitting pretty hard emotionally. Not to mention my partner who is financially paying for every single bill we have and it's still not enough for us to break even every month....helllllllo guilt. It's a lot.

I got rejected for an $18/h cleaning job because I had no prior experience in cleaning professionally and I am starting to really understand why people are so angry they went to college. I mean I was told over and over and over growing up that to have a degree from a 4-year university and to get good grades and have honors and internships under my belt would guarantee steady employment for the rest of my life. HA. I'm not trying to be pessimistic either, I still fully believe I can get a job and the right one is out there, I just haven't found it yet. Or maybe it hasn't found me yet. The problem is there are plenty of jobs that would hire me on the spot, in fields I have no experience in, and the catch......they still wouldn't cover our bills or allow me the flexibility I need to still be running my business, which I have clients booked in for weekdays/weekends for months still to come, so I need something flexible.

Everyone has been so kind, my friends and family are all giving me links to any jobs they see that suit me and my experience, even some jobs that don't. They all empathize and are looking out for me, and so far I still have nothing to show for it. I'm starting to really doubt myself as a person, a partner and even just a member of society. Losing my job felt like losing a piece of myself that I loved so much and relied on mentally and emotionally.

If anyone by chance reads this and is hiring for $25/h I can do photography, graphic work, editing, social media, brand management, merchandising, design for email campaigns, I've designed layouts for catalogs, production work......heck i'll even answer calls and emails you don't want to do. I also can nanny or house sit or walk your dog or mow your lawn. At this point I'll organize all your Tupperware in the kitchen. Seriously. I live in Minneapolis if that helps anyone.

Okay now I do sound desperate. I know. I am doing my meditations and affirmations and still applying to everything that could work. I just feel lost. I hope this phase of my life leads to something better. I am really tired of struggling to maintain the world I built as it crumbles down around me. The bricks are heavy and cost too much.

[throughfartheststars]

Invocation

Death, blood, abuse. Don’t eat it if you can’t swallow it, this is record keeping.

"No, you come back here. You don't just say that to me!" Fury and indignation in the one calling to me, for once the vessel calling me was easy to drop in. One of those 'I'm done here and it's your job now' agreements.

 "I'm.... sorry? What is it you heard me say?" Rounding on them with what I am certain was a different expression than they-- than he expected. I was faced with a rather entirely naked man when I turned, tensed through his battleworthy frame for but a moment before he leapt backwards with teeth bare and claws latching him to the wooden wall in the way of a clean exit.

 "What the fuck Iridanya?" Glaring at me while I did not register the threat he seemed to think he was posing with a fear posture.

"Iridanya.... must be my name. Okay... so you're..." I rattled the brain, pacing to get my bearings of the feet and the hips and the weight I had to work with. "You're her... boyfriend? Side piece? This is a nobility body and this is..." Studying the architecture with as much a care for him as a spider had for a flea. "A resort room isn't it? Some kind of vacation space. Not what I meant by that comment this morning..."

 "What the fuck is this Iri?" Snarling under his voice now. It appeared I would be on my own figuring out where I was.

"Alright so your name is Fuck? Puck? Cuck?" Arms crossed over notably petite chest. For nobility I was impressed the woman was built for agility and strength as she was. Also a belated realization of being QUITE naked myself.

"You... aren't Iridanya. She'd never say something so crass." This did not seem to calm him at all. But I nodded the affirmation to his assumptions, digging around in the vessel for her magic stores. "Alright, who are you?"

 "What planet is this?"

"Planet?"

 "Planet."

"Thia is Cordi-aeon 5..."

"Cordi.... Alright that's.... So this is... Hmm. I'm not due here yet. What'd you do to piss the Apoc off?" Standing quite still as the body ran Apocalae diagnostics to plug in for Radiance and Ai.

 "The... Apoc? Iridanya is the vessel of... oh." A thud when he dropped rom his position on the wall. Recognition and he was padding off to the other end of the suite, came back with clothes for both myself and him to don. "Whatever, we have to get you back to the castle and the husband."

 "Not going to finish the lover's quarrel with me, then?" Wriggling into the shift dress and her over cloak readily enough before winding strands of silver hair back into a comb twist. "I'm almost disappointed. You seemed very passionate."

"I'm her problem, not yours." Curt and still posturing in power.

"I don't think you'll be seeing her again. I can't leave an Apoc until it finishes the job it's alive to do. Iridanya is gone." Blunt, final and with no particular emotion in voice or face. I experienced no passion for him and had a great many questions what he could have done to incite such an exit from Iridanya.

"What?" Hissed out between his teeth as he took both my shoulders roughly under his hands, forcing eye contact and receiving a deep dive into all the inner functions the vessel was undergoing when he triggered the trance from it's eyes. Many things were different than he knew of the woman as he spiraled unprepared into the telepathic feedback, clinging too tight to my shoulders before he cast me out of his grip to break the state and vomitted on the spot.

"That's about right... So there's a castle you mentioned, and a husband. Iridanya is a Lady? A Queen?" My hands moved through the question, emotive and unphased by his discomfort.

He kept his eyes down when he wiped the bile from his lips. "She's a... Grace. Above the regency, the High Religious Lady of the planet. She communes... communed with things like you. To varying degrees of anyone believing what she could see and know she leads the Church."  He shuddered and stepped around me, going to the door and pulling some sort of communicator down to request us transportation.

 "Oh. That's an awkward position for an Apoc." Consideration.

____________________________________________________________

"Warden Lucas, how strange to see you with my wife in these hallowed floors. I thought you were ordained in a different Caste for your last tasteless incursion upon our marriage." The rolling growl of the rather plain looking man insinuated some dangerous understanding of his place and power over woman, position and person delivering her. It was a moment before he turned his attention to me, and then his eyes darted back to Lucas uncertainly. "This is not Iridanya, what did you do?"

".... That is of little import. I think you need to understand that this is the Apoc you stand in the company of. Iridanya will not.... or can not return until the duty of this is done." Lucas' arms folded and his gaze averted from the much more confident husband, no clear apology under the vagrant frustration over how Iridanya dealt with whatever he had said to get me here.

"The whomst?" Eyes back to me and his posture from lurking serpent to proper Lordship, one arm over his banner and the other hung limp until the fist at his hip. He registered the stance of me, feet bare under the regal dress and hands loose at my hips, chin confidently high and back loose over firmly set hips.

"Oh, my turn to talk now? You're fine to think of letting the High Grace talk last but I'll have to teach you boys better manners than whatever this petty lover's triangle was. Who are you, Castle Keeper?" My tongue sharper and my eyes studying him with similar formality. "I'll need to know your name before I can assign you to preparing quarters for Warden Lucas and more appropriate dress from the tailor for me."

Flabberghasted expressions on both of them that turned to indignation and offense. They stammered and growled over one another in enough commotion it drew out the butler, who I immediately stepped around them to greet.

"Hello, you might be more helpful than.... those two. Grace Iridanya has invoked her rite as Apoc and I am not due to be here yet. I need to be informed of my social obligations in her stead and shown to my stations and quarters." My voice gentle and my eye contact quite less dangerous now, the butler seemed less surprised than the men about meeting me at least.

"I see, she made her decision then." His right hand outstretched to take my right hand and offer a polite kiss of fealty to the knuckle as part of his bow. "Lord High, Ilkyr. It is a pleasure to meet you, and I will show you to all you have asked to attend after I explain the situation to your gentleman companions."

"I think I'll watch you do that. Be so gracious to introduce us all, please?" A grin to my lips and a bounce about how I turned to look at the dumbfounded Lord and Warden. He bowed his head in assent and stepped between the three of us, poised and proficient in socially leveling a space.

"Lord Vaisen Der Thordel, the Second Seat to the Grace of the Church and Lord of this the Castle Reiynheit. He is formally husband to your vessel, Grace Iridanya Feliche of the Celestial Ordinance and Apoc of Cordi-aeon 5. You were brought home by Warden Lucas Deigh, one of the guardians of the Celestial Ordinance Castles, previously assigned as Formal Guardian of Grace." Prattled off and let me know plenty, before he turned a stern paternal stare on the men and introduced me. "Gentlemen, within the Grace Apoc there now resides the Lord High and a Tyrant of the Stars. Here we name him Ilkyr, the War. You will behave, you will take your reassignments gracefully, and you will not give me cause to report misconduct to the Council."

____________________________________________________________

"How many attend in Reiynheit?" Curious tone as I'd climbed up one of the feature pillars in the castle to claw sigils in for a ward base. Not the most unhinged place I’d scurried up to while the butler, Vanderbaun, gave me a grand tour of my base.

"There's a team of forty various skilled maintenance folks that upkeep the kitchens, manage the grounds, maintain the walls, clean the quarters, manage the affairs and guests, handle the stables and Miss Iridanya's various familiars and pets. All hand picked while she was channeling your link to ensure you would have a trusted crew." The butler prattled this off from where he leaned on the wall watching me etch. The man was delightfully unshakable.

"Any offensive folk or do we only employ workhands?" My tone still even and my gaze cast to him in the question while I continued to pressure stone with claw.

"Everyone hired for your eventual arrival was fielded for unique battle capability before our hobby work, even myself. It was a strange day that I applied to attend the place and was asked first if I'd ever killed or fought before." I caught him grinning, the war in his spirit enchanted with the nature of me.

________________________________________________________________

"Hello, how the fuck did she get you in without nuking that stupid hotel?" A woman dressed in loose pants and a braided leather bands over her otherwise naked chest. She had a wildness about her, and on her arms were insulated bite guards... so one of the beast handlers. Someone with the status to be cursing casually with the Grace.

"Not sure if I should say 'intentionally' or 'spitefully' because the Warden was being an ass when I got here and refused to elaborate." Honest answer as I strode up to her, eyes locked together and wild grins pairing with a song of trills and chirps between a dance of interlocked hands and bare feet. There was no physical hesitation between our bodies, a childish tango of flexing muscle and extended limbs making a greeting like we'd known one another from the womb to the marble we now stood.

"You're unlike her, so intuitive and intimate, so much a beast!" Delighted in her tone as she released from our dance, teeth bare in smile and eyes flared with excitement.

"You're unlike any other I've met since I came here yourself!" Equally joyous as knuckles drew lightly down her jaw, readily trusting and deeply connected with her after the impromptu waltzing. The butler was hardly concealing his amusement and approval. "Introduce me to them?"

"Aye, we should take to the pasture next. You're too much for just her, and you need to call in your folk." Half a conversation, she knew I sought to meet the beasts that were gathered for me.

_____________________________________________________________

"The dragon didn't respond to me, or to her. I don't know that you'll have better luck, he just sleeps over there." Tebes, the tamer, was standing with a much more manageable silver pegasus who's blue eyes had assumed a ring of gold on the iris when connecting to me rather than Iridanya. He was stamping his feet and fluttering his wings about the intensity, eager to go on a flight for me and held in place by his muzzle. "We had just brought Amatium here in and the dragon came days later to roost."

"Shh, shh Ama~" Softly as I set my hand to his shoulder, black dapple and stripe markings blooming in his fur and tinting his feathers and mane at the contact. There was a vibrant screaming whinny and Tebes let go of him as I moved in front to grasp his cheeks by the bone, forehead to forehead while he kicked hindlegs and buffeted the pasture with vagrantly darker and stronger wings. Bulk built on him quickly under my influence, a graceful pleasure mount made into a war formal beast before he stopped kicking out his excitement and settled down to heavy breathing. "There we go, there you are. Hello Amatium, my beloved. This vessel suits you I hope?"

The golden eyes of the now apparently feral beast blinked and the head dipped in respect and greeting before he trotted away to adjust to the musculature and weight of meat.

Tebes was much more surprised than I was that the dragon had slithered closer when she took her eyes off the horse.

"Now you don't belong to me, do you darling?" Questioned as I lowered to crouch and the narrow caiman length snout followed, grey and black scales decorated the thing in a rough hide of unsettling symmetries and perfect diamonds.

The four dominant limbs were on the ground as the thing followed me dancing around it, side stepping to let me get a full look while I was listening to it's low throat ques to respond in kind. Wings were absent the beast, but not pricklefur and teeth and frills. A sea dragon by the look of it. Certainly not mine.

"What's your name love? I'm always happy to assume a new friend." Purred my voice rather than Iridanya's... the pasture gave a deep rumble at the impact and Tebes quirked her brow about the need for all of that while I crooned at the dragon.

"Sheebaat." Rattled out in a not-quite-voice from the open maw, showing me the forked tongue and the venom glans as I tilted my head to study his pallid interior. "Sheebaat"

"You are Sheebaat?" Curious as I dared closer, ignoring the hesitant stances that the butler and the beast tamer both assumed. Ready to extract me for being entirely too confident. The dragon replied by letting loose a frustrated howl-wail, thunder cascading in the sky for it before the beast turned unerring silver eyes to me. Gold had begun to streak in it's gaze, accepting me.

"I need your name to seal the connection, beauty. We will know each other as deep." My hand almost touching, grazing the air over his face quills. Patient and fascinated

"Wait - DON'T!" A moment too late the roar from the Castle window came, Lord Vaisen clambering through an open tower window and descending the walls with a flare of alarm in him that incited such athleticism.

Tebes and the butler shifted focus from me to instead intercept the oncoming Lord while my elegant hand touched dragon chin and we both whispered to one another "Pyrifaxius"

Flame in blue and violet for a ten kilometer radius of the place I stood, scales burning off the dragon and form making a grotesque change from snout to tail into human adjacent. Tebes and Vanderbaun took Vaisen with them as they fled the sudden dragonfire, all three presenting various degrees of concern in their expressions as I stood in trance with the beast during his compacting down to a narrow faced humanoid kneeling naked on the scorched earth before me. 

He was massive when my hand left his chin, standing tall over me at just over nine feet off sleek muscle wearing the symmetries of his scales in tattoo. Tebe took longer than she needed to to dash over with one of the saddle blankets from the barn for his hips, unabashedly fascinated that he kept his draconic loins and sported such intricate marking on the rich ochre tones of his skin.

“Apologies, the feral state is quite difficult to shed alone. I am Pyrifaxius, and I am here to offer my service to Ilkyr of War.” His tone still mostly hiss and venom as it came off the fork of his tongue through the dark of his lips. He wrapped the blanket around his hips willingly enough, though I didn’t get much sense he cared about being naked on two feet.

“You’re easily forgiven, beauty. Thank you for waiting on my arrival so patiently. You’ll talk with Vanderbaun about accomdations for your needs, and we’ll rejoin in a while. I need to talk with the Lord.” I did not miss the vengeful expression that crossed the dragon’s face at that statement, but he assented with a nod to walk away with the attending beastmaster and butler.

________________________________________________________

He walked with me out to the edge of the castle where the trees were thick and our conversation wouldn’t be listened to before he started to talk at all.

"We're married. You'd do well to remember that means something in your position as Grace. I won't have--" He placed a rough hand on my arm and emerald energy skittered out from bare feet, the branches of the nearby trees quivering and the roots creaking an answering warning as wood began to free from deep soil. I cast eyes on his hand first, then with my brow raised my gaze to his face.

"I see. This is why she was bedding a better mate. Take your hand off me or lose it." There was a moment of hesitation, but he did as asked. The moment he wasn't touching me the trees ceased their encroaching and I dusted the sleeve of the robes I wore while standing firmly in front of him. "I am not whoever she was. Your abuse of your position is over, you are the second seat to the Grace. You serve me in matrimony, not the other way around. If you want to continue claiming any position at all in court rather than ground and grave.... you will remember you are second at very best. Are we in understanding, Vaisen?"

"You can't change what's been, and you have no more right than she to--" He began to ague, fury compiling in his muscle and frame.

"Pyrifaxius." The summon in my voice and the mass was there at my side, snarling at the man in front of me and awaiting command.

"Are you threatening me? And with a familiar rather than your own power?" Sneering and looming forward, over me. Quickly reminded by a hiss that he was under the threat of the Dragon whether he wanted to ignore it or not. He shrunk back.

"Amatium." And the hooves landed in thunder before the boughs of the trees tangled in a dome over us and Vaisen. Sound would not be leaving between the leaves or the branches and the only light present was emanated from the stripes of radiance on my skin.

"What is this, Iri?" He was backing up now, a recognition that he was out of escape routes and power, and a realization I was not a creature interested in being argued with.

"I didn't marry you, and I am not Iridanya. I am Ilkyr of the fucking stars and I deal with enough human isolation planets where I am not respected for my position, child of the Edens." I was unfurling my spideresque limbs and exposing my fangs as I spoke, moving to him with more blade like spindles than legs. "You seem like you chose death. Make your final words better than a power play."

"Wait, wait, are you insane?" His piss running down his legs while he staggered yet further back and his hands were on the branches. Those which became vine and vice around his wrists, wood demanding access to vein and dragging out a panicked scream when he ripped free of the carnivorous inclination of the trees.

"I'm a war god. So probably." Agreed as I loomed above him, my familiars poised behind me waiting for command or his move out of my reach.

Before he could run roots shot up his feet through his shoes and my foreclaws slashed open not just his chest but his ribs and with them his lungs. He was dead before he could scream, suspended on two of my limbs for a thorough feasting before he could fall to ground. Fascination colored the expressions of the familiars while I stained my face and robes in viscera.

______________________________________________________

I left the scene to my familiars and the trees to tidy up, cleaning the red off myself on my walk to the castle before I strode my way to the library. "Ilkyr, we have guests coming." The butler's voice as I flicked through the family record in the castle library to do with the Der Thordel line. I looked up with a bright smile and my finger pointing at the mother and father recorded. Marta and Falel.

"Them?" Vanderbaun nodded and quirked his brow.

"Them, as in the High Lady Marta Der Thordel and the Warlord of Grace Falel Der Thordel, yes. They've just sent word to us that they'll be here in a few hours." The butler did not seem delighted with my twisted smirk at the news, and he was following my barefoot step with suspicion. He hadn't seen Vaisen in an hour or two already.

"Is there a reason the War house would need to make a sudden visit to the Religion house?" Pressing me for any kind of information as he trailed along behind me into the main hall.

"Tebe, bring the lions in for me." Called out to her where she was half dozing in her breezeway hammock. There was a furrow of her brow, a tilt of her head at my expression and body language. The beast tamer cracked her own mad grin and flung her way to command her charges.

"Vanderbaun, please do me two favors. Do we have a tailor attending?" A shake of his head, and therefore the weave of my Ai into the silk and not-quite cotton on my body, reshaping a battleworthy mail of the fabric and keeping a rank cape on shoulder while hair spun into a bun via thread. "That's fine, this will do. We'll find one and I'll teach them to loom like this. Secondly I'd like you to gather the groundsfolk for me. We'll be taking our guests in the Throne hall. Which way is Lucas?"

"Lucas was... in the western courtyard. He was training, today is a leisure day. No one but myself will be in dress for whatever it is you're planning, not in time for the arrival of the War House." Exhasperated in his tone, thinking of the image of the caste rather than the image of the social move.

"Darling, please -my hand ever lightly on his suit, and a smile reassuring him- I want them dressed as themselves. This is not a place of rank, after all, but of skill and faith. Yes?"

The expression on his face went bone white at the question. He knew exactly why the in-laws were coming after that.

____________________________________________________________

Into the courtyard to find Lucas trying to tease the cloth off me with a blindfold tied around his head and two daggers in his grasp. Sweat from every pore and his breathing easing in tides through his practice. I recollected my thoughts and cleared my throat.

Ears I had not yet noticed as pointed twitched and he swept the tip of a dagger through the ribbon holding his hair up as well as the blind around his eyes, focus sharp on me.

"You're... also divine." Acknowledged with a bow of my head and a gesture of respect from my right arm. "Forgive me for this morning. May I know what was said?"

"I told Iridanya the bruises had to stop. She was... covered in them. The moment before you came into her body she was broken at cheek and arm and leg. Bones. She said 'I have to go back to him'. And then she was you." He grit his teeth and spat on the courtyard ground, averting his eyes from me. "I was shocked at the way everything about her changed. The fear left her body and so did the brokenness."

"I came in somewhat uninformed of those facts. You fielded that well given the change. May I count you as an ally and perhaps ask you to take throne with me?" I watched the words process twice... three times. His face scrunched, slacked... firmed and furrowed... and slacked again into a blank stare of realization.

"You murdered him. That's why he hasn't been seen for hours posturing around the halls and gloating." Dull in his voice.

"There are soon to be consequences for my actions. I'm gathering the present attending to the throne hall, would you like to have a seat in the throne beside his?" Asked without missing a beat or any of my enthusiasm.

"You're insane." Softly after he sheathed his daggers and put his fingers up into his hair, showing those points again and giving into the mad grin I was getting used to seeing in these hallowhalls. "You're going to start a war with the Der Thordels. What have you done with his body?"

"There was nothing left, and they will prove no crime here. But we will mount a war anyway, I seek to cull the weak branch of Grace." An offer of my hand and Iridanya's smile, something in the dark eyes of him going between feral and quite unabashedly possessive. We left the courtyard hand in hand toward the throne room and convened with forty of the most clearly powerful exhibits of personality and figures I could fathom. I spoke my realization as I counted weapons with heads. "She's been preparing to do this for years, hasn't she?"

___________________________________________________________

"Lady Ilkyr, they will arrive soon. Folks, positions." Vanderbaun again, his gloved hands gesturing that the gaggle of seated, leaning and noisy castle attending in their tribal and casual wear split like a sea. His power in the fact they did, cleanly down the middle with twenty on the west hall side and twenty on the east, arranged according to the lands they came from and with their weapons of choice fastened loosely in their holsters.

Faces of various warpaint arrays stared the regal walk from cathedral door to Throne stage, where I lounged in my pants and cape upon the king seat and Lucas propped himself lazily upon my former throne. The butler brought us red wine and a platter of fresh red fruits were laid on the stage between us, cherries, rose petals and all manner of deep red berries strewn crushed across the pale white rug that ran the length of the black slate floor. When they came in, his mother screeched at the very moment she recognized me in his seat.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON?" Howling and falling to her knees in her billowing court skirt, already grieving, already wounded.

Her husband took better stock of the image of the hall, assessing his enemy. Measuring the distance and the gauntlet, holding fast to kneel with his wife and hold her delicate hand where they were. He whispered to her for a moment, squeezing her hand while I luxuriated in a melon that ran blood red juices down my chin to stain my fancy dress. "Does he hit you, Lady Der Thordel? I wonder this because your son was hitting me for the past 14 years. It kept me from lending an heir, from providing for the Holy Grace. I was ruined by your son and I truly hope he learned such from his father, that you might be spared." The speech falling out easily, and the line of my attending who had not been explicitly told what nature of bullshit we were on turning their heads in unison to the throne, already putting grip to weapons.

I stood.

They paused.

Lucas held his breath and I heard the cherry in his hand pop.

I started the level pace of an executioner walking the red stained path.

As I walked the sobbing woman shut up, her eyes going blank and darting to her husband. In the turn of her head I saw the swell of her cheek. And back to me, her body trembling while I paced as patient as death and with all the grace of any god she had ever praised. In me was salvation, I watched fear finally take ice into her husband when I passed the tenth row of my people.

"He has always struck me, Your Grace..." Admitted breathless. She was struck for it, hard enough she went unconscious beside him.

When he tried to turn and run he found the doors closed.

When he tried to gather her for hostage he found the snarl of a full grown lion to stagger him backwards.

I did not change my pace, although my arm lifted and the light in the hall was drawn out, shadow beckoned despite the sun while every thread and mote of illumination came to the call of my hand in the form of a curved longsword.

"I want you to know, this is for me. It has nothing to do with mercy for your wife. A grudge about your son. This is because you have the audacity to pray to me." I had the sword under his chin, and his skin was blistering from the heat. "Name me."

 "Ilkyr." Fin. With a sear his head was severed and it rolled upon the rug, cauterized so his body nor his neck bled.

[elainsweetcobalt]

Okay honey, that was a little long. Next time, keep it short and add a gif or two for crying out loud. Spring is made for someone like Elain, just because Lulu considers it home to her? If you really believe that you are not reading correctly, you should not only read between the lines.

If you really believe that you are not reading correctly, you should not only read between the lines. Elain wouldn't just not enjoy the spring, why would she hurt a court she knows nothing about or people she doesn't care about? just to run after lulu? Also one of Elain's joys, which is working hard in the garden, she would only foam since spring flowers work with magic.

I'll address the point of OH THE INCREDIBLE GIFT THAT LULU GAVE HIM MATE once and for all, a gift that shows that lulu doesn't know shit about Elain and didn't even take the time to look at her to know what she wanted.

Elain breaking vassa's curse? Vassa the girlfriend friend of lulu? Elain in prison not to save anyone or revive a court but so that lulu's pegasi and him daddy reproduce? So your argument to tell me that Eluciens aren't obsessed with the idea of Elain running after Lucien is to show me your "theories" of Lucien being the center of gravity and Elain revolving around him.

it is always Elain leaving her family, her friends, her community, the home that she has built everything in favor of Lucien and their relationship. In addition, all these theories are focused on Lucien and his "connections" never on Elain, if you have a theory of Lucien sending everything to hell for going after Elain put that instead of theories that only affirm my point.

"Lucien has never done anything for Elain?"

Lucien helped Elain right after she got out of the cauldron it's so strange as if the instincts of the "mate" acted not him, again acting on HIS instincts.

"I'm getting my mate back" but I never get her back or save her from anything, poor lulu always with good intentions but never with acts.

So brave since he never did anything to meet her, so he gave him the gloves that Elain doesn't wear because he doesn't know who Elain is and I don't think he has the intention of knowing who she is. Lucien again asking the others to do things for his mate since he can't or doesn't want to. “Do you think the Cauldron made her insane?” “I think she went through something terrible,” Uh is that lulu thinking that her mate is crazy? mmm interesting truth considering that he has no idea what's going on with Elain. But do you know that he could have made Lucien for her mate know what he was going through with her, but it wasn't lulu who discovered it right? It was Az and yes, yes, whatever you say Feyre asked him for help Feyre also asked Lulu for help and he couldn't do anything.

So strange considering what madja said.

Lucien going after vassa who is an amazing part "A bird of flame … and a lord of fire. I wondered if they’d found each other yet" is a great couple name I love SJM she definitely knows how to put crumbs on “I’ll go.” Lucien was staring at Elain as he spoke. We all looked at him. Lucien shifted his focus to Rhys, to me. “I’ll go,” he repeated, rising to his feet. “To find this sixth queen.” Again Lucien acts for himself, not for Elain, he went to look for Vassa because he needed a purpose, a task, it wasn't because of his mate, it was because of his own pride in doing something, it wasn't because of Elain who was still getting used to her life. from Fae he left because he can't bear to be around her (his words not mine)

Lucien is always devastated and surprised right? Two years have passed and he is still devastated and surprised. He will never stop being devastated and surprised, poor Lucien.

AND I think it begs pointing out that Lucien was not given free reign to interact with Elain. Have you ever paid attention to all the times Nesta chased him away? Snapped at him? The times Feyre dictated when and how they were allowed to interact?

Apart from how clear it is in the text that Lucien does not know Elain and apparently he is not interested in meeting her either.

After Solstice wraps up, why don’t you come stay for a week or two? Not in your apartment, I mean. Here, at the town house.” “And do what?” “Spend time with her.”

Lucien doesn't think Elain can stand two minutes with him.

Now let's see a fact, as we know that it is a FACT since it is expressed in the first person Lulu who is the one who feels this is the same one who is saying it, no one else is thinking about it

Lucien is just projecting his own discomfort with the Bond onto Elain.

I LOVE all the moments Elriel that you mentioned I love to confirm that they live in your mind day and night, I hope it is not too much for an older person you should take care of your health anger is not good at a certain age

Elulu is literally the definition of obligation, Elain has not only said that I don't want it, Lulu doesn't want it either, it's more Lulu is so uncomfortable with it that he literally prefers to be anywhere another place, Lulu has never done ANYTHING for Elain, he only acted for himself nothing in favor of "his mate", Lulu doesn't even know who Elain is or cares about her, Elain couldn't care less lulu and it's also funny how Elain is so sad when she's around Lulu it's like watching a flower wither in the sun 🫠

Also the fact that Elain has to give up everything for Lulu, just ask any Eluciens for their HC and they always backfire on Elain, I'm sorry but Elain already had enough like to run after a guy.

[diaryofafictive]

yknow as much as I dont think endogenic systems are real (I think they're real systems ofc, but I think they're in denial of trauma) I feel like a lot of traumagenic systems use the way endogenic systems describe their experiences as a justification to belittle eachothers trauma.

like, I had someone believe i was an endogenic supporter or apologist or wtv bc they asked if I believed you could make a system bc you were lonely, and my answer was uh yeah duh. neglect is really traumatizing, and just as valid a reason as any to develop a system. if your abusers were systematically isolating you it only makes sense that your brain would split alters for the purpose of keeping you company.

and can we not forget about the denial. why isn't anyone talking abt the denial! trauma denial was such a big problem for me when I was trying to make contact with the rest of my system because I'm not a trauma holder, and much like pretty much every victim of child abuse, the trauma I do remember was really heavily repressed and I didn't take it seriously because despite the fact that I was frustrated about not knowing why I was like this, I also didn't want to know that something bad had actually happened to me. like, I have literally spoken to so many systems who formerly identified as endogenic because they didn't want to accept the reality of their childhoods and their trauma holders didn't want to burst their bubble.

like I understand the animosity traumagenics have towards endogenics. I understand why most traumagenics take endogenics as invalidating their experiences, because pretty much all of the explanations of osddid hinge on the severity of the way childhood trauma impacts the brain. but like, idk just some of the shit I see you guys say abt endos is honestly kind of vile.

like so much of this community is built around having a safe space bc of all the harm we've been through in one way or another, so I feel like letting this antagonistic divide go on is just honestly going to make things worse. like, endo safe spaces pretty much affirm to eachother that they have no trauma and they don't have to address anything that could possibly disprove that. so like what are they gonna do when their alters try to tell them that there is trauma? probably just say smth along the lines of no ♡ because not only is having to come to terms with being traumatized inherently traumatic, but if they've only ever experienced hostility from the traumagenic community then why would they ever want to interact with them. and like, between protectors and ptsd and general wariness of anything that could be perceived as threatening, coming to terms with being traumagenic could be completely stopped if yall keep making endos believe you're gonna hurt them if they come in contact with you.

all in all you guys really need to treat eachother better, bc honestly if discovering you're a system means you meet the alters before you learn the trauma then I dont think we should be pressuring anyone into digging up literally the worst moments of their life to prove their validity.

like, on both sides we should just be able to accept that being a system means you have trauma, and if you don't know then you don't know. maybe you'll learn what it is as you make stronger bonds throughout your system, or maybe they'll have to wait for the body to physically be in a safer place before their brains let them recollect that shit. reminder that a lot of endo systems are young, so they probably don't know the trauma bc it would put them in more danger than if they were just kept in the dark. your system protects you, and if that means letting you live a life you believe to be trauma free, just let them have that.

and to endos, if it helps to let yourself as an alter believe that you've lived a trauma free life, then do so, but also be aware that your alters may have gone through things you haven't and try not to invalidate that. early on in my whole ✨did journey ✨ I pretty much became joined at the hip with an alter i later found out was like a major trauma holder, and not only did that explain a lot about her but it explained a lot about me and my attachment to her too. she split me as a protector when we were kids, so while I dont remember any of what happened I do know that for pretty much as long as I can remember being aware that trauma happens, I've also been embarrassingly aware of a really strong protective instinct that rlly only made sense to me when I found out that was literally like, my raison d'etre if you will. so yeah idk you don't have to dwell on it if you don't want to, many hosts are anps for the very purpose of maintaining a life unhindered by traumatic experiences until they get somewhere safe enough to process this shit. but let your alters feel like they can talk to you when they're upset. don't be afraid to dote on them (in all my experience of being a way over protective protector I've literally never absorbed trauma by helping the trauma holders calm down) because if you make them feel safe enough to talk to you they're more likely to let you in on what happened, and in the same way they're less likely to let you know if they feel like you won't believe them. and reminder that trauma isn't always like, the plot of an ari aster movie, what traumatizes children differs wildly from child to child, and there isn't anything that "couldn't possibly be traumatic" to a little kid. just like, be patient with yourself and try not to deny the possibility that anything could have ever traumatized you because you'll get enough of that from singlets.

anyways thats all ty for coming to my Ted talk

[retiredgremlin]

is shawn maybe actually psychic pt1

so I just finished watching 6x14, Autopsy-Turvy and that bit in the beginning is very interesting, from 2:13 to 3:15. The bit where Gus lays on the street and Shawn backs up, thinking through the incident presented to them.

Bob White, the victim of the current “case of the week,” was run over by a bus. The bus didn’t see him because a singular street light was out that night. Neat, okay, so Shawn is thinking through that, right?

And then we are shown the light going out, with glass raining down on Shawn, who visually reacts to it. We are shown the shot of where Gus was on the street, only it’s pitch black now. Shawn asks Gus if he’s still there. We get a glimpse of the usual “psychic recreation” then with the bus driving over the spot where the body would have been, showing how the body would be completely invisible. When whatever this is is over, we see the lights come back on and things resume regularity.

I wanna talk about this.

I wanna talk about this because this bit is....unprecedented. I haven’t started my critical analysis yet and I usually need the second pass over a series to burn everything into my memory, but I have no recollection of being shown something like this before.

Typically, we see “recreation visions.” Those show past events and have a grain filter over them, maybe a little desaturation. Notably, Sometimes Shawn’s memories are also shown this way (which hohoheehaaa is a whole ’nother can of fucking worms but let’s stay on track here-)

Let’s do a play by play here.

We are shown the light going out, with glass raining down on Shawn, who visually reacts to it.  Shawn states that [the report] says the streetlight directly above the bus stop was out. The camera zooms in on his face before cutting to a set distance away and the light in the scene is shown to flare before we hear the bulb break. The light goes out and glass falls onto Shawn. Shawn is shown physically reacting to the glass with squinting and a slight flinch. The camera zoom and reset indicate a change of scene, despite still just watching Shawn. The following events are presented to us as a physical change to the environment, one that is shown to interact with Shawn who is reacting to this change. 

The place on the street where Gus is laying is now in total darkness. Gus is now obscured as there is no light. This further enforces the physical shift to the environment. This also implicates that Shawn can no longer see Gus, just as we no longer see Gus. Shawn then cocks his head to the side, accompanied by a sound suspense sound cue. This body language is often used in media to convey confusion, curiosity, or inquisition. As someone who does this irl, I use it as a visual cue that I’m listening/paying attention if I’m unable to make eye contact during the conversation. At the very least, removing conjecture, it’s a reaction to a stimulus, indicating attention of some sort.

Shawn asks Gus if he’s still there. This is when this starts to hit home, right? This statement all but confirms that Shawn is no longer seeing Gus on the ground at all. This also confirms that what we the audience are seeing is something Shawn is experiencing in that moment. Shaw cannot see Gus currently and thus he asks for a verbal confirmation. We hear Gus respond, exasperated, saying Shawn can damn well see his face on the asphalt. Except Shawn can’t. Instead Shawn is seeing the space as though one of the lights was punched out. Shawn then comments by saying, “That’s interesting.” This is a verbal acknowledgement of what is visually happening in the scene right now. What precisely about this scene is interesting? We could easily infer the explicit lack of a visual Gus while still hearing Gus. Otherwise, why ask if Gus was still there? Notably, Gus’s response reinforces that he is not experiencing the change to the environment that Shawn and the audience are, as he is not reacting to it.

The usual psychic recreation kicks in to show us the bus running through the dark patch. Cue the typical grain filter of the scene. These visuals clearly mark the shift from real-time to flashback/past events, as the show has trained us to read this visual. This is also what we normally see when a scene is revealed to us or facts come together. The show could have just as well have shown us this flash without showing the dark street real-time, but they didn’t Why? Why is this different? Why does this call for a different kind of visual? I would assume because this is different somehow.

The recreation ends and we see the light come back on. The flashback recreating is over and simultaneous with the scene shift back to Shawn’s face, we see the light coming back in again and zooming out from Shawn’s face, mirroring how the scene started. This marks the end of whatever moment was happening.

Taking all of this into consideration, what conclusion are we left to draw from this short scene? Shawn experiences what we just saw: he sees the light flare, hears the bulb break, feels the glass fall around him, and sees the street as though this street light was out. It’s not as though it’s recreating something though, or imitating how a light would have actually burst. The light flares before popping, mimicking how a light would act when it dies. The filament grows thin and puts off a super flash as the filament breaks.

This does not mean the fucking glass shatters though. Conversation does indicate that the light being broken is why it was out the night Bob White was run over though. This is piece of the....”vision,” shall we call it, imitated what would have happened. But for the light to both flash and break? Unless I’m terribly mistaken, it’s usually one or the other that will put a bulb out of commission, not both. This lends additional credence to this being an unnatural occurrence. Given the glass shatters after the flash, to would indicate to me that the light dying somehow lead to the glass breaking? Either way, it’s a bit extreme and unusual, which plays into the entire strangeness of the scene. 

It’s like is someone grabbed the space around them and metaphysically punched the street light. Somehow Shawn is experiencing a manipulation of the space around him, enough to alter what he’s sensing in a targeted and specific manner. 

Now sure, we could just say what this scene was meant as: a visual built to communicate to the audience what is going on. Psych likes to show us how a situation is being assessed, what information Shawn is taking in and processing. But where’s the fun in that, especially with how they chose ground this short experience through having Shawn experience it.

You want to know something else I find very interesting here? 

Shawn’s response is mild.

Listen, I dunno about you, but I probably would have had more reaction to a bulb over my head suddenly bursting and throwing glass at me. I probably would have had more to say if I suddenly wasn’t seeing light when there was light in front of me, especially if it wasn’t that I suddenly lost all sense of light, but that a singular light suddenly and magically seemed to turn off.

Guess Shawn wouldn’t though! He takes this all fairly well in stride. There are two major possibilities here. One is that he’s more focused on the case than anything else so he mentally dismisses whatever is happening and proceeds until it goes away. There is precedent to him acting this way when he gets fixated on something, but we’re not seeing many signs of that here. Option two is that the reason Shawn barely reacts is that this not new or overly concerning because he is aware it is not real.

Shawn certainly recognizes what’s happening as unusual, but he is not panicked or caught off guard. When asking if Gus is still there, his voice does not betray anything strange. He is simply affirming. His “that’s interesting” comment also expresses no concern and he does not dwell on this occurrence, simply makes use of it. This leads me to believe that this is not the first time Shawn has experienced something like this. Something where he needs to see something in a different light (ha), and it just happens. We are not shown this prior because the show had no reason to concoct this sort of occurrence before now, as most investigation could be done through the physical clues given in the state they were in. This is new for the audience, but this is presented as something that isn’t really that new to Shawn.

The thing is, the vision is accurate. The vision is not an exaggeration or unrealistic distortion of the space. It is the space as is, except as if the light went out. Not that suddenly everything went dark or that he can’t see anything. To see the space as it would be with one thing different, especially when that one thing is something that interacts with everything in the space? That’s...something.

Let’s not forget the cinematography and sound cues though. With the scene starting up, we get real close and personal with Shawn’s face before the camera cuts to where it’s zoomed out again. Well, what does a camera cut indicate? Typically the shot is focused on the character relevant to the scene, whatever you should be seeing to line up with what’s happening. We were already looking at Shawn though, so what purpose does this cut serve? They wanted to shift the perspective we were viewing Shawn with. This cut indicates a change to the scene. Directly following this cut, the light bursts. This cut signified the shift from reality into the vision. When the scene was over, the camera cuts to Shawn’s face and is zooming out, clearly outlining the end of the vision. This explicitly bookends the start and stop to the strange phenomena.

As for the sound, we hear a back and forth piano tune leading up to the start of the vision. It starts just as Shawn is backing up from Gus laying down on the street and continues through Shawn noting that the report says the streetlight was out and fades as the glass shatters and finishes falling. This is a leadup, a lead in, an indication of something eerie going on. It lets the audience experience a moment of strangeness as the music disappears when we look back and see the street is dark with no Gus. We get a short violin sting to punctuate Shawn cocking his head and the recognition of something wrong here. When get a softer, deeper version of that sting as Gus responds, accentuating something even stranger going on. As Shawn lifts his arms to mimic a bus steering wheel, get a short orchestral bit that strings into the recreation of the bus driving over Bob White and concludes with the vision. This feels like a carry through, a dramatic reveal piece. 

These shots and sounds of this scene do everything to accentuate that something fucking weird is happening here. Please note that I have an education in art, not cinematography or music, so I can give an interpretation of them as a critical consumer, but I cannot speak speak to them in the manner of a trained and educated professional. Take my opinions there with a grain of salt. 

What is all of this then? How does this happen? What is this scene telling us?

I have 2 ideas.

1.) His eidetic memory is able to be used to create hyper realistic visualizations wherein the space can be manipulated.

2.) This is a preternatural vision and Shawn has latent psychic abilities.

Honestly, these possibilities can coexist with each other, and maybe they should?

This scene is deliberate, is the funny thing. The way is was shot, the way it was presented, the way the characters interact. Nothing here is a mistake, but it’s out of left field as a totally new way to observe a crime scene from anything else they’ve shown in the series. (I have only seen up to this episode, so if there’s another incident after 6x14, then neat, I’ll dissect that to when I get there.)

In conclusion, this scene leads me to believe Shawn has the ability to see, or is subject to the phenomena of seeing, space in a manipulated manner. The space mimics reality and reacts like reality, where variable can be arranged and shifted. Evidence from this incident would indicate these shifts are based on what Shawn is currently thinking about or puzzling through, showing him the scene the way he needs to see to it rather than how it necessarily is.

I, personally, would like to think this points to genuine latent preternatural abilities that tie into his eidetic memory and how that exists. Mostly because I think it’s fun that the show about the fake psychic is actually a show about a sort of psychic who doesn’t realize he’s actually sort of psychic while pretending to be a psychic. I think is an incredibly fun take to explore. Which I will later because I have a working idea of how this all connects in and functions but this has gone a bit long for a dissection of what is a minute or less bit at the beginning of a single episode.

This is the prologue to my TED Talk: “Shawn Spencer is probably psychic” and in this presentation I will-

[moon-goddess-posts]

Hiii could I request a genshin match-up if thats okay?:3 I'm a female INFJ-T and a Sagittarius. I have long brown-ish black-ish hair and dark brown eyes. I also wear glasses which I tend to lose often.

I think I'm a creative, smart, patient and hardworking person. I'm an overachiever in a lot of things in life. I have hobbies like knitting and crocheting when I have the time and materials, reading books, daydreaming, and listening to music. I love music and it means a lot to me. I love going out as much as I love staying in:>

I'm the type of friend who's between being that overprotective mom friend and that friend who radiates crackhead energy (lmao idk either) I've been told that I come off either as a really distant yet confident person or a shy person at first. I'm a clingy person to the people I'm close to. I'm pretty confident and headstrong when the situation calls for it, and I'm not afraid to stand by my morals and fight for what I believe in, although I like to keep an open mind. I don't like fights, aggressive confrontation, or being yelled at because it makes me really anxious and I am a crybaby:<

My love languages are probably all of them tbh and I really wanna try to do all those cliche dates and couple things (like dancing in the rain.) I would really appreciate dates that are away from other people and are private though. Promises mean a lot to me, and I'm the type of person who gets really really upset over broken promises, no matter how little they may be. I'm a patient person and I think that translates into relationships as well. I'm willing to wait for someone to really open up to me. I want a relationship that isn't only built on love, but other things such as open communication, trust, respect and faith in the other person. I want to build a relationship where I can really build a deep connection and bond as well. I wanna do and try things that the other person likes doing, like their hobbies and interests.

Some negative about me are that I tend to overwork, overthink and stress myself out a lot. I cry a lot too, I don't really know if thats a bad thing but I cry when I'm overjoyed, when I'm angry, and when I'm hurt. My tendency to cry depends who I'm around as well though. I tend to second guess myself and have a pretty low sense of worth and self-esteem. Although I'm a pretty optimistic person around others, the pessimist in me comes out a lot when I'm alone. I can also be pretty jealous. I don't really want to bother other people so I tend to just shut up about my own problems, and it'll take a while for me to open up. I tend to bottle up my emotions and end up a huge mess:( but I do try not to, its just that I do have a lot of bad days:(

I hope this was good and I didn't overshare too much hehe:> I hope you're having a great day and stay safe out theree

Ty so much for requesting! You didn't over share in fact it helped me a lot!! I hope you're happy with your results!

I match you with Zhongli

You both seem to posses very similar traits and he's glad he's found someone who understands him as well!

Would very much be willing to do all those cliche romantic things with you 😭😭

Would find it pretty funny you seem to lose your glasses all the time, he'd sometimes even tease you about it until he eventually helps you find them

Zhongli admires your hard working behavior but strongly encourages you to take breaks in between. He will always be there to reassure you and calm your mind over some hot tea he made <3

If you're really stuck in your own head and are constantly daydreaming, he'll do small things like kiss you suddenly or hold your head to ground you a bit

Would ask what you're thinking about, he's really curious (๑•᎑•๑)

Would absolutely love how you never back down from what you believe in and are always ready to defend your causes, with you being an open minded person it really helps Zhongli be more comfortable when talking about what he likes or believes in as well.

He tends to make decisions by himself most of the time and can be assertive, but hes more than willing to try things you'd like to do as much as you'd love to do things he enjoys

If you'd like he'd also would be willing to read to you as well! He loves telling stories and you love reading books, a perfect match <3

Zhongli is a gentleman and does not lose his composer easily so you won't have to worry about any harsh emotional out breaks. If he feels the need to confront something, he will do so in a calm and respectful manner

Doesn't quite fully understand why you cry so much but hes always there to comfort you too! You should probably tell him that sometimes your tears aren't negative and its just because you're happy LMAO

Would do that thing where he wipes your tears and kisses your eyelids 😭💖

He would never break promises as he thinks of them like a contract. He would also get pretty upset if anyone else broke a promise too, I mean hes the god of contract sooooo

Zhongli doesn't mind how you're shy at first as he talks so much, its easy to start joining in on conversations and really go into depth about topics.

He finds your clingy side very endearing, he wants to make so much memories and savor each second with you because he knows it won't last for long :,[

Hopefully you're a big cuddler cause this man will give you so much 😭😭😭

Would make you sit on his lap while he tells you stories because he loves being close to you

Isn't really the type for too much social interaction either and prefers more intimate places so its no issue asking for dates with not much people around :D

He isn't always aware of his actions and sometimes it may come off the wrong way or be mistaken as flirting but if your mood or behavior changes a teeny tiny bit, he can still figure out that something is wrong

Zhongli always makes you feel special and gives you tons of physical affection and words of affirmation, he understands everyone has bad days and is willing to do anything to help you make your day a bit better

Hes very patient as well and will slowly encourage you to open up because he would be worried if you constantly bottled up your feelings :<

Zhongli also strives to have such a deep connection with someone thats built from good trust, respect, communication, and all the others

Though you both might see the world a little different from each other, it doesn't stop the fact that you both have similar things you guys both look for in someone, its sure to be a long lasting and happy relationship!