#but i am!!! i am letting people down and it sucks!!!

[urbabycowboy]

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 ᝰ 𝐜. 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; where the preachers daughter has an erotic experience with someone she shouldn’t have.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; public sex, pet names (baby, pretty girl), 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓; oral (r!recieving), fingering, climax, virgin!r

𝐬𝐡𝐞; i suck at writing smut so bear with me.

it was a warm summer afternoon as you were walking home from a youth event at your church, a bible clutched tight to your chest. the sun shone brightly, and the birds sang heavenly in the trees, matching your own light and carefree spirit.

as you turned the corner, you ran into someone you’ve tried to avoid majority of your life. chris sturniolo. he exuded confidence and charm that drew people to him. women fell at his feet and were tricked by his smooth talk and good looks.

the two of you collided, causing you to stumble back. “oh my, i am so sorry!” you exclaimed, your accent declared itself due to the embarrassment of this interaction.

chris laughed, the sound deep and captivating. “it’s okay baby, here let me get that.” he motioned towards the large, pink bible that had fell previously. his fingers briefly brushed yours as he placed the bible back in your hands, sending a tingle up your small spine.

this tingle came significant in your body as you thanked him and your heart started to beat faster than it ever had. there was something so mysterious about him but you knew you had to stay away.

“let me walk you home,” chris offered, falling into step beside you. “it’s not safe for a pretty girl like yourself to be all alone.”

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

you couldn’t refuse, and as y’all walked, conversation sparked. chris asked you about your life, dreams, and hopes. he listened intently, his dark eyes fixed on you intently.

eventually, the two of you were stood at your front gate. “thank you for your help,” you said, blushing at this encounter as a whole.

he smiled, and his eyes seemed to smolder with an unspoken desire. “anytime, y/n. i loved getting to know you, pretty girl.”

as he turned to leave, you felt an unknown boldness wash over you. “would you like to come in for lemonade? my father won’t be home for a while.”

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

a slow, wicked grin spread across chris’ face as your heart skipped a beat. “of course, darlin’.”

they say on the the porch swing, sipping lemonade, and continued their conversation. you felt yourself relaxing in chris’ presence, drawn to the relentless charm you swore you hated.

as the sky turned to a deep violet, chris set his glass down and turned to face you, his hand gracing your knee. “you know, y/n, you’re not like these other girls. there’s something special about you.” this sentence alone made your heart skip a beat as he moved closer and closer to you with each passing moment.

“i’ve never really thought of myself as special.” you admitted to him.

chris leaned closer, his warm breath fanning softly against your cheek. “you should. you’re beautiful, y/n. and i can see that desire in your eyes. you want to experience life, don’t you?”

your breath caught in your throat as you nodded, unable to speak. you had never felt such a strong pull towards anyone before, and it was both exciting and scary.

his fingers gently tilted your chin up while his thumb brushed your lower lip. “let me show you” he murmured, his voice a husky whisper. without another word, his lips began to attack yours in this bitter moment.

as the kiss deepened, he pulled you closer, his tongue seeking entrance, which earned a moan from you. chris’ hands slowly started to move down your body; ending below your ass. you gasp at this action.

the dainty cross worn in your neck was now just an accessory of your faith in this moment.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

“lie back” chris muttered in between kisses, shifting his attention towards your neck. you let out a breathy sigh as he peppered your neck with wet and sloppy kisses. when he found your sweet spot, your breath hitched. this small action earned a smirk from chris as he abused that spot; nibbling and biting at your skin. you but your lip to suppress a loud whimper you desperately wanted to let out.

eventually, one of his hands found your breast, cupping it gently. his thumb rubbed over your clothed nipple and you shivered. within a second or two, your top was off and his mouth was attached to it. your body jolts when you feel his tongue circling your hardened nipple; the fabric between your legs getting damp at his touch.

he gives the same attention as before to your other nipple, his scent invading your mind and body. ending with a few small kisses, he pulls away and looks into your eyes.

“you sure you want this?” he asks, his eyes never leaving yours. every part of you wanted and needed this but you knew you shouldn’t. his big brown eyes stared you down, analyzing your face and you just couldn’t say no.

so you nodded in response and his eyes lit up as he kissed his way down your body. once he was in front of where you needed him most, he slowly spread your legs apart.

he lifted up your skirt so that it was now laying in your exposed stomach. his thumb rubbed small circles on top of your thigh as he kissed your inner thigh. making his way closer and closer to your heat.

your body tingled in anticipation as chris was taking his precious time.

“chris” you whined. chris chuckled.

“i want you to enjoy this baby. just be patient.” he said in a low tone; almost was a whisper. his lips were grazed the edge of your panties, your body involuntarily jerking. chris smirked against you.

“so sensitive” he says before finally sliding off your underwear. your body started to heat up as chris just stared at your body in front of him. your mind racing with a thousand thoughts but they were abruptly silenced when you felt his tongue on your entrance.

his motions sped up in a quick second and your hand could be found in his hair, gripping it tightly the quicker he went.

“fuck” chris groaned. your hand in his hair made something grow beneath him which encouraged him to quicken the pace even more. your back arched out of its place on the wooden swing whilst your breath got heavier and your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

he increased the pressure on his tongue; to which your moans heightened in sound and pitch. the feeling was just too good. you started to unintentionally squirm away from chris’ mouth the which he gripped your thighs to hold you in place. “don’t run away” he coos. as he scooted closer to your dripping cunt, he plunged his middle finger deep into it. this action caused you to yelp.

his finger moved swiftly in and out of your entrance as he flicked at you bud with his tongue. your hips bucked as all these feeling overstimulated you in the best way possible.

his finger curled within you against your g-spot which earned a plethora of moans from you.

eventually, chris added a second finger too. the noises from chris fucking you filled the air outside. chris gripped your left thigh as a way to keep your squirming in check.

your mind was completely blank as you pulsated with pleasure. you couldn’t stop shuddering. chris could tell by the way that you were clenching around your fingers that you were getting close; but you couldn’t tell that. he quickened his motions as he leaned up to give you a kiss, to which you couldn’t return it.

as you struggled to kiss back, your body shook intensely. “let it out” chris whispered into your ear.

after a few seconds, your body stopped. chris pulled his hand out only to reveal the mess you made on his fingers.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Hi! A few weeks ago someone from the Reviewist commented on the pause that he'd heard from friends (unnamed, unsourced) that GO was more cancelled than paused. I actually believe that you may have posted the screenshot post deletion. Do you know if there's any truth to the claim?

I know it was deleted because fans were accosting him but I'm honestly terrified that he's right and we'll lose a show that means so much to so many people, including me. The idea that this show would be facing the chopping block while we wait in silence is hard enough and I don't think my heart rate has slowed down since we heard about the pause two weeks ago.

I guess I'm just looking for any small ray of hope or sense in turbulent times, and you're more active in the actual fandom than I am, so I was hopeful that maybe you had information I didn't.

Thank you so much and have a great day 💖

Hiya! :) I'm afraid we know absolutely nothing <3 Amazon is silent since July and the articles and rumours on the internet are not confirmed and may be intentionatelly let out as to judge the response or control the narrative.

Do not lose hope <3. Yes this limbo fucking sucks and I hope that Amazon will give us some official info soon. But no matter what, the fandom is still there - and even if the worst came to come, they can't cancel that <3. Open ao3 and take your mind of the world for a bit ;) :).

Or read a Terry Pratchett book, watch another show or just go for a walk. Savour life. Both Aziraphale and Crowley would :).

Sending a hug! :)

[oldbutchdaniel]

it's iwtv fanfic friday and everyone's getting involved

some recs from all corners of the vampolycule <3

someone buy me roses by indigostohelit lestat/louis, e, 3.2k words

Lestat's frown deepens. “My God, Louis!” he says. “I am not some petty voyeur. My motives are noble. My heart is unselfish. Frankly this is an act of chivalry. Please take off your pants.”

(one thing about me is i go crazy for a religious metaphor. also louis is sooooo catholic in this. it's awesome)

it's been a long, hard twenty year summer vacation by moonieangel aka @loumandivorce louis/armand, e, 7k words

"Let me," Armand said. Louis looked down at him, uncertain, but his pupils were already dilated until the rings of green fire were almost invisible in his eyes. "I haven't been able to drink anything properly, recently," he said, as Armand knew he would say. "And?" Louis' jaw clicked shut. He looked affronted, almost embarrassed, and Armand was strangely delighted at the sight. "You're going to get off on sucking a soft cock?" he asked in disbelief. (Armand and Louis travel.)

(*aggressive tiktok influencer voice* if you haven't read this yet literally what are you even doing with your life. this is such a defining loumand fic for me it's crazy. it's like their true essence on paper. what loumand is like at home. it's so good. sooooo good)

He's Piano; You're Not Forte by Galadriel armand/daniel + armand/lestat, m, 4.2k words

The Vampire Lestat's album has just dropped, and it's causing discord in the Armand-Molloy household.

(armand is SOOOOOOO good in this. i love you obsessive armand. it's been too long since i've reread this one. going to do that now actually)

two-headed mother by tisiphones armand/lestat, e, 8.7k words

"Poor darling," Armand says, and the condescension in his voice is so awful and so offensive and Lestat wants to curl up in it and never, ever leave. "It's okay to let yourself be taken care of for just one night. You can't help what you need." --- It's Lestat's last night in Paris. Armand makes it a memorable one.

(yeah. this one's just. yeah. fellas is it gay to do a roleplay where your boyfriend pretends to be your mommy. probably not gay but it's definitely something)

every few centuries, somebody reinvents the coven by katplanet armand/daniel/louis/lestat, e, 20.5k words

Daniel asks Louis if he's sure when he first suggests it. He asks him again a few days later, to see if he's changed his mind. He makes a psychic collect call to Lestat, of all people, and asks if he's sure. Asks Armand if he's sure when he accepts the invitation, when they're packing, when they're on the way to the airport. When they're walking up to arrivals, Armand’s grip crushing Daniel's fingers, Louis smiling at the back of the crowd with his hands in his pockets, casual as anything, like they do this every day. They're all sure and sure and sure, so Daniel lets Louis pull him in with one arm, Armand with the other, and hug them both while a planeful of tired New Yorkers filters out around them into the muggy bayou dark.

(look okay i know this fic is mostly smut and all but it literally made me cry multiple times. it changed my worldview. it made me see colors previously not experienced by the human perception. it's everything to me. if you haven't read it just like. please please do.)

[1425fivefive]

I'm kind of cooking with this Interview with the Vampire-inspired Lestappen fic. The premise is that Charles is a 500-year-old vampire and Max is human and they first meet in Amsterdam in 1662. Charles turns Max into a vampire and the fic is a series of vignettes of their tumultuous relationship in various years/locales from the 1600s to the present. I'm tentatively titling it After Me, the Flood.

Posting a (lightly NSFW) snippet of their first meeting below to keep myself accountable to finishing this for Halloween:

“What’s your name?” Max asked.

“Charles.” Charles thought, briefly, about giving Max one of his many pseudonyms. But he had so little of himself to offer to Max. He wanted to give him at least one real thing, however small.

“Charles,” Max repeated. He said it the way all Dutch people said Charles’s name, with a tch sound at the beginning and the s at the end. Normally it irritated Charles but he found he liked the sound of his name in Max’s throaty voice.

“And yours?” Charles asked.

“Max.”

“Ah, a strong name,” Charles said, a teasing lilt in his voice. “The name of an emperor.”

“Yes, that’s why my father picked it.” Max winced as he said father and Charles knew there was something dark there. It wasn’t particularly surprising to have a poor relationship with one’s father, in a pub like this.

“What’s your business in Holland?” Max asked, clearly wanting to move on from the subject of his family.

“No business”—Charles flicked his eyes down to Max’s plush lips—“only pleasure.”

Charles watched as Max’s throat bobbed at Charles’s words, watched as the flush rose in his cheeks and spread down his neck, disappearing beneath the high collar of his jacket. Charles wanted to tear the jacket from Max’s broad shoulders, lick a stripe up Max’s neck, savor the pulse of Max’s carotid artery under his tongue.

Charles felt an aching pressure in his gums, his canines fighting to lengthen. He forced them to retreat, reminding himself of the merchant he’d drained only hours earlier.

“Would that interest you?” Charles asked, trying to tear his gaze away from Max’s neck.

Max stepped closer to Charles, Charles’s thigh sliding between Max’s legs. Charles wanted to tug Max down to his lips, but he knew even a pub like this had to ensure plausible deniability.

“Of course, Charles,” Max murmured. “Of course, I’m interested. You’re”—Max broke off, his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips—“you’re beautiful.”

Charles reached out, grazing the back of his fingers down Max’s stomach, startling a gasp out of Max. “You are quite beautiful, as well.”

Max scoffed. “Don’t lie.”

Charles frowned, confused. Max was beautiful, so beautiful Charles couldn’t understand how people hadn’t told him so constantly. Charles had lived for centuries and he’d never seen someone who looked like Max—the broad, strong features that, together, transformed into an almost searing vulnerability.

“I am not lying,” Charles said firmly. “You are gorgeous, Max.”

Max flushed, his whole face turning pink. “Stop.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Charles asked, running his fingers up and down the fabric stretched across Max’s stomach. “Because I think you would enjoy hearing how beautiful you are.” Charles paused, wondering whether to push further. But Max was staring at him with wide eyes, lips parted, and Charles added, “Perhaps you would like hearing how gorgeous your perfect lips look, wrapped around my cock.”

Max sucked in a gasp, before nodding, eager and honest. “Yes, Charles, yes, I’d—yes.”

“Good,” Charles said, smirking. “Now finish your drink.”

Max obeyed, tipping his head back and draining the last of his beer. It was a heady feeling, watching Max follow Charles’s orders. People followed Charles’s instructions all the time, but Charles couldn’t remember the last time someone had done it of their own free will, without Charles needing to compel them.

When Max slammed the empty glass back on the bar, Charles feared that he would never be able to let Max go.

Also fun fact, this scene is set in a bar that serves primarily gay clientele in 17th-century Amsterdam, and these did in fact exist in parts of Europe in the 17th century! I'm not sure whether they existed in Amsterdam specifically, but ... we ride.

[tgmsunmontue]

Season to Taste - 21/? WIP

Explicit Hangster - Celebrity Chef Bradley and Naval Aviator Jake Seresin who have a relationship spanning the globe before they realize how tightly bound they are to one another. Heading into this little world.

PROLOGUE/ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN ELEVEN TWELVE THIRTEEN FORTEEN FIFTEEN SIXTEEN SEVENTEEN EIGHTEEN NINETEEN TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTYONE

                Vi enters the kitchen looking worried and he’s immediately concerned that something is going wrong front of house. She’s good, but there are still so many moving parts that she can’t catch everything. There are people that think they’re together, with how they’re portrayed on TV, and obviously the more they deny it the more people think they’re actively trying to hide it, so they’ve given up denying at least and just saying no comment. It’s easier and they’re not that exciting really, they have to lose interest eventually.

                “Leonardo…” Vi starts and one of his eyebrows shoots up. Italian it is then. She wants to say something and not have others understand. “There’s a guy out front saying he wants to talk to you. Says he’s your uncle?”

                For the briefest of seconds he thinks it might be Mav, but no, it has to be Ice. Mav wouldn’t say uncle, he always used godfather.

                “Tall guy. Looks really fucking intimidating?” Bradley asks, already untying his apron and straightening his top.

                “Oh. So you do know him?”

                “Yeah. Come on, let me introduce you to my Uncle Ice.”

                “Ghiaccio,” Vi offers, clearly thinking he’s forgotten the Italian word for ice and he laughs and shakes his head.

                “No. Not ghiaccio. His name is Ice. Or Tom actually I guess.”

                “Oh. Oh this is, he’s your… okay. Yeah. I want to meet him properly.”

…            …            …           

                “You said you don’t scare easy… guess it’s time to prove it.”

                “Gladly,” Bradley says, because he’s faced down far scarier people, and done it without anyone by his side. Jake grips his hand, and he’s not sure if it’s to show him support, or because he himself needs the physical touch right now. Regardless Bradley pauses and pulls Jake into a quick hug, presses a kiss to his forehead. “It’ll be fine.” He’s got two bags of food in his other hand, and Jake is balancing the cake in his free hand

                Jake nods sharply, sucks in a breath and rolls his shoulders back, like it’s not his own family home he’s about to enter and he wonders why Jake is so nervous. He squeezes his hand and the smile and nod he gets almost has him laughing with how reassuring Jake is trying to look. It’s fucking adorable and he hopes for Jake’s sake it’s all going to go smoothly, so he’ll be friendly and helpful and charm them all. He knows he can put on the charm, Maria already likes him and Jake had seemed to think she was going to be one of the hardest to impress.

                Maria had sent him a series of messages, letting him know she’s informed her siblings exactly who Jake was suddenly dating. That Jake called him Leo, so they could call him Leo or Bradley. She’s also explained to them that Jake seems to either not know the extent of Bradley’s fame, or simply doesn’t care, either way they all needed to be equally chill. She’s told him that Olivia is excited to meet him again, and the fact that he has met her before on the previous Saturday at the farmers market makes him feel even more prepared. That’s almost half of Jake’s sisters right there.

                He follows Jake and the door opens in front of them, like they’ve been watched the entire time and he isn’t surprised. A man is standing there, much too young to be Jake’s father, and he’s reaching out to take the cake from Jake’s hands.

                “I am under very strict instructions to rescue this cake and then protect it with my life… I’m Daniel by the way. Sandra’s husband. You see kids running around they’re also mine…”

                “Bradley,” he offers, dropping Jake’s hand to shake his, and then Maria is there, taking the cake from Daniel like she doesn’t trust him to hold it and Bradley grins at her.

                “Hey Maria.”

                “Bradley. Nice to see you again… thank you for this,” she says, eyes alight with glee and Bradley grins. He always likes making food for people who really appreciate it and Maria has got an excellent grasp of flavors so he hopes it lives up to her expectations.

                “I, uh, made a bit more food and thought I’d bring it along. Rickard –”

                “Oh. Do you have some of his salsas?”

                “Yeah. And fresh corn chips.”

                “Perfect. Come on through. Ignore the chaos.”

                Bradley isn’t quite sure what chaos she’s referring to but then he follows them out the back and then there are kids running around and then there are three women all standing there, all looking at him with varying degrees of skepticism and interest. He smiles and passes his bags to Maria, explains the additional food and is grateful to learn that it’ll go well with what she has planned. That they’d already done a bunch of stuff for lunch so he’s not contributing to over catering. Then she’s waving him off and Jake is hovering awkwardly and Bradley reaches for him, feels him settle a little as he wraps his arm around his waist.

                “Olivia right? Nice to see you again.”

                “Yeah. Hi.”

                Then he’s meeting Sandra and Nicola, who seem cooly polite, especially compared to Maria and Olivia’s much warmer friendliness. Jake hadn’t been wrong, there is a weird feeling, and he can only guess it’s the emotional upheaval of the day. He’d suggested, both to Jake and also Maria via messages, that maybe it could be postponed and told in very uncertain terms that that was not going to be happening. Also it’s an early dinner because many of them will get up early to be at the market to set up first thing in the morning. His offer of help has not been accepted. This time.

                There is no sign of Jake’s father, or Amanda, but no one is saying anything, so he stands there and makes small talk about the different places he’s travelled to, apparently a topic of conversation which they’ve all deemed appropriately safe. Jake is tugged away to play by his nieces and nephew and it’s very clear from both the torn look on Jake’s face that he wants to go as much as he doesn’t want to leave Bradley unattended with his sisters. Fortunately whatever expression he’s wearing and the expectant look on Sandra’s face have Jake heading out to the garden to throw and kick balls around, throwing an apologetic look over his shoulder as he goes.

                “So. Bradley.”

                “Yeah.”

                “You seem… normal.”

                “I… I’m sorry? Was that meant to be a compliment or an insult?”

                “Neither. Simply an observation. You’re not quite like how I imagined.”

                “What you imagined? Let me guess… someone hard to please and with a short fuse?”

                “Well, that is how you’re portrayed.”

                “Short fuse, yeah, when I was younger maybe. Definitely now when I’m stressed. But… no. Not me at all. Just what they choose to show of me. Sometimes I play it up when they ask me too….”

                “I knew it!” Olivia declares and Bradley shoots her a quick grin. “And Sandra only watched highlights on YouTube last night, I think she focused on a compilation one which just shows you yelling at people.”

                Bradley pulls a face, because he’s not a fan of those moments, but he also knows that a lot of people are. Then he hears the door open again and everyone turns toward it and there is another woman, one who is carrying a large bag and a baby and this has to be Amanda and her son Lincoln.

                “Holy shit. Bradley Bradshaw.”

                “He is.” “Do you not read your messages?” “Mandy!”

                “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

                “Holy shit, Maria, you weren’t joking.”

                “Does she usually?” Bradley asks, looks to Maria who is rolling her eyes.

                “Well… no. I just thought maybe you were a guy that just looked like him. Rather than actually being him…”

                “I’m actually him. Have been my whole life.”

                “Except for when you go by Leonardo,” Sandra states and Bradley shrugs.

                “I’m both Leo and Bradley, same person. I answer to both equally. I just usually expect Leo to be followed with a stream of Italian…”

                “Jake’s been learning Italian.”

                “He told me,” Bradley says, tries not to feel too smug about the fact.

                “Anyway, I’m Amanda. It’s nice to meet you.”

                “Nice to meet you too. And this must be Lincoln…”

                “He doesn’t like strangers…” Amanda says, already apologetic as if her son is about to scream in his face and Bradley shrugs. He likes kids, but he isn’t going to make grabby hands for a baby he’s just met, or a mom who has just met him. “Huh. Apparently you don’t make him scream. So yeah. Here,” and then he’s having a baby foisted onto him and he cradles the small body against his chest automatically, looks at her in surprise only to find all five sisters now grinning and it’s so similar to Jake’s it is a little unnerving.

                “So, you like kids?”

                “Yeah. Big family. Lots of cousins.”

                “Hmm.”

…            …            …

                Jake isn’t sure what his insides are doing when he sees Leo holding Lincoln, but he does know he needs to immediately capture it on his phone, quickly takes a snap and realizes it’s the first picture he’s taken of Leo. Nicola and Amanda are both smirking at him, and he turns back to Daniel, can’t even subtly give them the finger with the kids around. He sees his sisters move as a pack, Leo trailing after them with Lincoln still in his arms and Daniel jerks his head.

                “Go on, go rescue him and see if your sisters need any help…”

                “Like they’ll let me help,” Jake mutters under his breath, but he slopes off and tries not to feel too bad at the disappointment from his niblings as he leaves them to their games. Of course, he should have prepared himself better, gets almost to the kitchen to find that they’re not grilling Leo about himself, they’re grilling him about Jake. What the hell, that’s not the way it’s meant to go. He stands just out of the way, catches Leo’s eye and the little wink which makes his stomach do a little flip.

                “Wait. Jake’s cooked for you? How did that go?”

                “He’s a perfectly good cook,” Leo states, ducking his head.

                “Could you taste anything other than sauce?”

                “He cooks to survive, not to enjoy…”

                “He didn’t put any sauce on mine. And I enjoyed not having to cook.”

                “Wow. Must be true love.”

                “It ain’t blind, it has no taste…”

                “And I’m working on making him a sauce…”

                “You’re what?”

                “Oh my god, you’re going to make him sauce… He’s going to get his own signature sauce. Of course he is.”

                “I don’t know if that’s sweetly romantic or sickeningly romantic…”

                “So sweet it makes you sick?”

                “Bingo. That’s it…”

                “You’re all just jealous,” Jake declares, and they all jump a little, turning to look at him and he scoops Lincoln from Leo’s arms, surprised but pleased when Leo gives him a kiss, catches the pleased look a couple of his sisters shoot him and feels warm inside. They’re moving food to the table, setting out plates and tableware. Their dad is apparently less than five minutes away so his window of being able to be a little inappropriate is closing rapidly.

                “And you can stay jealous. He makes me breakfast in bed too.”

                “Yeah. I wonder why,” Nicola says dryly, and there are so many snorts and huffs of amusement he can’t tell if any of them didn’t, including Leo. Traitor.

                “I don’t mind making breakfast for everyone one morning…”

                “You’re not making any of my sisters a morning after breakfast!”

                “I made you a morning after breakfast…” Leo states, and Jake blinks at him, but his sisters, for the most part, are all cackling like mad and while the idea of Leo teaming up with his sisters should scare him, it instead thrills a part of him, that they already getting on well enough to hassle him.

                “Yeah. For…” Jake looks around, and his nieces and nephew have come inside and are all looking at him avidly and he slumps back against the bench. “Fine. Cook for whoever you want.”

                “Oh my god. Can you make me eggs benedict?”

                “He’s not your personal chef!” Jake grumbles, and for some reason this makes Leo laugh and kiss the side of his face again.

…            …            …

                He’s coming back from the bathroom, ready to eat when he nearly bumps into someone in the entryway taking off their boots. This must be Jake’s father.

                “Oh. Sorry sir. I didn’t see you there.”

                “You… You’re Bradley Bradshaw.”

                “Yes sir?”

                “I’m sorry. What are you doing here exactly?”

                “Uh. I’m Jake’s…” he waves a hand, suddenly at a loss for words. Wants to say boyfriend, however it feels to juvenile, but partner is far too serious and Vi is his literal business partner. “Date?” Bradley asks, wondering what Jake’s father has been told exactly.

                “I thought Maria told me your name was Leonardo…”

                “You can call me Bradley sir, Leonardo is my Italian name, and it’s the name I used the first time I met Jake.”

                “Huh. You can call me Chuck. Nice to meet you, Bradley. Of all the young men Jake could bring home he brings home you. Kinda funny.”

                “Uh…” Bradley isn’t quite sure what to do or say in reply to that.

                “Sorry. My wife loves watching you cook is all.”

                “Oh.” Oh.

                “I mean, I’ve seen some of them so often I can probably transcribe them, but Jenna really enjoys it. Especially when you yell at people.”

                “Oh, I don’t really…”

                “It’s fine son, I’m well aware it’s likely dramatized to make it more interesting. But she seems to think you’re well justified in your yelling. We enjoy watching it together and just… of all the people that Jake could have started dating he somehow picked one that his mother has a chance of recognizing. I’m assuming he told you about her.”

                “Yes sir.”

                “Less of the sir, just Chuck will do. He’s got no idea you’re on TV does he?”

                “I don’t believe so sir.”

                “Huh. Yeah, that boy never liked watching TV growing up. Being outdoors was where he wanted to be. School was a challenge, until they could teach him why things would be useful. You got yourself a handful there,” Chuck says, then shoots Bradley a wink. “And if I find out you’ve been inappropriate with my baby I’ll have you know I own a shotgun!” he says much louder and Bradley hears Jake’s exasperated dad! And he can’t help but laugh.

                It’s not what he was expecting, to simply be accepted and welcomed with open arms reminds him so deeply of the Gallo family it almost hurts in the best type of way. Because there’s also the edges of happy craziness and banter going around and the deep love they have for each other. When Jake kisses him all he gets are self-indulgent smiles aimed in their general direction. Yeah. He could get used to being part of this family too.

TWENTYTWO

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Under the Glow of Candlelight

Summary: At your usual best friend sleepovers, you started talking about your unsatisfying exes, one thing leads to another. And soon you’re on top of your best friend, under the glow of candle lights. 

Oneshot

Smut, PW?P, Fluff?, Best friends to *official* lovers

If you are a minor, please do not read/engage with this post. This is an 18+ work. 

Warnings: Unprotected Sex (pls practice safe sex), Soft dom! Juyeon, Cowgirl position, Body Worship, Marking (m! & f! receiving), Slight Possessiveness, Tit-sucking & fondling (f! receiving), Praise, One (1) ass smack (f! receiving), Creampie, Candles lit and glowing (no candle/temperature/wax play), Talking about previous partners & positions, Mentions of prev. talks about masturbation, *Aftercare*, Use of pet names: Princess, Baby, and Sweetheart *And if I missed any pls lmk!*

Word Count: 2,739

Juyeon X Fem!Reader 

Again, if you are a minor, please do not read/engage with this post. This is an 18+ work. 

------

Juyeon, above all, was your best friend, so telling him exactly how you liked to be fucked didn’t seem out of the blue. After all, the two of you had talked about how you masturbated before. Why would this be any different? “Yeah, remember my last boyfriend?” He hums, “Yeah, he was kind of boring.” You groan, sitting upside down and looking up at the ceiling, “And god, he was boring in bed too.” He lets out a soft laugh, as you tell him, finally looking over at him, “I just like it when someone’s rougher and can take me like they own me y’know?” He nods, “Yeah, rougher is more fun. But you? Of all people- Want someone to act like they own you?” You laugh, “It’s kind of funny when you put it that way. But I just want them to be in charge.” His mouth is ajar as he nods, “That makes more sense.” You hum, and he asks, “Then what’s your favorite position?” You grin, “Guess.” And you watch as he thinks before he answers, “I don’t know, cowgirl?” You gasp, “How’d you know?” He shrugs, “I’ve known you since we were little. You always like to look like you’re in charge… And well, with you saying you want someone to actually be in charge… It just made sense.” You laugh, “Well, what about you?” He shrugs, “I think you already know…” You gasp, “No way…” His smile turns into a smirk as he does, “You know I’m a sucker for being underneath. You get so much more access that way… I can control the pace and suck on some pretty tits? Princess, that’s the dream…” You laugh, “I can’t believe we like the same position for different reasons.” He tilts his head at you, “You can’t?” 

You shrug, finally flipping to be right-side up on his couch, “I don’t know, I always pictured you as an ass guy so-” He shakes his head as he shoves your shoulder, and you fall over teasingly before getting back up, “I am. But that’s why it’s one of the best positions. I get to have a handful of it as I take control.” You let out an ‘ahh’ as it makes sense to you. And you ask, “What was your last girlfriend like… What was her name? Jen? Jennet?” “You mean Jeanie?” You nod, and he groans, “Ugh, she only liked me to hit it from the back, and it had to be in total darkness… And as much as that’s nice… I love seeing someone come undone for me.” You tilt your head, “You like to fuck with the overhead lights on, or?” He shrugs, “At least candles…” You push his shoulder, “Ohh, so romantic.” He rolls his eyes, “What? A little romance is boring for you?” And you shrug, fiddling with your pajama shorts, “Never had the opportunity to fuck with them lit.” He shakes his head, “You don’t fuck with candles on-” “Don’t you dare-” “You make love with them lit.” You groan, “Ugh… you had to say that.” He looks at you confused, “Have you never made love either?” You shrug, “I guess I’ve come close to it?” He looks at you weirdly, “What do you mean you’ve come close? I thought you loved that one girl.” You sigh, “I did- but like- I don’t know? I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely had sex to make love. It’s always been with the goal of getting off- nothing else.” Juyeon shakes his head, “Now who’s the boring one, baby?” You roll your eyes, “I was shedding my heart to you, and here you are-” He cuts you off, “Well, have you ever wanted to?” You think back to all your exes, “Well, yeah, I guess? I don’t know, I never really thought about it...” 

He squints at you, “Really?” You shrug and ask him, “Well, have you ever made love?” He hums, running his hand through his hair, “Most of the time. You know I’m a bit slower, and it takes me some time to catch on, right?” You nod, and he continues, “I take my time figuring out what makes them tick and it’s just a lot more intimate feeling than fucking just to get off, you know?” You sigh, “I wish I did…” And he hums, “Well, what if you could?” You look over at him, “How so?” He shrugs, “We could.” You give him an odd look, “I don’t know if we should. It’s one thing to fuck your friends. But to make love with them?” He looks into your eyes as you continue, “Isn’t that drawing the line? Aren’t you supposed to only do that with people you love?” He shrugs, “I love you a lot, doesn’t that count?” You look at him, “I mean... I love you too, but I don’t know if we should make love. Because wouldn’t that make us more than we are?” He shrugs, “I don’t know, only one way to find out though… Of course, if you want to, it's on the table. If not, we can forget it and just continue talking about our unsatisfying exes.” You hum and think about it. On one hand, you could be ruining a friendship you’ve cherished for years. On the other hand, you could be starting a new forever with him. And you kind of like that thought. 

So, you shrug, “Why not?” He smiles as he goes, “Let’s go to my room.” You nod, and he leads you down the hall to his room. He opens the door, lets you in, and gestures for you to sit on his bed. “One second.” You get comfy laying there watching him find his lighter and arrange the candles in his room before lighting them one at a time. He puts the lighter down before turning off the overhead light, and the candles cast a soft amber glow over the room, “Woah…” He smiles, “Beautiful, right?” You hum in agreement and whisper as he walks towards you, “I don’t know how anyone would pass this up.” He shrugs, unsure as to why, either. As he crawls over you, he asks, “Can I kiss you?” You nod, and he leans over you and gives you a second to back away and back out before he kisses you. 

You sigh when he pulls away. It finally feels like the pieces are coming together. His hand slowly moves up your shirt, and you ask, “Are we really going to do this?” He looks into your eyes, “Not if you don’t want to.” You shake your head, “No, that’s not what I meant. I just- I love you, and I don’t know if that will change.” He kisses your forehead, “If it helps you any, it won’t make me love you any less.” You look into his eyes, “It does.” “Will you love me any less?” You shake your head, and he smiles, “Then the only thing that could change is?” You hum, wondering what he’s about to say, “We find we like having sex together, and we fall deeper for each other.” You shrug as you agree, “Yeah, I guess so.” He asks, “Will you love me any less if I don’t fuck you good?” You laugh, “Nah, I just won’t ever have sex with you again. Will you feel the same?” He smiles, “Yeah.” You nod, “Okay.” “Then it’s settled.” He pulls you in for another kiss, and you let yourself fully enjoy it. 

He pushes your shirt to the side to leave kisses along your collarbone before slowly dragging your shirt up and over your head. He smiles as he takes a moment to appreciate your chest. You blush before he sinks down and drags slow kisses along your chest, worshiping your body like it was a temple. He sucks on one of your nipples as he wraps his hand around the other, gently kneading before pulling back to suck on the other. You let out soft moans as he continues playing with your breasts. After a couple of minutes, he finally pulls away to capture your lips in his, slowly making out with you. When he pulls away this time, he gives you a quick peck before trailing his kisses down your torso. 

He lets out soft hums of appreciation as he kisses along your stomach, finally reaching the top of your pajama bottoms. He moves up, peeling them off before dragging your panties down. He lets out a content hum as he looks you fully over. “You look good like this, princess…” He gets up from the bed and takes off his clothes slowly, and you drink it in. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this with your best friend. But it felt so right. You smile as he sits down beside you. He gently grabs your sides, lifting you up before placing you on his lap. He smiles as he tells you, “Hmm, yeah, you look like you belong here.” You blush as you look at his eyes and see them filled with adoration. It made you feel a sense of pride as you smiled, “I think I’ll look better with you in me.” He chuckles, “We’ll at least feel better.” You laugh as he lines you up, and you slowly sink down onto his cock. 

You both let out a breath when you fully sink down, making you both laugh a little. Juyeon hums, admiring you from a new angle, “God, you look so beautiful.” You blush and bury your head into his neck, littering kisses along his collar as you bounce on his lap a little bit. When you feel his hands move around your hips, before he starts bouncing you up and down, taking control over your movements, he lets out soft little groans as he works you both into a pace. You mumble against his collarbone, “You feel so good, Ju…” And he hums as you feel his hands move down along you as he changes his grip to get a better hold of you. When suddenly, he smacks your ass, and you let out a shocked moan as you look back at him. He grins as he soothes his hand over the mark he left and lets out a groan, “You have such a good ass, baby…” He picks the pace back up as you suck a hickey onto his collarbone, marking him as yours. You didn’t want him making love to anyone but you. 

He kisses your neck gently, not leaving hickeys, just kissing you like you always wished to be. He mumbles against your chest, “Fuck, I love you.” You kiss the top of his head and murmur, “I love you too.” He holds you close to him, burying his face into your chest as he thrusts up into you. You’ve never felt so close to someone before as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, resting your head on his as you both take in the moment. You pull back as he finally finds the spot that makes you moan loudly. He asks, “Right there, baby?” You let out a little noise as you try to tell him, ‘Yes’. And you see his smile grow as you let your head fall back, as he starts hitting the same spot over and over. He wraps his lips around your nipple, sucking on it as he continues his motions. With the energy you have left to talk, you ask, “Can.. can you… can you hold my hand?” He hums as he looks up at you with his mouth full before moving a hand from underneath you. He holds it out to you, and you interlock your fingers, holding his hand tightly. 

His other hand moves up, taking hold of your hip to hold you better as you hold his hand. He continues alternating between both of your breasts as he sucks and nibbles on them, littering them with marks as he does. He pulls away to capture your lips in his, and you both groan into the kiss. When he pulls away, you gasp and hold his hand together before shoving your face into his neck, “Ju… Juyeon.” He groans, “Are you close, sweetheart?” You whine and feel him smile into your collarbone, “I’ll take that as a yes.” You feel his fingers finally circle your clit, and you gasp as your legs start to shake. He whispers, “Come on, you can do it... Cum all over my cock, princess.” You cry out, and he encourages you one last time before you do. And he groans at the sight, mumbling, “You look divine…” As his hips start to stutter underneath you as he reaches his own end, squeezing your hand. 

You look down, huffing out little breaths as you both regulate your breathing. When you look back up at him, you find he’s already looking at you with a dazed smile. And he asks, “So, how was that?” You sigh heavily, “I hope we make love many more times.” His lips curl, and his eyes squint as he grins, “I hope so too, princess.” He kisses you gently. And you smile as you kiss back, finally feeling content. After a couple more minutes, when you’re both fully calm down, he pulls out, and you whine at the loss of sensation, which makes you both giggle. He kisses your nose, “That was cute…” You blush, and he pulls you into his arms to hold you close to him again. You sigh contently if this is what making love felt like. You didn’t want to have it with anyone else. After a while of listening to each other’s heartbeats, he finally speaks up, “So, what do you say we get you cleaned up?” You sigh, “I guess.” He nods and adjusts you in his grip, “Okay, let’s go.” He gently picks you up and takes you to his bathroom before setting you on the counter. 

“You look good sitting there.” You blush, mumble a ‘thanks,’ and watch as he wets a rag. He spreads your legs and cleans up the mess you both made between them. When he moves the rag away, he smiles and kisses you on the forehead. And wipes his mess off before asking, “Do you need to use the restroom?” You laugh as you smile, “Yeah, I should… Can I kiss you?” He smiles before agreeing, “Of course.” You place your hand underneath his jaw and pull him in for a kiss, savoring the taste of his lips. He helps you off the counter before heading towards the open door, “I’ll wait for you.” You nod, “Okay.” He shuts the door behind him, goes to the bedroom, and changes the blanket out. When you return, he says, “I got you some clothes out.” You smile, “Thanks, Ju.” He shrugs, “It’s no problem.” You shimmy into them as he starts going around the room, snuffing out the candles. You smile, feeling comfortable in the outfit, and turn around, finding him still closing candle lids, and ask, “Want help?” He smiles, “Yeah.”

You join him, crawling under the bedsheets when you finish snuffing out the candles. You scoot closer before wearily putting your head on his bare chest, “Is this okay?” He grins as he laughs, “I just finished inside of you less than twenty minutes ago. Of course it is.” You laugh as you snuggle into his chest, feeling safe beside him. He moves his arm, wrapping around your side, and asks, “So?” You look up at him, “I liked it.” “Me too.” You speak without thinking, “What does that make us?” And he hums, “I don’t know what were we before?” You shrug, “I think a whole lot more than best friends. All my past lovers thought I was with you so…” He laughs, “Yours too? What do you say we make it official?” You smile, “I’d like that.” He grins, “Me too.” You settle in further into his chest as he whispers, “Do you wanna go to bed? Or do you wanna watch a movie?” You hum, giving it some thought, and he waits, reaching over to his nightstand, already knowing your answer, “Movie, please.” He smiles, grabbing the remote and turning on your guy’s favorite movie. You snuggle into him closer as you enjoy it together for the hundredth time but as lovers for the first time.

[hedwig221b]

Do you by chance have BAMF Stiles recs? I'm reading your stories and all you rec so thank you for being awesome!!

Thank you so much! One wouldn't know by looking at my fics, but I absolutely adore BAMF!Stiles lol. He's a delight!

Daybreak by TheObsidianQuill

"There . . ." Stiles swallowed and looked down at the bottle in his grasp as he slowly swirled the amber liquid inside. "There's really nothing left. For me. Everyone is . . . gone, and it feels like I haven't thought of tomorrow in years." His words rang in the air like a gunshot, he took another heavy drink. "I would trade every last breath I take to just have another shot—not even a guarantee, just a chance to make things right and bring back even one of them."

The pack was gone. He had nothing left. He had no one. With nothing to lose, Stiles puts everything on the line to go back in time to try to prevent the future from becoming his past. Broken, guarded, and haunted by his past, only one overgrown-pup of a wolf seems able to get past his defenses. Changing the future? Easy. Finding a place for himself in the Hale Pack? Impossible.

The Roads Not Followed by SylvieW

Scott decides to leave Beacon HIlls with Allison and her father. Stiles is left alone to deal with the supernatural troubles of his home town, so he turns to Derek.

Years later, Scott’s new pack is threatened, and the only ones who can help them are the Hale pack and Derek’s powerful mate.

Not Your Disney Romance by Wrennefer

After a long-forgotten agreement of an arranged marriage between Derek and the daughter of another pack's alpha resurfaces, Stiles takes it upon himself to become the most amazing fake fiancé that a clueless, desperate alpha werewolf could wish for.

This is Ridiculous by zosofi

There's a unicorn in Beacon Hills. A fricken' unicorn. In fricken' Beacon Hills, California. And it turns out that unicorns aren't drawn towards virgins in a happy-go-lucky let-me-lay-my-not-at-all-metaphorical-horn-in-your-lap way. No. They kill them. And guess who's the only virgin idiotic enough to get sucked into the Beacon Hills supernatural scene? Stiles, that's who.

A Tangled Refuge by wanderingeyre

The Hale House has been rebuilt for the past five years and for all five of those years, it’s been a sanctuary for supernaturals that needed a place to stay, a halfway point, a place to recuperate, or a place to be safe from whatever was on their tail. Word traveled quickly in the small world of the supernatural and now they rarely had to seek out people who needed help. Most came to them.

What Fresh Twilight Bullshit Is This? by isthatbloodonhisshirt

“I am not Bella!” he insisted, shaking his fist angrily at Jackson, as if he’d been the one to suggest he was. “I am not Bella! I am, like, a Jacob, at least!”

Lydia made a noise of debate from his right and he whipped around to look at her.

“What?! What was that sound?!”

“You’re more of a Mike,” she insisted, shrugging neatly and flipping some curls over her shoulder.

“Wha—” Stiles had never been so offended in his life! “I am not! No way! I am a solid Jacob!”

“Mike,” she argued.

“Who’s Mike?” Scott asked.

“Shut up, Scott!” Stiles insisted, pointing a finger at him but still glaring at Lydia.

Came For The Spark, Stayed For The Flame

Derek felt the panic build up in his chest as Jezebel held out a hand. He smelled it before he saw it, because who could forget the scent of what destroyed your life? Fire and spark and smoke curled from Jezebel's hands, and the wood stacked at Stiles' feet flared up.

When Stiles and Derek get bonded as Emissary-and-Alpha, hidden attractions become a lot harder to hide, secrets are kept and secrets are surfaced, and an evil teenage girl is planning even more ritualistic sacrifice. Canon divergence from the end of 3a.

Dangerous by jjmash

There are a lot of things that the pack doesn’t know about Stiles.

Some of it is little things he simply has no reason to mention, like how he almost failed organic chemistry his first semester at Stanford. Some of it is bigger stuff that he just can’t bring himself to think about, like the nightmares that still plague most of his nights and trap him inside his own mind in increasingly horrific ways.

But most importantly, the pack doesn’t know all the ways in which Stiles has transformed during his time away from them. He doesn’t need fangs and claws to be dangerous.

The Person You'd Take a Bullet For (is Behind The Trigger) by SadieHerondale

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but until he gets Derek back, Stiles' actions are going to be worse than bad. And he will get Derek back, come hell or high water.

Something More Than Human by gatergirl79

Stiles Stilinski has a secret, a huge secret. A secret that will change the way everyone sees him. No, he hasn't been bitten by a werewolf. Stiles Stilinski is the product of a government experiment to create the perfect soldier, a human weapon. As a second generation transgenic, Stiles has been living a normal life with his dad in Beacon Hills, playing the role of klutzy sidekick to his werewolf best friend. All that changes however when Derek saves his life, Stiles finds himself slowly embracing who he really is. - But at what cost?

Red Witch by rootbeer

The red hair of a banshee. The red eyes of an alpha. The red hoodie of a mage. The red of fire burning.

Derek Hale has been a prisoner to the hunters since they burned his family alive. But now someone has come to save him: skinny, defenseless Stiles--147 lbs of skin and fragile bones. Turns out, sarcasm isn't his only weapon.

Oh my (let me look at those eyes) by Gorgeousgreymatter

A few months ago, he might’ve been able to solve this with some force—a little man-handling, a snarl, a glimpse of teeth. But he looks at Stiles’s broken face, knows he’s seen too much horror and blood and evil, the whole Big Bad Wolf routine is just going to fall flat. Because Derek looks at Stiles and he doesn’t carry himself like a teenager anymore. He carries himself like a soldier.

Other fic recs: pack mom!Stiles | angsty fics | historical AU | baby/mpreg | outsider POV | possessive Derek | smut | hurt/comfort | magical Stiles | mafia | Stiles gets kicked out of the pack

[devolawrites]

I originally posted this on Twitter, and tbh I'll probably get the worst cringe in a day and delete the thread and this as well but I need people who have commissioned fics from me or at least know my writing to know what the actual mcfuck has been going on with me lately.

Re: status of my fic comms right now.

It's not that I haven't been honest with people, I have been, but probably not as honest bc I haven't been too honest with myself either? I am working on them. They will be finished. I guarantee that. But... I have very high expectations for myself. Ones that are, most likely, unrealistic. I am genuinely running on fucking empty right now and have been for the better part of six months now. Not that I was much better beforehand but it's been the worst in the past 6 months.

I'm very open and honest about being physically ill with fibromyalgia and endometriosis. Chronic migraines. Asthma. Spinal issues and the like. I also have bipolar disorder, ADHD, OCD, C-PTSD and, while not diagnosed, am likely touched by the tism as well. As such, I take (or I should say am supposed to take) a lot of meds daily. I haven't been able to take them bc I've been getting violently ill immediately after taking them and no one can figure out why! I also work full time and have been attempting to finish my masters.

That, right there, is baseline 'what the fuck mary take some time to yourself' but, lol. lmao, even. Then my life fell apart in March. How so?

In the span of one week: someone I considered a family member passed away. I finally allowed myself to be open to someone about how I felt after two horribly abusive situations only to get the kindest, gentlest thing ever said to me while also being turned down INTENSELY. And then found out not even 10 minutes after said FAMILY-ZONED (not even friend zoned FAMILY ZONED do you know how weird it is to tell someone you have feelings for them only to get told 'oh i see you like a sister i've never had' and just wanna die) that your best friend died.

Via fucking Facebook message.

And then that week also be the one year anniversary of my Nana's death which I'm sure still was malpractice but we'll never know for sure and I'm still bitter about it. Needless to say, I spiraled. Very badly.

I was already stressed from paying for fixing my car and finding myself needing the extra money from comms more and more and piling on more work on myself bc lmao bills and making my back log even worse and now I felt horrifically alone and vulnerable and embarrassed. And, to be sure, I still did put work out. But I also struggled with a lot of comms that I genuinely had been excited to take on only to find myself just... unable to do them. For one reason or another. Writers block? Feeling like it wasn't meeting expectations?

I'd ask other writers for help. For suggestions. For feedback. For other angles to approach shit. And I got fantastic advice. And still, nothing budged. I literally had burnt myself out and was still trying to run on empty. On fucking fumes. And I still am. And, I'll be honest, it also did sorta sting when I'd finally get work posted and then I'd just... idk. Feel like it flopped. Either with the person who comm'd it or with people in general and that's bc of how Twitter's algorithm hates creators but it's hard to not internalize.

And it made wanting to write and wanting to work on things so much harder because it became less and less about wanting to do something I genuinely enjoy and wanting to smush yalls Barbies around and felt like an obligation with no reward. And that's not yalls fault, truly. But I internalize that shit really hard and take it as a 'you're not doing this right, no wonder people would prefer others write shit and not you, you can't keep up the schedule you made for yourself.' Which is why my timeline even changed in March.

I tried to make a more realistic turnaround time, with the same disclaimers. I even mentioned to people that they'd be on a WAITLIST. And I still feel like I'm not working fast enough. Not because of any pressure from those who have paid. But my own brain. And it sucks.

Because it's making me spiral and making it even worse and it's a snake eating its own tail because if I can just get out of this fucking cycle of doubting myself and feeling like it's not gonna be worth it, I can conquer this shit. I owe so many people so much and I just... I feel horrible. I know that I should refund like, most if not all of you at this point. I just haven't had the funds to be able to do that, tbfh. I only just was able to get caught up on bills these past 2-3 checks. And if you want a refund, please, tell me! I'll do it!

But I think once this batch I have currently listed on Trello is completed, I'm closing comms for a good fucking long while. And learning how to actually enjoy my writing again. Because right now, I don't. I don't enjoy sharing my work and getting no boosts. No comments. Kudos are nice, don't get me wrong, and I love every single kudos that I get, when I get them. But it's hard to not let the self doubt and self critique fester. And again, this is not any of yalls fault. It's my own. And I don't know how to fix it, tbh.

So, once these comms are up, it's gonna just. Stop. I'll probably work on my own stuff, but I didn't even do any of the ship week content that I wanted to do (wolchefant, wolcred, wolmeric OR wolstinien) because I didn't want to upset those who I owed work to.

So, that's the state of me as a fic writer right now. It's more theory than practice, at this point, and I'm just... I'm trying, I really am. I have so many drafts in my google docs right now and I hate everything I've written so much that I'm starting from scratch every time.

Which is why the Trello has, for the most part, stood still. I'm not blowing you guys off. I just genuinely have nothing to show. And I'm sorry.

[orcelito]

Super sexy me is so sexy I accidentally set off the fire alarm while baking pie shells for my pumpkin pie. And now I don't know if I should've even baked them in the first place. But well. Too late now 👍

[mellotronmkll]

I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard

[phoenixcatch7]

Man I am just SO CONFUSED. About the time line of this game.

No one is telling me how long links been gone! Or how long the botw-totk timeskip was! They all just started selling my stuff again lol. I'm going to have to get everything redyed!

Me: hey random stranger! Lore dump? You look like a lore dumper.

Kindly npc: why hullo there, link ^^! My, I haven't seen you in a while since the calamity ended! I was so worried when they said you and the princess had gone missing! But it's good to see you're well.

Me: aw, thanks. How long has it actually been tho.

Kindly npc: ^u^

[suncaptor]

yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

[iratusmus]

[catwouthats]

Bro why is drawing hard 😔

I mean, I know I have increasingly high standards and that I’m drawing on my phone but still-

[littlebittywildflower]

I miss you. I think I probably always will.