#but i always go home feeling lonely

[terezamylove]

i don't think I've ever felt so tired, so hopeless and so lonely in all my life

[manasurge]

Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)

[watery-melon-baller]

I wish I had some expired NyQuil so i could take it and get mildly high during my 3 hour class instead of being bored out of my mind as it takes the entire class period for all 15 students to present their projects

[theflyingfeeling]

yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

[thecaroliner]

I’m now finding myself furious at the vet. it took nearly 2 years for him to get diagnosed with a low thyroid. all they did was treat the symptoms (btw the treatments were BARELY working) and let him just waste away. it wasn’t until January this year when a vet who was only at the office for that week saw him and got him a diagnosis. and then he was thriving.

come to find out this past week that low thyroid can cause pancreatitis! which the vet didn’t bother to treat! just barely treated the symptoms except pancreatitis is serious and needs to be treated ASAP.

my dog was - mostly - fine a week ago. and now he’s gone. and I know that all these “what if” scenarios do no good. maybe treatment wouldn’t have helped, but none of them even bothered to really try

needless to say as soon as JJ’s contract with this vet is up I’m taking her somewhere else.

[largetriangles]

Home posting again

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[probablynotsamantha]

Dammit heart why are you like this ik she's like the exact damn girl you would've thought up to be as attractive and friend as humanly possible to me but you still don't have to be this whiny about it.

[phagodyke]

tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐

[mousegirl-cheerleader]

It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much

[graciebrams]

🫧

[byrdstrolls]

man i really love the ftc <3

[girlivealwaysbean]

my best friend's MOTHER called me to scold me about being depressed and self isolating lol what has life even come to

[fadeintolight]

.

[morningmask27]

I do sometimes find it really annoying that most of the things I do right now are At Least tangentially related to a trauma I lived through.

I am living in a university dorm right now, it's a very typical thing to do, but most people return to their family home during the weekends and only really stay in the dorms because they have classes in the week and having to go from their home to the classes, especially the 9 am classes, can be heavy if they live somewhat further away. I stay in my dorm the entire week. For Reasons I don't want to go back to my old home for longer than half a day to drop my laundry and leave with clean clothes, some food and a chat with my mother. I wouldn't feel good doing so anymore, but mentioning that is weird because most people (except internationals because going to a full on other country just for the weekend, every weekend, would be a bit dumb) return to their home (My dorm feels more like home to me right now than my old house did btw).

When I say I stay in my dorm people are somewhat confused, as it on its own already implies that something must not be that good at the familial home for me to not go there for the weekends. By the simple fact I don't go back it's already implied there is something wrong, and it's true, there Is something wrong, but I can't just start explaining the whole thing, it's not really appropriate for most conversations, and I simply don't want to open up about this part of my traumas. So I just have to quickly and very blatantly brush off that fact and the unpleasant implications to continue the conversation without making it awkward and it's so annoying.

Most of my weird trauma responses at least have the added thing that if I don't verbalize them nobody will really notice. I am good at hiding them, I kinda had to, but this dorm situation is such a blatant sign of something Weird (and not the good kind) that I cannot hide since my actions on their own imply a situation already.

I am somewhat good at dealing with all of these issues, brushing off The Problems is a typical part of normal conversations, but it does get frustrating sometimes when I get severely affected by something traumatic, and it's The Only reason that my problem happened, but I cannot talk about it in casual conversations because of how heavy and intense it is. I have to vaguely mention The Horrors (They Are Complex) and move on before I make my conversation partner uncomfortable. It happened when I had to miss a class because of a severe relapse in my mental health, it happens every time I mention I stay in my dorm the weekends, it happens whenever I get too jittery and weird because of stress (I don't even always know Why I am stressed) and I just cannot explain anything about the cause because it's too heavy for most people to hear. (I do understand that fact, it makes sense you're not going to tell classmates casually about the horrific stuff you went through in your personal life, but it fucking gets annoying when it is fully related to a situation and I have to Shut The Fuck Up anyway.)

It's just frustrating to me that I have to deal with all these Weird Things because of trauma, and everyone sees them, but I cannot explain where they come from truthfully because of how much they are. It's in this weird middle state where people See I am weird hurt, but they don't Know why. I do things differently for reasons they can assume are unpleasant, but I cannot ever truly explain everything to them.

[astral-catastrophe]

Being the way I am, I ignore the shit I haven’t processed, but now I’m crying because I don’t want to go to camp