#but i actually find the way they're changing things up super fascinating

[skunkes]

for me, the loveliest parts of your drawings are the construction. like veryyy inspired and true to anatomy but very clearly your own flavor. your pdf has really really put that "spark" for me in drawing again 💖 especially since I also draw doodley & small. unfortunately, with my ADHD/current workflow it's a real uphill battle to not give up a study despite desperately wanting to get better at construction. :(

if you use studies a lot, do you have any tips on how to keep studies fun? What sources have worked for you in the past? (especially for fat/wrinkles/clothes)?

This is getting to be a pretty specific ask haha sorry if it's a lot. I hope some of it made sense tho :)

hi hi so idk that i'd endorse it per se but what worked for me was only focusing on stuff i was interested in for years LOL

so in high school i loved drawing hands and arms... so i only ever focused on hands and arms...

i literally did not start fully focusing on/trying to learn Legs (for example) until the last 2 years. you can see even now that idk how to draw shoes (and idk that ill ever learn because ive never cared about em irl and only really use one pair LMFAO but that could change!) and then its slowly come together like puzzle pieces.

All of this came from personal interest....i was fascinated with hands and arms at first, the shapes the forms. then u can combine it with other things. i became determined to draw all sorts of bodies well so i could depict my ocs accurately. i had a focus on noses because i love noses and wanted to have ocs with their own unique noses, so i had an excuse to draw said ocs more to learn. (and then becoming enamored with all the ways skin and flesh can sit and squish helped with wanting to draw bodies more).

stuff like that helps keep it fun. sometimes when i do body studies now i dont draw the heads/faces because its less fun (TO ME) to do that and i know ill end up focusing more on that than the learning of the body.

sometimes i draw the bodies with my ocs heads so i have more fun. when i first started learning legs i only drew disembodied ones.

im not saying to do dis and yes you have to leave your comfort zone to get better sometimes but you have to find what works for YOU... bc if you get too "uncomfortable" then u wont wanna do it at all (see again: i could force myself to draw a page of shoes but i genuinely just dont want to adn i dont care. maybe in a few years ill be obsessed with them. im king of not leaving my comfort zone. i love being comfortable. but i make it work)

however you Learn you can always expand upon it once u have the foundation! like how over the years ive added more little details to some forms (because i like seeing them!)

idk how i learned to get better at drawing fat but i recommend sources like fatphotoref, morpho's book on fat and skin folds, and (18+ recommendation) subreddits for nudes, especially if they're focused on fat people. i like this last one bc you can truly see a range of difference in body proportions and fat distribution etc as well as seeing how other people stylize such things

im going to be real with u and say i SUPER dont know how i learned folds. im actually still learning now that im exploring more fashion in the real world, but even now i kind of just guess from what i know theyre meant to look like. if i REALLY want it to look accurate ill wear a similar garment and use that as a ref and then keep that in my mental library. here's 2 examples i can think of where i really had to take a pic because my imagination wasn't cutting it (and even then the 2nd was exaggerated of course.) this seems like a "leaving the comfort zone" moment but it was truly fueled by curiosity and fascination more than anything, which is good. (but AGAIN. you could not get me to care this much about drawing shoes. so it really depends on You and your interests in order to make it fun.)

otherwise i kinda just guess 😭 this is where i excel at focusing on making something look Good instead of right. i just see what shapes look fun, sculpt them around the body...

morpho also has a clothing + folds book though, so i wld look there ^_^ perhaps try putting a subject you really enjoy into your favorite outfit for practice? stuff like that... that post about how improvement comes from being insanely obsessed with something is real u just gotta find and latch onto whatever that may be

[isthatacalzone]

me: *seeing people yell about how they did Glintshore & Percy's death in the show*

also me: ..................anyway

[lapdogchase]

fascinated and distressed by chase's disordered relationship with sexuality + his emotions abt his own trauma & abuse

thru the beginning of the show he doesn't even realize he's hot despite being objectively attractive. when he finds out he's hot he then realizes people pretend to be interested in him as a person in order to have sex with him and gets super upset about it

he starts having a bunch of meaningless sex as a coping mechanism when cameron leaves him. and also a lot of other times. whenever something bad happens, basically, he starts going out with a bunch of women, just to feel something, presumably

^to the extent where hes known within the hospital as a slut. and has had sex with an insane amount of nurses. as well as presumably women who are not at his place of work.

he says doing this made him hate himself so he stopped. it's the b-plot for an episode and then he's back having meaningless sex again by the end of the episode

even his coworkers know this about him. and have called it out, masters even says she thinks he doesn't respect women bc, in her words, he's with a different one every few days or maybe he finds comfort in meaningless relationships

goes back to having meaningless sex within weeks of getting stabbed. which is really bad for wound healing reasons too. genuinely it seems like such compulsive behavior for him considering he keeps doing it even when its objectively not only a bad idea but actively dangerous

house even directly says he's "a serial slut" because he's "terrified of intimacy." incredibly accurate assessment

his relationship with his sexuality reads so heavily as someone who thinks they're not good for anything else

see also: dissociation & avoidance

we know he has a lot of trauma especially in childhood- he never really gets into it let alone into how he Feels about it but what we know is already bad & that's just the stuff he's okay with sharing with his coworkers or patients

in general he's very avoidant of his own trauma- when he gets stabbed he says he "can't change what happened, can only make better choices from here" as if it was his own fault, and refuses thru the whole episode to acknowledge that being traumatized by this would be a really normal reaction that he is definitely having. instead he just blames himself

also, he dissociates from traumatic things that happen to him - says "there was a stabbing" rather than "i was stabbed" for instance

when he's talking abt his childhood trauma he does it in a very similar way - he talks about it very bluntly and doesn't ever get into how he actually feels about it.

see also: dr. fawn response

general passive willingness to go along with anything- when cameron says they should have sex in s3 he's surprised and then he just kinda goes along with it. not bc he didn't want to bc he obviously did, but he's just generally very much someone who does whatever other people want him to do. i feel like he and cameron both tend to seek validation thru sex in an unhealthy way that i'm still gnawing on like a dog with a bone i have to go rewatch s3 to really articulate it though

he has a sort of desperation for praise and approval especially from anyone he views as an authority figure. he does whatever authority figures tell him out of this idea that it'll bring him approval and therefore safety

like no matter what house does or says to him he doesn't argue or retaliate or anything. even when house punches him he collapses on the ground in pain and then just keeps talking about the patient like nothing happened.

the scene in 3.10 after house punches him where he's in the ddx room and house walks in and throws the file at him and chase is startled and tries to pretend he's not. and he looks up with this huge fuck ass bruise on his jaw swallows heavily and pretends not to be upset. and house asks if he got that looked at as if he wasn't the one to give it to him and chase just swallows and says he's fine. dr fawn response :(

[leporellian]

‘the scary implications of the care bear stare’ PLEASE elaborate i need to know

THE CARE BEARS are an insane hodgepodge of christian allegories, which makes them fascinating to analyze- not in a 'your favorite childhood cartoon is actually super fucked up #childhoodruined!!!' way but in a way i genuinely find really entertaining/endearing

like the care bears are, Very Clearly, a form of guardian angels/saints, with elements from both the cultural belief of the former and the general behavior of the latter- the bears watch over individual children in certain situations, each bear has its own patronage for what it represents, the bears possess a level of omniscience, etc. Furthermore Care-A-Lot borrows very heavily from popular culture imagery of Heaven

Care Bears II: A New Generation plays with this further by having a whole Noah's Ark esque plot, a monotheistic God, Satan and a Faustian deal with him (his name is even 'Dark Heart' which could be read as a play on Lucifer's name meaning 'the bright one' and we first see him in the form of a serpent), etc, like they're really on the nose about it here

And since then Care Bears has sort of leaned on this bizarre Christian hodgepodge. Like fallen angels are a thing that can happen

So the Care Bears are (barely) secularlized guardian angels/saints who actually do things to help people. And in this light the Care Bear Stare becomes really fascinating

The Care Bear Stare works not by dealing physical damage but by toying with the mind. In one of the 80s cartoon episodes they define it as being done by the bear concentrating their energy and forcefully shooting it out of them. So what's going on here is essentially an angel aiming all its energy at you and then using it as a form of mindrape, preying on your reactions to either change your behavior or render you at the mercy of your own hatred. Insane stuff

The Care Bears can also use it on EACH OTHER and it seems to work so not even supernatural beings are immune to its power

I say all of this not because I think the Care Bears should be Dark and Fucked Up (that would be stupid, although i would be in favor of giving them 2000 anxiety disorders bc I imagine being a guardian angel would be stressful as hell) i just genuinely think this shit is fascinating. We dont have quasi-religious infighting angel cartoons like we used to man

[kedreeva]

Thank you for your time, whether or not you entertain my questions. I really appreciate it!

1.) Do you have to be careful about things like aerosols around the birds?

2.) How would you determine body condition in a bird without a keel? Or a small one?

3.) Where is a bird’s center of gravity? Around their hips?

4.) Do birds in general have stiff spinal columns?

1) yes they have very delicate respiratory systems. They have a super weird respiratory system actually. It is looped and goes one way. If you don't know about this I highly recommend looking it up, it's fascinating how they make use of air sacs to just. always have inflated lungs.

2) a small one is the same, as long as they have a keel, you just have to be more delicate about it. As for ones without a keel, I've never kept ratites, so I can't give you an actual answer, but my assumption would be by leg condition (even in flighted birds you can look at legs and tell when they're losing weight- there's not a lot of meat on their legs but it can still change shape when it's bad) and still by chest/rib palpitation. But you'd have to talk to someone that does ratites to know for sure.

3) my guess is that it depends on the bird. A penguin's center of gravity will be different from a sparrow's. Birds don't really have the same kind of hips you think of when you think of hips. This is a drawing so you can see better:

There are a bunch of fused bones there, and it takes up a huge portion of their body just like the keel. The center of gravity for peafowl is about where the blue mark is.

I want to point out that birds may not share this hip bone structure with dinos, even the ones that are bird shaped, so it may not translate. A dino with a heavy tail would probably balance more over the hips, as they have more weight on the back end. You're generally looking for where the midpoints laterally and dorsally meet up, not necessarily a structure like "hips."

4) I can't answer about birds in general, but peafowl in general do not have spinal columns. Or any other bone.

In seriousness, I guess it really depends on what you mean by spinal column, and how much neck they have. The length of spine over the keel is pretty stiff for obvious reasons, but overall peafowl are pretty bendy and loose limbed. I think some folks who animate large birds tend to animate them more stiffly than they actually are. I don't know if dinosaurs would lean more toward that or toward lizards, and if skin type makes a difference- birds generally have pretty thin skin on their bodies, until you get up to the ratites, so it moves very easily. I know people CAN make leather from fowl legs but. also why. That's so much work for so little. But, anyway dinos would likely have thicker skin than most birds and larger dinos might have stiffer necks than peafowl or other birds like them do. Depending on the size you want you may need to find a ratite keeper to ask.

[toffeebrews]

Any errink headcanons? :D

Tumblr hates me so I had to rewrite this, anyway... [Note: all my hcs ofc nothing is canon but some may be based of canon information! Sometimes I may refer to non-canon past rps :P]

Error and ink do dumb rps with his puppets together, they've made a super dramatic soap opera plot.

I think Ink realizes Error would never change and he's content with that (sigh as much as I would love to say he would).

Ink finds error's six tongues fascinating, rather than gross. In a similar way, error is fascinated by ink's star eyes (I wonder what that hc came from).

If they ever kissed it would be the most disgusting revoltingly thing ever because error doesn't know how to kiss at all and he also has 6 tongues.

If you asked them how they became friends they would just look at you and shrug. Not even they know how to happened. All they can say is they "get eachother." Error deep down has always wanted a friend and Ink gives him that. Ink is willing to deal with error's bs and error is willing to deal with ink's. Ink can feel a little lonely in his own role and among a world that is fake and Error being an outcode like hin understands him a way others wouldn't. Not even mentioning their story parallels but I gotta stop my self before I start rambling. They're some of the only people who know some of other's deep insecurities.

Ink found Error's crashes funny before he knew how absolutely painful they were. Although not sure if he would ever trigger them on purpose even before he knew ngl.

more yapping under the cut

I would define them as whatever happens when you cross a friend an enemy and a partner.

Ink loves all of his shipkids and error... feels very conflicted about all of them.

They also think the other is a freaky than them when in reality they're both freaks.

Error still thinks about when Ink proposed to him at loveball, ink doesn't think about it at all. Ink also proposed to him with a ring pop that he found in the candy bowl in my head LOL.

Ink doesn't mention his dads to him .. maybe out of fear

Other people still make fun of Ink for proposing to error at loveball and ink always goes "IT WAS ONE TIME!"

Error and Ink are both quite short, Error is only a few inches taller than Ink.

Due to loveball, Error is always scared (in a playful way) when Ink starts drinking.

Error does feel guilty for the time he left ink in the antivoid. Not all of the time, but at times when hes sitting with Ink in the anti-void he can't help but reflect on it. If he would ever admit it? Probably not.

Error and ink's dancing at loveball was a beautiful disaster. Ink is actually an okay dancer but because Error was really nervous it threw him off and it was so off beat. It was really cute though, regardless.

Ink finds errorink ship art very amusing and he shows it to error just to freak him out sometimes.

Error always kills ink first in among us. Error also always blames ink as the imposter even if he isn't.

They have a "close but not too close" rule just close enough to feel the warmth of the other person but not enough to touch. (do skeletons give off warmth?). They do hold pinkies though fr fr. Also Error does lay his head in Ink's lap sometimes, typically when they're watching something. Ink may also give Error forehead or hand kisses.

I like to think Error runs quite hot, because he crashes all the time, so hes warm like a computer LOL. Ink who in my hc has a lessen sense of touch and runs sorta cold due to be soulless lovess sitting around him because of it.

Crack headcanon, when error's eyes glitch up or hes about to crash if you really listen you can hear the sound of computer fans going ham.

Ink will often just... walk up to error and put him a different outfit. Something about his being "too basic" and "his outfit has an ugly color palette".

If you know my pinkie sense ink hc Error doesn't know HOW it works but he fully believes him every single time. Even when ink is trolling, LOL!

Error and Ink call eachother "Ruru" and "Kiki" but only to annoy the other. Specifically if ink is pleading for something he'll do it to annoy him "please ruru :(" They also call eachother glitch and squid in a movking as well LOL.

They have friendship rings? platonic rings? idk if those are a thing made from blue string.

In my own error design, he has a big tooth. Because of it ink calls him a "big kitty" to make fun of him.

[oh-no-its-bird]

<climbs in through your windows and falls fca first onto the floor>

Hey so uh I don't remember if you found a third to Huohua and Hana's team and I just wanted to jump in real quick with a suggestion that I think is around the same age as them-

Nara Ensui

My reasons are thus:

1. While the Ino-Shika-Cho trio is a big thing, clearly not all Yamanakas/Naras/Akimichis can be in one of those cells, and based on the naming convention, it seems to mainly apply to the clan heirs/main family, probably for political relations reasons

2. Ensui (seemingly) wears eyeliner and I feel like that should make him pivotal to the plot

I did actually choose someone to be their third on the team !! They're getting stuck with Kabuto bc I find him fascinating and it'll be a fun way to get Houhua dropped onto Orochimaru's radar

However Ensui is such a fun choice too, I might have to put him in my back pocket for later use. Ur so right, any character w eyeliner immediatley deserves to be elected for plot significance

I will say, I think it'd be so fun if he was added and we did play with like. There weren't enough kids to make an even number of ino-shika-choi teams. Do u think he'd feel left out? How do you think he'd be chosen to be the one excluded that year? So many fun thoughts ,,

Might have to play with that later actually, I like the crumbs of that narrative. Idk if Houhua is gonna pass the chunin exam yet so if he doesn't, maybe his second team can include him? Hana would pass for sure, and Kabuto's whole thing is that he fails it every year.

Actually quick side, note: the fact that this is possibly Kabuto's first chunnin exam (how old is he again ?? I don't fucking remember but not that old) is interesting too, he won't know what he's going into like he does other years

Anyways team (whatever number) my beloveds <3

Does their team number change w the teachers they're given ? Bc like, they were handed to Kakashi first, which would make them team 7 (for like half a day) but after that, are they still team 7? Could be cute if they're called smthn like team 7 and a half

Their team number is constantly shifting w each new teacher they're thrown at, the other teams just start calling them team 7 and a half to make fun of them and it sticks

Team 7 and a half my beloveds <3

Actually. Thinking ab Kabuto now. Having thoughts. Experiencing emotions.

I do think the most interesting result in Houhua being on a team w him would be he recognizes that Kabuto wants to fail the exam on purpose, then somehow, some way, tricks or corners him into passing.

VERY big wrench in Kabuto's plans and Houhua is suddenly on his list of least favorite people. He has BEEF. No idea how we'd get there tho, or if I even wanna fr take it there, I just think it'd be interesting.

ANYWAYS UHH

While I'm here and talking ab the au, take this comment from the vault fic chapter where I posted about the au:

I absoloutley think Jun and Kisame should get to know eachother for sure, itd be so fun !! Idk how exactly, but if nothing else Kisame seems to be great at handling standoffish ice prince bitches (*cough* Itachi *cough*) so he should be surprisingly good w interacting w Jun !

Which also brings up the fact that like. Jun and Itachi interacting would be the funniest thing ever. Because before Itachi hearing that Houhua has some mystery relationship w this guy, they're probably just standing next to eachother in dead silence (it's very peaceful)

But then Jun gets potentially rather violently recruited into Akatsuki, so now he's being very frosty (they are still standing together in dead silence)

And then by the time he melts a little, Itachi has noted the weirdness w Houhua. And now he's being super frosty and incredibly passive aggressive. And also possibly plotting a silent murder.

But Jun has no fucking clue who Houhua even IS so he literally has nothing he can say to explain this shit to calm Itachi down. And also does not care enough to even try to explain. And also Itachi is Itachi and isn't explaining why he himself is mad anyways so Jun has no fucking way of knowing why he's even mad. Or even telling that he is mad bc hes shit at reading people

(They are still standing next to eachother in dead silence)

Kisame comments on how whenever they're w Jun, Itachi is the most animated he's ever seen him. Very impressive work there Jun!

I do not think that Itachi would make a conscious plot to pretend to be in a relationship with Kisame. But I do think it'd be really fucking funny if Itachi, completely without thinking it through, blurts out that he's in a relationship w Kisame w some very vague (and possibly a little manic) only half-thought idea of making Houhua jealous.

Kisame is ???????? but doesn't argue bc Itachi is... probably going somewhere with this? Tho he doesn't understand where.......?

Itachi immediately regrets it (his face is still dead blank and unreadable, but he's screaming internally) but refuses to backtread bc that's embarrassing. He has never admitted to a mistake in his life, and he is not going to start here. (Kisame is going to RUTHLESSLY make fun of him for all of this later, and he will deserve it)

Itachi also blurted this out like. Totally unprompted and probably in the middle of a battle. No one (especially not Houhua) fucking asked. So Houhua, very very confused, goes "????? Good for you ???????? You still murdered our entire clan tho so um ?? I'm gonna keep fighting u? If thats ok?"

(No one in this conversation is leaving with their dignity intact)

I THINK ITD BE SUPER INTERESTING IF HE DID ACTUALLY? Hmm I might have to think ab that one. I wanna make sure all the mangekyou awakenings in this au are as heavy and significant as they really should be, yk? So idk if I'd wanna use Houhua's play dead jutsu for it, it'd feel a bit cheaper to me, just a bit. But then if I played it right ig it could be as heavy as it deserves. Mmmm, choices

Kabuto and Houhua are making direct eye contact going "I smell a rat in here and I KNOW it's not just me"

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Trey Clover - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Trey: It's pretty fascinating how all these anecdotes that I grew up with are displayed on all these paintings.

Trey: Just as I'd expect from an art museum that's reaching it's 100th year.

Trey: Oh hey, this painting… It has some card soldiers on it. Heh, I feel like I can understand these guys a little bit.

???: Oh, right, all you Heartslabyul guys do the same kind of thing, don't you?

Leona: What's even the point of painting the roses a different color? As someone who cares not an ounce about flowers, I don't get it at all.

Trey: Hey now, Leona, don't say that. It's not done for any specific reason, it's just one of the laws of our dorm.

Trey: Also, I don't really think the card soldiers changed the colors of the roses just for a change of scenery, though.

Trey: They say that the Queen they served loved red roses. They were probably just trying to please her, right?

Trey: But still… painting the roses, huh. I remember there was a bit of trouble with that when I first enrolled here.

Leona: Oho? What kind of trouble could the super pacifist Trey Clover possibly cause?

Trey: It wasn't any big deal. When we were first years, Cater and I were responsible for painting the roses, you see…

Trey: And we mistakenly painted some roses white when they were supposed to be red. That's really it.

Trey: Well, to be fair, the mistake wasn't really our fault, but the fault of our upperclassmen who told us the wrong thing.

Trey: But when the mistake was discovered and the Housewarden at the time asked who caused it… Those upperclassmen placed the blame squarely on our shoulders.

Trey: As punishment, Cater and I were made to leave the dorm for a whole day. That really grinded my gears.

Leona: You say that, but you got some stupid grin on your face. You don't look too angry about it.

Trey: Well, yeah… That'd be because Cater and I put together a plan to get them back.

Leona: So you two schemed something up, huh. You might look gentle and mild-mannered, but I guess there's a reason the Dark Mirror called you.

Trey: We didn't do anything that crazy. I just changed the flavor of those upperclassmen's cake to something a little more invigorating at the next dorm party.

Trey: See, it wasn't anything more than just a silly kid's prank, right? …Well, I had a bit of a hard time after that, though.

Trey: A HARD TIME CONCEALING MY LAUGHTER AS THOSE UPPERCLASSMEN CRIED ABOUT HOW SPICY IT WAS, THAT IS.

Leona: Hahah, how terrifying.

Leona: Well, Cater is one thing… But I see that even someone like you, who's stuck always pacifying that hot-headed Riddle, had an incident like that.

Trey: I mean, isn't that how all the new first years here are like? They're all mischief-makers and rambunctious.

Trey: Even our current first years are way too excitable and are always causing problems, so I sure wasn't an exception.

Trey: Eventually, they'll get used to this school and their dorm, get underclassmen of their own, and even find rivals in other dormitories…

Trey: And step by step, they'll mature into good card soldiers. At least, our Heartslabyul students will.

Trey: Just like we all did.

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Trey: This painting is, let's see… a depiction of "the fairies gifting magic in celebration of the birth of a princess in a certain country."

Trey: The princess herself isn't drawn, but I'm sure she's in the bed that these ladies are peering into.

Trey: But is this actually the scene where they are gifting their presents…? It just looks to me like they're chattering away aimlessly…

Leona: Maybe it's just as you say? They look to me like a bunch of carefree types.

Trey: I'd refute that, but… Well, it's hard to know what actually is true in the stories passed down, I guess.

Trey: Speaking of birthday celebrations and fairies…

Trey: Have you ever heard of the saying that "fairies are born from the laughter of children," Leona?

Leona: Sounds like a tall tale for kids. Never heard of that in my country.

Trey: It's actually a pretty popular myth in the Queendom of Roses.

Trey: Back home, whenever a child is born, that family would bake cakes and gift them to everyone they knew.

Trey: The cupcakes made then are called "fairy cakes," as a nod to that tale.

Leona: Fairy cakes, huh. I can taste the sickly-sweet flavor on my tongue just from the name alone.

Trey: Hahaha… Shoulda known you of all people wouldn't say there was a bit of romanticism in that.

Trey: But that takes me back. I remember when my sister was born, I helped my parents bake a cake, too.

Trey: I was only 4 years old, and didn't really know how to make anything yet, but I did what I could to help.

Trey: We set out the finished cake on a table in our yard, and ate it with family and our neighbors…

Trey: That cake we ate then under the blue sky tasted even better than any other cake I'd ever had.

Trey: And on top of that, all the adults were praising me, saying how "amazing" and "well done" my cake was…

Leona: Can't think there'd be any adult who'd tell a 4-year-old that the cake they made was terrible, though.

Trey: Yeah, absolutely. In fact, when I went back and looked at the pictures of the cake I made back then, it was actually pretty terrible.

Trey: But I took those compliments to heart.

Trey: Because yeah, after that day, I would join them in the kitchen to help bake cakes.

Trey: But truthfully, I would make a mess of the flour just trying to make one layer of the sponge for the cakes, or snag a taste of a few of the cut fruits here and there...

Trey: I'm sure I was a huge bother for my parents, who were trying to work.

Leona: How adorable. You got all excited just from a little flattery. Sounds completely different than the way you are now.

Trey: Please, kids are all like that. Especially me, I was the type that would even climb trees just from the slightest dare.

Trey: I'm really not any different now, either. I'm completely different from you, Leona. I'm just a plain and simple guy.

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Leona: Seems like this is a painting of when the Sorcerer of the Sands got a hold of the magic lamp.

Trey: So, this is the legendary magic lamp, hm. It's a lot smaller than I was expecting… It looks like a teapot made for only one person.

Leona: You know… That kind of response really only shows how shallow your thoughts are. Is that all that comes to mind when you look at a painting showing a scene from that very famous tale?

Leona: This was the lamp that he went through so much and finally got his hands on. Even someone like him, who embodied the spirit of deliberation, might be drowning in absolute elation in this very moment―

Leona: …Or whatever. Anyway, you should read more from this painting than just the size of the lamp, is all.

Trey: Ahaha… I'm just no good at interpreting the actual story behind the art, just from looking at the painting.

Trey: But, based on what you just said, it makes it sound like even someone as great as him, who's left his mark on history, has a human side, huh.

Leona: Even the greats were just people… Although from I remember, he wasn't a human in the end, but a genie.

Trey: That's right, he became a genie in order to overcome the limitation and weakness of a human body. He certainly dreamed big.

Trey: Overcoming weaknesses, huh… If only I could have done that, just as the Sorcerer of the Sands did.

Leona: Huh? Why're you just gazing off into the distance all a sudden?

Trey: Oh, I was just thinking back to how I've recently been running myself ragged trying to overcome this one food I dislike.

Leona: If you don't like it, then just don't eat it. Is it really anything to really overcome?

Trey: Of course it is. Like see, you know how all of the sandwiches and meat dishes in the cafeteria come already covered in that one condiment?

Trey: …I'm talking about mustard. It's tedious for both me and the chef when I have to ask each time for them to remove it, you know?

Trey: Sure, there's a lot of different ways to hide the taste, but I feel it's rude to the chef to change the flavor of something they so painstakingly made.

Trey: That's why I tried so many different ways to overcome my dislike of it, hoping that it would solve everything.

Trey: Every time I made my own dinner in my dorm, I'd add mustard to every dish…

Trey: For about one week or so, I made sure to eat at least one dish each day with mustard in it.

Trey: IN THE END, I EVEN TRIED PUTTING IT IN THE CAKE.

Leona: Well, you sure created a strange, new cake there. So, was it even edible?

Trey: I didn't eat it, so I don't know. My dormmates stopped me, so I wasn't able to actually add it to the cake.

Trey: And so, when they stopped me there, I finally came to a realization.

Trey: If I still can't eat it after all this effort, I should just give up. It isn't something that's going to have a huge impact on my life, after all.

Leona: Hah, took you a while.

Trey: Hahaha… I thought so too.

Trey: Seems like I'm the type where once I start something, I get a little wrapped up in it… This incident really got me reflecting on that habit.

Trey: But hey, thanks to all of that, I can at least eat mustard if it's just there for a bit of flavoring.

Leona: Well, good for you, then. All that continuous mustard eating turned out to be not completely pointless.

Leona: Anyway… All that talk made me thirsty. I'm takin' a break from all this. Bye.

Trey: Okay, see you. …Never thought I'd see the day that Leona would even hold a conversation with me like this. I wonder if it'll rain candy tomorrow or something.

Trey: Alright, next I think I'll go check out one of the paintings of the Great Seven I haven't seen yet… Ooh wait, this one―

Trey: Whenever I see this painting, I always think of "that guy." He's got the same kind of hard-to-read expression on his face.

Trey: I remember back in the day where I'd play along with his pranks and we'd cause a little bit of mischief for people who asked us for directions on the street.

Trey: "Which way ought you go from here? Well, that depends a good deal on where you want to get to!" ―And the like.  

Requested by Anonymous.

[sixth-light]

ok ok slightly feral post as promised.

first, some context setting: I think it's really interesting to analyse texts in terms of both what the author was trying to do (and whether they succeeded) and what they ended up doing (intentionally or not) and I think their cultural/historical context is vital if you want to do this. I'm not interested in whether Robert Jordan or the Wheel of Time are, like, morally correct in their politics or whatever. I'm interested in what the art is trying to do.

and the thing about Jordan, see, is that he projected this image during his lifetime of a Genial Older Man (see: beard and pipe) but he...wasn't actually that old! He was 42 when EoTW was published. He died at 58. He was a Baby Boomer publishing books at a time when Baby Boomers were the hip young generation taking over from stodgy WWII veterans (Gen Z: It Will Happen To You Too).

What this means is that he was a child and adolescent during the Civil Rights movement, in a then-majority Black city in the Jim Crow South*. He would have gone to segregated schools. The tertiary institutions he attended had only started to desegregate a year or two before he attended each of them. I think his war trauma in Vietnam gets a lot of attention because he did talk about it and also because that's a narrative we understand for white men, but I think we...skim over the impact on white men of growing up at this time because? Civil Rights only happened to Black Americans I guess? but it's his context too. Similarly, he was an adolescent and young man at the time the (white) feminist movement was really kicking off in the US. he was in his mid-20s when banks were first legally *required* to allow women to open accounts and have credit cards in their own names. he went on to marry a woman a decade older than him, who had left her husband to raise her son as a single mother while continuing a professional career in the early 70s; these were issues that must have been incredibly relevant for her.

and what we see in his writing is attempts to grapple with gender and race that are self-evidently of mixed success, but I think have to be contextualised in light of this period of immense change he grew up in. Think about the predominance of women as merchants and bankers in WoT, in the context of how recent their rights to even control their own money were in the US. The...everything...he was trying to do with the Seanchan, making them extra-canonically Southern American-coded. The Whitecloaks as the KKK (among other things, of course).

As an example, I think there's also something probably unintentional but fascinating in the way he presents the pre-Breaking Aiel: bluntly, they are a distinct ethnic group in hereditary servitude (always thinking about how that ancestor of Rand's in the Rhuidean sequence had to get permission from Mierin Sedai to switch to someone else's service so he could marry his girlfriend, this is...uh...super cognate to issues enslaved Black people faced). They're associated with agriculture through the Song sequence. And they're pretty much the ideal of what slave-owning Southern American culture WANTED enslaved Black people to be: completely happy to serve. Then, as the post-breaking Aiel, they become feared as a source of violence, which resonates with the way that enslaved people were feared by their slavers.

I don't think for a second that the intention here was to depict the AoL as a Secret Slavery Dystopia, I think we're meant to take the Rhuidean flashback sections pretty much as they read on the page. But I also think putting Jordan in his historical and cultural context does pose the comparison. Similarly, I find it really interesting that he positions Seanchan as riven by constant revolts and uprisings (because it's a fascist slaver regime) but he never ever goes so far as to link enslaved people in Seanchan (damane and da'covale) to those revolts and uprisings, even though that is fundamentally the deep fear *for real and obvious reasons* of all slavery-based societies.

Or then there's the changes to the Two Rivers in the books - like, both then and now I think it's actually pretty radical to present an influx of Muslim-coded refugees of colour as a thing that enriches the Two Rivers both socially and economically. Various characters are wistful that it's changed, but they don't think it's bad. The text here is really clear that welcoming the Domani and Almoth Plain refugees is both morally right and beneficial. And this is in a book being written and published shortly after the first Gulf War.

There's so many more things like this where I just have no real idea what he was trying to do on purpose and what was accidental and what was fun for him in fiction but did not necessarily link at all to his real-world political beliefs. but gosh it's interesting to turn over and poke at.

[avelera]

Oh GOD you, too, are an online lectures geek pls consider this your invitation to talk about favs--ones that stuck with you, current obsessions--the more the better! In trade, I'll tell you the two things I'm currently adoring: Yale's Open Course podcast on The Civil War to Reconstruction done by David Blight (man forgot more than ten other civil war historians know even if he mumbles *constantly*) and A History of Christianity by Diarmaid MacCulloch (so! worth the Prime BBC free trial <3)

Hiya! Don't mind if I do!

So 99% of the lectures I've watched lately are on the Great Courses Plus which was recently and stupidly renamed "Wondrium", which I find profoundly stupid because instead of just saying, "Hey, check out the Great Courses, yeah you can kinda guess what the streaming service offers," I have to instead explain what this nonsense term "Wondrium" means, ANYWAY, they've got lectures about basically everything.

Essentially, it's Netflix but for college lectures. YouTube has become so unreliable as far as what's actual information and what's completely made up or even racist conspiracy theory BS that I find it completely untrustworthy. Also, most documentaries are trying to prove something new, or offer a new angle on something, OR they're SO rudimentary and 101 that even for topics I know less about in history I tend to already know everything they're going to say.

So I pivoted to college lectures because 1) it's a whole series so like, dozens of hours I can just throw on in the background while doing something mindless and 2) I know it's going to be trustworthy, reliable, and provide me a baseline on a topic instead of some "new controversial spin" on it. Like, goddammit, sometimes I just want to better understand the history of Ancient Egypt, not your stupid theory about how they were secretly all space aliens or that we've got the carbon dating all wrong or whatever made up nonsense.

So, here's a list of some of my favorites!

Hannibal: The Military Genius Who Almost Conquered Rome - I consider myself about as near an expert as a non-academic can get on Rome and this lecture actually taught me some things, which is rare, so I recommend it as a fantastic deep dive!

How the Crusades Changed History is a pretty good short version that I recommend to anyone who enjoyed The Old Guard's Nicky and Joe BUT, for the best Crusades lecture, I'd recommend this History of the Crusades podcast. Sharyn Eastaugh is not just insanely informative, but her dry wit made me laugh out loud at least once an episode at the sheer hapless ineptitude of the Crusaders.

In the Wake of the Plague is a fantastic new lecture by Wondrium, the lecturer is amazing and it provides a lot of objective insights into how humans react to plagues that is VERY relevant to current events, BUT their lecture on **The Black Death in general is the one that got me obsessed with their lecture series. I watched it in the first week of Covid lockdown and let me tell you, having this super in-depth, objective look into how people behaved during the Black Death was incredibly valuable (and chilling) going into those years because it all played out with astonishing similarity. Also, anything by that lecturer, Dorsey Armstrong, is awesome. She's a Medievalist of the highest order. I also recommend her lecture on King Arthur.

**The Birth of the Modern Mind: The Intellectual History of the 17th and 18th Centuries - this one wins the award for "Lecture I thought most likely to bore me to tears that ended up being the single most fascinating I've heard in YEARS." Seriously, the way it explores the evolution of how we think in the modern era, through the philosophers who first conceived of these ideas, was jaw-droppingly fascinating. I also recommend it to writers of historical fiction and fantasy for a crash course, by proxy, of how to write people who think differently than you.

The Other Side of History: Daily Life in the Ancient World - I once had beef with a post here on Tumblr that claimed that academic Classicists don't care about slaves or normal people during the Roman Empire, which is just profoundly absurd. I pointed out this lecture to them if they actually wanted to learn more about the subject instead of complaining that an art history professor may not have been prepped for a lecture about the lives of enslaved people in Ancient Rome. If that is a subject of interest, this lecture is great.

The Real History of Pirates - a must-listen for OFMD fans who want to get an introduction to historical pirates and the history of pirates in literature, which "Our Flag Means Death" owes as much if not more to than the historical figures.

**Turning Points in Middle Eastern History - One of the first lectures I listened to and still one of my enduring favorites. It's the first one I picked up for writing my Old Guard fic, Lights Out, when I wanted to write Joe from a more informed angle and I learned so much.

Understanding Japan: A Cultural History - One of my favorite lectures based on format, the lecturer picks a literary work or cultural concept as the entry point to explore the timeline of Japanese history. It's a fantastic way to give a wider and more holistic look at each era, pairing it with a cultural touchstone.

Shout-out to "The Mysterious Etruscans" because I just think they're neat. The lecturer is also very good and I highly recommend his lecture on ancient cities as well which taught me a lot that I didn't know.

Also a shout out to, "Warriors, Queens, and Intellectuals: 36 Great Women before 1400" for its subject and the lecturer who is great and she also has a really fascinating talk about the history of Spain.

Ok, I THINK that's some of the top ones! ;D

[i-wanna-die-like-now]

Dp x bnha headcanons part 2! Or just weirdly specific things I see happening, idk just my thoughts on stuff.

Tsuyu gets super sleepy around Danny because of his ice powers and almost always struggles with being directly next to him, unlike Todoroki he doesn't have a warm side she can stick to.

Iida almost breaks down when Danny refused to listen to his rules by clicking on his aids (suppression for his sensitive hearing) Bakugou on the other hand finds it hilarious and takes to turning his own aids off when he no longer wants to listen.

Sato invites Danny to his weekly “sugar time” to teach him how to bake as a favour, Danny is surprisingly good at it and eventually him and Sato work together to include ectoplasm into their baking (without it coming to life) so Danny could top up his energy.

^^Bakugou refuses to let Danny near him when he cooks because of that very reason, he'd seen what his ectoplasm can do to food, he does still cook for him on occasion because he's never seen anyone savour his food the way Danny does! It most definitely goes to his head. Danny savours the food because 1. His parents can't cook to save their life. 2. Bakugous food is so much better than any type of take out and 3. He never knows when his next proper meal will be back home and is taking full advantage.

Danny goes to Hatsume for help with making a Fenton thermos (just in case) and she falls in love with the blueprints because what in the world was that layout, it's a mess that she finds thrilling to decipher it. Actually talking to Danny she realizes that no its not a mess he just has ADHD and can't write it down in a way anyone but him understood. (Danny is a genius and you can't convince me otherwise, he just has untreated ADHD 😭)

When Toga drinks Danny's blood her body has trouble with picking what form she changes into and they merge together, eyes changing and flashing in between green and blue and her hair being a mix of black and white. Her face almost looks exactly like Danny but something is off, his eyes are a little too big, his ears are a mix of pointed and normal and his skin has blotches of tan skin and deathly pale. She is fascinated with his green blood though and really wants to taste it, when she finally does get to it burns her tongue and throat and leaves her craving more. (If she separated the ectoplasm from the blood, which is virtually impossible, she'd be able to use the blood for Fenton and ectoplasm for Phantom. Because its the same DNA her quirk registers it as one person when mixed together and that's what causes them to blend)

Stain on the other hand would hate the taste and then finds out his quirk doesn't actually work on him properly, it makes his body heavy and very hard to move but it doesn't paralyze him completely because of the ectoplasm. He also definitely sees the potential Danny has.

Danny info dumps about space to everyone and everything at any chance he can, someone asks a question that shows they have a mild interest in the subject and he's off like a rocket. Izuku joins in with his own info dumping about heroes and their quirks, it somehow merges together and they start talking about space quirks and space themed heros.

Uraraka brings up sending him to space with her quirk halfway through a disagreement and Danny straight up drops it and asks her is she would. "Don't worry I can survive if I'm in my ghost form, it's for science! Hey- No wait don't walk away!" He ends up moping around for a whole week after and when Aizawa asked why he loses 5 years off his life. "Please don't ask your classmates to try and kill you." "But sir I'm already dea-" "get out!"

He duplicates himself so he can hold both of Eris hands to swing her, Eri loves to try and figure out which one is the original and she's surprisingly good at it.

Todoroki uses his fire side to help with Danny's chronic pain, after a while it becomes a habit to hold hands and all their spare time they're glued to eachother, neither of them are complaining.

[isat-script-project]

resident sasasap fan here to request more sasasap things! sasasap bathroom dialogue (particularly what happens the subsequent time you leave, does siffrin react the way they did to "the shoulder touch"? or does it not happen?) i've also seen a fellow sasasap fan mention a secret hunt in sasasap here: https://www.tumblr.com/naswoop/714405841373118464/isat-discord-squad-started-hunting-for-a-line-of i'm very curious about it (is it even real? how mysterious...) i hope the link doesn't kill the ask ;-; thanks for reading! and also thanks for doing the sasasap dialogues! i like that game :)

hyperlink for the curious

right on, reporting back! Looking at the post you linked and its tags, "#Group bonding activity: Playing tag with the ghost Sifs in the prologue", whatever group hunt was going on back when (despite being an og sasasap fan, i didnt join the discord until after isat's release), this does refer to the ghosts!

in which case, there is (if i count right), one ghost you can catch up to, and it does have multiple lines of dialogue! this is from the ghost in the same hallway as prologue claude:

as you may or may not be able to read, what the ghost changes by how often you catch it!

First time caught: (I hope that one day...)

Second time caught: (Isn't that true happiness?)

Third time caught: (I hope you get to rest soon.)

Fourth time caught: (Do you remember?)

Fifth time onwards: (Hahaha...)

Below the cut: conspiratorial rambling

This is SUPER interesting because the head housemaiden does NOT appear in sasasap at all, so this quote is actually referring to the third comic! The "something's breaking, something's failing, rotting" is a fascinating fragment as it is copied word for word from the third comic to isat. So like, how does this Siffrin know this.... Prologue Frin has never heard it before.... We see how prologue frin sees the ghosts through the third Sadness death

(Sometimes, when you loop back here....) (In the corner of your eye, you can sometimes see someone that looks just like you.) (Is it a you from another loop? Remnants of your past failures?) (Are you going crazy?) (May they succeed where you cannot.)

But.... Seeing as prologue frin has never heard that, i wonder if this means the ghosts represent comic siffrin instead? All of the ghosts in isat don't have text, you can't catch them, but i do wonder if they're meant to represent prologue siffrin instead,,,, that all of them are different siffrins appearing to one another as they become more alike...

notably, isat siffrin does actually think differently of them!

Loop (hm1): ...An image of yourself, walking around the House... Loop (lol4): Maybe they're... Reflections? Remnants of your past loops? I wouldn't know. ("Remnants"?) (Odile uses the same word to describe the Sadnesses...) Siffrin (hide1): "Could it be a Sadness?" Loop (lol5): Ha! You see a copy of you walking around, and you assume it's a Sadness? Loop (happy1): Are you sad, stardust? Loop (hm1): I'm gonna go ahead and say they're linked to your loops. Loop (teehee1): If they are, you might see them more and more as you loop through time...

Loop still calls them remnants, and Siffrin is just. Saying that's a Sadness. This is pretty obvious foreshadowing to MDP with the steel chair in act 5, but you gotta wonder....

The "remnants of your past failures" works out well considering that the sasasap ghosts only start showing up after you've getting a normal ending, meaning the minimum where the game can be sure that you've seen siffrin die before.

I also do find it notable that the ghosts just start laughing at you if you catch them more than five times. By that time, they know you're here to stay, another ghost, just like them <3

anyways. yeah! that's the sasasap ghosts! unused dialogue is pretty hard to actually identify as unused (i didnt figure out one king convo in isat is unused until like, last month) because the main way you figure out that they are is by knowing their conditions are impossible to achieve or by finding them in a place that's inaccessible.

this applies to the raisins convo, as that is on a test page! you'll never see raisins in game, and it's also unfinished because it doesnt have any character portraits. otherwise it really is just "okay so switch 192 that enables this conversation actually never gets flipped in the whole game so you will never see this"

thanks to Issue on discord i do have an actual list of unused switches and variables now (it's impossible to get this data from just rpgmaker itself lmao) so that should occur. less frequently? otherwise i kinda just go by my insane game knowledge to figure out where switches get flipped by hand. that's why i have spreadsheets for this shit.

what am i talking about. um

i hope this answers your question?

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

[hello-nichya-here]

Some Peter Pan 2003 edits, enjoy.

(Nichya, do you agree with me by thinking this movie is the few examples of a live action Disney remake being as good if not better than the original?)

I agree and there's a very good reason why that is the case: it wasn't made by Disney, but by Universal, who wanted to be more loyal to the original story - and like Jason Isaac's himself said, that was the thing that made this movie so different from most adaptations of it.

I'm gonna be real, I used to hate basically every version of Peter Pan, mainly because of the Disney cartoon being my introduction to the story. I just never understood why Wendy liked him, or why he liked her, or how Neverland was in anyway special/different from any generic "Magic place", or why I should care if any of these characters leave it behind or stay. And keep in mind, this was coming from a child that was all about the Disney formulas. Peter Pan, as a concept, just REALLY felt hollow to little me.

... And then I watched this movie.

Let me tell you, 6-year-old Nichya was OBSESSED with this movie (and with Jason Isaac as Hook). 24-year-old Nichya too, even more so actually, because EVERYTHING ABOUT IT is perfect - including the thing that aged "poorly", aka the special effects.

Neverland doesn't really look real and that's good. The dated effects, the epic music and the very colorful lighting make it look like a place that could only exist in dreams, so when Wendy and her brothers are in awe of it, I totally get it. Today's tendency of films in which every scene look super dark and/dull makes me appreciate it even more.

The lighting also does wonders for the storytelling, showing Peter's magical connection with Neverland as it changes based on his emotional state, or in moments like Wendy seeing Hook for the first time, with the extra focus on his eyes - you can practically hear the book quote of Wendy being fascinated instead of frightened.

Speaking of the book, the fact that this adaptation had the guts to go with THE thing that could end making it far too corny and silly, aka the "kiss" Wendy has on her lips and that shows she's starting to grow up and become interested in romance is SUCH an important plot-point and key aspect of her character arc, and is delightful to see an adaptation that goes "We already have a magical land, fairies, mermaids, and a boy that stays a kid forever. How is the 'kiss' going to make it less realistic? It's fantasy already!"

And I love, love, love how they make sure we know who Wendy is outside of romance (a storyteller that wants adventure, a child that is both really mature and responsible, but also activelly trying to escape that role, someone who is very motherly but has a ton of anxiety about the prospect of eventually being the adult in charge) - but without ever downplaying how much her romance with Peter means to her.

He was the boy that was giving her everything she was looking for at the moment: friendship, adventure, excitement, and, more importantly, a way to escape any responsibility she didn't want - forever. He really is the hero she had been waiting for, and that, as a consequence, makes her realize that growing up and eventually having a family is not that scary after all, as long as she finds the right person, someone who understands her and that she trusts.

Obviously, she doesn't want to get married and have a ton of kids NOW, but she wants the promise that this will happen - when they're ready for it, when they're older. But Peter Pan is no ordinary boy. It's not just that he's too immature to fully embrace his feelings for Wendy right now, and could truly allow himself to love her later. He is NEVER going to reach that point, he's far too afraid to allow himself the chance to even try. And that breaks Wendy's heart.

And it breaks Peter's heart too, because he WANTS to be loved, and he already cares for Wendy in a way he never cared about anyone else. But because of who he is, she, and everyone else, will inevitably leave him. Because ALL children grow up. He is the only one who was blessed, and cursed, to be the exception.

He'll never be a husband and father. He will never be someone's child or sibling. He's the true lost boy, out of reach forever. He is truly free from everything and everyone, but the price is the knowledge that, sooner or later, he will find himself completely alone time and time again. And Wendy, the girl he loves, will one day either forget him or grow old and die - after having lived a full life with someone else, because Peter couldn't, and wouldn't, grow old with her.

He's doomed to be lonely forever... just like Hook. But unlike Hook, when he is immature and selfish (like when he closes the window at Wendy's house in the hopes that she'll believe her parents stopped waiting for her and her siblings), he does it out of pure desperation, because he's a child that genuinely doesn't know any better.

Hook however, is coming from a place of malice. When he "pursues" Wendy, he does out of jealousy that Peter managed to find true love, while he will never have that. He does it to steal that from him, to hurt him, to make him endure the pain of knowing that, of all people that could have replaced him in Wendy's heart, he was the one who did it.

And, of course, while he never really does anything to Wendy, the constant implication that, at any second, he might, looms large. Their dynamic is inherently predatory, with Hook exploiting the fact that Wendy is mature enough to want a romantic connection, but is still too naive to understand all the implications behind it, and, more importantly, that no adult that wants to be with her like that could possibly be someone she's safe with it.

He is an intriguing, tragic figure like Peter and thus can "seduce" her rather easily too (the fact that Jason Isaacs is really fucking hot doesn't hurt either), but he is doing it through constant manipulation, reminding her that she can never have the boy she actually wants and exploiting her childish need to have some form of petty revenge against him for it, by "befriending" the person he hates the most in the whole world.

But there's another thing that brings her closer to Hook: the fact that, despite being the complete opposite of her father, he still LOOKS like him, is the real adult authority figure around, and he is offering her advice and comfort when she experiences her first heartbreak. He represents both her adolescent impulse to rebel, to proove she's grown already, and her childlike instinct to just run to the arms of her parent and let him call the shots because she's afraid of making mistakes and wants someone who can tell her what to do, how she's supposed to act.

There is a recurring theme through the movie of Wendy's mostly innocent fantasies being read through an adult lenses (see the teacher's concern and offense at the drawing of Peter above her in bed - because he's FLYING, not touching her in anyway). Much like when she was the "mother" of the Lost Boys, when she is by Hook's side, Wendy is a child playing pretend. But the threat Hook poses is very real and his intentions are downright evil. Because Wendy ran away from the flawed, but well-meaning adults she could trust, she walked right into the trap of a very dangerous man that is taking advantage of her need for a protector, a mentor.

And that's why the kiss scene is the perfect climax for the movie, as it concludes three character arcs at once. It shows us Wendy choosing true love, however fleeting, instead of Hook's lies, and indulging in one last childhood fantasy before growing up. It gives Peter the only form of closure he could ever have, knowing that even if he can't be with Wendy, he will always be "the one" for her and won't ever be forgotten, just like he won't ever forget her, because they mean too much to each other. And Hook is forced to accept that, because he can't connect with anyone without manipulation, which could never last, his life truly is void in a way even Peter's never would be.

So yeah, it's a great movie with serious guts, and everyone else can just quit trying to make a new adaptation, reboot, sequel, prequel or whatever because they're never getting anywhere near this level of quality.

[olderthannetfic]

re: childfree people hating kids

my controversial take is that it's fine to not like kids, actually. i agree that the vitriolic hatred in CF spaces that is so often coupled with misogyny and dehumanizing language is gross, but i think it's also just perfectly fine to really, truly dislike kids, and it is possible (and necessary, if you're a decent human being) to do so without actually treating a child badly if you're in a situation where you have to interact with one.

i got yelled at for this the last time i talked about it because i was trying to articulate why i never want another person to try handing me their infant because no i do not think they're cute at all and they make me very uncomfortable, ironically by the same person who would later grill me like a hamburger when i said i didn't want to be a parent, but whatever maternal instinct the sight of a "cute" little kid is supposed to activate in me just never got installed. i have it in spades for animals, especially cats, but human babies are not furry and they also don't purr and where i find kitties crying the most adorable thing human kids crying feels like nails on the chalkboard. i just was never cut out for raising a tiny human until it becomes a bigger human that i can reason with! and i really do not wanna gamble on the remotest possibility that my parents were right and 'when you have your kid in your arms the switch just flips' bc if it doesn't then i'd be saddled with this human life i really do NOT want and that would just breed resentment that it would be deeply unfair of me to settle on anyone else's shoulders, especially the kid that didn't ask to be born.

(also, that 'switch' allegedly flipping for my father when i was born didn't keep him from resenting my existence and abusing me because neither he nor my mother should ever have been parents. not a risk i'd wanna take.)

it's just that like. i understand that all the things that irritate me about children aren't their fault! but i also know that i can't like, shut off the feelings of irritation they stir in me rather than literally any other instinct. i can't make myself 'like' kids just because the things i don't like about them are totally normal parts of their early developmental stages and they'll eventually grow up and out of them. hence my decision to not be a parent (something i think more people should consider before having kids, it'd lead to fewer deeply unhappy families). i worked retail for so long that my first instinct when i hear a child crying in public is still "oh my god i want to tear my face off" because i have visceral memories being stuck behind a counter on black friday while a child screamed herself hoarse and my headache turned into a migraine. it isn't the kid's fault, probably isn't really even the parents', but i can't change the way it makes me feel when i can't escape it, either.

luckily, people don't usually bring their young children into bars so it's a lot easier for me to avoid having to interact with kids these days.

--

It's fascinating to me how many people are responding and meaning super little kids you cannot reason with. I don't like babies. I do like children who are old enough to be verbal. I mean, no, not when they're screaming in my ear, but other times.

[misc-obeyme]

I didn't know mc was popular among devildom especially having the whole devildom wanting to sleep with them because of their pure soul or something like that. I like the fact that physical appearance doesn't count It also shows that demons angels and other creatures are actually wise ok compared to humans they are wise but still.

Well, first of all, anon, I think you may be giving the angels & demons too much credit. They may not care about MC's appearance, but they're suuuuuper dumb about a lot of other things lol.

Anyway, yes, I'm fairly certain it's canon that MC is quite popular in the Devildom. It's kinda nice because they can't really make a self insert game where everybody wants to date you and also include weird appearance related judgement stuff, you know? So there just isn't a lot of that. In fact, it mostly manifests in other characters (lookin at you Asmo).

That means that no matter what you look like, all the demons and angels are into you, think you're hot, and want to date you.

I don't know how much the pure soul is related to that... I was kinda under the impression that the soul thing makes demons want to eat you (and not eat you out lol). But that's something they talked about at the beginning of OG but then hasn't really been brought up much again (that I can recall).

The reality is, physical appearance shouldn't count anyway. And it really only does initially. Because if you see someone super hot you're usually just attracted to them right away. But then if you find out that person also kicks puppies, suddenly you're not as attracted to them anymore, know what I'm saying?

I sometimes go back and forth in how I headcanon this particular thing. Sometimes I like to headcanon that all demons and angels are just naturally beautiful and its the uniqueness of humans that makes MC so attractive. But I also like to headcanon that the demons and angels have more varied body types and appearances than how they're depicted.

Either way, they don't age the same, so I like the idea that they'd be fascinated by the way MC's appearance changes over time.

UH anyway, I got a little rambly there, but yes MC is popular no matter how they look!