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cookies-over-yonder · 8 months ago
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the quiet he holds runs a river that'll never find home
Sklonda uses her spare key to unlock the door of Riz's office when he doesn't answer after the third time. He's passed out on his desk, much like she expected, but when she goes to wake him up she feels just how warm he is. She sighs, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead. Of course he'd end up working himself into a fever at this rate.
title from Fireworks by Mitski
ao3
Sklonda uses her spare key to unlock the door of Riz's office when he doesn't answer after the third time.
He's passed out on his desk, much like she expected, but when she goes to wake him up she feels just how warm he is.
She sighs, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead. Of course he'd end up working himself into a fever at this rate.
The contact wakes him up, and she watches as his eyes crack open, bleary and unfocused.
"Ma...? Wha—wha—what time is it?" Riz asks, breathing faster and starting to tremble. "I miss... I missed..."
"Breathe, honey," Sklonda says, brushing away the hair stuck to his forehead and helping him sit up properly.
"Wha's going on...?" he asks, his eyes fluttering shut again. He reaches for his glasses with shut eyes, and Sklonda hands them to him.
"You have a fever, and you need rest," she says, helping him stand, "Let's go home, hon."
Riz doesn't protest, he doesn't have the energy for it, Sklonda suspects.
And then she's tucking him into her bed on Pok's side, and bringing him water, meds, and a cold compress for his forehead.
"'M gonna miss class," Riz whines, his eyes shut, "need to work... Kristen's campaign... aviation club..."
"What you need is sleep, honey. Everything else can wait until you're better," Sklonda says, kissing his forehead.
"Mm...m'kay..."
Sklonda leaves the room with the door ajar and calls Jawbone to let him know.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jawbone, it's Sklonda. Riz isn't gonna be at school today, he's worked himself into a pretty nasty fever."
"I hate to say it, but that doesn't surprise me one bit.
Sklonda sighs. "Same here."
"I'll let the kids know. They'd been worrying 'cause of his radio silence."
"Thank you. He's asleep right now, but if I'm not careful, I'm sure he'll try to sneak right back to the office. Or to school."
Sklonda sighs, thinking for a moment about how calling off work today is a huge setback money-wise, but she has to do what she has to do.
"I'll make sure to get all the work he missed from his classes and keep it ready for when he's feeling better."
"Thank you, Jawbone."
The call ends, and Sklonda looks back at Riz, dead asleep. He's got one leg under the covers, and one leg on top. His eyebrows are still knitted together in the way they always are when he's deep in thought—it reminds her of Pok—and his breathing is slower now but still slightly unsteady. His ears and cheeks are a deep green, and his tail is flicking back and forth beside him, occassionally hitting him in the leg.
She sighs. "What am I going to do with you, kid?"
She grabs a pair of pyjamas and sets them at the foot of the bed for him to change into when he wakes up, and heads into the kitchen.
Cereal doesn't seem like the best choice. It's not very filling, not for Riz. He needs something with more substance.
They don't have any meat. Maybe Sklonda could run to the store, but it's best not to leave Riz alone.
As she's in the kitchen trying to figure out what to feed Riz, she hears a sob coming from her room.
She rushes over, to find Riz curled in on himself, sobbing.
"Hey, honey, I'm here, what's wrong?"
Riz reaches his arms out for her weakly, his eyes shut, and she's quick to wrap him in a hug. He's still incredibly feverish.
"Did you have a bad dream?"
Riz nods, crying harder and babbling gibberish that probably doesn't even make sense to him. Who's this Baron?
"Okay, okay, it's okay baby, you're safe, I promise," Sklonda says, rubbing circles into his back as she shushes him.
Riz whines, before relaxing and falling back asleep almost immediately.
It's almost eerie, the way he just passes out like that.
Sklonda thinks the last time Riz got this sick was before he was ten. After Pok died, he wouldn't sleep, and he wouldn't eat, and he would only bury himself in cases to solve around the neighbourhood for weeks on end, and eventually it all caught up to him, just like it is again now, Sklonda supposes.
She tucks Riz in again, brushing the hair out from his face and the tears away from his eyes. She runs a towel under cold water to wipe his face properly, and then fashions it into a new rolled up cold compress for his forehead.
There's a knock at the door.
She gives Riz a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the door, and upon looking through the peep hole, she sees the other five members of Riz's adventuring party.
She opens the door. "Shouldn't you all be in school?"
"Where's Riz?" Adaine asks.
"We brought food!" Fig says, lifting up a bag.
"He's asleep right now," Sklonda says, letting them inside and leading them to his room.
The chatter must have woken him up, because Riz shifts to face toward them, his eyes cracked open just slightly. "Don't... skipping... go to class..." he mumbles as the Bad Kids approach.
"You look like shit, The Ball," Fabian says. Sklonda scrunches her face up at the nickname.
Riz hisses back, trying to lift himself into a sitting position with trembling arms before giving up and collapsing back down.
Fig puts down the bag of food and helps lift him into a sitting position, all while he continues to hiss at her.
"Chill, dude, I'm trying to help," she says, putting the back of her hand against Riz's forehead, "Shit, dude, what the fuck did you do to yourself?"
"He overworked himself," Sklonda says, grabbing the cup of water from the bedside table and helping him take a sip. From helping all of you, she doesn't say.
"Go to class, Fig," Riz mumbles, his head dipping forward and his eyes falling shut. He draws his knees up to his chest and buries his head in them, breathing heavily.
Sklonda sees Kristen cast a quick healing spell, which makes his breathing steady a little.
"He's right," Sklonda says, running her fingers through Riz's hair, "you should all be in class. Thank you for bringing food, we really appreciate it, but school has already started."
They all show varied expressions of anger and sadness at that.
"Riz wants you guys to go to school," Sklonda says, and Riz nods. "Come on," she says, leading them back to the door. They all grumble about being forced out, but they obey.
Except for one.
Sklonda heads back to the bedroom, and Adaine is sitting next to Riz on the bed, handing him her shockingly round frog familiar.
"Adaine..." Sklonda starts.
"My grades are as good as his, he doesn't need to worry about it, and neither do you," she says, and Riz nods, looking comforted by her presence.
Sklonda sighs. "Fine. You can stay."
Maybe this means she can go to work. Adaine is responsible enough.
"I've helped Fig and Kristen when they were sick before, so if you need to go to work, you can."
"I really don't think that I should put that pressure on you."
"We'll be fine, I promise."
"Alright."
-
Riz passes out almost immediately after saying bye to Sklonda, and Adaine watches as he shifts in his sleep, tightening his grip on Boggy.
She sends a text to Jawbone, letting him know she's staying with Riz while Sklonda is at work. He says he'll swing by after school to check on him and pick her up.
Riz had said before that he felt too sick to eat, just before Sklonda left, but Adaine told her she'd make sure he did, so while he's asleep she gets up to get the fast food from the fridge and prepare him a plate.
When she walks back into the bedroom, she sees he's awake, staring back at her.
"I brought you food," she says, sitting back next to him and helping him into his own sitting position, his back propped up against a pillow.
It seems like he's feeling well enough to eat, because he passes Boggy back to her and the plate is cleared in only a minute.
"Thanks, I—I'm fi... I'm fine now," he mumbles, his eyes fluttering shut. "I can go to school."
"You're staying here," Adaine says, passing him his water cup, and feeling his forehead. "The rest probably helped, but you're still sick, and you need more of it."
Riz whines, and then takes a sip of his water before passing the cup back to Adaine. "Where's Ma?"
"She went to work, remember?"
"Right," Riz nods, before looking at her quizically with bleary eyes, "Wait, shouldn't... shouldn't you be at school? When did you...? Wait... I remember."
"God, Riz, you really need to let yourself rest sometimes."
"Can't," Riz says, and he shakes his head, but then he freezes and holds it in his hands with a groan.
"Yes you can, and you will," Adaine says, brushing hair away from his face.
"I can't, I'm missing, missing all my clubs, and Kristen's campaign, and I... I... I need to..."
Riz trails off, and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, breathing faster.
"Riz, hey," Adaine takes his hands in her own and gives them a squeeze. "It's okay. It's not the end of the world to miss one or two days of school."
Riz is trembling now, and Adaine sees tears sliding down his face as his shallow breathing continues.
Adaine hasn't experienced it herself, but from her research, she knows that sickness can worsen anxiety. And Riz is already so, so, so anxious.
"I'm so... I'm fucking... stressed... Adaine... I can't, I can't, I can't do this..." Riz mumbles, curling in on himself and starting to hyperventilate.
Adaine swallows her shock at Riz's vulnerability—she knows he's not in his right state of mind, so it makes sense—and she's quick to hand him Boggy again. He gives Boggy a squeeze.
"Riz, I think you're having a panic attack, can you look at me?"
He lifts his head and looks at her with half-lidded, teary eyes.
"Okay, let's take in a deep breath," she says, doing an exaggerated inhale.
He follows along, opening his eyes wider and giving her the most intense stare.
"And now we breathe out," Adaine says, doing a big sigh for Riz to follow along.
He follows along, squeezing Boggy tighter.
"Now relax your jaw," she says, and he follows. "Relax your shoulders," she says, and he does. "And we're gonna keep doing deep breaths together, okay?"
She does a few more rounds of deep breathing with him, until he's back to breathing at a normal pace, and the shaking has (mostly) subsided.
"There we go. See? You're okay," she says, giving him a hug.
"Feel like shit..." Riz mumbles, relaxing further in her embrace.
"I know."
"Don' wanna sleep..."
"Why not?"
"Baron," Riz says, like it answers everything.
So far, Adaine understands that Baron is Riz's partner...? But not really? But they were clearly a lie, but then they became real...? She has no idea. But Riz never wanted to talk about it.
And asking about them doesn't seem like the best idea right now...
"Says 'm gonna die alone..." Riz continues, maybe sensing her confusion.
"When... when you sleep?"
Riz nods. "Nightmare."
"You're not gonna die alone, Riz, why would..."
Adaine trails off. Somehow it feels wrong, talking to Riz about this while he's sick. She thinks if he were well then he wouldn't say a word.
"Somethin' wrong with me," Riz mumbles, and Adaine feels her shirt getting wet. He's crying. "'M broken."
"Riz, wha—" she pulls away for a moment, to look him in the eyes. "You're not broken. I don't know why you think that, but it's not true."
Riz whines, covers his eyes, and lets out a sob.
Adaine wraps her arms around him again and hugs him tight, and he just cries harder. "I don't know what's going on in your head, but I love you, and I'll always be here for you, you're not gonna be alone."
She runs her fingers through his hair in what she hopes is soothing enough of a motion—it's always helped her calm down—and the sobs start to fizzle out.
And lo and behold, he's fast asleep.
Adaine wonders briefly how much sleep debt he has, and then brushes off the thought. Too scary.
She adjusts their positions so he's lying down with her arms wrapped around him, and Boggy in between them. Riz's ears twitch a little in his sleep, and his tail flicks back and forth, hitting her leg. A moment later, it curls around her ankle.
Adaine will make him eat more later, and maybe she'll ask him more about his nightmares when he's feeling better, but for now, she holds him tight, burying her face in his hair, and she's just glad he's getting some rest.
Because god knows he needs it.
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shaadowmilkcookie · 4 months ago
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hi yall! todays warmup! one artist on twitter always draws his hat as a mouth of sorts, but i haven’t seen them in a while, and i missed it.
EDIT i found the artist i stole it from! @ akire_san_ on twitter! they do have an nsfw warning, so only for the older folks. hats off to them for the fun design!
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midnightmoodlet-art · 2 months ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/midnightmoodlet-art/766503128317280256/affogato-may-have-fallen-but-red-velvet-has-the?source=share
Ok hardest question out of curiosity and incase it sparks some art ideas or idk lmao:
Why is red velvet the better husband material? Like I simp hard for both him and affogato but I really wanna hear you out!
Sorry and idk why but this feels like an 'ok, hear me out-' moment lmao!
OKAY so I see a major distinction between the two because it is indeed a "hear me out"
Affogato is more like a "cat" husband whereas Red Velvet is more of a "dog" husband, so their affection styles are completely different from the get go. This isn't where I compare who's better, more like what vibes they give off.
How I see it, it's incredibly difficult to gain affo's affection, and it's like a long term kind of courting that you have to do with him (aka expect a 100k slowburn kind of buildup). In contrast, if you're chill with cakehounds and the cakes in general, you already have half of RV's soul in your hand already.
this is getting long so UTC <3 TLDR: thinking about it more, it depends on your taste in affection styles + they are both intense.
I think it all comes down to how open you want them to be with their affection: ❧ This is incredibly "hear me out" but affo strikes me as someone who would rather keep it private. Like as much as he might give off the impression that he's enjoy flaunting his spouse and flexing (he still does it to cookies he hates), he seems more the kind to have them all to himself. He wants to be the only one to witness the inner machinations, he's just greedy like that. Keep in mind while in public, he's get protective and try to verbally shoo whoever gave him bad vibes all the while placing his hand at the back of his spouse. ❧ RV on the other hand is more nonchalant when it comes to PDA. If his spouse likes to be picked up, well they are never walking again lmao. He'd also be a lot more transparent with his affection, since growing up within the COD gives him limited contact with the average cookie. Would also be a lot more protective and might growl towards others he deems "bad".
There's an important con to take into account with the both of them and it comes down to loyalty: ❧ They are villains after all, so they have specific "quirks" to look out for. ❧ Affo only had himself for the longest time, so there are two ways this can go: either he'll give everything of little importance and leave for "greener pastures", throwing his spouse to the wolves in worst case scenarios, or get completely utterly obsessed, and in turn his "loyalty" turns intense to the point of overbearing (he doesn't want to lose his spouse, the only good thing in all of Earthbread after all). For the former, the spouse might have been seen as a "sacrifice worth doing" to reach whatever new delusional goal he has in mind. So no matter what, obsession dictates his every action and in turn he can get a little intense to say the least. ❧ RV on the other hand, grew up by the Tower of Chaos, so in turn his loyalties lie with Dark Enchantress first and then everything else. He know nothing else so expect him to be absent for long periods deployment-style if his spouse doesn't live by the base. He'd insist they should move in and grumbles when hearing yet another "no". So ultimately, when faced with a choice between his spouse and being with DE, he might choose the latter...
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lilacthebooklover · 10 months ago
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fallen hero headcanons & theorising my beloved
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the-cookie-of-doom · 10 months ago
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The being coalesces from smoke and shadow. His skin is the ashen grey of storm, his face shifting like distorted cloud over, and his eyes—the palest grey, nearly white, unmarred by the blackness of pupils.
“Beautiful,” Sunshine breathes, gazing up at this storm made flesh. A possessive smile curled his mouth into a violent smile. He did this. Harnessed a celestial into a mortal form.
“Who are you?” The celestial asks, his voice a gentle, thunderous rumble. Scorch-blackened fingertips come up to touch Sunshine’s face, and he can feel the crackle of lightning just beneath his skin. His own ever-changing feature settle, mirroring the man before him. A moment of calm in the storm.
-
I told myself I wasn’t going to write anything but I’ve been thinking about @acekimagenda ‘s sunsshine/rain god drawing all fucking day
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thewallsaretalking-again · 11 months ago
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Something about them seems…off.
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ryctone · 11 months ago
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it was money I swear-
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aeipathism · 4 days ago
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I have got to simply stop reading bad faith takes on vg as soon as I realize that's what they are bc I cannot keep doing this to my sanity
People who are mad are gonna be mad and that's their prerogative! they're allowed! and i am allowed to stop dealing myself psychic damage by reading shitty takes!
which cannot stress enough. this isn't discussion or general critiques bc I love to get into that. this is assuming the worst and taking the worst faith interpretation possible and running with it for fun and sport
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johnbly · 12 days ago
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lowkey forgot i had already updated the blog description last night but a lil announcement that i came to the tentative realization a couple of weeks ago that i'm agender and after a few days of wrestling against my will with pronouns i have decided to give they/them a spin so thank you for your time 🫡
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cookies-over-yonder · 8 months ago
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close your weary eyes
Adaine has already been worrying about Riz, what with his thousands of clubs and negative hours of sleep, but when she gets a text from him during an AV club meeting he's surprisingly absent from, she's more concerned than ever. Riz: what does a panic attack feel like?
ao3
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2
title from rises the moon by liana flores
Adaine has already been worrying about Riz, what with his thousands of clubs and negative hours of sleep, but when she gets a text from him during an AV club meeting he's surprisingly absent from, she's more concerned than ever.
Riz: what does a panic attack feel like?
Adaine: are you ok???
Adaine: where are you?
Riz: tell av i'll be late
Adaine: are you having a panic attack? where are you
Riz: my locker
Adaine takes off down the hall immediately, all but running to Riz's locker.
And then she hears it, faint, rapid breathing coming from the other side.
"Riz? It's Adaine, can I open the door?"
No response.
So she opens it. It's wildly unlike Riz to leave his locker unlocked, but it works in her favour this time.
And then she sees him—curled up on the floor of the locker, glasses abandoned and eyes wide, trembling from head to toe and gasping for air.
Okay.
He's definitely having a panic attack.
It's after school, so the hallways are rather empty, but there's still a risk of people walking by.
Adaine kneels down and rests a hand on his shoulder "Riz, hey—"
"I—I—I can't stop shaking," Riz stutters out between gasps, holding out his trembling hands and looking at her with desperation and pure fear in his eyes.
"It's okay. You're gonna be okay. Can I take you to Jawbone's office?"
"Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah." He nods, and she helps him up, picks up and hands him his glasses, and guides him down the hall.
The door to Jawbone's office is ajar, and when Adaine opens it, she sees him look up from his laptop and he immediately gets up from his chair and rushes over to them.
"Hey, kids, come inside," he says, closing the door behind them and helping Adaine guide Riz, still hyperventilating, onto the couch. "What's going on?"
Adaine sits beside him and rubs circles into his back.
"I—I—I don't know what's happening—" Riz says, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, knocking his glasses out of place. "I think I'm dying, or something. Goblins die young, you know. Maybe this is it for me."
"Don't talk like that, Riz!" Adaine shouts, startling herself and instantly regretting it when he shrinks further in on himself. Adaine wraps her arms around one of his and clings to him despite herself.
"Sor—sorry," he stutters between gasps. "Sorry, sorry, sorry—"
Jawbone pulls a chair in front of the couch and sits across from Riz as the apologies keep tumbling out. "Kiddo, you're not dying. Can you take a deep breath for me?"
Riz sucks in a breath and holds it.
"Now breathe out, nice and slow."
Riz breathes out, though shakily, and his breathing is still shallow as ever. Adaine moves from gripping his arm to running her hands along his back, and works her way into massaging his shoulders. God, he's tense.
Riz starts frantically swiping at his eyes, then, and it's something that makes Adaine tear up herself.
"You can cry if you need to, no one's gonna judge," Jawbone says. "Anxiety is serious, and it's not your fault."
"But I—I can handle it," Riz whines, breathing faster as the tears start to fall. "I've always handled it. Pressure—pressure is good. It keeps me going. It's—it's not—it's not supposed to make me—"
Riz stifles a sob, burying his head in his hands. Adaine moves from massaging his shoulders to wrapping him in a tight hug from behind.
"Riz, I think you have a lot on your plate, and you're overwhelmed. I'm sure anyone would break under the amount of pressure you've got on your shoulders."
"What time is it?" Riz asks, voice muffled and wobbly.
"It's almost five," Jawbone says.
"I'm gonna be late for soil club..." Riz whines, before breaking down in sobs, not bothering to conceal them. Or maybe he just can't anymore.
Adaine adjusts her grip around him so Riz's face is against her chest, and she holds him tight. "I'm sure they won't mind if you miss one meeting, Riz."
"No, I won't miss it, I—I—i just need to calm down," he mumbles into her chest, taking in a few exaggerated breaths. "Then I can go to soil club, and GSA after, or was it aviation club? I need to check my schedule—"
Riz pulls away from the hug and reaches beside where hes sitting on the couch, still sobbing. "Where's—where's my crystal? Where—I—I—I thought I had it—"
"Riz, look at me," Jawbone says, and he does. "Focus on your breathing, alright? That's the most important thing right now. I know you've got a lot going on, but right now you need to focus on you."
Riz's shuts his eyes as his sobs turn into strangled gasps for air. He shakes his head frantically. "Can't—I can't—" he cries, grabbing the sides of his head with his hands. "Can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe—"
Adaine has suffered through many panic attacks. She knows the signs, she knows how bad they can get, and since getting treatment and therapy, she's learned how to cope, how to calm herself down before it gets bad.
In Riz, she sees her younger self, trembling violently from head to toe, and failing to get enough air with each painful gasp, and lost on how to make it stop.
"Riz, Riz, kiddo, can you hear me?" Jawbone asks.
Riz doesn't reply, his eyes still shut, only whining and continuing to hyperventilate.
Ice, Adaine thinks. It's what Jawbone used to help her with panic attacks in the past. Holding onto something really cold is a good way to ground yourself in your body.
Jawbone seems to have the same thought, because he's opening up the cooler and pulling out an ice cold water bottle and carefully pulling Riz's hands away from his head and making him hold it.
Adaine has never seen Riz so anxious in her entire life, and that's saying a lot, considering the way he's seemed stressed since they met in freshman year.
It breaks her heart.
She runs her hands up and down the sides of his arms to try and further ground him. She lets out a small sigh of relief when she sees his eyes crack open, and his breathing slows slightly.
"You with us?" Jawbone asks.
He nods. "I—I can't—" he takes one hand off the bottle and gestures to his chest and its rapid rise and fall.
"It's okay, you're okay, just feel that in your hands. Cold, right?"
"Uh-huh..." Riz nods.
"Just focus on that. The extreme temperature is supposed to help ground you. I want you to focus on that feeling and listening to my voice, okay?"
Riz nods, squeezing the bottle in his hands. Adaine taps his shoulder and then taps her thigh, and he crawls into her lap. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his hair. It's oily and stiff. She wonders when he last washed it.
"You're having a panic attack," he starts.
"Yeah, I—I—I figured."
"And that's 'cause when you get too stressed, your body thinks you're in real danger, and it triggers your fight-or-flight, and that's what makes you start breathing too fast. So we gotta remind your brain it's safe, and it'll calm down your body too."
"Mhm, yeah—yeah," Riz nods, "Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for, like I said, it's a natural response to too much stress."
Riz nods, taking in another deep breath. Adaine breathes with him, exaggerating her breathing to make it easier for him to follow along.
"It's okay, Riz," she says softly, running her fingers through his hair, "It used to happen to me all the time, so I get it."
"Okay," Riz says, taking in a deep breath, and letting it out, "Okay. Okay. Okay."
"Okay?" she asks.
"Okay," he says, continuing to take deep breaths. He unscrews the water bottle and takes a sip. And then he gulps down about half the bottle in a second. "I'm okay," he says. His breathing is much steadier, albeit still shaky like the rest of his body. "I should get to soil club—"
"You're not going anywhere," Adaine says, moving her hands from his hair to wrap around him and squeeze a little.
Riz whines, but she can tell he's too tired to protest, especially when he tilts his head to rest his cheek against her chest, and shuts his eyes.
"Maybe I should call your mom to pick you up," Jawbone suggests, and Adaine feels Riz tense in her hold.
"No, no, don't do that, please," he pleads, eyes still shut. "She's already worried sick."
Jawbone frowns, and Adaine can see him about to protest when she gets an idea.
"Why don't you come to Mordred Manor? Then we can look after you and you don't have to worry your mom."
"That's a great idea, Adaine. If you're okay with that, Riz, then I can let your mom know you'll be staying over."
Riz nods and mumbles some vague affirmative.
Jawbone sets off to retrieve Riz's phone while Adaine scoops him up and carries him to the car. He's out like a light before they even get in.
She quickly shoots a text to Fig during the drive over.
Adaine: riz crashing at mordred today
Adaine: had a hard day so prob best to be gentle
Fig: :( is he ok???
Fig: will let kris and ragh know
Adaine: he's ok he's asleep rn
Fig sends a thumbs up and a fiery heart emoji back.
They get inside and Adaine carries Riz to her room and tucks him in on her bed, summons Boggy, and tucks him under Riz's arm. Riz smiles a little in his sleep, holding Boggy tighter.
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foreverxdaydreaming · 3 months ago
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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"it's not going to happen"
"i need time"
"i can't just flip a switch"
"now soup i can do"
literally one credit scene later and he's spooning you
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stabbyfoxandrew · 6 months ago
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:(
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lover-of-mine · 1 year ago
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Seven Sentence Sunday!
I was tagged by @disasterbuckdiaz @vampbuckley @daffi-990 @wikiangela thank you 🩷
I was delaying posting this because I was sure I could finish this fic today but I guess not skapakapkaao (ngl this is the 3rd ending I'm writing for this, if this one doesn't work, this one will be lost to the google docs void for a while lol) but have some of the nightmare/talking about the shooting fic I hope to finish soon prev snippet
Wide and unfairly blue eyes scan his face for a few seconds, but before he manages to come up with something comforting to say, Buck is pushing himself up and quite literally throwing himself at him. It takes him a beat to stabilize himself, make sure he won't fall back and Buck is in no danger of falling off the couch, a beat in which Buck has wrapped his arms around his shoulders, hiding his face on his neck, and Eddie wraps an arm around his back, holding Buck to him while his other hand moves to his hair. “It's okay, it was just a dream, you're okay,” he says, voice as soft as he can manage, fingers carding through Buck's hair as he clings to him, holding him until Eddie feels the wetness on his neck that lets him know he's crying, “Buck?” He tries, shifting on the floor when Buck starts to shake, not really trying to move away, but that still makes him cling harder, “I'm okay,” he says, squeezing him back. They've been through enough, and Buck was saying his name in his sleep, for him to know there's a chance he was the star of some of Buck's bad dreams. He knows Buck was definitely a recurring character in more than some of his. And it's not like it's the first time Eddie wakes him up from one. Or the other way around. It's just the first time Buck has had this raw of a reaction.
No pressure tagging 🩷: @eddiebabygirldiaz @bucks118 @giddyupbuck @try-set-me-on-fire @honestlydarkprincess @watchyourbuck @housewifebuck
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potatoesarecheese · 7 months ago
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everyone's talking about the "wtf you just tried to kill me" kind of enemies to lovers, but let's not forget about the "my name is inigo montoya, you killed my father" kind of enemies to lovers because that's great too.
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the-cookie-of-doom · 1 year ago
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The Theerapanyakul family, thanks to the efforts of generations of careful breeding, come from strong stock. The eldest son, Tankhun, presents as an alpha when he’s thirteen years old, much to his father’s pride. His brother Kinn presents similarly four years later. Three years after him, the youngest son, Kim, rounds out their number. Three alpha heirs for their father to choose from. 
It’s rare. Not unheard of, but rare. Two alphas born to one family is already cause for celebration, but three? That calls for concern. 
Korn Theerapanyakul rules his house with an iron first, however, never giving his sons a chance to let their tempers rise. His sons see more peace than three newly-presented brothers should. No less bloodshed, of course, but at least the blood is never their own. 
In the Theerapanyakul line, alpha is equivalent with strength and power. When Tankhun is kidnapped as a boy, returned wounded and frightened after his rescue, he loses his strength. The power Korn tried to instill in him is instead taken away, bestowed upon the next brother in line, and Kinn wears it with pride, though guilt hangs his head when he visits his eldest brother. Tankhun says he didn’t want to bear the weight of their father’s pride. He wishes, quietly, to himself, when no one is around to hear, he could at least feel the weight of their father’s love, but finds only crushing disappointment. 
Six months after Kinn meets Tawan, a sweet omega hiding vicious claws, he announces their mating, and six months after that, Kinn kills him. 
Kim is fifteen years old and freshly presented. Young enough that his scent is still milk-sweet, that he’s not a challenge, a threat, allowing him to offer comfort when his brother rages. He tucks himself into Kinn’s side and purrs like he did when they were younger, and Tankhun—who has no scent at all, anymore, hiding behind chemicals—does the same on his other side. He pulls Kinn into his chest and digs his hand into the scruff of Kinn’s neck when he resists, gently forcing him into submission. There’s a vicious scar in his shoulder than Kim can see peeking out through the collar of his shirt. He wonders what it feels like to lose a mate like this. If Kinn felt it when Tawan died by his own hand, if it felt like killing a part of himself.
Kimhan Theerapanyakul, barely fifteen years old, sneaks a bottle of Tankhun’s pills that night. Tankhun doesn’t ask for them back, if he has any idea where they went; they’re replaced by the end of the day, and the theft goes unmentioned. So does Kim, when his scent mellows and fades over the coming weeks, until it’s barely there at all. He has seen what it means to be an alpha in this family, and he doesn’t want it.
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