#but i actually feel like garbage rn
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Fun fact: Tim Drake got progressively more annoying the more annoying honorary little siblings were pushed onto me by my way-too-big family. In this essay I will explain-
Dick Grayson that you buddy
#ask#anon#id do one of those speech bubble doodles im so fond of#but i actually feel like garbage rn#might go take a wee nap to try to make myself feel better#but yeah use your imagination
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my kaycee hyperfixation has ruined my ability to open commissions on other sites.. my favorite artwork ive done in the past Year are all pieces of Her and i dont even want to use her as an example because shes so fucking gross..
#you are all used to my garbage but posting these pics i make elsewhere feels like stripping naked in public i will die of fucking shame#i cant just whip up commission quality pieces of other characters. not even my own ocs. let me out#(i dont actually have comms open rn please dontask)(unless you want me to draw her LOL)
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unnerving to see people younger than me living their lives and doing adult stuff successfully. stop that you're supposed to eat ice cream for dinner and be unemployed
#stop making me look bad by having a husband and a baby rn you're 22 fr 😭#tho i do have two friends who got married at 18 and 21 and actually i look good compared to them bc everyone they know was like stoppppp#they dated for ike 4 months before getting engaged lmao#but some people who got married young are actually doing okay and normal and that makes me look bad lol#not necessarily always abt marriage tho#people younger than me with an actual career or grown up job make me feel this way also#anyway#every day im living a life indistinguishable from when i was a teenager and many people my age are already parents with mortgages and such#😐😐😐#anyway i spent my grown up job money on some flowers and now i have no job bc i let my mean supervisor bully me into quitting#i also spent grown up job money on an oven (successfully) and a car (unsuccessfully)#i am rlly just out here.... telletubby with a credit card fr#job just give you money and you can spend it on whatever you want (but watch out)#anyway car was a piece of garbage that couldn't pass inspection 😔#was so proud of myself paying cash for my first car but there's a reason it was that cheap lmao
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What's the crafting dead?
A really REALLY old minecraft roleplay series created by sgcbarbierian, a bunch of other mc youtubers were in it as well, like aphmau, redvacktor, yourpalross, etcetera.
It's exactly what it sounds like, youtubers roleplaying an apocalypse in minecraft, but it's not technically a typical zombie apocalypse because the zombies were created through human experiments done by..... some scientist villain
also there's a cannibal guy
It's absolutely nothing like mys/mcd, everyone in it plays just themselves as a character, like Red the cannibal cult leader, or like Mithzan Max that one weird guy who's immune to the zombies and just wants to play uno with someone, Jess even plays as JESS and not some version of Aphmau.
Uhh more rambling in the tags idk
#theres also original characters. not just youtubers! like.. bobby from supernatural..... is a character in.. the series. ....yeah#i personally love it#cuz i grew up on it. but some people in it are actually human trash (sky.) so its iffy overall#but red and dr ross make it worth it. i also love the main four!! the overall plot is interesting as well#if you ignore the garbage people in it. (sky. jin. ew gross)#asks#ask#i do recommend it actually. shockingly. its scarily good for what it is#it has crazy rewrite potential. and its easy to just write out the.. bad people :/#idk. im tired#im on my second energy drink today. i cant be thinking about tcd rn cuz then ill think about the wild potential it has and I'll rewrite it#like as an original series based on the rp. and i dont have the commitment for that rn... but god..... god do i love it#i need..... to laayy down#huhghuhggfvbb nnhg#jnbgf yeah uhhh SNHFHKG feel free to ask more but bro. no promises cuz im. unwell
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he's on the verge of crying when he bumps into rolan at the bar
#so much so he apologizes and keeps his head down#WHICH HE HAS NOT DONE ONCE IN HIS LIFE#BUT HE'S V V DRUNK AND UPSET#ABT THE TIEFLINGS THING#like if u kill the grove early he'll shrug it off but i dont think he's Thrilled abt it esp bc fuck the absolute#but if u actually save them he......... doesnt take what happens to the tieflings well#just...... v down the in the dumpsters drow mood...... 'yeah ofc....... they were weak and they couldnt defend themselves....'#'i told u we were just delaying the inevitable' kicks rocks bc he rly did want them to make it#cue him getting drunk at the inn#like pls do not speak 2 me i dont wanna think abt what im feeling rn#v holt vc: everything is garbage speech energy dsjhbdsjh#˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚ ooc — lenny.
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having an absolute dogshit day, but i got a doppel concept done, even if it is the first draft and a means to vent-
#I don't know whether i will make this dude an actually important character in the au- much less someone who contracted#but it was a fun exercise nonetheless#i am never gonna stop torturing that old man- that's a promise#oh and his outfit is supposed to be based on santa claus#if y'all want i might go into detail on what i was supposed to actually. ya know. draw here.#and how it relates to the character#but rn...idk#i feel like garbage tbh#my art#PMMM x PKMN AU#ig#it's a doppel of an obscure comfort character but again. idk if this is canon or nah
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me telling my boyfriend he has to be extra nice to me because i’m sick and him responding with ‘sorry baby, i don’t know how to be nice’ is peak dabi
#i then said to him ‘but you’ve been nice to me before :(’#and he went ‘have i? must’ve been a mistake’#he’s kidding obviously#this got a giggle outta me#and then a vigorous coughing fit#guYS I FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING DYING#seriously#i feel like someone took a sledgehammer to each of my vertebrae and smashed them to dust one by one#i’m going to have washboard abs by the time this sickness is over#my fever has come back but it’s okay i can take more medicine soon#i slept for most of the day today buuut my mom brought me veggie maki rolls for dinner which was so <33333333#they were actually so refreshing????? i guess because they’re just raw vegetables and rice LMAO#anyway i am still bedbound waiting for this hell to end#also water tastes like poison rn#bf is tryna get me to drink juice but i doNT WANT IT 。゚(゚ノД`゚)゚。#i couldn’t even write today or yesterday because i was feeling like such hot GARBAGE#like garbage left out on the side of the road on a mid july day#oh when i am awake i’m watching glass animals videos#i can barely remember any of them BUT#i like listening to dave talk (´∀`)♡#also raw if u see this i will reply to ur discord message the moment i can look at the screen for long enough#it took me like twenty minutes to type out these tags#okai okai good byeeeeeeeeeee i’m going to sleep and hoping i wake up feeling a lil better tomorrow#there is a TINY WAR going on inside my body#go white blood cells go!!!!!!!!!#LMAO DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK OF CELLS AT WORK WHEN THEYRE SICK#it’s what i think of INSTANTLY#clari chatters
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Spent a huge chunk of my life constantly having super expensive fancy specialized shampoo and conditioner and moisturizer and what the fuck else shoved down my throat by hairdressers and shit because I had thick curly hair that was often frizzy and constantly greasy and a dry scalp. and I got to a point where I just stopped using conditioner because it was fucking ruining my hair and I thought all conditioner was the problem and my hair was just weird
Turns out expensive conditioner is the problem. Currently using the cheapest shittiest shampoo and conditioner available at the walled mart (Suave) and my hair is ✨️thriving✨️
#cheap shampoo is not always worse#it comes down to at the end of the day what your hair likes. luckily im a garbage child#and also i dont actually have a dry scalp. not naturally anyway#turns out tea tree oil? nOT GREAT#my actual problem was just like. gunk buildup#which was remedied immediately by a recommendation by my current stylist which was to get a little scrubber for my hair#you use it to scrub the shampoo into your hair better and also it feels nice#anyway hi my hair is soft rn
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i have GOT to- [phases out of existence]
#just me hi#staring into the abyss. i've gotta do something about this lmao#wanna paint but idk what hvsh#also painting takes a very long while for me unless i'm doing a person so Lol :)#//also Hiii it's 4 a.m. hfbvsh#'that's not so crazy' i've been up since 2 a.m. i've slept for five hours 👍👍👍#which is actually great cuz i don't feel like that wet garbage compacting room from star wars hfvshhd#i think 5 and a half hours is like optimal sleep time :3#/'wet garbage compacting room from star wars' is genuinely such a mood like 90% of the time Lhvbshf#like yea i feel like trash. no it's not dry hhfvbs#the wet is Very important to the vibe i'm trying to describe to you rn#but it's a very particular wet. you get me? yea lolll#//anyway new favorite dumb word recently has been 'frogot' :>#this frog you see... it's a frogetter....... no it doesn't remember why.. lmao............................#everybody keeps thinking i'm misspeaking tho so really i'm losing out here Hbvhs#//man i have GOT to [shredding everything around me with psychic powers]#what if i.................#/anyway so since i've got like. chronic mucus so some shizz (lol) i can obtain Rasp sometimes#there are some ways i can even summon the Rasp. very neat#i found recently that i can do that when i sing? super cool !!#i love raspy singing but unfortunately.. the family's got the Itcher in their ears so hfhs#/ik the Itcher sounds terrible but like it feels bad too so--#is it misophonia or is it some magical status effect i'm making up rn? oo we'll never know ooooo Hfbsh :)#/also hey my right ear has been doing a funky thing recently (for months this is not recent at all lmao)#where it sounds like- idek how to describe it- like my ear is experiencing a frequency disturbance whenever someone is like. yelling ?#which is weird cuz it doesn't really do that with music (unless it's LOUD and piercing but ye)#feels bad tho and i dunno what's causing it! weird stuff hvhs - but you know what i'm choosing to think a fairy cursed me or something loll#//ooo running out of tag space Oooo#i miss unlimited tag space hfvsh <///3#i used to be able to just write full on multi-paragraph rambles w/ no coherent break in them. good times Lmao :3
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thinking so hard tonight abt dean is the only mary. dean is the mother sam had. dean is the caregiver to the people he loves. dean shows his love by providing, by doing.
#zeph posting#aka im feeling like fucking garbage and the only way im convincing myself to get up and eat is through this#making myself food bc im imagining dean making food for the ppl he loves#ive had a rly bad migraine for hours and ive been super nauseous but i have to eat and so this is how i can do it#giving dean a hug and sobbing into his shoulder rn actually
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Bayliss is looking extremely bad post shooting of homeless man. Eat his gun bad. He's unmoored without Frank, without his stabilitising influence, without his framing of his world in primary colours. All of Bayliss's stuff about being true to all the parts of himself, trying to reconcile his profession with his sexuality and spirituality and being left with just the former because when it came down to it he fired his gun and killed a man.
He's deleted his website, deleted parts of himself for his job, and I don't know if he has much left. Not with Frank being gone. (Where even if Frank? Did he ditch Bayliss after he left the department? He must have.)
I noticed he had a bit about surviving child abuse on his website, it seems it was ignored/shut down too so he's pushed that back down. Again? Same thing his father did, denied and voiceless again. JFC this is so depressing.
#i dont know if im feeling garbage cause ive zipped through s7 in a couple of days#or if its because im sort of violently back as a young adult who lived through the same shit#leaving most of yourself at the entrance of your workplace and putting a sharp divide between personal and work#and just daily dealing of the world being against you and parts of yourself#or the whole bisexuality thing because before i sort of gave up why#i asked myself why for a good few years or rather what#im twenty years older and its weird but a close friend who ive known since university didnt uh... well i never told her i was bi#it doesn matter or if youre in a long term relationship people just assume#maybe how bayliss is rn and hes def suicidal and idk i barelymade it out alive#heyyy thanks lithium for saving my life but killing my kidneys#tw suicide#hlots#hlots posting#tw child abuse#*with my friend it was literally a couple of days ago i told her i was bi apparently in the 15 years shes not known... i dont go around#telling people i guess#the gf doesnt like it actually#and what does it matter#i think it does matter#my hlots black hole is getting bigger#tw homophobia#tw biphobia
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are you doing okay emotionally?
No ♡
#lol anon this is one of the funniest asks I've received#I can't tell if you're being judgemental bc of my reaction to SN (TV) or like genuinely concerned for my well being#so short answer is like no I'm not emotionally stable but that's kind of an on-going issue. no need for additional concern rn.#the long answer is I'm without a doubt having the most stressful year of my life so yeah no I am not doing well#today had some particularly distressing news and now I'm super anxious about one of the few things I wasn't really worrying about before#so like yeah mental health is in the garbage#however at least for the night I am feeling soooooo much better because I am too excited about SN (TV) to be upset about anything right now#I can't put to words how much SN means to me and how excited I am both to hear the album and to know Taylor owns it#so yes I'm actually crying irl like I've said in my tags on several posts but I promise this isn't a breakdown I'm just insane about Taylor#long story short!! happy tears for Taylor!! not great mental health rn but that's not going to change for a while#lots of ups and downs#thank you for checking in#i think#asks#anon
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upside to getting kicked out of my roommate group for next year for no good reason is that i won’t have to wake up & see every inch of our kitchen in a state that would send a health inspector into a coma
#feel free to ignore#food everywhere#not a single dish cleaned#sink borderline unusable#no clean space on the counter#two weeks after i reminded people to do their dishes#because we agreed to do all dishes before bed#i hate it here#i hate the lack of respect on the most basic level#i hate that i get emotionally eviscerated whenever i ask for respect#like actually#no one person has made me cry because they’re being mean to me#more than one of my roommates#it’s all hitting rn#& i know i’m incapable of crying about again#so now i’m just Stewing#spent all that time being so overly nice & letting everything slide#make myself useful enough so i wouldn’t get left behind#let myself be treated like absolute garbage#and it happened anyways#now i get to put my foot down & fight when i want to#because how fucking bad could the consequences be#can’t be worse than getting evicted from the group
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i was already having such a stressful day with my only coworker being replaced for 3 weeks by the workplace mean girls that talk about me both behind my back AND to my face, and now this :| im done
#literally want to kms#fuck everything right now#and literally the one person i would want to talk to about it is not talking to me right now and probably for the rest of the day#i fucking hate my life and i want to do drugs#BUT NO ONE CARES!!! MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD TURNED OUT TO BE GARBAGE#LIKE#i dont think anyone in my life gets how close i am to breaking down at all times#except maybe my mom#which is probably why shes the only one who hasnt called me immature a child embarrassing etc. when im upset#like i just feel like a failure all of the time and i feel that constantly being reinforced by the people in my life#and the people closest to me which sucks#at least my foster sib doesnt judge me#literally crying rn#delete tag#probably gonna delete this one in like seconds lmao#at least the person its about wont see it cause hes got a new child bride to focus his attention on#plus no tumblr thats the main thing actually#i just wanted to say the child bride thing cause hes a LOSER#personal.txt
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part of me is like "wow I really must be faking this mental illness for attention" when I literally live alone and do not speak about my issues to anyone ever . bitch whose attention do you want .
#“idk if i have a personality disorder” << girl who has not felt like a real person all day#and purposefully tries to “fake it” back to “normal” and cannot.#yeah im not cam actually i domt want to be cam.#i know things about jrwi and the ocean and can draw without getting super exhausted and like the taste of food .#tried 2 do. mac things. to convicne myself we are not actually a system and i am actually just mac being stupid and dramatic.#we have 3 asks abt jrwi on main. started typing something and could not remember any of the characters names.#started watching an ocean documentary. got bored as fuck and turned it off.#have had csp open ALL DAY and have not finished a sinlge drawing.#ughhhhhghhhh. im wasting our weekend by sitting on the couch not being productive. zac and mac are gonna be so mad at meeeeeeee#i havent had the . medical anxiety in a while either but every little ache and pain and whatever im like ah fuck okay we're dying#we may have . arthritis. i dont know . joints have been consistently hurting for like a week now .#i also have not eaten since . 11am which is probably why we feel like garbage rn but#i dont like food!!!! i dont like food and thinking about it makes me sick.#i dont want to be hereeeeeee. i had to be here for two whole days of work this week . its someone elses turn.#🪞#UGHGHH
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trying to organize my course schedule this year is like. every 3 hr lab is scheduled for wednesday or thursday afternoons at the same time. labs on every other weekday conflict with lecture slots. half of my core degree courses with labs have overlap so i have to take them next year (25/26) because they aren't available during the winter term. there are three courses with vaguely similar titles, nearly the same outline and topics covered, and no information about which one would be more personally relevant to my degree or career goals.
how does anybody finish a degree in 3-4 years. genuinely. i feel like i'm playing twister in a minefield trying to escape a saw trap.
#genuinely hate this university so so so fucking much.#i adore my department and my lab group and they're the sole bright spot in this sisyphean nightmare lmao#but the way admin runs this school like a business means it feels like torture to be a student here#they can barely hire profs bc the pay is so shit#which means extremely limited course offerings where necessary courses are offered once a fucking year#so if you have a conflict w another core course you have to triage and decide what can be pushed back another year#and the pay is shit bc admin wants to make a profit#which they mostly do by raising tuition and charging students $80 for monthly parking 'to encourage sustainability with transit use uwu'#even though the transit in this city is actual garbage and not functional if you live too far away from the uni#sorry i'm just. frustrated to the point of tears rn.#at the pace i'm going it's going to be another 5 years before i can graduate. it's already been 3 going on 4.#i'm taking 4 courses per term which is only one below the max and trying to maintain my sanity with that is hard enough#this uni made 94 million in profit in 2016 btw! i don't doubt there's been more profit since. its ridiculous.
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