#however at least for the night I am feeling soooooo much better because I am too excited about SN (TV) to be upset about anything right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lilsuzn · 4 years ago

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MLQC Gavin - Fluff abc headcanons

So by the popular demand - I am back.

Just kidding. No one was asking.

Fandom: Mr. Love: Queen's Choice

Warnings: None (the reader is gender neutral)

Dedication: @marytheredqueen

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

You need to trust me when I tell you that Gavin had indeed tried to find at least one thing he could dislike about you. Many times.

Yet your body seems to have no flaws. He checked quite a few times at this point.

Your heart is pure. Loving. Patient. Loyal.

Whenever you’re at his side… The world is at peace. No pain exists, nor does suffering.

You are his purpose. You are his equilibrium. Nothing matters as long as he can be by your side.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Your beautiful eyes.

There will never be anything more beautiful than the way they shine before your lips meet in a loving kiss.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Him on his back.

You in his arms. Laying on top of him.

Your head rests on his chest, no matter if it’s your front, side or back that presses against his muscular torso - it’s perfect.

He also likes the smell of your shampoo… it’s just intoxicating for him.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

He likes doing things outside with you.

Attending festivals, engaging in new, interesting sports, indulging in some street food or picnics.

He’s a sucker for long, romantic walks too, soooooo

He takes you out to the festival. Buys all kinds of yummy food for both of you to share. Wins you an enormous plushie and then carries it around for you. While holding your hand. Tightly.

Then takes you for a night stroll, to then kiss you under the sky full of stars before you turn back.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

He only feels like he can really express himself around you - so it will get intense. In all the best ways.

Gavin doesn’t shy away with showing you his affection, even if he tends to have a slight problem with voicing it sometimes.

His expression softness, his fingers brush delicate circles on your skin.

He doesn’t need to say anything. You know.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Oh he really, really wants a family.

Two kids… or maybe more.

A dog for them, maybe.

House with a big garden and a treehouse.

He wants to play and fool around with his kids. Put them to bed. Support them. Be proud of them… Everything his father never did.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

When you want something, no matter how silly it might be - it’s yours.

Don’t even make me start on what you need.

Because there are very little things (and all of them are about you) that could make him happier than seeing you happy because of what he gave you.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

It's not optional.

There will be hands holding whenever it's possible.

It’s as much for your safety as it is for his comfort.

All these guys with eyes better don’t use them to stare at you.

See this hand? This beautiful gem of a person is with ME.

Likes to hold your hand while snuggling on a couch. Or in bed while falling asleep.

Holding hands is like a physical projection of the bond that’s between the two of you - and he loves it.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

He would blame himself. No matter what. It might be ridiculous, but he would always feel guilty for not preventing it from happening.

Wouldn’t leave your side. Would help you with anything and everything.

If there’s a concrete person or a group of people that caused your harm... Insert a very, very angry and strong bird cop with a gun.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

You would have a light-hearted relationship in which he would tease you from time to time and he wouldn’t be mad if you did the same to him.

However he’s not one to prank you. He would find no enjoyment in it.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Gavin loves to be kissed and he loves to kiss. All over your face. All over your body.

Any kisses are game. Slow and passionate ones. Heated ones. Sweet, delicate, loving, appreciating - he loves them all as long as he can share them with you.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

Acts of service - He looooves to spoil his lovely sweetheart (you) this way. Wants to bring you food, tidy up your apartment for you, brush your hair, paint your nails… Just ask him and he will do it. Whatever it is. And then he will do things on his own initiative, because he likes to surprise you. You smile so beautifully when he does…...

Gifts - He likes gift giving as I already mentioned in G, but it’s no indication of love to him. He just enjoys your reactions. Prefers to show his love differently.

Physical touch - His number one and you can not convince me it is not. He’s a snuggly bear who loves kisses. You are just so soft and warm and he loves you sosososososo much. Would never want to hold this way any other. His physical affection is something reserved only for you.

Quality time - see Q.

Words of affirmation - Gavin is not very good with words. Not that he can’t be when he wants to, but he kinda doesn’t want to most of the time. It’s uncomfortable. He’s feeling unconfident doing so. He prefers other ways, but when he does speak up… It’s the most adorable and loving thing you will ever hear in your life.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

It was your first 'real' date, but even though you both confessed love to each other, you weren't a ‘official’ couple yet.

At least there was no proper act of becoming a one.

You walk through the park on an evening of a chilly fall. Not many people in sight.

You just finished a lovely dinner date. Gavin even bought you a dessert to share.

And it just felt right. Everything.

The way your fingers were laced. How you both couldn't spot peeping at each other.

"Will you be my girlfriend Y/N? Please?"

He sure was pretty sure you wouldn't deny him, but he didn't expect you to throw your arms around his neck and kiss him the way you did.

"Nothing could ever make me happier than that, Gavin."

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

He’s scared of losing you.

Either by you walking away from him after discovering that you “deserve so much better”

Or by not being alert enough to protect you…

Surely, he would prefer the first option, but he can’t deny that both would hit him harder than anything else ever could.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

Gavin is a little bit of an odd duck in general, but I think he has one major weirdness about him.

I would call it… A Keanu Reeves complex.

He doesn’t like compliments. Always feels like they’re far from true, because he always feels like he’s not enough and maybe even never will be.

Which is so far from true.

Like, Vivi, come on! You’re so freakin perfect!

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

He usually calls you simply by your name, but the boy has his moments.

Moments when he can help but call you all sorts of the cutest names.

Little angel, starry eyes, little munchkin along with the classics like honey, babe, sweetheart, treasure and my precious.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

How?

Often.

Intensely.

Calmly.

Comfortably.

Restlessly.

He just wants to be by your side. Any. Chance. He. Gets.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Moonlight by Ariana Grande

Because Gavin’s sweet like candy, but he’s such a man...

Or A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

Not at all. At least at first.

He gets better with time, but you still need to ask for it. He would never just come to you to lean on your shoulder and tell you what troubles him.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Well. A lot.

Because of what I say in X below.

He just assumes that you don’t reciprocate his feelings, because he doesn’t deserve it.

He eventually tells you about his feelings under your insistent questions regarding the subject.

And then? After he finally tells you?

That’s when it escalates quickly.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

At first he tries to keep it inside. Not let you see… But it’s pretty obvious since he doesn’t talk to you. Barely throws any acknowledgment your way.

It would take quite some convincing for him to tell you what’s wrong.

Unless it’s jealousy that is a reason behind his anger. Then he will show you just how upset he is…

Not necessary in a bad way, tho...

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He’s very proud of you. Always.

Even when you think you’re a failure, he still recognizes how hard you work and how smart you are.

And he also prides himself for earning love of a woman as wonderful as you.

But he’s not a show off. He doesn’t like to be in a center of attention. He doesn’t care for compliments or recognition.

He knows how wonderful you are and that’s all that matters to him.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Well, it goes without saying.

Yes. Obviously.

This is Gavin. He does it actively throughout the whole story like it’s the only thing he knows.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

He’s not an expert in emotions.

He gave MC a blood stained letter and was surprised she was troubled by that.

Okay, let’s not sugar coat it - he’s not good at it at all. I said it.

I’m sorry. I wish it was different for you Vivi.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

I think in Gavin’s case it would be no kneeling with a ring type of thing, because he personally sees no value of that.

Of course, he would if you told him that that’s what you want, but if you don’t…

It would be a beautiful, summer evening. The both of you watching a beautiful sunset from the rooftop of a high building.

Last months you spent together were absolutely wonderful. Life with you by his side was much happier than Gavin could ever dream of… And the way the golden sunlight graces your skin is so, so beautiful.

It wasn’t the first time the thought crossed the bird cop’s mind. He caught himself thinking about it more and more often as your relationship progressed… And before he knew it, the words left his lips.

At first you were sure you must have misheard, so you asked him to repeat. And he did.

His beautiful eyes glimmered with so much love… just as much as you felt for him.

How could you say no to that gorgeous man that adores you so much?

And after that, expect to someday come back home to find the most beautiful and meaningful ring in the world waiting for you to wear it.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Gavin is a man who enjoys simple things in life.

He likes to cozy up with you on a couch on his birthday.

Watch a sunrise and drink cocoa with you on Christmas.

He obviously enjoys various sports, especially if he can enjoy them with you.

But what really, really makes him perfectly calm? Driving Sparky with your hands around his ways and your chest pressed against his back.

The feeling of freedom mixed the warmth of your closeness… how could anyone ask for more?

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mlqc fluff #mlqc gavin #mlqc headcanon #mlqc hc #mlqc gavin bai

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your-1up-girl · 3 years ago

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Once Upon A Dream (Hera x Ventus)

Uhhh....okay so this wasn't supposed to post until the 31st but I must have gotten the queue wrong soooooo. Have an early gift.! I dedicate this fic to the very lovely and absolutely gorgeous @sammilimyy! Why do you ask? Because it’s her birthday (I'm early sorry)!!! I was so inspired by your royal/fantasy AU with Hera and Ven that I just had to write a fanfic for it. Now this is basically inspired by a certain movie from a certain company that shall not be named out of fear they will take this down, but if you know the song then you know the movie. I hope you like it Sam (and I hope that I got it on time for your b-day) have a happy and wonderful birthday!

Word Count: 4339

Pairing: Hera (OC)/Ventus (Kingdom Heart)

Warnings: Nothing but pure fluff! I hope you have a good Dentist Sammi, cuz this thing is gonna give you cavities!!!

It was happening again. This dream she found herself in was coming to her with much more frequency now. Always in this dream, Hera would find herself wandering through a forest where the birds graced her ears with beautiful melodies and the way the light filtered through the trees was practically angelic. In this dream, she would always wear a tea-length dress so it would not drag against the soft grass and dirty the pristine fabric. Said dress was adorn in mute yellow skirt and bodice with pale pink trimming and a bow in the back. It flowed with grace as Hera continued barefoot down the unmade path. A path she has taken several times before.

At this point she would reach a clearing where the trees created a canopy of sorts and the brush and wildflowers bloomed and grew with no outside interference. Standing in the middle of this clearing was a figure. It always looked like the spirit of a young boy. Someone who Hera would guess was about her age but taller than her. He had spiky hair and clothes that looked different from that of what she had seen in the nearby villages of the kingdom. As he turned to face her, she could see the phantom of a smile on his face but never his actual features. Soft music would fill the air as they approached each other and they began to dance. The soft whips of his fingers held her waist as they twilered and glided across the grass. They could never speak to each other but they could laugh. And Hera thought his laugh was better than any orchestra in the world.

Despite never speaking to this boy and only sharing these dances, Hera had fallen for this mysterious stranger. It was a dream, but in her heart, it all felt completely real. This boy was out there. At this point, after they had their dance, the music would end and Hera would wake up to the knocks of her Lady in Waiting telling her to start the day; but this time was different. For just a brief moment, when Hera looked up and faced the spirit, she could see him. It was still in a ghost like form but his features were there and she took it all into memory. The bangs across his forehead, the goofy yet loving smile he wore, and most importantly the shadowy blue eyes that looked back at her. He had never appeared tangible to her once during these late night rendezvous but after seeing him in this apparariton form, Hera knew. She was completely in love.

Hera woke with a start in her bed. The sudden movement had scared her Meow Wow Polly and her friend Naminé who was drawing the curtains to let light enter the room.

“Your Grace, you’re awake.” The Lady in Waiting spoke once the initial shock faded. “I knocked on the door to wake you, but you didn’t respond. Then, when I came in, you had the most peaceful smile on your face that I didn’t want to wake you just yet.”

Hera held her heart as Naminé spoke, remembering the dream once more. “Did you have another dream about him?” Naminé sat on the bed next to the princess as Polly let out a small whine and cuddled back into her owner.

“Yes, I did. We danced like we always do. But this time,” Hera paused as her smile became more giddy, “This time I saw him, Naminé.”

Naminé wore a similar smile at this development, “Really! That’s wonderful Princess. What did he look like?” Hera adjusted herself on the bed so Naminé could begin taking her hair out of the braids she wore to bed.

“Well, he still looked like a ghost of sorts but his facial features were there and not just a blank face. He had the most beautiful blue eyes, Naminé.” A love-struck sigh left Hera’s lips, “It was like looking into the night sky itself.”

“You are absolutely smitten with this boy. Do you think he’s real?”

“Why else would he appear to me in this dream? And remember, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him.” Hera got out of bed and walked out onto the balcony. She leaned on the stone railing and gazed out into the horizon; her nightdress flowing in the early morning breeze. A sigh of doubt escaped her, “Naminé?”

Her Lady approached, “Yes Princess?”

“Answer me honestly, please. Do you think that boy is out there? Am I foolish to think that he could exist?”

Naminé’s eyes softened at her friend's sudden realization that this could all just be a dream. She held Hera close and spoke, “I think that in a world where magic exists and mythical creatures are a prominent part of our lives, having recurring dreams about a mysterious boy is calm by comparison.” This made Hera laugh, “I think he’s out there my Princess. If this truly is love that you feel, then you will both find your way to one another.”

After that, the day continued on as normal. Naminé helped Hera get dressed for the morning. Hera went to her lessons with Eraqus, the king. His lessons involved looking after the kingdom when she eventually came to rule. She had Keyblade training with Young Master Riku, Naminé would always remain close by during these lessons as the Lady in Waiting was very smitten with the Keyblade Master. And on this particular day, she ended her training with Master Aqua. The sworn protector of the Princess, Aqua specialized in magic and was well versed in wielding a Keyblade. She would teach Hera about combining magic into her basic attacks. However, Aqua took notice that Hera was not as focused as usual.

“Is there something bothering you Hera?”

“Huh? No Master Aqua, what makes you say that?” Their keyblades dissipated into the air signalling that they were done for the evening.

“It’s just that you haven’t been as focused as you should be during your lessons. And it’s not just with me, the King has noticed you’ve been more aloof with your teachings. Merlin has taken notice as well and so has Riku.” Hera hung her head in shame, should she tell Aqua about the dreams and the young boy? No, surely she would think the Princess crazy for looking into something like dreams. And falling in love with an apparition whom you don’t even know the name of would get her a lecture from the King. Hera couldn’t come up with a response quick enough but Aqua took the silence as something different. “You seem so worn out. Maybe you haven’t been getting enough sleep?”

At that, Hera’s head shot up, “Yes! Yes Master Aqua, that’s exactly it!” The sudden change in demeanor startled the blue haired Master from her train of thought. “I’m just so tired as of late Master Aqua. I think it would be best if I went off to bed now even. I had my dinner sometime before training so I’m not hungry.” Aqua blinked a few times. Hera seemed...excited to go to bed? It was an odd development in her attitude for sure but it seemed to be an improvement to what it was before so Aqua let it slide for now.

“Of course Your Grace, I’ll send for Naminé to meet you in your chambers to assist you for the night. Sweet dreams Princess Hera.” It was hard for the young girl to contain her excitement and Aqua could have sworn she heard a whispered, They will be as Hera passed.

Naminé carefully brushed Hera’s hair in the large bed of the royal chambers. Both girls wore their nightgowns and were discussing the events of the day. Polly sat comfortably in Hera’s lap, listening just as intently as if she were to join the conversation at any moment.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you were paying extra attention to Master Riku’s lessons today.” Hera jested with her best friend; a smirk proudly displayed on her face.

“At least one of us was.”

“Hey! Naminé!” The Princess turned to push the blonde girl as they both laughed in the empty, fire lit room. “He likes you, you know.”

“Oh please, I’m just a maid, he wouldn't like me.”

Hera thought about this for a moment as Naminé worked an intricate updo into the Princess's hair for the night. She could tell her friend was discouraged by this separation of class so she tried to lighten the mood, “If he rejects you, I’ll have him beheaded.” Naminé nearly choked on her own saliva and snorted out a laugh. Having accomplished her mission in making her friend laugh, Hera joined as well.

“As kind as that is, please Hera, don’t kill anyone on my behalf.” Naminé was grateful for the joke and Hera enjoyed the lack of formalities with her best friend. The conversation continued in this matter but before Naminé got up for the night, Hera asked her a question.

“You want me to draw you a picture?”

“Yes, please, if it’s not too much to ask?” Naminé, not wanting to refuse her friend or the Princess, took a piece of parchment from the desk, some graphite, and a flat board to give her some stability and joined Hera back on the bed.

“Alright Hera, what is your request?”

“I want you to draw the boy from my dreams.” Big, pleading blue eyes met confused blue ones as Naminé took in what Hera asked.

“I-Your Grace-Hera, you know that I don’t know what he looks like, yes?”

“Oh, I know. That’s why, you’re going to sit next to me and I’m going to watch you draw as I describe him to you.” Hera grabbed the pillow next to her and made room for her friend and tapped the spot. A small smile adorned the Lady’s face as she made herself comfortable and ready for the long night ahead of her.

~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, in the outskirts of the Kingdom, some yards away from the borders, a young farm boy sat upon the roof of his home looking at the horizon as the sky changed from warm tones to cool blues and the stars greeted him for the night. He came to look out into the sky when he needed to clear his head. And after having a busy day of training, fram work, and running errands, Ventus was in need of a small break. Not to mention that this moment alone gave him some time to think about the spirit girl he saw in his dreams. At first, Ventus just blew it off. Strange dreams happen all the time, take ‘em with a grain of salt. But then, she kept coming back, the same girl, in the same forest, with the same dress, and the same beautiful smile. God that smile. It was barely noticeable with the form that she took in his dreams but Ven was in love with it nonetheless.

He chuckled to himself. There I go again, Terra would have a fit if he could hear me. Falling in love with a forest spirit just because she danced with you in a recurring dream was ridiculous. Right? Ventus sighed and ran a hand through his hair, groaning when he had to pick more sticks out from when he fell herding the animals earlier. That girl made sleeping more exciting yet also somewhat frightening. Why did he see her all the time? Was she some sort of nymph? Was she even real? Would she love him back? And, why did he feel such disappointment if the answer was no? He didn’t even know this girl, and yet? Ventus put his hand over where his heart would be and gripped that part of his shirt. This girl had his heart and he didn’t know what to do about it.

“Ven? Ventus? Where are you?” Terra stepped out of the house to call for the young boy. It made Ven laugh just a bit. No matter how many times Ventus escaped to this spot, Terra never thought to check there. “Come on Ven, you’ll never get to be a royal guard if you don’t get a good night’s sleep!”

“And you will never be a detective if you don’t think to check in the obvious spots for the suspect.” Terra turned to see that Ventus was in fact, on the roof. They both shared a laugh and Ven made his way down. “If you keep yelling then you’ll wake the Tama Sheep and the Electricorn.” They both made it back inside the house and Ventus sat with a warm tea Terra had made. The young blond sat and stared at the tea with a look that was both focused and unfocused all at once.

“Hey Terra, do you believe in love at first sight?”

The brunette sat across from the boy and pondered the question, “I think it’s possible. I think that if someone really is the one then you’ll just know.”

“Hmm.”

“You thinking about your dreams again?”

“Yeah. It’s always with the same girl. She comes to that forest, doesn’t say a single thing to me, just laughs, and we dance. They’re getting more frequent and-” Ventus paused a small smile creeping onto his face.

“And?” With raised eyebrows, Terra waited for a response.

“And...I saw her face.” Ven couldn’t hide the smile or blush at this point and Terra’s eyes widened, not expecting that to be his response. “It was all ghosty and weird like the rest of her but I could see her eyes and the way they had so much life to them. I saw her and I just fell for her, Terra. Even more than I already am in love with her.”

“Does she look like anyone you know? Maybe it’s someone from the marketplace?”

“No, her clothes look different from that of the marketplace or even from the nearby towns. I could be wrong but they kinda look like a type of nobility.”

“Wow, look at you; dreaming about a Duchess.” It never crossed either of their minds as they drank the tea that the mysterious girl could have been a princess. Terra listened more to Ven’s recounting of dreams as it got a bit later. An hour had passed and the tea was all gone and both boys sat at the table trying to figure out what to do about the spirit girl.

“I think you should go talk to a woman who goes by Fairy Godmother. No one knows her real name but she is really good at figuring out people’s dreams. She lives on the far side of Traverse Town near the kingdom borders.” Ven listened closely. “If anyone can help you out, it’s her.” It was discussed that Ventus would take one of the Yoggy Rams and travel there tomorrow morning.

By early morning light, Ventus did just that. It was a long ride but not too tedious. Around mid-afternoon Ventus arrived at Traverse Town and began asking for this Fairy Godmother. Some people lead him to the back of the town where, in the middle of a water well, there was a house that was similar to that of a doll’s but less childish. Ventus carefully walked over the rocks with his Yoggy Ram to the front door and gave it a pensive knock. He waited no more than a minute when a kind looking older woman answered the door. She smiled at him like she was his grandson and enveloped him into a hug.

“Oh hello young man, it’s good to see you. Please, please, come in. Let your Ram drink from the water around my house. I don’t mind. I just prepared some warm milk if you would like some.” Fairy Godmother brought him into the quaint living room and he lifted the milk to his lips taking a sip. It tasted faintly of vanilla and hazelnut; it made Ventus smile. “So,” Fairy Godmother sat across from him in her own plush chair, “How can I help you dear.”

“My friend told me that you could help me with my dreams?”

She lightly laughed and placed her tea cup down, “Yes, he is correct; dreams tend to be my specialty. Tell me everything my dear.” Ventus did just that. From the smiles, to the laughs, and all the joy he felt in between. When he finished, he sat anxiously for the answer. “Hmm, this sounds like a very special girl.”

“She is Fairy Godmother.”

“But you have never seen her before?”

He hung his head, “No I haven’t Fairy Godmother.”

“And yet you’re in love with her.” There was no malice in this question and she asked knowing exactly what his answer would be.

Ventus sighed, the milk long finished as he searched for his answer, “I-Fairy Godmother, I know it sounds crazy to love someone you have never met but, my heart tells me that she is someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t have much to give. I am a stable boy who is training for a guard position and doesn't have much control of his Keyblade yet and I can be kinda naive but I love her. More than anything.”

The Fairy Godmother smiled at his answer; it had exceeded her expectations. “That’s even better than what I had expected you to say.” She stood up and went to a bookshelf and handed him a map. A map of the kingdom more specifically. “You see this area?” She pointed to an unnamed forest that was about halfway to the castle and his ranch. “There is no name on the map but people call it The Somnium Forest. It’s a magical forest where people go when they need help in their lives. They say that it feels like time stops when you enter and no one leaves the forest unsatisfied. The inside of the forest, they say, never looks the same for one person.” She held Ventus’ hands in hers, “Tomorrow young man, I want you to go to the Somnium and walk around for a bit. I’m sure it will help you with your dreams.”

Ventus wasn’t sure how a forest would help, but he was willing to try. He gave the Fairy Godmother one last hug and left with his Yoggy Ram.

Returning to the castle once more. Hera walked around the grounds with more disdain than usual. Why? She didn’t dream about the boy. His picture was carefully placed in her tea-length dress pocket (courtesy of a very late drawing session with Naminé) but having the paper wasn’t the same as seeing him in her dreams. It had only been a day and yet it was enough to put her in an upsetting mood. It was to the point that she didn’t want to hang around the castle anymore. That was how she found her way to the library asking Merlin for his map of the kingdom.

“Any place you want to go, in particular Young Hera?” He asked with his usual chipper tone.

“No, just want to explore, get out for a bit.” Hera held her head in her left hand as her right hand grazed over the different locations of the map, pointer finger out. She could go to the castle town? No, that was far too close to home. She could go to the outskirts and explore the hills that acted as the land border on the west side? No, if she was gone for too long Aqua would have a fit. Her eyes noticed a forest and that peaked her interest. “Merlin, what’s this place?”

He adjusted his glasses, “Ah! You mean The Somnium Forest? It’s a place where dreams come true as they say.” He takes a sip of his tea, “People go in there and not one person leaves upset. Forest is magical.”

“A magical forest?” Hera could use some more magic in her life. And even if it wasn’t, having the comfort of a forest setting could give her some semblance of her dream. “Thank you for your help Merlin, could I trouble you to watch Polly while I’m gone?”

“Oh it would be no trouble at all Princess! I love the little thing after all. Come along Polly, let’s see what potions I can make to help Aerith in the garden.” The Meow Wow and the Wizard walked in tandem as Hera packed the map and made her way to the stables. As much as she wanted to leave with no one’s notice, the brunette unfortunately ran into Aqua.

“Oh Princess Hera, why are you heading to the stables?”

“I just wanted to take my Pegaslick and explore for a bit. I’m not sure when I will be back so can you tell Naminé that she has the rest of the day off? Maybe tell her to have some sweets with Master Riku.”

“Princess, by yourself? Are you sure you don’t want me to join you? I could quickly-”

“No, Master Aqua, I’m fine.” Hera didn’t feel good about brushing her Master and protector off but she needed to go to this forest. It was calling her the same way her dreams did.

She got to the stables and had the royal stable boy Prompto helped ready her Pegaslick. “The reins are all good, Your Grace, enjoy your ride.”

Hera took off after a quick thank you and without a second thought. It was difficult to ride while holding the map but after an hour, Somnium Forest greeted her. She got off the Pegaslick and decided to walk the remainder, her companion close to her side.

Upon entering, the Princess did feel different. There was a strong happiness that washed over her. The fresh smell filled her nose and the grass seemed so soft that she took off her riding boots, hanging them on the saddle and continued barefoot. Eventually, Hera found herself walking deeper into the trees but she couldn’t find it in herself to worry about getting lost. A part of her knew that she wasn’t. In fact, the way the trees and flowers created a path. And the light through the trees. Her dress flowing in the soft breeze and the birds. It all made her stop to pinch herself.

“This has to be a dream.” A whisper that she barely heard left her lips but the muzzle of her Pegaslick acted as a reasurace that this was all real. With a new found fervor, Hera kept going.

On the other hand, Ventus was having the same feeling of déjà vu; only he bounded into the forest with reckless abandon. All these trees, flowers, and rocks he rode past were familiar to him. And as he approached a clearing, he knew this was the moment of truth.

They stared at each other on either side of the clearing. Both shook with excitement but neither moved out of fear of breaking this perfect scene. Ventus had to get off his Yoggy Ram but his eyes never once left hers. Carefully, they approached and once they met in the middle?

“You-are you-?” Hera couldn’t speak. So overwhelmed with joy that he stood before her as a flesh and blood person and not just some apparition. Rather she took out her drawing from the dress pocket and held it up. “It is you.”

Ventus held her face and she leaned into his touch. He wiped a tear that fell from her eye and nodded his head. “The boy from the dreams? Yes, that’s me.” Hera dropped the picture and hugged him. Her arms around his middle and his holding her head into his chest.

“I thought you weren’t real. I thought the universe was playing a horrible trick on me.”

“I promise I’m real. My name is Ventus, and I have wanted this moment ever since that first dream we had.” The dropped drawing was retrieved and put back into her pocket.

“Ventus,” What a beautiful name, “I am Hera. Your voice is so wonderful! I’m so glad to finally hear it!”

“The Princess? I’m so stupid for not recognizing you sooner. I must say Hera,” Ven brushed her hair behind her ears, “The dreams don’t do you justice. I didn’t think there could be a blue more clear than the sky, yet your eyes puts it to shame.” Hera blushed and smiled, wiping some tears from her cheeks. “There is just one thing missing to make our dream a reality.” Hera tilted her head. What more could they want? “There may not be music but, may I have this dance?”

He was right, no music played in this forest, but Hera happily accepted his hand as they moved across the grass. The laughter sounded even better than any of the nights they shared.

Off behind the trees, Aqua watched with the purest expression. Against her better judgement, she followed the young Princess to see if she was alright. Once she saw Hera with this young boy she knew everything was fine.

“So, you followed her I’m assuming?” Aqua looked and saw Terra approach as he went to the spot next to her.

“Yes, and I take it that he is yours?”

“Yeah, less ‘mine’. I’m more of his friend slash guardian.” They watched the kids dance and laugh and converse in the clearing. Terra broke their silence again, “Ventus, he’s training to be a royal guard.”

“Is he now?” Aqua smiled as she knew where this conversation was headed.

“Yes, I’m just a stable boy like him but I did undergo some training as well. I teach him everything and he is a very fast learner. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries but, perhaps the Princess could use another personal guard?”

Aqua laughed and didn't take her eyes off of the lovely couple as, "Yes, I'm sure Her Majesty would love that."

#I hope I did your baby justice Sammi #I feel like the ending was kinda a let down but I hope you like it Sam!#I took what you said about Ven being inspired by Link and kinda added to that.#The only Link I know is from Twilight Princess so that is my inspiration. :)#but this was so much fun to write #as you can tell #I love fantasy/royal aus #and I am Hera's aunt so I thought this was fitting #Plus i wanted to do something nice for your birthday since you drew something for me #I'm just glad I wrote it on time #Hera x Ventus #kingdom hearts #ocs #original character #not my oc #my writing #OUaD #enjoy

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jslittlebirdie · 3 years ago

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Hello love ♡

How are you? It feels like a eternity since we've talked for the last time! I miss you ♡

I'm, once again, terrible sorry that I'm answering you so late! Oh my, there's so much going on recently that I'm just constantly tired/exhausted, and I've such a persistently guilty conscience that I'm not able to answer all the incredible people and their equally touching messages! In addition, my Tumblr kept crashing since Thursday! As soon as I started to write a message, END, I managed to scroll down four posts on my dash, END. That was so incredible frustrating!

And to answer your questions, my first aid course was sadly only one-time and unfortunately I don't really have the time and money to take part in another or an extended one

My side effects were kind of weird, as I actually only had them that one night! Otherwise there was nothing at all! So, no need to worry, but thank you ♡

And I actually find it incredibly difficult to take breaks or to rest. I don't know, I kinda only feel successful when I'm exhausted? The best feeling is when I feel light-headed, while my body tingles slightly, in the evening; then I know that I've done even slightly enough that day. Does that make sense? I know that this isn't healthy, but it's also difficult to convince my head and body of it... I almost always don't even notice that I'm crossing this line and just keep going and then forget to stop or take a break at all (even if it's after four energy drinks) I really can't recommend this mindset!

However, two of far too many problems regarding my apprenticeship have been resolved! Not enough so that I don't panic and fear it anymore, but so that I'm a tiny little bit calmer.

Still, I wouldn't mind a little care, company, encouragement, and hugs from my F/O's! ♡

I'm sending you soooooo much love and positivity and, of course, a big, thight, comforting hug full of affection and love ♡

Luna, my dear!!🌸💖

Omg yes, it really felt like an eternity😭😭 I miss you and talking to you so much, my love! I was thinking about sending you a message this morning, but I wasn't sure if I might overwhelm or bother you with it. So I am now so incredibly happy to hear from you again!!!🥺🥺🥺

Oh, thank you so much for asking. I'm actually doing quite well, I guess. Yesterday was pretty exhausting to say the least, but I'm feeling better today, thankfully. I'm spending most of my time at my desk again, studying for my next exam😑 But I think this time it won't be as bad as the last one (at least I hope so), because this exam is a philosophy exam (and it's in my native language, which makes things a bit easier too😅). As always, I'm trying my best��

Darling, there is absolutely no need to apologize❤️ I can totally understand that. As you may have noticed, I've been taking a little longer to respond lately too. And for me, Tumblr has been a little weird the last few days as well - especially the app on my smartphone😑 But I think that's because of my internet provider. It really sucks, there are always some sort of problems... I just hope that the problems with your devices have been resolved in the meantime. I would be so very sad if you wouldn't be able to log in here😭

I'm so sorry to hear that your course only had had one session😔 I can imagine how unsatisfying and frustrating that must be to end up learning nothing or only very little new things. I'm sure you'll get an opportunity to take another course at some point in the future. I'm rooting for you, my dear!💖💖

I still worry about you, darling! Please, please take good care of yourself! As best you can. I know how easy it is to fall into this bad habit. It's the same for me sometimes. Then I think I haven't done enough, which makes me feel really bad, tense and nervous😩😖 But I say this with all my love, it's okay to take breaks, to take time for yourself. Our bodies and minds need to take some rest💖

Gosh, my heart aches so badly for you, Luna😔 I would give anything to be able to ease your fears and worries. You don't deserve that at all. I'm glad that at least two of the problems have been resolved and you are feeling a little better. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that solutions will be found for the other problems as well❤️ And please don't forget, if you want to talk or vent about anything, I'm always here for you, angel. You're not alone. I love you so very much💗💗

You know what, I just told Jervis and Billy to hug you real tight and take care of you to make sure you get enough sleep and rest. Gosh, they love you so so much and unconditionally. And so do I. Always❤️❤️

I wish you the best evening ever!! That you spend lots of time with all of your F/Os. I'm sending you all my love back. And of course also from me a tight, warm (or maybe better not warm, if the weather is still so hot with you😅), loving hug. I'm thinking of you, my love💜💜

#luna is on mars #I love you so much!!❤️🥺#please take good care of yourself💖#answered aks

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purplellamanator · 5 years ago

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Soooooo if it's no trouble for you, Shinran for Arranged Marriage AU Modern?

A/N~ Of course it's no trouble!!! And I am so sorry! I know you sent this in like forever ago and have likely forgotten about it! I hope you enjoy though!

Modern~ Person A's family is in debt. Person B is the debt collector but asks for marriage instead.

oOo

This was definitely not how Ran envisioned getting engaged. She'd argue that every girl daydreamed about their wedding at least once in their life and Ran was no different.

She always thought she'd go off to college and meet some nice boy. They would start out as friends first and then they'd slowly move on to actual dates. Ran would bring him to meet her parents and her father would actually approve of him. Her mother would be best friends with her boyfriend's. And then said boyfriend would propose and they'd have a gigantic wedding with a huge cake, big dress, and every relative she could think of would be in attendance.

Sadly, those were all just dreams. Things she imagined when she had a crush or ideas that spurred when she was engrossed in an especially romantic novel. Of course as she grew older her expectations sort of mellowed out. She definitely still wanted the traditionally grand ceremony but she had to add a tad of reality to it.

Standing in a soft pink dress that could barely even be considered business casual as she watched her fiance sign his name on the marriage certificate, Ran took the time to let her gaze wander. Taking in the blandly colored walls of the courtroom was as far as she could get without wanting to cry. That and her fiance was already straightening before angling the pen to her expectantly.

She hesitated. She knew he saw it but Ran couldn't help it. Just like she couldn't conceal the small look of disdain she gave the pen he was trying to hand to her. Her movements slow, she accepted the offering. Her fiance's shoulders sagging in what looked like relief made her think he half expected her to refuse to sign.

It was tempting. But she already argued it was time to face reality. And staring at the paper on the stand before her, she paused again. Ran hoped it appeared like she was just reading over the document but really, she was just trying to delay the inevitable. Her eyes remained unseeingly on the still blank line where her signature was supposed to go.

Ran thought she'd be sick. She didn't think she could do this. There wouldn't be any turning back once she put her name on that paper. Not only was it the contract of their marriage, it would also serve as the contract for the agreement they had come to.

If she signed this certificate, her father's debt would be repaid. If she did this her parents would at least have a chance at restarting their life. Granted she wouldn't be apart of it as much but the point was that they'd have it.

But still, Ran couldn't help but hesitate. She could play it off and lie to herself. She could put the blame on the fact she was scared. It was not much to go on but she was by no means the first arranged marriage. And they very rarely ended happily. The documentaries that were borderline like horror stories to her that she used to always watch on crime shows, were evidence of that. And again, even if that was a very plausible excuse, she knew it wasn't the truthful one. The real one wasn't even because she was disappointed in Kudou-san's looks. Selfishly, her mind flickered to the three tiered cake and the gorgeous chapel.

Swallowing hard she knew she'd have to let go. She'd have to let go of that daydream. She had to come to terms that this was her reality.

So silencing her screaming thoughts as best she could, Ran signed her name.

oOo

Ran didn't know exactly what her expectations had been one she moved in with her . . husband? She didn't really like referring to him like that though. It felt odd to call him anything else but his surname. Especially when he didn't even treat her like she was his wife. Again, Ran didn't really know what to expect but having her own bedroom wasn't one of them.

Of course she wasn't complaining. It was just. . . a surprise. . Ran may of never dated before but she had heard of wifely duties before. Not that she liked to call them that but that was honestly what it would be. There was no benefit to this marriage for her specifically and logically she had to assume that would be one of the things Kudou-san asked of her.

None of the talks she had with her mother the night before all of this would've ever prepared her for what did happen. And that was nothing. Nothing happened. They arrived at what he liked to call a house but to her and the average citizen, was a mansion. He helped her carry her one bag into the house while giving her a brief explanation of where everything was. And then he had shown her to her room and promptly turned around and walked out the door- her door.

Not wanting to lower her guard too soon, she half expected him to come into her room at night. Which he didn't. He didn't do anything with her. He didn't really talk to her in general and as the days passed by she realized he never was. And Ran didn't know what to do with that. She couldn't fathom why he would ask for her hand in marriage if he didn't even want that from her. This had all been his idea after all and to just completely ignore her, Ran didn't understand what exactly her purpose was in all of this.

The house- it frightened her quite a bit in the beginning. It was so massive and felt so empty. It was so quiet that sometimes all she could hear were the pipes in the walls and the house settling. Sometimes when it felt like it was so still that her ears would start ringing, she'd have to plug in her headphones. It was only when she finally gained the courage to leave her bedroom that she realized just why it was so quiet.

Kudou-san was hardly ever in the house. The first few days she was still paranoid and would outright look for him. She didn't want to be startled by him suddenly reprimanding her for wandering around wherever she pleased. But after she had the bright idea to just check for his car in the driveway, more often than not, it was not there. With that, she also learned when to expect him. The sound of his front gate opening would alert her most of the time after she had already eaten dinner. And like the coward she was, she'd take that as her cue it was time for bed.

So it was safe to say that her husband was a very busy person and honestly, she didn't feel the need to find out what for. It was probably for the better that he was more occupied with work rather than her. She didn't like being alone and missed her friends and family terribly. But here in this new home with her. . husband, she didn't know what the alternative would be if she disrupted this set routine with him. Besides, he didn't sound like he wanted anything to do with her anyway. And since he was the one that asked for this engagement, she'd argue that it was up to him to reach out first. And since that never happened one could probably imagine how much time she had on her hands.

It wasn't long before she finally took it upon herself to make a list of duties that she needed to do. If she sat in this house all day and did absolutely nothing but listen to music and read, she'd lose her mind. So she swept the floors and mopped them. She wiped down all of the windows and cleaned out his fridge. She even dusted his entire library which was ridiculous because who even had a library in their house? Still, ignoring that, she did it.

The chores she gave herself were boring and tedious. They were often long jobs that were unusually strenuous but honestly, that's what she preferred. Anything to take her mind off her current situation- or lack there of. Everyday she would come up with something new though. His 'house' was massive and really, she was cleaning a different room on each day. That's how she discovered where most things were anyway. Admittedly he had told her briefly when he was helping her move in but she'd also admit she hadn't been paying attention. Ran hadn't been expecting her marriage to be so . . . quiet. At the time she had been preparing herself for the worst mentally.

Now, and though she wasn't necessarily at ease, she was calm enough to actually breathe properly. This was how she discovered his library. She found the laundry room so she could finally do a load of clothes. Ran even discovered he had an office. It looked like he usually spent his time in there though she quickly left. She highly doubted he would be pleased if he found her in there. Likely he'd assume she was snooping.

Since Kudou-san was rarely home however, it was difficult to guess what areas of his house were off limits. His room of course would've been a given. But everything looked so untouched; like the house was barely lived in.

That was the excuse she would give when explaining how she mistakenly stumbled in there. She was being honest when she said it wasn't for a good few minutes till she realized where she was at. The room was massive like everything in this house. But much like the guest rooms, the walls were barren. There weren't pictures on the walls or items on the shelves. It didn't look lived in to say the least. It wasn't till she finally set her eyes on the bed and took notice of how the sheets were thrown to the side and unkempt.

Like someone had been sleeping there.

Feeling her heart lodge in throat, she quickly took some steps back before going to leave. And stumbling over herself she ran right into something. From her surprise and shock, her hands had come up to brace her fall. That was when she really realized what she ran into.

It was a chest. A beating, warm, and very firm chest.

Hands jerking back to her sides, she quickly moved a pace away from him to give both of them some space. She knew before looking that it was Kudou-san. They were the only two that lived here after all. She was usually pretty good at sneaking back to her room before he came home but it honestly wasn't that late into the day yet. He was earlier than usual.

"Did you-?"

Before he could even finish his sentence she was cutting him off.

"I'm sorry!" she said hurriedly holding her hands up defensively. "I didn't realize this was your room until I saw the bed! I was only trying to clean up a little!" Ran prayed that her words sounded believable. The last thing she wanted was for her husband to think she was digging through his things. It was such an invasion of privacy already and she hoped he could tell how apologetic she was.

Kudou-san didn't appear to be angry though. If anything, he looked a little confused. "You know this is your house too. . . . right?" he asked her slowly while giving her a pointed look. A look that she understood now was asking why she was apologizing. When her eyes suddenly watered a bit, he suddenly looked frustrated. Shaking his head, he turned around and went to leave his own room. "You can go wherever you'd like," he threw over his shoulder and some of that irritation leaked into his voice.

It was only once he left that she realized she was actually shaking. She knew she had been nervous well before her eyes began to fill with tears. But she hadn't noticed just how scared she actually was of his response. Kudou-san didn't look like the violent type but looks could be deceiving. And though they were married she didn't really know him or what he was capable of. Hand coming to rest over her heart in attempt to soothe it, she took deep breaths.

Maybe he noticed her reaction before she did herself. He seemed angrier about that than her standing in his bedroom without permission.

oOo

Though she actually had his permission to go wherever she pleased, it didn't mean Ran took advantage of it. Going into his bedroom had been an accident. She didn't want it to seem like it had been anything but that.

But she did try to come out of her room more often. She stopped hiding out any time she saw his car pull through the gate out front. She stopped trying to plan her sporadic dashes to the kitchen when he was home. Ran stopped trying to dance around him.

They still didn't really talk. He at least acknowledged her which arguably, if she had come out sooner he would've done that before. And the mansion didn't feel like a home to her yet by any means, but at least she could actually walk around without her veins thrumming with adrenaline as if she were in some horror movie.

She finally started cooking again. It was something she had to do when living with her parents but had soon turned into a hobby for her. Ran was often told she was good at it and it made her feel better, so she enjoyed it. And though he never asked her to, she always made enough for him. Pulling the trash as part of her chores she took upon herself, it was impossible for her not to notice all the takeout bins. She was pretty sure that was what he ate all the time and she couldn't help but be appalled. Fast food was fine and all occasionally- occasionally being the key word.

Technically even though it didn't feel like it, she was his wife. Wasn't it normal to cook food for your husband? That and he erased her father's debt- but she liked the first excuse better. Ran didn't really know much about the reasoning circling around her father's debt. She had only been given an offer to get rid of it so of course she accepted wholeheartedly. And she would never want Kudou-san to go back on his word.

So she made him dinner. It wasn't like she left a mess. She always cleaned up after herself and would simply leave it in a rubber-maid container on the kitchen island for him to notice right away. That and she left him a note. It didn't say anything extensive. All she did was write his name so that he knew it was in fact for him. She didn't want him to think she left it out by mistake.

The first time she did it for him though, her mind had immediately regretted it. It wasn't till she was sitting in her room that first night that she took the time to think about how forward of her that was. She had no idea what Kudou-san liked to eat anyway. He very well could just throw it out. And what was she thinking leaving him a note like that? That was something she had seen her mother do for her father on the rare occasion that the woman attempted to prepare anything for him. But those notes were usually tagged with a heart. Something far more intimate than what she had in mind.

Suddenly her anxiety hit the roof. The implication of what she just did had her face engulfed in heat. Just when her second thoughts were getting the best of her she was going to put the food away herself, she noticed the headlights of his car as it pulled into the gate. It had been too late and like the coward she was, she she didn't dare to leave her room again for the rest of night. She even turned off her lights and got into bed on the off chance that Kudou-san did come looking for her.

He didn't. He hadn't even come anywhere near her door. He had them on the same floor but on completely opposite sides of the house, she had learned the other day from her little accident. It relieved her that he didn't come knocking though. Ran had been preparing an excuse for why she made him dinner until it became glaringly obvious that he wasn't going to ask. More at ease now, that's what began her routine of making him his afternoon meal. And he never had a word that was gratitude nor a complaint to give. At that point she expected him to forget about it.

Upon waking up to get breakfast a few days later however, she noticed that Kudou-san obviously hadn't forgotten it. There was a box on the kitchen island, on the spot she generally left his dinner. As she got closer she realized it was a cell phone still in it's packaging. And like what she had left him, it came with a note on the top only saying her name.

At first Ran didn't know what to do with it. She was mostly shocked by the obvious gift Kudou-san had left her. The obviously expensive gift. But even more obvious from why she married him, she knew that buying a brand new phone wouldn't even make a dent in his finances. Still, normally Ran would've been uncomfortable accepting such a gift. But she also recognized this as a way for him to pay her back for making him his meals. To not accept it would be incredibly rude and she knew she'd offend him.

The first person she called was her mother. Admittedly she wanted to speak with her father instead but apparently he had been out. Still she was ecstatic to get a hello from anybody and her mom was just as thankful to finally hear from her. Leaving out why exactly her husband bought her the phone, she explained that it was Kudou-san who had given it to her. And though it was a talk she didn't really want to revisit with her mother, she knew the woman would be concerned if she didn't bring it up.

"Kudou-san is. . . kind," she finally settled on that. They rarely interacted but off the sparse times they did, that's the impression she got from him.

"Ran." Her mother's tone was sharp and warning and it had her tensing in her seat. "People like him never give something for nothing; not when they can put a price on everything. Never forget that."

Ran knew what her mom was trying to tell her then. To get her head out of the clouds and come back to that reality she was always trying to escape. That eventually Kudou-san would expect something from her in return. And though she still wanted to stand by her comment that her husband wasn't really all that bad, she couldn't argue. Because her mother was right. The gift that had seemed so generous only came to her because she had done something kind in return. It was a response to her.

But still, and thinking back, she was reminded of his response when she had been terrified of being caught in his bedroom. He had been irritated, yes- but only because she clearly expected that. And that told her enough. That he didn't want her to have an ill opinion of him. And if he cared about what she thought of him, then that must've meant- to some extent, that he cared about her.

#dcmk #shinran #dcmk fanfic #shinran fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #shinichi kudo #ran mouri #asks #drabbles #prompts #requests

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reabrook332 · 4 years ago

Text

That Night

Namjoon x reader smut Dis: reader is feeling some sort of way towards Joon after the ‘incendent’ A/N: I’m trying here

It’s too late for this. I want to be home right now in my bed watching my favorite show but right now, I’ve been stuck here looking at his back for the last 4 hours. He’s been hunched over his desk writing lyrics all day. The pressure with the new album has been getting to him I can tell but everytime I ask him how he’s feeling he just tells me some weird philosophical shit and goes back to writing. So far the most interaction we’ve had has been when he asked me to go get coffee for him. My phone beeps. I take it out of my pocket to see that it was Hobi asking me to bring him some food to the dance studio for him. I giggle slightly at his request for Sprite and a Cheese-burger. Slipping on my shoes I stand up to head to the door “ Hey, i’m going to take Hoseok some food real quick i’ll be back.” He doesn’t say anything, just nods and I make my journey to the break room and grab the goods and make my way to the dance studio. While walking to the dance studio I contemplated my situation. He has been in such a weird mood lately I can’t describe it ever since the incident. We were in a very compromising position...well as comprising as me moaning his name with my legs in the air as it can be. For some reason I think he was more embarrassed then I was. Needless to say I felt very bad for Jimin’s eyes that day the door still has a few cracks in it from when he slammed it. Ever since Namjoon has been in a weird mood all the time. A blush creeps up my neck as I think of that night. I don’t know if it’s from embarrassment or from excitement. I remember it so well. We were so excited to have finished the album so excited in fact that he hugged me which he never does. I remember how he looked at me before kissing me with such need. It was like he was trying to devour me. Soon our hands started roaming up and down each other’s bodies and well you can guess that things escalated. However, just as we were getting to the good part, face in between my legs on his shoulders. Jimin walks in with the other boys behind him but they didn’t see anything due to Jimin slamming the door and saving the last of Namjoon’s and I’s dignity. To this day Jimin still can’t look me in the eyes….poor boy. The sight of Hobi crouched down in front of his phone was quite a funny sight. When he heard me come in he ended what I guess was a VLive and eagerly walked over to me. I guess his hunger was more important than the millions of fans that were watching him just a few seconds ago. After taking a few bites he looks at me in amusement but with a hint of pity. “ soooooo.” I cut him off “ I don't even want to talk about it.” He snorts as he tries to laugh. “ He’s still not talking to you.” “ Of course he talks to me, he has to if he wants his coffee in the morning” Hobi gives me a look of ‘you can’t be serious’ “ Fine, fine! No he has not talked to me about what happened and to be honest i’d rather not talk about it.” Hobi holds his hands up in defence “ whoa, I’m not to one who got caught.” “ Oh shut up.” He burst out laughing then continued on his food. I decided to take the long way back to Joon’s studio. I need to mentally prepare myself to be in the same room as him. I do wonder what would have happened if Jimin hadn’t walked in would it had escalated further or would you guys have stopped there. The feeling of dread creeps up as you reach the door to his studio and punch the new code. He changed it after the incident. I was not ready for the sight of a shirtless Namjoon in the studio. He looks like a deer in headlights. We make eye contact for several long seconds before I turn away, cheeks red and he puts on a new shirt. “ Sorry I spilled coffee on my shirt and had to change” he says trying to ease the tension in the room. Now if only he could ease the tension in between your legs….. Wait…..shit. You seriously did not just think that. I need to sit down and try to think of other things. The shirt he changed into is a plain white one that fit his muscles so well. If only his fans knew how buff and big this guy really is like, he’s massive. I didn’t realize I was staring at him so long till I saw him begin to turn to look at me. Trying my best to make it look like I wasn’t looking at him I quickly look down at my phone to try to make it look like I was doing something. “Y/N.” Damn his voice is so sexy when he says my name. “ Yes, Namjoon” “ Could you please get me another coffee.” and like that he turns back around without another word and goes back to working on lyrics. It was a short trip to get him his coffee. I looked at my watch to see it read 3AM. God can I just go home already and sleep. When I get back I gently put the coffee on his desk and he nods in appreciation. I got a whiff of him, dear lord does he smell good. Suddenly another wave of heat goes through me and now the want to leave only increases. Now I have a mission when I get home and it’s to get rid of the need to fuck him as soon as possible, and to do that i’m gonna go home and masturbate until it’s hurts. Sitting back down I cross my legs to try to relieve at least some of the pressure between my legs. I need something to distract me and what better way than to read smutty fanfiction. Another hour passed by the amount of pure filth I've read is amazing. Namjoon suddenly stood up and started stretching. I can’t at this point but to shamelessly stare at this building of a man. I can see the trails of little hair that go down into his jeans. I don’t even notice that he saw me staring at him. It was at this moment I realized that I can’t take this sexual tension anymore. “ Well this has been a very long night. I really need to get home” I turn to grab my purse but stop when I feel a large hand grab my wrist and spend me back to where Namjoon and I are face to face. Literal centimeters apart from each other. He looks at my lips then back to meet my eyes. He speaks in a hush tone. “ Why won’t you talk to me?” Um…what. I think my confusion showed on my face because he takes a step back and runs his fingers through his mullet. “ I just m-mean that you haven’t talked to me since the incident.” Oh my god don’t tell me that all this time he thought that I was avoiding him this entire time. A small “oh” was the only thing to come out of my mouth before I started laughing and I feel like he didn’t like that response. “ ‘oh?’ that's all you have to say. I’ve been sitting here thinking that you hate me for the past week and all you have to say is ‘oh’” I look at him flabbergasted while struggling to hold back my laughter “I-I-...wait no you’ve been the one not talking to me.” he looks at me for a moment before it clicks what was going on. His face falls into his hands as he does a facepalm then he nods his head a little.He looks back up at me and says “ so you mean to tell me that we’ve been avoiding each other because we thought the other person was avoiding us.” I slowly nod my head. He chuckles to himself before sitting down in the chair and looking at me. “ I guess this is kinda funny in a ironic way.” He laughs and just looks at me. I can’t believe him, 148IQ and he pulls shit like this. I am genuinely flabbergasted by this man like how can someone be so smart yet so dumb. Maybe it was the tiredness or maybe it was the heat pooling between your legs but something compelled me to just throw caution to the wind. So I walked up to his chair, grabbed him by his collar and kissed him. He was caught off guard by it but then he started to kiss me back and pulled me closer to where I had to sit on his lap. We started making out,biting, sucking, the whole shabang when we started feeling eachother up he pulled away with hesitation. Looking down at him with his slightly swollen lips and tousled hair it was a beautiful site so much more different then the fanfics i’ve read about him. “ I really don’t think we should be doing this.” My heart breaks a little as I get up off him feeling humiliated and make my way to my bag, I hear him moving around behind me and something rustling and some clicking noises. Turning around I see that he has his coat on and has shut down the computers. “ I really don’t want to get caught again, so your house or mine?” He asks as he zips up his coat. I look at him with a WTF do you mean face and he just looks at me and says “ My house then.” I don’t even know how but somehow I am in a car with THE Kim Namjoon on my way to his house. Okay heart come down you’re beating a little too hard, but can I blame myself? I know what’s about to happen but still I can’t help but to be excited. Come on Y/N pull yourself together you’re a grown woman you’ve had sex before and he’s a grown man. Granted you don’t know much about about his sex life but I know he’s had a few one night stands here and there while on tour. Shit, what if I get fired for this? Was this just a pity fuck? He’s staring out the window right now, what if the same thought is going through his head right now? He’s doing that jaw clench thing oh shit what if this really is a pity fuck god that would be really embarassing. I knew I shouldn’t have kissed him fuck fuck fuck…. “Y/N.” “Yes?” He turns and looks at me, “ I’m sorry about not talking to you. I just thought you needed space.” wow way to do a whole 180 on the sexual tension between you guys and make it sentimental. “ It’s ok-” “No it’s not, I should have just taken initiative and talked to you. I was just embarrassed about the whole Jimin walking in on us and I felt like you were avoiding me out of embarrassment. I u-um I really like you Y/N but I know you could get in trouble with the company if we try to do anything, it was hard enough to get the boys to keep quiet about what happened.” He’s ramling “Joon, what are you trying to say?” I try to get him to talk slower so I can understand what he’s saying. “ I’m trying to say that… I really like you like realllly like you. I know however, that if you would be willing to have a relationship with me that we would have to keep it low-key.” wait…. is he asking me out right now. Shit I don’t know what to say to this. I know millions of people who would kill to be in this situation. But do I really want to be hidden from the world and live my life in fear if anyone found out. I’ve know this man for the past 4 years and I didn’t realize the years of romantic tension that has been building between us. If I did date him that means I have to quit my job, I mean, I’d definitely be set up for life with Namjoon. And if we break up what happens then? I won’t have a job to go back to. I think i’ve been quiet for too long cause his face starts to drop, “ I mean if you don’t want to that's ok.” wait no “ Joon I don’t know. It could mean that I have to leave my job. Don’t get me wrong I would love to, but you see what the fanbase does when they see a girl in your lives they’ll crucify me if they knew I exist.” “ But think about the ones who don’t care, Y/N. At some point those fans have to realize that I’m in my mid 20’s and at some point I have to move on and have my own family and life.” I think it over, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if we give it a try. “ Ok Joon” His eyes lit up, then he grabbed my face and kissed me. We are in his bed and everything feels so good. His bare chest is pressed against mine. We couldn’t even make it to the bedroom before we started stripping each other, pressing kisses wherever we could before clumsy making our way through his large home to his bedroom. I’ve never been inside of his house before but in that time I did notice that it was very modest in its decorations. By the time we got to his room I was only my bra and panties and him in his boxers. He’s kissing me so hard that I actually think that my lips are bruised. He puts his hand on my back to guide me on his bed as he kisses me and gently puts me on my back and settles between my legs. I can feel his getting hard while he grabs my face and deepens the kiss he pulls back for a second. “Y/N, are you ok with this.” I take a look at him and finally take in how he looks; hair disheveled from me running my hands through it and pulling on it, He was breathing hard and I can see all of his muscles moving. If only the fans knew how built this guy it’s not just that he was musculare he was just big. Every part of him was big and I mean every part of him from his shoulders all the way down to his thighs. I nod and he pushes me back down into the pillows to continue what we were doing before. Soon he started grinding into me slow and steading making me grow wetter with every slow movement his dick had grown harder by then to the point where I was actually concerned if it would even fit inside me. I let my hands roam around his body feeling his every muscle twitch. He started to spread the kisses down my neck sucking and biting, then down to my chest where he unclipped my bra to get fully to my breast. Joon had started sucking on one of my nipples while playing with the other one, teasing it causing me to moan. Smirking up at me he began to trail down further the lower he got the more I noticed how hard I was panting in anticipation for what was about to happen. This isn’t like I had Imagined it was slow and passionate, not rough and frenzied like I had wanted but this was so much better. Looking at my panties he looked up at me smirking, “ Do you wear paties like these everyday.” I nod not wanting him to know that I do wear granny panties most days while thanking God I decided to go with the black thong today. He started pulling them down a couple tugs later they were completely off. Before he could do anything else he stood up and walked to his drawer pulling out a condom and holy shit it’s a king size. Suddenly his phone buzzed on the dresser he walked over to it to see who it was then a look of annoyance on his face is very evitable on his face as he answeredhis phone, “Hello… Right now?... Okay...Yes, Jimin...Okay I’m on my way.” Of course it’s fucking Jimin that has to ruin the moment. Maybe this is a sign. My thoughts are intrupted when I’m shoved back on the bed by a very annoyed Namjoon, oh boy I think this moment just took a turn. I didn’t even realized he put the condom on before he settles inbetween my legs and looks back at me waiting for me to give my approval I nod my head again then in the matter of seconds he lines himself up and begins pushing into me. A few moments later he’s completly inside of me then he dips his head lower to my ear and wispers “ I’m not going to let him ruin this moment for me again.” then proceeds to thrust in and out of me at first slow and steady it felt so sweet having him be inside me filling me up. He does somthing that I didn’t expect though, he pulls out then flips me over onto my belly and goes back in going even herder then he was going before. Wrapping one arm around my throat and putting the other on by the side of my head I can hear his heavy breathing in my ear. “ I’m sorry baby but I have to make this quick they want me back at the studio.” buring his head in the crook of my neck he starts grunting and moaning about how good I feel. By this point I am a moaning mess as I try to reach one arm around to caress his hair but he grabs my hand and pushes it back down. His weight on top of me is sufficating but I love it so much the feeloign of him being inside of me and his thick thighs slamming into mine the lewd sound of skin on skin making me even wetter. I feel my orgasm coming and I start moaning louder he took the hint and moves his hand down to grip my waist making my back arch more has he starts literally drilling into me. Within seconds I became undone under him. He cums soon after with one final thrust. I feel dazed but happy...and really tired so tired I look over to the clock on the nightstand its 5:30 AM no wonder. His bed is so big and cozy, a girl could get used to this. Joon comes back in the room in clean clothes carring some water and some snacks placing them on the nightstand then sitting on the bed looking at me, “ I have to head back. You can stay here and sleep come in when your ready.” he says as he caresses my hair. I didn’t realize I fell asleep till I woke up hours later in his room I actually thought it was a fever dream. Walking into the studio felt like I was doing a walk of shame down the halls. Walking into Joon’s studio was embarassing to say the least all of the boys were in there and them all stopped talking the look at me. Hobi had a shit eating grin and I knew that he knew not only from that but also from Namjoon’s red face and Jimin seeming mortified. Kookie started laughing, “ I guess we have a new couple.”

#bts btsxreader Namjoon kim namjoon x reader reader

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sirengf-moved · 5 years ago

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oh boy 1) 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 || 2) 3, 7, 9 || 3) 6, 7, 20 || 4) 4, 9, 27 || part five is embarrassing so none of that shit 💓 || 6) 2, 4, 10 || i gave u so many because i lov u but i'm also fucked up 🍊🌿💐💓

mars i lov u , also don’t worry i’m vain and i love answering questions abt myself so this works perfectly 😌🍯☁️✨🍓🍃 HOLD ONTO UR BUTT THIS IS A LOT :

( part 1 ) 🍨

Have you ever cut your hair yourself?

a: as a kid i think i got something stuff in my hair , gum or ? i’m unsure it’s a foggy memory but i just cut my hair and my mom got soooooo mad bc we had a friend who was a hairdresser and we didn’t tell her or anything and we just cut it , tbh it was pretty liberating but at the same time i don’t remember if i did a good job or not 💀

Do you collect anything?

a: mmm, jars ...... me telling myself i’m gonna gather jars for spellwork and i never actually do it so i just have a shit ton of mason jars , emptied candle jars , small flasks with cork screw lids all sitting around my crystals and incense ect....... rip me.

Are you a fan of bread and butter?

a: yes! i eat fried bread w/ light butter for breakfast most mornings , probably unhealthy but like.......it’s very yummy..... 😔

Have you ever almost died?

a: ive almost drowned at least 3 times, this racist dude thst i almost beat the shit out of nearly ran me over on my way home with his redneck truck ( forgetting i knew where he lived ) , almost asphyxiated myself by swallowing melted chocolate at least 3 /4 times , almost got into a head on collision at a 4 way once, when i jumped from the side of my grandfathers sailboat onto the docks i wasn’t considering how big the leap was and landed fine but almost fell back and would’ve been crushed between the boat and dock , and i thought i was going to die when this homeless man glared me down intensely at the local burger king as i ate my chicken and lowkey cried bc i was also going through an emotional meltdown ( unrelated to said homeless man making vicious murder eyes at me , but that sure didn’t help lol ) i’ve also died a lot in my dreams / almost died in dreamscapes ..... long winded answer but hi mars i’m also fucked up 😌

Favorite animal?

a: GELADA MONKEYS! LOOK THEM UP PLS THEYRE AMAZING I LOVE THEM! BIG FLUFFY BOYS!

( part 2 ) 🥧

Do you believe the butterfly effect is real?

a: hm... i feel like every action mayhaps has some sort of consequence but personally i’ve been seeing that like, how can this be true when you have billionaires who use slave/sweatshops/prison labor but yet are rewarded with vast riches? how can you have all of these people of power constantly doing bad , horrible things and not getting their karma? will they get it ten fold? down the road? is their karma their internal struggles? do they not have any moral qualms? are they MAKING the karma for others? these are questions i constantly ask myself to be quite honest....

Do you believe in witches and/or magic?

a: yes , for the most part. there are some i believe because i can feel it , their energy and majesty in the way they hold themselves and how they view the world, some people just scare me with how they go through life with such certainty on everything, certainty terrifies me to be honest. i do definitely believe in magic! it’s in everything! from someone cooking you something that you regularly cook but it tastes better bc they made it? magic! it’s everywhere! and also practical magic ( spellwork / spirit work / deity & entity work / tarot & oracle ect ) it all interests me and i love talking about it , to people who also believe and practice and KNOW AND RESPECT CULTURE/ HERITAGE / CLOSED PRACTICES! c:

Do you believe in anything mythical/supernatural? (Bigfoot, Mermaids, Vampires, etc.)

a: sorta , i’ve had too many rhythmic taps / scratches on my window in the deep hours of the night to not believe. i’m not sure if i believe in vampires as in modern mainstream standpoint but i’m pretty open to just about anything existing..it’s just this world is so weird and i’d be naive to think that just bc i can’t perceive it with my own eyes, it just simply doesn’t exist... u know?

( part 3 ) 🍡

If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in?

a: i ain’t no snitch. also kinda depends on the friend, bc i wouldn’t turn anyone in regardless ( unless they killed someone innocent / were a budding serial killer omg ) but like do i answer calls? rarely , am i also the one everyone always goes to? yes. either way i’d prolly help you bury the body, answering the phone however? another story. ( who am i kidding i’d be so excited that a friend wants to talk or smth then get roped into this whole drama episode )

Have you ever had a crush on someone that, now as you look back, is completely embarrassing?

a: YES , STORY TIME! okay so i was like 17/18 and i liked this guy and at the time i thought i was being soooooo oblivious about it , but like a few months later a friend was like ‘ did u like so and so? ‘ and i was like ‘ was it that obvious? ‘ and they were all like ‘ painfully ‘ and to this day i still get randomly reminded by my brain how stupid , cringe worthy and weird i acted , like my brain is relentless in reminding me how fucking fat of an L that whole crush thing was........ 🙃

How would you react if you had a secret admirer?

a: depends, ive had ‘secret’ admirers who turned very obsessive in my past, so i’m naturally wary , but idk if someone thinks i’m cool i have no problem with that , but if you put me on this weird pedestal then i have a problem ... 🤲🏽 td;lr : id be as humble as possible bc then i’m reminded i’m perceived.

( part 4 ) 🍰

Favorite actress?

a: lupita n’yongo!!

Favorite type of food?

a: savory / rich/ salty food, i don’t really care for sweet foods ... or fried foods ? i don’t like large portions either tbh, i like to feel full not like dead lol. my favorite types are either seafood or seafood coupled with steak and other assorted meat and sides .

Favorite sport?

a: i liked playing volleyball, i like watching soccer and occasionally college football ( ik ik.... ) but i also love watching women’s professional gymnastics!!

( part 6 ) 🌯

Ever kissed someone who wasn’t single?

a: i don’t think so.... no! it sounds like smth i’d do on accident or smth tbh ... but not smth i’d do purposely!

Have you ever done anything illegal?

a: yes! lots of things! but i’m not gonna list them all here, nothing too serious but lol yes haha

Ever lied straight to someone’s face?

a: daily occurrence tbh, i’m really good at lying , i had to get good at it as a kid in order to avoid shit so 😌 now i can convince gross men that i’m in a relationship with a huge weightlifting bouncer and we have 3 kids and hes on isle 6 and will be back soon when i’m in walmart and some creep attempts to talk to me too much! and they’ll believe me.......

#u: ( calls me )#me: ( excited to see u calling me ) omg mars hi-#u: so i killed someone #me: 🤠#PHEW #TY MARS HAVE SOME RANDOM FACTUALS ABT ME #t: ask meme #t: mars tag 🧿✨🍓#tw: death mention

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ts-2020-olympics · 5 years ago

Text

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 1)

One world ! 24 other players ! I

I'm too old to be here but... it's happening! I made it on Tumblr Survivor mom! Determined to not be first boot!

Also I'm aligning with Jordan Pines because I love chaos and these newbies won't know what hit them

Well this is certainly something. I'm going to try out seeing who pms me without me saying anything. I'll pick up the activity tomorrow, so it doesn't really affect me, let's see if anyone takes the initiative so I don't have to. If I get dragged into a majority alliance then that's cool. I don't think that this group is great in terms of teamwork as of yet, but we'll see. There's so many tribes our chances of going to tribal are pretty slim, even if we suck. We're kindof underdogs, so sucking might not be excusable.

First day of surviving the Survivor survivorship...survivor. These forms are going to take some time to get used to, but I'll manage. Got conversations from Beck and Sammy so far - might scope the field, see what's out there. Or, I can lay low and do what I need to do for my team until merge hits.

i actually really like the people on my tribe and i'm excited because i have hopes for us. i've also made some nice friends so far and i'm hoping that pays off later but even if it doesn't i'm glad my first day in a skype survivor org has been positive! woo!

Fuck this complicated ass first challenge

youtube

Hello! Guess whose back? It me! Anyway, it’s been a fun first night. Things are going okay. I am worried a little bit about the One World mess, I don’t want to come off too social right now but at the same time I need to secure a good place. So here is the breakdown analysis of my tribe: Chris Stoner: hello ???? I didn’t know they let stoners into the Olympics, didn’t we drug test? I haven’t spoken to him much but we did play Crossroads together although not really together. Anyway, fun to see him. Don’t know if I’d work with him but I guess that’s to be determined. Karen: KARENNNNN! I wasn’t expecting to see them here but now that it’s happening I am very glad to have someone who I have worked with before around, and a solid foundation of working together. Right away I felt like I had someone who had my back and I hope I’m not misreading that, because Karen and I always seem to work together until a certain point. Hopefully we can work together longer than usual this time! Kevin: uhhh soooooo love Kevin but we don’t have the best track record? He was in Circle with me we had a little fight where I may have called him a racist for being mad at Asya anyway it SEEMS as though that’s not an issue anymore and I think we might be able to work something out. I don’t wanna have to vote Kevin out before Stoner or Tommy. Tommy: ok no offense to this man but he is so hard to talk to so far. Every conversation feels flat and even though we are talking about subjects I could go on about for a while, it feels like the convos are going nowhere. I feel like there’s a sort of slight bond between Karen, Kevin and I but then Tommy and Stoner are kind of...hopefully who they’d want to kill off first, I’m probably wildly misreading every situation rn. Outside of my tribe I’ve talked to Juls who I am going to take under my wing as my daughter and she will win this season if I don’t get to! I love her so much she reminds me of my old school Skype babies and I feel like a cool mom when I talk to her I’ve also talked to beck briefly, KING love him bc he’s dating Asya and I don’t necessarily want to bond based on that. I also know beck is a good as game player bc I’ve watched him play so......I’m gonna be nice and observant and maybe we can establish a threat/threat symbiotic relationship. I also talked to Jacob C. who I love so much and he and I have been comparing some notes. He’s already told me Sammy has an idol that he can only use for three rounds so heh heh heh. OH SPEAKING OF SAMMY I love that man he’s such a doll and I really hope we can work together if I get far. At this point I love this cast but I really feel like I am not gonna vibe with the newbies, they’re like very....quiet in the PM’s but loud in the one world chat? I find that backwards. I’m hoping the newbies I do like will be able to get rid of the newbies I don’t like so that when we merge the newbies I do like will help me get rid of the returnees I don’t wanna work with. That’s what we are manifesting, 2020 vision yeehaw.

Showmance, eh? I might play dumb, surprise them all later? I could play the role of disposable pawn while possibly orchestrating things behind the shadows. Could be a long, long shot, but it could work.

AAAAHHHHH IM HERE HI MOM IM ON TV IM SO EXCITED AND I CANT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING IM ALSO SCARED AS FUCK CUS EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THESE THINGS WORK AND I DONT

omg okay this is all so crazy i love it i can’t stop shaking AAAAHHH dhdkshHSJDHEVSJbokayOKAY so like i LOOOVE my tribe we’re the fuckin best tribe here cus we’re all so cool like we’re the FRIENDSHIP tribe and being able to make friends is a useful skill in this game like no offense but being the “dominant” tribe or “champions” tribe or whatever tbh it’s pretty unskinny bc that’s a target on you forever whereas my tribe we’re all friendly and trusting!! 💖💞 xoxo lets hold hands all the way to finale and have fun! 🌈✨

okay i forgot to talk about strategy lol anyways yeah I looOOOVve everyone on my tribe and that’s great but also sucks because there’s only 5 of us, it just takes 3 votes to send you out so I wish there was some oblivious cocky dick on our tribe we all could hate so we’d have an easy first vote like that guy Billy.. why is he on the respect tribe¿? anyways i love everyone but I think Will and I are becoming the closest we talked for a lil while last night yknow things got a little steamy 🥰😩 (you’ll have to pay for ts all access for that footage 😘) we bonded really well and I think for this first vote if we lose, Will and I are definitely gonna be voting together.

Alright, so here we are at the 2020 Olympics. I came in as a last minute replacement, so I feel like I have to prove myself more than some others who applied weeks before hand and made the cut. As well, got some past players, and past winners, which makes the competition stakes that much greater this season. Then, to top it all off, at the One World style camp, so can talk to everyone which is definitely a nice touch. Now, regards to my tribe, I honestly like the people on my tribe, and find that we're going to be a solid crew. Here is my actual impressions on my tribe mates thus far though: Beck - Probably one I recognize most, just due to being in a discord org vl with her, definitely seems like a friendly gal, and when time is right, I feel she could end up being my closest ally on the tribe Ben - Probably one so far who I have talked the most too, and I feel like we're connecting alright thus far, so going to keep building up a bond with him and his route could end up being as my first ally of these Olympics. Kathy - Haven't spoken one on one with her yet, just in the tribe chat somewhat and main chat, which she definitely seems like a cool person, and hoping to get to know her a bit better, but terms of this game, hard to say if we'll be on same side or not. Bailey - Speaking with her a little, but kind of same lines as Kathy currently with her, just not sure if Bailey will end up being an ally who will be with me, or someone who will be against me. Overall, time will tell how this game goes, but hopefully it goes well for me and I come out with at least something worth while.

HOLY SHIT I FOUND AN ADVANTAGE OH MY GOD!!!!! I GOT AN ADVANTAGE ON DAY FUCKIN TWO OF MY FIRST SURVIVOR EVERR HOLY SHIT!!!! okay so it says i can get an extra vote IF at the next tribal i decide to NOT vote and save that vote for later so i’d have an extra vote. Now the hard part is making my first tribal an easy vote so i can save my own.. hopefully i’ll be able to do this! i’m so scared ohmygod

okay i’m in a serious predicament... so I may not vote at the next tribal meaning there’s only 4 votes. While looking at the cast reveal i discovered something.. Nik is a drag queen, Eve also does drag as well... what if they applied together from some drag community or are bonding because of that. That’s 2 votes together already on a tribe of five.. that’s dangerous especially when I’m not allied with either of them! If they vote together and i don’t vote... they’d have half the votes already and may get rid of my ally Will! I’m hoping to god they don’t know each other but if they are aligned then Will or I could be out! I want this advantage but i don’t know if i can take it.... fuuUUUUCK

I’m really enjoying my tribe and I think that the people in this game are super awesome! However with that being said, I can definitely see who could potentially be an issue down the line and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for them!

whoa. this game is a lot. I managed to message everyone on day one because I just rely on my social abilities. I tried to be as relatable as possible to everyone but literally some people were dead fish. Some newbies have asked me for advice already and they said returners are intimidating so I said "I mean only the returners that won" hahah and they were like "oh yeah so true" sorry I threw y'all under the bus. But ummm kathy is playing and we are from the same hometown so I am hoping we end up on same tribe sometime soon. I love juls too!! OH AND JACOB IS MY RIDE OR DIE. we had a tribe call and I was so uncomfortable because I felt like I had nothing to add to the conversation. my fav 2 on my tribe are Jacob and Caeleb tho! umm okay last thing I searched for the idol....AND BIH ON DA FIRST TRY I GOT ONE BLSFSI only good for next three tribals I attend tho. I told Jacob. it was in a yellow condom. okay sorry this was very choppy I just wanted to get it all out.

This tribe seems to be working fine together, while I'm still terrified of losing, I think we stand a fighting shot. This cool little band of misfits would be a cool sight. I've kept my quiet for the first day, time to ramp things up just a tad. I've talked to Landen and I feel pretty alright about him, and given this tribe is as small as my will to life after playing QWOP, we only need one more! Landen's probably talking to everyone, so I just need to seal the deal with him. I think my challenge performance will suffice for being enough to keep me around, but I need a bit of a backup just in case. If we go to tribal, there's not a "stay UTR" option. It's either I'm in an alliance and I'm calling some shots, or I'm being (in)directly blindsided. But, I picked my strong suit in flash games for a reason fellas. The one world chat has quite a bit of activity. I'm quite and that's fine, if we swap I can readjust. If we go to tribal I'm sure I'll become just a tad more popular along with the other 9 that go. tldr:I'm winning duh

Ayo, tribe energy looking DOPE AS HELL BAY BAY! We all seem to be getting along pretty well, seeing as our communication during this challenge is pretty dope! No bad personalities in sight. I gotta wonder though, how nervous do I have to be? I know for a damn fact if I start talking more to these people they gon' be fallin' as hard as underage kids seeing the hottest girl in school enter their club. Thing is though, I'm fresh meat coming into this, so any pre existing relationships in this game are like dust mites to me. Can't see em' but GOD DAMN they annoy me. Nonetheless, I gotta work my magic in case we go to Tribal. I ain't letting anybody take out a rookie, especially a rookie who has somethin' to prove, and someone who at his best is the damn king of the world. See me work bay bay!

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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steves-on-a-plane · 6 years ago

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Ghosts

Avengers Endgame Challenge

Words: 1523 Pairing: Loki x Reader Prompt: Loki & #19 “Piss off ghost!” (Thor Ragnarok) Author’s Note: Soooooo Ragnarok & Infinity War made me care about Loki and then Endgame did me dirty by not bringing him back to life. Obviously I wasn’t having any of this and I just had to bring the God of Mischief back.

It’s strange. You found yourself musing one night after the others had gone to bed. It’s strange the sort of things a person can get used to.

Life after the snap had been more difficult than anyone had anticipated. With half the world gone, the remaining population had felt the absence of the dusted. The selection of who stayed and who left seemed to be completely random. They were not bound by blood type, by race or seemingly anything. Their only commonality was being gone.

You were taking the loss of your friends hard but not just because they were gone. You were having a rough go at it because you had never noticed all the little things you loved about them. The pain and survivor’s guilt were crushing you. Since the snap everyone talked about how they wished Tony were around to pick his brain or how useful Spiderman would have been in a certain situation.

What no one talked about was how hauntingly quiet the halls were without Sam and Bucky’s constant bickering. How Tony and Bruce used to set the compound’s fire alarm off once a month and the blasted thing hadn’t chimed in years now. How Wanda’s laugh would echo from three rooms away as she tried to teach Vision something new. There were other things you’d all taken advantage of. No one was talking about how deep-set Steve’s frown had become or how Natashia looked like she was barely keeping things together these days.

The Avengers were over, still you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to leave the compound. You couldn’t move on, but you couldn’t keep grieving them the way you’d been. The weight was far too much, the wounds far too deep. You’d already taken down all the pictures you had in your dorm. Pictures of the dusted or otherwise only served as a bitter reminder that you remained where others had not.

You laid in bed, eyes open wide and mind still very much awake. For the first time in months you allowed yourself to think of them again. You tried your best to picture each of them in your mind. To remember them as they would want to be remembered.

You imagined Bucky scowling through a curtain of dark hair; Sam with his wide toothy grin. You thought of King T’Challa, serious and unwavering next to his brilliant sister Shuri. She has a quick mind and a sharp wit about her. You thought of Okoye and the brave Dora Milaje who would never return to Wakanda. You thought of the Asgardians and of Thor. Though he hadn’t been turned to dust by Thanos, he and the fragmented remnants of Asgard had left to find a new home. A New Asgard, they’d called it.

This brought you to think of Loki. Like his brother, he had not been reduced to ash at the snap of the Mad Titan’s fingers. However, Loki’s fate was not nearly so merciful. Before the final battle on Earth, Loki had chosen his side once and for all. He rose to defy Thanos and save Asgard. Unfortunately, his assassination attempt was in vain because he was unceremoniously murdered by the Mad Titan.

You closed your eyes. You should have never gone back down this road. You scolded yourself. Nothing good ever comes of thinking of them, especially him. Truth be told you had loved Loki once upon a time and he may have even loved you back. But that was all ancient history now. Thanos made sure of that.

You squeezed your eyes tighter. No longer able to hold back your tears, your goal was to at least subdue them. The last thing you needed was to wake the others. For them to hear you wailing in the dead of night like a child. You grit your teeth determined to make it through without help. No one had helped the others; they were just ghost now. Ghosts who only existed in the guilt-ridden minds of the survivors of the snap.

“[Y/N]?” You thought you heard a soft voice call to you. Surely it was your imagination. You’d been completely quiet while laying in bed. Nat and Steve were sleeping in their dorms nearby. You were sure of it. You kept your eyes shut. It was the ghosts again, calling to you from inside your own sinister mind. This had happened before. You’d heard them calling out to you, asking why they’d been taken instead of you.

“[Y/N], Darling?” A voice that sounded so painfully like Loki’s wrenched at your heart. You clapped your hands to your ears, willing the voice to leave you alone.

“Piss off ghost!” You hissed quietly. But then something happened that hadn’t before. You felt a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes shot open and your hands flew away from your face. You leapt into a sitting position, feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

“It’s alright, Love. It’s only me.” The voice insisted, remaining quiet and soothing. “Shhhh.” You looked up to see an impossible figure standing over you.

He looked exactly as you remembered him, but different enough for you to believe for a second that perhaps you hadn’t imagined him. His dark hair was shoulder length there was a slight wave to it, though most of it was pulled back away from his face. He was dressed in a typical Midgardian suit. You always liked it when he wore suits, even if they were all black.

“Darling, come here.” He held open his arms to you. You didn’t move.

“You’re not him.” You insisted, shaking your head. “He’s not coming back this time. Thor said…”

“Thor.” Loki rolled his eyes. “He’s never had much of an imagination, has he? Our sister is the Goddess of death! Sure, she’s not exactly the sort of person I want to owe favors to, but I would have done anything to get back to you, [Y/N].”

“It is you then?” You asked, still skeptical. “You’re not just something in my head?”

“Darling, I’m a god.” He scoffed. “Your Midgardian mind couldn’t possibly conjure up something so perfect. Now will you come here, or must I be forced to join you down there?”

You reached out for him slowly at first, with both hands out in front of you like when you’re walking around your dorm with the lights off. But once your hands made contact with his chest and your fingertips brushed against the silky texture of his necktie you knew he was right. Your brain couldn’t fabricate something so perfect, so real. You threw yourself at him fully after that. Your arms snaked tightly around him and you couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

Loki was alive and you were holding him in your arms. You inhaled, experiencing his smokey herbal scent. It was so much better than you had remembered. While you clung to him and sobbed, Loki remained silent. He stroked your hair and just let your emotions run their course. When you seemed to reach the sniffling stage and most of your tears had dried, Loki cupped your chin with his hand.

“[Y/N], Love, no more tears.” His tone was gentle, but the words were a command. He wouldn’t allow you to cry over him for another second. “I shall do my very best to never leave you. Is that understood?” You attempted to nod, but it was difficult with him tilting your chin upwards.

“That’s my strong, Queen.” He smirked with approval. “Now it’s late, Love. You should get some sleep.” You looked back at your bed wistfully before turning back to him again.

“I’m afraid you’ll disappear if I sleep and I’m not ready for that.” You confessed, a new batch of tears threatening to well over in your eyes.

“Now, we’ve just talked about this.” His voice was stern this time. “No more tears. But I suppose I could lay with you if it will ease your mind. I should like to speak with your friends in the morning anyhow. Now get in the bed.”

You did as you were told, climbing back into the slightly chilly bed sheets. Loki shrugged off his suit jacket and allowed it to lay where it fell. He tugged off his necktie and kicked off his shoes in the same smooth motion before slipping into the bed next to you. Without you having to ask, he wrapped his arms around you, turning himself into the big spoon. You remembered a time when he very much protested being the big spoon.

“The king should always be on the inside!” He’d insisted. “Am I to be exposed and left unprotected as the…what did you call it? Big Spoon?”

He’d been horrified at the time, but now it was a testament to how much the two of you had grown together to see Loki, Prince of Asgard, Odinson, the rightful King of Jotunheim, God of Michief willfully acting as the Big Spoon. It was heaven on earth. You thought to yourself as you settled in and closed your eyes. For the first time in years, you slept through the night.

*Requests are open!*

#Loki #Loki Odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Loki x Reader #Loki Reader Insert #Loki Odinson x Reader #Loki Laufeyson x Reader #Loki Fan Fiction #Loki FF #Loki Fan Fic #Avengers Endgame Challenge #Loki Odinson Fan Fiction #Loki Odinson FF #Loki Odinson Fan Fic #Loki Laufeyson Fan Fiction #Loki Laufeyson Fan Fic #Loki Laufeyson FF

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whiteroseofthemoon · 6 years ago

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Soooooo, it’s been awhile since I watched Doctor Who. And it certainly has been ages since I made a review on it but I finally finished the Twelve and even though he is definitely NOT my Doctor, I really enjoyed the special with River. Honestly, I watched the Twelve just because Big Finish brought me back to fandom for awhile releasing a series of Tentoo/Tyler Clan adventures which is just PERFECTION. (No spoilers, though) And of course, I am excited for Thirteen, because of NO MOFFAT, finally.

Since it’s been a long time since my Doctor Who I need to clarify my siding in former holywars of the fandom. I pretty much hate everything Moffat did after the departure of Amy and Rory. Don’t me get started on the Day of the Doctor and Clara, because I can rant about it for ages. I loved the Pond arc and Amy is my second fave companion behind Rose and Eleven is my third fave Doctor ( and yes, I did watch the Classic Series, all of it), so don’t attack me if you think I am prejudiced towards Moffat era. But yeah, I am an RTD fan, Ten is my Doctor, Rose is my companion, etc, etc.

So, to review now. I was asked a few times what I think of River considering that I am a big fan of Rose Tyler and I never answered specifically, cause I didn’t really care that much. Of course, my fandom friends were interested what do I think about the two biggest ships of Whoniverse (at least so far). Don’t get me wrong I like River, on the same level I like Ace or Charlie or Peri. She is definitely not in my TOP, but not at the low like Clara. Her relationship with the Doctor, however, was always disturbing and abusive to me. I always felt sorry for River, especially with Eleven. He was terrible to her, apart from when he was saying goodbye to her ghost or whatever that was. But I had to admit they were pretty great with Twelve. Finally, the Doctor showed what she was talking about with Ten, because I never imagined it would happen. Moffat was extremely lazy in his last seasons, but at least River received a goodbye she deserved. I am still not sure to what extent he loved her, but Twelve definitely showed that he did. I am sorry Eleven/River shippers, but with them, I never saw it. I was actually happy that he had a picture of River when she ‘died’ (according to his timeline) because it showed that he finally learned to care about her. I honestly feel that Twelve was the only regeneration who actually loved River. Eleven felt guilt, responsibility, etc, but love? I just don’t see it. But that’s just my opinion.

Let me get this straight. I freaking LOVE Rose Tyler. I ship her hard as fuc* with the Doctor, especially with Nine, Ten and Tentoo, but some regenerations as well. We all know that the Doctor loved Rose, we never needed proof of that, etc, etc. But my point is that, in the end, I think the Doctor loved both of them. But that was two completely different relationships. And I hate when people try to prove who was better for the Doctor. I think they are both great women (even though my heart belongs to Rose), in their own ways, even though Moffat did try REALLY hard to ruin River, but thanks Alex, you were amazing.

If to be poetic love with Rose was like spring. It gave him strength, he wanted to be better for her, he was gentle and loving and caring It was easy to be with her, despite Rose being human. With River, it was a fall. Sometimes it was stormy and cruel, sometimes warm and soothing. And it was pretty hard and complicated. But at the end of the day, the Doctor did go to extremes for both of them. The brightest examples in the series ( I won’t go into extended universe, I am sure there are many more examples but I never was interested enough in River, so I have just Rose’s side) were when Ten created a human regeneration for Rose (Tentoo) who could actually give her a fully dedicated life, the stars and her family, so instead of her sacrificing anything for him, for once the Doctor wasn’t selfish and sacrificed a lot for her. And of course when he burned up the sun for Rose. Which was stupid, a little selfish but romantic to hell. With River it’s of course when he deiced to spend their last night that lasted for 24 years. Basically what we learn from both River and Rose’s example, that the Doctor, if he really wants to, can settle down. If to say about who he would ultimately choose ( if he had to and there was no other way and the universe would explode, etc. etc.), I, of course, would say Rose. Haha, yes, I admit, I am biased. But there is also quite a reason for that. And ironically, it was Moffat who gave us that. The Moment. Among EVERYONE who ever traveled with the Doctor chose Rose’s image. Not Susan, not his first wife whoever she was, not Clara (who was the closest to him at the moment of The Day of the Doctor) and not even River, the Moment chose Rose. So I guess it proves again, that you can love many people in your life (especially if you lived for thousands of years) but there always that special someone that you can never let go of completely. It doesn’t mean that you care less for those who around you, sure thing no, but this special someone always stays in the back of your mind. So yeah, maybe it was a bit cheesy review, but I am glad that I finished it. I am also happy that Moffat is gone for good and that we finally have a female Doctor! I am looking forward to Jodie’s version of the Doctor very much but judging from the trailers my fave babes Ten/Tentoo have a serious competitor who can overtake the place of my Doctor.

Ask me if you have any questions, I will happily respond to them.

#doctor who #rose tyler #river song #tentoo #Tenth Doctor #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #moffat #antimoffat #thirteen doctor

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pellucidthings · 7 years ago

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For the shipping meme! 11, 31, 32.

(More from this.)

11. Talk about your favorite first kiss.

I’m not sure I have one? I ship a lot of non-canonical pairings. And among the canon pairings I love who have kissed onscreen, a number of those first kisses were rather disappointing.

Possibly Jean Beazley and Lucien Blake win by default? Because they did have a pretty great first onscreen kiss. (Though I have always been a little bothered by the part where Mei Lin is hardly out of the driveway when it happens.) I do not, however, subscribe to the idea that this is actually their first kiss. It’s just the first one we saw. They totally spent ten days in Adelaide, as well as however much time elapsed between 4.01-4.03, making out at every available opportunity.

Runner up: John and Aeryn had a hilariously tropey and therefore sort of dumb first kiss, but their second kiss is an absolute classic, and a hallmark of the first episode of the series that really showed how brilliant this show was going to become.

31. Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love.

I’m spending much of my time these days in the land of Hecate Hardbroom and Pippa Pentangle, which is about 95% fanon (and really a glorious example of fan creativity and transformative work and the possibilities of fandom). So a lot of the headcanons I have for them are part of the more or less accepted fanon lore, and I’m not sure I have much in the way of headcanons for them that are particularly original. But here is one I’m rather attached to: Hecate is not exactly sexually experienced, but she’s no virgin, either. She accepted her sexuality by her mid-20s or so, has slept with a handful of women here and there, mostly to see if she could manage to figure out what all the fuss was about sex. But it’s feelings Hecate is hopeless about, not sex, and as long as she totally represses her feelings, sex is not all that special. Probably if she had managed to sort out the sex + feelings thing at 25 she could have healthily moved on from Pippa, but because she couldn’t, Pippa has always remained the unattainable love of her life, the only person who has ever really touched her heart, and the person associated with all the terrifying feelings Hecate doesn’t know how to process. (This means that once they finally sort it all out, Hecate figures out what all the fuss is about sex.)

32. Share five must-read fics.

Damn, this is hard! “Must-read” is a challenging criterion! I’ve gone for a couple of the fics I have loved forever and ever and that always come to mind when I think of favorite fics, along with a few that I’ve been loving a whole lot lately:

I have a lot of thoughts about AUs and what makes a good one. When transplanting characters from one universe to another one, there’s such a fine balance between sticking close enough to “our” characters that they’re recognizable, and not sticking so close that existing plotlines feel shoehorned into new scenarios that feel unnatural. My gold standard for doing this well is The Fourth Estate by catie56, a Pride and Prejudice modern AU in which Darcy is a movie star and Elizabeth is an grad student/adjunct English instructor. It’s amazing.

Yahtzee wrote soooo many brilliant Jack/Irina fics for Alias. I love them all and love to revisit them, even though I haven’t thought of myself as “in” that fandom in a long time. No For Yes is the best of them, and one of the best ship fics I’ve ever read, for any fandom (at least for values of my buttons, let me show you them.) Irina learns to fall in love in the 1970s; Jack learns to forgive during the lost years between s2 and s3.

For a more recent fic that I hope will have staying power for me (despite everything that’s happened with that show since…): All the Means to Make Us One by @gabolange is Lucien and Jean Blake on their wedding night, and it is hella hot. And gorgeously written, and so perfectly in character, and also did I mention it’s hot? Because yes. There are a few of @gabolange’s other fics that I probably love more, for various personal and objective writing quality reasons, but this one tops the list–of her fics and of fics in general–for character-driven, joyful, sexy smutfic.

There are many wonderful Hecate/Pippa fics that I have been enjoying the hell out of recently, but the one I keep reading over and over again is help me when i fall to walk unafraid (i’ll be clumsy instead) by thispapermoon/@always-la-belle-epoque. I always adore a good outside POV, and Mildred is such a perfect POV character here: showing us enough of Hecate and Pippa’s relationship that we understand (better than Mildred herself, at least initially) everything we aren’t seeing. That’s a tricky narrative feat to pull off, so it’s always wonderful to see it done well. Also the whole thing is just so lovely, with soooooo many striking, memorable scenes.

Babylon 5 has recently been added to Amazon Prime, and I’ve been having a fabulous time rewatching it. (For another time: wow, is that show from 20+ years ago super topical in the current political moment.) And once again I am reminded of how much I loved Susan and Talia and how much I hate the tragic lesbians trope and how much I want alllllll the AUs where it all goes differently. So naturally I’ve been poking at the Susan/Talia fic, and while this is not strictly an AU, I choose to believe it exists in a world where Susan and Talia get to have nice things and get to face the not so nice things together: the unlocking and the lift away by nextgreatadventure, in which Susan and Talia figure themselves out and fall in love.

#meme #ask me anything #the shipping life #fic rec #the worst witch #farscape #tdbm #alias #pride and prejudice #babylon 5

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reddie-steady-go · 7 years ago

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Hi! For the prompt thing do you think you could do 24 and 30 for reddie? As much as I love angst do you think it could have a happy ending? I wanna suffer but I don't wanna die lmao. Thank you so much:)

This is soooooo beyond late I’m actually so so sorry please forgive me. But uh..yeah here it FINALLY is! Thank you soo much for the request! You’re speaking my language here because I can’t for the life of me write angst with a sad ending. In any case, I got really carried away and added a little platonic Eddie x Beverly because I think they would be amazing friends! Also yeah this is really cliche and cheesy but I think Eddie would get real cheesy for Richie. In any case, I realllllly hope you like it! I almost split it in two parts but ended up not. promise its got a happy ending! The only warning is swearing, but there’s not too much. @reddie-to-go thank you for helping me brainstorm!!!! And @stnbrough, you were super awesome and helpful too, so thank you!!

@thecastlebyers, @fucking-reddie, @booksmusiclaughsandsadness, tagged as requested! If you wanna be tagged let me know and I’ll be sure to do it!

without further ado, I present Made To Be Together!!!

24: You need to leave, 30: So that’s it, its over?

The rational side of Eddie’s brainknew that he had no reason to be jealous. The rational side of Eddie knew thatRichie loved him. Every kiss, every night spent wrapped up together in Eddie’s too-small bed, every afternoonspent holding hands, every note left in his locker, and every dance held in hisroom to music only they could hear, was confirmation of this.

But the way she talked to Richie, gaze lingering too long onhis boy’s lips, the way she battedher eyelashes, the way she laughed at all of Richie’s stupid jokes, the way she smiled at him, bright andalluring, nagged at the back of his mind, sharp and painful like a dozen shardsof glass. And the way he laughed back! God, the way he laughed back set emberssmouldering within him. Embers that roared into a blaze when she would lean sovery close and ask him to do his Voices. A blaze that consumed him when heshrugged and complied. The rational side of Eddie’s brainknew that he had no reason to be jealous.

But it wasn’t therational side that was winning out.

-–-

Eddie sat on Richie’shaphazardly made bed, trying his hardest to make his displeasure apparent.Richie rambled rapidly to his right, infuriatingly oblivious of Eddie’s anger. It only made Eddie angrier.Richie had been spending a lot of time talking to a girl from their Englishclass named Sarah, and Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t bothered by it. She was obviously flirting with him. And to makematters worse, he seemed to be flirting back! Today the two had seemedespecially flirtatious. It made Eddie’s bloodboil.

“Its weird, don’t you think, Eds?” Richie’svoice, now directly addressing him, yanked Eddie out of his stewing thoughts.

“My name isn’t Eds,” hemumbled irritably, refusing to look at Richie.

“But don’t you think its weird, how much Mr.Thayer talks with Maggie?” Richiecontinued, his apparent dismissal of Eddie’sirritation causing him to bristle.

“Why don’t you ask Sarah. I’m sure she’d love to hearall about it,” Eddie hissed, willing everyounce of his frustration to poison his words. He knew as soon as he said itthat he was starting a fight. But he didn’t care.A part of him wanted the fight. Andanother part needed the fight. All his frustration, all his insecurity, it satuneasily within him like a rock, weighing him down. He needed to get it out.

“What? Why would I tell Sarahabout this?” Richie gave Eddie a puzzledlook, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Are you serious?!” Eddie almost wanted to laugh.Almost. “Maybe because she can’t stop flirting with you? Maybebecause you can’t seem to stop yourself fromflirting back?” A humourless sneer stretchedacross Eddie’s face, dripping with anger.

“Eds I am not flirting with Sarah, she’s justa fun person to talk to,” Richieshrugged nonchalantly.

“Well, she’d definitely flirting with you, andit looks a lot like you flirt with her,” Eddiegrumbled. The rational part of his mind knew he was being ridiculous;unfortunately, the rational part wasn’t incontrol.

“Eddie spaghetti, you’re jealous. Well, I can promise youthat you don’t have to worry about Sarah.Or any girl. Except for your mom, of course,” Richietossed his head back and laughed, his messy curls flying through the air.

Eddie’s eyesblazed to life. Did Richie really justlaugh?! Could he not tell how obviously upset he was?! Eddie’s cheeks flushed crimson, his facecontorting into a mask of rage.

“Richiejust shut up! Shut up! Glad you thinkthat the way I feel is funny!” Eddiespat venomously, jumping off Richie’s bedto stand in front of his stunned boyfriend, his frame taut with outrage.

“Eds, I’m sorry, just chill out a bit I didn’t –”Richie didn’t get far before Eddie’s voice cut through his own.

“Don’t tell me to chill out!” Eddie cried, his voice shrill andindignant. “I tried to tell you how Ifeel, and you laughed at me! Obviously, you don’t care!” Richie’s eyeshardened as Eddie spoke, regarding him angrily.

“That isso unfair, of course I care!” Richieyanked himself off his bed, his voice combative. “It’s not my fault you were beingridiculous!”

“Oh, sonow I’m the one being ridiculous?!Well at least I’m not an annoying asshole whocan’t take anything seriously! I swearsometimes I can’t stand you!” It wassomething Eddie would have never even thought about Richie. Let alone say to him. Yet here he was, shouting it atthe person he loved most, not even stopping to think how deep his words mightcut.

“Whatthe fuck, Eddie,” Richie hissed softly, hisvoice raw and thick with hurt. It was all he could seem to say. His headreeled, filled with a mix of outrage, disbelief, and above it all, hurt. Itwould sting coming from anybody. But to hear that from Eddie? From his Eddie? Richie wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so much pain.

“Fuck,Richie –” Eddie began, the harshnessof his words becoming suddenly apparent to him with garish clarity.

“No, youknow what, get out,” Richie interrupted, fixing asteely gaze on Eddie. His heart pounded rhythmically in his ears, the sound ofit almost jarring. He was sure Eddie could hear the thumping. If he could, hemade no indication

“Wait –”

“I said GETOUT!” Richie’s voice thundered through the room,making Eddie jolt involuntarily. He jabbed a finger savagely in the directionof the door. “And you know what? Don’t bother coming back! I guess now Iknow how you really see me! So, I won’t annoy you anymore. We’re through!”

Eddie’s blood turned to ice in his veins. “You can’t meanthat.” His heart skipped severalbeats.

“You maythink I don’t take anything seriously,but this time I am. I’m done.We’re done. You need to leave,” Richiespoke softly, his chest feeling hollow.

“So that’s it? It’s over?” Eddie fumbled over his words,feeling suddenly unsteady. Unconsciously, he found himself reaching for hisaspirator. Richie turned away, blinking back tears he hoped to God wouldn’t come spilling out now.

Eddie had no such luck. Tearsflowed freely from his eyes, staining his cheeks and falling to the ground inthick droplets. He stumbled for the door, his body feeling weightless andsurreal.

Richie held his composure untilhe heard dull thud of his front door. Then he all but fell apart. He sank tothe ground, back against his bed, and let his tears cascade freely from hiseyes. His breath came in hot, ragged heaves that seemed to force themselvesfrom his body. He ran his fingers roughly through his hair, the action almostmanic with it’s repetition. In his head,the same phrase echoed, playing like a scratched record, haunting, tormentinghim. I’m done. We’redone. He could almost feel the weight of the words, heavy and oppressive asthey settled on him. They were the last words he heard before drifting into acomfortless and uneasy sleep.

-–-

Eddie woke the next morning tofind himself no better off than the day before. In fact, he felt worse. It tookevery ounce of his strength to pull himself from his bed. He shuffled into hisbathroom and looked into the mirror above his sink, groaning at the figure thatstared back. His eyes were red and puffy, and dark bags hung low under them,despite the excessive amount of sleep he had gotten the night before.

His less-than-ideal appearancehowever, was little more than a shallow reflection of the way Eddie felt inside.Pangs of guilt shot through him second-by-second like jolts of electricity,each one seemingly stronger than the last. The horrible things he had said thenight before ran through his head; he felt like vomiting. He hadn’t really said that, had he? Hegroaned again and turned on the shower that stood in one end of his bathroom.

Once ready, he stepped in and letthe nearly scalding water wash over his exposed skin, hissing slightly at thesudden change in temperature. He watched the excess water stream across theshower floor before swirling down the drain that waited at the end; a part ofhim wished that he could be whisked away so effortlessly. How was he supposedto go to school and face any of the losers? How was he supposed to face Richie,especially after what he had said? He didn’t blameRichie for ending things with him; the more he thought about it, the more hewas sure he deserved it. Eddie felt fresh tears well in his eyes beforeescaping to mingle with the water that rained down onto his face from theshowerhead above. This was not going to be an easy day.

-–-

“Kaspbrak,what the absolute hell happened lastnight?” Beverly’s face was etched with equal partsirritation and concern. She walked resolutely beside Eddie, cornering him onhis walk home despite his tireless efforts to avoid all the losers. Thankfully,or maybe not so thankfully, Richie hadn’t shownup today. Eddie found himself relieved that he didn’t yet have to face him, but his heart panged with alonging to just be with Richie again.

“What doyou mean?” Eddie tried feebly, kickinga pebble with one sneakered foot as he walked.

“Don’t even try that with me, Eddie.Richie called me last night. He was crying so hard I could barely understandanything he said. He just kept saying something about him being too annoyingfor you,” Eddie flinched, the pit ofguilt in him deepening further. Beverly stared down at Eddie with knowing eyesthat welled with a surprising glint of concern. She reached out, placing onering laden hand on Eddie’sshoulder.

“He andI, we uh,” Eddie paused. We broke up, his mind screamed at him. “We had a fight,” Eddie sighed, unable to speak thehideous truth that glared in his head. For maybe the fifteenth time that day,Eddie felt tears welling in his eyes again. Beverly felt a sinking feeling inher chest, a knowing dread that began to creep icily around her heart.

“It wasmore than just a fight, wasn’t it?” Beverly said softly, her handgripping Eddie’s shoulder more tightly.Eddie’s mouth hung open, unable tofind any words to speak.

“We broke up, Bev. I said terrible thingsand we broke up,” Eddie sobbed freely, unableto hold himself back any longer. His breath came in choked heaves, tearsflowing hotly down his freckle-spattered cheeks.

“Oh,Eddie,” Beverly halted Eddie andwrapped him in a tight hug. Eddie pressed his face wordlessly against thefabric of her blouse, weeping steadily into her shoulder. The unconventionalduo stood along the sidewalk, Beverly wrapping her arms almost protectivelyaround Eddie until he regained his composure enough to speak.

“Bev, Isaid horrible things I was jealous,and I was awful. He was right to end things with me. He deserves better thanme, but it still hurts so much,” Eddie sniffled, a few rogue tearsrolling down his cheek. Beverly gazed down at Eddie, her face etched withsympathy.

“Eddie,listen to me. Richie loves you. And you love him. Everybody fights but you canfix it,” Beverly put on her mostreassuring smile, hoping that it would have some effect on Eddie.

“You don’t understand. How could I even facehim after what I said? He probably hates me. He should hate me,” Eddie mumbled, his shoulders saggingunder the unseen weight of his guilt.

“AlrightKaspbrak, listen up. You fucked up. Everybody does. But I promise Richie willnever hate you. If his phone call last night is any indication, he’s every bit as torn up as you are. Doyou love him?” Beverly spoke caringly yetfirmly, her face a bizarre mixture of compassion and directness.

“Yeah,of course I do. More than anything,” Eddielooked up at Beverly taken aback by her sudden directness. “But –”

Beverly silenced Eddie with afinger. “No buts. You said it yourselfyou love him more than anything. So, don’t letthis get in your way. Yeah, you fucked up and said some shitty things, but weboth know you didn’t mean it. Go tell him.Richie loves you to an almost scary degree I promise he’ll forgive you. You can fix this. Go win your boy back,”

The corners of Eddie’s mouth lifted into the barest hintof a smile. Slowly, Eddie began to feel some hopeful warmth within him. It didn’t banish the weight of his guilt. No,that was something he would have to do himself. But it did lessen it.

“Youreally think I can?” Eddie looked hopefully atBeverly, his voice soft and fragile

“Definitely.I swear, it’s ridiculous that neither ofyou realise how in love you are,”Beverly snorted, laying two reassuring hands on Eddie’s slender shoulders.

“I havean idea,” Eddie said suddenly,throwing his arms around Beverly in a thank-you hug before turning andsprinting towards his house. “Thankyou, Beverly! So much!”

Beverly watched Eddie’s small frame barrel it’s way towards his house at adeceptively fast speed, chuckling to herself. It was ridiculous that they didn’t realise how in love they were, butit was sweet too.

-–-

Almost a full hour later, Eddiefound himself barrelling towards Richie’shouse, the weight of the boombox that poked awkwardly out of his backpack doingnothing to diminish his speed. He buzzed with nervous energy, feeling as if hemight start vibrating at any moment. In his pocket two cassette tapes clatterednoisily with each bounding step, help in the pocket only by Eddie’s hand.

“I’m coming, Richie,” He huffed to himself. He only hopedhe wasn’t too late.

-–-

The only reason that Richie hadeven gotten dressed today was because his mother had insisted. If it had beenup to him he would have spent the next three weeks hiding under his bedcoversin his boxers. As it was, he draped himself across the top of his bed,absentmindedly flicking through comics, several of which sported blotted tearstains. It seemed the only reason he was not crying now was because he had nomore tears to shed. He should never have broken up with Eddie. He may have beenpissed at him but he didn’tactually want to break up with him!

Suddenly, he became aware ofmusic being played. It sounded like it was coming…fromoutside his window? Unable to suppress his curiosity, he shuffled to thewindow, hunting for the source of the music. The image that greeted him wasalmost enough to convince himself he was dreaming.

There, in the middle of theTozier yard, boombox beside him, stood a wild-eyed Eddie Kaspbrak.

Richie’s head spun with a mixture of elation, confusion, andwariness. Gingerly, Richie pushed open his window, leaning out to see Eddiebetter.

“RichieTozier, I love you more than anything in the world, And I want you to know thatI am so sorry!” Eddie shouted over theblaring notes of Air Supply’s All Out of Love. “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me!”

“Eds –” Richie began, a wide grin spreadingacross his face, before he was interrupted.

“I’M ALL OUT OF LOVE, I’M SO LOST WITHOUT YOUUUUU!” Eddie wailed awkwardly along withthe song that thundered from his boombox, his cheeks blazing crimson. “I CAN’T BETOO LATE TO SAY I WAS SOOO WRONG!”

Despite everything, Richie foundhimself laughing. “Jesus Eds you’re going to shatter my windows! I’ll be right out!” Richie whirled around and sprinteddown his stairs to his front lawn, neglecting shoes as he beelined for the boywho waited outside. He stopped a few feet from him, giggling as he realisedwhat song Eddie had switched to while he had made his way outside.

“IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAYFROM YOUUUUUUUUUUU! THERE’SNOTHING THAT A HUNDRED MEN OR MORE COULD EVER DOOOOOOOO!!” Eddie’s faceglowed red, his eyes shut tightly as he haphazardly belted lyrics into the air.

“Holyshit Eds, the whole neighbourhood can hear you,” Richiecouldn’t help but chuckle. Eddiestopped singing and regarded the boy nervously.

“That’s kind of the point,” he said sheepishly. “I wanted everyone to know how much Iscrewed up and how much I love you.” Richieface turned a light shade of pink, his stomach fluttering as Eddie spoke.

“Eds I –”

“RichieI’m so so sorry. Please I never meantany of what I said I was being stupid and jealous and I’m so sorry and I understand if you can’t forgive me and you want to staybroken up, but I just want you to know you’venever been annoying to me, and you deserve so much better than me. I’m so sorry,” Eddie spilled out the words he had rehearsed again andagain on his way here, his heart pounding in his chest.

Richie stood silently for whatfelt like an eternity. Eddie began shifting from foot to foot, searchingdesperately for some response.

“Chee, I–” Eddie’s wordscame to a muffled halt as Richie crashed his lips passionately against Eddie’s. Richie’s body thrummed with energy, his skin tingling and hotwherever he and Eddie came into contact. Slowly, Eddie wrapped his arms aroundRichie’s neck, deepening the kiss.Richie leaned farther into the kiss, causing Eddie to bend slightly backwardsto accommodate. He could feel Eddie melt into the kiss, until soon the onlything that kept Eddie from falling flat on his back was Richie, his armscradling Eddie passionately.

“Ishouldn’t have broken up with you,” Richie spoke when they finallyseparated. “I was mad, but now I justwant you back,”

“I wantyou back too,” Eddie grinned up at Richie,fighting the urge to kiss him again as the sun glinted off his perfectly messychocolate curls. Instead, he settled on a hug, throwing his arms around Richieand clinging onto him as if he might disappear at any second. “I should never have gotten so jealousit was so stupid, I was being such an idiot,”

“Yeah,it was, and yeah, you were,” Richiechuckled, and pressed a kiss to Eddie’scheek. “But you’re my idiot, and I wouldn’t trade that for a million dollars,” Eddie’s mouthlifted into a wide grin, his eyes shining with elation.

“So, we’re not broken up?” Eddie asked hopefully.

“Ofcourse not,” Richie wrapped his armsaround Eddie, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. “We weremade to be together,”

Eddie closed his eyes, a sense ofperfect calm washing over him as he felt Richie’s heartbeating in time with his own. Eddie seemed to fit perfectly in Richie’s arms, as if that is where he was meantto be. In that moment, wrapped up in Richie, the two boys swaying gently out inthe yard for the world to see, a forgotten boombox still playing behind them, Eddieknew the truth: he and Richie were made to be together.

And he would never take that forgranted again.

#reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #richie and eddie #it (2017)#prompt requests #my writing #I reallllly hope you guys enjoy it!!!#I'm so sorry its not even funny how late this is

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survivormagictreehouse · 4 years ago

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Episode #5 “I have nothing else to lose at this point” -Jay

-Did I even make a confessional last round??? AHH. Okay so I’m excited with our swap and I think we have a strong tribe but I’m REALLY sad (and not surprised) about Austin leaving. I think that I am on a very strong tribe and I can’t wait to see what happens with it going forward! Like I can’t bad talk anyone, I like them all.

-Can we talk about how proud I am of myself for remembering enough information to tell Cindi while she was answering questions? LOL, I had never been so nervous in my entire life so I'm really good that we pulled out a win! Ali and Collin did such a good job retaining and relaying information. It is nice to have another day off and I'm really curious to see what Ali decides to do and what the next challenge will be... I don't want this tribe to be broken up yet. If I do end up swapping I really want to end up on a tribe with Chips. We played in a game recently AGAINST one another and I'm dying to work with him, like actually work with him so oddly enough, I'm really hoping that he isn't going anywhere! I feel like they will probably go after Timmy or Jay. Right now the person on my tribe I feel like I can talk with the easiest about the game is Ali, he is probably my number one and I feel like I can tell him stuff without it getting passed around the entire tribe. Do I completely trust him?? NO. But I do trust him the most haha.

-I SURVIVED AHHHHHH I GET TO STAY!!!!!!!!! Fuck that was so close and I feel so bad for throwing Austin under the bus but hey, I needed to stay in this game and keep my relationships strong. Plus, voting for Timmy would have looked really shitty to him, after the whole alliance thing. Anyways....Birch is here now! I love them sm and I really look forward to getting to work with them again. As far as I can tell, my best bet of staying is a group of me, Timmy, Zach, Birch and probably Chips. Chips and Zach were so helpful to me this whole day, reassuring me and giving me the information I needed to stay safe. I also called with Timmy just now and we're gonna be sticking together since it's our best option. Its really been a big turn from feeling comfortable in the tribe to fighting to stay, but I'm gonna stay fighting and hopefully make it out of this swap alive.

-I'm trying so fucking hard to stay in this game but right now it feels like a lost cause. Zach sold me out so badly last night and it feels like it's been impossible to recover. I'm trying to get me, Timmy, chips, and birch to all vote Zach but it's feeling less and less like it's actually happening and more like they're just saying it to keep me comfortable. No one is really responding to me anymore and it just feels like this is the end. The only little bit of hope I have is apparently Timmy has heard it's gonna be Birch instead? Seems like a long shot, I don't really want to see them leave, and I'm not gonna push for it. Birch is an indespencible ally and I will go to rocks for them if i have to. I have nothing else to lose at this point.

https://youtu.be/cYEa3LQE6N4

-Going into tonight's tribal, I think I'll be safe and have the votes of Timmy, Jess, Gavin, and Keegan. However, I feel like either Gavin and Keegan could flip (though unlikely) OR an idol could be used on Jay. I guess we shall see though. See y'all on the other side :)

-okay so the og annie tribe lost their marbles and got a 4-3-1? which well. in other news, i died in my other game and mr BODHI on this tribe got me out... very interesting. i was originally gonna punish him and get him out. and i still might. im unsure. he would deserve it tho he is so wishywashy that its infuriating. rn dream alliance is cindi/vi/ruthie/rachael (aka feminism + ali). bodhi was the best to vote for me on a game level and him needless treating me like crap makes that much easier.

-okay hello... so in a crazy plot twist... we won the storytime? i was really proud of my own contribution to the challenge, i passed on a LOTTA info to collin and he did so so good passing it, ruthie SNAPPED when she was so nervous and cindi brought it home. my game has been pretty smooth sailing, two easy votes and now im chilling on the most wholesome tribe ever. should i probably be throwing these challenges to save jay/timmy/austin... maybe... but am i going to... no. im not risking my game life when i see my entire current tribe as long term allies. ideal scenario is that group implodes and sets us up to pick up the pieces at merge... maybe? but also i think we are swapping again before merge, so just adding another challenge with the shakespeare challenge delays me getting jumped by the conglomerate of generic men, birch and jess. my closest ally right now is definitely ruthie, i LOVE ME SOME RUTHIE. vi, cindi, collin, timmy and rachael i also trust to some extent. bodhi i literally would get an indescribable seretonin rush from voting out... i would LOVE the opportunity to jump him in this game. am over that man. but im vibing having fun! still have an idol! and living my BEST life ha. im sorry my confessionals have been underwhelming but my game experience has been pretty smooth sailing so far ha.

-Spill the tea! *It's 1:11AM and I still miss Gavin.

-It's 8:59 PM and I still miss Gavin. prayer circle for Gavin <3

https://youtu.be/JSmJThHF-tU

So I did something. I am not allied with 5/7 people on my tribe. I have the "3 Canadians, oh and the 2 American Hosts" Alliance of me, Jess and Keegan. I am not quite as Loyal to that alliance as I am my new one. But I still don't want to vote them out. If I HAD to I would but i want to keep them. I really like both of them. I just made the "The Jolly Crew" Alliance which is Me, Jay, Timmy Z and Zach. I love this alliance. I vibe really well with Timmy and Jay. I am a little more iffy on Zach but he is really cool! I stan everyone! I guess out of the 2 people left I would prefer to vote out chips? He tends to be kinda inactive and I talk to him the least. IDK I'll go with the numbers, and my alliance.

Another round, another immunity win. I’m just living life and am happy with how this game is going. Don’t really have to do much but making sure it won’t be me if we eventually do go to tribal.

We lost the challenge despite my best efforts. I think we’re voting Jay

I wish i had something of substance to say but this tribe refuses to go to tribal :/ i've found spots where TWO idols were in the past i think??? lions -> straight ahead -> ask for a tour, and vikings -> small boat -> get on the small boat

Soooooo... we lost the challenge again an' I got kidnapped by the gentlemen o' fortune. love that there fer me! then, to me surprise, right off o' the bat, jay threw me name out. so 'e be essentially dead to me now an' I expect 'im to be leavin' tonight. his blood ‘ill be on me hook after tonight. luckily fer me, I went around an' started spreadin' that there I 'ad 'eard 'e been sayin' me name—and 'e 'ad apparently only said it to zach. so now, the votes be between zach an' jay... an' I could not be 'appier as me name be off o' the table as farrr as I know. so bless to the sky to that there. I be expectin' jay to set sail tonight, but who knows. there been a lot o' talk o' 'im or birch 'avin' an idol or some kind o' advantage (which I believe birch may 'ave something), but I don’t think I be playin' me idol unless I catch wind o' somethin' strange 'appenin'... but me fingers be crossed an' I be goin' to 'ope fer the best.

2nd win and Ali is chucked to the tree house. Gotta do a music video

So the Annie curse strikes again............ wooo. This vote is a bit of a mess but honestly this all works out for me. Jay going ensures that I have Chips/Birch's loyalties moving forward and honestly the more OG Annie people that go the better. I hate the whole tribe lines situation but honestly I'm kind of stuck in it and I think I'm stuck in it for the long haul or at least for now. Zach going ensures I can climb the social rankings of the OG JACK tribe but it also might make me land on the bottom and it would be such a gamble. Do I trust Zach? no. Do I think everything Birch/Jay are saying about Zach is completely true..mhm BUT I need him just for a bit longer at this point. Also if Jay didn't say Gavin's name I probably would risk it and vote out Zach but at this point I can't not vote out someone who is saying my number 1's name... I want another swap because I'm bored of talking to the same people and I need to form some new bonds before merge.

With me getting one vote last time, I really wanted to secure my spot within my team and was able to talk with Zach and Jess into making an alliance chat with us and Keegan/Gavin. Hopefully jay goes tonight but I’m not to sure. In the challenge bitch was terrible. We are a bit nervous they got an advantage or idol on exile which is why we are telling everyone the vote is birch tonight. Guess we will see how tonight goes

I'm doing lots of house stuff today but I hear there's a mess to be had with Jay versus Zach. I want to vote Zach because he has been acting head honcho but also... dont care too much. Im going to try to force a tie then get blindsided out of the game. Hype energy!

The Round 5 Cast Assessment will be combined with Round 6 (on the next episode)

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abyssmail · 7 years ago

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//ooc//

Rambly mun status update below the cut~

Soooooo, my exams ended two weeks ago, I took another week off for traveling and rest, and now I’m “kind of” back? Yep! Since (almost) all of my applications are in, I’m down to five classes, and I’ve been accepted to two (safety) schools, I can afford to spend a little more time here and really delve (ha) into writing with more people! I’ll be around more often and able to maintain more threads! Yayyyyyyy!

However, although I am significantly more available than I was before, I am still a student, and I am still fairly busy ^^; My activity will continue to be limited by school, sleep, and a few other things, including:

Homework, which I fear will never go away TT~TT

Art, some of which will be relevant to this blog Caerul still has a Christmas icon and no completed ref yikes >~>

Sports, which I do sometimes

The possible resurrection of my other rp blog, which I left on tentative hiatus for several reasons.

...The actual specifics of what I’m going to be up to aren’t that important, but I figured I’d throw ‘em here so there’s some sort of explanation for my sporadic bursts and lulls of activity that are sure to follow ^^;;

Part of what makes writing Caerul so enjoyable is how low-stress she’s been, and I have all of you to thank for that! Since starting to roleplay in the Made in Abyss fandom, I’ve never felt pressured to rush my replies to anything, spend forever on formatting or icons, or struggle to meet any kind of quality standard other than having fun, and I’m having a blast! Caerul’s also fun because she’s just a goofy character, but the lack of formality I’ve encountered has definitely helped a lot, so thank you all so much~

Some other miscellaneous things that I’m not sure how to organize but feel like are important:

I’m no longer going to be online late on weeknights. Most of my RP partners seem to be in different timezones than me, which sucks, because going to bed on time often means I miss out on the action ;A; Nevertheless, I can’t really function on >3 hours of sleep per night, and thus will be trying to maintain an 11 PM bedtime from here on out (which’ll still be less than ideal, but better than what I’ve been doing). My timezone’s EST, so yeah. Not passing out from exhaustion all the time would be nice~

My birthday’s less than five months away now... so if you ROUND, I’m 18, but uh, still not quite of age. Again, not that I could really write NSFW anyway, since I’m an awkward potato, but still .w. I’ll be able to READ it soon ;0 (Bit of a tangent, but I feel like I should be good to read/write at least minorly suggestive stuff? I’m a teenager. I go to public high school. I’ve played “never have I ever” at parties before. I went through health class. Hell, I’m reading Catullus in Latin right now! I’ve definitely been exposed to some R-rated stuff.))

I do have several WIPs of Caerul underway, but I’ve been distracted by some other fandoms and characters lately. ^^;

If you feel like poking me on my main blog that’s here. Other art I’ve done that’s unrelated to Caerul is here. Some of the other art is hella old and gross, so uh, scroll back at your own risk .__.

I think that’s about it, so if you made it this far, thanks for reading, and thanks for roleplaying with me! The start of the year was a little rocky, but I’m hoping to have a fun and creative 2018 from here on out!

#ooc #mun babbles #((no need to read it all lol I was very talkative ^^;))#((the tldr is I'm back mostly but will not be online late at night on weeknights anymore))

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ronnieinparaguay-blog · 7 years ago

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My Birthday in Paraguay – Almost One Year In!

Hey there! It’s been a while huh?

Time has been moving faster than a teenage boy on his moto at 11:00pm – trust me, that’s fast. Incredibly, I will have been in Paraguay for a year on February 23rd! Ever since Christmas, I’ve been frequented by sentimental memories of where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing a year ago. In each of those memories, Ronnie from the past couldn’t possibly imagine where he would be (within Paraguay), who he would be with, or what he would be doing today. In fact, when I arrived in Paraguay, I was initially met with a constricting, heavy feeling of anticipation and fear… How was I going to spend 27 MONTHS here in this hot, humid, place filled with a variety of strange tropical diseases and parasites while living far from my family?!

Alas, as I begin my 24th year on this planet, I can confidently say that I have done more than survive the last year in Paraguay. While serving others, I have flourished in the most transformative sense of the word. This personal growth has by no means been the color of roses, just read my 55-page book of (mostly) complaints – I mean, personal journal – and you’ll understand that the last year has been a challenge. Such challenges however, if handled with care, serve as nutrients for prosperity:

Giving up Alcohol

Last year for lent, I chose to give up alcohol. Before joining Peace Corps, I drank with friends frequently as a source of fun, stress relief, celebration, sadness, and sometimes work. I even drank by myself at times while working on homework or applications to suck the unpleasantness out of the experience. In short, I drank too much and too frequently. My newfound preference to live alcohol-free has been sustained, and provided numerous life-improving benefits; I save money, I’ve lost weight, I can maintain a constant sleep routine, I can maintain a constant exercise routine, I don’t binge eat (more on this next), and I spend my time more intentionally.

Bye-bye Bulimia!

I was very reticent to talk about my struggles with eating up until recently… In perhaps May of 2016 I recognized that I had a real issue with food; my diet at the time was essentially paleo, restricting a vast range of grains and sugars (all foods that one craves even more when prohibited), which led me to “slip up”, and rationalize the opportunity to binge eat all the foods I normally wouldn’t allow myself. Mix this with alcohol, and I would binge an incredible amount, going to almost any lengths to acquire more “no-no food” to gorge upon. The following day I would be struck with an intense feeling of guilt, anger, frustration, and self-hatred. In a sense, I punished myself with 6 mile runs, even though I still felt terrible, in order to compensate for my behavior the previous night. This is one of the manifestations of bulimia; a cycle of binge eating, followed by a purging behavior (ex: throwing up, taking laxatives, or excessive exercise). At times, I would get stuck in a rut of anger and despair, taking advantage of every opportunity to feast upon whatever foods presented themselves. I remember one particularly dark week in which I constantly felt uncomfortably full and bloated from seeking out junk food at every opportunity… I had begun consulting with the university nutritionist and mental health team on a weekly basis throughout the summer and following semester, making slow progress. Nevertheless, this was one of my biggest preoccupations entering the Peace Corps; how was I going to deal with this challenge in a completely unknown environment without the support networks I had come to rely on? I came to Paraguay with a very intentional mindset, taking advantage of the drastic change in my environment to also drastically change my habits. This, combined with the wonderful choice to give up alcohol, significantly decreased the severity and frequency of binge eating. Living in a rural town (with no Walmart, McDonalds, Varsity Donuts, or other temptations) has also helped me be successful. While in Paraguay, I have become far more mindful of my eating and bodily sensations with food, and truly feel as though I have overcome this monstrous challenge, which, a little more than a year ago seemed as though it were impossible to escape from. I’m no professional, but I am more than happy to communicate personally with anyone who may be struggling through something similar if my experience may be of some utility.

Let’s go for a 10-mile stroll!

With my newfound ability to consistently get up early feeling good, I have been able to maintain a consistent exercise routine! I’m in the best shape of my life, run for the joy of the experience rather than to burn calories or compensate for unhealthy behavior, and have made clear progress in my physical and mental endurance. I’ve been able to increase my mileage to include a half-marathon distance run once a week, making 10 miles seem like an enjoyable trek. The freedom and peace I feel while on the trail, immersed in the beauty of the Paraguayan countryside, makes me feel alive at the core of my being. I think about all the amazing people in my life who love me, support me and believe in me. I pray the rosary for the incredible Women I am close to in the US, Kenya and Paraguay who are fighting against an unfair system to make the world a better place. I rest in the sights and sounds of the vibrant green vegetation, diversity of birds and animals, and clarity of the blue sky. I notice my body, my breath, my heartbeat, the wind against my skin, the change in temperature and humidity, and the sensation of traversing physical space leveraging my muscles and willpower. I send my love and positive intentions into the world, fortifying my confidence in my ability to spread justice and improved wellbeing. I feel strong and powerful… Because I am ;)

Hippie? Maaaaaybe, Vegetarian? Yup

Soooooo in Paraguay there is a lot of so’o…. I love that play on words! So’o = meat in Guaraní. But really, it’s definitely proven that 99.9929% of Paraguayans don’t consider their food a “meal” if it doesn’t have a nice helping of so’o. Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of leather-tough steak, half of which consists of fat, nor do I enjoy greasy sausage or oily chicken with the skin still on. At least, I don’t enjoy these things when they are as ubiquitous as they are in Paraguay. In October, I became interested in trying out a vegetarian diet; I was sick of meat, was well aware of meat’s greater environmental impact than plant foods, read about the heart-benefits of consuming less saturated fat and cholesterol, and wanted to see how it made me feel in terms of running (see Eat & Run by the world’s best Ultra-marathoner, Scott Jurek). Upon asking my AMAZING host mom, Mercedes, to try it out with me for 2 weeks, we have continued, and never looked back! (Paraguayans going vegetarian is almost UNHEARD OF… I’m so grateful for Mercedes’s presence in my life here…) I don’t publish this with the intention of convincing you to go vegetarian, or to bash anyone’s diet, but personally, I have thoroughly enjoyed eating a variety of veggies, legumes, fruits and whole grains, and the way these foods make me feel. With time, I’ve also come to appreciate that my sustenance does not depend on the death of other beings – a realization that, surprisingly, fills me with peace. Unlike previous “diets”, I don’t crave the foods that I no longer eat, making vegetarianism a far more sustainable approach.

Clarity

The lack of structure, the preponderance of free time, picking up the habit of meditation (ooook maybe I am a hippie) and me having read Walden by Henry David Thoreau, have all helped me become more intentional in how I spend my time. I have discerned that my top 3 values are Contribution, Health, and Learning. If I can fit activities into my day that pertain to each of these three areas, then I will have had an excellent day. Such activities include: running, meditation, eating healthy, engaging in community projects, teaching finance, helping with scouts, working towards establishing the public library, promoting the farmer’s market, restructuring Peace Corp Paraguay’s national youth development program, reading about poverty and development, studying for the GRE, working on grad school scholarship applications, and studying Guaraní. The lack of internet, advertisements, and consumerist activities which pacify rather than nourish, have helped me clarify what is truly important in my life – enabling me to create my own definition of “progress” and fortifying my ability to achieve it.

Indeed, I have thrived in this country full of generous, friendly people, diverse wildlife, stunning sunsets, expansive skies, delicious fruit at arms-reach, and peaceful countryside living.

#change #growth #peacecorpsparaguay #peacecorps #peace #calm #development #vegetarian #running #nature #scouts #health

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