#but honestly having to write what happened hurt a lot
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2024 HRPF recs
As has become my wont, I spent the last few weeks trying to catch up on some of the new fics in the hockey RPF tag that I missed over the course of the year. I definitely didn't get to everything, or even all of the most popular ones; there may also be a bias towards shorter fics here, as I was trying to get through a lot. š
But I hope you enjoy, and possibly find a gem or two that you missed!
First, some general favorites:
Scoring Effects by @helenish (McDrai, 30K): Ah, Helenish. A goddess among us. I love a good mistaken identity story, and this is a GREAT mistaken identity story.
barons by dilangley (MattDrai, 43K): Future fic in which Houston gets its own expansion team, Matthew coaches it, and Leon and Trevor Zegras play on it. Gorgeously done. The Trevor POV section broke me a bit, but it was worth it.
Living Things by @makeit-takeit (TK/Patty, 115K so far): I am so deeply invested in this series. It's very real and vivid-feeling future fic that does an amazingly thoughtful job exploring the NHL wife-and-kids pipeline and what happens when that doesn't fit you as well as you thought it would. The stories that are written so far feel nicely complete, but if you'd rather hold out for the full HEA, you can check out her Wild Ice for a different highlight from the past year.
put the stars in our eyes by @notthequiettype (McDrai, 17K): the McWedding story that I wish I had written. I thought it was going to destroy me, and instead it left me all warm and fuzzy.
Lost and Found by angry_geno_is_score (MattDrai, 2K): angry_geno_is_score had so much to choose from this year, as always, and I loved this as a microcosm of the hurt/comfort they do so well. If you like it, you know where to find more from them!
Next, we move to the irresistible new Sharks babies. I'm not sure I can oversell how hot these three stories managed to be:
come on (leave me breathless) by countthestars @moondoggiestyle (Will/Mack, 10K): I've already talked about how much I loved this one. There can never be too many stories of one player catching the other getting off in the shower, especially if they're as hot as this.
revising the shoreline by ohyellowbird @teex (Will/Mack, 6K): another super well done exploring-their-sexuality-while-not-talking-about-it story, aka my kryptonite.
teamwork makes the dreamwork by canary @bigdogenergy (Will/Mack and Will/Mack/Ryan Leonard, 19K): I'm sure a lot of you have already read this in the last week or so, but I couldn't not recommend it. Mack goes into heat and Will needs an alpha to help him out. Who to call but the ex?
And then we enter the realm of vaguely devastating but gorgeously written JDTZ trade fics:
home by now by donderwolk @donderwolkenblog (Jamie/Trevor, 6K): The moment they found out about the trade, and a little bit after. Brilliant, impeccable, ruinous.
heat check by jolach @hyggles (Jamie/Trevor and also Carts/Richie, 4K): Outsider perspective on Jamie and especially Trevor as they deal with the aftermath of the trade, through the eyes of Mike Richards, who may have some experience in the area. I don't know how anyone writes this well, honestly.
Finally, one of my favorite things about reading through the past year's fics is finding a prolific new author I love who I had totally missed in my year of mostly reading people I'm already subscribed to. This year it was unsay (@tungpin). They seem to have started writing HRPF this year, and they tend toward the kind of complicated sometimes-ambiguous stories that I never manage to write but love to read. Here are a few of my favorites of theirs from this year:
malt (MattDrai, 4K): Leon meets Sasha Barkov and has feelings about how he wants to be more serious than Matthew does (OR DOES HE).
accessory to the rockstar (McDrai, 5K): once again we have Leon having thoughts about how he feels more than the person he's into, this time about Connor. Bittersweet and lovely.
the care and keeping (Jamie/Trevor, 12K): in which Trevor's friends get on Jamie's case about neglecting him post-trade, and Jamie does something about it.
That's it from me, at least for now! I know there were many excellent stories this year I didn't get to, especially the long ones that I just didn't commit to while reading for this list. Perhaps this is the year I do what I've been telling myself to do for the past two years and keep track of what I read and love throughout the year. We can only dream. š
Happy reading!!
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sodapop patrick curtis thoughts on my desk by the end of the week or ur DONE /j
How I feel about this character
Ā Ā Uh like heās perfect and should be my wife i think
Ā Ā Nah but fr Sodaās one of my favorite characters ever. Heās sweet and all, but heās so much more than that. Pony says heās movie-star handsome, that he can go from gentle one minute to āblazing with angerā the next, that he gets drunk just on living, and understands everybody. Sodaās a Kerouac-style āmad oneā- āmad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes Awww!ā
Heās a guy whoās sensitive but strong, a ābawl babyā whoās tough, heās probably got ADHD and dyslexia, the school system failed him. His folks died and left him holding his brothers together by a thread. Heās pretty but not pretty enough for Sandy to stay. He might end up dying in Vietnam, and thank God that isnāt canon, but itās still there. Heās happy to live life simply, behind a white picket fence with a wife and kids- hell, heās thrilled to. But thatās not gonna happen, at least not for a while, because Soda is a tragedy. But he loves his brothers and his friends so much that he becomes a beacon of hope despite it all.
Ā Ā I love Soda. Honestly, this barely scratches the surface of how I feel about him. I havenāt even touched on the adrenaline junkie stuff or the ways heās sometimes so relatable to me that it hurts.Ā
All the people I ship romantically with this character
Steve, and sometimes Evie.Ā
Ā Ā Iāve found Iām a friends-to-lovers enjoyer, so Stevepop scratches that part of my brain lol. To have someone whoās got your back through thick and thin, aware of your flaws but in spite of them- well, aināt that the dream? The angst of it being the 60s makes it interesting to me too, because thereās a lot of ways to handle that. Man, when I first read the book I didnāt get the hype for them at all, but idk. It clicked. I get it now.Ā
Ā Ā And then Steviepop is my roman empire lol. Itās all I love about Stevepop, but Evie adds even more complexity. I like her a lot and I love writing her, and I love writing her with characters who I also love. There is absolutely no canon anything to back this ship up. But dammit thatās the point of fandom.
Ā Ā I will say though that I like exploring Sodaās dynamic with Sandy, but I donāt really ship them. I think the fact that Sandy left him (and I mean cheated on him, even if that can be read ambiguously) implies that thereās something about him that could be undesirable, romantically. I donāt mean cheating is good or that people deserve it, just that in this case, the idea that Sodaās an imperfect boyfriend adds layers to a character who is mostly just positives. Weāll never know Sandyās POV on it, and I donāt think Soda will either. Sandypop to me will never have closure. Thatās what makes it hurt so much. Thatās what makes it relatable
My non-romantic OTP for this character
Ā Ā I mean honestly? Steve. I know this isnāt really fair, since I like Stevepop and all, but idk, thereās no one else who I think it could be.Ā
Ā Ā Steveās a character whoās cocky and troubled and prone to assholeish-ness, but even he loves Soda. He knows about Sandy and gets angry on Sodaās behalf at Pony for mentioning her, which means Soda can tell him- angry, tough Steve Randle- about sensitive stuff. And Soda, who I think is a little in love with everyone he meets and could have anyone he wants, sees this bastard and sticks with him. He sees the parts of Steve that Pony canāt. Parts that make him worthy of being his best buddy.
Itās been said before, but no matter how you look at it, romantic or platonic, theyāre each otherās person. I donāt think I could put anyone else in this slot.
My unpopular opinion about this character
Ā I have a few lol.
1- I see a lotta fics and takes where the whole ādrunk on livingā thing is a lie Soda feeds Ponyboy, and while I like that take, I do also think itās totally possible and even plausible that Soda really doesnāt drink and Ponyās view of him (in that aspect) is right.
Ā Ā I dunno, I mean, I know firsthand what itās like to just get drunk on adrenaline/excitement. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug, and the rush from it is better than any other high Iāve had. Thrill rides make me act as stupid as someone drinking- when Iām excited, I lose all ability to filter thoughts or fight impulses. Iāve done all sorts of dumb moves- climbing onto tables, singing loudly without knowing or caring if it bothers people, play-fighting my buddies so hard we both get genuinely injured, standing up in a convertible going down the freeway... (This is obviously anecdotal and not real evidence or anything, but like, duh. This is an opinion piece lol.)
Ā Ā I guess what Iām saying is that thereās a lot of interesting things that can still be done with a Soda who genuinely doesnāt drink. (Or at least not much.)
2- I love darker takes on Soda. I love when people dig into his addictive personality, his temper, his relationship with his looks/self image, all that stuff. I love his flaws, and I especially love when they co-exist with his earnest sweetness and genuine sensitivity. In a few of my fics, Iāve explored some slightly darker Sodas- Sodas who are impulsive, pent up, semi-narcissistic and occasionally manipulative. I havenāt delved deep into it or anything, and I usually keep his character wholesome, but I love it when other folks donāt.Ā
3- I actually really like the Vietnam War storyline. I mean it hurts, but it seems plausible. I hate the idea of him dying there, but I like exploring the idea of him being drafted. Hell, maybe he even enlisted. The military is known for being a good way to earn enough money to pull oneās family out of poverty, and this paired with the flawed ideas of masculinity and strength of the time lead to a really interesting version of Sodaās future.
Ā Ā Iām real glad it isnāt canon though.
4- This isnāt technically unpopular but brown eyed Soda will always be canon to me. I like Rob Loweās Soda a lot but manā¦.he coulda used brown contacts, yk? /hj lol
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.
Well I still think itās a crime his emotional monologue got cut outta the original version of the film. Thank God for the full novel version, but man, still.
Woulda also have been cool to see him mentioned in That Was Then This is Now, but I get that SE Hinton wasnāt trying to make an Outsiders sequel really.
Idk, Soda served his purpose, I think.Ā
tl;dr- I love him
#sodapop curtis#the outsiders sodapop#soda curtis#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#stevepop#rambling#ask game#ask#sodapop curtis my beloved#i actually initially wanted to dislike Soda when I first read the book cos his description annoyed me#(i was newly 15 and was jealous of all boys prettier than me which is /ridiculous/ to admit but whatever)#ā¦but i couldnāt dislike him even when I tried. heās just soā¦/good/. idk sodaās such a great character#maybe not the most plot-important but he makes the book so much better just by existing. it wouldnāt be as good without him.#ALSO sorry this took a minute to reply to anon! I love Soda and I had to do him justice yk?#long post
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My hyper-specific type when it comes to otome guys:
- Absolutely pathetic - Cannot speak to a girl normally to save his life - Tries to be calm/aloof, but turns tsundere when flustered enough - A good and pure man at heart, yet does some questionable things - ...Little Red Riding Hood???
#heart fragment#taisho x alice#otome#doofenshmirtz voice: if i had a nickel for every time i fell in love with a video game guy heavily associated to little red riding hood...#..i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice!#i made this post basically as a way to announce i played heart fragment recently. and uh. it's REALLY GOOD#i probably do love clive the most (and i was immediately interested/biased considering his similarities to Red) but...#the rest of the cast is great too! I ADORE shannon and i am beyond ready to figure out what jasper's deal is#and honestly i'm into the mystery and the strained family relationship aspects too. just great writing all around even beyond the romances#this is one of Those Games that messes with you and the more you play it the more it sneaks new creepy stuff in#whatever the hell is going on with inigo in the dreams is unsettling. and i love it.#but seriously i'd recommend this to any otome fan and ESPECIALLY taiali fans considering the similarities go far beyond just this#you like fairy tales? you like exploring psychological issues and trauma? this is the game for you#also you can date guys AND girls which is a rare treat! again - i LOVE shannon. i just... love clive even more#but to be fair i think the hangup is that no matter what you're very close and friendly with shannon#so even if you don't romance her you still have a great relationship with her regardless#meanwhile with clive he's starting as a stranger and you basically have to be a jerk to him or blow him off which hurts my heart#and also clive seems to fall kind of fast and hard for you so the relationship developing in a romantic direction just feels. right IMO#i can accept being just besties with shannon (even though I definitely still love her romance outcomes)#but it pains me to spurn clive's affections#on an unrelated note i do intend to post my thoughts (basically a review) of winter's wish: spirits of edo#but i want to finish getting the sorrow endings for CGs and lore which means a second run through several routes
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Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain
#not that I have access to ultra hardcore stuff#but even when I had... pretty sure it was vicodine for my wisdom teeth; it didn't do a thing for me#cbd based stuff seems like it maybe helps; certainly does more than nsaids which do nothing for pain (great for inflammation though)#but I just... I'd really like something that actually makes my muscles and joints feel like... good; unpain#I'm sure it would be classified as addictive whatever it was but like... fuck man... I just want to not hurt#I can't tell if I have chronic pain cause... I kinda forget to pay attention when I'm hurting a lot of the time#I'll just... kinda realize I've been hurting bad all day and just not really focusing on it#and I also don't know how often it happens; if it's once a day or once a month or what; not great at noting that stuff down#but man... I don't even like most meds; so many meds either do nothing for me or make me feel like shit#like... benedril? however you spell it; someone gave me some once said it would help me sleep... help me be awake feeling like ass more lik#but like... love to see if muscle relaxants actually like... relaxed my muscles; but you get it; you get why I'll never be able to try it#though honestly I think therapeutic massage might help me a lot#but my doc says that really only gets authorized by physical therapy and... well for me physical therapy is useless#cause I forget to do the exercise; like it's me failing a physical therapy; not a probably with physical therapy#if I ever think I can keep up with it I'd love to try physical therapy for my back again; but I don't want to waste all my chances at it#not when... I descriptively didn't do it when I was in it before; I'd never remember to do any of the exercises#anyway; bonus story from when I was in urgent care when the infection came back (that's still never been solved)#I tell the doc 'last time it tore open a drainage hole it was the worst pain I've ever felt'... cause it was#I said 'I'll need something a bit stronger than an nsaid cause the nsaid did nothing but cut inflammation last time'#she's like 'don't worry; I got you'... wanna guess what she gave me? a newer nsaid#it didn't do shit; I was just lucky and it wasn't as painful... maybe the old drainage hole tore open easier this time#but I didn't even take the nsaid she prescribed; so I'm gonna say it wasn't that med helping#like I get it; you don't want to give opioids... and would it shock you to know that wasn't what I was looking for either#there's gotta be something between nsaid and fentynol man#...well... maybe the cdb has almost got my muscles... hurting less at least; only taken all this time I've been writing#they still hurt for sure... I don't know... get tired; you know?#mm tag so i can find things later
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...Not gonna lie, I've been re-examining a lot of things as of lately in regards to past IC events, and I honestly get the sense that the reason Vivian feels so uncomfortable with being called a 'lesbian' or having her relationship be labelled as a 'lesbian relationship' is because she feels it not only denies her lack of monosexuality outright/reinforces the idea of monosexism, but erases her pansexuality entirely. Now, for some sapphic women, they do not mind using the term 'lesbian' to refer to themselves even if they don't fit completely inside that box and seriously do not find this to be such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but for Vivian, well... receiving the assurance she is indeed a lesbian upon expressing her insecurity over her queerness not being monosexual brings her much discomfort, for deep down inside, she knows that she will never be attracted to just a single gender her whole entire life.
Of course, what manages to complicate things even further is her hypersexuality, which more often than not leads to intrusive sexual thoughts she would end up feeling guilty over, hence why she does not want to necessarily be told she's a lesbian during moments where she doubts her capacity to be a good lover. Then again, we also have to remember that not only is Vivian young, she by natural default has no prior experience to dating anyone before entering a relationship with whoever she is shipped with, so there will inevitably be moments where she feels like she is missing out on relationships with other genders regardless of whether she is with a woman, man, or gender queer person.
Due to this, there will be times where she'll experience profound sadness and go through phases of vague mourning, especially because she's still young and didn't yet have a chance to experiment with her sexuality enough to get everything out of her own system, something that most non-monosexual women who have only dated men/women might experience. Rather than a feeling of dissatisfaction, however, it's more so Vivian coping with the duality of wanting to stay committed in her long term relationship yet also wondering what things would be like with someone of a different gender... a curiosity that often comes and goes like the passing tide.
Either way, I believe Vivian's unfortunate habit of comparing herself to lesbians stems from not only her hypersexual dilemma, but monosexism and the biphobia/panphobia that is rampant within online spaces, which could be seen as recently as this thread (WARNING: the link contains biphobia, so if you are sensitive to such matters, PLEASE DO NOT CLICK IT). Honestly, upon having seen how vile lesbians and other monosexuals can be towards bisexuals and pansexuals, it explains why Vivian heavily leans more towards men in her attraction, is convinced Judith is somehow the 'only woman' for her, and has a lot of hangups around dating women in general, like for instance, how she thinks she would not be able to love a woman the same way a lesbian allegedly could.
Why, I imagine she is hesitant to even disclose her true sexuality to others out of the innate paranoia it won't be understood or accepted; therefore, she would usually bite her tongue instead of pulling a 'Actually, I identify as pansexual' moment. Basically, though, Vivian hasn't yet reached a point where she is confident in her sexuality and would rather play up her whole '2D-obsessed' shtick than openly acknowledge her queerness; after all, there's really no telling what people would do upon having access to that information.
#biphobia mention tw#panphobia mention tw#āā ā§¼ āø¢ ŹÉ āø£ļø³hĢ²eĢ²aĢ²dĢ²cĢ²aĢ²nĢ²oĢ²nĢ²sĢ². ā§½ ā LETāS PRETEND I AM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.#āø¾ āļø āø¾ ( ABOUT ) ā¤¹ ā¢ā¢ š§šš§ššš šš¤šš¤.#āø¾ āļø āø¾ ( QUEUED ) ā¤¹ ā¢ā¢ šš š£ š„šš šššš£šš£šŖ.#[ ngl i don't really get the sense the concept of monosexism or gold stars gets brought up a lot within the rpc?? ]#[ mainly because i guess ppl don't want to acknowledge how badly bi/pansexual folks are treated and would rather just slap the label ]#[ onto their muses for ship inclusive reasons but the reason i find it so hard to ship vivian with other muses is because more often than ]#[ not they either don't have the patience to write the whole slowburn phase ORRRR ]#[ many muns just do NOT like writing conflict due to how for them rp is escapism... and so anything complicated/painful is something they ]#[ would instinctively avoid if only because they would rather their muses be happy (unless ofc angst happens to be their fav genre) ]#[ meaning anytime a character does something that upsets them/hurts their muse's feelings/threatens a ship they carefully cultivated in a ]#[ thread they would either a) procrastinate on replying or b) put that thread on the backburner while they write things that gives them ]#[ more joy/fulfillment which while pretty understandable is still a worrying trend i've noticed within the rpc ]#[ then again for a community that is so obsessed with shipping/smut i'm not really... surprised at this point ]#[ and so i acknowledge vivian's romantic relationships will likely be doomed for failure outside of her (1) ship with hayate ]#[ which is something i now don't mind and have already come to terms with ]#[ after all vivian is honestly a lot to the point where i can understand the fact not everyone will be able to handle the idea that ]#[ what their muse says/does has long lasting consequences to the point where as a result NOT EVERY MUSE IS WELL EQUIPPED FOR A ]#[ RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN AS COMPLICATED AS HER ]
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#there is a wide margin of interpretation you can take with Armand and I'd like ppl to understand that.#We just quite actually do not have all accurate or full information on him but what we have is enough to prove#he is capable and culpable of all the things he is shown and proven to have done#I think a lot of the writing this season also was intentionally meant to confuse and make you doubt what is happening there. like actually#where do the lies start?#Now are all of them equally valid? Absolutely not. But I'm not like going to judge heavily people who have a different one.#A lot of bad ones (poorly backed) I get where that conclusion gets drawn from and for me it's just kind of fun to theorize those things#People claiming it as the right interpretation are a little like... okay chill out. But I think there can be room for that.#That is unless your ideas somehow vindicate or paint him as somehow also a victim of Louis like wtf are you doing at that point don't defen#him the dude is a massive piece of shit let him be a piece of shit.#It also doesn't make much sense to make him some great mastermind or somehow winning over something he's clearly shown not wanting?#its easier for me to see him as someone who doesn't have very fixed intentions or judgements on anything#his moral compass is self serving even when those morals are aligned to good things or a desire to be good#like he can see something as bad even undesirable and still do it if it serves some larger or more stable benefit to him#with little regard for who gets hurt in the process and with low empathy to see they could be hurt by it#And thats the most consistent thing about him is he falls to whatever is most beneficial w/o regard to others even when regarding them#& those good things r performative even if he's not intending it to be when it aids in exploiting other peoples view of him to an advantage#Or like when he goes about hiding under that persona to meet bad ends intentionally. (These go back and forth)#and something something the purpose of a system is what is does#there's little point in getting into the intentions of Armand when he consistently fails to do what he's claiming be#Idk tho honestly might not post iwtv stuff for a while I'm tired#There's a an amount of interpretation you can take about any other character too just there is so much more speculation there than elsewher
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as happy as i am for lissie and marcus (even though I knew they were already together because I literally watched them make out with my own two eyes) it was honestly my last straw. Iām so tired of seeing everybody on my social feeds happy and in relationships when Iāve just had the worst week of my life and have basically given up on falling in love because if I canāt even drive how am I going to go to places where Iāll meet people?!?!? i have spent every Valentineās Day alone while my friends go on elaborate dates and Iām just so so tired
not the make out sesh š© oh to see them with my own two eyes irl... what a pretty sight it would be
this got quite personal and hit a little too close to home so im putting a lil keep reading thing
love :(( iām truly sorry you feel this way... but god i felt this ask so much... first of all, i'm really sorry about you having a bad week. it's completely fine to feel the way you're feeling, it must really suck, but i'm sure you'll get the license and you'll be driving shortly!! i am keeping my fingers crossed for you ā¤ļø
iāve always been very calm about relationships and love, very much āiām not in a rushā and āitāll come when itās timeā. iāve always been a hopeless romantic but i havenāt been stressed about it ā iāve always been so busy that i havenāt really had time for love, and i've been okay with hearing about friends and their great love lives while i've spent pretty much every weekend and holiday alone at home. butā¦ eventually, it becomes exhausting, you know? when falling in love for real just seems so far away and like something so hard to achieve in some way....
i also kind of feel you on the driving part... i decided not to get my license for a bunch of reasons, and idk how i'll get around without driving... but also as i am still living with my parents, it just seems impossible to meet someone, because where would i bring them? home to meet my snooping parents?? no way
i think we just gotta hold on to the hope that when it is the right time, it will happen. i don't believe in the whole "don't rush it" thing, i think that we're all allowed to seek and chase love if we want to, but i also think it's okay to take a step back and just breathe and be okay with the situation. unfortunately, our current day society is so formed around relationships, soft launches and hard launches and dinner date pics on insta and public proposal videos, that i feel like the pressure easily gets overwhelming. there's also something in the way that people think other people's love lives is any of their business, like friends and relatives asking me why i don't have a boyfriend, as if a partner is something i need to live my life? surely it would make it better, but i don't need to be reminded and hurt yet again over the fact that i'm alone, when i'm just trying to move on in life...
i'm trying to stay patient, open to any opportunity, and remembering that social media is merely a highlight reel and not reality. i hope you too can find peace in remembering that things will get better, we just have to work through this first. we will get through it and come out stronger on the other side. darling, if you ever need something from me, want to rant, or anything else, know that my messages and inbox are always open š
#ive really liked seeing drivers and their partners recently#but i think that in some way it's just like a coping mechanism to cope with the fact that im so very alone#i think it originates in the wish of being one of them even though i do feel very realistic and dont actually believe that it could happen#but i mean honestly#if we werent even the tiniest bit delusional#would we be here writing and reading the self insert fics??#like sure i dont do it just for that reason#i love writing and i love fiction no matter what kind and blah blah#but we could've all been reading random scifi or romance fics instead and yet so many people get stuck on celebs x reader#housing is really expensive in my city so not a lot of people move out early (like pretty much none of my friends have moved out)#and i just dont get how they manage to have partners and still live at home? are their parents not crazy like mine??#i am supposed to be moving out soon though but rn idk how that would change my situation#still have to deal with social anxiety and shit#this ask hurt so much#ive been hitting a pretty rough patch recently aswell and im kind of thinking that i need to break down fully to be able to build myself up#but its so goddamn scary#idk why im oversharing and ranting so much shfkdjf i apologize#i really hope you find happiness and a great love#i truly admire you for working through this despite how hard it all is#why does it all have to be so exhausting?#asks!
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also now realizing there's a heavy possibility that the unknown event Daniel references where he asks Lyla "how are you going to find your happiness?" is the same event Helene references when she tells Lyla that Lyla "betrayed" her.
Coincidentally, that's probably the same event that allowed Helene to be manipulated by the Empress into turning against Lyla and might have been the cause of Daniel leaving Lyla (probably to find out how to awaken as a dragon so he could gain the power to take her away from her family faster? maybe even going so far as to try and compete w/ Paris for the throne if it means protecting Lyla?)
There's also a suspicious gap of time from when Helene was poisoned to when she told Lyla to get away from her that has been omitted. And considering baby Lyla cries about Helene not wanting to be with her anymore...and that same baby Lyla is seen hugging Daniel in the unexplored scene...Lyla what the fuck did you do to Helene to embitter her like this?
#the mighty extra#the mighty extra: one girl changes the world#me a week ago: gee im not sure if the Helene saying Lyla betrayed her scene makes sense re: Lyla's death#me now: ohhhhhhhh we haven't gotten to the reason why Helene felt betrayed yet gooootcha that's why something feels amiss#something happened in the gap of time between when Helene got poisoned and when she turned her back on Lyla gooootcha#and here i thought it was a smooth transition but now i see i have yet again been tricked by my own bad expectations LMAO#im so used to just accepting half-baked explanations that are construed to try and explain canon events i didn't even think to doubt myself#this story really is the gift that keeps on giving#also the idea of Daniel competing with Paris for the sake of ensuring Lyla gets to live a happy life is really fucking cute#he gives off a lot of big brother vibes and honestly for a āunpredictable crazy dragonā he's such a sweetheart#my current guess is that Arne somehow tricked Helene to turn against Lyla? or tricked Lyla into hurting Helene somehow (emotionally)?#because these sisters ADORED each other very clearly and Helene being poisoned by Sienna wouldn't have broken their bond so easily#whatever happened was bad enough that Daniel said it was better off if she forgot all about it#which#she did#but not in the way he expects alas#and here i was thinking Helene was just an asshole because she felt severely hurt by Lyla's dangerous actions#nope! she's got a reason indeed and the fact that she felt betrayed by Something TM and yet still tries to save Lyla anyways is just#Interesting!#there's still more depth to dig out of these sisters and their relationship together pre-āLylaā and im living for it!!!#also im still so confused about Daniel#so he was the sea witch's apprentice which means he knew Sienna but also he ran away from the sea witch at some point#and has been on the run from his own empire joined some pirates is now living with Ellie and is going to Lyla's side post the finale#i still dont get why he didn't take Lyla with him or come back for her. was he waiting to do so? for what? he was already awakened as a-#as a dragon by the time he found Lyla again. and he definitely didn't forget about her so like#*tilts head*#i can understand him being like āoh Lyla left guess she didn't wait for meā but i don't think he's ever implied that???#considering Daniel's side of Lyla's past still has holes in it I think there's going to be answers coming soon to this question but man#i love trying to do a conspiracy board in my head of the events that went down in the bg re: Lyla bc it's so fascinating to piece together#everything is explained but also nothing is explained and the writing for this story is really admirable as fuck
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the soremik in my head is so vastly different from anyone elses idea of them that i fear if i ever speak out on the subject i'll have rocks thrown at me. but once again they are allowed to look but never touch. you have to expect this from me by now.
#.text#its for an actual reason this time outside of general preference though!#to sorey the best time to have told mikleo he loves him was before he met alisha. and then after. well. thats his secret now#i near constantly think about how sorey views his duty as shepherd. it is not just a title -- it is like chains.#he knows he is going to die some day. and its clear that after he becomes shepherd he knows its going to be soon.#i think a lot of the optimism sorey has is true. to an extent -- he believes the things he says to others.#but he knows some of them are lies.#its a kind of 'if i say it enough times and if i try hard enough then i can will it to be true' kind of mentality#which more often than not writes him off as naive and ignorant. and in some cases that is true. but in others he is often right. which is#why that optimism sounds like pure optimism rather than him trying to force things to turn out well#which is in turn connects to how he knows being the shepherd isnt something that comes without cost. it isnt just the weight that hurts him#and you know he knows this because the realization that he must become maotelus' vessel is not one that comes suddenly#to him. it has always been there. he knew this was going to happen. he does not fear it -- not entirely. it isnt the act of#sleeping or dying that scares him. its what comes after. but not for him. for the people around him.#he is never scared for what may happen to him. only of what may happen to others and how it affects them.#honestly the fact that this mentality came naturally to him is so startling... it came out of nowhere. only was this born#from the way that he loves and protects others. nothing else.#which turns right back around to mikleo. the shepherd is chained down by fate. he will not do the same to mikleo#i think he would do it because he believes hes protecting mikleo of the heart break. because more than anything sorey wants him#to live. after hes gone he wants mikleo to live. and i genuinely cannot think of their relationship as otherwise#because i know full well that the moment mikleo and sorey found out that sorey is human and he is going to die. it changed everything#even if it changed nothing it changed everything.#im going to love you for all of my life and youre going to miss me for the rest of yours. type of relationship.#not to mention sorey has this really large savior complex -- he knows he is hurting himself by doing this (by doing everything#really. the first thing that comes to mind is allowing alisha to become his sublord. if he dies because of their pact#but saves at least one life because of it. then so be it)#but is saving mikleo. which obviously isnt the case. thats never been the case.#but that is how it is and how it must always be.#sorry for the sorey essay. it will happen again
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a moment to check the gears and cogs
feel like i want to talk a little on the message of a recent post because i think it is an important point. when i say that you do not need to QUALIFY OR DEFEND your love of tinglers or my work in general, i am pointing out an interesting social anomaly that happens with my art and with queer art.
as an autistic buckaroo i notice patterns, and on social media i see them a lot. little phrases that come up again and again with my art. āyes THAT chuck tingleā āits ACTUALLY goodā āmy favorite author i have never readā āso bad its goodā. these are always added after a POSITIVE comment about me
they also all have something in common. they are trying to distance the posters SINCERE JOY and give them an out socially. it is very very very subtle, but they are all saying āyes i like this but here is a sliver of acknowledgment that it is also weird or bad or ironic. in not REALLY fully in'
essentially these are added because it means the poster can escape their very real joy if needed. try applying these phrases to any other popular author. its much more subtle with the first two: āi liked all fours by miranda july, yes THAT miranda july. its ACTUALLY goodā. what does this imply?
the other examples are a little more blatant but lets try them with other authors anyway. imagine saying āyoure my favorite author i have never readā to stephen king. would you EVER say that to someone? what does that imply? how about 'i love your books theyre so bad theyre good'. horrifyingly rude
lets dive into saying 'CHUCK TINGLE is my favorite author i have never readā sounds unusual when substituting other authors because theyre usually not queer or autistic or making outsider art. to be blunt, why CHUCK gets it all the time is because it really means 'i like chuck tingle but im not gayā
while we have mostly culturally evolved past the idea that saying āno homoā is some kind of joke, that FEELING is still around. it has just burrowed a little deeper. honestly it might never go away, or at least take centuries. remember these people GENUINELY LIKE MY BOOKS but feel they MUST qualify
should also be pointed out that LEFT and LIBERAL people are the ones who say this stuff to chuck. they do not MEAN to harm, and if you ask them directly how they feel about queer or neurodivergent people they would not express the same opinion as their subliminal comments might imply
the final elephant trotting by is while some of this is homophobia and fear of a neurodivergent other, it is also just plain old IRONY POISONING. its conditioning from being raised on an internet where sincerity was ācringe' and loving something was a weakness or joke. these problems work in tandem
so whats the point? what can we do? first of all, just recognizing these patterns is a start. i didnt HAVE to write all of this today but i think its important to be aware and to look inward and think about the gears and cogs that churn behind the things we say. NEXT step is trying to push past it
if you have done these things in the past, i want you to know i am NOT AT ALL UPSET. i am not mad or hurt and i do not think any less of you. you can trot by my side any day and you are trying your best to prove love. we are ALL just tryin our best, just consider this a friendly chat between buds
proving love can happen in BIG WAYS and it can happen in SMALL WAYS that we barely see. just take a moment and think āWHY am i saying this? WHY am i in this pattern to distance myself from outsider or queer art?ā a little moment of consideration goes a LONG way buckaroos. LOVE IS REAL
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Love & War (m)
warnings: vĆØry lĆ³ng, hĆghly 18+ thĆØmĆØs, ĆØxplĆÆcĆÆt smĆ¼t/sĆØx, ĆŗnprĆ³tĆØctĆØd sĆØx, chĆØĆ”tĆng, gĆ³rĆØ, mĆŗrdĆØr, prĆØgnĆ”ncy, lĆ“nlĆness, ĆØxplĆÆcĆÆt vĆƶlĆØncĆØ, blĆ³Ć³d, yĆ”ndĆØrĆØ chĆ”rĆ ctĆØs, bƶrdĆØrlĆnĆØ cĆ³ffĆØĆØ Ć ddĆÆctĆÆƶn, dĆ rk jĆ¼ngkĆ³Ć³k.
pairing: yandere police officer jungkook x fem!Barista reader
genre: strictly 18+ killer fic, rated M, Gore, thriller and erotica
word count: 6,000
note. My fingers have been hurting so much these days because Iāve been dedicating a lot of time to writing this. I started this draft on October 14 and now I have finally finished it today and I wanted to publish this because I have worked hard on this so much Iāve done a lot of extensive research so please guys like it and re-blog it. This is worth a read I promise please please send feedback and let me know what you think because I really need it.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
This case in particular is brutal.
As Jungkook sits in his office space, heās looking at the latest crime scene pictures. And they are brutal, the manās throat is literally spilling out, tongue cut off.
Thereās so much blood.
Seodaemun-gu is particularly cold, and heās been working overtime, as an inspector heās been pretty busy thanks to a psychotic serial killer whoās been targeting a lot of men lately
This is the 17th victim.
Jungkooks been trying to piece the puzzle together, he picks up the warm cup of coffee and gulps down another sip, his furrows his eyebrows, he knows that itās just one person doing all of these killings.
The pattern of killing is too similar, the gore, the marks, the method.
There is a familiar drug found in every single one of the victims bodies.
āFuck.ā He curses as he drops the pictures on the table, he needs to catch the killer before itās too late, it is too late anyways.
October isnāt so kind this year, it is harshly cold. And this case has his whole attention. āIāll catch you, psycho.ā He mutters under his breath.
He will catch the psycho before Halloween.
Jungkooks grip on his cup tightens. He will make this killer pay. Just as heās staring at the pictures again, his phone rings.
He sighs, averting his gaze to his phone as he picks it up, a small smile playing on his face. āHey baby!!!ā He grins speaking into the phone.
He loves his girlfriend so much. Sheās the only thing that is making him happy these days.
āHey koo!ā as she greets him back, he cannot stop smiling, āahh so are we still on for tonight?ā He asks slyly, she makes him so happy.
There is a silence for a few seconds, but he waits patiently for her response, Jungkook holds the phone up his ear, waiting.
āOhā¦ sorry baby but no, Iām kinda busy tonight. You know this assignment is keeping me up all night. I canāt Iām so sorry.ā
His smile falters.
āU-Uh..ā
This is the third time.
āUmm itās okay.ā he replies, playing it cool but honestly, heās a little upset because sheās been doing everything but spending time with him and heās the one trying to solve a fucking murder case.
āDonāt be upset kooā¦ I swear Iāll make it up to you.ā He sighs. āItās okay baby. Iā¦understand.ā Jungkook knows thereās no point in arguing.
He just misses her.
After talking to her for a few minutes, he finally ends the call. Itās time he refocuses on the case.
What he should be focusing on right now is catching the killer
And not the fact that his girlfriend is literally ignoring him for the past days, heās barely seen her face this month, itās bothering him, but he cannot afford to be distracted right now.
There cannot be an 18th victim.
He wonāt let it happen.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
Itās lonely
But at least now he gets to go to his favorite coffee shop and drink, coffee in peace while staring out at the view, honestly speaking the view isnāt that special but jungkook likes to have some free time to himself just so he can reconnect with the world.
he enters the coffee shop, the bells above jingle as the door opens, itās not too crowded today which is a good thing because the less the crowd the more he can focus and think.
Only a handful of people who are drinking and waiting for their orders as he approaches his table. Jungkook sits down on it, taking the chair out.
He scans the area. He likes how peaceful it is here because his job is not peaceful or neither cute, he has just come back from seeing a gruesome murder scene and this is exactly the detox He needs right now.
āHey!!! Mr Jeon?ā his snap of his thoughts when the barista calls out his name, he turns to look ahead, and smiles seeing the familiar face.
āHey Ms yn! Howās it going? I think Iām just gonna have the regular.ā He tells, looking at you, and you nod, youāre a sweet girl.
Youāve been serving him coffee for the past year almost, āwell got it! Maybe I should get you some brownie too; of course courtesy of me.ā You laugh, ālooks like you really could use some sweetness in your life since you work so hardā
He laughs a little, shaking his head. āyeah youāre right. Itās been quite bitter these days.ā He mutters to himself almost.
You walk away. impatiently, he waits for his coffee.. He might have an addiction, but itās OK. Caffeine is necessary when youāre a police officer.
Sometime later you come back with his order. And he looks at you, thanking you.. āthank you Ms yn. Appreciate you for putting up with me.ā he jokes, you give him a kind smile, āoh Mr Jeon how about you Just call me yn?ā You insist and he almost blushes.
āAhhh sure sure I will but only if you call me by my first name too.ā He waves his hand, picking up his coffee to take a sip, and the smell of the brownie just fills his nostrils and he hums in delight
āThe brownie smells so good and this coffee is awesome. Thank you so much.ā
You wink in return, which has his cheeks actually burning up
Youāre bold and youāre confident and that he appreciates about you because maybe you like him a little and you donāt really make an effort to hide the fact
āOkay.. Iāll go now have funā he watches as you go away.
And he canāt help but feel his heart flutter in his chest.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
A few days later, his same routine just goes on and on, but there is not a single point that he has been able to catch, which could help him actually lead to the killer
And his days are only getting worse. Thereās an emptiness that heās starting to feel. Honestly, he feels like a failure.
A failure of a boyfriend and a failure of an inspector.
Jungkook steps into his dimly lit apartment, shrugging off his rain-soaked jacket. The warmth of the place feels hollow, as if reflecting the emptiness creeping into his chest. He slumps onto the couch, running his hands through his damp hair. His mind is a mess, caught between the horrifying images of the latest crime scene, Minaās growing distance, and the subtle comfort he finds in your quiet presence at the cafĆ©.
He pulls out his phone and stares at Minaās name in his contacts. Something in him snaps, and before he can overthink it, he presses āCall.ā
It rings longer than it should.
āHello?ā Her voice is clipped, impatient.
āMina. Can you come over?ā he asks out of desperation because he so lonely, and he needs to feel her love and her warmth.
āItās late, Jungkook. Iām busy.ā he understands it. Sheās been busy, but itās been so long since heās been with her physically and she keeps on being distant.
Heās starting to break, his face falls, and his voice hardens at her sudden coldness.
āBusy with what?ā he demands, the sharpness in his voice surprising even himself. he gripped the phone tighter and waits for her response with a thumping heartbeat.
Thereās a pause, long enough for unease to settle in his gut. āWork,ā she finally says, but the word feels rehearsed, flat.
āBullshit.ā He stands, pacing the small living room. āYouāre lying to me.ā he knows that sheās lying. Does she really think that heās that stupid?
āExcuse me?ā Her tone hardens, defensive.
āYouāve been distant for weeks,ā he says, his voice rising. āThe late nights, the dodged questions, the way you look at me like Iām a stranger. If thereās something youāre hiding, Mina, I deserve to know.ā
She exhales sharply, a sound halfway between frustration and guilt. āYouāre paranoid, Jungkook. Youāre always at work, always chasing some killer. Maybe the problem isnāt meāitās you.ā
āThatās not an answer,ā he snaps. āYou think I donāt notice the way youāre pulling away? The phone calls you donāt take around me? If you donāt want to be with me, just say it.ā
Her silence cuts deeper than any words could.
āYouāre impossible,ā she finally says, her voice trembling with suppressed anger. āYou think everything revolves around you and your job, but you donāt even see whatās right in front of you. Maybe I have been distant, Jungkook, but can you blame me? Youāre so wrapped up in your case that thereās no room for anythingāor anyoneāelse.ā
He clenches his fists, his nails digging into his palms. āYouāre deflecting. Just tell me the truth, Mina. Are you seeing someone else?ā
Her sharp intake of breath tells him everything he needs to know.
āMina,ā he growls, his voice low and dangerous.
āIām not doing this,ā she says, and the line goes dead.
Jungkook stares at his phone, his breath coming in ragged bursts. The quiet of the apartment feels suffocating, pressing in on him from all sides. He throws his phone onto the couch and grabs his keys, his mind a whirlwind of anger, betrayal, and something he canāt quite name.
But for a fact, he knows that heās lost Mina forever. And the realization dawns on him as he stares at his phone screen. Heās alone once again like he has been for a month.
But maybe this time, forever
And it doesnāt take him long to break down in his apartment. Heās so alone and maybe he will be forever. Why can nobody ever love him?
Is he not deserving of love?
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The coffee shop is dark except for the faint glow of a single lamp by the counter. Youāre wiping down the tables, your movements unhurried, as if you have all the time in the world. The sight of youācalm, groundedāmakes something in Jungkook loosen, just slightly.
You look up as he enters, the chime of the bell breaking the silence.
āJungkook?ā you say, surprised. āItās late. What are you doing here?ā
He doesnāt answer immediately, just walks over to the counter and leans against it. āI needed to get out of my head.ā
You study him, noting the tension in his jaw, the shadows under his eyes. āRough day?ā
He laughs bitterly. āYou could say that.ā
The way you look at him, makes his heart flutter in an abnormal way, maybe itās the loneliness that heās making behave like this but youāre gaze actually drives him crazy
You hesitate for a moment before stepping around the counter, standing a little closer to him. āWant to talk about it?ā
āNo,ā he says quickly, then softens. āI justā¦ I donāt know. Everything feels like itās falling apart.ā
You nod, not pushing him for details. Instead, you reach for the bottle of whiskey you keep hidden behind the counter for nights like this. You pour him a glass and slide it across the table.
āHere,ā you say. āOn the house.ā
He takes a sip, the burn in his throat a welcome distraction from the turmoil in his mind. āThanks.ā
You sit down beside him, the two of you falling into a comfortable silence. But you can feel his eyes on you, heavy and searching.
āYouāre always here,ā he says suddenly, his voice soft.
āSomeone has to be,ā you reply, your lips quirking into a small smile.
āYou know Y/N? Iām so fucking alone. My girlfriend is probably cheating on me. She doesnāt care about meā¦. No one cares about me.ā His voice breaks on the last sentence.
You look at him with pity and something deeper swimming in your gaze, but he doesnāt know how to pinpoint it, you urge him to continue so he does.
He chuckles, but itās humorless. āItās more than that. You donāt know what it means to me, Y/N. Justā¦ knowing thereās someone who gives a damn.ā
Your heart skips a beat, but you play it cool. āWell, you look like you could use someone in your corner.ā
He turns to you then, his gaze intense, and for a moment, neither of you speaks. The air between you feels charged, electric
āWhy do you care so much?ā he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
You hesitate, your pulse racing. āMaybe I just like seeing you smile.ā
Youāre the first person who has ever said that to him, and in that moment, he realizes that your silence is the only silence that doesnāt feel suffocating.
You look at him with such a deep emotion that it makes him go crazy, what are you doing to him? Why do you care about him so much?
Youāve been there for him since day one. Youāre so comforting so kind and so nonjudgmental.
You listen to him rant, Complain, but you donāt say anything every time.
The more he looks at you, the more his heart keeps on thumping, inside his chest and alcohol just rushes through his body, and suddenly his pants feel so achingly tight.
The silence between you both is charged with tension, a tension that makes shivers go down his spine, youāre looking at him in a way that has him hallucinating that you want to lure him in.
He just wants to drown in your embrace, feel you in a way that no one has ever, he just wants to bury himself to hilt inside of you so maybe he can feel wanted again, and maybe he will feel safe for once.
His breath hitches, and before either of you can think better of it, his lips crash into yours.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The back room of the cafĆ© becomes a blur of heat and desperation as you both stumble in while heās busy, shoving his tongue on your throat. Itās not tenderāitās raw, messy, driven by an ache neither of you can name. He breaks the kiss after it feels like hours, and he dips his head low and you feel his hot wet lips on your neck, His hands are rough against your skin, his lips leaving trails of bruises along your neck.
āJungkook,ā you whisper, your voice breaking as his hands grip your hips. It feels so fucking good. The desperation and the need is driving you insane.
You can feel his muscular body, heās so perfect. You have dreamed of this moment for the longest time. But you never really thought that it would come true.
But as he kisses your neck, his lips burn on your skin. And that makes you realize that this is your reality. You are finally getting to live your dream.
You moan out his name again breathlessly gripping on his shoulders so tightly as he attacks your neck, whispers of his name leave your mouth, youāre getting breathless, just by him kissing your skin.
Thatās how much you want him.
He doesnāt respond with words, only pulls you closer, his movements frantic. Itās as though heās trying to drown in you, to forget everything outside of this moment.
His scent is so exotic, heās always smelled so good whenever heās visited the cafĆ©, his son is so stronger it surrounds the whole cafĆ© and right now youāre so close to him. Itās getting you high.
You know that heās drunk, heās so fucking drunk and vulnerable, but you cannot bring yourself to stop him, especially not when he pushes your panties down, his lips hot on your collarbones.
How can you bring yourself to stop him when heās suddenly licking his fingers, as he takes them out you, you stare at him, theyāre glistening with his Saliva.
Heās so beautiful and so handsome, and the most sexiest man youāve ever seen.
You can only encourage him, and you do that, when he finally starts to push his two digits inside of you, your hips buck up.
Youāre so fucking wet itās embarrassing.
He scissors them inside of you, curling them inside your gummy walls, hitting that spot that has you seeing stars, immediately and heās barely even started
āAGGHā¦ā you moan out loudly, He groans at the sound, sinking his teeth in your neck once again, heās so needy right now, you feel his body temperature burning.
Youāre burning up too.
Jungkook whispers in your ear, ātake off my boxers.ā
And you do, after that you start stroking his hard thick length, heās so big, as you stare down at it, you gasp because itās leaking already and itās angry.
Heās been neglected for the longest time, you actually hate his girlfriend, but good for you. You get to feel him inside you like this.
Heās hungry for this. As you finally start to do the magic of your hands, he lets out a guttural moan, itās so loud, and it rings in your ears.
you love the sounds heās making right now. He sounds so hot almost like an animal in heat.
But he starts fucking your hand furiously, you lift his head up from your neck to look at him and you just want to keep him with you forever
Heās so beautiful.
Heās drooling, his eyes are closed as he feels the pleasure that you are giving him, the pleasure that heās been denied for the longest time.
āT-Thank you so much for this because you have no idea how much I need this you have no idea how much I need youā¦ yn- nghā¦ Iāve been dreaming about thisā¦ how about youā¦ and you feel so much better than my imaginationā
Jungkook cannot wait anymore though, just as heās close, he wraps your legs around his waist and gently removes your hand, kisses you hard as he shoves his cock in your warm pussy.
āLet me feel your pussy, I need you, babyā¦ā he begs, you grip his shoulders and kiss his cheek. He lets out a shuddering breath once your heat cages him in.
He starts moving his hips at a really fast pace, heās jackhammering into you, Jungkooks moaning is echoing throughout the back room.
āNGHH mhmm AHHHGā¦. AHHHā¦ā
The pleasure that youāre feeling right now is the most that youāve ever felt in your life and you never knew that you could feel this good while having sex.
The sex with him is feeling so hot, so good and so fucking raw.
Heās so big you can see it bulging from inside of you, you gasp.
āCumā¦ please Cum inside me.ā
You press desperate kisses on his neck, and on the hollow of his throat Heās so vocal about this. So hot. And then he lets out a desperate mewl as he cums inside your cunt.
Itās hot, thick and full as he fills you up to brim.
But itās starts leaking out because itās so much, you can feel it running down your thighs.
āYou felt a-ahā¦ so fuckin good, yn.ā
When itās over, the two of you lie tangled together on the worn couch, your breaths mingling in the quiet.
āIām sorry,ā he says suddenly, his voice hoarse. āI shouldnāt haveāā
āDonāt,ā you cut him off, resting a hand on his chest. āDonāt apologize.ā
He looks at you, his eyes searching for something he canāt find.
āYouāre not alone, Jungkook,ā you say softly. āNot anymore.ā
But as he drifts off to sleep, your words echo in his mind, and unease curls in his chest.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The first rays of sunlight filter through the cracks in the blinds, casting faint streaks across the cramped backroom of the cafƩ. The room is quiet, save for the sound of Jungkook's breathing. He lies awake on the couch, staring at the ceiling, your head resting on his chest, your arm draped over him like a lifeline.
The memories of the night before play in his mind on an endless loop-your soft moans, the way your body had responded to his touch, how you had whispered his name like a prayer. He feels a pang of guilt, but not for what he did. He doesn't regret it. Not the way your warmth had pulled him from the cold void he'd been living in, not the way you made him forget the weight of the world for a few fleeting hours.
What eats at him is the realization that he used you-your body, your kindness, your feelingsā for his own selfish needs. And yet, as much as the guilt gnaws at him, a darker truth lingers: it had felt so good. You had felt so good.
Your breathing changes, pulling him from his thoughts. You stir slightly, your fingers twitching against his chest before you lift your head to meet his gaze.
"Good morning," you say softly, your voice thick with sleep.
He swallows hard, unsure of what to say.
āMorning,ā he replies, his voice quieter than he intends.
You sit up slowly, the blanket slipping from your shoulders as you adjust yourself on the edge of the couch. For a moment, neither of you speaks, the weight of what happened between you hanging in the air.
āAre you okay?ā you ask finally, breaking the silence.
āI don't know,ā he admits, running a hand through his disheveled hair.
You bite your lip, looking down at your lap. "Last night..."
āWasn't supposed to happen,ā he says, cutting you off.
You flinch slightly but force a small smile. āI know,ā you murmur.
He sighs deeply, sitting up and leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. āI don't regret it,ā he says finally, his voice low.
Your head snaps up, your eyes wide with surprise.
āI don't regret being with you,ā he continues, his tone softening. āBut I regret... I regret that I used you. That I let my emotions... my loneliness take over. You didn't deserve that.ā
You shake your head, reaching out to touch his arm. āJungkook, you didn't use me. I wanted it too.ā
He looks at you, his dark eyes filled with conflict.
āI know you did. But that doesn't make it right.ā
You hold his gaze, your heart aching at the vulnerability in his expression. āIt's not wrong either,ā you whisper.
He exhales sharply, standing up and pulling on his jacket. āI need to think," he mutters. āI need to figure out what I'm doing.ā
Jungkook walks through the quiet streets, the early morning chill biting at his skin. His mind is a storm of emotions-shame, guilt, longing. He knows he should be thinking about Mina, the case, about everything that's been spiraling out of control in his life. But all he can think about is you.
You, with your soft smile and kind eyes. You, who had welcomed him without judgment. You, who had given him a moment of solace in the chaos.
He doesn't regret being with you, but he regrets what it means. He regrets how easily you've slipped into the cracks of his carefully constructed walls.
And yet, even as he walks away, he knows he'll come back to you. He always does.
Meanwhile, youāre feeling the sameā¦ after he leaves you at the door as it shuts.
You sit on the couch long after Jungkook has gone, staring at the spot where he had been just minutes before. Your heart feels heavy, conflicted. Last night had been everything you'd ever wanted, but now it feels tainted by his guilt, his regret.
Still, you can't bring yourself to regret it. Not when it had felt so perfect, so right.
But as you move to the front of the cafƩ, preparing for the day ahead, you can't shake the feeling that something has shifted between you and Jungkook. And you're not sure if it's for better or worse.
But you do know that this was only the beginning and this is not gonna end ever and you donāt want to.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
A month goes by, he hasnāt visited the cafe after that night woth you, heās started to get over Mina, The investigation starts to grow worse, the killer more mysterious than ever. Jungkookās focus shifts entirely to the case, but the memory of that night with you lingers, a dangerous distraction. He avoids Mina entirely, his guilt toward her eclipsed by the tangled emotions he feels when he sees you.
Itās only a matter of time before everything comes crashing down.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The night Jungkook slept with you still lingers in his mind, haunting him like a half-remembered dream, a moment of clarity and chaos all at once. He tells himself it was a mistake, that he was drunk, confused, and in need of somethingāsomeoneāthat wasnāt Mina. But he knows deep down, it was more than that. It was the kind of intimacy that made him feel human again, something he hadnāt felt in a long time.
Yet, when he wakes up the next morning, reality settles back into place. He tries to push you out of his thoughts as he makes his way to work, but every time he passes by the cafĆ©, he finds himself looking for you, wondering if youāre there. The guilt gnaws at him, but the emptiness inside makes him think about you again, just for a moment.
What Jungkook doesnāt know, what he canāt see, is that the girl behind the counter, the quiet barista with the warm smile, has already made up her mind. Youāve already planned it out.
Mina is your problem now.
Mina never did anything wrong. She never even knew the darkness that lurked beneath your calm exterior. To her, you were just another face behind the counter, the one who always smiled, who always gave her the right change with a soft chuckle. She was just another customer. But that was before you realized she was still with Jungkook, and that was the last straw.
Mina knows about your crush on Jungkook because, on several occasions in the past, Jungkook had brought her with him when he visited the cafĆ©. It wasnāt frequent, but enough for Mina to catch on to the subtle tension that simmered between you and him.
You hadnāt meant to make it obvious, but every time Jungkook walked into the cafĆ©, your demeanor shifted. Youād become a little more flustered, your heart would race, and your eyes would light up, especially when he greeted you with that easy smile. It didnāt take much for someone like Mina, who was always looking for cracks in the faƧade, to notice.
The first time Jungkook brought her in, you did your best to be casual, to act as though you werenāt paying any special attention to him.
But Mina, watching from across the table, saw how you seemed a little more eager, a little more careful with every cup you made for him. She observed how your voice softened when you spoke to him, how your hands trembled just slightly as you handed him his order. It wasnāt hard for her to figure it out: there was something more than just friendship between you two, even if it was unspoken.
After that day, Mina started coming in more frequently when she knew Jungkook would be there.
She made a point of sitting at a table near the counter, watching the subtle interactions between you two, almost like a game. It gave her a sense of satisfactionāof controlāto see how much you cared for him, how much you tried to hide it.
What really gave Mina the final piece of the puzzle was the day Jungkook brought her in again. This time, the way you interacted with him was different. You didnāt hide your feelings as well. You werenāt as guarded. Maybe you thought Jungkook had stopped noticing, that you could just be yourself around him without it being awkward, but Mina saw through it.
She watched you smile at him a little too brightly, watched how your voice softened when you said his name.
Thatās when she knew. She had been right all along.
From that point forward, Mina began to play with this knowledge, poking at you, dropping little comments here and there about Jungkook. It wasnāt out of genuine interest in your well-being.
No, Mina was the type who thrived on power, on knowing things others didnāt. She knew you had feelings for Jungkook, and she wasnāt above using that against you.
Mina wasnāt a regular customer, but she made it a point to come by whenever she knew Jungkook would be there. Sheād sit back, watch, and wait for you to slip upābecause she knew it wouldnāt be long before you showed just how much you cared.
You watch her from the back of the cafƩ, your fingers tightening around the edge of the counter as she orders another coffee, laughs too loudly at something a friend says, her smile a little too bright.
Youāre not the type to go unnoticed, not anymore. Youāve made sure of it. But this girl? Sheās everything youāre not. Beautiful, untainted. Her life is easyāuntainted by secrets or shame. But that life is a lie. And she doesnāt deserve it.
The tension builds like a slow-burning fuse as the afternoon wears on. Your hand shakes as you wipe down the counter, the hum of the coffee machine loud in your ears.
Mina doesnāt know how much you hate her. Doesnāt know that sheās the one thing standing between you and what youāve convinced yourself is yours. Jungkook.
The thought of him with her, the way he always turns to her in the cafĆ©, makes your stomach twist. You wish sheād just disappear. So, thatās exactly what youāll do.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The cafƩ is quiet as you lock up for the night.
The faint hum of the city lingers in the distance, but it doesn't reach your small sanctuary.
It's been a month since the night with Jungkook, and though he hasn't been back to the cafƩ in days, the memory of him is enough to send a shiver through your body.
You've noticed changes-small ones at first. A nauseous unease in the mornings, a fatigue that you can't shake. Tonight, though, you can't ignore the obvious anymore. Your period is late
far too late.
When you get home, you head straight for the drawer where you hid the pregnancy test. It had been an impulsive purchase a few days ago, something you hadn't wanted to face until you
absolutely had to.
The bathroom feels impossibly quiet as you take the test, sitting on the edge of the tub and waiting for the results. Seconds stretch into an eternity. When the lines appear, bold and unmistakable, the air leaves your lungs.
Your mind races. The weight of the word sinks into your chest. It's him. Jungkook. That night.
The night when everything felt like it could finally belong to you. But now, this?
Panic bubbles inside you, but it's swallowed by something darker, more visceral.
Mina's face flashes in your mind, and it's as if the pregnancy test has turned her shadow into a living, breathing entity. She's always there, always hovering around the edges of your thoughts, a reminder of what you'll never truly have.
She broke up with Jungkook that night. You've pieced that much together. She left him, but her presence still looms over you.
It's her fault you feel this way. Her fault that Jungkook can't be entirely yours.
Before you realize it, you're out the door again, the pregnancy test left abandoned on the counter. The idea takes root in your mind with terrifying clarity.
Mina's address isn't hard to find. She used to post pictures from home-soft, curated glimpses of her perfect life.
The city streets blur as you drive. Your fingers tighten on the wheel as adrenaline floods your veins.
When you pull up to her house, the world feels unnervingly still. The house is modest but exudes her curated style, clean and pristine. A pang of rage surges through you.
You knock softly at first. When there's no response, you knock louder, your fist trembling against the wood. Finally, the door opens.
Mina stands there in a loose sweatshirt and leggings, her hair tied back, and her expression instantly hardens when she sees you.
āWhat are you doing here?ā she says sharply, her voice cutting through the air.
You don't answer. You push past her, stepping into her living room without waiting for an invitation. She whirls around, glaring at you.
āExcuse me?ā Mina snaps, her hands on her hips. "You can't just barge in here-"
But you're not listening. Your focus sharpens as you glance around the room, taking in the perfection of it all. Everything she's built, everything she's taken from you without even knowing it.
āYou ruined him,ā you say suddenly, your voice low and trembling.
Mina freezes, her brows furrowing. āWhat are you talking about?ā
āYou don't deserve him,ā you continue, stepping closer. The words spill out, raw and jagged. You never did. You threw him away.ā
Mina's eyes widen, and for the first time, there's a flicker of unease in her expression. āAre you insane?ā she says, backing up slightly. āThis has nothing to do with you.ā
But it does. It has everything to do with you.
The knife is in your pocket, cold and heavy against your palm as you pull it out. Mina's eyes go wide, and she lets out a sharp gasp.
āY/N, stop. What are vou doing?ā she says, her voice trembling now, you see fear in her eyes, and that is so satisfying
āI'm taking back what's mine,ā you whisper, stepping forward.
Mina screams as you lunge, but she's fast. Her nails rake across your arm as she tries to push you away, drawing blood. The knife slips from your grasp briefly, clattering to the floor, and the two of you struggle, crashing into the coffee table.
She fights harder than you expected. Her fists hit your sides, her nails digging into your skin.
But your rage is stronger, a blinding force that drives you forward.
Finally, you grab the knife again, plunging it into her chest. The scream chokes in her throat, her hands flailing weakly as you press the blade deeper.
The fight leaves her body, her eyes glazing over as she crumples to the floor.
You stand there, panting, your body trembling with adrenaline. Blood pools around her, staining the pristine floor, and it's then you notice the streaks of red on yor wn arms.
Her nails. She scratched you.
Your breath quickens as the reality sets in. You grab a dishcloth from the kitchen, wrapping it around your arm to staunch the bleeding.
You leave quickly, your mind racing. The blood you've left behind is a risk, but it's done now.
She's gone.
As you drive away, the silence in the car feels deafening. You glance at your bandaged arm, your chest heaving with a mix of fear and exhilaration.
It's over. She's gone.
But the faint, nagging thought of the blood you've left behind lingers in the back of your mind, a seed of doubt that you can't shake.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The next day, Jungkookās phone rings with the news. Minaās body is found in at her home reported by the neighbors, discarded like a broken toy. The details of her murder are grislyāso much blood, so many signs of a struggle. But thereās something more. Something that gnaws at him,
He doesnāt know it yet, And Jungkook has no idea how close he is to the one thing heās been hunting.
As he visits the scene of the crime, his heart heavy with guilt over his own sins, the truth starts to swirl around him, each clue pulling him closer to you. But you are always just one step ahead.
And youāre not finished yet.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
Jungkook stands at the edge of the crime scene, Minaās home. Familiar home, his mind racing as he watches the forensic team finish their work. Minaās body has been taken away, but something about the scene feels unfinishedāunnerving. As the team packs up, the lingering sense of wrongness creeps into his chest.
He takes a few more steps into the room, his eyes scanning every inch.
The silence is heavy, thick with the smell of blood, and something else, something he canāt quite place. He feels like heās being watched even though heās the only one left. His gut instinct tells him thereās more to find, something hidden beneath the surface.
āDetective Jeon,ā a voice calls out, pulling him from his thoughts. He turns to see Officer Lee, the junior detective, holding a small evidence bag.
āWhat is it?ā Jungkook asks, his voice tight with impatience.
āSir,ā Lee continues, stepping closer. āWe found something odd in the kitchen area, near the counter. Itās fresh blood, but it doesnāt match the scene at all. Itāsā¦ different.ā
Jungkook raises an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. āWhat do you mean, different?ā
Leeās face shifts, his expression nervous. āItās not the same consistency as the blood weāve been seeing from the victims. It seemsā¦ newer, almost as if it wasnāt part of the original violence.ā
Jungkookās heart skips a beat. The blood. Itās almost like the killer made a mistake. He follows Lee to the kitchen, where they find the dark stain on the floor. Itās small but unmistakable, a sharp contrast against the faded red of the rest of the scene.
He kneels down, his gloved fingers brushing the edges of the stain. The blood is darker than what theyāve seen from the victim, almost as though itās been there for some timeābut that doesnāt make sense. He knew Mina was killed just hours ago.
āIs this from the victim?ā Jungkook asks, still focused on the stain.
āWe donāt think so,ā Lee replies, his tone uncertain. āItās not consistent with the rest of the scene.ā
Jungkookās eyes narrow. āIt looks fresh.ā
His instincts kick in. Something is off, and he knows itās not just the stain. His gaze lingers on the blood. He needs to know more. If this is part of the same pattern, then theyāre dealing with something entirely different.
āSend it to forensics,ā he orders. āGet it tested immediately. I need to know what weāre dealing with.ā
Hours pass before Jungkook finds himself in the sterile white of the forensics lab, waiting as the technician works quickly to process the blood sample theyāve retrieved from the crime scene.
He stands by, his mind on edge, feeling the pull of the unknown tightening its grip. The room is quiet, save for the hum of machinery and the faint clicking of keyboards as the technician runs the test.
Finally, the technician hands Jungkook a printed report. Jungkook takes it with a calmness he doesnāt feel, his fingers trembling ever so slightly as he scans the document.
The results are like a slap in the face.
The bloodāthis bloodābelongs to a woman.
His chest tightens as he rereads the details. But itās not just any woman. The test shows the presence of hormone levels consistent with early pregnancy.
A pregnant woman.
The words blur before his eyes. His mind struggles to make sense of it. Pregnant? How could it be?
This isnāt just some random woman who happened to get involved in the case. This is a pregnant woman. The kind of detail that changes everything.
He stares at the report in stunned silence. Minaās murder doesnāt fit with any of the previous patterns, but thisā¦ this is a whole new level of complexity. And, despite his growing confusion, Jungkook canāt shake the nagging thought that the killer might be someone unexpectedāsomeone whoās been hiding in plain sight.
Jungkookās mind races as he pieces everything together. The fact that the blood belongs to a pregnant woman is huge. It feels like a lead that could take him in an entirely new direction, but thereās something else gnawing at him. A suspicion he canāt quite shake.
Itās the note he found on Minaās body. The strange connection between the killings. Every victim has had a twisted background, all male, all with histories of violence or crime. But Minaā¦ she was an exception. A woman. And she wasnāt involved in the same kind of criminal activity.
His gut is telling him something isnāt right. Heās seen this beforeāwhen his intuition is pushing him toward an answer, even when he doesnāt have all the pieces. And now, with this new revelation about the blood, that nagging feeling is only growing stronger.
Could the killer be a woman? Could the killer be pregnant? The thought unsettles him, but it makes sense. Perhaps this is the killerās twistātargeting those who have wronged others, whoāve hurt people in the most vicious ways, while hiding behind a carefully crafted disguise.
As he stands there, staring at the test results, a chilling realization slowly begins to creep in. He hasnāt even begun to connect the dots. He hasnāt yet put it all together.
And the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes the one thing thatās been staring him in the face all along: someone close to him could be hiding this terrible secret.
But he doesnāt know who that is yet.
The blood. The pregnancy. The mysterious nature of Minaās deathāeverything points to a killer whoās been hidden from view. Someone whoās not just playing a part in this sick game but is actively controlling the strings.
Jungkook takes one last look at the report in his hand. The piece of paper seems to burn with the weight of its revelation.
āPregnant,ā he mutters under his breath, the word tasting bitter in his mouth. āWho could it be?ā
Jungkookās thoughts are muddled. He hasnāt even considered the possibility that someone he knows could be involved. But the facts keep leading him in that direction.
With every passing second, the answer feels closer, yet farther away. All Jungkook knows for certain is that this case is far more complicated than he ever imagined.
And the killer is closer than he thinks.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
That night? he decides to visit his favorite coffee place again
The cafĆ© is dimly lit, the warm golden glow of the overhead lights casting long shadows across the empty tables. Itās lateāwell past closing time for most placesābut youāre still here. Youāve started staying later than usual, lingering in the quiet of your sanctuary, unable to go home to the lingering guilt of what youāve done.
Youāre wiping down the counter when the bell above the door chimes. The sound startles you, breaking through the silence. When you look up, itās him.
Jungkook.
Heās standing in the doorway, his hair slightly disheveled, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. Itās been a month since that night, and he hasnāt been back since. Seeing him now feels like a punch to the chest, and for a moment, you canāt breathe.
āJungkook,ā you say softly, your voice barely audible. āYouāre here again after a long time..ā
He offers a small, tired smile as he steps inside, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. āHey,ā he says, his voice low and gravelly. āI know itās lateā¦ but are you still making coffee?ā
You nod quickly, trying to push down the rising emotions threatening to choke you. āOf course. For you? Always.ā
He sits at his usual spot near the counter, leaning back in the chair as he watches you move around the machine. The silence between you is thick, weighted with everything unsaid.
As you hand him the cup, his fingers brush against yours. The contact is brief but electric, sending a shiver up your spine. He takes a sip, his eyes closing as he lets out a soft sigh.
āThis is exactly what I needed,ā he murmurs, more to himself than to you.
You canāt hold it in anymore. The words burst from your lips before you can stop them. āI need to tell you something.ā
He looks up at you, his brows furrowing slightly. āWhat is it?ā
Your hands tremble as you grip the counter for support. Youāve been rehearsing this in your head for days, but now, with him sitting there, the reality of it feels overwhelming.
āIāmā¦ Iām pregnant,ā you say finally, your voice barely above a whisper.
The words hang in the air, and for a moment, his expression is unreadable. He sets the cup down slowly, staring at you like heās trying to piece together what you just said.
āWhat?ā he says finally, his voice low and filled with disbelief.
You swallow hard, nodding. āItās yours, Jungkook. From that night.ā
His breath hitches, and he leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. āPregnant,ā he repeats, almost to himself. The weight of the revelation sinks in, his eyes flicking to your stomach before meeting your gaze again.
āThatāsā¦ thatās a lot to process,ā he says finally, his tone careful.
āBut.. promise that I wonāt abandon youā¦ I will take full responsibility.. donāt worryā¦ Iām so sorryā
Youāre about to say somethingāanything to break the tensionāwhen his gaze drops to your arm. His brows knit together as he notices the faint, raw scratches peeking out from beneath your sleeve.
āWhat happened to your arm?ā he asks, his tone shifting, more alert now.
Your heart skips a beat, panic rising in your chest. You pull your sleeve down instinctively, hiding the marks. āItās nothing,ā you say quickly, too quickly.
He doesnāt look convinced. His eyes narrow slightly as he studies you. āThose look fresh,ā he says, his voice sharp. āDid someone hurt you?ā
āNo,ā you say firmly, forcing a laugh. āIām just clumsy, thatās all.ā
Jungkook doesnāt respond immediately. He just watches you, his gaze searching, like heās trying to read the truth in your expression.
āY/N,ā he says finally, his voice soft but insistent. āIf somethingās going on, you need to tell me.ā
You shake your head, plastering on a smile that feels more like a mask. āItās nothing, really. You donāt have to worry.ā
But he doesnāt look convinced. His jaw tightens, and he leans forward slightly, his fingers drumming against the edge of the table.
āAre you sure?ā he asks, his voice low.
You nod quickly, avoiding his gaze. āI promise. Everythingās fine.ā
He doesnāt press further, but the tension in the air is palpable. You can feel his eyes on you as you turn away, pretending to busy yourself with cleaning.
The rest of the conversation is stilted, awkward. He finishes his coffee quickly, his movements stiff and deliberate.
āI should go,ā he says finally, standing up and sliding the cup toward you. āThanks for the coffee.ā
You nod, forcing a smile as you watch him leave. The door swings shut behind him, and the silence that follows is deafening.
You lean against the counter, your legs trembling beneath you. The scratches on your arm burn as if in reminder. You knew this moment would come, but now that it has, you feel the weight of everything crashing down around you.
He doesnāt suspect youānot yet. But the way he looked at you, the questions he askedā¦ itās only a matter of time.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
Jungkook sits at his desk in the dimly lit precinct, the case file for Minaās murder spread out before him. His mind is a storm, every detail looping back to the one piece of evidence he canāt shakeāthe fresh blood at the crime scene, identified as belonging to a pregnant woman.
He had brushed it off at first, thinking maybe it was some unknown accomplice or a bizarre twist in the killerās pattern. But now, after his late-night visit to the cafĆ©, everything feels like itās coming together in ways he wishes it wouldnāt.
His hands clench into fists as he remembers Y/Nās confession.
And then there were the scratches.
Theyād looked raw, freshāexactly like the kind of defensive wounds a victim might leave behind. He tries to dismiss the thought. Itās Y/N, he tells himself. Sweet, shy Y/N, who wouldnāt hurt a fly. But the evidence wonāt let him go.
The blood. The scratches. Her sudden nervousness, the way she pulled her sleeve down, the way she avoided his eyes when he asked her about it.
Jungkook takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He doesnāt want to believe itādoesnāt even want to entertain the thought. But as an inspector, he knows he canāt ignore the signs.
He flips through the photos from the crime scene, his eyes lingering on the smear of blood leading away from Minaās body. The forensic team had confirmed it didnāt belong to Mina, and it wasnāt old enough to have been left by anyone else.
It had to be the killerās.
He leans back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. His mind races with conflicting thoughtsāhis duty to the case, his growing feelings for Y/N, and the sickening possibility that they might be connected in ways he canāt yet comprehend.
āJeon,ā his partner calls from across the room, breaking his train of thought. āAnything new?ā
Jungkook shakes his head, snapping the file shut. āNo,ā he lies. āStill piecing it together.ā
But inside, he knows he canāt ignore this.
The next night, Jungkook finds himself back at the cafĆ©. Itās late again, and the streets are quiet, save for the occasional hum of a passing car. He tells himself heās just here for coffee, to clear his head. But deep down, he knows thatās not true.
Y/N is behind the counter, her movements slower than usual, as if weighed down by something unseen. She startles when she sees him walk in, her eyes wide, but she quickly masks it with a smile.
āBack again?ā she asks, her voice trembling slightly.
He nods, offering a small smile of his own. āCouldnāt stay away. You make the best coffee, remember?ā
She laughs softly, but it doesnāt reach her eyes. He watches her closely as she moves, noticing the way she avoids his gaze, the way she keeps her sleeves tugged down over her wrists.
When she sets the cup in front of him, he doesnāt drink right away. Instead, he leans forward, resting his elbows on the counter.
āY/N,ā he says softly, his voice steady but probing.
She looks up at him, her smile faltering. āYeah?ā
āYou never told me how you got those scratches,ā he says, his tone casual but his eyes sharp.
Her breath catches, and he sees the flicker of panic in her expression before she quickly masks it. āI told you,ā she says lightly. āIām clumsy.ā
āClumsy enough to leave marks like that?ā he presses, his gaze unrelenting.
Her hands tremble slightly as she picks up a cloth and starts wiping down the counter. āWhy are you asking?ā she says, her tone defensive.
He leans back, his jaw tightening. āJust curious. You know, with everything going onā¦ people getting hurt. Makes me worry.ā
She doesnāt respond, her focus fixed on the counter. The tension between them is thick, the silence stretching uncomfortably.
āIām fine,ā she says finally, her voice barely above a whisper.
But Jungkook isnāt convinced. Every instinct in him is screaming that something is wrong, that sheās hiding something. And yet, despite everything, a part of him doesnāt want to believe it.
āOkay,ā he says finally, his tone softening. āIf you say so.ā
But as he leaves the cafĆ© that night, the weight of his suspicions feels heavier than ever. The blood, the scratches, her nervousnessāit all lines up too perfectly to ignore.
Jungkook walks slowly back to his car, his mind swirling with thoughts he doesnāt want to entertain. He stops just short of the driverās seat, leaning against the door and staring at the dark street ahead.
The Y/N he knowsāthe one heās been drawn to, the one who seemed so kind, so unassumingācouldnāt possibly be capable of this. Could she?
He slams his fist lightly against the roof of the car, frustration boiling under his skin. He doesnāt want to doubt her. But the evidence doesnāt lie.
That same night, Jungkook decides to dive deeper into the case. He returns to the precinct and retrieves the forensic report on the blood found at Minaās home. Heās read it before, but now, with fresh eyes, he scans the details again.
The report confirms it: the blood belongs to a pregnant woman. The realization sends a chill down his spine.
Jungkook rubs a hand over his face, exhaustion creeping in as he tries to piece it all together. The killer had left no other traceāno prints, no DNAājust this blood. It was careless, uncharacteristic of someone who had been so meticulous with the other murders.
Why now? he wonders.
The connection feels tenuous at best, but the scratches on Y/Nās arm flash in his mind again, and he canāt ignore the unease building in his chest.
āJeon,ā his partner calls from his desk, interrupting his thoughts. āYouāre still here? Go home, man. Youāve been at this for weeks.ā
Jungkook forces a nod, shutting the file and grabbing his coat. āYeah, Iām going,ā he mutters.
But he doesnāt go home.
Instead, he drives back to Minaās house, parking a short distance away and stepping out into the cold night. The crime scene has long since been cleared, but he needs to see it again, needs to feel it.
The house looms dark and silent, a grim reminder of what had happened within its walls. He steps closer, his boots crunching against the gravel as he shines his flashlight across the ground.
And then he sees itāa faint stain on the walkway leading away from the house.
His heart pounds as he kneels down, pulling on gloves and carefully swabbing the dried blood. Itās faint but fresh enough to have gone unnoticed during the initial sweep.
He stands, staring at the swab in his hand. It could be nothing, a stray smear left behind by someone from the forensics team. But it could also be something.
Someone.
As he slips the evidence into a bag, his mind circles back to Y/N. The scratches. Her sudden announcement. The way she seemed so on edge, so unlike herself.
The thought makes his stomach twist painfully. He doesnāt want to believe it, but the pieces are falling into place, and the picture theyāre forming is one he canāt ignore.
He gets back into his car, gripping the steering wheel tightly. His next steps are clear: have the blood tested again, cross-reference it, and get answers.
But for now, he sits in the dark, staring out at the empty street,
Caught between his duty as an inspector and the growing fear that the woman heās falling for might be the one heās been chasing all along.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
Itās been days since Jungkook swabbed the blood at Minaās crime scene. Days of sleepless nights, staring at reports, running DNA tests, and trying to ignore the tightening noose of suspicion around Y/N.
The results came back that morning. The blood is a match. A match for the mysterious pregnant killer. A match for Y/N, You.
The words on the report burn into his mind, but he canāt bring himself to process them fully. Instead, he spends hours driving aimlessly through Seodaemun-gu, circling back to the cafĆ© before stopping outside Y/Nās small apartment.
Heās not sure what heās going to say, or do. The woman heās fallen forāwho is carrying his childāhas killed at least eighteen people, including Mina. But the thought of turning you in feels like a betrayal heās incapable of.
Jungkook climbs the steps to your door, his heart pounding so hard heās sure youāll hear it the moment he knocks.
The door opens almost immediately, and Y/Nās face lights up in surprise. āJungkook,ā you say softly, but thereās a tension in your voice, as if youāve been expecting this moment.
He steps inside without asking, closing the door behind him. His eyes scan the room, searching for somethingāanything that might confirm what he already knows.
āYouāve been avoiding me,ā you say, your voice low. You move to the small kitchen, your movements stiff.
āY/N,ā he says, his voice calm but firm. āWe need to talk.ā
You freeze, your back to him, her hand resting on the counter. āAbout what?ā
He doesnāt answer immediately, instead stepping closer. āYou already know what.ā
Y/N turns to face him, Your expression guarded. āI donāt know what youāre talking about, Jungkook.ā
āDonāt,ā he says, his tone sharper than he intends. He exhales slowly, trying to keep his emotions in check. āI know, Y/N. About Mina. About all of it.ā
Your face pales, and for a moment, you doesnāt respond. Then you cross your arms, your gaze steady but wary. āYouāre mistaken,ā you say evenly.
āIām not,ā he replies. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out the forensic report, dropping it onto the table. āThis is your blood. At Minaās house. You were there.ā
Y/Nās breath catches, and you looks down at the report, your hands trembling. āItās not what you think,ā you whisper,
āThen tell me what it is!ā His voice rises, the frustration and desperation spilling out. āBecause the evidence says you killed her, Y/N. It says youāve killed all of them.ā
She doesnāt deny it. Instead, she steps back, her hands gripping the edge of the counter as if to steady herself. āI did it,ā she says quietly, her voice breaking. āBut they deserved it, Jungkook. Every single one of them.ā
He stares at her, the weight of her confession hitting him like a freight train. āMina didnāt deserve it,ā he says, his voice hollow.
Her eyes fill with tears, and she shakes her head. āShe broke you, Jungkook. She hurt you. And I couldnātāā
āThat wasnāt your decision to make!ā he shouts, his voice cracking with emotion. āYou had no right!ā
Silence falls between them, heavy and suffocating. Y/Nās tears spill over, but she doesnāt move, doesnāt try to defend herself further.
Jungkook rubs a hand over his face, his thoughts spiraling. He knows what he should doāwhat his duty demands. But when he looks at her, at the woman carrying his child, he feels nothing but agony.
āIām pregnant,ā she says suddenly, her voice trembling.
āI know,ā he says, his voice barely above a whisper.
āSERIOUSLY YN What the fuck have you done? I fell in love with a psychotic killer. FUCK!ā
She flinches at his tone, her tears falling harder. āI didnāt mean for this to happen,ā she says, her voice cracking. āI just, I couldnāt let them keep hurting people. I couldnāt let her keep hurting you.ā
Jungkook closes his eyes, her words tearing through him. When he finally looks at her again, his expression is unreadable. āDo you understand what youāve done?ā he asks, his voice quiet but laced with pain.
āYes,ā she whispers.
āYouāve destroyed everything,ā he says, his voice breaking.
She sobs, collapsing into a chair. āI didnāt mean to destroy you, Jungkook. Iāā
āYou didnāt destroy me,ā he cuts her off, his tone icy. āYou destroyed us.ā
The room falls silent again, the weight of his words suffocating them both.
Finally, he speaks, his voice hollow. āI canāt turn you in, Y/N. I should, but I canāt. Because Iāā He stops himself, shaking his head as if to dispel the thought. āBut I need you to know that what youāve doneā¦ itās unforgivable.ā
She looks up at him, her tear-streaked face full of anguish. āThen what happens now?ā
Jungkook stares at her for a long moment, his jaw clenched, his hands trembling. āI donāt know,ā he says finally, his voice barely audible. āI donāt know.ā
And with that, he turns and walks out, leaving her alone with her guilt and the devastating weight of what sheās done.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
He takes a lot of Days to think about what heās gonna do next, the truth is that heās fallen too deeply in love with you to turn you in especially since he found out that youāre pregnant and as fucked up as it sounds, but the way you confessed to him that you killed Mina because she had hurt him,
It switched something inside him.. no one has ever gone that far for him.
Youāre expecting his child
He has to do something to save you. He cannot turn you in no matter what.
So he decides to do something, a week later.
Jungkook sits alone in his car, parked a block away from the station. The stack of case files sits on the passenger seat, the details of eighteen brutal murders outlined in gruesome detail. At the top of the stack is Minaās file.
The weight of what heās about to do crushes his chest, but heās made his decision.
If you go down, you take his child with you. You take him with you.
He exhales sharply, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. Heās always been a by-the-book cop, but the moment he fell for Y/N, that part of him started to crumble. Now, heās about to destroy whatās left of it.
He enters the station with confidence and a mask.
The precinct buzzes with energy as Jungkook walks in, the familiar hum of chatter and clacking keyboards filling the air. His partner, Detective Choi, greets him with a nod.
āGot something for me, Jeon?ā Choi asks, leaning back in his chair.
Jungkook sets the files down on his desk, forcing a calm expression. āYeah,ā he says. āIāve been looking into a lead.ā
Choi raises an eyebrow. āA lead? Weāve been spinning our wheels on this for months. What kind of lead?ā
Jungkook opens Minaās file, pulling out the report he fabricated the night before. He had spent hours doctoring evidence, crafting a story that would absolve Y/N of suspicion.
āThis,ā he says, handing the report to Choi.
Choi scans the document, his expression shifting from skepticism to curiosity. āA drug connection?ā
āYeah,ā Jungkook lies smoothly. āI traced the source of the drug found in all the victims to a trafficking ring operating out of Incheon. Itās messy, but I think one of their enforcers is responsible for the killings.ā
Choi frowns, flipping through the pages. āAn enforcer who kills eighteen people, including Mina, and just disappears?ā
āThatās the thing,ā Jungkook says, leaning in. āI think theyāve already been eliminated. Internal cleaning. It explains why the killings stopped after Minaās case.ā
Itās a bold lie, but Jungkook delivers it with conviction, weaving in just enough plausible details to make it stick. He knows Choi is sharp, but he also knows his partner is tired of this case. They all are.
Choi nods slowly, handing the report back. āItās a stretch, but it tracks. Youāre saying we close this case on the assumption the killerās dead?ā
Jungkook shrugs, feigning indifference. āUnless youāve got a better lead, I donāt see another option. The evidence lines up. Itās messy, but it fits.ā
Choi exhales heavily, rubbing his temples. āFine. Iāll run it by the chief.ā
ā¢ā¢ā¢
The reaction is mixed. Some detectives are relieved to put the case behind them, satisfied with Jungkookās explanation. Others grumble about loose ends and unanswered questions, but no one presses too hard.
āGood work, Jeon,ā the chief says, clapping him on the shoulder. āYouāve been on this for months. Go home. Get some rest.ā
Jungkook forces a smile, nodding. āThanks, chief.ā
As he walks out of the precinct, he feels the weight of his actions settle over him. Heās betrayed his badge, his oath, and every victim in this case.
But heās saved you.
But thereās still a lot of loose ends that he needs to tie up, especially to convince his department that the pregnant woman was a pawn.
He needs to do something really convincing, and soon because time is running out.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
After a lot of days later, youāre almost now almost two pregnant, Jungkook hasnāt visited you after that confrontation and you think that maybe heās abandoned you and maybe heās gonna arrest you but youāre ready to pay for your sins.
You know what you were getting into when you decided to do this and you donāt regret killing any one of them.
Especially not Mina
Only if you had any ideaā¦ about what is happening around youā¦
ļæ¼ The apartment is quiet when Jungkook arrives. The air feels thick with tension, the kind that comes from unsaid words, from everything thatās been building up for weeks, months even.
Heās been here before, countless times, but tonight feels different. Itās as if the weight of everything thatās happened has finally caught up to him. The lies. The murder. The twisted love youāve both been hiding from.
Youāre sitting at the kitchen table when he walks in, a cup of cold coffee in front of you, untouched. The dim light casts long shadows across your face,
making you look almost ethereal, but thereās a darkness in your eyes that he hasnāt seen before. He doesnāt know whether itās the guilt or the truth that lingers between you both, but itās there. Itās palpable.
You donāt stand up when he enters. You donāt even look at him at first. Instead, your fingers trace the rim of the cup absentmindedly, like youāre lost in thought, deciding what to say. Or maybe deciding if you should say anything at all.
āYouāre here,ā you say finally, your voice quiet, almost resigned. āI was wondering when youād come.ā
Jungkook closes the door behind him, his breath heavy. The sight of you is almost too much to bear.
He feels the pull, the urgency of everything thatās been building up since that night at the cafĆ©. But thereās something else too. Something darker. The guilt. The secret heās been keeping. The knowledge that heās closing his eyes to the truth.
āI had to,ā he replies, his voice hoarse. His eyes move to you, scanning your face, trying to find the woman he once thought he understood, the one who wasnāt a murderer. But now, nothing seems as simple as it once did.
You finally look up, your eyes meeting his, and for a brief moment, he sees it. The crack in your facade. The vulnerability that youāve been hiding. But itās fleeting. Quickly masked by that cold, calculating expression heās learned to fear.
āYou did what you had to?ā you echo, a bitter smile tugging at your lips. āFunny. I didnāt know I was something you had to protect.ā
Your stomach twists, guilt washing over you as you feel the weight of your words. The truth that heās been avoiding hits you like a punch to the gut.
āI didnāt want toā¦,ā he starts, his words faltering. āI didnāt want any of this. But I couldnāt let you go. Not after everything.ā
You smile, but itās not a smile at all. Itās a mask. A shield youāve put up, but he sees through it. Just like heās starting to see through everything youāve done.
āWhy didnāt you let me go, Jungkook?ā you ask, standing slowly, your eyes never leaving his. You take a step toward him, the space between you narrowing with every heartbeat. āBecause of your guilt? Or because you want me? Because you want us?ā
Jungkook feels the heat rising in his chest, his body tense, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He wants to deny it, wants to tell you that itās not like that, but the truth is too raw to ignore. Heās in too deep. Heās in love with you.
āIā¦ā he hesitates, struggling with the words that seem impossible to say. āI donāt know what to believe anymore, Y/N. But I want you. More than anything.ā
The words hang in the air between you both, thick with tension. You step closer, the space between you vanishing entirely. Your breath is warm against his skin as you raise a hand to his chest, tracing a line down to the hem of his shirt.
āThen why do you keep pretending like this is all just a mistake?ā Your voice is soft now, a little breathless, but thereās something in it that makes his heart race even faster. āYou know what Iāve done. You know the truth. So why are we still playing this game?ā
His chest tightens as he stares into your eyes, the question echoing in his mind. Why are we still playing this game?
Heās already crossed too many lines, already made choices that canāt be undone. Heās in love with you, and thatās the only truth he can hold onto right now. But the guilt, the knowledge of what youāve doneāitās suffocating him.
āIām here because I donāt have a choice,ā he says, his voice barely a whisper. āIāve already made my choice. And itās you.ā
You look at him, your gaze calculating, but something flickers in your eyes. Relief? Or is it something darker? He canāt tell anymore.
āYou donāt have to choose between me and the truth, Jungkook,ā you say, stepping even closer until youāre inches apart. āThe truth isā¦ we belong together. In everything weāve done. In everything weāll do.ā
The words send a shiver through him. Thereās no going back now. He knows it. You know it.
His hands reach for you, pulling you into him, and your lips meet in a kiss that is desperate and consuming. Heās not thinking anymore. Heās not questioning. Heās just here, with you, drowning in everything thatās pulled you both together.
When you finally break apart, his breath is ragged, his chest heaving. Your hands rest on his shoulders, your eyes dark with something he canāt quite place.
āIāll do anything for you,ā he says, his voice hoarse, the words pouring out of him without thought.
āI know,ā you reply softly, your fingers brushing against his neck. āAnd Iāll do anything for you too. But we have to be honest with each other now. No more lies.ā
He nods, the weight of your words sinking into his bones. Thereās no turning back now. āJungkook.. you know it was a big skill investigation rate. How did you even convince your department to close the case tell me what did you do.ā
He looks at you and smiles
Heās made his choice.
āOkay fine I will tell you.ā
The investigation was closing in, and with each passing day, the walls seemed to close in tighter around Jungkook. The bloodāso carefully planted at Minaās crime sceneāwas becoming a ticking time bomb, and the pressure to keep Y/N safe weighed heavily on him. His heart hammered in his chest every time the case came up in discussion, and he knew he had to take drastic measures.
He needed to shut it all down. Permanently.
Thatās when it hit him: a recently discovered body in a nearby district. A womanāpregnant, recently deceased, and conveniently found under suspicious circumstances. She wasnāt the killer, but to Jungkook, she might as well have been. He could use her to frame the entire investigation.
When Jungkook visited the morgue that night, the body lay still on the cold steel table, a haunting reminder of the fragile line between life and death. The woman had died under mysterious circumstances, no clear motive, no clear suspect. And with her pregnancy, she was the perfect pawn.
Jungkookās mind raced as he walked around the body, his eyes lingering on her swollen belly, her pale face, the indistinct bruises on her skin that told a story he wasnāt entirely sure he wanted to know. He felt a sharp pang in his chest, the ghost of guilt flickering behind his thoughts. But there was no time for hesitation. He needed this body.
In his mind, he already had a plan.
He would stage the scene, make it look like this woman was the killer. Heād plant evidence that suggested the woman had been linked to Minaās deathātrace amounts of blood, a few fingerprints in the wrong places. A well-placed piece of clothing or object to tie her to the scene. It was risky, but it was the only way to close the case without implicating Y/N.
The morgue attendant, a sleepy-eyed man who didnāt seem to care much for the dead, handed him the body without question. Jungkook took a deep breath, making sure his hands didnāt shake. He carefully moved the body, knowing exactly what he needed to do.
Hours later, the police were called to a new crime scene. It was the same as alwaysāan empty alleyway with the body of a woman found in a position that suggested something far darker than a random attack. The crime scene looked eerily similar to the previous murders, and thatās exactly what Jungkook had hoped for.
His mind worked quickly, placing the body of the pregnant woman at the scene as though she had been the one to kill Mina. The blood trail leading away from her. A few well-placed items. The evidence was there, but just subtle enough to make it believable.
The next day, Jungkook presented the findings to the department. His colleagues seemed to buy it without much question.
The body of the pregnant woman, found near the alley where Mina had been murdered, in her own home, was identified as the suspect. The evidenceāthough still sparseāwas enough to back up the theory he had fabricated.
āIāve spoken with forensics,ā Jungkook said, standing tall as the room buzzed with suspicion. āThe blood found near Minaās body and the scene where this woman was found confirms our theory. This woman, whoever she was, was clearly involved. And she was pregnant, which explains her connection to the killer weāve been hunting.ā
The room fell silent, the officers looking at each other in confusion. But Jungkook pressed on, pushing the narrative with an authoritative tone.
āShe was part of the criminal network, no doubt. This is why the killer used her. She was a pawn, an expendable figure, dragged into something much larger.ā
āBut with her death, weāve finally identified her role. Sheās the one we were after.ā
Jungkookās voice was steady, rehearsed, convincing. He wasnāt just presenting evidence; he was weaving the story.
One of the officers, a sharp-eyed veteran named Park, raised an eyebrow, leaning forward with a skeptical look. āAre you sure, Jeon? This all seemsā¦ too neat. A little too perfect.ā
Jungkook took a breath, pushing his doubts aside. āWe have to tie it up. The evidence is there. It explains everything. And it leads us to believe that the killer is someone who knew how to manipulate the situation. A pregnant woman was used to distract us from the true killer.ā
He met Parkās gaze, holding it long enough to send the message. There was no going back now. He had to make this work.
ā¢ā¢ā¢
After a lot of deliberation, and no further suspicions or clues, Jungkooks lie worked
But there were too many questions now. How far could he go before his lies caught up to him? Would the department ever suspect him, even if theyād closed the case?
And most importantly, how much longer could he keep this secretāhis secretāhidden from everyone, especially from Y/N?
With the departmentās approval, Jungkook walked away from the case, his mind heavy with the weight of the lies heād told. But as whenever he looked at Y/N, the mother of his child, he knew that no matter what it took, he would do whatever it took to keep her from being discovered.
The announcement came in later that day: Case #178-C, the Seodaemun Serial Killings, officially closed.
The case was officially closed. The department was satisfied, the investigation wrapped up, and the media was ready to move on to the next headline. Jungkook, however, couldnāt shake the feeling that everything was unraveling. He had used the body of a pregnant woman, a victim in her own right, to save Y/Nāand his own conscience.
And now you two, will be together forever, and it will be your own heaven where no one will ever disturb you both and your growing family.
Everything is fair in love and war after to all
And this was both.
The love stored in his heart and the war of his own conscious, and eventually the love for you and his heart lawn over the war in his conscious.
āSo you see, yn? Start packing your bags. Youāre moving in with me and weāre gonna get married and have a child and live happily ever after.ā
He stares at you with a lot of love in his eyes, but thereās something darker and you recognize it because itās such a familiar look
A look that you often saw in your own mirror.
You kiss him again and smile against his lips.
You will do anything for him and you know now that he will also do anything for you.
Everything was worth it.
He was always worth it.
And he knows for a fact that youāre always gonna be worth it
#jungkook smut#bts smut#jungkook x reader#yandere bts#yandere jungkook#yandere jjk#jjk smut#yandere x reader#yandere smut#smut#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook fic#jungkook ff#jungkook fanfiction#bts ff#bts fanfic#bts fanfction#jeongguk smut#jeon jeongguk#bts x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#bts x you#bts x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#bts angst
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Something you paid for
Fernando Alonso x Reader
Summary: Two years into the best relationship of your life, you find out that Fernando thinks you don't love him. But it get worse and you realize the whole world think of you as gold digger.
Word count: 5.7k
Tags: female!reader, established relationship, slut shaming, reader is confused, fernando is even more confused, miscommunication, cursing, a bit angsty, hurt/comfort, soft smut (almost not there), happy ending, not beta read
Relationship: Fernando Alonso x Reader
Note: I'm honestly not 100% sure about this story, a had another ending planned but I wanted it to be HEA. I don't know. :(
I'm sorry if it's rushed or full of mistakes. Feedback and opinions are appreciated xx
Find me on Twitter!
It was supposed to be just a pause in your studies. Something quick since your brain was already mushy from studying and writing your research for too long.
So when you picked up your phone, to aimlessly scroll through social media, you didnāt expect to see a new, sudden rush of comments on your instagram page. There were thousands of comments in your last post, calling you a gold digger, and much, much worse. Ever since you started dating Fernando, you had been getting these comments, and in the beginning they were worse but slowed down with time. Now they were on a new high again. Confused more than anything, you went on to try and find out what happened for this to happen all of a sudden. You and Fernando hadnāt gone out together for more than two weeks and you hadnāt been to a race week for a month.
After digging you eventually found out what happened. Deuxmoi posted something that made everyone quickly think it was you.
A lady whoās 12 years younger than her famous Spanish Formula One driver boyfriend, is known for being with him for his money. Many tried to warn him, but it seems like he doesnāt believe or doesnāt care.
Confused, you stared at the post, scrolling through hundreds of nasty, poisonous comments. That wasnāt true. Fernando did give you lots of presents and spoiled you a lot but he did this out of his own want, not because you asked for or demanded it. He was constantly giving you things, especially clothes, shoes and bags, and loved seeing you wearing them. He also gave you an Aston Martin car on your last birthday. He even went as far as getting you a credit card attached to his, for whenever you needed to buy books or go on a shopping spree. You never minded it because you knew he liked it, instead of refusing you were just grateful for his generosity.
You wondered if you should talk about it with him, but deep down you knew Fernando was never one to care for gossip of any kind. And this probably wasnāt even true to begin with, just someone trying to stir the pot. So you just limited the comments in your posts and went on about your day.
A week later you went to the race, it was Silverstone, and the last before summer break. You decided to dress your best, wearing clothes that were pretty and elegant and had been given to you by Fernando.
He always treated you like a princess, he was kind and patient, and always found a way to align your schedules to spend time together. He liked taking you on trips during summer break and to ski trips during winter break. Fernando adored having you around in race weeks, you could see in his face that he was radiant with your presence. And you loved all the gifts and the trips but you especially loved staying home with him, lazing around, making love on the sofa and taking walks hand in hand in his hometown. You loved helping him cook, trying your best to follow his orders and not mess up his recipes.Ā
You walked into the paddock hand in hand, and you kept him company whenever you could. He would keep you around the most, only letting you go when he had meetings or media duties. During that time, you would go back to his room and do a little more of your research, writing your thesis.
You left his room so you could grab a snack and a coffee at the hospitality, but as you passed by a hallway, you heard someone saying your name in conversation. You stopped, leaning against the wall to hear, with a glance, you saw two mechanics talking.
āSeems like everyone tried to warn him, man. But itās like he doesnāt mind dating a gold digger.ā
āIs she a gold digger, really?ā
āMan, she doesnāt do anything! She doesn't even work.ā
āHas anyone warned Fernando?ā
āEveryone.ā
You went back inside his driverās room, sitting down, completely shocked. So thatās what people thought of you? You knew people on the internet talked about it, but they were strangers so you wouldnāt allow yourself to mind because those people didnāt know you. But the people in the garage? Theyāve known you for almost two years now, you were always kind and polite to them, even going as far as bringing them cookies and donuts as thank you for welcoming you so well.
You avoided crying, it would ruin your makeup, and Fernando would notice it very quickly. So you just sat there, numb. Thinking about how everyone believed you were with Fernando because of his money and nothing else.
When Fernando found you again, before he had to go get ready for the race, he noticed you were a little down.
āYou should not study so hard on the weekends, princesa.ā He muttered, hugging you from behind and leaving a gentle kiss to your neck. Of course, he would think you were just tired.
āYou are absolutely right, mi amor,ā you smiled a little, turning around so you could hug him properly, ādo you have time for a little kiss?ā
āEven two,ā he joked.
You ended up sitting on his lap, making out like two teenagers, until someone knocked on the door, calling Fernando to go get ready.
āHey, good luck, yeah?ā You said, kissing him one more time then kissing the back of his hand, āI love you.ā
You watched the race from the garage, feeling self conscious now that it seemed like everyone thought you were leeching off of Fernando.
In the end, Fernando got P3 which was a great result and you celebrated wildly, proudly watching him get on the podium.
After his post race meetings, you met him in his room.
āLetās go out to celebrate! Dinner is on me!ā You hugged him, mood better now than before.
You and him ended up going out for dinner, at a high end restaurant, dressed to the nines. It was fun, you listened to Fernando talking about the race, then he asked you what you thought about the race.
Before dessert, you went into the bathroom to retouch your makeup and freshen up. When you came back, your tiramisu was already there. You and Fernando shared the dessert, laughing to each other.
When the waitress came, you picked the opportunity.
āDear, can we get the tab please?ā
āItās already taken care of, Madam.ā
Your smile faltered, and you looked at Fernando as she left. He was smiling like he couldnāt hold it in.
āFernando! I said dinner was on me!ā
āWhy would I let you pay, princesa?ā
āBecause you got a podium today! As a celebration!ā You whined, upset. Fernando pulled your chair, until you were right beside him and he kissed your cheek.
āI like paying for you, Hermosa,ā Fernando stood up, offering you a hand, ācome on, you can treat me right in our hotel room, what about that?ā
You smiled as he pulled you away, but something still nagged at your brain.
You and Fernando took the private plane back to Madrid after the date, because he had sponsor meetings over the week, and you honestly wanted to sleep in your bed. The trip was quick, and while Fernando took a nap, you tried studying, but your mind kept going back to being called a gold digger.
Deep down, you really wanted to talk to Fernando about it, but you were unsure if he could fix this in any way. What could he do? Make a post on instagram saying hey, my girlfriend isnāt leeching off of me as most you think!? You did live with Fernando, for six months now, and he paid all the bills and the house was his. But he also gave you many many gifts.
When you got home, putting your bags inside the closet, you two just changed into sleepwear, ready to doze off.
Then Fernando opened his bag and grabbed a small box.
āOh, I had forgotten! Got you a present last week in Austria!ā
He handed you the box, and with your heart beating fast, you opened it to a beautiful vintage watch. It was gold, delicate with a beautiful bracelet. There was a lump in your throat as you stared at the piece.
āYou didnāt like it? Itās ok, princesa, Iāll get you another one,ā he said, with a gentle smile.
āI donāt need another watch, Nando. You gave me this one not even a month ago,ā you raised your wrist, showing him the brand new one he gave you.
āI want to give it to you. It doesnāt matter,ā he shrugged.
āAnd I donāt want it,ā god, you didnāt want to sound so ungrateful, but how could you tell him that his presents felt like something else now? āYou have to stop giving me so many presents,ā you said, trying to put into words what you were feeling.
āBut thatās how I won you over, why would you refuse my presents now?ā
Something about the nonchalance in his voice made you stop, stomach dropping. Thatās how I won you over? Thatās how he believed your relationship came to be? Thatās why he thought you were together?
āWhat did you say?ā You paused, suddenly turning to him, it felt like a punch to the throat, āYou- you believe Iām a gold digger? You believe it?ā
Fernando walked up to you, putting both hands on your waist, a soft smile gracing his face.
āAmor, you know I donāt mind spending my money on you. Quite the opposite, I love to spoil you.ā
You stood there, speechless for a couple of seconds. Then you snapped out of it, pushing his hands off you.
āThatās not what I asked!ā Your voice sounded louder, you tried to regain your composure, āpeople talk a lot, the press too, but you know the truth, right?!ā
āIām a rich man, I like providing you with the luxurious lifestyle you lead. I donāt care that you enjoy my money.ā
His words made it so much worse. It made you nauseous, the idea that all this time, heās been thinking of you as a gold digger, as someone whoās only with him for his money and for what he could provide for you.
āNo, Fernando- no!ā Your voice wavered, āthatās not true! I love you, you know that right?ā
āWhy are you so caught up in some silly rumor?
āYou know right? You know I love you.ā You pressed further waiting for an answer. Hoping against hope that he knew it deep down, that he could acknowledge that you harbored love for him.
āAmor, we have such a great dynamic like this. I donāt need your love, just your loyalty and for you to be my pretty girl.ā
He was so calm and reassuring, like he had made peace with the fact that you didnāt love him. Like he wasnāt bothered at all by the fact that you were supposedly a gold digger. His dismissal broke something inside you.
āSo you donāt- you donāt believe I love you?ā
You felt pathetic and helpless, repeating the same words again and again, hoping and praying for a different answer from Fernando.
āCome on, Iām really tired, can we go to sleep?
āFernando.ā
āIām going to wait for you in bed,ā was all he said, dismissing you completely.
You walked out of the room at the same time he went into the bathroom, you held your head up until you softly closed the door behind you, then finally the tears spilled. You went to the bathroom downstairs, the farthest you could go away from him as the sobs broke from your throat violently.
Sliding down on the floor you wondered if everything was lie. You knew it wasnāt but the fact that he thought you were only there for the money was completely wrong. How long had he been thinking that? How many times had he heard you say āI love youā and thought it wasnāt true? You didnāt even know what to do or what to feel. How could you feel if this whole time while you were pouring your heart into this relationship he thought you were just leeching off of him? How can you love someone so deeply and still live with the fact they think of you as a freeloader? Did he joke with his friends like yeah, sheās a gold digger but at least sheās loyal and fucks me well?Ā
Your chest hurt and you felt repulsive, making your way to the living room, opening a bottle of his whiskey, not bothering with a glass, just sipping it straight from the bottle.
What could you do now? Talk to him? Tell him youāre not with him for his money? After two whole years accepting his every gift with open arms? After getting a fortune worth of presents? After letting him pay for your books, textbooks, new laptop? After letting him pay for dates, trips, clothes, accessories, shoes and jewelry?
You hated yourself for it now. For taking it just because you thought it was his love language, not because deep down he was trying to keep you, buying your affection.
After spending the whole night awake, nursing a bottle and with only your repulsive thoughts as company, you watched as the sun rose from the big living room window.
It was time to fix it.
Fernando was an early riser almost every morning, so after the sun fully rose in the sky, you went in the kitchen and prepared coffee, to cut the effect of the alcohol. You werenāt drunk, really.
āMorning, bebĆ©! You woke up earlier than me today?ā He said, passing you with a kiss to your cheek, then going to the cabinet for a mug. He was so unbothered by your argument last night it was pissing you off.
āI didnāt sleep.ā
He paused, looking at your face.
āWe should talk.ā You readied yourself. Fernando stopped in front of you, attentive. āIāve been hearing a lot this past week that Iām a gold digger, this has been making me feel some kind of way, and I wanted to address this with you. Last night you were tired and we probably misunderstood each otherā¦ā
āWhere are you going with this, corazĆ³n?ā He asked, confused.
āIām not with you for your money, Fernando. Do you understand that?ā
He stood silent, which only made you feel worse.
āI want you to stop giving me presents without a proper occasion. And I want you to stop paying stuff for me. And weāre going to share house bills.ā You laid it all out, after thinking hard all throughout the night.
āWhat are you talking about? No, I donāt accept it.ā He frowned, āthat wasnāt the deal when we moved in together.ā
āBecause I didnāt know everything back then. I donāt want to feel like Iām taking advantage of you, and I donāt live at your cost like this.ā
āNo, Y/N.ā He took a step back, shaking his head as if you had said the most stupid thing he had ever heard.
āIām serious, Fernando.ā
āNo, Iām not negotiating this. I pay for everything. Thatās how itās been and thatās how it will be.ā
āI just want to show you that Iām not with you for the money! Iām not what theyāre calling me! No more presents, Fernando.ā
āYou took them.ā
āBecause I thought you wanted me to have them!ā
āI wanted you to have them so you would want to stay with me!ā
You gasped, hearing it from his mouth finally. The tears finally started flowing, and you swallowed, trying to keep your voice steady even with the tempest happening inside your chest, staining the beautiful story of your relationship. Well, what you thought was a beautiful relationship.
āYouāre just like them, right?ā You said, defeated, āyou think of me as a gold digging whore. You probably never defended me when they called me that.ā
āI gave you all this stuff because I didnāt want you to leave!ā
āIt was never about the fucking money! And guess what? You lost me anyway!ā You marched to the bedroom, Fernando hot on your heels.
āDonāt. Donāt leave.ā He said, following you. āI did everything for you to never leave!ā
āEverything but loving me! I donāt fucking care!ā You unlatched your necklace, putting it on the table, āI donāt care about your money and the jewelry and the clothes and the bags!ā You put down your watch and earrings too. Everything he had given you not because he wanted you or loved you, but because he thought they were the price to pay to keep you around.
āFuck, I love you!ā You shouted, feeling desperate and lost, āAnd all you see me as is something you paid for. A toy you can parade around and look pretty in your arm! You donāt even love me, Fernando. I could write a list about everything I love about you, and none of it would be your stupid money!ā
In the closet, you picked a bag, and started putting your clothes inside. Then you noticed how most of them were gifts from him. So you put it back, taking only what you had bought yourself. Fernando stood there, helpless as you packed, putting clothes and a few shoes in a couple of baggage. You also took your study material and laptop, which he had gifted you, but you knew youād refund him.
āStop, no,ā Fernando tried to stop you as went into the garage, āI do, I love you.ā
āYou donāt, Fernando. Youāre not even sure of that.ā You shook your head, putting the bags inside the car. The Aston Martin he had given you, āyou have to think. If you really love me as you say, then why do you love me? Because Iām eye candy you can take to galas? Because Iām a good fuck? Because I stand there and look pretty when you have to kiss those old menās asses?ā
You didnāt give him a second, getting in the car and starting the engine.
āThis is so messed up, oh my god, how could I let myself believe this for two entire years?ā You whispered to yourself, accelerating the car and driving off.Ā
Through the rear view, you could see Fernando standing there, doing nothing.
You drove and wiped the tears away, breathing in. When you moved in with Fernando, you hadnāt been able to get out of the lease of your flat because you still had a few months on your renting contract. Now it felt like luck that you had a place to stay. Despite getting your doctorate degree, you didnāt have any friends in the city, only a few acquaintances here and there.
You got to the apartament, not bothering to unpack your bags, only leaving it on the bedroom floor. You took your study material and with your phone in hand, you sent Fernando via transfer a total 4000 euros, for what you hoped covered the ālaptop and books expensesā as you wrote in the little note.
Then you laid on the bed, crying yourself to sleep.
You woke up and it was getting dark, the sun setting outside. Checking your phone, there were fourteen missed calls from Fernando, and a notification, showing that he had returned the money to you, with additional 30000 euros and only ānoā written on the little note. Huffing, you sent the whole amount back and blocked him, so he couldnāt transfer any more money to you.
He still had not realized what was wrong, he was still thinking money was your motivation.
The next few days felt like a haze, you were barely getting any sleep, only eating and writing your research, which ultimately reminded you of Fernando, since it was a study on aerodynamics. You couldnāt lie to yourself, thinking of how many times you stared at the door, waiting and hoping he would understand and come after you.
-
Fernando had work commitments in England, and going back to Madrid, he ended up giving George and his girlfriend a lift. Fernando was visibly not himself as soon as George saw him.
āHowās Y/N doing?ā George asked, casually. But from the way Fernandoās face dropped, he could tell something was wrong, ātrouble with the missus?ā He joked, tried to lighten the mood.
āShe- uh, she left.ā Fernando muttered.
āWhat do you mean, she left?ā Carmen joined the conversation, āSheās traveling?ā
āNo- no- I guess we broke up.ā
āYou guess?!ā Georgeās voice went a little high pitched out of nervousness.
āFernando, what happened?ā Carmen tried to understand.Ā
Despite not being exactly best friends, you and her were pretty close, always spending time together whenever both of you were on race weekends. The fact that youāre both engaged academics was also a common topic between you.
āYou know about the rumors, right?ā Fernando started, hesitating.
āWhat rumors?ā George paused.
āThat sheās only with me for the money,ā Fernando muttered.
āAll girlfriends of drivers are accused of that at some point, whatās new?ā George pushed.
āI might have implied that I agree with that.ā
āOh, my god,ā Carmen covered her mouth, absolutely shocked, āWhat?ā
āFernando, respectfully- Are you fucking insane?!ā George exclaimed, jaw slack, āshe looks at you all lovey-dovey, like- like- youāre the only person in the entire earth and you think sheās with you for the money?ā
āShe would never be like that! Sheās so smart and kind,ā Carmen added.
āI know- I just- I donāt know! Maybe I let the rumors get to my head!ā he ran both hands over his face, exasperated, āAnd she always lets me pay, and she always takes the presents, I donāt know!ā
Then, Fernando explained about how you tried to pay for dinner, and you refused his gift, he told them about the argument and how you wanted to set boundaries about money and gifts.
āShe was trying to prove to you that sheās not a freeloader. She was trying to show that the money didnāt matter, and what did you do? You pushed more money on her!ā George practically spat the words in Fernandoās face.
āEres muy estĆŗpido, Fernando. Te lo digo como tu amiga.ā Carmen muttered.
āI donāt know what she said but I heard the word stupid, and I agree.ā George backed her up, āGo talk to her, apologize and fix it.ā
āThat is,ā Carmen interrupted, face serious, āIf you really love her. Otherwise, better let her go find someone who can really love her, itās what she deserves. Love and happiness.ā
Fernando swallowed, his chest constricting with the mere thought of you moving on, of someone else having you in their arms.
Getting back home without you there felt like a thick fog day, cold and empty and he missed you, he missed his sun. He missed you jumping into his arms as soon as he opened the door. He missed the smell of the candles you always lit while studying. He even missed the little mess of textbooks, colorful highlighters and notes scattered around.
Home didnāt feel like home without you.
In the middle of the living room, there were big cardboard boxes, as he opened, he noticed they were full of clothes, shoes and bags he had gifted you throughout your relationship. In a smaller box, all the jewelry he had given you, even anniversary gifts. Even the beauty products he had given you like perfumes, makeup products, and face creams.
You had returned every single thing.
And on the coffee table, your keys to the house and the keys of your Aston Martin DB12.
It seemed like you had returned everything that could tie you to him, everything that made him wrongly call you a gold digger. And it felt painfully like a goodbye.
-
While mixing your homemade coffee, your eyes flicked to the door, then to your phone on the table, facing up. Despite the searing pain in your chest, and the sorrowful hole in your heart, maybe it was time to start to move on. It had been more than a week, if he wanted to come back to you, he wouldāve come by now.
You got ready to meet with your advisor, and she brought up a topic that had been common now, about you taking a position as a professor for a couple of Engineering subjects. She said itād be good for you to work in your area while on the last few months before getting your doctorate degree. You had mostly denied the other times she offered the position, because you wanted more time with Fernando, because you wanted the freedom to fly around the world following him to his races.
Now- now you had more bills to pay and no boyfriend to follow. You also had more free time, a broken heart and a vacant mind.Ā
āIām considering the position. I believe it could do me good right now.ā You said to her, thoughtful, ācan I confirm with you tomorrow?ā
After going through the meeting and getting a review on your thesis, you went back to your flat, taking a long shower. You had just dressed in pajamas when the doorbell rang. With long strides, you were faced with Carmen, and not Fernando as you expected.
āFrom your face I take it he hasnāt spoken to you, yes?ā Carmen muttered, seeing the visible disappointment in your face.
āIām sorry, please come in,ā you opened the door wider, forcing a smile. Carmen had a couple of bags that she set on a nearby table.
āHe told us what happened, Iām so sorry,ā Carmen hugged you and you immediately started crying, since you had no one to talk about the past few days, āI brought chocolates and wine, so we can talk.ā
Over chocolates and a bottle of Merlot, you told her everything, starting at the deuxmoi rumor. She looked horrified when you said word for word what had transpired the last time you spoke with him.
āI just donāt understand why he didnāt come talk to you yet,ā Carmen added, at some point.
āBecause he wonāt, at all.ā You say with your voice shaky from crying so much the past hour.
āDonāt say that. He loves you.ā Carmen said.
āIām not entirely sure about that,ā you shrugged, pretending it didnāt hurt as much as it did, āHeāll find another one, someone who can enjoy his money since it seems like itās all that matters to him.ā
Carmen didnāt say anything to that and you knew she couldnāt argue with the facts. Later, George dropped by to get her, going up to your flat so he could hug you quickly and mutter āIām sorryā.
With a heavy heart, you slowly rebuild a healthy routine again, doing grocery shopping, cooking meals, going to the gym, studying and everything.
One day, you went back home after going on a shopping spree, and as you got into the hall, Fernando was there, standing in your hall, waiting by the door. You stopped, almost losing the timing to leave the elevator. When you walked closer, he noticed you. Meeting his eyes was different this time, uncertain and a little distant.
āWhat do you want?ā You asked, you hoped your voice would come out harsh, but it only sounded defeated.
āCan we talk?ā He asked, and you nodded, opening the door and letting him in.
There was a moment of awkward silence as you put the shopping bags down. After doing that, you crossed your arms and stood against a side table, waiting quietly.
āIām sorry. Iām really sorry, for not fully believing your love, I guess I was so focused in protecting myself, that I ended up hurting you, and it was never my intention,ā Fernando stood just two steps away from you, his eyes holding such pain and fear, that it made you crumble, he didnāt look like heād been sleeping well, āI love you, I really do. For who you are and nothing else.ā
You wanted to give in so bad, you wanted to run into his arms and never let go, but you also didnāt want to suffer again.
āHow do you know? You never knew that for two years, how would you know it now?ā You shook your head, tears starting to fill your eyes again.
āBecause it is hard being without you,ā he said, like he was trying to find the right words, āI canāt sleep without you. My life is miserable without you around.ā
You only nodded, covering your lips with a hand. You wanted to tell him that you had not gotten proper sleep without him, that your life feels empty, that not knowing about him everyday was painful. But you needed more. You needed something you could hold onto, and maybe, just maybe take another chance at the two of you.
āI- I made a list. Like you said,ā his voice failed, and you noticed his hand was shaking a little as he held the paper, āI love you. I love coming home to you every time and feel our house so lived in. I love how you always hug me first thing after Iām back home. I love the silly texts you send me randomly throughout the day talking about your day. I love the selfies with your tongue out too,ā that made you two chuckle, and the movement made your tears fall, so you wiped them, staring at him intently, āI love that youāre always the smartest person in any room weāre in. I love that youāre humble, never showing off or being a smartass. I love how cheeky and witty you are. I love that you talk in your sleep. I love that scar in your knee, because it shows you were always a little naughty, even as a kid. I love that thereās always fresh flowers at home. I love that you love kids. I love that you get along well with my family. I love that you-ā
He didnāt finish, as you closed the distance and launched yourself at him, hugging him tight. Fernando held you close, pressing you into him, inhaling your perfume, feeling like he was at home again.
āIām so sorry, princesa. So so sorry. I missed you so much,ā he whispered against your cheek, kissing it softly.
āI missed you too, Nandoā you said, eyes closed and allowing yourself to just feel him again, āI love you so much.ā
You let go, holding his face with both hands, looking into his eyes before kissing him softly. He, on the other hand, held the back of your neck firmly, licking your mouth open, until he had tasted your mouth, leaving you breathless.
āCome back home with me, princesa.ā
At that, you took a step back.
āI- I canāt, Nando. I got a new job at the university.ā
āWhat?ā
āI thought you werenāt coming back to me,ā you muttered, and your words made him wince, āI needed something to hold on to.ā
āIām sorry, Iām so sorryā he ran a hand over his face, looking embarrassed for taking so long to come after you.
āI believe we should- we should take a step back, rethink a bit about our dynamic,ā you told him, hesitant of his reaction.
āAre you unsure about us?ā He asked, visibly worried.
āNo, no- I love you- I do-ā You started, taking his hand, holding it firmly against yours, āI just think we should rewind a bit. Have my own place and pay my own bills, I just donāt want to feel like that again, I need to regain my dignity in this.ā
He kept quiet, because he knew deep down you were right. He felt awful about all the misunderstandings, but he knew you probably felt much, much worse. He should just get on his knees and be thankful you still loved him and still wanted him. Heād take all your conditions to get back with him.
And deep down both of you knew it was for the best. Moving out and living alone, working and seeing him occasionally as a boyfriend.Ā
Holding your face, he kissed you, leaving little pecks on your lips, your cheeks, your chin, your forehead. You closed your eyes, letting him kiss you, and he muttered how much loved you and how much he missed you, kissing down the side of your neck. He walked you inside and let him, feeling his hands quickly peeling your clothes off, leaving a trail of clothes from the living room to your bedroom.
You parted so you could undress him, pulling at his jacket and the t-shirt.
āI love you, I love you so much,ā he mumbled into a kiss, laying you down in bed.
You laid on the bed and he hugged him, making space for him between your legs. He held you, touching your nose with his gently.
āI missed you, princesa,ā he kissed your cheek, āI promise Iāll do better from now on.ā
āI know you will, baby.ā You kissed him again, running your hand down his back, āmake love to me now.ā
He filled you up at once, and you groaned into his mouth, scratching your nails down his back as you cunt welcomed him. As he fucked into you, slowly at first then picking up pace, he muttered how much he loved you and how sorry he was, over and over.
As you cuddled after, quietly enjoying each otherās company.Ā
āWhat do we do about all your gifts?ā
āGive them away,ā you shrugged.
āCan I convince you to take it back?ā
āNot if you still want me in your life,ā you muttered. He nodded, placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder.
āYou know how I know I love you?ā Fernando asked, drawing invisible patterns on your back, āthereās an engagement ring in the third drawer of my bedside table.ā
You hesitated for a second, but he knew you well. Better than anyone else.
āI know what you said, I just wanted to let you know. I bought it a week after you moved in with me. I know weāre rewinding a little bit for now, but youāll be my wife one day.ā
āAnd what if I refuse when you propose?ā You smirked, and he pulled your leg over his waist.
āYou wonāt.ā
Note: UGH IDK GUYS :(
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso x you#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso#Spotify
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what was i made for | jk
ā¤ pairing: jungkook x female readerĀ
ā¤ genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, and smutĀ
ā¤ rating: 18+
ā¤ warnings: a tiny bit of sad oc, alcohol consumption, oral sex (m receiving), swearing, some teasing, praising, penetrative sex, protected sex, rough sex, creampie, and multiple orgasmsĀ
ā¤ words: 8,833
ā¤ summary: have you ever met someone with whom you instantly clicked? well yes, but never to the extent of how it happened with jungkook. in a matter of days, he made you feel like the prettiest and most special woman. right there and then, you understood what you were made for.Ā
Ā ā¤ authorās note: hi loves! here you have this fic! it was a pleasure to write it since it's been a while that i haven't written fluffy fics. i hope you enjoy it & it's always a pleasure to know what you think about it! have a wonderful day & week ahead!
MASTERLIST
Turning 30 wasnāt exactly how you pictured it to be. Since a very young age, you thought that by this stage youād be in a long-term relationship and probably a mother. As years passed by, you simply hoped that youād be in a relationship but all the dates you endured the past year made you realize that it would never be the case.Ā
Being single has never made you sad, you actually always enjoyed being on your own. Being independent is something you always sought to have, and you deeply treasure having it. However, this is quite a milestone in life and this time, being alone has a bit of a bittersweet taste. And it hurts. Although, in a way, you try to convince yourself that itās better to be alone than in a bad relationship.Ā
As youāre looking at the people sitting at the table, most of them are engaged or married or living together, or having a child. Before, it used to not hurt you but today, itās quite hard to look at them all with happiness. Nonetheless, the reason why youāre all gathered today truly makes you happy. Your best friend, Jin proposed to his girlfriend, Iseul and they reunited all their close friends to announce the fantastic news. Youāre the only one aware of this because he asked for your advice for the proposal.Ā
The only other person aware of this is Jimin, Iseulās brother. Jin prefers to have his approval since they are very close. He also asked for her fatherās approval as the gentleman that he is. You got to meet Iseulās brother quite a lot of times and heās definitely a sweetheart. Jin and Iseul tried to set you up but between you, thereās only friendship, nothing more.Ā
While looking, your eyes land on a man who catches your attention. Heās honestly quite handsome, a kind of handsome youāve never seen before. He looks innocent without looking innocent. It sort of doesnāt make sense but thatās how youād describe him. Looking at his cute features makes him look quite innocent but then, his vibe definitely breathes ānot innocentā. Maybe itās caused by his short haircut. Youāre not sure although thatās how you perceive him.Ā
For sure, youāre convinced that heās probably already in a relationship. Guys like him are usually taken. They donāt stay single for a long time, they easily charm every person around them, and they can find their person quite fast. Your eyes meet and he offers you a little smile, one that you return.Ā
āHey guys,ā Jin says a little louder to get everybodyās attention. āToday, Iseul and I gathered you here to share some wonderful news.āĀ
A bright smile appears on your face.Ā
Iseul shows her left hand with her engagement ring and points it out. āWeāre getting married,ā she yells with evident joy.Ā
Everybody starts congratulating them for their engagement, and they all seem extremely happy with this announcement. It warms your heart to be a part of this big step in their lives. Getting married is quite something, and youāre deeply and truly happy for them.Ā
During the dinner, you find out that the hot guyās name is Jungkook. Heās actually Iseulās cousin. Him and Jimin are quite close. Jimin frequently mentions him and youāve heard many stories about them. Itās great to finally put a face on a name. Especially since heās a very good looking man.Ā
At some point, you realize that everybody is discussing in the living room, except for you, Jimin, and Jungkook. Throughout the evening, they slowly moved, leaving you alone with them. Youāre having a very animated conversation about desserts.Ā
āTiramisu is the best dessert ever,ā you say. āThereās nothing you can say that will change my mind.ā
They are trying to convince you that chocolate mousse or lemon cheesecake are much better than anything else. For sure, those are good desserts but not as good as a tiramisu. Nothing will ever beat a good old tiramisu.Ā
āPff, youāre saying nonsense, yn,ā Jimin replies.Ā
You roll your eyes which makes Jungkook laugh. Honestly, itās been fantastic to interact with them. They are super funny, they have a very good dynamic. Through that, you get to see that Jungkook isnāt just pretty on the outside, he definitely seems to have a good heart. That convinces you even more that this man isnāt single at all. A man like him isnāt on the market anymore. A lucky girl must be waiting for him at home.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
āEvery word that leaves my mouth is only the truth,ā you say with a little smirk on your face.Ā
Both men laugh even more. They arenāt convinced at all that you only say the truth, they actually donāt agree with you that tiramisu is the best dessert ever.Ā
āYouāre very funny, yn!ā Jimin says.Ā Ā
You roll your eyes once more but youāre simply happy to share this moment with them. They manage to make you forget how sad youāve been feeling for the past month. Itās been hard but youāve been trying to cheer yourself up because itās a feeling that is not easy to deal with.Ā
āI quickly need to go to the bathroom,ā Jimin adds.Ā
You and Jungkook simply nod before your friend leaves you alone. For a brief moment, thereās a little silence between you but itās not an awkward one. Then, his eyes meet yours with a little smile on his face.Ā
āIām happy to finally meet the girl Iseul tried to set Jimin up with,ā he says.Ā
āOh, you heard about that,ā you reply with a smile appearing on your face.Ā
āOf course,ā he responds. āIseul talked so much about it, she really wanted you to be together.āĀ
She told you that a million times but you and Jimin werenāt meant to be together. At least thatās what you believe. Thereās a lot of love and respect between you but it will never be more than that. Heās simply a close friend. A friend youāre more than grateful to have in your life.Ā Ā
āSheās terrible!ā you shake your head with a little smile on your face. āI donāt get why she had to tell everybody about it.āĀ
For sure, it annoys you a bit that she had to tell the world she wanted you to be with her little brother. But sheās one of your bestest friends, and you cherish her friendship more than anything else. It was such a sweet gesture to try to help you out with your love life.Ā Ā
Then, right there, you see in his eyes the pity appearing. He doesnāt need to say anything else for you to understand what heās going to say. They all give you that look when theyāre about to say that youāre single.Ā
āShe wants to help her dear friend to find someone,ā he mumbles.Ā
Your eyes glance down at your hands. Itās better that he doesnāt see the sadness appearing all over your face. Even though it comes from a good intention, it makes you feel like a pathetic girl that isnāt able to find someone, especially when youāre talking about it with a handsome man.Ā
āSheās also been wanting to do it with me,ā he adds. āShe keeps saying that a soldier shouldnāt be single. It doesnāt make any sense to me but I guess she simply adores setting people together.āĀ
A smile appears on your face before you look up. In a way, you feel like he said that to cheer you up but it still feels nice that he tried to not make you feel alone. However, youāre a bit surprised to hear that heās a soldier. You would have never imagined him serving in the military.Ā
āProbably,ā you reply. āBut in my case, itās mostly out of pity because Iām 30 and still single. All our friends are in relationships, married or parents.āĀ
āIām sure thatās not the reason,ā you instantly say. āIseul is like that, she loves to help.āĀ
You take a deep breath, heās absolutely right but itās becoming heavy to be the only single one out of all your friends. Every single friend of yours present here is in a relationship. Most of them are already married, and a couple of them are parents. Itās not easy to look around and see everybody succeeding on all those aspects in life. The only thing you can brag about is your career.Ā
And because of all that, sometimes you wonder what you are made for.
āI know she just wants to help because sheās aware of how heavy the pressure from society can be,ā you tell him. āAnd it has been quite heavy since I turned 30. Itās hard to look around and see everybody getting married or buying their houses or announcing a pregnancy while Iām extremely far from achieving that.āĀ
Jungkook nods. Youāre not convinced he can understand you, youāre not sure heās even single as heās claiming. Society treats men and women completely differently. For a man, itās totally okay to not be married or to have a child by the age of 30. Itās even remarkable if they put their careers first. But youāre fully aware that everything isnāt rainbows and sunshines for men as well.Ā
Nonetheless, it is surprising how comfortable this man has made you feel. This morning, you werenāt even aware of his existence, and now, youāre talking about how youāve been feeling. What you ignore is that it's a shared feeling.
āIām sorry to be talking about my problems,ā you say.Ā
āNo, no,ā he says. āDonāt worry at all about that!āĀ
You swiftly start discussing other topics. At some point, you find yourself wondering where Jimin is but he has discreetly joined the others in the living room, leaving you alone. He noticed the way you were deeply talking, and he didnāt want to disturb you. For sure, you appreciated the opportunity because you got to learn a bit more about Jungkook.Ā
After the engagement party of Iseul and Jin, you exchanged numbers with Jungkook and since then, youāve been spending your days texting him. It has been making you extremely happy. Heās making you feel seen, a sensation that has been absent from your life for a while. Not all the men you dated elicited that feeling in you, but itās also not something new. However, right now, you donāt want to think about the ex that provoked that feeling.Ā Ā
What you truly appreciate about Jungkook is the fact that he always warns you when he will take some time to reply. He always tells you when heās going to do a certain thing that will cause him to go to sleep at 4 am and that he wonāt be able to reply. Nonetheless, he always texts you before going to sleep, no matter the time.Ā
āHow are things going with my cousin?ā Iseul asks while youāre walking to her car.Ā
It truly amazes you how this woman ends up discovering everything when it comes to the dating life of someone.Ā
āHow do you know?ā you inquire.Ā
A smirk appears on her face.Ā
āWell, at my engagement party, you were all over each other, which made me extremely happy, to be honest,ā she explains. āSince then, youāve been smiling like an idiot all the time, and your phone crazily buzzes. Itās not complicated to understand that you two are flirting.āĀ
The word āflirtingā violently hits you. You never considered that you were flirting but now that sheās saying it out loud, it definitely is the truth.Ā
āI should have thought about trying to set you up together,ā she says.Ā
You roll your eyes while shaking your head. Sheās always thinking about setting people together but thatās one of her charms. Sheās always so considerate of people around her, she wants people to be happy.Ā
āMaybe if you had that idea, it would have never worked,ā you reply.Ā
The thought of being set up with Jungkook is weird because you adore the way things started between you. You canāt imagine it any other way. Now, youāre simply grateful heās part of your life. For the past month, heās been contributing a lot to your happiness, and you only hope that itāll be the case for a long time.Ā
āProbably,ā she quickly replies, ābut Iām glad youāre talking and discovering each other,ā she adds. āYou deserve more than anyone else to be happy.āĀ
She takes you in a heartfelt hug, one that warms your soul. Sheād noticed how sad youād been since you turned 30, and it shattered her heart to see you like that. Sheās seen how hard it has been for you to not find your person even though you said the opposite. She could see the pain behind the smile you were always showing.Ā
Sheās fully aware that being in a relationship doesnāt determine the person you are, but she knows how it can sometimes make you feel lonely. When it happens, it hurts, and not just a bit. Iseul admires you. Youāre so independent, you donāt rely on anybody else. Most of the time, when she needs to go somewhere, she calls somebody to not be alone because she hates that feeling.Ā
She drops you out at your place, and you enjoy a bit of your time alone at home. After being out with Iseul, you need a few hours of rest. Honestly, she exhausted you. Thankfully, tomorrow is Sunday and youāre planning on staying at home the full day. But someone ruins your moment alone by ringing at the door.Ā
As you open the door, youāre graced with a man holding a massive bouquet of flowers.Ā
āMs y/l/n?ā the man raises as he takes the bouquet down.Ā
āYes,ā you reply and frown.Ā
āThis is a delivery I have for you,ā he hands you the bouquet. āCan you please sign here?ā
āLet me just put the bouquet down, please,ā the man nods while you place the bouquet on your table.Ā
You come back real quick and sign the receipt. The man leaves, you close the door, and go to the living room to take a proper look at the bouquet. Itās a very impressive one but itās definitely a wonderful one. Thereās a little card on it which intrigues you. Who could possibly send it?Ā
āA wonderful bouquet for the most wonderful woman, Jungkook. Ps: sorry I couldnāt hand it myself to you.āĀ
Your heart melts right there. This man is slowly but surely making you fall in love with him. The bouquet is so pretty, itās actually the prettiest a man has ever given to you. Itās for sure a pity he couldnāt have given it himself, you would have wanted him to be here with you right now. Nevertheless, itās still a magnificent gesture. One that youāll cherish for a long moment.
Jungkook is on a special mission this weekend which prevents him from returning home. Usually, he only works during the week but there was an unexpected event this weekend. To be honest, it kind of broke your heart because you were eager to spend some time with him. Since he works and sleeps in the barracks during the week, the only time you get to see him is the weekend.Ā
Being away from you doesnāt prevent him from speaking with you and calling you every day, but itās very different from being together. Nonetheless, you feel like it also helps to build a stronger connection. Once you get to see each other, you try to get the most out of it.Ā Ā
You grab your phone and send him a message. Jungkook told you that his phone will remain at the quarters and that he wouldnāt be able to speak with you. So calling him will be useless, itās best to leave a message that heāll see when heās back.Ā
That night, you fell asleep with the brightest smile. Jungkook has been making you feel so special since the moment you met him. Thereās no doubt that youāll try to keep him around as long as possible.Ā
The next Monday, after leaving work, you find Jungkook at the main entrance. After this intense and tough work day, it definitely makes your day a hundred times better. As soon as he sees you, he smiles and walks in your direction to meet you halfway. While getting closer to him, you notice that heās wearing his military uniform. The first thought that crosses your mind is that he came straight after leaving the barrack. In a way, it warms your heart he did it, however, you canāt help but think of how tired he must be.Ā
Also, seeing him with the uniform makes you weak. Itās the first time youāre seeing him for real wearing it, and letās just say that heās more than fine. Without sounding too horny, youād even say that youād open your legs right now if heād ask.Ā Ā
āHey, Jungkook,ā you say once youāre right in front of him. āWhat are you doing here?āĀ
The man in front of you kisses your cheek, causing shivers all over your body. Your smile grows bigger. This part of your life is filled with so much happiness, something you wouldnāt have imagined a couple of months ago when you turned 30. Itās so surprising how life can completely change in a second. Meeting Jungkook has drastically changed your life but you wouldnāt have wanted it in any other way.Ā
āHello, yn,ā his eyes donāt leave yours. āJust wanted to see your pretty face since I couldnāt for the past week.āĀ
Your cheeks instantly turn red but you take the compliment. Your eyes are lost in his, people around you completely disappeared. Itās just you and him. For a brief moment, his eyes look down at your lips yet you donāt notice it otherwise you would have maybe kissed him. His right hand caresses your cheek causing your eyes to close for a split second.Ā
āThereās a nice bar/coffee place where Iād like to take you,ā he breaks this intimate moment with his words.Ā
You nod. He takes your hand to guide you until the place heās talking about. Itās actually not too far from your workplace. As you step inside, you canāt help but find it extremely cozy. There are quite a few people, not a lot but still. At the end, you notice thereās a photobooth. A couple is leaving it with a bright smile on their faces before they check out the pictures they took. As you see them, you desire nothing more than to try it with Jungkook. Itāll create great memories.Ā
āCould we take pictures in the photobooth?ā you ask pouting to get what you want.Ā
The man holding your hand doesnāt resist so he nods. A broad smile spreads across your face, filling you with happiness that he accepted. Now, youāre the one guiding him to the end of the bar. Heās also smiling as it brings a lot of joy to him to be with you right now. Itās his only free day of the week, and all he wanted was to be with you. Youāve brightened his life the second you appeared.Ā
When you open the curtains to get inside the little cabin, you freeze as you realize that thereās only a small stool. But before you say anything, Jungkook gets inside, sits on the tool and places you on his lap. It definitely surprises you but it also warms your heart. You close the curtain before taking a look at the man that has been making your heart beat for the past month.Ā
āSince weāre here,ā he starts.Ā
You notice a little bit of nervousness in his eyes, and for some unknown reason, it increases the pace of your heartbeat.Ā
āThe reason I wanted to bring you here,ā heās clearly nervous, especially since youāre really close to him. āBecause I wanted to ask you if youād want to become my girlfriend.āĀ
Now, for sure, your heart is beating like crazy and at the same time melting at his words. Itās incredibly adorable that he actually raised the question, none of your exes did it previously. On top of it, he looks absolutely charming. This man owns your heart. Honestly, it means the world that he took the time to raise the question. At least, it will be official the second you say āyesā.Ā
Since heās scared to be rejected, he starts to fill the void. āItās my only day off and all I wanted was to see you to ask...ā Before he can even finish his sentence, you gently press your lips on his while grabbing his face in your hands. Itās a simple smack but one that says a thousand words. One that finally happens after all those weeks of flirting. One that finally resumes how youāve been feeling. Hopelessly in love.Ā
āYes,ā you reply when you break the kiss.Ā
The largest and most radiant smile lights up his face. His smile is quite contagious as you smile back at him. The two of you are simply and utterly filled with happiness. Jungkook presses his lips on yours for a passionate kiss.Ā
The kiss is sweet and tender, thereās no rush or anything else in it. This moment has been desired by the two of you for a little while already. His strong arms wrap tighter around you almost as if heās scared youāll disappear.Ā Ā
His lips are so soft on yours, the tenderness of the kiss making your heart melt completely. Never a man has kissed you like that. Your heart is pounding extremely hard on your chest while the butterflies on your lower stomach are making you feel completely alive.Ā
Your little hands cup his face while you kiss him passionately. Thereās absolutely no doubt that heās a good kisser. This first kiss with him will for sure be a memorable one unless he gets even better at kissing with time. Out of breath, you break the kiss.Ā
āMaybe we should take those pictures before people throw us out of here,ā you say.Ā
Jungkook nods before inserting a coin. In a matter of seconds, the little screen shows that you should press play, and he follows the instruction. You strike a first pose, youāre both looking at the camera with a gleaming smile. For the second pose, Jungkook presses a kiss on your cheek which makes you blush. For the third one, he kisses you tenderly.Ā
This will be without any doubt a memorable day.Ā
Once the kiss is over, you leave the little cabin. Two sets of pictures are printed. You grab them and hand one to Jungkook. Your eyes stare at the pictures, they are wonderful. For you, they clearly show the way you feel about each other. The way Jungkook makes you happy. The way you love him.Ā
For the past 3 months, youāve been in a relationship with Jungkook. Itās a bit odd to be dating a soldier. Honestly, you always kind of had a bad image of them when it comes to relationships. Yes, they are brave, and itās truly admirable that they sacrifice themselves for the nation. But you always believed they were womanizers, something that your boyfriend has been proving you wrong. Heās actually far from being a Don Juan. Iseul has also mentioned it a million times.Ā
As you noticed, even if heās assertive when it comes to you, heās actually quite reserved. Hence, he never had a lot of girlfriends. Itās difficult for him to approach women but he confessed that with you, it was easy. He felt that he could be himself without feeling judged. He felt that he didnāt need to hold back to impress. He felt that he could simply be Jungkook. Sometimes, you feel that his shyness and his job are simply contradictory. But for you, itās what makes him special.Ā
Today, Jungkook gets to leave the barrack a bit earlier and he invites you to spend the night at his place. Quite frankly, youāre a bit nervous. Lately, your conversation almost always deviates in a way into sex, youāre grateful to have those conversations. However, you realize that one day, youāll make love. You havenāt done anything so far, even oral sex. None of you has really made it happen even though itās quite obvious that thereās a massive physical attraction.Ā
Having sex is making you nervous because itās been a while since you last did it. Of course, itās naturally something you crave but youāre scared to be bad at it. Youāre scared that this first time together will be a disaster which you donāt want. You donāt want it to be perfect too. All you want it to be is pleasurable.Ā Ā
When youāre at the door of the building complex, you ring the doorbell. He lets you in so you take the elevator to reach the 5th floor. Jungkook is living in a little building complex, it only has 5 floors so his apartment is on the last floor. Per floors, there arenāt many apartments which makes this little complex quite cozy. When you reach the 5th floor, you walk until the door of his apartment. The door is a tiny bit opened, you still knock at the door.Ā
āCome in,ā Jungkook screams.Ā
You do as he says, but you make sure to close the door behind you. The apartment is plunged into darkness, except it is lit with candles a bit everywhere. There are petals indicating you the path to follow, this is incredibly romantic. As you reach the living room, you notice that a table was put in the middle with dinner already served. Next to the table, Jungkook is standing tall with a bright smile on his face. In his hand, heās holding a bouquet. Itās a pretty massive one but a wonderful one.
He looks absolutely stunning.Ā
Even in the darkness of the room, you can see how handsome he looks, and honestly, as long as heās smiling, he looks stunning to you. With Jungkook, itās not only about the looks. Most of the time, you find him stunning on the inside. The way he brings you comfort, the way he takes care of you, the way he treats you makes him absolutely handsome. His extremely hot physique is only an extra.Ā Ā Ā
A smile instantly appears on your face as you walk in his direction.Ā
āThis is your monthly bouquet,ā he says while handing you the bouquet.Ā
You take it, while plunging your nose in it to smell the sweet fragrance of the flowers. The bouquets that he chooses always have the best perfume. Your apartment always smells like heaven, and the sweet fragrance of flowers is something that you now associate with Jungkook.Ā
āThis time around you went out of your way to offer them,ā you teasingly say.Ā
The smile on your boyfriendās face grows bigger. He looks particularly glowy today, something special irradiates from him. He breaks the tiny little space between you, you move the bouquet to your right so Jungkook doesnāt smash it as he gets closer to you. His right hand rests on your back, drawing you nearer to him. You look up at him, your faces barely away from each other, and before you can even comprehend he crashes his lips on yours for a gentle kiss.Ā
āIāll do everything to make my girlfriend happy,ā he whispers against your lips.Ā
Those words free some little butterflies in your stomach, and you canāt help but smile at his words. Never before have you been this happy. You rest your head against his chest. Every day for the past months, youāve been feeling extra lucky. Jungkook holds you tight in this heartfelt embrace.Ā
āIām so lucky to have you,ā you mutter.Ā
Even if you thought he didnāt listen to you, he did but said nothing. All he did was smile like an idiot and feel even more grateful to have met you.Ā
His entire life he thought heād never manage to find someone because itās been hard to find someone that looks beyond his body. Every girl that he meets simply wants to have sex with him. The combo of being in the military and having a buff body has attracted many girls, but they crave something that he doesnāt want. Plus, heās also quite shy so he feels awkward every time heās around a good-looking girl.Ā Ā
But he fell hard for you. And every day, he falls even harder, something he never thought possible.Ā
He presses a gentle kiss on your head. āWe should start eating before it gets too cold,ā he informs you. You nod before breaking apart from him.Ā
He suggests putting the flowers on the little coffee table that he put in one corner. You look once more around you, it astonishes you how wonderful his place looks when being lit up by candles. Jungkook takes the time to admire his marvelous girlfriend, you. Youāre wearing a light pastel orange dress, itās a nice dress you found in Zara. A bit expensive but a pretty one for a date.Ā
The dinner goes quite well, but you both drink a lot of wine. To some extent, it was a way for you to relax a bit, youāre quite obviously a bit nervous. Your boyfriend notices it. However, he understands it. The sexual conversations have turned him on, and his girlfriend is extremely sexy. Every time he lays eyes on you, he canāt help but think that youāre the sexiest woman he has ever seen. Even his exes donāt even get close to how sexy you are.Ā
And that dress youāre wearing, uffā¦ he canāt even think properly.Ā
Jungkook is aware that you havenāt shared an intimate moment with a man in a while so he perfectly understands your nervousness. His last intercourse happened like 8 months ago, it was with a girl Iseul was trying to set him up with. Needless to say, a couple of days later, it ended.Ā
As the gentleman that he is, he doesnāt try anything nor does he say anything sexual. His priority is to make you feel safe around him. He can wait, there are other ways to relieve himself while he patiently waits for you to be ready. On your side, youāre genuinely thankful he exhibits great patience with you.Ā Ā
In the end, you ended up falling asleep in his bed with him. Both of you wanted to spend the night together. For sure, youāre aware that there are some chances that you end up making love but with the alcohol in your system, it kind of makes you less nervous about it.Ā
In the middle of the night, youāre both woken up by a strange noise. At first, it definitely seems weird but quickly, the noise is accompanied by moans. You blush as you realize that Jungkookās neighbors are having sex. You hide yourself under the blanket, and it makes Jungkook chuckle.Ā
āItās not funny,ā you tell him.Ā
āIt is,ā he says as he joins you under the blanket.Ā
Thereās barely any light so you canāt properly see him.Ā
āItās so embarrassing to hear people making love.āĀ
āWhy so?ā he raises.Ā
āBecause itās supposed to be an intimate moment and knowing that neighbors can hear you destroys the intimacy of the moment,ā you answer.Ā
A little smile appears on his face. He undoubtedly finds you extremely adorable, and itās incredibly obvious that itās been a while since your last intercourse. When it comes to sex, sometimes, he feels like heās older than you due to the obvious fact that he has some more experience. In reality, youāre older than him but most of the time, it doesnāt feel like it.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
āThey donāt even realize that,ā he says.Ā Ā
āHow could they? I mean, they should know that they are being loud.āĀ
āThey are enjoying the moment and not realizing that they are moaning a bit too loud,ā he adds. āDonāt you remember the last time you made love?ā he asks. āNormally, youāre so absorbed that you donāt even comprehend if youāre making too much noise or not.āĀ Ā Ā
For a minute, you think about it. Heās not wrong, when youāre in the moment, you only care about the pleasure, not about the noises nor how dirty sex can be. Itās just you and your partner.Ā
āThey definitely sound like theyāre having fun,ā he teasingly adds.Ā
You know that heās trying to lighten the mood but youāre still slightly embarrassed. You try to relax a bit, this is a natural thing. Couples make love, even strangers have sex for fun. In any case, itās normal. Thereās no need to be ashamed or embarrassed.Ā
āFor sure,ā you reply with a little smile.Ā
Jungkook is glad that youāre replying to his little tease. Your boyfriend gets a little closer to you, his hand caressing your arm.Ā
āEven under the blanket, we can perfectly hear them,ā he retorts.Ā
You chuckle at his words. Youāre grateful that heās trying to make you feel comfortable. For you, it proves once more how beautiful on the inside he is.Ā
āBut let me tell you that they are even louder during the day,ā he tells you. āThey make love a lot of time.āĀ
āOh, so youāve been listening to this quite a lot?ā you ask.Ā
āYep,ā he simply says. āOn a Friday evening, when I come back from the army, I get to hear them all night long to my greatest delight. And donāt be here on a Sundayā¦āĀ
Now, itās a little laugh that escapes your lips. This sound is what warms your boyfriendās heart. He loves to hear you laugh, and what he adores more is to see the way your face lights up. Right now, he canāt see your face well so he pictures it.Ā Ā Ā
āIt mustn't be funny,ā you say. āIt also explains why we barely come here.ā
āEeeh, you finally get it,ā he states.Ā
His hand moves higher to reach your cheek and he keeps doing some circles to shoote you. It certainly works.Ā
āThey are always on fire so itās better to avoid being here,ā he adds. āEspecially when I was single.āĀ
āSo now that youāre not single, itās easier?ā you ask while raising an eyebrow.Ā
A smile appears on his face. Having you has made everything easier. And for sure, itās less of a torture to hear his neighbors having sex because all he can think about is you.
āFor sure, I can think of my wonderful girlfriend to distract myself from this torture.āĀ Ā Ā
Now, your hand moves to his cheek to caress it. Your boyfriend closes his eyes when your soft fingers touch him.Ā
āI still donāt get how such a wonderful man like you had trouble finding someone,ā you express.Ā
His hand places a strand of hair behind your ear.Ā
āNice men have trouble finding someone,ā he informs you. āGirls usually prefer bad boys over a guy that treats them right. I was shy too so it definitely didn't help and being in the army only attracted women who wanted sex. I was never interesting enough.āĀ
You can hear his voice breaking at the end. It hurts to hear those words, especially coming from a man with a golden heart. In just over 3 months, he has made you feel so special like no other man has before.Ā
But he only states the truth. Most girls chase bad boys, almost as if they hope to change them into nice boys but itās never the case. They always end up breaking their hearts. Nice men are not seen enough, and it breaks your heart, especially since now youāre dating one.Ā
āYou are more than interesting, Jk,ā you say.Ā
You press a soft kiss on his lips.Ā
āYouāre the first girl that truly sees me for who I am.āĀ
This breaks your heart even more. Jungkook deserves the world, and he deserves more than anybody else to be happy.Ā
āAnd youāre the first man that truly sees me for who I am,ā you instantly tell him.Ā
His neighbors are still making love but now you donāt hear them, you are simply absorbed by each other. Thereās only you. The world around you completely disappeared.Ā
Now, itās Jungkook who presses a gentle kiss on your lips. His lips are so soft on yours, the tenderness of the kiss making your heart melt completely. However, this gentle kiss slowly turns into a passionate and fervent one. A kiss that speaks a thousand words. A kiss that says that you love each other. A kiss that makes you both feel seen. Itās a kiss that you both craved for years.Ā Ā
Youāre deeply kissing each other, and by the looks of it, this kiss is for sure going to take a heated turn. A turn that both of you want. Youāve been obviously nervous about this but right now, thereās nothing more that you crave. Your only wish right now is to feel even more loved by this wonderful soldier.Ā
His impatient hands move down to your waist to bring you even closer to him. They run up and down your waist, making you more than happy to have his large tattooed hands on your body. Your hands, on the other side, go to his hair to softly run through it.Ā
āIāve fallen so hard in love with you, yn,ā he says as he breaks the kiss.Ā
As much as you can, you look at him with an idiot smile on your face. There are millions of fireworks inside you caused by what he just said. Thereās no more doubt that youāre madly in love with this man. He owns your heart.Ā
āMaybe not as much as I did,ā you add.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Jungkook presses a peck on your lips before he kisses the corner of your lips down to the underside of your jaw, causing little moans to escape your mouth each time his lips touch your skin. Jungkook is making you feel alive and also driving you into complete euphoria. Even though youāre starting to get lost, youāre slowly realising what is about to happen. Youāre going to make love with your boyfriend.Ā Ā
In the end, there was no reason to feel nervous to share an intimate moment with your boyfriend. He loves you. And he will obviously do everything to help you feel good.Ā Ā
He drops his head to your neck, kissing the base of your throat. You moan as he starts leaving a trail of kisses, the feeling of his mouth on your throat is divine. Everything he does exceeds all your expectations. Regardless of your nervousness, you of course dreamt of what it would be to have sex with him. So far, heās undoubtedly surpassing all of your expectations.Ā Ā
Your hands run through his hair, tugging at the roots. A moan escapes his pretty lips, his voice vibrating against your skin. This slowly starts to feel like heaven. His lips move up again to meet yours for another fervent kiss.Ā
āItās getting too hot under this blanket,ā he affirms.Ā
āYep,ā you manage to say.Ā
Jungkook removes the blanket from your bodies, and you can finally see him somewhat better. His short hair looks messy, causing a bright smile to appear on your face. Instantly, the urge to run your fingers through his hair comes across your mind. Thereās no need to say that you did it, and that he loved feeling your fingers in his hair.Ā
āYouāre breathtakingly beautiful,ā he whispers while his eyes scan your face.Ā
āThanks, Jk,ā you smile at him. āAnd youāre the prettiest man Iāve ever laid eyes on.āĀ
The way you both make each other feel is so indescribable but youāre absolutely sure to have found the right person. You make each other feel special.Ā
āI want to make love to you, yn,ā he lets you know. āIām craving you so much.āĀ
You kiss him. You also crave him in an unimaginable way. His large hands caress your waist while you both look intensely at each other before you uncover your bodies frim the blanket. In a matter of seconds, youāre fully naked in front of each other. Your eyes glance down at his cock. In all honesty, itās quite big.
āItās massive,ā you look up at him. āHow have you been hiding it in your pants?ā he giggles at your words.
āThatās something that Iāve been wondering every day for the past 3 months,ā he says, clearly making you understand that he gets pretty hard around you every day.Ā
Without any warning, you wrap your hand around the base of his dick. This sudden move surprises him which causes him to whimper. Your eyes watch down at his impressive crotch. The head is red, precum running down his length and over that prominent vein that lines it. You rub your thumb over the tip before going down on his shaft, spreading his arousal all over him. A deep moan leaves his lips as your hands finally touch him, his head falling completely on the pillow.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
āOh,ā he growls.Ā
Slowly, you start pumping him, taking your time, your hand gliding up and down his length. A trail of groans leaves his lips while you pump him nice and slow, giving him a dreamy handjob. Every time your hand reaches the base, Jungkook shivers, loving deeply how youāre pleasing him.
Your boyfriend is a bit surprised by the fact that youāre doing this handjob quite amazingly. Sometimes, with your reactions when it comes to sex, he forgets that you had exes so for sure you have some experience. Maybe not a lot but itās still something. And now, heās realizing that you perfectly know how to do things.Ā Ā Ā
On your side, you want to give him more. You know your hand is just not enough, he needs more to come undone. So you dip down to kiss the head of his cock, his eyes instantly opening as this is unexpected. You lick his tip, his precum coating your wet muscle before you wrap your mouth entirely around his cock, sinking down fully on his length.Ā
āDamn, yn,ā he groans, loving the warmth of your mouth around him. He swears that heās about to fall apart, covering your mouth with his cum.Ā
Your eyes look up to meet with his. The moment they lock ā¤ both your eyes completely filled with lust ā¤ he looks away, too scared to burst right there. As much as heād love to fill your pretty mouth with his seed, he doesnāt want to come right now. Thereās still so much to be done.Ā
āLove,ā he says while his hand moves down to your hair, grabbing it before pulling your head a little. āI donāt want to come right now.āĀ
Your lips leave his length, letting it slap against his lower abdomen before you crawl up his body to kiss him again languidly. Jungkook can taste his salty precum on your lips and he adores it. Damn, he loves everything about this moment with you.Ā
āDo you have a condom?ā you whisper on his lips.Ā
āOf course, angel,ā he replies.Ā
Well, he always has some condoms in his bedroom as well as in his wallet. Heās always prepared in case anything like this happens. Even if he adores you, thereās no way that heās doing it without protection. Your health is more important than anything else and also, itās way too soon to take the risk of having a baby.Ā
While he stands up to grab a condom in a drawer of the nightstand, you lay on your back, your eyes looking up at the ceiling. Strangely, you feel extremely happy that youāre taking this step in your relationship. Itās creating a deeper connection between you. A very intimate bond. When Jungkook gets back on the bed with his condom in his hand, he bites his bottom lip.Ā
āYouāre so beautiful, love,ā he whispers, scanning every part of your body. Youāre even prettier than in his dream.Ā
The man doesnāt waste any time ripping the plastic and putting the condom on his length. Honestly, you ignore what to do so you simply watch him. On his knees, he gets closer to your body and he slowly and delicately spreads your legs. For a brief moment, he gazes at your core, causing him to bite his lower lip. While holding his cock, he brushes it against your pussy to get you wetter. He wants you to be as wet as possible to be ready for him.Ā
āCan I?ā he asks.Ā
It melts your heart that this man asks for your consent before going any further. Rare are the men who did it before. Once again, it proves to you that you found the right person.Ā Ā Ā
When you nod, he slowly buries his thick cock inside your soaked core, stretching your velvety walls. His large hands find their way to your waist, caressing your soft skin while his doe eyes filled with lust look into yours. Both of you groan as he slowly pushes his long and thick cock inside you.Ā Ā
āSo good,ā you mumble as your eyes roll back.Ā
You have to admit that it hurts a bit since itās been a while since you last had sexual intercourse but the fact that heās slowly filling you up to the brim helps. It gives time to your body to get used to this massive intrusion. But it feels so damn good to have him inside you. This is even better than in your wildest dreams. Jungkook leans closer, pushing his cock a bit deeper inside you and snatching a loud moan out of you.Ā
āIt feels so good, love,ā his deep voice groans in your ear. āEven better than in my dreams.āĀ
The fact that he has been dreaming about this too gets you wetter. In a way, it makes sense to you since youāve had some heated exchanges. You kiss his shoulder before giving it a gentle bite.Ā
āOh, looks like the prude yn hides a wild side of her,ā he teasingly says while pulling back a bit.Ā
āGood girls are bad girls that havenāt been caught,ā you sing, making reference to a band, 5 Seconds of Summer, that you love.Ā
āCouldnāt agree more with that sentence,ā your boyfriend adds as he keeps pushing back to only leave the tip of his cock inside you.Ā
Brutally, he pushes his cock fully inside you, and a loud moan leaves your lips. For a little while, he doesn't move, hovering over you and watching you with delight. His eyes look down on your body. Heās surprised by how insanely perfect you are. Your body is for sure the prettiest one he has ever seen.Ā
Unlike what everyone thinks, heās not fond of skinny bodies. He loves curves and imperfect bodies because they show life. They show that their owners eat to live, and your curves drive him crazy. He could come just by looking at your ass.Ā Ā
His lips meet yours for a sloppy kiss before going down to your neck, leaving another trail of kisses on your skin. Needless to say, it makes you moan a bit more. Once he has tortured you enough, his eyes get lost in your body again, groaning as he watches himself buried deep inside you.Ā
āUff, youāre driving me crazy, my love.ā
You close your eyes, completely enjoying having him fully inside you. Youāre completely euphoric at the feeling of him stretching your walls. Once he sees that youāre ready to take more, he pulls back brutally before slamming himself back into you. The bed under you squeaks, the headboard hitting the wall just behind you. The slick sound of your pussy soaking his cock as well as your moans quickly fill the room.Ā
āJungkook,ā you gasp while he thrusts into you.
This all causes sparks of pleasure to shoot throughout your body, your arousal dripping from your core and creaming his cock. Jungkook smirks as he notices the sticky mess youāre causing. You grip the sheets as hard as possible to steady yourself from Jungkookās hard thrusts.Ā
Neither of you can believe that this is happening tonight. In some way, youāre grateful that his neighbors started having some nasty time. Without them, probably nothing would have happened. You canāt even believe you were so nervous and embarrassed minutes ago. And now, youāre making love with the man you love.Ā Ā
āYouāre so wet, love,ā he hisses before biting his lower lip. His hands press harder into your skin when he feels your walls tighten around him. āAnd making such a mess on my cock.āĀ
Every time he pushes his hips back, he watches with delight the way his cock is completely covered with your arousal. Nothing drives him crazier than seeing this, it is as if your bodies were made for each other.Ā Ā
Jungkook bends down, pressing a sloppy kiss on your lips while his thrusts slow down. A desperate whine gushes from you, a sound that he proudly swallows. His hands go up to your body, grabbing your breasts and squeezing them to make you moan with desire before his mouth goes down on your body to play with your nipples.Ā
āIt feels so good,ā you whine.Ā
His thrusts are slow and harsh again, and his teeth on your nipples are just too much for you. Gradually, Jungkook begins to thrust hard into you again, and you moan at the feeling of his brutal thrust. Your walls suck his cock as he slams his hips into you with more force. Everything that your boyfriend does pushes you closer and closer to the edge.Ā
His eyes look up at you, contorting with pleasure as it slowly builds within you. Little moans keep flooding out of your mouth, and Jungkook is adoring to hear you moan. His hands can feel the way your body quivers with each thrust. The way heās torturing your body is only making you lose yourself further. He just knows how to pleasure you perfectly like he became a master of your body in just some minutes.Ā Ā Ā
āYour cunt is clenching so hard, love,ā he says when he feels the warmth of your walls wrapping tighter around him
As you glance up at him, you canāt help but find him extremely attractive. His eyes stare down at you with passion and lust as his tongue licks his lower lips. He simply canāt believe that this is really happening. He canāt believe that heās making love to the prettiest woman in the world. He leans forward once more to press another sloppy kiss on your lips. He loves to feel your lips on his, even if the kiss is a disaster.Ā
āOh my god,ā you barely manage to say while you have a first orgasm. Your body shakes crazily, and Jungkook is happier than ever to see you being overwhelmed by pleasure.Ā Ā Ā
The vision of you coming undone makes his cock twitch inside of you. However, he wants you to experience more orgasms. Thereās no way that heās going to end this moment without having you come more than once. One of his hands slowly goes down on your body, passing your stomach, and landing on your throbbing clit. His fingers start to rub your sensitive spot.Ā
To be honest, this action only makes your orgasm more intense and longer. Your arousal completely covers his cock and your walls squeeze him over and over again. This is heaven for him. He could stop right now and heād be more than happy because he gave you a lot of pleasure.Ā
He speeds up the pace of his hips slamming into you. The coil in his lower stomach tightens inside of him, and it completely clouds his thoughts. His increase in pace causes you to have a second orgasm in a matter of seconds.Ā Ā
Breathy whines escape his pretty lips as he looks down at the mess youāre making on his cock. A desperate moan leaves his mouth when his orgasm hits him hard. His eyes roll back with pleasure as his body tenses up and releases his load inside the condom. He collapses next to you, both of your bodies covered in sweat after this intense sex session. Your heavy breathing is now the only thing that can be heard in your bedroom.Ā
Jungkook throws the condom on the floor before laying again next to you on his bed. His eyes look at you with marvel. Youāre so damn wonderful.Ā
āUff, love! This was something,ā he says as he presses a gentle kiss on your cheek. āDid you enjoy it?ā
Even though you had 2 orgasms one after the other, he still wants to make sure that you loved this steamy session.Ā
āOf course!ā you directly answer.Ā
Your lips find his for a little kiss.Ā
āIām glad to hear that!ā a bright smile appears on his face.Ā
As you look at your delighted boyfriend, you feel a wave of happiness wash over you. Yep, this is what youāve been desiring for years. Being this in love and sharing such a wonderful intimate moment with the person you love is what youāve been looking for.Ā
Right there and then, you comprehend what you were made for. You were made to fall in love with Jungkook.
#bts#bts imagine#bts imagines#jeon jungkook#jungkook#jungkook imagine#bts fluff#jungkook fluff#bts smut#jungkook smut#bts x reader#jungkook x reader#what was i made for#spideyjimin
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Hi! Iām a big fan of your work and your writing style.
If youāre still open to prompts(no worries if not):
Perhaps an incubus who falls in love with itās mark, and struggling to remain composed or āprofessionalā due to their feels?
Please and thank you ā¤ļø
(Omg I love this idea. Thank you so much for the request! I hope you like what I did with it! I'm so sorry this took so long to complete. I wanted to try and do something different with this one to experiment a bit more. Any advice or critique is welcome š I do want to make a part 2 for this eventually, but I honestly have no idea when I'll actually be able to write it. Until then, any ideas for the 2nd part (or a name for him) are more than welcome! Without further adieu, please enjoy the show! - š)
Incubus x Fem!Reader
After starting work at a new office, you've been trying to ignore your incubus coworker and his countless attempts to invite you into the supply closet, or his home after work hours. It's not until he admits that he doesn't just want a one-night stand that you might give him a chance...
Contains: tentacles, sexual tension, bondage (tentacles), gagging, grinding
This wasn't supposed to happen. It never took him more than a few days to convince someone to go home with him. Usually, he was able to do it in a matter of hours, and they ended up bent over his desk. Why were you so difficult? You were just a human. The most beautiful human he had ever seen walk into the office, but just a human either way.
Then why did you turn him down everytime he even walked up to you? Sure he had a rep, but it was a good one. A lot of the other girls at the office considered him good for stress relief, so why wouldn't you let him show you that? Or more importantly, why did he care so much that you kept rejecting him? He couldn't wrap his head around it. He had been rejected in the past and was never all that affected by it. But why did your rejections hurt so badly?
He couldn't feed on anyone else until he had you. The thought of feeding on anyone but you made him feel nauseous. Everyone else smelled terrible in comparison. He even almost gagged once when he was in a morning meeting, and you had called in sick.
You were like a breath of fresh air, and your kindness towards everyone in the office since you arrived made him annoyed. Some of the other monsters in the office were starting to flirt with you after you had rejected him the first time. It made him so angry that you were torturing him like this.
He was done with the casual approach at this point. He couldn't stand having people look at you like he did. He wanted you all to himself, at least for one night. He isn't supposed to get attached to his marks, but he couldn't help it. You had ruined him by simply existing. Everyone he looked at that could be a potential mark were nothing compared to you. They didn't have your body, your voice, your eyes, your smile, or your scent. He just wanted to drown himself in you just once to purge his urges at least, but you wouldn't let him do that.
But today was different. He had a plan. Your team had a short meeting that morning, and he had pretended to leave first, instead waiting outside the door until everyone else had left. He noticed you always stayed back for a few moments to yourself for whatever reason, often just cleaning, but this time, you were going to be staying back for another reason.
All of a sudden, he heard giggling from inside. Your giggling. It was followed by a masculine laugh and the disgusting scent of werewolf flooding his senses. He growled and peered through the crack in the door to see you smiling and giggling with a werewolf that sat next to you during the meeting. His claws dug into the doorframe as he tried to listen in while looking at you through the crack in the door.
"Oh, you're too funny." you said with a sigh, wiping a tear from your eye as you stared up at the handsome young werewolf.
"Why, thank you (Y/n). I take pride in my sense of humor." he said with a cocky smile, leaning into your space as he spoke.
"You should. I always laugh when we talk." You said softly with a sweet smile, seemingly leaning towards him as well.
"Well, how about I get you to laugh later tonight? Why don't we grab drinks after work tonight? There's a bar near my place..." he proposes to you with a smile, his fangs bared.
The door suddenly swung open before you could even contemplate an answer.
"There's a bright yellow sport car in front of the building getting towed. You better go get it, dog." The incubus growled through grit teeth, glaring into the werewolf's eyes.
"Son of a bitch... I'm so sorry, I gotta go. Think about what I said. I'll be expecting your answer after lunch." Ths werewolf softly purred to you before quickly walking outside the room. The incubus wasted no time and swung the door closed, letting it slam.
"What was that about? Coming to try snd get in my pants again?" You spat before rolling your eyes and starting to organize your papers. Gods, you were such a feisty human sometimes. He loved that about you.
"Technically yes." He chuckled, the rumble in his chest more appealing than you'd care to admit. "I didn't want anyone else around."
"I know you won't do anything unless I give my consent." You said bluntly as you tapped your papers together and tucked things away. You knew incubus couldn't do anything without some kind of genuine verbal permission.
"What? Oh fuck no. Nothing like that... Jesus christ, who do you take me for?" He sounded offended as one of his hands came up over his heart.
"A horny incubus that won't leave me alone." You groaned as you turned towards him, going to walk around him. Suddenly, his arm shoots out, blocking your path as he plants his hand on the wall. His claws were peaking out and leaving marks on the wall.
"You don't understand." He growls, a bit harsher than intended before he inhales deeply, trying to calm down as he runs a hand through his hair between his horns. "Once I have my target set on a mark, I can't change it unless they reject me."
"Then why do you keep coming back? I've rejected you so many times... Don't you have plenty of other girls that would be more than willing to give you a snack?" You pointed out how many women were always hanging all over him. It made you sick. Of course you wanted to fuck the hot incubus in the office, but you know yourself. You don't like to share. You like having a partner that's yours and yours alone.
"No. I've never encountered anyone that makes me feel like this..." He leans in towards your face and softly sniffs the air. "You smell so good... I can't think of feeding on anyone else right now... I think I just need a taste... just one night..." His voice is dripping in a pleading tone, bartering, but practically begging for you.
"I can't do that." You said bluntly as you avoided eye contact with him. The heat pooling in your panties didn't help your faltering moral defenses. You knew better. You had to stay firm. Firm like the bulge forming in his dress pants...
"Please?" His deep desperate voice broke you out of your daze as you softly gasped, trying to pretend to be offended instead of turned on as your face turns red and you glare into his eyes.
"N-no! I'm not interested in having a one night stand with you!" You barked, your chest heaving as you stared up at him. Your heart raced as you took in his appearance unintentionally. He was tall and slender, with sharp features. his typically carefully slicked back hair was a bit disheveled from running his hands through it in frustration. His horns were short and blunt usually, but you could see them growing by the moment. In fact, it seemed like his entire frame was growing.
"Oh." He purred. "I get it now." A wicked grin spread cross his face as you tried your best to maintain an annoyed expression. "You haven't been rejecting me because you don't want to sleep with me."
"What?" You jaw slacked open as you looked up at him in shock. "Why else would I be rejecting you?"
"You've been rejecting me because you want me so bad you know you'll want more." He chuckled, his other arm suddenly swinging around to cage you against the wall. "I can tell by how wet you were right now."
"That could have been from anyone else today." You scoffed, but you knew you couldn't pretend you weren't also starting to get desperate. Yiu also couldn't pretend that in an office full of monsters, most of them could probably smell your arousal whenever you had walked into a room.
"I'm an incubus, baby. A demon of pleasure. I can smell it in your blood how turn on you get from being around me." He chuckled with a grin. Fuck. He was onto you. "And it started shortly after I walked in the room..." Double fuck.
"Fuck you." You hissed through grit teeth, your blood pumping as you thought about how many times he must have known you were turned on by his presence.
"Oh babygirl, don't be so hostile. If you wanted more than just one night with me, we could easily arrange that." He starts to lean in close to your face, but you put a hand on his chest and push him back. You couldn't have him in your space like this for long or to hell with your morals.
"Look, I don't sleep with guys unless I'm dating them. I don't do friends with benefits or random office hookups." You finally admitted with a sigh, avoiding eye contact in embarrassment. Your hand on his chest alone was driving him wild. You had never touched him before. He felt his horns getting bigger as he struggled to keep his mostly human form intact.
"Wait, what? Why not?" He said as he finally processed what you said. It was hard to pay attention when you kept touching him.
"Because I know I get attached easily." You admit shyly, your voice nearly whisper quiet as you pulled your hand away. You had his full attention now. "Think about it. You're an incubus that needs to feed on pleasure to survive. You have a good routine going here with everyone else in the office from what I've heard." You let out a shakey sigh as you felt tears start to well in your eyes. "If I'm added into the mix, I know I'm just going to end up hurt... because it already hurts..."
"Wait a minute, what do you mean it hurts?" His voice has changed from frustration to worry mixed with confusion. He didn't understand what was hurting you.
"Excuse me?" You question, a bit confused by his confusion.
"What hurts you right now?" He asks, a bit more clearly as he stares into your eyes and gently cups your face. His touch makes you stiffen, although all you want to do is melt into his hand. As if he has some kind of truth spell on you, you take a breath and let out a soft sigh.
"Y...you do... you hurt me... I see how you talk to the other females in the office... it hurts... ever since I walked into this office I've found you attractive... I've only been here for a few weeks, and I've honestly already been looking to transfer to a different department so I don't have to be around you all the time." You admit softly, averting your gaze before his hand suddenly grabs your face by squishing your soft cheeks.
"What?! Hell no!" He barked with a growl. The thought of you transferring away from him made him enraged. He couldn't let that happen.
"Excuth me?" You mumbled through your squished lips, his grip firm, so you couldn't move, but not harsh.
"You heard me. Hell no." His grip on your face loosens as both his hands move up to hold the side of your head. The look in his eyes is wild, his pupils huge as he doesn't even seem to blink. "You've ruined me, so you don't get to run away from me like that."
"W-what?" You stutter confused, staring back at him as you tried to process his words. What does he mean you ruined him?
"If all you wanted from the beginning was to have me all to yourself, you should have said something." He mutters as his thumbs slowly rub your cheeks. His gentle touch makes you let out an involuntary sigh. "You've made me want no one but you since you got here anyways... your rejections were like being stabbed in the heart... God, without you around, everyone else smells like hot garbage... you smell like fresh summer rain that I wanna drown in forever..." He whispers to you as he moves his hands down your neck and to your shoulders before dropping down your back slowly.
"You really feel like that?" You whisper softly as a shiver goes down your spine. His hands find your hips and hold you firmly in place as he presses his chest against yours. Your arms and papers squish between the two of you as his hot breath bathed your face.
"Yes. I mean every word... if you want to try and date me, I'd be more than happy to only feed from you." He slowly leans down and presses his nose into your neck, inhaling deeply as you can feel his hardening bulge against your lower stomach. "I just don't know how much longer I can wait for you... being this close is torture... I can take you on a proper date tonight, but..." His breathing seems to get heavier as you start to hear the ripping of fabric from behind him. "I need you." His eyes were filled with need at he looked like he was about to start drooling over the most deliciousmeal he's ever had. He was starving and desperate to just feel you. "Please."
"I need you too." You finally whispered, breathless yourself as this was finally too much. You hoped he was telling the truth, but your horny brain didn't even care anymore. You needed him just as badly in that moment.
"Fuck, you have no idea how much I've needed to hear you say that." He lets out a relieved sigh and chuckles before a dark black tentacle comes out from the darkness and grabs your papers, throwing them onto the table. He wastes no time in pinning you to the wall, his wings bursting out from his back and ripping open the back of his suit. "Shit." He grumbles, quickly just tearing off the rest of the fabric on his upper body as he pulls up your skirt, making you wrap your legs around him as he grinds his bulge against your panties to tease you. You're about to let out a moan as he takes your soft lips in a deep kiss. You instead moan against his lips as your hands find his hair, gently tugging as he moans in return.
He's barely even done anything yet, and he feels like he just had a full meal. Your pleasure was so easy to stir and the buzz it gave him was addicting. This was dangerous. He didn't think you'd actually be so tasty. But you were now quickly becoming his new favorite meal. More tentacles manifested out of the darkness, wrapping around your arms and legs slowly as they explored your body and held you in place. The tentacles were warm and wet against your skin, almost feeling like strange tongues. You feel them pin your arms behind your back, your chest now pushed out as he rips the front of your blouse open. You gasp and squirm a bit about to complain about your shirt being ripped before he quickly silences you with a quick kiss.
"I can get you a new shirt, baby. Just relax and enjoy this." He purrs softly, making you shiver before his lips are back on yours again. He slides his tongue into your mouth and seems to be trying to taste as much of you as he possibly can. Two tentacles slide into your bra and wrap around your breasts, fondling them as they flicked your nipples. He quickly unbuckles his pants and pulls out his throbbing cock from his boxers, rubbing his length between your slick folds. He groans against your lips softly before pulling away to rest his forehead against yours.
Your brain is fuzzy as you look up at him, your eyes drunk with lust and he could swear you had hearts in your eyes. Your eyes flicked downwards and widened as he chuckled. He was bigger than you expected, but you weren't going to shy away from a challenge. However, before you could tell him to go ahead and fuck you, you felt a warm, slick tentacle move your panties to the side before prodding your dripping wet hole and slowly sliding into you. It was thick, stretching you slightly as it wriggled inside you against your most sensitive bumps inside you.
"I can tell you're a needy one... a secret kinky side... I like that." He groans as he bucks his hips against yours, rubbing his cock against your bundle of nerves. Your back arched as you couldn't help but let out lewd moans, another tentacle swiftly sliding into your mouth. "You're really enjoying this. I can't believe you resisted this for so long." He chuckles with a wicked grin. You moan around the tentacle in your mouth as you squirm, your eyes fluttering as the tendril in your pussy plays with your sensitive walls. Your face flushes as you felt yourself starting to get close already.
"Fuck baby... if you taste this good just to play with, I need to know how good you taste when you cum." He pants softly as you notice drool from the corners of his mouth dripping down onto your chest. His eyes are wild with lust as they dart over your body laid out just for him. His cock continues to thrust roughly against your clit, picking up the pace along with the two tentacles inside you. You don't know how much more you can take.
"Cum for me baby." He commands, making you shiver as you suddenly come undone. Your pussy contracts around the tentacle as you gag on the lne in your mouth. Your entire body trembles as you're fucked through your orgasm, the tentacles only pulling away slowly for a moment after you're done cumming. You're panting and gasping for air as the black tendril slides put of your mouth, your pussy red and puffy as the other slides out as well.
You're left whining softly as your pussy clenches around nothing and you try to catch your breath. You want to tell him you wanted more. That you wanted his cock. You needed it. Drool drips down your chin as he leans in to lick it away, pulling his dick away as the black tendrils move you to the large table. He begins licking the sweat from your body, leaving you wet and needy.
Once he finally moves to 'clean' between your legs, you're groaning and moaning softly with need. He licks up your thighs, stopping before touching your pussy. Your squirming in the grip of the tentacles still, bucking your hips as you pray for him to touch you. You're left whimpering and shaking with desire as he fixes your messy panties and pulls your skirt back into place.
"You really are needy." He growls as his eyes finally start to settle from their crazed daze. The tentacles slowly release you and he uses the shreads of his shirt snd jacket to ensure you're cleaned up. "But I can't get too carried away... not yet."
"I wish you could have." You whisper with a cheeky smile as he begins to clean your face of any spit or tears left behind. He chuckles lowly as he holds your face with one of his clawed hands. His eyes still held a burning desire for you, and you knew he saw the same in yours.
"You'll find out tonight. You took the bus today, right?" He asks as he manifested two of his shirts, opening one of them up and sliding it on your arms before beginning to button it up. You notice his more demon-like features starting to slowly go away, showing that he's much calmer now as he takes on his human appearance again.
"Yeah?" You raise an eyebrow, wondering why he was asking. It wasn't uncommon for you to just take the bus when you didn't feel like driving in the morning. He quickly finished buttoning the shirt he put on you before putting on a shirt himself now that he won't rip it with his wings.
"Good. You're coming home with me after work." He said with a smirk as he buttoned up his shirt. You whined softly and bit your lip as he now covered himself. He helped you off the table, but held your hips as you stood in front of him now.
"I want you to save that energy for our date tonight."
"Oh really?" You giggle as you run your hand along his chest, undoing the top bottun to let a bit kore of his chest show. "You better finish what you started then." You feel him practically purr as he stares down at you with a mischievous grin.
#monster boyfriend#monster fucker#monster x reader#monster imagine#demon x reader#demon oc#demon bf#demon boyfriend
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hiii! this is my first request on tumblr but i jus love alastor sm and there is NOT enough fics for me out there. so im asking uā¤ļø
what abt alastor being jealous of someone else in the hotel? for example: angel dust, he puts on music and you two are dancing with eachother happily not noticing the red eyed demon with a tight grin. š„°
Hii! Honestly after writing this I realized I didn't follow the prompt exactly, less jealousy and more Alastor being overprotective. Oh well! Hope you like it anyway :D!
Be Back Soon (i)
alastor x reader (fluff? alastor is just overprotective) part i TW: Cursing/Angel existing if you want tagged in the next part, lmk! join my discord! āāā ā āāāāāāāāāā ā āāāāāāāāāā ā āāāāāāāāāā ā āāā
Your fingers dragged down the skin around your eyes as you let out a long sight, sitting at Huskās bar with shoulders propped on the cold counter. What a day it had been, running around in the typical chaos of the hotel as Charlie tried to get some group bonding activities finished. It was getting late, and you just finally had a moment of peace.
āāEy, toots!ā The chipper voice broke your peace and you couldnāt help it when another audible sigh escaped you. The culprit of the broken science paid no mind.
Turning your head, you narrowed your eyes and made eye contact with the lanky pink spider. You were a little salty at him in particular, being one of the main catalysts to the everyday insanity. He had an easy grin played upon his lips as he stared back down at you with his multicolored eyes, one pair of arms on his hips that jutted out a little too unnaturally in a mischievous pose. His golden tooth glinted under his light grin with a similar air of āhey Iām up to no good right now.ā
āYou look fuckinā tired!ā He barked a laugh, dramatically squeezing his eyes shut in a theatrical show of laughing in your face. It really wasnāt that funny, and you couldnāt stop the frown that touched your lips as you watched him. He took pride in being the way he was. Annoying.
āNo thanks to you, Angel,ā You clipped back. You turned your head to watch Husk, who was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. He had become an expert in ignoring the spider demonās presence, which was how he managed to stay sane with said demonās constant flirting and sexual nature.
āAnyway,ā He waves away your targeted words with a wave of his hands as his eyes roll up. āI was thinkinā we get outta here for the night? Me and Cherri were gonna have a āgirlās night.āā You briefly thought about the humor in Angel admitting to being āone of the girls,ā but pushed the thought away to consider his invitation. āIt wouldnāt hurt ta get some fresh air. This place is real stuffy sometimes, and a huge snooze fest,ā he persuaded. He rested his face on one pair of hands, fingers laced under his chin, as he leaned against the bartop in anticipation for your answer.
You purse your lips in thought. It wouldnāt hurt, right? You didnāt go out clubbing a lot, and with Angel and Cherri with you surely nothing wrong would happen. They looked out for their friends, and you would (maybe regretfully) consider yourself Angelās friend. You glanced at Husk for a moment, as if looking for advice, but his eyes remained close and his lips had an annoyed curl. Maybe you should get out of his hair.
āOkay, okay,ā You grinned, a little sheepishly. While you couldnāt really consider āfresh airā to be a feature of Hell, you agreed that you needed to just Get Out of this place. Running errands for Charlie got mundane, even with all the strange characters that cycled through the place. One tends to get used to the chaos.
Angel stretched his arms up in a cheer, which earned a one-eyed, aggravated look from Husk. He uttered something under his breath before grabbing a bottle and walking to the other corner.
āAlright, sweet lips,ā Angel cooed at you. āLet's get you dressed! You got anything decent up in your closet?ā
Your hand found its way to the back of your neck as you answered sheepishly, āEh, not reallyā¦ At least, not for a night out. I donāt really do much outside of the Hotel.ā Angel frowned at the response, tapping his chin in thought.
āLemme take a look,ā With a swipe of his arm, your hand was suddenly being held as he dragged you up the steps toward the floor of your room.
Walking down at the same time, you briskly passed by Alastor, who had his eyes closed and a hum in his mouth. His blazing red eyes peered open as you and Angel rushed past him, a quizzical furrow in his brow seeing the connection between your hands. You shot him a shy grin and craned your head back to shout a quick āIāll explain in a minute,ā before you disappeared around the bend of the stairs.
You didnāt miss the dark gleam in his eyes.
Angel, in an attempt to dramatically burst through your door, slammed full body into the entrance. āAh- the hell?ā He cried, roughly jiggling the handle.
āI keep it locked,ā you snickered at him and the disheveled look in his usually preened hair. You saw him take his hands to brush it out as you fiddled with the lock, an annoyed mutter of words escaping his lips. The second the door clicked, Angel shoved past you and reattempted his dramatic burst through the entrance with a bit more luck this time around.
He went straight for your closer, rummaging through this and that. What a breach of privacy, this guy is, you thought with a strained smile as you stepped up next to him to try to guide him through your very Ordinary and Plain clothes.
You felt a prickling sensation on your skin, and you swear you heard a frequency of low static, but when you whipped your head around nothing stood there. Did that shadow just move?
Shaking your head, you looked at the piece Angel held proudly in his hands, one pair of arms gripping the top and the second pair pulling the bottom out to really get a full inspection.
It was incredibly simple, but still a bit more revealing than anything you were used to wearing. A deep red top, so cropped it may as well be a sporty bra, with a couple eye-catching accents of rhinestones. Connected with thin straps was a similarly tight pair of booty shorts. Your face flushed at the thought of wearing this. It was practically lingerie.
āIsnāt it a bit, uh, tacky?ā You tried in an attempt to dissuade him from this getup. He acted offended, one hand going and pressing against his fluffed chest. You didnāt miss the way he took this as an opportunity and pressed up against himself to perk up his mass of chest fur.
āBabe, I wear shit like this all the time! You tellinā me,ā He started a rant, shaking the clothes in a fit of mock rage. āYou tellinā me Iām tacky? Hah! Me! Angel Dust!ā He wiped away a fake tear in his laughter.
Your face flushed again looking at the getup. With a defeated mutter you swiped it from his hands and trekked painfully slowly to the restroom. You ignored Angelās urgency for you to āhurry the hell upā because it was almost time to get going.
You slowly stripped yourself of your day clothes, gingerly stepping through the tight shorts and tucking your arms through the straps of the top. You didnāt even remember buying this thing, it had been stuffed far in the back of your closet. You couldnāt help the feeling of dread thinking about the other embarrassing things Angel might have seen in there. Though, you doubt anything could phase that guy.
You had to admit, looking at your reflection, that it did accentuate your curves, even if you didnāt have much to begin with. The rhinestone accents glittered in the bathroom light, obviously designed in a way to bring attention to the chest. The straps that connect the two pieces fit snugly against your exposed torso. You were suddenly glad Hell never got that cold.
āAlmost ready!ā You snapped at Angel calling from the other side of the door. You quickly threw on some touches of makeup, trying your best to compliment the shades of your outfit and adding some glittery makeup around your eyes. You quickly dragged your fingers through your hair to style it comfortably.
You ripped open your door just as fists started banging on it. Angel stood there with two arms raised, stopped midair to keep himself from decking you in the head. You glared up at him, trying to maintain your earlier sourness to hide the fact that the outfit had grown on you.
āHey, sexy lady!ā Angel teasingly leaned himself against the doorframe with a smirk. āLetās fuckinā go! You took too damn long! Cherri hates waitinā.ā
Grabbing your hand again, he ushered you out of the room. As you raced down the stairs, you tried to continuously preen your hair to keep it from flying out of shape as Angel practically drug you down each step.
He slowed at the bottom, releasing your hand, and stepping towards Huskās bar to aggravate and flirt with the cat one last time before heading out. You tuned out his sexual innuendoes as you tried to glance over yourself one last time.
āMy, what a dame you are!ā Alastorās recognizably radio-afflicted voice ripped your attention away from picking at a loose rhinestone. He stood over you, a slight bend in his waist and an unnatural crane in his neck. His smile was there, but tight and uneasily wide as he examined you through squinted eyes. He leaned his weight against his cane.
Swallowing your unease, you examined his expression. You knew Alastor didnāt care for suchā¦ promiscuous outfits. Especially on what he considered his. You knew his compliment was satirical, and you didnāt miss that glint of anger flash through his expression.
āHeyy, Al,ā You drew out your words, unintentionally accentuating the awkward tone between the two of you. He paid no mind, keeping up that seemingly cheerful grin of his as he justā¦ stared at you. His fingers tapped impatiently on the radio of his cane, each tap bringing a warp to the frequency that always surrounded him. āIām going out with Angel tonight. Yāknowā¦ to get some airā¦ā
āMy dear,ā His eyes closed in a laugh and he straightened himself out. āWhy would you ever go out there for fresh air? Now, you know those demons would just eat you right up.ā A dark sneer infected his smile, lips curling and exposing the line of his black gums.
āāEy cāmon, Smiles,ā Angel stepped up next to you and lazily threw an arm over your shoulder. You saw that sneer only deepen as Alastor watched the spider get way too close to you. āGive āer a break! Sheās always runninā around doinā shit for this bum-ass hotel! It makes herā¦ boring!āĀ
You didnāt know whether or not to appreciate Angel both defending and insulting you. You decided to just ignore his comments as you watched Alastorās expression get darker and more sinister. You felt a cold sweat prickle at your neck as that static-y frequency of his became more prominent and aggressive as his eyes swept over the two of you, lingering on your exposed abdomen with a frustrated twitch in his brow.
āWhy, of course!ā He suddenly cheered, brandishing his hands to his side in a slight bow. āButā¦ā He stepped towards you, looming over you. You felt that nervous tickle again. His right hand raised and, with a quick motion, a fairly modest jacket materialized around your shoulders. āAll better! Wouldnāt want greedy eyes seeing whatās mine!ā
How bold, you thought. He was from the ā30s, though, and very old fashioned. It made sense that immodest wear bothered him. Plus, you looked down at the jacket. It had a similar color scheme, and was light enough to not be too warm. At least it goes with my outfit. How sweet.
You felt a bit giddy at the permission Alastor had given youānot that you needed it. (You did). Youāre a grown ass adult. (It doesnāt matter). You shot him a smile of thanks before dashing out the door, meeting Cherri who had been frequently laying on the car horn for you to Hurry the Fuck Up.
Before Angel Dust could follow, a tight grip on one of his wrists stopped him in his tracks. He hissed, yanking his arm but to no avail. Alastorās grab was like iron, and his nails began to dig into Angelās skin.
āHey you fuck, let me go! I gotta get out there before Cherri starts blowinā this shit up!ā
Alastor pulled Angel in closer, a sneer-like grin crossing his expression. There was a maddening look in his glowing red eyes.
āIf she comes home with even the smallest scrape,ā He said in a low tone, the garble of his radio slightly distorting his voice. āIām going to make you wish you never came to this Hazbin Hotel.ā
Alastorās grip didnāt yield as Angel tried again in a futile attempt to release himself. He had a nervous laugh in his voice as he tried to act unintimidated by the Radio Demonās threat.
āYeah, yeah, whatever, you creepy red fuck,ā He gruffed back, āMe anā Cherri will stick right by her. You donāt gotta worry about nothinā.ā Alastorās expression shifted in an instant, his cheerful grin reappearing. He stood up straight and smiled down at Angel. āGood man! Now, donāt be too long,ā He shooed Angel out of the lobby, who was more than glad to get the fuck out of there. He heard a faint āIāll be watchingā from behind as he slammed the car door shut, muttering curses under his breath.
He knew Alastor would send that damn shadow of his to keep a close eye, so why the fuck did Angel have to babysit you in the first place? Plus, you werenāt some weak, naive fool. Whatever. He knew Alastor would take any excuse to cause some entertaining mayhem.
He sighed as he looked at you, who had a nervous but excited grin as Cherri rambled and cursed about something.
Maybe he shouldnāt have invited you out. He knew he was in for a long, stressful night. Good thing there would be a bar.
#alastor#alastor x reader#alastor x you#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#angel dust#ohdeerfully#cursing#fluff#alastor is overprotective#reader isnt weak tho#he just cares too much i think
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Can you write more Adam fics plz there so freaking good
Benefit of the Doubt PT.2
Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader
Viewer discretion is advised
Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff to Angst to comfort, General Adam TWās, Reader lowkey-highkey has a complex about being loved, Panic attack (Iām not even sure if this is correct term or not), Adam is afraid of heights (makes sense in story) This is set way before the show, and Gn! Reader (Y/n is once again not used lol)
Part 1 Part 3 Part 4
Request Box: Open
Word count: 3136
A/N: Hi! Iād like to Thank you all for the love and support on Part 1! It means a lot that you all enjoyed it as I loved writing it! Iād also like to apologize for this being a week late, I honestly had 0 idea on how to start this one and then a bunch of stuff in my life happened, so it was a mess.
So as an apology I tried to make this one longer than the first! (I seemed to go a little overboard but itās fine)
Anyways I hope you all enjoy part 2 to āBenefit of the doubtā and as always, if you do, please tell me if want another part in replies/requests/DMās!
Proofread but of course could have missed something
Tags: @tired-of-life-86
To think love could feel this good.
You were made for it, to give it, receive itā¦ Youāve waited your entire existence for this love, This closeness. It doesnāt even feel real now, even as youāre walking down the golden lined streets of heaven with his arm wrapped around you, all while youāve been showing him around. The best places to eat, entertainment, or just a nice park. You made sure to show him all of it.
He kept his wings tucked to his sides, the gold contrasting with the white of his robe. The feathers at first glance looked sharp, but now, being so close to him, you could see each of them individually and how soft they must be.
āHey Sweetcheeks, my eyes are up hereā
You jump slightly āSorryā¦ Adam.ā You avert your eyes away from him and focus them in front of you.
Adam laughed āI didnāt say you had to fuxkinā to stopā
His wings truly were beautiful. It was hard to keep your eyes off them. Adam had only got to heaven recently, it made you wonder if he had the chance to use them yet. You remember when you were first created, wings took forever to get used to. You crashed and fell so many times before you figured out how to use them
Properly.
āOk seriously, you keep staring, what the fxck is up with you?ā
āItās nothing, justā¦. Have you tried out your wings yet?ā
āUh, yeah totally, theyāre rad as hellā Adamās voice drifted off, the LED eyes of his mask looking away from you as you both walked. Was heā¦ lying? Why would he lie?
You quickly walked in front of Adam, leaving his warm embrace, gently you took his hands as your wings picked you off the ground. The gust of wind with each flap softly blew around you.
āWell, come on, it will be faster than walking.ā Your voice was soft and airy. Slowly, so very slowly, you lifted yourself higher from the ground, Adamās hands locked firmly in yours, as he was pulled with you in the air.
āW-Wait a- shit- Wait a- motherfuxking secondā Adam yelled strand after strand of curses as you both lifted further and further into the air. His body flailed and his legs kicked against nothing. You pull him to you, his arms quickly snake around your waist, holding on for his dear After-life.
āAdamā¦ did you lie to me?ā Your voice was still so soft, so calm, so sweet.
āFuck- yes I lied, Iām sorry, so put me the fuck down you crazy asshole-ā Vulgar as ever, his voice had fear in it, the LED eyes were forced shut and his grip around you was getting tighter and tighter.
Your arms wrapped around Adamās head as you laid back, letting The wind breeze from the air pull and push you along its path with your wings soaring through the clouds..
āAdam, itās ok, I promise youāre fine, all you have to do is open your eyes.ā
You pet the back of his neck trying to sooth him which seemed to work after a few seconds. Adam didnāt want to, he really didnāt want to open his eyes. But the longer he kept them close, the more you would whisper soft words of encouragement to him. Eventually, his eyes slowly but surely opened.
āSee? There is nothing to be scared of. Iāve got you.ā
You hold him closer in your embrace. Adam looked below, the white vastness of heavenās clouds beneath you both felt unreal, but as amazing a sight it was, Adamās grip on you didnāt loosen.
āSoā¦ Iām guessing you donāt know how to fly yet?ā You laugh a little, rubbing a spot on his back, just between his wings comfortingly.
Adam huffed and looked away āoh! I couldnāt fxcking see that!ā
You held him close to you. The embrace seemed never ending, and you loved every second of it. Feeling the warmth of his plump body next to you was like a dream come true.
āHere let me justā¦ā
You moved your hands slowly down his arms, caressing the soft flesh as they moved to eventually be at his hands behind you. You began to leisurely undo the grip he had around you.
āWhat do you think you're doing-ā
āShhh, relax, just trust me, ok?ā
With each finger being removed from you, the grip lessened bit by bit, until eventually his hands were fully in yours. Your face leaned closer to his,
āCome on, just give your wings a good flap, trust me.ā
āUghā¦. Fine but I swear to god if you let go-ā
āI wonāt.ā Your voice was firm, yet still remained reassuring.
Adam didnāt want to do this. He really didnāt want to. But what other choice did he have? He gruffs and extends his wings from his body. The wind brushed and tickled at his feathers. The way the light hit them caused a glare of gold to be cast from them, enveloping you both. Then, he gave two hard flaps of his wings, he lifted up slightly before quickly falling back to where he was.
āThere you go! Now keep doing that.ā
Adam continued, his wings slowly pushing him up and up before being sent back down when he stopped. This repeated for a few minutes until he finally got a grip on it. The entire time, you were laughing. Pure unadulterated laughs of joy.
Truly, to think love could feel this good?
āSee? You're a natural!ā
āOf course I am! Iām the Original Dick, obviously Iādā¦ be good at thisā¦ flyingā¦ shit.ā With all the parading he was doing he kept forgetting to use his wings causing him to fall. āA naturalā may have been an overstatement on your part, but hey? At least he hasnāt fallen flat on his face yet!
Gently, you led him through air, giving him reassurance every few feet you flew, never letting go. Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours. Before you knew it a brisk orange sunset encased you both with its hue. Thatās when you realized just how long you both had been flying.
āYou must be tired with sightseeing all dayā¦ I think itās time we go home and rest, yeah?ā
āHome?ā Adamās voice sounded for a moment genuinely confused. Had he not been told heād have a place to live in heaven? As much respect you had for Sera, youāll have to file a complaint to avoid this with future souls.
You gripped his hand and opened your wings letting the wind lead you through the clouds and above the city. The angels below look like ants at the height you both were. It was peaceful, the flight back home. But it did seemā¦ off? Soā¦ quiet? You couldnāt put it together, at least not at the moment, But Adam hadnāt spoken a word since you both left.
Adam, while yes, he was initially confused, it made sense to him, why wouldnāt heaven have a place for its people, a place for each of them to relax, to feel safe, happy, at home.
Home was such a weird word for Adam. Has he ever felt like a place was his āhomeā? The closest thing to it was the Garden of Eden but even that proved to be anything but a home for him. Ever since that snake entered his garden.
No. He canāt think about that now. He doesnāt want to have to think about that again. But oh-do thoughts love to worm their way back into your mind when you least want them to. Heās snaps out of his thoughts when your voice picks up
āOk, weāre here! Just get yourself settled in and Iāll go make us something to eat. I didn't really know what food youād like so I mainly just have junk foodā¦ I hope that's ok.ā
Adam nods his head nonchalantly
You smile, waking him over to the small, plush couch in the living room and handing him a blanket and some pillows. Telling him to wait a second as you fetch some food, leaving him alone.
Adam thought your house seemed welcoming enough, āwellā¦ our houseā Adam thought. The living room was dark aside from a few luminous lights around the room as well as the small blue gleam from the windows from the night sky.
The couch was comfortable and the pillows just as much. And the blanket you gave him was soft and warm. This really was heaven, huh?
His thoughts are, once again, interrupted by your voice, āOk here we go, Iāve got snacks and some sodaā you say, handing him some of the many food you ravaged from your fridge and sitting beside him, wrapping yourself in the shared blanket.
Grabbing the remote lying next to you, you flick on the TV flipping through the channel before ending on a cheesy sitcom, you keep the volume low wanting to enjoy any conversation with Adam. Exceptā¦ he never started one. So thatās what felt off.
The entire time you flew back home, got snacks and found something to watch. He hadn't said a word. You may not have known him long but even you had already picked up that he was an advid talker in a conversation.
āIsā¦ everything ok Adam?ā You whispered, not want to scare him with your random words.
āWhat kind of question is that, Iām fxcking fineā¦ Iām fine.ā His voice trailed off at the end almost getting as quiet as yours.
āAre you sure cause-ā
āI said Iām fuxking fine!ā His voice roared through the dark room. Gritty and callous, but you could tell it was meant to hide something. Something he didnāt want you to see.
āIām sorryā¦ā you paused. What did you want to say from here? What could you say? You took a deep breath and tried to continue. āIā¦ I know I said this earlierā¦ when Sera left.ā
Adamās LED mask looked away from you half shut eyes and a frown forming a scowl on it, but still he let you continue.
āBut Iām going to say it again anyways causeā¦ I mean it. Iām really happy to have you here. To finally have you homeā you place your arm around Adamās back rubbing it soothingly as let your head slowly lax onto him, gently cuddling close to him.
That word againā¦ home. Thatās all he could think about ever since he first heard you say it. Why? Why couldnāt he get it out of his head? His breathing was becoming unsteady with each new thought and image his brain made. Lilith and Eve, they were made to be apart of his home, for him to be apart of their homes. So why? Why did it end that way?
Suddenly Adam leap from the couch as fast as he could, the shear force knocking you to the other side of the couch, sending the food to scatter and drinks to spill to the floor.
āAdam!?ā Your voice was frightened at the sudden movement. Adam looked just as frightened as you, at least from what you could tell through the LED mask. He suddenly began running, where? he didnāt know, the rooms in the house looked the same. But all he knew is that he needed to be away from you. You followed quickly behind him and pleaded for him to tell you what was wrong, but eventually he ran into a room and locked the door.
He looked around, already out of breath. He was in a bathroom. He felt his knees give out under him as he tried to slowly sit down by the tub. His breath heavy, it was hard to breathe, this stupid mask. He needed it off. But just as he went to do so,
*rattle rattle rattle*
The doorknob began to move followed by frantic knocking on the door.
āAdam! Are you ok?!ā Your voice pleaded through the wood of the door.
āFuxk- I'm fine! How many times do I have to tell you that shitā his voice cracked a few times followed by a strand of curses leaving his lips.
Home. The word repeated like a mantra in his head. Like it was mocking him. Was he not meant to have a place he called a home? To have someone to return to, who would tell him āwelcome back!ā Without even being told to?
Lilith hated him, Eve betrayed and hurt him like no one else before, ever. They were made to be with him, one was literally made to be his other half. The garden, his home, was taken from him because of something, someone he couldnāt control. it all comes back to him. That albino snake in the grass.
Lucifer, āThe dreamerāā¦ was this some sort of game to him? To toy with his emotions, treat him like some kind of plaything to mess with, to screw over? What kind of life was it? To have every opportunity and opening be broken down by him, And Adam being powerless to stop it?
āAdam! Please open the door!ā Your voice was even more frantic now, knocking every few seconds before it quickly quieted down. Your body slumped against the door.
āAdamā¦ Iām sorry if I hurt you orā¦ or if I was going too fastā¦ I didn't mean toā¦ Iām so sorryā¦ā your breath hitched with tears.
And then there was you.
You have been nothing but kind to him since you met him. You showed him around heaven, taught him how to fly and welcomed him home without having being told to. You were so different. So, so very different. Adam figure that out a while ago now. But in reality, itās exactly why he was terrified.
To have someone who loves him so... unconditionally.
*click*
The sound of the door unlocking drew your attention and was followed by it slowly opening from Adam on the other side, still on the floor.
āAdam!ā Your voice was low, already tired from crying. You crawled your way toward him before stopping in front of him, tears still falling from your face, āIām sorry Adam, Iām sorry-ā you were cut off by a quick movement.
Warmth enveloped you, clouding your senses as a soft weight laid onto you. Arms wrapped their way around you in an embrace.
āShit- it's not your fault, it was never your faultā¦ā Adamās voice was surprisingly soft, a stark contrast to his regular tone. Sincerity evident with each word. All you could do was hide into his large frame and cry at the words.
Adam was never good at comforting people. He himself was never comforted, so the concept was more than a bit foreign to him. But even still, he tried. Slowly he helped you both up from the bathroom floor and made your way back to the couch.
The floor was covered in the discarded food you both left behind. The spilled soda is now dried and sticky. Crumbs everywhere.
āHere.. let me get a mop and broom-ā
āNo just sit down, Iāll clean up the shit I madeā you lay down on the couch and watched as Adam swept and mopped the mess from the floor. The entire time the silence hung in the air by a thread. Neither of you wanting to be the one to snap the string and speak.
Finally Adam got done cleaning the mess and made his way to the couch. He sat down and gestured for you to come closer. Crawling over to him, he wrapped the blanket around you both allowing you to snuggle into him.
āDoā¦ā your voice barely audible āDo you want to talk about it?ā
Adam looked hesitant but nodded.
āYou know about everything, right? Aboutā¦ what all happened in Eden?
You nod against his chest content on listening.
āWhenā¦ When Lilith left me, I thought I didn't care as much as I did. I thought she was a bitch and that was that. And it didnāt help that as soon as she left, I got Eveā¦ā
He paused
āThen, when I found out about that shit between Eve and Luciferā¦ I didnāt care then either, but I didnāt understand whyā¦ā his voice hitched ābut when I ate that damn appleā¦ I realized how hurt I should have been. All the concepts of right and wrong, good and evil, learning all of it through that fruit, I realized one shitty truthā¦ that the one I loved betrayed me.ā
You hugged him tighter softly, your hands caressed his stomach as some form of comfort before he continued.
āFor the same person- Both of them for that snakeā¦ā
āAdamā¦ Iām so sorry you had to go through that.ā
āAnd thatās whyā¦ Iām scared. Scared that I will fuxk up again and getā¦ attached to you. Because every. single. time. He ruins it. And I don't want to see that happen with you.ā
Your heart ached for him, the saddening look of his LED mask as he talked only furthered your emotions. Slowly your hands made their way to his face, he looks at you confused, your fingertips crept under the mask before his hand shot up and held your wrist slightly, carefully not holding it too tight.
āSorry fuck- Iām.. Iām not ready.ā
You smile and nod understanding āAdam. I love youā¦ with all of my heart. And I would never do what those two done to you. ā
Adam thought for a moment deciding what to say.
āPromise?ā was all he could think of, his voice, mind, and body were all too tired to speak more about it.
You slowly remove your hands from his mask, instead taking one of his hands into yours.
āI promise, I would never betray you, let alone talk to that manā ever-so lightly, a soft golden glow burned between yours and Adamās hands, the gold flame was warm and comforting to both of you as it rose and grew in strength.
From the flame, a string wrapped and warped itself around both yours and Adamās pinky fingers. The string tightened and loosened as it moved, before finally melting away leaving only two solid gold rings behind, One on Adamās finger and the other on yours.
āWhat the hell was that?ā Adamās voice was filled with bewilderment
āA deal- or I guess a promise. In this caseā
āShit, You didnāt have to do that-ā this time it was your turn to interrupt him. You bring Adamās hand to your lips, and give a kiss on his newly formed ring before lying down and cuddling into Adam.
āI know.ā
For once in his life, Adam felt at ease with love. How easy it was to fall for you.
Is this what home feels like?
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