#[ thread they would either a) procrastinate on replying or b) put that thread on the backburner while they write things that gives them ]

[unladielike]

...Not gonna lie, I've been re-examining a lot of things as of lately in regards to past IC events, and I honestly get the sense that the reason Vivian feels so uncomfortable with being called a 'lesbian' or having her relationship be labelled as a 'lesbian relationship' is because she feels it not only denies her lack of monosexuality outright/reinforces the idea of monosexism, but erases her pansexuality entirely. Now, for some sapphic women, they do not mind using the term 'lesbian' to refer to themselves even if they don't fit completely inside that box and seriously do not find this to be such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but for Vivian, well... receiving the assurance she is indeed a lesbian upon expressing her insecurity over her queerness not being monosexual brings her much discomfort, for deep down inside, she knows that she will never be attracted to just a single gender her whole entire life.

Of course, what manages to complicate things even further is her hypersexuality, which more often than not leads to intrusive sexual thoughts she would end up feeling guilty over, hence why she does not want to necessarily be told she's a lesbian during moments where she doubts her capacity to be a good lover. Then again, we also have to remember that not only is Vivian young, she by natural default has no prior experience to dating anyone before entering a relationship with whoever she is shipped with, so there will inevitably be moments where she feels like she is missing out on relationships with other genders regardless of whether she is with a woman, man, or gender queer person.

Due to this, there will be times where she'll experience profound sadness and go through phases of vague mourning, especially because she's still young and didn't yet have a chance to experiment with her sexuality enough to get everything out of her own system, something that most non-monosexual women who have only dated men/women might experience. Rather than a feeling of dissatisfaction, however, it's more so Vivian coping with the duality of wanting to stay committed in her long term relationship yet also wondering what things would be like with someone of a different gender... a curiosity that often comes and goes like the passing tide.

Either way, I believe Vivian's unfortunate habit of comparing herself to lesbians stems from not only her hypersexual dilemma, but monosexism and the biphobia/panphobia that is rampant within online spaces, which could be seen as recently as this thread (WARNING: the link contains biphobia, so if you are sensitive to such matters, PLEASE DO NOT CLICK IT). Honestly, upon having seen how vile lesbians and other monosexuals can be towards bisexuals and pansexuals, it explains why Vivian heavily leans more towards men in her attraction, is convinced Judith is somehow the 'only woman' for her, and has a lot of hangups around dating women in general, like for instance, how she thinks she would not be able to love a woman the same way a lesbian allegedly could.

Why, I imagine she is hesitant to even disclose her true sexuality to others out of the innate paranoia it won't be understood or accepted; therefore, she would usually bite her tongue instead of pulling a 'Actually, I identify as pansexual' moment. Basically, though, Vivian hasn't yet reached a point where she is confident in her sexuality and would rather play up her whole '2D-obsessed' shtick than openly acknowledge her queerness; after all, there's really no telling what people would do upon having access to that information.