#but for some reason I want bacon

[idksjdhshdhd]

The things I would do for a free lifetime supply of bacon 😌

[justyourlocalplaguedoctor]

so apparently it is Not Normal that I am able and willing to withstand 85º and up temperatures in a full, unventilated and uncooled plague doctor suit for 7-8 hours without removing any of the suit's parts

[poll-polls]

There are simply too many options, so just choose the closest and you can clarify in the tags if you want. :)

[lostandbackagain]

you guys ever wake up evil

[commanderfreddy]

i never remember to explain shit anymore i just vaguepost and expect people to catch up but i finally have good news, we've made a lot of progress with my parents' estate (they both ran their own businesses and you know those images of nightmare cable management? well imagine that with bank accounts) and i actually have money now - im taking a trip to Aotearoa NZ with my mate Jules next week (dark sky reserve! lotr filming locations! snow! FOOD!) and then in august i will be moving to nyc to pursue a 2 year masters degree in library science with a focus on rare materials archival studies!! shits happening in my life!! im not just sitting in my house doing nothing all day!! and like i said i have money!! if you're taking commissions lmk bc while im focused on my getaway for the next few weeks i wanna support my friends and their art and when i get back i wanna throw u cash to draw my ocs!!

[nomaishuttle]

left a 10 dollar tip bc i felt rly bad abt being late 4 the pickup.. sry man

[corvids-corner]

Wish whichever house-mate is in the kitchen rn would leave already so I can have my very late lunch in peace ☹️

[wildgirllz]

I'm not sure if you are familiar with the "mating press" position, but the little horny voice inside my head says that Tommy would absolutely love it. Just imagine reader having her legs on his shoulders while he pins her down to the bed because he needed to let off steam. Of course, this is completely consensual! Reader is willingly helping her husband out like the sweet housewife she is <3 Would you be up to write something like that? Sorry for being so disgustingly horny about him... (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

Omg i love this request!! HAPPY 1K MY BEAUTIES!!!

Mating press with Tommy <3

Warnings: unprotected sex, SIZE KINK OML (I'm sorry I couldn't help myself) pnv, afab reader, he cums inside because he's a loving husband, overall just porn with a little plot

It was a sunny day, the warm Texan breeze on your shoulders as you washed dishes from breakfast. A hefty pile of dishes, Tommy was not a small man to feed. As the warm water eroded the bacon grease from your castiron, you heard some stomping from the yard. You smile, you can imagine how he was looking at that very moment; his mask covering half of his sweaty face, hair stuck to his forehead, shoulders wide and casting a big shadow over whatever he was blocking. His tall frame was delicious, his arms, his hands that held the majority of your torso already made you hot on the back of your neck.

Lost in a trance of your thoughts, you feel the warm water over your hands' sudden absence. You don't need to turn your head to identify the reason. You can already hear his little huffs behind his mask and his big meaty hands pawing at your hips.

“I missed you, Tommy.” You turn and raise your arms to place your hands on his broad chest. His fingers fidget with the red trim of your sundress, one of his favorites. “You like my dress honey? I like this one too, I wear it to ensure you stay grateful for this pretty little wife you got.” You giggle and cover his hands with your own, but only manage to shade a finger or two. 

“I made you pie again Tommy, peach crumble! It's right on the counter. Lemme cut you a slice.” You smile warmly before turning to walk to the countertop to your right, but you don't manage. Tommys' hands are glued to your hips, keeping you grounded like a statue on the floor. “You don't want pie, baby?” You ask, sweetly of course. You knew Tommy wasn’t focused on your pie right now, you knew from the second you heard his feet shuffling outside that he had some steam he needed to release, and you’d be damned before you said you didn't want him to take it out on you.

You look up at his lust-filled eyes and reach to untie his sweaty mask. You didn't like that he always felt he had to cover himself up, but you understood it brought more comfort to his everyday life. As the mask fell, you could hear his shaky breaths practically calling for you. You got up on your tiptoes and pursed your lips, so he reciprocated, bending his head downward and capturing you in a warm, desperate kiss.

His hands on your hips lifted your body off of the ground, unconsciously, making your face line up with his. You wrap your legs around his waist, not making it all the way, but you were stable as his hands moved down to cup your ass. You whimper into his mouth, grinding your little hips against his big tummy, and running your fingers through his messy hair.

He lets out a single huff before turning on his heels and taking you to the bedroom. After storming through the doorway, he tosses your body onto your’ neatly made bed and begins to undress. You take his cue and do the same, unzipping your flowy dress and slipping off your white panties. Leaning back in your bed, you take in Tommys' body, how the veins in his hands bulge as he unbuttons his shirt, and how tight his pants look on his thick thighs.

Once he's fully bare, he slowly stalks around the bed, looking you up and down like a piece of meat he’s longing to devour. Suddenly, he yanks you down by the ankles, making you lay flat on the bed. He pushes himself to his knees at the end of the bed, settled between your now parted legs. He shuffles forward a bit, then pulls you by the knees until your legs wrap around his hips. 

He bends forward, towering over your frame. He takes your legs and pulls your feet over each one of his shoulders. Your thighs are pressed to your stomach as he settles an arm on both sides of your head. His hair falls around your face, and you reach up to kiss his pretty pink lips. You feel his girth slipping over your slit, and you reach your hand down to press his throbbing cock to your little bud. He groans at the touch of your hand and you begin to rock your hips back and forth, covering his length with your slick.

Not long after, he begins to rock his hips against yours in tandem. His forehead touches yours and you can feel his warm breaths covering your face. On one of his slower thrusts, the tip of his cock caught on the rim of your hole, making you take a sharp breath in. Tommy looks at you to make sure you’re okay, then slowly slides his fat member into you without warning.

“Tommy! Jesus, baby slow down.” You whimper out. The intrusion makes your lips quiver and hands grip the sheets, so he takes your arms in one of his hands and moves them to wrap around his neck, immediately latching onto his hair. As he settles his hefty body on top of yours, his tummy pressing down tightly on yours, he pushes even further forward, trying to get as deep as possible.

Your moans turn into choked-out groans as he slowly pounds into you. Your toes curling and heels digging into his damp back. He lets out deep groans and uses his hand to wipe hair from your face. He cups your cheek and kisses you, a distraction from the ache of your stretched hole, struggling to accept his large cock. 

His thrusts pick up in pace, and he buries his face into your neck. His hands slide down to grip your hips, and he maneuvers your body to slam down on his cock in time with his thrusts. In a state of complete cock-drunk bliss, you struggle to let out a whine as you feel your peak approaching. Rolling your eyes back, you grip his hair between your fingers and give it a little tug, before feeling the warmth of your orgasm explode through your body in ripples of pleasure.

Your back arches and your legs shake, the feeling of your pussy clenching over his length makes him whimper, and his thrusts become fast and shallow. You whine at the feeling of him abusing your overstimulated warmth, and Tommy leans down to bury his face in your breasts and grips your hips almost bruisingly in his hands, quickly reaching his orgasm himself. 

He wraps his arms around your back and pulls you as close to him as possible before letting out one more deep thrust and filling you to the brim with his seed. He groans and flips over on his back, taking you with him. You lay over his body, feeling his cock softening inside you as his spend drips out. You both catch your breath and relax, his hands rubbing gently over your back. 

You close your eyes and let the cool air of night take you both to sleep.

feel free to leave requests! (get FILTHY.) <3

[chase-solidago]

Invasive Species and Xenophobia

Invasive species are complicated! People have a lot of feelings about them, positive and negative. Are plants that move "invaders" "colonizing", "immigrants", "citizens"? What does it mean to kill species that are from somewhere else? What if that species legitimately makes a poor neighbor and causes extinctions in other, native species? This complex, culturally-loaded issue is a foundational issue behind a lot of plant conservation and restoration.

This is a juicy and still actively disputed topic! The Guardian recently had a big article on colonialism in Botany, (tbh her views are dated and reductive, imo) and it’s come up again this week, to much hostility (cw: reddit). Yes, my region's native plant restoration came from literal nazis, but also, the impacts of some invasive species are real, not figments of a racist imagination. How do we balance these issues? What does ethical invasive management look like?

Since it’s such a juicy topic, I wanted to offer a few fun readings to share:

The Native Plant Enthusiasm: Ecological Panacea or Xenophobia?, Gert Gröning and Joachim Wolschke-Bulmahn, 2004, Arnoldia.

THE CLASSIC 20th century German nazis and native plants paper. Made a huge splash when it came out, and you will still encounter people who paint all native plant stuff with this brush. Summary: yeah the nazis loved their native plants and used them as part of their conquering process. Also, the first prairie plantings ever, located in Chicago, were done by a racist probable-nazi for racist reasons, full stop. I’ll let him speak for himself: “The gardens that I created myself shall… be in harmony with their landscape environment and the racial characteristics of its inhabitants. They shall express the spirit of America and therefore shall be free of foreign character as far as possible… the Latin and the Oriental crept and creeps more and more over our land, coming from the South, which is settled by Latin people, and also from other centers of mixed masses of immigrants. The Germanic character of our race, of our cities and settlements was overgrown by foreign character. The Latin spirit has spoiled a lot and still spoils things every day.” - Jens Jensen

Botanical decolonization: rethinking native plants, Tomaz Mastnak, 2014, Environment and Planning D: Society and Space

Rather than viewing native plant plantings as an act of racially-pure occupation, Mastnak positions native plants in California as a decolonization of the sub/urban lawn. Uses a lot of quotations from 16th century English philosopher Francis Bacon, and is heavy on the philosophical musings.

From killing lists to healthy country: Aboriginal approaches to weed control in the Kimberley, Western Australia by Bach et al., 2019, Journal of Environmental Management.

This paper talks through some of the native vs invasive debate, and offers a different perspective on how to approach to plant invasive management based on cultural relations, rather than country of origin or behavior.

Beyond ‘Native V. Alien’: Critiques of the Native/alien Paradigm in the Anthropocene, and Their Implications, Charles R. Warren, 2021, Ethics, Policy, & Environment

DENSE but thorough, if you want to follow the entire history of the native/invasive debate, this has you covered. The most interesting stuff, in my opinion, is the discussion of invasive denialism, IE: the impasse of “You’re just being racist!” Vs “You know nothing about ecology!” I recommend the Discussion, which starts on page 13.

[asiatic-apple]

this isn't a request btw I've read about your caleb crying and sex & i wanna add: you know that tweet that goes "my bf fucks me until I get shy around him again morning after" bc, , the way he spoiled you with pleasure 🤤🤤🤤... is it intentional? unintentional? Doesn't matter. You def see him in a new NEW light (this turned out so much filthier i am so sorry😔 it sounded more intimate inside my head)

Anon first of all, thank you for christening my blog with the first ask 🤲🏽❤️ and it is such a good one too!! Second of all, don't apologize for being filthy bc I am a freak just like caleb and this is a safe space for filthy thoughts about our favorite pixelated man 😌

Idk what drugs you put in this ask, anon, but you caused a sudden burst of inspo and what started out as a few sentences of a reply quickly turned into +1k words…oopsies. I know you didn’t ask for this, but I hope you enjoy this random drabble :)

Caleb x female reader

content: nsfw-ish (no actual depiction of smut but it is heavily referenced), first time with caleb, implied multiple orgasms, overstim mentioned, caleb likes to tease you but lovingly, you both jokingly mimic the sounds each of you made last night

You wake to the smell of eggs and bacon, and it takes you a few minutes to remember where you are and what exactly happened last night. The answer is Skyhaven, in Caleb's bed—and after months of tension between the two of you, you finally wound up fucking each other.

No, that word doesn't accurately sum up everything you experienced last night. It was intimate, intense, and emotional for both of you. It even had its moments of clumsiness and soft laughter as you both navigated this new aspect of your relationship and took turns learning each other’s bodies. But on top of all that, you experienced pleasure like you've never felt before.

You quickly get out of Caleb's warm bed to start your morning routine, wanting to freshen up a bit before meeting him in the kitchen. And for some reason, you start to feel a bit timid as you look at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. You think about last night, how wantonly you moaned as he pulled out all the stops to make you feel good. Your cheeks burn as you remember just how many times you came on his tongue and fingers before he finally gave you his cock—and made you come around it several more times.

Thinking back to it, you can't remember exactly how many times you reached your peak, but Caleb didn't stop until you nearly passed out from exhaustion. And even then, you didn't really want him to stop. In the span of one night, you became addicted to the feeling of him inside you.

So after being faced with the filthy memories of everything you did and said last night—and all the filthy things Caleb groaned in your ear with each deep thrust inside you—it's no surprise you're feeling a little sheepish as you exit the bedroom. The worst part is that you’re sure Caleb immediately notices your shyness as he pulls you into a tight embrace. It’s just like him to give you no escape from his piercing gaze.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” he whispers, running his hands up and down your back.

You know it's meant to be an innocent gesture, but your memories of last night only grow stronger as you're reminded of how he couldn't keep his hands off you. And how tightly he held you in place while you wriggled beneath him from overstimulation.

“I made us breakfast. Figured you'd be especially hungry after last night.” You're convinced he's saying that on purpose, lowering his voice in that infuriatingly sexy way of his before he chuckles a bit too smugly.

You smack his shoulder lightly, trying to hide the fact that your face is getting even hotter from his teasing. “Shut up,” you whine in mortification.

But Caleb seems intent on making you squirm. “Oh, c'mon,” he says in a playful drawl before pulling you tighter against his chest. “Are you really that embarrassed by what we did last night?”

His fingers trail feather-light touches up your back and along your neck, purposeful in finding your ticklish spots so he can turn your bashfulness into fits of carefree laughter. Once he's satisfied with you loosening up a bit, he looks down at you seriously.

“You don't regret anything, do you?” You can tell he's trying to keep his tone lighthearted, but there's a glint of fear in those wide eyes of his.

“No, god no,” you say without hesitation. “I don't regret anything.”

You swallow that nervous lump in your throat, still feeling the remnants of embarrassment as you meet his gaze to show him you're serious too. And Caleb’s smile only grows bigger. It’s like you've given him the greatest gift with such a simple answer. He gives you a chaste peck on the lips before pulling back with a different kind of grin—one that says he's back to teasing you now that you've both cleared the air a bit.

“Good,” Caleb replies. “Because I definitely want to hear those cute sounds of yours again.”

Another kiss lands on your warm cheeks, and your brain short-circuits from that suggestive look in his eyes. Still, you manage a scoff at his smug tone. He's already so cocky about his ability to rile you up, and a petty part of you wants to remind him how you weren't the only one being enthusiastically loud last night.

“Oh, yeah? And what about you?” You try to keep your voice steady, even as Caleb continues peppering lazy kisses along your cheeks and down your neck. “I'm pretty sure you were louder than I was.” You lower your voice a register, trying to imitate those broken groans he made when he was close to his climax. “Hm, pip-squeak, you feel so good!”

You barely get through your poor impression before breaking character with a snort. But at least Caleb’s onslaught of wet kisses halts for a moment as he also fails at stifling his laughter.

“Right, right,” he says between a few chuckles. Even though you might be exaggerating a bit with your impression, Caleb’s cheeks and ears still tinge pink with a blush. “Was that before or after you kept beggin’ me”—his voice pitches higher—“oh, Caleb, please please don’t stop.”

You gasp dramatically. “I do not sound like that.”

“You’re right. It’s better when you do it.”

You roll your eyes, only half-annoyed by Caleb mentioning how unabashed you were in voicing your pleasure last night. The other half of you is turned on by his teasing. But that’s only for you to know…for now.

But as always, it’s like he can read your mind right at that moment. Caleb leans closer, taking advantage of your flustered state so he can whisper in your ear. “Maybe you need a reminder of how needy you were for me last night. I don't mind joggin’ your memory, honey.”

Before you can even try to come up with a witty remark, he's pulling away and dragging you to the dining table as if he didn’t just threaten you with a good time.

“Come on,” he says with a knowing grin. “Eat your breakfast before it gets cold. And after you're done digesting, maybe I can teach you not to get so antsy every time I touch you.”

You huff as you sit at the table. It’s not fair how easily he gets under your skin with his words and sweet promises. And his promises definitely sound too good to be true. You can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever stop feeling shy after getting fucked so thoroughly by Caleb. Will there ever be a day when he doesn’t make your skin burn with so much pent-up desire?

Caleb interrupts your spiraling thoughts, nudging the plate of food toward you. “I can still see those gears turning in your head, makin’ you wonder if there’s still a reason to be shy. Stop worrying so much, pip-squeak,” he scolds you gently. “Or else next time, I'll have to make sure you feel so good that your pretty head can’t think anymore.”

dni banner by @/cafekitsune

[sagi-tori-ous]

Simon sighs, his left hand coming up to press against his anguish ridden face. He had just gotten off the phone with work and it was expressed that they needed him there earlier than his allotted time.

He knew you wouldn't take the news well, early mornings were your favorite time to spend with him. Simon wasn't an early bird like you even though his profession called for punctuality. He loved the bed you'd share, snuggling up to you till his alarm shrieked through the master bedroom, every so often tempting him to throw it afar without care. Nevertheless, he knew what mornings meant to you. There was always a reason why he dragged himself out of bed an hour, almost two before he had to leave the house. There was an obligation, one where he had to sit at the round oak table with you perched on his lap, your surroundings smothered in the scent of the steaming cooked breakfast and freshly brewed tea you prepared, faithfully.

"fuck me," he groans, dragging himself around the spacious bedroom, begrudgingly getting ready for the day, "s'gonna be so mad."

Simon could hear the faint pitter-patter of your feet as you danced around the kitchen, fretting over what you should cook today for the both of you.

"Baby!" You call out, looking through the ingredients, "Pancakes and bacon? How bout it?" The thought was a bit mouthwatering, there weren't many things at the moment better to you than some syrup-covered buttermilk pancakes and crispy bacon.

"y'know I'm fine with it." Simon calls back, fastening his attire promptly, "Everything you make is delicious." His attempt to butter you up.

Which doesn't fall flat— you soak it up as if you were just like the pancakes you were preparing, dubious as ever to what was in store for your morning. You noted that the tone of his voice was preppier, more awake than usual. You briefly questioned why he even was fully awake, seeing as you were usually the one to drag him out of bed in the morning. Literally.

Simon, still dwelling in the bedroom, shakes his head, stumped on how to go about this, in a way wanting to just slide out of the front door and ultimately deal with the consequences later but that'd be too rude. Too disrespectful.

"Love," Simon calls out to you, the combat boots strapped to his feet sounding thunderous as he finally rounds the corner into the quaint ivory plastered kitchen.

"yes," you sing, your mouth upturns into a small smile, "I'm actually almost done. I had already made the dry mix, remember before that recipe I found, I just had to add the eggs and but-" Your sentence falters as you gaze up at Simon, eyes going up and down taking in his wear, you weren't a fool and picked up on the circumstances quickly.

The pout that pulled your lips down was instantaneous. "No."

Simon steps towards you, "I know love, they just called me. There s'nothing I could do. I'm sorry."

"mornings are for us." You whine— you didn't want him to go. You wanted to finish cooking and take your rightful seat in his lap while you fed both of you breakfast. You wanted his heavy head to lay on your shoulder, leaning up occasionally to nibble on the bites of food that you pressed to his lips. You wanted his muscular arms to wrap around you, holding you tight against his broad frame as you babbled about any and everything. You wanted that every morning and wouldn't be subjected to change.

"I know," Simon repeats, attempting to move closer to you but the attempt was futile. You blew air into your cheeks, slightly puffing them as you turned back to the stove. "the food." you grumble.

Yes, you knew what Simon's job consisted of, you knew that it required of him to be available at times, even if they were inconvenient. Were you being unreasonable? Slightly. Could you see through your heedlessness? Not at the moment. You couldn't help but feel wronged like this was to spite you.

The silence lingered for some time until you broke it, "when do you have to leave?" you reluctantly ask, absentmindedly tapping the fluffy pancakes with your spatula.

"got'to be there by 6," Simon glances down at his wristwatch, "I should be out the door in the next 15 minutes." His gaze was swift to shift back to you, perturbed by your behavior.

Your shoulders hump, movements becoming a tad more aggressive, "Well guess I have to hurry." The comment is not as endearing as it seemed, there was a snarky nuance to it.

Simon wasn't oblivious to your attitude, he knew the little backhand comment was supposed to be a jab at him but the animosity didn't resonate. He found the slightest of amusement with your current demeanor. The almost undetectable smirk was amiss from your view since your back was to him. He found your displeasure the least bit adorable. Anger wasn't a reoccurring emotion for you, there was no familiarity but when you did encounter it, it could be misplaced at times.

You were upset and it showed easily; it was evident in your expressions, fluid in your movements. Regardless of how you felt, you still packed the heaping breakfast in his sack, and bottled up his piping hot tea, momentarily wishing for him to burn his tongue later on, before pushing his belongings into his hardened chest.

Your hands momentarily brushed against his pecs, recoiling from the touch as if he'd burnt you, dramatics in full effect until your wrists were clasped in one of his large worn hands, reeling you back into him.

"I'll be back," he reassures, looking down at you even though you refused to look up at him, " y'know this." His declaration falls on deaf ears, yet still, he pushes forward, inching his lips closer to your forehead to leave his standard kiss, "I always come back to you." He whispers, lips almost flush with your skin.

Before he can, you pull away, an action that shocks you both. It was unfamiliar to you both, upsetting in many ways but no more than the other.

"stop being a brat," Simon says, his eyes now hard, glaring "You've been playing this little game for too long. Enough." His gaze is unwavering as he once again inclines towards you, his pace treacherous, but to his displeasure you still deny his affection, pulling away from him, prompting him to snag your chin between his fingers, now forcing the eye contact.

"Keep on, y'know this is a game I can play really well."

Later that day...

"feels s'good," your voice whines, breath hitching ever so often from the stimulation Simon gave you. Your head is fuzzy from his calculated touches, eyes unfocused from the momentous pleasure, "m'gonna cum."

"like hell you are," he reproves, "keep those legs up."

Simon's right hand latches on to your thigh, applying a bit of pressure as he nestles between them. He fists his angry cock in his other hand, purposefully nudging your clothed cunt in the process. His movements were harsh, self seeking, paying no mind to your throbbing pussy as it drooled through the thin fabric of cloth that separated your bare flesh from his.

"brats like you don't get to cum." He condemns, his voice laced in the disappointment he felt, "don't deserve t'cum."

Your thighs trembled under his hold, "I do, I do." you cry, chest rapidly rising as the knot in the pit of your stomach grows, begging to be undone. He was ruining you, he was showing you why certain games were too dangerous to play.

"but you don't," he grunts, he fucks his palm faster, crowning your aching clit. The hand that was on your thigh plants you, knowing as you try to roll your hips and meet the thrusts of his cock.

"please! please! Si!" You beg, tears threatening to fall, "mmm fuck-" His bottom lip slips between his teeth, he blatantly ignores your pleading, instead he focuses on his orgasm as his hot cum paints your cunt through the skimpy cloth. His touch is gone as soon as he's sated, leaving you high and dry.

"like I said, brats like you don't get to cum."

Press this 💨❄️❄️

[pazzispizookies]

Marks and a head injury~

Hi guys!! This is just a quick little Pazzi one shot based off a scene in Sella’s amazing series! I hope you guys enjoy!! Let me know how you like it :)

“AZZI!” Paige screamed from the bathroom,

Azzi came running at the sound of her voice, worried something had happened to the blonde, “What?! Are you okay?” She said slightly out of breath.

Paige stood near the counter inspecting herself in the mirror, her reflection showed back 4 marks that Azzi had left the night before, “What. Did. You. DO” Paige said turning towards her, pointing at her neck.

Azzi didn’t mean to leave marks, she never has before, but she must’ve been a little careless last night. “I didn’t mean to! I swear!!”

Paige huffed out, crossing her arms. “Yeah well, you just turn into a vampire last night for no reason?”

Azzi moved forward to inspect the hickies, they were there for sure, all purple against soft pale skin. There was no denying what they were.

“Az..We’re literally stuck in the house with your whole family! This is not how we need them to find out were…well, yknow.” Paige replied, her and Azzi still haven’t had the “Talk” aabout what they were yet, for now they were only just now realizing how in love with each other both of them had been their whole friendship. Paige had been living with the Fudds for almost 3 weeks now, still supposed to stay another 2 months while covid dragged on. So to say the least, she didn’t need them knowing she was making out with their daughter every night.

“Do you think we could cover them?” Azzi said running her fingers over the marks, which she was secretly a little proud of.

We could try?” Paige said with a shrug,

A voice broke though their conversation; Katie calling them down, “Girls! Breakfast!”

Paige dragged her hands over her face, mortified of what was to come.

“It’s gonna be fine!! Just..put your hair down, and um wear a long sleeve.” Azzi suggested,

Paige narrowed her eyes at her, “Your lucky your cute, or else I would leave you right here right now.” She ment it be threatening, but the fondness in her voice was clear,

“Oh yeah?” She said back, holding an eye contact that made Paige blush.

Paige leaned forward and kissed her quickly and softly, “Yeah.”

Azzi smiled against her lips, but then focused back on the task at hand. “Okay cmon, she’s gonna come up here if we aren’t down there in like 10 seconds.”

Paige nodded and moved to her room, heading striaght for the closet.

It was summer, meaning the was a blazing 98 degrees outside, not exactly hoodie weather. To make matters worse, Paige was known for always complaining about the heat, wanting to wear as little clothes as humanly possible on days like this.

So as she stood there, black hoodie pulled up, Long blonde hair brushed and down, sweeping over her shoulders and neck. She looked more than unusual.

“This good?” She said looking at Azzi,

Azzi gave her a half-hearted smile, knowing everyone would know something was off, “well…I can’t see them, so..maybe?”

Paige sighed, awaiting her doom in kitchen.

The girls headed downstairs, Azzi in front of Paige to keep her out of eyesight for as long as possible.

“Goodmorning girls!” Tim greeted, already seated eating bacon next to Katie.

Azzi looked up and smiled, “Morning,”

Paige stared down at the floor, giving just a slight nod to Tim.

At this strange greeting, he raised an eyebrow to Katie, silently wondering what was up.

She didn’t know either, but now intrigued on whatever Paige was doing.

Azzi ad her sat down at their normal seats, the plates of colorful food in front of them.

Azzi started eating quietly while Paige picked at some fruit, not daring to make eye contact with anyone.

All she could do was sit in the uncomfortable heat of her hoodie and hair and pretend there wasn’t 4 places Azzis breath and lips lingered for too long in the heat of the night on her neck.

Katie had her suspicious about Paige and Azzi, it wasnt everyday when your daughter asks if her friend could come live with them during quarantine. Most kids would grow sick of their best friends after a while, but it only seemed like they got closer.

A few times she caught them doing things most friends wouldn’t, not anything crazy, just enough to make her question. Smiles that only seemed to show when the other was around, the stolen glances whenever someone made a joke, the way Paige could always sleep in the guest room, but found herself sleeping with Azzi each night.

she had talked to Tim about it, him agreeing that maybe they were more, doubting they even knew it. Saying that “they’re just friends for now” and to see what the future could hold.

But now as Paige sat scarily quiet at the table, hoodie pulled close and hair that seemed less then naturally flowing, his suspions rose.

“So..how did you guys sleep?” Tim asked, starring right into the downward facing head of Paige,

Katie smirked at his question, knowing he saw what was happening.

Azzi looked between them, quickly answering for both of them, “fine-yeah. We slept fine.”

Tim nodded his head slowly, taking a bite of his bacon, “Paige? You slept good too?”

Paiges face burned at the direct question, she hadn’t slept good, she mainly stayed up the whole night tangled with his daughter, sharing secret whispers and heated kisses. She glanced up for a moment, Just meeting his eyes before adverting her glare back down to her fruit. “Good.”

Silence fell over the table, everyone knowing what was up, but still not having the proof.

after a beatt, Katie spoke. “What did you guys wanna do today? We could go swimming at the lake, Paige I think your new swimsuit came too if you wanna try that on.”

Paiges eyes widened, knowing if she even took of this hoodie, the bruises would be shown. “Um—nah, I’m good.” She choked out, her voice higher then normal.

“are you sure you don’t wanna go swimming?It’s really hot out, might be nice.” Time added, trying to get Paige to break.

“Yup.” Paige replied, keeping her answer short.

“She said she doesn’t wanna go swimming. What’s so wrong with that?” Azzi injected in, knowing her parents were up to something.

Katie shrugged, “Nope, nothings wrong, just figured she might be hot after wearing that hoodie all day, aren’t you sweetie?”

Paige practailly choked on her fruit, coughing for a second before shaking her head.

Tim started chuckling at the poor girl, her lying was laughable, and he couldn’t help it.

“What’s so funny?” Azzi asked, trying to protect Paige from her parnets,

Tim could barley breath before laughing out his words, “Nothing—just don’t think she noticed that her hoodie fell while shaking her head.”

Paige looked down and shit.

One of the bruises was out and barely covered by her hair, making it clear something was behind the blonde strands. This time she actually stated choking on her fruit, which caused herself to shake even more while coughing.

Azzi patted her back worried, “Dad!”

Tim stayed back laughing, raising hands up in defense,

Paige finally stopped her coughing fit, face bright red and now tugging her hood all the way up, pulling the strings as much as she could, before throwing her head down into her arms.

Katie started the laughing too at this, finding it funny abut also shocked to see Paige so flustered.

“Paige? What’s going on there?” Katie added in, her voice dripping with insincere sweetness.

Paige kept her head down, shaking with with a groan,

Azzi knew they got caught, so now flustered herself, because soon it would be clear only one person could’ve done that to her.

“Umm-were gonna, gonna go upstairs.” Azzi spat out, standing up quickly and tugging Paige who was a mess with her.

“We’ll talk about this later young ladies!!” Katie shouted at them speeding off,

Because of Paige’s hoodie pulling pulled up so much, it covered her eyes, leading her straight into the wall with thud,

“oW!”

Tims laughter only grew at the sight of poor Paige just trying to leave the room, now injured.

Azzi could only look at her with sorrow for the girl, knowing she put her in this position.

Paige took Azzis hand again, being up tugged the stairs, not before whispering “Your dead to me” under her breath.

[daydreamgoddess14]

Breakfast

My first Thunderbolts* fic!

I am so in love with this bunch of losers. I was already all in on Bucky anyway, but the others are magic and I love them all 🥰

Anyway, I bashed this little Tower Tale out this afternoon. It's probably the first of miniseries, so be sure to look out for any follow-ups!

Thunderbolts* (platonic for now) x F!Reader, no warnings, just some domestic sweetness. Bucky x F!Reader if you squint. It's brewing.

Word count: 1.5k

Under the cut in case of ~spoilers~ though there aren't any, really.

There was no food.

What the everloving fuck were they eating?

You opened another cupboard.

Three boxes of Wheaties, two of them ripped open like they'd been mauled by a wild animal.

In the fridge, a bottle of vodka with less than half a measure left, a single egg, leftover chilli fries with mould creeping into the edge of the cardboard and an apple with a bite taken out of it.

You propped the fridge open with your hip and started launching the contents into the open trash can.

With a final yeet, the egg was the last item. You heard it crack as it made contact with the vodka bottle.

“Who're you?” a voice asked from across the room.

“Oh!” You jumped, the fridge knocking against your elbow as you moved.

“Where's all the food?” You asked the dark haired man. He stared, wide eyed, and tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Umm…” he looked around, as if waiting for someone to turn up and answer on his behalf. “There's Wheaties?”

“Yeah. And literally nothing else.”

“It's Alexei's turn to shop.”

“Hmm. And when was the last time you ate?”

“Breakfast.”

“Today?”

“Yeah… well, like, 2am when everyone got back,” he shrugged. “We had Wheaties a la Bob.”

“Do I want to know?”

“With water not milk. Because there was no milk.”

Your lips pinched together and you sighed.

“That's… that's gross. So I take it you're Bob?”

“Yeah, the others are sleeping I think. Late night.”

“And you're all grown adults?”

“I mean, Bucky's like, 110!”

“And not one of you thought to visit a grocery store? Or get DoorDash?”

“We get DoorDash all the time, Alexei is like the king of DoorDash.”

“Ah,” you think you're starting to see the problem. The reason you've been hired.

“John always takes the leftovers. And Bucky.”

You lift the heavy grocery bag onto the counter and Bob's eyes widen.

“Right, Bob,” you start unpacking. “You want some real breakfast?”

He's cautious about talking too much.

He fidgets on the stool while he watches you chop onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, potatoes. Mel had been underselling the facilities. You'd found a pantry with every gadget under the sun, brand new pots and pans still in their packaging. Your brain went into overdrive.

The kitchen begins to fill with the intoxicating scent of various foods cooking, of freshly brewed coffee and pancake syrup.

As you're frying cubes of potato sprinkled with paprika and garlic powder, he's inching forwards, leaning over the counter to see what you're doing.

“Who the fuck are you?” Another voice spoke up.

“Who's asking?”

“John Walker. You gonna answer me now?”

“Take a seat, John, coffee's just brewed.”

He stayed on his feet, looking between you, Bob, and the magic happening on the stove top.

“Oi, fucking move, Walker. Why are you just standing in the way?”

“Who's she?” He asks Ava who shrugs.

“Who cares, I smell food. And coffee!”

“You gotta talk to him about the limo, Lena,” another voice entered the room.

“I tried! He won't listen to me, you need to try. Like, soldier to soldier.”

“That's… that's not gonna happen and you know it. What's that smell?”

“Food. Real food,” the blonde woman peered around Walker at you. “What's this?”

“This?” You asked, assessing the selection so far. “Well, starting this end, croissants, fruit, yogurt, then I've just finished the fried potatoes - those are gonna be so good with the shakshuka that's just finishing in the oven, then there's eggs benedict, bacon, mushrooms, pancakes and syrup…” you looked up at the five bemused faces.

“Smells like heaven,” a voice bellowed, “What is this? Who is cooking?” Alexei came to a halt and looked over Yelena’s head. “An angel. An angel is cooking. You!” He pushed his way between Ava and Bucky making his way toward you, and then took your hand, shaking it vigorously. “I am Alexei, Daddy Avenger. You can call me daddy,” he winked.

“Oh, god’” Yelena heaved. Ava grimaced.

You smiled gently, “I will not be calling you daddy. But it is good to meet you. All of you. Food is pretty much ready, so… help yourselves I guess?”

Bob went first, to everyone's surprise and confusion, the others were far more cautious. John warily sniffed each dish before settling on the pre packaged croissants.

“I'll make fresh tomorrow, I wasn't sure what time I'd have today,” you explained. He ignored you.

Ava went for the pancakes with bacon, “and these are -?”

“Freshly made. There's still some batter if you want more?”

Unlike John, she smiled. Tiny and uncertain, but you figured a smile is a smile. Yelena went for the eggs benedict.

“Have you got any -”

“Salmon or ham?” You opened the now full fridge, her jaw dropped.

“Ham, please,” she stared in awe. As you passed her a packet of sliced deli ham, the timer went off on your phone.

You slid open the oven and pulled out a tray, setting it on the counter before it started burning you through the oven mitt.

“Is beautiful,” Alexei sighed happily at the tray of tomatoes with shiny egg whites and sunshine yolks.

“Shakshuka,” you told him. “Fresh bread tomorrow, but have it with potato hash for today,” you handed him an empty plate.

They milled around, taking seconds and thirds but not taking their eyes off you for long.

“You gonna tell us who you are?” Bucky asked, still nursing the singular cup of coffee someone else had passed him.

“Are you going to eat?” You asked.

“Bucky, she is angelic person with food!”

“It is really good food,” Bob smiled warmly.

“Great hollandaise,” Yelena agreed.

“We don't know anything about her, she could have poisoned us -”

“You started off with something out of a packet, but you soon made sure you tried everything else, Walker, don't be ridiculous.” Ava rolled her eyes. “And those pancakes were amazing.”

“So I'm the only one who thinks this is weird?”

“Ms. de Fontaine hired me.”

“Great, of course,” he threw his hands up and scoffed. “She micromanages our diets now?”

“If, by micromanage, you mean she considered the fridge contents a health code violation and has had enough of 3am DoorDash notifications, then yes.”

“And you're here to, what? Cook three square meals a day?”

“Pretty much,” you shrugged.

“That's kinda neat,” Bob beamed.

“We do all hate cooking,” John muttered begrudgingly.

“Only because you're shit at it, John.”

“Ava, swear to god I'm gonna -”

“What, what are you going to do?”

“Guys, enough. You're happy with this?” Bucky asked the group. One by one they all nodded.

“C'mon, Bucky. Try some -” Yelena took an empty plate and started loading it with shakshuka, bacon, and potato hash. She put the plate down in front of him and took his coffee away.

You hid your smile behind tidying up, the others filtered away with nods of thanks. By the time you'd finished arranging the dishwasher and turned around, he was the only one left.

You put a fresh cup of coffee next to his plate and for a moment, his knife and fork paused.

“Happy I haven't poisoned you?”

“Hhmph,” he grunted.

You continued the clean up, compiling the (very few) leftovers, wiping the surfaces, and making notes for a full kitchen restock.

With a neat clatter, his cutlery fell silent. You took the plate, added it to the dishwasher and switched it on. Finally, you passed him a paper bag.

“What's this?”

“I like to finish breakfast with something sweet. I made these yesterday so they're still good, I'll make some more for tomorrow.”

He opened the bag to find a chocolate croissant you'd kept warm.

“Thought you told Walker they were from the store?”

“The ones I put out were, this one isn't.”

He looked at the bag, and back at you, “thank you. About earlier, I didn't mean -”

“It's fine, really.” You smiled. “I know it's hard, someone intruding when you were all doing so well on your own.”

His laugh surprised you, warm and rich.

“Yeah, we're uhh… still figuring it out.”

“Well. Now you have some help. You'll have to let me know your favourite foods, I'll see if I can do them justice.”

“Something tells me that won't be too much of a stretch,” he said softly.

“Barnes! We're out, let's go,” Yelena called from the elevator.

“See you later, doll. Thanks for breakfast.” He held up the croissant in salute and disappeared, leaving nothing but crumbs in his wake.

[miffysrkv]

“For You, I Surrender”

Jayce Talis x Fem!Reader

warnings: 🔞!!!!!, established relationship, bath time, neck kissing, fingering, Jayce being absolutely whipped for you, pet names

synopsis: after coming home from an especially long day at the Academy, Jayce knows exactly how to help you unwind.

Being a professor for the Academy was no easy task. Being as midterms were wrapping up, you had a bunch of your students asking for assistance with the material, some asking for extra credit assignments or even some of them pressing you that they deserved a better grade then what they had currently. Not only that, during the only break you had, Professor Heimerdinger found you and had talked your ear off about the latest experiment he was conducting. There was not much you caught from the, one-sided, conversation other than that Jayce and Viktor were assisting him. Ah, Jayce. You just wanted to head home to your shared apartment and forget the day ever happened, maybe get a good cuddle session in with your beloved. Unfortunately, you still had a lot of assignments to grade and students to help as your office hours were far from being closed

By the time the last student left your office, it was already 5 o'clock. The sun was slowing starting to set and the orange yellowish hues created a warm glow that leaked through your office windows. Letting out a sigh of relief, stretching out your arms and effortlessly cracking your aching back, it was finally time to head out. As much as that big stretch provided you with temporary relief, the walk back to your apartment was slightly putting you off as you packed your things. Locking up your office you began walking. Being a professor did have its perks. Your apartment was only a short 15 minute walk from the Academy and you couldn’t wait to see Jayce.

⎯

Exiting from the elevator, walking down the hall, fumbling with your keys for a bit, you successfully made it to the front door of your home. Entering the apartment, you had noticed it was dimly lit, the only big light source coming from the kitchen. The smell of food wafted its way through your nose and you couldn't help but smile, following the scent of delicious food. Despite being the Golden Boy of progress, Jayce sure could cook…with some practice of course. In the beginning of the relationship, he had attempted to cook breakfast in bed but burnt the eggs and somehow overcooked the slices of bacon. It was a romantic gesture, and you always appreciated how much Jayce put into trying to impress you.

Walking towards the entrance of the kitchen, Jayces’ back faced you as he hummed a tune. You scanned the dinning room and saw that the table was neatly set while a fresh vase of your favorite flowers were settled in the middle of the table. Your heart fluttered. Did you happen to forget a special date today? Or was this Jayce just being Jayce. Your footsteps quietly padded against the wood floor and you reached out for your lover, wrapping your arms around his waist, head buried into his back.

Jayce jumped slightly, but instantly relaxed when he looked over his shoulder to see that it was only you. “Hey sweetheart, how was work?” he asked, holding onto your wrist with one of his free hands as he continued to cook. You hummed in response, not in the mood to verbally respond. The taller man waited for you to talk about your day but when you didn’t speak, and buried your head deeper into his back, he frowned. Usually you had a lot to say, but you were being oddly quiet. The only reason he could think of as to why you were not talking was because today was harder than normal. He set aside the spatula he was using, turned the stove off and took the handle of the pan to place it on a metal trivet so that he could tend to you. He gripped your arms, prying you off his back so that he could look at you properly.

As he looked you over, he could see how tired your eyes looked and how your hair that you spent all morning doing was coming undone. He gave you a knowing look and you couldn’t help but embrace him, burying your face in his chest as his natural scent filled your nose. He smelled of clean laundry and a hint of cinnamon, you could honestly fall sleep in his arms. He returned your hug, wrapping one arm around your neck and your waist, slightly rocking you. “I was going to save the bath for after dinner, but I think you need one. What do you say?”. You couldn’t help but breath in deeply and letting that same breath out, the idea of a warm bath sounding good right about now. “That sounds divine. But as long as you’re joining of course” you suggested. How could Jayce resist?

⎯

You sighed as you settled in the warm water, the temperature doing wonders on your aching muscles. Jayce was even nice enough to add in your favorite bath soaps and dried rose petals. The warm water made the aroma of the soaps in the water smell sweet and you watched as the petals reabsorbed the water. You looked to your left to catch Jayce removing the remaining pieces of his clothing and noticed that he was half hard. You raised a brow at this and gave him a teasing look. Jayce grinned sheepishly. “What? Seeing the love of my life strip before me, how am I not supposed to get hard?” he asked. Shaking your head in disbelief, you made room for the both of you and you felt the water move as he settled in behind you. Seeing as you were making no attempt to move backwards, he grabbed your waist and brought you in between his legs, resting his head on your shoulder.

Oh god

You could feel his erection pressing against your back and the heat that was creeping down to your lower region was bruning hotter and hotter by the second. You tried hiding your embarrassment by turning away from where his face was resting. “There’s no need to be shy, my love” his lips ghosted over your pulse, moving to press soft kisses to your neck. You couldn’t help but let out a quiet moan and Jayce continued his onslaught of affection, opting to suck a hickey or two while he was at it. Realizing what he was doing, you let out a gasp before turning around to slap at his chest, the water sloshing around at your sudden movements. “Jayce! No hickies! If my students were to see them-” Jayce took the opportunity to capture your lips when you had turned to scold him, his grip on your waist adjusting so that he could turn you around to fully face him.

There was no point in resisting, as Jayce always had a way to break you in and you let yourself go. You couldn’t help but whimper as his tongue licked your lips, as if asking permission to enter your mouth. You opened your lips slightly and Jayce took his moment to dominate your mouth. Although being in the water made both your bodies wet, you could feel yourself growing aroused the more his mouth was on you. You hadn’t noticed his hands roaming over the plush of your thighs before dipping down to your soaked pussy. As he slipped a finger inside, he couldn’t help but groan at how he was met with little resistance. “God, you feel so good around my fingers”, he whispered against your neck, his free hand grabbing at your ass, squeezing and subtly rocking you back and forth. The angle that he had you in made his fingers move deeper inside you, pressing into the most intimate parts of you.

His fingers were thick and you couldn’t help but clench around them as they brushed against the soft spot inside of you. You held onto his shoulder, your breasts pushing up against his face. Jayce looked up at you, your cheeks were flushed, from the heat or from what he was doing, he didn’t know. Your brows were furrowed, eyes shut from the immense pleasure and your lips slightly plump from your shared kiss. To him, you looked like a Goddess. “Please, (Y/N), cum on my fingers. Be my perfect girl that I know you are”. His words, god, his words sent you spiraling. It was as if an invisible cord snapped and you felt yourself cumming on Jayces’ fingers. As if you weren’t already tight enough, Jayce let out another groan at how he could feel you cleaning around him, your release coating his finger and joining the bath water surrounding the two of you.

As you attempted to catch your breath, Jayce had brought his clean hand up to your head and stroked your hair, whispering nothing but sweet words as you came down from your intense orgasm. He took notice at how the rose petals clung to your skin and he picked them off, waiting for you to give the okay. Finally coming down from your high, you grabbed Jayce by his face, squishing his cheeks together. He smiled and you rolled your eyes, giving his lips a quick peck, moving back to get a better look at his face. “Sooo, should we… take this to the bedroom?” Jayce never moved so fast in his life.

A/N: part two is up

[darqx]

Another BP/HH/Gen answer dump as usual starting with BP and then moving into the other two \o/

All demons age about the same rate as humans (although with earlier milestones as babies) UNTIL they hit their 30s-40s after which aging slows down drastically 🙂‍↕️

Izm chasing you down to get .D back like

🤔 You guys sometimes really make me think about things I don't often have to think about LOL. I'm just gonna do the gang this time so off the top of my head:

Izm and .D are often eating sushi in my drawings and since I'm pretty sure Izm is mainly the one buying, sushi is his fave. He'll eat any type but he prefers the raw fish ones.

Whilst .D also likes sushi, it's not his fave dish. His fave dish is pasta in a red sauce (like Sugo or Arrabiata) for some reason. Nostalgia maybe?

Zeke is a meat and potatoes kind of guy, so, a nice juicy sirloin with mushroom sauce and a side of roast potatoes and veggies. (BP!Zeke is similar but he really likes pork/bacon particularly, so a pork roast for him probably).

Wei Ren's comfort foods are chicken congee, and seafood steamboat/hot pot.

Marcus' fave is his mom's chicken casserole.

Oh I'm glad (and thank you very much)! I hope you get lots of inspiration and can create a lot of things :D

Hm, that's a good question! I think, for doodling purposes, my fave is Rire mainly because Rire always looks more or less completed in black and white. My other two faves are .D and Izm - .D is a good exercise in subtle expressions whereas Izm is the complete opposite (esp with BP!Izm with that mouth).

Yes. I mean, I'd prefer you be at least 15 for those two things only cos if i had to age rate them they could be considered M or MA15+.

Hullo! The short answer is that there are also "not normal" skin tones, it depends on the demon species :)

The rest of society is pretty standard so yes there are charlatans in the world of BP lol. HOWEVER, no one would pretend to be a BP for three distinct reasons:

You need to be sanctioned to be a BP (ie they have abilities that normal people do not, like being able to perform exorcisms.)

There is no profit to be had as BPs generally don't get paid (all their living expenses are generally covered by their religion's HQ).

It's dangerous work. You'd have better luck being a bank robber.

Desmond is def a club music kind of guy XD EDMs, techno, trance, hardstyle, house, whatever - the kind of stuff you jump energetically up and down to at a club/concert/rave, he'll listen to it.

Not yet for BP (soon...🙏🏻). HH wasn't really a comic series so much as a bunch of somewhat random one shots I did for fun lol.

^ you guys :d

I don't put my pronouns anywhere partly because it is lowkey amusing for me to see how people perceive me online. It doesn't really matter to me, so go with your best guess lol.

You would be surprised at how much time those two hobbies can take up outside of work |D; I also like doing puzzle games (like Quordle etc), coding, going for walks/bike riding, making slightly odd food combos in normal recipes and freaking out my friends on Discord with them, and watching horror/disaster films and playthroughs of horror games.

Maybe one day I would, but not at this particular time, sorry!

Thanks for asking as this is a bit of a grey type area! Personally, I think that as long as this is purely for your own use and you aren't going to on-sell it in any way...then it should be ok. I'm going to categorise something like this as somewhat similar to say...people printing out my art to stick to their wall type thing. Of course, if you ended up buying a bunch and then thought oh i have so many extra I'll sell them to whoever wants them - that would be a no no.

In what capacity lol if there's something I've learned from real life it's never agree or disagree to anything without knowing specifics. Eg if you would like to use my art as a PFP on tumblr then you can if you credit it, but if you want to use my art as a face claim for your own charac then i would have to say no, etc.

That makes two of us as i am not familiar with the twisted wonderland universe :P

.D: Diasomnia

Izm: Pomefiore

Wei Ren: Ignihyde

Zeke: Savanaclaw

Marcus: Diasomnia

I never really specified one so my friends and I have been calling it the fictional city of Hedone lol.

I haven't given up on HH, i just dont draw it nearly as much since i'm focussing on developing BP :) Anyway HH wasn't seriously planned to be a comic or anything (though technically...it does have a very loose storyline that I've alluded to in some drawings |D ) so it's something I can just jump back into and doodle whenever i feel like.

This was from a while back

It's pretty straightforward HH is a slice of life 'verse where my main characs are in an all boy's boarding school and Rire is the headmaster. It focuses on the boys shenanigans though so if you specifically like Rire you will be disappointed as he's barely in it.

I cut off this post cos I dont think the stuff in it should be shared with other random people even though anon is on anon. If this is you anon i hope you are doing well and i would genuinely encourage you to talk to someone about certain things (like a therapist maybe).

[aealzx]

_______________________

Prologue | AO3

Previous Next

_______________________

“You came all the way out here to ask me to identify a plant?” Pamela was understandably incredulous as she blocked Tim from entering her current residence.

“Weeelll,” Tim drawled, shrugging with one shoulder. “Spoiler and Orphan said you’d be the best to contact. We could go elsewhere, but then I’d have to find somewhere else for these bacon and egg sandwiches,” he explained, revealing the hand that was behind his back to be holding a paper bag for a local food joint. It was a bribe. Or payment for services rendered if one wanted to be posh about it. But he was fine calling it a bribe.

“Aw hell yeah!” Harleen’s voice came from further in the establishment, and Tim caught just the faintest hint of a smile twitching Pamela’s mouth. She tried to resist, but Tim held his ground with a decidedly innocent smile, the bag of egg sandwiches still held in offering.

Eventually Pamela sighed and held out her hand. “Fine. What identifiers do you have for it?” she relented, letting Tim set the bag of food on her palm.

“Not much honestly. The locals call it a blood blossom, but I doubt it’s a haemanthus coccineus. We don’t have a picture, but we’re told it looks like a red rose bud with black leaves,” Tim answered. He’d done his own research already while waiting for the food to be made, and that was part of the reason he didn’t feel bad for following through with the others’ idea to ask Pamela. He had a few guesses already, but it would be nice to get a second opinion.

“A rose with black leaves?” Pamela repeated, her disappointed expression becoming thoughtful. “That’s it? Nothing else?” she asked soon after, frowning deeper if possible.

“Nothing else,” Tim confirmed, both disappointed and pleased that Pamela also didn’t seem able to come up with an answer.

“Sounds made up,” Pamela answered bluntly, shifting to move back into the building. “There aren’t any roses with black leaves unless they’re mutilated. The closest you’ll get is a begonia switzerland if you’re just going by appearance.”

“Oh…. that’s what I thought too,” Tim hummed, raising a curled finger to his chin.

Pamela’s eye twitched. “Then why did you-.... Goodbye,” she stammered, then figured it wasn’t worth her time to deal with Tim further, and closed the door on him.

Tim could only snort in amusement, raising his voice for just a moment. “Thanks for the info! Enjoy the food!” he called, grinning as he turned to grapple himself back to the rooftops.

So the blood blossoms were either an extremely obscure name for some other plant, or they didn’t actually exist. And if they didn’t exist, then what had poisoned Danny? At least Dick and Damian were heading straight to the manor to follow up with Alfred about meals, and bring the tissue sample with the plant based poison to where Bruce could use their tech to better analyze it. And Barbara had already mentioned she’d meet them there, so while they might not have a good start on two of the three questions they should at least be able to figure out who these kids were exactly.

—----------

“They don’t exist,” Barbara’s conclusion about the five Phantom kids they had custody of was short, but did little to answer any questions the others had. After spending a few hours gathering her data she had decided to join the others at the manor, the three who had returned from the rescue mission, Bruce, and her now gathered in the Bat Cave by the computer. Admittedly that hadn’t been something they fully expected to hear, so there were sagging shoulders from both Dick and Tim at the announcement.

“You ran the search in all of the databases, yeah?” Tim asked, immediately trying to figure out what they had missed. Barbara was usually extremely thorough. It was hard to believe she came up with nothing on a group of five people. Especially when two of them had superhuman abilities.

“Yes, Tim,” Barbara responded quickly. “If you’ll let me continue before you try to solve the problem yourself I’ll save you some steps,” she added, getting a mildly teasing smile. When Tim relented with a mild shrug Barbara turned her chair back to the computer, pulling her reports up on the huge monitor.

“The DNA samples came up with no results. Amity Park doesn’t exist on any map. There’s no social media posts about any combination of their names. And the photo Jason sent of Jazz’s ID also has no results. It doesn’t even resemble the official driver’s license format of Illinois or any of the other states, so it’s not hard to see why the bank teller would call it a fake,” she listed, bringing up the reports from her data scouring as she mentioned them. “The only activity I can track from them is here in Gotham, starting 72 days ago. I believe that’s when they first arrived here.”

The date caused Bruce to shift, breaking out of his silence once it seemed Barbara had finished summarizing her findings and drawing a connection to a separate report he’d gotten more than a month ago. “72 days ago is when the Justice League got readings of an anomaly on the outskirts of Gotham. Investigations revealed some remains of unknown technology, but no one was there with it.”

“...What kind of anomaly?” Dick asked, tensing slightly at a thought that crossed his mind. Unknown DNA, unusable bank and ID cards, two of them claiming to be beings that were never heard of before now.

“Please don’t say multiverse breach,” Tim whined, revealing that he’d had the same thoughts as Dick.

Instead of answering them Bruce just opened a different report, having been locating it as his sons had been speaking. When the data appeared on screen both Dick and Tim let out extended groans, their forms sagging even more as Barbara chuckled softly.

“It had to be dimension garbage,” Tim whined more, squinting at the report confirming suspected multiverse breach residue in the affected area.

“That explains all the missing data,” Barbara commented, just glad to have an explanation for why all her research was coming up blank prior to the anomaly. It was because they literally had nothing on this earth before then, and not because they were some sort of geniuses that could manage such an extensive data wipe to make even her systems come up with blanks.

“That also explains why Dr. Isley was unfamiliar with the blood blossoms,” Damian added, seeming unfazed by the revelation.

“And literally everything else that was weird about them,” Tim encompassed, frustration bleeding into his tone. What kind of puzzle didn’t even have answers in this world? He felt like that was cheating.

“Do they seem aware that they are no longer in their dimension? We’re sure this wasn’t a deliberate transport?” Bruce asked, masking his growing concern for the dislocated children by suggesting they might still be hiding something.

“Please, these kids can’t hide anything that well,” Tim huffed, giving a wry smile. “The only reason they’re able to hide anything is because they’re also oblivious. Otherwise it’s way too easy to tell they’re keeping something a secret.”

Bruce only frowned more at the response, and Barbara couldn’t help add her own support of the idea that the Phantoms had no idea they weren’t even close to home. “They seemed to have had enough to deal with, I don’t think they had time to consider it. Almost 80% of their activity ties back to them looking for ectoplasm. The other 20% is just general medical care and necessities of living.”

“Ectoplasm is the stuff they said Danny needed,” Dick added unnecessarily.

“I remember,” Bruce responded, though he could also understand why the kids had such a hard time tracking down a source. Most of Gotham didn’t even believe in ghosts, and the only people he or his family knew that matched the category were Boston and Greta. “Their search led them to a Lazarus water exchange.”

“Yeah. But apparently even though it’s similar enough, the Lazarus water is ‘freaky’ and they don’t want to use it according to Danielle,” Dick confirmed, using air quotes for what the small girl had said.

“All five of them have traces of another substance I’ve never seen before that seems similar to residue from Lazarus water as well,” Barbara spoke up to add, reaching over to the computer once more as she once again had their attention. The DNA analysis reports were enlarged, and she used a screen sketch app to mark the unusual traces. “It’s most prominent in Danielle and Danny, though Danny’s levels read a lot lower. But the other three have small traces as well.”

“The one called Danielle made mention of Danny having expended a significant amount of energy, to the point his accelerated healing ability has been hindered. And that there was a lack of locations with an abundance of said energy for them to absorb,” Damian recalled, ignoring the face Tim pulled as he slowly turned to look at him.

“You made that sound way more complicated than she did,” Tim grimaced.

“Silence Drake,” Damian retorted simply.

Dick could only snicker while keeping his gaze on the reports like Bruce was doing. “This will make it easier to track some of the substance down. I’ll see if I can create a collection device to make it easier for us to get larger amounts, and work on a way to neutralize the residual plant material,” Bruce commented, already making plans for the next course of action.

“After dinner,” Dick enforced, resting his hands on the back of Bruce’s chair.

Bruce seemed to consider it, falling silent and keeping his gaze on the monitor, giving no answer other than a short grunt after a long stretch of quiet.

Dick only leaned on the chair more, pulling it back slightly. “Aaaaafter dinner, Bruce. Thirty minutes isn’t going to be that big of a loss,” he prodded.

“...Alfred put you up to this, didn’t he,” Bruce pointed out instead of responding to the request.

“He did,” Dick confirmed, admitting to being requested to make sure Bruce got at least one hearty meal before getting lost in his work once again.

Bruce considered it longer, and by then the rest of his children were already on their way back upstairs. Did he really want Alfred hassling him again? “... Very well. After dinner,” he relented, getting to his feet with a slight sigh and locking the computer screen.

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Dimension hopping confirmed~ And I just realized I now have 2 fanfics that involve dimension hopping X'D that was unintentional.

Questions for the people following/interested: because I'm not familiar with most of DC or really DP's canon and fanon content and there's so freaking much of it out there, which characters would you like to see involved? No guarantees that they'll be in if I can't figure out how to get them to fit, but I need somewhere to start researching stuff X'DD. Also there's essentially 2 goals, wake Danny up, and get Team Phantom back home. How difficult should these tasks be, and which one would people rather have more focus on?

This fic originated from a prompt I found, so I think it might be fun to kind of keep that going? A different kind of writing exercise than what I'm used to. So that's why the questions instead of me just going heheh have a cliffhanger.

Though I will say I'm still of the opinion of no romance, so please don't suggest pairings |D

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