#but even if that works it's still really time consuming and annoying 5

[simpee9000]

Not Just Friends - 9 -

M.List : Prologue : Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4 : Part 5 : Part 6 : Part 7 : Part 8 : Words 5.1k

Childhood best friends turned into something more, at least with the label. Katsuki Bakugo, a fast-rising hero and fast-learning guy who is ever so slow in getting attached to and loving someone. Even three long years into a relationship, and your friends even forget you're even dating. Nothing happening, spare a few kisses.. like 3 kisses, during high school. Graduated and living together, and you guys have done absolutely nothing to further the relationship. Are you sure you're not just friends? Also not edited!! CW: Smut, brief domestic violence discussion, virginity loss, aggressive flirting from creeps, gore with pro hero stuff (lmk if i missed any) Applies to all chapters regardless of it is in said chapter.

The change was weird. A lasting sour taste in your mouth.

It was sudden too. His withdrawal from your life was instant.

Rather than how it was when you were temporarily sharing his room, he didn't wake you up and say goodbye. You thought that was just a morning after an argument thing, but it lasted. Going into the next week he even changed it more.

He no longer let you share your mornings, you had to relearn to use your own alarm quickly. Your schedules conflicted more than just that as well.

Lunch would no longer work, he switched his patrol times and took on meetings instead of leaving the space open for you.

Dinner wasn't really a thing anymore either. He stopped telling you when he'd be home, and after the first week of him not being home till late, you gave up. Throwing yourself into work as well. Changing your hours so you could sleep in more and get home later. Just to eat some leftovers he packed up for you, before turning in.

Words weren't really exchanged anymore and it was weird. You shared a room, and a bed, yet never saw each other awake.

It felt like a break up. In the simplest of terms. It wrecked you for a while. Felt like you were trudging along as you waited for him like a puppy.

You knew he held grudges but you've never expected him to turn it onto you.

You wanted to mourn the relationship but felt like it wasn't a right you had. He was still your boyfriend, you think. And you talked after you woke him up getting into bed. A quick conversation, but a conversation nonetheless. But the relationship back peddled to way before he got the watch. It felt like how it was after your first kiss in first year. Consuming yourselves with school to avoid the talk.

His mom still called often, nothing changed with how she spoke to you. Nothing changed outside your relationship with him and it was weird. You don't even know if your friends have noticed and it's been months.

It was nearing the end of October, the argument happened in the middle of August.

And none of your friends even blinked an eye. When Katsuki refused an invitation they assumed the normal, not surprised to see you at the bar without him. Mei didn't even notice. When you brushed off your change of work schedule and said he changed as well, she didn't ask another question. Thinking you were only glum because of the negative side of the internet. Fans bashing you at any corner possible.

It didn't bother you much, felt like a fly buzzing around you constantly but it was liveable.

Getting pestered for more interviews, people trying to get an inside look at Dynamight's home life. But you followed Shoto's PR manager's advice and chose to stay out of the limelight. Only interviewing when it was about your work.

Your work was your baby after all. Especially recently, it was hard to get you out of the office before two in the morning. Having more heroes come to you than before. It was exciting to see your career grow, you were just slightly annoyed that it was because of Katsuki that it grew. But a win was a win.

Everyone agreed with you on that, your friends closed down a bar for you, wanting to celebrate how many clients you had. You were getting article after article written about your work, being named as the second-best individual support tech in all of Japan. Because obviously, they'd have rankings for that as well.

A blush instantly covered your face when you walked into the bar, Mei pushing you forward. She dragged you out of the lab for once and convinced you to show face.

Kirishima is the first to tackle you in a hug, letting Mina do the same right after. "Congrats," he patted your shoulder as he pulled you more into the bar.

Most of Class A was there for you, celebrating you. Other pros you met along the way as well. People that you stayed in touch with since high school. Anyone you would want to be there was there.

"You guys shouldn't have," you smiled at the group, it was contagious. Denki had a derpy smile on him while Mina was bouncing around.

Kirishima laughed you off, "You needed it, been stuck in that lab and it paid off." You shrunk in on yourself when called out, you hadn't really been showing up that often to group outings. Not nearly as much as you used to.

"I got your favorite Cake!" Mina skipped towards you as best as she could. The cake was custom-made for you, having only the best flavors.

"It's not my birthday," you felt the need to point out, given the size of the celebration. And the candles that topped the cake.

"Might as well be," Mina pushed, "You're a new person! Officially number 2 in Japan!"

You did feel like a new person, you've changed a lot in the past two months.

"Come on," Mei teased over your shoulder, "Blow out the candles!"

"Make a wish!" Mina cheered, pushing the cake closer to you. And with the people you knew, they joined in. Cheering you on.

"They're gonna melt, y'know," Sero urged you once move.

"Fine," you laughed, feeling lighter than you had in the past couple of months. Thinking of nothing in particular as you blew out the candles, only looking around the crowd after. Noticing the lack of a certain blonde.

Rather than letting your shoulders slump too much, you let yourself fall into the cheer from your friends.

It was how you've done things since. You stopped waiting around for him, for the first time since you were kids. You pushed past him, not looking at every notification on your phone and hoping it was him. It didn't take Izuku this long to move beyond Katsuki, so you don't know why you let yourself take this long. Living behind him for so long.

You were pushed from conversation to conversation, catching up with people you haven't seen in a while and then talking with your closest friends. Being handed drink after drink in the process.

"You've been working a lot," Izuku commented when you finally made your way to him.

"Yeah," you nodded happily, "It's paid off."

He furrowed his brows, "You shouldn't overwork yourself. You haven't had a day off in months."

"Not true, I take a day off every week," you corrected him, not knowing where he got that idea. You took a day off every week, taking time to sleep the entire time.

"But-" he looked so confused, "Kacchan said you're not home, like ever."

"Oh," you understood the confusion now, "I switched my off days."

"Why?"

You shrugged, not really wanting to get into this conversation. Especially not with him and not now. You'd fall apart instantly. The feeling and pressure of your fragile relationship sitting on top of your chest. "Needed a change, you know how it is."

"I'm here for you, I know I'm busy but if you need anything I'm here," he was taking on the concerned best friend role, like usual.

"Z', I'm fine, really," you brushed off his concern, "Better than ever, my career is taking off, that's all that matters."

"That's not all that matter-"

"I need to go thank Mina and Mei again for setting this up," you excused yourself and walked through the slowly dying crowd. Meeting with the two pink-haired girls that were chatting near the food.

"Why do you look so drained?" Mei called out instantly, Mina slapping her shoulder right after.

"Social battery is just nonexistent right now," you lied, picking up a piece of food.

Mina looked around the bar, "It seems like it's just your close friends now, everyone else left by now."

You sighed in relief, you wanted to go home somewhat. Yet you didn't want to go back to him.

"Hey, Mei," you got her attention, "Can I spend the night?"

"Yeah," she shrugged, "Thought your social battery was dead though?"

"Friends don't count," you contradicted yourself and just prayed they wouldn't call you on it.

"Still, you never ask," Mei pointed out.

"I'm a new person," you grabbed another piece of food, filling your mouth so you couldn't be asked anymore.

"If you're mad at Bakugo for not showing up I wouldn't blame you." Mina spoke softly, "Dick move of him honestly."

"He's busy, it's fine," you defended him without another thought.

"No it's not, how many award shows have you been to for him?" Mei joined in. It felt nice they had your back, but it wasn't necessary.

You sighed, "I'm used to it. I'll have plenty more so it's fine."

Mina and Mei shared a look, not wanting to give in and forgive him as easily as you do, but not wanting to put you down either. "You're welcome to stay at mine," Mei finished the conversation.

A small gasp left Mina's mouth, eyes widening. "Bag of dicks is here," Mei groaned.

You couldn't help looking over your shoulder, seeing Katsuki for the first time awake in a while. Seeing Kirishima and Denki crowd him instantly. Greeting him warmly as you stood there. "I need a drink," you twisted your direction to head to the bar. Tonight was going to be a good night, not another about him.

Looking at him was too much, it hurt at first. Knowing your last real conversation was an argument. One where he threatened to take sex away from you, when he actually took everything him away. Just because you didn't want him to die for a stupid reason. It hurt to see everything on his side was fine.

It pissed you off. He was acting the same as you were, sure, but you would have gone to his award show. You would have been the first one there. Yet here he was, the last person to show after most left.

The bartender was quick to hand you a drink, watching and replacing it after you downed it all. You've been steadily drinking all night but a new buzz would help. Help the anger that was brewing over you.

You turned around when you had your second drink, wanting to sip on this one instead. Only getting more upset when he was still talking to his friends. Not even sparing you a glance. You let your head fall at this point, watching your shoes as you tapped your feet.

Any thought other than him would help, this wasn't about him. It shouldn't be.

For the past two months, you've been doing everything alone, and it's shown it's worth it. This was just another event that you had to get through. You'd just have to deal with him standing on the sidelines for once.

You saw Uraraka's white shoes before she spoke, "Do you want to join the group?"

When you looked up you saw that people pushed tables together, all of them sitting down together. How you didn't hear them move everything was surprising. Once you got rid of the shock, you turned back to her, "Yeah sure."

She smiled warmly, linking her arm with yours as she walked to the table with you. Sitting down next to you after you took your spot at the head of the table, next to him, unfortunately. You kept your body turned away from him, focusing on talking with her. The two of you didn't get to talk often after all. But you liked her nonetheless, she was the embodiment of welcoming.

The side conversations easily merged into one big conversation. You looked over the group as you leaned back in your chair. Sero was laughing as Denki rambled, Mei and Mina encouraging the conversation while Kirishima tried to reel it back in. Izuku was smiling fondly at the group, the same as Shoto. It was all your closest friends, it made you feel warm.

"It is not just a high school thing," Denki pointed at Sero laughing, "you're just mad that you couldn't." You were easily confused by his outburst, not having a clue what the conversation was about.

"No Nut November is like a middle school joke," Sero stated back.

"What is that?" Shoto asked, confused.

Denki and Sero started laughing, forcing Mina to explain, "It's a thing guys do, a challenge of not nutting for the full month of November."

"Nutting?" Shoto asked again.

"You're kidding!" Denki wheezed.

"Cumming," Kirishima answered, face cringing at the conversation. Everyone cringed besides Denki and Sero, who were too busy laughing.

"Why would you do that though?" Shoto was trying to piece together the concept.

"Only idiots do," Katsuki cut in. It was the first time you heard his voice so clearly all night.

Not being given a chance to soak in his voice, Denki starts defending the idea again, "You're only saying that cause you couldn't last that long."

"I could," Katsuki bit back, wanting to win at anything challenged.

"Please," Sero started teasing as well, "Bakugo you'd last a day."

"How the fuck would you know?"

"You either get some daily or never," Sero pointed out, "I'm falling on the likelihood of daily, knowing your girlfriend."

"Okay," you slapped your hands on the table, "Enough of that conversation."

Mina booed at you, having enjoyed the guys bickering.

"Thank god," you heard Izuku whisper in relief.

"I think I'm going to head out," you announced, standing up and giving Mei a nod so she knew she should get ready. You were thankful the bar was already nearly clean, no help was needed.

You looked down at Katsuki when you heard his keys, the sound familiar to you.

"Did you drive here?" Katsuki asked you, looking back up at you.

"Uh-" you looked at Mei, "I didn't."

"Need a ride back home?" he offered, standing up next to you.

It hurt to decline him, but you didn't want anything to do with him, not tonight.

"Ready?" Mei joined you by your side.

You looked between the two before settling on Katsuki, "I'm actually going to stay the night at Mei's." Any hope he had in his eyes left, face dropping in the slightest bit. You didn't notice the look he held until it was gone.

He looked like he got his heart ripped out and stomped on, but so did you.

"Look, if this is about me showing up late, I'm-"

A surprised laugh left your lips, it was mean. And the look on his face showed that he felt that it was mean as well. "This isn't about you Katsuki," you put it bluntly. It wasn't about him, tonight wasn't about him. You wanted to keep a good mood, and going home with him wouldn't do that.

You didn't give him the chance to reply before you grabbed onto Mei, wanting to leave as soon as possible. Going through all the goodbyes.

---

Mei and you shared the same horrible sleep schedule. She grabbed some wine as she let you collapse on her couch and turned the TV onto something for background noise the second you got to her apartment.

She handed you a glass before she sat down next to you, beer in her own hand. "I got to ask now, you know that right?"

You groaned, taking a sip of your wine, "Hit me with the questions." Avoidance wouldn't last in a small setting and you knew that.

"What the hell happened between you guys?"

"We're having a rough spot right now," you answered simply, shuffling further into the couch.

"That much is obvious."

"Fine," you gave in, taking a deep breath to give an actual answer, "I haven't really talked to him for two months."

Mei's face drained of all color, "What?"

"Yeah," you shrugged, swirling the wine in your glass.

"Are you broken up?" Mei reached a hand to rest on your forearm.

"No, at least," you thought for a second, "I don't think we are."

"How are you with someone you haven't talked to in months?"

"I don't know," you mumbled.

"What type of argument could have caused that?"

You wanted to laugh out of frustration, looking back on it was painful and stupid to you. Yet you were still so mad. "Y'know how I made him that watch?" she nodded, "Well, he asked me to make the watch for the reasons you thought. And he was fully relying on it. Having his quirk off every time he was next to me."

"Can't that kill you?" Mei asked.

"Yes, so I told him that and he turned it into a massive thing. I asked him to take it off, and he said no, so I told him I wouldn't touch him when he had his quirk off. Now we just don't talk," you explained quickly, chest tightening.

"But you're still dating?" you could tell she was trying to be sensitive to the situation.

All you could do was shrug, "I still share a bed with him, so I'm assuming yes."

"How come you don't talk to him?"

"I tried the first week, but when he changed his schedule around to avoid me, I did the same."

"So that's why-"

"Yeah, it's done a lot of good for me though. I've finally grown a lot more. My career is at a high and it's only up from now. I'm no longer just in his shadow. Honestly, I'm thankful for the fight. I finally feel like an adult. I don't need anyone to get me where I am and it's refreshing," you admitted. A lot of good has come from it, and you weren't going to ignore it.

"But you love him?" Mei asked, trying to make sure.

"Of course, he just isn't my life."

"You're not going to try for him? You have been each other's since you were five," Mei worded slowly.

"I'm not reaching out to someone who doesn't want me, Mei," you looked at her, firm on what to do about everything. It was already settled before but now you've actually said it. "I don't know why it took me forever to realize, I wish I did when Izuku did. I would be a lot further in life."

"You already are far in life, you're not even twenty and your 2nd best support tech-"

"I could have been first-"

"No," Mei shook her head, "I'm sorry to say it, but you're only this far because of him. Because of your friends."

"Mei-"

"I'm not wrong, you've been given endless support. Without that? You would still be fumbling behind everyone else. You can't get anywhere in life solely on your own."

"Well, it wasn't only him," you pointed out. You agreed with her, your friends helped a lot.

"It was majority him," she pointed out.

You rolled your eyes, "Don't you somewhat hate him?"

"I still know he's good for you, and if your entire relationship goes to shit over this, I'm not letting myself be a part of it. Is he an asshole for showing up late? Yes, fuck him for that. Is he a dick for throwing a fit about kissing and not talking to you? Absolutely. But he is also the man who loves you the most, he's been there for you so many times. Are you going to throw that away?"

"I'm not throwing shit away, he is," you defended yourself, tears lining your eyes.

"Your not even trying-"

"I shouldn't have to," you stood up, "I tell him everything while he keeps himself away. I'm fucking done. If he wants me, he needs to tell me."

"What are you doing?" Mei questioned, seeing you grab your things.

"Leaving," you said firmly.

"You don't have a car-"

"I'll walk," you spit out, slamming the door to her apartment as you left. Breaking down when in the elevator. You wanted tonight to be about you, about your success. Yet as always, it turned out to be about him. You thought you'd grown out of being only mentioned because of him.

You walked on uneasy footing until you got out of her block. She was your best friend and she didn't even understand. It made you wish you talked to Izuku.

The street lamps lit up your bag as you looked for your phone. Glancing at the time before you dialed his number. His sleep was fucked up too, so you weren't worried about waking him up

"Are you okay?" was the first thing he said, full of concern. It was 3 in the morning after all.

"No," you choked on a sob, choosing to lean on a wall rather than continue walking. You didn't even know where to walk.

"What's going on? Do I need to get you-"

"I'm safe," you cleared up your throat, "I'm just struggling."

"Why?"

"Katsuki and I are in a rough patch, Mei doesn't get my side on it, and I can't turn to him," you rambled, "I just don't know what to do."

"Just breathe right now, you're going to get worse if you continue like this," he counted for you to follow. Performing his hero script as he calmed you down.

You let yourself sit on the concrete, leaning your back onto a random building as you rested your head on your knees.

"Okay," you whispered into the phone, "Katsuki and I haven't talked in two months."

Izuku was a rambler but he was also a good listener. Letting you get out any detail you needed before even opening his mouth. So you told him everything, leaving out any sex-related things. Telling him Katsuki used the watch to hug you or kiss you, so a truth in the cover-up. He could draw up that conclusion on his own.

"I was just thinking that maybe you'd understand," you finished, "I'm just so tired of reaching out to him."

"I get it," he started, "Probably the only one that does. He locks himself off and just expects you to come chasing for him. And the second you don't, he throws a fit. You should let him, I know it's hard, but he needs to grow up as well. You told him your concern and he locked you out, he needs to be the one to let you back in."

You sighed in relief, "So I'm doing the right thing?"

"Yes, especially in a relationship. It shouldn't be so one-sided with communication. You come a long way in the past months, and he should acknowledge that. I love you both, and I hope you guys work past it, but if it doesn't then it's for the best," he spoke to you like a brother would. You didn't even notice when the dynamic between the two of you flipped. Him going from acting like a younger brother to the older brother.

"Thank you," you sniffled, trying to dry the tears that have been working down your face, "Mei thinks I'm throwing everything away."

"He's the one that pushed you out, he's throwing it away," Izuku pointed out. You hummed in agreement, looking down at your phone.

"Holy fuck," the time surprised you, it was nearing five in the morning, and it was a Saturday. You were thankful that the city wasn't awake yet. "I need to get home."

"You're not home?!" he squeaked into the phone, "Where are you?"

"I don't know," you answered honestly, standing upright and stretching your limbs out.

"What?!"

"I'll start walking home now," you tried to calm him down.

"Do you know how dangerous that is?"

"I'm fine Izuku, I'm maybe a block away from home," that seemed to calm him down. He let you hang up the phone, telling you to text him when you were home.

You were glad to have a hoodie at this point, pulling the hood up to hide your tear-streaked face as you walked back home. Needing the ten-minute walk to calm down. Think for yourself.

While you fully agreed with Izuku, you also saw Mei's point of view. She wanted you happy, and you were happy with Katsuki. You didn't want to break up with him, you loved him fully. But if he couldn't meet you halfway, you weren't going to rush to fill that emptiness he left. You'd rather move on to better things. Maybe find someone who would.

With your head hung low the entire walk back to your apartment, you didn't even notice you were in the elevator until it opened on your floor. Having walked all the way on a full autopilot. Thinking of your relationship that overtook one of the biggest days of your career.

You opened your door with a sigh, throwing your keys on the shelf before turning into the kitchen for some water. Filling up a glass before you walked to the basket of blankets in the corner of the living room.

The second you turned around to walk to the couch you dropped your glass. A shocked scream left your lips when you saw Katsuki sitting there in the dark.

"What the fuck are you doing?" you hissed at him, confused as to why he was sitting in the dark and not in his room.

"I was sleeping," he answered.

"Here?" you shot back, bending down to pick up the broken glass.

"Aren't you supposed to be at Mei's?"

You squeezed your hand in annoyance, only noticing the burn of the cut then.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you turned his concern down, throwing away the broken glass when you walked into the kitchen. Thankful that it broke into big pieces rather than small. You ran your hand underwater as you ignored him.

"You're bleeding," it was clear he was groggy with sleep.

"No shit," you answered plainly.

"Fuckin' c'mere," he moved near you, trying to grab your hand only to get swatted away.

"I can take care of myself," you snapped at him, moving to grab a paper towel, trying to dry up the small cut.

"Think I don't fucking know that?" he asked back, agitated at your reactions to him. You waited for the bleeding to stop before throwing away your trash and grabbing a bandaid to cover the small cut to your finger.

You shrugged, "Never know with you. Never tell me anything. Don't know what you know or don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I-" you sighed, you didn't want to get into it, "Nothing, I'm tired." You walked past him again, grabbing a blanket and getting comfortable on the couch.

"You're sleeping down here?"

"Yeah, go to bed Katsuki," you turned away from him.

"Kats," he said softly, making you turn to face him again.

"What?"

"You stopped calling me Kats, it's only this Katsuki bullshit now."

"Whatever, Katsuki," you dismissed without thinking, turning back over as you tried to forget how he looked just then. It's how he looked at the party, just ten times worse.

"What happened to us?"

You didn't bother to reply, it was clear he wanted you to do the talking. But if he wanted to actually talk, he had to first.

"This," he paused, silence filling the air before he cleared his throat only for his voice to crack regardless, "This isn't what I want."

"You never told me what you wanted," you couldn't help but reply.

"I'm not good at this type of shit," he was angry at himself but you wouldn't fall into this pity party for himself. "I didn't think you'd change your schedule."

"You changed yours."

"I only did that because I needed to think," he defended.

"For two months?"

"I switched it back after but you weren't home, and haven't been since."

"So you couldn't have called? Asked me when I did get home at night? Woke me up in the morning to talk?"

"You could have done the same."

"I always do that Katsuki," you turned to face him, "I'm always the one fucking chasing you. And I'm done."

He choked, "You're done?"

"I'm done chasing after you," you clarified, "I've met you halfway, time after time, you just need to do the same."

Silence buzzed around the living room. The two of you were just staring at each other. Both are equally heartbroken. You looked him over for the first time in months.

"You're still wearing the watch," you pointed out, seeing the gleam of it on his wrist.

"You gave it to me," he replied, "I haven't used it since, by the way."

"Good."

He took a shaky breath in, "I'm so fucking sorry, Brains." You waited for him to continue, "You were right, I wasn't using it just as a crutch. I was completely relying on it." It hurt to hear it from him, you already knew it was true. "I, fuck," he ran his hand over his face, "I went to the doctor too, they said if I used it that much it'd kill me. Having my quirk completely off."

You couldn't be more glad about the fight now, knowing it kept him from killing himself. Sure it wouldn't kill him immediately, but over time it would just get worse and worse for his health.

"Once I found out you were right, I just couldn't bear the thought. I don't feel safe around you without my quirk dampened and now I can't," he admitted, "I feel my quirk just with this conversation. I don't want to hurt you."

"You were late to the party," you pointed out instead, "You never even congratulated me."

He hung his head, "I got sidetracked with trying to get a gift- but I was going to congratulate you at home."

"Doesn't excuse it."

"I know, I'm sorry," he reached into his pocket, "I got this for you though." He tossed the small bag at you.

You gave him an unsure look before opening it, first seeing a sticker of "World's Best Tech" an inside joke between the two of you. He hated the idea of #1 mugs and things like it, claiming he was better than everyone else. The next was just a small necklace, something easy to wear with everything.

"It doesn't make up for shit, and that's not what I'm trying to do with it," he said after you stared at the gift for a while.

"I know," you spoke softly, the gift was thoughtful for your relationship.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, I knew you could do it," he followed.

Tears were hitting your eyes harder than before. Despite claiming you didn't need him. You wanted to hear him say that so bad.

You saw him move to get up when he saw your tears, sitting back down and grabbing his own hands when he decided against it. You patted the seat next to you. As long as his watch wasn't on, you were okay. He rushed immediately to your side, tugging you into a hug before he could overthink.

"I should have talked to you a lot sooner," he spoke into your hairline, leaving a kiss on your forehead after.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I can't be there for you like this," he said softly.

You pulled back from him, "What do you mean?"

"Can't hug you and shit," he grumbled, pulling you back into him. Not wanting you to see his face.

You sat in silence for a while, soaking in his words and the perspective he likely had the past two months. He could have thought you stopped talking to him because he couldn't touch you anymore.

"I'm not mad that you can't touch me, I'm upset that you don't talk to me, in general," you spoke just as softly as he did, wanting to comfort him the way he was comforting you.

He let out a breath of relief, "It's gotten worse without you around."

"What did?"

"My quirk just goes off without you now, just the thought freaks me out enough. Fuckin' annoying," he confessed.

"Is it going to go off soon?" you wanted to be prepared to be pushed away from him. If he did it unannounced you'd likely cry. He just squeezed you closer.

"No," he said quietly, "It's finally calmed the fuck down."

-Next Part-

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[novulen]

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ : They walk in on you pleasuring yourself, but as payback for being consumed in their work all week and not having time for you, you ignore them. But who’s really getting punished here? 

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛꜱ/ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ : 18+ (mdni), fingering, mentions of erections, slight nipple play, slight clit play, (love, sweetheart, baby) used to adress reader, fem!reader.

ꜰᴇᴀᴛᴜʀɪɴɢ : Nanami, gojo, toji

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐆.

“Idiot.” you mumbled to yourself, tossing your phone to the side with a pout on your face. Satoru was sure to get a piece of your mind once he came back, but for the time being, you had other things to worry about. 

Gazing down at your shorts, you frowned. The dull ache from before had now grown into a pulse, a warmth in your lower stomach that bloomed into hot desire. But that was Satoru’s job, and it was his fault. If he hadn’t facetimed you, simply to show off the tent formed in his sweats from his erection, maybe you wouldn’t have been in this position. 

 And what made it worse was the fact that he couldn’t even pick up the phone after turning you on in such a way. He even had the audacity to leave you on read! 

Though such things didn’t worry you at the moment, and you figured you’d deal with it later. Your main concern was yourself, and how you’d manage the throbbing of your pussy.

However, soon enough, with two fingers stuffed inside you, all that faded into oblivion. Delicious moans poured from your mouth, hung agape with pleasure as each thrust of your digits left you gasping wildly for air. Though, you’d admit, it only felt a fraction of what Satoru’s fingers, let alone cock felt. 

Why were you thinking about that idiot?

“Princesss, I got you pastries,” you heard a sing-song voice come from the front door, eyes opening and before you knew it, he was right before you. Satoru stood there, pastry bag dramatically falling to the floor as he gazed at you. 

But you stared back, and continued, still annoyed with him, even as embarrassment flushed your cheeks. 

“Baby, what’s all this…” he grinned, taking a long stride towards you and leaning down, piercing blue eyes gazing without a care. He snaked an arm around your waist as he sat down near you on the couch, and pulled your back flush to his toned chest. “This’s what I do to you?” 

“S-shut up.” you grumbled, thumb circling around the hood of your clit, causing you to let out a particularly high pitched moan. “If you weren’t gone for a week on that stupid trip, then maybe–” 

But Satoru cut you off as his fingers pinched your nipple through your top. “Then what? Can’t even go a week without having my cock in you, hm?” 

You scoffed, “Well then, why’d you call me just to show me that?” 

And he chuckled deeply in your ear. “Isn’t it simple, baby?  So, I can get you nice and wet for when I come back."

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐍.

“Hah–fuck, mhm..” you moaned, plunging your digits deeper within your velvety walls, clenching around your own fingers. You spread your legs further apart, hissing at the slight pain, though you eased it away by bringing a thumb to your clit, rubbing the sensitive nub of nerves in lazy figure eight’s.  

Your face burned, both with passion and annoyance. Perhaps you wouldn’t have been in such a lewd position if Nanami weren’t always so absorbed in his work. You can’t recall a day of this week where you’ve had more than 5 hours together, and you were starting to crave your husband. Not only his presence, but his body. 

And, thus, not being able to ignore your desires, you were forced to pleasure yourself. It felt oddly foreign, in a way, doing such a thing when you had a husband. But he was away–or so you thought. 

Unbeknownst to you, Nanami had just arrived home, fatigued yet relieved to finally be within your reach. Although, as he walked through the front door, you were nowhere there to greet him, but that in itself wasn’t much out of the ordinary. What wasn’t a normal  occurrence, though,  was the faint sound of moans emitting from the master bedroom. 

Each step he took towards the room had his heart racing. The noises sounded exactly like you, and peeking through the crack in the door, he confirmed it. There you were, sitting on the bed, legs spread apart as your fingers repeatedly filled you, and Nanami could tell it was not enough. 

Your eyes were stained with tears as you cried out, the pleasure feeling so close yet frustratingly far away at the same time. And as if answering your prayers, what you needed most stepped right before you. But you weren’t about to give in, no matter how much you craved it. 

“Love?” he called out, soft and tired eyes meeting your watery ones, a hand coming to rest on your shoulders. Nanami then sat at the foot of the bed, within arms reach. 

No response came from you. You didn’t even cease the movements of your arm, blatantly gazing straight at him. 

This was not only torture for him, but for you also. 

But with the look you gave him, he could tell where your annoyance came from. How could he not? He felt disappointed in himself for driving you this far. 

“Sweetheart…” he hummed, slowly easing your legs open with a hand as he neared closer to you, then he halted the movements of your arm. “I'm sorry, I mean it.” 

Nanami gazed into your eyes, ever serious, as he placed himself between your legs, stuffing his face within the crook of your neck. He then took away your hand, spreading your legs even further apart to fit his large frame, then whispered. “I can tell this isn’t enough, how about I make it up to you, yeah? Promise we’ll go as many rounds as you want.” 

𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 𝐅. 

“Calm your tits, I'll only be gone for two days.” Toji mumbles from his position standing before the bathroom counter, mouth full of suds as he brushes his teeth. He looks at you through the mirror, grinning to himself at the visible pout and annoyance evident on your face. Afterall, this was his second business trip of the month, how could you not be? 

“Two days, Toji? That and your other trip makes up a week combined.” you roll your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. You don’t know for how long you’ll be able to keep this up. 

For starters, you suppose this was expected when you got into a relationship with an assassin, though you didn’t know it would be to this degree. Perhaps it’s your attachment issues that are speaking, but two more days without him might turn you into a madwoman–considering that also means two days more without dick. 

“Mhm? Whatd’ya say?” he asks as he turns to you, but you wave him off. 

Once Toji’s in the shower, you’re left by yourself. With your thoughts. 

And suddenly, then, you realize just how long it’s been since… anything, really. There’s that ache deep in your womb, then the throb of your cunt begging for attention. But with Toji not around, you’ve only one thing to do. 

Your hands tremble as they snake down your torso, dipping under the hem of your pajamas as you find your panties. Undoubtedly, there’s a damp spot, right where your core aches. Nimble fingers run over your folds, bringing about a delightful sensation that you only want more of. 

Soon, as you enter yourself, your back arches from the bed, and your legs slightly begin to quiver. “Hn–oh, fuck..” you moan, eyes rolling back, not from annoyance this time, but pleasure. You create a pace, thrusting in and out at a rhythm that’s not too fast but not too slow, something simple that’ll bring you to your orgasm quickly enough. 

Lost in bliss, you begin to get consumed by it–carried away. Your eyes close and your hands seem to move on their own, sopping digits soaked in slick. 

“Fuck..go a lil’ slower, yeah? That’s my pace.” 

As you open your eyes, there Toji stands; arms crossed and a towel loosely hung about his hips, presenting his defined v-line to your hungry and prying eyes. It’s like a competition of who’s stare can compel the other the most. 

Toji’s stare is telling you to stop, silently telling you off on touching what’s his,  but yours on the other hand, is refuting that. 

To your dismay, though, he doesn’t move an inch. “Guess I'll stay here. But don’t think I'll help you, ‘kay? ‘M just gonna enjoy the show.”

[wolfiesmoon]

A valid excuse

Floyd x gn!reader

I have been consumed by tweel brainrot there is no turning back

Anyways here's something i thought of in 5 mins lfmaooo

You were awakened from your peaceful slumber by loud and oddly agressive knocking at the door to Ramshackle dorm.

What in the world? Who is trying to visit at this hour?

You groan, gently pushing Grim off you and slowly making your way to the door to find out who your late night visitor is.

"Finally..." Floyd mumbles when the door reveals your slouched figure. He makes a mental note of how you look in your sleepwear.

"...Floyd?" You mumble sleepily, hoping you didn't say the wrong twin's name. It's kind of hard to tell which one it is in the dark.

"You sure took your sweet time answering the door, Shrimpy." He invited himself in, casually walking past you into the lounge . Yup, it's definitely Floyd.

"Why are you here?" You yawned.

He squeezed you really hard all of a sudden, which woke you up almost instantly. You felt your bones cracking, you swear. Way more effective than an alarm clock. Or Grim.

"I had a nightmare... Can I sleep in your bed?" He pouted at you almost comically.

"That's why you came banging on my door at 2 AM?" You raised a brow at him, slightly annoyed. And besides, Floyd wasn't even your boyfriend or anything. He's just that one guy who gets really excited when he sees you for some reason. Why is he coming to you with this overly childish request? Jade works just fine.

His pout increased and he squeezed you even harder. As a warning, no doubt.

Seems there's no way out of this...

"Okay, okay- Fine-" you sounded strained due to your innability to breathe. You kinda don't want to die because of Floyd's squeezing, though it would certainly be a unique way to go.

"Yay~" he let go of you, prancing over to your bedroom like an excited child.

You followed behind him, worried that he might throw Grim out the window to make space for himself. If there's one thing you know about Floyd, it's that he's unpredictable. Not that that's a bad thing, you just don't want to end up with catlike casualty tonight.

"Ehhhh, why is Sealie all cuddled up on your bed?" he sounded offended, like someone just took his well deserved space.

"...He always is." you smile to yourself, thinking of how Grim is actually kinda like a real cat when he's all curled up by your side. You always feel the urge to pet him when he's like that.

Floyd takes a step forward (to "remove" Grim, no doubt) but you quickly pick up Grim and place him down on the rocking chair to prevent a premature death. Grim so owes you for this later.

"Here, the bed's all yours." you point to it somewhat nervously, watching his expression soften. I mean, were you seriously just going to let him sleep with you? You're honestly so tired you don't even care anymore.

He flops down on the bed unceremoniously, waiting for you to join him. As soon as you do, he hugs you tightly. "My dream was soooo bad... It was just horrible..." he mumbled into you with an overly dramatic undertone.

You still have no idea if the nightmare was just an excuse or if he actually had one. Either way, he is squeezing you right now and seems quite satisfied. You let your eyes slip closed.

"Wanna tell me what it was about?" you whisper.

"Later... I feel like squishing you forever for now..." he swung one of his lanky legs over you, sighing happily.

"You know Azul will get mad at you if you squish me forever, right? Cuz you won't show up to work..." you surrender yourself into his embrace fully, noting how smooth his arms are.

"I don't really care, to be honest...."

You suddenly felt a kiss on your cheek and you jolted slightly. Did Floyd just kiss you?

No, no. That was definitely just your imagination. You're half asleep, after all.

it's late at night as i'm proofreading this and i just got a rook card when i wanted the vil one😭😭😭😭😭😭my unluckiness knows no bounds

[sonoyoung]

— Out of reach

roommate!dino x gn!reader | fluff + fake relationship + oblivious x oblivious(?) | 4.6k

a/n. long one, i spent a bit on this. I hope it's well received i don't really have anything to say i think it's cute lol, also very obviously obsessed with dino's smile.

“Please guys, you’re just being annoying now” you had invited your friends over for dinner to finally celebrate your new living space, you had been planning it since you had acquired the place. It was a nice spacious apartment in the city centre perfect for your busy life mainly centred in the area so you weren’t too bothered by the fact that you would have to share the space with a roommate – it was more than enough for two people. However, a warning on the gender of said neighbour would have saved you a lot of embarrassing moments from your first week.

He was a nice guy, Chan, pretty mindful of your presence and reserved enough so you could live freely. For that same reason you barely ever talked in the 5 months you had been sharing said living space, at first it didn’t bother you since you were occupied with settling in but recently it’s just felt awkward.

First instance, last week you had just got back from work and ordered takeout slightly more than you would usually, just in case he hadn’t eaten. Your first thought was that it would be the perfect excuse to actually have a genuine conversation. So as soon as you entered and saw him in the kitchen you let him know he was more than welcome to take a box of noodles, what you didn’t expect was that he would thank you, grab him box and retrieve to his room before you could even take a seat.

It felt even more confusing since he’d have no problem talking to you at the end of the day, it would be a short conversation just summarizing your separate days and by the end you’d be ready to go to your respective rooms. As convenient it was that you didn’t need to make conversation constantly just because you bumped into each other in the corridor, a huge part of you actually wanted to know him, you didn’t just want to be neighbours, with anyone else it would have been a different story, but something about Chan just had you interested.

Back to your friends on the living room floor filling the usual quiet space with so much laughter just from the joys of teasing your 21-year-old inexperienced self.

“No seriously, let’s go to the club right now. It’s that easy y/n, you don’t have to stay clueless to the pleasures of life” Joshua stated, getting up on his feet in unison with his words, you just watched him giggle as he struggled to find his balance thanks to the wide range of alcohol they had brought along with them, all very quickly consumed.

“I’m fine, sit down please before you hurt yourself” reaching out your hand for him to hold on to as he found his seat back on the carpet, beside you Wonwoo took the opportunity to pat your head reassuring you that you were not a lost cause.

As much as you wanted to deny it, all their nagging was getting to you, you knew they were all just playing around because you were easy to pick on but you needed to make it stop and you weren’t going to go to the club to get some chlamydia’d dick, a simple white lie should be enough, after all you hadn’t seen each other much in 5 months, a lot can happen in 5 months.

“You guys are actually so funny assuming I’m still the same person I was 5 months ago” your plan was to keep it as vague as possible just enough to get them thinking,

“As if you would have fucked someone without asking for our guidance…” Soonyoung rolled his eyes not buying your attempt and the others followed with agreeing laughs,

“Wait but isn’t her roommate a guy?” Vernon brought up after some thought, you had no plans of dragging Chan into this, but he wouldn’t have to know so it wouldn’t hurt right…?

All their attention was brought on you, and it felt like now or never, you would let them enjoy the lie for a week or two before breaking the news, just enough time for you to catch a breath and he would not have to deal with any of it, it was too perfect to let it go.

“You’re so nosy, please stop with the questions.”

“Shut the fuck up, you’re fucking your roommate?!” Wonwoo exclaimed loud enough for it to echo throughout the apartment, thank goodness he was out late today,

“You shut the fuck up, we don’t need the whole apartment complex knowing” technically you didn’t admit to it they just assumed you were being serious, they were easier to trick than you thought judging from their shocked faces staring at you.

“I thought we were besties how could you not tell me? You should have facetimed me while it was happening! What the actual fuck?” Soonyoung whined shaking you aggressively as if it would change the fact, just as you were about to justify yourself you were interrupted by a familiar face walking into the room. Your first instinct was to turn to your friends hoping they wouldn’t start their greetings with “How was it?”.

“Oh Chan! I thought you were coming in late, sorry about the mess” you smile at him warmly hoping he’ll leave to his room as he usually does, he greets everyone with a small wave and slight bow before bringing his attention to you,

“Yeah, I did it’s 2am y/n” you’re almost taken aback by the small laugh that escapes his lips, it’s not the first time you’ve seen or heard him laugh but something about it being directed at you hits you in a completely different way you almost forget to answer.

“Oh sorry, we’ll wrap up soon I wasn’t paying attention to the time.”

“Take your time I don’t mind, it’s our place after all” the way he said those words combined with the way he was looking at you and maybe the amount of alcohol in your system convinced you he heard everything earlier or that was ready to make it reality. He left the room after that without forgetting a sweet goodnight to everyone in the room his eyes never leaving for longer than a microsecond you in the process.

The scene had the perfect effect on your group, each apologizing for ever doubting you, however it left you questioning every exchange you ever had with him and how you never realized how everything about him was so alluring, you had to kick the kids out.

“I can’t believe you’re kicking us out for dick y/n, you have changed” Joshua shook his head as you stood between the door seeing them out after ordering them an Uber home, you patted his head gently before waving goodbye and closing the door shut, taking a minute to lean on it before heading back to the living room.

Just as you step in your roommate steps out, he looks at the empty room and then at you,

“You really didn’t have to send them out” he sighs in disbelief making his way to the kitchen, you hadn’t thought about how you’d approach the subject, so you just settled on lurking till he brought it up himself,

“They were getting on my nerves” there it was again, a soft chuckle from his direction making you look up at him instinctively just to get a glimpse of his smile – what is going on with you?

You ended up staying there a while with him, maybe it was the fact that you were both slightly intoxicated but neither of you felt an urge to leave the room, you talked, laughed and by the time the sun was rising you had forgotten why you chose to stay instead of sleeping after your company had left. After months of stagnant conversations, you finally had a real one, about your friends, your aspirations and now came the sudden fear that this was a one-time thing and after this night you would just go back to where you were,

“So… absolutely of topic but I need you to act like my boyfriend to those guys for… a week maybe?” seeing him laugh makes you realize you could have probably used a different approach to bring it up but at least it is out there.

“I was actually waiting for you to bring it up, your friend yelling really got me curious” you couldn’t help hiding your face in your hands, he knew this whole time. It somehow felt more embarrassing than randomly begging him to act like your boyfriend, you could tell he was smiling clearly amused by the situation. You could hear his footsteps approach you on the couch, his hands uncovering your hidden frown face to face with his caring smile.

“I’ll help you that’s not a problem, don’t worry” your frown changes into a soft pout showing your gratitude, he lets out a scoff unable to hide his smile “…you’re cute”.

The whole situation had you confused and hearing those from him didn’t help your case nor did the fact that he was so close to you that you could so easily lean into his… maybe you needed to rethink this, if you were to fake a relationship with your roommate you could fall for him and if you did fall for him it would be one sided 9 times out of 10 considering he’s only doing this to help you.

You laugh off the remark leaning back into your seat as far away as it would be considered a conversation between two new acquaintances, he watched as you did so, apparently everything you did he found humour in, trying to keep a straight face.

“That’s really nice of you Chan, I’ll probably just tell them the truth by tomorrow though” he nods understandingly, a part of you just wants to take the chance to see where this would go but it’s overruled by your mature mindset reminding you there would be no escape if you do.

The mood might have shifted or maybe it’s just the fact that it’s morning and neither of you slept, you watch as he shuffles in his pocket for his phone letting out a loud sigh as soon as it flashes on and there he goes, back on his feet on his way to his room,

“The offer still stands if you change your mind let me know, I’ll gladly do it” the emphasis on gladly made your head spin, “Try get some rest okay? I’ll see you later.”

A couple days would pass, and the solution would become clearer, you tried multiple times to reveal to your friends it was a joke and you had nothing going on with your roommate but somehow your denying only reenforced their suspicions. Your conclusion was to ignore them and hope that with time they’d come through, but their stubbornness was stronger than your patience and so the operation begun, you needed to plan everything out leading up to your inevitable breakup and you had Chan to help through the rollercoaster.

“5 months? I feel like we can get through this in 1” you read his conditions for the arrangement shocked by the absurdity of it all, but the time frame is the most shocking, there’s no way you’re surviving 5 months of fake boyfriend Chan.

“It’s all about the impact” you look at him in disbelief confused as to what that even meant, he just tells you to trust him and you just shrug it off just wanting to get through this. Just like that you were dating your roommate Lee Chan with a long list of conditions signed in a contract.

There are many ways this could have gone, you could act like you were dearly in love with each other when you were around your friends, you could even just share little looks or touches just enough to convince whoever was around that there was at least some affection, but you somehow found a way to be the most awkward pair of people, forget being in a relationship, it was up for debate if you even knew each other.

When Soonyoung first asked you to come along with him and Vernon for the exhibition they were planning on seeing together you had thought it would be the perfect opportunity to formally introduce Chan to your friends, you wouldn’t have to talk too much about anything unrelated to the exhibition and they could see a bit of your “relationship dynamic” but you should have known better since it was coming from Soonyoung,

“You guys are so awkward, what the fuck?” he teased as you sat around the lounge, the famous exhibition lasted about 10 mins guiding you into a room where you could eat and drink for free, so he had taken the opportunity to interrogate you on how your lives work at home and so far, you hadn’t come together on a single answer,

Chan turned to you making sure your eyes met before he leaned closer to meet your ear, “Should we make a run for it?” a soft laugh escaped your lips the smile lingering for a second before bringing your lips to his ear, “On three. One, Two, Three...”

“Oh fuck, we forgot the turkey” he leans back, his eyes widening from the sudden realization his fist covering his mouth as he turns to you, you watch his acting skills play out genuinely amused by the sudden scenario.

“Ah yes, the chick- the turkey, we have to hurry. I can’t believe we forgot.” Shaking your head at your clumsiness, getting up on your feet from the comfortable lounge seats. You let him slide his hand in yours, almost getting used to the quickening of your heart after experiencing it 6 times in the evening.

You take a final look at your friends at the table who are clearly confused by the situation, giving them a sorry smile before turning away to let Chan lead you out the restaurant, you can almost hear their “what the fuck was that?” as you walk out the door.

The whole journey back was just you both echoing laughter back and forth, it felt like you were genuinely enjoying each other’s presence so much so that once you got home you wanted it to continue, you wanted to laugh at his funny impressions and admire the look on his face when he watched you laugh, just for that look you wanted to only laugh for him.

“No seriously you’re so good at acting, I was struggling keeping up” his face brightens up as he watches you dump yourself on the couch, adoring the way your words slur together from the little alcohol you had drank earlier,

“You do know I’m an actor, right?” you prop up from the couch looking at him in utter shock as he grabbed drinks from the fridge, seeing your expression he let out a loud laugh flashing his teeth for a second before covering his mouth in his elbow.

“It’s mostly part time for now but that’s the goal” you nodded attentively genuinely impressed by his aspirations, he handed you a drink sitting beside you, and though he felt close it was a proximity you liked, it didn’t feel forced or rushed it was just right.

You spent the rest of the night delving into your thoughts and passions, the things you loved and hated, your goals and expectations of yourselves seeing how they somehow aligned together, how you had similar mindsets, similar hopes, beliefs it made you feel somewhat confused because of the position you put yourself in, it felt like once you were done with this mini phase of your lives you would move on, and all these similarities would mean nothing.

The alcohol in your system was no help in drowning those thoughts but you tried your best to focus on the present moment and how much you were enjoying your newfound friendship,

“Oh wait, there’s this movie,” you watch him reach over you for the remote noticing the subtle hair growth on his jawline as he inched close, your fingers almost reaching up to feel the skin just as he leaned back into his seat, “have you seen it?”

On the screen you read Boogie Nights then turn to him with a confused smile, the moment he saw your face he sighed with a wide smile, “Listen, not everyone has” you shake your head at his misjudgement,

“And I’m everyone?”

A quick apology and you had moved on, deciding on rewatching the adaptation from the comfort of your couch, it was starting to get hard to differentiate real from fake being in this moment watching a comfort movie with him on the couch, slightly intoxicated, you felt more like a couple that you did a few hours ago when you were meant to be. You let yourself relax into the warm embrace of the couch, shoulders brushing, skin touching but keeping your focus on the movie, easing into it more you rest your head on his shoulder.

It felt so natural you hadn’t even realized his arm around you, his fingertips on your skin tracing circular patterns, you liked his soft touch it wasn’t alarming, even though it was distracting it felt nice. You tried to keep your eyes focused on the screen, watching every scene but registering nothing but the images flashing back and forth, that was until the scene came on.

Sex scenes rarely bothered you, if anything you’d just let it pass or just skip though it but now you were bothered, you had forgot how explicit this film got and you didn’t want to seem like a wuss but the way his touch felt on your skin seemed completely different, now it was intimate paired with the images on the screen. The heat burning up in your face as you kept your eyes on the screen while being so close to him, being so touch starved and inexperienced, it was only driving you crazy.

“I’m so tired…” you yawn getting up as you did, he’s already smiling knowingly almost smirking at you, his arms crossed over his chest legs spread open, the images playing on loop in your head, you needed to leave, “I’m gonna sleep bye, good night, enjoy your movie.”

Things would slowly evolve in your play couple, and you would start to feel closer to Chan, it was an inevitable consequence of living together and having planned the whole thing together. Chan would be so kind and patient with you but not wanting to get to attached would brush it off as nothing and it was starting to feel like the roles had reversed and you were now the one avoid him finding refuge in your room.

Your feelings were already getting mixed up in the first week of faking it, so now every hand touch, smile, lingering gaze felt like something more and that felt stupid because you put yourself in this spot in the first place so you couldn’t be the one catching feelings. But there was something in the way he cared, even when no one was there, in the way he’d become so talkative when it was just you two in the room, in the way he voiced his thoughts openly to you, making sure you didn’t feel uncomfortable in any way, you weren’t sure but it brought you some sort of warmth, a feeling of security in whatever it was you had going.

“What a lovely surprise” you felt his arm watching it slide around your waist before looking up at him.

“Shit. Sorry. Reflex.” Pulling his hand away almost as soon as your eyes met, you didn’t actually want him to let go but you supposed it made sense, you were in public but no one here on this random street cared about if you were fucking or not, he clears his throat trying to move past the random awkwardness.

“It’s okay, I was just heading home you too?” he nodded with a soft smile, walking by your side through the quiet street, it was a quiet walk neither of you had much to say, your mind was to focused on the slight brush of your hands against each other at every slight movement, it felt like you would so easily lean in to the yearning and complete your fingers’ puzzle but it wasn’t that easy. He could feel it too, he tried fixing his gaze on the trees, the cars passing but his head would turn, and his eyes would land on you watching you deep in thought, maybe everything you did he found beauty in because he couldn’t just look away.

Amidst all the chaos of unrequited love, you didn’t realize how far the rumours of your relationship had been spread thanks to your small groups of gossip girls, that was until you got a message from one of your closer friends inviting you and Chan to a party the upcoming week, your first reflex was to call Wonwoo.

“No seriously I told them not to say anything, it already messy enough as it is” listening as he explained, you sighed falling flat on your bed, you had no intentions of making Chan go to that party just because of your dumb lie, “It’s not that bad, it’ll be mostly friends no one is gonna hang you I swear.”

Somehow you weren’t so sure of that, considering it had already been 3 months of you gaslighting your friends into believing you were very much sexually active with your friendly neighbour. As fun as it was playing the role it felt like your runtime was out and you needed to end the show.

You didn’t expect it to be so nerve racking to just end a simple contract earlier that agreed but as you approached the living room where Chan was sited you just wanted to act like nothing happened and continue acting like a couple forever. The confrontation part of breakup was obviously not your forte.

“Oh hi, y/n” he scanned your face for a second before continuing, “is everything okay?” you didn’t know it was so apparent on your face, now it just felt like you were making a big deal out of nothing, you nod taking a seat beside him on the couch.

“I think we should break up” the confused expression on his face forced you to clarify, “like you know… figuratively?” a soft smile grew across his lips at your sudden shyness,

“Yeah, why though? Did something happen?” he shifts slightly in his seat inching closer to you showing genuine concern, you shake your head reassuring him before explaining the situation to him, he listened attentively, as he always does, before speaking up.

“I don’t mind going, it’s kinda what I agreed to” he nods to himself before looking at you, your eyebrows are furrowed trying to understand why this was harder than you assumed it would be,

“Not really, I didn’t plan for it to go this far out.” You explain and he comforts you once again.

“Why?” the words slip out before you can filter them, “You’re not gaining anything from this, I don’t really get it.”

“I don’t know I just want to see this to the end, I guess” he shrugs, and you can hear the “oh” escape your lips you didn’t even know you had been hoping for a specific answer till it came out, you finally accept it and retrieve to your room.

So you went, you went together holding hands as usual, smiling at the compliments that were thrown at your couple, accepting the little touches of affection with a soft blush on your face. It wasn’t a small party, it was a birthday party almost a time capsule of everyone you had met over the years, it was funny to see them all in one place, but you couldn’t shake off the feeling of deceiving them and at this point it wasn’t even fun to you anymore. You watched Chan grinning amongst the chattering crowd, he got along with everyone so well, somehow made himself a space in your friendships, in your life and now it was screaming at you, how badly you wanted this to be real, his hand fit so perfectly in yours and for what.

After a while of just sucking in the hurt you finally excused yourself to the backyard, to get fresh air you said but you just wanted to escape the feeling. You didn’t expect the tears to flow in with the rush of cool breeze, but it was expected you had been holding back the whole night, you sat there just taking in the night sky trying to distract yourself. You wipe the tears abruptly as you hear the backdoor open, glancing toward the sound and there he was. He had taken off his jacket, the sleeveless shirt he had on hugged his body perfectly, you watched as he approached you with a lazy smile running his fingers through his hair, his arm muscles flexing as he did. You tear your gaze away from him surprised at how quickly your thoughts could evolve.

He took his seat beside you on the bench, placing his finger right on your chin to pull your gaze back to him, his face dropped at the sight of your red eyes, if anyone would have noticed through the waterproof make up of course it would be him. You turn your head back to the grass underneath your feet not expecting him to follow it kneeling on the grass before you. Just seeing his worried face made them rush back in, his soft hands cupping your face while his thumbs wiped off the drops on your cheeks.

“You don’t have to act like this no one is here” you sniffle your eyes dropping from the slight contact unable to face him,

“Hey, hey, hey” trying to grab your attention, wanting your eyes on his before he spoke again, “I’m not doing this for anyone but you.” Why did it hurt even though he was being so nice?

You could see his panic as your tears multiplied “I really think we should end this, I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this” he shakes his head franticly, pulling you into his arms where you let yourself sob some more.

“You barely dragged me, I did it ‘cause I wanted to help you,” his soft caresses on the back of your head soothe your cries as his whisper flutter against your ears, “’cause I wanted to know you”

You found yourself wanting to stay in his arms forever, so you pulled away, wiping your tears and apologizing for making a mess on his top, you finally force a smile through the heartache, he returns the smile letting his fingers slip back around yours, gentle rubs back and forth from his thumb to your knuckles. “I guess you know me now… what’s the final review?”

His eyes are fixed on your hands glued together, nibbling anxiously on his bottom lip before looking up at you, “I think I love you.” 

“What?” you could have stopped breathing from the shock, his gaze trails off, taking a deep breath before facing you again.

“Fuck— I’m sorry”

“Do you really?” you lean in closer to him hopefully, he looks up at you hesitantly, breathing out a quiet “More than you know.”

ty for reading, feedback is much appreciated!

[welivetodream]

✨ My BSD hot takes/unpopular opinions ✨:

1. Identifying BSD characters as Queer, is not problematic. STOP being so Heteronormative. Gay characters are not gonna kill you.

If I see another "BuT tHe ChArAcTeRs nEvEr SaId tHeY aRe GaY" I would bomb you 💣/j

2. Skk/SSKK/Fyolai/other popular ships, exist because people like it. If you don't ship them, don't engage with their content. Not all shippers act crazy and toxic. Stop blaming everything on shippers.

3. Atsushi/Kyouka is problematic, stop justifying it with "only 4 year age gap". Kyouka is a CHILD, ship her with Kenji if you want. Atsushi, like a normal 18 year old would never look at a highschool freshman and date her. Even if they date in the future, he knew her when she was younger and they had a sibling like dynamic. Lucy is a way better love interest to Atsushi (Don't know if this is an unpopular opinion tho, but I saw some people justifying it 😐😐😐)

4. DAZAI IS NOT EVIL. HE IS FAR FROM EVIL. He is, despite being super popular and the face of BSD, the most mischaracterized and villified character. Morally grey characters exist??!!!

5. Mori is a way worse person than Dazai ever was.

6. PM members get a free pass for any heinous crime they commit by being hot or babygirl-ified (still love them tho, we do not often discuss how bad their actions have been, you can like criminals and acknowledge they are criminals in fiction. I would add DoA to this too, but it's worse with the PM)

7. Akutagawa's abuse of Kyouka shouldn't be forgotten just because Dazai abused Akutagawa.

8. Mori emotionally manipulated and abused Dazai when he was a teen. Just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it was nothing.

9. Atsushi is NOT a soft boy, he is way bitter, salty and sarcastic than we give him credit

10. Poe is important to Ranpo and their friendship/relationship is wholesome as hell

11. Ranpo and Yosano's friendship is way better than them being in a relationship in the future

12. FukuFuku is better than Fukumori (imo!!!!)

13. Buying real authors work after watching BSD is actually a really good thing, since more Gen z kids (or other people) will read classics

14. There are layers to Atsushi and Akutagawa relationship/rivalry, and they have the MOST important relationship (not meaning romantic, just in general) in the entire canon.

15. Kunikida and Yosano could be a power couple

16. Fyodor is not a great villain (yet)

17. Nikolai CARRIES the DoA

18. Sigma shouldn't be in the ADA, he needs a happy home, family and some time to adjust to normal life

19. Q and Elise are both underused characters and could become a great dynamic

20. Ango deserves more love, the amount of pressure and stress he deals with is INSANE

21. It's OKAY if everyone joins the fandom for Dazai or skk (I did at first too!!)

22. Higuchi is annoying as hell. I do not get her hype, I like her but not as much as most people (just personal opinion, do not flame me 😭)

23. Everyone in The Guild is forgettable or boring (except Fitzgerald, Poe and Lucy. I like Louisa, but I forget her all the time)

24. Hetero ships are just not that great/interesting in BSD to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ (except maybe AtsuLucy or rare pairs) and female characters are not best utilised, I wish they play more major roles (can't wait for Agatha to arrive!!)

25. Some fan theories/arts get the story better than "canon" stuff at times. Fanon is NOT always the worst (sometimes enjoyable when the canon gets too dark or sad)

26. Toxic ships are okay in fiction as long as they are legal. Humans like toxic things, we consume it like junk food 💅🏻

(These are all personal opinions of mine and do not matter. Feel free to disagree. But, do not hate or be toxic!!!! 😇😇😇😇)

(PS: I compiled all these because of posts I have seen in, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and sometimes Tiktok. These aren't really abt you Tumblr folks. I meant to post this on reddit but did not have the courage or mental strength lol)

[bottlesofrouge]

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part one.

word count: 6.9K

warning: their home lives kind of suck but that's it! (i think)

1 JUNE 2018

in the month of june, the sun rises around 5:25 am every morning in new york. sometimes it rises a few minutes earlier, and sometimes it rises a few minutes later, but lynn knew as soon as the first ray peaked its way through the blinds, her mother would be fully dressed, standing in the kitchen, and tapping her way through work emails that had mysteriously piled up overnight. growing up, lynn found this routine comforting because it never changed, weekends and holidays included. if she woke up and it was light outside, she knew her mom would be standing behind the breakfast bar with a stack of blueberry pancakes (made by her very wonderful au pair, elena) planted in front of her. she would sit on the stool across from her, and talk her mom's ear off. little lynn thought her mom's lack of responses was due to the fact that she was so tired from waking up so early every morning, but now-lynn realizes she just didn't really care that much.

her fingertips brush across the back of the stool sitting next to her, and it's almost like she can see a seven-year-old lynn sitting next to her. the slight glow of the numbers on the oven clock illuminating her features as she tells her mom about her chorus concert that was taking place in the evening. her grin widens as kathleen tells her she'll be there after she finishes work. although, elena will be the only familiar face she sees in the audience, and now-lynn knows it will always be like this. elena's familiar face amongst the crowd with her mother nowhere in sight.

the oven clock reads 5:13 am, and lynn decides to go over to the kitchen sink to splash some water on her face, trying to wash away any indication that might suggest she had not moved from the stool since she sat down nearly five hours prior. because that would be crazy, but also entirely true.

"you're up early," her mom's voice flows from the bottom of the staircase as soon as the first ray bounces off the granite kitchen counter, illuminating the room a bit more with its glow.

"i am," she reaches for the stool that she just got up from as her mom places a fresh cup of coffee in front of her.

kathleen says nothing else. instead, she reaches for her macbook that has been charging on the counter overnight, and lynn assumes she's immediately opening outlook. that's how it usually went the mornings after she'd spent the night. she'd stare at the wall for a few hours, trying not to let the sounds of her mother slamming the keys of the keyboard annoy her too much.

honestly, lynn didn't know what her mom did for work. she tried to explain it to her on a few occasions, but the only thing she understood was that it was extremely time-consuming. kathleen once said she was the only one in her office that had children, and she thought that maybe her mom should've followed in their footsteps.

"you'll be ready by 11, right? and you'll help me make sure the girls are ready?" kathleen says. she doesn't look at lynn until a few moments pass with no response. they make eye contact and her mom raises her brow. "the barbecue, lynn. remember?"

"right. i've got it. don't worry."

"your coffee's getting cold," her mom points out.

lynn tips the mug around before taking a sip. it's definitely cold, but she denies it and takes another sip before telling her mom she's wrong. there's really no reason to. it's only a cup of coffee, but she thinks she'll do just about anything to spite her.

her dad walks in and the entire atmosphere changes. he kisses kathleen's forehead and lynn can't help but cringe inside. it's absolutely sickening and she can't understand why her mom would ever take someone like him back. she had said lynn would understand when she was older, but it's been fifteen years and she still can't wrap her mind around it.

"good morning," he says as he pours himself a cup of coffee. "are the girls up?"

tuning out whatever her garbage father has to say is the only gift that lynn is thankful for. as soon as he opens his mouth, her ears magically turn off. it's something she'll be eternally grateful for because she thinks hearing peter's voice for more than four seconds would send her into a spiral.

growing up without a dad was a lot less horrific than some people may think. lynn didn't feel like she was missing out, and she didn't think her life was doomed to be a failure because of his absence. she honestly never thought much of her dad. that all changed when she was eleven though, and she walked in the door from school to see her parents moving all of her dad's belongings back into the same house he had moved out of eleven years prior (after having an affair with her first au pair before she had even turned one). needless to say, the sight of peter's face is enough to make now-lynn physically ill.

"are you going to be in such a sour mood all day, lynn?" she rolls her eyes at the words and makes no move to respond. it's silent once again, and the only sound that can be heard is kathleen's occasionally slurping.

it's nearing ten when her sisters finally wake up. jane is the first one down the steps. she's got the blanket she's had since she was born clenched in her fist as her other hand is holding the railing to make sure she doesn't tumble down the staircase. the little girl wordlessly makes her way to the kitchen, where she finds lynn making her blueberry pancakes covered in maple syrup.

"lynn," she yawns, fist rubbing her eyes. "you're back already?"

"m'only here for the barbecue mom insisted i go to."

"aw, man," the girl stabs a piece of her pancake and rests her head in her hand, a sigh pushing past her lips.

"i know. i miss you, too, jane." her fingers brush the other's hair away from her face as she eats. "i'll visit you a lot, and you know you and amelia are always invited over. all you have to do is ask."

jane only hums in response to her sister and puts all of her energy back to eating her pancakes. it's not long until amelia comes down the stairs. she looks almost as disheveled as their youngest sister. her hair is in a messy knot on top of her head, and she's still sporting last night's pajamas. lynn can't help but wonder where her mom went off to, and she feels a little queasy when amelia says she already knew lynn was visiting. simply because the kitchen smelled of food.

she makes sure jane's hair and teeth are brushed before finding her a little summer dress that screamed neighborhood barbecue, and then she braids amelia's hair away from her face before getting herself ready. there were only ten minutes before they had to leave, so lynn opts for a pink two-piece set she ordered from a random website online that probably specializes in drop shipping, and retouches her leftover makeup from yesterday before joining the two girls in the living room where they were watching some new disney movie that jane probably asked to be put on. it would be an understatement to say she was tired. her eyes felt heavy and she could barely hold her head up. she thinks that if she fell asleep now she could get out of this whole thing, but kathleen comes walking down the staircase, crushing her dreams of an afternoon nap.

"really lynn? that's what you're wearing?" and the girl should be upset at her mother's words. she really should, but after spending twenty-seven years hearing them, she's gotten used to them. "there's someone there i want you to meet."

lynn rolls her eyes as she walks to the foyer, "i'm not the next contestant on the bachelorette," she slips her shoe on. "and i'm definitely not dressing up for one of your friend's sons."

surprisingly, her mom drops it. lynn would be lying if she had said that she didn't find it the slightest bit alarming. her mom would've spent the entire two-minute-long drive trying to sell her on this mystery boy, but instead she reminds the girls that dance camp starts on monday... and then she asks lynn to take them.

when lynn gets out of the car, she can only focus on one thing, and that was how hot it was outside. it wasn't just a little uncomfortable. no, it was absolutely sweat-running-down-your-back roasting. she decides on pulling her hair up off of her neck which earns another comment from her mother. honestly, she tuned this one out, but she thinks she said something about lynn's masculine features becoming more prominent when her hair was tied back.

it's not long before kathleen starts introducing the girls to all of her friends. a woman asks if jane and amelia were her grandkids, and when her mom says no, she said that she couldn't believe how similar the girls looked to their nanny while nodding over at lynn.

there was honestly nothing she found more repulsing than this damn neighborhood barbecue. she hated it when she was seven, and she hates it now, twenty years later. it was hot and the air felt thick and humid. all she wanted was a nice long nap. she could picture it now. fresh, crisp, cool sheets and-

"lynn adams," kathleen's snapping her fingers in front of the girl's face, and it takes everything in her not to swat her mom's hand away. "don't be rude. this is my friend from yoga, marianne. she has a son-" and she doesn't know what else her mother says because as soon as the words leave her mouth, kathleen's voice sounds something similar to the bland tones of the parents in any charlie brown special, and before she knows it, marianne from yoga is hugging her and leading her towards a boy who looks like a young, unshowered, mick jagger cosplayer.

✮✮✮

harry's parents invited him over for lunch, and he really couldn't say no. he missed his mom's home-cooked meals, and honestly, he really never cooks actual meals for himself. he's found that cheap vodka and whatever mixer he could find in his cabinets worked as a great substitute. he'd never admit it, but he was excited to see his parents. sure, he lives only twenty minutes away, but he doesn't really ever have time to make a visit. failing all of his classes and frequenting the town's bar really took all of his energy.

when harry gets to his parents, he sees his sister's car in the driveway, and he thinks it's going to be a nice little family meal, something he hasn't had since he started going to college. but it's not. and really, he should've known better. no one wants to be around him.

when he stepped inside, his family and family friends were waiting for him in the living room. they sat in a circle and they all held folded pieces of paper in their hands. it took them a minute to realize that they were hosting their own intervention.

the entire event was so uncomfortable, and it made harry hate himself more than he already had. he knew he had a problem, and he also knew that he could stop whenever he wanted to. he did, in fact. he only started drinking again because he was craving validation. it doesn't really make sense to anyone but him, but he found it was easier to get someone to go home with him after he had been drinking. it gave him the confidence he needed, simple as that.

when his mom started reading her note, she was sobbing, and it made harry cry, too. it wasn't because what she was saying moved something deep inside of him. it was because he couldn't understand why they felt the need to embarrass him in front of so many people he wasn't really comfortable with. a phone call asking harry if he was okay would've worked just as well, but they never called unless it was to tell him just how disappointed they were in him.

so now he was at this stupid event for a neighborhood he hasn't lived in since he turned 18. his mom had asked him to come, and he felt like he couldn't say no. he was scared he'd push her into holding a second intervention, and honestly, he didn't think he'd be able to handle that.

it was hot and noisy, and there were kids everywhere. harry hated kids. they were gross and dirty, and they always found a way to piss him off. they were part of the reason that harry was so big on safe sex. he would literally have to change his name and move continents if he were to get anyone pregnant.

he's sitting at one of the picnic tables alone. his dad was lucky enough to skip the whole thing, and gemma claimed she was busy. his mom didn't mind though, and harry couldn't help but wonder why she was so adamant about him going. originally, he had thought that maybe she had wanted to spend some quality time with him, but nearly an hour had passed and marianne was still talking to her book club mom friends, not really showing interest in introducing them to her son. harry wasn't too surprised, though. his mom never really introduced him to her friends anymore.

marianne loves him. harry knows that. she only ever wants what's best for him, but she always goes about it the wrong way. maybe some kids needed an hour-long phone call lecture about how they'll never amount to anything if they don't finish their degrees. his sister was one of those kids. he remembers sitting at the kitchen table while his mom scolded her on the phone, and her dad did in person. john had driven the six hours to gemma's college town to bail her out of the county jail after a crazy night during her freshman year. needless to say, after that phone call, it never happened again. what his parents failed to realize was that harry wasn't gemma, and maybe he just needed someone to hold his hand and tell him everything would be okay.

he notices marianne moving away from her book club group and towards a family. there was an older couple, a girl that looked about his age, and two younger children. harry couldn't help but wonder what that family dynamic was. perhaps she was the girls' nanny, or maybe she was even a third in the parents' relationship. if it was the latter, it would definitely be a little harder to get her to sleep with him, but he always liked a good challenge.

"harry," his mom pulls him from his thoughts. he blinks and suddenly his mom and the nanny (slash possible unicorn) were standing in front of him at the other side of the table. "this is lynn, kathleen's daughter."

"who's kathleen?" he takes a drink from his cup (which held nothing but ice cubes and water) before wiping the wetness off of his mouth with the back of his hand.

marianne's face turns red, "kathleen from yoga." she says it slowly like it should ring a bell, but harry's not too familiar with the attendees of the 'Yoga Over 40' class. "kathleen and i thought you guys should talk. maybe get to know each other today," and before harry can open his mouth to say no thank you, marianne is pulling a chair out for the girl and then walks away.

"i'm lynn," she says like marianne didn't introduce her thirty seconds ago. she holds out her hand, but harry's already in a foul mood and he senses lynn (he thinks that is a terrible name) would be an easy target to humiliate.

so instead of shaking her hand like a decent human being, he looks at her over the top of his sunglasses and pops the spearmint gum he's been chewing since he got here. "not interested."

"don't flatter yourself," she rolls her eyes and leans forward, resting her forehead on the palms of her hands before crossing her arms in front of her.

"so you're telling me you weren't just begging my mom to introduce us?" his eyebrow quirks and he has a small smile forming on his lips. "'cause it looked an awful lot like that."

she smiles at him, white teeth and all, "trust me when i say i would rather act as a speed bump at the entrance of this neighborhood, waiting to be taken out of my misery by an unsuspecting hybrid toyota prius."

"weirdly specific," he takes another drink. "is that some sort of kink of yours?"

"maybe," her eyes bore into his. the look on her face is so bland, harry can't quite get a read on her. she looked the opposite of him. lynn had blonde hair and blue eyes. the only thing the two had in common was their curly hair, and so harry was obligated to think that it wasn't totally unattractive. "is yours watching mommy pick up girls at the neighborhood picnic for you?"

"ha. ha," harry's voice is emotionless. "tell me, lynn. have you ever considered going into comedy?"

"no, but i'm certain that everyone in the local comedy crowd would love my work. i'm thinking i could enter a piece titled 'desperate mom tries to pawn off loser son'. what do you think? i could credit you if you'd like." she smiles at him again, and he can tell by her eyes that her smile is fake. harry thinks if she were wearing sunglasses he might think she was trying to make a joke rather than a dig at him.

"kathleen thought we should talk," he reminds her. "i wouldn't be climbing on your high horse just yet."

the silence that followed hung around them like a cloud, and it was quite awkward. lynn didn't seem to mind though. she was off in her own world, daydreaming about god knows what. if harry were to take a guess, he'd bet that she was thinking of fairies and rainbows, or whatever else children under the age of eight think about during their free time.

"do you want to get out of here?" harry's popping the gum in his mouth again. "we could have sex. i will say you're not my usual type, but i can always appreciate a good body.

"gross," she leans back in her chair, her face showing disgust almost as if his words could contaminate her. "what's your usual type? wait let me guess," she taps her finger on her chin for a moment. "brown hair and pretty green eyes. i assume it's the closest thing you'll get to fulfilling the fantasy you have of fucking yourself."

"you think my eyes are pretty," he says, completely disregarding whatever else she said.

"i can appreciate nice eyes when i see them," she says. "don't fall in love with me yet."

lynn's wearing her hair pulled away from her face, and harry thinks it suits her. she has some sort of matching outfit on. it's shorts and a button-up top, made out of the same soft material. it's baby pink, like her lips, and she's dainty?? harry doesn't know if that's the right word, but she looks small and soft. like if she were in an arm wrestling competition with a fly, the fly would win. the tiniest smile, really it was barely a smile, makes its way to his face because... well, he thinks she's pretty.

"got something on my face?" she asks, and harry's waiting for a snide remark to follow, but she's serious. lynn has no idea that he just spent the last five minutes shamelessly checking her out. the fact that he was caught makes his cheeks burn a little, and harry shakes his head.

"you know, maybe we should get out of here after all," her fingertips brush over the back of his hand as she speaks.

"you want me to rock your world, huh blondie?"

she nods and sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. harry feels his whole body growing hot as she leans towards him again. "you wanna know what would really rock my world, harry?"

"hmm?" he hums, leaning forward to meet her in the middle of the table. honestly, this whole thing was wildly inappropriate for the high point hills annual family barbecue, but he didn't really care.

"you taking me back to yours," she leans even closer and harry can feel her words against his ear. "and letting me have the longest, most-mind blowing nap i've ever had."

"you're sick, lynn," he pulls away from her to see one of her fake smiles across her face. "but, i never leave a woman unsatisfied. let's go."

"really?"

"your prius wet dream sounds hotter with every second that passes here," he stretches his arms above his head when he stands up. "and not having to hear your voice is a huge plus."

"has anyone ever told you how charming you are, harry?" she accidentally bumps him with her hip as they walk towards his car together.

"your mom has multiple times actually. she tells me after every night we spend together," and he bumps her back, maybe a little too hard because she almost loses her balance when their hips collide.

12 JUNE 2018

throughout grade school, lynn could always count the number of friends she had on a singular hand at any given time. it wasn't that she was disliked or anything like that. she was just rather quiet and didn't feel the urge to talk to anyone unless she was being spoken to. her senior year friend group only took up four out of her five fingers, and it consisted of jacqueline, luke, silas, and violet. they met in their mathletes club at the beginning of her and silas's senior year. both luke and violet were juniors, and jackie was only a sophomore. the five of them parted ways, each going to a different college in various different states. luke ended up being the closest to her when she was in college, and even then he was four states away.

however, the distance didn't keep them apart. it was a tradition that they all met at least once a year, usually in their hometown. they would go out, maybe grab a drink, or go to the local bowling alley, but this year, jackie was in her final semester, taking the three condensed summer courses she needed to graduate when everyone was in town. having never skipped a year in nearly a decade, the five of them decided to have dinner on jackie's campus in between two of her night classes. that's how lynn found herself sitting around boxes and boxes of take out and drinking cheap wine out of hydroflask surrounded by her best friends.

"how's ren, silas?" jackie's voice pulls her back into the conversation. "i thought you'd bring them."

silas takes lynn's hydroflask from her hands, and swallows a huge gulp before clearing his throat. "i asked them to marry me," he hands the drink back to lynn. "and they said no. i guess they weren't really the marriage type."

"dude," luke shoves him. "why didn't you tell any of us?"

"it was something i needed to figure out on my own. i loved ren, you all know that, but i really want the whole thing. marriage, kids, all of it. in a way, i was the one who left them, but.. ren's engaged. i found out last night, and i don't really know how to feel about it."

"i'm sorry, si," lynn rests her head on her friend's shoulder. "you deserve better than that."

"when did you guys break up?" everyone turns to glare at violet, but silas offers her a smile.

"six months ago. i think it's a valid time frame, but we were together for four years so," he shrugs. "i don't want to think too far into it. as long as ren's happy.. that's what matters to me."

"why can't all men be like you?" jackie says. "when i broke up with chad, he stalked me for a week before sending me a $500 venmo request for wasting his time."

"his name's chad, jackie," luke laughs. "i'm not sure what you were expecting."

luke's eyes catch lynn's and he smiles at her so warmly she can't help but smile back. the two dated briefly when they were in college, keeping their romance strictly between them. but every time luke smiles at her like that, it reminds her of the many times she'd open her dorm door to find him sitting on her bed, grinning at her like... actually, there was really nothing to compare it to. she called it his sunshine smile because it was warm and bright, and it was all hers.

and then one day it wasn't. lynn remembers sitting at their yearly hangout, luke's new girlfriend glued to his side. clara yawned, he gave her that smile, and then took her home early. lynn wanted to rip that smile off his face and put it in her pocket to be hers to keep forever. and when luke showed up at her door the next morning asking if she was sure—if them not being together was really what she wanted. she said yes, and the dream of ever getting that sunshine smile back was crushed.

so now she settles for the close-lipped, warm smiles luke offers. she takes them in and tries so hard to lock them up in her memory. the way luke made her feel is something she never wants to forget, and she can't believe she threw it all away for some dick that lived across the hall.

sometimes when she can't sleep at night she thinks of luke's drunk phone call. he was a blubbering mess, but she managed to make out when he asked if lynn had cheated on him, and when lynn said 'no, but we should break up', he cried. she couldn't bring herself to hang up, so she sat there for nearly ten minutes listening to luke's heart break. she wonders if luke remembers that phone call, too.

his sunshine smiles are still reserved for clara (til death do them part), and the only other people he shares them with are their children, a toddler named thomas and a baby named ivy, and every time she sees them she can't help but wonder if they were supposed to be hers. it's not that she was still in love with luke or anything like that. she loved him in the most platonic way possible, but she deeply missed what they shared because it was good. he was good.

"earth to lynn," silas waving his hand in front of her face is what brings her back. "come back to us, darling."

"sorry, she sits up, no longer leaning on her friend. "i don't know where i went."

"are you still not sleeping?" violet's voice is so full of concern and it makes lynn's cold, grinch-like heart grow a few sizes.

"i sleep during the day," she stuffs a spoonful of the cake silas had brought. "it works. i'm okay."

"you know we love you," luke says. "you can always stay with clara and i."

"don't know if you'd want that. i'd probably steal ivy," she takes another bite. "god, she is one cute baby."

the group laughs, and lynn disappears in her own head for the next hour. she doesn't come back until jackie stands up, declaring she'll be late for her next lecture, and the rest of the group follows. luke leaves a few minutes later when clara sends a picture of ivy in her pajamas, and lynn thinks that she should never take him up on his offer because she would definitely make national news for kidnapping the girl. violet leaves with him because they parked next to each other, and she doesn't remember where that was exactly.

"thank you," silas says. "for not telling them about ren." lynn had known since the night of the doomed proposal. silas had called her from the comfort of his beaten-up honda civic and cried to her for hours.

she nodded, "of course. you asked me not to."

"yeah," he leans back on the blanket, and lynn follows him. the sun was just setting and she thought the sky was gorgeous. "i know." his voice breaks off, and she knows he's crying.

"silas?"

"hm?"

"did you know luke and i were together?"

"what?" he sits up, wide-eye staring at the girl.

"when?"

"a few years ago. when we were both in college."

"it was bad?"

"it was good," lynn says around a yawn. "so good, actually. sometimes i'm scared i won't have anything on that level again."

silas runs a hand through his hair, and furrows his brows. "what happened?"

"i left him for you know who," her hands grip his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "and silas, please don't tell anyone this, but i regretted it for so long."

"you don't anymore?"

"no," she shakes her head and her hands fall to her lap. "seeing him with his family, silas. he's so happy, and that's worth every second of pain i caused. that's why i'm telling you this. if ren is really happy, it'll be worth it. i promise. it'll all feel okay."

silas pulls lynn into his chest, and she can feel his tears wetting her hair. "im so grateful for you, el. so incredibly grateful for you."

"you know i feel the same about you."

when he pulls away, he's looking at her with misty eyes and saying he needs to go catch his flight. they say their goodbyes and lynn even lets a tear of her own fall because he was the person she felt the closest to out of the entire group. they were the same age, and there was something a little trauma bonding about going to college alone, hundreds of miles away from home.

lynn lays back on the blanket, everything from their dinner still left behind. she's overly tired and feels like the world would explode if she had to move another inch. a quick nap under the stars is calling her name. her eyelids are growing heavy, and-

"i could steal your purse right now," the voice startles her awake. "it's sitting so far away from you and you seem to have quite the chunk of cash hanging out."

she turns her head to see harry sitting next to her and groans. "don't you have like, i don't know, a mick jagger cosplay convention to go to."

"i'll take that as a compliment, lynn." he looks down at her. "i was just making sure you weren't dead."

"how thoughtful," she sits up and leans back on her arms. "you should've just left me for the vultures, though. being picked apart by them sounds much more appealing than having a nice little chitchat with you."

"always flattering yourself, aren't you, blondie?" he gives her a lopsided smile. "couldn't have anyone finding your dead body on my campus after i took you home with me a week ago. it's too suspicious. plus, my mom doesn't really have the time to be making #freeharry posters and organizing rallies."

"i, in ghost form, would learn to speak to children just so i could tell my sisters you're guilty."

"that's who you were with at the barbecue?" he leans back on his arms to match lynn. "your sisters?"

"yeah," her finger pulls the collar of her shirt away from her neck. "i'd prefer not to talk about them right now."

"okay," he drops his head to the side, and he looks at her. it was so unfair that such pretty were wasted on someone like him.

"what? you don't have a list of questions ready to rapid fire at me? that seems unlike you."

"of course i do," he says. "but you said you didn't want to talk about it." eyes now narrowed, he licks his lips before finishing. "and you don't know me, lynn. not at all."

harry was right, and it made her feel a little guilty. when he took her home with her, the two didn't speak at all once they got to the car. the ride was quiet and she rested her head against the cool window and let her eyes fall shut. he showed her the guest room, and that was that. she immediately fell asleep, and when she did finally wake up, it was around midnight. harry was already sleeping, but he left her a note (which said he would take her home in the morning) and a plate of whatever he made for dinner (its important to note that harry made the entire meal free of the big 8 allergens) (because he didn't know if lynn had any food allergies). she ordered an uber instead, and miles drove her the whopping fifteen minutes to her parents' house in exchange for five stars and a three dollar tip.

"thank you," she offers him the slightest smile. really, it's so small harry would probably need a telescope to see the way the corners of her mouth were upturned. "for the other night."

"you're not the first girl to thank me for bringing them home," the words make lynn's eyes roll, and whatever guilt she felt in the very bottom of her stomach for judging harry is long gone. "im only pushing your buttons, blondie. lighten up," he nudges her with his shoulder and that is the tipping point for lynn.

"because women being sexualized by disgusting men is so funny, harry," she watches as his eyes grow wide. almost like he's shocked. like no one's ever told him differently.

"lynn, i didn't-"

she holds her hand up. "you should go."

and he does, not before giving her a pained look which only made her want to roll her eyes harder. lynn watches him leave and pretends not to notice the way his shoulders are slouched over more than they were the first time and the way he drags his feet like he's a thousand pounds heavier. her eyes focus back on the squirrel that's still running around the tree once he's out of sight. why were college campus squirrels always so large?

the next thing she knows, jackie is poking her side and pressing her palm against lynn's chest almost as if she was checking if her heart was still beating. a sigh falls from the girl's lips when she realizes that lynn is alive, and she can see a line in between the girls brows through her half closed eyelids. she notices jackie's chest heaving, almost like she was trying to steady her breathing. the heavy, hot ball of guilt finds it's way back into her stomach. she hates having her friends worry about her.

"sorry, jackie. i fell asleep," she yawns and reaches above her head to stretch out her back.

"are you okay, lynn?" jackie's staring at her with such intensity, she thinks this is probably what it feels like to be in an interrogation room after your life-long enemy mysteriously disappeared. "like genuinely, are you doing alright?"

"im tired," she offers her a big smile. "that's all. im fine."

jackie narrows her eyes and tilts her head skeptically, and lynn is doing her very best to not burst into tears because there's no reason for her to be crying. her friend's face softens, and she stands up, reaching her hand down to lynn.

"c'mon. let's clean up. you're staying the night at mine." lynn doesn't argue because she really does want to stay with her friend. it's been so long since she's slept at jackie's despite her only living an hour away from the girl's school. "and i usually take the bus, so you're driving."

lynn smiles at her as she helps pick up the dinner mess that the group had left, and she can't help but wonder how she was lucky eough to have such great friends. they've known each other for nearly a decade, and still care for each other the same way they did back in high school. she knows that if she were to tell jackie how she moved out months ago and still hasn't slept through the night at her own place, silas's flight would be missed and violet would drive the six hours back just to be with her.

deep down, lynn knows she can't sleep because of something a little bigger than an uncomfortable bed, but she chooses to ignore it because her therapist had said she was doing very well, or whatever that meant. it was like her doctor just marked her with a stamp, big red lettering reading 'HEALED' across her forehead, and that was supposed to make everything feel okay forever. her friends and family were so proud of this milestone, lynn didn't know if she would ever be able to tell them that maybe the big red stamp was wrong. and that was the thing, it didn't always feel wrong. only during those long sleepless nights and cloudy, rainy days.

she feels lied to, really. everyone said healing wasn't something that just happened overnight, and of course, she knew that. (who didn't know that?) they pushed this idea that lots of therapy and sometimes a few medications would help her get better. and that's the thing. she did feel better. with each hour spent on her therapist's couch came the slightest bit of feeling better.

what she didn't realize was that feeling better and feeling yourself again weren't mutually exclusive. she feels a thousand times better and yet she's never felt farther from who she used to be. honestly, that version of her might be dead, and that is something she never wants to face.

"i've lost you again, lynn," jackie's leaning over the center console to rest her head on her friend's shoulder. "that brain of yours must be pretty nice for you to be spending so much time in there."

"i just got the biggest feeling of deja vu," lynn brushes off her worries as she parks in the designated parking spot. "this is new, right? i haven't visited you here before?"

the two girls meet at the front of the car, lynn helping the other with her huge course textbooks that probably cost more than her rent.

"don't think so. luke and clara brought the babies to visit once, but i don't remember if you were there."

lynn shakes her head. it wasn't that she avoided luke and clara, but she tried to spend minimal time around them.

jackie lives on the fourth floor of her complex. each staircase has approximately thirty-two (she counted) stairs, and by the time they get to the top, lynn is completely out of breath. she leans on the wall outside of the girl's apartment door as she fumbles through her tote bag full of god knows what.

"i was in such a rush this morning," she gives her a sympathetic smile. "i just tossed my keys in here."

lynn holds back a groan as jackie piles whatever else she's holding on top of the stack of books in her hands and then kneels on the ground, dumping out the contents of her bag as she searches for her keys that look to be nowhere in sight. she hears an elevator ding and lynn wants to do nothing more than roughly shove her friend over with her foot because why did they walk all the way up ninety-six stairs when there was a perfectly functioning elevator mere feet away?

"why didn't we take the elevator, ja-"

the most obscene kissing sounds fall out of the elevator as soon as the door opens. it sounds like someone is slowly pulling one hundred suction cups painfully slow off of the walls in there and lynn wonders if it's some kind of swingers group because there's no way two people could be kissing that aggressively.

"found them," jackie stands up, brushes off her pants, and looks towards the elevator.

"m'neighbor... has someone over every night."

she's proven wrong when a girl walks out, her arms draped around a boy's neck. he's kissing her and walking her back so she's pressed against the wall, and lynn can't look away. not even when the two turn, and she realizes its harry. not even when harry's eyes catch her stare. and not even when the girl starts sucking on any exposed skin her mouth could reach (harry was still looking at lynn) (and she was still looking at him) (and his lips looked nearly bruised) (not that it matters).

jackie steps between them, and by the time she grabs all of her things, harry and the girl are in his apartment. she can't help the small laugh that escapes when she realizes the girl had brown hair and pretty green eyes.

✰✰✰✰

a/n: all of this is getting reposted because the format is driving me absolutely craaaazy :(

[crying-fantasies]

Communion

Masterlist

Most of the time you still think back on how you got here, a big and expressive alien for couple, a whole baby, an active military base as your family home.

You still aren't sure which one is the most crazy factor of this whole situation.

Some days are normal, as normal it is to wake up and see your alien metal boyfriend reading a datapad with his glasses on, a cup of steaming energon on servo, baby sleeping like an angel on her little basket inside his cockpit, sucking contently on her pacifier, Buster on his lap, asking for belly rubs.

Your new everyday life, lazy mornings and a smiling special other once he notices you're finally awake as he greets you, holding in his massive digits a mug of coffee, it's true that most humans consume coffee first thing in the morning, but you doubt everyone does it everyday, or that they consume like he thinks you do, pitch black, because he kind of relates it to his daily oil, and the sticky, hot oil is the better one in his own opinion, but you're sure this could give you a very bad result in the end.

But who can say no to that timid, expectant smile of his? One that only shines brighter in joy when you take a big sip out if the mug.

"Tasty?"

With a hardly covered migraine in the working and your taste buds crying for mercy you finally swallow the water with entire coffee beans in it, "delightful".

Thundercracker's little smile is worth it, "great, I've 5 Lt for you, so you can drink to your spark's content", just in cue he takes from his subspace one of his own cubes, just that in place of energon it is filled almost entirely of the black water with coffee beans, which you can see at the base of the cube, "humans are water based, so you must drink as much to be healthy".

You're about to tell him the truth, steading yourself for the fallen wings and have Buster as your intermediary man (dog?) between you and your soon to be moping alien robot boyfriend, but before you can say much than: "Well, TC, you see-"

He wiped his helm to the sky.

"Wait"

"... TC, let me explain-"

"Shh!"

You were surprised, and then felt indignant, "did you just shut me up?"

But there was something wrong, his wings were a little higher than usual and his red optics were frantically searching something that you couldn't, his glasses now in his subspace and one servo over his cockpit, just above Maxima who was still sleeping, oblivious of what was happening.

"Do you hear that?", you did a double take, was he really asking you? The organic whose ears hardly registered a laughable 7% of the things he could? But, in reality, you did notice that he was asking genuinely, like he wasn't sure of it, and a few minutes later you did hear something.

Buster started to bark, "I do", not really sure, as you weren't familiar with that strange sound, but one thing was for sure, it was getting closer, "is it static or something-"

Before you could even finish your words he already had his servo on you and Buster, holding you both like Barbie dolls, Thundercracker's voice was a rare mix of panic and urgency as he told you to "hold Buster and Maxima and don't let go!" as next hing you knew is that you were inside his cockpit with the baby, trying to hold her basket with one arm and a barking Bister the best you could, Maxima's little face was starting to show her anger due to be abruptly awaken.

You tried to talk to him, ask him what was happening, but you couldn't even see right as Thundercracker put both of his servos over his cockpit, over all of you, and you aren't sure if you heard right or not but he sounded annoyed, pissed beyond himself as the giant metal door started to move, slowly, sharp clawed digits forcing open, ah, nothing can be totally peaceful, not in this line of work or in what you came into when he appeared with a baby he said was a gift for you both, or maybe it started when you got him out of the party to that kermes, giving him the worst impression of a human wedding, or, if you're being honest, maybe everything went horribly wrong when you started to talk with him, and that's proven more than once when all you can do is hold Max and Buster to you, scared of what is to come, not even thinking of putting on the seatbelt, or if he even has one, but he beats you to it, putting it around your body fast.

Your heart is pounding, scared, horrified, as the door finally open, and there is-

An exact copy of Thundercracker, but purple, really purple.

And all the commotion in him seems to pass.

They seem to be looking at one another, TC is still keeping you covered, you can barely see the new mech in a gap between his digits, the blood on your head doesn't let you understand what they are saying to one another, but this purple TC seems angry, your arms aren't enough to calm down Max but Buster seems to know this guy, as she is only growling now, lowly, barking only once when the purple one holds Thundercracker's helm without much care with a single servo, making him almost fall due to the force on it, TC doing what he can to make him let go.

This new 'con, now with free vision to you and Max as the only giant you know can't do much than say "stop, stop, stop, you're scaring them", as Maxima's cries start to reach a new level, maybe her newly opened eyes really do recognize TC over other bots, like he always boasted about, the new 'con, with an exasperated expression, just let's go of TC and goes to another corner of the place, which is big enough for both, he seems to be expecting something, it's too late to really understand what is happening as Thundercracker lowers himself, knee on the floor, you almost ask, shouting, what is he doing, but he opens his cockpit and puts his servo open for Buster to get out, telling her "good girl" as he puts her on the floor and goes to smell the newcomer, tilting her head in that adorable way she does as she looks at him, TC servo is once again in front of you now, but all you can do is hold Max to your chest, one hand on the back of her head and the other over her little body, her cries are doing irreparable damage to your eardrums and whatever but you can't stop looking at this new one that just opened the door of your house like it was an old can.

TC seems to understand, "it's okay", you're pressed to his seat, the seatbelt let's go but he needs to nudge you a little bit, "he isn't going to do anything, I swear, he is..." the time he needs to think about to say next makes feel confronted, just like the con in front, "nice".

Oh, he said it like a question at the end, now you really hold the baby.

Maybe it wasn't directed to you, as the mech seems to vent like a bored teenager would sigh, even with a tint of sass, taking seat on the floor and his wings follow him, "this is embarrassing" he growls, his red optics burning over you.

"Uhu, what were you thinking coming like that? you scared them", his digits try to separate one of your hands from Max and hold him instead, and you do, once the imminent danger seems to lower as now the bot seems less about to squish you and more like he is curious, he... looks awfully a lot like TC, but it's not the alt mode, it's the face, the same optics, almost the same olfactory ridge, the same derma that makes their lips-

"It's looking at me"

"This is both ways, remember? Both ways"

You don't exactly get what he means, but hold his digit anyway to help you get out, his open servo in front of you again, now you can see his faceplate, and he looks like a kid that wants candy.

So he wants to hold Max, you do as much, feeling that the only way to survive this is to have her with TC in case things do go badly with whatever is happening, he is better with her, after trial and error he puts her just to the side of his faceplate, holding her near to warm living metal as he does those strange purrs with his engines, getting the baby to calm her crying before her face gets another shade of red, you aren't the only one watching, the intruder seems to see it too, he seems annoyed, but the type that it's curious, his big optics looking at everything in front of him and- wait, is he purring too?

To your horror, he extended his servo to your boyfriend once Max stopped crying, "gimme".

Your horror only deepens when TC, going against what you believed, does give him the baby in her basket, "just be careful, okay?"

It wasn't okay, it definitely wasn't, "wait! WAIT!", call it instinct or whatever, you started to shout like a mad man, shouting "who is this?!" to Thundercracker and "who are you?!" to the purple mech, who only clicks his glossa at you, opening his own cockpit and letting fall unceremoniously an unknown man on one of his leg struts.

Your stress levels reach another peak of absurdity, "and who are you?!"

"What does it mean with who?", the man on the floor says a blasphemy and TC is fast to gasp and hold Max's head to his chest plate, the gears of the purple one seem to work as his optics narrow ominously over you and then your boyfriend, the baby soon with a startled face when she noticed the one in front of her wasn't her dad, "it doesn't know who I'm?"

The surprise on his voice is palpable, and then so is his anger, "It doesn't know who I'm?!"

"Don't talk to them like that!", it took a good time to calm him down again, mostly because Max seemed in the verge of tears again and the man that was brought here with him was about to suffer a concussion.

Oddly enough, he just needed a pack of ice gel and was good to talk, "so you're the one who's dating an alien that everyone was talking about!", he was... something indeed, especially when he noticed what was his current situation, or when he noticed he saw you, maybe, he isn't sure, but you're familiar with that "have I seen you before?" when you saw this very same man a week ago for the information of a case.

Your familiar with this, but it doesn't mean it stings any less, "yes, yes you did, agent Rock 'n roll.

"Nice", apparently there is no more to say, just watch the two mechs talk in vosian if you're not wrong, Buster got near the new stranger and started her own recognizance job, good ol' sniff, "what is this about?"

Thundercracker shows the baby on her basket once again to the new mech, who makes a clicking noise, like some kind of cooing that gets Max's bid brown eyes to open even more, "I was about to ask you the same".

Now you do know about this mech, he said his name is Skywarp and that he is, somehow, Thundercracker's brother.

"You've a brother?", was your immediate question, Buster's ears perked up at your tone.

"It didn't know you have two brothers?", asked back Skywarp.

TC's snarky reminder to his brother to call you for your name went to deaf ears, "you have TWO brothers?"

"You fleshies really are so slow", Skywarp, your apparent brother in law, smirked like he was making fun of you, "think you're the only ones with the concept of a group or a clan" maybe he was referring to a family as he let Max hold one of his digits above her without problem.

"I didn't mean-"

"It's nice that you got your friend here", as ever, Thundercracker tried to make it pleasant.

"Just a passenger, not a friend".

It took a moment, but just to be sure, the said friend asked, "is this... some kind of family reunion? Am I something like a close family friend?" he was looking at Skywarp for confirmation, and when his pretty red optics looked to the other side it was evident, "Awww, I love you too, buddy!"

"Don't make it strange, flesh bag!", his armor trembled with what you could say was disgust or embarrassment, "he had to show the protoform cycles ago! At least to me as I'm in this planet!" the gentle touch on her amazes to everyone except for your boyfriend who seems happy, Max is relaxed as he let's Skywarp search over her, the detail he is going over is one similar to a picky eater or an sculptor, "but no, not even come close because it's so frail and whatever", he seems to think of something that makes him mad, "if we were back in Vos the elders would have beaten you for taking so long to present the new spark, no, they would if they knew how you got an organic one to begin with and-" with a fast movement of his digits he is holding Max upside down, it makes you and agent RnR almost shout, Buster barked, indignant, "what is it? humans put a lot of importance in it, so what is it?"

"A femme, Sky, a tiny femme, don't hold her like that, her tummy will ache"

"The frag is a tummy?"

Somehow, it clicked, but you didn't have the courage to say it out loud, Rock 'n roll, for the other part, didn't have such reservations, "wait, is this the alien equivalent of that ferret showing off it's babies to the owner?"

"Don't you dare compare me with furballs!", not exactly ferrets, but pretty birds.

"Don't shout near her!", her cries were, again, started for all the ruckus, and TC took her away from Skywarp's servos with an angry expression, holding her to his cockpit and wings up to show his discomfort.

So, yeah, birds looking after the baby chick.

[pralinesims]

List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to simblrs whose sims you adore 💜

@salemsimss @honeybeenrw @sharpiegirl Thanks so much everyone for sending these!!! <3

3 asks, 3 OC's to pick out facts for!

Although straight, he (jokingly, but also not) likes to consider himself as "metrosexual". Takes much pride in the fact that he puts more effort into his looks than most of his peers.

He is SO. EXTREMELY. BAD. at lying. Literally almost never able to hide stuff, constantly bubbling like a fountain of truth. The only aspects he's kinda good at hiding are some remnants of the trauma he's experienced during his late teens/early twenties.

Writes the most annoying reviews you could think of whenever he buys something online and shares his experiences with the thing in question. At least he is honest, right?

Though he's a pretty good driver, it would be healthier for him if he simply wouldn't. The road rage he experiences sometimes can be off the charts, and even if he doesn't hurt other people, he legit is at the risk of a cardiac arrest due to his built up energy at times.

Always thinks about more methods of earning money + securing his & his families futures. Besides some of the active work he does, he's trying to write cookbooks and self-motivational guides as a side hustle.

Got married when she was 29 years old, to the love of her life, named Mateo. He was her first boyfriend, and although it was a bit of an on and off relationship at the beginning, she wouldn't ever wish for another husband.

She's a loving mother to two toddlers (which coincidentally also are twins, just like Julieta herself), her daughters Maria and Gabriella. Would burn the whole world down for their wellbeings.

Intensely fears swimming and also to an extent, water. When she was 11 years old, she almost drowned, and since then she usually tries to stay clear of bigger pools or masses of it.

Her favorite animals are birds, specifically the extremely round, fat and fluffy looking ones. In her freetime she also likes to volunteer at animal shelters.

Just like her brother, she is a bit of a fitness nut, though not to such an extreme extent. They always used to play different types of sports together when they were younger. Especially her volleyball skills are so good to the point at being at a pro level.

Consumes an obscene amount of coffee. He probably wouldn't drink as much if it wasn't constantly available at the office he works at, but still. Coffee truly runs through his veins.

Speaking of coffee, he's not picky with the ones he drinks, except that they have to be hot. Iced coffee, although drinkable, never has been his preferred choice.

When he was younger, he really badly wanted to become a tattoo artist, though later he's fridged the idea, because his interest and appreciation for tattoos in general has ceased within some years.

Reality TV is his guilty pleasure. If you'd ask him to tell some random facts about the trashiest show you could think of, he'd immediately be able to reference a whole list of weird happenings.

Collects an excessive amount of useless trinkets. A drawer too many at his place is bursting, but one excuse is that something could always be needed "if an emergency should occur". (real life MacGyver, my ass...)

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

I didnt watch rc9gn (sorry), but that question anon asked got me thinking:dont we already have amnesiac boy? *points at rex*?

Anon dont ever apologize for not having watched something, we all consume media/content at our own preference and pace!!! (I speak as a person who as of yet have not watched at least 5 major cartoons/shows of last decades lol) So its totally cool, always!

But YES you are totally right, Rex is another resident amnesiac in accordance to his canon show. It's actually one of the big bonding moments for him and Randy in HoM AU! ;D

However, the major difference between them is that Rex - started his 'hero' career after he lost his memory (the second time) and Randy - will canonically loose his memory at the end of his 'hero' career (or more like it ends his hero career). So you see their similar problems are also wildly different lol.

(um i went on a bit of a random rant about mostly Rex below, so you can read it of u want because im too lazy to delete it, but like, the point of the answer is above, so ye)

Technically Rex's amnesia is supposed to be a sort of 'chronic' debilitation that happens when he 'overloads'/ enters Titan mechabot state lol. But the show itself kind fibbled greatly with it (which annoys me to no end), because it seems that after the Nanite Event he periodically lost his memories so often, he kept a journal (when he was in the 'gang' with his friends) to keep track and later on Holiday and Five kept a close eye on him (i think it was implied he lost his memories at least once more at the care of Providence but i might be remembering wrong) in case his amnesia happened again. So, it seemed that his amnesia incidents got better with time, since we don't touch on the subject of him having another amnesiac episode almost throughout the whole show (and he even recovers several small memories!), until that damn finale.

At the end after the big fight, there was this sort of 'scare' of "Oh no! Rex saved the world but he forgot his family and friends!' but SYKE NO HE DIDN'T! And like... it wasn't completely explained, but i think it was implied that in that brief moment Rex was the Nanite Jesus Deity he somehow cured himself of amnesia i guess?? I was literally so mad about it, we were kind of building up to Rex making an ultimate sacrifice of his 'self' and it would have been such a great idea if he did loose his memory and have been allowed to (at least temporary) retire to his family home (of ex-werewolves) where he wouldn't be viewed as a weapon anymore, but... we get an ambigous 'some major villains escaped and are now at large' and thus Rex is still needed on the job and since he isn't amnesiac we dont even need to coerce him to fight! yay!

(can you tell im a little bit bitter about the end lol)

I mean I know the show was left in this sort of 'nothing changed' ambiguity for (im guessing) future possible continuation and/or for the GenRex brand, but its like my biggest annoyance from this show, which otherwise had such great storytelling! (in comparison to Ben10 AF&UA run lol)

That aside, what's up with Randy is different in a manner that his amnesia is something canonically inevitable and really scary if one thinks about it. 4 years of very life-changing experiences, of being a hero, just taken away would certainly reflect somewhat on him afterwards? I mean Im not sure how exactly mind-wipe work, (i dont remember all the details rn) but assuming it literally leaves you with gaps in your memories, without replacing them or something similar. So one of possible outcomes would be of post- mind wipe Randy feeling that he misses something from his life so keenly that it hurts him. Or perhaps human mind would work wonders of sort of 'filling' the gaps with vague false memories to not go insane, and after Randy would be constantly questioning that part of his life?

Many possiblities, but man I dunno, like, since rc9gn didnt have much in form of continuation so there is no extra info to explore.

But it does give me so much freedom to go completely bonkers in hom au (which i did man i went a really weird route ngl), because who's gonna stop me?? canon?????

...sorry this came out of nowhere, apparently i had a lot of feelings about Rex and his amnesia.

[ninjagirlstar5]

Hello local Teruya enjoyer, mind if i ask why he's one of your favorite characters? As in, what made you so love the little guy turned big guy in sequel so much?

Oh boy. That's kinda hard to answer actually as I essentially worked backwards when I saw Teruya's character. As in, I heard about SDRA2 (and eventually DRA) through WeebyNewz's livestreams, looked at fanfics on AO3, and got to know Teruya's character through there before eventually jumping right in to writing him for my (shipping) project. As a result, my interpretation of him was far from perfect as I knew the broad strokes of his character and his role in both games but didn't know the little details until I went back to really consume DRA and SDRA2's story by actually listening/watching the streams or even playing the game myself. I'm going through SDRA2 right now with a Discord mutual, but it's been put on hold due to college. But since I'm essentially done with my spring semester now (all I have left is a critique for Printmaking but that class is pretty chill thanks to my professor so I'm not worried about it), I'm hoping we'll be able to pick that back up soon-ish. It'll depend on our schedules.

Anyways, back to the question as to why I love Teruya...I've essentially built up an image of him in my head thanks to my many on-the-fly headcanons and what I researched about him. But when I started watching DRA, I noticed he was a sweet, funny but flawed kid that can snap pretty easily at others and can get quite emotional while also taking part in bad actions that get others hurt just to benefit himself (hiding food for himself and plotting to murder Haruhiko being some of them), and being a hypocrite on top of that. But that didn't make me hate him or anything, but made me love him more as he's far from a perfect character, let alone a perfect person. Teruya lashing out, arguing with others, and just struggling to keep up in the killing game, even when he decides to better himself and take after Haruhiko and follow Satsuki's parting words, makes him a very interesting and nuanced character! I loved watching him caring about Yuki in Chapter 5 by checking in on him and being supportive, even when he falls for the obvious framing of Mikako by Monokuma. He still makes mistakes, but the little actions he does for others can make him a good friend that deeply cares. And the way he wondered why Fake!Yuki/Utsuro and Akane just...let them go, even when he agreed with Kinjo and Rei that they were awful, perhaps even evil people, that line made me go, "OH, his feelings are complicated" and that kind of nuance is SO juicy. The feeling of knowing this person has wronged you in a horrible way that you have every right to not only hold them accountable but cut them out of your life but you still miss them anyways because you loved them and the memories you've made with them despite everything? Good shit, more of this please. I like that Teruya has just a slightly different opinion than Rei and Kinjo's, even though he still agrees with them in the end and rightfully so. And I like seeing his slightly more mature personality while still having a few of his quirks and interests in SDRA2 as he felt a little more like an adult version of himself. Teruya is sooo interesting to dig into and analyze that I have a hard time organizing all of my thoughts on the fly but basically, I love him in DRA and SDRA2 and coming up with headcanons for him before, after, and in-between the stories. He's such a fun but sad character when you really think about it.

...Even if it will always annoy me on how underutilized he was in SDRA2. If he was just used a little more smartly and given much more care like in DRA, I feel like his death would've hit much, much harder, even with repeated viewings. Which is a shame cause I do think I can see where LINUJ was trying to go with Teruya, that Teruya was meant to be a character that did his best to help the SDRA2 cast despite being stuck in the killing game together and preventing history from repeating itself, only to be met with repeated failures despite trying to do everything right this time. And was unfortunately put into a position where he had no choice but to die lest the worst case scenario played out, all due to Mikado's plotting, Kinjo's choices, and Rei's mistakes. (They all played a role in it but all of them have different levels of responsibility for it, with Mikado being the biggest one since he's, you know, his murderer and turned Teruya's avatar into a firewall in the first place, but Teruya probably would've have been put into that situation if Kinjo just didn't use him as bait or if they simply had more time for Rei to make another escape code for Teruya to use for himself in case things go south - and that's assuming he was able to prioritize escaping despite witnessing Rei's supposed death.) But unfortunately, as much as I love Teruya, all I can remember from his role in SDRA2 is that he spouted hope platitudes in Chapter 2, started dipping out of the group in Chapter 3 (and it seems like I won't be able to COMPLETE HIS FTEs ACCORDING TO THE WIKI'S GUIDE ON HIS AVAILABILITY GODDAMMIT-), went CrAzYYyy in Chapter 4, and then just disappears and DIES in Chapter 5 and it isn't until Chapter 6 that we learned that Teruya purposely ate the poisoned food to destroy the firewall inside of him, trying to sacrifice himself and hoping it'll give the Kisaragi Foundation the time they'll need to get the rest of the cast out, never finding out that Kinjo hired Syobai to act as a double agent and that he used him and Rei as bait to try and distract Mikado from ever finding out about Syobai's double agent status. I feel as though Teruya was stripped of most of his nuances from DRA, and that frustrates me because I want him to be utilized more in SDRA2! I want to care about his relationship with the cast! I want him to be his own person with his own opinions, even when he agrees with and even looks up to Rei and Kinjo! I want him to have more moments of characterization and hear his stories about the Kisaragi Foundation and his reflection on his past instead of being hit with the amnesia plot point (which I feel did more harm to his character)! I want him to be the mediator of the group, like how he supposedly acted out that role back in the Kisaragi Foundation between Rei and Kinjo according to LINUJ in his concept art! And another reason why I don't like how Teruya is handled in Chapter 4 the more I think about it in hindsight, is that I felt as though LINUJ was trying to have him be like Kinjo. And I! Don't! Like that! Even if Teruya's beliefs started to become warped due to following Kinjo's leadership over the years and may have rose-tinted glasses in his belief in him, I still don't like how LINUJ handled him in Chapter 4! Because I don't want a Kinjo 2.0 that you can get at the dollar store, I want Teruya fucking Otori!!!

...anyways. My issues with how Teruya was handled in SDRA2 aside, I love him a lot. But I'll admit, a lot of that comes from my own interpretation of his character and how much depth I gave him from what I learned of him. And honestly, that's one of the fun parts of fandom: digging into a character to the point that you're probably overanalyzing them but you kinda don't care because it's so much fun to add even more depth to a character you love. He's my blorbo, my scrunkly, my fucked up lil guy turned fucked up big boi, and I can hurt and comfort him however I want.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #249

I got a little too ambitious today during work, trying to carry a large stack of used trays back to where they're supposed to go.

The weight of them, in and of itself, isn't too much for me. But it was a little too much for whatever stupid-ass rib injury I've got going on. I thought it would be fine; I've been doing the new exercises, and overall, I feel better than I have in a while. But… sheesh, even going on 10 hours after the fact, the space just under where my collarbone connects to my sternum, all the way to the space just under where my collarbone connects to my shoulder, still hurts like crazy. Ibuprofen takes the edge off a little, but it's probably gonna be a day or three before the area stops being pissed off.

Sephiroth. I used to be someone who could move an entire full-sized refrigerator - BY MYSELF. The combined weight of those trays is absolutely. fucking. TRIVIAL. compared to what I used to be capable of. I cannot describe to you how frustrating my current state of affairs is. A non-trivial portion of my psyche wants to scream and pull out my hair and thrash around in searing, white-hot, all-consuming rage. Except I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING DO THAT, because it would PISS OFF THE GODDAMN RIB INJURY. WHAT THE FUCK.

…

…But it's fine. We take a deep breath. And then we make cookies instead. I made a bunch of 'em today, and as I promised yesterday, I got you some tasty pictures. Here:

...Two pictures of the same rack, representing 300 cookies. There's 3 trays of candy-coated chocolate on top, then 2 trays of oatmeal raisin, and then 5 trays of chocolate chip. Each tray contains 30 cookies.

...But wait!!! There's more!!!

...These trays are 24 cookies each. There are two chocolate chunk, one oatmeal raisin, one oatmeal cranberry, one chocolate-caramel, one macadamia and white chocolate, and then another one called "monster". But that one is just peanuts with candy-coated chocolate - absolutely delectable. This rack represents 168 cookies. So, all told, I baked 468 cookies today. I have put into this world at least 468 reasons to smile. And I think that's pretty fucken rad!!

Aside from that, I sliced, bagged, and labeled bread, and then bagged and labeled a bunch of rolls and bagels and such. I really like slicing up the seeded rye bread with our fancy (but kinda loud and scary) bread slicer, because then the smell of the carraway seeds comes out, and oh my goodness, it's so good!

...And then it was time to go home. I still don't have a name tag or official shirts, because this whole time, they were out of name tags and shirts, for some reason. But I was told this time, at the end of my shift, that I should try checking out the Customer Service desk to see if these things came in. There are shirts now. But my name tag is still absent. That's okay. The person there called a gentleman to fetch me the shirts I needed.

I was surprised when I saw the gentleman; he was about as tall as you, actually, and I was awestruck. And then when he handed my the shirts, I was really grateful, and so I smiled at him, and... oh, Sephiroth, the smile he returned to me was radiant and full of joy, and it was so good to have been able to see it!!

...I hope that I get to see you smile like that someday, for reasons that are wholesome and good, instead of for reasons that are sad.

Anyway, from there, I had to go to the bank. You see, my work pants were accidentally washed with my debit card and my driver's license still in the pockets. And when they came out of the wash, my license was there, but my debit card was not. This happened... sheesh, a number of days ago, now. And so I finally resigned myself to the fact that I'm gonna hafta get a new debit card (which means I need to update a bunch of things on the internet, which is kind of annoying, but doable...), and after my shift, I went to the nearby bank to get that done... only to discover that, since it's Saturday, they closed half an hour before my shift at work ended. Sigh.

...There was nothing for it but to return home. So that is what I did. Shortly after that, I had to go with J to Great Barrington again. Except!!!! This time!!!!! J drove!!!!! And so I got pictures!!!! I got like 600 of them!!!! But I can only show you 26 of them, because this space allows for only 30 pictures at most, and 4 of those 30 have been taken up by cookies. So I tried to pick out the best ones; they're gonna be all out of order, but I hope you'll like them:

...Unfortunately, this is as many as I can fit into this letter. And that's a real shame, because there were SO MANY GOOD PICTURES THIS TIME, holy cannoli!!!

...But!!! If you thought I was done just yet, you are sorely mistaken!!! Because after I wrote last night's letter, the crickets were out, and they were SUPER LOUD. And so I took a video of them singing for you, because I thought... maybe you miss the sound sometimes. Here:

...Sorry that the screen is mostly black. My camera can't capture things when it's dark out. I did capture Momma for a brief second though, even if she was blurry. She was clawing at the screen door, and the sound caught my attention, and so in typical ADHD fashion, I turned around. Whoops.

Anyway. I hope you like it. Maybe if you have some trouble sleeping, you can use this sound.

...I don't really have much else to write about today. But, thank you for coming along with me on this journey. I'm gonna get ready and go to sleep now, methinks.

I love you. Please stay safe out there so that you can follow me on tomorrow's adventures. Because I will write to you tomorrow. Count on it.

Your friend, Lumine

[emmyspov]

A Letter from Luke Alvez (Luke Alvez x reader)

author's note: it's literally been nearly two years since i've uploaded this for the first time. i've gotten a lot better mentally since then, but - when times get tough, i still come back to this. maybe someone else needs it, too. <3

trigger warnings: signs of mental health issues, talk of heavy feelings, let me know if i forgot something!

word count: 0.6k

gif by @ropoto

Hey Y/N.

To be honest, I don't really know how to start this thing - there are so many things I want to say. I know life can be hard. And painful. And on some days it would be so much easier to give up and let the darkness consume you. So it is okay to struggle. It's okay to cry and doubt yourself and hate everything. And on some days, it is even okay if you can't live for yourself.

I can see that you are in pain. I don't know what caused it, but then again, it also doesn't really matter. What matters is that you are hurting and I want you to get better. Recovery is never easy and it's also not linear, so I don't expect you to feel perfectly fine within a day or two. I know that - whatever we are gonna battle together - will take time to heal. And also that is okay. I am in for the long ride, I hope you know that. Whenever you are sad or angry or feeling empty, you can call me. I can and will come over if that's what you need. I can stay on the phone with you or pick you up with Roxy to take a walk or help you with whatever you need assistance with. We are a team. And asking for help is not weak. Quite the opposite actually: It shows immense amount of strength.

So remember that there are people out there who love and care about you. I am one of these people. And we want to help. You are not a burden or annoying - you are family. And no matter how bad you think it is - we won't let you down. I won't let you down.

I said that recovery is never easy. And that's the truth. But I will tell you something else: It'll be worth it. One day, everything that is making it difficult for you right now will get easier and easier and you'll be able to breathe again. That dark hole in your chest will get smaller and you won't feel so empty anymore. I promise. The tears will get less and I will get to hear you laugh more often again. I love your laugh. You will dance and joke around and you'll be happy again.

But until we get there, we start with baby steps. And to help you, I have created a list of things to do when it's really bad.

1. Eat something - it doesn't matter what. You don't have to cook if that's too exhausting. You can order something or just eat a snack you have laying around. It shall make you feel good.

2. Please stay hydrated. Preferably with water, but if you can't manage that, everything else is just as good.

3. It personally helps me to take a shower or a bath. I always feel a little better afterwards. Maybe that works for you, too. If that's too exhausting, maybe a little water in your face will do the trick.

4. Rest if you are exhausted: lay down and try to sleep or just close your eyes.

5. If you can - reach out. We could come up with a system, so you send a specific message or emoji and I know it's a tough day. You don't need to explain yourself then.

6. Distraction: read, listen to music, watch TV. Sometimes, it helps.

Now one of the most important things: if all you managed on a day was to stay in bed and survive: I am still unbelievably proud of you. Because you are still here and still fighting and that's all that matters. Stay strong, y/n/n.

I love you,

Luke.

P.S. If you need a hug, i'm still outside your apartment. We don't have to talk, I can just hold you.

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

UCHIHA WEEK 2023

Day 5 : Uchiha X Shonen

Madara Uchiha x Demons slayer

My first contribution with a lot of delay...I didn't realise initially that organising an event was so much time consuming!😅 But let's go and why not recycling my old visuals :

Plot : Madara has to meet and mark his compatibility with the main characters of demon slayer. He's in his early twenties before Izuna's death. So basically he still has a little bit of faith on humanity.

Madara x Giyuu

It will initially start with... a silence...a really long and awkward silence until Madara lost his temper and starts a fight. He's immediately impressed by his mastery of water breathing and decides to bestow him the honour of being a worthy opponent of Madara Uchiha. Giyuu is not sure to get what it means but he's relieved to not have to fight a random guy who isn't even a demon. As soon as Madara decides to treat him like a friend, he begins to be extremely talkative, and Giyuu zones out... Madara interprets that as a sign of him being in awe to what he is saying. He talks to him about the might of the Uchiha clan, how much powerful he is among his clansmen, his dear brother, Hashirama, his plan for peace ect... 7/10

Madara x Shinobu

She will initiate the conversation and he will pretend to royally ignore her. Shinobu will be fascinating by the thickness of his hair and keep asking for his hair routine. Since he likes bragging about himself he will explain and that will lower the tension between them. She's always teasing him and with time he's not insensitive to her charm... 8/10

Madara x Rengoku

It has been already seen in this video that they will go well together. Rengoku is most likely the member of the cast where he feels the most connected. In a way, with his flamboyant and straightforward character he reminds him of Hashirama, but Rengoku's mood is more stable and predictable which Madara surely appreciates. His mastery of the flame breathing is familiar to his katon. Really, Madara feels at home with Rengoku. Solid base for a friendship. 9/10

Madara x Inosuke

Madara senses that Inosuke is too weak yet to be a rival and will ignore his presence altogether. Inosuke however craves for a fight with the powerhouse he is and won't stop looking at him with stars sparkling in his eyes. Madara is always craving for people praising him and telling him how strong he is, with time he will tolerate his presence as a servant and gives him some orders now and then. 5/10

Madara x Zenitsu

Probably the most love/hate relationship. Zenitsu has an incredible hearing and as soon as Madara raises his commanding voice he knows that guy is a menace! He is panicking, yelling loudly and running around which ends up annoying Madara to the highest point! He puts him into a genjutsu to knock him down. This action results in awaking the sleepy Zenitsu. Madara is then enthusiast to meet that new confidence version of the blondie. He might master only one technique but he does it so well that it forces Madara's respect. Sleepy Zenitsu is welcome first into the infinite tsukuyomi. 2/10 awake. 6/10 asleep.

Madara x Tanjiro x Nezuko

He will immediately be moved by Tanjiro's story knowing that everything he does is to save his little sister. He will manifest his compassion for him by forcing him into the most severe Uchiha style training. Work, work, work... Not accepting weakness, always commenting that Tanjiro needs to man up and cries less. Literally tough love! 9.5/10

Nezuko for him is baby. He sees her the same way he cares for Izuna. She can literally do whatever she wants, approaching him, looking at his kunais, touching his armour, sleeping on his shoulder, braiding his hair while tanjiro is spitting blood after an intense taijutsu session. Madara's barely talking to her but he likes her presence. 10/10

[monpetitchattriste]

20 Questions For Fanfic

Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18 works

16 Miraculous

1 The 100

1 agents of shield

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

80,040 (damm)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Miraculous is the only one I actively write for

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1.) Still

2.) My Emergency Contact

3.) Sweet like Wine...Maybe?

4.) Speak now (or forever hold your peace)

5.) Dancing with our hands tied

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

I try and respond to everyone even if it's just to say thanks you. I love talking about my fic ideas but I also get nervous when responding because I don't want to sound weird or annoying.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Wipe your tears (nothing is going to hurt you)

I love this story so much! It's so angst and sweet

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like we are made of starlight

I reread this last night and want to throw myself on the ground because of the fluff overload.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes, on a fic I posted on fanfiction.net.

It was my fic 'glowing in the dark'

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did once, and it was pretty angst and heated but @burntwaffle12 really helped me out with it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have so many crazy Au ideas but no crossovers mainly because I only consumer Miraculous

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes ☺️ with mt bestie @burntwaffle12. She is my beta and I would be lost without her. Everything we write goes so crazy because we both don't know how to be normal anymore

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

The love-square. But specially Ladynoir. I am down bad for the.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My story ....In the Aftermath.

I lost my love for it and I doubt I ever will get it back. And I have no clue where to even start again with it

16. What are your writing strengths?

Emotions

I feel like I am amazing at showing how a character is feeling or how they see other people. And maybe scenery. I can paint a picture so well

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialouge

I always feel like I can't get the characters right. Like would Marinette actually say that? And then I over think it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I would love to. But I unfortunately only know english

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Doctor who. My first Fandom ever

20. Favourite fics you've written?

The one I haven't posted yet. Sssshhhh it's a surprise 😜

Thanks for that tag @burntwaffle12

I am tagging (if you want to no pressure) @asukiess @coffeebanana @rosie-b @thatblondeperson @jedi-nurse

[blazehedgehog]

Isn't Steam a paradox from an economic point of view? They have the first mover adventage, they have a de facto monopoly, but they are not at all greedy -- not to the point of being anti-consumer, at least. And the innovations they bring to the table are actually useful stuff (Proton above all). Valve is just.. there, operating their business, making good money with nobody really complaining.

It depends on what economic values you subscribe to. A lot of guys like EA want to take the shortcut to easy money. EA even tried to compete with Steam, remember. They had their "Origin" client. They gave away free games for over a year and still nobody would use it. The hope was to give them something comparable to Valve's firehose of money. An easy profit stream where they could get a cut of every game sold on PC just by the simple fact they existed.

Rather than just do good work, they hoped to pry people off of Steam with the promise of regular freebies... except it was a client nobody wanted to use and in a lot of cases actively hated. It lacked most of the features of Steam, was a little bloated, and came at a time where EA was starting to push increasingly aggressive DRM that limited how many "activations" you were allowed per-game. So, it struggled.

The same thing happened with Uplay. Ubisoft thought they could make their own Steam, but the greed was too evident and annoying. It was a hassle to work with, added nothing of real value, and nobody wanted to use it. So most people didn't, unless they were forced to use it.

That's the thing with these corporations, right? Nothing is ever enough. They can't just sell well on Steam, they have to make their own platform so they can have all the money. And the profit lines must not only always go up, it has to go up faster. More and faster and more and faster and more and faster until the wheels come off and everything breaks.

Then these board of director weirdos, now among the richest 5% of people on earth, pull the ripcord and parachute over to the next corporation and start over. All the money, more and faster and more and faster...

What separates Valve is that Valve never seems to have treated it like much of a race. Like, sure, they do things to boost sales (even recently had a really ugly "capitalism celebration" sale event) but they seem pretty comfortable being themselves and not cranking all the dials until they break off.

Some of that is arguably down to the fact that Valve never became a publicly traded company. Once you get listed on the stock market, investors enter the picture, and the whole dynamic of how a company exists changes. Publicly traded companies rely on investors for some amount of operating costs, and the highest ranking investors can even legally control some part of your company as if they were employed there.

But there's never any guarantee that an investor knows what is good for your company. They just gave you a lot of money and expect you to pay it back at some point (by increasing shareholder value). And its created this culture of people who race to maximize everything at the expense of the structural integrity of the company and its employees. It's like (spoilers for one of the most famous movie trilogies of all time) the end of Back to the Future 3, right, where they need to get this old 1800's locomotive up to 88mph.

Feeding it that much fuel, getting the heat up that high, it builds up extreme pressure in the boiler and the train will eventually explode. Except for a lot of these business types, exploding the boiler is the point. Exploding the boiler is a successful operation. Like I said: more and faster and more and faster, right?

Some companies need investor money to survive. But... not all do. Many of them still go public anyway, because the race to explode the boiler matters more than just being comfortable. We're still in the era of people starting companies just to sell them.

Valve got lucky. They established an emerging market, gave people exactly what they wanted, and became the defacto home for PC gaming. Steam was such a comfortable, welcoming platform that nobody even thought about competing with them until they had already gained too much momentum to ever be slowed down.

And the only reasons most people can come up with to compete with Valve is "We want more money." Valve wants 30% of my earnings? A whole 30%??? Unreasonable! I'll start my own storefront! With blackjack! And etc.!

As someone who works with Youtube and gets a 55/45 split, I guess I don't have perspective on how 30% is some kind of horrible offense. Only in my wildest dreams would Youtube give me 70/30.

But really, that's all this is. Valve did good work and got themselves into a position where they now can't really be out-spent into obsolescence. I mean, Epic Games is currently trying to do that, and they're burning something in the realm of $275,000,000 a year (according to this website I am unfamiliar with and have never read before today). By Epic's own statistics, most people registered to the EGS client spend less than a dollar on the platform (723m users apparently spent $820m).

Valve has so much momentum with Steam that they can (and often do) just coast, granting them a reputation for taking a very long time fine-tuning most of their products until they are perfect. Gabe Newell is so rich he owns and operates multiple fully-staffed private yachts. Not by more and faster, but by getting to the race track before anyone even knew it was open and just doing the job so consistently they are now ten laps ahead.

To compare with what happened with Netflix, which also established an emerging market: Netflix also didn't want to just coast. Movie disc rentals by mail became streaming movies. That turned into streaming TV. That turned into Netflix wanting to make their own original content so they wouldn't have to pay to license anyone else's movies. That turned into Netflix wanting to offer games. And lest we forget, the founder of Netflix specifically has a vendetta against theatrical movies and continues to deliberately erode that market.

There is no "coasting" for Netflix. There is only more and faster. Netflix put out 17 original films in 2016. Last year, 2023, Netflix put out 153 original films, 49 original documentaries, 11 TV specials, 11 short films, 28 stand-up comedy shows, and at least 26 new original TV shows. The aim is not to maintain a good platform, the aim is to dominate and make all the money there is to make in multiple industries. The line must always goes up until the boiler explodes.

Anyone could just do what Valve did, but nobody wants to because it's too slow and takes too much actual work (and luck) making genuinely good products. It also theoretically leads to a "dead end" where growth slows or even stops. That means the line doesn't go up anymore, it just levels out and stays there. Outrageous! You mean the man who owns a fleet of yachts doesn't want make infinitely more money forever? The nerve of some people.

It's easier to crack the whip on someone else and crank up the heat until the boiler explodes. Especially when that's what all the competition is doing, too.

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman (SP fic) part 5

('In love with my hatred')

/What exactly are we?/

Kyle goes through old memories between his younger self and his 'buddy'.

Slight warning ⚠️ this is a very disturbing fluffed caramelized deranged fic, kinda, not really. Just watch yourself when you press 'read more'.

Author's note: I've been so— sleep deprived guys sorry I'd I've been lacking, I'm gonna be out for a couple of days so my chaps are either gonna be short, rushed or a little delayed than usual 😭

I also want to mention that I appreciate the support I'm receiving! @liabilit-e I'm still considering on posting it on AO3 but Idk if it's just me but everytime I try loading the page it gets all laggy and slow so it's kinda not something I'm thrilled about, but still, thanks for the support! 💓 @myst1calx I think I've bother you enough but I appreciate the offer! I'll try searching for solutions but if I don't, Ik where to go, tnks;)

~~~~~~

Kyle couldn't get a bit of sleep, tossing everything aside from his desk to his floor, books flying everywhere papers spreading across the room as he slammed the table with both his fist, externally wanting to not be heard but hoping internally someone could hear him, understand him.

Frustration streamed in his veins, glassy eyes that began to sting feeling a boiling sensation in his feet; that becomes too annoying to ignore needing to move them left, right, on top of the other, bottom again, move move move until you start feeling your legs numb themselves having to force moving them aswell, arching his upper back releasing unwanted stress, the tension on his neck worsening as his growing headache resurfaced.

It was like a damn fever everytime he found himself wide awake until four in the morning, drinking coffee to make himself not dose off. Now he finds himself so use to the routine his brain makes him stay awake until it's 'time for bed' even if he doesn't drink coffee and actually attempts to sleep early.

How can you procrastinate while trying to sleep? Doing shit your brain makes you think you should do just in case you forget tomorrow.

'Write that down, Kyle' 'why didn't I think about this before, I should write it now before it gets even more late!' 'If I do this now, I won't worry tomorrow' tomorrow, tomorrow, 'tomorrow' ironically being morning, and initially the new day.

Technically being 'tomorrow', technically tricking himself going in to some ongoing messy loop.

Contemplating himself in his reflection against his laptop, he couldn't help it. Work was stressful as it is, and now having Cartman up his ass with messages asking 'wym by 'boyfriend', jew?' He hated not knowing what to respond, in all honesty, why the fuck did he even say that? Why let Kenny's teasing get him so bad? It wasn't even as bad as Cartman's taunting.

And kissing Cartman infront of the whole school? Words spread like fire, his parents heard of it from Scotch's who heard from Marsh who had heard it from Jimbo who was told from Donovan! And so on so on!

This was getting outta hand, and he didn't know why he even let himself be put in a situation he wasn't even sure he could even say regretted of.

He grabbed his laptop slamming it shut as he went downstairs going in to the garage; grabbing a hammer and heading outside in the now snowing weather, the sun was about to rise now claiming for a new day to begin.

He threw his laptop hard in the ground beneath him 'thump', slamming with force the first hit with the hammer 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Shesst' 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Hit by hit getting more aggravated, taking all his frustrations, concerns and thoughts aways.

'Why did I commit to this!?'

'Why do I care so much of what others think!'

'Why do I feel like I'm gonna mess it up somehow!'

'Why commit to something you're not sure you'll end up finishing!'

'It was too much work, so much time consuming, so much of his soul, sweat and tears put in months, weeks, days of work and he knew damn well he'll still make the effort to continue doing it'

'Risking his health both physically and mentally for a dumb grading'

'Exposing himself being in 'love' with a fat psychotic fuck, either have his heart broken or be disappointed for any outcome awaiting for him'

'He wasn't sure he could even say he loved him, but fuck he couldn't deny his attraction'

'Even if things went south, he promise himself HE would be the one to break up with Cartman, never reverse! If it isn't him saying 'goodbye' than Cartman will sit his ass down and wait!'

'If someone's deserving of another heart break it's Eric Cartman!'

He panted heavily as cold sweat drained his face, halting seeing his mad 'creation', a man walking his dog passing by the sidewalk eyeing him weirdly before continuing his pace. He sighed as he let go of the hammer; falling to the ground, sinking deeply in the snow.

He swiped some sweat off his forehead 'good thing he had all his work saved in the cloud'. And thanked God he didn't burn his paperwork.

Feeling a buzz in his pockets, he took it out and responded:

'Mornin' to u, fatboy'

°°°°

"It's okay bubbie, we don't judge you for your awful taste," his mother reassured in a soothing voice squeezing his cheeks with both her hands making him pout, "Besides there's nothing wrong with being gay, we support it, we support you," with a loud 'muack' staining his left cheek with some of her red lip gloss.

"Ofcourse, however we would judge you immensely if you're the woman in the relationship," Gerald added as he fixes some issue on the tv, Ike nodded in agreement as he passed a screwdriver to his dad.

"Gerald!," Sheila screamed, sending him a scowl.

"What?"

"It's true, ma, if someone deserves to take it up the ass, it's Eric. He's a piece of shit and has teased Kyle for being a 'no good jew' for years," Ike commented before passing some duck tape.

"WHAT WHAT WHAT!? language mister! That's your future brother in law you're now talking about," Her mother attempted defending him but he noticed how she glance upwards contemplating it aswell.

"Yikes," Ike shuddered by the thought and realization.

That's all he could recall of how his family reacted to the news, now walking to school as he avoided the bus and Cartman all together. It was funny that the other day it was the complete opposite. He wanted to be close to Cartman, see him, talk to him and now, he wants to avoid even glancing at him.

So he thought.

Cartman was his 'boyfriend' everyone would expect for he to act like one, probably even Cartman himself.

He scratched under his hat, trying his best to ease his nerves.

Third period in and no sign of Cartman, 'the fuck did fatass go?' He thought, bouncing his leg anxiously focusing hard in to paying attention in class, but his eyes couldn't help but glance at the empty seat behind him.

"Kyle! Stop being a complete gaywad cause your little boyfriend went missing for a day ¡and pay attention!," Garrison screamed annoyed, making Kyle snap back at the board, some of his classmates snickered and whisper.

Stan glanced at him but he avoided looking back at him.

At lunch he texted Cartman asking him why he didn't bother going to school, but received no response in return.

He found that odd, maybe even second guessing if Cartman was actually taking in this new 'thing' going on between them any better. 'What if fatass was just as evasive with the subject as he was trying to do?'

He hesitated, as he munched on his food oblivious of the stares he's getting.

Dashing to his locker he went through his stuff and got a small key hidden behind some old markers; he should definitely throw away but didn't. He headed back to class as he waited for school to end straight up heading some old abandoned building they use to hide out as kids. Becoming the new 'freedom pals' headquarters, 'base' or whatever. He was the 'chosen one' for key keeping; mostly preventing Cartman to find it and scratch up all their things in spite, he was the only villain who was out to get them.

He opened the big metallic door with a 'creak' as it opened slowly, the hide out was never use nowadays and he hoped no hobos had crashed it by now, he honestly didn't care as long as he didn't encounter one at that moment. Right now that he needed something. He remembered having hidden it right in this base, away from Cartman, as it was the only place he was sure Cartman wouldn't grab it and use it as leverage against him.

He remembers how stoked he was to have found a small compartment underneath the floor, and how secretive he was deciding to hog his discovery for himself. Under a big rug he managed to peel it off dust spreading across the room, coughing heavily as he cringed by the bugs and mold that came out from it.

Moldy, greasy gross pictures spread in the compartment as a wet smell came out.

He went through all those pictures, memories flooding his head as he gather them up, shoving some old toys aside as he finally brought to his chest the red box he's been looking for.

Closing behind the metallic door as he went out and walked back home, now dark as he finally arrived.

He entered his room, locked his door as he approached his messy desk. Carefully placing the box there.

He wouldn't dare admit it, fuck, he probably could never. But countless times of him and Stan taunting Cartman over his diary was one of their favorite things to tease him for, cause it was 'funny' 'cringe' 'girly', etc, so the fact he did the unthinkable.

Funny enough, he made sure to consider his own a 'journal' than a diary, nonetheless it's still similar to one. It had everything he's written from age 7 to 9, it wasn't too big neither was he constant with it but it was definitely personal, and after that he never actually found himself writing shit down, he had other hobbies he was more interested of and honestly, wasn't his thing.

He admired the crappie scribbles with crayons and markers cover, all now full of mold, smudges and peeling edges. Still, in his eyes, it was beautiful. He remembered how proud he was to have finished it, and how each page was filled with passion and sincerity. To the good days, to the sad days, angry, stressed, nervous, anxious, spiteful, envious, sorrow, regret, it was a whole ride.

It was a stress reliever for sure, and somehow he understood why Cartman was so into it. But he really couldn't help but to NOT put that much effort in it. He recalls various times just not feeling himself to fill a page, no energy or just didn't care, but he pushed himself forward onto atleast writing two paragraphs. Cause if he stopped a day, it'll make him delay his enthusiasm making him forget the whole thing after skipping a few.

He opened his first page and he chuckled.

'NOT' in red for emphasis, 'a diaRy'.

Everything was blank besides the black and red ink.

He flipped the next page,

March 1, 2019

'Dear future self,

Today I've decided to write down and for each passing day until my last page, about my daily things or whatever.

To be honest I'm not sure, but I'll give it a try.'

The instruction page was simple yet explanatory, he flipped a couple of pages cause some he'd recognized; either boring or some about his procrastination trying to peek up again and force himself to atleast write he ate some cereal that day.

Halting in one peculiar page not far from those other ones, the edges were covered in pink crayon making it noticeable of being 'personal' to 'super personal'.

March 23, 2019

'Things went overboard with skank hunt (cartman) we had to put an end to it, it was hard, neither did I or Stan wanted to do it. But they did, they ended Cartman, he just couldn't stop no matter how many times they warned him.

That fake act he was putting wasn't fooling anyone, it was painlessly ridiculous how pathetic he looked thinking he'd convince us.

Still, the guilt eats me alive.

Is this what it's called betrayal? Certainly. Did Cartman deserve it? Definitely.

So why do I care so much about that fat piece of shit?

Why does my heart ache thinking about what they did?'

March 23, 2019

'If anyone could hear me, if I could tell myself to not do it, if I could back track time I would go immediately. We were wrong, we took Cartman down for no reason.

It wasn't him, it's silently breaking my mind right now.

I feel like my heart broke in pieces after that revelation, I don't know for sure why. But fuck, I screwed up.

I feel like the dirt and ground I'm steeping in would fall beneath me, falling straight to an abyss.

Looking at Cartman was like a punch in the gut a wound being spread in to my chest as a knife poke out from inside. Being stabbed.

If I could've listened to him, if I believed him...

Pain, a aching sensation spreading in my body, the wound sting. It burned.

And I can't find myself forgiving myself anytime soon.

I cried today.'

He couldn't help himself but to pace a finger gently on to that page, remembering vividly those memories spread back in his mind, feeling immensely what he had felt those past times.

Reconnecting to his younger self.

He flipped through two pages already knowing the rest.

March 25, 2019

'Heidi Turner, a girl I just found out will be willingly capable of dating fatass.

I still can't believe it, it's impossible to grasp upon it. Who would want to date Cartman? In what world would that be possible? Clearly in this one.

Fuck, the images resurface my mind everytime I shut my eyes, Cartman holding Heidi's hand, him making some gay ass necklace for her, smiling wide to her. Beaming as he was the most happiest boy alive as if they didn't broke his shit not long ago.

My stomach revolts by the thought, by the damn memory. I feel nauseous even writing it down, right now I feel grossed out. I want to vomit-

All over Cartman, that piece of shit is asking for it, this is all his fault. Like usual.

I have other worries to deal with, why does fatass always does something to keep me off track of what's important?

Fuck him, and fuck this shitty skank hunt situation.

And fuck girls! Fuck them all!

Butters is right they don't need to try to fix the girls shit by degrading themselves, they needed to show them that they had enough and they've tried, but now they're standing up for themselves for what's right. Cause they're going overboard with their bitch attitude.

So I'm sticking to it.'

Flicking some further pages he 'tsk'.

April 19, 2019

'Do I like Heidi Turner?

Or is it because she's Cartman's girlfriend? She deserves better than to date a asshole, he is only gonna cause her pain.

I've thought I just wanted to prevent a tragedy, save her the damage he'll cause her eventually. But maybe the girls are right? Maybe I am kinda interested in her. She's cute and seems smart, the type of girl anyone could fall interested, no?

Cartman isn't happy with her, he bitches about her all the time. She doesn't deserve that.

He doesn't deserve to be that miserable either, technically, he is helping a friend out, right?

It's not like that relationship is going anywhere, Cartman should just dump that poor girl already.

I feel pity, but I also understand if it was easy to be manipulated from that douchbag. No one can understand Cartman the way I do, no one can see through his lies, posture, gestures, words even see the mischievous glint in his eyes everytime he thinks he could trick him.

I hope she now realizes it isn't a easy deal, kisses and praises won't change Cartman, I doubt anything will. But still, Heidi seems too naive to realize, considering the girls aren't really trying to put an end to her relationship with Cartman, I thought it'd be a good idea to intervene.

But maybe I was wrong? I didn't expect to develop some sorta crush on Heidi, now that I think about it, I don't.. really feel anything but sympathy for her.

But if the girls think that I may be attracted to her maybe they see something I just can't see yet.

Maybe I do like Heidi.'

He unintentionally shook his head, grasping the idiocy of his own denial mind.

April 23, 2019

'I 'fought' Cartman today, kinda. It was just a tiny punch in the face that knocked him out cold.

He was being a douche, couldn't just move on from Heidi. Just couldn't let go because maybe spite? Or maybe he just likes being able to degrade someone who he knew will still be stuck on to his bullshit with 'no' choice but to deal with. Someone who'll indulge him, praise him and naively expecting him to change. Even though they were being manipulated by him that very instant.

Still, I MAY feel a little bad.. for doing what I did.

It's more of a certainty to show what it REALLY is to be in a healthy relationship, and to make sure no one fell again into Cartman's manipulative lies.

Someone has to teach him a lesson, someone has to put that fat bastard in his place. Someone has to make him realize it's not worth chasing after a girl that isn't doing anything wrong but like him back. Someone he truly just doesn't like and just uses to pin his shit on to them, dragging them with him. Turning them in him.

It's like Cartman was self destroying himself even more as that relationship continued to build, and planned to just take Heidi with him as it falls down.

Cartman wasn't happy, he was bummed all the time, and his energy just seemed drained. I find it quite annoying, mostly when he bashes about it and saying it's because of Heidi yet he showed no mean on dumping her anytime soon.

Good to know he didn't have to, making it easy for him to just move on!

Pretty much she handed him a way out and he shoved it up his ass. Typical Cartman, can't let something go if it doesn't end his way, childishly whining and making a fit as it didn't go as planned.

Claiming he no longer wanted to deal with Heidi but now begged to have her back, that he 'needed' her to be happy when he fucking wasn't.

What class of miserable logic was that?

Oh, I am now also dating Heidi Turner.'

April 25, 2019

'My first date with Heidi was unexplainable, it didn't last at all. She ended things off the moment I was immediately ready to take her out for a nice evening.

I'm disappointed, I tried, I really did, but I underestimated Cartman's commitment and stubbornness.

She was too far lost in Cartman's lies, he isn't gonna stop her now. She chose this path might aswell stick with it.

I already had gotten in to it too much, I was even warned and I didn’t listen, now I’m paying the consequences for it.

I've gotten my heartbroken two times and my hopes have been dragged enough, I'm not gonna follow in to this mess any longer; just listen to my friends on doing nothing and let it be.

If they want to willingly destroy each other, I won't care, it's not my problem anymore.

He'll realize eventually how bad it is to continue tagging along something he's forcing himself to be stuck with, instead of just using his common senses and rationalize his choices.

Even though it'll probably take awhile for he to do so, probably even get his balls kicked while trying to pathetically deny that his 'happiness' relied on only some girl.

Fuck Cartman.'

November 26, 2019

‘Cartman recently got broken up, now it seems to be legitimate. It also seems he had no plans on trying to pursue her any longer, he seems to have gotten over it very quickly even looked relieved.

I could probably say that fat fuck learned his lesson.

Things have been getting normal lately, the usual, but I figured I should just put a end to this chapter as I can now say for sure Cartman had also put it to end.’

He continually flipped page after page, reading through other small memories to heartwarming one of his friends or family. Stopping in to another peculiar but fond one.

December 2, 2019

Things like these are not meant to be forgotten, I must write this down engraving the essence of it, barely baring the possibility of it even happening

I just.. unbelievable, it’s fucking unbelievable.

Might as well shoot me in the head cause my eyes and ears just witnessed something mythologic. Something surreal that shouldn’t had happened but has somewhat craved seeing.

Generosity, from no other but from Cartman.

Me being proud of the fatass would be a underestimate, I can't described in exact words how I felt at that moment but I'll try describing it as best as I can.

Today was typically leveraging, having to be put up with the adults of town do something absolutely bizarre (stupid), we had to deal with Randy so we were targeted separately as being 'trouble', we as children were being pinned the blame on, than to the actual culprit.

It pissed them off ofcourse but it wasn't no surprise for them that Randy had use that excuse for his own dismay.

Somehow Stan managed to get us out from the cell we were put in, so it wasn't also a surprise for us to finish off the hell fire Randy Marsh had spread.

Apparently they needed something of great value to stop the gigantic robot that destroyed buildings in a dramatic 'godzilla' manner. People screamed in terror as they ran until they felt they were capable of going to. And well us four were confused, we weren't like at a place to go back home and get something valuable. We were stuck and in a middle of a crisis.

At the moment we were gonna give up and surrender as we had nothing, Cartman spoke up saying 'I do' and took it out from his pocket while grumbling under his breath unheard words as he gave the scientist (who was helping us) a small golden ring he previously had bragged about to me and the gang 'ha-hahaha! I got gold and you don't! Hahaha-ha! You cant steal this from me Kahl I'll have it on me 24/7 you sneaky little rat!' In his annoying mockingly manner and his dumb little dance as he sang it in tune.

We were all left bewildered, I know by how I had glanced to the guys to see if what I saw was real, and their surprised expression confirmed it.

Cartman gave his most precious ring to save south park out of his own will and heart.

I thought it was some type of charade or something with double gain but it seemed he didn't planned on doing anything at the end of it, just leaving home and cursing us out for being 'lame'.

It was so dreamy seeing him do that, he looked amazing doing something good for once, adorably innocent, I think he noticed it wasn't 'normal' of his character so he covered it up with a 'I'm doing it for Stan cause I know deep down he still cares for his dumbass dad,' But even that left me in 'awe'.

Fucking unbelievable.'

He continued flipping through pages realizing it wasn't so far off for him to start developing a sorta thing for fatass. He looked at a scribbled down page from the top, the writing was place on the bottom as if he was rethinking his words and overly stressed about it as he had ripped down some previously pages before writing on this one.

He realized this was already in the period of the covid crisis.

August 22, 2020

'Today was worrisome, Stan was acting differently (stress) motivated on wanting to help Butters build a bear during our school lockdown.

Ofcourse that just lead problems and various kids die (including kenny) in the process as we had convinced everyone to help out, we weren't supposed to escape neither ran off in the neighborhood.

Hiding from the police as we broke in the build a bear shop, Stan desperately attempting to build a bear while we tried reasoning with him that it was impossible without an adult's help, while surrounded by police officers outside.

And then there was Cartman AGAIN leaving us bewildered as he gave up the pangolin pitying Stan, again, for Stan.

It was starting to be a sorta thing of his to be doing small acts of good being 'Stan' influenced, it was starting to bug me.

I told Stan off on the phone before bed; what was up with him and Cartman but he was left confused and I hanged up before he could say anything.

The fuck with those two?'

He flipped through those pages smiling incredulous realizing how dumb he was to not see his own jealous arising.

September 10, 2020

'I told Cartman off his bullshit but it's like he didn't get me at all, that piece of shit.

I had told him in a way that didn't expose my skepticism without ridiculing myself but also in a way that he'll understand instantly.

'What? Are you gonna go do something about it for your boyfriend?' I had told him.

We were discussing about continuing on heading downtown and hang out or follow through whatever Randy had gotten in to revolving his weed business as he had called pleading Stan to help him with something while we were already on the way.

Stan groaned annoyed hanging up pinching the bridge of his nose contemplating on doing his dad's request or not, Cartman chimed in shrugging it off saying 'maybe if we take a cab and go to the fist seven eleven we see; grab the cheapest lighter there is and just swoop in, give your dad the lighter. Probably expecting it to last a minute-' he kept blabbering some type of vengeful scheme while Stan grunted shoving his hands inside his pockets.

'I dunno man, I'm really tired of Mr. Marsh issues rubbing on us,' Kenny told the four expecting for us to continue the first plan we had in mind.

'Yeah, but if Stan-' Cartman tried speaking for Stan, and when I mean TRY, I meant I interrupted him.

'What? Are you gonna do something about it for your boyfriend?'

I saw how Cartman acted as if he didn't know what I meant, arching those thin brows of his and squinting his glinting eyes in 'confusion'.

It pissed me off some more.

But Stan intervene claiming he really didn't want to get involved in his dad's shit today so we left it there.

Was it too much? No. I think. I'm just tired of this dumb act of Cartman's but I'm also tired of Randy's charades like Kenny had stated, it's just too much.

And what's up with Stan not saying anything about it? Like, he's just shrugging off that Cartman has openly stated most of the time being 'him' the reason he does nice things.

That's not normal, I wouldn't just shrug it off if I we're Stan.

I.. I'm not sure exactly what would I do if it were ME he'd do those nice things for, but I know I wouldn't ignore it. I'd probably ask for an explanation or something, fuck, maybe even see his limits, push him through exposing those good layers in him, analyzing his every movements, gestures, words, see if I could captivate some lie or genuine act.

Fuck, I wish I were Stan.'

Flipping through more pages, he recalled many other questionable moments between him and Cartman but this one stole the take.

July 9, 2022

'It was a blissful and snowy day, and Cartman couldn't stop nagging about me not getting him a birthday present.

In reality, I didn't give him a present cause I really didn't know what to give him (he isn't really easy to please when it comes from me.) So I justified myself saying he didn't deserve it and 'why would I want to give anything to someone who's a egocentric selfish piece of shit?', which isn't entirely untrue either.

In all honesty I was already getting tired of Cartman's nagging so I decided to go to Walmart and purchase some pizza rolls and call it even.

But, I just couldn't help myself but to eye a nice ceramic shiny white tea set that was placed in display. I remembered how Cartman has always had a thing for that type of stuff, he loves tea and also loves to do tea parties (which was very embarrassing) but nonetheless was something I knew he liked and I just remembered how Cartman still kept his old tea set in use, he was probably not capable on just buying a new one.

That was the perfect damn present, okay? I didn't have a choice.

It wasn't too much of me to go into a competition of pottery crazy lovers and compete for some limited edition tea set made from some old japanese master they idolized as some god, just for Cartman.

Okay, I may had done a little too much effort, but I was determined on not losing against a bunch of geeks, alright? NOT just Cartman.

I limped tirelessly twoards Cartman's door step with a tea set in hands, knocked clumsy trying to not fall in the ground by my wobbly legs.

And just shoved it in Cartman's arms as he opened the door with pj's on, declaring it was already late at night when I had finished that whole ordeal.

'You better not break it fatass.'

And I left, hoping Cartman would stop complaining of my absent present once and for all.'

He smiled knowingly he did. Tracing with his finger a couple of scribbles down at the end edge were he remembered he tried venting out his feelings with out actually really ripping off the page he wrote just cause he was angrily embarrassed to admit how much he WANTED to get that tea set for Cartman.

How he knew it'll make him happy. How he'll love it.

And worse part of it all, he was right. Cartman loved it and he really didn't know what to feel everytime they'd go to his house and he’d see the set place in his table, so neatly place it looked intentional.

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