#next chapter will have some Cartman against >:3

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman (SP fic) part 5

('In love with my hatred')

/What exactly are we?/

Kyle goes through old memories between his younger self and his 'buddy'.

Slight warning ⚠️ this is a very disturbing fluffed caramelized deranged fic, kinda, not really. Just watch yourself when you press 'read more'.

Author's note: I've been so— sleep deprived guys sorry I'd I've been lacking, I'm gonna be out for a couple of days so my chaps are either gonna be short, rushed or a little delayed than usual 😭

I also want to mention that I appreciate the support I'm receiving! @liabilit-e I'm still considering on posting it on AO3 but Idk if it's just me but everytime I try loading the page it gets all laggy and slow so it's kinda not something I'm thrilled about, but still, thanks for the support! 💓 @myst1calx I think I've bother you enough but I appreciate the offer! I'll try searching for solutions but if I don't, Ik where to go, tnks;)

~~~~~~

Kyle couldn't get a bit of sleep, tossing everything aside from his desk to his floor, books flying everywhere papers spreading across the room as he slammed the table with both his fist, externally wanting to not be heard but hoping internally someone could hear him, understand him.

Frustration streamed in his veins, glassy eyes that began to sting feeling a boiling sensation in his feet; that becomes too annoying to ignore needing to move them left, right, on top of the other, bottom again, move move move until you start feeling your legs numb themselves having to force moving them aswell, arching his upper back releasing unwanted stress, the tension on his neck worsening as his growing headache resurfaced.

It was like a damn fever everytime he found himself wide awake until four in the morning, drinking coffee to make himself not dose off. Now he finds himself so use to the routine his brain makes him stay awake until it's 'time for bed' even if he doesn't drink coffee and actually attempts to sleep early.

How can you procrastinate while trying to sleep? Doing shit your brain makes you think you should do just in case you forget tomorrow.

'Write that down, Kyle' 'why didn't I think about this before, I should write it now before it gets even more late!' 'If I do this now, I won't worry tomorrow' tomorrow, tomorrow, 'tomorrow' ironically being morning, and initially the new day.

Technically being 'tomorrow', technically tricking himself going in to some ongoing messy loop.

Contemplating himself in his reflection against his laptop, he couldn't help it. Work was stressful as it is, and now having Cartman up his ass with messages asking 'wym by 'boyfriend', jew?' He hated not knowing what to respond, in all honesty, why the fuck did he even say that? Why let Kenny's teasing get him so bad? It wasn't even as bad as Cartman's taunting.

And kissing Cartman infront of the whole school? Words spread like fire, his parents heard of it from Scotch's who heard from Marsh who had heard it from Jimbo who was told from Donovan! And so on so on!

This was getting outta hand, and he didn't know why he even let himself be put in a situation he wasn't even sure he could even say regretted of.

He grabbed his laptop slamming it shut as he went downstairs going in to the garage; grabbing a hammer and heading outside in the now snowing weather, the sun was about to rise now claiming for a new day to begin.

He threw his laptop hard in the ground beneath him 'thump', slamming with force the first hit with the hammer 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Shesst' 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Hit by hit getting more aggravated, taking all his frustrations, concerns and thoughts aways.

'Why did I commit to this!?'

'Why do I care so much of what others think!'

'Why do I feel like I'm gonna mess it up somehow!'

'Why commit to something you're not sure you'll end up finishing!'

'It was too much work, so much time consuming, so much of his soul, sweat and tears put in months, weeks, days of work and he knew damn well he'll still make the effort to continue doing it'

'Risking his health both physically and mentally for a dumb grading'

'Exposing himself being in 'love' with a fat psychotic fuck, either have his heart broken or be disappointed for any outcome awaiting for him'

'He wasn't sure he could even say he loved him, but fuck he couldn't deny his attraction'

'Even if things went south, he promise himself HE would be the one to break up with Cartman, never reverse! If it isn't him saying 'goodbye' than Cartman will sit his ass down and wait!'

'If someone's deserving of another heart break it's Eric Cartman!'

He panted heavily as cold sweat drained his face, halting seeing his mad 'creation', a man walking his dog passing by the sidewalk eyeing him weirdly before continuing his pace. He sighed as he let go of the hammer; falling to the ground, sinking deeply in the snow.

He swiped some sweat off his forehead 'good thing he had all his work saved in the cloud'. And thanked God he didn't burn his paperwork.

Feeling a buzz in his pockets, he took it out and responded:

'Mornin' to u, fatboy'

°°°°

"It's okay bubbie, we don't judge you for your awful taste," his mother reassured in a soothing voice squeezing his cheeks with both her hands making him pout, "Besides there's nothing wrong with being gay, we support it, we support you," with a loud 'muack' staining his left cheek with some of her red lip gloss.

"Ofcourse, however we would judge you immensely if you're the woman in the relationship," Gerald added as he fixes some issue on the tv, Ike nodded in agreement as he passed a screwdriver to his dad.

"Gerald!," Sheila screamed, sending him a scowl.

"What?"

"It's true, ma, if someone deserves to take it up the ass, it's Eric. He's a piece of shit and has teased Kyle for being a 'no good jew' for years," Ike commented before passing some duck tape.

"WHAT WHAT WHAT!? language mister! That's your future brother in law you're now talking about," Her mother attempted defending him but he noticed how she glance upwards contemplating it aswell.

"Yikes," Ike shuddered by the thought and realization.

That's all he could recall of how his family reacted to the news, now walking to school as he avoided the bus and Cartman all together. It was funny that the other day it was the complete opposite. He wanted to be close to Cartman, see him, talk to him and now, he wants to avoid even glancing at him.

So he thought.

Cartman was his 'boyfriend' everyone would expect for he to act like one, probably even Cartman himself.

He scratched under his hat, trying his best to ease his nerves.

Third period in and no sign of Cartman, 'the fuck did fatass go?' He thought, bouncing his leg anxiously focusing hard in to paying attention in class, but his eyes couldn't help but glance at the empty seat behind him.

"Kyle! Stop being a complete gaywad cause your little boyfriend went missing for a day ¡and pay attention!," Garrison screamed annoyed, making Kyle snap back at the board, some of his classmates snickered and whisper.

Stan glanced at him but he avoided looking back at him.

At lunch he texted Cartman asking him why he didn't bother going to school, but received no response in return.

He found that odd, maybe even second guessing if Cartman was actually taking in this new 'thing' going on between them any better. 'What if fatass was just as evasive with the subject as he was trying to do?'

He hesitated, as he munched on his food oblivious of the stares he's getting.

Dashing to his locker he went through his stuff and got a small key hidden behind some old markers; he should definitely throw away but didn't. He headed back to class as he waited for school to end straight up heading some old abandoned building they use to hide out as kids. Becoming the new 'freedom pals' headquarters, 'base' or whatever. He was the 'chosen one' for key keeping; mostly preventing Cartman to find it and scratch up all their things in spite, he was the only villain who was out to get them.

He opened the big metallic door with a 'creak' as it opened slowly, the hide out was never use nowadays and he hoped no hobos had crashed it by now, he honestly didn't care as long as he didn't encounter one at that moment. Right now that he needed something. He remembered having hidden it right in this base, away from Cartman, as it was the only place he was sure Cartman wouldn't grab it and use it as leverage against him.

He remembers how stoked he was to have found a small compartment underneath the floor, and how secretive he was deciding to hog his discovery for himself. Under a big rug he managed to peel it off dust spreading across the room, coughing heavily as he cringed by the bugs and mold that came out from it.

Moldy, greasy gross pictures spread in the compartment as a wet smell came out.

He went through all those pictures, memories flooding his head as he gather them up, shoving some old toys aside as he finally brought to his chest the red box he's been looking for.

Closing behind the metallic door as he went out and walked back home, now dark as he finally arrived.

He entered his room, locked his door as he approached his messy desk. Carefully placing the box there.

He wouldn't dare admit it, fuck, he probably could never. But countless times of him and Stan taunting Cartman over his diary was one of their favorite things to tease him for, cause it was 'funny' 'cringe' 'girly', etc, so the fact he did the unthinkable.

Funny enough, he made sure to consider his own a 'journal' than a diary, nonetheless it's still similar to one. It had everything he's written from age 7 to 9, it wasn't too big neither was he constant with it but it was definitely personal, and after that he never actually found himself writing shit down, he had other hobbies he was more interested of and honestly, wasn't his thing.

He admired the crappie scribbles with crayons and markers cover, all now full of mold, smudges and peeling edges. Still, in his eyes, it was beautiful. He remembered how proud he was to have finished it, and how each page was filled with passion and sincerity. To the good days, to the sad days, angry, stressed, nervous, anxious, spiteful, envious, sorrow, regret, it was a whole ride.

It was a stress reliever for sure, and somehow he understood why Cartman was so into it. But he really couldn't help but to NOT put that much effort in it. He recalls various times just not feeling himself to fill a page, no energy or just didn't care, but he pushed himself forward onto atleast writing two paragraphs. Cause if he stopped a day, it'll make him delay his enthusiasm making him forget the whole thing after skipping a few.

He opened his first page and he chuckled.

'NOT' in red for emphasis, 'a diaRy'.

Everything was blank besides the black and red ink.

He flipped the next page,

March 1, 2019

'Dear future self,

Today I've decided to write down and for each passing day until my last page, about my daily things or whatever.

To be honest I'm not sure, but I'll give it a try.'

The instruction page was simple yet explanatory, he flipped a couple of pages cause some he'd recognized; either boring or some about his procrastination trying to peek up again and force himself to atleast write he ate some cereal that day.

Halting in one peculiar page not far from those other ones, the edges were covered in pink crayon making it noticeable of being 'personal' to 'super personal'.

March 23, 2019

'Things went overboard with skank hunt (cartman) we had to put an end to it, it was hard, neither did I or Stan wanted to do it. But they did, they ended Cartman, he just couldn't stop no matter how many times they warned him.

That fake act he was putting wasn't fooling anyone, it was painlessly ridiculous how pathetic he looked thinking he'd convince us.

Still, the guilt eats me alive.

Is this what it's called betrayal? Certainly. Did Cartman deserve it? Definitely.

So why do I care so much about that fat piece of shit?

Why does my heart ache thinking about what they did?'

March 23, 2019

'If anyone could hear me, if I could tell myself to not do it, if I could back track time I would go immediately. We were wrong, we took Cartman down for no reason.

It wasn't him, it's silently breaking my mind right now.

I feel like my heart broke in pieces after that revelation, I don't know for sure why. But fuck, I screwed up.

I feel like the dirt and ground I'm steeping in would fall beneath me, falling straight to an abyss.

Looking at Cartman was like a punch in the gut a wound being spread in to my chest as a knife poke out from inside. Being stabbed.

If I could've listened to him, if I believed him...

Pain, a aching sensation spreading in my body, the wound sting. It burned.

And I can't find myself forgiving myself anytime soon.

I cried today.'

He couldn't help himself but to pace a finger gently on to that page, remembering vividly those memories spread back in his mind, feeling immensely what he had felt those past times.

Reconnecting to his younger self.

He flipped through two pages already knowing the rest.

March 25, 2019

'Heidi Turner, a girl I just found out will be willingly capable of dating fatass.

I still can't believe it, it's impossible to grasp upon it. Who would want to date Cartman? In what world would that be possible? Clearly in this one.

Fuck, the images resurface my mind everytime I shut my eyes, Cartman holding Heidi's hand, him making some gay ass necklace for her, smiling wide to her. Beaming as he was the most happiest boy alive as if they didn't broke his shit not long ago.

My stomach revolts by the thought, by the damn memory. I feel nauseous even writing it down, right now I feel grossed out. I want to vomit-

All over Cartman, that piece of shit is asking for it, this is all his fault. Like usual.

I have other worries to deal with, why does fatass always does something to keep me off track of what's important?

Fuck him, and fuck this shitty skank hunt situation.

And fuck girls! Fuck them all!

Butters is right they don't need to try to fix the girls shit by degrading themselves, they needed to show them that they had enough and they've tried, but now they're standing up for themselves for what's right. Cause they're going overboard with their bitch attitude.

So I'm sticking to it.'

Flicking some further pages he 'tsk'.

April 19, 2019

'Do I like Heidi Turner?

Or is it because she's Cartman's girlfriend? She deserves better than to date a asshole, he is only gonna cause her pain.

I've thought I just wanted to prevent a tragedy, save her the damage he'll cause her eventually. But maybe the girls are right? Maybe I am kinda interested in her. She's cute and seems smart, the type of girl anyone could fall interested, no?

Cartman isn't happy with her, he bitches about her all the time. She doesn't deserve that.

He doesn't deserve to be that miserable either, technically, he is helping a friend out, right?

It's not like that relationship is going anywhere, Cartman should just dump that poor girl already.

I feel pity, but I also understand if it was easy to be manipulated from that douchbag. No one can understand Cartman the way I do, no one can see through his lies, posture, gestures, words even see the mischievous glint in his eyes everytime he thinks he could trick him.

I hope she now realizes it isn't a easy deal, kisses and praises won't change Cartman, I doubt anything will. But still, Heidi seems too naive to realize, considering the girls aren't really trying to put an end to her relationship with Cartman, I thought it'd be a good idea to intervene.

But maybe I was wrong? I didn't expect to develop some sorta crush on Heidi, now that I think about it, I don't.. really feel anything but sympathy for her.

But if the girls think that I may be attracted to her maybe they see something I just can't see yet.

Maybe I do like Heidi.'

He unintentionally shook his head, grasping the idiocy of his own denial mind.

April 23, 2019

'I 'fought' Cartman today, kinda. It was just a tiny punch in the face that knocked him out cold.

He was being a douche, couldn't just move on from Heidi. Just couldn't let go because maybe spite? Or maybe he just likes being able to degrade someone who he knew will still be stuck on to his bullshit with 'no' choice but to deal with. Someone who'll indulge him, praise him and naively expecting him to change. Even though they were being manipulated by him that very instant.

Still, I MAY feel a little bad.. for doing what I did.

It's more of a certainty to show what it REALLY is to be in a healthy relationship, and to make sure no one fell again into Cartman's manipulative lies.

Someone has to teach him a lesson, someone has to put that fat bastard in his place. Someone has to make him realize it's not worth chasing after a girl that isn't doing anything wrong but like him back. Someone he truly just doesn't like and just uses to pin his shit on to them, dragging them with him. Turning them in him.

It's like Cartman was self destroying himself even more as that relationship continued to build, and planned to just take Heidi with him as it falls down.

Cartman wasn't happy, he was bummed all the time, and his energy just seemed drained. I find it quite annoying, mostly when he bashes about it and saying it's because of Heidi yet he showed no mean on dumping her anytime soon.

Good to know he didn't have to, making it easy for him to just move on!

Pretty much she handed him a way out and he shoved it up his ass. Typical Cartman, can't let something go if it doesn't end his way, childishly whining and making a fit as it didn't go as planned.

Claiming he no longer wanted to deal with Heidi but now begged to have her back, that he 'needed' her to be happy when he fucking wasn't.

What class of miserable logic was that?

Oh, I am now also dating Heidi Turner.'

April 25, 2019

'My first date with Heidi was unexplainable, it didn't last at all. She ended things off the moment I was immediately ready to take her out for a nice evening.

I'm disappointed, I tried, I really did, but I underestimated Cartman's commitment and stubbornness.

She was too far lost in Cartman's lies, he isn't gonna stop her now. She chose this path might aswell stick with it.

I already had gotten in to it too much, I was even warned and I didn’t listen, now I’m paying the consequences for it.

I've gotten my heartbroken two times and my hopes have been dragged enough, I'm not gonna follow in to this mess any longer; just listen to my friends on doing nothing and let it be.

If they want to willingly destroy each other, I won't care, it's not my problem anymore.

He'll realize eventually how bad it is to continue tagging along something he's forcing himself to be stuck with, instead of just using his common senses and rationalize his choices.

Even though it'll probably take awhile for he to do so, probably even get his balls kicked while trying to pathetically deny that his 'happiness' relied on only some girl.

Fuck Cartman.'

November 26, 2019

‘Cartman recently got broken up, now it seems to be legitimate. It also seems he had no plans on trying to pursue her any longer, he seems to have gotten over it very quickly even looked relieved.

I could probably say that fat fuck learned his lesson.

Things have been getting normal lately, the usual, but I figured I should just put a end to this chapter as I can now say for sure Cartman had also put it to end.’

He continually flipped page after page, reading through other small memories to heartwarming one of his friends or family. Stopping in to another peculiar but fond one.

December 2, 2019

Things like these are not meant to be forgotten, I must write this down engraving the essence of it, barely baring the possibility of it even happening

I just.. unbelievable, it’s fucking unbelievable.

Might as well shoot me in the head cause my eyes and ears just witnessed something mythologic. Something surreal that shouldn’t had happened but has somewhat craved seeing.

Generosity, from no other but from Cartman.

Me being proud of the fatass would be a underestimate, I can't described in exact words how I felt at that moment but I'll try describing it as best as I can.

Today was typically leveraging, having to be put up with the adults of town do something absolutely bizarre (stupid), we had to deal with Randy so we were targeted separately as being 'trouble', we as children were being pinned the blame on, than to the actual culprit.

It pissed them off ofcourse but it wasn't no surprise for them that Randy had use that excuse for his own dismay.

Somehow Stan managed to get us out from the cell we were put in, so it wasn't also a surprise for us to finish off the hell fire Randy Marsh had spread.

Apparently they needed something of great value to stop the gigantic robot that destroyed buildings in a dramatic 'godzilla' manner. People screamed in terror as they ran until they felt they were capable of going to. And well us four were confused, we weren't like at a place to go back home and get something valuable. We were stuck and in a middle of a crisis.

At the moment we were gonna give up and surrender as we had nothing, Cartman spoke up saying 'I do' and took it out from his pocket while grumbling under his breath unheard words as he gave the scientist (who was helping us) a small golden ring he previously had bragged about to me and the gang 'ha-hahaha! I got gold and you don't! Hahaha-ha! You cant steal this from me Kahl I'll have it on me 24/7 you sneaky little rat!' In his annoying mockingly manner and his dumb little dance as he sang it in tune.

We were all left bewildered, I know by how I had glanced to the guys to see if what I saw was real, and their surprised expression confirmed it.

Cartman gave his most precious ring to save south park out of his own will and heart.

I thought it was some type of charade or something with double gain but it seemed he didn't planned on doing anything at the end of it, just leaving home and cursing us out for being 'lame'.

It was so dreamy seeing him do that, he looked amazing doing something good for once, adorably innocent, I think he noticed it wasn't 'normal' of his character so he covered it up with a 'I'm doing it for Stan cause I know deep down he still cares for his dumbass dad,' But even that left me in 'awe'.

Fucking unbelievable.'

He continued flipping through pages realizing it wasn't so far off for him to start developing a sorta thing for fatass. He looked at a scribbled down page from the top, the writing was place on the bottom as if he was rethinking his words and overly stressed about it as he had ripped down some previously pages before writing on this one.

He realized this was already in the period of the covid crisis.

August 22, 2020

'Today was worrisome, Stan was acting differently (stress) motivated on wanting to help Butters build a bear during our school lockdown.

Ofcourse that just lead problems and various kids die (including kenny) in the process as we had convinced everyone to help out, we weren't supposed to escape neither ran off in the neighborhood.

Hiding from the police as we broke in the build a bear shop, Stan desperately attempting to build a bear while we tried reasoning with him that it was impossible without an adult's help, while surrounded by police officers outside.

And then there was Cartman AGAIN leaving us bewildered as he gave up the pangolin pitying Stan, again, for Stan.

It was starting to be a sorta thing of his to be doing small acts of good being 'Stan' influenced, it was starting to bug me.

I told Stan off on the phone before bed; what was up with him and Cartman but he was left confused and I hanged up before he could say anything.

The fuck with those two?'

He flipped through those pages smiling incredulous realizing how dumb he was to not see his own jealous arising.

September 10, 2020

'I told Cartman off his bullshit but it's like he didn't get me at all, that piece of shit.

I had told him in a way that didn't expose my skepticism without ridiculing myself but also in a way that he'll understand instantly.

'What? Are you gonna go do something about it for your boyfriend?' I had told him.

We were discussing about continuing on heading downtown and hang out or follow through whatever Randy had gotten in to revolving his weed business as he had called pleading Stan to help him with something while we were already on the way.

Stan groaned annoyed hanging up pinching the bridge of his nose contemplating on doing his dad's request or not, Cartman chimed in shrugging it off saying 'maybe if we take a cab and go to the fist seven eleven we see; grab the cheapest lighter there is and just swoop in, give your dad the lighter. Probably expecting it to last a minute-' he kept blabbering some type of vengeful scheme while Stan grunted shoving his hands inside his pockets.

'I dunno man, I'm really tired of Mr. Marsh issues rubbing on us,' Kenny told the four expecting for us to continue the first plan we had in mind.

'Yeah, but if Stan-' Cartman tried speaking for Stan, and when I mean TRY, I meant I interrupted him.

'What? Are you gonna do something about it for your boyfriend?'

I saw how Cartman acted as if he didn't know what I meant, arching those thin brows of his and squinting his glinting eyes in 'confusion'.

It pissed me off some more.

But Stan intervene claiming he really didn't want to get involved in his dad's shit today so we left it there.

Was it too much? No. I think. I'm just tired of this dumb act of Cartman's but I'm also tired of Randy's charades like Kenny had stated, it's just too much.

And what's up with Stan not saying anything about it? Like, he's just shrugging off that Cartman has openly stated most of the time being 'him' the reason he does nice things.

That's not normal, I wouldn't just shrug it off if I we're Stan.

I.. I'm not sure exactly what would I do if it were ME he'd do those nice things for, but I know I wouldn't ignore it. I'd probably ask for an explanation or something, fuck, maybe even see his limits, push him through exposing those good layers in him, analyzing his every movements, gestures, words, see if I could captivate some lie or genuine act.

Fuck, I wish I were Stan.'

Flipping through more pages, he recalled many other questionable moments between him and Cartman but this one stole the take.

July 9, 2022

'It was a blissful and snowy day, and Cartman couldn't stop nagging about me not getting him a birthday present.

In reality, I didn't give him a present cause I really didn't know what to give him (he isn't really easy to please when it comes from me.) So I justified myself saying he didn't deserve it and 'why would I want to give anything to someone who's a egocentric selfish piece of shit?', which isn't entirely untrue either.

In all honesty I was already getting tired of Cartman's nagging so I decided to go to Walmart and purchase some pizza rolls and call it even.

But, I just couldn't help myself but to eye a nice ceramic shiny white tea set that was placed in display. I remembered how Cartman has always had a thing for that type of stuff, he loves tea and also loves to do tea parties (which was very embarrassing) but nonetheless was something I knew he liked and I just remembered how Cartman still kept his old tea set in use, he was probably not capable on just buying a new one.

That was the perfect damn present, okay? I didn't have a choice.

It wasn't too much of me to go into a competition of pottery crazy lovers and compete for some limited edition tea set made from some old japanese master they idolized as some god, just for Cartman.

Okay, I may had done a little too much effort, but I was determined on not losing against a bunch of geeks, alright? NOT just Cartman.

I limped tirelessly twoards Cartman's door step with a tea set in hands, knocked clumsy trying to not fall in the ground by my wobbly legs.

And just shoved it in Cartman's arms as he opened the door with pj's on, declaring it was already late at night when I had finished that whole ordeal.

'You better not break it fatass.'

And I left, hoping Cartman would stop complaining of my absent present once and for all.'

He smiled knowingly he did. Tracing with his finger a couple of scribbles down at the end edge were he remembered he tried venting out his feelings with out actually really ripping off the page he wrote just cause he was angrily embarrassed to admit how much he WANTED to get that tea set for Cartman.

How he knew it'll make him happy. How he'll love it.

And worse part of it all, he was right. Cartman loved it and he really didn't know what to feel everytime they'd go to his house and he’d see the set place in his table, so neatly place it looked intentional.

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[damagedintellect]

Craig Tucker x Fem!reader

💌 Craig Tucker is a mother fucker: Chapter 2  💌  

Summary:  You want to say that it wasn't your fault buuuuuut it kinda was. You didn't think much of it as you casted your joke vote for the "Hottest guy in school" and in hindsight you should never listen to Clyde but it was pretty funny at the time. Craig just wanted a peaceful junior year and you can't blame him for that however waking up the morning after a party, in his bed, being told that you two were dating wasn't exactly your definition of peaceful either.

Notes:  I was always too scared of the fandom to post it back in the day but I wrote this before Creek was made canon so let's just say Craig is bi for my sake because I've had a huge crush on him since forever. My S/O pointed out that Craig is just Trafalgar Law but with a guinea pig instead of a polar bear and I haven't been the same since I have a type and it's them.

💌 Word count: 3,047 💌  <= Previous | Chapter 3 =>

The next morning everyone anxiously awaited the results of the list. There was a crowd around the bulletin board as Wendy and the other heads of the committee were about to post the results. Cartman stood in the way.

"Cartman what are you doing we're trying to post the results." He only cleared his throat with a shit eating grin "Ehem" he pulled out a piece of paper of his own "On behalf of the boys WE decided it was high time that we made our own list." Cartman posted the list and walked away. Wendy looked at it and grit her teeth. It took a lot for her to not punch Cartman in the face. As more people got to view the lists the entire school was in an uproar over both of them.

You woke up late and missed all the commotion. By the time you made it to the main hallway you saw a big crowd around the bulletin board and a shocked Wendy who looked just as pale as she did yesterday. You didn't even need to look at the hot guys list, you knew already. You heard that this was the first time in 3 years that Stan wasn't the number 1 hottest guy in school, you knew since you turned in your vote that Craig had won. You broke the tie after all, but no one needed to know that. You hoped no one knew. On top of that it was more of Clyde's vote than yours but that's beside the point. Clyde asked you to keep it a secret and to your knowledge Wendy would be the only other person that knew. For some reason as you walked through the halls everyone kept looking at you muttering to themselves. You had chills as you made your way to your first class.

You looked around as everyone was shuffling in to their seats and to your surprise it seemed like Craig wasn't there. It was only the second day and he was already skipping class. You'd hate to admit but it made your class kind of boring. Well for the most part it was boring. You noticed that people would look at you a lot more than they have since you moved here. You wondered if there was something on your face or in your teeth. As the bell rang you walked a little faster to your next class. Honestly the attention was starting to creep you out. You turned out of the main hallway to a less populated route and that's when you saw Stan and Wendy. You were going to say hi to them when Stan put his arm around her. You immediately turned back the way you came but you bumped into someone. You weren't falling but they grabbed onto your wrist "We need to talk, now!" it was Craig and he did not look happy.

"When did you get here?" He didn't answer as he pulled you along to an empty hallway and pushed you up against the wall "(Y/n), did you give Clyde your vote or did you vote for me yourself." you stared at him, it took you a little bit to register what he said. You didn't hear anything past your name. You think this is the first time he's called you by your first name. He never calls you by your first name that's kind of a thing you both do. It's not rocket science you call him Tucker and he calls you (L/n), he broke the rules. You felt weird but you tried to shake it off "You called me (Y/n) are you feeling okay" you put your hand to his forehead. He was pretty warm but not warm enough to be running a fever. Craig grabbed your shoulders leaning in as you flinched in response. What is happening to you. You heartbeat quickened and you couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Did you vote for me because Clyde told you too or-."

"Why does it matter?" You spat back as he released you and growled pacing back and forth "Wendy said that you were the last one to vote and that up until that point it was tied and Clyde was going around asking for people's votes yesterday. He thinks he was being sneaky but that bastard forgot I was there when he asked you." you couldn't help but laugh at his frustration. This was the biggest range of emotions you've seen from him to this day.

"I almost forgot. Congrats on being the hottest guy in school." you shot him a finger gun and wink before you continued "But my lips are sealed" you pretended to zip up your lips and started to walk away. You felt him follow you, he was in your class after all. "Do you even understand how irritating this is for me?" you took your seat and Craig sat next to you despite that not being where he sat yesterday. Glancing around, it seemed that the class was more talkative than before especially when you two walked in together. "Hmmm let me think about it." You took a long pause sustaining a "hm" as you pretend to mull it over "Nope I have no idea." you smiled at him and turned towards the board.

"Um that's my seat." you heard someone say to Craig "Not today, it isn't." wow Craig was not having it. You heard the other guy huff but go away. This was really bothering him for some reason, like you knew it was going to annoy him but you weren't expecting it to be this bad. You turned back to him, he looked as pale as Wendy did this morning and he seemed just as jittery at Tweek. Honestly you wouldn't be surprised if he passed out, maybe you should take him to the nurse. You tried to pay attention during class but you could feel him staring at you. Today was a really weird day.

As soon as class ended you got up and walked out. You made your way to the cafe and again people were staring and whispering. It wasn't until you got to the usual table that you put two and two together.

"How's the hottest couple in school doing?" Clyde welcomed you while Bebe and the rest clapped "Congrats guys"

"Hold up hold up hold up." you paused "WHAT!?"

"Apparently the guys were making their own list and apparently you're the hottest girl in the school (Y/n)" Bebe said as all the blood left your face "Clyde I swear to god is this what you were doing yesterday!" you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shook him for emphasis "I thought you only rigged Craig's votes!" Everyone on the table glanced at each other for a moment.

"Since when do you call him Craig?" you heard Token say as Craig snapped also grabbing onto Clyde "You mother fucker I knew you had something to do with it!" Clyde put his hands up in defense "What the fuck (Y/n), you said you wouldn't tell!" you dropped your grip on his shirt "Did you rig the votes for me!"

"No, (Y/n) you won on your own." he looked at you and back to Craig "I did vote for you though but I didn't think you BOTH would win. I thought it would be funny if it happened, but seriously how much influence do you think I have." Craig dropped him and groaned "Ugh this is so annoying." you sighed sitting down "Tell me about it." you see other tables stare and whisper.

"I don't see what's so annoying, you should be happy so many people voted for both of you." Bebe said genuinely happy for you "I-I am so confused. I would have thought that it would have been you or Wendy. I don't see how I was even in contention." Craig looked at you and rolls his eyes while Token chimes in "Well Wendy placed second and Bebe placed third but I did hear you won by a few votes and not just one" he jabs Craig's arm

"Fuck off" Craig crossed his arms and hunched over. "Argh, It doesn't matter! There are more rumors than ever plus all these girls trying to flirt with me. I just wanted a peaceful Junior year is that so much to ask!"

"Yes, yes it is. Dude look at who you're best friends with." Clyde motioned to himself but Craig ignored him "Hey Tweek, Clyde is dead to me I'm looking for a new best friend." everyone laughed while Clyde fell silent with his mouth opened. You put a hand on Clyde's shoulder "Shocked Pikachu" Clyde pushed your hand off "I hate you guys" Bebe hugged Clyde "Aw you know you love us." He tried not to smile but he couldn't help it you all were assholes but you were his assholes.

The bell rang not too long after that and everyone went to their next class. You had Theatre with most of the guys next. Yesterday was pretty boring so you zoned out as the teacher was going over the misconceptions of Shakespeare, iambic pentameter, and the difference between poetry and verse. Today you were getting scenes to work on to get used to the feel of the rhythm but ever since word got out that your teacher was certified with Dueling Arts International everyone pretty much begged them for the scenes with heavy stage combat. You were not one of these people. Between Clyde, Token, Kyle, Cartman, Stan, and Craig you didn't trust any of them with broadswords let alone yourself. You take it back, it seems the scenes were from Romeo and Juliet so you would actually be fighting with rapiers. Not as scary but still dangerous. Most of the girls also opted out of combat, which was nice since the best scenes were of Juliet and the Nurse. As everyone got handed their scenes the teacher looked you over a little bit longer before handing you one.

"I feel like you would do well with the balcony scene, Stan will be your partner." you were taken aback "S-S-Stan?" You and Stan. The love scene. You cleared your throat trying to get a hold of yourself "You didn't want stage combat?" he shook his head and gestured over to the rest of the group who were being shown how to hold the broadswords "Nah, I don't want to get in between Kyle and Cartman with swords. I'm just going to play it safe until football season starts." you nod as you look over and see Clyde already goofing off "Fair enough, I was thinking the same thing about Clyde and Craig" he awkwardly smiles as you both looked over the scene. It's such a romantic scene you looked up from your script and over at Stan. This was your opportunity to get closer to him but what could you even say to him. You didn't want to embarrass yourself. In the end you were too nervous to start a conversation and you both just worked on the scene and you cursed yourself for it.

The class period was just for practice you'd be getting a new scene and partner next class. However the teacher did want to see you perform the scenes before the end of class. You and Stan were told that you could use one of the side stage tables for the height difference. You and Stan set up the table carefully making sure the other groups had enough room. "Are you sure you're okay with standing on the table?" Stan asks as he helps you up. You tried dancing about to see how wobbly it was "It seems stable enough, I should be fine." You run the scene a few more times after that. The words came out so natural to you and Stan stood staring in amazement. "I'm still kind of tripping over words but you're really good at this (Y/n)."

You blush slightly, little did he know it wasn't so much that you were good at acting. It was because you were saying it to him that made it sound just right. "All I did was put the beats in the right spots. Once you break it down it's simple. It seems every second syllable has the emphasis." you tried to sound smart taking this opportunity to start a conversation while you still had the chance, but it was short lived.

Your teacher approached you before he could reply, they were excited to see this scene. You guys started out just fine but Cartman got a little too excited to be playing Tybalt and pushed Kyle harder than he should have. Kyle knocked into the table causing you to loose your balance. For you it felt like you were falling in slow motion before you fell hitting your head pretty hard on the floor. You tried to keep your eyes open but they closed on their own. The last thing you saw was Stan, Clyde and Craig hovering over you to see if you were okay.

Moments ago Clyde and Craig were practicing their scene. It was the last fight scene in the play Clyde was Paris meaning Craig was Romeo. They we marking the fight choreography at 15% speed as Clyde spoke. "This is kinda fitting don't you think?" Craig waited until the end of the phrase before speaking. He didn't really understand what Clyde was referring to but he assumed it had to deal with you. "What are you even talking about?" Clyde smirked and put an arm around Craig, gesturing to you from across the room "You being Romeo and (Y/n) playing Juliet." Clyde wiggled his eyebrows at Craig who stares blankly at him "And you're Paris, what's your point?" Clyde waved him off and shyly smiled "Actually I like Bebe but that's not what I'm getting at, it's funny because Romeo cares about Juliet." He nudges him in the side until Craig pushed him away "I fucken don't." He rolls his eyes in your direction and his eyes widen. Clyde follows his line of sight and they both see you fall off the table. Clyde watched as Craig instantly dropped the sword and rushed over. Clyde carefully put his sword down before also running to check on you. He couldn't help but stare at Craig thinking to himself.

"He really has no idea what his feelings are"

When you came to you were in the nurse's office but the nurse didn't seem to be around and for some reason you had Craig's jacket draped over you. You turned to see him sitting in the corner on his phone "Well, look who's alive. How are you feeling?"

"Not great." you groaned rubbing the back of your head "Why are you here?" Craig shrugged not looking up from his phone "Well Clyde and I carried you here but the nurse was out. Clyde didn't want to wait, said he had class with Bebe so he left." He shifted in his seat "I stayed because I've been getting bothered by stupid girls since this morning and I don't feel like going to class." he looked over at the clock despite having his phone right in front of him "I thought the nurse would eventually come back but I guess I was wrong." you laid back down, his jacket was warm and comfy. "Is that why I have your jacket?"

"You were out cold turkey. I thought it would help." he said and went back to messing with his phone.

You put his jacket on. It was pretty big on you, you liked it, you were swimming in it. It made you smile as you flail your arms making the sleeves flop about. You did this for a few minutes not exactly having anything else to do to kill time. You only stopped when you heard muffled laughter "How hard did you hit your head?" You hugged yourself tightly "I like this. This is mine now you're not getting this back." he rolled his eyes at you. "If you say so."

The bell rang and you slowly sat up, you seemed to be fine for the time being. Plus you were super comfy in Craig's jacket. You reached for your stuff but Craig grabbed it for you. He didn't say anything and you didn't either. You just stare at each other. He started to walk out of the room so you just followed him.

There were more eyes on you then you would like. Probably because you were wearing his jacket. You looked up at Craig, he wasn't paying attention. He seemed to be walking slower than usual which is weird because normally he would want to get out of school as soon as possible. He kept checking his phone for some reason. He probably was trying to meet up with someone but you couldn't know for sure.

Once you guys made it to the entrance you could see that it was raining. You did have an umbrella back in your locker but then you would have to go and get it and it was on the other side of the school. You look over at Craig and pull up the sleeves enough to start unbuttoning the jacket. He looked at you and raised an eyebrow "What the fuck are you doing?"

"It's raining."

He sighed "Yeah, no shit Sherlock." you undid another button "I was going to give your jacket back." he smirked at you and crossed his arms "Oh? And here I thought you said it was your jacket now." he said in that snarky tone you loathed so much. You glared at him putting the jacket back on out of spite "Fine then, what's the game plan? You're just going to go jacketless?" he shrugged "Well I can't get a hold of Bebe or Clyde and I'd never hear the end of it if I left you here, so yeah I'm gonna go jacketless." you rubbed your temples you felt bad but he offered. "Okay fine but if you get sick tomorrow it's your own damn fault."

It was the weirdest day you've ever had, you were wearing Craig Tucker's jacket while he was walking you home.

[urmomsspeciallady]

Chapter One- will we ever learn

sign of the times - harry styles

POV: Leopold "Butters" Stotch

It happened again: one of my stupid nightmares.

I hate my stupid head so much.

These dreams feel the same every time, yet it never gets any easier. If it were easier, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

Now I’m awake; awake and sitting up stiff, drenched in my own sweat, with tears pooling down my face. I just need to remind myself that everything is alright. 

Everything is alright and I know it.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

It was just a dream.

In again.

Out again.

Just a dream.

Slowly my head meets the warmth of the pillow, just for a second until I decide to flip it over to the cooler side. I lay down again, I can sleep now. My hands press against my eyes as my breathing starts to steady.

I've got school in the morning and I need my sleep. But, hey, I’m sure that if I toss and turn for a while, I’ll eventually drift right back to sleep. I hope.

---

It's almost every night now and every night I cry. I thought they were getting better, really they were getting better but now… I’m not so sure.  I'm so wimpy. I’m surprised Eric hasn’t told anyone given his… sense of humor. But, I shouldn’t be that surprised, Eric is a good friend he wouldn't say anything. I’d be mortified.

I shake my head in hopes to physically shake the thoughts away.

"I’m going to have a good day." I smile at myself in the mirror. 

I watch my hair bounce as I brush it. That’s one of the things I like about myself: my hair. It’s a deep blonde, it’s fluffy, and longer than usual. Granted, the length is due to my parents forgetting to set a hair appointment but I like it like this. 

I play with the long strands of waves at the nape of my neck and smile. I set the comb down on the counter and follow my routine.

When I walk down the stairs, I spot the napkin with toasted bagels and morning medicine my parents set out for me if they have long work days. I guess I get some alone time.

I sigh and head out the door. I quickly grab my phone from my pocket. I check the time: 3 minutes until the bus arrives.

"Oh geez.."

My pace hastens and eventually I near the oh-so-familiar spot. Lined up in a row next to the bright yellow bus stop sign stood my life long friends: Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenneth McCormick and Eric Cartman.

Shoving one bagel in my mouth and the other in my pocket, I run over to the bus stop waving at my friends. Taking a bite and removing the food from my mouth I greet them.

"Hey, fellas!"

Stan gives a nod.

Kyle's lips turn into a thin smile just to fall back again.

Kenny waves back.

And Eric just stares. "You were almost late."

I pay no mind to his brashness. "Oh yeah, I had a hard time sleeping. But I did make it, didn't I?" 

He shrugs and the bus pulls up. Each of us piles on and makes it to our normal seats.

I sit down right next to Kenny with my hands sat on my lap and the bus jolts to a start. We sit for a while, before he speaks up.

"Good morning."

I'd like to look out the window right now. The snow is falling on the trees beautifully today. "'Mornin, Ken."

The ride was quiet, that is apart from my classmates shouting around the bus. Reaching to grab my second bagel, I turn to look at Kenny. He was turned towards the window next to him, his chin rested on his hand, elbow rested on his backpack.

My hand turns out to him, offering the bagel. Eyes meeting mine, he smiles and accepts it. 

The route to the school was always chaotic, but I sat quietly with my eyes closed, breathing steadily just trying to wake up. 

After a while, the bus came to a halt and with that was scrambles of my classmates getting off. I felt a small nudge on my side and took the signal. I sit up and start making my way to the front. I can hear Kenny's muffled voice. Once my feet meet the sidewalk, I turn around and ask him to repeat his statement. 

"Sorry I didn't hear ya; it's so loud on the bus." We begin to walk inside.

"It's alright! I just asked if you were okay." Kenny looked like he missed a lot of sleep too. There were bags under his eyes, his golden hair was messier than normal. Ken couldn’t even use his hood to try and hide his bedhead anymore; he wore the same old orange parka he always had, yet by now he’s grown into it.

Wait, am I okay?

"Hmm?"

I am okay! 

"Yeah I am Ken, thanks for askin'!"

"No problem, Leo. Let’s go before we miss a single second of class!" His pace quickens as we enter the school.

"We wouldn't want that, would we." I giggle, starting to catch up with him.

Yeah, today's going to be a good day.

----- end of chapter

this is the first chapter ~ next >

[paisleywraith]

Curses, Curses Chapter 3

Junior year is often considered the most difficult year of high school. Kyle would agree with that on a regular day, he didn’t need some magical bullshit wriggling its fingers at him and turning him into an ass-old Bill Murray movie reboot.

Kyle woke up for the fourth time, staring at his wrist. No bracelet. He sighed, rubbing his eyes as he tried to recap the past days.

Okay. Day one, normal. Day two, repeat. Day three, freak out and start panicking and get yourself sent to a doctor. The memory of his mother crying and fussing over her poor, mentally broken child made his cheeks burn and his heart ache. He was sent to a hospital, treated like a basket case, and that was 100% the last thing he wanted.

So now what?

Concentrate. Kyle clicked off his alarm before it could go off, bringing his knees to his chest. What could he do now?

He needed to see a friendly face. Kyle scowled at the notebook in his bookbag, but sent a text to Stan first. Just to make something different.

Kyle B: I’m bringing your notebook. See you soon.

He dressed quickly, shoving a hat over his ears and not bothering to check the reply.

In the kitchen, he grabbed a granola bar and stuffed it in his bag.

“Too busy to eat breakfast, Mr President?” Ike snarked from over his omelette.

“Had a bad night, you little nerd.” Kyle lovingly snarked back, reaching to ruffle his hair and earn a thoroughly irritable squawk. “Don’t tell Ma.”

Ike stuck his tongue out at him, a childish gesture he hadn’t used in a while and only pulled out when he was in a good mood. Kyle figured he was probably safe.

He didn’t bother waiting for the car to heat up all the way before jumping in. He was even earlier than usual, but he wanted to wait by the entrance for Stan. Who’d freaked out “yesterday” and sent a million texts of terror and sympathy. He could stand to see him today.

What was he going to do? He didn’t really want to sit down through classes today. Stan would probably pass out if he suggested they skip. He might be able to skip out and go to work and meet up with Stan later.

Kyle squinted. Passed two figures holding hands on the sidewalk, and pulled over.

Kenny’s head ducked into view soon after, Karen smiling beside him.

“Get in. I’ll give you guys a ride.” Kyle offered.

Kenny had been a constant texter yesterday as well, going so far as to offer to visit him in the hospital. Kyle hadn’t wanted to talk to him when his mother was weeping over his bedside, but he remembered the consideration. Especially considering he hadn’t even seen Kenny that day. Apparently, Stan was freaking out at school and the guy had been there to calm him down. He owed him. After years of pretty much radio silence, he was still treating them like friends.

Karen whooped, letting go of her brother’s hand to pretty much leap into the backseat, opening the door with abandon. Kenny’s grin widened, and he spared his sister a glance before hopping into the car next to Kyle.

“Hi Kyle!” Karen chirped, sitting right in the middle of the backseat. “Thanks!”

“Yeah, no problem,” Kyle shifted gears again, heading towards the school. “No reason for you guys to walk in the snow.”

Karen shivered into her coat, grinning at Kyle through the rearview mirror. Funny, he used to think the McCormick siblings looked very little like one another, but there was so much Kenny in her face.

Kenny wasn’t wearing a coat, just a sweatshirt, which he absently tugged up over his lips as he smiled out the window.

Kyle almost asked how their Christmas was, but he’d already asked that. He licked his lips. He hadn’t thought this far yet. He couldn’t mention anything the past few days, of course, and couldn’t remember when the last time they hung out was. His palms were sweating he was getting nervous.

“So, Smart Stuff,” Kenny spoke up, ankle crossed over knee and gazing outside. “Whatcha at school so early for?”

“What are you two at school so early for?” Kyle challenged him, and Kenny turned with a slight smirk, ready to fight, but Karen beat him to it.

“I have tutoring in the mornings.” Karen tugged at a raggedy, hand knit scarf draped over her neck.

Oh thank God. School he could manage.

“What subject?”

“Chemistry.”

Kyle smiled. Kenny tapped his fingers against the window.

“She’s getting good grades,” Kenny was quick to pick up. “She’s doing layout stuff for the newspaper right now.”

“I saw that,” Kyle mentioned. “I saw your name on the stafflines. Do you like it?”

“It’s fun,” Karen said, meeting Kyle’s eyes again in the mirror. “The people that work there can be rude though.”

“Tell me where in the school people aren’t, I’ll actually sign up for something.” Kenny drawled, making his sister roll her eyes and smile.

Definitely a lot of Kenny in Karen, just in a different way. She was less teasing, more actually willing to offer a real answer. Yet she still had the (Kyle couldn’t think of a better word for it,) impertinence Kenny wore around everywhere he went. He hadn’t noticed the youngest McCormick lately, aside from her name popping up or smiling at her in the hallway.

Kyle pulled over in front of the school.

“All out,” He called. “I’ll park and be in later.”

“Thanks, Kyle.” Karen swung her door open, hopping on one foot to adjust a boot before darting inside.

Kenny turned to meet Kyle’s eyes. He felt himself freeze. He was far too close to Kenny, he could see the different shades of blue in his eyes, under lank, greasy bangs.

Something odd flickered in his eyes for a moment, but after a glance back in Karen’s direction, Kenny turned back around and smiled easily as normal.

“Thanks, Ky. See you later.” With a flirtatious wink, the taller boy exited the car with a cheerful wave. Kyle watched him go for a moment, then moved the car into drive without another word.

 Stan bought his excuse that he was sick, and treated him sympathetically. He chattered on about things that at least differed from the first Thursday, and Kyle half-listened in between classes. Just the familiarity of a friend was nice, helped calm him down.

Sometimes.

 Kyle poked at the food he’d bought at the cafeteria, glaring at it like it personally offended him. Stan was pretty sure he wasn’t paying attention to anything he was saying. Time for a check question.

“What do you think?”

Kyle looked up from his meal, trying to look impassive. Stan did not look amused.

“Uh-huh.” He rolled his eyes at his auburn-haired friend. “I knew you weren’t listening. Where’s your mind today, man?”

“I told you, I don’t feel well.” Kyle grumped. He stabbed a fork viciously in the mashed potatoes and looked dismayed when it stayed upright.

“You’re really on edge,” Stan commented, watching his friend. “You don’t look sick.”

Kyle shot him a look. Halfhearted, like he didn’t quite have the anger to keep it there. He sighed through his nose, going back to staring at his food.

Stan looked between Kyle and potatoes before trying to prompt his unnaturally-quiet friend to talk.

“Heard you saw Kenny today.” Stan was rewarded with Kyle’s furrowed brows easing.

“Yeah.”

Interesting. Kyle didn’t hang out with Kenny much anymore. Or anyone, really.

“How is he?”

“Seems fine,” Kyle murmured. “Gave him and Karen a ride. I think Karen will be tall, too.”

Stan frowned. That was a weird comment. He didn’t get to mention it before Kyle spoke up again.

“I don’t have any classes with Kenny.” He commented.

“We did Freshman year,” Stan recalled. “I still have a couple.” He looked at Kyle, who was looking thoughtful. “You’re in all those highbrow classes, dude. You’re boring.”

Kyle scoffed, looking more like himself for a moment. “Jerk.”

Both of them were quiet for a bit. Stan watched Cartman across the refectory, surrounded by ‘yes pals’ he picked up around the beginning of high school.

“Can you stop by the library before you go home today?”

Stan looked back at Kyle, bewildered. He caught himself before he said “what?!” or something to make Kyle retreat.

“Sure, dude.” Stan said carefully, watching his friend. Kyle nodded a couple times and said nothing.

Stan’s worry only increased.

 Work wasn’t helping him calm down.  

“Excuse me-”

“James Joyce. Over in the fictional classics. Second shelf.”

Kyle ignored the girl’s weird look entirely and went about planning.

Why couldn’t something about this benefit him? If he had to give a speech or do a test, this repetitiveness would have been helpful. He was going to become crazy really quick.

SLAM

Kyle nearly jumped out of his fucking skin.

He looked up to nearly touch noses with a grinning Kenny McCormick. He jumped a second time, jerking the rolling chair back.

He was still so close he could see the damn eyelashes on Kenny’s face and a hint of freckles. Kenny’s grin widened as Kyle was startled speechless.

“What’s up, cutie?” Kenny’s eyes were sparking with humor. “You’re awful jumpy. You work at a library, Ky, not a jewelry store. I doubt you get many robberies.”

“Oh, shut up.” Kyle found his tongue again. “It is a library, I don’t have a lot of people beating my desk up.” He shoo’d Kenny off from leaning over it. Stan popped up behind the tall blond. “So you brought this thing along, huh?” He tried not to let the affection bleed through the words, but it was a losing battle.

“Hey, you looked down,” Stan pointed out with a poorly-hidden smile. He looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. “Kenny’s good for a morale boost.”

“Damn right, Stanny-boy.” Kenny flashed him a grin before going back to leaning over Kyle’s desk. “But I have work in twenty minutes, so I won’t be in your curly little locks for long, Kyle.”

Kyle brushed the curls escaping from under his hat self-conciously without thinking about it, but he couldn’t help the slight curl of his lips.

“You guys are just-” He shook his head, unable to keep the smile off his lips any longer. “Fine. Just lower your voices.”

There was something very comforting about having the two here, Stan with his hands in his jacket pockets and a beaming smile and Kenny leaning on his desk, eyes all different colors of blue like a crazy mosaic. Kyle may almost be an adult, but this comfort was sorely needed. He felt a rush of affection for them both.

“So what can I help you assholes with?” Kyle asked with all the love in his heart.

             Kyle drew four long lines on his arm before clicking his lamp off. One for each day he’d lived through. He was hoping, desperately, that whatever reset he had didn’t apply to his own body.

           He’d spent his time after his friends left and at home trying to do research, apply logic to this all. He didn’t have any regrets he needed righting, he didn’t have anyone he particularly hated (And if the universe was trying to get him to reconcile with Eric the whole universe could suck it because that wasn’t happening.) He was content with his life, headed towards his future. So why a roadblock?

           Kyle pressed his lips together, reaching for his phone.

           Kyle B: Hey Kenny?

           To be honest, he didn’t really have a reason to be reaching out. No real question. Just a need for another voice in his head that wasn’t his own, and Stan was already worried over him.

           Kenny M: wassup homeskillet

           Kyle closed his eyes to keep from rolling them, lips twitching.

           Kyle B: You’re ridiculous.

           Kenny M: u kno u love me

           Kyle B: You and Karen want a ride to school tomorrow, jackass?

           Kenny took his time answering. Kyle fidgeted. He’d just looked for something to say, he didn’t mean for it to be- that was cool, right? Just offering to give a ride?

           Blip!

           Kyle nearly punched himself in the face in his haste to open the message.

           Kenny M: sure

           Kyle B: I usually leave at seven.

           Kenny M: works 4 us

           Kyle gave his phone a pale smile. Okay. Well. Guess he was picking them up tomorrow.

           Kyle B: See you tomorrow, Kenny.

           Kenny M: ;)

           Kyle kept his phone in his hands, jaw locked as he stared at the ceiling. Please. Just let this day pass.

[savalkas]

Shingeki no Kyojin Ch 93

Spoilers up to Chapter 93 of Shingeki no Kyojin

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So how do you feel about Ymir’s death?

I have not been convinced it’s true.

The circumstances surrounding Ymir’s alleged death are vaguer and more confusing than anything else Isayama has written for more than half a decade. The more I read, research, and think about all these details, the less convinced I am that she’s dead.

Let’s reread Ch 93. Page 24’s middle panel has a ‘narrative flashback’ of Marcel shoving Reiner to save him. People assume that this is him recalling Marcel’s last memory. That’s perfectly reasonable to conclude, but this isn’t one of Marcel’s memories. If it was, it should be in 1st person. This is a ‘narrative flashback’ which is being used to remind us of Marcel and reinforce that Galliard is his brother. I distinguish flashbacks as ‘narrative flashbacks’ (specifically made for the readers IRL) as opposed to ‘1st person POV memories’ (the kind Eren has when recalling another person’s memories). This is a distinction I think is worth noting and will be relevant later. The next panel on the same page has Reiner (with an expression that is either surprised or hopeful) deducing that he saw Marcel’s memories, to which Galliard says, “No, unfortunately, I still haven’t seen the part where you left my brother behind and ran away like a coward.” Could Galliard have been being sarcastic? Absolutely… but his next words were, “But… I was able to understand Ymir, even if only just a bit…” So if the 1st statement isn’t sarcasm, he’s saying ‘I don’t have my brother’s memory, but I understand Ymir a bit.’ Structurally, those two statements make sense without sarcasm, so I don’t believe he was being sarcastic. We as readers do not have a solid grasp on how memories operate in Snk. With the exception of Historia seeing 1st person AND 3rd person memories of her father as she killed him in Ch 68, we’ve only seen Eren seeing 1st person inherited memories. Was Reiner surprised or hopeful because memory retention is rare?

It wouldn’t be difficult for Galliard to understand Ymir since in his ‘narrative flashback’ on P25 he’s in human form and she has no mouth gag, no hand wraps, and no chain around her waist. There were panels of Eren in the cave where his waist would be obscured by the platform he was on, but here Ymir is drawn with a clear view of her torso and no waist chains in sight. That’s stupid! The chains on the arms are enough to hold a victim in place! Apparently not since willing victim Uri and unwilling victim Eren both had waist chains. So they’re blown back against a wall, so what? Well, if the shifter gets blown back and dies hitting their head against the wall their power would be transferred to a random Eldian baby either in a ghetto or on Paradis. If that happens Marley would have to deal with a mindless titan in the sacrifice chamber and start looking for a baby shifter which MIGHT be born to their enemies on Paradis. It’s better to be safe than sorry. That’s just an insignificant detail!

Well, here’s some more ‘insignificant details’. The ‘narrative flashback’ doesn’t show a mindless titan, it shows a calm, human Galliard with his empty hands by his sides. With the exception of Dina, all the Eldians in Ch 87 have a loud, violent, painful reaction to the injection before transforming very quickly afterwards. Young Eren certainly does at the end of Ch 62! Galliard is not in pain in this ‘narrative flashback’ and he doesn’t have a syringe in his hands. Is it improbable to consider that he’s talking to her? That’s an easy way to “understand Ymir, even if only just a bit…” She could have just TOLD him she wanted to bring the Jaw back to Marley; she’s not gagged after all. Alternatively, Reiner could have told him (if Ymir told Reiner about her intentions) or Galliard could have learned about it from a mission report. No, he could ONLY learn the things through eating her! Then how does Falco know about Reiner’s head being blown off- did he NEED to eat Reiner to learn that?! Then Galliard does something odd for a person who supposedly has Ymir’s memories: he ASKS Reiner what he did on Paradis. Shouldn’t he know the answer if he has her memories? Wait, does Galliard ever even say he has Ymir’s memories? Does Galliard ever provide proof he has Ymir’s memories? No, he doesn’t.

I have this nagging feeling that *something* is weird about Reiner and Galliard’s conversation and it’s not helped by the conflicting translations. The Yonkouprod translation was terrible (Falco’s family name was wrong, Colt was implied to know Zeke’s Royal heritage, Annie and Bertholdt were implied to have children…). The mangastream translation was deemed more accurate. The middle panel of P26 is extremely important, but it suffers from translation discrepancies. It’s a ‘narrative flashback’ of all the 104 (minus Eren) with Reiner as the focus, holding a barrel.

The awful Yonkouprod translation has all three bubbles being spoken by Galliard: “I saw you within that woman’s memories. What was that? You looked like a man that everybody depended on.”

The more accepted Mangastream translation, however, had Reiner speaking in all 3 bubbles: “You got that woman’s memories so you saw it, didn’t you? I had this image of a guy who could be really counted on…”

Now the “official” Mangalife translation has all three bubbles being spoken by Galliard: “I saw you through her memories. What was with you? You were acting like you were some kind of strong, reliable figure…”

Since the word bubbles have no tails pointing to Galliard or Reiner, we have to use the text itself to determine who is talking. I can’t read Japanese, but I was curious why these translators can’t agree on who’s talking. Which translation should we trust? We know Yonkouprod is garbage so I ignore it completely. I’ve heard that the “official” translation is Mangalife’s. Does that mean that the English volumes published by Kodansha Comics are based on Mangalife’s translations? (Seriously, I really don’t know.) Ch 78 on Mangalife’s website is the same as the one in the English version of Volume 19 that I’m holding in my hand, right now. That’s a HUGE PROBLEM because the bottom right panel of Page 26 highlights WHY I don’t trust Mangalife: Galliard says, “It was almost like… …I you were trying to imitate Marcel.” That “I you” is a very revealing typo. Mangalife’s translation of chapter 78 IS WRONG. On page 22 it’s CLEAR that Armin only speaks in the 1st panel. All of the text is Bertholdt speaking, but Mangalife mixed up “I” and “you”! Guess what, Mangastream DIDN’T make that mistake.

Mangalife’s INCORRECT translation: “I wanted to make sure. I thought that when I appeared… you might start whining and begging for mercy again. But… it looks like you’re fine now. Yeah. You’re all cherished friends, and you’re really trying to kill us.”

Mangastream’s CORRECT translation: “I wanted to make sure… that I won’t break down and cry again… and beg for forgiveness… as soon as I stood before you guys. But… it seems to be fine. Yeah. You’re all my precious comrades, so I’ll just make sure to kill you properly.”

Even on a page where it’s VERY CLEAR that only Bertholdt is talking, Mangalife STILL mixes up “I” and “you”! So, unsurprisingly, they mix up “I” and “you” AGAIN on page 26 of chapter 93 in a conversation where it’s even MORE difficult to determine who’s talking. The typo of “It was almost like… …I you were trying to imitate Marcel” is a dead giveaway.

So the most accurate translation is most likely Mangastream’s “You got that woman’s memories so you saw it, didn’t you? I had this image of a guy who could be really counted on…”

Reiner is talking, NOT Galliard.

By the way, what’s the panel he’s speaking in showing? A ‘narrative flashback’. Whenever Eren recalls memories from someone other than himself, they’re from the person’s point of view (Frieda looking at a mirror, Grisha looking at the Reiss family, Frieda looking at Grisha, Grisha looking at the key, Grisha looking at Eren, Grisha holding up his hands as Eren’s mindless titan reaches for him). The beginning of ch63 has Historia regaining her memories of Frieda, all of them in 1st person since they were from her point of view. If this was Galliard recalling Ymir’s memories, the image should be in 1st person from Ymir’s perspective, but it can’t be because Ymir is in the shot. I do not believe that Isayama accidentally drew Ymir in this panel. Her inclusion is too deliberate. This is a ‘narrative flashback’ from Reiner’s memory which is supported by the fact that Reiner is the one speaking in the same panel, which is supported by Mangastream’s successful record of distinguishing between “I” and “you” in Ch 78. Furthermore, Reiner says, “You got that woman’s memories so you saw it, didn’t you?” He’s ASKING Galliard if he has Ymir’s memories.

Galliard doesn’t answer Reiner’s question… Instead he asks his own question: “So basically… you just pretended to be like my brother, didn’t you?” He’s not asserting with confidence, ‘According to Ymir’s memories, you acted like my brother,’ he’s asking an open question because he doesn’t know the answer. Almost as if he doesn’t have Ymir’s memories to confirm his conclusion… Then something weird happens. Reiner has a moment of realization, a sad smile, and then he says, “That’s right, Galliard. Everything you say… is absolutely right.” with an angry/suspicious expression. Galliard’s response is, “…What?” The conversation is then ‘conveniently’ interrupted by Peak/Peake/Pieck/Pikku/Eric Cartman (SERIOUSLY, we need clear, consistent translations!). Why was Reiner so angry/suspicious? Galliard was confused by Reiner’s statement and so was I. It feels like there’s a hidden meaning in this conversation that we’re not picking up on. Is this like when Reiner tells Annie he’s glad she wasn’t injured after saving Connie? That wasn’t suspicious at the time, but hindsight is 20/20. I can’t shake the feeling there’s something going on…

He said Marcel was eaten by a titan; he said he didn’t see Marcel’s memories; he said understood Ymir a bit; he said she brought the jaw back by her own will; he asked what Reiner did on the island; and he asked if Reiner imitated Marcel. He didn’t offer ANY new information that could only have been obtained by having Ymir’s memories. Instead he stated things we already knew, denied that he saw Marcel’s memories, and asked questions to answers he should have already known the answers too. Even the ‘narrative flashback’ we got of her in chains has details that don’t add up.

You’re grasping at straws! Who cares if Reiner’s talking in that panel? “I” and “you” are insignificant details! So what if there are no chains around her waist? Who cares she can bite through her tongue at any moment? Isayama’s fucked up before. He drew Erwin’s right hand after it was missing, he drew a lightbulb in the basement which he later changed, he even had Eren use the word “consume” instead of “touch” in ch 89. These mistakes were small details with huge implications and they were all later corrected. Not only has he corrected mistakes, he’s also added new information. Ilse’s Notebook was an Extra Chapter that he felt needed to be added. Ch 50 got an extra scene with Ymir, Bert and Reiner on top of the wall. He added pages to ch 51 showing Historia breaking down over Ymir leaving. He felt these details were important enough to invest extra time and effort in order to include them in the tankoubons. Why would he waste his own time if there was no payoff?

People keep reading due to the mysteries in the story, and the best mystery stories hide clues in plain sight that only become obvious in hindsight. You aren’t pointing out clues, just insignificant details! It’s rewarding to look back at story elements to see the trail of ‘insignificant details’ Isayama would include. The payoff for readers is to read the manga again and follow along as he hints at future plot points or to watch unsuspecting anime viewers learn who the Armored and Colossal Titans are. Some readers might say, You’re reading too much into it. Bertholdt and Reiner are always together. So what, they’re friends. Bert recalls seeing a titan at his window in a ‘narrative flashback.’ Ymir in chains is also a ‘narrative flashback.’ Yeah, we see a flashback of her death! Do we? She’s just sitting there and there’s no mindless titan. Reiner tells Annie he’s glad she didn’t get hurt. Well of course, she’s a fellow soldier right? Reiner says they’re all short-lived mass murderers before we knew about the 13 year time-limit. Eren was eaten, why didn’t that titan become a shifter? Oh, Rod says you only need to ingest the spinal fluid. Eren gets armor thanks to a bottle of titan cerebrospinal fluid (later supported by Ch 87). Reiner survives fatal wounds twice by transferring his consciousness to his nervous system. That was shenanigans! Plot Armor Titan! We never had ANY indication he could do that with his nervous system! We had NO indication that such a thing was probable or even possible, but it still happened. Could it be foreshadowing for the future? Ch 93 mentions Zeke’s spinal fluid and implies Zeke hasn’t told Marley that he has royal blood. He’s keeping secrets from Marley’s Titan Research Association. He might betray Marley! I agree, he might, but by focusing on Zeke no one seems to be talking about Galliard despite the suspicious undertone to his talk with Reiner. When Reiner lists off the new kids’ names to show that he knows them personally, many readers focused on Reiner’s recollection of his friends in comparison to the new kids. That is an important moment, but it’s also used to distract the reader from Eren in the bottom panel. Isayama is trying to distract observant readers from noticing ‘insignificant details.’

Isayama loves misdirection. He lies to us. “As everyone knows, 107 years ago… the entire human race, save for us… was devoured by the titans.” He leaves out important information (Levi Ackerman, Ymir’s name, Zeke Yeager). Can Marley trust Galliard? Can the reader trust Galliard’s ‘narrative flashback’ of Ymir in chains? Isayama has established that a fake flashback can exist thanks to Bertholdt’s lie about what happened during the fall of Wall Maria (Vol 4, Ch 16). Isayama tried to fool us into thinking Jean got shot in the head. He showed Jean being hesitant to kill a human. Death flag! Anyone can die! But some people had doubts. Isayama’s not shy about showing death. I mean, yeah his hat flew off and there’s blood, but no body, no dead Jean. Right, he isn’t shy about showing death, and we did not see Jean dead. The blood was supposed to be evidence, but it was purposely misleading. He drew Armin pulling something out from under his cloak (a gun) and gave him a determined expression, but the anti-personnel lady had her gun ALREADY pointed at Jean’s head. No reader had any legitimate reason to think she would hesitate; there was no indication of that. He added a detail we were not privy to.

Ch 65 had Historia with the needle. In. Her. Arm. Her thumb wasn’t pushing on the plunger though, so maybe she didn’t—(literal next panel: two page spread of a titan flash, a page of reactions, and a full page shot of a titan that wasn’t Eren)—Yeah, Historia is a shit, get rid of her! But doesn’t this seem contrary to her character development with Ymir and living for—Isayama can do whatever he wants with his story! The world is cruel, lol. Well, she’s a mindless titan she’s not dead ye—Mikasa’s gonna slice her up! Eren’s gonna smash her to death. R.I.P. The facts were: we were led to believe that she would go through with it. After all, everyone can die. Eren even ASKS her to do it. Historia had the needle in her arm with a fluid that would turn her into a titan. THE NEXT PANEL was a flash of light. A flash of light means a titan transformation. A titan that wasn’t Eren’s was shown. Logically she must be that titan! And yet she was not that titan. There was no room for any doubt, but apparently Isayama decided there WAS enough room to add 25 pages worth of content based on Historia’s previously established character development. Isayama didn’t defy the rules of logic; he just didn’t give us all of the relevant information yet. “Humanity has not perished.”

What about the time the readers were wondering if Armin had perished? Did he die? Well, he was exposed to so much heat his skin, hair, and upper clothes burned off before falling 60 meters onto a roof. Was he dead? Well it certainly looked fatal since we had a body to observe. Was he dead for sure? Eren thought so, Bert thought so, even Armin thought so! “The only thing I have to give is this.” Before that he even thought, “I’ll die if this plan works,” but says, “We’ll see the ocean together! Have I ever lied to you?” to Eren. Death flag, death flag, death flag! “Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day.” It’s a true fact of life! This manga is REALISTIC. Not everyone fulfills their dreams. The logical choice is to give Erwin the injection to save him. Levi says he’ll give it to Erwin. Guess what, Levi doesn’t give it to Erwin due to his and Erwin’s previous character development. Armin was dead. No characters doubted it. There was a charred body. It was a noble sacrifice. He entrusted his dream to see the ocean to Eren… Then he started breathing. Even with all these death flags, Armin didn’t die. We had more evidence Armin was dead than with Marco, Jean, or Ymir. There was a body and we witnessed the cause of death burning in real time, not a flashback. We SAW Marco’s body. We later SAW his death. We’ve seen neither Ymir’s body nor her death. Armin isn’t dead, he’s the Colossal Titan. If you had said that during Ch 1 you’d be considered insane. You couldn’t even say “He’ll become the Colossal Titan,” during Ch 1 because we did not know that was possible. We did not have the information. How would you know what you don’t know, if you didn’t know that you didn’t know it?  

We are being told by the author, Hajime Isayama, that an important character that hasn’t been seen in non-flashback form for 4 years IRL, was killed offscreen, OutOfCharacter, after writing a letter stating they would die, and our “proof” of this is Galiard? A character whose titan is designed to imply Ymir’s death whom he needlessly, vaguely refers to as having ‘learned a bit about’ without the use of the words “eat”, “consume”, or “dead.”

That’s it?

This is supposed to be an orgy of evidence… and yet there’s no death scene. Instead we have ‘insignificant details’ which don’t add up. With Armin we at least had a corpse, which turned out to not even be a corpse. Reiner had his brain exploded and he got better. The fact that we’ve been given so much poor evidence when a single piece of conclusive evidence would suffice is suspicious. Isayama chronologically snuck 25 pages of chapter 66 in between two panels of chapter 65 with the intent to trick his readers. Isayama has used ‘narrative flashbacks’ to lie to the reader in the past. Why would he give himself more work by making Ilse’s chapter and adding scenes of Ymir and Historia to Ch 50 and 51, respectively, if he was going to kill off Ymir with no payoff for the reader? He trolls us with his twists and revelations, but trolling himself into working harder, for longer, for no reason!? Give the man some credit for fuck’s sake!

Also, I haven’t even covered the significance of how out of character Ymir purposely marching to her death is. If you want to read about Historia or Ymir, you should check out

ghostmartyr.tumblr.com

[kyojinofbraveos]

Chapter 91 Thoughts.

aka IS THIS ATTACK ON TITAN?!?!

The moment I clicked the new chapter was the moment I had the very same thoughts. I even double checked the titles. Then the penny dropped to my mind.

So Isayama decided to make another time-skip and also a change of character views as well.

It has been almost 80 years after this:

Almost 40 years after this:

Almost 30 years after this:

Almost 20 years after this:

9 years after this:

4 years after this and other events from the first chapter of manga:

And 3 years after this:

And we are at the year 854 now.

Cool.

Continue under the cut!

Do you guys remember the very beginnings of this manga? I am not talking about anime adaption, I am talking about first volumes. Do you remember how Isayama jumped to the day 104th’s graduation after Fall of Shiganshina? Without even giving us the chance to know our characters properly he jumped 5 years later, do you guys remember? If you don’t, I recommend you guys to go read at least first volume once again. This is not the first time Isayama is making a time-skip and surrounding us with new characters. We get a closer look our main characters’ personalities after Eren sealed the hole at Trost and then we got a whole volume of 104th and their trainings while he was sleeping for those 3 days. I am sure we also are going to see what happened during those 4 years, but I am not sure about when of course. We seem to be going to hang out with our new characters a little more.

Unlike some, no matter how unexpected it is, I am quite cool with both time-skip and new characters, though I personally rather Warrior backstory but hey, we are finally getting a chance to see the story from Warrior point of view which this point of view is tragic and also terrifying, at least from my eyes.

In this chapter we have finally get a little close to the Warrior side and also BRA+Zeke’s state of mind. It was quite fun to see new Warrior cadets and it was funnier to watch Gabi running in the front line like a naughty kid.

It is an interesting coincidence,heh, to see how much our new characters resembles our main cast. Like... A copy-paste level of resemblance.

I really thought why Isayama chose to make our new cast this similar to our old one, it definetely was not because of he can’t create original characters anymore. Hell yeah he can. But it was probably because to make everyone, himself included, feel close to this new cast. And it really worked, I really liked this new cast, especially Falco.

But it was also terrifying to see how brain-washed they are.

Let me remember you guys our old friend, Trost Arc once again. Do you remember how shocked and traumatized each one of our characters were? I am aware this is not the same situation, I really am but just look at our new characters and their behaviors in a front line.

Directly jumping to the face of enemy without even blinking.

Talking with each other like it is another sweet day on MarleyLand.

I mean... Can someone inform me about this? Is this how actual soldiers act in a war? I am aware of course there are times that every soldier talk with each other and make jokes and such, but not when you are at the face of death and about to lose an actual war alongside with yours and your friends’ lives. You are suppose to take human life, and your life can be taken as well. Is this how soldiers react to this?

No, that is how Warriors do.

Let’s say hello to our old friend, Trost arc. 

Chapter 4.

Chapter 5.

Look how panicked everyone is. How traumatized every one of them are. There are many differences between both sides, but what does not change is that this is war. 

And guys, war is not a cool thing, remembering it just in case.

Another thing I want to talk about is Warrior state of mind I am mentioning since the beginning of this post. 

With this chapter, I really have seen how much RBA+ Zeke have been brainwashed. Marley took them all at the ages between 5-7 and told them that they are good Eldians, they are chosen Eldians and all the trouble they have endured is because of those bad Eldians who ran into the Paradis Island. If they act like good Warriors and help Marley to get rid of those bad Eldians hiding behind their Walls, they will show the world that good Eldians still exists.

Sounds like a child story, I know.

But Warriors were also children while they were growing up with this story.

Gabi seems to suppress this from her head to toes, I don’t see anything that proves otherwise on other Warrior kids. 

What about our Warrior kids that we are familiar?

Well, we don’t know that much about our Warchief and we are missing his presence. And his backstory. It is said that Colt is gonna inherit his power as his successor but Mr. Key Zeke Jaeger is way too important to kill. I  think he will keep the power long enough to meet Eren and Survey Corps..

Annie was a super-aware character when it comes to pick things up. I am quite sure she didn’t adopted that much Marley tried to doctrine her yet she did her best and was chosen as one of 7 Warriors of Marley and that was because her father seem to force her to do so. But since we don’t have her full backstory, as usual, what I am writing you guys here are only my head canons, nothing more.

I am the meat in a sandwich about Bertolt. He seem to loyal to Marley, so this makes me think he also have suppressed Marley’s Warrior story but who knows maybe he was forced to it by his family or someone else? Bert had no will of his own so if someone forced him to do his best and be chosen as a Warrior, Bert would try to do so. Guess what am I lacking here once again? Ah yeah, we don’t know any of our Warriors’ backstory so once again I am stuck and the only thing I have is my head canons and previous analysis about Warriors.

And Reiner...

Yeah, Reiner.

Reiner never had a chance to live for only himself.

He always fought in the wars of some other men has started many years and years before he was even born.

Marley told him a story about such a good Eldian he must become and he believed this. He has become a loyal Marley soldier and devoted himself for a cause against his own nation. He never had a world view of himself to all of these. 

Marcel died for him right after Bertolt kicked the Wall down and he came into Paradis like a wrecking ball.

He joined Trainee Corps there and those 3 years of his life, the life he lived among with his suppose to be enemies was probably the best 3 years of it. This torn him between his mission and his humanity, between his Warrior and soldier sides.

He lost his best friend on the way and he did not even have a chance to fight for saving him. God knows what happened to him after the lost of his best friend and also the defeat against Survey Corps.

He kept living, he kept fighting. But never for himself, always for other people’s wars.

And now they are choosing another warrior to inherit his power.

A tragedy. 

This word sums up Reiner’s whole life.

Gabi wants Reiner’s Titan power, but someone as fanatic as she is shouldn’t be close to that kind of power in any way. She or Captain Maggath didn’t care the war laws Colt mentioned, to them if they succeed what they did was going to be justified and this reminded me how Eren killed Mikasa’s kidnappers because to him they were wild animals who are a thread to other people and it was justified for him to kill them. Gabi should learn how wrong she is, just like Eren did, otherwise in SnK world standards she seems to be a goner. 

Whole chapter was unexpected but what was more unexpected to me was to learn that our Cargo Titan is known as Cartman and is an actual Titan shifter. I was never convinced to those who say Cargo Titan is a shifter, but it seems like it so. And with Jaws revealing himself, our Titan-shifter set has been collected.

Ymir has definetely gone to me, I have no hope left. I have seen some posts that points out she might be alive but to me it makes no sense to keep a Titan shifter locked for 4 years when you can give her power to another Warrior and use it during the war. Ymir’s new predecessor may be fighting on other front lines, who knows. We will see that in upcoming chapters!

One last thing before I end this post.

In this chapter we also have learned who Marley is in a war with, as I pointed out here. Their official name has changed to Mid-East Alliance but I am really glad to see a Middle East inspired nation on this manga, no matter how Isayama represents them. I wonder whether or not they are gonna have more screen time.  Personally, I’d love to see more from them but we haven’t even seen Marley enough and East Sea Clan has become a city myth already. 

I wonder how long Isayama is going to keep showing us Marley as bad big enemy. I want to get know them better, not just as the monster they have become but isn’t there anybody human in this nation? They are the actual humans in the story yet we haven’t seen any human acts from them, it is like they are the monsters, not Eldians. Look how much trust Captain Maggath has put to Titan powers while saying it is absolute while our Walled People who are the actual Titans are scared hell out of it. There are many for us to see on Marley side and it is a nice chance for us to get know them and also our new Warriors and hopefully RBA+Zeke better! 

I am really excited for next month because we will not just get our new chapter but also season 2 will be here! I can’t wait! April 1st is close y’all! Stay hyped, next month is gonna be legen-wait for it-dary! LEGENDARY!

Thank you all for reading!

[newstanmarshblog]

Carrying a Best Friend: Chapter 3

   It’s 10:00 at night, and Stan had just got dressed into his pajamas. He wears a short shorts blue boxer, and a brown t-shirt. Normally he would stay up until midnight, but he wanted to get an early sleep because his day has been very painful.

   After hearing about Kenny’s death and grieving with his mother, Stan first called Kyle & Cartman about the terrible car crash. Much like when he first reacted to hearing the news, his friends were heartbroken about it too. Next he also called Wendy about it, and she offered her condolence to him afterwards. Later on, Stan met up with his friends at the outdoor basketball field as it was one of their favorite places to hang out with Kenny back when they were in their elementary school years. During their long time spent at the field, they all grief together, shared memories, and even each made a shot at the basketball hoop to honor their old friend. When the day grew darker, Stan returned to his home where he had a quiet dinner with his mom. Next, he took Samson on a short walk. And then when he got back, he spend the rest of the night looking through his book memory that has pictures of Kenny in it as he was tearing up a bit.

   After going to the bathroom and saying good night to his mom & dog, Stan was in his room about to lay on his bed as he thought about his best friend once again. He looks up to the ceiling.

   Stan: Hey dude, it’s me. I hope you and your mother are having a peaceful time up there. Down here, we’ve been grieving while also sharing old memories of all the times that we shared with you and your mom. Much of this town has also been paying their condolence to your dad & sister as well. I just can’t believe that you’re gone so soon. We had so many adventures together in the past, and many more were waiting ahead until that was taken away. *sigh* I know that you want me to move on and all, but I’m still having a difficult time since you’ve been taken away at such a young age. This is my first ever night sleep without you, and I don’t know if I can sleep fine tonight. But I’ll try the best that I can, for you.

   He was starting to tear up again.

   Stan in tears: If you see Chef, my grandpa, and Sparky up there, tell them that I still miss them all very much just as much as you now. Stay gold.

   Stan began to cry very hard as he lay down on his belly on his bed, and place he face on his pillow. He hasn’t felt so much sadness and pain in a single day for a very long time, and he just doesn’t know how long it will last and when he can get his life back on track.

   Up above him from the ceiling, a ghostly figure appears. It was Kenny. He sees his best friend on the bed crying as he was also noticing on how surprising beautiful Stan was. Stan’s arms & legs are very smooth as they had no body hair at all. The only hair that’s on him was his gorgeous raven hair above his face. Never before had Kenny felt more attractive to him than back when he was still alive. However, he didn’t have the time to look at Stan’s cuteness and attractiveness. Kenny approaches to him a little closer.

   Kenny: Hi, Stan.

   Stan noticed the sounded voice as he lifted up his head from the pillow.

   Stan still sobbing a bit: Huh? Who said that? Mom?

   Kenny: Look behind you.

   Stan rolled over onto his back, and he sees his best friend floating up above as a ghost. His eyes popped wide open as he felt like being jump scared.

   Stan: HOLY SHIT! Kenny, is that you?

   Kenny smiling: Yep, it’s me.

   Stan closed his eyes for a moment, and as he reopens them, he still sees Kenny floating in front of him. It feels like if he’s dreaming. He needs to be sure that it wasn’t one.

   Stan: If this is not a dream, and you’re really there, answer me this. What was the main reason of our trip to Mel Gibson’s mansion in the first place?

   Kenny: Because we wanted our twenty bucks back from him after seeing his movie, “The Passion of the Christ”. We both didn’t like that movie back then, and it still sucks to this very day.

   And then suddenly, Stan’s sadness was fully back into his happiness. It was all that he needed to hear.

   Stan filled with joy: That it still does, dude!

   Stan got up in full energy to hug to his ghostly friend, but as he was about to hug him, he completely went through him instead.

   Stan confused: What the hell?

   Kenny: Sorry, Stan. I’m a ghostly spirt. Nobody and nothing on Earth can’t touch me. Even I can’t touch anyone and anything.

   He places his hand onto Stan’s shoulder, and instead of landing on it, the hand went into the shoulder where the collarbone is. Stan gets some goosebumps.

   Kenny: See?

   Kenny takes his hand out of Stan’s shoulder.

   Stan: Yeah, I get the point. Well anyway, what are you doing here? Are you one those ghosts that can’t get into heaven or hell?

   Kenny: No, no. I was just in heaven actually.

   Stan: You were? How is it up there?

   Kenny: It’s freaking huge and peaceful. Plus, some of the people that we know personally are up there as well.

   Stan: Who’s up there?

   Kenny: Well, aside from my mom that’s now with them, there’s also Pip, your grandfather, and even Chef.

   Stan: Did you get the chance to talk with any of them?

   Kenny: Only with Chef. Just before I left, he told me to tell you that he said “hello”. And he also said that he has been watching us grow up for over the years since his death. So I imagine that he likely saw your toast for him yesterday.

   Stan smiled when he heard that. Knowing that one of his greatest friends has been watching him during all of those years growing up.

   Kenny: Now then, let’s get into the reason why I’m here. I’m not here for a visit.

   Stan: Then why are you here?

   Kenny: I should set you up on a couple things before I tell you for my reasoning being here. First off, this is not my first ever death experience.

   Stan: It’s not?

   Kenny: I’ve experience many deaths for over the entire course of my life. Like for example, remember that one Thanksgiving year where those turkeys attacked our town?

   Stan: Yeah, that was the most wild Thanksgiving experience in my entire life.

   Kenny: And during that Thanksgiving year, our town battled against those turkeys and I was killed by those freaking birds in the progress.

   Stan: That’s not how I remember it. You just barely survived by those turkey, and they hit you in the balls with their beaks.

   Kenny: Or what about that time after I came back to South Park from that foster home, a gigantic monstrous bird came out of nowhere, and ate me.

   Stan: I remember everything in that moment when you came back from that foster place, just not with that bird thing that you mentioned. Cartman was singing on how he was no longer the poorest student in our school when you returned, and then you kicked his ass really hard that he cried like a little lamb. How come you’re remember things differently than me?

   Kenny: It has to do with my powerful curse. Whenever I get killed, I’m in the afterlife for serval minutes, then my mom gives birth to me, and by next morning, I’m back at my current age. And the worst thing about it is that nobody remembers seeing me being killed. It has been happening to me ever since the day when I first became born, and it just causes me so much more agony as the years goes by.

   Stan: Wow, dude. I had no idea that you’ve been suffering so much in your life. I’m really sorry.

   Kenny: Don’t blame on yourself. My curse has the ability to wipe out memories from any mortal that either kills me or even just witnessing my deaths in which happens to you and the rest of our friends very often.

   Stan: How did you came across with your powers in the first place anyway?

   Kenny: It has something to do with Cthulhu. Only he and his followers knows how that kind of power was given to me during the time when my parents were involved with them, and they also should know on how my curse can be lifted from me once and for all.

   Stan: Wait a minute. You said that your mom often gives birth to you again whenever you get killed. But now that she’s dead, how are you able to return back to life and then try to destroy your curse?

   Kenny: That’s where you come in. What I’m about to ask you to do will sound insane, but it’ll also be the most important thing that I ever ask to you as your best friend. Are you ready to hear?

   Stan: Whatever it is, I’ve got your back.

   Kenny: *sigh* Alright, here it goes. Stan, in order for me to come back to life, I need you to become pregnant with me.

   Stan was very quiet for a moment. It almost felt like if he was just dreaming all along.

   Stan: Dude……What the fuck?

   Kenny: I told you that this will sound insane, but please, hear me out. I don’t think anyone else out there would ever do this kind of thing for me aside from you. Kyle may be a great friend, but he’s not like BFF that you and I are. I don’t think he’ll do it, even if I tried to beg him. Cartman already carried me once, and I don’t think he’s willing to do it again. If I ask my dad to do it, his drinking and smoking problems would affect my health dramatically. And as for my young sister, she’s not old enough to do that kind of thing.

   Stan: What about my mom? She can be very reasonable.

   Kenny: I don’t know her too much personally. If I just come in and ask her about it, she’ll think that she’s having some kind of crazy vision and will forget about it later. You and I on the other hand, we’ve been together for so long since we were five years old. We know each other so much that we even know a couple things about ourselves that only you and I know that our parents doesn’t know about. You’re the only person that I know very personally that can do this kind of job. Please, Stan. I need your help more than ever before.

   Stan: You know very well that I’m heading to college in two months. I plan on playing football over there in which can be very dangerous for you if I ever carry you. Plus, if I do ever become pregnant with you, my belly will grow so huge that everyone will think that I’m the fattest student over there. Even Kyle won’t believe me if I told him the reason why I’ve gotten fat so quickly. And above all, how am I suppose to give birth to you when I don’t have the right body parts for it?? I’m on my way to start a future career whatever it be a quarterback, or a Zoologist. I’ll have to set back my career life a year behind schedule that I’ve worked so hard on because of what you’re asking me to do! I don’t think that I can do it. I’m really sorry, Kenny. I really am.

   Stan taking some deep breaths, and faced down feeling really depressed for denying his best friend’s request. Kenny floated down, sitting next to him.

   Kenny: I know that it’s very hard. And I’m really sorry to make you feel that way. Believe me, I wouldn’t ever ask you to do this for me if I wasn’t so desperate. But my curse is forcing me to find a new host. If I don’t find one soon, I really don’t know what’s gonna happen to me, and I’m very scared about it. I could likely be gone and out of existence forever. My sister still needs me out there, and if I disappeared, I don’t know what horrible future lays ahead of her. If you really don’t want to do it, I completely understand. I will just instead faced whatever fate is in front of me. Just promise me that you’ll look after Karen for me. She also likes you just as much as me. She’ll be like your new little sister.

   Stan was beginning to have some second thoughts. On one hand, he really doesn’t want push back his career that he has worked so hard on. But on the other hand, just hearing that the greatest friend that he ever had could be gone out of existence means that a huge part of his happiness could fade away as well. If he lets Kenny fade away, all of those wonderful fun memories that he shared with him, he’ll never look at them the same way again. He’ll feel like that he just become the worst friend that Kenny ever had for rejecting to save his life. Stan wasn’t willing to let any of that happen to himself and to his best friend. It may cause some huge sacrifice on his career plans, but he would rather help those in needs over his own interest first. Especially when it comes to helping someone that he loved so deeply like his best friend that has been the closest that he ever had to having a real brother. Stan has decided that he now wants to become pregnant in order to save Kenny.

   Stan: I’ll do it.

   Kenny: Thanks, dude. I truly believe that you and Karen will get along very well.

   Stan: No, not that.

   Kenny: Huh?

   Stan smiling: I really want to become pregnant with you, Kenny. I don’t want to lose you because you’re the closet that I ever had to a real brother. And I love you for that very reason.

   Kenny: Are you sure that you want to go through nine months of an entire pregnancy, and pushing back your future career for the time being?

   Stan smiling: Yes, I’m 110% sure of it. I’ll push my football career aside until next year and will focus on my Zoology stuff as much as I can. My main focus right now is to save my BFF. I got your back, and you do mine.

   Kenny smiles back along with a couple tears coming down from his eyes.

   Kenny smiling: Thanks, Stan.

   Stan: I’ll also help you out on destroying your curse as well, as long you promise me that you’ll explain everything on how this pregnancy will work, and how I’ll be giving birth to you.

   Kenny: Will do. Now then, I need to touch your belly in order to knock you up. So, life up your shirt for me.

   Stan lifts up his brown t-shirt to show off his beautiful flat belly to Kenny.

   Kenny: Alright, I feel like that this will be only time that you’ll feel me physically once I touch you.

   Stan: For whatever lays ahead for nine months, I imagine that it’ll be the ultimate experience of our life time that we’ll never forget. Let’s do this.

   Kenny places his ghostly hand onto Stan’s belly, and instead of going through, it actually lands on it as he can feel Stan’s skin. A huge light beam shines between Kenny’s hand and Stan’s belly, lasting for only about ten seconds. And then, the light disappears. Stan also felt something inside of him, like if it appeared all the sudden.

   Stan: I just felt something, dude. Like if it appeared into my body without warning.

   Kenny: Whatever it was, it worked. You’re now officially pregnant with me.

   Stan: So, are you about to disappear into my belly?

   Kenny: Not until you go into labor. I’m gonna be very close to you for an entire pregnancy, and I also can’t fly away from you no longer than ten feet.

   Stan couldn’t believe that it just happened so quickly.  There were a lot of things that he needs to know on how his pregnancy was going to work, and how he plans to deal with all of it while at college. But for now, it was getting late. He needs to get some sleep.

   Stan yawning: Alright, dude. I gotta get some sleep.

   Kenny: I don’t know if I can ever sleep since I’m a ghost, but I’ll try and see if it can happen.

   Stan: I hope that you can, dude. Even every spirt like yourself should deserve a good night rest.

   He gets into his bed.

   Stan smiling: Good night, Kenny. See you in the morning.

   Kenny smiling: You too, Stan.

   Stan feels like that he can have himself a good night sleep now knowing that his best friend isn’t fully dead after all. Meanwhile, Kenny didn’t start to sleep yet as he waits for Stan to be fully asleep because once Stan was asleep, he was gonna try to get more questions answered from heaven.

   In the next chapter, Stan & Kenny plays a prank on Randy.