#but died ONE DAY after losing the person she cared about most in this world

[houseswife]

wilson saying “I need to do this. for you.” is fucking insane actually. in the same episode where house is deciding whether or not he should commit suicide as a result of wilson’s dying. They are each other’s lines between life and death. humans have a biological instinct to preserve their survival at all costs; house has an addiction that governs his life. but they were willing to forgo all of it for one another, because they couldn’t fathom it being any other way. IM SICK

[spacelazarwolf]

a year ago, i was celebrating simchat torah when my rabbi interrupted the services to let us know there had been an attack on israel. we didn’t know how bad yet, but we prayed everything would be alright. the rest of the service went on as planned, but there was a chill in the air, like we knew something had changed. something big. but we didn’t quite understand it yet.

a year ago, i watched people i’d followed for years celebrate a gruesome massacre of over a thousand human beings before we even really knew what had happened. i watched anons pour into my inbox, demanding i condemn israel even though israel hadn’t even retaliated yet.

a year ago, i talked to my nonna on facetime for her birthday. she was in her 90s and wasn’t as present anymore, and i could barely focus because my thoughts were thousands of miles away. i promised her i’d call her the next day but my next day became scrolling past horrific photos and videos i didn’t want to see, posts celebrating the attacks, posts telling people that if they didn’t celebrate the attacks that they were bad people. she died two weeks later and the same people sharing the posts celebrating the massacre sent me messages telling me it was good my nonna was dead, or extremely crude and disgusting messages about what they wanted to do to her dead body because she was “probably a zionist.”

a year ago, i worked at a synagogue that started getting dozens of calls and emails from people, across the spectrum from neo nazis to evangelical christians to radical leftists saying the most horrific things, telling us it was our fault, that we had to do something, that it was on us. we were responsible. an anon told me i was a zionist because i had a zionist language on my blog (hebrew) and worked at a zionist institution (synagogue).

a year ago, i started losing friends one by one after many of them started to share posts justifying or celebrating the massacre or memes created by neo nazis, some of which didn’t even bother to sub out “jews” for “zionists” but they shared them anyway. i was pushed out of an activist group after months of begging them to stop using antisemitic language because i had the audacity to tell a white gentile in the group not to say racist things about a black indigenous jew behind her back, and said gentile told me he didn’t have to listen to me and that he could “claim” the holocaust too because his ancestors were from eastern europe.

a year ago, i watched in real time as the world i thought i knew, the world in which jews had a future and safety in the united states, crumbled day after day. people that previously went out of their way to take care of me and support me decided that because i didn’t feel comfortable marching alongside pictures of hitler i must be a zionist and therefore no longer belonged. the person processing my government aid didn’t want to approve me because i worked for a synagogue part time and argued that the synagogue should just pay me more because “they can afford it.” my synagogue, which has been involved in social justice since its founding several decades ago, along with its rabbis who have been just as involved, were abandoned by the communities they had put their blood, sweat, and tears into advocating for when they had the audacity to grieve for the dead of october 7th.

a year ago, i learned the hard way that we are not special in this time. antisemitism is a river that has ebbed and flowed for thousands of years, and i felt like a fool for thinking a dam could be built overnight.

a lot of people say that every day of this year for them has been october 7th, but for me every day has been october 8th. the day after the initial shock, when reality started to sink in. the realization that all the people who had shared “happy rosh hashanah” posts or complimented my kippah or pretended to care about harry potter goblins were quickly dropping the facade. that my token minority card had expired and now having a jew in their group didn’t look diverse, it looked “sympathetic toward israel.” every day has been a painful reminder that no one else is grieving like we are, and a large number of those people are angry that we are grieving. they don’t understand that we’re not just grieving the lives lost and the hostages. we’re grieving for the world we thought we knew, a world where we might have a chance to thrive like we did in the golden age of spain. but those golden years are ending. and that is one of the things we are grieving.

a lot of people also say that they wish they could go back to who they were on october 6th, but i don’t. i’m glad the illusion was shattered, that i can see more clearly who will stand with jews even if they face backlash, who will challenge their antisemitic biases and do the hard work to unlearn them, and who did not have to be asked twice to share literal nazi rhetoric if it meant feeling like a hero. i’m glad the masks are coming off because it means you can’t gaslight us anymore and tell us it’s all in our heads. we can see you for exactly who you are now. and we will not let you break us.

i don’t want to be living forever in october. i don’t want the blissful ignorance of october 6th, but i also don’t want the bitter anger of october 8th. i want to stand up for what i believe in, to celebrate my culture and my people, and no amount of intimidation or harassment will keep me from loving my jewishness. you have shown me i can no longer live in october 6th, but i refuse to let you keep me in october 8th.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

time

Summary: Not wanting to face Joel after you found out that you're pregnant, you leave the Boston QZ to live with Bill and Frank. Almost four years pass before you can't hide from him anymore, letting him finally know why you ran from him all these years back.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 6.7k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, secret pregnancy, secrets, fluff, trust issues, Joel being Joel, making up, kissing, age gap (not specified but it's around 15 years), smut (unprotected sex), mentions of alcohol, Joel really is bad at feelings, but he's trying, Girl Dad Joel Miller, happy end

A/N: if these two had a relationship status it would be "it's complicated" Another WiP done! So now I am allowed to think about Biker Raider Joel for a moment, right?

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Pedro Masterlist || Joel Masterlist || Main Masterlist

“You know you’ll have to face him at some point,” Frank had a fond smile on his lips as he sat in his wheelchair next to you. He was watching Bill who let himself chase across the yard of his picture perfect post apocalypse home. 

Nobody would expect that just down the street, outside of the fence the world as you knew it had ended. 

“I know,” you sighed. 

“He asks for you every time he’s here. If we had seen you, if we knew where you are. He’s gonna understand,” Frank said and you scoffed. 

“He’s not gonna care. He has Tess and… he’s not…” you shook your head, searching for the words, “he’s not the man I fell in love with.”

“We all can change,” Frank said, reaching over to squeeze your hand. 

“Bill is the best example for that. Could you have imagined him like that when you showed up here three years ago?”

You watched Bill play with your daughter, Ava, playing catch. 

“Joel is not like that. He was like that. Before. But that part of him died long ago.”

You sat in silence for a while, just watching Bill and Ava, trying to soak it all in. It would never be like that again and you were already dreading having to explain all of this to her. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” you whispered, fighting against the tears as you looked at Frank. He smiled softly at you before he came closer, kissing your forehead. 

Four years earlier

You knew he could tell when you were lying. He would know with one look at you that you were full of shit telling him that this was not working for you anymore. Whatever this between you was.

Joel and you had known each other since before the outbreak. You had started babysitting Sarah to earn some extra money while you were finishing you degree when she had just been nine years old and you had moved in next door.

You had been there on outbreak day. Next door, still living at home to take care of your sick father. You would never get the picture of his infected body lunging at you out of your head the night the world changed. 

You and Joel… You didn’t know what Joel and you were exactly. 

You loved Joel, you knew that. And you were pretty sure he loved you too. You just wanted… more. Most people did not allow themselves to love so openly anymore. And in Joel’s case? Losing Sarah had changed him. After fifteen years the man who had been Sarah’s father was gone, replaced by a man that still had his face, but was missing the warmth and comfort Joel Miller had once provided. 

You could see it in glimpses, whenever his hand would rest on your back when he passed by. When he fell asleep in your arms deep in the night. When he kissed your forehead before he headed out for work. 

Loving Joel Miller was easy. 

Being loved by him was close to impossible. 

You never really labelled your relationship, mostly because you did not think of it as important. You trusted him more than any other person on this planet. It’s why you ignored the way he had started looking at Tess. It’s why you did not question him when he stayed away at night. You ignored it all, opening your arms for him when he chose to come home to you, letting him in your bed just to feel close to him. To feel something. 

The jealousy was killing you slowly, making you reckless when you let him have his way with your body. 

But once you had missed your period the first month, and then the second, you knew that there was only one possible answer to your dilemma. You had never been late before. A ration card swapped for a twenty year old pregnancy test had your worst fears come true. 

You were pregnant with Joel Miller’s child. 

Fifteen years after you both buried his daughter. The daughter he never got over losing. 

You could already see his reaction. The eyes you loved so much empty before he would tell you to deal with it. 

You could not face his anger or disappointment, but mostly you could not face him not caring. So you packed your little belongings once he had left you in the morning, sneaking out of your bed without a word.

You did not leave a note, just fled the QZ, making your way over to Bill and Frank, hoping your friendship with Frank would make them take you in. 

Of course Bill hadn’t want to, but once he saw your stomach swell (and tasted the sweets you baked in his kitchen) he had put all his work into making the house next door into your home. 

“Mama, can we go get Strawbebbies?” you chuckled, holding her hand as you walked with her on your daily walk by the fence. 

“Strawberries, baby,” you tried to correct her. Ava pouted at you, her dark curls swinging in the wind, her brown eyes so much like her fathers. 

“That’s what I said!” she put her little hands on her hips and you smiled. 

She was definitely her father’s daughter.

“Okay, baby. Let’s get some Strawbebbies,” you picked her up, making her shriek with laughter. Once again you were glad you made the decision to come here. She could grow up like a child was supposed to. 

Even though now that Bill and Frank were gone it was getting kind of lonely. You had all enjoyed a last dinner together before Bill and Frank had tucked Ava in for one last time and read her a story. 

You had tried to keep the tears at bay as Bill had reminded you of the folder full of instructions of how to take care of things around here for you. 

After dinner you had walked them to the gate, opening the fence for them as they took their last walk. You had watched them until they had disappeared into the dark woods before you made your way back to their house. You had cleaned the dishes and tidied everything up, before with a heavy heart, you had turned off all the lights and closed the door behind you before you walked to your house, allowing yourself to cry yourself to sleep as you sat on the floor next to the bed of your daughter, watching her sleep. 

That night was almost three months ago. The days were getting shorter, the nights colder. You’d have enough firewood for this winter but come spring you would have to find a way to make more. 

You had just finished making breakfast for Ava when the motion detector alarmed you that someone was at the gate. You froze, telling Ava to eat her fruit salad before you made your way downstairs to check out what was happening. 

Your heart was pounding against your chest, once you noticed his face. 

Joel Miller. 

And a…. Teenage girl?

The gate swung open after he put in the code and you allowed yourself fifteen seconds to panic. You knew this day would come. The day after Bill and Frank had gone you had checked the basement, finding that Bill had put on 80’s music, the distress signal. 

Even though you had turned it off immediately deep down you knew he would show up at some point. 

You just did not think it would be that soon. 

You grabbed your gun, checking if it was loaded before you made your way back upstairs. You did not think you would need it, but it was better to be prepared. 

“Ava? Remember when Uncle Bill played hide and seek with you and showed you the best place to hide?” you asked, hiding the gun in the back of your jeans as you got to your kitchen. She nodded. 

“I want you to hide there until I come and get you,” you said. 

“Hide?” she asked. You nodded, kissing her cheek. 

“Take Sluggi with you,” you smiled. Sluggi was the stuffed plush slug Bill had gotten for her. She nodded and ran out of the kitchen and upstairs, You heard her door to her room close and took a deep breath, calming yourself. 

You knew this day would come. You knew one day you would have to face Joel Miller and you knew you would have to face his reaction. 

You never regretted your decision to leave. Life has definitely been better here. That did not mean you had just stopped loving him, no matter how much he had hurt you in the past. 

Stepping towards your front door you could see him walk towards Bill and Frank’s house. 

You closed your eyes, taking a calming breath before you opened the door and stepped out. 

His head snapped towards you once he heard the door opening, eyes widening for a split second before he pulled the girl that was with him behind his back. 

He was protecting her. 

“What are you doing here? Where are Bill and Frank?” he asked, his voice low. 

“They’re dead. Frank got worse and… he couldn’t…” you shook your head, lost of words. He just looked at you before he shook his head, trying to put in words what he wanted. 

“I just… We need some…” he took a deep breath, looking up at you, a million emotions playing over his face. 

“Are you hungry?” you asked the girl behind him. 

“Starving,” she replied and you smiled a little.

“There’s some fruit salad left on the kitchen counter if you want?” you asked. She stepped around Joel and he looked at her. 

“It’s safe. There’s… there’s no one there,” you lied. He gave her a nod before she walked past you into your home. 

It had been years since you’ve been alone with him. He did not really change. His hair maybe a little grayer, the lines around his mouth a little deeper, but he was still Joel Miller. 

“You left,” he said. 

“I did.”

“Why?”

You took a deep breath. You looked past him towards the house the girl had walked in, hoping your little girl continued to hide. Knowing her she had was working on her puzzle. She would be okay for a moment. 

You knew she was safe. You just needed a little moment alone. 

“You can have some fruit salad too. I am going to get some vegetables for dinner,“ you gave him a nod, before you turned around and walked towards your garden, ignoring him as he called after you. 

With a basket full of salad, cucumbers and some tomatoes you pushed the door of your house open. Joel was sitting on the stairs, across the door, already looking at you. 

The girl walked past the both of you towards the living room, an apple in her hand she was munching on. 

„This is so fucking weird,“ she shook her head and you snorted while Joel hissed at her. 

„What? It is weird,“ she said, her head turned towards him. 

You smiled a little as you looked at her, before you walked towards the kitchen, setting the basket down. You had to go up to check on Ava. 

And you had to talk to Joel.

You couldn’t hide her from him, even though you wanted to do nothing more than that. 

You took a deep breath when he walked into the kitchen. 

„Is it okay if Ellie takes a shower?“ He asked, knowing that there was warm water around town. 

„That’s her name. Ellie,“ he clarified.

„Oh. Of course, yeah,“ you nodded and Ellie walked in, snorting as she looked up at Joel. 

„You could use one too dude,“ she said and you had to fight hard against the grin as you watched the look on Joel’s face. 

You were about to offer her to show her to the bathroom when you heard a door upstairs click open, followed from little footsteps, your eyes widening. Joel frowned, his hand immediately searching for his gun, his arm putting Ellie behind himself. 

He raised his gun, taking a step forward as you ran around the counter, the knife you had put out to cut the salad now in your hand. 

„Gun down,“ you hissed and his head snapped to you, his eyes widening when he saw the knife in your hand. You stood in front of him. 

„I will not repeat myself, put the gun down, right now or I will put this knife in your thigh,“ you fingers flexed around the handle of the knife. The footsteps came closer as you kept eye contact with Joel until he slowly lowered his gun. You nodded at him once you saw him put the gun back to wherever it came from, then looked at Ellie who was looking at you with wide eyes, before you let the knife fall down to the floor just in time as Ava jumped the last step down, rounding the corner. 

„Potty?“ She whispered shyly, looking up at you with big eyes and you sighed, before you nodded, the people behind you forgotten as you picked your daughter up. You risked a glance at Joel as you turned towards the stairs, your daughter in your arms.

His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, before you practically ran up the stairs. 

„Who is the man mommy?“ Ava asked as she was finished, washing her hands like you taught her, making as many bubbles as possible as she rubbed her hands together. 

You sucked your bottom lip in as you watched her, your hand brushing over her soft hair. 

„That is an old Friend of mommy,“ you explained, and she nodded. 

„And the girl?“ She asked. 

„That is a friend of him, I think. I am not sure.“

She finished washing her hands and you handed her the towel, her little face full of concentration as she dried her hands, making you smile.

You got down on your knees in front of her, your hands on her shoulders. 

„Do you think she’s gonna play with me?“ She asked, hopeful.

„We can ask her,“ you said with a smile.

You weren’t prepared for the sight in your kitchen when you came downstairs. Joel was standing at the counter, the sleeves of his shirt rolled back as he cut the tomatoes with the knife you had threatened with him not only ten minutes ago. 

He didn’t look up as you entered the room, but Ellie did. You looked between them warily. 

„I’m Ava,“ your daughter chirped and you took a deep breath, Joel still not looking up. Ellie looked at him with a frown, before she sighed, rolling her eyes, and walked towards you.

„I’m Ellie,“ she said and smiled a little and bend down to her knees. Ava looked first at her, then at you. 

„Ellie, do you like sea turtles?“ You asked and the girl looked at you. 

„Uh…. I guess?“ She said and you smiled. 

„Because Ava loves them. Her whole room is full of them,“ you said and saw interest flicker in her eyes.

„Can I see?“ Ellie asked and you nodded. 

„You wanna show Ellie your sea turtles?“ You asked Ava and she nodded eagerly. 

„Awesome,“ Ellie said, taking Ava’s hand before you could offer to show them, the girls already walking upstairs towards Ava's room. 

Which left you alone in the kitchen with….

„How old is she?“ Joel asked, still not looking at you as you turned to face him. He grabbed the cucumber after he had used the knife to put the tomatoes in the bowl you had prepared for the salad, beginning to slice them. 

You took a deep breath. 

„She turned three last month,“ you said, watching him nod slowly, the knife hitting the cutting board the only noise in the room. 

„She has my eyes,“ he finally said and you sucked your bottom lip in, nervous. 

„Yeah she has,“ you agreed and he finally looked up at you, setting the knife down, his hands spread out on the counter, resting his whole weight on them. 

„Why didn’t you tell me?“ He asked, his voice quiet. 

„I didn’t know how. Joel…. You were barely acknowledging me outside of when you were inside of me. You spend all your time with Tess doing god knows what. How would you have reacted if I told you that I was pregnant? You never even acknowledged what we…“ you stoped yourself, shaking your head. 

„You should have told me. I could have…“ he stopped himself, searching for what to say and you looked at him, waiting. 

„I could have helped you. I would have….“ He shook his head, his hands shaking. 

„I’m gonna need a moment. Can you watch after Ellie?“ He asked and you nodded, confused and he nodded back before he walked past you and out of the house. 

You just didn’t think it would be almost two days before he got back. You were outside in Bill’s garden, letting the girls help you pick everything that was ready from the garden when you noticed him walk towards the house. 

You knew he was still inside the little locked up town Bill had made his safe haven. None of the alerts had went off, indicating he had left. And yeah you could have searched after him, but what good would it have done?

You’ve known him from almost twenty years, and you knew that he needed time to process certain things. 

He hadn’t talked to anyone in almost a year after the outbreak and what happened to Sarah. 

„Look what the cat dragged in,“ Ellie said as she spotted him and Ava perked up, her little head turning towards where Ellie was looking. 

Joel nodded at the girls before he looked at you. 

The sun was already setting and you had dinner prepared inside. 

„How about we have some dinner and then Ellie can read you some more of the story you started yesterday?“ You asked and both girl smiled at you. Ava ran past Joel who looked after her as she disappeared into the house, Ellie following her. 

„Next time you ditch me, at least tell me?“ She glared at him before she walked back into the house. He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. 

„Can we talk?“ He asked. 

„After dinner?“ You said, getting up and grabbing the basked full of fresh vegetables. 

„Yeah. Yeah okay,“ he nodded and you walked towards the house, giving him a hesitant smile when he grabbed the basket from you and walked inside after you. 

It was two hours later that you found yourself on the left corner of your couch, your legs tucked under you, a glass of wine in your hand. 

Because this conversation needed some alcohol. 

And not only because of what you were about to talk about, but because of the man who was sitting on the other side of the couch, similar glass of wine in his hand. 

Because he looked so damn good.

He had showered while you put the girls to bed after dinner, the whole scene feeling so domestic. Like a dream you had many many times before when you were still dreaming. 

Dreaming of a normal future. 

Dreaming of a normal life. 

Dreaming about how it would feel like if Joel Miller loved you back. 

Because no matter how much he may have hurt you in the past, you just could not stop loving him. 

„I’m sorry,“ he whispered after a while and you turned your head to look at him, his eyes already on you. 

„I’m shit at talking about those things….“ He stopped.

„Those things meaning feelings?“ You helped and he groaned. 

„Yeah. Always sucked at it. Even before….“ 

He sighed. 

„Sarah would be so angry with me with how I treated you,“ he whispered and your eyes softened. You could count on one hand how often he had brought Sarah up ever since she died. 

And while you thought you could understand him in the past, you loved her like yours after all, now that you had Ava, you realised that loosing her would kill you. 

It would be something you could never come back from. 

But he did. 

„I never cheated on you. I know you thought I did, can’t blame your for it. Tess was just…. Fuck, how do I explain this?“ He sighed, his fingers rubbing over his chin. 

„I never deserved you. You’re too fucking good for me. For everyone really. Because even after the whole world went to shit, you still had some kindness left for everyone around you. I know how much you hated what we did in the beginning. And I hated myself for putting you through it. I hated myself for putting you through everything I did to you since the moment Sarah died…“ he said and you could see his eyes watering. 

„Can’t blame you for hating me and leaving. And not telling me about….“

„Joel….“ You said, setting your glass down and getting closer towards him, your hand reaching for his. Slowly he turned his hand so you could put yours in it, his fingers wrapping around your hand softly. 

„I’m not gonna lie and tell you that it’s okay. Cause I was hurting. You were hurting me. Every time you left in the morning without a word. Every time you passed out drunk and drugged after you came back. It was like living with a ghost and it was killing me. That was the reason I decided to leave when I found out. I could…. I couldn’t bring a child into this. And I knew I wanted her before I even met her. Even though it seems crazy to bring a child into this world. But… She was half you. And the thought that there was even the possibility that you didn’t wanted her….“ You took a deep breath. 

„Honestly? I can’t tell you how I would have reacted. I was… I was really fucked up in the weeks before you left. I was taking too many drugs. Drank too much. Got too fucking reckless. But that changed when you left,“ he said and squeezed your hand. 

„Not right away. It might have gotten worse first but… I got better. Not perfect, but better. And I… Fuck I even talked through some shit with someone. Made me realise I never even told you how much I love you,“ he said and you were pretty sure you stopped breathing as he looked at you, a small smile tilting his lips up. 

„Pretty sure I fell for you the first time you walked through my door wearing that pretty baby blue dress. Even though you were way too young for me. Still are. But…. I hope you knew, know. I really fucking love you,“ he said and you felt a tear running down your cheek. 

„Can you tell me about her? About Ava?“ He asked before you could form an answer to his confession. And so instead you told him. 

You told him about how you craved strawberries your whole pregnancy. How Bill traded one of his guns for the seeds from Tess.

You told him that she only slept through the night in the beginning, when Bill put her to sleep. 

You told her how much she reminded you of Sarah when she smiled at you. 

You told her how every time you looked at her you saw him. 

Hours went by where you two talked, you ending up leaning against Joel’s side, his arm around you. His fingers brushing over your arm, his other hand still holding yours. His lips brushing over your skin when he told you about how Ellie ended up at in his care. 

How he wanted to take her to Wyoming to search for his brother who might know how to find the fireflies. 

„Do you know where he is?“ You asked and he shrugged. 

„Not exactly. I know he messaged me from the Cody tower, so that’s where we’ll be going,“ he mumbled and you nodded. 

„We could take Bill’s truck,“ you said and he stilled. You looked up at him. 

„We?“ He asked and you chuckled, sitting yourself up so you were facing him, your hand now on his cheek. 

„You really think I’m gonna let you go now?“ You asked with a smile. 

And then you finally kissed him. 

It was decided that you would leave within the next 5 days, giving you enough time to make a list (You always made lists) of everything you had to pack. 

Which was a lot. Getting four people across the country on a trip that hopefully would be just like you remembered road trips to be, took a lot of supplies. 

And while you were preoccupied deciding which food was best to take, Joel had asked you if he could spend some time with Ava. He wanted to get to know her. And of course, you agreed. Watching him, Ellie and Ava walk towards the garage where they spend hours doing god knows what. 

It was almost dark outside when they walked back in, your heart melting as you watched Joel carry a very sleepy Ava inside who told you all about how seatbelts where very scary, something you would make sure to ask Joel about as you took her upstairs, putting her to bed. 

The days went by quickly like that.

Joel quickly became Ava’s favourite person which could have to do with the fact, that she was always allowed to sit on his shoulders. Ellie had been confused, yet delighted at the change in the grumpy man she had left the QZ with. 

He even got his Dad jokes out, making the teenager groan in mock annoyance throughout the day. Ellie also spend a lot of time with you, wanting to learn everything you offered to teach her. Starting from making protein bars for the trip down to how to properly braid her hair. 

Even though she preferred you doing it. 

You got the impression that she never really had anyone how just… listened to her or wanted to spend time with her. She told you she grew up in FEDRA School and that her mother had died while giving birth. 

She had no family and her best friend (though you got the impression Riley had been more than just a friend) had died not that long ago. 

That the only thing she had left in life was her purpose to save the world. Joel had told you that she was immune, Ellie showing you the healed scars to confirm it. 

„You know that that’s not the only thing you have left, right?“ You asked her, sitting on the porch next to her, enjoying one last sunset, watching Joel and Ava play soccer. Her little feet chasing after Joel with happy squeals. 

„What do you mean?“ Ellie asked and you looked at her with a smile. 

„You have us, Ellie. You think we just gonna let you go?“ You asked and she stubbornly shook her head. 

„I have to do this. It’s my purpose. I have to save the world,“ she said and looked away from you. 

„Are you saying this because you feel that way, or because someone told you so?“ You asked and she looked at you. 

„Because it should be your decision what to do and what not. And… think about it, even if they are somehow able to make a cure out of your blood, do you really think they will be able to make enough to make a vaccine for everyone? Who will decide who gets it? And if they end up deciding on giving it to everyone…. There are so many bad people out there. Do they deserve to be saved too?“ You asked and you could see her thinking about your words and you smiled softly at her. 

„Even if you don’t like hearing it, your a kid Ellie. You should grow up and live first before you make a decision like that. You don’t even know how they would get whatever they needed from your blood. If I remember correctly Cordyceps grow in the brain, what if they have to get into your brain to get out whatever they need?“ You said and her eyes widened. 

„But Marlene….“ She whispered and you reached over her, taking her hand. 

„I don’t know how well you know Marlene, but I’ve known her for more than ten years. I know how she manipulates people to get what she wants. You wouldn’t even notice it,“ you said and she sighed. 

„I’m gonna think about it,“ she said finally and you gave her a small smile. 

„That’s all I ask about. Now how about you get upstairs and take one last long hot shower before we are on the road for days?“ You asked and she nodded, standing up and turning away from you to walk inside the house before she turned back to you and hugged you quickly.

After saying good night to Ellie later you walked towards your daughters room, her little suitcase for her toys laying open next to her bed, waiting for Sluggi to be put into the next morning. She was already in bed, Joel sitting on the floor next to her, reading to her. 

You wished you could take a picture of this. Unfortunately the Polaroid camera had broken earlier this year. 

„Mommy!“ A tired Ava smiled as she saw you, her arms raised towards you. Joel looked up and smiled at you as you walked over, climbing into the bed behind your daughter, pulling her into your arms. 

„What story is Joel reading you?“ You asked. 

„The little mermaid,“ she said and you found Joel’s eyes. You had been thinking about it for the last days now. Telling her who Joel really is. He slipped into your life like the missing piece, the man you had fallen in love with all these years back seemingly falling right back into his role as being the best father there ever could be. 

So before you could talk yourself out of it you said

„Your sister loved that one too.“

Joel gulped, his eyes growing sad for a moment, before he looked at Ava. 

„I have a sister?“ She asked you, her eyes big.

„Mmmh…. Her name was Sarah. She watched the movie every single night before she went to bed,“ you explained and Ava pursed her lips in an ooooh motion. 

„There was a movie?“ She asked in awe.

„Oh yeah there was. And a cassette with the music. Can’t remember how often she made me listen to it“ Joel said and smiled softly. 

„Where is Sarah?“ Ava asked and your smile went sad. 

„She’s where Uncle Bill and Uncle Frank are. Watching over us,“ you explained and she hummed. 

„I wish I could hug her,“ she whispered and you nodded, tears in your eyes, squeezing her against your chest, your hand reaching out Joel’s hand finding yours as you kissed her forehead, looking at him who had tears in his eyes. 

„Me too baby. Me too,“ you whispered before taking a deep breath.

„You know Joel is her daddy,“ you finally said and she looked at you. 

„He is?“ She asked and you nodded. 

„I bet he is the best daddy,“ she sighed and you chuckled at Joel’s cheeks turning pink. 

„Yeah he is. What would you say if I tell you that Joel is your daddy too?“ You asked and her big eyes looked at you first and then her head turned towards Joel. 

„My daddy?“ She asked and both you and Joel nodded with a smile, her smile getting wider, before she jawned.

„I always wanted a daddy,“ she whispered before her eyes dropped close. 

You were walking down the stairs to Bill's basement after you showered, finding Joel checking if he could manage to take any more guns. The supplies had all been packed into the truck already, but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave anything of value behind. 

He looked up when he heard your footsteps, giving you a small smile. 

Walking over to him you were surprised when he reached for you, pulling you into his lap, one of his arms looped around you, his other hand on your cheek, his fingers brushing over your skin. 

„I didn’t know you were gonna tell her,“ he whispered and you smiled. 

„She deserves to know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her sooner. If I would have stayed you wouldn’t have missed so much…“ he stopped you by kissing you softly. 

„None of that. We both know I would have fucked this up. I would have said some really fucked up things and hurt you even more. So, there’s nothing you have to be sorry for, okay?“ He looked at you, his eyes pleading. 

You released a long breath, bringing both of your arms up to cross behind his neck. 

„Have I told you lately that I love you, Joel Miller?“ You whispered with a small smile that he mirrored. 

„Don’t think so. But I don’t blame you, I gotta say it a lot more often than you to make up for all the years I didn’t tell you. I do love hearing it though. Love you,“ he mumbled before he kissed you again. His lips moving on top of yours slowly, his hand tilting your head up a little so he could deepen the kiss. 

With a little sigh you parted your lips for him, his tongue dipping into your mouth, a deep moan coming from him, his arm pulling you closer against him. 

There had been lots of making out in the last days, stolen kisses when the girls weren’t in the room, secret touches under the table while you had dinner. 

But you haven’t slept together. 

And you were ready. 

„Joel,“ you mumbled, parting from his lips. He hummed, his lips running down your jaw. 

„We aren’t gonna be alone for a while,“ you whimpered, your head tilting up to give his wandering lips some more space. 

„What are you proposing?“ He asked, playfully nibbling on your neck. 

„I’m proposing that you fuck me, Miller. Right here,“ you gasped when you felt his other hand slip between your legs. 

„Right here?“ He asked, his fingers over the seam of your slick panties. 

„Mmmmhh….“ You closed your eyes, biting your lip when he pushed the fabric to the side, his fingers dipping between you slick folds, lazily teasing you. 

„All that for me?“ He asked and you opened your eyes, crashing your lips against his. 

„It’s been almost four years Joel. Please don’t tease me,“ you whined and his eyes softened before he picked you up and set you down on the table behind him. Within the next minutes you were both naked, your hands in his hair as you kissed him as he stood between your parted legs, the heavy weight of his cock resting against your stomach. 

„Gonna need to prepare you,“ he hummed, his hands on your ass. You shook your head. 

„Please just fuck me. You know I can take it,“ you whined, one of your hands wrapping around his cock, making him hiss. He groaned, sucking your bottom lip between his before he slapped your hand away, his dark eyes fixed on yours as he held his hand out to you. Waiting. 

Feeling your whole body heat up you spit in his hand and the left corner of his mouth twitched. 

„My good girl,“ he praised you and you couldn’t stop whimpering. 

He brought his hand down to wrap it around his cock, coating it in your saliva, before he lined himself up. You had dripped on the table you were sitting on, more than ready to take him. 

„I love you,“ he whispered and you looked at him with a soft smile, your lips parting when he slowly pushed his cock into you. Filling you inch by inch, both of you starring into each others eyes. 

„Missed this,“ you moaned. 

„Missed you,“ you crossed your legs behind him, giving him a little push, his cock finally filing you up completely. 

„Fucking Perfect,“ he groaned kissing you again before he began to move, pumping into you slowly. 

You let yourself fall back down against the table, stretching your arms over your head, your back arching, your tits moving every time Joel fucked into you. 

He licked his fingers, bringing it down between your legs, his thrusts getting harder as he rubbed your clit, your pussy clenching around him. 

„Yes… Baby… Just like that….“ You moaned, your hands coming down to play with your tits. 

„You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?“ He asked, moving faster, his skin slapping against yours every time he moved.

Nodding, you moaned, your eyes rolling back as you came, your whole body shaking as he fucked you through it. 

„Shit….“ He groaned, both of his hands now coming to rest on either side of you as he leaned down, fucking into you deeply, chasing his own orgasm. 

„Want you to cum again,“ he grunted, kissing you, drilling his cock into you, the whole table moving over the floor. 

„Want you to cum inside me. Let me feel you,“ you whimpered, your hands in his hair, trying to meet his thrusts. 

„Fuck that is…. Not a good idea….“ He laughed and you grinned. 

„I don’t care. Wanna feel you. Cum for me, Joel. Cum inside me,“ you whispered and he groaned, fucking into you a half dozen times more before you felt him twitch inside of you, filling you, making you cum for a second time. 

Both out of breath you looked at each other before Joel leant down and kissed you. 

„Sleep in bed with me?“ You hummed against his lips. 

„As long as you let me,“ he answered against your lips before you both sneaked upstairs. 

Against all odds after six days of a rather boring trip across the country you reached the radio tower in Cody. And two days later a group patrol of people on horses found you, asking you all kinds of questions before a man pulled the bandana that had been covering his face down, revealing Tommy Miller in the flesh. 

By now you were living in Jackson for almost a year. 

Ellie had decided to stay and live her life, the constant threat of someone looking for her still on the horizon, but it was decided that the town was not in immediate danger. Patrols kept an eye out for fireflies, but they haven’t spotted anyone. 

You were living a happy life all things considered. 

Ava went to pre school, Ellie went to normal school. They really became sisters in the last year, spending a lot of time together. 

Even though Ellie started to spend more and more time with a girl called Dina you suspected was more than just a friend. 

Joel was always working on improving the house. 

He had changed the most, back to the man he had been before the outbreak. Yes, he still was the protector when he needed to be, but most of the time he was just Joel. Your husband. 

„Yellow?“ He asked, holding the can of paint up.

You walked over to him with a smile, nodding.

„It’s a happy colour. I like happy colours,“ you shrugged and he chuckled, setting the can down on the floor before he put his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

One of his hands came to rest on your growing belly, the baby inside kicking up a storm as if it could sense their dads hand, making you both smile. 

„Still think it’s gonna be a girl?“ You asked and he nodded, before he kissed you softly. 

„Think I’m meant to be surrounded by beautiful girls,“ he hummed before he kissed you again. 

[ennabear]

i beg of you to write more mean abby.. i reread all of ur mean abby works religiously i swear i just love her too much ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ NONNIEEEEE STOP THIS JS TOO SWEET!!!! IM BLUSHING IM BLUSHING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! sorry this is a lil bit messy, i haven’t really had time to lock in on anything official I HOPE THATS OKAY!!!! here are some thoughts… 18+

i think mean!abby is one of those people who are discreetly rich. she’s not the type of person to go on big fancy vacations, or buy expensive sports cars, or to always have the newest technology. before she met you, she probably spent most of her money on books or expensive brands of tea imported from countries she’s never even heard of. after she met you, though? she’d swipe her card a million times a day to see you smile.

the best way i can describe her personality is like some old cranky grandpa, the scary guy on the block who never smiles but is very confrontational. if you’ve seen her around, you’d know that she’s always wearing a scowl, only leaves her penthouse apartment early to go to the gym, and has beef with most of her neighbors. but if you know know her? she’s a sweetie pie. she loves spontaneous sweet treats, slow dancing to 70’s music, old horror films (mean!abby letterboxd goes CRAZY i just know), and most shockingly, her cats.

and she LOVES those fuckers. it’s so perfect how she can have a companion who’s quiet and small and independent, and two of them? barely any responsibility. they have an automatic feeder, entertain each other, and only bug her about once a day for attention.

as for her job, i could see her having two possibilities. one being an extreme workaholic. maybe an office job or a surgeon or something?? (NOT a nurse because they’re supposed to be good at talking to people…) OR she only really works part time, some freelance job that doesn’t really have any rules. a photographer or a tattoo artist or some sort of small business that she can mostly manage on her own. money has never been an issue for her, coming from a family of doctors. her ass was spoiled rotten as a kid, and after her dad died she inherited all of that money.

she’s the biggest protector in the world. someone was talking shit about you? she’s breaking their nose right now actually. i think the biggest reason she’s “mean” is because she actually just has anxiety. the last time she felt a love this strong, it was for her dad. she can’t afford to lose you like she lost him, so she always has to make sure you’re safe and sound. it’s not like she’s trying to be controlling by texting you every half hour, she just worries that maybe she won’t be able to protect you for once, and it’ll be at the worst possible time.

ok lock in here are some nsfw thoughts :3

you know that trope that’s like “big mean stoic character is actually the subbiest bottomest little puppy in the whole world.” yeah…. if you don’t agree what are you still doing here.

it definitely took her a while to be this vulnerable, but jesus christ is it worth it!!! the way you get to watch her squirm and whimper underneath you, knowing that you’re the only one who can make her feel this way. to give your big protective guard dog girlfriend a night off, to take care of her in return for all that she does for you.

and she lovessss being tied up!!!! something about the intimacy of knowing you’re gonna give her a good time makes her submit to you almost instantly. she has to trust you on this, has sit back and relax and let her brain melt because she physically can’t do anything about it.

when she does dom i imagine she’s a pretty big brat tamer. c’mon, not everyone has the luxury of having a girlfriend like her. if you don’t act grateful she’ll whip you in to shape. literally. she’s not afraid of a good spanking.

also she’s strapped up 24/7 but this is canon in every universe… no matter what she’s doing or where she’s going or who she’s gonna meet, the strap stays ON!!! just in case she may need it….

but she’s the aftercare QUEEN. of course. apart from the basics like food, water, cuddles, etc. she has tonssss of knowledge on proper aftercare. you’d never have to worry about being hurt or getting a uti or feeling unloved because she’s read every forum to exist about aftercare!!! i just know this bitch runs a tumblr kink blog like it’s the military… 🤦

that’s all…. going to eep now……

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny thinks he's done a wonderful job all things considered. His city is safe, no one has died yet, no major injuries, Vlad had screwed off after Danny beat him within an inch of his afterlife (Danny learned that Vlad was a revenant abusing dirty ectoplasm for powers-not a halfa), ect.

Most of his rogues gallery also stopped bothering him once it became clear he was having trouble keeping his increased power in check and was trying hard not to hurt them. Unfortunately there was one who refused to leave him alone. A warrior princess was demanding his hand in marriage as she needed to be married by the summer solstice of next year or the throne would be passed down to her younger sister, who was already married.

It didn't matter how many times he said no, she kept coming back and challenging him for his hand. Each time she came back stronger and with new tactics and weapons to try. He was starting to fear she might actually win one day. That day might be sooner rather than later as her latest scheme was cutting it close.

Deciding that 1. Amity didn't need him anymore if he closed the portals 2. He was probably going to have to leave anyway if he loses and 3. He didn't have a future in this world as Fenton anymore he leads her on a wild goose chase back into the GZ and causes the portals to collapse in on themselves. The princess laughs, thinking he had given up. But no.

Danny put a curse on himself to turn him into a bat for the next year or so, a full month longer than the princess had left to find a spouse. She screams. Appearently she had a phobia of bats, who knew? Anyway he was left alone to fly through the Infinite Realms and find a new home.

He found a new world easily thanks to the natural portals of the IR and crossed though. Immediately being pelted on all sides by freezing cold rain was not what he expected but its what he got as he flew over a sign that proclaimed the city beneath him was called Gotham. The little glowing white bat flew through the night for hours before seeing a fruit bowl laying innocently on a kitchen counter through a window. Whats more it was in some giant manor so the occupants probably wouldn't mind if he ate an orange or two.

Right?

Needless to say a kid around the age of 11 or twelve walked in on him clutching an apple like his life depended on it while furiously munching. The kid looked...excited? He started going on about names and what he would need to care for him. Danny wasn't really listening, he didn't realize how hungry he had been until he started eating. He waited until the kid had looked away to turn himself and his apple invisible. This bothered the kid who looked suspicious but went to look for "the bat" anyway.

Later, while Danny was taking a shower in the kitchen sink to wash off the remains of his meal (I headcanon that Danny is a bit of a neat-freak) some other guy walked in holding an empty coffee mug and wearing eyebags that would put a raccoon to shame. They just stared at eachother for a solid few seconds before Danny started squeeking in rage and covering himself with the washcloth he was using to scrub himself clean. It looked like something out of a cartoon. Tim thought he was hallucinating but why would he hallucinate a glowing white bat with hearts all around it (that part isn't real) taking a shower in the kitchen sink. Was his subconscious trying to tell him something??

The next victim person to spot him was Duke who just stood in his doorway as this glowing white bat rolled an orange down the hallway. He decided this was a problem for the night crew and went to tell them.

Alfred saw a small shock of white fur and heard squeeking. His first thought was 'rat' and he didn't even hesitate. Danny dodged 3 bullets and got the hell out of the kitchen.

The batfam are debating on whether this was a shifter or an meta animal that was experimented on.

[solaarbeeam]

electric touch - kaminari denki x black reader

warnings: none, reader is portrayed as darkskin, usage of Y/N

a/n: guys he’s my favorite (besides shoto) soo here’s a special fic in his honor <33, i lowkey don’t like this but im trying to discipline myself when it comes to writing.

When Kaminari Denki made it to UA, he had a plan to become a heartthrob hero, not unlike Hawks.

His plan was completely thrown off the second he laid his eyes on you.

Rich and deep chocolate skin, brown eyes that nearly made it look black, and an all-white smile with the cutest tooth gems dotting your grin.

He was done for the second he walked in the room. He should’ve known then, but he didn’t.

He’d flirted with a lot of the girls in the class action once they had gotten to after the Sports Festival, but most just took it as jokes or rejected him, to which he calmly bowed out. No need to be an asshole about it, right?

As Jirou made fun of his quirk again, he laid his eyes on you once more. You were scribbling in your notebook, humming to the tune of what he assumed was a Bryson Tiller song, completely in your own little world.

He lost all sorts of common sense when it came to you. How couldn’t he, when you sat at your desk looking like you were the one that hung the moon in the sky?

“Hey, Y/N!”

Okay, he’d gotten your attention, what now? Oh lord, he’s an idiot. How is he supposed to do this? Your tooth gems catch the sunlight, making them gleam in the classroom, and he immediately hooks his eyes on them instead, so as to not come off as rude or creepy.

“Hey Kaminari, what’s up?” Oh my god he could stare at that smile for days. The coils of your hair makes him stare at them rather than look you in the eyes.

He holds his hand out. He mentally slaps himself stupid, because what was he thinking, just holding his hand out like that? Jirou could make fun of him for this all she wants and he wont even blame her, because what the hell?

He really loses all sense of self when he sees a pretty person, especially someone has gorgeous as you.

In response, you put your hand in his and marveled at how warm they were.

Three seconds pass by. Kaminari dies mentally.

He had just electrocuted Y/N L/N, the most beautiful person in existence, all because he can’t control himself or his quirk.

At lunch, he profusely apologizes to you, one because he knows your hair is important to you and if his quirk actually did anything bad to your hair, he’d put himself six feet under before you could.

“You’re honestly lucky my quirk prevents damage, but in all seriousness, it’s cool Kaminari. It was honestly kind of cute seeing you trip out like that.”

You have no idea what you’ve done, Cute? Cute?!?? You officially have Kaminari Denki wrapped around your finger.

They have the Training Camp. He’s stuck with Mr Aizawa for remedials, because he’s a dumbass and you can do no wrong. The villains attack, and you’re apart of the main fight. Your quirk, called Bounce Back, allows you to take damage, store the impact, and push it back out to deliver it back to the opponent. It was a perfect offensive quirk.

Until you, Bakugou, and Jirou get kidnapped by the league. You, because you were fighting Toga with Uraraka and Tsu, Bakugou for conversion reasons, and Jirou because of her scouting abilities and super hearing.

He goes with the team to get you back. He’d never forgive himself if he had the opportunity to do something and he didn’t.

Once they got the three of them out, he ran up to hug you, not caring who looked or who saw.

You hugged him back, just as eagerly and emotion full as he did. He felt whole, he felt complete again, and the feeling of you hugging him back with just as much warmth and intensity gives him hope.

They get dorms. It makes his crush a lot harder on him. For once, Jirou doesn’t laugh and actually helps him.

It was a regular night, a relatively warm one since summer had started. He knocked on your door, sparks literally flying from the tips of his fingers.

‘Do not electrocute them, this’ll be all for nothing if you can’t get it together.’

You open the door, and once he steps in, he’s hit by the smell of cocoa butter and hair products that smell distinctly like you.

“Okay so, Kami, what can I do for you?” You’re taking your hair out, as he can see, with half of your head still in mini-twists.

“Call me Denki?”

“Pffft-“ He feels blood rush to the tips of his ears. He’s already fucked up and he hasn’t even started the segway.

“‘Kay then, Denki, whatcha need?” He’s going to die. He will die here happily here.

You notice his hands are sparking. You coat your hands in a pastel yellow, a tell tale sign of your quirk, and you take the risky move of grabbing his hands.

He practically dies right then and there. You laugh out loud, pressing a kiss to his nose.

“You’re cute, yknow that Denki?”

The mention of his name brings him back to the present. He decides to just go for it instead of doing the whole plan he made with Jirou.

“Y/N, will you be my partner?”

“‘Course I will, I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”

It seems that at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, you’re the one with the electric touch, and not him.

© solaarbeeam 2024. reposts and translations are not permitted.

[sorcerous-caress]

Hello!! I love your writing 😍 Would it be okay if you wrote Karlach, Lae'zel and whomever you wish with a tiefling!Tav that loses both a horn and an eye during a battle and can't quite find balance in their fighting afterwards bc of it?

Reacting to Tav losing a horn/eye

[Hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, nb!reader, Tiefling!reader]

[Karlach, Laezel, Wyll, Halsin]

Karlach

She swears she can still hear it, your agonised scream, the splatter of blood, the crunch of bone being torn apart.

As if the world slowed down for a moment, an eerie quietness surrounding the battlefield for the uncomfortable stretched out seconds. Your companions turning to look at you, clutching your eye with your back hunched.

Dread filled her stomach, one of your horns laid on the bloody floor next to your feet.

She doesn't remember the rest. Only when she stood atop the burnt rubble of what used to be the battlefield, did the all-consuming rage fade away from her mind.

Karlach is immediately at your side after, apologising for not being there sooner.

She's by your side as you heal, making sure to bring you anything you might need. As your struggles to adjust to combat again in the aftermath become more and more evadint, she is one of the first people to suggest fully leaving combat to her.

Yes, you are capable. Yes, she has seen how strong you are. But sometimes life just doesn't go the way we plan it. You can relay on her instead.

You don't have to go back to the cruel world. You can let her take care of it. Karlach really can't afford losing you. She'd claw her way up the heavens and steal you away if your fate took a turn to the worse.

Laezel

She completely disagrees with Karlach. This is nothing but a minor setback if anything. Laezel completely has faith in you to relearn how to find your balance, and she'll teach you if she has to.

As long as you can still stand on your feet and carry a sword, then you can fight in her eyes. She will give her sincere apologies for letting you down in battle and not doing something before enemeis got the chance to best you, but besides it, you'll get no pity from her.

Why is everyone acting as if you died? You're clearly still the same strong and capable person she knows. If anything, each scar is evidence of how your enemies' failure to put you down, you should show your broken horn with pride.

She has enough self awareness not to impose her views on you, no matter how much she thinks her companions are being dramatic and oversensitive, is she noticed you being fully uncomfortable with her approach she will take her leave from your bedside.

But you got fed up with people infantlising you, then she will be the first to 6pull you back into an intense daily training routine until you regain your footing.

Wyll

While Karlach and Laezel were too busy arguing about your own fate, Wyll was there for you throughout every stage of healing. He knows what it's it like losing an eye. He can relate to the horror and dissociation that happens whenever you look at the mirror to see a piece of yourself missing.

He still hasn't gotten used to his own horns himself, and losing one of yours must have been painful to bear. He will stay by your side until you feel better, no pressure to discuss the future or your fighting abilities or anything.

Wyll will make sure you don't feel alone, that the dark thoughts don't consume you too much. Share you worries with him, let him help carry your burdens, please. It kills him seeing someone so dear to him suffer when he can't do anything or help.

Halsin

His heart breaks, seeing you coming back to camp limbing and bloodied that day. He prays to Silvanus to ease your pain as he takes shift with Shadowheart to nurse you back to health with healing spells.

Nature can be so unforgiving sometimes, to some animals, losing an eye or horn can be a death sentence.

But he has seen even the most withered of plants suddenly flourish and regain their strength, he has personally stayed up countless nights to care for the weak kittens that their mother refused to even acknowledge.

He has seen them grow, nurtured them into a strong healthy state.

Don't surrendered to the darkness, when the abyss starts whispering about how this is your end and how your potential was wasted you yell at the abyss, bite, claw and fight your way out of this rut.

True strength lies in the heart, give yourself time to rest, and don't rush your healing. Eventually, you'll be back on your own two feet with a new view on the world before you can realise it.

[outsideratheart]

Play Nice (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: Where did this come from you ask, I have no idea.

You knew facing Alexia would be difficult but you didn’t realise that watching her win the World Cup final would bring out a side of you that you would be ashamed of. Seeing her win the very thing you worked so hard for filled you with envy even though you know that she deserved it. 

Once the celebrations died down, Alexia asked you to stay with her, with her family because that is what you are to her but you couldn’t. Your pride was wounded and you knew you wouldn’t be the best company. You wanted her to enjoy the moment and the best way for her to do that was without you because your need to win didn’t allow you to be happy for her. You were so focused on winning that the loss caused you to lose focus on the person that would be by your side long after your career was over. 

It was a dark couple of days for you and as a way not to be reminded of the loss you decided to turn your phone off completely. Alexia had been made aware of this of course. If anything she expected it as you did the same when you lost the champions league final but still having no way of contacting you was something she was struggling with even as she celebrates the title in Madrid with her team.

The Catalonian’s sour mode continues as their celebration tour hits Ibiza. More so because it’s a town that reminds her of you given that she had never been here without you. 

“Alexia, come celebrate with us” Jenni begged as she watched her friend sit at the front of the boat with her legs tangling off the edge.

“I will. I’m going to try and call her again then I’ll join you” 

It was naive of her to think you’d answer but this is the longest you had got without speaking and she desperately needed to hear you voice.

“I will ask Ana to call Patri and see if she can get Y/N on the phone” Jenni suggest. 

“She’s in Barcelona already? She should be resting not punishing herself by returning to training” 

Alexia didn’t know where you were and technically what Jenni said was true but she knew that the call would be no use. She didn’t like seeing her friend so down in what should be one of her happiest moments so she took matters into her own hands. You were a tough woman to get hold off when you go dark but you always followed one rule and that is you had to check in with at least one person. Alexia was so blinded by her worry that she forget the person you told all to was her own mother. 

It wasn’t an easy decision for you to make but you knew that you wanted to celebrate Alexia and all she had achieved. It’s just a shame that would include being around the other Spanish players too. Still, you swallowed your pride and that is how you find yourself on a small boat on the way to the yacht that was anchored just off the coast of Ibiza. 

“Calm down chicas. There’s a lioness on board” Misa teased as you boarded. It was brave on her part and the look she received in response told her to tread lightly. 

“Don’t stop on my part ladies” you say as go on search of your girlfriend “make the most of it, I won’t happen again” you whisper but just enough so that Ana can hear you. The Swiss woman spits out her drink and you wink in response. 

You went to the front of the boat as Jenni said but Alexia was nowhere to be found. You tell the forward to go to the group and you’ll find her yourself. As you wander around the boat having no idea where the next turn will take you, you end up finding Alexia sitting at one of the tables in the lounge area. 

She was on her phone and if you were a gambling woman you would put money on that she was trying to call you. Here she was a world champion yet she was too worried about you to enjoy it and it made you feel incredibly guilty. 

“There’s a party upstairs. Care to join?” You ask. 

“Un minuto” she holds her finger up but her focus remains on the phone in her hand so much so that she didn’t register that it was you who had spoken. 

“Alexia Putellas, put down the phone” you put on your assertive voice one which is very rarely used off the field. 

You now have her undivided attention and you cannot tell whether she is mad at you or happy to see you. Rightly or wrongly the thought last seconds because when she stands you see she is wearing nothing but a blue bikini and a floral wrap around skirt.

“Why are you here?” She stands in front of you waiting for an explanation, one which you know you owe her. 

“A very smart woman told me that I should stop blaming myself and spend some time with my very beautiful girlfriend. Oh and she called me an arsehole” you pretend to act wounded “it was your mother Ale” 

Alexia’s eyes widen as she tries to imagine her mother calling you that because in Eli’s eyes you can do no wrong. 

“I’m sorry I closed down. It’s been a really rough couple of days and I didn’t want to be a dark cloud that covered the sun” 

You had been thinking about what you’d say to her since you boarded the plane to Ibiza. Now was your chance to be open and honest with Alexia but she didn’t have the same need for the truth. 

A finger placed over your lips bringing you to silence. That finger is soon replaced by Alexia’s soft lips. It was the first time you have kissed her since leaving for the World Cup and that is proven by the hunger of the moment. The way you two battle for dominance is not a rare thing and whilst you want nothing more than to finish what Alexia has started, you are aware of your surroundings

“As much as I would like to continue this” you kiss her again “we both know if we don’t stop then I will lose control and it will be very hard for you to stay quiet” 

Alexia pulls away almost as if weighing out her options. Your hands begin playing with the string of her bikini because you knew what you wanted to do. 

“I don’t care” that is her response and you don’t need to be told twice. 

Not even a second later, your hands are roaming her body and you are pushing her towards the closest room.

“Oh my eyes, it burns” Jenni says with impeccable timing as always. 

Alexia pulls away slightly embarrassed that the two of you have been caught even if it was only a heated make out session. She grabs your hand a pulls you towards the stairs that lead back up to the deck.

“I wouldn’t worry about your eyes unless you plan on watching. Cover your ears and go away” you don’t give up but when Alexia playfully shoves the back of your head you know that she is over it and it leaves you no other choice that to admit the mood is ruined.

“Vale, I’m going” you drop your head but not for long because you hear Alexia scolding Jenni behind you.

The group of players on the deck are still very much in a partying mood but it doesn’t bother you as much as you thought it would as they are not throwing it in your face. It also helps that you are able to tune them out thanks to the Catalonian who is laid on your chest running her finger over your protruding hip bone. It is only when her finger travel dangerously close to your bikini line do you stop her by grabbing her hand, bringing it it you mouth and placing a kiss on the back of it.

“Not now. We have an audience” you don’t have to turn around to know that some of the girls will be watching you. 

Most the the girls that are on the boat haven’t seen the two of you be this open with your relationship. Sure they knew you were together, the whole world did, but rarely do they get to see it with their own eyes.  Alexia looks back and is met with several eyes watching the two of you. You laugh at her small huff because you know you are right, something that she hates admitting to you. 

“What are you all looking at” Alexia stands and asks them, slightly annoyed at the lack of privacy even though the two of you are out in the open.

Ona, Misa, Jenni, Laia and Aitana look at the two of you, neither one wanting to speak in fear that they will get in trouble.

“We are going in the water and wanted to know if you were joining us” Laia says.

“We sure are” you jump up and your girlfriend knows by the look on your face that you are up to something “Are you joining us Laia? I can’t wait to see your diving given your practice in the final” 

The way you walk towards her is similar to how you walk towards your opponent on the pitch. You are intimidating and a wave of satisfaction rushes over you when you see her face drop. You stop just in front of her and wait to see if she is ballsy enough to respond. 

“I have a gold medal” She panics and it’s the first thing that comes to mind. 

“And a god awful own goal, don’t forget about that” 

“Play nice” Alexia kisses your shoulder before pulling you to the back of the boat. 

You spend the rest of the day on your best behaviour. The only thing on your mind was celebrating your girlfriend because she truly deserves it. You are no longer England forward Y/N Y/L/N, you are just Y/N girlfriend of World Cup champion Alexia Putellas.

[jester089]

Hey, hey! Listen, I had an idea.

have a theory in my head that all the characters are alive in the real life, which means they have a chance to get out. so, what would happen if the reader, for example, died in the real life (for example, put on a headset and... I don't know, shot themself..?Like, their body died, but their consciousness managed to end up in the circus), which means that they couldn't refuse the digital circus, because they simply don't have a physical body in the real world.

how would characters react(everyone decided to run away, but I would like to see the reaction of kinger , jax and pomni) if they managed to find a way out (exit), and when they were about to leave, their s/o said that they can't leave it and they have to stay here forever... like, just stay alone in an unknown place forever. but the reader says that everything is fine, and they will love and remember them all all the time? I just want it look little angst yk🫢 ( I prefer romantic)

I can't speak English good, so sorry for translating Ad I done this with translations

Thank you!!

Left behind

I was going to go to bed but then I saw this request. And I just can't keep my lovely readers waiting. Thank you for the request! And don't worry about your English it was perfectly legible. Plus my friend on discord have made me good at deciphering the most unreadable of things. So while reading your request I had some personal ideas/additions. So I'll, write what you wanted with a little of my ideas. You requested from me so I'm going to put my spin on it.

Kinger

You had grown close with Kinger bonding over both being borderline insane, but not abstracted. When a way out was found he didn't want to leave you behind. NO, he wouldn't leave you behind. You had to force him out of the digital realm so that he could live his life. And it hurt, being trapped in this hollow and ghostly version of the place you knew so well. But at least he could move on with his life. Even if it's without you. When the way out was found Caine disappeared for some unknown reason. So you are well and truly alone. No way of escaping, or dying. The only real way to get away from it all is to lose your mind to the point where you basically aren't human anymore. Kinger missed you back in the real world. He tried to move on but it was hard, knowing that your still trapped in that circus. So he went back to put the headset on again. If their's a set way out now he could visit you! But it didn't work. The pc, the vr goggles, the headset. They were gone... You were gone. So no one's coming to help you.

Jax

When the exit was found he tried so hard to just force you through it. (Like that scene from wreck it ralph where he tries to get Penelope out.) But as to be expected it didn't work. He was so stressed, his mind going over so many different outcomes. "If I leave will they still be here?", "I can't just leave them. After all we've been through. Fuck that. HOLY SHIT! I CAN CURSE AGAIN!!." Surprisingly he stayed with you. He stayed for around a month. But the ghost town of a circus clearly started to get to you two. And after that amount of time he started to care less and less. So he left you a note, then left. Didn't even say it to your face. And back in the real world he'll think about you every now and again. But he made it out of that hell. It's not his fault you didn't.

Pomni

Their is a 100% chance she's going to have a breakdown. She stayed determined to find an exit the entire time she was there. And you supported her every step of the way! And she did it! SHE FOUND AN EXIT! And exit... you can't use... She would freak out and be torn between leaving and staying. She gives you one more hug and kiss and promises she'll be back for you. She'll find a way to get you out from the outside! You hold out hope knowing your lovely is going to get you out of this place. You start writing down the days you've lived in a diary till your S/O gets you out. First 6 months are boring but you hold out hope. You know she'll get you out. You trust her. It's been a year. Maybe time works differently in the digital circus and the real world. Two Years now. Still not gonna give up on her cause she isn't going to give up on me!

ˢʰᵉ'ˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶜᵒᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ

ᴵˢ ˢʰᵉ

(Sorry this is so short. I couldn't come up with much and I'm really tired. But I feel like I made at least some 5/10 angst. Hope you enjoyed it!)

xoxo, Jester

[vikkirosko]

Good day, Vikki. Glad to see requests are open again. Can I request Blitz, Loona and Striker dating Reader, who loves insulting their enemies during fights to ensure that they will be so angry that they will accidentally let their guard down?

Headcanons Insulting enemies

😈 Blitzø x Reader 🐴

Blitzø has never regretted that he hired you. You became not just his subordinate, but also his partner, the one he trusted with his life, even though you had to do a lot to finally start trusting you and not hiding your feelings. He often took you with him to human world when you had a job, knowing that he could even trust you with his life. Quite often, he witnessed you talking to your victims or opponents who tried to attack you to anger them

You provoked the enemies by pissing them off so that they would lose their vigilance. When he saw you doing it for the first time, he didn't immediately understand exactly what you were doing, but he quickly understood your tactics and didn't bother you. The next time you did that, he also participated in it, insulting enemies with you. The one the enemies paid more attention to became a provocateur, and the second attacked when the opportunity arose

You and Blitzø tried not to take too many risks, but when he saw that you were being attacked and you were getting hurt, he got angry and focused his attention on the enemy who was attacking you. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt his partner, a member of his family. But at such moments, he himself lost his vigilance and you already had to make sure that he was not injured, because the last thing you wanted was for him to suffer because of you

He understood that one day it might happen that you would get hurt when he was not around, so if you went on a mission with your colleagues, he asked them to look after you and make sure that you would not die. He didn't want to lose the person he had come to trust and to whom he had become so attached

🐺 Loona x Reader 📱

You and Loona spent a lot of time together. You visited all kinds of places and she knew she didn't have to worry about anything happening. She knew that even if someone decided to stop you from having a good time, you would be able to stand up for yourself. But several times such situations did arise and you were really glad about it, because it was a way to vent your anger and irritation. She saw you grinning, ready not only to fight but also to start provoking your opponents

Every time you got involved in a fight, you took on the role of a provocateur. You talked a lot, angering your enemies, pissing them off so that they would lose their vigilance and it would be easier to kill them. Loona knew about these tactics of yours and was ready to be the one who struck when the enemy focused their attention and all their anger solely on you. It didn't take much effort for her to kill the enemies, but thanks to you, she could avoid the injuries she would have received if not for you

If this happened and you were injured, Loona would treat your wounds. Most of the time you were injured because you provoked an enemy who was stronger than you too much, but you never regretted what you did. She did not condemn you, but only made sure that you would not die from your wounds. You smiled at her, telling her every time that it was just a scratch for you, but Loona threatened to add scratches to you if you didn't stop acting so recklessly

She understood that someday it could happen that you would suffer because of your actions when she was not around, and at such moments her anger only became stronger. She didn't want you to just not come back to her one day, so every time she told you not to forget to be careful, because she would be furious if you died because you couldn't keep your mouth shut at least once

🐍 Striker x Reader 👢

You and Striker worked together sometimes and he knew he could rely on you. You have known each other for a long time and have been dating for almost the same amount of time. You usually worked separately, but sometimes there were moments when you preferred to do the work together. He knew that you were a professional and that, most likely, he would even be able to watch you piss off your enemies

You liked to insult your enemies when facing them. You didn't care if they were stronger than you or not, it was the main thing for you to make them angry. You did it intentionally, and from the outside it might seem that the reason for this was that you just liked it, but Striker understood that this was not the case. Every time you insulted them, they got angry and lost their vigilance because of it, which allowed you or him to strike a blow that most likely became the last for your opponents

That was one of the advantages of you and Striker working together. He knew that you could turn your enemies' attention to yourself, while he would approach them from behind, waiting for them to get completely angry and lose their vigilance so that he could attack, but he also made sure that they did not attack you. Although it was important for him to do the job, it did not mean that he was going to let you get hurt, because you were still not just colleagues, but someone much more and more important to each other. He knew that you would have his back if anything happened, and he did the same for you

For Striker, watching you insult your enemies was a small show. He liked to see the evil grin on your face, liked to see how you provoked and exasperated others. He knew that if your relationship had once gone the other way, he could have been in the place of the one you were insulting, but you were together and he liked it

[ghostieyanyan]

~Yandere Regrets~

Yan!Ruggie x mc

Yan!Silver x mc

Yan!Cater x mc

Yan!Vil x mc

i thought of this a while ago so hehe.. what does a yandere regret? where's the line for yanderes? hurting their darling? punishment? threats??

Warnings: death, hinted of child birth (its still gender neutral but if you feel uncomfortable with it, you can just say its yandere delusions ^^), sleep spell, manipulation, self-loathing, death threats, hate mail(?), mind break, kinda creeping

~~~~~

Ruggie

you were supposed to be fine.. this wasn't how it suppose to be... you and him were supposed to grow old and die together. but no. Life always had to spit in his face.

He was stupid.. you were so different from him and he didn't even think about what your body was strong or weak against. the cold in the slums was easy for him to handle, duh, he grew up there... but you were different...

he should have given you vaccines or something to protect you from the slums sicknesses. he should have slowly eased you into the slums with his family... to build up your immune system.

he couldn't get mad at anyone... only himself..

Ruggie wanted you to be part of his life so badly, he took you to the slums in the dead of night and never looked bad at NRC.

Crowley found the way to your world and you just had a week to say your goodbyes... he didn't want you to leave! he didn't want to say goodbye!

the timing was awful... if it was around the end of the year, he could have graduated and then he'll get a good job to support his family, you, and the family he'd like to make with you..

but he was impassion and scared he'll lose you forever.. and he ultimately lost you in the most cruelest ways.

in the slums, everyone knows that you have to be very careful to not get sick. cuts are even worst. sickness means you need medicine, medicine cost money, which they don't have...

it was supposed to just be a common cold...

it was winter time, the snow was starting to fall and covered the slums in a thin layer of snow. it'll likely go away in the morning but it was still cold out. even in sunset savanna.

Most of the kids stayed inside because of the cold. some, who can handle the cold, were playing outside.

Ruggie was with his grandma making you soup. you had a pretty nasty cough and they insisted on something warm in you system would help.

how did his grandma take him bringing you home..? he promised her some great grandkids and she was down for it.. and to say she scared you more than ruggie's threats on if you were to ran away was an understatement. she was living proof on how scary female hyenas could be..

you were supposed to be fine.. the soup was supposed to make you feel better.. he always got better after the soup. but you were different, unique, one of a kind... that's why he fell in love with you..

he knew you didn't love him. he wasn't a good man. he took you away from your home, not just from the mirror, but NRC. he knew you loved being a part of NRC. helping out, even when Crowley forced you, you still enjoyed it...

he thought you could learn to love him and you two would work hard to provide for your family in the slums... and one day work hard enough to better the slums, or everyone.

instead... you died that winter.. because of that stupid cough. and he's now alone... the one thing he didn't want...

he had to say goodbye..

~~~~~

Silver

When silver was a kid, his father would tell him all the stories he knows, which were a lot. his favorites, as a kid, were the stories where the prince or knight characters protects their home and loved ones.

he told his father that when he grows up, he wants to be strong enough to protect everyone he loves. his father told him at he should train and eat a lot to grow strong and maybe he'll find his "royal stuck in their tower~" or "royal stuck in a death like sleep~"

Silver felt that his father always had his head in the clouds for these, "cheesy" scenarios. he personal didn't mind it though. he, himself, didn't know if he'll find his other half but he's not the type that will roll around in his sleep about it...

he thought..

when silver first heard about you, it came from the news of "a newcomer with no magic and a wild monster came to the school ceremony and caused mayhem." but how Lilia described it was "an excited turn of events." silver didn't mind it too much.

he only hear more about you when malleus was telling him, sebek, and Lilia about the child of man staying in the abandoned dorm and how you invited him to this event, not knowing who he is. with how malleus spoke so highly of you, made him curious of this perfect.

he also over heard how you always finding yourself into a bunch of overblot situations. he hasn't even met you and you already sound amazing. kinda like the princes or knights of those old stories...

to say he was charmed by the mysteriousness of you was an understatement. he wanted to go out and just meet you to understand you better but he was always busy. school, clubs, protect malleus, naps, theres a lot on his plate but what can you do.

when he finally met you, from school events or school trips, each time you were with him it felt so warm and comforting. you were so calm and gentle with him, not like he need that but it was a nice feeling. whenever he fell asleep, he'll either wake up to you stering him or with his head resting in your lap. he never want this feeling to end. Silver wants to keep waking up besides you, for the rest of his life.

when he told Lilia about it, how he should confess to you and all. Lilia told him that he over heard you and your first year friends talking about making a break through about you going home, so this confess better be big...

he grew silent, which is normal for him but this was a different silent and lilia could tell..

"how about you show them how much you love them? that your love has no bounds. from twisted wonderland to other realms out there~"

even with lilia cheesy rometic preaching, he had a point. but how..? he wants to show you that you were important to him and that he'll protect you. he'll be your prince to... wake you...

silver stopped by your dorm late, you were just about to go to bed but he asked for time and how it was really important. you agreed and you both decided to talk outside. he started to tell you about his childhood and his love your fairy tale stories his father use to tell him. he told you how he loved you and wanted to show you that both of you were meant to be. he held your hand and pulled out a needle from his pocket.

you started to get scared and tried to pull away but it was untimely useless. silver just over powered you so easily. with one prike from the needle, you stared to feel dizzy and felt like your head ached. you fell into silver's chest which is arms snaked around you.

"it'll be okay.. ill wake you up.. and you'll understand that we were meant to be~"

he picked you up and gave you a sweet soft kiss on your lips.

he waited... and waited... and gave you a kiss again... and waited..

you didnt open your eyes.

~~~~~

Cater

Cater hated being with his family... his dad wasn't there when he needed him, his sisters treated him like an object or play thing, and his mom enables his sisters... if his friends invites him to any family related events, he'll take it in a heartbeat just to be away from his family. he'd rather die than admit that his sisters didn't have an influence on his behavior as a kid and even now that he's older.

when he first saw you, he thought you were the cutest thing in all of twisted wonderland. Cute little perfect, lost in an unknown world and at the mercy of everyone here. like a little animal that lost their way and that doesn't know better, but he'll help this cute lost animal.

it definitely helped his case, with how much ace and deuce brings you around. plus they often leave you to your lonesome because they cause some trouble and drag grim along too. what his luck~

At first he didn't mind sharing you with Trey, you all often spent time together watching trey bake and talking about any drama or rumors from school, trey didn't really mind the drama but he enjoyed the company.

the more Cater spent time with you, the more he fell for you. and when you come to him for anything, his heart skips a beat. you're just too precious in his eyes.

You both made it a thing that he'll come to you to online shop, mainly browsing because you couldn't effort anything. but every time you pointed something you liked, he always had something to say about it.

"i don't know about that... i think this one will match you better~! you'll look so cute in it~"

you didn't really mind, it wasn't like you took it personal... you shouldn't.. right?

sometimes Cater will stop by the Ramshackle dorm and bring you a "goodie bag." it was either the stuff he said you would look good in or some other cute stuff. pins, hair clips, hair ties, accessories, plushies, etc. some of the things weren't in your wheel house of interests but telling Cater you didn't like them when he looks so happy didn't feel right...

so you just allowed him to do whatever he liked.. it wasn't hurting anyone right..?

it wasn't-... it didn't hurt anymore. his teases that felt like hard jabs into your looks and insecurities, didn't hurt as badly anymore. without you realizing it, Cater was the one to dress you up and tell you what to do, eat, and how to think. you thought about it, why didn't you say anything..? well.. cater will be upset. every time you tell him you had a problem with how he treats you, he gets really sad and you just didn't like it one bit... it was too much to keep fighting it.. you were tired... you were drained..

cater and his "helpful inputs" just made you feel insecure of yourself. maybe you really need cater's help. you don't want to be a sore thumb to the people you care for, right?

"hey, what do you think about this? pref-?"

cater looked at you and he froze... he knows that look in your eyes. the pain.. the hurt.. the empty look.. the helplessness..

he's being the monster of his sisters.. to you...

~~~~~

Vil

Vil is a highly respected figure in twisted wonderland. his looks and his voice, his mere presences is a blessing for some people (his fans-). he has to be perfect, he only expects himself to be perfect. with the people around him, he tries his best to not being so strict about them being perfect but as long as they work for that goal, he cant complain too much.

when he met you, he cant say much or you might get crunched under all his critiques. but he admires how hard working you are, whether you like to be or not. to say vil enjoyed your clumsy potato charm was an understatement. the more he watched you, the more he was charmed~

he tired not to be too harsh on you, you are doing your best with the hand you have been delt, but still do you always have to slouch like that?

Whenever you see Vil, he always gives you "advice" whether if they are convention advice, with vil statures and position, you couldn't really say no...

without you realizing it, you find vil appearing more into your life. when you pass your classes, when your getting any paper work for Crowley, even when you are heading back to your dorm..! Vil requested Rook to get your weekly scheule...

at this rate, you'll see vil more than your friends, the only time you see your friends were in class and lunch.

you confronted vil, asking him if something was wrong.

oh boy~ he loves how you could stand up to him~

likely for him, being a great actor comes into his favor when he has to convince you that he's not creeping on you.

"i just like to check up on you. even if your aren't part of the main dorms. i cant let you make a joke out of NRC just because you are magicless"

he lend into you, reaching his hands to your face-!!

"your uniform is also messed up, potato. do i have to do everything for you!"

"o-oh..."

he starts to fix up your uniform and takes his leave. leaving you to process what happened..?

meanwhile someone with a certain hat took a picture and shared it on magicam. news broke out and rumors like "Vil isn't single anymore?!?!" and "who is this mysterious person?!" broke out like wild fire. you only hear about it from Cater who was upset that you didn't say you were in a relationship, much less, to vil!

but with rumors and a big following of vil's fans, comes lots of hate. you don't even have Magicam but you hear all the hate from your friends, classmates, and even classmates that weren't in your class or grade!! they were all getting concerned..

you're address got leaked and you were sent hate mail and death threats everyday! one person even sent pictures of you when you were out on a school event. it wasn't safe for you anymore. this took such a mental tole on you that Crowley had to asked a favor from Ambrose LXIII and have you transfer to RSA...

you didn't want to leave.. but you didn't have a chose anymore..

~

the picture was suppose to lead you to him... you were suppose to run to him, crying in his arms to protect you. Vil was suppose to be your knight in shining armor...

~~~~~

[meanderingstream]

So I saw a poll a few days ago about whether your blorbo would survive if the person they loved the most died and they couldn’t save them. And so I was thinking about the leverage OT3, but specifically if both of the other 2 died and they couldn’t save them, how would each of them go on.

I think Hardison would survive. He would obviously be devastated and especially if he was trying to save them from his computer or something while they were in the field and he failed, he would never get over it. However, he has a support network both deep and wide in his nana, his foster siblings, and to some extent his online friends, as well as Breanna, Sophie, Harry, and other people he knows through Leverage. I think the loss of Parker and Eliot together would fundamentally change him, but eventually, he would be able to move on and find happiness and connection with others again both because he has that support network to hold him up and because connecting with people is such a fundamental part of who Hardison is.

I think Parker is a survivor. She has had to be a survivor for her whole life. She is used to surviving even when everything falls apart. I think she would try and use some of the coping mechanisms we see her use in the show of trying to attribute her emotions to other people or to past or future Parker, but those would be woefully insufficient to this devastation. I could see her for a time running away from people and trying to lose herself in jumping off high buildings and stealing things, but it would end in an utter breakdown. She might even regret becoming the person who had opened her heart and changed together with them and tried to do the right thing. She might almost wish she had stayed alone with her emotions locked away to avoid this current pain. Except she couldn’t ever regret knowing them. She would either come back or Sophie would eventually find her, and they would commiserate about losing their person(s). If Parker had failed to save the boys, she might feel a lot of guilt around Breanna, but Breanna would likely feel guilt about why she wasn't there / couldn't save them either. They would eventually talk it out and then be able to support each other. Parker would survive, but she might lose some of her progress in opening up to people. Someone else would almost certainly have to take over Leverage International for a while. I think Parker would make it through and recover, but would never be as open as she managed to get while she was with Hardison and Eliot. 

I think Eliot is the toughest call. On the one hand, he has survived so much that others didn't. From the army, to the PMCs, to working for Moreau and others like him, to (probably the biggest challenge) facing the guilt and shame of who he had become. Eliot got through it all. But now, after swearing to watch over them until his dying day, if he failed to save them, then he would prefer to die with them. Eliot is the most likely of the three to not survive the loss of the other two, but I think it would come down to whether he felt he was still needed. If Sophie, Breanna, Harry, and others that he cares about needed him to protect them, then he might just make it through for them. Eliot, of course, believes he is already damned, and he is not looking for redemption because he doesn't believe it's possible after the things he’s done, but he appreciates the opportunity to be useful. To his mind, he needs to be useful to the people who are redeemed and to doing good in the world, because it’s already too late for him. If losing his partners happened while it was just the 3 of them, I think he would go after those that did it and not intend to survive the process. But if he has the rest of the team, I think he would stay alive to continue protecting them. Especially because of Breanna. If he failed Hardison, he can at least protect his baby sister. Eliot would stay alive for exactly as long as he felt useful, but he would likely never be able to really try retiring from the physical parts of his job and would probably plan on going out swinging when he got too old to be a hitter. Depending on a lot of variables, the rest of the team might eventually be able to convince him that there were other ways to take care of them like cooking and advising and being there for people, but it would be a long shot and, either way, he would never forgive himself for failing to protect Parker and Hardison or for not being the first to go.

[frickfatphobes]

I was recently hit with the crippling realization that I used to have an eating disorder.

It was branded as intermittent fasting, something that would help change the number on the scale. I was skipping two meals a day and starving almost constantly.

My pants got a bit looser, and the number went down by twenty pounds over the course of three months. One person noticed my weight changed -- and she was fat herself, so of course she would be more likely to notice it -- and not a single other person seemed to care that my clothes looked a little baggier on my body now.

I hit a plateau that my body refused to let me move on from. No matter how few calories I ate, how hard I exercised, or how many cups of water I drank a day, my body refused to shrink anymore. I didn't stop, thinking surely I was close to another breakthrough.

That was the most weight loss I ever experienced in my life. A measly 20 pounds. The BMI said I needed to lose 70 more to even be out of the obese category. I didn't even stop starving myself when the weight came hurling back at me a year later.

I gained back all twenty pounds. I was still starving myself. I gained twenty more pounds. I was barely eating each day. I gained even a little more, despite barely taking in any food.

My mother said I must've been cheating, eating extra food at school during lunch. I was eating 500 calories a day. I was miserable.

I told myself I was worthless, that I needed to be better. I was so close to becoming thin. Why couldn't I just lose the weight?

I kept gaining, about a pound a month. I finally told myself I needed a break, and I started trying to eat again. I had two meals a day. I didn't get thinner, but I did feel a little better.

One day, while scrolling on social media, I saw a post about something called "fat liberation." Intrigued and confused, I dug deeper. I still remember the way my jaw dropped when I learned intentional weight loss isn't feasible for most people, that many tend to gain back extra weight after.

I saw myself in those numbers. I saw that I wasn't so worthless, that it wasn't because I didn't have the willpower. My body never wanted to be skinny, and maybe it was possible that I didn't either.

A year or two of researching fat liberation, and I denied I ever had an eating disorder. I was hit with the realization about four weeks ago, when listening to a song a thin person with an eating disorder had written.

I believed I couldn't have had an eating disorder purely because I didn't get thin while I was in the middle of it. I could have died of malnutrition, still fat, and it's possible no one would have suspected it was because of my "diet."

And that is exactly why fat liberation is so important. That's why bigotry as a whole needs to be abandoned. Because no matter a person's weight or size or whatever, everyone deserves a place in this world with equal opportunities. No one deserves to feel worthless, or feel like they'd rather be in someone else's skin because of how they look, or how they're treated.

Fat people with eating disorders are just as needful of healing as thin people with eating disorders, period, end of story.

[fortune-fool02]

Grounded

Leon Kennedy x female reader

Requested by: @kormiato

First is booping Leon's nose. Imagine like if he sitting on the couch deep in his thoughts about past and how much he's afraid of losing reader like he lost a lot of good people like Marvin from RE2 and Luis, so he doesn't sees reader approaching maybe after bathroom, or work, or just making dinner for them and does this little boop with a smile, making him startled for a couple of seconds and making him come back to reality.

Warnings: Light angst. Spoilers for RE 2, RE 4. Fluff.

I love this so much! Sorry if its a little short.

Please enjoy.

It wasn't fair. It was never fair. Leon had been through layers of Hell, all nine circles, and each time he rose the survivor. But each time, he lost a bit more of himself, he lost those around him.

His first day as a policeman, he lost everyone in Racoon City. The people he was going to work with. To this day, he could still see Marvin's paling face twisted with pain, the man giving him the very knife he kept with him all these years, telling him to out himself before others.

Luis. The man who offered to help him rescue Ashley and purge themselves of Las Plagas. He died protecting Leon from Krauser. Another soul lost. Another life he had to witness fade away.

It wasn't fair. Why did he have to face all these horrors? Why did he have to survive?

There were times he often thought about letting a B.O.W take that strike, to not dodge in time. But he could never give those bastards the satisfaction of it. Not now that he had [Name] to think about. The one light in his life. Almost like an angel, she came into his world and brought such hope and comfort, a gentle hand to ease the pain, to chase away the stress.

Leon couldn't imagine losing her. The mere thought enough to make his heart ache painfully. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose another person. She filled every little crack in his soul, every little crevice with a softness and care that he didn't even give himself. She would stand there, a towel in hand for when he came home in the rain, a hot beverage ready.

It was those moments be treasured truly. And would long for the most.

A faint tap on his nose made him jump, falling out of his thick cloud of thoughts, that he almost didn't realise where he was. Beautiful eyes gazed into his, a warm light spilling from them as that gentle smile made his heart flutter.

[Name] stood in front of him, her coat still on with shopping bags settled by the front door.

"Hello, handsome." Her voice filled his head, a comforting melody that he could listen to forever. "What's om your mind?"

Leon just sat there, his eyes looking over each part of her face, memorising them like the first time they met. Each little imperfection its own beauty. The way her eyes glowed softly in the low light, sparkling like little stars plucked from the sky.

"... nothing. Just you." Standing up from his seat, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. He needed to hold her, to keep grounded. [Name] didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him, her hands gently rubbing comforting circles on his back, a soothing yet simple gesture but one Leon greatly appreciated.

[llamaisllama777]

... Oh, they better fix this soon, or it's gonna be a VERY sad Thanksgiving and Christmas!

Seriously, tho....thing are BAD right now, and I have a few possibilities/predictions for Earth and Luanr and what could happen next...

Earth predictions

1. Earth is left numb by the dark lighting.

Much like how Monty lost all feelings in his right??? Arm after fighting The Stitchwraith Earth will now have that same problem but all over her body cause that lightning spread everywhere! Leaving her in a lot of pain and then feeling numb for who knows how long?! I think for Monty, it lasted five months? So, Earth will be like this for the next five months... fun.

2. Earth is corrupted by the negative star power!

Turuas and Rez have mentioned it is possible to become corrupted by negative star power, and if there was an awful lot of negative star power, there. We've seen what happens to things that get corrupted by dark star power. (Dazzle's old body, those dark star creatures, and Nexus)

Earth will slowly become corrupted by the negative star power floating in her systems and turn into a corrupted!Earth! The Astrals will try to kill Earth while Sun, Moon, Solar, Monty, and Lunar (and possibly Eclipse) will try to save Earth and find a way to uncorrupt her, and they will hopefully succeed in saving her.

3. Earth dies!

Yes, you read that right! Earth dies! Earth's body will succumb to the corruption and die. Earth will die, and Lunar, Monty, and the whole family will be absolutely destroyed. Lunar will feel like a monster, Sun will have lost the only other sibling who cared for him and the one who made him realize he's not a bad person and that he does matter, Monty will lose the love of his life and might become the destroyer of worlds like how Golden Freddy said he would if Monty didn't meet the right people, Solar and Moon will have lost the sister they just gained, and Eclipse will have lost his first friend... needless to say, this is the WORST outcome! Lunar would go into hiding, Eclipse, Solar, Moon (And maybe Monty if he doesn't fall into a deep depression) will hunt down Lunar with the Astrals while Sun falls back into his deep depression and this may lead to Dark Sun offering Sun some kinda deal but who knows. Lunar will either be pushed into the hands of Rez and Cetus or will deny them and go into hiding or fight against them like some kind of Rouge star!Lunar.

4. Earth will be fine in like a day or two.

So, remember how Monty said he would go and remake that small red box that F.C. has in his chest and use it to protect them from all the dark star power entities... well, that box can absorb negative star power, and he'll use it on Earth and instantly heal her. (Or the Astrals will purify Earth's body, and she will be fine)

But even though she'll be healed, mentally, she'll be scarred. She almost got killed by one brother, and now she almost got killed again by another one of her brothers. She would be DONE!

She tried to be nice, she tried to be friendly and do the right thing but here we are! She would either leave and stay with Monty forever and rarely visit them or Alternatively leave and go on vacation to get away from them all but her dad will probably come and kidnap her or convince her to come back with him cause she just got backstabbed again by another family member! Whether she'd go with him or tell him to get lost and get kidnapped I don't know? We'll have to see.

Lunar predictions

1. Lunar will go into hiding, i.e... skip town(leave this dimension)

Lunar having just injured the person who cared about him the most and helped him get back on the right track mentally in the very first episode of LAES, Lunar now being hunted by The Astrals, The Dark Astrals, having ruined his relationship with his sister and Gemini he will leave this dimension and go to Eclipse and Puppet's dimension and Lunar will be forced to confront his hatred on Eclipse and the two will probably fight for a bit before coming to some kinda of closure probably with Eclipse apologizing for all the abuse he put Lunar through and Lunar will finally be able to move on and accept what happen and be able to continue his positive training and hopefully make amens with everyone... (If Earth isn't dead)

2. Lunar will become a Dark Astral (reluctantly)

These powers were meant to help Lunar, and now they just hurt his sister! Lunar will be done with all this star power poo and Dark star power poo! But Rez will show up and convince Lunar he's already messed up so much and Earth and the others will probably never want to see him ever again and Lunar at his lowest will believe him and leave to become Dark!Lunar (Think Anikian Skywalker and Emperor Palpatine sort of deal) and it will take maybe months before Lunar sees them all again and he'll be (reluctantly) evil and will be all sad and bad until someone (Maybe Earth, Gemini, or Eclipse) will convince Lunar to come back to the side of light and Lunar will betray Rez and help take him and Cetus down!

3. Lunar will go into hiding... with Gemini!

Turuas is now coming to kill Lunar cause he will see Lunar as a threat (fair, sadly). Gemini will probably try to smooth things over, but Turuas won't listen, and Lunar and Turuas will fight, Turuas will try to kill Lunar, and right before he does Gemini will step in and save him. The two would go into hiding to avoid The Astrals and The Dark Astrals. Now, don't think Gemini will do this out of love they're doing this to save him. Any love for him is out the window! They're only doing this cause they want to save Lunar and try to understand why he did. Not cause they love him! That's out the window right now!

Lunar and Gemini will work together to figure things out and hopefully help Earth (if she's corrupted or dead, and they'll try to purify her or resurrect her.) And try to defeat Cetus, Rez and try to protect themselves (and maybe Earth) from the Astrals.

That's all I think could happen. Let me know what you all think/what you think will happen, but no matter what happens...

It's gonna be a very very sad Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.

Lunar and Earth's relationship may never be the same.

Kat, Davis, Reed, please... DO NOT KILL EARTH!

I WILL BE SO SAD IF YOU DO!

[nausicaamusiclover20]

One more chance

James regrets losing you after a drunken fight. Years later, he finishes a song for her and hopes for a second chance....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The stage lights blinded me, the deafening roar of the crowd fading into a distant echo. I stood at the edge of the stage, the world at my feet, but all I could think about was her—the one I lost because of my own stupidity. The crowd cheered, their excitement palpable, but none of it could fill the void she left behind.I had everything I could’ve ever wanted, and yet I threw away the one thing that mattered the most.

Even now, years later, I replay that night in my head—the night I ruined everything. It was supposed to be just another show, another late-night celebration, but when I came home drunk and bitter, it all fell apart.She was my anchor, the one person who stood by me through all the ups and downs. No matter how far my career took me, she believed in me. She’d sit at every rehearsal, every small gig, smiling as though I was already a star. And when I made it big, she was the first one to say, “I knew you would.” Her faith in me was unshakeable, and yet I took it all for granted.

It all started so innocently. Late-night talks in the studio, her curled up on the old, worn-out couch, encouraging me as I played around with melodies. She’d hum along, laughing whenever I’d mess up, telling me that I’d get it right the next time. Her voice was like a lifeline, always pulling me back when I was lost.

I remembered the way she’d kiss me on the forehead before every show, whispering, "You’ve got this." The memory of her smile as she cheered me on from the front row still lingered like a ghost in my mind. She was my everything—my biggest fan, my muse, my best friend, my lover.

But that night, everything changed. I’d stayed out late, celebrating with the guys, the alcohol making my thoughts foggy and my temper quick. When I finally stumbled through the door, there she was, waiting for me. I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I ignored it.

“Where have you been?” she asked, her voice shaky but gentle. “You said you’d be home after the show.”I could’ve told her the truth, that I was out blowing off steam. But instead, the anger bubbled up inside me, and before I could stop myself, I snapped.

"God, do you ever stop? Maybe if you didn’t bother me too much it would be better”The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them, but the damage was done. Her face crumpled, the pain evident in her eyes as she took a step back. “What James? I’m just trying to be there for you, but it feels like you don’t even care anymore.”

I wanted to take it all back, to hold her and tell her I didn’t mean it, but my pride wouldn’t let me. “I don’t need you to be there for me. I can handle this on my own.”She stood there for a moment, silent, her tears catching the dim light of our apartment. Then, with a voice that was barely audible, she whispered, “If that’s what you really want, I’ll go.”

And I said the words that haunt me to this day. “Yeah, maybe you should.”She left that night, and I didn’t chase after her. I told myself I was better off without her, that I didn’t need anyone. But as the days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, I realized how wrong I was. She was gone, and with her, the best part of me had vanished too.

No matter how many concerts I played, no matter how many fans screamed my name, it was never enough. Because every night when the noise died down and I was alone in my dressing room, the only thing I could think about was her. How she used to sit beside me, humming along to the songs I wrote. How she’d light up when I played a melody she loved.

How I told her to go away—and she did.

I never finished the song I was writing for her. I couldn't. Every time I picked up the guitar, her memory would flood my mind, and the guilt would be too much to bear. The unfinished lyrics sat on my desk, collecting dust, just like the life we could have had together.

Years passed, and every now and then, I’d see something that would remind me of her—a song on the radio, a couple holding hands, a laugh that sounded like hers—and the regret would tighten around my chest like a vice. I missed her in ways I couldn’t even explain, and no amount of success could drown out the pain of knowing I drove her away.

One night, as I sat in the quiet of my apartment, I picked up my guitar again. The unfinished song stared back at me, a reminder of all that I had lost. For the first time in years, I allowed myself to feel everything I had buried. The regret, the guilt, the love I still carried for her.

I finished the song that night, pouring every ounce of my heart into the melody, the lyrics a confession of all the mistakes I had made. I knew that this was the only way I could say what I needed to say.

The next morning, I did something I hadn’t done in years. I called her. The phone rang once, twice, and then I heard her voice—a voice I had convinced myself I would never hear again.

“Hello?”

My heart pounded in my chest. “Hey, it’s me.”

There was a pause. I could almost feel the hesitation on the other end of the line. “What do you want?”

“I... I wrote something for you. I know it’s been a long time, but I’m playing a show tonight, and I really want you to be there. There’s a song I need you to hear.”

Another long pause. I waited, holding my breath. Then, she finally spoke, her voice softer now. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Please,” I said, my voice cracking. “I need you to hear this.”

She didn’t respond right away, but after what felt like an eternity, she said, “Okay. I’ll come.”

The night of the concert, I scanned the crowd anxiously. And then, there she was—standing at the back, her arms folded across her chest, her expression unreadable. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.

Before I started the song, I stepped up to the microphone and took a deep breath. The crowd hushed, waiting.“I want to dedicate this next song to a very special person,” I said, my voice faltering slightly. “Someone I should’ve never let go. This song is for her.”

The moment I said those words, I could see her from the stage. Her expression softened, her eyes wide with surprise. I strummed the first chords, and the entire room seemed to disappear, leaving only me, her, and the song that had been left unfinished for so long.

As I played, the memories of our time together flooded back—the laughter, the long nights spent talking, the quiet moments where everything seemed perfect. I poured every ounce of regret, love, and longing into the music, my voice cracking with emotion as I sang the words I had written for her all those years ago.

When I finished, I looked up, my vision blurred with unshed tears. The crowd erupted in applause, but all I could see was her, standing at the back of the room, tears streaming down her face.

I wiped my eyes, trying to hold back the overwhelming emotions threatening to spill over. She was crying too, her hand trembling as she wiped her own tears away.

After the show, I found her backstage. The air between us was heavy with unspoken words.“I finished it,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “The song... it’s for you. It always was.”She looked at me for a long moment, her expression softening. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “For everything. For pushing you away, for saying all those things I didn’t mean. I’ve regretted it every day since.”

She let out a soft sigh, her shoulders relaxing just slightly. “I missed you,” she admitted. “But I don’t know if we can go back to the way things were.”

“I don’t want to go back,” I said, stepping closer. “I want to start over. Please. Just one more chance.”She hesitated, then finally, slowly, nodded. “Alright, I'll give you one more chance.”

I reached for her hand, and when she didn’t pull away, hope surged through me. I wasn’t sure what the future held for us, but for the first time in years, I felt like I had another chance.