#but denny has had my entire heart from the moment i saw him on screen

[evans-kinard]

People are probably going to burn me at the stake for this but it has to be said...

Denny >>>>>> Christopher

[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter sixteen (the third hockey game)

December 20, 1988. Seattle, Washington.

It would be a whole three weeks before the four of us could group together and head on out to Seattle as a hockey team. On top of that, ever since we visited Brick in the hospital, we were slammed with some of the worst snow I had ever seen in my life: it was so bad, the four of us all got snowed in, stranded in Oswego for a whole two days. Marcia and Sonia were even lucky to leave Rochester for a little while and head on over to Buffalo for a day. And Lars and I still haven't had lunch with them yet. The good side of being stranded at home was I didn't have to leave the apartment for a full day, and then I was able to buy myself a pair of guards for the blades of my skates.

The more I think about it, the more I want to head on out there on an actual plane instead of crawling through a wormhole, especially since the wormholes move about places when we least expect them to. Between scrounging for plane tickets and my calling up places to see if we could play a game up there, as well as my calling up any place to record my songs. Lucky for us, Lars, Marcia, and Sonia all pitched in for us, as the two sisters themselves decided on flying out there to visit their parents and their good friend there in the cozy corner of Washington; meanwhile, I called my parents to assure them I would be home in time for Christmas.

I told Lars not to worry about heading down to Portland to tell his wife because we all know the story there at this point. He also told me that Kim and Hiro could find some studio space for me in the University District of downtown but I have my doubts given it's such a strange setting.

But on the other hand, I'm also open to it. I spent the whole flight nestled in between him and Spence with my hockey gear in my overnight bag right in front of my feet. I have my notepad tucked in the pocket of my big black overcoat. Nothing to see here. Just five guys going to play up in Seattle. We're not a professional team as much as we wish we were.

The other plus side is going to see Soundgarden themselves again, this time as the four guys we knew before and not the band with the soundscapes that fill a whole theater of some two thousand people. I assured Lars not to worry about finding skates to fit him to partake in his role as goalie. If nothing, he's going to be the ultimate badass with his own stick in one hand and his cane in the other.

We landed at the airport there in Seattle, right in the heart of the neon lights as they're still glimmering on in the wake of all the dense morning fog surrounding us. I'm leading the whole pack through the airport with my scarf around my neck, my leather gloves and chained boots on, and my mirrored sunglasses upon my face, like I'm the big Italian mob boss. Don't mess with me: I've got a sack full of blades and a hockey stick just waiting to come out if I get any looks.

There's just one foreseeable downside with all this and that's we actually have to compete with a team now.

Fine by me, as long as they don't try and intimidate us because I've got an album to record on top of everything else.

Marcia and Sonia meanwhile have the keys to our rental hydrogen cars, one for the two of them to head on up to a little town called Everett, and one for the five of us. Sonia pats me on the back as she hands me my key. I really don't know if she's telling the truth about calling Spence after the accident, but I also haven't heard a word from Dominique on the whole matter, either.

Anyways, if I recall correctly, this place is right near the heart of downtown so we'll get a good look of more than just the neon lights there. And there is a Denny's nearby, much to Barney and Billy's rejoicing. The hydrogen hum here is virtually silent; Lars is right next to me in the front seat with his mask already on over his face.

“Relax, dude,” Spence tells him from the backseat. “It's gonna be a bit before we start playing and even then we've got to warm up.”

“I think he's a little wary of all the neon here,” I suggest as we pull up to a stoplight.

“I really am,” Lars replies through gritted teeth.

“It's alright, it's just a little light. It's not gonna hurt ya.” But I peer out the windshield at some of the little buildings here in this part of town. Some otherwise small, nondescript shops, garages, and places that are perfectly fine otherwise but have these odd flat black screens on the front sides. They're odd because they seem to follow the outer corners, like they're wrapped around. And the buildings themselves almost look abandoned: we pass a leather shop which has the lights out even though it's still early in the day.

This fog meanwhile is growing thick and heavy over our heads with each passing intersection. I hope it's not too cold as we reach the intersection of the street leading over to the recording studio Soundgarden recorded Ultramega OK.

This part of town was not nearly as advanced back then when I first met Soundgarden as it is now. The buildings all look like they're made entirely of polished silver: even the Space Needle is looking extra shiny and clean and crisp at the moment, its blue and green neon as bright as a lighthouse. The glimmers of neon are in full swing here up on the rooftop gardens and over the awnings. Then I catch the sight of something small and shiny flying against the dense fog.

I think back to what Angeline told me about the drones. They make a sound that's below human hearing, such that it can cause paranoia. I think about the hydrogen car that we're riding in right now and I wonder if it's the case here, too. But then again, probably not. I feel fine.

But then there's Lars with the mask already over his face.

That one drone itself is floating over the heart of downtown Seattle, right where we're headed.

The light turns the brightest neon green I have ever seen in my life and we roll onward to the hockey rink.

Lars peers out the window at the heart of downtown and I catch glimpses every so often on my part. Everything is so smoothed out and polished: all the lights are suspended by those spindly white wires. The street itself is black and in need of those street cleaners.

I think about Maya, how she spent all that time here, running around the puddles and the blacktop with nothing more than her own mind. At least I think she did.

But that copy of After the Watershed was real. Surely she did. I touched that booklet. I felt it, I read it, I tucked it under my jacket to protect it from the rain, and I wound up losing the stupid thing after the accident. But there's too many sides to this story. I can only make a guess and right at the moment, I don't feel like taking a shot in the dark because I'm looking around for the hockey rink—

“Ah! Here we are.”

I spot the Denny's, nestled on the corner right across the street from the tall matte silver light posts surrounding a good sized outdoor hockey rink. I pull into the tiny sliver of pavement right near the entrance right as those light posts flicker on and bathe the ice in pure white light.

“Okay, so I just have to sit and make sure the puck doesn't get in?” Lars relays to me, still through gritted teeth.

“Exactly,” I reply as I kill the hydrogen engine. I don't think it goes off at first but I turn the key again, and yes, it's off. I climb out first to take in the cool dampness lacing throughout the corridors of Seattle; embedded in that dampness is the chill of cold metal and stone. I shiver and close my coat as I shut the door behind me. Barney, Billy, and Spence climb out of the backseat so we can fetch our things.

“I assume that's where we change?” Spence nods to the little shed to our right.

“Maybe?” I wonder aloud. I really have no idea. “It's worth a shot.”

Billy puts his arm around Lars so as to help him out and Spence takes off his gloves before following them over there.

“I've noticed something, Joey,” Barney starts as he closes the trunk lid.

“What's that?”

“There's no people.”

I glance around the block. Indeed, it's just us here. I didn't even see any passersby at any of the crosswalks. There weren't even any other cars on the other side of the street. I just saw the drone up in the sky and that was it.

“Yeah. On top of that, I haven't heard a bird or anything since we left the airport, and even then it was just the whir of the waters.”

“Oh, from the Puget Sound?”

“Yeah. It's weirdly quiet right now. But let's get changed, though—surely the team will be here any second now.” We head on over to the shed and step in through the door on the other side. There's a few wooden benches in here plus a single row of metal lockers that look very old. Billy and Spence have already changed into their jerseys while Lars is still trying to change out of his jeans. Poor guy.

He finally gets it once I open up my bag and take off my coat, my gloves, my scarf, and then my shirt. I put on my jersey, only to take off my boots and replace them with my skates.

As I'm lacing up, Spence calls me from outside.

“What's up, man?” I reply back once I straighten myself upright. He stands in the doorway with his hands resting on the edges of the door frame.

“The team's here,” he tells us, “but it's not what you think.”

“What do you mean it's not what we think?” Barney asks him. I put my gloves back on and pick up my mask before standing onto my feet; Lars stands up with his cane in hand and follows me out. I poke my head out to see a half dozen of narrow white human shaped things. Robots, I think. Everything about them is perfectly smooth and they're faceless, and they're so skinny they make me look overweight.

They shuffle about the pavement in total silence: their metallic feet don't even make a sound as they walk towards the rink. Spence glances back at me with a befuddled look upon his face.

“Who did you talk to when you said you wanted to play a game up here?” he asks me, his tone of voice unsure of where any of this is going.

“Some lady,” I reply to him. “An actual person. I forget her name but yeah. I sealed the deal with her and I thought for sure. What is this, some kind of gag?”

“I think not, Joey,” Lars tells me; I turn to see him pointing at the edge of the rink and the bots' feet narrowing and turning into something that resembles blades on skates.

“We better get to it,” Barney advises us.

“Yeah—” I turn my head even more so as to come within sight of the doorway to the shed. “Hey, Bill, you coming?”

“Yeah! Just need to get my laces secured—okay!” He emerges from the shed with his stick over his shoulder. I wonder how this is going to go as we pad over to the entrance of the rink and, once we remove the guards from the blades, we file onto the ice, one right after the other. I pass the shiny blue metal posts on our end of the rink and I make out the shiny green ones on the far side.

I've got my mask resting upon the crown of my head and my stick firmly in my leather gloved hand. I make my way over to the middle of the rink right as the one robot shows me a hand which morphed into the head of a hockey stick at some point. Gotta be brave. Surely this can't be that bad. Five guys versus five robots that look like a bunch of mannequins.

This can't be that bad.

It was in fact that bad.

Spence fell down so many times trying to catch the puck: probably two of those times right on his ass. Barney, the resident badass, lost patience with one that he deked twice and ended up high sticking and wound up in the penalty box. Billy, the well behaved one, also deked and almost hit me in the head. Poor Lars, the stand-in, could hardly keep the puck out of the goal posts. Meanwhile, I, the quick one, was about to hobble the captain on the other side because the son of a bitch was moving too fast that I could hardly catch up to it.

These damn bots are good. Too good in fact. It's like they were specifically made to beat humans at hockey.

The only time I did score was when Marcia and Sonia arrived and the former chucked a milkshake at one of the bots which allowed me to scoop up the little black puck. I pretty much sprinted down the rink with the puck right in front of me, and I was moving so fast that I hardly paid attention to where I was going. I leaned so far back that I almost fell on my hip shooting the puck into the goal posts and between that goalie's legs.

“YES!” I shouted, and that's when I fall right on my ass. The goalie sidles away from there, right around me to the other side of the rink.

Spence flies over to me with his hand outstretched for me. I climb onto my feet as if I'm on firm hard ground instead of ice. I strip off my mask, and rub my eyes and my nose with the back of my glove. I notice the robots are filing out of the rink.

“Is that game?” I ask him in a broken voice.

“It is,” he informs with a look of disappointment on his face. “What the fuck was that?”

“I'll tell you what the fuck was that,” I quip to him, “we bombed, that's what the fuck was that.”

“That was brutal,” Barney joins in from the side; he's out of breath and his face is flushed. This is probably the one time I've ever seen Barney truly exhausted.

“How's Lars, by the way?” I ask him, and he points down the rink to where Lars is laying flat on his back on the ice. Billy is approaching us from behind Barney: he, too, looks beat.

“He was working harder than I imagined,” he answers me.

“Oh, I don't believe this,” I scoff at that. I lead the three of them to the other side of the ice, where the robots have already left and Marcia and Sonia are congregated at the entrance huddled down in their coats. Once I come closer, I make out the look of agony on Lars' face.

“You alright?” I ask him, reaching out my hand for him to take.

“My knee,” he moans, “one of those—bloody machines—strained my knee so much. Oh—God dammit.”

I lift my gaze to the two girls at the entrance and I make my way over to them.

“Here, hold these.” I hand Marcia my stick and my mask before doubling back to the goal posts. I stoop down to pick him up: it's tricky doing so on ice but I managed to do it anyways. I hold Lars close to my chest as I make my way towards the entrance.

“Sonia—on the wall to your left is a pair of long grayish blocks. Those are the guards for my skates. Could you be a dear and help put those on for me please?”

“Yeah, sure—”

Still cradling Lars in my arms, I lift up one leg for her to put on the first one, followed by the other. And at that point, Lars is feeling rather heavy against my arms and I stagger over to the shed so as to set him down on one of the benches. I lay him flat on his back with his legs stretched to ease the pain on his knee. Breathing hard, I collapse right on the bench next to him. I give my curls a toss before proceeding to untie my skates. Sonia emerges in the doorway with Marcia right behind her.

“We were not expecting all that,” Sonia remarks to me.

“You're telling me!” I reply to her, taking off my gloves so I can better unlace my skates. “That last shot I did was one for the money, I know it.”

“We should tell you guys,” Marcia begins, poking her head over her sister's shoulder, “Chris and Matt told us that there's a little band playing just to the south of here tomorrow night that we think you boys'll really like.”

“How far south from here?” Lars asks her, lifting his head from the bench.

“Little town called Hoquiam,” she replies. “Not too far from here. They're called—Nirvana, I think is what Chris said.”

“They said they're like their little brothers,” Sonia adds.

“Sweet,” I tell them, unlacing my skates. “By the way, you ladies gonna join us over at Denny's?”

“We might as well,” says Sonia with a shrug. “We owe the two of you a lunch anyways.”

[managician]

ARC V Anniversary Day 12

Disccusion prompt: Favorite ships?

ARC V has really made me ship a lot of things, be it with or without taking canon into account just because of the potential, so buckle up ‘cause this is gonna be long. I kept it to a top 10 or otherwise I’d be here all day. Honorable mentions to prodigy and whistle, as they barely didn’t make it.

(PD this is a reupload because I realised the post wasn’t showing up properly, so if you’ve seen it before already I apologize)

With that out of the way, let’s go!

10. Natureshipping

I love many of the bgirl/bgirl ships so naturally I’d love all of them being together… Not only for the awesome aesthetic though, I also think their personalities would fit so nicely with each other and they’d like having the chance to meet and talk about everything they’ve gone through; I have so many fluffy headcanons for them and I really just wanna see them bonding and being happy together!

09. Frypanshipping

Probably the oddest ship in this list, I sure as hell didn’t expect to like them so much, but Crow really helped in making Shingo become a better person, and poor Shingo clutching onto his card post BB-arc the entire time made me so emotional. You could tell they had a good relationship and were very happy to be fighting together after that, they’re so cute.

08. Wingshipping

Look at these two precious babs… On a visual level they both have some of my favorite designs in all of ARC V and they’re both counterparts, so I was bound to at the very least consider pairing them up, but when they actually had a rather peaceful meeting in canon all things considered, and immediately valued each other? When you take into account all the possible fluff and angst you could make with setting these two into any scenario? I was soo sold. And they both share the egao philosophy, they’d definitely get along… It’s just fun to think about ideas with them.

07. Janushipping

I have a weak spot for Fusion/XYZ ships because I think there’s so much room for growth and forgiveness if done right, and while I didn’t expect Dennis and Ruri to actually have some backstory together, this relationship has all I could wish for both of their characters. It adds personal conflict to their stories (especially on Ruri’s side, something that isn’t about being related to Shun or Yuto) and leaves room for Dennis to be able to apologize and improve himself after the war; not to mention their aesthetics mesh beautifully together. It’s so easy to picture them awkwardly falling back into an acquaintanceship and figuring out together where to go from there.

06. Fruitshipping

aka the ‘these two care so fucking much for each other, I don’t know how you can watch arc v and at the very least not appreciate their relationship’ ship.

I don’t know what to say that hasn’t been said about them already, honestly. I was admittedly… Reticent, let’s say, to ship this at first, because the relationships between the protagonist and lead girl in YGO shows tend to be lackluster at best for me, but they built each other up as equals from day one and have a genuinely heartwarming friendship, where they know they can lean on each other for support no matter what. They’re one of the most important people for the other and you can feel that throughout the entire show. To this day they hold the honour of being the only protag/main girl ship I can stand romantically.

Though… since they’re so well-executed in canon, I don’t feel the need to seek fanworks of them because there’s no real conflict in their relationship, if that makes sense, haha.

05. Mysteryshipping

This is sort of to be expected as I enjoy all the relationships between this trio separately (even if Yuto/Yuzu’s was short-lived); this shot in the 2nd ED is what got me to even become interested in the OT3 potential, though it was after I finished the show. Yuzu had clearly been having a period of self-doubt in S1 because of the Yuto situation, and thanks to episodes 36-37 we got a wonderful showcase of how well Yuto and Yuya would have clicked, so if Yuzu happened to explain her problem to either of them and caused them to meet in not-so-tragic circumstancies… You can only dream of the possibilities. And thanks to their bonds being established early on, you can expand on them during or post canon events, both in a positive and negative light. We’ve seen teamwork and discussions between all of them already; it’s fun to try to translate that dynamic into a three-way interaction (cranky but overly protective Yuto being dragged around by his two enthusiastic Standard S/Os who also happen to love each other very much, for one).

04. Musicboxshipping

Gosh, these two are just so cute together. Sora was heavily influenced by both Yuya and Yuzu, but you can tell their relationship is really important by the way they both act with each other, especially during the Synchro Arc. Sora taught Yuzu how to Fusion Summon and thanks to that Yuzu was able to become stronger; but Sora also was able to form a solid connection with her and basically made his first true friend in all of his life. They support each other and care about each other so much that even after they know of Sora’s true colours, Yuzu still has blind faith in him, and Sora returns that feeling by saving her from her Duel crash and even being unable to carry the mission Academia gave him because he treasured their friendship that much. Their little master/apprentice moments are adorable and really give off the fluffy energy these two have around each other; and of course Sora’s Mad Chimera and Yuzu’s Bloom Prima dancing together was beautiful too! That was such a lovely scene that made me really appreciate the trust they have in each other.

03. Swiftshipping

I shipped them together from the moment I learned both of them had been kidnapped, and I was really happy when I saw that their designs fit well with each other’s color scheme. They’re both very caring for people they hold close and since there was no indication of the opposite, for the longest time I assumed they were in a cell together. Imagining both of them trying to comfort and support each other through their predicament got me really invested in their possible relationship, and even if it didn’t turn out like I’d hoped in the end, I still had a solid grasp on their personalities by that time, and I couldn’t let go of all the AUs and concepting I’d made for them. It should be said that I have a really weak spot for f/f ships, and this one hit many of my favorite tropes (stuck in same bad situation where they both would try to be strong for each other’s sake, different growing-up backgrounds; to name a few) so my investment only went up from there. I love them so much.

02. Triggershipping

I didn’t expect them to interact much, much less positively, and much less for them to grow to care for each other so much in a short span of time. They have such a friendly and beautiful relationship; Yugo hugging Yuzu because he thought she was Rin and poor Yuzu becoming a blushing mess was a sure way to make me interested from the get go in them, haha. And it only got better from there! Even though she was a complete stranger to him, Yugo still tried to comfort Yuzu to the best of his abilities and looked out for her, fully trusting everything she said, even if to someone else it would’ve sounded like a crazy story. And you can tell Yuzu grows very comfortable with being around Yugo; their small scene with the domestic bantering and her pulling out her fan says that much, as she only uses it with people she really cares for. Whenever they’re on screen together you know you’re gonna be in for a good time, their interactions are always funny and heartwarming.

Yugo saying that Yuzu will always live on his heart in a similar manner to what Yuri said of Rin made me realise how much she really meant to him, and both of them cheering for each other in their Friendship Cup duels was adorable. But if you put their situation into context their relationship is… really sad, as Yugo has lost Rin and Yuzu is all by herself in an unknown dimension. They have that perfect mix of fluff and angst to work with that I love in ships. I adore their relationship; even if it was born out of less than desirable circumstancies, they made it work and learned to appreciate and love each other. It’s always a source of inspiration for me!

(And Yugo’s lack of knowledge of what personal space is just made it even easier to ship them)

01. Counterpartshipping

ARC V has always had the uncanny ability of making me consider ships in the span of a single episode because of the wonderful character interactions. But these two… These two really take the cake. I’m not exaggerating when I say the relationship and development between them has made me cry.    

Anyone who has heard me talk about YGO may know how much I like them. As I mentioned in a previous post where I talked about my favorite characters, I hadn’t expected to enjoy Yuto’s character so much, and much less this ship. Yuto remains a latent force of encouragement for Yuya during the entire show; as Reiji beautifully points out on his duel with Yuya after the Battle Royale fiasco, Yuya’s immediate connection with Yuto thanks to their shared ideology was the bond that allowed him to perform a XYZ Summon. His concern for Yuto in episode 37 was so palpable that it hurt; Yuto went from being some random shady dude who was beating up his friend Sora to a kind damaged person who believed in Yuya’s potential to make people happy in a way that he no longer could. It’s really interesting for me to analyse how deeply they affected each other in a short span of time. We’d seen that Yuto was a very protective person thanks to his interactions with Yuzu, so when he said that he didn’t want to hurt anyone else and ended up protecting Yuya at the cost of his own life… It drove the point home, Yuto really saw Yuya as someone worth protecting and that made it so much more painful.

Yuya also later on refers to their dialogue as a vow/promise, despite the fact that Yuto never said so, which really shows just how much thought he put into his words; to the point where those very words managed to snap him out of Berserk Mode when he was about to fight Sora. It really moved me, and the soul-crushing sensation I felt then stayed fresh in my mind right until the final season, which made me fall in love with them even more. They argued, they had fallouts, but their undying trust for each other still rose through all the problems. Yuto trusted Yuya so much that he essentially told him he was okay with falling to darkness because he knew Yuya would be okay and he’d still believe in him no matter what; that moment nearly made me actually tear up because it shows how much they’d helped each other grow.

They’re hands down one of the, if not my most favorite ship in all of the YGO series, and they’ve spurred my creativity so much. I love making AUs or analysing their interactions. They made me interested in creating content for other people to enjoy after I’d hit a stalemate 5 months ago, I’ll just never be able to express how much I love them and how grateful I am that they got to meet.

[redwine-house]

The Gang Gets Gay (Mac x Dennis) (Dee x Female!OC)

Summary:  Mac has come out and Dennis has had it up to here with his unconventional research into gay culture. Desperate to put an end to the insanity, Dennis looks to the gang for help. Their scheme is ridiculous, but it reveals parts of themselves they have buried deep down.

(Masterlist)

(Ao3)

Words: 1,546

Dennis hovered behind the door of his room, chewing one of his perfectly manicured nails. He would have to get them redone and yeah, the hot stone organic manicure at the Coco Blue Nail salon cost twenty-five dollars – but it was worth it. Not only did his nail beds look absolutely fantastic, but he left the place with reduced fatigue, soothed nerves, and incredible circulation in his fingers.

Running his tongue over his well moisturized lips – Sugar Fresh Lip Treatment- Dennis slipped his hand into his pants pocket. Grabbing his phone, he pulled up his contacts and jabbed one of the two other numbers in his phone. It rang twice before the line was picked up.

“Charlie?” Dennis retreated into his room, closing the door.

“No!” the voice over the phone grunted. “It’s Frank!”

Dennis rolled his eyes. “Frank? What-put Charlie on!” Great. This is exactly what he needed – the ugly toad man weaseling his way into this conundrum in an attempt to gain back his younger years.

“Can’t.”

Grinding his teeth, Dennis put a hand to his forehead. “Why not?”

A sizzling sound crackled through the speaker. “It’s a long story-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Dennis moaned.

Frank ignored him. “I wanted scrambled eggs for breakfast, but Charlie broke the frying pan ‘cause he used it to chase a bunch of cats off last night.” His Brooklyn accent made his friend’s name come out as ‘Cha-lee.’

“And why would he do that?”

“Well, we were under the bridge and found a box of DVDs. One of them was about that long hair broad. She fought things off with a pan or something. I don’t really know the plot, I was high off my balls!”

Dennis held the phone away at Frank’s delighted cackle. “So let me get this straight: Charlie, broke your frying pan because he was solving your cat problem based off of what you saw in a Disney movie?”

Frank cackled again as another sizzle came through the speaker. “Don’t get mad at me! I told him it was stupid.”

Dennis narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Cookin’ eggs!”

Throwing arm out, Dennis sputtered. “You don’t have-” Realizing he had been shouting, he hunched over and lowered his voice to a whisper. “You don’t have a frying pan, you imbecile!”

“I’m cookin’ it directly on the hotplate! That’s how Charlie burned his hand.”

“Why would you be doing something that burned Charlie’s hand?” Dennis clenched his fist, a vein in his forehead popping at the sheer stupidity of his friends.

There was a faint whoosh before Frank yelled, “Oh, shit! It’s on fire!”

“Just bring Charlie over here okay?” Dennis shouted before smashing his finger against his phone’s screen. Closing his eyes, Dennis let out a measured breath. He needed to have full, perfect control over every aspect of his body. He had to lower his pulse rate – stress was terrible and gave you grey hairs.

A knock made him jump. “Hey, Dennis?”

“Yeah, man?”

“You okay? I heard you shouting and I, uh-” Mac sounded anxious, as he tended to be whenever he thought one of his friends was in trouble.

Dennis put a hand on his hip, not moving to open the door. “I’m fine, dude. Go back to watching your…movies.”

“Okay…cool.” The creak of the hardwood floor told Dennis his dejected buddy had retreated back to the living room.

Dennis’ phone buzzed. Squinting his eyes, he read the text message.

I’m ok

Only burned my hair. L.O.L.

Lost the eggs

Bringing Charlie over

Frank

With a huff Dennis shoved his phone back into his pocket. “Ugly bald asshole,” he muttered before gathering himself. When he thought he had the strength to deal with the situation that lay just outside of his door, Dennis stepped out of his room.

Mac looked over his shoulder. “Dennis! Perfect timing, bro!” He jumped from his spot on the couch and flew across the room, barely able to contain his excitement. “I got us both notebooks and pens because I realized that we can’t fully analyze something if we don’t write it down. You know, kind of like movie critics!"

Dennis batted the notebook away, sending the items flying across the room. As the pens clattered to the floor, Mac deflated. “I’m not going to sit here and-and annotate…that!” Dennis threw his hand towards the TV.

Mac cocked his head, squinting an eye. “Why?” Before Dennis could answer, his friend snorted and rolled his eyes. “Is it a gay thing?”

“For the love of Christ, it’s not a gay thing! It’s an assault to common decency thing!” Placing a hand on the couch, Dennis massaged the bridge of his nose. After a moment, he looked up with a smile plastered across his face. “You know what? Forget it.”

Mac may be his best friend but goddamn, he could be dense. Before Mac could get another word in, Dennis was saved by a knock on the door.

“Who’s that?”

“Don’t worry about,” Dennis answered hurriedly, already halfway across the room. “Go back to doing your thing.”

Dennis’ heart had slowly begun to settle back into its normal rhythm. This knock meant things were soon going to go back to normal, where he could manage and represent himself in the perfect fashion. They would come up with a plan – as they always did – and this nightmare would be over.

Curling his fingers around the doorknob, Dennis opened the door. “Oh, Christ.” Huddled in the hallway stood Frank, Charlie and…Dee. “What is she doing here?” he demanded, his voice going up an octave.

His twin sister narrowed her eyes. “Frank tricked me into putting out the fire in Charlie’s apartment.”

“We couldn’t get rid of her,” Frank gargled through a mouthful of half cooked scrambled eggs he greedily scooped from a dirty plate. The right side of Frank’s head was covered in soot, his hair reduced to only stubble.

“Give me some of those eggs, Frank!” Charlie shouted, reaching over with his injured hand. The fool had it wrapped up with newspaper and a tied up sock.

“Back off!” Frank snapped, whacking Charlie’s hand with his fork, causing the man to yelp. “I made the eggs. I get to eat ‘em!”

Dennis opened his arms. “Those aren’t even cooked! You’re going to die!”

Charlie shook his head. “Nah, dude - Frank has a stomach of steal. I’ve seen him eat raw meat before and he was fine. It’s amazing, really.”

“No, it’s absolutely not!” Dennis’ voice cracked.

“What compels you to eat raw meat?” Dee asked with a grimace, crossing her arms.

Dennis shook his head. This conversation was going absolutely nowhere and bordering on the realm of insanity. “Just get inside.”

As the gang crowded into their apartment, Dee looked to the living room and her blue eyes widened. “Oh, shit.”

Frank choked on a mouthful of eggs. “Is this why we’re here? Because I am not into that.”

Dennis nodded. “Yeah.” He opened his bedroom door and began to usher everyone inside.

Mac watched as everyone trudged along. “Hey, guys. What’s going on?”

Dennis smiled. “Oh, we’re just going to talk about a few things. We’ll be out in a minute.”

“Can I come?”

“Sure. We’ll finish up and then you can come.” Dennis shut the door with a resounding click.

Mac turned back around. “But that means you’ll be done,” he murmured.

With wild eyes Dennis looked at his friends. “So the gay porn-”

“The gay porn,” everyone sighed, nodding in understanding.

Dennis didn’t even know where to begin. “It’s been going on none stop for…days.” He touched his hands to his chest. “I like to think of myself as a tolerant man, but I can only handle so many sweaty balls.”

Dee nodded. “That’s no intolerant. It’s just a ball thing.”

Frank held up his fork as he looked at each of his friends. “The only balls I can handle are my own.”

“Dude, I’ve seen your balls and I don’t even know how you can handle those,” Charlie drawled from his spot on the bed.

The conversation was already getting away from the subject at hand, as it usually did. Letting out a puff of breath, Dennis shook his head. “Guys, if we don’t do something, I’m going to lose my goddamn mind. He wants me to sit down and study it with him. He wants to learn how to be gay from porn! The guy just handed me a notebook right before you walked in!” His voice was getting shrill and usually he would feel self-conscious, but it was desperate times.

Dee shook her head. “I just don’t know what we can do. I mean, that is messed up.”

“Look,” Dennis began, “he obviously knows nothing about gay culture or how to conduct himself. He’s literally lived a closeted life of religious self-loathing. We have to get him out there. He has to meet people, go to more gay clubs. Learn history. As an erotic man, I’m very familiar with all of these things, straight or not.”

Frank narrowed his eyes suspiciously and took a step towards Dennis. “What do you propose we do?”

“What I’m saying,” Dennis began slowly, “is that we have to get gay.”

---

After seeing all of the hate @glirsty got for hc lesbian Dee, I wanted to write an entire story including it in a plot

[ramblingsrantsreviews]

Merry, Happy, Whatever Review (Netflix, 2019)

When I first saw the trailer for Netflix’s new sitcom Merry, Happy, Whatever I was so excited. It combined all my favorite things Christmas, sitcoms, and Ashley Tisdale together. What could be better?

The show, which was created by Tucker Cawley, follows the Quinn family as they get ready to spend the next 10 days celebrating a perfect holiday season in true Quinn family fashion. Of course, perfection and the holidays don’t exist and the Quinn’s quickly learn that family traditions can be hard to keep up when families are constantly evolving.

Don Quinn (played by Dennis Quaid) is the widowed, no-nonsense patriarch of the family. The most shocking thing about him is that he forms a crush on an emergency room nurse who happens to be black. It’s 2019 and interracial relationships shouldn’t be shocking but if you’ve watched the show you’d agree that it was a pretty surprising relationship to explore given Don’s conservative beliefs.

Don has four kids — 3 daughters and a son. Patsy (Siobham Murphy) is the eldest daughter who feels it is her responsibility to be the “mom” of the family since their own mother has passed away. That’s literally her whole purpose of being in the show and it gets old, fast. Kayla (Ashley Tisdale) is the middle daughter who learns her husband wants a divorce the moment they enter her childhood home. Sean (Hayes MacArthur) is Don’s only son who just so happens to be hiding a secret from his father — well, a secret or two. And then there is Emmy (Bridgit Mendler), Don’s youngest daughter and quite possibly his favorite child. Emmy has come back from LA to celebrate the holidays with her family and she’s brought along her struggling musician boyfriend Matt (Brent Morin) who Don is not too thrilled about.

In addition to the family, there are the two in-laws or “outlaws” as they call themselves, Todd (Adam Rose) who is married to Patsy and Joy (Elizabeth Ho) who is married to Sean. There are also a few grandkids in the mix rounding out the Quinn family.

With so many people together during a stressful time, chaos is bound to ensue and it sure does. Just like the Quinn’s rocky holiday celebration, Merry, Happy, Whatever faces a rollercoaster of good and bad episodes.

Without further ado, here’s Dani’s Desk review of Merry, Happy, Whatever.

Spoilers ahead.

Favorite Episode: Episode 4 – “Happy Mall-idays”

“Happy Mall-idays” is the episode that finally intrigued me enough to sit down and binge-watch the rest of the show. I was ready to give up after the first two episodes, the third was a little bit better but the fourth episode is where I finally started to connect with the characters.

The fourth episode follows the Quinns as they brace the holiday crowds at the mall to complete a multitude of tasks. Don is looking for the perfect gift for Nancy and enlists Sean to help him out. Emmy and Matt are faced with their first argument of the holiday season as they disagree on how to spend money. Meanwhile, Joy ends up crashing her car while trying to find parking space which means Patsy and Todd must wait in the Santa line until Joy can get the car situation under control. Oh, and then there’s Kayla who spends the entire time trying to hit on the cute barista she’s been secretly crushing on.

Pretty standard for a sitcom and yet, this is where the characters start to shine. I felt myself cringing along with Kayla as she tried to win over the barista who just thought she was interested in a job and not her. Matt and Emmy’s debate over how they spend money was relatable — especially when the conversation centered around how much was appropriate to spend on a Christmas gift. And I was really loving Joy’s heart-to-heart with the elderly woman whose car she hit until the woman said that. You’ll know what I mean when you watch it.

From episode 4 on it finally feels like we are apart of the Quinn family and not just some uninvited visitor.

Least Favorite Episode: Episode 1 – “Welcome Matt”

It’s a well-known fact in the television world that pilots usually aren’t that great. Merry, Happy, Whatever’s pilot episode is no exception to that fact. The episode is terrible and that’s putting it lightly. It’s a miracle I kept watching the show after that episode but I try to give every show at least 3 chances before calling it quits.

The plot of the episode goes like this: Don picks up his beloved daughter and her struggling musician boyfriend at the airport in his police cruiser. Matt hopes to make a good impression with the Quinn’s but his presence is quickly outshined when Kayla’s husband announces that he wants a divorce in front of the entire family. The writing staff was smart to include the standard “how could you do this in front of my entire family/everything we do is in front of your family” joke. From there chaos ensues as more secrets are revealed to certain characters setting up the promise of chaos to come.

The issue with “Welcome, Matt” is that it relies on sitcom gimmicks as a crutch. The plot isn’t fresh and neither are the characters who rely on sitcom troupes way too much. It’s a shame considering the premise of the show has so much potential and could really elevate Netflix’s original sitcom repertoire.

Favorite Character: Kayla Quinn

Kayla Quinn saved Merry, Happy, Whatever for me.

In the beginning, I was disappointed in Kayla’s character. Ashely Tisdale is such an amazing actress and it felt like she was playing a character I had already seen her portray (you can’t deny the Sharpey vibes). Thankfully, the third episode gives Kayla some depth when she confides in Matt about her feelings towards women.

Netflix isn’t a stranger to exploring LGBT character’s but Kayla’s revelation is really one of the first times I’ve seen a grown adult question their sexuality on television. We talk a lot about how important it is for younger generations to see themselves represented in media but it’s also important for older generations to see themselves represented as well. Kayla does that from them.

Here is a character who has been in a marriage that isn’t bringing either partner happiness but it’s what they’re “supposed” to do. When Kayla finds out her husband wants a divorce she’s sad at first but then she feels free. Free because she doesn’t have to hide behind a lie anymore — except, for the fact that her father is ultra-conservative and she’s not sure if he’ll accept her. Which, spoiler alert, he eventually does thank goodness.

So yeah, Kayla redeemed the show for me and she also has the plot that I was most invested in, making her my favorite character.

Least Favorite Character: Patsy Quinn

I physically groaned in annoyance every time Patsy was on the screen. Now that’s not to say Siobham Murphy’s performance was horrible because it was not (remember actors are not their characters), her character just had the worst plot and traits of the ensemble.

Patsy is a character reminiscent of the traditional “sitcom wife,” which, okay would have been fine except she wasn’t Don’s wife! It seems silly for the writers to decide to not have the wife/mom be alive and yet have this character do exactly what is expected of a wife/mom.

Listen, I get what the show was getting at. There is this perception that if a mother passes away the daughter should step into that role and help the family out. I’m not totally opposed to the show exploring that dynamic, however, it didn’t feel like a daughter stepping into her mother’s shoes. It felt like she was the damn mother and it was weird!

Patsy’s character is stereotypical and annoying when she could have been so much more. Underneath all that “sitcom wife” nonsense is a character who desperately wants to be a mother to her own children but is struggling to get pregnant. I would have loved to see the idea that Patsy mothered her siblings and father because she can’t mother her own children explored more. Instead, her role is there to provide laughs and be the kitchy sister.

If this show gets a second season I hope Patsy gets the justice she deserves.

Complaints:

One thing that struck me as interesting was the fact that the show never ventured into the world of politics despite its ability to do so. Yes, this is a holiday event sitcom that released on Thanksgiving in the hopes of bringing families together for co-viewing but then again, it’s family and holiday-themed and politics usually always find a way to be discussed. Instead, the show focuses its debates on sexist viewpoints (“are you the lady CEO of your job yet”) and religious differences (Catholic traditions vs Jewish traditions). It works for the contents of the show but it would have been interesting to see politics come into play somewhere. Let’s face it Don is a total Republican and Matt is not.

Speaking of Matt, though I did like his character, I couldn’t help but feel like he was a knock off version of Nick Miller from New Girl. I mean come on, Matt and Nick have a lot in common. They’re both dating women with successful careers, they both have no idea what they’re doing with their lives, and they’re both a little nerdy and awkward. Not to mention the actors kinda look similar. I would have liked to see Matt stand out more since he is the show’s main antagonist.

Another complaint of mine was how the show centered around this premise that Quinn’s follow tradition and that Don never breaks those traditions only to have him break these traditions three episodes in! And he doesn’t even feel guilty about it at first! It all just felt very out of place for me.

My biggest complaint comes from the pilot episode when Sean and Joy’s eldest son announces to his parents that he is an atheist. Now it’s not the announcement that bugged me, it’s the fact that they made it seem like the son was going to have his “coming out” talk with his parents and instead chose to divert from that to which the parents’ response was a sigh of relief. It seems odd and out of place for the show to laugh at or feel relief that this wasn’t a coming-out moment since the show eventually explores a true coming-out moment. I don’t know, I just hate when scary and heartfelt situations are played for laughs.

My one final complaint about Merry, Happy, Whatever is that it played it safe for a Netflix sitcom. Yes, multi-cams are more lighthearted than other forms of television but even Netflix’s One Day At A Time found a way to tackle heavy topics in a comedic way. Merry, Happy, Whatever felt very safe and very conservative. In fact, it could have aired on CBS and fit right in with their line up of multi-cam sitcoms.

Praise:

As I’ve said above, I love sitcoms and I love Christmas so the fact that Merry, Happy, Whatever is a combination of both is amazing. Do I wish it was better? Yes. Ultimately though, I did love the premise. I thought it was fun and had a lot of potential to be great and different. Netflix was wise in creating an event-based sitcom because it’s something that traditional broadcast sitcoms simply cannot do.

I did enjoy that we got to see Todd rival Don in a Jewish vs. Catholic tradition debate. Could it have gone deeper? Of course! But I think the way it was done was perfect for the tone of this show. I find that we often overlook other culture’s holiday’s because they aren’t popular with the masses and that’s not okay. I’m glad Todd got his point across to the Quinn’s. Hopefully, if we see the Quinn’s again during the winter holidays we get to see them explore Todd’s Hanukkah traditions.

By far my favorite thing about Merry, Happy, Whatever, was the bond between the “Outlaws.” It’s funny since I didn’t name any of them my favorite character but truthfully their scenes together were my favorite ones to watch. The idea of in-laws feeling unwelcomed and out-of-place isn’t something that’s talked about much and I liked that Merry, Happy, Whatever chose to go there. What I really loved though was that the outlaws bonded over their crazy extended family instead of choosing not to interact with one another. Watching Joy and Todd take Matt under their wing was heartfelt and hilarious. It’s definitely the highlight of the show for me and will be the reason this show stands out in my mind years from now.

Overall, Merry, Happy, Whatever ended up being cute and entertaining. It was a bumpy ride but it was certainly worth it if you love the holidays and quirky multi-cam sitcoms. Is it for everyone? Definitely not. But is a nice escape from your own holiday family drama.

It’ll be interesting to see if Netflix decides to pick the show up for another season and if it does, what the season will revolve around. The creator hopes the show can serve as a “potential anthology series with future seasons exploring other holidays,” hence the name Merry, Happy, Whatever. Only time will tell.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Merry, Happy, Whatever is streaming now on Netflix.

[azulblue9]

PRINCE'S BIGGEST FAN WAS A 93-YEAR-OLD CLEVELAND WOMAN & SHE HAD THE MEMORABILIA TO PROVE IT

By ANNIE ZALESKI

Editor's note: After this story was filed, Mary Boyer passed away at the age of 93.

Mary Boyer can remember the exact moment she became a Prince fan. It was July 1984 -- weeks after the release of his groundbreaking LP, Purple Rain -- and a friend invited her to see Prince's ambitious movie of the same name. Incredibly, Boyer was the only person her friend could find to tag along to the theater.

"As soon as [Prince] came on [the screen], my heart just went [makes whooshing noise], and I said, 'I know this guy. I just know him,'" recalls Boyer today. "By the end of the film, that was my guy."

Boyer was no teenager experiencing her first taste of idol worship. At the time she saw Purple Rain, she was 60 years old.

"I DIDN'T INTEND TO BE A COLLECTOR, BUT IF I WENT TO A STORE AND THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE WITH PRINCE, I JUST COULDN'T LEAVE IT."

Buying that movie ticket unwittingly changed her life, transforming her into one of Prince's biggest fans. Over the next few decades, the mother of seven saw the Purple One 25 times, in far-flung locales such as New York, Detroit, Chicago, Canada, and his home base of Minneapolis. In her sprawling house in Cleveland, Boyer even had a dedicated Prince room -- with walls painted purple, of course -- crammed full of memorabilia related to the icon. Photos, magazines, vinyl, posters, CDs, pins, laminates, promo swag -- you name it, chances are Boyer had it. At the peak of her collecting, she had 300 different posters, 100 different T-shirts, and more than 1,200 unique albums in every format.

"I didn't intend to be a collector, but if I went to a store and there was something there with Prince, I just couldn't leave it there," she says. "I bought it, and pretty soon, I had quite a bit of stuff." After her kids moved out, all of that "stuff" found a home in one of their old bedrooms.

"We painted it a light purple, and I just started filling it up." She laughs. "I loved everything I put in there. I was very, very happy with it."

Now 93, Boyer is sitting in the living room of her apartment on the outskirts of Downtown Lakewood. The space is cozy, filled with cherished art, knickknacks, and photos she's picked up over the years. Boyer is fond of collecting things besides Prince-related items -- miniatures, as well as Egyptian and Oriental art, are interests of hers -- although she's downsized her belongings considerably. In the spring, she moved from that giant old house into this current, more compact space.

Scattered here and there, however, are references to her devotion to Prince. A coffee mug featuring variations of his visage is within arm's reach, near a photo book filled with Prince photos. A glossy, soft-glow snap of late-era Prince stares up from behind glass on the top of a nearby desk; a business card from the long-closed, Minneapolis-based New Power Generation, the Prince-owned retail store, is also tucked away. In a nearby hallway is a media rack with several shelves of Prince bootleg DVDs, while in her bedroom is a panoramic photo of the Prince room at its most impressive, along with some of the meaningful tokens she kept -- including a cardboard Purple Rain die-cut stand-up and a healthy selection of framed photos of all sizes, spanning the artist's entire career.

"Take a look around you, at least you got friends"

Also visiting this steamy Friday afternoon in August is Dennis Roszkowski, a photographer and long-time Prince fan from Westland, Michigan, who often visits Boyer and helps out at a local library's events. The pair met in 1989 because of their shared Prince fandom -- an organized, meticulous person, he once cataloged Boyer's memorabilia so she knew what she had -- and remain close friends.

Boyer amassed her Prince collection by visiting local record stores, where she would sometimes find promo vinyl dumped by radio DJs, or by attending record conventions. Employees came to recognize her and her obsession, and would sometimes save special items for her, such as a life-sized cardboard stand-up of Prince circa the 1991 LP Diamonds and Pearls.

In the mid- to late-'90s, Boyer and Roszkowski would also attend regional Prince Fests -- more or less gatherings of diehards to celebrate the artist -- and sell duplicate albums, as well as trade for things she didn't have.

THEY SAW PRINCE FOUR TIMES IN 75 HOURS.

Along with others from the fan community, the pair also attended many Prince concerts and special events: the week-long Prince Celebration at his studio/compound Paisley Park in 2000, appearances at his one-time Minneapolis nightclub, Glam Slam. At one point in 1993, they even saw Prince four times in 75 hours.

Boyer often expressed her admiration for Prince in more direct ways. "She would send letters to Paisley Park for years, and she would send little gifts to Prince," Roszkowski says. "And she would enclose a checklist with a self-addressed stamped envelope [that] said, 'Did Prince see this?' and 'Did he like it?' and they would check off 'Yes, he liked it,' and send it back. She had this connection with them."

Boyer and Roszkowski say that one-time Prince manager Gilbert Davidson and half-brother Duane Nelson (who handled security) were aware of her fandom, and always treated her kindly and with respect when they crossed paths. Although Boyer once had the chance to get a behind-the-scenes tour of Paisley Park and attended shows there, she never actually met and had one-on-one time with Prince. The closest personal experience she had was at an April 1993 after-show at Chicago's Metro, when the artist pulled her up onstage during the first encore.

"He was doing his show, and all of a sudden, towards the end, he said, 'Turn the lights on,'" Boyer recalls. "He said, 'Whose grandma is that down there? We gotta get her up here and have her shake her doodle!' or something like that." Boyer laughs. "And then he sang this song 'Johnny' -- it's a little risqué, shall we say. And I know he did it to see if it would embarrass me a little. Then during the song, I was supposed to sing this 'oh-oh-oh-oh' [part], and I didn't do it very good.

"And he gives me that look," Boyer continues, referencing the sassy, quasi-exasperated glance for which Prince was known. "I hit him on his arm, and he had me do it again, and I did it. And he just laughed and then gave me a big, big hug. And I was so happy. I just wanted him to know that I really liked him. It wasn't that I had to be seeing him all the time. But you know how you want somebody to know that…"

They mean a lot to you?

"Yeah," she says. "That was a high moment in my life."

"I only want to see you in the Purple Rain"

Born in Fargo, North Dakota, Boyer and her family moved to Lakewood when she was a toddler. She grew up there and went to Lakewood High School, which is where she met her late husband, Jim. She was a member of a sorority; he was a member of a fraternity. One afternoon, the pair happened to see each other at a local ice cream store.

"I was in there talking to some guy, and Jim came in," Boyer recalls. "And the guy said to him, 'Do you have a date for the Friday night dance?' And he goes, 'No.' [The other guy] says, 'Why don't you take Mary? She's a lot of fun.' And he says, 'Do you want to go?' And I said, 'Yeah.' Because he was real cute."

Music entered her life after the couple started having children. Her second-oldest son, Wink -- who "was a hippie, shall we say," Boyer says -- introduced her to Jefferson Airplane's Surrealistic Pillow. That LP changed everything. From there, Boyer started embracing the then-new music of the day, such as Leon Russell and the Rolling Stones. She also started going to shows, among them, Neil Young, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Elton John, and David Bowie's first US concert. 

"I was the cool house," Boyer says with a laugh. "That's probably why it was easy for me to get into Prince. It wasn't like it was strange, because I was used to going to concerts. We did go to a lot of concerts, and my kids, of course, thought I was a 'cool' mother."

Jim was also 100% supportive of Mary's Prince fandom, which may have surprised some. "[People would say], 'How come it doesn't bother you?'" Boyer says. "[And he said] 'I'd rather have her doing that than sitting around crocheting something.' He liked the idea that I had young friends, because he didn't like to do a lot, except play golf. He didn't have to entertain me, because I was doing my own entertaining."

Incredibly, however, in recent years, Boyer has sold off and otherwise given away a large portion of her Prince memorabilia. Even stranger, "it didn't bother me at all," she says. In part that's because she's been preoccupied dealing with health issues, and uses oxygen as she gets around. ("I hate it," she says vehemently about that.) But Boyer also has the remarkable personality trait where she's able to switch gears and hobbies on a dime -- and never look back.

"I have this kind of a life where every 10 years, I changed," she explains. "Until I was in my, say, 40s, I was a mother, and never went anywhere. In my 40s, my husband and I started to go out square dancing. We did what they call challenge, so that you had to go to workshops and stuff. When I hit my 50s, I went to [local community college] Tri-C and took classes in astrology, and I became an astrologer. I was that for 10 years -- doing readings. And then I went to a Prince movie -- that changed that, and then I gradually stopped doing official astrology things.

"Every time I changed, I dropped the other thing almost completely," Boyer says. "That must be why when I was ready, getting tired of everything I had -- why I was able to do it."

"And no regrets," adds Roszkowski. "You brought your favorite things here."

"Life is just a party, and parties weren't meant to last"

In an odd coincidence, Roszkowski was helping Boyer move out of her house and into her apartment on the same day news broke that Prince had passed away. He recalls that his hands were shaking as he set up his laptop to read more about the news. "Mary looked at me and said, 'What's wrong?'" Roszkowski says. "And I said, 'Mary, Prince just died.' And I just remember her saying, 'I always thought that I would be in heaven before Prince.'" In the background, Boyer chuckles slightly.

The mood in the apartment turns reflective, as Roszkowski ruminates on the reactions he and Boyer received from people they had met because of his music. "The amazing thing about that day, is that all Prince fans that we know, we just started hearing from people we hadn't heard from in years," he says. "Every Prince fan can tell the same story: they know where they were when they heard, and how they were feeling. Everybody's phone just blew up -- people started calling, sending text messages. 'Oh my god, have you heard the news?' It was such a surreal moment.

"We relied on phone calls that we were getting from friends," he adds. "And consoling each other, and trying to figure out, 'Wow. What's the world like without Prince?' Because you just can't believe it.'"

Roszkowski's thoughts summarize the unique impact of music fandom: people bond over their love of a certain artist or band -- seeing shows together, chatting online, sharing stories, maybe swapping bootlegs -- and seamlessly translate this connection into real-life, deep friendships. The Prince fandom is especially dedicated, however. In fact, Roszkowski says it was "meant to be" that he and Boyer happened to be in the same city on the day of Prince's death, as it was symbolic of the treasured connections facilitated by his art and music.

"WHAT'S THE WORLD LIKE WITHOUT PRINCE?"

"His concerts were unlike anything you saw," Roszkowski says. "You'd go there, and there was just a whole mixture of people -- ages and races -- and everybody just got together and had a wonderful time. It seemed like the Prince world was a great melting pot of people. You wished the whole world could be together having a good time, and peaceful.

"That's not what the world's like, in many respects. It is if you look for it; you can find it. And we found it with Prince. There was a connection with him that brought us all together, and we always talked about, 'Wow. Look at what we did -- together.' Just my friendship with Mary, between the two of us, what we've done, is fantastic. I'm grateful for it every day."

Boyer quietly chimes in. "I have to say, I've had a very happy life," she says. "When I was being the mom in my 30s, I loved it; when I was square dancing, I loved it. When I was in astrology, I loved it. When I [was into] Prince, I loved it."

And Boyer has her own take as to why there is such an intangible (but enduring) bond between Prince fans. It's not complicated -- but it's a theory that's as playful and laconic as the Purple One himself. 

"We're all smart," she simply says, with a laugh. "As my daughter said, 'Mom, I’m glad you're smart enough to know [Prince] was a genius.'" 

Mary Boyer ~ R.I.P. 

Source:

https://www.thrillist.com/lifestyle/cleveland/mary-boyer-lakewood-prince-memorabilia-collection

[koskela13]

SVTFOE Season 2 Finale Recap: “Wandside Attraction” and “Star and Marco vs The Future”

Damn.

I knew this season finale was gonna kill us all, but I was SO off on how it was gonna turn out.

And by the way, if you’re waiting to watch these episode at 8 PM tonight... turn back now. I just saw ‘em at 7 in the morning, and as I said in my last post, there WILL be huge spoilers here. It’s not too late to look at another post until tonight, but if you’re willing to take the chance or have already seen it...

...then here we go.

FACE THE MUSIC

Song Day is upon us, and Queen Moon Butterfly sends the new songstrel Ruberiot (voiced by Patrick Stump) to the Diaz household to write a song about Princess Star. Star, who is absolutely NOT a fan of these princess songs, tries to avoid hanging with Ruberiot until he realizes he hates those same songs, too, and they team up to write a song that really shows people who Star is. Meanwhile, Moon heads to the Forest of Certain Death trying to get some answers on where Ludo’s whereabouts might be. And who better for her to go to than his father Lord Brudo, his mother Lady Avarius, and his little brother Dennis? However, when she finds Ludo’s new lair and discovers what he’s wielding, she realizes the situation is much more serious than she could’ve imagined.

Before she can proceed with her mission, though, she, her husband King River, and the Magic High Commission along with Star and Marco attend the Song Day event, where it starts off great with Ruberiot subverting the kingdom’s expections and bringing them a rock ballad about Star being the Rebel Princess of Mewni... but then the songs gets to the part where Ludo shows up and takes Glossaryck and the Book of Spells, and the King and Queen proceed to keep retrieving the book and Glossaryck back a low-key effort, which horrifies both the Magic High Commission AND the entire Mewman audience.

But that’s not what the fandom’s gonna be talking about when they bring up the song. No, when they bring up the song, what they’re gonna really talk about-- Aside from how awesome and catchy it is. --is that it straight up reveals that Star is in fact in love with Marco Diaz, a point Ruberiot glorifies for the finale, and one that he didn’t even talk to Star about to begin with. This all leads up to the following 22-minute episode...

STARCRUSHED

And if you thought Storm the Castle or Bon Bon the Birthday Clown were the darkest this show could get, this is here to prove you completely wrong.

At the Diaz Family’s end-of-the-school-year party, Marco is still in shock as to Star’s true feelings for him, and things hadn’t really been so normal since Song Day. Of course, Star isn’t handling it much better, either. So, to avoid having an awkward conversation with him, Star calls an emergency friend meeting with Pony Head, Janna, Kelly and StarFan13 (who was there the whole time!), and they try to get Star to forget about his straining relationship with Marco by bringing her to a more dangerous bash on a rooftop, where Star finally hangs out with her other crush, Oskar Greason.

But meanwhile, on Mewni, Queen Moon and the MHC bust into Ludo’s ancient temple lair, easily dealing with the rat army, Eagle and Spider before contending with Ludo himself, who tells them that Glossaryck showed him a page of the Book of Spells (which, of course, was Queen Eclipsa’s chapter), and then suddenly he was gone. As the others leave to search for Glossaryck and the Book, Moon tells Ludo that she saw his family before coming there and pleads with him to let her help him. And as soon as you think Ludo’s gonna accept her help and listen...

...Toffee completely hijacks his body and steals her magic off-screen, turns the wand into a new, giant right hand with the crystal embedded within the palm, and easily curbstomps the others and steals THEIR magic. After being revived by Lekmet, who dies immediately after, Moon goes full-on Mewberty mode and battles Toffee, who this time around comes up the victor as the temple crumbles and Moon retreats, getting the fainted MHC to safety, but not before Toffee warns Moon that he’s coming for Star and seeking to reclaim his severed finger.

When Star and her friends come back home, Star decides to suck it up and she and Marco have a chat and agree it’s best the two remain friends. However, upon going to her room upstairs, she finds her mother there, telling her that she’s in danger and has to come back home to Mewni. Star tries to stand up and tell her she’s staying on Earth whether Moon likes it or not... until she’s told that Toffee has returned, bringing Star into a state of shock and disbelief. So she complies with her mother’s wishes, but before leaving, Star heads downstairs and tells Marco, in front of everybody in the house, that she is indeed in love with him, in a moment that every Starco shipper has been waiting the entire series for... which ends up being twisted into the biggest tearjerker in the series yet, as Star runs up to her room with Marco chasing her, but when he gets to her room, Star’s already left and her tower is dissipating from existence.

If there was one thing I was right about in my predictions for this, it was that it was gonna end in the biggest cliffhanger/downer ending yet. This hour starts fun, light and cheerful, like any normal SVTFOE episode, but then it slowly starts getting darker and darker for our cast as things keep taking a turn for the worse, from Star and Ruberiot’s princess song revealing not only Star’s crush on Marco but also the revelations that the Book and Glossaryck have been stolen, to finding out just how diabolical and dangerous Toffee really is. The entire thing is like a perfect mixture between the Holy Shit Quotient-level storytelling in Storm the Castle, where so many things have changed by the end of it all. and the way Bon Bon became increasingly more somber as the episode went on, giving us this gut-punch of a tearjerker ending that’ll have everyone asking themselves what’s next until Season 3 premieres.

Of course, it’s not all tearjerkers and nightmare fuel from beginning to end (at least, Face the Music isn’t); there are several light-hearted moments where we get not only some great laughs, like with the opening Princess Moon number, Janna scarfing down the whole popcorn bowl before zooming over to the Diaz house and the rooftop party (where Oskar somehow managed to park his car on top) but even a good deal of sweetness like Dennis’ concerns for Ludo and the surprisingly well-written conversation between Star and Oskar at said rooftop party, setting up that maybe they’ll be hanging out more when Marco and Jackie are dating. But sadly, the makers of this show don’t go that route... yet, as far as I know.

The route they do take, however, works just perfectly within the context of what this entire season’s given us: A deeper story that’s just starting to get real good, throwing twists and turns at us at every chance it gets and just when you think things are gonna be normal, dynamics change, relationships are affected forever, and we end up being left hanging for our heroes’ adventures to continue. And thankfully, like I said, there’s a Season 3 coming our way soon (albeit not soon enough), so in that upcoming season, we’ll get to see how everyone’s gonna deal with their new situations, and what fate will have in store as the plot continues to develop.

In fact, I have an idea of how Season 3 could start off that I’ll share some point after the season finale re-airs tonight, but for now, it’s time for the hiatus that’s hopefully shorter than the last one we had inbetween seasons. And when SVTFOE3 starts up, oh ho ho, boy, things are gonna get really weird and really wild then!

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #117 - Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas

Spoilers Below

Have I Seen It Before: Yes.

Did I Like It Then: Yes.

Do I Remember It: Yes.

Did I See It In Theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. No.

Format: DVD

1) I don’t rewatch this film as often as some other Dreamworks movies (The Road to El Dorado, The Prince of Egypt), and only vaguely remember it. I was incredibly surprised however to realize I TOTALLY remembered the main theme (composed by Harry Gregson Williams) as it started playing in the film.

2) Michelle Pfeiffer as Eris.

The first character in the film we’re introduced to, Pfeiffer brings a wonderful fun to this villainess. According to Wikipedia (which quotes it from Entertainment Weekly):

Michelle Pfeiffer, who voices Eris, the goddess of chaos, had struggles with finding the character's villainies. Initially the character was "too sexual," then she lacked fun. After the third rewrite, Pfeiffer called Jeffrey Katzenberg and told him "You know, you really can fire me.", but he assured her that this was just part of the process.

Pfeiffer is a delight in the role, and Eris is animated wonderfully. She’s a total treat to watch every time she’s on screen and a delight in the role.

3) Brad Pitt as Sinbad.

Brad Pitt as Sinbad is pretty good. I think one of the film’s biggest failings is that Sinbad’s character development doesn’t seem to flow too well, it just sort of happens (although that just may be a me thing), but Pitt brings the roguish charm and just pure fun that is needed for this character.

4) This film does have some good swashbuckling fun in it, and it’s what makes the movie as good as it is.

5) The bromance between Sinbad & Kale is nice. We know that Sinbad and Proteus had a past relationship as friends but it’s Sinbad and Kale who have the relationship NOW. Kale knows Sinbad well and he’s loyal to him until the end, and Dennis Haysbert is a joy in the role.

6) That’s not to discount the interesting conflict the relationship Sinbad & Proteus brings to the film though. It’s a unique idea I’m glad was included.

7) Honestly the CGI monsters are the things I remember most from this movie. They’re each fairly memorable in their designs. Plus I think McDonald’s or Burger King had toys of them.

8) The first fight with Cetus (the monster above) is a good way of showing off Sinbad’s ingenuity and smarts in a fight. He doesn’t go head first into danger thoughtlessly, he thinks things through.

9) Chekov’s Quote.

Eris: “When a goddess gives her word, she’s bound for all eternity.”

10) Catherine Zeta Jones as Marina.

Jones (or is it Zeta Jones?) does well in the role of Marina. She is able to balance the character’s sense of nobility and responsibility with the heart and brashness of an adventurer, both things which are needed to understand her character and that character’s internal conflict.

11) I always like it when you have third-wheel characters in movies - like Proteus in this film - who aren’t dicks. Like it would be so easy to make the boyfriend an asshole but the conflict is deepened when Marina has feelings for someone other than her future-husband and that future-husband is a great guy.

12) I’m pretty sure when Sinbad discovers Marina snooping around his ship she glances at her boobs for the briefest of moments. Just thought I’d share.

13) The siren scene is another excellent example of great fun and good monsters.

Harry Gregson Williams music is very good and blending pretty with creepy. You KNOW something is wrong, that we’re in danger, but the vocals are really beautiful. The scene also shows off Marina’s skills on the ship, which are great.

14) I cringed so hard at this. But I loved it.

15) I personally think Sinbad & Marina have better chemistry when they’re having fun bickery banter (like when Sinbad, “thanks,” Marina after saving their life) then when they’re acting all sweet. But there are a lot of movies out there which I feel that way about.

16) Other than the issue I mentioned above, I think the film is a little overstuffed with monsters for too short a runtime. You go from sirens to this sort of weird fish island to the snow bird all pretty quickly. And it may just be me who feels this way, but I’d rather have the fish island cut if that meant we got more time with the snow bird. That doesn’t mean the fish island isn’t visually stunning though.

PS: I’m sure there are some Sinbad fans out there who probably cringe when I use terms like, “snowbird,” and, “fish island,” since there are probably official names for these monsters out there. I apologize for that.

17) According to IMDb:

In the scene in which the entire crew, including Spike, is losing their lunch after traveling at top speeds you can hear a man say, "Hey, where did he get the carrot?" According to the filmmakers, that line was a joke someone said during story production that made everyone groan so much that they decided to put it in the movie.

18) I did not understand this joke as a kid. I laughed so hard when I watched it now.

19) I do REALLY enjoy the ice bird scenes and the design on the creature (and Sinbad/Marina’s chase from it), I just wish we’d gotten more time in this environment.

Again, an example of a very neat CG monster in this film.

20) I love this.

Rat: “It’s the edge of the world!”

Gin [to his brother Li]: “Pay up, it’s flat.”

21) Aaaand the ship is flying.

22) The bromance between Sinbad & Kale is only strengthened when - before entering Tartarus - Sinbad tells Kale that the ship is his if he doesn’t return.

23) Tartarus is truly visually fascinating, keeping with the themes of the CG monsters of the movie and Eris’ animation.

24) It’s probably just me, but I feel like Marina’s, “I love you,” to Sinbad isn’t really earned. I love her and I love him and I think they have fun chemistry and a good relationship, I just wish we’d gotten a bit more nice honest moments with them before she said she loved him. We did get a few nice honest moments, but I feel like one or two more would’ve helped.

25) I like that Sinbad comes back to sacrifice himself to save Proteus, because he returns knowing he’ll be a dead man. And he thought he was lying when he told Eris he’d do this! He thought he was a coward but it just proved that he’s not. And then comes the twist: since Eris promised Sinbad the Book of Peace if he answered one question honestly (will he go back and die if he doesn’t get the book) and he does go back even though both he & Eris thought he was lying when he said, “Yes,” (holy run on sentence Batman) then he’s not lying!

Seven year old me did NOT see that twist coming.

26) Three people who I were surprised to see in the credits of this film:

John Logan wrote the screenplay. John Logan is the creator of “Penny Dreadful” and writer on the last two 007 films.

Jennifer Yuh Nelson was head of story. Jennifer Yuh Nelson directed the last two Kung Fu Panda movies and holds the record for highest-grossing film by a solo female director. (Technically Jennifer Lee has the record for highest-grossing film directed by a woman with Frozen but she co-directed with a guy.)

Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott (writers of the first four Pirates of the Caribbean films, The Road to El Dorado, and Treasure Planet among others) served as creative consultants.

I like Sinbad, I really do. It’s a fun adventure even if (in my opinion) it doesn’t hold up to The Road to El Dorado or The Prince of Egypt. But a film should not be judged based on the quality of other films. The animation here is great, the voice acting is fun, and it’s just an enjoyable time all around. Go put it in if you have the chance!

[sage-nebula]

Top five FMA:B ladies!

Another hard one!

Izumi Curtis --- Top spot has to go to Mama Izumi, THE BEST MAMA IN THE SERIES (and I’m not sorry for saying that). I absolutely love Izumi, not only because she is unquestionably badass (both as a housewife and an alchemist), but also because, on top of being unquestionably badass, she’s allowed to have her moments of softness and vulnerability, too. She takes in the Elric brothers as her “apprentices” (read: sons) when she learns that they’re orphans and have nowhere to go, and she so blatantly loves them like her own children that it honestly breaks my heart at times. There’s also her backstory, how she saw The Truth because she tried to revive her stillborn child, and I just . . . I love Izumi. She is the greatest. Undoubtedly one of the best overall characters in the series. IZUMI IS THE TRUEST OF CHAMPIONS, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES. 

Riza Hawkeye --- But that said, I really adore Riza as well! Riza is such a complex character and it frustrates me to no end when I see people reducing her to “wants to follow Roy” because that’s . . . not . . . the deal at all. Riza has a firm vision for how she feels Amestris should be; that her vision aligns with Roy’s, that his vision for their country inspired her, is why she has dedicated herself to helping him (but also shooting him if he goes off the path, however much that would break her heart). I love Riza because although she’s a soldier who is oftentimes shown to be stoic, she, too, is allowed to have her softer side. She’s very good with kids (see: how she interacts with both Winry and the Elrics), she loves her dog (how she adopted Black Hayate is hilarious, but she’s also quite gentle and good with him), and she loves the entire team and has their backs no matter what. She also has a good friendship with Rebecca, who is very different from her but enjoyable company nonetheless. And, despite how she loves Roy, she has also made it very clear that she keeps him on task and that their work comes first. I just . . . I love Riza. Roy was right to name her the Queen, because she undoubtedly is.

Lan Fan --- Lan Fan didn’t get as much screen time in the series as I would like, due to the fact that she had to be out for recuperation after receiving her automail arm (and even then she returned too early, but that’s because it’s not easy to tell her what he should or should not be doing)---but what screen time she did get showed that she is a goddamn determined badass in her own right. Yeah, Lan Fan protects Ling, as her entire family has sworn to do (her grandfather, Fuu, included)---but it’s also more than evident that Lan Fan has a mind of her own, that she’s independent from him, that she does what she feels is right regardless of the circumstances. This is best shown when Lan Fan, against Ling’s wishes, cuts off her own arm in order to buy him time to escape by distracting King Bradley. Like, god damn, Lan Fan is tough! And even then, as she’s bleeding out in the sewer, what does she say? “I fooled you, monster.” FUCKIN’ TELL HIM, GIRL! Lan Fan is goddamn awesome, I love her.

May Chang --- But that said, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the other certified, pint-sized badass from the land of Xing. This post explains it quite well, but May is incredible because she gets to be a girly-girl who likes boys without having that a.) encompass her entire character, or b.) distract her from her quest. May clearly has crushes, she can get distracted, but she also knows when to be serious and focus. She’s allowed to cry over her missing mini panda companion without forgetting what and why she’s there. She’s allowed to return to Amestris to help in the final battle not because she wants to see Alphonse again, but because she feels a debt to those people who helped her. May, like every other lady on this list, is a fully realized character with depth, rather than filling a trope, and she’s wonderful because of it.

Maria Ross --- Okay, so in all honesty, I waffled for ages who to put in this final spot, and both Winry Rockbell and Olivier Mira Armstrong were top contenders---but because I couldn’t decide between them, I’m giving it to Maria Ross instead. Maria, like Lan Fan, didn’t get too much screen time, because she had to leave Amestris for a long while because of plot reasons. But I love her during the time that she is there. She has a subtle snarky wit that she employs exactly when it is appropriate, she is smart, resourceful, and brave. She stays strong and optimistic even in the face of her own wrongful imprisonment and exile (which she received instead of execution, and even then it was only to keep her safe). And, more importantly, she returns for the finale in order to assist in the final battle (and her reunion with Denny was AMAZING, I LOVE THEM). Maria is fantastic, especially since she acted like yet another parental (or perhaps big sister?) figure for the Elric boys. LOVE HER.

But yes, Winry Rockbell and Olivier Mira Armstrong deserve mention as well. So does Paninya. So does Rose. THIS SERIES HAS SO MANY AWESOME LADIES, IT’S LEGITIMATELY HARD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM.

[80alleycats]

The Gang Turns Black Thoughts

I’m a black woman of color, so I was kinda nervous when I first learned about the episode. But after seeing it, I gotta say that I think they did a pretty good job. I could tell that were trying to be intelligent and respectful with how they handled the subject matter and I really appreciate the effort.

I’m always iffy when it comes to musicals, but I really enjoyed the songs. It was just the right amount of singing and dancing and I could understand the words. LOL.

The episode, as a whole, was entertaining and felt refreshing. I’m very excited about the rest of the season. :D

Anyways, there were some parts that I liked and some parts that I had “mixed feelings” about. I’ll list the “liked” parts first and then the “mixed feelings” parts.

SPOILERS below:

Things I Really Liked:

“Old Black Man” (OBM for short) sleeping between Frank and Dennis all of them bundled up in a blanket. Awww.

Dennis checking to see if OBM was asleep before launching into the “all lives matter” stuff had me weak because it’s SO REAL. XD

“I don’t know why it took them so long to realize their lives matter.” JESUS CHRIST, DENNIS.

Sassy finger-wagging Charlie! :D

When Dennis first starts singing “Where are the rules” and gets even sassier than Charlie. Dennis has never been this cute before. XD

Dennis: “Wait, what is this?” Charlie: “It’s a wallet.” Charlie is precious.

Mac: “Oh, right, that’s the lesson we have to learn: that black people will ruin your credit!” Mac’s habit of firing off stupid thoughts never gets old.

Frank: “I’m gonna say the n-word!” I LOVE the running theme of Frank coming up with an incredibly stupid and simple goal that he tries his absolute best to accomplish.

Z popping up out of nowhere with “What’s up, my niggas.” I loved seeing Z again. He’s one of my fave side characters.

Loved that Z’s nickname for OBM is the same as the Gang’s but the difference is that, for Z, it’s literally just a description whereas with the Gang the fact that he’s black is the main thing they notice about him.

Dee: “How much does this guy sleep? Is he a cat?” XD

Loved the reveal that OBM’s actual name is Carl.

The entire scene with Charlie and the social worker. Charlie playing with the train, describing his life, trying to empathize with black!Charlie, and realizing that he made a horrible stereotypical assumption made me cringe/laugh/aww all at once. XD

Dennis: “Or maybe I’m a French chef.” Mac: “And that’s why you’re so fat!” MAC, TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH.

Mac and Dennis: “We’re Church Blacks!” Such a stupid line. I want this on a shirt.

Frank’s dancing in the alley was SO adorable. :D

“But if you look inside our souls, sir, you’ll see that we’re white men.” GODDAMN IT, MAC. XD

Dee: “That’s a nice white man!”

Dennis: “You know why he’s calling the cops? He’s calling the cops ‘cause he thinks we’re insane people. We’re singing and talking about switching bodies and shit.” I love when Dennis gets all self-aware and meta.

Charlie: “We have a lot in common. But too much of it is fear.” SUCH A GOOD LINE.

The fact that the Gang has movie nights with Carl/OBM. My standards for the Gang are so very low that such feats bring tears to my eyes.

Scott Bakula. I don’t know that much about him but he played a great woobie version of himself.

The black actors who played the black versions of the Gang. They had limited screen time (especially black!Dee), but they all did good. I really liked Black!Mac and black!Charlie because they were extremely adorable and I’m a simpleton.

I think it was a brilliant idea for the episode to be from Carl’s/OBM’s point of view. We learned so much about him. We learned that he has a wife (?) named Ruth that’s in a nursing home and that they have at least two adult children. (I wonder if black!Dennis, Mac, and Charlie are friends or family members?) Does he want to reunite with them? I love that he has learned SO much about the Gang and yet he still sees the good in them and still has hope for these horrible people. When he asked the Gang “Does this mean you didn’t learn your lesson?” it just about broke my heart and I wanted to hug him. ;_; I hope we get to see more of him (and maybe even his family) in the show.

Things I Had Mixed Feelings About:

Black!Charlie getting shot. I knew it was going to happen because of the spoiler pics, but it was still a shock to see it. It might be the darkest moment on the show. I do get why they did it, though. I do know that the scene would have had less of an impact if we just saw Charlie get shot. And one of my favorite things about the scene is that it happened in Carl’s/OBM’s dream (and, as I mentioned above, this child might be related to him or someone he knows). The fact that a black man was imaging this happening added an extra and very powerful layer to it. But, yeah, seeing that was just a little too much for me.

The ending. Like, I get the Scott Bakula/Quantum Leap tie-in and I know RCG like to do weird shit occasionally (FLYING SPACE TURTLE!), but it felt a little bit too weird for me. Like, I started overanalyzing everything and I was like is Carl/OBM just really into Scott Bakula/Quantum Leap or is he actually Scott Bakula (which would completely erase his character and the social commentary of this episode)? And then I started having flashbacks to “The Gang Hits the Slopes” and the weird meta announcer guy. And my brain broke. I don’t watch IASIP for my brain to break. LOL.

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Potion Commotion

Author: IDeserveYou

Year: 2013

Rating: R

Pairing: Naboo/Saboo, Howince, Tony Harrison/Howard, Dennis/Bollo, Methuselah/Diane, Kirk/Saboo, Vince/Naboo

Vince drums his heels on the floor, and frowns at the TV screen. ‘This is rubbish. Why are we watching it?’ ‘Because it’s Valentine’s Day.’ Howard raises his beer bottle to his lips, and takes another swig. ‘And there’s nothing else to watch, unless you want to watch Four Weddings and a Funeral, and you know that always makes you cry.’ ‘Me too,’ a deep voice agrees from the far end of the sofa. Naboo takes the hash pipe out of his mouth and frowns. ‘Shut up, Bollo. This is my flat an’ my TV an’ that makes it my choice of channel. I’m not havin’ you two snivellin’ all over each other.’ ‘Yeah, but did you have to choose The Hundred All-time Most Romantic Power Ballads?’ ‘I’m a romantic at heart,’ Naboo says, deadpan. ‘An’ I quite like Celine Dion.’ Vince shakes his head in despair. ‘You’ve gone wrong.’ ‘We’ve all gone wrong,’ Howard says, getting up and going to the fridge. ‘Otherwise we’d all have dates tonight and the TV channel wouldn’t be an issue... Anyone else want another beer?’ ‘Might as well.’ Vince holds out a hand for the cold bottle. More alcohol might just get him through the evening without putting a platform boot through the TV screen. Although it’s going to be a close thing... ‘Cheers, Howard.’ Howard slumps back into the corner of the sofa beside him. ‘You’re welcome.’ He doesn’t sound as though he means it. He sounds well pissed off. Vince wonders whether he himself is the cause of that. Surely Howard can’t entirely blame Vince for failing to produce the sure-thing Valentine’s dates he’d had lined up for both of them? As a modern man of the world, Howard must understand that sometimes girls change their minds when you show them a photo of a bloke with a moustache... perhaps it wasn’t the moustache, perhaps it was the very short shorts combined with the pork-pie hat and the medallion? Maybe if he’d chosen another picture... Vince is quite relieved when his train of thought is derailed by the doorbell going. ‘I’ll get it.’ Naboo pads downstairs and they hear him open the door and say ‘Oh,’ a bit nonplussed. Then there are lots of footsteps on the stairs, and the happy chatter of several voices, and a clinking of bottles in carrier bags. ‘I got a bad feeling about dis,’ Bollo mutters, and a moment later the room is full of people. Loosely speaking, anyway, since at least one of them is a legless alien... ‘Oh fuck,’ Howard groans. ‘This is the last thing we need. The entire Bucket of Shitheads.’ And so it is. The entire Board of Shamen: Dennis the Head Shaman and his wife Methuselah, Tony Harrison, Kirk, Saboo, Diane, and at least a dozen other robe-clad individuals whose names and faces Vince doesn’t know but most of whose hats are completely genius. All are clutching bottles and snacks and party poppers, which they dump on the coffee table. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ Harrison crows, sticking out a pink tentacle to grab the TV remote. ‘You can turn that gloomy shit off for a start. We’re ’avin’ a party!’ ‘What do you want,’ Kirk asks, fiddling with the controls of the hi-fi. ‘Dubstep or garage?’ ‘We do not mind,’ Methuselah tells him, ‘but just don’t mention acid house or my Dennis will freak out.’ ‘We saw in the crystal ball that you were all on your own tonight,’ Dennis says very seriously to Naboo, ‘so we thought we’d come over and cheer you up.’ ‘I wasn’t on my own,’ Naboo protests, but Tony dismisses Howard, Vince and Bollo with a wave of a tentacle. ‘As good as, my son. Call this lot company? More like mourners at a fuckin’ funeral.’ Saboo puts a hand on Naboo’s shoulder, making him jump. ‘Get your cauldron out, you little tit, and make it snappy. We need a punch and we need it fast.’ ‘Yeah,’ Kirk adds, ‘some of us haven’t had a drink in over half an hour.’ Diane frowns down at him. ‘Some of us aren’t old enough to drink.’ Kirk serenely ignores her and starts unpacking bottles onto the kitchen worktop. ‘C’m’on Bollo,’ Naboo says resignedly, ‘get the cauldron.’ The punch is mixed, accompanied by a lot of arguing and commenting and ‘help’ from the other shamen; crisps are opened, pills are popped, and soon there is a party going. Howard slumps in the corner of the sofa, frowning into his glass, ignoring (and being ignored by) everybody. Vince has a vague feeling that perhaps he should go and talk to Howard, but he just can’t help moving to the music, the bass pumping through his ribcage and making his heart and his whole body keep time. There is a touch on his leg; he jumps, and looks down into Tony Harrison’s grinning pink face. ‘Hey,’ Harrison shouts above the noise, ‘you are one sexy mover. I think I’ve got platform boot envy.’ He rubs himself against the silver leather enclosing Vince’s calf. ‘Wanna dance?’ ‘I was dancing, you pink freak,’ Vince says indignantly. ‘You’ve put me off my rhythm now.’ ‘I’ve got a rhythm of me own.’ Tony starts to hump Vince’s ankle in time to the music. Vince shakes his leg frantically. ‘Get off me. I’m – I’m gonna get a drink. Find someone else’s leg to climb.’ ‘This is an outraaaage!’ Tony squawks, as he flies through the air and disappears into the crowd. Vince turns his back and heads into the kitchen. The punch is bubbling softly in its cauldron on the table. It’s a pretty shade of pink, but Vince has had long experience of Naboo’s ‘brews’ and he isn’t sure about this one; it was a bit of a rush job after all. He is about to play it safe and go for another beer instead when Naboo appears from behind a chair, brandishing a brimming glass of the pink liquid. ‘Drink, Vince?’ ‘Ummm... okay then.’ Vince takes the glass; it feels slightly warm. ‘Thanks, Naboo.’ His first cautious sip confirms his suspicions. It tastes completely horrible. How on earth Naboo has managed to make something that is too sweet even for Vince’s sweet tooth, Vince doesn’t know and doesn’t want to know. It’s like Parma Violets and Turkish Delight and Floral Gums all mixed together and super-concentrated. Only about a million times worse. ‘Good, isn’t it?’ Naboo is looking at him with wide, anxious-puppy eyes; it would be unbearable to hurt his feelings... Vince nerves himself to take another mouthful. ‘You’ve excelled yourself tonight, Naboolio. Never tasted anythin’ like it.’ The little shaman’s face lights up with relief. ‘Oh, good. Was a bit worried about this one, between you an’ me, too many cooks an’ all that... it changed colour a few times but it seems to be stable now....’ ‘Cheers.’ Vince clinks his glass against Naboo’s. ‘Hey, you should smile more often, you know, it suits you.’ ‘You what?’ ‘Never mind,’ Vince says hastily. ‘I’ll, um, go an’ see if anyone else needs a top-up, shall I?’ He leaves Naboo happily stirring the cauldron, and sashays to the other side of the room, where he swiftly tips the rest of his undrinkable drink into the potted climbing plant next to the TV. There’s an almost-full bottle of sparkling rosé wine on top of the set; Vince fills his glass with that instead, hoping Naboo won’t notice the difference. Feeling slightly guilty, he glances across the room; from the kitchen, Naboo raises a glass to him and smiles again. It does suit him. ‘Ah, Vince. Good to see you.’ Dennis looms up, seemingly out of nowhere, and stands very close to Vince, backing him against the television set. ‘Alright, Dennis?’ Vince wonders how much the man’s had to drink. ‘Enjoying the party?’ The Head Shaman’s blue eyes are wide and unfocussed. He reaches out a big hand to stroke Vince’s hair. ‘This is the most beautiful hair I have ever seen,’ he says earnestly. ‘I do love a nice head of hair, wish I had one myself...’ Vince smiles politely and ducks under Dennis’s arm, losing himself in the crowd. Dennis has evidently had several too many, or maybe he was just getting off on the atmosphere in the room, heady with drugs and smoke and the sweet, perfumey smell of the punch. Vince pats his hair back into perfect shape and goes back to the dance floor, carefully avoiding looking in Dennis’s direction too often, although Dennis is now apparently absorbed in a deep conversation with Bollo. ‘Good party, this.’ Kirk pops up in front of Vince and grins at him. Vince just nods and keeps on dancing. ‘You want some pills?’ Vince glances down at the handful of gear the small blond boy is proffering, and shakes his head. ‘Not tonight, thanks, I’m sorted.’ ‘Suit yourself.’ Kirk shoves the pills back in his pocket. He’s still grinning broadly, his pupils blown wide and dark. ‘Hey, those are brilliant boots, by the way.’ ‘Cheers. I had them specially made, cost a fortune but they are well genius.’ ‘Yeah, they are. They put your crotch at just the right height...’ Kirk stares at Vince’s tight trousers, licking his lips in a way that’s entirely inappropriate for his pre-teen body and angelic little face. He clearly takes Vince’s stunned silence as an invitation, and moves closer, rubbing against Vince’s knee. ‘Shall we take this to the bedroom, then?’ ‘No way, what is wrong with you people? I mean, I know it’s Valentine’s Day an’ all that, but there are limits...’ ‘Is this little titbox bothering you?’ Saboo appears beside Vince and glares at Kirk. ‘Go on, beat it, hit on someone your own size.’ Kirk looks mulish. ‘I said get lost.’ Saboo pulls him away from Vince. ‘Or I’ll never take you to see another Squarebob Spongepants film ever again.’ ‘All right, all right, I’m going. But it’s not fair,’ Kirk pouts. ‘Life’s not fair. But if you take enough pills you’ll stop caring. Now piss off and let the grownups talk.’ Kirk sticks his tongue out behind Saboo’s back and vanishes into a group of girls. ‘I’m sorry about that.’ Saboo has a bottle in his hand; he refills Vince’s glass. ‘Pink champagne. None of your cheap rubbish, this is the real deal... cheers.’ Their glasses clink; their fingers meet. Vince hastily puts down his drink and rejoins the dancers. ‘You know, you really are a classy mover. Harrison isn’t right about much, but he’s right about you.’ Saboo is right beside Vince again. ‘Here, have some more bubbles.’ He holds out Vince’s full glass, but he’s looking into Vince’s eyes and misses his outstretched hand; the whole lot goes straight down Vince’s front. Vince shrieks with indignation. ‘What are you doin’, you idiot?’ Saboo is looking with frank appreciation at Vince’s wet T-shirt and drainpipes; he puts a hand on Vince’s arm. ‘Whoops. Sorry.’ ‘Sorry don’t begin to cover it,’ Vince snaps. ‘I need to go an’ change.’ ‘I’ll come with you.’ ‘No you bleedin’ won’t. Piss off an’ pour your posh booze over someone else.’ Vince wriggles away, his wet shirt clinging stickily to his stomach, only to find his escape blocked by yet another shaman. ‘Had an accident?’ Diane says kindly, putting a hand on his arm. ‘Here, let me help you with that. I’m a dab hand at washing.’ ‘I’m fine, thanks.’ Vince backs away. ‘No, you’re not.’ Diane’s green face is full of concern. ‘You can’t stay in that wet shirt, you’ll catch cold.’ She takes hold of the soggy fabric, yanks the bottom of Vince’s shirt up, and strokes his bellybutton. ‘Oooh, you’re all sticky. I’ll just get this in the machine, then I can run you a nice bath and get you all clean too...’ ‘Just leave me alone!’ Vince storms out and locks himself in his bedroom. He checks in the wardrobe and under the bed, just in case there are any more oversexed magical nutjobs lying in wait for him, but thankfully there aren’t. Vince strips to his underpants and carefully cleans the stickiness off his precious boots. He takes his time picking another outfit, eventually dressing down into black drainpipes and his old Stones T-shirt and some very understated cowboy boots. He could do without attracting any more attention. In fact he thinks seriously about hiding in his room for the rest of the party, but all that sparkling wine is having its inevitable effect and he really needs the bathroom. He peeks cautiously out of his door. The noise level’s dropped... someone has changed the music... is that Whitney? Surely not. But then again.... ‘I...eee...I... Will always... Love You...oo...’ Several tuneless, drunken voices are singing along, Bollo’s and Tony Harrison’s among them. There’s nobody in sight; Vince dashes for the bathroom and locks himself in. He’s just washing his hands when Naboo comes through the bathroom door without bothering to open it, drops to his knees in front of the toilet bowl, and starts to be horribly and violently sick. Vince doesn’t really do sick, it makes his own insides feel all queasy and he never knows what to do to help, but he can’t leave Naboo like this. Trying to blank out the sounds of coughing and retching, Vince kneels beside Naboo and holds his hair out of the way, like Howard always does when Vince has overdone it on the Flying Saucers yet again. Sick in your hair is the pits. And Naboo has such fabulous hair, heavy and silky and so soft... Finally the worst seems to be over, and Naboo slumps down into an exhausted heap, moaning faintly. Vince carries on stroking that beautiful hair, while he tries to remember the other comforting things Howard always does... There’s always a towel. And a glass of water. And a nice back-rub while Howard waits for him to recover. It’s hard to let go of Naboo, but two out of those three need Vince to get up and fetch them. Naboo wipes his face; sits up and sips at the water. After a while he says in a small voice: ‘Sorry.’ ‘You ’ad a bit too much?’ Vince rubs slow circles across Naboo’s back. ‘No, someone’s spiked the punch.’ ‘What with?’ ‘Love potions.’ Naboo looks tragic. Vince giggles. ‘A love potion? That explains a lot. I’ve ’ad five shamen try to get off with me already tonight... hey, how come you’re not comin’ on to me as well?’ ‘They don’t work on me.’ Naboo looks even more tragic. ‘I’m allergic to them..’ ‘So that’s why you were throwin’ up.’ ‘Yeah.’ Naboo sniffs, and wipes his eyes on the towel. ‘Hey.’ Vince puts an arm round him. ‘It’s not that bad.’ ‘Yes, it fuckin’ well is that bad.’ Naboo struggles to get to his feet. ‘You’ve no idea what’s happenin’ out there. It’s not just one love potion, it’s at least three or four – those idiots must’ve all brought their own home-brews and tipped them in while I wasn’t looking. They’re all all over each other, it’s gonna be a right mess to sort out even if the punch doesn’t poison the lot of them.’ Vince helps him up and puts an arm around him again, holding him. ‘I could lose my position on the Board over this.’ Naboo is trembling from head to foot. Vince pulls him closer. ‘It’s all right, sweetheart.’ ‘Sweetheart?’ Naboo looks sharply at him. ‘How much did you drink?’ ‘Only a mouthful,’ Vince admits. ‘I didn’t really like it.’ ‘Just as well. Gonna need your help.’ Naboo seems really small and frail as he leans against Vince. It makes Vince feel all big and protective. He tries to make his voice deep, like Howard’s. ‘I’ll help you, course I will.’ There’s a knock on the door. ‘Is anyone in there?’ ‘Just comin’, Dennis.’ Vince unlocks the door and opens it. Dennis looks thoughtfully down at the two of them. ‘Oh. I see.’ ‘Naboo was a bit under the weather,’ Vince says, holding him up, ‘think he’s mixed his drinks a bit unwisely.’ ‘Quite.’ Dennis nods sagely. ‘Well, I... er... yes.’ He sways on his feet, staggers across the bathroom and grabs the washbasin for support. Vince shuts the door behind him, and turns to Naboo. ‘Right then, what can I do to help?’ ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Well, there must be somethin’ we can do, even if it’s just chuckin’ a bucket of cold water over everybody.’ ‘I don’t know,’ Naboo wails. ‘It’s a disaster. I don’t even know where to start.’ ‘Come on, you can do better than that.’ Vince gives Naboo’s shoulders a friendly shake. ‘You’re a mighty shaman, aren’t you? You must have, I dunno, spells or potions or... Hey, what about those thousand-year-old books of yours?’ ‘Like they’re gonna help.’ ‘It’s gotta be worth a try, hasn’t it? I mean, this can’t be the first time love potions’ve got mixed up. Someone somewhere must’ve worked out an antidote or something.’ Naboo sighs. ‘We could have a look, I suppose.’ ‘That’s the spirit.’ Vince propels Naboo down the corridor to his bedroom. Naboo opens his secret cupboard and hauls out a pile of dusty old books; the two of them sit on the bed and start thumbing through them. ‘These are well useless.’ Vince chucks the first two books aside. ‘I can’t even read them, they’re all in runes.’ ‘I know. Dunno why I keep them, really, I can’t read ’em either...’ Naboo picks up a thick, leather-bound volume from the pile. ‘This one might have somethin’, though.’ Vince peers at the gilt-lettered spine. ‘Dictionary of Magical Solutions. That sounds like just the ticket.’ ‘Yeah, but where to look? There’s about a million things in ’ere.’ Naboo flicks helplessly through the tissue-thin pages. ‘Is it under A for Antidote, P for Potion, L for Love...’ ‘How about M for Mixup?’ Vince suggests. Naboo snorts and drops the book on the bed. ‘It’s hopeless.’ He buries his face in his hands. ‘I’m finished.’ ‘Well, I’m not.’ Vince picks the book up, turns to ‘M’ and starts reading. ‘Masterwords... Meerkats... Merkins... Mermaids... Here you go, look. Mixups. In cases where an unknown mixture of potions may have been ingested, Jaguar Tears are recommended as a universal antidote. Add to mixture and wait until blue colour appears, then ensure all affected individuals partake...’ ‘Vince, if I ever called you a ballbag, I take it back. You’re a genius.’ Naboo flings his arm round Vince’s shoulders and kisses him. For someone who claims not to have sex, Naboo is a surprisingly expert and passionate kisser. Vince is too astonished to do anything other than kiss him back. For a little while the world is a pleasant blur of soft lips and warm breath and the silky-softness of Naboo’s hair, until the little shaman pulls away and buries his face in Vince’s shoulder. ‘Prob’ly shouldn’t’ve done that. But it was nice.’ Vince hugs him and strokes his hair; he doesn’t want to let him go, he’s so small and delicate and pretty, and he smells fabulous... ‘It was really nice. A bloke could fall for you, y’know?’ ‘Not much sign of it so far,’ Naboo sighs. It’s never occurred to Vince that Naboo might even be interested in getting off with anybody. ‘You ’ad your eye on someone?’ ‘Hopeless. He’s never even liked me. Never mind falling for me.’ ‘I could fall for you...’ ‘You’d better not. Howard wouldn’t like it.’ ‘Howard? What’s it got to do wiv Howard? He wouldn’t even notice.’ Naboo looks up at the fourth wall, rolls his eyes and shakes his head. There is the sound effect of a penny dropping onto a wooden floor. ‘Oh.’ Vince suddenly realises that it does have something to do with Howard. Quite a lot to do with Howard. In fact, it might all be to do with Howard... He lets go of Naboo. ‘No hard feelings, eh?’ ‘It’s fine, Vince. It was just the potion talking... C’m’on, let’s sort this mess out.’ Naboo scrambles off the bed and goes back to the cupboard. ‘Jaguar tears,’ he mutters, ‘where are they... Ah.’ He turns round with a triumphant smile, holding up a soggy little skin pouch. ‘Good thing I stocked up last time we went to Shamansbury’s. An’ they’re still within their spell-by date. I just hope it’ll be enough.’ ‘Course it will,’ Vince says heartily. All the same, he crosses his fingers, just in case.

Vince stops dead in the lounge doorway, staring in shock. ‘Holy fuckin’ Jagger, what’s goin’ on ’ere?’ ‘See what I mean? They’ve all gone wrong.’ Naboo pulls him into the smoky, steamy atmosphere of the crowded room. ‘It’s a complete mess. None of this was supposed to ’appen.’ Vince can feel his eyes growing wider and wider as they make their way towards the kitchen. It seems that nothing has escaped the effects of the punch, with its cocktail of assorted love potions: even the climbing plant where Vince tipped his drink has leaned over and entwined the TV aerial with heart-shaped tendrils. All over the room, couples are swaying slowly to ‘Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady’. Not just couples. Threesomes. Groups. And much of the swaying is accompanied by snogging, groping or tuneless humming; sometimes by all three. Kirk is straddling Saboo’s lap in the armchair next to the TV. ‘This is all kinds of wrong,’ Saboo protests, before Kirk shuts him up with a passionate kiss and begins to unfasten his belt. Vince turns hastily away, and almost trips over Dennis’s outstretched feet; the Head Shaman is snuggled up on the sofa next to Bollo, gazing at him and stroking his fur. ‘So soft... I never imagined... I can’t remember what it was like to have hair, you know, it was so long ago... Hold me, I’m feeling old and lonely tonight...’ There’s a sudden outburst of girly giggling from behind the sofa. Vince peers round the back, and finds Diane and Methuselah sprawled full-length in a complex, semi-clothed tangle of green-and-white limbs and buttocks and boobs. Naboo draws a sharp breath, and winces. ‘I didn’t need to see that.’ ‘I think I did though.’ Vince grins. ‘An’ I’d quite like to see more of it, an’ all.’ ‘What was that?’ Naboo whips round, startled by a heavy thump coming from the landing. ‘Better check it out.’ Vince goes with him to see. It turns out to be three oldies – very oldies – going for the Geriatric Threeway at the top of the stairs. ‘Now that, I definitely did not need to see. You’re right, Naboo, they’ve all gone wrong.’ Naboo tugs on Vince’s sleeve. ‘Come on, let’s sort this mess out before someone gets hurt.’ Nobody’s tried to speak to them; all of the party guests seem oblivious, lost in their own little worlds of love. Or maybe they just think he and Naboo are a couple. Either way nobody’s tried to get off with Vince, for which he’s deeply thankful. And it gives him an excuse to hold Naboo’s hand for just a bit longer... The kitchen is deserted; on the table, the cauldron is still bubbling softly to itself. Naboo wastes no time in emptying his little pouch of jaguar tears into the pink, sweet-smelling punch; it fizzes, boils up almost to the rim, then suddenly calms down and changes to clear blue. ‘Think that’s OK now.’ Naboo dips a finger in and has a cautious taste. ‘Shall I try?’ Vince offers. Naboo ladles half an inch into a clean glass and watches anxiously as Vince sips at it. Vince is expecting that revolting perfumey taste, but the punch is now clear and refreshing, like pure mineral water with just the faintest hint of peppermint. And a lot of alcohol. ‘Oh yeah, this is more like it.’ Vince knocks it back and goes for a second helping. ‘Steady on,’ Naboo says, ‘we need to make sure everyone drinks it, an’ there’s not much left.’ Vince looks down at him. His hair’s got a bit out of place, but it’s no longer an irresistible temptation to stroke it back into shape... That is still a beautiful smile, though. ‘How’re we gonna get ’em all to drink?’ ‘No idea.’ Naboo looks anxious again. ‘Was kinda hopin’ you’d think of something?’ It still gives Vince a warm glow, to be depended on like this. He looks round at the roomful of drugged-up, loved-up shamen and thinks very hard. They need something that’ll fit in with this bizarre scene, something that everyone will happily go along with... Aha. Got it. ‘A toast!’ Vince announces loudly, putting his arm round Naboo, just for appearance’s sake. ‘Everyone drink a toast to St Valentine and true love!’ He fills a jug with the blue liquid and goes round everyone’s glasses. ‘True love!’ ‘True love!’ It’s hard work, making sure they all drink, but Vince is good with people, he’s very persuasive. ‘St Valentine and true love!’ Vince clinks glasses with Kirk and Saboo, tips a few drops of the antidote into the plant pot, and turns the TV set off. He’s had enough slushy power ballads to last him through several future Valentine’s Days. ‘Music!’ someone shouts. Vince grabs the nearest CD – Bollo’s latest obsession, Swedish House Mafia – and puts it on. The jaguar tears are working. One by one, two by two or three by three, people are coming out of their trance-like state, shaking their heads as if to clear them, getting to their feet and dancing. ... ‘and there’s no antidote’... This track is genius. Vince catches Naboo’s eye, and they smile at each other. ‘Nice work,’ Naboo says quietly. ‘Thanks, Vince. I think it’s gonna be OK now.’ Vince looks around the room. Dennis is dancing clumsily with Methuselah, apologising as he steps on her toes yet again; Kirk is staring into space and grooving to his own particular beat; Bollo is in the kitchen stirring the cauldron; and Saboo has turned his back on everybody and is looking out of the window as though this whole party is beneath him... But someone is missing. Someone important. Vince feels a lurch in his stomach that has nothing to do with the drink he’s just had. ‘Hang on, where’s Howard?’ Naboo shrugs. ‘Better go an’ find him, make sure he drinks some of this.’ Glass in hand, Vince goes down the corridor. ‘Howard?’ He’s not in the bathroom. He’s not in Vince’s room, or in Naboo’s. Vince opens Howard’s bedroom door, and once again stops dead in shock. Howard is on his bed. Howard is naked and on all fours on his bed, with a blissful smile on his face. About to be rogered by a grinning Tony Harrison, who is propped on a pillow at Howard’s rear end, one pink tentacle wrapped firmly around Howard’s thigh and another one exploring the dark crevice of Howard’s surprisingly shapely and attractive arse. ‘Oi, get off him!’ Vince yells indignantly. The alien continues his explorations. ‘Go ’way, son, you were the one said I should find someone else’s leg to climb, an’ I did. Great big gorgeous long Northern pins, this man’s got. As well as a great big gorgeous long...’ Vince flips his lid. ‘I don’t wanna hear it.’ He strides over to the bed and tips the glassful of potion over Harrison’s ballbag of a head. ‘Oi, that’s cold! This is an outrage... oooh, tastes good though.’ Tony licks his lips. ‘Now then, where was I... Hey, what the fuck am I doin ’ere with this idiot? Don’t tell me I was about to –’ ‘You definitely looked as though you were about to.’ Vince reaches down and hauls Tony off the bed, dropping him onto the rug with an unpleasant squelch. ‘Eeeuww. Good thing you came in when you did. Thanks, son, I owe you one. But first I need a drink.’ And with that, Tony wriggles off back to the party. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ Howard sits up and hastily wraps himself in the sheet. ‘Vince, how dare you interfere in my love life?’ ‘Love life? With that pink monstrosity? I was saving your arse. Literally. Howard, it wasn’t what you thought...’ But Howard is too angry to listen. ‘Fuck off, Vince. I was about to get off for the first time in my life, and you had to come along and ruin it. Just like you always do.’ Ouch. That hurts. Even though Howard does have a point, of sorts. Vince thinks guiltily about all the times Howard’s been about to get off with someone and Vince has tried to help and ended up not helping at all, leaving Howard lonely and frustrated yet again... Vince takes a deep breath and looks at the little bit of blue liquid left in the bottom of the glass. Maybe it’ll be enough. He holds the glass out to Howard. ‘Listen, just drink this an’ it’ll all make sense.’ Howard glares at him. ‘Why, what is it? Not another one of Naboo’s concoctions, that pink stuff was disgusting.’ ‘That pink stuff was stuffed full of love potions. Enough to make even a sane man go wrong an’ want to get off with Tony Tentacle Harrison. This is an antidote. An’ it tastes pretty good, an’ all.’ Vince goes on holding out the glass. ‘Please, Howard. I’m sorry I messed things up for you an’ I understand why you’re angry an’ I know this has been a rubbish Valentine’s Day but please... please just drink this before you go any more wrong.’ Howard hesitates for an agonisingly long time before reaching out to take the glass. Vince is very careful not to let their fingers touch. If he’s ever going to get attention from Howard, he wants it to be real attention, not infatuation caused by magical chemicals. He watches Howard’s face redden and screw up with embarrassment as the antidote takes effect and Howard realises what was about to happen and what Vince has just seen. There’s an awkward silence. Vince takes the empty glass from Howard’s hand and puts it on the bedside table. ‘I did go wrong, didn’t I?’ Howard says in a small voice, curling up with his head on his knees. ‘Yeah, you did a bit.’ Vince sits down on the end of the bed. ‘But it wasn’t your fault, Howard. It really wasn’t. That punch made lots of people do lots of things they wouldn’t’ve done otherwise.’ ‘What did you do?’ Howard’s voice is suddenly sharp. ‘Nuffink... well... OK, I might’ve fancied Naboo a bit. But only a little bit. I only had one mouthful. And you gotta admit, he does have genius hair.’ ‘Hmmm.’ Howard doesn’t sound convinced. ‘Yours is better though.’ Vince leans over and runs his fingers through it. ‘Don’t touch me.’ Howard is clutching the sheet tightly round himself, shivering all over. ‘Don’t, Vince. I feel... soiled. I... We... There were bodily secretions involved...’ Vince shakes his head. ‘I don’t need to know about that. But if you feel dirty, why not go an’ have a shower?’ ‘Yes, I think I will...’ Howard scrambles off the bed, still wrapped in the sheet, and shuffles awkwardly out of the room. Vince sits back down on the bed and tries to think what to do next; how to help Howard get over this. He looks at the damp patch on the bottom sheet, and has an idea. It only takes a couple of minutes to strip the dirty linen from the bed and shove it in the laundry basket; then he goes up the corridor and stands just outside the bathroom door. ‘Howard?’ Howard opens the door a crack, letting out a cloud of soap-scented steam. ‘What is it? Do you need the bathroom? I’ll only be a few more minutes.’ ‘No, I just thought... well... if you wanted to sleep in my bed tonight...’ ‘You what? Not you too, Vince, I thought you said you’d taken the antidote.’ Howard’s frowning; he looks scared. He might slam the door shut at any moment. ‘I didn’t mean that,’ Vince says hastily, ‘I just meant that my bed’s dry and clean and you haven’t just been almost-bummed by an alien in it. I thought you might feel more comfortable there, is all. An’ there’s plenty of room, it’s a double, but I’ll sleep on the sofa if you want.’ ‘There’s no need for that.’ Howard’s frown goes a bit less frown-y. ‘Thank you, Vince. I’ll... I’ll think about it.’ He shuts the door again. Suddenly exhausted, Vince heads for his own bed, strips to his underpants and tucks himself under the covers. He’s almost asleep when there’s a quiet knock on the door. ‘Vince?’ ‘Come in, Howard.’ ‘Oh, I’m sorry... Were you asleep?’ Howard comes shyly into the room, all clean and dry and in his paisley pyjamas. ‘No. Nearly, but not quite. Come on in.’ Vince turns back the corner of the duvet on the empty side of the bed. Howard hesitates for only a moment before clambering in and turning out the bedside light. ‘Thank you, this is better than my bed... How much longer d’you think they’re going to carry on with their party?’ ‘Dunno.’ Vince is a bit distracted; Howard’s warmth is radiating all the way into his own side of the bed. ‘What time is it?’ ‘Must be nearly midnight.’ The music in the lounge comes to an abrupt end. ‘Right, you ballbags, that’s enough entertainment for one night, time you all went home.’ Vince giggles. ‘Must be past Naboolio’s bedtime.’ ‘Come on, everybody out.’ It’s Naboo’s best giving-orders voice, the one he uses to make Vince and Howard do the stocktake. Footsteps clatter downstairs; there are calls of ‘goodnight’ and ‘happy Valentine’s Day’ and ‘thanks for a great party.’ ‘I said, everybody out.’ ‘Everybody?’ Saboo asks, in a voice like honeyed velvet. It goes quiet for a minute, then Naboo makes an astonished, ecstatic little noise and Bollo grunts: ‘Bollo not need to see that. Suppose Bollo have to sleep in broom cupboard now.’ The gorilla’s footsteps stomp down the stairs. ‘Oh, hello Bollo,’ Dennis says, ‘are you coming to the club with us, then?’ The front door closes and the happy voices fade away down the street. ‘Another disaster of a Valentine’s Day,’ Howard grumbles, pulling the duvet up round his chin. ‘Everybody got a date but us.’ ‘Poor Howard,’ Vince croons, reaching for Howard’s hand under the covers, ‘all alone on Valentine’s night...’ ‘Except for you,’ Howard mutters. ‘Except for me.’ Vince links his fingers through Howard’s, and holds on tight. There is a short silence. Vince looks up at the fourth wall, rolls his eyes and shakes his head. The scene fades to black, accompanied by the sound effect of a penny dropping onto a wooden floor.

Well, this isn’t how Vince expected Valentine’s Day to end: with himself and Howard lying side by side in bed, holding hands. Vince surreptitiously moves his other hand over to his bottom, and pinches himself, not hard enough to make him go ‘ouch’ and have to explain the ‘ouch’ to Howard, but hard enough to convince himself that this is in fact really happening and not just a hallucination brought on by all the drinks (and other strange experiences) he’s had over the course of the evening. Yes, it’s really happening. Howard’s slightly chilly, slightly trembly fingers are in fact really linked through his own, hanging on as though Vince is a lifeline and Howard’s in danger of being swept away. There seems no need to say anything, and Vince is a bit worried that if he does say anything Howard will take fright and change his mind, and then they’ll have to start again, so he just lies there quietly, until all those drinks start to make themselves felt... He sighs, unfolds his hand from Howard’s and clicks the bedside light on. ‘What is it?’ Howard fidgets nervously. ‘Have you changed your mind? Should I go?’ ‘No, you plonker, course not. I’m just goin’ to the bathroom. You stay right there, keep the bed warm for me, OK?’ ‘OK.’ Howard settles back on the pillows. ‘I thought for a minute –’ Vince pauses with one arm in and one arm out of his floral kimono, and looks at Howard’s worried face. ‘You thought wrong. This is for real, Howard. You’n’me, on Valentine’s Day... Genius, innit?’ Some of the worry-lines smooth away from Howard’s forehead. ‘Yes, it’s... very nice.’ Vince still has a big stupid grin on his face when he comes out of the bathroom and collides with Naboo, who is standing right outside the door. ‘Alright, Naboo?’ Vince helps him up off the floor and brushes him down. ‘Fine, thanks... Listen, Vince, can you do us a favour?’ ‘Anything,’ Vince says, without hesitation. ‘You got a spare toothbrush?’ Vince can feel his big stupid grin growing even wider. ‘There’s a new neon green one in the cabinet, still in the packet... He’s stayin’ the night, then?’ ‘Looks like it.’ Naboo sounds casual, but he can’t help breaking into another of those beautiful smiles. ‘Good for you.’ ‘Fanks. An’ you’n’Howard...?’ ‘Think so, yeah. Thanks for the tipoff. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have...’ ‘We’re all square, then. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t’ve either.’ Naboo stands on tiptoe and kisses Vince chastely on the cheek. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.’ ‘Same to you.’ Vince pulls the little shaman into a brief hug. ‘Sweet dreams, eh?’ ‘I reckon so.’ And with a flash of that brilliant smile, Naboo vanishes into the bathroom. To Vince’s great relief, Howard is still in his bed; he hasn’t even moved. Vince wriggles under the duvet and into the welcome warmth. ‘Now then, where were we?’ ‘You were, um, holding my hand,’ Howard says, breathing fast and shallow. Vince giggles. ‘I could hold somethin’ else instead if you want.’ Howard tenses up. Vince kicks himself. ‘Would you rather I slept on the sofa?’ ‘No.’ Howard rolls onto his side; puts an arm clumsily over Vince as though to stop him escaping. ‘No, don’t go, I just... well, I wasn’t expecting this, you know, you, tonight, and after what happened earlier...’ ‘You feel a bit weird about us havin’ sex.’ ‘We’re not having sex,’ Howard says, too quickly. ‘OK, you feel a bit weird even thinkin’ about us havin’ sex. An’ you are thinkin’ about it, an’ so am I. But we don’t’ – Vince wriggles in Howard’s tight embrace – ‘we don’t have to do it right away, ’s’nice just bein’ here like this... although you might need to move your arm a bit, it’s making it hard to breathe.’ Howard unlocks his arm from round Vince’s ribs, and Vince heaves in a huge lungful of air. ‘That’s better, cheers. No, don’t let go of me, I like you holdin’ me, it feels...’ He stops to think how it does feel. It feels all sorts of things, being held by Howard. Really held, not just one of Howard’s reluctant we’re-just-friends hugs, but a proper, awkward, I-really-mean-this-but-I-don’t-know-what-happens-next hug, all warm and breathless and very, very sexy. ‘...Right,’ Vince says finally. ‘It feels right. Like I’ve been away, and come home, an’ there’s a cup of tea on the table waiting for me, an’ I don’t have to worry about anythin’, I can just chill out an’ enjoy it.’ ‘So you’re saying... I’m your cup of tea?’ Howard is still tense; still cautious. ‘You so are.’ Vince hugs him, and the big man starts to relax in his arms. Vince relaxes too. It’s going to work this time. They’re not going to cock it up, not like that time on the roof. And talking of cocking it up... that is one impressive erection tenting Howard’s pyjama trousers and nudging into Vince’s side. He wonders what Howard would do if he reached down to touch. He decides to find out. Howard gasps and shudders in a very gratifying way, even though Vince has barely brushed that hot, hard flesh with a fingertip. ‘Vince... you’d better not... I’m...’ He takes a deep breath. ‘It’s not that I don’t want you to, it’s just that... last time...’ He gives up, and hides his burning face in Vince’s shoulder. ‘Last time you lasted about ten seconds,’ Vince supplies helpfully, holding Howard tight, ‘an’ it was embarrassin’, ’specially since it was with Tony Harrison.’ ‘M-hm.’ Howard doesn’t look up. ‘But this time...’ Vince kisses the top of Howard’s head. ‘This time it’s with me, an’ it’s not gonna be embarrassin’, it’s gonna be nice, however long it lasts –’ ‘ –Or doesn’t.’ ‘Don’t matter. I promise I won’t laugh or make you feel small or nothin’. Even if you only last one second. I’m not expectin’ anythin’, it’s all a bonus an’ it’s all good. Now...’ He brushes a fingertip along Howard’s cock again. ‘How about we get rid of those pyjamas? They’re crampin’ my style.’ ‘And I wouldn’t want them getting stained and crumpled.’ Howard wriggles clumsily out of his nightwear, letting a rush of cold air in under the duvet. Vince shivers – then lets out a gasp as Howard reaches for him and slides the elastic of his underpants down. Howard’s hands are cold, but Vince is too surprised and delighted to protest; he just lifts himself up so that Howard can slide the pants all the way down and pull them right off him. Howard takes one look at their two naked bodies and pulls the covers hastily back over both of them. They lie there for a moment or two, catching their breath. This is like a dream come true, being nude in bed with Howard... ‘Ouch!’ ‘What was that?’ Howard looks round in alarm. Vince giggles. ‘Just pinched meself.’ ‘So did I,’ Howard admits. ‘Obviously not as hard as you did, but still... it looks like this is really happening. So, um, let’s make it happen a bit more, shall we?’ He reaches for Vince again, nervous but determined, his chilly fingers raising goosebumps all over Vince’s skin and making Vince realise that Howard isn’t the only one to be in danger of losing control in seconds flat. Howard’s belly is nice and warm even though his hands were cold. Vince traces a fingertip around Howard’s navel, feeling the big man shiver. They take a deep breath, and pull each other closer at the same moment, rolling on their sides to get more contact. Vince isn’t sure exactly who is holding exactly what, but who cares when it feels as brilliant as this? He wants it to last all night, the tickle of Howard’s moustache on his neck, Howard’s skin sliding against his own, Howard’s hardness hot and leaking in his palm, Howard’s fingers wrapped oh-so-carefully around his aching erection, the little pleased noises Howard makes as they thrust against each other... And the triumphant, astonished grin on Howard’s face when Vince loses it and comes first. Followed by Howard about two seconds later. Afterwards Howard lies there all warm and passive while Vince cleans them both up and tucks the duvet back round them. ‘That was genius.’ Vince settles down contentedly, with his head pillowed on Howard’s shoulder. ‘It was, wasn’t it?’ Howard wraps an arm round him. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, little man.’ There’s a thud from the next-door bedroom, and the sound of raised voices. ‘Uh-oh. Someone else ain’t so happy.’ Vince sighs. ‘Poor Naboo, I was hopin’ it’d work out for him too tonight.’ Angry footsteps cross the floor, and Naboo’s door creaks open. ‘Look, you plum,’ Saboo growls, ‘I’ve said I’m sorry, what the hell else d’you want me to say?’ Naboo’s reply is inaudible, and doesn’t stop Saboo from storming off down the corridor and slamming the lounge door behind him. Vince sits up and listens. ‘Nothing we can do,’ Howard murmurs. ‘There might be.’ Vince swings his legs to the floor, and reaches for his kimono. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Saboo hasn’t gone.’ ‘What?’ ‘Didn’t hear the front door. An’ we always hear it, it creaks even worse than the one in your room.’ ‘He might have just magically transported away. He is a shaman, you know,’ Howard points out. Vince knots his belt around himself. ‘Well, in that case he could’ve just made a dramatic exit from Naboo’s room, couldn’t he? Bet you five euros he’s still here.’ ‘Bet you ten he isn’t. Anyway, even if he is here, it’s between him and Naboo, isn’t it? Shouldn’t we just leave them to sort it out?’ ‘Like Naboo will have the slightest idea how to sort it out.’ Vince shakes his head. ‘This is all new to him, he was in a right state earlier thinkin’ it’d never ’appen, and now it’s all gone wrong he’ll be in pieces. An’ that Saboo’s such a stuck-up-himself git, won’t make the first move, too proud.’ He crosses to the doorway. ‘Howard, all of what’s happened to us tonight is down to Naboo... I’ve gotta at least see whether I can help.’ ‘Fair enough. I’ll keep the bed warm for you.’ The promise in Howard’s voice is almost enough to make Vince turn back on the spot, but he can’t just turn his back on Naboo. He taps on Naboo’s bedroom door. ‘You OK in there?’ ‘No.’ Naboo sounds utterly miserable. ‘Anythin’ I can do?’ ‘No.’ There’s a faint rustle, like bedcovers being pulled more tightly around someone who’s cold. ‘You wanna talk?’ ‘No.’ Another faint rustle, like bedcovers being pulled right up over someone’s head. Then silence. Vince wants to just go in there and hug Naboo, potion or no potion, but he’s not the person who needs to do that. The person who does need to do that is pacing the floor in front of the sofa, scowling furiously and twirling his feathered hat between his fingers. He wheels round at the sound of the door opening. ‘About fucking time... Oh. It’s you.’ ‘He won’t come,’ Vince says, stopping in the doorway under the impact of that furious scowl. ‘Might as well go home then,’ Saboo snaps, jamming his hat viciously onto his head and crumpling its feathers in the process. ‘Little tit can’t say I didn’t give him a chance. You can tell him from me to go fuck himself.’ He turns away, but makes no move to actually leave. ‘What happened?’ Vince asks quietly. Saboo sighs suddenly, and his shoulders slump. ‘I don’t know.’ Vince takes a cautious step or two into the room. ‘He turned his back on you?’ It’s a wild guess, but Saboo is nodding. Vince takes another step closer. ‘Was it because of, you know, the potion, and you and Kirk...?’ Saboo throws the hat onto the coffee table, and sits down heavily on the sofa. ‘No. I think it was more...’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. I went wrong somewhere. One minute it was fine, and the next minute it wasn’t.’ ‘Too far, too fast?’ Vince asks, perching on the arm of the sofa. ‘Maybe.’ Saboo seems at a loss, his bravado drooping like the feather in his hat. ‘Listen, you know him better than I do. You’ve lived with him, I only work with him. What does he really want? I thought it was sex, but...’ He hides his face in his hands. Vince thinks hard. Very hard. He’d never expected that Saboo would ask his advice, something that’s probably never going to happen again, and it has to be the right advice, something that’ll make Naboo happy. Otherwise Vince and Howard are going to be working for the boss from hell for the foreseeable, and poor Bollo will get it in the neck and start to lose his fur from the stress... ‘I think,’ Vince says slowly, ‘he does really want sex, but sometime in the future, not right now. Right now, all he really wants is a nice cup of tea and someone to be kind to him.’ ‘You really think it’s that simple?’ ‘I really do. He’s been on his own a long time.’ ‘He’s got Bollo.’ ‘Yeah, but he’s a familiar, not a partner. He takes care of Naboo but not, you know, not like by sleepin’ with him or anything. An’ Bollo ain’t exactly the brightest lamp in the street, bein’ an ape, there’s lots of things he don’t understand.’ ‘Things Naboo can’t talk to him about.’ ‘Exactly.’ Vince slides off the sofa arm to sit next to Saboo. ‘Listen, Naboo’s always there for me’n’Howard, to sort us out when we get in a mess, but who’s there to sort him out? No wonder he’s always high, this ain’t even his own planet an’ he’s been stuck here for centuries.’ Saboo looks up, a thoughtful frown creasing his brows. ‘I hadn’t really considered that. He always seems so irritatingly self-sufficient.’ ‘Seems, yeah, but isn’t. He was petrified tonight when that punch went wrong, thought he’d get chucked off the Board an’ all. He needs someone to lean on.’ Vince remembers Naboo leaning on him, in the bathroom; how small and frail he felt. ‘You might need to let him lean for quite a while before he’s up for anything more. Might take him ages. Or five minutes. Who knows? He is an Enigma, after all.’ ‘You don’t have to tell me that.’ Saboo’s still frowning, but his voice has lost its edge. It sounds almost... affectionate. Vince grins, and goes and puts the kettle on. ‘You’re serious about the tea?’ Saboo gets to his feet, a little shakily, and joins Vince by the kitchen table. ‘This household runs on tea. As you’ll find out if you’re plannin’ on spendin’ any time here.’ Vince rummages among the party debris on the worktop until he finds four reasonably clean mugs and the box of PG Tips. He puts two filled mugs on a tray. ‘There’s two sugars in the blue one. Should do the trick.’ ‘Thanks.’ Saboo looks doubtfully at the tray Vince has just handed him. ‘Oh, I know it don’t look like magic, but it’ll work as good as any of your fancy potions.’ Vince adds a packet of Hobnobs to the tray, just to be on the safe side. ‘Chocolate biscuit an’ a hug, an’ I reckon you’ll be well in. See you in the morning.’ He waves aside Saboo’s clumsy thanks; watches as Saboo carries the tray carefully back up the passageway and disappears into Naboo’s room, without knocking. When Saboo hasn’t reappeared after a good five minutes, Vince shoves the milk back into the fridge and scoots back to bed with the other two mugs of tea. ‘Well?’ Howard sits up and holds out a hand for his mug. ‘You owe me ten euros,’ Vince says smugly, sipping at his tea. ‘Did you help?’ Vince drains his mug and puts it down. ‘I think so. We’ll find out in the morning.’ ‘Might not have to wait till the morning.’ Howard is smirking. ‘What d’you mean?’ ‘Listen.’ Vince listens. The murmur of voices the other side of the wall has more or less stopped... and there is the sound of bedsprings creaking in a familiar rhythm. He grins. ‘Sounds as though they’re...’ ‘It does, doesn’t it?’ Howard bounces on the bed, in the same rhythm. ‘We could be, too.’ Vince bounces on top of Howard, almost spilling what’s left of his tea. He expects Howard to say ‘careful’ but instead Howard is grinning. ‘We could, couldn’t we?’ He puts his cup down and pulls Vince into a fierce hug. The hug escalates rapidly into kisses, lots of kisses. Howard’s been saving them up for Vince for a long time, and now Vince feels like all his birthdays have come at once, only this is even better than any present he’s ever had, even the Nicky Clarke hair straighteners he bought himself the birthday-before-last. Howard is generous with his kisses, and Vince gives as good as he gets, and pretty soon Vince has chucked his kimono on the floor and wrapped Howard around himself instead. Howard’s hands are all over Vince’s skin, softer and warmer and sexier than any fabric could ever be, and now they’re wrapping round the most sensitive bits of Vince, making him wriggle and whimper and plead: ‘More, Howard. Please, more...’ Howard hesitates for a moment. ‘Vince... can we...’ ‘What, Howard?’ Vince thrusts into Howard’s hand, unable to help himself. ‘What do you want?’ ‘I... Both of us.’ Howard takes a deep breath. ‘Want to touch both of us, together.’ He’s blushing and stammering and utterly adorable. ‘Like this, you mean?’ Vince kneels astride Howard’s hips and shuffles around a bit, so his cock is lined up alongside Howard’s. Then he wraps a hand around both of them, shuddering with delight at this strange and delicious new feeling. ‘Yes. Like this. Thank you...’ Howard reaches down and puts his hand round both of them too, and they start to move together in a slow and slightly unsteady rhythm. ‘I often wondered... I dreamed about this, you know.’ Howard is still blushing, but he looks really happy now, instead of nervous. ‘I used to imagine what it would be like, to touch you, to touch us both...’ ‘An’ is it like how you imagined?’ ‘Better.’ Howard’s smile lights up the bedroom; illuminates Vince’s future. ‘I could never have imagined how much better. Vince...’ ‘Shush. Less talk, more action.’ Vince can feel Howard’s bits all hot and throbbing against his own, and his hand’s getting slippery with sweat, or something. Whether it’s Howard’s or-something or Vince’s or-something is hard to tell. It’s probably both. Vince doesn’t care when it feels so good, slick and smooth, like Bailey’s and clotted cream and warm Nutella all melted into one. ‘Oh.’ Howard can’t keep quiet. ‘Oh, little man...’ ‘What d’you mean, little man?’ Vince thrusts into their joined hands, and glances warningly at the fourth wall. ‘We’re the same size.’ Not that it matters. They fit together so well. The rhythm of their bodies is strong and steady and in synch now, the perfect double-act without even needing words. Howard leans his head back on the pillow and lets out a wordless moan that at any other time Vince would probably find hysterically funny but which right now he just finds incredibly, improbably sexy. He brushes his thumb lightly across the wet, swollen heads of both their pricks, and that’s all it takes to tip Howard over the edge, gasping and thrashing, half-laughing, half-sobbing, utterly happy... Followed by Vince about two seconds later. Everything’s wet and sticky and warm and for a while all they can do is hang on to each other and wait for their racing heartbeats to slow back down to walking pace. ‘Thank you,’ Howard says, his small eyes all crinkled at the corners with love. ‘Vince, that was... Thank you. Just thank you.’ ‘You’re welcome.’ Vince can’t do anything except lie there. Howard fusses with tissues and dries them both off. Vince carries on just lying there. He feels totally floppy, like a strawberry bootlace on a hot summer day. He loves the feeling of being cared for by Howard; those big hands could tie him in a knot if they wanted, although Vince has the feeling that they want to do something far more interesting once he and Howard have recovered... Howard’s elbow knocks the tissue box off the bedside table. ‘Drat.’ Howard reaches under the bed to pick it up again. Then he chuckles. ‘Hey, look at this.’ ‘What?’ Vince props himself on one elbow. ‘THAT photo.’ Howard sits down on the bed next to him. ‘The one you used to try to, erm, sell me to those girls as a Valentine’s date.’ ‘Sorry about that,’ Vince mumbles. His face is hot. ‘Not one of my better ideas.’ He takes another look, to see whether it’s as bad as he remembered. ‘Blimey, those are very short shorts.’ ‘No wonder it didn’t work on the girls,’ Howard says, ‘we should’ve lost the shorts.’ ‘Couldn’t agree more.’ Vince gropes Howard’s bare arse, and laughs; then abruptly sobers. ‘Sorry it didn’t get you a date, Howard.’ ‘But it did.’ Howard is smiling. ‘It just... took a while for the magic to work.’ Vince shudders dramatically. ‘Don’t talk to me about magic. I’ve had more than enough magic today.’ ‘So have I, little man. If we never have to have another shaman party it’ll still be too soon.’ Vince listens to the sounds from the other side of the wall, and grins. ‘Y’know what, Howard? I think we might be quite safe there.’ ‘Will you be my date for next Valentine’s day, then?’ Howard sounds soft and serious. ‘Course I will.’ Vince kisses him. ‘With shorts like that in your wardrobe, how could I resist?’