#but back then it worked because i had to study 80 pages of information written in a normal sized font

[moodyseal]

Now that I'm in uni I procrastinate a lot more than I did when I was in high school and it's SO frustrating because to others it looks like I hate my major but I don't!! I wish I did so I had some excuse as to why I don't keep up with lectures and cram for my exams at the very last minute and don't get the highest grade like I used to but I don't. I genuinely love it. It just feels like I'm stuck

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon: Faces of the Oscars

They successfully turned a high-tech thriller into a tearjerker, and struck a box office heart of gold — but the real payoff may come on Oscar night

By Rebecca Ascher-Walsh for Entertainment Weekly (13 February 1998)

[NOTE: The full transcript of the article, as retrieved from the Entertainment Weekly website, is under the cut. It does seem surprisingly short to me, so I don't know if it is in its complete form as presented in the original issue. If anyone has any information on this, it would be most welcome!]

Good Will Hunting

Math prodigy Will Hunting, on a job interview with NASA, is given a test code to crack. He quickly spots an evil scheme: NASA and the FBI have set him up with a real code, which, once solved, could cause mass destruction. Hunting recruits his best friends and understanding shrink to hatch a plan, beat the government, and save the day.

This is not, most certainly, the subtle, warm-the-cockles-of-your-heart Good Will Hunting that has propelled cowriters, actors, and childhood best friends Matt Damon and Ben Affleck onto Hollywood’s most-wanted list, into the hearts of American audiences, and toward the Oscar podium. And the tortuous path Affleck and Damon were forced to navigate in order to transform the movie from a high-tech conspiracy thriller to an intimate character study is one of the most dramatic stories of the Oscar season.

After five years of knocking, Damon, 27, and Affleck, 25, have been admitted to the Movie Hall of Fame so suddenly that it’s a little disconcerting. A few weeks ago, an 80-year-old woman walked past the Manhattan set of Miramax’s Rounders, in which Damon plays a card shark, and — upon learning who the star was — exclaimed in wonder, “Matt Damon, the sex symbol?!” And when Affleck — in L.A. to film the summer blockbuster-in-waiting Armageddon with Bruce Willis — went to the Disney cafeteria and signed for his lunch because he’d forgotten his wallet, he learned the next day on a television gossip show that he had, in fact, pitched a fit and demanded a free meal. “It worried me,” Affleck says. “I haven’t trashed a hotel room yet, but yesterday I leaned back in my chair at the Four Seasons and it kind of snapped. What will they think?”

What they’ll think is that Good Will Hunting‘s odyssey is a classic Hollywood-in-the-’90s Cinderella story, the kind that ends with the prospect of Academy Awards and surprisingly good box office. Which isn’t far from the truth, if the evil stepmother becomes a studio, and Prince Charming is redrawn to look like (gulp) Harvey Weinstein.

Affleck — who refers to his partner and himself as “the Milli Vanilli of screenwriters” — and Damon began to work on Good Will Hunting in 1993, basing the story on a one-act play Damon had written at Harvard (he left before completing his studies). They drew from their own life growing up in Boston, where they were introduced by their mothers, both teachers, 17 years ago. “We’re pretty inseparable, in terms of our experiences,” Damon says. “We look at things in exactly the same way.” While they wrote, Damon says, “it wasn’t like someone was good at structure and someone at dialogue. The only difference between us is Ben can type.”

Neither, however, can edit. “We must have written 1,500 pages,” Damon says. “We had Will Goes to the Zoo episodes.” Within months, they settled on a script combining a friendship adventure with a “banana in the tailpipe” plot, as Affleck described the then-thrill-a-minute NASA caper. The characters of Will (Damon), a down-and-out boy genius, and his best friend Chuckie (Affleck), a construction worker, were already in place. But instead of the mentor/professor eventually played by Stellan Skarsgard, imagine a nefarious FBI agent attempting to corrupt Will, and instead of boy-meets-therapist bonding, picture a climax with world peace at stake.

That may have been a tall order for what Damon and Affleck envisioned as an independently financed $2 million project — and in November 1994, when Castle Rock won a bidding war for the script, director Rob Reiner, a partner in the studio, told them to drop the adventure angle and focus on the relationships. “It was a scary moment,” says coproducer Chris Moore. “We started [all over again] with 63 pages and made it a character story.”

[eretzyisrael]

Until recently, the hard sciences proved impregnable to political propaganda and to Soviet-style boycotts and censorship. Not anymore.Op-ed.

From college campuses to medical and mental health professionals, people whose careers are rooted in inquiry and fact are falling over each other to condemn Israel for last month's defensive war against Hamas – and in dreadfully uniform language.

I don't know how to stop the lies about Israeli "massacres" when that lie has now been amplified by professors at so many universities, by the media, by students, as well as in medical and scientific journals.

Physicians, both clinicians and scientific researchers, have also become politicized. According to a surgeon-friend: "I had to quit my women physician Facebook group because of rabid antisemitism in the guise of pro-Palestinian humanism. We formed a separate group called 'physicians against antisemitism that quickly got 1,500 members."'

According to Michael Vanyukov, a geneticist and a professor of pharmaceutical sciences, psychiatry, and human genetics at the University of Pittsburgh:

"I left the totalitarian anti-Semitic Soviet Union 30 years ago...little did I know that the scientific society I would soon join in the United States—Behavior Genetics Association (BGA)...would bring back memories of my old unlamented country. I recently learned that the company's executive committee expressed support for BLM. I was shocked. Not only does BGA have no business getting engaged in partisan politics but the BLM attacks on Jewish institutions were not random...unsurprisingly, the BLM leaders also describe themselves as 'trained Marxists.' Endorsing BLM – a racist Jew-hating group – returns genetics to its ugly history page of ignorance."

To his enormous credit, Vanyukov resigned. Makes perfect sense. We are undergoing the most profound degradation of both experts and of expertise.

For example, in 2010, The Lancet, once a premier journal of medicine, blamed Israel for the alleged increase of "wife beating" in Gaza.

These researchers failed to disclose that their study was funded by the Palestinian National Authority and their data was collected by the Palestinian Central Bureau of Statistics. Further, they establish no baseline comparison with domestic violence in Egypt, Syria, and Saudi Arabia, countries which are not occupied by Israel or the West.

And amid the latest conflict, it published a letter May 19 from Issam Awadallah, of the "Shifa Medical Complex, in Gaza, Palestine." He claims that "this open-air enclave has been under siege for the past 14 years which has left the health system jeopardized by limited resources, failing equipment, and many essential drugs in dangerously low supply."

Blaming Israel for this state of affairs, when fortunes of money are given to Gaza only to disappear into attack tunnel infrastructure while Israel allows all medical imports, is unbalanced and untrue. Every failing in Gaza's infrastructure is due to the Hamas leadership, which has spent 14 years prioritizing its desire to kill Israeli civilians above the basic needs of Palestinian Arabs.

Awadallah repeats Hamas propaganda, including early, inaccurate, and out-of-context Palestinian casualty counts, including children.

The Lancet's role providing a platform for anti-Israel politics is not new. Some Lancet researchers fail to disclose that their funding comes from pro-Palestinian groups, such as Medical Aid for Palestinians and the pro-Palestinian Norwegian Aid Committee, organizations that are hostile to Israel.

What's newsworthy is that, despite pointed rebuttals by the president of the Israel Medical Association and other leading scientists – the Lancet's bias has persisted. Its allegedly "medical" and "scientific" articles routinely cite false information and in a way that conforms to the Hamas-created "lethal narrative" that's been adopted by the Western media.

Even when Lancet's authors are dealing with strictly medical issues in Gaza, they still refer, at least once, to the "oPt," aka, "occupied Palestinian territory" – and this remained true even after Israel unilaterally withdrew from Gaza.

After publishing an article that condemns Israel-only for suffering in Gaza, The Lancet then goes on to publish an equal number of letters which support and oppose said article. The pro-fact articles have often been published after a struggle and a delay.

What can we say about the once reliable Scientific American, which has now published an article which focuses solely on the "raging mental health crisis," but only in Gaza – not in Israel?

The article, written by psychiatrist Yasser Abu Jamei, the director of the Gaza Community Mental Health program, is accompanied by a photo of people amidst rubble, together with civil defense workers, in the "aftermath of an Israeli bombing raid." Abu Jamei refers to post traumatic stress symptomatology among Palestinian children as a result of Israel's "11-day offensive on the people of the Gaza Strip."

Abu Jamei does not mention the number of casualties and trauma created when hundreds of Hamas rockets fell short and landed on top of Gazans. He has not a word for the mental health issues in Israel due to Hamas's shelling (approximately 20,000 rockets since 2004) of Israeli cities, especially in southern Israel. Abu Jamei cites Gazan "children with poor concentration," "bed-wetting," "irritability," and "night terrors." (We know this is true for the children of southern Israel.)

Amazingly, Abu Jamei cites similarly inaccurate figures just as The Lancet did: "At least 242 people were killed in Gaza including 66 children, 38 women (four pregnant), and 17 elderly people." Not a single terrorist-combatant among them! Further, Abu Jamei saw "six hospitals and 11 clinics (that were) damaged." Not a word about whether Hamas had offices or stored weapons there. Not a word about Hamas's refusal to protect its civilians or its penchant for using them as human shields merely for propaganda purposes. In fact, Hamas is not mentioned at all.

But Hamas chief Yahya al-Sinwar admitted that his terrorist organization embedded its command centers and rocket launchers within civilian structures. It, he acknowledged, is "problematic." And as the names of the dead emerge, we find out a significant proportion of them were Hamas fighters. Hamas said it lost 80 fighters. Israel estimates the number as more than 100.

The head of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA), in a striking moment of candor, said Israel's bombings in Gaza were "precise."

For acknowledging this reality, Matthias Schmale had to apologize and was removed from his assignment.

On campus, meanwhile, a wing of the union representing "25,000 faculty and staff at City University of New York" voted last week to "condemn the massacre of Palestinians by the Israeli state" and demand the school "divest from all companies that aid in Israeli colonization, occupation, and war crimes." At Princeton University, dozens of students, faculty, staff and alumni signed onto an "Open Letter in Support for Palestine."

The poisoned propaganda trickles down to public grade and high school teachers. For example, the Los Angeles Teachers Union hopes to vote on a resolution in September that would "urge the U.S. government to end all aid to Israel. As public school educators in the United States have a special responsibility to stand in solidarity with the Palestinian people... because of the $3.8 billion annually that the U.S. government gives to Israel, thus directly using our tax dollars to fund apartheid and war crimes."

Quite ironically, the Los Angeles Board of Education has just made a $30 million deal with Apple to distribute iPads to its students. Yet, a major supplier is using "forced labor from thousands of Uighur (Muslim) workers to make parts for Apple products." Those Uighurs also are subject to torture and held in internment camps where they are "indoctrinated to disavow Islam" by the Chinese government, a new Amnesty International report finds.

No boycott of China is proposed by the union.

The San Francisco teachers union has already called for "essentially the same actions" targeting Israel.

More than 20 years ago, a handful of us saw the tsunami of anti-Israel propaganda coming our way.

We were not heard. Actually, we were heard, and therefore, we were defamed, mocked, censored, and forced to publish in ever-smaller venues, knocked out of the mainstream media. Some of us were fired from our academic jobs.

And now the tsunami is upon us. The incoming president of Psychologists for Social Responsibility of the American Psychological Association is Lara Sheehi. She specializes in "decolonization" and, although she is not an expert in Middle East history, geography, or religion, describes herself as strongly pro-Palestine.

As usual, the propaganda has swiftly unleashed mini-pogroms and major pogroms against Jews around the world. In the diaspora, civilian Jews have no IDF to defend them.

Kathryn Wolf published an article in Tablet in which she eloquently described her "screams" about antisemitism in Durham, N.C. falling "on deaf ears." She concludes, correctly:

"If I have learned anything, it is this: The cavalry is not coming. We are the cavalry."

Phyllis Chesler is an Emerita Professor of Psychology and Women's Studies at the City University of New York (CUNY), and the author of 20 books, including Women and Madness, and A Family Conspiracy: Honor Killings. She is a Senior IPT Fellow, and a Fellow at MEF and ISGAP.

[kosakashuntaro]

for some reason, i became obsessed with this irrelevant filler character from izumi tsubaki’s lesser known series, oresama teacher. he’s consistently forgotten by fans and ranked 2nd to last out of the student council members, but despite that, i still think he’s a great and well-written character. also, he’s super cute!

and so without futher ado— here’s my stupidly long lovemail/analysis of shuntaro kosaka. a pure 1.5k word ramble about my favorite boy!

kosaka first appears in chapter #43, introduced alongside the rest of the student council members. he’s in class 1-3, the same as yukioka komari. the first major scene we see him in is him having a bad relationship with fellow council member, kanon nonoguchi.

not gonna lie, i forgot this scene existed and i don’t like it since he touches her forcefully. it’s a setup for their relationship later on, though. at this point, kosaka and nonoguchi are both closed off and cold towards each other; aside from their animosity towards each other from their interactions, they have their own personal issues for not being good with interacting with others. nonoguchi has her problems with men stemming from childhood and kosaka just seems bad at understanding how to act properly with people in general.

kosaka’s main arc is the student festival arc, where he plays the villain, but honestly, he’s just cringy as fuck in it. i think it’s good in that it shows how damn extra he is, though-- imo, he’s the most realistically extra of the characters. he’s a 15 year old kid who thinks he’s smart just ��cause he gets good test scores. of course he’s going to be that bitch who smiles sneakily and thinks of himself as the grandmaster of the chess game, even when his partner in crime, kawauchi, knew all along of his betrayal plan.

we don’t see much of his motivations or personality in the student festival arc as it focuses mainly on okegawa and kawauchi. all we know so far is that he’s smart, manipulative, and sneaky. seems like a typical bad guy.

until the last chapter of the arc, #51. for the first time, we see the previously cool (lol) and cunning kosaka shuntaro... nervously fretting over how to kneel in apology to his superior, miyabi hanabusa.

we learn that kosaka is obsessively reliant on instruction manuals, ever since his childhood. he’s ridiculously good at studying and always gets first place in tests at school. however, he can’t cope with unexpected changes at all. everything has to go exactly to plan or else he comes up with a different approach to completing the original plan, that isn’t always appropriate for the situation.

he’s perfectly confident in interacting with people-- that’s obvious enough throughout the student festival arc--, but he’s bad at interpreting things on the fly, once again, prone to saying things inappropriate to the time and place. kosaka has to do things in order, step-by-step, otherwise he can’t proceed.

a while back, there was a post that talked about him being autistic. to be honest, i never considered this earlier (as in a few years ago, when i first started liking him a lot). but reading back, he really is strongly coded as such, i think. so frankly, the reason i like him might be a more personal reason, but... anyway.

like with the other student council members, miyabi helps him relax and feel better, guiding him to be more carefree and open. i have mentioned this a few times, but i think it’s really wonderful that miyabi basically helped out a bunch of kids with mental issues when their problems might’ve looked small or stupid from the outside. this is also brought up in chapter #104 during the hayasaka arc, where mafuyu and hayasaka both contact him for information about miyabi. he basically says that miyabi got him to join the student council because he was worried about kosaka’s personality and wanted to stay near him for help. 

honestly, kosaka is probably the one who’s most grateful to miyabi (outside of nonoguchi?) simply because he recognizes his own issues. there’s a reason why he’s the only student council member whose face you can’t see during the scene where miyabi graduates; he’s the only one of the guys who cry.

kosaka’s problem is that he can’t cope with his plans going off at all, so miyabi sends him to prank mafuyu. even though he tries to get her by making many elaborate plans, he eventually learns to just attack without plan. it ends with him stuck in a ditch and miyabi unexpectedly pranking kosaka himself.

here we see kosaka’s first genuine smile. and it’s beautiful!!! he’s a sweetheart!!! i think that the story of kosaka could’ve worked even without the student festival arc, but that establishes him as an dramatic kid who’s super smart and cunning-- and here we see him just relax for once, and be truly happy.

after this, there aren’t any more kosaka focused chapters. however, he does appear once in a while, usually with the other student council members. (he’s in the very next chapter using yui’s equipment to cross the lake. but since he usually feeds the fish, they all come to him for food...)

kosaka's bad relationship with nonoguchi is reiterated in nonoguchi's arc, chapter #71 where she beats him up for saying that all girls want a prince. it's a stereotypical thing to say either way, but nonoguchi's response about "men wanting to be princelike is self-serving" is more due to her own issues rather than about kosaka in particular. anyway, this is just to highlight that at this point, they both still have their own problems and don't get along.

the next time we see him is during the school trip arc, where, although he’s still being far too overprepared by carrying too much luggage, he seems to be getting along with his class very well. kosaka organizes his class’s schedule and accommodates for changes on the fly (when his teacher wanted to stay longer to see the sea otters), even if it annoys him a bit. it’s an improvement! he’s able to assume a role where his pedantically organized personality is a benefit. mafuyu also notes that both he and ayabe have become more carefree and open with others, with kosaka becoming “the center of class 4″.

i think this chapter, #82, is also the first time kosaka talks about yukioka. since yukioka doesn’t talk to anyone aside from miyabi, he had never heard her voice despite being a close friend. there’s not really any significance to them being besties (does there need to be?), but it does show his sense of responsibility for others since he basically takes care of her. he has more scenes with yukioka in various arcs, mostly in the miyabi graduation arc where he helps protect yukioka from aki.

speaking of that arc, like the other student council members, he gets something precious to him stolen. in this case, it’s the books that he always reads. we find out that he’s actually surprisingly good at drawing from memory despite him believing he doesn’t know how to draw without instructions. this may be partially may be some juxtaposition of him truly being ‘creative’ even though his methods are so ‘academic/scientific’ (even though i don’t believe ‘drawing well’ is what ‘creativity’ is). in my opinion, this represents his progress in general. it’s probably not just art/drawing, but he’s actually gotten better at doing most things without manuals without realizing or being aware of it.

this idea is also expanded upon with the protection of yukioka i mentioned earlier. because kosaka doesn’t have his books, he doesn’t act so formal and is instead more forceful and ‘manly’, making it easier for him to communicate with classmates. by the way, kosaka’s actually popular with the girls in his class (shown in school trip arc 1-koma), but doesn’t realize it because he can’t understand things not directly stated. what a guy...

here is a short break to talk about kawauchi. i think their relationship is hilarious. from kawauchi getting him to dig holes to kawauchi stealing his math books... i feel really sorry for kosaka, but it’s so funny... he just can’t escape him. even in the very last student council saga arc, it was kawauchi behind the scenes all along...

really they’re two characters who are heavily associated with each other and yet... i don’t think kawauchi’s relationship with kosaka says anything about his personality since kosaka was such a one-bit character during the majority of the arc where they interacted (plus kawauchi is awful to everyone). all kawauchi did was give kosaka more trust issues and broke his phone. i feel kinda mean for saying this but it’s so funny how he caused kosaka to be absolutely terrified of delinquents.

honestly kosaka like... doesn’t have a reason to be associated with kawauchi beyond the student festival event. imo it’s just a way for tsubaki to make kosaka relevant or appear once in a while since the other character he’s associated with (yukioka) got a boyfriend and doesn’t appear as often (kawauchi’s common appearances is due to his surprising popularity with fans).

enough about kawauchi though, we’re finally at the end of this long and loving post. at the conclusion of the miyabi graduation arc, the very first conflict of kosaka shown is finally resolved: he’s made up with nonoguchi!

i really love this scene so much!!! i know it’s kinda just a set-up for the next joke, but tsubaki still dedicated over a page just to nonoguchi and kosaka, so it’s genuine to me! it’s so lovely to see that nonoguchi and kosaka have both resolved their own issues with the help of miyabi and the public morals club. they both acknowledge that they weren’t the best in the past, but now they can become friends... this is a relationship that’s been developing in the background of oresama teacher for over 80 chapters... it makes me so happy that tsubaki gave a resolution to it in the end. she truly does care about all her characters no matter how unpopular they are, and i love her for that.

(by the way, i just found out that this can badge released in the same year as the miyabi graduation arc. they’re so cute!)

the story of kosaka and the student council as a whole ends here. everyone’s finally improved, and they’re all happy... people say “oresama teacher has no plot”, but there’s so much to the story of the student council. if i can write so much about one minor character who rarely appears, i think there’s plenty of plot and plenty to say about the others.

that’s all i have to say on this topic for now.

actually, i started writing this back in 2019 but i forgot about it until recently. my thoughts haven’t changed, though... i hope this post shines some light on why i like kosaka and tsubaki so much. to be honest, though, i’d probably just say that he’s sooo cute and i wanna protect that sweet smile of his... my 174 cm tall son.

[drake-the-incubus]

Y’know. I feel bad for teachers, they struggle, but I’m not gonna bend over backwards about my trauma and the shitty teaching habits I grew up through, and say it wasn’t their fault.

I sat through struggling with the same social issues that got my cousin diagnosed with ADHD and got told I was just “disruptive”. I was doing book projects on complex books and reading through my homework with ease, only to have my teacher get mad and accuse me of cheating, to which my mom and I had to defend me.

I was accused of cheating my reading assignments because I didn’t have to take them home, it would take five minutes to speed through the books. Tiny little 12 page books were supposed to take us a week.

I excelled in English. Actually I was great in everything but math. When it came to math, I was put down by my teacher, “you’re smarter than this”. “If you really struggle, go ask your parents.” My parents weren’t home, neither had graduated and my step-father was god fucking awful. The solution wasn’t to offer me help when I broke down over not being able to do math, it was to get upset I wasn’t good enough, and get MORE upset when I figured something out that wasn’t an appropriate method.

This is elementary. I was 5-9. These years were fucking horrible for me. From being called the wrong name and being in trouble for correcting it (my name was written down the teacher just would not say it right) to being fucking harassed by students over my last names.

Gifted child with Autism and genuinely has the issues backed up.

School was fucking horrible and most of the time it was the teachers. I don’t care if “they didn’t get paid enough” that didn’t excuse the trauma.

Being a teenager was just as bad.

My nephew has given up on school because they don’t want to help him cope with his dyslexia. They’re cruel about it.

My cousin never graduated because they refused to give him assistance in anything and told him the same shit as me, he was barely passing and had no drive for school because of it.

Kids would receive sexual harassment and the teacher would shrug it off. We had sex in our movies which we should “just close your eyes” which was fun! I can’t tell you how traumatizing being forced to a sex education camp was when I was adamant I didn’t want to go, and being forced to pay the bus fee, when I told my teacher I didn’t want to and had my grades held over my head.

Didn’t matter that I was genuinely uncomfortable, ended up getting an infection with my stitches and was treated like shit for asking “stupid” questions.

I am 22 now, want to know how many times I’ve had sex? 0. Want to know what stuck in that course? Only how to put on a condom.

We didn’t learn consent, we learned some self defence. I was told because I was a girl I’d likely be assaulted!!

A camp that left me with more trauma that I was forced to, because I needed to know the information on STDs. Why? “Because you’re going to have sex before you graduate and I’m not going to be responsible”. Even when I’m saying I wanted to not.

Being berated for not entering science fairs, being pressured into a club where you had to know very specific things that other gifted kids knew and shit.

Being pressured to do the entirety of group assignments. Being harassed when I told a teacher early that I needed my homework tonight because I left at 4am the next day and wouldn’t have net, only to get it 10am the next day with, “you gave me no time”. Despite the fact that said teacher said she could do it.

The vice-principal who was our teacher, that sexually harassed students, was openly abusive and homophobic, who I think still works there! Because all the other teachers defend him, and so does the principal.

The other vice principal who fucking harassed me about graduating. “You need to graduate this year” and got mad when I returned the next year to do exactly what I was planning to before, and upgrade my courses. Same teacher that forced me to the camp.

Teachers literally are in positions of power over students, and are capable of immense trauma. I’ve been near forced to teach a teachers class for her, because she would not look into the subject she was supposed to teach, and even said she should look up the basic requirements for the class and try from there.

She was teaching Gr.10 Astronomy to 7 students. She was constantly giving us assignekents which boiled down to, “make a pretty art project.”

Anyone who wanted to take a serious elective transferred out, and she was adamant that I, the only grade twelve, teach her class for her, “because you know so much”. My knowledge was at a grade 6 level.

At one point I got fed up with this shit because I am there to focus on my studies not teach for her. And I was, “making it so hard on her because she didn’t know what she was doing”.

She tried to make us teach each other.

So when it came to my presentation, I used the appropriate scientific language and got in trouble for, “being too complex”. Mind you this is highschool and I was talking about atmospheric pressure on a planet.

Oh and I had points docked for not drawing a little character for Neptune. Even though I could blindly recite the facts about the planet.

I hate that, “this profession is full of women so it’s the misogyny” that makes people hate teachers. I had wonderful teachers. The majority of them were horrible and would scream at students or give no indication of what was expected from an assignment and would be frustrated.

I had a teacher who broke down to me, because I would do my work fast (and correctly) and she didn’t want me to be ahead of the class so she kept assigning me extra credit I had to complete. And her breakdown was because I told her that I’m not doing more work than was necessary.

Complexities I didn’t understand, my teachers would be upset and tell me, “you’re smarter than this” they would get frustrated at anything below an 80.

The one teacher I had, I met in grade 10, taught the next two years of my social studies. When I told him I hated his course, and why, he actually tried his best to get me to engage with the material. My grades shot up surprisingly, when I had someone who was willing in the side points of class or when he was available, talk to me over this course.

In a school with less than 400 students, for K-12, having the five teachers WITH the time to help me, because they would grade and be there otherwise, is what made me realize that I genuinely could have had help, and was denied it.

Teaching is a two way street, and some teachers leave a real fucking nasty taste in their students mouths, because they cause so much fucking trauma. School can be heavily traumatizing, but blaming the students and everyone but the teachers is a dissonance.

School was better than home, yeah, but not by much. It was hell there. The amount of bullshit teachers put students through, was ridiculous, and the shit they refused the deal with was insurmountable.

It’s not misogyny I hated those teachers, it’s the way they treated me and other students. Specifically, it was how they acted like I was “So Smart” that nay of my struggles were ignored.

I went through school with an undiagnosed neurodivergency, despite working closely with councillors and having them as teachers.

But even still, when I’m teaching the other smart kids in the class the basic mathematics because that’s how bad the teaching is, and the fact that our school was considered the worst of province, yeah I’m gonna be honest here, maybe the fucking teachers have a bigger impact than expected.

[miller-day]

hi everyone!!

during the semi-hiatus i took from tumblr i became obsessed with psych (people who follow me on twitter know) and i even started writing about it. i thought it would be so funny to see how a crossover between shawn/gus and sherlock/watson would go, so i took it upon myself to make it happen. i’ve only written 6 pages of it but i’m thinking about going forward and writing more, but firstly i wanted to know if it’s actually worth it so i’m posting what i wrote on here and i hope that if ANYONE actually reads it and enjoys it, then let me know <3

(none of the characters are mine)

“Shawn Spencer. Psychic detective.” Watson shifts his glance from the open newspaper on the coffee table to Sherlock, who’s standing in the kitchen and looking like a misplaced giant, his 6 feet of flesh and bones (or just bones) still forming a comical comparison with the small-dimensioned furniture of their apartment, most of it bought by equally small-dimensioned Mrs. Hudson. “I see you’re now interested in the supernatural?”

 Sherlock scoffs. “Please. You know my demon-hunting days are long past.”

 Watson waits for Sherlock to develop his last statement, even though he’s not sure he actually wants to hear more of it, but his roommate’s attention seems to have been captured by the stirring sounds he’s making with the teaspoon against the glass of his mug. “What’s this doing here, then?”

 Sherlock doesn’t look at him to know what he was referring to. He goes about as though Watson’s presence in the room is as dispensable as a fly on a summer day, something you dismiss with a single hand motion and move on, and sits on his usual red sofa. Watson rolls his eyes, not yet immune to Sherlock’s peculiar way of being even after almost two years of friendship, and throws the newspaper onto his lap rather angrily, to which Sherlock replies, “Hey!”

 “Shawn Spencer,” Watson says, pointing at the bold black letters on the top of the page that’s facing Sherlock, the phrase PSYCHIC DETECTIVE SHAWN SPENCER SAVES THE CITY OF SANTA BARBARA FROM ANOTHER KILLING SPREE making its loud announcement above a picture of two guys proudly smiling in front of a police station. “You were reading this.”

 “How observant,” Sherlock replies, rolling his eyes. “Maybe you should be the one solving the crimes and I should be the one writing about it on my blog.”

 Watson exhales angrily. “Why are you avoiding this topic?”

 “It’s not so much avoiding this specific topic as much as it is me avoiding you,” Sherlock stops to take a sip of his tea. “I’m busy.”

 Watson rubs his left temple in an attempt to soothe the vein he’s foreseeing popping in a couple of seconds. “If you say so.”

 He ends up sitting dramatically on the opposing couch. They’re both silent for a while, Watson with his eyes closed and his head resting against the cushion, Sherlock noticing the rhythm of his best friend’s chest rising and falling as he approaches, slowly, the realm of sleep.

 “Alright, fine. Do you want to discuss this?” Watson opens his eyes in surprise at Sherlock’s sudden rupture of the room’s previous quietness. “I think the guy is obviously a con-man.”

 Watson blinks, noticeably distressed. “What makes you so sure?”

 “Oh, come on. Please don’t tell me you believe this bullshit.” Sherlock says, his sarcastic laugh creating an itch on his roommate’s skin, then places his mug on a table nearby. “You’ve believed worse, though, so I’m not exactly shocked.”

 “I just asked a question. I think the guy deserves the benefit of the doubt.”

 Sherlock’s expression is void of any inclination towards an agreement with Watson and giving the psychic even the tiniest bit of credibility. Crime-solving, as far as he is concerned, is an art, a study of the human brain, a test of one’s skills in terms of impulse-control and harmony of the senses, a practice no one can ever master in its entirety, and for someone to taint its name with something so low and idiot as an alleged psychic ability only makes him furious. The worst part, he thinks, is that people aren’t contesting it at all — the guy managed to make his name go from Santa Barbara to London after all, and from the looks of it, he has the entire local police department on his side.

 “Oh, don’t start,” he says, a tone of annoyance dripping from the edge of his words.

 “With what?” Watson asks, a little amused.

 “With your whole thing,” Sherlock gestures vaguely with his hands. “You’re free to think what you choose—”

 “How kind of you.”

 “—but I won’t let you waste my time with arguments in his defense. He either has someone on the inside or he actually solves the crimes, but I won’t acknowledge any talent on his part if he’s doing something so stupid as hiding under the pretense of ‘communications with the supernatural’,” he does the air-quotes mockingly, “or whatever term he uses to call it.”

 “Are you jealous because the spirits like him better than you do?” Watson asks, a smile of mockery slowly taking form on his lips. “I’m sure if you’re kinder to people they might just come around to talk. Y’know, if you’re a good bloke and all that.”

 “You’re thinking about Santa Claus, Watson, but given that he’s not any more real than whatever powers your little Shawn Spencer claims to possess, I suppose it’s a valid assumption.”

 “He has a partner. You know that, right?”

 “Who? Spencer or Santa?”

 “Shawn Spencer, obviously,” Watson replies. “You said you think he has someone on the inside, and he’s not alone in that picture. He works with someone.”

 “Oh, but I meant inside the police department, to give him information and such. The man on the picture is his...” Sherlock sighs. “Best friend, I guess. As if they couldn’t get more embarrassing.”

 Watson throws his head back in laughter and Sherlock stares blankly at him. “What?”

 “Nothing! It’s just...” He puts his hand over his mouth, then itches the back of his head, still smiling. “If you think about it, they’re kind of like us.”

 Sherlock’s face has an expression about it that makes him look as though he’s taken a bite out of a lemon. “What do you mean?”

 Watson hasn’t stopped giggling, and Sherlock looks at him with puzzlement, expecting an answer.

 “I mean, they’re two friends who solve crimes together.” Watson replies, his tone an indication of how obvious the comparison is.

 “I don’t suppose you’re suggesting I’m the Spencer in this scenario?”

 “Well, you’re the one who’s always going on with the ‘you see, but you don’t observe’ bullshit. I always thought you meant it literally, but perhaps you meant something more... metaphysical? Seeing like a psychic, maybe?”

 Sherlock stands up abruptly. “This isn’t funny, Watson.”

 Watson chuckles. “Agree to disagree.”

 “You know, I’m positive I could expose that Spencer within seconds of meeting him,” Sherlock says, and starts pacing around the room like his thoughts are too fast in his mind for him to be still. “His partner, for instance—”

 “I think you meant his best friend.” The smile of mischief is still there.

 “Is a pharmaceutical salesman. What does this tell you?”

 Watson furrows his brows in confusion. “That he has a discount on paracetamol?”

 “You’re useless. Utterly, completely useless,” Sherlock replies. “How did you even manage to get a medical degree?”

 “Oh, well, they just give it around these days,” Watson rests his elbows on his thighs and places his face on his hands, a Little-Mermaid-like position that weirdly fits him. “Showing up is pretty much the only requirement.”

 Sherlock ignores his roommate’s response and continues, this time more to himself than as a contribution to their conversation. “Shawn Spencer’s partner having another job is an indication that their whole business isn’t as solid as they make it seem. It might be to help with the money for rent and transportation and such, but it could also be that the financial guarantee he’s seeking is preparation for the moment when Shawn is inevitably exposed for being a fake.” Sherlock stops and scans Watson for an indication of him having been convinced. “Or he just had that job before this scam started and doesn’t trust Spencer to keep it for much longer, at least not enough to make him quit.”

 Watson rests his back against the cushion again. “I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish with this bit, make me hate the guys?”

 “No, of course not. I just want to show you the other side of things, the real side. But you can choose to live in this delusion as much as you want. I mean, go ahead. Keep thinking the supernatural actually exists! I’m sure it helps you sleep at night.”

 Watson rolls his eyes and angrily grabs the newspaper, which, at this point, is on the floor, having been stepped on by Sherlock at least five times, and his eyes immediately fall on the picture. The one whom he reads is Shawn is on the left, plaid shirt and cocky grin giving him the appearance of an average guy you wouldn’t be surprised to see eating chicken wings or making obscure references to movies from the 80s. His hand is up as though he’s waving to the crowd in front of him, not even a little bit worried about his unconventional methods being an easy target of judgment. He looks like he belongs there, Watson realizes, and for a second he almost wishes he knew those guys. The best friend/partner, Burton Guster, is on the right, his hand placed on his chest in a gesture that would suggest humbleness if it weren’t for his facial expression, a look about him that seems equally receptive of the recognition and praise as Shawn is. He’s wearing a buttoned shirt that’s tucked under his pants with a belt, and the two of them form such a distinct contrast to each other that Watson finds it rather amusing. He can’t help but think about the many pictures of him and Sherlock that have appeared on the newspaper over the years, and he wonders if people have analyzed them the way he’s analyzing Shawn and Guster at this moment. They can undoubtedly notice Sherlock’s arrogance and Watson’s shyness from the capture of a lens, but can they also see his excitement, Sherlock’s determination, the deep and unspoken connection the two of them share but hardly ever acknowledge? Can they understand what motivates them from within, the drive for justice, the thrill of the chase pumping in their veins?

 “I think you’re being too harsh with them,” Watson says simply, putting the newspaper on the couch next to him.

 “How come?” Sherlock replies. “I think I’m being perfectly adequate.”

 “I don’t know,” he crosses his arms. “It’s just... Okay. Let’s suppose he is indeed faking his powers.”

 Sherlock points a finger at him. “Which he totally is.”

 Watson ignores him and continues, “Does that inherently mean he’s a bad person?” Sherlock stares at him, silent. “He has put a lot of bad people in jail, and no doubt has saved a lot of lives in the process... Doesn’t that give him a little bit of credit?”

 Sherlock takes a deep breath. He doesn’t respond immediately; instead, he walks to the window and gazes at the street below, strangers passing by with shopping bags and dogs on leashes and briefcases on hand, the sounds of London fading away as background noise as he concentrates on details of the everyday life. He notices the mark of a ring on the girl with the dog’s finger, the dust on the shoe of the guy with the briefcase, the small tear on the shopping bag carried by the woman. He absorbs all of it in, knowing none of this information is relevant to his existence, and takes a deep breath.

 He’s reminded of a babysitter he used to have back in the day. Susan Carter. She was, in theory, hired to take care of both him and Mycroft, but Sherlock’s brother, even in his youth, acted like someone older than his age, someone who could take plenty of care of himself even though he was still sleeping with a night light on and occasionally peeing his pants. Sherlock didn’t like Susan very much — he actually felt that way about pretty much everyone at that time, but with her it was especially intense because she’d spend the entire day checking in on him. He couldn’t just simply tune her out diving into the depths of his mind castle, because it was a guarantee she’d be there too, her high-pitched auntie voice asking him questions like, “Do you want some tea, Lockie?” or “Want me to read you a story?” Never mind the fact that she was merely doing her job, one which he was aware she was being paid for incredibly well (it wasn’t easy to find someone willing to accept employment in the Holmes residence those days): he wanted her out of his sacred place, expelled out of his house like a virus after an antibody attack.

 His will ended up being his way, in the end. Susan decided to quit after Mycroft put laxatives in her tea one day, and all of this happened because she had entered his room, without knocking, and caught him during one of his private costume sessions. Mycroft would sometimes spend hours alone in his room doing this — one day he’d be a king from the Victorian times, ordering the toys in his room to attend to his commands, and the other he’d be Britain’s first astronaut setting foot on the moon. Sherlock was never allowed in, even though he’d usually want to, much to his own dismay, and when his nanny caught Mycroft dressed up as Shakespeare in the middle of a reenactment of his own play, Mycroft decided it was best to put matters into his own hands. Or, really, the poor lady’s digestive system, which got torn to shreds after that tea. Sherlock was glad to see her gone, but it sadly wasn’t much long before another nanny stepped in to take her post, and the others after her blended together to create one amorphous being in his mind, all identities a dense cloud of memories he, to this day, associates with despair and annoyance.

 What made Susan stand out amongst them was the fact that she liked tarot cards. Sherlock always thought of it all as rather stupid and tried to avoid her “sessions” as much as possible, but sometimes she managed to catch him in the sofa, staring at the ceiling or memorizing the patterns of the paintings on the wall, and she’d say “let’s have a reading, Lockie! You’re not really doing anything much now, aren’t you?”, to which he’d have no reply. He’d sometimes run away to the garden, but other times he’d admit defeat and sit next to her on the dinner table, and she’d spread the cards and explain the meaning of every one of them, even the ones which weren’t chosen by Sherlock. Surprisingly, he’d sometimes find himself enjoying those moments, especially when Susan’s eyes would sparkle with excitement and he’d wonder if one day he’d ever feel that way about anything. She’d maneuver the cards with the utmost gentleness, like they were thin pieces of glass she could drop and break at any moment, and he’d almost let himself smile. He never would, though, because he was still a Holmes, therefore still genetically indisposed for such an act.

 Sherlock later in his life learned that Susan had died not long after she quit her job as his nanny. She was murdered by an ex-boyfriend who needed some money and was leeching off of her and the tiny, almost inexistent amount she had. She was stabbed eight times in her own living room, the very same Susan who would put an extra spoonful of sugar in his afternoon tea even though his mother’s orders were of strictly one. Sherlock hated himself the day he found out. When his mother told him over the phone, bile crawled up to the back of his throat and left in it a bitter taste that lasted until the next morning. Sherlock wanted to punch someone, punch himself. The murderer had already been caught by that point, but Sherlock wanted badly to be the one who had found him, perhaps because he felt like he owed something to Susan. He couldn’t catch his own eyes in the mirror for a while after that discovery.

 “I think I’m going to bed.”

 Watson blinks in surprise. “It’s five in the afternoon.”

 Sherlock wraps the belt of his robe on his stomach. “I am very tired.” He gives the reply as though it was an act of courtesy on his part, unneeded.

 “You said you were busy about three minutes ago.”

 He slumps his shoulders in a dramatic gesture like there’s a sudden weight on them he can’t bother to carry, and then straightens his posture again. “Haven’t you heard of procrastination, Watson? My being tired at this very moment doesn’t exclude my desire to sleep.”

 Watson narrows his eyes, bites his lower lip. “You’re planning something.”

 Sherlock fakes an appalled look. “I am going to bed. Think of that what you will.”

 He starts making his way across the living room and Watson says, “Tell me what you’re thinking!”

 “Ask your friend Spencer to tell you that! He’s a psychic, he’ll figure it out!” He’s halfway through the hallway by now, his screams reverberating against the walls.

 “You’re forgetting your tea!”

 “You can have it, it’s too sweet for me anyway!” is the reply before Sherlock closes the door and creates a vacuum in the room from the instant end of the conversation.

 Watson groans in frustration. “I could kill him. And I think I could get away with it. Except he’d solve the bloody thing in the afterlife. Oh, Watson, you were such a fool, left the clues right there for everyone to see!” He mimics Sherlock’s posh way of speaking.

 He picks up the mug Sherlock left on the table and takes a sip. “A perfectly good tea, also. That bastard.” Watson’s tone of voice is annoyed, but as he takes another sip, there’s a smile on his face.

[pandabearisaunicorn]

Hydra’s Secret Weapon

Hydra’s Secret Weapon

Part 1

Word Count: 2.5k

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Endgame Spoilers!! Small mentions of violence

Summary: As the world around you is crumbling down, half of the universe just gone and it leaves the rest of the Avengers into desperation and that’s when they find you. You and your two best friends who suppress special powers who could be key in defeating Thanos. Will they succeed or fail? That’s all up to you.

A/N: SOOO I came up with this idea of a storyline that happens during endgame, I just hope that it comes down on paper just as good as in my head. Fingers crossed! When written in cursive it’s flashbacks.Btw I apparently suck at writing this summary, might change that one up later idk (cringe face)

Masterlist  

The year was 1941, you had just finished your work shift at the local newspaper. Since you were a young female in the 40’s Germany it wasn’t easy getting a well-paid job so you took what you could get, even if that was cleaning the office.

It was the beginning of December and the wind blew cold on your face as you walked along the pavement. Your heels clicking with each step and your skirt and coat blowing in the harsh wind. You couldn’t wait to get home and warm yourself in front of the fireplace and gossip with your two best friends, Ellie and Elena.

You got to know the two sisters when you attended the local university and the three of you were inseparable ever since. Here you were, the three of you sharing a way to overpriced apartment in the center of Berlin and you couldn’t see your life without them. Since you lost your father to the war and your mother to illness they were the only thing that you could call family.

But, there’s always a but somewhere right? As you walked up to the front door of your apartment something felt different. You decided to turn the handle to see if the door was unlocked, something you never did knowing that the three of you always locked the door. Today it was open, your thoughts running towards that either Ellie or Elena must’ve forgotten, but they never did, did they?

You opened the door quietly and you were instantly met with dead piercing silence, something you weren’t used to. You took a big breath before continuing your pace into the apartment, leaving the door open. As you turned the corner you were met with both of your friends knocked out on the ground, a tall man dressed in all black sitting on one of the armchairs in front of the running fireplace. You looked at him in fear, his long fingers wrapped around a cigar and his eyes turned to look at you.

“I’ve been waiting for you Ms. y/l/n” He said, his voice low and intimidating. “It just so happens your friends here will do me so much more help than just you”

“What do want?” You asked, meaning for it to sound just as intimidating as his words but you failed, your words coming out more like a whimper than a threat.

“Oh darlin’ you’re going to be my secret weapon” his voice growing darker and his eyes black as he looked you up and down. You turned away from him, trying to escape. “No need to try to run away from me darlin’ you’ll only end up more hurt”

And just like that you felt something hit you in the back of the head harshly and you fell to the floor, everything turning black.

....

You woke up with a heavy chest and sweat running down your forehead, instantly looking around the room. You breathed out as you realized you were still in your small studio apartment in Brooklyn. The memories from your past still engraved in your mind and came to haunt you at night.

The three of you was able to run away from your kidnapper five years ago, that was in 2017, it’s now 2023 and you had been living under your kidnappers roof for over 80 years. You stopped counting centuries ago.

As the years passed you started to search for information about your kidnapper, realising that the name of the organization was Hydra and their original head courter was here in the United States. Due to your “work” you had been all around the world doing their dirty work, such as murder. All that while all three of you were experimented on. They wanted to create the most vicious and dangerous assassin they could. They had started with the super soldier serum that Dr. Abraham Erskine created in the 1940’s and made the oh so famous Captain America, what a joke. The story still made you laugh as you couldn’t imagine anything good coming out of a serum like that.

The second thing to come off that serum was the Winter Soldier, a man you feared for your life, the man who nearly killed you because you talked up to your boss. So, yeah you thought it was filled with humor that something good could come out of that.

Then there was the three of you, they had other plans for you. They did inject the super soldier serum but that didn’t stop them. They wanted to create a weapon, a human weapon to end their enemies and whoever stood in the way of them not succeeding. So, they created the ultimate trio, not just one but three. They managed to work in your DNA, making you inhumanly fast, inhumanly strong. They created a piece in your mind so you enveloped telekinesis, so you could move things with your mind including yourself and other people. A trait they used in their advantage and tortured you to only use it on their command. That’s what they did to all three of you, torturing and creating the perfect well trained assassins.

As they used the three of you for their personal use they froze you down alongside the Winter Soldier to keep you young and mind washed. To say the least not an easy time for you.

And now here you were, five years free and five years since people around you just turned to dust. You were happy that you had Ellie and Elena with you and none of them turned to dust in your hands.

You took another breath before stepping out of the bed and in to the small kitchen, turning on the coffeemaker and taking your red mug from the second shelf. Sighing in relief as you smelt the fresh smelled of coffee in the morning.

“Oh god do I love it when you make coffee in the morning” Elena groaned in her German accent as she walked into the kitchen.

“I know you do” You said, your face still towards the window above the sink.

“You know, you could use your powers for that” Elena stated as she sat down on one of the chairs around your round kitchen table, leaning against the red brick wall behind her.

“Yeah I know, it just feels good to do it by hand you know, somewhat feel normal” You said as you poured the fresh brewed coffee into your red mug and her green one.

“Yeah I know what you mean, I just feel better when I can use it for something good rather than bad” Her voice low and her eyes looking up at you as you set her cup down in front of you.

“Yeah and you’re getting good at that” you said and sat opposite her. “Wish I was”

“You will” she said and put her hand over yours.

....

Meanwhile back at the Avengers Compound, Natasha Romanoff was still searching for ways to bring all of these people back from the snap and looking for her friend Clint Barton at the same time. Whom everyone around her kept saying was a lost cause and she didn’t want to believe that at all. Yet she found herself crying every time she was alone, it was more of a routine now a days. 

That’s how Steve found her that afternoon, crying. Her feet up on the desk, hands covering her face and tear stained cheeks. Her blond bob had now grown out long and her bright red hair back, only the tips still bleached. He thought she looked just like herself except the tear stained cheeks, it wasn’t like her or more like the old her, now this was something he had to see daily.

“Found anything?” Steve asks as he sits down opposite her, her hands falling to her lap and her eyes glued on the images In front of her.

“No, it’s dead” She mumbled before raising to her feet. Seeing a picture of three girls all dressed in black leather head to toe. “Wait a minute”

“What is it?” Steve asks as he studies her features for any sign of what was coming.

“They, they’re real. I’ve always heard stories of these inhuman assassins that have incredible powers” She rambled on as she searched the web for them.

“You want to get help by assassins?” He asked in disbelief.

“I am one remember? Your friend Bucky is one. Maybe these girls are just like us, brainwashed and tortured. What if these girls can help us defeat Thanos? Steve we need to give this a chance? It’s just us now, we need more people on board” She exclaimed, he looked up at her and then at the picture of the three girls. 

She was right, to him they looked normal in the latest picture they were out having lunch or something, laughing and joking around. They looked like any group of girlfriends, normal. Maybe it was worth a try.

...

You were currently seated at the kitchen table reading today’s paper, that was something you kept doing as a reminder of your past. Elena was seated opposite you, her face stuck in her computer and she tried to get down with the kids as Ellie said. Everything was easier for Ellie, she was 10 years younger than you were which made her 16 the year all of you were taken away. Elena and you shared the same birth year, 1914, which made the two of you 26 at the time. Now 83 years later you were 109 years old, nothing you could see if you looked in the mirror, it was almost unbelievable that you could stay young for so long. Not a single grey hair or wrinkle in sight.

As Ellie were just turned 16 when you were taken she missed a lot in her school years so you and Elena decided that it was best for her to continue her last school years and trying to have a somewhat normal high school experience. She wasn’t hyped about it the first time you guys brought it up but when she came home after her fifth day at school and was talking nonstop about this boy Peter you knew she was enjoying herself.

You were just about to turn the page when there was a loud knock on the door, both you and Elena looking up at each other in confusion.

“Who could that possibly be?” Elena asked as you stood up to answer the door.

“I have no idea” You mumbled out as you slowly opened the door, still afraid of who’ll find you.

You were met by a petite yet well trained woman, her hair long and red yet her the tips of her hair bleached. She was stunning, you thought to yourself as you looked confused at her. She smiled warmly at you before opening her mouth to talk. 

“I’m Natasha Romanoff, I just wanted to talk to you about something really important”

“I’m sorry but I don’t want to hear it” You said and ready to close the door her hand came up to keep it open.

“Trust me y/n, you want to hear about this” The woman named Natasha said, her now warm look gone with desperation.

“Let her at least tell us what she wants” Elena said behind you and you looked over at her.

“Fine” You said and let her inside your small apartment.

She looked around the place as you closed the door behind her. Elena mentioned for her to sit down at the table as she grabbed another mug from the cabinet and pouring up some coffee for her which she gladly took.

“So, for the record I always thought you guys were a myth” Natasha started off as all of you were sat around the table.

“Well, clearly not a myth” You said with a smile, clearly warming up to her as time passed.

“Yeah well I’ve done my research on you and we need your help” She said and looked desperate at the two of you. “Though I was sure you were three”

“Yeah we are, Ellie’s at school. Why do you want our help?” Elena said, her accent thicker when the nervousness took over her.

“Oh alright, we need your help to defeat Thanos’ snap, when he erased half of the universe he took away son many lives including a lot of people we hold dear” Natasha explained and you just got more confused.

“Who are you anyways? And who’s Thanos? Can we really trust you?” You blurted out which only made her laugh.

“Of course you can, I’m with the Avengers, I’m sure you heard about us sometime” She said and that name sure did ring a bell.

“Yeah, that gang of superheroes who save the world? Yeah heard about you” Elena said and her voice filled with despite as you know what she thought about them.

“We are not as bad as you think Elena” Natasha said and she sure impressed you with her research skill.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to sound offensive” Elena said as you took another sip of your coffee.

“So why do want our help? The only thing our powers are good at is dark stuff” You said and Natasha looked up at you, her eyes filled with empathy as a small smile spread across her lips.

“No it’s not, your powers could help us with so much and for good! We will help you train, help you control your powers and I’m sure you’re great at helping us finding a way to reverse Thanos’ snap” Natasha said and you thought about giving it a chance.

“If we say yes to this, where will we go and when?” You said and Elena looked at you in shock.

“Preferably today and to the Avengers Compound about 1 hour from the city” Natasha said and you looked over at Elena, her face confused yet she nodded at you.

“Yes, we want to help” You said and a wide smile spread across Natasha’s lips, a genuine one and it was sure contagious as you could feel a smile spread across your own.

Yes, you truly did believe that this could be a fresh new start for your little family yet you were terrified of what will happen and if you could really control your powers, you had always had a hard time with that. So yeah, you were completely terrified.

 To be continued...

[minnesotadruids]

What continues to draw you to reform druidry over other Druidic traditions?

Whoever you are, I love you. This is a great question!

The short answer is that from the time I started studying it in depth, the more I realized how similar it was to my own personal practices and devotional styles I developed back when I called my practice “rogue druidry.” I felt perfectly at home with Reformed Druidry (RDNA) the more I read their literature (A Reformed Druid Anthology, aka ARDA).

I’ll get to the part of what continues to draw me to the RDNA in a bit (or you can jump to the bottom) but first I feel the need to digress. :)

I’ll start with a timeline of events.

Winter-Spring 2004: I studied abroad in Ireland. Learned the Wheel of the Year and ancient Irish culture in an actual classroom setting. Wanted to learn more about druidry but that would have to wait for my return to Minnesota

Summer 2004: Researched the ancient druids, and learned we don’t know much about them. Researched the Druid Revival Movement of the 1700s to early 1900s, found it intriguing but lacking something. Researched Reformed Druidry, and stopped immediately when I read that the RDNA didn’t take itself seriously. It turns out that statement is not entirely accurate, but I wouldn’t know that for years. I researched ADF, but didn’t consider myself a hard polytheist like they want. I researched OBOD, then saw the price tag of the Bardic Course (I was making $6.75 an hour part time as a college telephone receptionist and campus tour guide). 

After reading some books on druidry in the library, I decided to just do “rogue druidry.”

Rest of 2004 to 2010: Went out into the woods on my college campus with a chalice and a bottle of wine to consecrate, consecrated fires, cleansed and consecrated ritual objects. I acknowledged the raw forces of nature: the sun, the rain, the earth, the wind. I developed gestures and motions of endearment. I listened to pagan podcasts including Druidcast of OBOD.

2010: Isaac Bonewits passed away and I felt a longing to be part of an actual druid community again, starting another year of intensive research on Druidry.

2011: I made a very large chart comparing 12 different druid orders that denoted 18 criteria such as membership fees, theological focus, whether or not there’s a study program, etc. I felt at home with the RDNA, so I joined.

Also 2011: Started reading A Reformed Druid Anthology because it’s hundreds of pages of free literature. 

The quirky King James writing style of ARDA made me laugh and I kept reading. 

The Two Basic Tenets of belief are relatable which allow for anyone of any spiritual background to identify with, whether hard polytheist, duotheist, agnostic, pantheist, deist, or whatever.

I found the RDNA rituals to be deeply profound and meaningful

The RDNA rituals also involve consecrating a chalice, but containing whiskey instead of wine. 

The RDNA was founded by freethinking students at a rather prestigious Minnesota college. For me this is homegrown druidism.

The literature is a living document with many contributors. There’s a movement meditation called the Four Salutations of Day, which is a bit like Tai Chi, but involves a druid staff:

My Tumblr profile picture is of me performing the Third Salutation of Day at sunset.

So what about the RDNA still captivates my heart?

Reformed Druidry is the foundation of neo-druidism in America.  I am proud of being part of that legacy. Founded in 1963, it is the “awkward uncle” of ADF, and is therefore an ancestor of the Henge of Keltria, and therefore of the Druid Order of WhiteOak and Druids of the Mist. The RDNA is also the parent order that led to the creation of offshoots such as the New, the Schismatic, the Hasidic, and the Zen Druids of North America. Oh, and we inspired the independent creation of the Reformed Druids of Gaia, too.

The Ancient Order of Masonic Druids in America (AOMDA), a vestige of the Druid Revival era had been defunct for a few years before the RDNA was created. John Micheal Greer eventually rebooted AODA in 1976, dropping “Masonic” from their name and turning it into a mystical order. 

The RDNA is also one year older than OBOD, but this is where I should say druidry is not a race to be the first at anything.

OBOD and AODA, by my impressions, are more about focusing on inner workings, and place less importance on ritual. The RDNA (and ADF) do place a significance on ritual and ceremony, which I really feel a drive for. I am also a dues-paying member of ADF, but I cannot enter a position of spiritual leadership in ADF because I am not a hard polytheist. There’s an oath in the clergy initiation of ADF in which you must essentially declare yourself a polytheist.

Nobody in the RDNA hierarchy profits (nor “non-profits”) from your spirituality here. This Druid Order is free to join, and the literature is free in its digital form. We typically operate in the red out of our love of druidry.

Most of the Rites of Passage are either available in the text or the general details are given so you can decide in advance whether or not you want to subject yourself to them. I’m a forthright kind of guy.

With no formal study program in the RDNA, it is your personal responsibility to find your own path to Awareness. Glory to the Eternal Student!

It is a matter of personal integrity and honesty to determine when you feel prepared for a rite of passage to ascend the ranks of the RDNA. There’s a bit of vetting to get to the Third Order (first level of the RDNA priesthood) though.

At its height, Oakdale Grove has had 12 active members. As of this post, there are about 9-10. For some, Reformed Druidry might only be a waypoint in their spirituality. For anyone who visits or joins, I am providing a service to celebrate a common bond and offer camaraderie. Dedication to Service is part of my vows and is a hallmark of the Priesthood of the RDNA. I entered the Third Order knowing that my vows would mean I owe my service to the Reformed Druid community. There’s no real prestige to being a Third Order Reformed Druid, but I do get to wear a big ribbon draped over my shoulders during rituals.

The RDNA is not an expansionist religion. We don’t try to recruit others or coerce anyone into joining. However, posting to social media including here on Tumblr is a passive way to allow others to learn more if they are curious enough, and if they ask for more information I will provide it. But we do rejoice when someone does decide to join.

The druids of the founding Grove have been active at Carleton College every year since 1963. Ideally they’re supposed to pass the tradition on to each wave of new students. The elected Arch-Druid of Carleton Grove is the seat of the Council of Dalon Ap Landu. It really says something about a spiritual movement whose leader changes annually and is roughly 21-22 years old. The youngest and brightest minds are sometimes the most innovative.

Sometimes an Arch-Druid will graduate from Carleton College without ordaining anyone there to the priesthood. Part of Oakdale Grove’s mission statement is to help the tradition stay alive at Carleton, and I’ve restored the priesthood there once already.

I’ve contributed rituals and rites of passage written in the RDNA style. The 30th Arch-Druid (emeritus) of Carleton College Grove has been curating our literature for about 26 years. He’s been working overseas since 2014 with limited access to a secure internet connection, so I’ve taken it upon myself to help curate our order’s literature on the side. 

Out of the 137 ordained Third Order (or above) druids, I am probably one of the top five most actively engaged in this. Because of the eight year investment of time I’ve put into the Reformed Druids of North America (and I’ve probably spent two thousand dollars building up my Grove and others since 2011), Reformed Druidry is my passion, my commitment, and my spiritual home.

I’ll be 80 years old if I’m still alive to see the 100th anniversary celebration of the Reformed Druids of North America. Knowing that I’ve already had the privilege of meeting some of the founders and had rituals with them, I would love to see Reformed Druidism flourish in decades to come, for my contributions will become part of that legacy for the druids of the future.

[voicesfromthelight]

Some Experiential Examples of How Clairaudience Works

I was a teenager when I had my first clairaudient experience. I was in my hometown, walking alone, at night, in a quiet, empty park. All of a sudden, by my left ear, I heard a soft, kind voice. “Look up, and you’ll see a shooting star.” The vaguely masculine-sounding voice, I knew, was not my own, nor was it exactly that of another person, either. It felt like it was coming from an external source, but at the same time, I knew it wasn’t that of a flesh-and-blood person. Still, it felt completely natural and reassuring. I looked up, and at that very moment, a beautiful shooting star streaked across the sky.

Apart from lucid dreams, that was one of the few times I’ve ever had an unplanned clairaudient experience, and one of only two times in which the voice seemed to be coming from an external source. Let me make this clear: Healthy clairaudience is not the same thing as the kinds of uncontrolled hallucinations that plague people with schizophrenia. (Some psychics do feel that there is some overlap between this kind of mental illness and being clairaudiently susceptible to interference from lower-vibration entities, but as I, luckily, have no experience of such disturbing phenomena, I cannot say for sure.) While this isn't always the case, the most common form of clairaudience feels almost exactly the same as thinking verbally, in your head. You will hear your own voice articulating a word or a sentence that can be verified as objectively true, or meaningful in some other way. However, instead of actively formulating a thought, you are passively allowing the thought to come to you. If you are practicing your psychic skills with a solid foundation of well-grounded discipline, you should be able to switch it on and off at will through consciously tuning in and out. Everyone can do this with practice.

My clairaudience picked up in a more structured way quite recently, and has, for now, become my strongest, most reliable clair-sense. I realized that I had been activated in this way one evening when I was attending a psychic development circle, fairly early on in my studies of evidential mediumship. We were sitting in meditation, seeing if we could pass on any messages to the people who were present. A gifted woman sitting across from me in the circle had communicated a message, from a male presence, to a man sitting next to me. The man suspected that the spirit coming through was his neighbor from a previous home, but wasn’t quite convinced. “He says you own some plaid shirts you inherited from him,” she said. Yes, this was correct. As this conversation was happening, within my meditative state, my thoughts suddenly formed the name “Katie,” and then, what I thought was “Karate-Katie.” Then, I saw a woman with her hair in a brown bob, wearing the uniform of a flight attendant. My inner eye wandered through the plane in which she worked, like she was giving me a tour. I felt the energy of a person who was very playful and fun to be around. “Is there a Katie?” I asked. “Because I’m seeing a woman with a brown bob, named Katie, possibly nicknamed Karate-Katie, with a playful personality, who works as a flight attendant.” The man sitting next to me perked up. “Wait, is she alive or dead?” “I don’t know, but since she’s coming through, it would make sense that she would be dead, no?” “I’m asking because that’s my neighbor’s wife. But her name is Kristie, not Katie, and she’s still alive.” I had picked up on additional information the neighbor in question had been sending through to identify himself.

At the time this happened, I felt somewhat frustrated that what could have been such specific evidence had gotten garbled in transit. I had had experiences before, in lucid dreams, in which I had precognitively heard snippets of the names of people I would encounter for the first time the following day, along with claircognizant impressions pertaining to them. (An example of this was knowing that a taxi driver whose cab I would ride in had the name of a Roman emperor ending in -“ius.” It turned out to be Julius.) I wanted to get full names! I wanted hard proof! My instructor told me to relax. Why get frustrated with this one little glitch, when I had also been able to bring forth an occupation, a personality and an appearance? I still wanted to do better.

Sometime later, I was experiencing a psychic growth spurt after having figured out how to do clairaudient dictation (which I’ve written about at length in a previous post.) One day, while on my lunch break from working on a film set, I was sitting in a quiet corner, practicing my writing. My thoughts drifted back to the seance in which I had brought through Kristie’s garbled name. I thought to myself: “Next time, I’ll just ask outright: Can I get a name?” Now, I didn’t mean to actually ask the question at that moment, but immediately, my thoughts responded clairaudiently, as if answering it: “Alvarez.” Taken aback, I tuned back into my inner voice. I guessed my guides were still on the line. “OK. Alvarez who?” I asked. “Lou. Pilot.” I wrote it all down. It all seemed to come so out of the blue. How could I know if it had anything to do with an actual person?

Since I had no other way of verifying anything, still on my lunch break, I decided to google the information that had come through. I discovered that there existed a man by the name of Luis Alvarez, who had won the Nobel prize in physics. He had been an avid pilot, and among many other things, had developed breakthrough innovations in aircraft navigation. (Again with the airplanes!) He had also made use of cosmic rays to search for hidden chambers in an Egyptian pyramid, and was famous for his theory about an asteroid collision leading to the extinction of dinosaurs. This guy was certainly extraordinary, but, I thought to myself, all this could certainly be chalked up to confirmation bias. There was no way to know for sure. It might just be a coincidence.

I turned my thoughts back to the mediumistic process and clairaudience. Somewhat randomly, I thought to myself: “I wonder if answers ever come in the form of questions?” Again, the answer, unsolicitedly, instantly formed itself in my head: “How are we doing?” I smiled to myself. My guides seemed to be having fun treating my inner monologue as dialogue.

Thirty minutes later, my lunch break had ended, and my foreman walked up to me with a new prop he was preparing for a scene. We were working on a period piece set in 80s New York City, and the prop was an old newspaper with a picture of Mayor Ed Koch on the front page. My foreman said: “What’s that thing this guy was so famous for saying all the time? How am I doing? Yeah, that’s it!” He shifted his voice into a throaty imitation of the politician: “How am I doing? How am I doing? How am I doing?” he repeated. I had to take a moment to stop my jaw from dropping on the floor.

Since these experiences, my track record with bringing through complete names on a first try has gotten better. When they do come across garbled, it’s usually the middle letters that are swapped out, or the pronunciations that are slightly off. (”Tom” can sound like “Tim,” and “Marie” can sound like “Mary.”) The whole process is fascinating to me. As I’ve written before, learning to tune in clairaudiently is like learning to tune a radio to a specific frequency and tune out the interference. When what we hear is getting slightly broken up or scrambled, it is good to be able to back it up with other psychic impressions that are claircognizant, clairvoyant, clairsentient, etc.. But the key thing I have learned is to be patient with my development and appreciate every bit of information that comes through. Every little step of progress adds up in the long term.

Have you ever had a precognitive or clairaudient experience that seemed irrefutable? Did it change the way you thought about intuition, and the precision of the information we have the ability to bring through?

[optomstudies]

Hey, so usually I'm very early and prepared for exams but this time for my Christmas exams, I've left EVERYTHING until 5 days before the exams! There's too much to memorise in such a short amount of time! And I have a busy schedule so I can't do revision 24/7! Any tips? 

Pssst! The best tip for cramming is actually to not cram!! 🙃 But if you have to, here are some tips that actually work! 💲💲

Throw out all distractions, and palm off as many commitments as possible to others.

You’re a student at the end of the day. That’s your job, so do it properly. Before you are a retail worker, a movie buddy, a chauffeur for your siblings, or a studyblr blog manager, you are a student. 

You don’t have a lot of time left, so give your phone to your parents or someone you trust to keep it away from you. Add StayFocusd to Chrome and turn on the nuclear option so that you only use the internet for study purposes. Get your friends/siblings or parents to do chores for you and make it up to them after the exams. 

Know what’s likely to be tested.

This is much more important than anything else. There are going to be important concepts that you learn that are not going to be tested. No point studying for something that won’t be asked about. Pro tip: think about the homework exercises that you got and what they tested. 

Just as a general rule, the most basic things such as definitions (skim read these), as well as the most complex cases, will not comprise the majority of the test. For complex cases, you can’t just skim read them, but you should get an idea of the skills/processes that you need to solve them. 

For example, when learning about different diseases, the point is to make you a practitioner which can deal with the most dangerous (life-threatening, sight-threatening no matter how rare), most common (>1% prevalence) and uncommon (0.1-1%) diseases, which will comprise the majority of the points. The rare conditions (<0.1%) will either be right near the end of the test or be bonus point questions. The other thing is that if even if they do ask about rare conditions, it’s going to be a distinguishing sign, or it is related to a more common condition. And the question they most likely ask is “what further tests would you do to aid diagnosis?” which relates to basic concepts of disease diagnosis. 

Also, just keep in mind that there are university exams which literally ask you minutae in the multiple choice questions. For example disease exams have asked things like “What percentage of people with diabetes mellitus have diabetic retinopathy?” and have four really similar options for percentages. You just have to had studied that, and odds are you won’t be able to remember a hundred different stats prior to your exam if you’re cramming (just don’t cram, you literally can’t cram for uni exams). 

Divide your time appropriately (not necessarily equally) between understanding the course content and doing practice exercises/ examination style questions.

If you just launch into doing practice questions without having some sort of knowledge, you’ll get stuck on a lot of questions, get the questions wrong, and need to refer back to your textbooks and do a lot of searching and flipping through pages, which wastes your time.

So start off by going through the concepts first so that you know enough not to constantly look back. You should try to allocate as much time as possible actually answering questions though, because there’s no better way to prepare for an exam than to do exam-style questions. 

Step-by-step: Count the number of chapters/lectures you need to cover, and divide it equally amongst about 40% of the time that you have left, so that you know how long to spend revising each lecture. 

Focus on one exam at a time, and study the hardest concepts which require a lot of reasoning and understanding in the morning. 

Studying in the morning allows you to be at your freshest and most switched on. If you’re strapped for time, focus on being able to explain things. Explain it to your parents, siblings, or gudetama plushie. Explaining is an exercise in summarising which tests your ability to understand causative elements and how they relate to different consequences. 

Ask questions to yourself whilst studying. 

This tests your knowledge, and is a good way for you to check what you know and what you don’t know. When you’re cramming, you likely don’t have someone to help you at such short notice, so you need to be that person for yourself. Plus, it primes you to think like an examiner/exam paper - you’ll start realising what’s likely to be tested, which helps you narrow down what to study, and it helps you for the next part: practice questions. 

For example: geometry - to give a simple example, yes, you need to know what an angle bisector is, but are they likely in the exam to ask you to “Write the definition of an angle bisector.”? No. They’re going to get you to actually get your tools and bisect one. 90% of the time, you don’t need to know a definition in maths - it’s only the foundation knowledge so that you can answer actual questions. 

For example: medical/health science. Yes, you need to know differentials for diseases, but are they going to ask you to “List the differentials for ___”? No, that’s too simple, they’re obviously going to get you to eliminate a differential by considering the similarities and differences in signs and symptoms. So it’s much better to spend your time learning which conditions have similarities and what the distinguishing signs are e.g. Fuch’s Uveitis has stellate KP that is scattered all around the corneal endothelium - all other forms of uveitis pretty much have the KP scattered in Arlt’s triangle because of the convection currents in the anterior chamber. 

Chunk information together. 

This is a much more effective way of summarising all the information you need to study. Think of your memory as a mind map or a expandable list or like a set of folders in My Documents. You should try and sort things into topics and sub-topics that you can simply expand by just thinking of the title of that sub-topic. 

Step-by-Step: Cover up the information you’ve written under the sub-topics, and then try to recall it all just by looking at the title (acts as a trigger word). 

Topic/Chapter/Lecture 1

“Sub-Topic 1″ #Try and recall all the info below by reading this#

#cover up this information#

#cover up this information#

#cover up this information#

“Sub-Topic 2″

“Sub-Topic 3″

Not only does this 1) actually test your knowledge through a smaller form of the blank paper method (previously written about here) but it also 2) allows you to chunk and remember massive amounts of information just by seeing the trigger word (the title of the topic). 

It helps to make a mental note of how many points were written for each section.

Tie everything together with a mnemonic. 

Of course, the issue now is that if you don’t have the trigger word then you won’t remember that chunk of information - so you need to counter that by using a mnemonic to remember the top level of topics and link everything together in your mind. 

Using this method is what I’ve always done to remember large chunks of information. That way, when key words turn up in the question, you will be able to remember all the information under that category and hence answer the question flawlessly. 

Practice by doing one exercise for each type of question. 

Particularly useful for studying for maths/science. You just need to know how to solve one question in the set to know how to solve the rest. Pick the hardest question at the end of the question set because it will involve the most skills to complete. 

Study in a different order. Study your concepts in reverse. 

Make sure you change things up, because you don’t want your brain to only be able to answer a question if all the topics lead on to the next. The questions in the exam are going to be covering all your topics in all different orders. Jump from Chapter 3 to Chapter 5 to Chapter 2, and do the same for the sub-topics. 

Secondly, study concepts in reverse because this is how exams test who really knows their stuff. For example: instead of learning that Disease A has Symptoms 1, 2, and 3, force your brain to think “What Disease has Symptoms 1, 2, and 3?” - because this is exactly the type of question that comes up in exams. 

Drink water, take breaks, sleep. 

Still needs to be done to maximise your productivity. Not taking breaks will make you less efficient and less effective. You also said that you have other commitments so try to get that stuff done in the short breaks between your study sessions so that you can be productive. Take a 5-10 minute break every hour and get out of your seat and stretch. Sleep is essential for our brains to consolidate information and retain information. 

Best of luck!!

MY STUDY TIPS

My study tips directory (web only) for the full list (over 80+ original posts/guides!)

NOVEMBER STUDY TIPS

29/11 How to Be Fluent in Languages Masterpost 3 👂 27/11 How to Be Fluent in Languages Masterpost 2 📰 26/11 Thinking about Stress 1 and 2 23/11 Motivation to Make You Study! 🏃 22/11 How to Be Fluent in Languages Masterpost 1 🙊 20/11 Advice: Art School vs. College 🎨 19/11 Exam Study Tips 💯 15/11 Digital Organisation System 💻 14/11 Library Adventures! 📚 11/11 Budgeting for Students 🏦 10/11 How to Deal with Leeches 🐛 08/11 Extra-Curriculars Tips 🤹 07/11 More Handwriting Tips ✍️ 07/11 APUSH Masterpost 🤠 06/11 Memorising Tips 💭 06/11 How Your ATAR is Calculated Infographic 💯 04/11 Reading a Scientific Journal Article 📜 02/11 Tips: Tackling Assignments while Sick 🤒

UNIVERSITY STUDY TIPS SERIES

Part 0 Choosing a Degree - what’s right for you? popular!!

> Things to Consider Before Switching Degrees!

> Changing Degrees

Part 1 Administration - choosing majors, available services, choosing class times etc.

Part 2 Getting to Class - pros and cons of attending class, when you should choose not to attend, advice about choosing a backpack and other essential equipment.

> Laptop Considerations and Recommendations

Part 3 Studying - differences between high school and uni, basic tips on how to keep on track, class types like lectures, tutorials, etc.

Part 4 Extra-Curriculars - what clubs to join, what to do outside class, and other great things to discover around campus.

Part 5 Exams - everything to know about examiners, how to prepare, what happens during the whole examination process.

Part 6 Social Life - differences between high school and university, some hard learnt lessons, etc.

Part 7 Part Time Work

Part 8 Four Secrets The Uni Tells You

Part 9 Best Study Spots On Campus

Part 10 Saving Money 1 - Food, Transport, Entertainment

Part 10 Saving Money 2 - Textbooks, Tax, Scholarships

Part 11 Adapting to Uni Study - 3 big differences from studying in high school popular!!

Part 12 How to Study From Textbooks in Uni

Dealing with Lazy Group Members - five options for what to do and how to do it! popular!!

OTHER POPULAR POSTS

Weekly Planner Printable with Extra Space for Sat/Sun  popular!!

Overcoming the Planning Fallacy

Study Spaces Masterpost

Studying and your Visual System

Catching Up with Your Studies  popular!!

Sleeping and Waking Up Early  popular!!

My 2017 Planner and Bullet Journal  popular!!

[conspiratortrue]

But what even is the truth anymore? Who is at fault? Who should be glorified? They haven’t told a lot of the truth to date. And they’ve definitely established that they can’t be trusted. We know we can’t trust politicians. You can name one you like, but you can’t name one you have absolute faith in. I challenge you to name one you’d trust to keep your kids for a weekend. So who are we gonna trust to tell the truth in history? The media? Okay let’s chase that rabbit trail. Which media? CNN? FOX? Washington post? Washington times? We can’t even trust our media to keep their noses out of politics. So it’s up to us then. The people. We must tell our own history right? So what is our history? Do you know? The average American knows nothing about current event. They call this the Information Age. It’s not. It’s not the Information Age because we choose not to access that information. We trust this polarized media engine to give us the information when we have direct access to every government bill in existence. Except some of those bills run in excess of 1,500 pages. Not to mention the fact that most of them are written at above a college reading level. It’s estimated that even if every American took the time to read these bills, over 70% (possibly we’ll over 80% according to some studies) of people would have absolutely no comprehension of what they’re reading anyway. Whose failure is that? The education system? Each man should be capable of understanding his rights. Or is it the lawmakers who write it? Again each man has a right to understand what exactly his rights are. Personal opinion. Our government, and every government, is a shambles. We all know it. They like to lend the impression that they’re in control of every situation. When in reality they’re too busy arguing over exhaust on airplanes to pass a bill on unemployment. Fact. They’ve been “working on” racial issues for decades. Except some of the ones yelling the loudest, are the same ones with the power to fix it, but they can’t make time for that. Won’t make time for that. It doesn’t matter what your political affiliation is. It doesn’t change the fact that Epstein had an island. It doesn’t change watergate, it doesn’t change their hidden ten year investigation into ufos. It doesn’t change their research into the power of the human mind. It doesn’t change anything. Why must we feel as if we have to choose the lesser of two evils, all the time when it comes to politics? “Well I don’t like Hillary but she’s sure better than Trump, just ask him for his taxes...” “Well I don’t like Trump, but just ask Hillary about where her emails went...”

If you had the opportunity to vote. On the mass murder of a group of random people, or, mandatory abortions for the next ten years, there is nobody so far right they’d vote for the prior. And there’s nobody so far left they’d vote for the latter. So why does it work on the micro? Why when we’re talking about Benghazi, or building walls, why does it matter then. I don’t care whether or not you like Trump. I don’t care whether or not you like Biden, or Bernie, or George Bush, or Ronald Reagan. Modern politics serve only to divide. It’s time we rise up as Americans and take our country back as a free state. It doesn’t have to be a revolution. We don’t have to change the setup. We just have to fill in the write-in blank with somebody we can agree on. But will I be heard? No. Will this be at all relevant? No. But God if it was. Wouldn’t that be something else?

Well I’ve gone on long enough. I’ll probably delete this later anyway. But just give it a thought.

[sunscreenstudies]

Hey! Congratulations, you did really well in your LC! I was wondering, do you have any tips for people who are going into 6th year? Also, how did you study for Geography? It's so difficult to learn off lists of information 😰

Thank you so much!! :D

And believe me when I say that you already have most of the work done in 5th year! 5th year was wayyy more stressful than 6th year because by April you honestly are just so done with this whole Leaving Cert thing you don’t even care anymore! The *best* study tips that I can give you for going into 6th year, however are:

Take rough notes in school and then rewrite them over the weekend, making them pretty and colourful and breaking all the information down into small bullet points, because lets face it, teachers give wayyy more info that what’s necessary, and by rewriting it, not only can you cut things out, it also helps you remember the topic better, and when your notes are cute and pretty looking, you’ll actually want to study from them!

Download or print out the syllabus for each subject and only write notes for those topics! I found that in a lot of subjects, especially theory heavy ones like biology, the teacher gave way too much information than what was required, and you can still can full marks by cutting out those unnecessary points!

I used a colour-scheme for highlighting which actually helped a lot! For example, I used yellow for headings and subheadings, orange for definitions, blue for people’s names, green for examples, purple for quotes and pink for dates. This way, when you’re revising or doing your homework and you’re looking for a particular definition or an example, you can immediately find the colour highlighter and the information that you’re looking for!

This website : https://www.examinations.ie/exammaterialarchive/  should be your best friend! I know you’re probably sick of hearing this, but doing exam papers and checking the marking scheme afterwards really does help! That way you can learn exactly what you need to get full marks

Subject wise:

When it comes to studying maths, especially for higher level, just reading your notes and doing the same example questions over and over again won’t cut it. I did this throughout my 5th year, and ended up doing great on class tests before almost failing my summer exam. Teachers usually use the examples they gave you in class tests, and I ended up memorising these examples instead of actually learning the methods! So once again, exam papers are your friend.

For English, even though there is an awful lot to learn, you just need to remember key words, and you’ll sail through. In the comparative, for example, you need to compare your texts in every. single. paragraph. You could write a fantastic essay, but if you don’t say “In comparison to this…” “Text 2 however differs from this…” “Similarly…” “The two texts are different in the sense that…” etc. you will get veryyy low marks. In the same way, when answering your poetry question, you need to keep referring to the style of the poet. Every past poetry question can be broken down into two simple questions: What did the poet write about? and how did they say it? If you can answer both these questions on every poem you learn, you’ll do brilliantly! Also, don’t bother learning any more than 5 poems from each poet, and don’t learn more than 5 poets to begin with. By doing this and learning 25 poems in total, you’re covering yourself completely!

Languages are more tricky to study for, but what helped condense the information you need to learn for me, was treating the oral and the written paper as the same exam. For example, if I learned off a paragraph about my family for the oral, then I would learn that paragraph again for the written paper, instead of learning a new paragraph or adding sentences. This way, when you’re studying for the written exam, you won’t have to learn off new paragraphs, because you’ll still remember some of what you learned for the oral! Aural tests are the worsttt and very difficult to study for, so your best bet is to just learn off the most common place names that come up, numbers and dates, and (for German at least) types of weather. Be sure to read the syllabus for the aural exam because in some cases, if you just guess and write down what you *think* the tape might have said, they’ll give you half marks!

Biology is all about the diagrams! That’s what got me through that huge ream of information. If you learn off the diagram, then you already have a rough idea of what’s going on. Learnt the diagrams as if you’re trying to teach it to someone else, and honestly, this makes it so much easier to learn! It especially helps with similar topics such as respiration and photosynthesis, the carbon cycle and the nitrogen cycle, etc. and really helps you to distinguish one from one another. Then, in the exam, you can just draw a quick sketch in pencil at the top of your page, and refer to it every time you get confused or stuck when explaining something.

Geography did have a lot of information to learn off and is marked rather harshly. However if you go through past exam papers you will find certain topics that come up every single year eg. Fluvial processes. For me, I studied those guaranteed topics (or mostly-guaranteed topics) really well, and then had a rough overview of the rest of the book. Also, in every answer make sure that you give an example and for the love of god, learn your damn exam diagrams!!! They are literally the best thing ever because if you need 15 points in an answer, then a diagram can count for up to 3 of those!! And even if you’re certain that you have written enough points, put one down anyway because you never know how mean your examiner might be! With that note, for every 2 marks a question is worth, you need 1 SRP (significant relevant point), a sentence that contains a solid fact or example. Eg. For a 30 mark question, you need to give 15 SRP’s, for a 20 mark you need 10SRP’s, etc. etc. Also, learn the theory and the case studies as one answer! So instead of writing down that an earthquake happened in Japan on March 11, 2011 and it was magnitude 8, write down how earthquakes occur and what magnitude means and that for every 1 jump you make on the Richter scale the earthquake becomes 10 times as powerful. You need to pretend that the examiner is stupid and has no idea what earthquakes or volcanoes or tertiary activities are, and that way, you are maxmising your SRP’s. Answer every question as if you’re explaining the topic to a 3-year-old! Your short questions, individual long questions, elective, and option answers are all worth the same exact 80 marks. So do not disregard the short questions because they’re worth the same 16.66% as every other question you answer. Also, if your option is Geology like mine was, then your fucking sorted man! Every single year has at least one questions on biomes, whether it’s the human activity or the characteristics so just learn that and you’re sorted! No joke, there were 10 people in my Leaving Cert Geography class and not a single one of us knew anything about soil or soil processes or characteristics. We all just learnt our biome, and that was it!

6th year is scary and stressful and at times you will want to just bury yourself in your bed and cry, but you will get through this! Just calm down, breathe, take a moment, and remember that even your worst days can only ever last 24 hours. Millions and millions and millions of people have survived the LC and you will too! And this time, next year, you will be collecting your official certificate from your school and wondering just what the hell the fuss was all about!

I hope that these tips/pieces of advice helped, and if you have any other questions please please please feel free to ask me because I really could have done with an Irish studyblr back when I was in your position!

And always always always always alwaysssss remember, that you are more important than your grades! It doesn’t matter if you’re aiming for 10 points or the full 625, your health and your well being and your happiness is so so so much more important that what you get at the end of the day! Do not let your good grades be at the expense of your mental or physical health because while the Leaving Cert is such a huge deal to you right now, in 5 years time, it won’t matter anymore. So please please pleaseee take care of yourself and always put yourself first! 😘

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Susanne - Success Story - Heal Endometriosis Naturally With Wendy K Laidlaw

Listen to Wendy talk with Susanne from Sweden about her successful journey on Heal Endometriosis Naturally, 12 Week Online Foundation Membership Program with Wendy K Laidlaw.

Discover more about how this may help you and download your FREE Top 5 Jump Start Tips at Https://HealEndometriosisNaturally.com

  Read full transcript below:

Wendy: Good afternoon. My name is Wendy K Laidlaw from Heal Endometriosis Naturally.com. I'd like to thank Susanne for being with me today. She's agreed to be interviewed about her experience with Heal Endometriosis Naturally book (Heal Endometriosis Naturally Without Painkillers, Drugs or Surgery, and the online 12 Week Foundation Program. 

Welcome, Susanne. Susanne: Thank you very much. Wendy: Great to have you here. You look lovely and healthy today all the way in Sweden there. And so yes, thank you so much for agreeing to be interviewed. It's always such a joy to have a chat with women who have obviously experienced the book and experiences of the program. And I just wonder -- this is where I can ask you some questions about your experience. So maybe you could just tell people a little bit about your background, just how you first heard about me, about the book and then a bit more about the 12-week foundation program. Susanne: Okay. It's so much so -- it's difficult to know where to start, but my background is that 14 years ago I had the first flare of endometriosis and actually I was lucky enough to get diagnosed quite soon. I only had it for a couple of months before I got my diagnosis and that was through [stutters] Wendy: Laparoscopy? Susanne: That's right. Susanne: Then they took away three cysts. That's what they could see and after that they wanted to put me on a medicine to get me into the menopause. And I did some reading about it and I was working with health, actually, some alternative therapies, and the side effects of the drug they wanted to give me -- I can't remember its name -- but it was horrible, I thought, and back then there was not so much information on the internet but there were a few, what do you call it -- not blogs but...losing the name. It was a group of people having endometriosis. They were connected and you could only see the bad things, how horrific everything was. When they got this medication they got better from the endometriosis but they got a horrific side effects so they couldn't go to work anyway. And I thought that's not my way. I'm not gonna do it that way and so I went to a couple of different alternative therapists and they led me into thinking about if it had something to do with my stomach. And I usually had a bloated stomach. 

I was sensitive for different kind of foods. I knew that, and when I asked the doctors to see if there was a connection between my intestines, the flora in my intestines with bacterias and the endometriosis. They said, "That costs too much money. We can't do that. You need to get me scientific studies that there is a connection before we can do that kind of research on you." And then I thought, well, I need to do this my own way, and through hair analysis I got to know that I had too much manganese in my body. It was actually 80 times as much as you're supposed to have and we found that I was from our water. There's a filter but it needed to be adjusted to get the manganese, so a nutritionist helped me with detoxing my body. I was practicing yoga to be able to stand the pain. And that actually helped me get well, so now after having got more and more knowledge about estrogen dominance and everything around, I think that it was not just the water that was the problem but the way I treated my body helped me out of the condition. So I've had 13 very good years after that. I've had two kids. I did have three miscarriages in between the kids, but two healthy kids and I thought that endometriosis, although the doctor says that it's a chronic disease, I thought that that's not in my life anymore. I was so worried that my daughter might get it so I started to do some reading last autumn so that I could have more lot knowledge about it. And the scary part is that my endometriosis actually flared up again after not having felt those specific feelings of pain that endometriosis gives me. And so I thought well, I've been well once. I just need to do the same things again and I will get better again. But it didn't come back quickly and I was a bit stressed I thought what what is wrong and I didn't know what triggered the endometriosis this time. And so I was searching the internet and I found your page and your really nice offer to get the book for free so I sent for it. I started reading it and this time I was worrying that I might not get rid of the endometriosis if I don't go in and do a surgery to take away the cysts. But when I read about serrapeptase and your experience with that, I thought great, that gives me hope again. And last time I went on a very strict diet. I didn't have any flour, not wheat, not any grains at all and this time when I read more about your experiences with wheat and gluten it was actually easier than last time. So I went back to a quite strict diet. And what else did I do? Well yes, I started to do some journaling just from reading your book. Not at all the three pages as you encouraged us to do now, but I started to write pain scores and what my activities were and what the outcome was and then I thought now it would be really nice to get a support, to get help to work it through, so that's why I entered the 12-week foundation program. Wendy: Yes, that was fantastic that you reached out. So when you applied for the Foundation Program I think you said that you were just trying to pick up from where you'd left off the last time. You had tried to manage it through diet and serrapeptase. So what in particular, when you're saying you wanted support, what did you feel that you needed support in? Because obviously you've been very successful before. You felt something had changed this time and you weren't able to identify the trigger, what had caused it to flare up, but what in particular made you sort of reach out for support through the foundation program? Susanne: Well, I knew that there was something that I missed, so I needed to have a detective to help me go through everything. I had -- when my new flare up--  it was in September 2017. And it was at worst in December, January, February. I was bedridden for eight days after my period and with pain scores from two to six so it wasn't as bad as 14 years ago. I was bedridden for two years - no, two weeks every month and the pain scores up to ten sometimes and that was such a depressing time. I had a really difficult time before I made it all turn. And I knew I don't want to go there this time. And when I started the program I was down at pain score from zero to two so I was quite good but I wasn't satisfied. I knew that life can be better. I do want to be able to plan what to do because that is so sad, not being able to plan anything, not being able to promise the kids to go there, to take them there, to be with them because you might need to stay on the sofa all day. 

So I thought, well, I need I need the support, a detective to know what is causing it this time. And I am really happy that I did join because during this time, during the 12 weeks, I was still making progress. In the beginning of the program it was more repetition what I had done before, and of course you have written it all in the book but you always get new things. You see things from a different perspective and it was very good and I felt better and stronger. But I think it was four weeks into the program and that my mother got very ill and we needed to go in and out to the emergency with her and it was very stressful and not being able to help her. She wasn't in a state that she she could take in what we are we were telling her. And that situation would probably have caused me to go backwards into the more difficult stage of the endometriosis because of all the stress and because you don't -- well, I shouldn't say you don't but I knew I know myself and if somebody needs my help I go there and help them and I skip the things that are important for me. For this stage I needed to to do certain things for myself and you helped me stay there to do the basic things and to actually coach me through this difficult time with my mother, and that's something that I never would have expected. I'm sorry. I get a bit emotional now. It was so good having you, to talk to you, and to support me in the Program well, I needed to take some some more digestive enzymes in that period and that's something that I wouldn't have been thinking about myself so it was great and actually now my mother is much better and her situation has stabilised and I think that the most things about her illness and your Program and support has helped me. It was actually very good timing. It has helped me to get more in contact with my emotions and to get much deeper into the relationship with my old family. Wendy: And I know that was very important to you because it was such a shame that you just started the (Foundation) Program and then this had happened. But equally, it was great that you were open to do the support, I keep I referring to it as the ‘oxygen mask’ scenario, where if you don't put on your own oxygen mask and don't look after yourself then you can't help other people. You then become very very ill. But a lot of women with Endometriosis are fantastic caregivers, very sensitive and perceptive, and aware of other people, and whilst that is a lovely quality, sometimes -- I know I was guilty of it too -- of doing it too excesses, where I had nothing left to give but I kept giving out to other people. 

And I think that certainly one aspect of the (Foundation) Program is remembering you have to look after yourself so you can help other people. And with your mother being so ill, and you're right, normally in these situations then you forget to eat and you forget to look after yourself and it's just remember to keep the basics. And full credit to you. You kept turning up on our calls and you kept turning to the group calls and you you kept going. Because I do believe that life throws you obstacles in the way. 

Sometimes on this new journey when you're trying to heal yourself and it can be very, very frustrating. So what about the emotional element you talked about; developing your relationship with your emotions? And I know and I'll share this for people who are listening -- you found it quite difficult to cry before, didn't you? You were saying that to show your emotions in that way felt, felt challenging for you and now you feel a bit more comfortable with yourself, to show your emotions. So thank you for being so vulnerable on this interview with us. But maybe you want to share a bit more about your relationship with your emotions now? Susanne: It's not easy to say words on it, but the journaling has helped me a lot to sort out my feelings and to structure my feelings and to to prioritize what to do next because in that situation where we were it's such a chaos. And nothing really works as usually. All the routines disappear> And the journaling and doing it in the morning, it was so good. And I know that you say in the beginning of the program that most people think that that's the most difficult thing to do. I thought it was difficult as well even though I started before, but then it was just some tiny notes. And after a while I did it in the evening you told me the importance of doing it in the morning. 

I started doing it in the morning after my yoga session, which is something that I wouldn't let go now. It helps me so much. But now I actually do it before my yoga. I do it right after waking up and I have -- I'm surprised that I do remember so many dreams. I think that it's almost impossible that I have dreamt as much as I do now earlier. But probably and I know now that if I do something else before my journaling, if I go around do things for 10 minutes, the dreams disappear. I don't remember them anymore. But right after you wake up they're still in your head and it's very interesting to -- most of them are strange. They don't make sense at all, but now I've been going back look through my journaling and I see that it's almost scary because I saw things in my dreams have actually developed to be true. To be honest, it doesn't make sense when you write this but after a while and you see that, wow, I could see that coming. And many science I I've been thinking about "Am I doing this right?" the journaling, but you said that there is no right and wrong. Just try not to be judgmental and I've had that in my mind. And, well, many of my emotions, they have as soon as I get the courage to write them down, they are not scary anymore. As soon as I write them I can work through them, see if there is something I need to do, somebody I need to contact, next step with somebody in a relationship, or if it's somebody something I just can let go. And quite often it is it is something that I don't need to carry around. I can just let it go and it gives me a sense of being much stronger, wiser, calmer, and by that it's been easier to talk to friends and relatives about emotions. When we talk it's not just about daily things. We tend to talk about more emotional things and and sometimes I cry. Sometimes my friend cries. Sometimes we both cry, but it's just nice. It's not any hysterical crying, just transforming feelings that are released and it feels so good. Wendy: Weah that's fantastic. And I should share that obviously, as you mentioned, the journaling is one part of the three daily basics or the foundation program and there are other layers of changes that we we make throughout the program, but the journaling was a challenge for you at the beginning and it is a challenge for everybody because normally when you've got endometriosis and your chronic pain and you're literally just getting through your life, just taking the time to journaling feels counterintuitive. But what the purpose is, and I'm glad to hear it's the same for you, is that you're getting in touch with your emotions. They're not big and they're not scary and you're learning to make the connection between what is happening in your emotions and how that manifests or how that resides in your body. And how would you say the program, the 12 week foundation program has helped you with regards to the relationship with your body? Susanne: I don't know. That was a difficult question. Wendy: Do you think through the journaling and through the education and the webinars that you maybe feel a bit more confident about your body? If there are any signs and symptoms in any aspect, you know have a better relationship with your body? Would you feel as well as your emotions? Susanne: Well, as I -- bodies are very much in my interest. I trust bodies to heal themselves. I've always had that in mind but it's always more difficult when it happens to yourself and you don't see the whole picture. It's easier to just stay in one corner and it's very easy to become a victim. And it's also difficult when it's a close friend or relative that is sick or ill or hurt in any way. It's so much easier to see what other people could do to get better. But, well, as I said, I've always had that with me since I was a kid, that the body is amazing at healing itself and now it was so good to have you as a as a coach to help me with this wider perspective to have a look at my body. Wendy: I think it was the multimodal approach to the program that was very important to me because I was unaware of how your emotions would affect your hormones and how symptoms and signs in your body could be different -- types of signs and symptoms that we're giving out different messages. Different emotions we're giving different messages in relation to the body, and I think that's what I hear from you and I hear a lot of the women in the program, is they develop this confidence, not only within their own instincts, their own emotions. They're more comfortable with their emotions, recognizing their emotions are messengers, they're telling them things, and then also been able to tune in to their body in a slightly different way than they've done before because the body before was invariably screaming out to them in pain when something was wrong but any pain and any symptoms are signs and messengers that there's something there that needs attention, and that's as you said earlier in the beginning, that's where you and I work together as detectives to try and fine-tune different things. But I think what's been lovely in your particular experience of the foundation program is, as you said, you really understood the body is an amazing thing, which is probably going to be hard for some women to hear if they're writhing around in pain and bad with endometriosis. They may not feel that loving towards their body right now, but when they learn what's causing the pain, because there's always a cause -- it's cause and effect -- if they identify what the causes are and remove that, then as you said the body is an amazing thing and will heal itself. But what I've heard from you is that you really appreciate the emotional component, which is not something that tends to get talked about, and dealing with that and then becoming more comfortable with your emotions and things So if anyone was listening and considering joining the foundation program, what what would you be saying to them? What are the key aspects, apart from the journaling and the power shakes thing? What, for you, has been most significant or important aspect that you would take away from the foundation program? Susanne: Well, I was thinking about joining for a long time. As new and had this belief about the body, and I knew that I had been healing myself before I thought I can do this on my own again. But after a while I thought, no, I don't have time to do this and when you're in pain you're tired and I thought I got some kind of dizziness, so it was difficult to do a lot of reading and studying on my own. And in the beginning it felt a little bit like I was giving up by joining, but as soon as I had joined the program I thought, "Oh shit, why didn't I do this earlier?" because it's such a relief to have somebody to talk to you with the experience of healing endometriosis yourself. And, well, you were talking about the emotions. I had done everything I thought possible with the products and physical stuff, but I didn't have a clue about the emotions. I did I did a lot of relaxation training and mental training because I know that mental training has helped me very much before, both in sports situations and in in daily life. But this is another way of looking at the emotions and, well, one of the first things, actually -- I think it happened the first week -- was that you advised me to include my family. And I thought that I don't want to drag them down into this boring and -- well, I can't really find the words for it, but this black hole that endometriosis is for me. I did everything to provide for them,  to have a good time. I just put myself in a sofa and said, "Did you go out and do this?" and my husband and my kids they went out to see friends and do fun things while I was in the sofa. And I didn't really inform the kids about what was going on and the first week I realized that I'm so stupid. Of course, of course they want to know what's wrong with me and as I'm as soon as I did that that was the first relief, actually. And I get emotional again. But I've got a six year old and a 11 year old and this six year old, he was listening but he thought, "Oh, can we do something else now?" when I was trying to tell them about the disease what I was doing and that I was getting help through this foundation program. But anyway, after that little family session it was so much easier and that was the first stage of my emotional trip, actually, to let them in and to -- well, the idea I'm not carrying the burden all by yourself. It's not a sign of being strong, trying to fix everything yourself. I have learned that it's more courageous and you're stronger if you can ask for help and if you're willing to take help. Wendy: Yeah, and I think he done so brilliantly in that regard because I know that that was very difficult for you at the beginning. And again, that's very common with women with endometriosis. I knew I was the same. It felt like a sign of weakness to ask for help. I felt like a burden. I felt like a drain. I didn't feel very good about myself either when I was in a chronic stages of pain and lying on in bed. But I think when you have the support to be able to say and explain it does take more courage to share with your family -- this is the situation, this is what I need from you, and would you help support me through this program -- because I want to get myself -- well, I want to live my life again and sometimes, you know, it's even just getting support and the language and how to approach it, ow to do with them because sometimes you're just getting through the day dealing with the pain without trying to think about how you might communicate that. But I agree, it is definitely takes more courage to share you know what's going on. And that's why in the first week of the program I encourage you all to sit down with your families and let them watch the video of the laparoscopy. Suddenly they've got a whole new perspective on the laparoscopy operation and what's going on in your inside. And that's, again, just part of building your confidence, building up your voice and helping you share your emotions. So if anyone was considering joining the program, what would you say to them? What would be your your parting words to people if they're maybe struggling on their own at the moment? They're maybe following my book and maybe taking them longer than they'd like. What would you say about the foundation program? Susanne: Well, I would say don't hesitate. I really recommend. It's the best support to really get going because there are always things in your life that turns up. And then it's so easy to get your actions for endometriosis on hold and that's dangerous to do that. But the program is the best way to really keep fighting and the twelve weeks, they passed quite fast, and it's difficult to really see the difference all the time. And although I just did the basic things in the program for five weeks and then I had a lot to catch up, it was so interesting now in the end to look back in the journaling, see what I've done, how I felt and to reflect on how I have changed. And it's not only the pain score in the endometriosis that has decreased. There are so many more things that has happened and the things that I wrote at the beginning of the program, what I would do when I felt pain free, I've already started to do. I achieved them. Yeah, and by then I felt like a dream, a dream that might be impossible even though I did have this feeling about natural healing, that it would work. But it was still a dream that I didn't know if it would come true ever and now they have come true, many parts of it. And it's it feels like I'm the boss of my life now. And I think that one reason that my endometriosis flared up again was that I had lost contact with myself, both by caring more for the kids than for myself, and I had a job that was quite demanding, a lot of traveling, and I had a bad conscious of leaving the kids so much. So when I was home I just spent time with them and there was never time for me, for myself, and in this program you really need to look after yourself. What do I need? And get in touch with yourself. Now it feels so -- I can't find the word for it, but it's so natural. It's not strange at all. It's just as it's supposed to be and instead of just running around in circles doing what other people want me to do, now I'm the boss in my life. And I didn't think that would be an outcome or this program. I was just looking forward to a pain-free life. Now it feels like it that is a small thing. That is the greatest thing when you are in pain but now I even get more so that's something to look forward to if you're planning to join the program. Wendy: Fantastic. And I think that's it. I remember feeling had this great desire to get well when I was bedridden but didn't know how to do it so that's what I put everything that I learned into my book., by putting into the program. And people just have to plug in to the various steps that I've taken and learn from what I learned and not have to just struggle to find out these things themselves. And as you said, there's normally a number of different elements that we need to look at any one given time and it's hard to do that when you're on your own. And then obviously we do have the group Q&As every two weeks, as well. How do you find that coming together with other women that are going through the program? Susanne: That it's very good. You get a perspective and they take up things that I haven't thought about that turns out to be important for me as well. And it's very important not to feel alone and even though I've just listened to them during these group calls it feels like we're a team. We're fighting together and it's so great to hear that they're getting better as well. Wendy: I feel that that's really important. Women with endometriosis -- and I knew I felt exactly the same. I felt so alone, terribly alone, and I made a vow, I made it my mission that once I got well that I would write what worked for me and make sure that there was enough support in place for women so that they felt part of a group and a community that was not just talking about the pain or the symptoms or surgery but actually talking about getting well and healthy and and getting their life and their body back. Because they can be so designing when you got a flare-up or when you know you're bedridden again and you don't know why. But as you say, when you're going to the program yourself -- that's why it's 12 weeks because it does take time to start to see the changes with planting seeds along the way whilst removing and swapping out any offending products or people or foods or anything, depending on what's what's the issue for you -- but having a support and hearing other people, again, it just makes you feel you're part of something and not alone enough. That's a big thing> But thank you so much for taking the time out to chat me today. I would say if anyone is interested in getting more information on the foundation program, it is over a 12-week. It's an online membership program with 12 one-on-one appointments with me, group calls, handouts, downloads, Facebook group.

You get all the support that you need.

Please go to HealEndometriosisNaturallyCourse.com or go on to HealEndometriosisNaturally.com and you can click on details there on how to join up.

Equally, if anybody would like to get a free paperback copy of my book which lays out my story and a step-by-step guide of what worked for me then go on to Https://HealEndometriosisNaturallyBook.com and you can order your FREE copy there (I just ask you to pay the shipping and handling). Wendy: Susanne, thank you so much for taking the time out. I know there will be so many women to get so much encouragement and hope and from hearing your story. And full credit to you. You've had a lot of challenges thrown your way throughout the program, but you stuck with it, you kept going, you didn't give up and I'm so pleased that you've seen the benefits on the program that you have. Susanne: Thanks, and I want to encourage those with the Endometriosis that I'd never give up because it is true the body is going to heal itself if you give it the opportunity and it's so great to get the life back again. So go for it! Wendy: Well, thank you so very much, Susanne for sharing. Take care. We'll speak soon.

  Want to learn more;

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Check out this episode!

[myraelvira]

Baby Jessica

Baby Jessica

Growing up in the 90's and early 2000's, I remember at the beginning of every school year teachers would show us a video talking about a little girl that fell down the well and had been miraculously rescued. As an adult, I've thought about this case from time to time but didn't really know much about it. I just mainly remembered the moral of the story, to watch your kids and not leave them around things that could hurt them.

The person in this case is Jessica McClure Morales, born on March 26th, 1986, in Midland, Texas. She was born to Chip and Reba (Cissy) McClure, who are described as having been just 18 year old kids that were just starting out. According to one source, the couple got married when Cissy was only 16, and Chip 17.

The first 18 months of her life went by normally, until October 14th, 1987. Jessica was at her aunt Jamie Moore's house, which was also a daycare center. She was playing with four other children in the backyard while under the supervision of her mother Cissy. At some point, there was a phone call which Cissy went to answer and left the children unattended. Minutes later, the children were screaming and Cissy rushed outside to find her daughter gone. Not long after, she discovered that her daughter fell into the 8 inch diameter well, being trapped deep in the shaft. One source states that the dry well had been dug years earlier, and was covered with a flower pot.

There is very little information as to how Jessica fell down the well, even to this day. Many articles on the story merely state that she fell down the well, and focus more on the rescue efforts that took place.

According to her mother Cissy, there was a heavy rock that allegedly covered the well "to prevent just such an accident". She stated that, "I didn't know what to do. I just ran in and called the police. They were there within three minutes, but it felt like a lifetime.". Her father Chip stated that it was "a nightmare that got worse and worse.".

Baby Jessica was trapped in the well for the next 58 hours. The shaft was 22 feet below ground and 8 inches wide. Jessica was deep in the ground, beneath layers of rock cited to be harder than granite. The way that she fell ended up leaving her right leg sticking up higher than her arm.

The entire country was captivated by the situation as it was broadcast on news stations all over the US. The situation was covered live on CNN, which was the nations first 24 hour news network at the time. She was dubbed "everybody's baby" and plenty of donations were sent in to her family. The donations totaled hundreds of thousands of dollars, which were set aside in a trust fund for her to inherit at the age of 25.

The rescue team had to use a large rat hole rig, which is a machine that is normally used to plant telephone poles in the ground. The rescue team drilled a 30 inch wide, 29 foot deep hole parallel to the well. The process of saving her was extremely difficult, as they did not want to risk permanently injuring her or breaking her spine.

Initially it was thought that Jessica could be saved within a day, but the narrow well made things extremely complicated. When this became known, the federal government flew a mining expert to lead the mass amount of people to save her.

While passing the time, Jessica moaned, cried, and even sang songs. The rescuers would listen to her, even being able to tell her moods. When a jackhammer would start up, she would use a "huffy little voice", sounding angry. Though she cried for 80% of the time, rescuers would sometimes ask her to sing. One person stated that they would never forget her singing "Winnie the Pooh".

On October 16th, 1987, Jessica was safely lifted out of the well. She would undergo 15 surgeries in the coming years to treat all of the complications. To this day, she has rheumatoid arthritis (having been diagnosed right before the 10th grade), a scar on her forehead, and a missing toe on her right foot that had been stuck above her arms. While in the well, the position she fell in caused her to catch gangrene, and doctors initially thought that they would have had to amputate her right foot. One doctor believed that he could save her foot, and skin was grafted from her hip to her foot. Unfortunately, her pinky toe had to be amputated.

Scott Shaw, a young photographer at the time, won a a Pulitzer Prize for his shot of the moment of the rescue.

Without food or water for over 2 days, she was estimated to have been 10-15% dehydrated. Medical personnel decided not to provide her with food and water, fearing that it could do more harm than good in case she had any internal injuries. She could survive for three to four days without water, and a hose was lowered to provide fresh air. A duct would deliver warm air so she wouldn't suffer from hypothermia. She went from 21 pounds to 17.5.

She received a phone call from President Ronald Reagan, and met Vice President George Bush and his wife Barbara Bush, when they visited her in the hospital. The Bush's were former Midland residents themselves.

In 1989, a made for tv movie was created about the incident, featuring many of the real participants participants of the actual rescue and coverage as extras.

There was a parade held for the rescuers, and the lead crew found themselves on the Oprah Winfrey show.

Jessica did not initially know that she was the child who caught the media's attention in 1987. When she got older, she enjoyed watching the show 'Rescue 911', to which there was an episode of Baby Jessica. Jessica had been moved to tears about the story, and had asked her stepmother what the girl's name was. She was told that it was in fact her, who was Baby Jessica.

She states that she remembers very little, if anything at all of the situation. One source quotes her as having remembered when they got her out. Cissy has stated that Jessica only remembers what she had been told. The situation was never brought up at home when she was growing up, as her mother feared that it would essentially overcome Jessica's life, and she'd be forever surviving the incident. There do not seem to be any photographs of the house that the event happened in, and the dry well has since had a metal plate welded over it.

Jessica's life has since been ordinary. She graduated from high school in 2004, and got married in 2006. She has had 2 children, and now teaches in the same school district that she went to school at. On March 26th, 2011, she gained access to her trust fund which was reportedly to have been 1 million dollars at some point. Unfortunately, with the stock market crash in 2008, her trust fund went to around 300,000 dollars. One source states that it was worth 800,000 dollars. Despite this, she was still able to buy a house, and plans on saving the rest for her children.

According to one source, Jessica's husband Daniel had been convicted in 2002 of impersonating a federal marshal to steal money from drug dealers. After the incident, Jessica's parents divorced in 1990, citing irreconcilable differences.Cissy remarried and took on the last name Porter. There hasn't been any interaction between her and the media for decades. Jessica's father remarried and had more children after her. He created a facebook page that sometimes updates about anniversaries of the story. He relocated to the Tyler, Texas area and made a living selling aircrafts. Allegedly, one source states that the residents of the Midland area were surprised that her parents' marriage lasted so long. It also states that Cissy studied cosmetology part time at the Aladdin Beauty College, and Chip started his own tractor rental business, which had been a life long dream.

When the couple divorced, there was public backlash as it was revealed that her parents had spent 80,000 dollars of Jessica's trust fund money. Sources state the majority of the money was to start Chip's tractor service company, and the parents bought a house and two cars. Sources allude that Jessica's parents could not deal with the fame, the money, and general media attention that the scenario brought. One source states that there was a rumor that Cissy refused to wait in line at a Denny's, and announced "I'm Jessica's Mother". The couple was rumored to have bought a Mercedes and a Rolls Royce with the trust fund money donated, though in reality they bought a Thunderbird. Cissy is reported to have had nightmares after the incident. Sources state that she would still hear the drills, her daughter's cries, and would wake up in a cold sweat.

The man who famously brought Jessica out of the well, Robert O'Donnell, met with an untimely demise. Despite being prone to claustrophobia, he agreed to extricate Jessica, his physique was tall and wiry, which was very helpful. Initially, another man offered to go into the tunnel, because he had been born without a collarbone.

Robert was able to grab Jessica by her pant leg and inch her back to safety. He is quoted as saying, "I've saved other people's lives before, but there will be nothing like this again.". Initially, when Robert pulled on her leg, she cried and tried to retract her leg, saying "No!".

The experience of being so down low in the drilled tunnel the rescuers created was compared to lying in a grave. Soon after saving Jessica, he was one of the people that were asked to appear on Oprah; he was also asked to judge the GI Joe American Heroes contest. Many sources state that he became intoxicated with fame, and even asked People magazine to help him write his autobiography. O'Donnell started to get migraines, and started popping pills. His wife kicked him out, and he lost his job when he started passing out at work from the heavy doses of pills. O'Donnell moved in with his mother, and would read his scrapbook alone. There was the inscription 'MY HERO' on it written by his mother in law, and allegedly seeing this would make him angry, and he'd throw the book across the room. O'Donnell is quoted as having said, "This is what ruined my life. I never want to see it again.". When Oklahoma City had been bombed in 1995, he wanted to go help, but didn't have the money for bus fare. Robert's mother noticed a shotgun missing from her ranch in Stanton, Texas. Police found him slumped in his new Ford pickup.

Robert O'Donnell shot himself a few days later on April 27th. He was 37 years old. Robert Edward O'Donnell is buried in Resthaven Memorial Park in Midland, Texas.

Robert had been a paramedic with the Midland fire department, and had just so happened to be off duty when Jessica fell down the well. His friends stated that Robert never truly recovered from the fame he got as one of the rescuers. Police Sgt. Andy Glasscock stated, "Robert never came out of it. We saved a little girl, but we've all lost a friend. Once the adrenaline subsides, you go into a major depression.".

Sources state that O'Donnell suffered from PTSD after the scenario.

---

One of the rescuers from the event, Andy Glasscock, plead guilty to two counts of sexual assault in 2005. He received a 20 year sentence, that was to run concurrently with a 2004 sentence of 15 years in federal prison, to where he was charged with storing explosives and child pornography. Glasscock was one of the EMS workers to rescue Jessica, and was a police officer in Midland. He had been with the police department from 1981 to 2004, of which he was fired on the state charges.

He had been arrested on Christmas Eve of 2003 at his house in Midland. The 50 year old woman in the assault case stated that he "possibly used a narcotic to cause her submission to a sexual assault.". Glasscock stated that he used Zolpidem (Ambien) to sedate the woman before having sex with her.

FBI special agent Bill Vanderland stated that they noticed the explosives when serving a warrant on the sexual assault charges. This prompted an investigation from the FBI, to where they found the child pornography.

Glasscock admitted in federal court to using a hidden camera to film a 12 year old girl undressing, entering, and exiting a shower at his residence. He also admitted to receiving hundreds of images of child pornography and bestiality over his computer from October 2001-December 2003.

As for the explosives, he admitted to improperly storing more than 400 pounds of high explosives, 1700 blasting caps, a detonator cord, an artillery shell, 2 pipe bombs, and 4 homemade hand grenades. He was credited with 445 days of time served.

Initially, Glasscock admitted to having gone out with the 51 year old woman, but denied raping her. There was a hospital examination though, which showed abrasion and bruises in critical areas of the victim. Glasscock is quoted as having said, "I'm a guy who likes sex, but I don't have to go out and force sex on anybody. I would never do that.".

He admitted to having viewed all types of pornography, but he said he was only interested in having sex with adult women. He asked, "Would I have sex with a little kid?". Glasscock is then quoted as saying, "Have I ever looked at child porn on the computer? Yeah, I have. It's there, and tons of it. I look at that as they're the only thing that's innocent on the whole thing.". (BRO I AM NOT SAYING THAT IN THE VIDEO)

He initially took the woman he raped on a date to restaurant in Odessa, and then to see the Christmas lights in Midland. After leaving the restaurant, he stopped and uncorked a wine bottle while standing at the back door on the passenger side of the vehicle. The victim stated, "He took a while to do this, so I turned around and asked if he needed help. He acted kind of strange and said no, then gave me a plastic cup of wine. He had a camera, which I thought was odd.".

Once they returned to Odessa, she started to black out, and didn't even remember going to her house. She only remembered being in her house and being very relaxed. Glasscock fondled, undressed, and then ultimately assaulted the victim. She kept noticing him with the camera, and repeatedly pushed him away, telling him to stop and leave. Glasscock kept telling her that he would leave in a few minutes.

There were reports that Glasscock raped other women, though no other victims came forth.

His FBI prison release was scheduled for June 23rd, 2017, he had been serving his sentence in Cumberland, Maryland.

On July 10th, 2016, Andy Glasscock passed away. His funeral was on July 15th, of that year in Midland. He was 64 years old. He is buried at Glenrest Cemetery, in Big Lake, Texas.

Had he still been alive, he would have potentially gotten out of prison around 2021 or 2022.

Andy's daughter remembered him as a "wonderful cop and never used his badge to do something he shouldn't have. He always wanted to help instead of busting down on everybody.".

Sgt. Mike McLain remembered Andy stating, "There's not a guy in the world who ever loved his kids more than Andy.".

Glasscock's ex wife asked that he be dealt with sternly, for using his daughter as a lure to bring her (daughter’s friend) home. In court, he stated, "I got off into sexual addiction like alcohol and drugs. I never meant to hurt anybody. I would never hurt a child. In my heart and soul, there is still good left in me. I have no excuse for what I did. I'm deeply sorry. I never meant to hurt anybody. I'm not a sexual monster. I don't know why I did what I did.".

Defense attorney Jeff Robnett said that Glasscock didn't think his experience with the Baby Jessica scenario caused any sort of PTSD that would have lead to his problems.

Glasscock is quoted as saying, "I look at it like the old cartoons back in the 60's where they showed God on one shoulder, and the devil on the other, and both of them arguing back and forth through your head. Satan won out, but he's not going to win anymore. God is with me.".

---

A plaque has been erected on the Midland center, in memory of the event.

[SOURCES]

wikipedia

https://www.biography.com/personality/baby-jessica

https://web.archive.org/web/20110326215656/

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-national/20110325/US.Baby.Jessica/ https://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local/texas/article/Baby-Jessica-10993071.php

https://www.kcbd.com/story/6643201/twenty-years-later-where-is-jessica-mcclure-now/

http://www.caver.net/j/Baby%20Jessica%27s%20Parents%20Declare%20Their%20Marriage%20Past%20Rescue%20%20People_com.htm

https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1992-10-11-mn-348-story.html https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/18824803/robert-edward-o%27donnell https://www.newsweek.com/baby-jessica-grows-174130 https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/18-month-old-girl-saved-1987-article-1.2386153

https://archive.ph/20120904051652/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19165433/ http://www.caver.net/j/jrescue.html

https://www.oaoa.com/news/baby-jessica-rescuer-gets-20-year-sentence/article_02d9f677-bee8-5bc4-ad59-3fbf53b208be.html

https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/mrt/obituary.aspx?n=andy-glasscock&pid=180664589&fhid=23293

https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/166821280/w-a-glasscock https://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Officer-s-life-fell-apart-after-baby-Jessica-s-1951788.php

https://www.myplainview.com/news/article/Former-Midland-cop-gets-15-years-for-child-sexual-8864920.php

[acidmatze]

In which Dabi increasingly thinks that he is stuck in a third rate emo music video

I have no idea why I wrote this. But it wanted to be written. This is Part 1 of the obligatory College AU and everyone is a dork. 

It’s not proof read or anything.. Im tired...

It was a kinda gloomy afternoon in late October when it all started. It was raining and the dorm was crowded with students that normally were walking around town but with weather that bad no one really wanted to go out.

Dabi was sitting on the windowsill in the common room and stared outside.

Spinner was in some kind of fight with two other students about some hockey game.

Twice tried to watch some motorcycle race on TV.

He then suddenly jumped and walked over to Dabi with just a few really big steps.

“Dabi, I have an idea!”

Dabi lazily turned around to his friend.

“Shoot.”

“So far we have befriended three people. But I think we need a lot more friends. There are a lot of people here on campus that don't seem to have many friends and no one should walk alone around here. You know, we all need someone to talk to and stuff. You know??”

Dabi blinked a few times.

For some reason since summer, Twice seemed to be obsessed with walking around and trying to talk to people he never talked to before. Dabi was just dragged along. At first Twice started hanging out with Spinner. Then he almost stalked some weird guy called Chisaki. And then his friends. Dabi always felt the weird need to apologise for Twice's behaviour but somehow in the end it all worked out and their circle of friends grew.

Twice blabbered on

“There's this girl I have a few classes with and she's like.. two years younger than us or so I have no idea how she is in college already but she is. I have never seen her with people around and I think we should change that.”

“Uh.... okay? How do you wanna do that?”

“I'm just gonna talk to her on Monday. What do you think?”

“Dunno? Go ahead I guess...?”

Dabi had a vague idea which girl Twice meant.

She was blonde and short and could be cute but there was an eerie air surrounding her. But since Twice's group of friends was a ragtag bunch of misfits she would be fit in just fine. Twice himself was a giant goofball sometimes. In one moment it seemed like he was just a kid trapped in the body of a tall guy in his early 20s. In another moment he would shout the most obscene things anyone has ever heard. Be it in the hallway, in the middle of a lecture, while eating lunch and sometimes in the middle of the night. Dabi knew because even though his room was further down the hallway he could still hear his friend's yelling. It woke him up semi-regularly.

And on some days Twice would just break down sobbing and fled to the bathroom and wouldn't come back for a few hours.

He had no idea about what happened afterwards.

Dabi himself also was far from being the average college student. First of all the appearance.

Then his type of humour.   He often insulted people without meaning to because for him it was just friendly banter. And his careless attitude pissed people off. For reasons Dabi cannot explain. What's so bad about not blowing up at every single thing?

“I haven't felt an emotion since 1997” he often said.

“Look how many fucks I give. They are falling from the sky” he also often said.

Chisaki, the first guy they “recruited” was terribly afraid of bacteria and getting ill. They never saw him without wearing gloves and a face mask.

No hand shaking or friendly hugs allowed, thank you.

Please just wave in my general direction.

He was often seen furiously wiping seats, benches, tables, kitchen counters and other places you can sit on.

Sometimes Dabi wondered if it was a good idea for him to study medicine.

On the other hand, if he would become a surgeon no one would need to worry about keeping the operating room sterile.

“We only have guy friends. We also need some girl friends. Not girlfriends... well, maybe those too but I mean like.. girls. Who are our friends.”

“I get what you mean, Twice and I agree. This group is a sausage fest.”

Two days later when Dabi walked to his next lecture he saw Twice down at the campus plaza wildly gesticulating and talking to that girl he wanted to talk to.

She didn't seem to mind.

As far as Dabi could see, whatever Twice was talking about must be funny since she was laughing.

Good. Another weirdo joined the group. Let's see what this eerie feeling is about.

Dabi almost bumped into another student he didn't even had noticed.

“Whoa there. Didn't see you there buddy. Sorry.”

The other student shot a quick glance at Dabi and walked a bit faster. Well, okay...? Maybe he's late for class. Though in his oversized black clothes he almost looked like a high school student.

Weird kid.

This time the common room was almost empty, even though it was raining again.

Why is it always raining the last few weeks?

Dabi stared out of the window again.

“Is this interesting?” Chisaki asked.

“I'm pretending to be an emo girl in a music video. I'm currently missing my boyfriend who broke up with me to fuck my best friend.”  

“Okay?”

“It is complicated, you know? He just bought me an expensive ring and told me we will be together forever but then at a party my bff flirted with him and he didn't do anything and now I'm so angry I think I will set his apartment in flames.”

“Dabi? Are you... okay?”

Dabi turned around to Chisaki and pretended to be crying.

“No! I am depressed! I was so in love with him, Rawr!”

Chisaki stared at Dabi for ten seconds.

“Please. Don't say this ever again.”

“Rawr means I Love You in Dinosaur!”

Before Chisaki could smack the lanky bean in the face Twice stormed into the room.

“Guys! Guys, we have a new friend! Say hello to Toga!”

The short girl from earlier today stood in the doorway grinning way too wide for her face.

“Hiiiii~ I'm Toga! I'm so happy to meet you all! Very happy indeed.”

What is up with those teeth? Dabi had never seen canines that sharp. He had heard that some people let their teeth sharpen. But until now he thought someone was playing a very elaborate prank on him. But seems those people seriously exist.

A wave of eeriness hit him.

There's something about this girl that's definitely not normal. But who in this weird clique is normal anyway?

“So what do you guys do all day? You all look totally different, do you even have common hobbies? Like Twicey here looks like a MMA fighter and you look like a law student and you look like you beat up kids and then go home and write sad poems about it.”

Dabi's eye twitched slightly.

“Also you look stoned!”

It twitched even more.

“Law student.....” Chisaki muttered, “I have never been more insulted in my life.”

“We're just hanging out. And sometimes we go play pool and stuff” Twice said.

“Oh that's cool. I collect knives. Do you want to see some?”

Toga was beaming.

Okay, so that's what's wrong with her. That explains so much to be honest.

“I don't think anyone would be interested in....”

Dabi cut Chisaki off.

“Sure we want.”

And a few minutes later they were standing around in Toga's room. Which looked like a normal girl's room. Except for the wall of knives where other girls maybe had posters hanging.

But otherwise, very normal, very pink.

Toga pointed at one of the knives.

“This is the first one I got. I found it one day on a playground. I took it home and cleaned it and sharpened it.” She pointed at another that had sharp wedges.

“This is really great when you want someone to bleed out. When you stab someone with it and they try to rip it out the teeth just get stuck and do more damage. I bought it at a hunting store a few years ago.”

Whoa. Chisaki had gone completely pale. Twice seemed nervous too. Did they have to worry that this girl would break into their rooms at night to do Horrible Things to them?

“I see your worried faces and I want to reassure you that I only collect them.”

At least she's sane.

“I also collect other things! Like articles from the newspapers.” Toga shuffled over to a drawer that was completely plastered with hearts and peace signs and whatnot.

She pulled out a folder and went through the pages a bit.

“Here. This one, for example is about a case of unexplained murders in the 80s. I have collected every little bit of information I could find about it. Which is very hard by the way. Do you know how weird it feels to google all that stuff? And this one is about that guy who abducted and killed five women like a year ago.”

Nope, completely insane.

But in a weirdly nerdy way.

“And now I am collecting stuff about a string of weird cases of mutilated animals found on roadsides around Yokohama. No one really investigates that! Can you believe it? Just because it's not people. I think that's not fair. Animals have lives too.”

She closed the folder and huffed.

Dabi crossed his arms.

“So you're like... playing detective? Finding out more about it?”

Toga's face lit up.

“Wow, I never thought about that. I could totally find out the truth. I know everything!”

Chisaki leaned over to Dabi and whispered: “Hey, can we go now? I still have to write an essay and also this is creeping me out.”

“Dunno man. I think that's definitely a weird hobby but she seems harmless.”, Dabi whispered back.

“Yeah maybe, but I'm out, cheers.”

Chisaki marched out of the room without even saying goodbye.

Twice and Dabi remained.

“Oh nooooo I scared him away.”

“He's just horrible when it comes to blood” Twice tried to explain.

“Oh yeah you should have seen his face, when I was hit by a baseball once and it almost knocked out a tooth. I thought he would faint any second.”

Toga grinned.

“He really acts like a law student.”

“He studies medicine.” Twice said.

Toga just stared at the guy.

“You're joking, right?”

Twice shook his head.

And then Toga had a hysterical laughing fit that lasted so long that Dabi briefly considered to call an ambulance.

It was already dark when Twice and Dabi went back to their rooms. The fact that it was already dark didn't mean that it was late though. The sun was already setting at 6pm.    

“She's weird as fuck but I'd be lying if I would say what she said wasn't interesting. I don't know why I would need to know about serial killers but somehow I do now.”

Dabi was rambling.

“So you like her? You think she fits in with us?”

“Yeah kinda. Maybe. But I don't mind her hanging out with us.”

Twice pumped his fist in the air.

“Yeah! A new friend! Oh can you wait here for a minute? I wanna head over to the kiosk and get some snacks.”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

Dabi leaned back at the wall and Twice hurried out of the main door.

Empty corridors. Silence.

Pretending to be a a girl in some music video again, Dabi imagined walking down the hallways crying about some lost love and unfair parents. For some reason the sprinklers were on. The eyeliner is running dramatically over the wet cheeks. Emo girl is looking at her wrist where she wrote the name of her ex with a sharpie. It's also running from the water from the sprinklers. Some guitar solo is playing in the background. Emo girl gets angry and punches the wall.

She swears revenge. Maybe burning something down would help. Maybe destroying things....

“Hey, what are you doing there?”

Dabi looked up. Oh, he really had wandered through the hallway. But without the sprinklers and the sharpie and the cheating boyfriend.

In front of him stood the guy from before. Black oversized hoodie, black jeans, black Converse. God, is that a Senses Fail patch?

How emo, Dabi thought, ignoring the fact that he also has a Senses Fail patch on his backpack.

No one needs to know.

The guy still stares at him.

Oh Jesus, please someone get him lip balm. And some moisturiser. Because this dude looks dead.

“I was just dramatically walking around, thinking about my cheating boyfriend.”

“What?”

“Ah nothing. It was a joke. Sorry again for bumping into you earlier.”

“Ah. Its fine.” The guy shoved his hands back in his pockets and walked back in the direction he came from.

That's not where the dorms are. Weird.

“Hey Dabi, I'm back”

Dabi was lightly punched in the shoulder.

“Nice. Dude, have you seen that weird dude in the wannabe emo clothes just now?”

Twice seemed confused.

“Emo dude..? No. I haven't seen anyone.”

Dabi scratched his head.

He also never had seen that guy before. Is he a ghost or something?

Over the next few days Dabi ran into that guy over and over again. But every time he asked someone about him, no one had an idea who he was talking about. He ran into him in the bathroom during lunch break. He ran into him in the library. He ran into him while running cross campus to catch a bus. Had this dude always been there and Dabi just didn't notice?

“You always look like you're searching for something. Are you okay?” Toga asked. They were walking down a popular shopping street in town. Toga wanted to meet with a friend of hers and asked everyone if they want to come with her but only Dabi agreed.

“I think I might have seen a ghost. Also, I'm not okay.”

Toga's eyes went wide. “A ghost?? A really spooky one? The one that haunts your dreams by night? Where have you seen it?”

“Everywhere, basically. And he even shows up during the day. I need proof that this guy really exists.”

“Wooooooooow..... A real mystery. Maybe my friend can help you. She's great with mysteries.”

They arrived at a small café.

Toga was running towards some guy in brown cargo pants who was waving at her. But didn't Toga say “she”? Oh. Okay.

Then Toga ran back to Dabi grabbed his arm and pulled him with her.

“This is my best friend, Magne. She's basically like my sister. If you need help with mysteries, then talk to her.”

Dabi awkwardly shook her hand. Wow that's a strong handshake. “I took the liberty of already ordering some cake for me. I just couldn't wait. So, what is this mystery you are talking about?” They sat down at one of the small tables. It was weirdly warm for October this week so somehow everyone was still outside.

“Basically I am chasing a guy only I can see, it seems. I never have seen him before but suddenly he is everywhere. But when I ask someone about him no one knows what I'm talking about.” Dabi explained.

“Wow that really is something. By the way, Toga you should order the Strawberry Shortcake it's the best I have ever eaten. Okay, so if you need proof that this mysterious guy really exists you maybe should take a picture of him?”

“Isn't that creepy as fuck?”

“Well, for me it would be way creepier if I would see a guy no one else can see. If you can take a picture of him you know he's real at least.”

That girl has a point there.

Sadly, after this the guy vanished. Over the course of the next weeks Dabi grew more and more frustrated.

He felt like he was stuck in some third rate emo music video.

Maybe he should let his hair grow out a bit and get blue streaks. “Dabi, you look like you're constipated. Do you need help?” Chisaki offered one day.

“I'm not okay” Dabi mumbled.

“Yeah I can see that. Seriously, if you have problems with your digestive system, I know some drops that really...”

“I can shit just fine, Chisaki.” “Oh. Then.. care to explain what's wrong?”

Dabi sprawled himself out on his bed.

Chisaki was standing in the middle of the room. He forgot his wipes and spray and wasn't brave enough to take a seat on Dabi's really old office chair.

Dabi groaned.

“This guy...... This weird guy I told you about... The one I am always running into. I'm not running into him anymore.”

Chisaki furrowed his brows.

“And that's a problem why...?”

Dabi sat up and threw his arms in the air.

“It makes me feel like a fucking madman! I know this guy exists. I have even talked to him like once. Almost. He needs some damn lip balm and looks like dead itself. And now that I was ready to take a pic of him and prove his existence once and for all he vanishes!”

“You want to take a pic of him?”

Dabi groaned again.

“I know that sounds like a stalker. But I just wanna prove that he exists. It seems like no one but me has ever seen him.”

“Dude... you do you. But who knows. Maybe he was an intern or stuff. I wouldn't waste a single thought about the whole thing.”

So Dabi tried to not waste a single thought about the whole thing.

He tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. Because two days later he caught himself looking for that guy again.

It was already close to Christmas. And the dude remained gone.

Dabi was in the library looking for some books to read. Maybe that would distract him. He just wanted to check out when he saw him. Emo dude. With the oversized hoodie. Coming in through the front door. Dabi almost dropped his books. He imagined he was a girl in an emo music video who sees her crush. He walks past her and their eyes meet. Maybe he was smiling, maybe he was not. Everything is in slow motion. The people around them vanish. It's only those two. When he passed her everything is back to normal. Guitar solo.

Dabi wanted to slam his fucking books on the floor.

Then he walks into emo dude while crossing a bridge. Okay, emo music video. It's raining. Girl was just dumped by some stupid jackass. She is desperate and doesn't know what to do. Maybe she should jump but the bridge isn't really high. She's nervous. After contemplating for a while she sees Him. Some emo dude walking towards her, asking her if everything is alright. It's still raining but also now the sun is shining. Everything is well now even though there is still sadness in her heart. Forever. Guitar solo.

Dabi seriously contemplates to jump into the river below.

The third time he runs into him is at a bus stop. Some old lady is also there but that's it.

“Hold still!” Dabi says harshly and the guy looks at him, startled.

Dabi takes out his cellphone and takes a pic of the dude.

“What...... why...?”

“I explain later. Don't worry, I will delete the pic soon. I just have to prove something to someone.”

Emo dude is chewing on his lower lip. His leg seems shaky. Dabi sighs.

“Look. I know that was creepy as fuck but you won't believe the hell I went through to get this pic. As soon as I prove that you exists I will delete it.” “That I exist..?”

“Yeah.”

Fuck that sounds stupid. Oh god so stupid and creepy and.... hell, Dabi has to explain this seriously now.

He groans.

“Okay, there is no way to explain this without sounding weird. Remember back in October when I almost ran you over?” Emo dude nods. Dabi can see strands of blueish grey hair. Is that dye?

“Good. I thought to that day I had seen everyone on campus. But I never had seen you. So I asked my friend about you and he said he doesn't know about you. And he literally is friends with everyone. And then I kept running into you. But every time I wanted my friend to look at you you vanished. Like a fucking ghost or something. It was... kinda pissing me off somehow. And we kept running into each other but I was either alone or you did that magical vanishing thing.”

Emo kid stared at Dabi in silence.

“I kinda got all riled up about this. And then I didn't see you again and I seriously thought I was going crazy or had seen a ghost or something. A friend had told me to take a picture to prove it. But then I couldn't because I didn't see you. But now I did. And now I can prove it. And now I can have peace of mind.”

The dude still stared at Dabi.

Ah fuck.

Oh, wait.

Dabi pulled out the phone again.

“I could also delete the pic right now. And take you to my friends instead. You know... In the flesh?”

“You want me to meet your friends..?”

Dabi nodded.

“You're always alone. Maybe you could need some friends.”

“Friends....” Emo dude looked at the ground. Spit stains everywhere, ewwww.

“Okay... Take me to your friends.”

“Ah I can't today. Maybe we could meet at that church at 4pm tomorrow?”

Emo dude shrugged.

“Okay....”

Dabi wanted to shake his hand, but emo dude didn't react. He awkwardly pulled his hand back and coughed.

“Okay then.... Until tomorrow. And I'm Dabi, by the way.”

“Tomura... I'm Tomura...”

Then Dabi's bus arrived. Time to visit his mom in the hospital.

He sat down at the window.

Okay. Emo music video. Girl just had a date but it didn't go as planned. Maybe she should have listened to her bff, she had a bad feeling about this all the time. It's raining. It's also raining in emo girl's heart. She had sadness for breakfast. She should have stayed home and spend the time with her bff instead. Now that she thinks about it, bff was always there for her. Every time emo girl needed a shoulder to cry on bff was there. The rain represents the tears she wants to cry but cannot because this is a public setting and that would be embarrassing. Emo girl thinks maybe she should have dated bff instead. There is thunder in the background as the bus drives into the darkness. Guitar solo.  

[smokeybrand]

This is Snyder

I don’t care for Zack Snyder. I don’t hate his craft as much as i hate Michael Bay, Snyder actually tries to make good movies, but i don’t find his schlock entertaining. He’s not a bad director, i guess, but his movies are always scatter-brained messes. I think Snyder is more a creative than a crafter. He’s the guy you want in your development stages, throwing out ideas and boarding those massive action scenes. If i were to equate him to a sports analogy, Snyder is the Offensive Coordinator on an American Football team. He’s the guy that builds the visual aspects of your scenes, the car who sets up the set pieces. He’s Mr. Battlemaster, the Attack Master, the guy you call in to adds little spice to your drama and conflict laden plot, not the guy you give the keys to an entire cinematic universe where you have to humanize godlike heroes. Emotional subtlety has never been Snyder’s strong point. Since the only DCEU film that was passable was Wonder Woman, the one flick that Snyder didn’t really have his hands on too much, i wanted to take some time and kind of dissect why i hate almost everything Snyder has ever made.

Dawn of the Dead

It’s been years since i’ve seen this movie but i recall enjoying it considerably. But it’s a zombie movie. And it wasn’t written by Snyder. That’s going to be a running theme in this; Other people’s stuff, Snyder is okay. His own stuff, not so much... Zack was only a Director on this flick which meas he just got to bring a script to life. He just got to pick the best scenes and build a cool looking movie. That’s Snyder at his best and it shows. For my money, DoD is his best film.

300

This was his breakthrough. 300 lends itself to Snyder’s style even more than DoD. The comic it’s based on is literally revisionist history written by 80s comic madman, Frank Miller. It is literally a series of splash pages with cool sh*t on them. In comic book speak, it’s literally a series of action set pieces. Splash pages are used to fill every inch of paper with dynamic, poignant, information. When every page of your book is a splash page, it conveys a sense of aggressive action. That is right up Snyder’s alley. There’s no room for plot or character development but that slow-mo buster kick to that persion dude was crazy dope, son! “THIS! IS! SPARTA!” It’s also a superficial, special FX laden, popcorn movie that is borderline sexist with all of the half naked dudes about but still, i had a good time.

Watchmen

Watchmen was the first Snyder movie i saw where i realized he was kind of out of his depth. Dude did his best to bring this unfimable story to the screen, and in some spots i think he did a really good job (Comedian’s arc was okay and that change toward the end made all of the sense to me) but overall, it lacked the emotional, philosophical, and political depth from the source material, you know, literally the reason why Watchmen is so goddamn brilliant. Snyder shot this movie like a mid 2000s cape flick. Think Raimi’s Spider-Man or X2 but infinitely more superficially, which is ridiculous because the Watchmen novel is infinitely more rich. WB kind of let up on Snyder’s leash a bit and he focused way too much on the sh*t that shouldn’t have been focused on. At it’s core, Watchmen is a character study of those old timey 80s archetypes and an indictment of the destructive materialism infecting society at that time. There’s a visceral moral question that my brother and i argue about all of the time and i believe Snyder stuck the landing, but he kept falling off the bar to get there.

Sucker Punch

Sucker Punch is one of the worst movies i have ever seen. The mechanics, the technical aspects of this movie, are just the worst. I can go into how this is basically a shittier version of Inception with the dream in a dram aspects or how that sh*t doesn’t make any sense in the movies established lore or timeline. I can go into how this thing technically takes place in between the five minutes that Babydoll is being moved from her cell to the lobotomy chair so none of it matter or how f*cking ridiculous it is that this woman’s name is f*cking “Babydoll”. Sucker Punch is wildly problematic and i’ve written at length about how i feel about it before, i think, but my point with this entry is to high light how messy this movie feels. This is Snyder wit h no brakes. This is Snyder unleashed, When left to his own design. THIS, Sucker Punch, is the type of movie Zack Syder wants to make. He wanted to explore the psychology behind being in such dire straights, the emotional and psychological rationale of those terrible circumstances but he also wanted naked chick, a dragon, and giant robot samurai in it. How does that work? You can’t put Nazi Zombies in Girl, Interrupted, man. that dog don’t hunt. i know because Sucker Punch tried it and IT was AWFUL!

The DCEU

I thought about doing these thing individually but considering he basically directed all of these f*cking movies (except Wondy) i can lump them all into one entry. WB mistook the success of the Grimdark Nolan Batman Trilogy as audiences wanted a bunch of edgelord superheroes. So they gave the Batman Begins treatment to f*cking Superman. And, to bring this car crash of an idea to the big screen, they give the reigns to Snyder. I don’t like Superman. I think he’s a terrible hero. How do you right him? What aspects do you focus on when the guy and turn back time by flying real fast? How do you make that asshole compelling? Snyder’s solution? Uncle Ben his ass! Guilt trip him into becoming the world’s savior! sh*t’s lazy son! Man of Steel was adequate though. it was good enough for the WB suits to hand the entire reigns of the DCEU over to this asshat and, oh boy, was that dumb! My chick is the biggest Superman fan and she hated this movie. For her, someone versed in the Kal-El mythos, this was an affront. From what little i know about Supes, i’d agree.

SO Snyder double-downs on his Batmanfication of Superman by literally introducing Batman into a Superman story. BvS is an abortion of a film. It destroys the archetype of what all of these heroes represent. Batman is a psychopath killer. Superman is a morose pussy. Lex Luthor is the goddamn Riddler from Batman Forever. It’s a goddamn mess. Which sucks because, at it’s core, there are a lot of good ideas here. I liked how Luthor was more Zuckerburg than Rockefeller. I liked the introduction of Wonder Woman, even if it felt a little forces at times. I liked at the whole “Punished Messiah” story line for Supes, even if it never got deeper than a puddle. I hated everything else. Everything was just too Snyder-y. Cool sh*t to look at as opposed to deep sh*t to identify with. But that’s what happens when you forgone character development for mech fights and a Doomsday story line that should have bookend a phase one of pictures. Seriously, Doomsday in the second goddamn movie of your fledgling franchise? No! no, im not going to get into that. We’ll address that later.

Suicide Squad was a goddamn mess. I know David Ayer directed that, and one day i hope we get to see that sh*t, but the studio brought Snyder in to fix what they felt was an unwatchable film. Seriously, Snyder is considered a “guest Director” on that film and it shows. Justice League is the same way but Joss Whedon kind of added a bunch of levity to this ridiculous film. While i think Justice League is trash, i also believe it’s the second best that the DCEU has produced, mostly because there was reprieve to ll of Snyder’s grimdark bullsh*t. Whedon was able to bring out the best of these characters. I eve liked Superman in this and i f*cking hate Superman. But that’s kind of my point. If you remove Snyder from the equation, you get solid sh*t! like Wonder Woman!

Everything about Wonder Woman screams dope. It reminds me of a Phase one MCU outing, which is a fitting tone for Diana’s adventures. It’s not a perfect movie, there area ton of issues with it, but overall, it is a delight. I think Gal Gadot gave her best performance and someone finally used Chris Pine in an advantageous manner. I think going full on Ares was a mistake but, in the context of the world, i get it. I thought this was a decent ride until the end. The climax was whack. Seeing as how Snyder is credited as a writer, i assume he wrote this part because it feels wildly Snyderish. Literally the worst pat of this film is the ending. Tonally, it’s ridiculous. It doesn’t fit. It’s poorly executed. But it’s fun to watch, i guess. That’s Snyder in a nutshell.

Ultimately, putting this guy in charge of the entire DCEU, which wanted to be a direct competitor to the MCU, was a mistake. His vision is ridiculous. He has too many ideas for any one film and with no one to reel that in, you get the mess that we have now. There are certain things that needed to happen in order for the DCEU to be relevant, to be good. Snyder doesn’t have the patience to execute like this though. He doesn’t want to put in the time to world build. He just wants to throw awesome looking sh*t on screen and move on. That, a good movie, does not make. If i had a say, i’d probably loosely follow the MCU Phases. That sh*t worked and gave ample time to develop a proper story. As an example, i’d have done something like this:

Phase One - Trinity

Movie 0: House of El. Prequel to the entire DCEU set in the final days of Krypton. You could establish all of the requisite Supermann necessities while also planting seeds for Brainiac, Doomsday, Apokolips, and Darkseid. This would be the backbone for the first three phases of your DCEU. Think Star Wars but with Krpytonians instead of Jedi.

Movie 1: The Batman or Gotham, dunno about that title yet, Definitely a Year one or Year Two Bat-story. I’d want to introduce The Long Halloween arc. Make it a noir, focus on the assumed Batman doing his detective thing, until the climax which would be an amalgamation of No Man’s Land and The Man Who Laughs. Like, Joker is holding the city hostage and all of the holiday murders were a distraction while he planted his trap. Batman would have to choose between his morals or vengeance in the end.

Movie 2: Superman Sequel. Calling this one Man of Steel as it would have both Superman and Metallo as the primary antagonist. I figure having Clark and Corbin duke it out makes for a clever title, you know? You can introduce Luthor as the mastermind, secretly collaborating with his miraculous AI that turns out to be Brainiac. Deathstroke could be hired muscle. Cadmus can be introduced. You get to see the introduction of Superman on a world wide scale as he and Metallo duke it out in the open. This would feel like that old Superman cartoon on the WB way back when. Light-hearted yet serious tone. Actual stakes. Sub plot of Lois figuring out Luthor is the reason all of the trauma occurs.

Movie 3: Wonder Woman. It will probably be a period peace set against WW1. It would pit her against Aries and the preconceptions of women during those bleaker times. The battle would be against disillusionment; trying to find a reason why Man should be defended or something of that nature. Wonder Woman would be more or less what we already got from Patty Jenkins, with a much better ending. Like, an actual pgysical fight with Aries seems dumb. If we have to go that course because of executive meddling, at least cast a better Ares. Make him more menacing and less inept. Motherboxes and a bit more of Apokolips will be introduced in this movie.

Movie 4: World’s Finest. Basically Batman against Superman while WW actually solves the real issues behind the scene. Like, she uncovers the underlying plot of the Motherboxes and actually tries to prepare for the coming of Steppenwolf. I really like the idea of Wonder Woman adapting her skill set to covert ops kind of like Motoko Kusanagi does. Also, you know, dudes is dumb and punchy. While Supes and Bats are having their tiff, Steppenwolf actually appears and engages the two of them. Ultimately, Wonder Woman arrives and the three of them, the Trinity, send ol boy packing back to Apokolips and the Motherboxes go dead. The Trinity is established, the seeds of Apokolips have been sown, and we can move into Phase Two - Justice League with the first movie of the lot; Death of Superman. Opening with the sidelining of the most powerful hero opens up a reason for Batman, having an established relationship with Winder Woman and Superman, realizing there are bigger things out there and a team might be necessary to combat them.

See, four movies, five if you count the Krypton prequel, and you’ve established the world, the main characters, the underlying conflict, and you have room to grow. You’ve developed characters, established the backbone to your entire universe, and given each of your principal heroes, Batman, Superman, ad Wonder Woman, their own outing, in the vein of their own themes. Grimdark works for Batman because he IS grimdark. Sh*t doesn’t fly with Superman or Wonder Woman. Diana is a warrior, set her story to the backdrop of a conflict to showcase her strengths. Superman wold spend his time trying to save Metallo, not murder him at the end of the goddamn movie because Supes is about believing in the good, not killing troubled assholes. Snyder didn’t have the patience to do this. He wasn’t building anything. He just wanted to put cool sh*t on the screen while trying to make everything dark and deep. He failed at both.

In closing, i don’t think Zack Snyder is a terrible director. I don’t. I think he has too may ideas and no one to reel him in when left to his own devices. When he is making someone else’s material, when he has a guidelines to follow and people keeping his rampant creative energy in check, he can be pretty good at his job, a la DOD or 300. Hell, i’d even give him Watchmen. But, left to his own devices, we get nonsense like Sucker Punch and BvS. Zack Snyder is everything that’s wrong with modern American cinema and it galls me to the core.