#but at least the option is out there for people with sound sensitivity

[thebloggerthatjesusloved]

Ooh! Good for people with sensory sensitivities too! I love when bands I’m interested in, start offering concerts I could potentially enjoy more easily. (potentially, as in, if I had money to travel) This makes me happy :)

they keep slaying

[dark-fics-4-you]

Crying in the Country Club | ch. IV

dark!older!dbf!Rafe Cameron x dark!Reader

Warnings: dubcon, somno, attempted noncon, loss of virginity, slut shaming, choking, violence, drinking, drug use, f!masturbation, unprotected sex

You were sure that it was nearly 2AM now, although you couldn’t remember exactly when Charlie had told you that she was leaving, it could have been minutes or hours ago and you wouldn’t know the difference.

After throwing back a couple drinks and a few shots, you were stumbling as you carelessly explored the large house party.

The music was still pumping loudly, and despite how late it was, the crowd hadn’t thinned much at all. This was an unfamiliar part of town for you though, and most of the people here were friends of Charlie, leaving you feeling a bit alone in the uncharted territory.

There were a couple familiar faces, and plenty of attractive guys to talk to, but you found it hard to even feign interest in their conversation when your mind was so set on another man.

It had been a couple days since you went over to the Cameron’s for dinner without Charlie, but the entire night had been replaying in your head.

The small cut on your finger pulsed in pain as you remembered how desperate you had been for him to touch you.

Rafe and Rebecca had argued and when Becca accused him of flirting with you, Rafe didn’t deny it.

You shivered as you recalled the way his gaze stayed fixed on you for longer than usually, catching him sneaking peaks at your tits in your bikini, and how his touch had lingered on you.

All of these moments had been on repeat nonstop since you left his house.

You wondered if things were going to be different now that Rebecca was suspicious.

Would he ever look at you that way again?

You drunkenly remembered what Charlie had told you earlier, that Rebecca had checked into a mental hospital the day after you left.

Had you really been driving her that wild? She must have been more sensitive than you thought.

Crazy bitch.

After walking inside the kitchen of the house you found a large jug of punch, and you grabbed a solo cup before filling it up with ice and the somewhat dubious looking green juice.

Despite how drunk you already felt, and how alone you were in a house full of strangers, you quickly downed the punch without a care.

Exiting the kitchen, you wondered around the rooms, hoping to find a familiar face.

Most of them were either empty, locked, or full of people you didn’t know just chatting.

However, you were very surprised when you walked into one room to find a group of frat guys, and a couple of their girlfriends, snorting lines of coke, and you quickly exited, closing the door behind you.

You understood partying and drinking, hell, even smoking weed every now and then wasn’t off the table for you, but coke was another story and you wanted absolutely nothing to do with it.

It was getting very late and you were beginning to realize that this party didn’t have anything more to offer you.

Beginning to feel a bit lightheaded and overstimulated from the sounds of the loud party, you stumbled downstairs and pushed your way to the front door and out onto the porch.

Given how much you had drank tonight, and the way your vision was blurring, you knew that driving yourself home was not an option until you sobered up for at least an hour.

The cool air was soothing your nausea already, but you were still feeling unsteady on your feet so you leaned up against the house for support.

The thought of standing outside for an hour was not appealing at all considering how exhausted you were quickly beginning to feel.

You decided that you needed to call a ride, but when you checked your phone and saw that it was 3:30AM, your heart sunk.

Charlie was surely asleep by now, but knowing that didn’t stop you from calling her three times, only to get her voicemail.

The next options were your parents, who would be pissed to pick you up this late, but they had always told you that they’d rather you wake them up in the middle of the night than drive drunk. Unfortunately, it was well past their bedtimes, and neither of them picked up.

Starting to feel nervous about being stranded at this party for an hour, you called several friends. One actually answered, but they angrily hung up on you when you asked them if they could pick you up at a location 30 minutes from their house.

You hadn’t wanted to bother him so late, but it seemed like you only had one option left, and you hoped to god that his ringer was on.

The first call went to voicemail, but not ready to give up, you called again, and after five rings he picked up.

“Y/N?” His lowered voice told you that you had indeed woken him up, but in the moment you were just thankful someone had answered.

“Rafe, I’m- I’m so sorry to call you this late,” your words were slurring so much you weren’t sure if he would understand you.

“I was at a party with Charlie and-“ you hiccuped, “um she left a couple hours ago and I’m really drunk. I tried to call my parents and my friends and you’re the only one who picked up.”

Beginning to feel embarrassed and self conscious, and still very intoxicated, you wiped away the tears that were beginning to come to your eyes.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” you slurred again.

“Y/N calm down,” he sounded more awake now. “Let me get up and I’ll be on my way there. Where are you?”

You couldn’t remember the address so you opened up your texts to find what Charlie had told you. You relayed the address to him and he told you he would be there in 10 minutes.

“Okay, thank you so much Rafe, I’m sorry to wake you up so late.”

“It’s no problem, Y/N, really. I just want you to be safe. See you soon.”

Rafe hung up and you let out a sigh of relief.

You couldn’t wait to climb into your bed, and the fact that Rafe was giving you a ride was a very nice bonus.

You opened tiktok, mindlessly scrolling through videos for several minutes until the front door of the house opened, alerting you to someone walking outside.

You rolled your eyes when you recognized Mason, the asshole you had gone on a double date on with Charlie a few weeks back.

It wasn’t too surprising to you that he would be here as it seemed like frat parties were his natural habitat. He was like a walking stereotype in every possible way.

You turned away, shutting your phone off and desperately hoping to avoid another awkward encounter with him where he tried to guess your bra size or something equally offensive.

Unlucky for you, even in the dark Mason recognized you and you cringed inside when he strolled over to you.

The last thing you wanted to be dealing with right now was this idiot.

“Is that you, Y/N? Been a while.” Based on how much he was stringing his words together, he had apparently also had a lot to drink tonight.

You turned to face him, hoping that he couldn’t tell how drunk you were.

“Oh hey Mason,” you forced a grin as you looked up at him. Had he always been that tall? “How’s it going?”

“‘S going well, not like you would know though.” He was casually smiling, but you could tell there was bitterness in his tone.

“Oh, um,” you did not want to deal with rejecting this guy face to face after you had already ghosted him almost a month ago, and you were struggling as you wracked your brain to come up with a good response.

His eyes must have adjusted to the darkness though, and he gave you a once over that made your skin crawl.

“You look good. Didja come here with another guy?” He sneered, taking a step closer while you took one away.

When your back hit the house and Mason kept advancing, your blood ran cold.

“N-no, just Charlie.” Your tongue felt thick in your mouth and the way he was looking at you made your stomach twist.

“Yeah, but.. dressed like that?” His eyes raked over your body again and you shivered, regretting choosing such a revealing dress.

“I don’t know what you mean,” you mumbled, trying to get past him but you were shocked when his hand found your shoulder, roughly pushing you back up against the wall. Your eyes widened in surprise as you looked up at him in fear.

“C’mon Y/N,” Mason chuckled, slurring his words. “We both know you’re looking for attention.”

Your chest felt tight, anxiety beginning to pool in your gut. “I’m not-” you tried to get past him again only for him to shove you backwards a second time, this time much harder.

When your back hit the wall this time, you realized Mason had taken your rejection horribly wrong. The back of your head smacked against the hard brick and tears sprang to your eyes.

“Why won’t you just give me a chance, huh?” His hands greedily grabbed at you, and squirmed in his grasp when he groped your ass hard.

“Stop it, get off of me!” You helplessly struggled against him, futilely wishing that someone else would come out of the house to help you.

One of his hands came to your chin, tilting your head upwards to capture your lips while his other arm snaked around your back, locking you in place. You could hear your pulse rushing in your ears.

You bit his lip hard and he cursed when he pulled his head back.

“Fucking bitch!” Mason’s hand slid from your chin to your throat and you let out a choked cry when he pinned you to the wall by your throat.

When his free hand crept under your dress between your legs, you sobbed, disgust and terror gripping your heart.

In slow motion you felt his calloused fingers trailing up your inner thigh, before he was violently ripped off of you.

Falling back against the house, you let out a gasping breath as you watched your best friend’s father punch Mason hard across the jaw.

He hit the ground like a ton of bricks, but Rafe wasn’t done. As you tried to catch your breath and fight back the bile that had been rising in your throat, you couldn’t look away as Rafe punched him again and again.

When you realized he wasn’t stopping, you yelled his name, but he still didn’t slow down. Grabbing onto the wall behind you for support, you shakily got to your feet and got closer.

The second time you shouted at him he finally paused, looking up from Mason’s bruised and slightly bloody face.

Rafe was breathing hard as he got off of the younger man. His jaw was still tight from anger, and he delivered a powerful kick to Mason’s ribs, making him yelp in pain.

“If you ever come near Y/N, or my daughter Charlie, ever again, I will fucking kill you.” He seethed, giving Mason one final drive to the ribs before walking away from him.

Rafe neared you, looking into your tear filled eyes.

You took a step towards up, but your knees gave way beneath you. He surged forward, catching you in his strong arms.

“Hey, I got you kid,” you let out a soft sob at his words, grabbing on to him tight. “You’re safe, Y/N.”

Trembling on his arms, your body shook with each breath you took as the shock slowly wore off and you came to terms with what would have happened to you had Rafe not shown up in time. The entire time he whispered softly to you, reassuring you that he would protect you.

He slowly released you, only to pick you up in his arms and begin carrying you to his truck.

Despite the obvious trauma that you had just been through, being held in Rafe’s strong arms still made your body tremble for entirely different reasons.

The alcohol was making you feel dizzy and when Rafe helped you in to his passenger seat, you could feel the world spinning around you.

He buckled you in before shutting your door and walking around to the other side.

As he got in and started the car, you remembered that he was going to drive you to your house, and more hot tears came to your eyes.

You didn’t want to stay at your house, you wanted to be near Rafe.

Where you felt safe.

“Um.. Rafe?”

He looked over at you with some concern in his eyes as he exited the driveway, “yeah?”

“Do you think,” you sniffled, the lump in your throat making it hard to get the words out. “Um, do you think I could stay at your house tonight?”

Rafe silently met your gaze for a few moments, before cracking a small smile, “of course, kid.”

He drove out of the neighborhood, turning towards his house and you admired the way his muscles looked as he gripped the steering wheel.

Just a short drive later and he was pulling in to his driveway. He parked the car but didn’t move at first, turning his attention back to you.

He undid his seatbelt first and then leaned over you to unbuckle yours. He was so close you could smell him, the faint scent of sandalwood and cigarette smoke clouded your mind.

He was talking, saying something, but you couldn’t hear him. Your body was buzzing as you watched his pink lips moving silently.

Without thinking, you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his.

For a moment, he responded, reaching his hand behind your neck and deepening the kiss. You felt a jolt of a electricity between you.

But just as soon as he kissed you back, he stopped himself, pulling back quickly and staring at you in shock for a moment before looking away.

“Y/N… you know we-” he stopped himself, looking utterly torn as he fought what you were sure he also wanted.

He met your eyes again, sucking in a shaky breath, before his face hardened.

“You should go to bed, Y/N. You’re drunk a- and you just went through a lot. You need to sleep this off.”

Your stomach dropped, certain that you had just ruined any chance you might ever have had with Rafe Cameron.

“Rafe, I-” your voice cracked with emotion. You felt more tears coming to your eyes and you tried to swallow the gigantic lump that had just settled in your throat.

“Get out of the car and go to bed.” There was more resolution in his voice now, and you felt like a scolded child as you slowly climbed out of the car and walked into the Cameron’s house.

You closed the front door behind you, a pit of dread forming in your stomach as you climbed the stairs to the guest bedroom that you always stayed in.

Once inside, you stripped your constricting clothes off, reaching into the dresser for some of the clothes you always kept here.

After changing into short and a t-shirt and flicking off the light, you fell onto the bed in exhaustion and frustration.

You had finally kissed Rafe, and he had kissed you back. That alone had been so exhilarating! He must have felt what you did, so why did he stop himself??

You could feel that you were finally making progress with him, and yet he was still pulling away.

Could it be that he was just in denial still? That he hadn’t come to terms with how much better his life could be if he left Rebecca?

The way he had dismissed you out of the car gave you a feeling you had never felt around him.

You finally had made a move, and he was still treating you like a kid.

But you weren’t a kid, and the way he had looked at you afterwards told you that he didn’t really see you as one as much as he may have pretended to.

Maybe he was just trying to protect you after what you had gone through tonight. He was right that you were still very drunk. If he thought that he would be taking advantage of you in any way however, he would have been dead wrong.

You had wanted Rafe for years now, and you know that this wasn’t just some crush.

You loved him, and the fact that he had woken up in the middle of the night and came to your rescue showed that he cared for you too.

The sound of the front door opening and closing alerted you that he had finally left his car to come inside. You silently listened as he climbed up the stairs and into the hallway towards his room.

When his footsteps paused by your closed door, you held your breath, heart thudding in your chest as you willed him to enter. The seconds dragged on for what felt like an eternity as you waited to see what he would do.

What would you do if he came in?

What would Rafe do if he came in?

After almost a minute, he sighed quietly before finally moving, the sound his footsteps growing further away as he walked to his bedroom.

You frowned, heart clenching again as you could both hear and feel him getting distant from you again.

Becca wasn’t even here right now, she had been gone for several days, so you found it hard to believe he would be stopping himself for her sake.

Now that you had kissed him, was he going to act differently around you?

Would he pretend it had never happened and hold himself back completely?

That thought almost made you cry.

No, he couldn’t go back to pretending like there was nothing between you two.

You wouldn’t let that happen.

If you could just make him understand how dedicated to him you were, how much of yourself you were willing to give him, you were certain that he wouldn’t be able to resist you.

You lay on the bed as the room spun around you, your thoughts racing away.

Every single cell in your body felt warm. You had never shared a kiss that made you feel so electrified.

Without thinking, your hand slipped into your shorts and under your panties. The tip of your finger gently swirled over your clit and you let out a quiet moan.

All that you wanted right now was Rafe. Kissing you, caressing you, touching you, fucking you.

You knew in every fiber of your being that he should be your first. Who else would be better to take your virginity than him?

Tonight had only reminded you how grateful you were that you had saved yourself for so long.

Rafe had known you for your entire life. After growing up with him as a permanent fixture, you found that trusted him more than anyone else in the world.

You imagined him holding you in his arms as he pushed himself inside of you, sliding two fingers into your cunt to give your slick hole something to clench down on. You could feel yourself growing slicker around your fingers, and you pulled them out to toy with your clit again.

Once he was inside of you, you knew he wouldn’t be able to give you up. Once he realized what he had been missing out on, he would forget Rebecca ever existed.

You sat up in bed, head spinning when you did and glanced at the small alarm clock in the room. It had been about 20 minutes since Rafe had stopped by your room.

Maybe it was confusion brought on by the events of tonight, maybe it was the copious amounts of alcohol, or maybe it was the years of secretly pining after the one man you couldn’t have finally coming to a head, but for some reason, you stood up, reaching for the door handle and quietly leaving your room.

You quietly padded over to Rafe’s closed door, putting your ear to it and listening. His deep snores told you that he was already fast asleep.

And yet, you couldn’t stop yourself from slowly and silently turning the handle of his door, which you noted was unlocked, and slipping into his bedroom before closing the door behind you.

Once your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you could see Rafe, shirtless and laying on his back in bed. The sounds of his uninterrupted snoring let you know that you hadn’t disturbed him.

Your eyes widened when you looked lower and saw his boxers, which were straining against his large bulge.

Drawing closer, you slowly climbed onto the bed on the opposite side he was on, moving gingerly so you wouldn’t wake him up. You carefully pulled your shorts and panties off, along with your shirt, sure to drop them soundlessly onto the floor.

Slowly, you leaned over Rafe as he slept, reaching one of your hands out to cup his bulge. You bit your lip to keep quiet when you felt your cunt growing slicker. He felt bigger than you had expected, which both intimidated and excited you.

You reached into his boxers, pulling him free and you felt your clit pulse at the sight of his large, thick cock. He was cut, and so big you were beginning to have second thoughts.

But when you felt yourself clenching down around nothing, you knew that you needed him inside of you now.

You had waited long enough.

You rubbed your clit again, spreading your juices all over your tight hole in the hopes that it would ease the sting of Rafe’s huge cock.

Before you could second guess yourself, you straddled him, hovering over him before guiding his length to your entrance.

You slowly lowered yourself down onto him, letting out a hiss as you enveloped just his tip. He was already so thick, and you knew that you weren’t prepared for just how big he was.

Feeling full just from his tip, but still craving more, you slowly pushed yourself down onto him, just by an inch, and this time, Rafe was the one who groaned.

His hips shifted up, pushing himself deeper inside of you and you whined at the stretch.

“Mm, Becca?” He groaned, eyes shut as he was still half asleep.

At the mention of his wife, you drunkenly giggled, slowly grinding down onto him more. His large hands found your hips, and you moaned when he pushed himself deeper up inside you.

“Guess again,” you whispered with a grin, and at the sound of your voice his eyes shot open.

You clenched around him hard when Rafe met your eyes. His initial confusion was swiftly replaced with lust when you slid down on his cock more, filling yourself up and squeezing around him.

“Shit,” he hissed, his hands coming to your waist and squeezing tight, not pulling you off of him, just locking you in place. “Y/N, what the fu-”

You leaned forward, not letting him finish the sentence before kissing him for the second time tonight. When you greedily pushed yourself down onto him more, stretching your virgin cunt out and pulsing around him, he groaned into the kiss, his fingers digging into your hips tightly.

When you finally pulled away, gasping for air, Rafe met your eyes for a moment before looking down to where his length disappeared inside of you. You took the opportunity to slide yourself further down onto him, whimpering at the sensation of his thick cock straining your slick walls.

“Y/N,” he sighed breathlessly, and you could literally feel yourself gush around him at the sound of your name on his lips. “We can’t-”

“I’ve seen how you look at me, Mr. Cameron,” you teasingly drew out his name, remembering how he had asked you to call him Rafe instead. “Don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about this moment too.”

You bit back a moan when he shifted beneath you, accidentally pushing his cock deeper inside of you and he hissed at the feel.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he groaned lowly, his eyes squeezing shut, and your face grew hot with want. But then he seemed to remember himself, and his lids opened again, his fingertips pressing hard into your soft hips.

“Stop- stop moving,” Rafe choked out. You could feel his hips twitching beneath yours as he held himself back, but you didn’t want to lose the friction you already had.

He felt so fucking good inside of you that you couldn’t stop yourself.

“I- I’ve wanted you for so long, Rafe,” you whined, slurring your words as your head grew dizzy with desire. You pushed yourself down further again, finally bottoming out and you squirmed when you felt the tip of his cock nudge your cervix. “Mm you’re so big.”

Rafe growled out a curse at the feel of you pulsing around him and growing more wet the more you slid up and down his cock. He couldn’t take his eyes off of your perky tits, which were finally up close and on display just for him.

In the back of your mind, you drunkenly wondered if you had finally crossed the line. If doing this would ruin your relationship with Rafe for the rest of your life.

But when you looked down at him, drinking in his large muscles that were straining as he gripped you hard, you hazily remembered that Rafe was 5 times, maybe even 10 times, stronger than you.

You had seen the evidence face to face just earlier tonight.

If he really wasn’t enjoying this, he could have pulled you off of him immediately, but he didn’t.

“Y/N-” he strained when you teasingly tilted your hips, rising up before coming back down onto his lap. “Y-you’re drunk.”

Still grinding your hips up and down to create friction, you chuckled at his reaction.

“I know you want me too,” you were fucking him steadier now, beginning to pick up the pace as pleasure began to build between your legs.

“You’re too young, Y/N, we- fuck- we can’t.” Rafe’s words were pleading for one thing, but the way his hips were starting to softly buck to meet your pace told you that he wanted more of you.

You leaned forward again to kiss him, and this time he welcomed it, his warm lips meeting and messily sliding over your own.

When you pulled away this time you stayed close, trailing sloppy kisses from his lips to his ear before teasingly whispering, “if you really want me to stop, just make me.”

Those words seemed to make something inside of Rafe snap and he couldn’t hold back any longer.

With a growl, his hand came to your throat, pushing you off of him and onto your back on the bed. His large hands pawed at your thighs, forcing them apart as he positioned himself between them.

“Fuck, you have no clue how long I’ve wanted you,” his rough voice made your cunt clench down around nothing, and you let out a whine when you felt the head of his cock rubbing against your slick slit.

He pushed all of himself inside of you in one swift thrust and you whined loudly in surprise.

“Always knew you were teasing me on purpose, isn’t that right, kid?” His hand came to your chin, stroking your cheek as he slowly started thrusting in and out.

You dumbly nodded, lips falling open as you got lost in the rhythm he was fucking you at.

The older man’s large cock stretched you out differently at this angle, and he groaned when you wrapped your legs around his waist, urging him on.

“Ever have a dick this big?” He grunted, picking up his pace and drilling deep inside you.

You shook your head, slinging one arm around his back to try to steady yourself as he fucked you relentlessly.

“N-no, you’re my first,” you mumbled shyly, suddenly feeling very inexperienced.

At that, his hips stuttered and he paused, looking into your eyes with raised eyebrows, “you mean..?”

“I- um, I saved myself for you,” you admitted breathlessly.

He let out a groan at that, and when you felt his cock twitch inside you, you let out a soft whimper, grinding your hips onto him to make up for the lost friction.

“Shit, Y/N, that’s my girl,” he praised you gruffly, and your cheeks burned when you felt yourself growing slicker around him, making a sticky mess between your thighs. “So sweet, just for me.”

His lips captured yours and you clenched around him when his tongue pushed into your mouth, hungrily tasting you.

The older man’s hips began lazily thrusting into you again, his large hands coming to your chest to squeeze your tits. You gasped into the kiss when he gently pinched your nipples, teasing them with his fingers.

When he trailed a hand between your legs, rubbing your clit, you whimpered against his lips.

Rafe’s hips slid back, pulling back before pushing his cock inside of you. The feeling of his dick sliding along your walls as his fingertips swirled around your clit made you see stars. You squeezed your thighs together, only for Rafe to pull them apart again.

“Does that feel good?”

You were too cock drunk to answer properly, dazedly nodding your head and whining out a “mm hmm.”

The way his fingers teased your clit was stoking a fire in your stomach, and each thrust of his cock deep inside you brought you closer to the edge.

His length was stretching you out so deliciously, dragging against your snug walls and hitting a spot that made your eyes flutter shut.

“Jesus, how’d I get so lucky?” Rafe rasped from above, drilling in to you harder now as he chased his release.

When his fingers suddenly wrapped around your throat, your eyes widened and you looked up at him in surprise. His fingers flexed, tightening around your throat just a bit and you couldn’t stop the whimper that slipped past your lips.

The overstimulation of his thick cock stretching you out, his fingers twitching over your sensitive clit, and the rough hold on your throat sent you over the edge.

You came with a loud moan that Rafe quickly interrupted with a sloppy kiss. Pleasure exploded inside your body, and your legs shock as you squeezed tight around his cock.

Rafe cursed against your lips as your cunt gripped him even tighter than before. His pace never wavered, slamming into you again and again as you rode out your orgasm.

“Shit,” Rafe grunted, pushing all of himself into you a few more times before pulling out, his hand immediately fisting his cock.

You dazedly watched as he worked his fist up and down for a few seconds before his hot seed spilled from the tip and spurted onto your breasts. The hungry way that he looked down at you with his sticky cum painting your tits made your already overstimulated clit pulse.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he growled through gritted teeth. “You’re so perfect, I can’t wait to ruin you.”

[yeehawtist]

i think a lot of people miss out on this but spending time with diverse groups of disabled people makes you realize that people's needs will constantly contradict each other. if one person stims, tics, speaks, breathes, etc. loudly, then there will be at least one other person who can’t stand the sound of it. they need to be able to leave if they need it. the loud person cannot be forced to stop being loud but the one who is sensitive to loudness cannot be forced to tolerate something they can’t either. maybe there’s a person who needs aromatherapy to cope with or reduce problems that their disability causes them. but there may also be a person who gets seizures or migraines from strong scents. you cannot deny that coping skill but you cannot let it trigger someone either. someone who struggles to sit might need a standing desk, someone who needs to sit will need a chair, some people might need alternative seating or flexible seating, and all of those options need to be available. one standing desk in the corner isn’t going to cut it most of the time and people need to be able to accept that and do better.

i could give endless examples of times when people's needs will contradict each other. most of which i’ve seen happen in real life spaces. physical, processing, communicating, everything can be contradictory to someone else's need. everything. a truly accessible space will try to accommodate to all those who exist within it.

[dnalt-d2]

(Please note: I am only going to speak about things that are verifiable, either by Lea, who we know for a fact at this point was an admin, or by our own observations, like hearing what's happening on certain streams, or other verifiable announcements. I don't want to talk too much on things outside of that because it could technically be speculation, and I don't want to mislead anyone. I will do my best to state what is and isn't speculation in order to keep confusion to a minimum. I'm also going to remain as impartial as possible, and only provide facts as they've been presented to us. This is basically just meant to be to organize some of the things going on into one post so that people who aren't on Twitter can get a good idea of what's going on instead of just hearing it from people who keep vaguely doom-posting)

So as has been the case for the last couple weeks, the Admin Situation continues to unfold. In a manner of speaking, at least

Since Quackity made his initial statements, we haven't gotten any sort of concrete news from him, or even an acknowledgement that things are still developing. Like I've said in my previous post, I haven't been expecting any concrete updates, since that sort of thing would most likely be sensitive information that he legally can't share. However, I do find it disheartening that he has continued moving forward without so much as acknowledging the situation

I do understand that a lot of current plans have been in the works for a while now, and couldn't be pushed back that far without detrimentally affecting other people, including the new streamers who likely carved out large chunks of their schedule out specifically for QSMP. So keeping the server closed for too long could have easily had negative effects on many people, including the Admins. But I want to say that I just don't know everything going on behind the scenes, and this isn't fact. It's just what I understand to be happening

And while we still haven't gotten any official statements regarding the Admins since Quackity's statement, things have still been happening, most of which we are probably never going to hear about. Some of which though, we are hearing, and it's not sounding that great, unfortunately

Do keep in mind however, that the following is just what we're hearing about, and because of the NDAs in place, we likely CAN'T hear about anything else, including any potential positive changes that might be taking place. We still aren't going to hear about any changes until they're concrete. This has only been taking place for a couple of weeks, and none of the changes can be made immediately. With that in mind, here's some of the verifiable information that has been making the rounds recently

As I've stated before, the French Union has gotten involved, and by this point, has stated that the Admins CAN potentially pursue legal action if they so choose. However, I want to emphasize that this doesn't mean legal action is guaranteed. This just means they have the OPTION to do so. Which by the sounds of things, it doesn't seem like anyone wants to do that as of right now. This is essentially just one more thing to give leverage to the Admins, letting them and Quackity know that they have that right. But if things can improve, they don't need to take them

(Link to their English post here)

As of now, one of the higher-ups in Quackity Studios, Jose, has been tweeting out that he is speaking with other Admins/Ex-Admins about everything going on, and gathering testimony in a document to present to Quackity. Last we heard, he was still gathering testimony and speaking to lawyers to ensure that everything he was doing was legal. And that as of now, organizing a meeting with Quackity himself has been a little difficult, I believe for scheduling reasons, as well as the fact that he's still gathering information (I was actually hoping to wait until this document was out to make another post about all this, but people keep acting like things are only going downhill, and I wanted to go ahead and give my two cents)

(Links to his posts can be found here and here)

We have also heard about 2 Admins quitting in the last couple days. Pancks, who was the roleplayer behind Agent 18 and Xaninho the Capybara, as well as other Portuguese-speaking NPCs. He has not given a clear reason for quitting aside from the fact that he feels he is done with this chapter of his career and wants to do other things. He has also asked us not to speculate his reason for leaving, which I am going to respect

(Link to his post here)

The other Admin who quit is a writer named Ana, who put out a statement saying that she was removed from most of her roles without being given a clear reason, while other writers still retain theirs. She states that her main reason for leaving is the lack of communication since things have gone down, which is not a great sign

(Link to her post here and her document here)

Lastly, we know that merch is currently being announced. So far we have 4 standees of the Eggs, Dapper, Trump, Leo(?), and Pomme, and will probably get more in the next few days. I want to point out that it's incredibly unlikely for this to have ONLY been started for the current situation. I'm personally assuming it was originally meant to be for the 1-Year Anniversary of QSMP starting, but has been pushed forward slightly to help raise funds for everything going on. Organizing merch production usually takes a while, which is the only reason I'm assuming that this isn't just coming out of nowhere

To wrap up, things haven't resolved yet. And that makes sense

Reorganizing an entire business takes time, even for people who are experienced in that sort of thing. But from what I understand, Quackity is not, and that's likely what led to this situation in the first place. Anyone trying something this big is bound to mess up, and unfortunately, this just happens to be a VERY big mess-up. Not too big to fix, but big enough to be difficult. And while we are hearing about some negative things happening, I want to remind everyone ONCE AGAIN, that we will not know anything until it's concrete, good or bad. The people speaking up don't seem to be doing so with any ill will, and many of them still seem to see QSMP as a positive experience overall. Just one that needs to be improved upon for the better of everyone involved. Right now, I'd say the main problem is, once again, communication. It's unfortunate that people keep bringing up how they haven't heard about anything going on, and that is very understandable. It's hard being kept in the dark on something like this, especially for people who were actually personally involved prior to this

The Admins/Ex-Admins have every right to be impatient on this because they're the ones being impacted the most. Because they've likely been patient for far longer than we have, and know a lot more about what's happening. That's why Lea has been doing her best to be vocal and support the current Admins and pressure Quackity Studios, even with the harassment she's apparently getting for doing so

But for us, who are simply viewers, just doom-posting and assuming the worst won't help. (AND NEITHER WILL HARASSING PEOPLE) Yes, we should be vocal in our support for the people affected, but there will be a point where shouting into the void is gonna be more detrimental than helpful. I believe that by now, we've gotten our point across. That Quackity and Quackity Studios know that we don't want to support a project that has to take advantage of people to keep it running. I'm not saying to let everything go completely. I would personally advise that people who want to should stay as educated as possible, and help educate anyone who wants to know what's going on

But if this is still affecting your mental and emotional well-being, stepping back and waiting to see what happens is probably the best move you can make. Spreading outright negativity won't help you, and it won't help the other people involved. I know that sometimes not knowing things can cause a lot of anxiety. Heck, that's why I make these posts, so I can help other people know what's going on. But other times, it can be entirely counterproductive. It's why I try not to doom-scroll through most social media in general, because I know that sometimes knowing more just means having more to worry about. It's up to you guys to find the balance that helps you, and I hope you all take care of yourselves in spite of everything going on

[m4rried2the-moon]

( PICK A PIC ) ❤️‍🔥 — what about you can best aid the revolution?

Funds for Palestinians 🇵🇸🍉

Relief / Other funds 🫶🏾💖

- what about you can help demonstrate your passion for humanity ? ❤️‍🔥🐦‍🔥

woke up angry opening my phone 🙃(understandably so) and figured that you might be too ! so, here is a reading to highlight qualities about you that could aid in the current revolution . it can be difficult to navigate the trauma of what's happening and shock you into stillness but this reading will hopefully give you a good idea of where to start if you've been in a cycle of guilt and deep empathy . that being said, please listen carefully to your intuition and only take what resonates <3

pile one 🍉

- qualities you have : the sun, strength/justice

- how to use it : the fool (seven of coins), the moon (the high priestess + the tower)

your radiance and brilliance overpowers false truths, injustice. pile one, you have a strength that comes from a forever knowledge of what is and isn't right. this is a deeply humanitarian energy, like a public defense attorney. very "for the rights of the people" and it's about controlling and directing that passion.

you can put this to use by continuing to hold out hope for a better future for this. i see that you have been wanting to start a project of some sorry to contribute to palestine and other causes---keep it up! don't let doubts of nothing coming out of your dedication and commitment stop you from figuring for what's close to your heart. if you know you must do something then do it! any effort is effort. use this drive for justice to inform and inspire others with your radiance.

pile two 🍉

- qualities you have : ace of cups, the magician

- how to use it : two of pentacles, two of wands

you possess a deep and unbridled sense of positive emotional well-being as a strong quality, pile two. your internal atmosphere being as sensitive as it is also marks for powerful manifesting energy. you are well aware of the gift you possess and not even need to be reading this (/j). you are in touch with your spirituality in a way that basically makes you an alchemist of desired outcomes. This also may happen naturally/with minimal intent.

you can put this spiritual sensitivity and connection to the divine to use by expanding your energy into different projects. this may sound overwhelming to some but i can also see this pile as people who are already planning their outreach and discussing with friends/family, boycotting and sharing new info. would say continue to stay encouraged! think about the progress that we've made so far for palestinians and how this will result in a nearly global release! we're so close, do not accept defeat as an option and keep your head up.

pile three 🍉

- qualities you have : three of wands, knight of wands

- how to use it : the empress, ace of wands

ready for action and a planner. your dominant qualities are that of a leader, and it's nothing for you to assess and judge a situation that calls for action. i'm sure you've already been putting your for down in the face of neutrality when it comes to palestine and other causes. you are not easily swayed by fears of the collective and hindering beliefs.

the best way you can use these leader qualities to aid those who can't and themselves is continuing to let your voice be heard and trusting that your effort is working in the best interest of those who need it most. It's clear in your pull that you are taking every chance you can already to stand up for what you believe in---yes! so happy and proud, keep it up! I would say you are already aware you're doing everything you can.

hey guys ! i hope this helped truly & just wanted to say that i know it's hard to see so much anguish and pain on such a global scale but the moment we give into ignoring it, we become a part of the problem. if you've been doing your best to share and inform at least, that's enough. do to the best of your abilities and don't beat yourself up if you're circumstances are limiting to your outreach ❤️🤓👍🏾 okay that's it. love u guys bye

[reqxxyt]

"Are you ever going to settle down" p.g

pairings: piere gasly x f!reader

warnings: rushed ending, sexual interactions mentioned

masterlist

“Are you ever going to settle down?” my middle-aged aunt sat across from me and asked with the same passive-aggressive smile she gave the rest of the family. I could feel my own mother tense at her words knowing a relationship is the last thing I want and I expressed that very proudly. But instead of trying to get into another stupid argument on how I don’t need a guy to fulfill my needs and wants I just shook my head and smiled the fakest I’ve ever gave. 

“I’m content on my own” I summarized my speech that wanted to itch out of my throat. Her smile dropped before being replaced with one that leaked sympathy, something I hate being the reciprocate of. She turned to my mom, hoping to hear some words from her but all she got was a shrug. 

“What about having children?” I had clearly seen that question coming, being nearly 28 and having most women figures in my family start their family in their early twenties, it's strange to hear someone claim they don’t want kids. At least any time soon. 

“Not in the plan right now,” I said with the urge to leave, hating the interrogating questions. I’ve had my fair share of relationships and I figured out they just aren’t for me. Plus, I am terrible with kids. All the kids I’ve approached just see me as a quiet, intimidating person that stares down at them because they refused to go down on their knees as they have a sensitive backs. 

Later on that same day, I was on a call with my friend of nearly a decade complaining about my aunt and her unnecessary sympathy. 

“Maybe you should consider going back into dating,” she said on edge because she knew how much I hated when people suggested the option. Instead of declaring the same thing I did with my aunt, I simply stared her down until she rolled her own eyes. “Just saying. You can’t live your whole life in a club and hook up with the first person you deem attractive”

“Doesn’t sound so bad” I shrugged but knowing it was a terrible life path. “Besides, I just don’t think there are people out there who want the same things as me. To not have kids right away, to be lenient and just let the relationship be itself until it either ends or feels right.”

“There are lots but okay,” she said and I wanted to groan, starting to become frustrated at the entire situation. “How about I set you up with someone?”

“You?” I asked already hating the idea of that happening. She nodded before saying “Hear me out. I have this distant friend who lives near you, I think you’ve seen him at my boyfriend birthday. Really nice, definitely your type”

“Type? Are we in high school?” I said judging her choice of words making her now the one to give me a blank stare. 

“Shut up. Besides, it will give you a chance to escape from the whole relationship talk with your aunt”

The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t sound so insane to me. Doesn’t hurt to give it a chance, right?

“Fine,” I said and she smiled brightly. “If this doesn’t work, you have to name your kid after me” 

“Never happening. But, if this does work, you have to allow me to make a speech at your wedding” and like that, we made a deal. 

I dressed in a simple outfit, figuring it was going to be cold wearing a blazer with a black long sleeve and dress pants. I hated going on dates because of the first impression and since I had never met this person before, their first impression is visuals. Not like I had much of a choice either way. 

I entered the coffee shop not spotting anyone that stood out and looking as if waiting for someone. I walked up to the cashier ordering a simple latte already imagining the worse as I frantically texted my friend, asking her when he would arrive. 

“Y/n?” I heard my name being spoken from a familiar french accent. I turned around and my movements froze. 

Well he’s definitely my type. I had seen him at the party my friend mentioned. I’d even talked to him, ending up at his place before leaving the next morning without exchanging another word to each other. 

My eyes widened, immediately recognizing him while he searched my face with a curious gaze, trying to recognize me before finally remembering. 

“Well, I finally got your name” he said with a small smile, finding it comical while I wanted to die internally. The one time I hooked up with a guy at a mutual party turns out to be my blind date my friend set me up with. We stood in silence for a moment before I finally looked down, no longer being able to look at his colored eyes. “Pierre”

“Y/n” I said out of pure habit before realizing he already knew my name and face palmed myself, ready to dig my own grave. He only laughed assuring it was fine, ordering his own coffee while I stood on the side waiting for him to finish. 

We sat next to a window, a small booth forcing to face each other. He was the first to speak “I honestly didn’t think I would see you again. Especially like this”

“Neither did I” i mumbled, barely heard by him. I immediately felt terrible for leaving without not saying anything. “I’m sorry for just leaving, I-”

“It’s fine” he shrugged before I could finish my excuse. “Want to start over?”

Hearing those words with his small, comforting smile somehow made me want to stay. I didn’t feel the need to run away like many other situations, I felt okay being here. I wanted to stay. 

“Sure, Pierre” testing out how his name rolled off my tongue, loving it myself. I caught his cheeks getting pinker, whether from the freezing degree whether or my two words, I’ll never know until I would ask months later. “What do you like to do?”

“Well…” and the conversation flowed from there. After the first couple of dates, he asked me out and I without much mental debatting, agreed allowing the relationship to flow on its own. 

After a long 3 years, he asked me to marry him. Again, no hesitation needed. No questioning myself whether this was for the best. 

I didn’t settle down for him. I settled down with him. 

[autistichalsin]

I have very complicated feelings about Halsin's Drow brothel dialogue that I want to share. I want to say, immediately, that I am not telling any other survivor how to feel about this, because we all have our own experiences that affect how we feel about this, and I will ask that you show me the same courtesy. I have had past posts of mine met with rudeness- from questioning whether I really had seen the scene in question to someone accusing me of having a "fetish" for rape recovery- telling me "go do Astarion's storyline instead"- to someone saying "the entire concept" (of trauma recovery, I guess?) is "western nonsense". Do not do that on this post.

The most common statements made as criticisms against Halsin's scene, post patch 5* are the following:

*Pre-patch 5, most of the criticism was about how out of left field it is and how there was no ability to follow up with Halsin about it/ask if he's okay.

It's OOC (or at least just nonsensical) for Halsin; he's a big, strong, wise Archdruid, so it makes no sense that he was raped.

Halsin obviously healed completely from his Drow-related trauma offscreen, and any statements from the player questioning this are condescension and/or infantilization and/or the same as demanding Halsin go through therapy onscreen- demanding all survivors have the exact same cookie-cutter reaction to be "valid".

The presence of the one rude "sounds traumatic, you may need to reflect on that" line means the entire scene is condescension as well.

Halsin's trauma isn't actually trauma/Halsin doesn't count as representation because it was not put in the story in good faith/was a joke, and it's insulting to change the scene to be more serious.

By changing these lines, the creators have prioritized one group of fans (those who wanted to see Halsin discuss what happened to him as an assault, not as a "fond memory") over another (those who felt this conversation was an indication Halsin had already had a complete recovery).

Gently and respectfully, I don't agree with any of these arguments. My feelings on these, point by point, are:

Rape can and does happen to anyone. Quite the opposite of being OOC for Halsin, it's important to have Halsin as representation alongside Astarion, to show that big, strong men can be victimized too, by any gender. Victimization can happen to a wide range of people, be committed by a wide range of people, and can have a wide range of effects on the survivor.

I love healed survivors, and I would love to see more in fiction. However, Halsin never once came across like a healed survivor to me, in this scene or otherwise. He came off like someone deep in denial (or perhaps just crisis mode) who was victim-blaming himself to downplay it. He called his rapists "hosts", himself a "guest, prisoner, and consort", himself a "foolhardy young Druid". Those are worrying ways to describe being made a sex slave for three years. I personally can't imagine how we were supposed to hear that repeated denial/downplaying/use of euphemism and infer healing from that. If that was truly what the writers intended, I think an exchange to the effect of "are you okay?" "Yes, it was a long time ago, and the wounds have healed" would have been acceptable- it's weird to think that wanting to be able to talk to Halsin after that and ask if he's okay is the same as "demanding he go through therapy for us" to some folks.

That one line isn't the best or most sensitively phrased, but it is HARDLY unique in that respect; there are many moments where your responses to delicate situations are awfully callous instead, even your "nice" ones. (See: immediately after Wyll gets his horns, where your nicest option is "The Blade of Frontiers has some explaining to do." No "oh my gods, are you okay? Are you in pain?") The lines following the nasty option include some wonderful choices (and a few callous ones, as per usual); "It's not for me to say- I wasn't there. But I'm here now, if you wish to talk," for example, which leads to Halsin thanking you and explaining that he hasn't had anyone to confide in for a very long time. Also, the offputting "you may need to reflect on that" option isn't the only way to get to the following lines; a Seldarine Drow, for example, can offer empathy by telling him he threaded the needle by surviving Lolth's pitiless followers at all. Sometimes, a writer's abstraction of situations like these can be really hard, and sometimes writers for dialogue trees fail to anticipate the responses players will want to give. (I.E. not foreseeing that players might want to sound less judgmental to Halsin's recovery, or that players' first concern will be with Wyll's wellbeing in the aftermath of him growing horns, not anger at his "dishonesty".) I would like alternatives to those callous responses, sure, but I don't think they imply bad intentions. Occam's razor and all that.

The truth is that we will never conclusively know what the intentions were behind the original version of that scene. However, in following with Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is the best one, and it is almost always simpler to assume good intentions than to assume malice. With the care this game showed to rape, slavery, and other issues in the rest of the game, I find it much easier to believe that there was just bad conveyance of Halsin's past than I do that it was intended as a meanspirited joke against sexual assault survivors. Even if it was intended as a meanspirited joke, quite a lot of people had already found comfort in Halsin's character. There is no un-ringing the bell, so the best alternative was to improve the writing to address fan concerns.

Truthfully, any decision made could be argued to be prioritizing one group of fans over the other; if they had kept the status quo, they would have been prioritizing the group of fans who liked Halsin's downplaying of his trauma. Ultimately, Larian has shown that they enjoy making changes to the game over time (sometimes over the objections of fans, I.E. Gortash's letter); if they truly felt the true vision of their story was the original version and they felt it important to stick with it, they would have had no problem ignoring those fan complaints. Hell, one of THE most common complaints about Halsin is regarding his polyamory (especially from Early Access fans on the forums, who are quite vocal about feeling betrayed that Halsin isn't monogamous), and Larian has kept him poly because it is how they intended him to be. Larian didn't change Halsin's post-Drow scene solely because of fan outcry- they changed it because they wanted to. They have no problem keeping unpopular characterization beats and scenes in the game. If it were really a matter of "fan outcry = changed scenes" there would be an evil ending epilogue by now too.

Those are just my thoughts on the issue. I am leaving this untagged out of respect for other survivors who may not agree, but please feel free to reblog or comment- as long as discussion stays respectful.

[insom-nom-nom-niatic]

2 Of A Kind Ch. 3

CHARACTERS: Troy Otto X Fem Reader

WARNINGS: It's made for FTWD so you should know the basics. +SMUT (read at your own risk. I'm nobody's mom) +Fem receiving

There may or may not be a part 4... need to see how people feel about it. ALSO! Shoutout to all the GIF makers out there for giving me so many options and I love you all... I still feel the need to use the same one repeatedly, but you all help me fight that urge!

This is made for THIS anon request!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

“Can I help you with that?”

Troy’s eyes grew dark, feeling his senses begin to tunnel into her and her alone. The woman merely smiled, adjusting herself under the blanket to the side. Her cheeks burned with a fury of confusion and anticipation as she stared back into the blue eyes watching her. “I mean-” Troy shuffled his feet lazily towards the right side of the mattress, closest to the woman. “You helped me so it’s only polite of me to offer my assistance. That is - if you want me to help. Not to be frank but, I could do a bit better than what you were doing.” Troy cocked his head to the side with a crooked smile when the woman scoffed exaggeratingly at his remark. It had been some time, if ever, that anyone had made him feel like this.

Powerful.

“Come’er,” She whispered to him, a voice sending shivers down his spine, but Troy followed her order. The mattress slunk down from his weight, dipping the two into one pothole in the middle. Her fingers ghosted over his hand, the wound on it open to the warm air. His eyes flinched at the sting that rang up his extremity as she placed the hand to her lips, gently kissing the inflamed skin while looking up at him through dark eyelashes. with a twist of his hand, Troy caressed the woman’s cheek, feeling the heat radiate from her dewy skin. Their eyes never broke until Troy lowered his gaze to her lips, softer than he thought they’d be, swiping one calloused digit across the delicate flesh.

With a smooth lick of his lips, Troy initiated the kiss. Pressing his flesh upon her own, feeling her warmth and hearing the ever-so-silent moan that escaped her lips against his. He thought about going slow. He thought about taking it easy with her and not being so forceful, but the sound she made turned him into something more than he thought he was. Deepening the kiss, Troy licked at her bottom lip begging for permission.

Denied.

He could feel her lips pull at the sides, smirking against his touch. This was a game.

A hand found its way to the base of her neck, his fingers dancing along her spine until she felt his way into her hair. Troy took a handful of lush locks, pulling it into a fist. Her body began to arch as her neck pulled back just enough to gain his awaiting tongue entry. His body began to barrel over her as she was lost in the feelings. She wasn’t one to ever relinquish control… yet, here she was. Allowing a stranger control over her body, and she liked it.

As Troy’s tongue ventured into the walls of her mouth, his free hand found its way up her chest, burning fingerprints into the skin he began to expose. With one final nip to her bottom lip, Troy backed away, his lips at least. His eyes regained control again, watching her once-hardened eyes turn soft and needy. The look she gave him through those dark eyelashes gave him the feeling of warmth… possessive… needed.

Fully collapsing into the soft sheet below, the woman gave up her fight. His touch felt too good to push away.

Watching his head dip below her chin, she felt his lips once again burn into her skin, just below her collarbone. His tongue swirled with small suctions traveling lower and lower. His nimble fingers pulled the blanket she was hiding under exposing both breasts to his full view. Troy glanced up, his fingers pinching the sensitive skin of her nipples.

He wanted to see her face as she let him do everything he wanted.

He wanted to see her vulnerable. He wanted to see her as his.

After a little while, he couldn’t take it any longer. Seeing her skin raised in goosebumps and her nipples formed into full points, Troy replaced his fingers with his lips. He hadn’t thought he had an oral fixation before, but the way his cock begged for his lips to have her, any part of her, was beginning to make the brunette re-think that. Her voice jumped when he sucked in a breath against her, biting harder than he had before. Her fingers weaved through the curly locks on Troy’s scalp, tugging ever so much with each moan that escaped her. Troy hadn’t realized that his hand had already found her most sensitive region until she shook under his grasp.

“Wait-wait-wait-wait!” She exclaimed, her fingers lifting his chin to look back at her. “If you’re going there, then I need something other than ‘fuck-boy’ to scream. So what’ll it be?”

Troy smirked, a devilish smirk, with one arm under his weight to keep him raised above her form. The hand that was at her core swiped the saliva from his lips before ghosting down her body, once more resting where he could see a glint of her slick dripping from. His eyes watched her skin react to his touch the entire time, her scars rough and coarse before his fingertips met more soft skin. He thought about toying with her, prolonging her wait for any form of identity of him, but he wanted to hear his name echo on those walls just as bad as she wanted sweet release.

“I’m Troy.”

As soon as he spoke, Troy delved two fingers into her core. Her hands fisted into his hair as he did so. He watched as her entire body arched from the mattress and her lips enchanted the delight of moaning his name. Enjoying the sight before him, Troy watched as she came to orgasm. His digits glided in and out of her sodden core, stretching the walls of her pussy farther with each spasm she had. As she began to clamp down, his thumb rubbed circles through her clit, only causing even more mess as she finally climaxed with a squirt of fluids soaking the bedding below her sweat-slickened skin.

She was a mess, a hot uncontrollable mess as she came back down from her high. She had completely forgotten she was even in company until she felt one strong arm tighten over her belly and soft curls itch across her cheeks. Troy knew she needed a little time, so kept himself busy making bruises to last her a few days on her neck. Once he felt her heart rate slow against his touch, he pulled back to look upon the magnificent work he had done. One arm, again held him up as the other moved slickened hair from the woman’s face. His eyes peered over her lips as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth to keep from dazing before meeting her watchful gaze.

“I suppose I should thank you.” She spoke quietly, much softer than normal. Her mouth upturned into a shy smile before turning to look at the ceiling. Troy chuckled tenderly. This woman wasn’t at all who he thought she would be as he peeled back layer after layer.

“There’s no need, I’m here to help, ma’am.”

Troy rolled over to the edge of the mattress, swinging his legs over the side. He didn’t want to overstay his welcome so he figured it was off to the couch for another night. Then, a soft touch wrapped around his wrist.

“Why are you leaving? Did I-”

“I didn’t want to overstay or put you in a position to ask me to leave.”

Troy looked back at the woman from over his shoulder. She sat where he had left her, trying to hide her modesty behind entwined arms and legs. The look she returned was not one that he had assumed he would get. Her coy smile beckoned his feet to not move. Her eyes were like a siren making any thought he had of leaving melt away.

“I’m grateful, I truly am -” her hand that was on his wrist weaved through a belt loop, tugging at the fabric, “- I need more, Troy. And given by how tight those pants have gotten, I think you need more too.”

[timidpumpkin]

Little Light (Stucky x reader)

Part 1: Found

Pairing: Dark!Stucky x f!reader

Summary: The first time you met Steve--or--the first time Steve found you.

Warnings for this part: Dark!Stucky, Female reader, Stalking, Reader has anxiety, Reader cries, Allusions that reader is a little, Allusions to kidnapping.

Warnings for future parts: Ddlg, Daddy!Stucky, Kidnapping, Forced age regression, Slapping, Anxiety, Panic attack, Slight dubcon, Stockholm Syndrome. (Will add more as needed)

Let me know if I missed any!!

Word count: 2.6k

Notes: Reader is in their 20s. There will be a few more parts to this as well as future writings within this universe! :) hehe. This is my first time ever posting a fic...please be kind...I am sensitive. Minors and ageless blogs DNI or I WILL block you.

It’s chilly. 

The night is abnormally quiet. Your ears have to adapt to the lack of sound. Bugs and frogs are no longer sounding off to the moon. The draft that bites its way up your nose is dry. It’s the first few indications that the trees will transform, stripping their colorful shields to brace themselves for the biting weather that's to come.

You huffed your way into your familiar abode, wishing it wasn’t so late. For the past, well, who knows how long, you had been working prolonged hours that certainly weren’t supposed to be a part of your daily work life. Nevertheless, it was, and you were tired–no, exhausted. 

Your head and stomach oh so kindly reminded you that it was in need of food, but when you make your way into the kitchen, nothing seems appetizing. Well, that wasn't exactly true. The truth was the idea of spending what little time you had left in the day making something that would only add the dishes, another chore, was dispiriting, to say the least.

So instead of meeting your basic needs, you were met with wet eyes that almost lull you into slumber. But before you're taken over by sleep, as you lay on your couch, your mind drifts to a time when things weren't as…hard.

Several months ago, or perhaps even close to a year when you think about it, you were in Washington DC. It was an academic trip, the last one for your last year. Of course, throughout your schooling, you had plenty of assignments to keep you occupied. Yet, trips like these made it much more than bearable–it was fun. Most of your time was spent exploring countless museums and exhibits tailored to define the world you lived in. Elation saturated your spirit as you and your closest friend, MJ, absorbed the new environment. 

Perhaps though, one of the most memorable parts of your trip was when you two snuck out late one night to grab a bite to eat. Your mischievous selves couldn't seem to be bothered by the fact that the city could be known for its more…eventful crime life.

The streets weren't nearly as crowded at this time of night. Still, the warm street lights and richly colored signs decorating local establishments left the perfect amount of people to create a steady hum of activity. After going back and forth between several different food options, you eventually found yourselves on a bench to eat your taco score of the night. You mumbled to each other through full mouths declaring over and over again how delicious it was and made plans to find something sweet afterward. You hummed in satisfaction when the urge hit you. 

You had to pee. Great. 

Where on earth could you find a decent bathroom around here?

“I’m gonna try to find a restroom,” you said, wiping food debris from your pants and standing from your seated position.

“Ha, good luck,” MJ jeered at you, mouth half full. “I’ll be here enjoying this then” she motioned to your leftovers.

“Yeah yeah,” you scanned around you before figuring a direction to try your luck at. “Well, I’ll be back soon if I don’t find anything.”

“Hey wait!” she blurted before you could take off too far. “Don't forget this,” you turn to see an outstretched hand holding your phone. “If you get kidnapped or something I'll need some way to find you,” she teased. “You know, so I don't get in trouble if you do.”

“How very thoughtful of you.” you rolled your eyes playfully taking it from her.

You roam around, one street to another until you finally happen by a small sandwich shop that, mercifully, lets you use their restroom. Once you depart from its doors, you realize you're not really sure where you are. At all. Every street and building looks like the other one and after walking for a bit, you’re pretty sure you’ve gone the wrong way. Where you find yourself now is darker. Few lights illuminate the path ahead, and you can’t shake the strange feeling that you’re being watched–despite not seeing a single soul. You can’t help but check behind you every so often, looking backwards over and over again until you're not even really looking forward at all anymore.

And that when your body hits it. Something hard stops your momentum completely and wobbles you off balance until you feel gentle but firm hands steadying your swaying form. You can’t help the gasp that escapes your throat. 

“Woah there,” the solid figure holding you speaks. You blink up at the deep voice. It’s a man. A large man. His grip eases off you and he holds his hands up, open-palmed. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” he appealed, a reassuring smile on his face. 

“Oh it’s-that's alright,” you try to regain your composure as you back up a step, making space between you and the stranger. “I suppose I should have looked where I was going” you breathed, trying not to sound so startled. “Sorry.” you posture yourself up finally getting a good look at the man in front of you. You can’t help but stare at him for–probably more than a few–awkward moments as you start to recognize his face. It’s one you saw only hours ago during your Smithsonian visit, specifically, the Captain America exhibit. Yep–you’re pretty sure that man looking back at you is Steve Rogers. 

Except, he looks different from the pictures and videos you’ve seen. He’s sporting a beard, and he really does look even bigger than you expected. Even with a few good feet between you, you still have to look up to him. And he’s looking at you too. Luckily, he breaks the silence, likely noticing your gob-smacked face. 

“Are you,” he looked you up and down quickly, assessing you. “lost?” he meets your eyes.

“Oh-uh-, no no, I’m-” you didn’t want to seem helpless, but when he raises his eyebrow at you, you quickly cave. “well yeah actually…I was trying to find my friend. I left her on a bench…somewhere.” you say looking around pointlessly, as if she’d somehow appear before you.

“Well,” he takes a tiny step towards you. “I’m sure I could help with that” he grins confidently at you. 

“Oh that’s okay,” you start. “I mean I don’t want to impose or anything.” You’re sure he has more important things on his agenda than to help some random girl find her friend. You felt like some lost kid looking for their parent in the grocery store.

“Not at all,” he says definitively. “come on.” He gestures for you to follow his lead. He asks you what you remembered about your surroundings when you left MJ. He seems to recognize the place you’re talking about immediately and starts guiding the way. On the walk there, you talk. Well–he talks, mostly. It’s not that you necessarily felt nervous in his presence. Rather, it just wasn't uncommon for you to be at a loss for words, especially with new people. The truth of the matter was, you just didn’t know what to say, it was often difficult for you in that way. In the way that you only felt comfortable around someone after a decent amount of time of knowing them. Regardless, what was uncommon was how comfortable you felt talking to him-or well-answering him when he spoke to you.

“You really should be more careful walking around alone like that.” he said, seriousness lacing his tone.

“Yeah,” you laugh guiltily, “after all, you never know what kinds of people you’ll run into.” you jab at him playfully and he gives you a laugh in return. He asks if you're new to the area, and you explain your presence as a result of a field trip. You tell him simple things, like what you study, and how you’re almost finished with school.

“You know what you want to do after you graduate?” he probes. You wish he hadn’t. You hated that question more than anything, and now it was coming from him. Nevertheless, you felt you could be honest. 

“I’m…not really sure” you look downwards, self-conscious of your answer.

“Hmm, I know what that’s like.” you peer up at him in disbelief. Sure, you didn’t know him at all really, but still, you couldn't help the short judgment that told you that wasn’t true.

“Really?”

“I know, I know” he chuckles, “hard to believe, right?” he glances at you, smirking as you continue to walk. “but it’s true. Maybe not exactly like your situation but…” he purses his lips “I know what it’s like to feel uncertain about your path.” You're slightly taken aback by his honesty, and it comforts you to know someone like him could feel the same doubts as you. 

Well, of course, you think. He is just a normal person–okay, superperson–after all. A person like any other. 

One with feelings, wants, and needs. 

You hum. “Did you ever figure it out?” he cocks his head at you. “You know, whatever you were unsure about?” he ceases his stroll and your legs automatically mimic his as you stand to face each other. Even at a respectable distance, he towers over you. It’s not just his height though, rather, his entire being, his build, is enormous. 

“I think I did,” he smiles at you “yeah,” you smile back and for the second time tonight, you’re staring, but again, he breaks the silence. “Is that your friend?” you turn to see MJ still seated where you left her looking as nonchalant as usual. You give Steve an affirmation and begin making your way to her. As you get closer you make out what appears to be a cup of ice cream in her hands.

“There you are. I’ve been worried sick.” she explains, taking in a spoonful. 

“I can tell.” you quip. 

“Was too! You never answered my texts” she wiggles her phone in front of you for emphasis. You don’t remember getting any texts. Then again, maybe you were too distracted to notice them.

“Oh, well, sorry, I kind of got lost. Luckily I ran into-” you look behind you wanting to show your friend who helped bring you here, only to see an empty street. Your brows furrow. 

“Ran into…” she peers in the direction you’re looking towards.

“Someone that helped,” you mumble mostly to yourself. She gives you a confused look. “I-I’ll explain when we get back to the room.” and you do.

You tell her about how he startled you at first but was quick to offer help. “Of course he’d offer to help, he’s a superhero.” MJ remarks during your retelling. She listens as you describe how easy it felt to converse with him, and how you wished you had only thanked him properly for helping you. Realistically, you’re not sure what would have happened had you not run into him–literally. 

That memory wasn’t one you thought of too often, to tell the truth, but it was one that reminded you of a simpler time. Yet, even then you remember being tired. Only now did it seem to catch up with you how much you had to do. It made even the simplest tasks feel like too much. You longed for a time when you didn’t have so much…responsibility. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ

That night may have been the last time you saw Steve, but it certainly wasn’t the last time he saw you. 

He watched you that night, long before you even ran into him. He had been there for some mission, the importance of which he couldn’t remember. What he did remember though–your laugh. It chimed over the noise of the city around him, guiding him to your form where he was met with bright smiles as you giggled at something your friend said. There was something about you that drew him to you, and as the night went on, that something only grew stronger. He watched as you joked with your friend. He noticed your attentiveness to her, and those around you. How kind you were to anyone you interacted with, and how…silly you were for leaving your friend to go off by yourself. He knew then he had to keep watching, to make sure you remained safe. 

He was elated when you took that turn into the dark and empty street. It was the perfect opportunity to hear your voice–up close. 

And oh–how sweet you sounded.

Like how one would imagine a doe-eyed deer would sound. He reveled in how timid you were around him. How hard you tried to be courteous, mouth moving to form words, only for your lips to shut themselves. He truly thought it was adorable how you couldn't really look him in the eye, and when you did, you’d look away, often, with a bashful look.

Steve did see something in you that night–something he was missing. Once he realized it so, and dropped you off with your best friend, he knew he had to find his–Bucky.

Truthfully, he was more than just his best friend. They had been through so much, both together and separate. Both were thrown into treacherous waters more than once, living in unpredictable conditions, and exposed to the most atrocious of people. Though still, they had each other long before any of that. A friendship–a relationship–that knew no bounds–whether it be of time or situation. 

Steve knew Bucky would understand his fascination with you. They both had a lucid awareness of the wretched world they lived in. It wasn’t always that way, but time had proven it so over and over again. They could always rely on each other when everyone else seemed content with being against them. They knew the world still needed help, and they gave it, when and where they needed to. But nevertheless, in their eyes, everything was still tainted with darkness.

Except you. 

Over months, they observed you, studying you like there would be a test over every aspect of your being. Bucky thought you were even better than Steve had described. Beautiful, softhearted, and sweet. Yes, you truly were sweet. But in a way, too much so. He saw how nasty some people could be to you, only for you to return them with kind eyes and meek responses. He hated it. He adored you, and as time went on, it soon became clear that he didn’t want anyone to treat you in such a way.

They saw you working yourself to depletion every day. How you’d let dishes and laundry pile up. How poorly you ate, and how…clumsy you could be. Tripping over nothing after a long day, injuring yourself when actually attempting to make a meal. They knew what they needed to do. They knew what you needed. 

You needed them.

You needed them to take care of you.

Steve couldn’t bear to see you suffer like this, and Bucky knew they were the only people who could truly keep you shielded from the cold world around them. They would be your warmth, and you would be their little light. 

Yes, they could tell you needed them.

They could tell when you failed to do the simplest of things. 

They could tell when, every night, you’d grip your favorite stuffed animal in your arms.

They could tell when you were sure all the lights were out, your thumb would slowly slip its way behind your lips before you drifted to sleep.

Timing was everything. They had only been waiting for the perfect moment when everything was ready–including you. So when they saw you this night, curled up, tears staining the fabric beneath you as you fell asleep with an empty stomach, they knew it was the perfect time. 

[22ayla19]

Summary: You took an oath that even if you die, you will definitely meet in your next life, under the same pomegranate tree where you first met.

Warning: AU, mentions of death (reader died in a past life), reincarnation, angst, tarot reader, clairvoyant.

From the Author: I was able to complete the world quest with Deshret only recently and gods, how mesmerizing it is. I'm very interested in the desert, it's a pity that there is little lore on it.

To say that I’m not like everyone else, everyone will think that I’m an upstart, posing as a simpleton, but I’m really different from ordinary people. You see, I am a person with an unusual gift, I can see spirits since birth. They say that newborn children and animals are very sensitive to the paranormal, my parents believed in this up to a certain point, until I grew up and began to scare them with the words “Mom, dad, look! There’s Aunt Bella!” Yeah, Aunt Bella, who died in an accident due to the fault of one drunk driving... Mom then almost fainted.

That's pretty much how all the paranormal stuff started with me. I am already 25 and roughly speaking, I have become a local fortune teller, as some call it, which sounds very rude, since I am a clairvoyant and a tarot reader to boot. Of course, I charge for my services, but it happens that sometimes deceased clients come to me, that is, spirits who ask me for help, to finish things or say important words that they did not have time to say during their lifetime. Honestly, I would not pay attention to them, but there was one case when I ignored the spirit and as a result, the daughter of a deceased woman died at the hands of her husband. I still feel guilty for not warning that girl...

Fortunately, today is my day off and I can take a little break from the daily hustle and bustle. I decided to lie in bed and watch Egyxos at the same time. So what? I live alone, no one bosses me around, I can at least be a child alone with myself. Since childhood, I have loved everything connected with Egypt, and I am studying to be a historian and the topic of my diploma is Ancient Egypt, the secrets of the pyramids and pharaohs.

My joyful and exciting mood was ruined by a call from a friend. Still, it would be better to set the “do not disturb” mode...

- Hello, friend!

- What do you want (F/N)? Get to the point, you wouldn’t have called me if it wasn’t very, very “important,- I answered my friend displeasedly. Well, it's true! I told her not to call on my day off, but she again probably asks for a triangle layout for the first men she meets.

- Well, you’re so mean,- she pouted, for sure. - In short, I met two guys here, they’re so nice. One is so tall that...

- I don't care what they look like. Their names and two bottles of cognac at your expense, and I’ll make you a triangle layout - I’m really not interested in her personal life right now. I value (F/N), but she is very amorous and after a couple of betrayals, some scoundrels (which is putting it mildly), she is desperately looking for that very man who will only love her and not get under the skirt of others.

- I guess I’m tired of you with my men, aha-hah... Sorry, Y/N...

- To hell with you. I’ll make a schedule and bring some booze to me next weekend. Agreed?

- Agreed! I'll be waiting for a message from you! Bye bye!

- Where are you going?! Tell me the names of your men! How can I make a schedule for you? - how I love her instant forgetfulness with all my backside.

- Oh, oh! Andrew and John are their names.

I made this triangle layout and purely theoretically, something might work out between her and Andrew, but it depends on both of them, I can only suggest a possible scenario. But John has something dark behind him, so it’s better for a friend not to get too close to him. I wrote the message, and then it’s up to (F/N).

I would like to eat some fruit now, I really want pomegranate or pomegranate juice, but the only option is to leave the house and go buy it, but I’m too lazy. Eh, there’s nowhere to go, maybe I’ll buy myself something else, I’ll go and get ready quickly.

It didn’t take long to get ready, only about 10 minutes, I left my apartment and went towards the supermarket. Already on the spot, I began to look for the fruit I needed. I quickly found it, took the bag and, touching the pomegranate, I had a vision.

Love... such a strong feeling, but at the same time weak. One day my love destroyed the one I loved very much. I don't want... I can't lose you too...

My habib albi, you yourself said that love is a very strong feeling, so let me become your strength, your support in such troubled times.

My Merit...

I want to share my love with you, like I once shared a pomegranate with you. Even though I am destined to die as an ordinary mortal, I will definitely return to you under that pomegranate tree where we met.

The vision disappeared, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This is the first time something like this has happened to me. I have experience as a clairvoyant, but for some reason I felt empty and lost after this vision. I didn’t even want to buy pomegranates, but since I came to buy them, I’ll buy them. Although it is interesting that similar visions will continue to appear.

. . .

A month later I went on a little trip. I needed material for my thesis, and I would draw it from the history of Egypt itself. Of course, now it is possible to find the missing information on the Internet, but it is still much better to see all the secrets of Egypt for yourself.

The strangest thing is that when I arrived in Egypt, visions began to torment me. From them I only understood that the king fell in love with a girl who became both strength and weakness for him, but because of the unrest in the country, both she and he died. It’s a sad story, but there’s something left unsaid in it, but I can’t figure out what it is.

Today I have a meeting with an expert who will talk about Heliopolis, one of the oldest and most important cities in Ancient Egypt. The meeting with this expert will be the last, since after this I will have to return home and complete the material for the diploma. It’s sad, because I want to know even more about Egypt, it fascinates with its secrets.

I was supposed to meet with the expert in the park near the museum, but since I arrived earlier than the appointed time, I decided to take a walk to pass the waiting time.

Walking through the park, I noticed a pomegranate tree. It’s strange that it is in such a place, but looking at it, for some reason I remembered a fragment of my visions, where the king met a girl under a pomegranate tree.

I walked up to the tree and began to look at it. An ordinary fruit tree, there is nothing so distinctive, but for some reason it attracts you. It’s as if some unknown force wants to say something, but cannot.

For about 5 minutes I stood and looked straight at the tree that I didn’t even notice how a fruit fell from the tree, but it fell not on the ground, but on my head. I managed to catch the pomegranate in my palm, but my head now hurt from the blow.

- Miss, are you okay?

- Yes, I'm... fine..

Looking at the man who was looking at me worriedly, I felt a surge of joy, happiness, but also bitterness. I felt the same as in my first vision about the Tsar and my favorite, but for some reason it was joy that I felt.

It was at this moment that, out of luck, another vision came to me.

My dear, Merit... I could not protect you, I could not protect my people... My ambitions became the grave of both Nabu Malicath and you. If my sacrifice can cure the plague on my lands, then I will give my life without regret. My only wish is to meet you in the next life under the same grana tree where we met.

- Maybe you should still go to the doctor, miss? - the man became more worried at the sight of my numbness. I couldn’t tell him to his face that I was imagining a moment from the past. They'll take her for a crazy person.

- Everything is fine with me. There’s no need to worry, I’m just tired after several weeks of work - it wasn’t a lie, since I’m really tired, but I won’t tell just anyone about my paranormal powers. Although the words “just anyone” do not quite apply to this situation. It’s difficult to describe in words, because looking at the man in front of me, I felt that I could trust that he was someone I once knew, the feeling of deja vu did not leave me.

- Excuse me, have we never met before? You just seem very familiar to me...

- Oh, it’s unlikely that we’ve ever met, this is the first time I’ve seen you, miss. Perhaps my words will seem absurd, but maybe we met in a past life?

The question itself sounded like a slight flirtation or even a joke, but for some reason, behind the man’s back, I saw a shadow, or rather the image of the king who appeared in my visions. Time seemed to stop, I didn’t hear anyone, as if I had fallen into a trance, but the man’s voice made me realize one important thing.

- I have been waiting for our meeting for a long time, my dear Merit, - an important detail that I have been missing all this time. I was the same Merit from the visions. More precisely, my past life. And the man in front of me is the same man who swore to wait for me in my next life. He is the same king who sacrificed his soul to stop the plague because he could not save the life of his beloved.

[muffinsin]

👀anon here, I've re-read pretty much all of your masterlists at least a few times each at this point 😅 am always impressed with how prolific you are and how good your writing is! Thinking about your dimi hands hc...could I request how the girls would be with a s/o with an oral fixation? They notice initially things like their s/o near constantly having sweets/candy or a pen or a toothpick etc in their mouth but eventually those are replaced with the girls' fingers and maybe other things 👀👀

I’m glad you’re enjoying my works! :) makes me incredibly happy to hear y’all liking it this much🙇‍♀️🫶

speaking of: little info to everyone- Masterlist 3 is now due and out!!

This is a very interesting concept! Boy, have I got some ideas for it!👀 (the referenced hand HC post can be found here)

Let’s get into it!🙌😚

Masterlist 1

Masterlist 2

Masterlist 3

Bela

Bela picks up on your oral fixation first. She’s very perceptive as it comes to the people she cares about, after all

Now, she doesn’t normally mind it

She does remind you of bacteria sometimes, though, and not to nibble on things that could be dirty, even if not so to the naked eye

You’re her partner, her little human. She cares for you. She also tends to view humans as weaker than they are, and doesn’t want bacteria to be the reason you get sick

It starts with nibbling on your thumb or sleeve, your nails even

She has a nervous habit of biting her lip or the tip of her fingernail sometimes, so she barely even notices this at first

Then, she finds that you nibble on the end of pencils as you write and pause between words or sentences

Rarely she even finds wooden pencils with bite marks at the back. She is fast to dispose of those, however, whether they are from you, a maiden or one of her sisters

She doesn’t want them around

In some situations she even needed to remind you not to nibble on the paint of your paintbrush when painting- You didn’t even seem to notice

In other instances, she finds you absently reading with your necklace lifted to your mouth

She wonders, does this fixation of yours also apply in bed?

She knows you enjoy giving her oral. You never turn it down, and are always eager to have her pant from the pleasure she receives

It doesn’t help that she is painfully sensitive most of the time and grows incredibly wet for you

She is somewhat of a meal, really, between her legs

Still, Bela is curious about your oral fixation and thinks of taking it to the next level

The next time you’re intimate, and have your fingers inside of her, she strikes

Bela swiftly pushes her slender fingers in your mouth, three at the same time

For a moment, she’s unsure- did she interpret it all wrong?

No, for she then notices you lick and suck them all too eagerly

It’s a flustering and adorable sight to her

Often, she will randomly make you suck her fingers. They’re strong and thin, and you seem to take a lot of pleasure from having them in your mouth, your tongue swirling around them eagerly

But, it isn’t quite what she has in mind yet

After all, if you must suck on things, there are plenty other options…

The moment Bela grew aware of your oral fixation, she has had distinct fantasies of you sucking her breasts

Her nipples are so sensitive, she can’t help it. She loves whenever you brush your tongue against them during sex, and it has her fantasize of you sucking them even more

Still, she is too shy to randomly bring it up

Again, during sex, when you’re pressed up against her and fondle her breasts, she is too lost in the pleasure to keep her naughty fantasy to herself

With her hand tangled in your hair, she gently guides your lips to her nipple

“Suck it, little one”, she pleads softly

You do not need to be told twice ;)

And Bela? Oh, you draw the sweetest of sounds from her

She makes it a point to have her fingers and breast in your mouth as often as you like. She will never refuse

At times, even, she will randomly make you suck her fingers during the day merely to fluster you

Of course she will not turn you down to do either for mere comfort reasons too

She finds both actions rather comforting too, should they not happen in a sexual manner

Every time you do nibble on something, she will tease you lightly, though

Cassandra

She doesn’t think you have an oral obsession at first, just that- well- you like chewing things

She finds you biting pencil ends as you concentrate

And your fingers at times, even

Or chewing gum (which she DESPISES) for hours

Or perhaps sucking candy at every given opportunity

She doesn’t mind, she just thinks it’s intriguing once she picks up on it

When you start absently sucking the tip of your thumb when you’re concentrating, she crackles

“Maybe you should get a pacifier?”, she suggests jokingly

Never did she think she would become one

Sleeping on top of you has always been something Cassandra likes to do, with her skin pressed tightly to yours and her hand rested on yours

As such, her chest is often close to you-

Cassandra is shocked when she wakes up in the middle of the night one time from a strange feeling around her nipple

Upon looking down, she finds you have it in your mouth, having had her breast pressed up against your chin prior

She shivers and shrieks a little when you bite down occasionally

Mistakingly, she thinks this is foreplay. But when she giggles, she hears no reaction from you. You’re deep asleep

She grants you this for the night, unwilling to wake you, but will absolutely pull her sore breast away the moment you wake up

She is not a chewing toy!

The interaction has her curious, though

The next night, she slips her fingers inside your mouth as you’re barely awake. Call it curiosity

Again, in no time you start sucking them and nibbling a little. She grins at her discovery as she pulls her wet fingers away again

During the next days, she likes to randomly tip your chin and push her fingers in you

“Good pet. Suck them for me”

To clean them, she claims, but there’s nothing to clean, really. She even makes sure they’re blood-free for her precious human

You’re flustered at this, but enjoy it

During sex, Cassandra implements this too- always has, in a way

It’s as if she just takes more notice of it now

How your hands busy yourself on her while your mouth explores eagerly, biting and nibbling on her

Her lips, her jawline, her throat, her collarbone, her breasts and nipples, her ribcage and waist, her hip and her lower stomach, her cunt and thighs, even her behind

She gasps at each bite placed on her unexpectedly. You must really enjoy working with your mouth

She loves to have you suck her fingers, she realizes

During sex, she makes you do so while riding out your orgasm especially

She especially likes you nibbling and sucking her inner thighs

She’s sensitive there

Cassandra still enjoys teasing you about your oral obsession at any given opportunity

She likes to randomly push her fingers in you and watch you attempt to ignore them, only to end up biting down or sucking in the end

Daniela

Daniela is no stranger to a bit of an oral fixation, although hers is not quite as strong

She too enjoys nibbling on things occasionally, especially as she sleeps peacefully

It helps her relax

She loves to nibble on some of her stuffed animals, too, sometimes even strands of her hair

Still, it takes her surprisingly long to pick up this behavior in you

Then again, it’s not something that bothers her. She finds it cute whenever she finds you nibble on something

The only reason she takes proper notice of it in the first place, is because you’re cuddled up together and she suddenly feels you raise her hand, intertwined with yours, to your mouth

You’re nibbling on the tip of your nail, breath warm against her colder and soft hand

She’s a little confused by this, though looking back, she has seen you do it before

Or sucking sweet or sour candy, which she always begs she can have

Or chewing well smelling gum at nearly all times

Or nibbling on your sleeve, until it’s wet

Or biting your lip and licking it over and over again

She wonders- why do you do it? Do you like it for comfort reasons? Or also sexual ones?

Her curiosity and teasing knows no bounds, and so she promptly turns you to her and pushes her fingers inside of your mouth instead

She likes watching them slide past your lips

“Do you like that, my love?”, she asks, genuine, though teasing

You certainly do!

Daniela quickly finds she likes having you suck her nimble fingers. Especially during sex

Her favorite thing to do?

To tie you up nice and snug for her, finger herself and make her cream for you merely to push her wet fingertips in your mouth and make you lick it all off

“Do you like this, my sweet?”, she’ll tease lightly, with a knowing smirk on her soft, painted lips

She loves making you suck her fingers and swirl your tongue around them- it’s addictive to both of you

Out of all things you could suck on her body, she loves having her breasts or cunt sucked best

Her sensitive nipples rested in your mouth, or moans drawn from her when she moves lower at last

In non sexual situations, she grants you to nibble on her whenever you want

Daniela doesn’t mind, even offers getting you a stuffed animal to bite down on sometimes

She also makes sure you always have chewing gum or candy on hand

Even if she wants it for herself

She still enjoys pushing her fingers in your mouth too, if only to see your reaction, then swarm off giggling to herself

[lover-of-mine]

The thing I find fascinating is that the show runners are fully capable of writing engaging couples. Henren, Bathena & Madney – their relationships are beautiful. And then we have Buck and Eddie with their respective LIs. It’s almost as if they want the relationships to fail.

This season, they had every chance to set up Tommy as a suitable LI for Buck. But they didn’t? They didn’t even have to show a grand love confession or the likes, but at least some small gestures. Them holding hands in the hospital, Tommy dressing up for the bachelor party, being a little more sensitive when they ran into Eddie during that first date… Just a few simple things that would have made all the difference.

I feel like most of the love for Tommy comes from headcanons the fandom accepted as universal truths, while there isn’t much in canon to support it.

This isn’t meant to be hate on the character (though it probably will be taken that way by certain people), it’s just that I don’t think he is a good fit for Buck. He’s guarded and deflects with a dry sense of humor, when Buck needs a person to be vulnerable with. You know, someone who is so soft and sickeningly sweet with him. So far, I didn’t get much of the sorts from Tommy. But then again, we didn’t get to see a whole lot of the relationship actually playing out on screen, so who knows.

And the other thing that started to bother me is about the daddy issue thing. There is nothing wrong with showing (or alluding to) a couple having an active/kinky sex life. In general, I’m all in favor of it.

But looking back at season one, Buck used sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism to feel a connection to people. And he doesn’t have the best relationship with sex to begin with (Remember 7x05 and the talk with Eddie, where it hadn’t occurred to either of them that saying no is an option? Doesn’t sound healthy to me.) If they wanted to set Tommy apart, they should have put all their efforts into building an emotional connection between the two. I’m not saying that sex can’t be a part of it - not even that it can’t be kinky - but that the show should have put much more emphasis on the emotional aspect of it rather than the physical attraction.

Maybe it’s just wonky writing due to a shortened season but the relationship between the two isn’t half as good as it could have been.

No, but I made a post about this during the s6-7 hiatus, because it's not like the show doesn't know how to establish a love interest, bathena and madney work because all of them exist individually and Henren was introduced to us in a way where we would side with Karen, so even tho Karen only exists to be Hen's wife we care about her in a deeper way because Karen has never done anything wrong in her life. With Buck and Eddie all of the love interests are presented to us with something wrong with them. Shannon never had a fighting chance because she left and Eddie himself was never sure about her, Eddie was dating Ana and Marisol because he thought he had to, and I'm not even gonna go there with Kim. Abby breaks every possible protocol to call Buck, and she's never in it in the same way Buck is, Taylor tries to take advantage of Bobby's addiction for her personal gain and continues to take advantage of him to get ahead, Ali is never there, Natalia is too interested in Buck's death and Tommy is callous. There's a weird metaphor in there, but the basketball scene, the way Buck hits Tommy and ricochets back and Tommy doesn't even flinch. Buck needs someone who will bend. But the show didn't even try to establish an emotional connection between the two of them, everything comes back to the physical and with a character like Buck, who was shown using sex as a bad coping mechanism, to constantly make it seem like this new relationship isn't going beyond the sex is concerning. There were better ways to imply they are having sex. Even more considering the way the show had the opportunity to make it seem like they are building some sort of emotional connection and just chose not to. Every scene we had with the 2 of them could be rewritten adding the idea that they actually care about each other beyond the attraction, and that's a choice. To go the route they went is a choice. I'm still not over the way they had Tommy not dressing up and then Eddie suggesting matching outfits in the next scene. Like, it was that easy because they showed Eddie doing it. And I don't wanna compare, but with the constant triangle formation and the way they were showing Eddie as the person who understands Buck and Tommy as the dude Buck is fucking, we have nothing happening in our screen that makes it seem like Tommy is even a little fond of Buck and all I can think about is Buck standing in front of a hot air balloon with a huge bouquet of flowers for a woman who referred to him as a boytoy. Buck deserves someone who's gone for him and none of his canon love interests gave me that impression. And they make a very explicit choice to not make that implication. They could've been something, but right now they aren't. If you just watch the show you don't know why they are dating. They are just there. And coming from a show that wrote bathena, madney, and henren, and the way that Tommy being a firefighter gives him a fighting chance because it's real easy to make him exist outside of Buck, it's on purpose.

[valssecretshit]

captain curly (pre-crash) snz headcanons

MOUT/HWASHING POST?! IN M Y SNZ FET COMMUNITY??

i plan on doing a list for everyone, except......that one guy, i forget his name all the time (if you're not INTO sneezing, don't think much more, just scroll/block 𖹭) ꩜ .ᐟ curly's always been the type to smile through a lot of things. he wasn't the type to fold over a cold or a stomach ache. at least...not usually. ꩜ .ᐟ like many people, curly isn't a stranger to allergies, nor is he the biggest fan of not having control over himself. sneezing is the one thing besides crying he could do in front of someone, and probably be a little embarrassed. ꩜ .ᐟ he doesn't sneeze a lot? however he's sensitive to dust. itchy, hitchy, highly INVASIVE dust. the tulpar likely isnt always the cleanest, and it's definitely a group effort to keep some areas tidy. he probably has fits here and there. ꩜ .ᐟ i imagine they're rather breathy, kinda wet too. he covers with his elbow, snaps to the side and lets out a1 1-2 "hih- hIEHHSHHoo!"s. he'll most times chuckle at himself after, doesn't always expect himself to be so loud. ꩜ .ᐟ if a 3rd sneeze comes, though, thats when that smirk fades. 4th sneeze hits, then the 5th, his forehead crinkles in the center as he's getting pretty annoyed. his eyes water, he feels an eyelid twitch, suddenly takes a HUGE breath and nearly knocks himself over with a 6th "hhEH-TDSHHHOOO!!" he rubs his itchy, now delicately pink nose with his finger and sighs, sniffling. dust, doing all of THIS to the big perfect captain? he feels like a mouse more than a man, sometimes ꩜ .ᐟ being blessed makes him blush a little, he's probably just not used to it. or, it could be it lets him know someone heard and acknowledged the goofy sneeze he just let out. whatever the reason, the look on his face is always the sweetest thing. a warm smile, to mask internal panic. ꩜ .ᐟ on earth he'd sneeze a lot less, but he got sick quite a few times a year. he's pretty healthy physically and in good shape, but he's clumsy. definitely is the type to not think he's gonna catch a cold from being out in the rain for a few minutes, then suddenly, "hHDZZShoo! ugh.."

꩜ .ᐟ he's not the type to accept tissues from a person, but he can get them himself. anya however, as a nurse of course, offers one when she sees someone having trouble. he'll accept it, but won't blow his nose until she's walked away. he'll sometimes blow in front of others, but VERY lightly. publicity is NOT an option when it's allergies, absolutely not, he's the captain, he's just fine. ꩜ .ᐟ he's terrible at stifling, he sounds like a duck, as he puts it. so he doesn't even try. plus, they get messier the more he holds it in..

[08melancholie]

Healing Hands. — Micah Bell/Reader

tags: Micah Bell/Reader, Micah Bell, Fluff, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romantic Fluff, Healing, Healthy Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Sexual Assault, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Dark Past

summary: You shake in his grasp, his rough palms brushing every curve and slope of your body slowly, feasting on the feeling of your skin under his calloused touch. "I gotchu." And he does have you.

a/n: this fic is honestly shorter than i imagined it to be, but i think its a sweet little addition to my collection for times when i need a quick fix to my emotions:')

words: 1,179 | AO3 LINK

warning: NON-CON IS A PAST EXPERIENCE, ONLY BRIEFLY MENTIONED IN FIC

His hands feel like little blades of grass when they glide over your sensitive skin, exploring the surface slowly as if savouring the feeling of you under his calloused fingers. At least he knew how to be gentle.

Micah knew all too well why; why you asked him to leave space between you at night; why he had to leave the tent when you changed; why you needed time, before he could feel the smooth skin that lay underneath your various undershirts, pants or skirts.

The trauma has haunted you all your life since it occurred, the one singular moment in your life that changed everything, for both you and the people that surrounded you. No amount of revenge on the men who did that do you would make you feel the same again, but at least the support you got was more than enough to keep you sane.

Most of it came from your long-time partner.

With the—reluctant—help of Charles, Micah had went as far as tracking down your assaulters, which wasn't hard; seeing as they were the filthy O'Driscolls any of you could recognise in a heartbeat. He had them all judged before God for the unforgiving crime acted upon you in less than two days. And everything else from then on, was just never the same.

Nobody had any experience with this type of situation, really—Micah even less than the others. He respected every one of your wishes, even if they sounded damn absurd to a third-party, he wouldn't waste a second in agreeing to your terms. That's where he stood out most to you in these tough times.

You appreciated him wholeheartedly.

Night was approaching you both again, finally—after almost a month or so—able to share a cot with him again. You got into your nightwear and called Micah back into the tent. He parts the canvas flaps of your shared tent, stepping back in. "Thank you, doll," He hums as he takes a seat on the cot, per usual routine. "can't wait for some shuteye.." You take your seat next to him, and you relish in your silence for a moment.

"Say," Micah breaks the meekness surrounding the tent after a moment more, still looking ahead. "would 'ya let me try somethin', sugar?" He asks carefully, aware of how much you disliked testing the waters with this whole thing, nonetheless wanting to propose an idea. He continues after you, a little reluctantly, nod. "And, you stop me as soon as yer uncomfortable, 'ya hear?" He rises from the cot and prompts you to do the same.

You stand as well, and he has you stop in the middle of the tent. "Okay, trust me enough to close your eyes?" He prompts. Of course, you trust he won't do something too bad, so you close your eyes. "No peeking now, darlin'." He chuckles and you hear the sound of his boots walking on the ground, circling around you and stopping when behind you.

You tense up slightly when he puts his hands on your sides, your breathing doing some weird mixture of hitching up and quickening at the same time. "Relax, baby." His chin rests on your shoulder and he whispers to you quietly, trying to keep you calm for him. "I gotchu." He adds quietly as his hands stop at your waist, patiently waiting for you to either calm down or tell him to get off. But you choose to go with the first option.

"I'm not them, my girl.." He coos quietly into your ear as he, very slowly, moves his hands, fingertips digging gently into your sides as his digits get familiar with your body again, touching it how he has before. "You know I wouldn't do that to you," His sizeable hands go down, sinking to your hips as he leaves a small, easily missable peck to your temple before resting his head on your shoulder again. "my sweet, sweet darlin'..." He gently presses his fingers into your body over the fabric of your clothes, as if trying to sink into your body to be one, never wanting to part from you again.

He slowly loosens them, and they start going up, slowly tracing the outline of your lower torso. His hands stop at your ribs, and he slowly cups his hands over the underside of your chest. "Stay calm now, honey, I gotchu.. Not gonna touch you there, aight?" He gently drums his fingers over your bones, your slightly more rapid breathing making your chest move and ribs stick out slightly with your sharp inhales, the thin material of your shirt making it easy to trace the small bumps of your ribcage. He slowly sinks his hands again, digits dragging from the underside of your boobs down to your sides again.

"Good girl.. did so good, darlin'. How was that?" His small, worried frown swiftly disappears when you give positive feedback, mentioning your worry at first but alas feeling good; you had no problem with Micah touching you, seeing just how much you hated even the thought of becoming too afraid to let your lover touch you again.

But you love to be touched by him, so delicately as if your skin were made of porcelain, fragile and sacred. That's how you felt when being touched, for the first time in months.

He lays you back down on the cot, shuffling in next to you. "And.. 'ya wanna try again tonight?" He's making an implication to a few nights before, when you and him gave in and tried cuddling—safe to say it didn't go too well. You ended up sleeping on separate surfaces that night, but this.. it felt different. You could do it, and you trusted he could too. And so, with prayers in mind and fingers metaphorically crossed, he opens his arms to you. And with a ton of faith in yourself, you scoot closer and closer to the warm embrace of the blonde mans' arms, one you missed so very much, more than you could describe and more than anyone will ever be able to understand.

At first, it all comes back dark and tough; you feel as if you've got palm prints all over your body, and as if he can see them—as if anyone can, for that matter. It's an indescribable feeling as well, you wouldn't even wish this on your worst enemy. "I'm here, 'ts just me, doll.." And it's as if his voice is a light to your darkness, a softness to the toughness the situation brings you into, and it slowly starts to pull you out of it, your hearts rapid beating and heavy breaths starting to calm. Calm, it's a feeling you missed, and its one only he, the man holding you tight to his chest, as if shielding you from the bad and horrible, disgusting and wretched of the world you're in.

And as your arms meet around his upper body, and you both relax with a synced sigh—finally, you feel okay.

Now that you made it to the end—or if you've read the word count—you might notice this is my shortest fic yet. I usually push myself to get to at least 2.5k words per fic, seeing as I deem something 'too short' to be 'enjoyable' a lot, but that isn't true. Don't pay so much mind to the quantity, but not quality either! The goal with this was to get it out of my drafts, and we did that. Gold star! ⭐️

Kudos on AO3 heavily appreciated! Thank you for reading and the massive support, as always <3

[angels-heap]

I would love any advice you have for protecting yourself against covid in a work environment where no one else cares, because I’m in the same boat.

That really, really sucks, friend. As I said, I don't have all the answers, but here's what I've learned over the last few years and what's worked for me and my inner circle so far. Note that much of this advice will be US-centric because that's what I know best.

First, some light reading: This Covid Safety 101 flyer/infographic includes a ton of helpful info, and I've had some success using it as a conversation starter in my workplace. TL;DR: COVID is airborne, it's a SARS virus, its effects can be devastating, and your risk of Long COVID increases with each infection. We should all be taking steps to contract COVID as few times as possible and spread it as little as possible, with or without the support we should be getting from our public health institutions.

As for practical suggestions, many of them unfortunately cost a non-inconsequential amount of money because we live in a capitalist hellscape, but here are some things you can try, roughly ordered from least to most expensive.

Awareness: COVID is airborne!

A lot of folks, including people in the medical field (!!!) seem hesitant to believe/accept that COVID is airborne, even though this has been understood by researchers since fairly early on in the pandemic. Since most lingering "infection prevention" protocols focus on things like handwashing, disinfecting surfaces, and keeping a six foot distance from other people (all good for public health, but not particularly helpful for COVID), you'll need to gauge your own safety and comfort when around others.

As a general rule, if you're close enough to someone that you could smell their vape or cigarette smoke if they were engaging in such an activity, you're probably close enough catch COVID from them. Also, like smoke, COVID can linger in the air for a while after someone leaves a room. Adjust your habits accordingly and keep your mask on as much as possible (see below).

CPC Mouthwash and Nasal Sprays

I haven't had time to do a ton of research on these options, so take my recommendations with a grain of salt, but it sounds like there's some research coming out that suggests certain nasal sprays and mouthwashes containing CPC (Cetylpyridinium Chloride) may help neutralize viruses or block them from entering your body (or, at the very least, they may help reduce your viral load). I've been using Crest Pro-Health Clinical Rinse mouthwash before and after interacting with people for the last few months; I don't know how much of a role it's played in keeping me safe, but it might be helping, and even if it's not, it was cheap and my breath is always minty fresh. Here's some more info about nasal sprays, since I don't know enough about them to make any specific recommendations.

Testing

Keep a few rapid antigen tests on hand, if you can, but know their limits as a diagnostic or preventive measure, especially as new variants continue to evolve. My current understanding is that many new variants won't show up on a home test until day 3-4 of symptoms. What this means for you is:

Testing when you're completely asymptomatic and don't have any known recent exposures is probably not the best use of your resources.

If you have any unusual symptoms that might indicate illness, stay home (or wear a high quality mask, if you must interact with others). A negative test doesn't necessarily mean you're in the clear, and if you're sick, you can transmit COVID for several days before you test positive.

Swabbing your mouth and throat in addition to your nose (in that order, obviously) may increase the sensitivity of home tests.

Any sign of a positive test line counts as a positive! If the test line is very, very faint, that still counts.

If you feel sick, but your first test comes back negative, try again in a few days and keep testing periodically until you feel better and are no longer testing positive.

Vaccines

They're not perfect, and they won't get us out of this mess on their own, but if you have access to vaccines, get them. Any vaccine is better than no vaccine, but FWIW, I personally opted to get Novavax this year, after learning that it was the jab of choice for many COVID safety advocates and researchers. Pros of Novavax, specifically, include lower risk of side effects, possibly more durable immunity, and it's not an mRNA vaccine (great option for the vaccine skeptics in your life). But in the end, get whatever you can get.

Masks

If you're not already wearing an N95 respirator or similar, such as KN95, FFP2, KF94, etc., anytime you're indoors (or outdoors in a crowd), now's the time to start. One-way masking isn't perfect, but it's a lot more effective than no-way masking. As someone with a fairly petite face, I've had a hell of a time finding N95 masks that fit me. Through my many expensive mistakes, I have learned:

Avoid buying masks on Amazon, if at all possible. There are a lot of fakes out there.

If most masks fit you comfortably and you're comfortable wearing masks with headstraps (which tend to have a better seal than earloop masks), the 3M Aura is fantastic.

WellBefore sells masks in a variety of styles, sizes, and colors for affordable-ish prices. If you have a more petite face and have found that blue surgical masks and most N95s are huge on you, try their small or child sized masks.

BreatheTeq makes great masks in 4 sizes, and they sell a sample sizing kit for $7 + shipping to help you avoid wasting money.

Masks with headstraps generally form a better seal than masks with ear loops, but the most effective mask is one that you can/will actually wear semi-comfortably. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. I've been wearing earloop masks for 3.5 years and have made it through multiple known exposures unscathed.

If you can afford to keep a few extra masks on hand to offer to colleages who have to be in your space, people who are coughing in public, or people who seem to be trying but they're still wearing inadequate surgical or cloth masks, do so. More often than not, people will take and wear them when offered!

Air Filtration

If we lived in a society that believed in public health and safety over profits, we'd have spent the last 3 years improving air filtration in public spaces. Alas, most places did not do this, so your next best options are as follows:

Open windows and prop doors whenever you can! Your goal is to keep fresh air moving through your space and minimize the amount of air that will be "re-breathed" by multiple people.

Build a Corsi-Rosenthal box with furnace filters and a box fan. Pros: Fairly cheap and easy to do; Cons: Boxes are large and can be loud. Some sites also provide instructions and/or sell kits to make smaller, more portable C-R boxes out of desktop computer fans.

Buy a HEPA air purifier (or 2, or 3), or try to get your workplace to shell out for one. While many brands sell small, portable purifiers that are around the size of a lunchbox, I would personally recommend that you buy the largest one you can afford. The smaller ones are probably better than nothing, but you really want a more room-scale solution, if possible. I've had good experiences with Medify Air and Coway air purifiers, but I'm sure there are other great brands out there as well.

If you buy an air purifier, you want one with a HEPA filter and without an ionizer, as ionizers aren't as helpful as the advertising would lead you to believe and they can pose health risks (ozone exposure, etc.).

Measuring Air Quality

If you can afford it, buy an Aranet 4 CO2 monitor. Yes, they're expensive, but I haven't heard of any cheaper products that compare in terms of accuracy or portability. (And they do occasionally go on sale on Amazon.) The Aranet 4 measures the concentration of carbon dioxide in the air around you. This reading is a great proxy for how much COVID might be in the air, and it can help you identify which areas of your home or workplace are the safest, and which ones would benefit the most from fresh air, an air purifier, or other safety measures.

[candiid-caniine]

This is probably a stupid question, but I wanted to check anyway

This question pertains to AFAB anatomy

How do you deal with soreness after edging so much? I'm a week or so deep into denial now, but I run into the issue that I can't edge more than once a day because a) it takes me a long time to reach the edge, and b) the stimulation makes me sore and then the rest of the day and the next day it hurts to touch too much. (Like I *can* edge more but it's painful and takes 5x as long.)

Do you have any advice? Am I being stupid and missing a key component? ...am I supposed to use lube?

I really want to be fucking ruined and barely able to function with how edged I am- at least for a few days before I go back to normal haha.

Thank you in advance!

not a stupid question at all! so, my first advice is gonna be lube. if you don't get very wet, using bottled lube is good; mucous membranes, like the ones in your vagina and on your clitoris, don't really like to get dried out.

from hereon out in this post, remember that you're not doing anything "wrong." bodies are very strange things, and there's no one-size guide to edging, masturbation, or anything involving pleasure; if nothing in this post works for you, your body is not broken, it's just different, and no matter how you end up doing things, it's right for your body <3

my second advice depends on your situation. every single body is different; some people don't have very sensitive clitorises, they may take a long time to reach the edge no matter *what* you try, or even certain medications may alter your libido, sensitivity, and orgasms. here are some things that might be the root of the issue:

not enough stimulation. if you want to be able to hit the edge faster, and edge repeatedly, but your fingers just aren't doing it, try using a vibrator if that option is available to you. for me, edging with my fingers is a little slower, but it affects me more and makes me dumber and needier faster than edging with a vibrator.

too much stimulation. it's possible you're using a vibrator exclusively, and have been for awhile; vibrators eventually desensitize you, but the good news is this is quickly reversible! if you've been using a vibrator exclusively, and it's become harder/slower to reach the edge, you may need to take some time to re-sensitize yourself.

if your situation is the first one, and even a vibrator doesn't help you reach the edge faster, you might try this:

remove the objective to "hard edge" in every session. you can be an edgepet even if you're not having hard edges! try to just focus on keeping yourself horny and excited.

you might try just playing with your clit for a few minutes every hour or so, whatever fits your situation - don't try to make the goal a hard edge, just focus on how it makes you feel horny and needy.

try your chest, too, if your nipples are sensitive at all. a side note here: they may not be sensitive *unless* you're horny - many people don't think their chests are sensitive until they're stimulated at the *right time.*

if it's the second, and you need to re-sensitize yourself, my advice is largely the same:

you won't be able to hard-edge right away, most likely. the goal is essentially to cut out the vibrator for right now. so again, the hard edge is not the goal - it's to get your clitoris reacquainted with softer touches.

you might do this by stepping down your vibe settings, if it's possible; it won't be satisfying. it won't get you to a hard edge. but eventually you'll get back there.

or you might just go cold-turkey and play with your fingers only for awhile. for me, it takes no more than a couple days for a "tolerance break" to work and i'm suddenly able to hard-edge with my fingers again.

in either situation, i've got this post saved on my other blog that's interesting to me. (tw: it's targeted at "girls" and uses some weird vocab (like the word "cummies" lmao, as well as referring to female subs as "c*nts")) but the advice in it sounds plausible to me. i haven't tried it in full detail yet, but it does seem in line with my experiences re-sensitizing myself and getting used to edging. if you want to avoid having to read that kind of language, here's my summarized/reworded version:

reduce the number of orgasms to increase sensitivity (doesn't necessarily apply here since it's denial you want anyway)

limit the time you rub - the author recommends starting with 5 minutes. either you reach an edge/orgasm or you don't (most likely), with 1 minute minimum of no touching afterwards. every week or so, he says to slowly decrease the time. after a few months, the goal is about 15 seconds, max (!!!)

most importantly, he says to rub very gently. his advice is very light circles with the fingertip around the clitoris, about "one per second." circles aren't the most pleasurable motions for every person, so substitute whatever motion usually works for you :)

apparently a good way of gauging the progress is that, after 10-20 times of being able to reach the edge within the allotted time, that's when you decrease. 5 minutes becomes 3 and whatnot.

ofc his instructions are written from the dreaded cishet mdom perspective, so his goals for his subs are probably very different from your goals for yourself. i'll reword his advice to suit your personal play: don't try to focus, during your rubbing, on the idea that you're trying to become more sensitive and edge faster; focus on the fact that it makes you feel good, and that no matter what happens - hard edge/increased sensitivity or not - you'll be a little dumber and needier afterwards <3

at a vague point in the training, he also advises varying your positions occasionally so that you learn to edge in more ways. this one's a big one for me - it's harder for me to hit the edge in a different position than my usual (on my back, legs spread). could be fun to experiment with!

for people self-training/enjoying play solo-style, he also says not to get bogged down by a time commitment - "better to do this for 3 days and finish what you start, [than] commit to 6 months and get discouraged and give up after 5 months."

hope something in this post is helpful!! happy edging friend <3