#but at least I make myself laugh anyway
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My Durge is a bard and I just—
“If I tell you, you’ll laugh.” “Oh, I most certainly will. Please, do tell me anyway.” Killian sighed, already hating himself for indulging him. “I made them play didgeridoos at the temple—” Enver did let out a merry snort at that, and Kill nearly grinned at the sound despite himself. “—and it seems ridiculous, but I promise you, every sacrifice we brought back that week nearly shit themselves. One actually did. Poor sod.” “An absolutely diverting anecdote, my dear bhaalspawn.” Gortash was grinning back at him, and Kill felt a twist in the pit of his stomach. The call to violence in his blood was becoming difficult to parse from other types of impulses, of late. “I’ll think about it fondly. Can we get back to the point, now? We have a cult to start.” Killian grunted and pulled away. “The point is,” Killian rolled his eyes, a performance of annoyance that Enver knew he was not at all committed to, “a bit of theatricality and impracticality — leaning into the ridiculous — it doesn’t undermine us at all. Quite the opposite. A touch of the absurd can make the frightening much, much more so.” “The tension from the surreal makes sure the terror of reality is felt that much more sharply.” “Exactly.” Enver nodded, thoughtful, his quill poised above his parchment. “Delightful insight, my dear. A goblin priestess it is, then.” He scribbled a few notes, then looked back up at Kill with a wicked smile. “Ketheric will be furious.”
Yeah. Didgeridoos.
#I’d shit myself if I heard that at the murder temple ngl#idk if this fic will ever see the light of day#but at least I make myself laugh anyway#bg3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#durgetash#durge#Gortash#bg3 fanfiction#enver gortash#the dark urge#writing stuff
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cherik mpreg son onslaught that charles gave birth to
actually appalled how this is a factual sentence and that this is canonical comic book lore
#snap chats#charles xavier never beating the pregnant allegations thats why they had to make him say it outright recently vjalkjaeklaj#dude no charles better than me tho if i had my intrusive thoughts running around after it fused with my evil ex i wouldve ended it all#wait on that note did i ever tell you guys i liked way of x. i think i did i liked how they actually. Evaluated their laws#deceased at how onslaught inherits charles twink body now but i fw the meaning for it. ok thats onslaught revelation but same arc#still funny as hell from going to a whole ass UNIT to being. Twig#not so disimilar to charles himself really.... ok 'unit' is a strong word but he was a lil heaftier back then but anyways#i should draw onslaught sometime. at the very least him and david#my favorite bit from that whole run was onslaught calling david his step brother#like girl youre right but im crying laughing at the fact it is true#oh no ive reminded myself i still want to get legion of x. it makes me emo i love the bits i skimmed i must have the full story#but the holidays are coming so no time for that#anyways. im done rambling JLFKAERJLAJ
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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talked about my feelings like a grownup and no one died. now we all have to live with this tho
#i feel like there are a billion more things i couldve/shouldve said but at least ive laid a baseline down#definitely went smoother this time than with sam. probably due to the many factors. but i still feel like im not quite getting it right#not reciprocated obviously lmao. but they let me stay in their bed and still kissed my forehead so its all good#basically nothing changes except now im not scared of giving myself away. ok and also im a billion times more vulnerable#but probably no one will get hurt right. haha <- nervous laugh#god andie was so kind about it. 'do you want me to stop making the allegation jokes' 'tell me if you stop having fun'#anyways bedtime#my shit
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This is your permission to take advantage of some ridiculously harsh sunlight for the specific purpose of posting low-quality cringe
#my mask is on because i'm not about to post my whole face lol. but somehow the mask makes it more cringe#i need one of those little white coifs asdfgdsgdh#anyway say hello to my friend. got him for myself as a birthday present in the summer <33 he does have a name but it's too embarrassing#i can't tell if these pictures are giving me gender euphoria or making me feel even smaller#though i did see a dude on the subway yesterday who was my exact height so that felt good#i might delete this but at least i found an opportunity to wear my green hoodie shirt#it's going to be part of my robin hood costume for halloween if i ever finish it#maybe the sword also. but likely my other sword which is smaller.#if teenagers on tiktok can post thirst traps and not be embarrassed then i can pose with my sword damn it#like you know when you see sun streaks and just turn into a golden retriever?? ye.#i've got this one friend who's convinced i have 'the tism' and if they see this they're gonna go wild sdfgfdsfdgh (because special interest#like every time we go out there's a point when i start going off about the middle ages or something and they just laugh (affectionately)#it's not my fault my dad let me watch monty python and the holy grail at age 7 and bought me knight costumes
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to the boyfriend i want so hopelessly but will never have, happy birthday milove ♡
#gyugyu 🐶#hiiii ! yes this is the mandatory ‘it’s my ult bias day’ sappy ass long delulu message from aleyna 💌#so pls proceed with caution bc once i start talking it’ll get ... yeah. anyway#happy mingoo day everyone 🥺🥺#he the loml 💖 (... one of many but let’s not talk about that *cough*)#i just love him so much :((#the giant puppy boy who stole my heart and never gave it back 😭😞#also he’s literally the most boyfriend to ever boyfriend?????? it’s so unfair ☹️#just another day of not having mangyu 😔... what is life#do you know the feeling when you like look at someone and your heart starts swelling in your chest so much that it hurts??#that’s exactly how i feel whenever i look at mingyu 🥺! i appreciate and love every little thing about him so much i :(( can’t explain#he’s soooooo comfort shaped i love him ��. god. wanna pepper kisses all over his face and tell him how happy he makes me and#how precious he is and how i’d actually commit arson for him 😭#also wanna kith those pretty moles 🥺🤏🏼 nnnnnnnn#why so babie if so huge 😔 he’s literally a giant puppy baby ashtsjjdhk GOD#when he laughs/giggles >>>>>>>>>!! my heart is hurting so BAD i’m so fond of him 😭😭😭#every now and then i find myself going; SIR WHY ARE U DOING THIS ARE U WILLING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY POOR HEART??#like loving him literally unlocked a whole new spectrum of emotions for me idk how to explain this like a sane person#in short this is like. the most fucking delulu i’ve ever been in my life 💀? or at least it feels like it...#😩 just one chance PLS!!! PLS I BEG!!!! :(( i’m so down bad it’s SO BAD#a very brainrot inducing man (the type i always fall for 😔?! started seeing the patterns hhhhh)#the amount of love my little body holds for him is insane 😷 (little in comparison to him btw... i’m generic female height 👾)#loving mingoo feels like a rainy night where you’re cuddling with your loved one under a blankie; about to fall asleep bc of how cozy u are#i wish words were enough to express how i feel about this man... but it really isn’t 😕!#he just means a lot to me okay?#he’s everything and beyond 💓 i love him like my whole life depends on it (although i’m like that for several people)#not my fault that my heart is so fucking big and it has separate places to store everyone i adore 💖#happy bday babylove 🥺 i hope your day is filled with the happiest of moments and you can celebrate properly 💕#it’s so sad that you’ll never know how much you mean to this random girl on the other side of the world :/#i’m so done for aren’t i? took like 40 minutes to type and everything... sigh. i love him so bad </3
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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen
#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight#completely allosexual man#light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life#before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly#good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care#anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character#hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others#just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to#be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense#also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his#entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this#but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change#himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends#their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them#i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything#long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now#jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad#derailed my own damn post. idk swagever#will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to#such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like#that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows#he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house#and i thought that was such a cool analogy#ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings#serena.txt#death note posting#infizero.analysis
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In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!
#i am losing my sanity day by day#drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day#why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about#don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha#ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't#fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess#am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story!#i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow#vent ig#my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol#nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays#at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig#anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs#when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop#anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go#please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you#i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just.#all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this#for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect#and care made me expect it more? fuck#i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person.#everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things#long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider#my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at#at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person.#my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got#to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me.#this is showing so many issues.#so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12#i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering
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despair cancelled (for now), the ointment I picked up at the drug store is helping with the most annoying pain immensely 🙏
#brb crying with relief#i'm zinc ointment's number 1 fan fr!!!!!!!#gonna keep a tube of that stuff stocked in my personal medicine drawer from now on#really need it with how often my body keeps betraying me in this particular department#(still sucks that even the experts in that field always tell me i need to wait it out whenever there's a reoccurrence)#(at least drugstore zinc ointment works just as well as the overpriced stuff at the pharmacy)#(taking care of myself as best as i can without going to the doctors and getting berated for things i cannot help)#(not my first rodeo. also trying my best to not let it get as bad as the one time the pain sent me to the ER)#(where i got belittled and laughed about over my issues by several doctors and nurses after waiting to be seen for hours lol)#(they literally just told me to suck it up and take some ibuprofen. cool)#anyway sorry for the ramble it's still a sore subject#really sucks that my connective tissue is fucked in some way and i'l always have to deal with this issue for the rest of my life#because each reoccurrence makes the issue a little worse each time. coolio. go me.
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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YOU'RE THE MERWAINCELOT 40K ANON FROM THE OTHER YEAR???!!!! 😱😱 take the throne, by all means, it sounds like an absolute whopper of a fic 😍😍😍
I AM!!! AHHHH!!
You got me, I totally am 😝🙈
Look look look. While I am rubbing my hands in excitement and plotting like (a slightly menacing) little gremlin to take the merwaincelot tag with storm, I respect you (and love your fics) far too much to take the throne. I just wanna share it with you! You brought me into the merwaincelot world with just one fic and I already started writing merwaincelot after that, and then when I read even more of your fics (more than once), I was so inspired that it changed some of the ways I had written the pairing and how they interact with each other in such a relationship. I just wanna hang out with you in this tag so baaaaaad c:
When I am telling you, you're not ready for this fic, you don't even know how much you're not ready for this fic. It's got intrigue, it's got mystery, it's got true-to-the-series-episode-like-formula; it's got a magic "foe" that isn't just a villain-sorcerer-of-the-week-because-merlin-needs-to-defeat-some-bad-guys-and-throw-magic-around; it's got soft moments, tender moments, angst and, I kid you not, so much merwaincelot, it could tide you over for a full year
So yes. I am that anon 👻
I did take a screenshot of your answer back then, and your words still help me if I'm feeling a little hopeless about it all. But truly, most of the time, I get by with just writing for me and making myself happy with writing what I want. I'm just excited to share that with the rest of you on this merwaincelot boat when I get to it 💛
#!!! surprise its me!!#hehe thank you for finding me (not that i made it very hard) (i practically wrapped myself up in a bow on your doorstep and rung the bell)#(oh whats this mysterious box on my doorstep that says '40k merwaincelot anon' on the front what could it possibly be??)#(its an 80k merwaincelot fic! now with a username attached!! oh my! what a surprise! who would have guessed!)#(what a twist what a twist)#so now you know whos door to knock on if you wanna check on that fics progress and breathe down my neck#(in a nice 'im just excited about this fic and wanna support you' but also 'im-shaking-you-like-a-snowglobe excited' way)#anyway thank you for your ask it made me very happy and very excited and made me laugh#im just excited and i want others to be excited and you seem excited so im super happy#thank you for dropping by! And asking me about my merwaincelot fic! Thus topic is basically instant dose of dopamine for me#and now i feel like bouncing off the walls so im feeling GREAT!#dragons answer#dragons talk#dragons talk in tags#lit <3 <3 <3#(i would be lying if i said i wasnt looking the most forward to dropkicking a link to this fic in your ask once i post it)#(So look forward to that although I make no promises about when it's gets done)#(You'll see it when you least expect it)
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oooh my gloomybear corpse collab shirt arrived today aaand a new corpse song dropped fuck yeah today was a good day <3
#it's not even my birthday yet I feel so blessed heck yea#saying today as if it's not almost 6 in the morning the day after for me but still#I haven't slept yet since getting the shirt yesterday afternoon so still counts as same day shh it makes sense don't worry#anyhow#new music heck yesss#speaking of the song my fav part: the last few seconds#just listen to it and you'll know yessir#one of my fav sounds ever and uhhh ngl the simp is strong atm and I apologize#he just has a really nice laugh though simp or no it's an undeniable fact ok you're lying if you disagree tbh#but realtalk the whole song is good af and will be on repeat for the rest of the week at least#~if pain is beauty I'm a pretty bitchhh~#that line just tickles my brain for some reason I love it ha#anyways enough rambling#will try to motivate myself to draw something soon hopefully fingers crossed#something bombeep related hopefully or maybe more corpse who knows we'll see I guess ha#stream 'CODE MISTAKE' on spotify bc dope af music and also the giggle bc ye serotonin#and or click the youtube link heck yea music#anyways laters bye
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OBVIOUS NOTE OF "GUYS I HAVE THE MEDIA LITERACY NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS AND ISNT A PIECE OF MEDIA ADVOCATING FOR A BAD THING AND I KNOW WHAT BAD WRITING AND PACING IS" BUT LIKE. *JAZZ HANDS* THIS IS GONNA BE ON MY OWN TIME AND SHIT N READ THE REST OF THE POST AND BLOCK ME IF NEED BE BUT IM GONNA BE AT SOME POINT WATCHING THE H*LLAVERSE AND D*MP(CENSORED TO LEAVE THIS OUT OF SEARCHES SORRY)
ALSO IM MAKING THIS CLEAR BC IK IVE BEEN VAGUE ABOUT IT BEFORE AND I DONT WANT ANY EXTRA HARASSMENT OR FOR ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT TO TAKE ISSUES. UH BC IVE BEEN ON THE FENCE BOUT IT IM JUST MAKING THE CHOICE NOW. NO MORE DOUBLE GUESSING STUFF I WANT TO WATCH FEHFBSFBSSFB IF ITS BAD ITS BAD AND ILL PIRATE IT ANYWAYS AND IF IT DOESNT DESERVE ANY ATTENTION IT SURE AS HELL WONT GET IT FROM ME BUT I FIGURE THIS IS JUST. A BETTER CHOICE FOR ME TO STOP GUILTING MYSELF WHICH HAS JUST BEEN A HORRIBLE THING WHENEVER I SEE ANYTHING I WANT TO AT LEAST CHECK OUT AND IM SICK AND TIRED OF PUTTING SOME PEOPLE IVE TALKED TO TWICE OVER MY OWN HEALTH IN THE WEIRD ASS GUILT TRAUMA SPIRALS I KEEP FORCING MYSELF INTO
SO THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY POST ON THIS TOPIC IM MAKING BC IVE BEEN SO BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN "MAN THIS IS GREAT FOR ME" AND "OH GOD THE TRAUMA" LOL
BASICALLY THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING AND MAYBE THISLL BE LIKE THE HORROR THING WHERE I RLY LIKE IT AND I TRY TO HOLD BACK BOUT IT BUT END UP OBSESSED BUT MORE LIKELY THAN NOT THIS IS JUST GONNA BE A HEADSUP FOR ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE W LIKE THE TWO BIGGEST TARGETS FOR "IRREDEEMABLE MEDIA" BC ITS LIKE. VERY FAIR TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE W EM AND I DONT BLAME U AT ALL SO I WANT TO MAKE SURE UR WARNED
REPETITIVE POST IK AND IF YOU ARE LIKE. MY FRIEND FRIEND AND YOU DONT WANT ME TO LET ME KNOW AND IF I RB ANYTHING IT WILL BE TAGGED AND EVERY SINGLE DISCLAIMER I JUST. WANT TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE KNOW AND IM CLEAR ABOUT THIS FOR EVERYONES SAFETY, EVEN IF ITS SOMETHING SMALL LIKE THIS. MY APOLOGIES AGAIN, SERIOUSLY IF YOU ARE LIKE. A FRIEND FRIEND I WILL TAKE UR OPINION ON THIS DW
#THIS ISNT GONNA APPLY TO LIKE. SOUTH PARK OR HARRY POTTER OR SOMETHING. BUT LIKE. AND TLDR THIS IS JUST ME HAVING HISTORY W MEDIA#BUT ITS IN A ''BAD PEOPLE ARE THE MAIN REASON I HAVE THE PASSIONS THAT I HAVE AND WANT TO ANIMATE AND ENJOY WHAT I ENJOY#AND I WANT TO AT LEAST DECIDE FOR MYSELF IF ALL THEYVE DONE IS AS BAD AS PEOPLE SAY BC IK THEYRE THAT BAD BUT I WANT TO AT LEAST SEE WHERE#THAT PASSION WENT TO AND IF NOTHING ELSE MAYBE ALL THE MEANSPIRITED POSTS WILL BE RIGHT AND ITLL BE FUN TO LAUGH AT. AND IM SURE THERES#STUFF THATS SHITTY IN THERE. I KNOW THERE IS IN FACT. BUT I DUNNO IM TIRED OF BEING TOLD HOW BAD EVERYTHING IS FROM FUCKING HOMESTUCK FANS#LIKE BUDDY IM NOT NEW TO THIS IK THERES WORSE SHIT IN OUR WEBCOMIC. I SEE SOME OF U RBING SOUTH PARK STUFF AND THEN DECIDING THATS#TOO INTENSE AND I DUNNO MAN MAYBE ITS ALL PERSPECTIVE MAYBE IM JUST TIRED OF BEING A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COWARD ABOUT EVERYTHING#BUT POINT IS FUCK EVERYONE WHO WAS A JERK BOUT IT IM GONNA BE WATCHING THAT SHIT ON MY OWN TIME AND IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE UR BUSINESS#SO DONT MAKE YOUR DEATH THREATS MY BUSINESS'' WAY#AND MAYBE THATS ALL NONSENSE AND SHIT BUT THIS IS YEARS COMING AND IVE DECIDED IM WEEDING OUT THE ASSHOLES#AND IK I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF THIS MUCH BUT MAN I AM TERRIFIED OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD. ANYWAYS. 👍. ✌.
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cleaned my ENTIRE apartment today due to a situation I expected to arise. did the situation arise? no...
#but hey at least my apartment is clean#still do need to mop the floors but that's TOO much for a weekday lol#I've done absolutely nothing for school today (except my half hour class) but for once I also am not guilting myself about it#like. I went to the doctor about something I've been worried about for LITERALLY a year and it was fine#(though I did have a different issue thats potentially extremely concerning but they're calling me back for a checkup on that -#- in a couple months so until then I'm just not going to worry)#And then I cleaned. Made an important call. Sent an important text and an important email. And now I am so tired#think going to the doctor was mentally taxing#I've been extremely anxious about the issue I went there for so it's probably that tension like... letting go a little#also the doctor laughed at a joke I made#I got a good grade in going to the doctor.. something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve#z talks#not horse game#Anyway I am now going to make dinner that I planned and got groceries for weeks ago. Like some fucking adult.
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feeling very 🧍♂️ may not be around for a bit
#its nothing tumblr related really its more just irl#a mix of being tired and having deadlines and not being able to make myself work#and the. kinda harsh switch in vibe in the house from last nights everyone hanging out having fun#to todays me alone cleaning up after everyone and knowing that the others are content doing their own thing and don't wanna hang w me#which like!! is fine im not expecting to be the center of their world its just.#idk we used to hang out every night watching a movie or some tv and laughing#and ever since i got back from my trip we just. we spend time together maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks and it takes me asking if they wanna#hang out like 3000 times before it ever happens and when it does there's just. theres a disconnect#and I think they just realized during the two months i was away that theyre. maybe a bit happier without me#or at least they find it easier to not hang out#like theyve got jobs now so obviously they dont have time the way they used to but its not just that theres been a Shift#i think they also might. kinda resent me for the trip and having that opportunity#which sucks bc i cant. do anything ab that i had no say in the trip i didnt want to go#and even saying that makes me very. like that feels like such a selfish arrogant thing to say to want to turn down a trip across the world#but everyone who was here during that trip knows that i spent the entire time dissociating and getting yelled at and suicidal so uh#i dont think its selfish to not have wanted to go when i Knew it'd end like that but i think they might think it was#ANYWAY this got depressing and sad i dont mean to bring shit here its just i literally only have 3 friends and 2 of them r these ones#and the other is so emotionally unavailable and doesnt really take mental health seriously so#ooc.#negative cw
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