#but anyway i dont know what im saying anymore!
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respectfully, FUCK MY LAST FRIENDGROUP.
i don't care if you hate my art and think its "incorrect" and "childish" and that i need to "Grow up" BECAUSE I DONT CARE !! ^^ i enjoy my art and thats all that matters and thats all that should matter to you aswell. don't fucking listen to weirdos that say your art should be more realistic, because in reality.. its your art, being unique is what makes you stand out.
if any of my ex friends see this, and the people who know its directed at them will know.
don't fucking contact me, i don't care anymore, i'm happy, i'm free, im gonna kiss my boyfriend on the lips and shittalk you still because i sure as hell know you still make fun of my memory loss, my auditory processing issues and everything else.
since you did that .. months after the drama ended anyway! You deserve NONE of my sympathy.
grow up and move on from life, i already have. and especially if you see this post it proves my point that you're still being fucking weird and obsessing over me.
Do not interact with me. goodbye, hopefully forever!
and if you're an artist reading this, don't change your art for anyone but yourself.
#cw rant#tw rant#art#digital art#be proud in your art#art style#cartoony art#stylized art#oc#persona#artists on tumblr#commissions open#scene kid#tw eyestrain#cw eyestrain#clutter
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"Yknow what, nester? fuck you. i can't believe i ever thought even SLIGHTLY positively of you. I thought- i thought, once, even with us fighting, we were on good terms. yet here you are, acting like THIS- i just-"
"I dont know what to THINK about you anymore, man. honestly, I couldn't give two SHITS if I'm like the rest of you, if im- if I'm some sort of MONSTER. it doesn't change SHIT, and- I don't FUCKING care, alright?"
[WILHELM, despite saying this, has teared up a bit. she's lying.]
"fuck, nester- just- shit-"
[WILHELM wipes at her eye, voice choking.]
"you just had to pull this shit now, huh?"
[WILHELMS voice grows quiet.]
"...just- go find that destabilizer. or don't, I don't care anymore. i have work to do, anyways."
does anyone want exactly 609 bones?
please don't ask, you probably already know.
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hmmmm!
#um so sucks that s&b was canceled but i cannot say i didnt see it coming#also im so sorry. i hate to say it. but i couldnt even finish s2.....#they werent doing my friends justice#sorry but jesper and wylan would not act like that#and like kaz and inej had fun stuff going on but the ordering of the plot events in s2 completely messed up their relationship arc#and also just their personal journeys in general#at this point we could never get the ice court because all of its climactic moments would feel meaningless because they completely removed#all of the emotional context#idk im not articulating this particularly well rn#but im still mourning what could have been#s1 was a little messy but she was fun and had so much potential#and i was really enjoying the s&b storyline too#and like i loved the casting and i love alina and genya and zoya and even mal#like mal and alina in the show were so dyke coded what who said that#but anyway i dont know what im saying anymore!
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im annoyed and a little pedantic so can i just say as a blanket statement
queerbaiting is when the promotion for a FICTIONAL STORY intentionally hints towards two characters having a romantic relationship, without any intention to follow through in the show, in order to get queer people watching without discouraging the homophobic enjoyers of the show
queerbaiting is NOT:
a celebrity who you think is queer because theyre gnc or they have a 'vibe'. that is a real person and they cannot queerbait
two friends of the same gender pretending to flirt with each other for fun. those are real people and they cannot queerbait
a show with two characters of the same gender who are canonically friends that YOU PERSONALLY think would be better in a relationship. that's not bating, that's shipping, and subject to opinion
there are more but those are the main examples of people misunderstanding what queerbaiting is and being mad at something that isn't actually a problem
#the general rule if youre unsure is to ask yourself 'is that a real person i think is hinting that they are queer' and if the answer is yes#then that cannot be queerbaiting because thats a human person#apparently this is not a known fact anymore but even celebrities are human and have human emotions and human experiences#so sometimes their experiences appear to match yours and if your experience stems from your queer identity then often you can assume that#the celebrity in question is also queer#you may be right but you're probably wrong because you do not know that celebrity and have no way of knowing if they do not explicitly say#also its none of your business#anyway im annoyed at how many people dont know what queerbaiting is anymore#no jimmy solidarity and joel smallishbeans are not queerbaiting because they are FRIENDS and they are allowed to interact with each other#however they like because they are FRIENDS and they are not even remotely trying to hint that they themselves are queer or something#queerbaiting#queer#lgbtq#wren wrambles
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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do you have any fanfiction recs??
I DO!!!!!! im honoured that someone's thought of Me to ask for recs omg... anyway theyll be under the cut because making long posts without a cut makes me feel mean
okay im assuming u mean gatty cos. its Me so sorry if u didnt 😞 smut is marked with * btw!!! (also before i start i'm sorry to everyone i tag i Hate tagging it's really scary.) SO. in no specific order. let's go
love me to death* by...somebody who i do not know the tumblr of (sorry) is amazing. i'd also recommend everything else by this person, too, because all of it is beautiful.
all the king's horses by the wonderful @allylikethecat is one of my all time faves, it just makes me want to scream and cry and yell and jump up and down. in a very, very good way!! (also, it has horses, so.)
the big light by @betweenthings2 is for real godsent, and i would die to be able to write like this!!!!! (but if u do then tw for speak of s/a!! keep urself safe!) it's beautiful and sad and sad and sad and wonderful. again, i'd recommend everything else by them, too!!! (also loads of crisps because it got updated like three seconds ago, and i Love It)
in the search for it, inside of you* by @arainesque is so beautifully sad, and the best thing ever. it's so soft and wonderful and lovely and aaaaaahhh!!! the way she wrote their dynamic makes my heart ACHE. obsessed always :(((((<3
how little i really know (about the things that matter)* OH MY GOD. farm boy george. literally almost entirely what inspired deus like it's AMAZING. beautiful and i love it so much
roadkill, again, by @betweenthings2 because she's genuinely amazing and deserves nine hundred thousand billion kudos on every single fic <3 (tw for restrictive (i think) EDs btw!!) i think if i read this while not in a good mood i would explode and die. it's amazing
into my spiral patterns you (my love) by @lookedlikethebins which is in progress rn is HWHSKJSJSJ. beautiful. obsessed with how they've written george in this one <3
okay im Very sorry to everyone who i tagged here i genuinely hate tagging people so much it makes me SICK but i kinda felt bad speaking about fics and Not tagging people. LORD. someone give me a tumblr etiquette class
#TELL ME IF THESE LINKS DONT WORK OR SO HELP ME GOD...#sorry for taking years i was watching the dragon prince and im SO INVESTED??#and to dust thou shalt return or whatever#okay no im sorry theres only like five i was getting stressed and i didnt know whether i should do not many or loads or what so i settled#on not many so im not irritating people with tags omg im stressed to fuck dude#why is everyone saying bed chem is good . stop lying .#im sorry like how can u say bed chem is good when taste is RIGHT THERE.#i genuinely think i have the most ridiculous hate in my heart#i dont like bed chem But the lyrics are making me giggle#i like this new era of unapologetic horniness in women musicians#i was gonna say female but. FEMALE#ull just have 2 taste me when hes kissing u 😁#sorry im still stressed like guys im tagging you im.SORRY dont hate me#anyway i think ive cried to half of these#everyone mentioned here i would DIE for you i swear to god#ive been waiting for someone to ask me for recs literally just so i could sit and gush about my favs honestly ☠️#asks#anon#blah blah!#fic recs#gatty#i hate that word.#delete it from existence pls i DONT WANNA TAG IT ANYMORE it just looks weird#however i will Continue to use it#matty x george#thats Slightly better...#ANYWAY.
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again
#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining#once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol#like idk how to be friends#i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely#and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have#actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality#i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again#because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it#pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic#how do i start living again#how does one live anyway#im just in my head all the time#this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness#im so stupid!!!#im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself#im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself#but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go#idk how to be a person anymore#i’m just sad#thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol
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happy 31th birthday louis! love you ♡
#hldailyupdate#hlupdate#hlcreators#1dsource#tracksintheam#louis#edits#mine#louis' bday#another year goes by and another year im perplexed#how HOW are you 31 already???#i dont even know what to say anymore#im just so so proud of you#you were amazing on tour this year#and i cant believe i actually got to see you live#one of the best nights of my life for sure#and also fitf is fucking amazing and i cant wait to hear it live#anyway....#i just wanna wish you the happiest of the birthdays#i hope youre surrounded by all the people you love#i hope you have a great christmas as well#love you more than words can say#💜💜💜💜💜💜
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father garcia and john ward should make out sloppy style and in this essay i wi
#faith the unholy trinity#john ward#father garcia#mlm#shipping#GAYYY GAYYY THEYRE HOMOSEXUALSS GAYYYY#the pinterest fans are gonna get me for this one#because apparently two excommunicated priests who met as grown ass adults cant kiss??#cowards#i dont know what sloppy style means but im gonna say it anyway because i dont have shame anymore
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Day 282 | id in alt
Y'all ain't telling me that recently Maki has the lead paint stare bc she fucking DOES.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#zenin maki#i have been thinking about things heem heem#anyway fr doe while getting off topic from the damn post#ANYWAY. I DONT really like the direction jjk is going i mean its okay but it dosent really have an itch anymore#all about fucking religious references like whatever i guess. i understand what you're putting down gege and im just saying its a little....#lame. its a little lame#thats just my opinion though#it's probably because I've seen it done before multiple times and gege's way of it just dosent pass the gates y'know#whatever its just a gripe#its just not that spicy i dont fuckin know
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Okay children, gather around. It's "Spencer Complains and Acts a Little Mad" Time:
I have been raw dogging life for 1 month without my adhd/depression/anxiety/mood stabilizers medication and without a single Therapy appointment
I haven't left my house in 1 month, I haven't spoken to any of my (in person) friends in over 1 month, I haven't seen my family in 1 month, I haven't seen my bloody cat in over 1 month, I've barely left my bloody room in over 1 month, and I've been listening to my bloody voice almost every day for 1 hour so I can finish editing the bloody podcast for over a month
To top it all of: I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about 4 days now (in which I just don't sleep or I have extremely vivid nightmares with my departed mother and/or scenarios where I die over and over and over again but can't speak to ask for help before it happens - fun for all the family, if you ask me) and I might or might not be completely and absolutely going insane, with only Good Omens season 1 (6/6) and season 2 (5/6) and the existence of Crowley/red haired Fire Pokemon David Tennant Edition being my sole producer of any amount of serotonin
How am I alive? Good question. Beautiful genderfluid demonic content can be some very nice very distracting content for individuals that simp for Fire Type David Tennant Pokemon like myself
I am quite sure my only contact with anything mental health related in the past weeks has been my best friend whom is very very annoying and refuses to leave me the heck alone and whom is a nurse and is working extra time to advice my stupid ass the best she can, bless her heart
So, with my personal nurse's permission, I have doubled my sleeping medication for the night and, as Fall Out Boy once wrote for the song "Alone Together" in one of my favorite albums to have ever been created "Save Rock and Roll": I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead
#i took so long writing this nonesense for no other reason other than the fact its 2 am and no one makes good decisions at 2 am#that i am actually already feeling sleepy#if my best friend actually manages to give me 1 good nights sleep i will kiss that woman in the mouth and get hitched with her in ibiza#jk shes straight as shit and shes like a sister to me so that scenario is making me cringe but the sentiment prevails#alas dont do drugs unless your doctor tells you to kids#or your nurse best friend#bro im getting so sleepy the word “nurse” aint even looking right anymore#is that even a real word#yes#google says it is#it is not about viking mythology like a thought for about 2 seconds#okay good good nice nice#anyway#i talked about you know what so i have to tag this post for my adhd sake#good omens#crowley#anthony j crowley#david tennant#there#in case anyone cares about a post that mentions crowley for 1 second while in rhe middle of a whole ass sleep drug inflicted rant#lowkey kinda sure ive writen more in the tags now than the damn post jesus christ#hopefully ill be able to have money to buy my medication on the 12th and ill be somewhat mentally stable by the 14th#which means i might actually upload my fanfic next tuesday if my brain is working again#night peeps dont let the bed bugs bite#idk what im saying anymore#my closet just banged by itself and now im scared#sully?#mike?#bo?
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Of the popular Carmine interpretations (and carmine and kieran relationship interpretations) ive seen, none of them vibe quiteee right with me, so here's mine.
carmine is not a good sister to Kieran but she’s also not a bad person. not because she's not trying to be a good sis or because she doesn't like him, etc etc, but because they're at a point rn where they dont mesh right, and no one is stepping in to mediate or help them. Like the fact is Carmine Is an angry and abrasive person, who truly does care about her village and the people she cares about. She does love Kieran and Kieran does love her, and I think they both know that. But the way she treated Kieran Did contribute to his self doubt issues. Carmine and Kieran’s relationship Isn’t Healthy! But fuck, it’s not beyond repair. There’s still love there, there’s a future they can have. Being around a person who constantly and consistently gets angry, esp if that person is someone in power over u (like ur older sister) fucks a guy up! Even when you know that person loves you especially if you know they love you!
Carmine is an angry person and you know what sometimes people are like that! But look at them… I think they reached a point where Carmine shooing Kieran off was seen as just… Fine with everyone involved, because “(she) didn’t hit him or anything”. She's not lashing out at him trying to be awful she's not trying to hurt him.
Who’s giving Carmine a proper outlet? She’s got battle, is that helping anything? Her primary Pokémon is Morpeko, the Pokemon that switches between angry and happy. Does that make one side any less real than the other? Does being angry mean she’s not really loving? Does being loving mean she’s not really angry? Does loving Kieran mean she didn’t hurt him?
You’re a teen, and you’re angry. Over all sorts of things, some little and some large, but it doesn’t really matter as much as the fact that She’s Angry. It doesn’t matter why. It's not something you can help, you can put on a nice face, but you're still upset about things, and you should be! What do you do about it? You can't bottle it up. You’ll break, and you're bad at it anyway. Get mad at your teachers? Get in trouble. Get mad at your grandparents? Get in trouble. There’s no place safe to Feel Angry, but you Have to FEEL you can’t help it! You can’t help it. So you let yourself get a little angry at your brother, cause he doesn’t mind. You're still holding back, anyhow. He knows you still love him. He knows. He has to know right? It’s not that you dislike him, he just gets you so mad sometimes and- you still love him. You’re just bad at showing it, but he’s always stood up for you, you hear it even though he tries to keep it quiet. And maybe your brother's a little quiet and a little nervous, but he's always like that. it's fine. Things are fine.
You're a teen, and your sister keeps getting angry at you. And you hardly did anything wrong, but you're never quite enough. Not with her, not with school, not with any kind of "friends" (which you don't have). Cause your sister is so so strong and you really do look up to her, so much, even if she gets mad at you, cause you know she cares you know that. But maybe if you were stronger, she wouldn’t get so upset with you… Part of you knows that isn't true. Part of you starts to believe it anyway. You're used to this, and it's not awful so... it must be fine. It's fine.
And you're brother and sister, outcasts in your own town, so if you squabble a bit, it’s normal right? That’s fine. It’s not broken enough to fix, and everything wears away and away till it breaks. But they were outcasts anyway, troublemakers anyway, it was inevitable anyway, so there's no point doing anything. It's not really a problem, not to anyone Outside their bubble so.
Things are fine.
#before anyone comes at me saying 'oh siblings are just like that'#im not saying they cant be like that but thats not just like.#just because its normal (happens frequently) doesn't mean its like. good/healthy/#doesnt mean its not an indication something is wrong#doesnt mean it shouldn't be Fixed#i think#and secondly: ***I**** am a big sister. to a younger brother.#or was i guess im not a girl anymore but point being.#i Was a big sister for a decade plus#and still am a big sibling today!#so i dont want people coming to me saying i know nothing about what “real siblings are like”#i only say this bcs it has Happened Before. Dont.#anyway.#pokemon#pokemon sv#sv dlc#pokemon scarlet and violet#the teal mask#pokemon the teal mask#sv dlc spoilers#scarvi dlc#scarvi dlc spoilers#trainer kieran#rival kieran#rival carmine#trainer carmine#the teal mask spoilers#pokemon teal mask
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Yesterday I was replaying Deltarune and I was going really insane about it picking up on things I missed on my first playthrough and something that fucked me up hard was this line here
The little ellipsis at the end, almost like you can hear the regret on their voice. Voice of an ad who is realizing maybe they fucked up on this one. But it also made me think of... The possibility of this being a reaction to Spamton's actions.
Because I don't think this was an automatic thing, I feel like their drifting off was gradual. Sure, their jealousy had won them over (I'd have killed the guy or myself if I was them so I don't even blame them) but Spamton was too getting busier and busier the more famous he got, and as they say, that never stopped. He only kept getting bigger, until it all came crashing down. And when it did it was one of them who tried to go find him, after all that.
But I digress, let's focus on the original quote from my favorite sigma enby themselves, Pink Addison. There's obviously not only the regret to it, but feeling like they were abandoned too. Both parties lost a lot and the real tragedy is just how easily it could've have been avoided! Or rather, how beyond their control it was...
But I'll get off topic if I keep speaking so I'll leave it at that. The sheer tragedy that there is to everyone involved just makes me insane. Like I said in a post previous to this; you cannot trace down a good guy or a bad guy in this tale, it's just desperate people taking awful decisions and living to regret their actions.
#luly talks#makes you wonder too like#THIS IS GOING ON THE TAGS BC IM JUMPING THE GUN TOO HARD#but after Pink says rhat they follw by saying ''even so he only got more and more successful'' and its making me FEEL something alright#that EVEN SO. like. were they expecting for him to... stop? to slow down? to give up his overwhelming fame to get them back?#there's so many things i just can't say because we know very little of the addisons and big shot era spamton#we dont even know if they were aware this is how he ended. we dont even know if Spamton tried to go back to them or if he totally refused to#it makes me sick it makes me insane i want to grab these colorful things and squish then on my palm#there's a lot of What Ifs but i think the answer wouldn't even matter because nothing could change anymore#its sososososososoooooo sad#like i see fandom woobify Spamton a lot and i HATE that sure he went thru a lot but he's a grown ass desperate man#he's not a poor uwu cinnamon roll he's insane and he's an asshole and he's a nuanced tragic character#and so are these motherfuckers!!!!!!#btw i originally had a paragraph about how mad I'd have been if i was an Addison but i ended up rewriting the whole post LMAO#anyway. yeah. it just makes me insane.#deltarune#Spamton#addisons
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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