#but anything he had said at that moment
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Listen, I like Oda, he's cool and everything but he tells Dazai the exact same thing Verlaine says to Chuuya. Both of these boys were struggling with their identity and believed they didnt deserve to be seen as humans. Where Dazai was desperately distancing himself but positioning himself in a spot where he could still experience humanity, Chuuya was actively trying to be human while also not fully accepting himself as one. Verlaine tried to break Chuuya by reinforcing his lack of humanity by pointing out how nothing and no one could ever fill that lonely void in him and yea sure we all collectively believe that was a nasty thing to say to a child struggling with his identity who had just lost all his friends. But Oda did the exact same thing, I know his intentions were better and he cared about Dazai when he said that and the meaning was distorted because neither actually understood the other enough, but he told a child struggling with his identity who had just lost his 2 closest friends and had no contact with his partner at the time that nothing could fill the lonely void in his soul.
And nobody is ever allowed to question it or criticise it cause Oda has the cool dead guy syndrome where he isn't allowed to be criticised or judged like other characters.
Because Chuuya heard those words at the very beginning of strombringer by someone he hated and later spent the entire book learning that people did in fact care for him and view him as human and finding out about his parents and the scar, it led to him having (slightly) less of a martyr ideology because he no longer isolates himself and tends to seek out genuine connections even if he is painfully reserved and repressed about his own struggles. Meanwhile Dazai was told those exact same words by Oda at the very end of the dark era arc at an incredibly vulnerable moment when he had literally lost everything and seen things and lives fall apart by someone who he idolized to an almost unhealthy level. This leads to Dazai quite literally losing hope (he shows a hopeful nature a few times in 15 and dark era though it is rather subtle, Dazai shows it most in his attempt to stop Oda from going to the final fight) and becoming a martyr who sees no value in his own life outside of a tool. He struggles to create genuine connections even with people who genuinely care for him (the ADA) and repeatedly puts on a mask in front of them.
Chuuya and Dazai both view themselves as people whose lives are only worth what they can do for others in different ways, Chuuya feels the need to protect because he is the strongest and feels need to earn his existence whereas Dazai feels the need to martyr himself because he only finds value in his life and death by saving people.
#soukoku#i am actually super tired so I am probably making no sense#but i have so many thoughts on this#like they said the exact same thing#sometimes good people have good intentions but an awful execution#sorry but i will never sit here and accept the idea that Oda's words did Dazai good#they gave him a wake up call sure#but anything he had said at that moment#even just telling him to leave and be a good person wpuld have worked because Dazai IDOLIZED him#he could have told Dazai to do a chicken dance and Dazai would have fucking done it at that point#his words pushed Dazai from suicidal but making excuses to a martyr mentality#ive seen people unironically call anyone who dislikes or analyses Oda's words a hater#but somehow every analysis turns into more evidence of skk mirroring each other
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I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.
I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.
I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.
There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:
A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.
B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.
And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.
This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.
But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.
The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).
To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)
And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.
Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.
I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.
Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.
I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.
In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?
ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)
Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.
Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this
And this
Aand this
That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.
#bkdk#I will also say that while Izuku did do a bit of a fake smile and attitude for Katsuki’s breakdown last chapter#he gets a bit of an excuse for that suppression. theres a time and place to be strong for a friend. and while izuku didn’t exactly say ALL-#the right things or think the right thoughts… he still imo fits into control your heart within that moment#you can ‘be strong’ for someone who’s sad or anxious without you being out to be an ultra suppressive self hating boy man#in that moment katsuki probably would’ve needed that if izuku had said literally anything else but ‘I’m glad I had this dream while it-#lasted!’ and ‘your probably just feeling very weird right now’… DUDE I CANNOT KEEP DEFENDING YOUR ASS#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bakudeku#bkdk brainrot#bnha deku#bakugou katsuki#mha analysis#deku midoriya#last side note lmao: I’ve done like five drafts for this and if this one isn’t good enough hopefully someone better than me can remake this#or I’ll make this at a later time when more things come out#I just knew I wanted this out before the next chapter leaks#which are probably tonight lolllll#oh and I proof read like 80% of this so y’all are getting what you fucking get
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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TWO LINES
klav said two FUCKING lines and started flirting i m m e d i a t e l y what the shit klav
like
like i’ve seen that screenshot before i just assumed he waited one more fucking minute before saying it? klavier. klav. bae please have you no self control 😭 what a day to be alive
#first time playing apollo justice#and i’m playing w my brother cause we gamers#and the moment we reached that line we started giggling our heads off instead of voice acting like usual and he said#I THOUGHT THE FANDOM WAS PROJECTING WHAT IS THIS??#NO BROTHER WE HAVE NEVER MADE ANYTHING UP#EDGEWORTH HAD UNNECESSARY FEELINGS#and he went well yeah but they had a whole long term thing going on there was a lot happening there#and we stared at the screen again and. yeah#ace attorney#klapollo#humour
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man this conversation & jon genuinely not knowing why someone would want him around makes me so sad. s3 is so utterly devastating especially in relation to jon, his humanity / becoming an avatar & how that was affecting him and everyone around. knowing that eventually his fears will come true and that people will start distrusting, thinking of him as a monster and treating him differently because of things out of his control is heartbreaking when you look at jon now and how hard he's trying to protect everyone, from everything that was going on but also from himself. he's losing himself in all the guilt and desperate attempts at problem solving because he thinks everything and anything is his fault and then you get everyone acting like that's exactly the case and i die inside everytime
#im not saying he's a saint who's never done anything wrong either because he's had his moments and he fucked up#but as georgie said he needed people or he'd lose himself completely (just like he did in s2 btw)#just a smidge of understanding would've gone a long way#everytime i think about jon a little too long i want to sob#the magnus archives#tma#jonathan sims#georgie barker#mag 99
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the thing i love about bill cipher is that even after i've learned all of this stuff about him, seen him at the most vulnerable he'll ever get, seen him at his most innocent, i still can't give a flying fuck about trying to justify his actions. yes he's traumatized, yes he was twisted into what we know today, and while it gives a semblance of context to why he did what he did, it doesn't matter. he still ruined ford's life. he still drove and baited multiple humans to suicide. he still tormented every human he saw as his ticket out of the consequences of his own actions. he still took delight in his actions. he was willing to commit genocide for fuck's sake!!! (freezing all of the humans into statues). trying to explain away what he did does not get rid of what he did, but it certainly puts it in perspective. you won't be catching me being a bill apologist any time soon <3
#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#pleaseeee dont kill me guys#also if anyone tries to twist this and apply it to ford i WILL be setting myself on fire#because like. i've seen many people hate on him because of what he did objectively#but the difference between ford and bill is that ford did not LIKE it. let me break down things ford has done @ stan that ppl dont like:#1: he was the favorite child hands down (not ford's fault. he was a kid. he was shoved into the role by his father)#2: considering leaving stan behind for west coast tec (which we dont even know was his intention. what if he wanted to bring stan with him?#what if he was going to ultimately turn the offer down? what if he went and still kept touch anyway? speaking as a guy who grew up#gifted in a poor neighborhood; college is your TICKET outta there. you'd do anything to do so--BACK ON TRACK)#3: didnt defend stan when he was being kicked out (he thought stan sabotaged his and his fams ticket out of poverty. of COURSE he's pissed!#also he was 17. of COURSE in the moment he wasnt going to take his scrawy ass and stand up to his 6'6 abusive ass of a father. would YOU?#4: told stan to take the journal (ford was on the brink of death and insanity. all he had left was STAN to trust. it also wasnt him saying#to have stan stay away from him forever--it was just to take the JOURNAL somewhere. he NEVER said he COULDNT come back!#do you REALLy think that FORD could have explained all that properly when he has beeen TORTURED FOR WEEKS ON END? I DIDNT THINK SO!#anyways. the point is that everything the fandom uses to villanize ford is in fact a result of circumstances outside of his control#and while you can argue that bill is the same; compare the damage they have done. consider how their trauma impacted them as people.#think about how bill took his trauma out on everyone around him. about how even now he still feels no remorse in that prison.#think about how ford tried to FIX his mistakes. think about how he is human; how he acted in spite of his misery#think about what that fucking triangle did to that six-fingered old man.#....okay! that was a lot. lets hope no one sees this!!
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are gray
(prompt fill for @mcspirkevents' mcspirk bingo prompt "gone with the wind".)
static frames below:
ouch! neck deep in aos bones feels rn... lmk if i should make a fix-it or somethin
#yeah so yesterday i said id try not to get distracted.. Guess how well that went LMAO#SORRY BONES hes going thru it in this one but literally this is all aos canon. aos is so mean to him and for what#not a single drop of closure... tos bones would flip shit if he found out. Thats the real reason why bones prime never shows up in aos#YEAH BTW PLEASE LOOK AT THE STATIC FRAMES PROCREATE HAS A ASTRONOMIC GRUDGE AGAINST THE 3RD SLIDE FOR SOME REASON#it would NOT stop crunching that one single GODDAMN FRAME in the gif. like full on colour blowout. like WHAT DID IT EVER DO TO YOU#YEAH SO I HAD TO SCREENSHOT IT AND PUT THAT IN THE GIF. EXCEPT MY IPAD SCREENSHOTS THINGS WEIRD. so its CONSPICUOUSLY BRIGHT#the 3rd and 4th frames are meant to have the same background color. every time i watch the gif i am filled with unimaginable rage#WHAT DID THAT FRAME EVER DO TO MY IPAD. what unforgivable crimes did it ever commit to be disrespected like this#ok rant over tags now :))#star trek#star trek aos#star trek fanart#mcspirk bingo#mcspirk#mcspirk fanart#spones#mckirk#spirk#star trek alternate original series#aos#spones fanart#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#spock#jim kirk#did not use a single ref so the fact that the uniforms are reasonably legible as aos is a win (not like i use refs for anything else lol)#spirk is holding hands in that last frame!! gay people moment#OH AND I DID THIS IN LIKE. AROUND 3 HOURS? ive been meaning to draw that first frame for ages now so YIPPEEEEE#i did have a different caption in mind tho. Guess ill redraw it in the future LMAO#dust medibang paints
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god we need to bring crackfic back. or just short and idiotic ideas that wouldn’t happen but would be funny to read
#i just had a vivid imagination of geralt’s company having a pillow fight#setting and timeframe: september 10ish. in riverdell aka transriver#dandelion hits geralt with his bedroll pillow (a quite flat thing and not very comfortable but what are you to do) for levity#it’s a game of a bygone time. a mild pillow fight is plausible between geralt and dandelion in the short stories#cahir comments . wow … really dandelion … this is so juvenile … i haven’t done a pillow fight since i was 10 … it’s for kids…#dandelion’s response: pillow to the face. immediate vicovarian reaction: dandelion razed harder by his pillow than cintra by nilfgaard#dandelion screams ear-curdlingly (you’d imagine someone was being murdered in this swamp)#geralt (still at this moment in time resentful of cahir) leaps and attacks him with his pillow#geralt and cahir spar with pillows like swords but get to smothering each other quickly#milva (see this is foreshadowing for like two weeks days later) had enough and starts pillowing the both of them#she also had not said literally anything for the past week so this is a surprise that she would involve herself#dandelion hits milva on the ass (with his pillow…) she nearly kills him#geralt and cahir try to save dandelion etc#regis has been watching all of this like 🫤#geralt (better mood now) asks him why he is not getting involved.#regis: ‘what… ought i to be doing’#geralt: ‘helping me smack cahir with pillows’#regis doesn’t even sleep with a pillow. dandelion calls out he probably has an extra on his bedroll. milva screams at regis don’t touch that#regis psychoanalyzes they are relieving their stresses and anxieties in a social bonding ritual involving play fighting#which is likely of primal origin in simian social troupes but i digress#regis reasons he doesn’t have latent quarrels with anyone in the group so it would be pointless for him to join#cahir is like well i like everybody here and i still am smacking dandelion with a pillow 😐#milva reasons just imagine someone you hate on the other end. she imagined beating the crap out of her stepfather 👍#regis still reluctant to join | geralt gets an idea and smiles—imagine the guy who coined the term ‘undead’#wrath of eons unleashed#regis after knocking geralt off his feet with a pillow: am i doing it right ☺️#meanwhile nilfgaardian spy watching them from the bushes:#‘i was going to report on them but it looks as though they’ve all gone insane’#‘or maybe they were like that all along’#the elbow-high diaries
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
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I'm watching Berserk and I may or may not have hyped myself up to turn my vampire ocs into dark fantasy characters. mmaybe
#sketch tag#so uh. pepper is kind of a guts basically jdjgkckkc#they're both in an army and they butt heads a lot bc pepper is big and stronk but very impulsive and reckless#but there's no griffith situation or anything like that it's just that vince worries abt her#and he's way more restrained as a fighter and a strategist. maybe a commander or second in command#and just like in vtm he's very paranoid and afraid of change. so he worries abt her and is also unhappy in the army but too scared to leave#so he broods a lot and mopes around and gets on her ass abt her recklessness#and just like in vtm pepper is impulsive and has a lot of pent up frustration and she uses the battlefield to release all of it#sometimes overexerting herself and nearly getting herself killed#she also wants to leave bc she's not sure she believes in what they're fighting for anymore. but then she loses her coping mechanism#things change when they have an argument where he reveals he cares abt her sjfjjfkf YES very cliche I am thriving#and she's dismissive at first but after being alone for a bit his words start sinking in#and when they're on a battlefield again there's a moment where they have to retreat and she's about to absolutely not listen to that#but then she has a change of heart bc she remembers what he said + she cares abt him too so she doesn't want him to be hurt by her actions#neither by him getting worried nor trying to come to her aid and putting his life at risk#so she retreats#and he's very happy abt that he thanks her later for what she did#and then she's like yeah sure I guess I didn't die but also guess what. I'm bored#everything she wanted to release back there she just didn't. so she's still frustrated and especially bc she had to admit defeat#and she's an extremely proud person. she's irritated#and he's like aight. I'm gonna fight you then#and she's like what. and he's like yeah#so he picks up a sword and throws another one to her and there's a *sexual tension play-fight* hell yeah babey#I'm having sm fun w this au can you tell jejfjckckkc#eventually they do desert the army they're in bc things get worse and pepper decides she no longer wants to be a part of it#and in a fight or flight moment she pushes vincent to make a decision and he leaves with her#and like the story is only getting started there bc then there'll be some big misteries in the story they're gonna uncover#which. I haven't figured out what they are yet#but either way akhhdskfha I'm having a lot of fun w this#sleep.txt
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Mom got me an immortal pumpkin
Well, crafting pumpkin, but still, it's unrottable. I'm very pleased. I might knit it a cap just for it, that sounds fun. 🙂
#rae is such a dork#I like pumpkins but they always rot when I get one for the season because I like to keep them around#So now I have a forever pumpkin#In other news#My great uncle died a few days ago and I'm sort of processing that#I was just thinking last week about the $20 bill in my wallet he gave me about 6 years ago for my birthday that I haven't spent yet#He gave me it for my birthday to buy that Definitively Dangerous Edition book without him really knowing I had already bought the book#So he said that I could just use it to get myself something nice instead#I never found anything I wanted to spend that specific bill on#It's a crumpled old $20 but it's special to me#You get what I mean right?#The moment surrounding it was worth more than the monetary value itself to me#It was a nice day and during a family reunion that took place a couple weeks after my birthday
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the thing about yosuke’s shittiness around here (up close and personal, the campout) is that the vast majority of it isn’t doing literally anything for his character. i completely think yosuke’s shittiness is important to his character, but it’s by and large reflections of his own insecurities and flaws. he’s insecure about his masculinity and sexuality, he’s lame, he’s selfish, he’s obsessed with the idea of women, his mouth moves faster than his brain, he doesn’t like himself, and he cares way too much about the societal ideal of ‘normal’. but it’s really important that he’s self-aware! he knows when the things he says are shitty, he knows he’s lame, he knows he’s selfish, he knows he’s putting up a front of being carefree and normal. but there’s absolutely no self awareness here, there’s no recognizing he went too far and apologizing the next day, there’s no regret, there’s not even any self-deprecation, and there’s absolutely no compassion or empathy like he has in serious moments. a lot of what he says is just mean for meanness’s sake, in an execution incongruous with previous behaviour. it’s not even funny!
#tbh i think the thing with kanji in the tent was the closest to being interesting#like by the end he’s warning against kanji leaving the tent#so clearly he cares about kanji more than he’s homophobic#he was straight up just saying that stuff to be shitty. knowingly!#that’s interesting! and the whole thing reeks of yosuke’s own insecurity in his masculinity and sexuality#he took it way too far and i deeply wish he’d quit it with the we statements#but if he had even a single line like ‘shit… i shouldn’t have said all that’ or recognized he was in the wrong at all#then i think it genuinely would’ve been an important moment for his character#everything else was just extremely shitty for no reason. the fucking swimsuits was pathetic but the gross guilt tripping was awful#he’s just lacking all of his usual self awareness. he’s lacking all of his good qualities and nuance#like it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what makes yosuke’s other moments interesting or funny#this is just him being mean getting punished arbitrarily and not learning anything#on paper i get it. i get how these events could be continuations of established charateristics#but it’s just so mean and shitty that it becomes absurd nonsensical and unenjoyable#the stuff with hanako is just genuinely repugnant on the game’s behalf. it serves no purpose other than cruelty#definitely the worst part of the game so far#rambles#p4g posting#yosukeposting
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something i've been missing in s12 (and somewhat s11) is those introspective solo moments when a character is alone and finally gets to process or express what they're feeling. dean's prayer scene in 08x16 comes to mind. or even a scene like the s10 confessional where they get to tell someone how they're feeling, even if it's a stranger. i know the emotion is there i just feel like i have to dig for it, and it's easy to lose track of just how much has happened with no time or space to deal.
#this is mostly about dean but i would happily take it for sam or cas or mary too#i think dean tends to benefit most from these moments and that's why he has more of them#like imagine if after seeing claire call jody he left a voicemail for mary that just said i miss you and i hope you're okay#and we got to see him sadly stare at the phone or the picture of the two of them#or maybe slide off his seat to sit on the floor with his knees drawn up#something to remind us how much he's going through#because it's so much and yet there's so much happening that it's easy to forget how deep these wounds are#dean hasn't had a break since season 8. he hasn't had a second to process anything that's happened since he took the mark#3 seasons ago!#and i think he should get a chance to work through some of it. on-screen.#it's not that the show is bad without it. it just feels a little hollow to me.#here look at the plot. don't worry what's underneath. yknow?#spn
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I don’t even fully know why but “what do I do when I miss you so much?” / “Just wait, and pray desperately” was a knife to my heart in the best way.
#crash landing on you#my grandma once said most of life was waiting and praying#and when he said it it just resonated so deeply#I think because. it’s not like a revelation or anything#but I think it’s just because she was suffering so much and had suffered so much#and so in that moment#he just takes care of her so completely and gives her hope. and not a false hope#a true one#and on deeper reflection the ending does work within the context of this (in my opinion) most powerful scene#/ apex of the show#it’s just the tone that’s a little wrong. that’s too aesthetic-y.#because the kind of steady way he keeps taking care of her from afar. and the slow build of her recovering but continuing to hope#couldn’t lead them anywhere except a happy ending. even if the final pieces of it couldn’t be unraveled (or put together)#by the show’s writing. so it just kind of has to fade to black so to speak#because the characters have been so steady and consistent a) in their personalities motivations and desires#and b) in their love for each other! that never falters or betrays a false note#and it’s the truest thing you’re left with. which is why—again—I actually think the problem might have been the tone#I would have gone for something more muted. I would have had them be talking and/or arguing a little more in their old way#to keep and sustain the idea that there is more work ahead for them that we’re just not going to see#but that is ultimately a kind of nitpick. and the take me to the lakes vibe of that final#scene is also not untrue.#also circling back for a second can I just SAY. that I love the balance of their vulnerabilities#there are such clear and distinct times where one of them is stronger and the other more vulnerable#and it’s sooooo perfect to watch and gives you many instant layers#anyway I’m crying in this Chili’s tonight (*my bed at 7:00 am)
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Being haunted by jegulus and moonwater 😔😔
#bold of you to assume that the two people closest to sirius#the two people he loved the most#and who loved him the most#closest relationships outside of his family#would have ANYTHING to do with his abusive family#this includes his brother btw#bc yea regulus was kind of a victim in the family too#but he also played the game#he went with what his family said#unlike sirius#this means he wasn’t a sad cat hated and judged by everyone#he maybe didn’t believe in the nazi’s beliefs but he still worked for them lmao#ffs#and REMUS DKSKDKDLDD#Remus would fucking despise all of Sirius’s family#and the moment regulus made any comment diminishing sirius in any way its get out of my house for remus#the only way jegulus or moonwater would ever make any sense is if sirius didn’t exist in James’s or remus’s life#you know who regulus would date tho#fucking Barty#or fucking snape#why??#bc regulus went his whole life repeating abusive patterns#this is the type of person that would get in a relationship with someone as abusive and with the same beliefs his parents had#and like I’m not saying oh regulus can’t be happy put that boy in an abusive relationship#I’m saying what makes sense for his character#unless he fucking changes completely#lol#anyway
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