#but also it’s fun and rewarding and sometimes we need to shoot ideas with people and be excited about something new to be reminded of it

[jolapeno]

sometimes, you write that thing because it makes you happy. and it leads you to finding people who feel happy from it. you all might not live happily ever after, but for a moment—a pause in the day-to-day—you smile, as they smile, and it’s enough.

[borreloadsavagedragon]

Maybe Mizael and/or Takeru for the ask meme?

OH! I'll do both absolutely

MIZAEL

First impression: TERRIFIED!! He was stupidly pretty and had a dragon, I knew he would end up a favorite, but I didn’t know how MUCH of a favorite, I needed to know what his problem was dhdhdhd

Impression now: I can't even put into words how much I love Mizael sometimes omfg, he had such an impact on me and I'm a little saddened at how quickly he was removed from the story in the end I need to rewatch more of his scenes, I'm very insecure about how I write Mizael and I really want to get his voice down One day I’ll finish his cosplay wig too, if I style all of the wigs for my favorite ships, I can convince people to cosplay with me surely (copium)

Favorite moment: His introduction is wild, like both him arriving to Alito and Girag but also him challenging Yuma Miza just shows up, shoots Tori with an energy blast, and then is just like we're dueling But then COMPLETELY forgets about Yuma as soon as Kaito shows up and whips his dragon out Also love when they have their little Barian meetings where they just bicker, they're truly real housewives

Idea for a story: I always have Mizael and Kaito ideas gjdkslajg Whether they're fics or oneshots, time usually tells, but my drafts definitely have quite a few for them saved Usually lots of dragon focused ones, obsessed with the idea of Photon and Tachyon eloping and them having to just deal with it Mizael going over dragons with Haruto...

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if there is anything the small Miza community doesn't agree on honestly jgdsklaj I'll just start drama, Miza's not a natural blonde

Favorite relationship: I feel like I don’t even need to say haha, Kaito and Mizael are incredible and I am cursing Zexal forever for not giving them more time because I feel like I'm blowing out steam looking at all of the loose threads I also love how much Durbe and Mizael respect each other, there's clearly a bond there between them, wish we saw it more I also wish we could have seen more of Mizael and Nasch since you can tell Mizael revered him quite a bit-

Favorite headcanon: Mizael 100% moved in with the Tenjos!!!!!!!

TAKERU

First impression: Oh I KNEW I was gonna love him the second I saw his face omg I did the bad fan thing where I had to pull up the wiki bc the Vrains episode I was watching at the time didn't answer a really niche question I had about something someone said and the "related pages" tab on Yusaku's character page had Takeru's face on it So I had to find him I speedran my Vrains watch to get to him and boy was I rewarded

Impression now If you asked me in 2021 who my favorite yugioh was, I'd tell you Takeru Homura in a heartbeat Literally was only dethroned as my favorite by Kaito recently Takeru would be the next character I deep dive and dissect if given the chance, I just think he's so cool, I love how well done he is, I think he's one of the best done characters in the franchise His deck is fun, his design is fun, I've cosplayed both Takeru AND Soulburner now, working on slick back look one day when I don't have cosplay deadlines I just... love him, he's one of my favorite voices to write through, I always find an excuse to drabble as Takeru, whether it's something I post or not, and I am always at home when it's with him

Favorite moment: ALMOST ALL OF THEM!!! BOTH OF THE DUELS WITH REV! HIS INITIAL ENTRANCE! HIS FLASHBACK SCENES! BEING CRINGEFAIL!!! AAHHHH!!!!

Idea for a story: Oh I've got a REALLY hefty 3+1 fic that's gonna tie in with recoil week that explores all of Takeru's relationships gjdkla Here is a very small bit from the first chapter:

The first time Homura Takeru thought he fell in love, he was a young boy intimidated by a pretty girl. He doesn’t remember many of the details of how he met Kiku. It was a portion of his memories that lived in what feels like a lifetime ago, before everything had suddenly slipped out of his young grip. He just knew that he was a scared boy overwhelmed by her kindness and spirit the moment they met while he was on a trip to visit his grandparents.  It was an instant connection. Kiku had pulled on his hand and pulled him into the light, smiled and laughed with him whereas the other kids at the time hadn’t. He’d almost call it foreshadowing. Having her in his life made the sudden change of up and moving out to the country after his parents’ deaths a little easier. Within a month of moving, they were almost inseparable. And the following years as well, no matter how hard it got.

So stay tuned for that!

Unpopular opinion: I'm so sorry but I'm about to be a hater But the fact that Takeru haters even exist is really fascinating to me since most of his other counterparts are rather beloved Like he's got more fans that haters for sure, but I've seen every single one who has a think piece say "Takeru's only there to show off the card game" as if Salamangreat wasn't released in the OCG until July while Takeru has been showing off the deck since May, but I digress Yusaku's entire arc was finished in season 1, he got all of his answers, protected Ai to the very end, and was ready to move on. Yusaku just being a fix-it man for an entire second season? Would be BORING. So they needed a second voice to duo-lead, a new one with new motivations who hasn't already been shown, but could be tied back in a meaningful way. And what characters were left we knew very little about? The Ignis. What was unveiled in Season 1 about the Ignis? They're tied to six children, and we've now seen 2 of them. Also it's? Yugioh? Do you expect them NOT to show off cards and real strategies so you go spend your real life money on product? Remember Yuri randomly using an Ancient Gear deck in Arc V when the structure was starting to come out? Or most of duelist of the week duelists from GX? The animes are nothing but product placement and rule explanations (nit picking hating, but takeru's also written strangely sometimes, it's rare but some will make him way dumber or submissive than he is)

Favorite relationship: I'm a degenerate and beyond predictable And I've mentioned that I love Firestorm already, but if we're being very honest for a second, I always see it as one-sided with how Yusaku's written with Takeru,,, Like sometimes we overcome that gap and look at the potential because oh my god giving Yusaku someone like Takeru was SUCH a good idea, but I usually see it as a one-sided pining, but a VERY close friendship Yusaku in my head ALWAYS goes to Takeru's village post canon to apologize for leaving BUT I'm a degenerate, as I said about So to say I love Takeru and Ryoken's dynamic, from start to finish, is an understatement I love that they draw out the best of each other and push each other beyond their preexisting limitations as well as the shackles of their pasts I love that Ryoken respected Takeru's feelings so much that he didn't want to insult him by outright refusing the first challenge, but couldn't bring himself to duel knowing it wouldn't resolve anything I love how Soulburner accuses Revolver of not following up on that in Duel Links I fucking love "I'm so glad I met you", above all else I love finally seeing a conclusion to one of the many side rivalries, and I had a renewed appreciation for it after finishing Zexal and realizing what could have been there I also actually like how the dub handled their farewell scene, the promise of future challenges, Revolver promising to be there when they need him, the fond little chuckle

Favorite headcanon (more drug cw on this one!!) It's a weird one and it's kinda personal I guess, but I always write Takeru as sober gkdsa As a punk, I can imagine him dipping into more unsavory behaviors as a way to cope and express when he's struggling to find the next step, so when he decides to start fresh and live a new life, he cuts terrible habits like those cold turkey

[onecanonlife]

the wind that remakes

It's been ten years since the princes of the Antarctic Empire vanished. But the king's still offering a hefty reward for their return, and Tommy thinks it's about time he and Tubbo tried for it. No matter what they have to do.

It's time to pull off the con of the century.

(fic masterlist w/ ao3 links)

(next chapter)

(chapter word count: 5,474)

--------------------

Chapter One: let the valleys awake (let them rattle and shake)

It starts like this: Tommy and Tubbo are looking for someone they could feasibly pass off as one of the Lost Princes of the Antarctic Empire, because the reward is a shit load of money and Tommy wants a piece of it. But they’re not having any luck, right up until they pass by a busker on the street corner and something in Tommy’s head just clicks, just says, yes, that one, he’s the one.

And, well. Tommy is a Big Man whose instincts are never wrong, so he nudges Tubbo and points. Tubbo’s nose scrunches up, but Tommy doesn’t give him time to object before he’s marching over, already preparing his dialogue. And as he gets closer, he’s more and more certain that he’s right about this; the guy has the right hair color, the right face structure, and he’s a performer to boot, and taken all together, it smells like a successful scam just waiting to be implemented.

The guy doesn’t look up when he comes over, so instead of talking to him, Tommy pulls out the rumpled picture that they’ve been using all day, one of the photos of Prince Wilbur that’s been circulating around the Empire for years now, in hopes that someone will see him and bring him home. Fat chance of that ever happening, of course, and King Philza must be a sucker for thinking it, but it makes his and Tubbo’s jobs easier, so he’s hardly going to complain about it. He holds the picture up, comparing the face of the prince to that of the street performer, and actually, the resemblance is kind of uncanny.

“Tubbo, my friend,” he says, “I think we’ve got him.”

Tubbo makes a noncommittal noise, but that finally gets the performer to look up from his guitar.

“Can I help you with something?” he asks, and Tommy grins.

“Actually, we’re about to help you,” he says, and he sounds very grand and impressive, if he does say so himself. Which makes it all the more annoying when the guy looks him up and down like he’s worth the dirt on his shoes.

“Really,” he says, and his voice is dripping with so much sarcasm, Tommy’s surprised that it doesn’t manifest physically somehow.

“Yes, really,” he says. He refuses to be put off. This is the guy, he just knows it, the guy who’s going to make them so fucking rich that they’ll be able to swim in gold, or whatever it is rich people do with their money. “You’re one of the Lost Princes of the Antarctic Empire.”

The guy blinks. “Pretty sure I’m not,” he says.

“Pretty sure you are,” he returns. “See, look, we’ve got a photo of you and everything.” He shows the guy the photo, and the guy narrows his eyes. “Or at least, we’ve got a photo of Prince Wilbur, but it could be you, too. That’s a kid in this picture. No telling what he looks like now. Could look like you.”

“We’re inviting you in on our scam,” Tubbo puts in. “If you couldn’t tell. You interested?”

“Wait,” the guy says. “Wait. You’re telling me that you want to pretend that I’m a fucking prince so that you can get the reward money off the king? Something I’m sure no one has ever tried to do before. You don’t know me at all, and you don’t know if I can act worth a damn, you just think I look like the prince did when he was fourteen. But just to be clear, that’s what you’re proposing?”

He looks at Tubbo. Tubbo looks at him.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Tubbo says. “If it makes you feel better about it, we’re really, really good con artists.”

“You’re infants, is what you are,” the guy says. “How old are you, five?”

“We’re sixteen, fuck off,” Tommy snaps. “Look, do you want in or not? Pretty sure living in a cushy palace has got to be better than whatever you’ve got going on here.”

“Hm, let’s see, do I want to upend my entire life to try to trick a grieving father into thinking that I’m one of his long lost sons? Which, incidentally, is a plan that will probably not work and get us all thrown in prison for fraud,” the guy says.

“We’re going to try very hard not to get thrown into prison for fraud,” Tubbo is quick to say, but the guy doesn’t seem to be paying attention.

“Sure, let’s go,” the guy says. “Not like I’ve got much else to do. You two have names?”

“This is Tubbo,” Tommy says. “I’m Tommy.”

The guy raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, like Prince Tommy,” he says. “It’s a common name, so shut up about it.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” the guy says. “I mean, my name’s Will, so.”

He can’t stop himself from laughing, because that’s just too good. “Are you serious?” he demands, smiling widely. “You’re joking, your name is actually Will?”

Will shrugs. “It’s what I’ve always gone by, ever since I was a teenager. I can’t really remember any of my childhood, so who knows, maybe I actually am a prince.” He smiles in a way that makes it clear how much of a joke he thinks that is, and he stands and reaches for his guitar case. There’s not much money in it, despite the fact that from what Tommy heard of his playing, he’s pretty damn good.

Tubbo snorts.

And Tommy claps their newfound friend on the back.

“Will,” he says, “I think this is the beginning of an excellent partnership.” He grins broadly, the type of grin that always has Tubbo rolling his eyes and asking where the fire is, which is unfair, frankly. It’s not always a fire. Just sometimes, because arson can be fun, actually, and some people deserve to have their stuff burned down.

Will, to his delight and Tubbo’s obvious consternation, grins the same kind of grin right back at him.

-----

It starts like this: it is indeed the beginning of an excellent partnership.

Will fits in with them like he was born to the role, and Tommy will never admit how fast he’s gotten attached to the guy, but he is kind of very attached. Because Will is smart and funny, with a sense of wit that can have both him and Tubbo in stitches, and it’s also nice to have an adult around, a bit. Not that he and Tubbo need one; they’ve gotten along just fine without for years. But people don’t shoot them as many suspicious looks when they’re with Will, and it turns out that he’s a brilliant actor, too, charismatic and smooth and confident, and he has people eating right out of his hand while Tommy and Tubbo sneak around and pick their pockets. It’s a wonderful arrangement, and within a week or two, Tommy can barely remember what life was like without him there.

The main issue is travel.

It’s a long way from where they started to the Capitol, and they can’t always afford to travel in the protected caravans, the ones with hired guards against the mobs that swarm over the land at night. And they can’t always afford an inn to stay in, either, and that means spending several harrowing lengths of time cowering in a makeshift shelter, listening to zombies and skeletons and spiders just outside and praying that none of them find their hiding spot, because they’re all scrappy in a fight but they don’t have any real weapons on them. They hadn’t planned for this, really; he and Tubbo have never left the big cities before, and apparently, Will hasn’t either.

“We need a bodyguard,” he declares one day.

“Where are we supposed to get one of those?” Tubbo asks.

“I don’t know,” he says. “But we need one. I’m sick of mobs.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Will says. He’s setting up a busking spot, trying to get them a little more cash. Somehow, it never seems to be enough. “But I agree with Tubbo. Even if we can find someone to go with us, there’s payment to think about.”

“We don’t need payment,” he protests. “We’ve got a prince! A long lost prince! We’re about to be the richest men in the world! That’s payment, innit?”

Will rolls his eyes. Tubbo does too. They’ve been doing that lately, ganging up on him, which is terrible and unfair.

“Somehow, I don’t think that a good bodyguard will accept that kind of payment,” Tubbo says. “It’d basically be an IOU, right? That’s a terrible business practice.”

He scowls. Tubbo is right, of course, but he’s got his heart set on a bodyguard now. Someone who’s good at fighting—good at fighting mobs, specifically, because Tommy is a very good fighter, thank you very much, it’s just that the people he’s used to fighting are other street kids. For, like, food. Not monsters. Not things that can kill you in one blow, if you’re unlucky.

And then, like fate and providence are shining down on him, his eyes alight on a poster across the street. The poster advertises arena fighting. In this city. Fights daily.

He grabs Tubbo’s arm.

“That,” he says, pointing, “is where we find a bodyguard.”

Tubbo follows his gaze. “Maybe,” he says doubtfully, “but we’ll still need to pay them. How are we supposed to convince someone to come along? I bet they get paid more for fighting than we could ever offer them.”

“Tubbo,” he says, “we’re the greatest con artists in the world. We can think of something.”

Tubbo stares at him. And then grins.

Behind them, Will starts to play.

-----

It starts like this: Will manages to busk enough money to get them three tickets into the arena.

It hurts just a bit, spending their legitimately-earned cash on something like this. But five minutes after stepping through the gates, into the crush of people and the roar of the crowds, the scent of sweat and blood mingling with concessions and stale perfume, Tommy thinks that this might be one of the best things he’s ever gotten to do in his life.

Their seats aren’t great, but they can see alright. The day’s matches start with small fry, and those fights are so boring that he almost starts yawning, because these people are just bashing each other with swords. There’s no finesse to it, no real skill, and he really hopes that there are fighters here better than this, because if there aren’t, this has been a wasted trip. But slowly and surely, the fights get better, more engaging, more of a real show, and his interest returns.

And then, when they’ve been there for hours and the sun is starting to creep toward the horizon, they bring out the big guns.

The announcer calls out someone with the moniker of ‘The Blade,’ and the crowd goes wild. They, evidently, know who this is, and that fact alone is enough to put Tommy on the edge of his seat, because surely, this is who they want? The headliner, the number one, the main attraction? If the spectators like them this much, they must be good.

They step out into the arena, dust clouds puffing where their feet fall, and the crowd gets impossibly louder. It’s hard to make out details from this distance, but Tommy can see pink hair, tied back into a braid, and some kind of mask covering the upper part of their face. It looks a bit like a skull, like this person is actually wearing an actual skull on their face, and that is either extremely overkill or extremely badass, and Tommy can’t quite decide which.

And then, there’s the massive netherite sword they’re holding. Their namesake, Tommy assumes. It’s probably the biggest sword he’s ever seen, and this person is holding it like it weighs nothing at all.

Their opponent comes out, and even though they’re also armed to the teeth, they don’t look nearly as natural as the Blade does. They hold their axe out in front of them as if to ward off blows rather than make them, and they’ve got their shield lifted too high. The Blade, meanwhile, spins their sword—and how strong must they be, to wield such a huge weapon so naturally?—in casual circles, appearing for all the world like this is no more strenuous than a walk in the park.

The announcer shouts. The fight commences.

The Blade fights like it’s as natural as breathing, and Tommy can’t look away. Their style is a mixture of sheer brutality and uncanny grace, and it’s difficult to watch, sometimes, difficult to keep track of exactly what they’re doing; one moment, it will look as if their opponent is holding their own, and then the next, they will have that sword at that opponent’s throat. Or through it, sometimes. The Blade doesn’t seem to have any compunctions about killing.

Tommy loses track of how many matches they fight. Six, maybe, or seven. But they win all of them handily, and by the time the events are all over and people begin to file out of the arena, he’s practically shaking with excitement.

Tubbo beats him to the punch.

“So, it’s them, right?” he says. “We’re gonna try to get them?”

Tommy nods rapidly, unable to contain himself.

“We have to,” he says. “That was fucking—I don’t know what the hell that was, but it was fantastic!”

He glances over at Will, only to find that he’s still staring out into the arena, eyes slightly glazed. Tommy furrows his brow, waiting for him to say something, but when it becomes apparent that he’s not going to, he speaks up.

“Will? You agree?” he asks, and Will blinks, shudders a bit.

“Right,” he says, “yeah, no, sorry, I’m good. Yeah, if we’re actually going to do this, we should aim for the best.”

He still seems a bit out of it, a bit dazed, but he turns his head to meet Tommy’s eyes and smiles, and Tommy tucks his concerns away with the mental equivalent of a shrug. If Will says he’s good, that’s good enough for him.

“Alright,” he says, standing, cracking his knuckles dramatically. Tubbo rolls his eyes at the display, but he ignores him. “Let’s go get ourselves a Blade.”

-----

It starts like this: the key to sneaking in someplace is to look as though you belong there. That’s easier said than done, of course, especially for two ragged teens and a slightly less ragged young adult. But Tommy’s had a long time to figure things like this out, and so has Tubbo, and Will hasn’t done this very often but he always takes to acting out new roles as if he was born to them, so Tommy’s not particularly worried. They find a door marked for employees and slip in, and from there it’s just a matter of finding their way.

He’s got a story prepared in case they get stopped, something about being sent with a message, but no one gives them a second glance. He keeps his head held high, his stride purposeful but not too confident, and simple as that, he appears to be just like everyone else, age and clothing notwithstanding.

“Do they have rooms down here, do you think?” Tubbo mutters. “The fighters?”

“Maybe,” he replies. “Even if they don’t, I bet the Blade is still here. The fight didn’t end that long ago.”

There are a lot of rooms under the arena, a lot of hallways, a lot of space, and it’s a bit mazelike, really. Dark, too; they’ve got redstone-powered lighting, but it’s fritzy, the bulbs flickering and dim. The walls and floors are hard, dank stone, the kind that echoes loudly with every noise, and Tommy can’t help but wince when the sound of their passage bounces off of every surface.

“There’s lots of swords in there,” Tubbo says, peering into one of the rooms they pass. “Isn’t that the Blade’s?”

Tommy stops walking, stepping up next to Tubbo. The room is full of weapons and armor of all kinds, but sure enough, there’s a large sword sitting alone on a table, still flecked with dried blood. It’s even larger up close; Tommy’s not sure he could lift it without using two hands, much less fight with it, though it pains him to admit as much. The Blade is just that strong, apparently, though why he’d leave his prized weapon sitting here in a room of other weapons, out in the open where anyone could mess with it, Tommy has no idea. Unless the sword isn’t actually his, but that doesn’t make much sense, does it?

“Tommy, Tubbo,” Will hisses, the sound sharp in the otherwise empty corridor, and Tommy looks over. Will is standing in front of an iron door a little ways down, a door with a barred window in it. He’s got his eyes fixed on whatever’s on the other side, his expression somewhere between shock and anger, and Tommy exchanges glances with Tubbo.

“What?” he asks, coming over.

“Have a look,” Will whispers, moving aside so that he and Tubbo can see.

He immediately understands what has Will upset.

“Oh gods,” Tubbo says. “They’re prisoners.”

There are cages in this room. Dozens of them, built with black iron, though only a few are occupied. Tommy recognizes most of the people in them, all people who fought in the arena earlier, the best fighters, the ones that gave a good showing, that were actually interesting to watch. They’re all in cages, most of them sitting or lying down, none of them moving all that much. It’s a stark contrast to before, when they were all movement, all aggression. Now, they seem—listless is the best word to describe it. Purposeless. Like all the fight’s been sucked right out of them.

A few of them are in chains, even inside their cages. The Blade is one of those, manacles wrapped around their wrists and ankles, and a collar around their neck. It’s sick, is what it is, like they’re some sort of animal.

“Shit,” Tubbo says. “I thought the hardest part was gonna be trying to convince them to come. Now we’ve got to do a prison break?”

“This isn’t right,” Will mutters. “This isn’t—they’re being forced to fight?”

“Only one way to find out,” Tommy says, and reaches out to push the door open. For a second, it doesn’t budge, and he wonders if it’s locked, because wouldn’t that just be perfect? But then, there is give, and it swings inward with a squeal of rusted hinges. Beside him, Tubbo steps back to look up and down the hallway, but no one appears to shout at them or kill them for trespassing, so Tommy squares his shoulders and strides into the room, trying to keep looking like he belongs.

It doesn’t matter much. Just like the employees they passed, none of the fighters—the prisoners—seem interested at all. So Tommy walks through the room unimpeded until he’s right next to the Blade’s cage. The Blade is sitting on the ground, leaning against the bars, head bowed. They don’t look up.

So Tommy clears his throat.

“Hello,” he says, and congratulates himself on an excellent beginning.

Slowly, the Blade’s head rises, and Tommy can see two things: one, that what he thought might have been a skull mask back in the arena is definitely an entire real skull, holy shit, and two, that the Blade is a young man, far younger than he would have thought him to be. Maybe even younger than Will, who estimates his own age to be around the ballpark of twenty-four or twenty-five.

“Hallo,” the Blade says after a moment. Tommy almost laughs out loud, because the word is said so awkwardly, and more than a bit bewildered, as if the Blade can’t fathom why someone would be talking to him. Which is a bit sad, actually, so Tommy’s going to choose to believe that he’s confused by the presence of a teenager and not by the fact that anyone is there at all. Because the second would just be downright depressing.

“You’re the Blade, right?” Tommy checks.

“That’s what they call me,” the Blade agrees. “And you are?”

“We want to hire you,” Tubbo jumps in. “Or at least, we did. We weren’t really expecting you to be locked up or anything. We might need a new plan. But we wanted you to come with us and be our bodyguard.”

It’s difficult to tell exactly what the Blade’s expression is doing, considering that most of the top half of his face is hidden by the animal skull—is it a pig? Tommy’s pretty sure that it’s a pig, or a boar, or maybe even a hoglin, considering its size—but his eyes are visible, and he glances between both of them slowly, skeptically. Tommy bristles.

“And just what do a couple of ragamuffins need a bodyguard for?” the Blade drawls. “You skip school too many times?” He pauses. “Who do children fight these days? Other children? I can fight you some orphans if you want, I guess. I’m pretty good at that.”

Tommy blinks, his mouth working silently for a second. He wants to be indignant at being addressed like a kid, like he’s not even worthy of consideration, but that is superseded by his sheer bewilderment at the way the Blade talks, like he’d just casually enjoy the chance to rough up some orphans. He looks at Tubbo, and sees the exact same question reflected in his best friend’s face: Just what kind of guy have we started talking to?

This isn’t like Will, where he could tell immediately that he would be right for the job and for their team overall. The smart thing to do would probably be to give up and look elsewhere for someone to hire. And yet, Tommy finds himself intrigued. This is a very strange man, obviously, and he’s never been able to resist poking at strange things.

“No, no orphans,” he says, muttering a quick, “What the fuck?” under his breath for good measure. “We just need protection on the road. From mobs and such. We will literally break you out of here if you come with us.”

The Blade tilts his head.

“You could try,” he says. “I can’t say I’m enthusiastic about the idea.”

“You can’t possibly want to stay in here,” Tubbo says incredulously. The Blade shrugs.

“No,” he agrees, “but there’s not much of anythin’ for me out there, either. Everything about this place sucks, but at least I get to fight people. I like doin’ that. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I got out.”

And that—forget earlier, that is so, so incredibly sad. In both the pathetic way and in the actual terrible way.

“There’ll be plenty of mobs to fight on the road,” he says, grasping at straws now. He’s got a few ideas for how they could successfully orchestrate a prison break, but in order for that to happen, the Blade needs to be willing to go. “Loads of ‘em. And besides, we’re bringing Prince Wilbur back to the king, and there’ll be a great big reward for it. You’ll be rich enough to do whatever you want after that.”

“Like fight orphans,” Tubbo adds helpfully.

“Yeah, like fighting orphans. So c’mon, what do you say?”

The Blade has gone very, very still.

“You’re doing what?” he says, his tone completely flat. A shiver runs down Tommy’s spine, because that is not a good tone. That is a tone that promises violence, that promises bloodshed, that promises death, and he’s not sure how he knows that, but he’s sure of it, sure as he knows his own name, that he has somehow just said something to make this man very, very dangerous.

“Uh, we’ve found Prince Wilbur?” he says. “And we’re bringing him back to the Capitol so we can get the reward money? And that’s why we need—”

“Prince Wilbur is dead. All of the princes of the Antarctic Empire are dead.”

The way he says it shocks Tommy into silence, and he doesn’t know why. It’s hardly an outrageous thing to say; it’s the general consensus of the common folk, after all, that King Philza is clinging to false hope, that he is a decent man but also one to be pitied, for refusing to accept the loss of his sons. Hell, Tommy himself has never believed in the myths, in the stories that go something like, so-and-so saw one of the princes by the train tracks or so-and-so saw them on a cart crossing the border or shit like that. The princes were kids when the invasion happened and the Empire itself was almost lost; there’s probably no way that they survived being taken by the enemy, the invaders that crept out of the End.

But the way the Blade says it—

He’s so certain. Like there is absolutely no doubt in his mind. The princes are dead, and there’s not even room for argument, not room for so much as a rumor to the contrary. Tommy agrees with him, but even he can’t claim that level of surety.

“Uh,” Tubbo says. “I mean, obviously it’s a scam. We’re scamming the king. We don’t actually have the prince. But we’d still like a bodyguard.”

“No,” the Blade says, in that same voice, low and monotone and terrifying. “You should leave. I’ll have no part in this.”

“Oh come on,” Tommy says, regaining his voice. He doesn’t know what to do with the Blade’s convictions, but he knows how to talk his way out of a denial. “Look, why don’t you—where’s Will? Will?”

Will’s not standing at the cage with them. Somehow, he’s only just noticing this. He turns, and Will is lurking back by the door to the room, keeping to the shadows, shifting uneasily. Which, fine, he can do what he wants, except for right now, because the more adamantly the Blade turns them down, the more Tommy wants him to come along.

“Will,” he calls, and his voice reverberates through the room. A couple of the other prisoners lift their heads. “Come talk to this guy! Tell him he should come with us!”

Will approaches slowly, strangely hesitantly, stepping up on the other side of Tubbo.

“We are in the market for a bodyguard,” he says quietly. “We thought you fit the bill.” He pauses. “We can’t guarantee that any of this will work, of course, but I’m an excellent actor, and these two are literal children, but they’re not bad.”

“Aw, thanks,” Tubbo says.

“Watch who you’re calling a fucking child,” Tommy says.

“What?” the Blade says. “You’re—Wilbur?”

“Will,” Will corrects, “but yes, we’re passing me off as Prince Wilbur.”

“Passing you off,” the Blade repeats. Slowly, he rises to his feet for the first time, and wow, he’s tall.

“Kind of the definition of a scam,” Tommy says.

“A scam,” the Blade repeats again. “This is a scam.”

“We just told you this,” he says. “Are you a bit slow or what?”

“No, just tryin’ to understand,” the Blade says. “You’re tellin’ me right now that this is definitely a scam. And you are not actually Prince Wilbur of the Antarctic Empire.”

“That is what we’re telling you, yes,” Will says, and Tommy is glad that he does, because he’s pretty sure he’s lost the thread of the conversation. The Blade is a strange, strange man, and frankly, he’s not making any sense at all anymore.

“Okay,” the Blade says. “I’m in. Bust me out.”

Tommy blinks. And then blinks again.

“What, really?”

“Yeah, you’ve convinced me,” the Blade says.

“Literally how,” Tubbo states, but Tommy punches him on the arm to get him to shut up, because they don’t need him to think about it, don’t need him second-guessing his decision.

“Alright!” he whoops. “One jail break, coming right up!”

“Right,” the Blade says. “Who are you again?”

He’s already leaving the room. But he hears Tubbo say, “I’m Tubbo, and that’s Tommy,” and he hears the Blade’s strangled, “Heh?” in return, and that’s a bit weird, but he doesn’t pay it much mind. They’ve inducted a strange man into their little band, but that doesn’t matter much, as long as he’s as good with his sword against mobs as he is against people.

-----

It starts like this: a massive netherite sword, left unattended, works amazingly for cutting through iron.

A massive, enchanted netherite sword also works amazingly for setting things on fire.

It’s a mess after that, a blur and a rush of adrenaline, but they cut up all of the other cages and chains to give the other prisoners a chance to get out, and then they’re running, and the place is on fire behind them because for a labyrinth under an arena, there’s a surprising amount of wood around here. And there are people shouting at them, and a few people that try to attack, but the Blade mows them down and laughs, and there’s blood and lots of it, too, but in the moment it doesn’t seem to matter so much.

He’s got Tubbo by his side. Will at his back. The Blade close at hand. And in a way he can’t quite describe, it feels very right.

-----

It starts like this: Tommy doesn’t know where he comes from.

He sort of vaguely remembers things, sometimes. He thinks he had a family, once. If he strains himself, he can recall fuzzy impressions: someone holding him, safe and warm. Someone’s laugh. Someone singing. An overwhelming sense of being secure, of being protected, of being loved.

But if he strains himself, sometimes he remembers other things, too. Darkness, terror, screams. Fear and disorientation, and a voice, clear as day: “Take your brothers and go!”

He’s turned that piece of dialogue over and over in his mind so many times. It’s all he has, the only hint he has to go on. It’s a male voice, clearly an adult. He likes to think that it’s his father. Though maybe he shouldn’t hope for that; he doesn’t remember what happened, but he’s sure it was dangerous, and if that person was his father, he might be dead. Probably is, in fact. There’s a reason why he ended up in an orphanage, after all.

Those are his first clear memories, at that orphanage. They estimated him at about five or six, and he’s pretty sure they were right, so he really should have at least a few memories from before. But he doesn’t, and the woman who looked after him the most told him that he probably went through what she called a trau-ma-tic event. Because trau-ma-tic events, she said, sounding out the syllables just like that to make sure he understood, could sometimes make you forget things. And sometimes the memories come back, but sometimes they don’t.

She was always kind to him. They all were, at that orphanage. And then that orphanage got shut down and he got shipped off and never saw any of them again, because kindness is no way to run a business. Kindness doesn’t get you many places.

It was orphanage after orphanage after that. They always looked for excuses to get rid of him. He was a problem child, the particular kind that always gets pegged before their mouths even open. He’s never understood it. Something about the look in his eyes, maybe. Not that it matters; he got put in the same orphanage as Tubbo at twelve, and they ran away together and didn’t look back.

No point in crying over dropped diamonds. No point in longing for something he can’t have. Can’t remember.

But sometimes, he lets himself wonder what his life would be like, if he’d gotten to keep that first family he’s certain that he had. He wonders what they were like. His maybe-father. The brothers that he thinks might have been his. He wonders, and he wonders if it’s possible to miss people that he never really knew.

But none of that matters in the long run, not really. Because he’s got his Tubbo, who’s better than any brother he could possibly ask for. And now he’s got Will, who’s funny and charming and just as irritating as he always suspected an older brother would be, and he’s got the Blade, who’s strange and sarcastic and so skilled that it’s scary, honestly, and they’re on their way to scam a king, and there’s nowhere to go but up from here.

He looks around him, at his friends and he thinks, Yeah. Yeah, this is good.

[moviemunchies]

Hey this movie’s great and you should see it.

I mean I should write more than that because this is a review and reviews are supposed to give a bit more detail than that. So I’ll try again: Secondhand Lions is a movie about how important it is to believe in the power of love and the triumph of good over evil. Also it has Robert Duvall and Michael Caine as two crazy old men from Texas who spend their free time shooting at door-to-door salesmen.

The story is this: Walter is a kid who travels a lot with his mother Mae, and it tends to go badly because his mother often ditches him to pursue some awful boyfriend and a get-rich-quick scheme. This time she claims she’s going to school in Fort Worth to become that person who takes notes in court, so she leaves him with his two great uncles in the middle of nowhere, Hub and Garth. But Hub and Garth possess an awful lot of money, and Mae tells Walter that he should figure out where the money’s stashed and cozy up to these old guys so they might leave him their money.

Of course, these two old men are grumpy and are tired of salesmen and relatives trying to get their money. But upon realizing that Walter has a bit of a rough time with his mother and also their relatives hate him, they warm up to him and bond with him in trying to take up new hobbies, like gardening. On the way, Walter hears the story of how his great uncles got all this money to begin with, a seemingly impossible story that sounds more like a fairy tale than real life. And given all the weird versions of events, and when he’s been raised by a mother constantly lying to him, Walter doesn’t know what to believe.

Also there’s a lion. It’s kind of there. Not in the story bits, there’s actually a lion.

This is a fantastic movie? It’s not a flawless movie, but I felt that it’s pretty close after watching it a couple of times. Now that I’ve seen it four or five times I think I’ve noticed some flaws. But look, if I have to watch it that many times to really notice the flaws, that’s not so bad is it?

For instance, I think there’s a lot of talk about the adventures that the two brothers went on in their youth. But when we actually hear the stories, it seems more like it’s Hub’s adventures, and Garth occasionally helped out or witnessed them. And it’s obvious that there are plenty of adventures that we didn’t hear about, but even then it seems like it’s mostly Hub’s thing. While Garth seems like the more reasonable and restrained one in modern day, he’s also able to keep up with Hub and goes along with many of his crazier ideas as well, so it feels a bit off.

Again though, this is a nitpick born out of watching this movie a lot.

A more serious criticism is that it feels a bit like the lesson of the movie’s a tad rushed. It seems as if we just get a grip on what the McCann brothers are telling Walter, and then it’s the conclusion. His doubting the story that his great uncles told him is meant to be a larger part of his character than it ended up being, I think, so when he chooses to believe in them it’s sort of like, “Okay, but I assumed you thought that already. Your doubt was hinted at but only solidly introduced a couple of minutes ago and so I don’t feel as rewarded when you overcome it.”

In all seriousness though, this movie is fun--you get to watch two old cooky old guys not give a flying fudge about anything, especially the people they know are just talking to them for their money. Watching Robert Duvall and Michael Caine as these two is spectacular and if nothing else, you’ll get a kick from their performances.

Haley Joel Osment isn’t always perfect as Walter. I sometimes think that he overacts, especially in the beginning of the film when he first meets the McCann brothers. I get that some of the things, like them firing warning shots at door-to-door salesmen, warrants over-the-top reactions, but the kid is REALLY astounded that they have no television or phone and I didn’t think he needed to be that reactive. He overall does a good job though, and I think Walter’s sense of being overwhelmed yet still remaining hopeful despite his terrible life up to this point is well-conveyed.

[Also Christian Kane from Leverage and The Librarians is in this movie? As the young Hub McCann? Thought you should know.]

It’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s a joy to watch. If you haven’t already, I’d track down this movie. Watch it alone, watch it with your family, but please watch it.

[dreamerhideout]

enhypen genshin impact!au hcs

characters: enhypen

word count: ~200 words each

warnings: mentions of alcohol for jay’s part, lore inaccuracies (i haven’t caught up on dragonspine event lore yet), spoilers for mondstadt + liyue main quest

a/n: i’m supposed to be working on something else but this brainrot got to me first... anyways, i’m assigning their visions + weapons based off a few fan theories i’ve read~ please enjoy my word dump! :D

more under the cut!

jungwon

okay so we’re starting off with our leader! hmm... i’d say that he has a geo vision

why? idk, i’m half sure it’s based off how calm and composed he is; i do kinda think jungwon is a picture of maturity and elegance (he literally has to take care of six children wdym)

it was kinda hard for me to choose a weapon because i kept going back-and-forth from sword to polearm, but my final pick for him would be polearm

yes this would mean that he is zhongli

a polearm would probably suit him because i see him as the kind to want some kind of control over his weapon (not saying he can’t control a sword). at the same time i feel like he’d want something lightweight which won’t bring him down

i think he’d work with the knights of favonius. working with the liyue qixing could also work for him, but considering the tension between the adepti and the qixing + the social climate of liyue makes me think that he’d want somewhere more calm

acting grandmaster jungwon? i’m down for it

spends time near the mondstadt church; he likes the peace and quiet of it

heeseung

from the get-go i knew he’d have a hydro vision

this one theory i’ve read says that hydro vision users have a strong sense of morality and justice (i guess i also interpreted it as balance) and heeseung seems like the kind of person who does

for weapon, i think he’d prefer to use a sword. we see that he’s good in a lot of areas when it comes to being an idol, so he’d perhaps want that versatility in the weapon he uses as well

hello xingqiu (wait i kinda think this fits)

i don’t see him particularly associating himself to any organization, so i think he’d simply be a wanderer. he goes from country to country as a vagabond, battling monsters along the way in order to perfect his skills

at the same time, i also see him making a lot of friends and having a bunch of connections from just about any corner of the land (more to acquaintances i suppose? heeseung doesn’t seem like the kind to let people in very quickly)

is probably very curious on elemental reactions and might be studious in a way; he would want to learn alchemy

likes stopping by mondstadt’s library when he needs to look up on something. probably keeps in contact with alchemists too

jay

oh man this is going to probably be very stereotypical

pyro vision, hands down. i was considering an electro vision for him at first but the amount of passion he has in doing the things he loves (primarily hip-hop) screams pyro to me

he would also have a claymore because let’s be real, he’d want something to get the job done quick; claymores are literally the weapon that causes the most damage

yeah he’d be diluc. or xinyan. whatever your pick is

bonks monsters for fun, fight me on this

association... i think he’d be a part of the adventurer’s guild. he strikes me as the kind of person who’d want some kind of reward for something he does for fun (in this case, mora. and a bunch of other items you can get from katheryne once you complete your daily commissions)

this is probably how he meets all his friends. if he wasn’t a part of any association, i don’t think he’d have many (not saying that he’s unable to make friends, he’d choose not to unless necessary)

strives to be a well-known adventurer, probably takes up more commissions than the average one

likes spending time in places with good ambience, food, and booze. probably is a regular at angel’s share and liyue’s street food stalls on days he comes to town

jake

i think he’d have an electro vision. it’s something about the way he fiercely cares for other people that makes me think that this suits him best

okay hear me out but i think he’d be amazing with a bow and arrow. he seems to have the tenacity and upper body strength for it, and i don’t think he’d particularly want something that could do a quick kill, like a sword or claymore per se

uhh... yeah he’d be fischl, i suppose. idk this realization was a bit weird to me but it doesn’t seem so far off from happening

sometimes uses his skills to shoot at fruit from trees; it’s a pretty good party trick

association-wise i don’t think he’d wanna join any, tbh. he’d be an “everyone’s friend” kinda guy. unlike heeseung who’d have acquaintances from all around, jake would generally want to befriend different kinds of people (helps around wangshu inn sometimes because of this)

still though, i think he hangs with members of the adventurer’s guild a lot

don’t be surprised if you catch him befriending a member of the fatui-

i also see him really immersing himself in the culture of each country he visits

he’s the guy who pets all the animals, especially the dogs

also seems like the kind to purchase or collect raw meat just to give to the stray animals he meets on his travels

sunghoon

oh boy am i excited for this one

okay so i know this is stereotypical but... cryo vision. honestly, having a geo vision would also be possible but remember that one time childe said something around the lines of the goddess of cryo having such a warm heart and she loved so much to the point it froze? yeah i think i’m basing him off the tsaritsa-

weapon would be a sword. i considered choosing a polearm for him but i think he’d want something slightly heavier that would get the job done, but not necessarily a claymore. do i think he has the capacity to use a claymore if he wanted to, though? sure why not

hello kaeya (or qiqi, if you’d wish)

okay okay this is where it gets fun... imagine sunghoon as a member of the fatui

mmm villain!sunghoon we love to see it

he’d honestly probably be on the road to becoming a harbinger? like, we see how he works very hard at ice skating and idol training, who’s to say that he won’t climb up the ranks real quick?

yes jakehoon brotp agenda is still on so they would be friends (though honestly their friendship is kinda uncanny)

when i thought of stuff to write for him i kinda think that he’d like liyue a lot; the tradition and order feel like home to him. this also fits lore because there’s more fatui appearances in liyue compared to mondstadt

also seems like the kind to wander around the city when things start to calm down for the day; if he’s not being tasked on a mission, he sometimes likes to head out to huaguang stone forest

sunoo

sunshine baby

okay i think he’d have an anemo vision (and this is not because he reminds me of venti). there was another theory that said that anemo vision-holders are hard workers who sometimes don’t give themselves enough rest, and sunoo seems to make the cut. he’s crazy hardworking at things he know he’s lacking at and strives to improve

i think he’d have a catalyst (yes!! we need male catalyst characters!!); i can see him absolutely fascinated by the way catalysts work like... “there’s no solid object engineering the attacks so... what is that? it seems so cool!” 

so yeah he’d be sucrose, hello

i also think he’d want to be a part of the adventurer’s guild! it keeps him busy plus he likes helping people :D

would then be introduced to jay (and possibly jake) when he’s assigned to do a commission with him. honestly he’d prefer doing commissions with others rather than doing them alone

has a hard time killing monsters because he finds them cute (especially slimes). i think he’d also empathize with hilichurls to a degree

i see him residing in mondstadt most of the time; he’d also like talking to the locals a lot (has a high rep because of this)

loves trying out local cuisine, some of his favorite dishes include sweet madame and zhongyuan chop suey!

ni-ki

oh i’m also kinda excited for his too

so i initially thought he’d have a pyro vision, but after some time i figured he’d have an electro vision instead. i think it’s this weird sentiment i feel that he’d protect his passions with his life (in this case, dancing; he’s literally inseparable from it), so there’s that

totally looks like the kind to have a polearm. he definitely would want something lightweight that he could lowkey flex with

sadly he doesn’t have a genshin character twin yet :(

would also not have any affiliation whatsoever; he just traverses the land like the free spirit he is

occasionally would tag along with some adventurer’s guild members, but doesn’t like the idea of people telling him what to do; he creates his own adventures instead

am i the only one here who thinks that he’d honestly run really fast here (hehe speedy boi)

he’d love dashing through mondstadt’s plains (particularly springvale), sometimes slashing monsters left and right (he likes liyue’s scenery but the terrain is way too mountainous for him)

one thing he does like about liyue though is playing with the kids in the harbor. he’d get them toys with the extra mora he receives when helping people (big brother ni-ki agenda hmm)

[vivithefolle]

Not sure if you already talked about this. (I’m pretty sure you have) but someone seemed to notice that when the trio get into fights, Hermione’s always in the right. Even when she’s supposed to be wrong she always seems to be half right. That kind of bothers me. Especially since it’s evident in the whole Scabbers situation.

I have indeed, on Quora, so let’s move yet another answer of mine to Tumblr!

Hermione is seldom wrong in the Harry Potter books. Sometimes she makes mistakes but those mistakes are either completely swept under the rug or downright ignored.

It’s partly due to lazy writing and partly due to Rowling’s own growing bias in favour of her Author Avatar that was fuelled by Steve Kloves, the primary advocate of the Hermione Granger Is The Perfect Girl Ever line of thinking (an utterly ridiculous line of thinking mind you).

Lizo: Steve, Hermione is a character that you have said is one of your favorites. Has that made her easier to write?

Steve: Yeah, I mean, I like writing all three, but I've always loved writing Hermione. Because, I just, one, she's a tremendous character for a lot of reasons for a writer, which also is she can carry exposition in a wonderful way because you just assume she read it in a book. If I need to tell the audience something...

JKR: Absolutely right, I find that all the time in the book, if you need to tell your readers something just put it in her. There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue. One is Hermione, the other is Dumbledore. In both cases you accept, it's plausible that they have, well Dumbledore knows pretty much everything anyway, but that Hermione has read it somewhere. So, she's handy.

Now this, right here, is the exact core of the problem.

Rowling herself admits it: if she wants the readers to have information, she puts Hermione in the scene. Hermione is our primary means of exposition because, like *grits teeth* Sssssteve puts it, it’s easy to assume that she’s read about it somewhere and it makes sense.

That’s all well and good but at first, if you notice, Ron also gave us exposition about the wizarding world, mostly about its culture. He was able to recall the exact year of the Wizarding Confederation that outlawed dragon breeding in Philosopher’s Stone! He explained what were respectively a “Mudblood”, a “Squib”, and Parseltongue, Hermione doing a little exposition about the history of that last one! He was also able to identify Sirius, after being dragged into the Whomping Willow, as an Animagi!

But then Goblet of Fire happens and you can notice the first change that will exponentially grow through the books: instead of Ron, pureblood Ron, born-before-the-end-of-the-war Ron, lived-through-the-aftermath-of-the-war Ron, identifying the Dark Mark, it’s instead Hermione, muggleborn Hermione, lived-as-a-Muggle-for-most-of-her-life Hermione, has-no-idea-about-the-emotional-impact-of-the-Mark Hermione who looks terrified as the Dark Mark shoots into the sky!

And it only will get worse, by the end of the series, Hermione pretty much knows about everything the plot needs her to know, instead of having to work with things she knows but can’t always apply to the situation:

Suddenly has a deep knowledge of Magical Law (in the will of Dumbledore’s chapter, while we had Rufus Scrimgeour who could have provided it to us, or to a lesser extent, Ron could have explained how a wizarding will basically worked)

Is suddenly an expert at finding edible plants and mushrooms. Apparently books are always the goddamn answer in JKR’s world, you can literally learn anything from them

She can decipher all the Tales of Beedle the Bard (may I remind you that they were written in Runes, okay Hermione may have a few years of Ancient Runes education BUT I once tried to translate a 3k+ story I had written for fun, from French to English, which means I knew what the subtleties and intentions were, I knew which turns of phrase I had to preserve so it would make sense in the end, and it still took me two gruelling weeks to get a satisfying result!)

Has suddenly grown a sense of quick-thinking (escaping Xenophilius’ house, using the jinx to make Harry’s face weird-looking) despite it being the only remaining flaw she had at the time (remember when she turned her back on her enemy while he was still conscious just to compliment Harry, and almost died as a result, even though she had been training in the DA to learn how to fight Death Eaters?) Quick-thinking under pressure can be learned, but it takes time and a lot of work to force your brain to override its instinct - and it’s fine because we’re all human and different. But no suddenly Hermione is the Greatest Strategist Evah™ and those silly boys (who actually were the original quick-thinking ones, and one of them was established as the strategist early on) better be grateful for this literal goddess because she protects them from all harm with her superhuman brain.

Somehow knows about Quidditch stuff - she knows about a Snitch’s “memory-touch”. Why should she give all the answers? Why can’t Ron give us this particular tidbit of information?

And then when we come to something Ron actually knows, the damn narration itself goes “woah a book that Ron has read but Hermione hasn’t??? shocking!! incredible!! Ron is not dumb, somebody call the news channel”. But… is that really so surprising? We’ve never seen Hermione read wizarding fiction or even Muggle fiction. We’ve never seen Hermione with anything other than schoolbooks in her hands. Of course Ron has read books she hasn’t read since she doesn’t seem to read fiction at all!

Sorry, bit of a tangent over here.

There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue.

So, that’s one part of the problem: the fact that Rowling, after making Ron our insight into magical culture and Hermione our provider of knowledge, ended up saying “eh whatever I guess Hermione can tell us everything we gotta know because it’s more convenient for me”. Which is a decision that was not based on Hermione’s character, but simply lazy writing. Long story short, it probably went: “Could Ron explain this bit of trivia? Meh, better make Hermione say it cause she’ll have read it in a book. It’s convenient and I won’t need to bother myself with exploring Ron’s characterisation.”

(And thus completely forgetting that Ron could maybe ask his big brothers via owl and provide us with a good heap of extra advanced knowledge - Bill is supposed to have aced his NEWTs after all.)

The other part of the problem is quite simply that Hermione is more often than not, either painted as a victim by the narrative (which makes more people take her side, classic manipulation tactic), or made to be right anytime it’s about a plot point.

Hermione’s mistakes are never explicitly stated, corrected, or even pointed out as being unethical.

Hermione only gets one mistake expressedly pointed out as being a mistake: her misadventure in Polyjuice Potion. The rest of them? Even her crush on Lockhart can’t be counted as a mistake - people get crushes all the time, based solely on physical appearance, it’s not something awful or terrible (Except when it’s Ron who crushes on someone. Ron crushing on someone is absolutely forbidden, and he must be punished with much ridicule and humiliation if he thinks he can get away with not worshipping Hermione like the goddess she is. The nerve of him, really.).

Throughout the books Hermione eventually morphs into Rowling’s Powerful Angel of Vengeance, that punishes the people who dared to do something she disliked - Rita is silenced but at a very ethically dubious price; Marietta gets scarred for life because she was more loyal to her mother than to a bunch of people her friend insisted she hang out with; Umbridge is led to a very, very alarming fate that is never made clear but some people have ideas and they’re not all very kid-friendly; Ron first is “helped” without knowing it because Hermione can’t be bothered to have faith in his capabilities, then when he fails to dutifully reward her for “helping” him, she causes him bodily harm before actively bullying him for not mind-reading her interest in him; causes even more bodily harm to Ron because that’s how feminism works; etc.

Hermione’s mistakes are always justified through the plot itself (which is lazy writing).

Turning into a cat? Only affects her.

The Firebolt? Scabbers? Well, in the end, it was really sent by Sirius Black and Crookshanks really wasn’t the culprit. Therefore all the feelings that were hurt and all the trust lost are irrelevant because Hermione was right all along.

Trying to free the house-elves? Well, it’s the intent that counts, right? And we’re never told enough about house-elf lore to know whether they’re poor brainwashed victims or powerful Penate-like symbiotes who need to serve a wizard to survive?

Kidnapping Rita Skeeter, trapping her and blackmailing her? Rita may be one foul little beetle, but that’s going a bit far, isn’t it? Harry approves? Oh, well, I guess it’s okay then…? A main character can’t have a dubious morality, right?

Manipulating Harry into forming Dumbledore’s Army and forcing him to relive a traumatic event with the same woman she’s kidnapped and blackmail and that she knows he hates? In the end, it all works out for the best and Harry’s hurt feelings don’t matter since it’s all about the greater good.

Using the centaurs to get rid of Umbridge (which poses the highly distressing question of what did the centaurs do to her?), realizing that the centaurs aren’t nice little horsies that are going to gently obey her every orders like good Disney princess’ companions, my goodness could this be an opportunity for character growth - nevermind, here comes Grawp the Giant Ex Machina, saving her arse and protecting Hermione from all that scary possibility of introspection. Thanks, Grawp Ex Machina.

Trying to dissuade a highly stressed-out and irrational Harry from rescuing Sirius by telling him exactly what he needed not to hear, a.k.a. “you have a saving people-thing” which causes Harry to completely go bonkers and go save his godfather without thinking twice? Well she was right after all, it was a trap! Nevermind how mind-boggingly insenstive and inadept at dealing with someone else’s feelings she was being, she was right! That means it wasn’t Hermione’s mistake!… probably. (Geez, I’m sensing a pattern here…)

Endangering Cormac’s life (Confunding him WHILE HE’S ON HIS BROOM) to promote Ron’s success? Oh but that’s so romantic! (Yeaaaah, how romantic to display exactly how much faith you lack in your crush. Top it off with a broken neck and that’s a picture perfect first date!)

Assaulting Ron with magic and causing him even more scars than he already had? But he was being cold with her first, right? And he totally should have known she was asking him out! It’s not like her invitation was even worse than his attempt to ask her out two years earlier! Plus she’s just a teenage girl expressing her emotions, anyone who tries to find fault in this is a disgusting abusive misogynist pig! Ha!

Getting all jealous that Harry is better than her at Potions, then pretending she’s not jealous by claiming that TEH BOOK IS EVIL, HARRY, and giving him the cold shoulder too? But no, she’s right, look, Harry used Sectumsempra and he almost killed Draco, nevermind that he’s very horrified about it! Hermione was right, like she always is!

Hermione Obliviating her parents, which pulls her from the “ethically dubious” zone into the “wow okay I’m pretty sure that this counts as a violation of basic human rights” zone, makes her one of those quirky wizardfolk who have the privilege to control those simple-minded Muggles because it’s for the greater good? But nooo she’s crying about it so it’s obviously very sad and angsty and it shows her devotion to the cause!

Splinching Ron while fleeing from the Ministry? Eeeh, but he’s fine, they’ve got Dittany, he’s good as new!… blood loss? Anaemia? What’s that?

Hermione was wrong about the Deathly Hallows not existing? Um, um, that doesn’t matter, LOOK DOBBY IS DEAD AND HARRY IS BACK TO LOOKING FOR THE HORCRUXES!! Therefore Hermione was right, the Hallows weren’t important for their quest, therefore the Hallows might as well not exist, HERMIONE WAS RIGHT NO REALLY I’VE GOT RECEIPTS -

The books never forget to remind Harry and Ron of their own shortcomings and moments of weakness.

Harry’s wrath and recklessness cost Sirius his life. This is the lesson he has to learn from his entitled behaviour in OotP: actions have consequences, and the greater your responsibility, the greater the cost will be.

Ron’s envy and insecurity lead him astray; they’re used to humiliate, ridicule and torture him throughout the books. They’re supposed to teach him that he’s worth something - but how is he supposed to believe that, when nobody ever tells him he’s worth anything? When nobody ever apologizes to him? When his feelings are taken for granted over and over? When his two friends seem to discard him whenever he does one thing wrong?

Hermione is never punished. Hermione is never said to be wrong, never shown to be wrong, never called out on her behaviour. From Prisoner of Azkaban to mid-Deathly Hallows, she stays exactly the same character. She doesn’t grow up. She doesn’t learn. She doesn’t change. She has virtually no character arc.

The only time, THE ONLY TIME IN SEVEN BOOKS, the only time we have something remotely resembling a call-out of Hermione’s horrible behaviour is with this sole quote in HBP:

Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.

Note how it’s about “girls” and not Hermione in particular, which implies that any girl would do what Hermione does to Ron. Thanks for the generalization, JKR, but I like to believe I’m actually a decent sort of person that doesn’t resort to petty cruelty and exploits my friends’ insecurities whenever I’m angry with them.

Hermione NEVER has to apologize. Hermione NEVER has to learn from her mistakes because she’s always presented as a victim when she really isn’t. Hermione NEVER develops into something more - she’s emotionally stuck at fourteen years old. Even less than that when you consider that her reaction to Ron’s return in Deathly Hallows is to trash him with her fists - and she was going to get her wand!! The utter psychopathic b- wanted TO THROW BIRDS AT HIM AGAIN!!! - and this reaction is an appropriate one for a four-years old girl, but certainly not for a supposedly “mature” seventeen-years old.

(Yes, because what separates a child from an adult is the ability to reign in your emotions and not succumb to your impulses. Exactly what Ron did when he left the tent (notice that he had drawn his wand, then he left before he could start hexing Harry), he left to calm himself down. Exactly what Hermione fails to do when Ron returns (she has the impulse to strike him and immediately succumbs to it, which proves to us that The Brightest Witch Of Her Age has all the maturity of a very small child).)

All of that, on top of the awful portrayal in the movies which removes all of Ron’s characteristics to stuff them into Hermione and turns her into some impossible epitome of perfection, eventually contributed to the portrayal of Hermione as the one who is always right and knows everything.

Add to it JKR’s own ridiculous bias (“Ron was quite emotionally immature compared to the other two”, yeah right I don’t see him trying to force freedom onto unwilling creatures or making Harry fly into an irrational rage with mere words but you do you, Jo) and the sexist misconception that “girls are innately more mature than boys”, and you get yourself this apparent behemoth of righteousness that was literally the sole reason why those two silly boys survived everything, and don’t you dare criticize this angel of perfection OR ELSE.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

What a Time to be Alive - Diego Hargreeves x Reader

Chapter 2- The Frankel Footage

Summary: After receiving a surprise visit from Five, you quit your bar tending job, quickly followed him to find Diego, and then broke Diego out of the mental hospital all in one day. Now you, Diego, and Lila, are free and ready to tackle whatever new problem awaits.

If anyone else wants tagged just hit me up.      Tagged: @white-wolf-buckaroo

You three ran for a couple blocks out of sight and away from any nosy law enforcement officers and their annoying sirens. Through back ally’s and down side streets, until you came upon a cluster of parked cars. Where you three hid behind trying not to be seen.

“This way” Diego whispers while getting up to race across the street, you and Lila trailing after him.

Hiding behind an apartment building, you and Lila look back from where you just came. “All right, we can’t stay here for too long. They’re gonna be looking for us.” Diego quietly warns.

“The cops or those large Scandinavian fellas” Lila asks, still on lookout.

“Both” you say quickly, turning to follow Diego’s lead.

He suddenly jumps up on a dumpster then on top of an outhouse type building. “D, what are you doing?” You ask confused, not quite catching onto his plans just yet.

Grabbing clothes off the line and throwing them to you, he replies, “Me and you aren’t gonna get very far dressed like a lobotomy case.”

“Fair point”

“Hey what about me?” Asks Lila, as Diego jumps down off of the small shed, walking back over to the two of you, and quickly throwing her some clothes in the process.

Diego turns around while taking off his shirt, “Look, I appreciate your help, but now we...” He points to you for a second, who’s changing into a different shirt, from the previous hospital staff attire. “Go our separate ways.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re gonna be looking for us, together. You stand a better chance on your own.”

“What, you guys need me, we could make a good team, I don’t mind third wheeling.”

“No”

“Okay did you forget how great I am at causing distractions, or sneaking in small weapons, or when I saved your ass when...” Police sirens begin shouting through the air, cutting her off mid-sentence, catching all of your attentions with it. Sending a surge of panic through you, there was no way in hell were you getting caught.

“Oh shit” Lila whispers, turning to abruptly dodge under a car and out of sight like a literal ninja, who is this strange woman?

Looking at Diego you happen to spot a hiding place behind a small pillar of bricks. Grabbing his arms once again, you pull him with you towards the spot, hugging him tightly as you look over his shoulder. Hearing the whrr of a siren, you listen and watch as the cop car rolls past, agonizingly slow. Looking up at him once again, you can’t help but notice the close proximity between the two of you, your face breaks out into a large grin. Relishing in the contact that you’ve been so deeply deprived of.

“Is that a knife in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” You ask while flashing him a cheeky smile.

“Why are you like this?” He whispers grinning back down at you, amused at your never ending ability to joke around at the most inappropriate times.

“Hey guys, let’s take my car.” Lila says, while eyeing up one of the parked on the street.

Looking back into Diego’s dark eyes, you swiftly catch his lips with yours, not being able hold yourself back anymore. He tenses for a split second before he melts into you, relaxing completely. The kiss is sweet, hungry, and full of longing. You can both tell how much you’ve truly missed each other.

Breaking away, Diego follows your lips, disappointed in such a small intimate moment being ruined. “We gotta go, our getaway driver is here.” You beam, satisfied with what you could get.

Jumping into the stolen car, you take the passenger seat making Diego sit in the back.

“Let’s roll kids” Lila says grinning, as she hastily backs out of the parking spot.

——

After sleeping in the front seat next to Lila, and Diego grumpily trying to find a comfy position in the back. You three made it through the night and are now currently up and ready to roll. Diego in the passenger seat now, with you at the wheel and Lila in the back. Parked in front of some library that Diego insisted on going to you as you could only assume it had to do with the president, most likely.

“All right, here’s the plan: Oswald finishes his shift at 4:30 p.m. Once he walks out those doors, we force him into the front seat.” Diego tells you, while looking out the window intensely.

“I’m in the front seat” You reply while looking out at some birds eating something in the grass.

“Okay, fine. In the back seat.”

“I’m in the back seat.” Lila says, also unimpressed by Diego’s plan. She makes knowing eye contact with you in the mirror.

“Okay in the trunk, Y/N is gonna pin his arms, I’m gonna cut off his trigger finger and tell him he has 24 hours to exit Dallas.”

“That’s your plan?” Lila asks. Sharing another glance with you.

“You got a problem with it?” He questions sassily.

“Why don’t we just kill him” You say with a casual shrug.

“What?

“I agree with Y/N, I mean, you think he’s gonna shoot the president right?”

“Right”

“Fine, so we kill him. Put a bullet between his eyes.” She says, as you make a finger gun and a boom sound. “Problem solved”

“No, no, no, we’re not going to kill a man before he’s committed a crime.” He says, annoyed.

“That’s stupid” She retorts back, tired of Diego’s dumb idea already.

“Excuse me?”

“In fact, your whole plan is stupid. What, chopping off a guys finger?” She smiles amused.

“No, it’s not just any finger, it’s his trigger finger, all right. You can’t shoot a gun without a trigger finger.” He says defensively.

“What if he’s ambidextrous?” You ask, egging him on.

Diego looks at you in defeat at both of yours and Lila’s points. She finally says, “How do you get through a day?

“Both of you get out. I can do this on my own.” He grumbles quickly.

“Dr. Moncton was right, this hero complex is no joke. I mean, Y/N how do you even put up with his shit.” She wonders turning to you.

“Don’t answer that. This is not what this is about.” He’s says, you laughing at his sour mood and Lila’s call out.

“D, she makes a compelling argument.”

Nodding at you she quips back, “Of course it is, you want to prove to Daddy that you’re a big success.” She says, realization clear on her features.

Snorting you raise your eyebrows at Diego, who says, “No, out of the three of us, you don’t know anything about me, Lila.”

“I don’t have to be Y/N to know anything about you. You are an open book written for very dumb children.” She says matter-of-factly.

Holding in laughter you face away from Diego, as you peer out the window so he won’t see the amusement clear on your face.

You love Diego, and fight crime with Diego, but you don’t do it out of a hero complex like he does. You do it because it’s fun and it helps people sometimes. You’ve never seeked it out in the way that he did, like buying a patrol caller, walking into crime scenes to gather information, and continuously wearing that stupidly adorable childhood domino mask. You prefer to stay in the shadows and hunt down rapists and human traffickers when the opportunity arises. So yeah, Lila calling out Diego on his shit, that he doesn’t realize is his shit, does entertain you.

“I’m not. Trying. To. Be A. Hero, okay!” He says slowly with frustration lacing his voice, like we can’t understand him.

“Then why are we doing this?” You reply facing him again. All of a sudden Five appears in the back seat next to Lila, who screams and backs away. Clearly not expecting a 13 year old boy to just teleport randomly into the car.

“Because he’s an idiot” Five replies smartly, with a smug grin on his young face.

Calming down again she looks at Five confused, “Who the hell are you, I mean Diego did tell me Y/N is kinda like a vampire but not really a vampire, so?”

Giving Diego your what-the-fuck-did-you-tell-her-about-me face, he briefly grins at you when Five answers her, “Hi. I’m his loving brother.”

“Who left me to rot in a nut house.”

“To protect you from yourself.”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to him, I’m gonna cry.” You reply, while wiping a fake tear away.

Rolling his eyes Diego points to the three of you, “Okay, all of you, out.” Diego says done with all of your shit.

“Lose the crazy lady, you two are coming with me. We have important business.” Five says frustrated.

Diego turns to look out the front window. “I am not going anywhere with you.”

Looking out the window, Five spots a security guard walking down the street. “Okay, fine.”

Not buying into Five’s surrender, you follow his gaze seeing the officer walking away from all of you. With a big smile plastered on his face, Five takes this moment of improvisation to call out loudly. “Officer!”

“Hey!” Diego snaps, reaching past you in record time, silencing Five by grabbing his jacket. “What are you doing?”

Grinning like the little shit he is, Five answers sassily, “I hear there’s a reward out for you two, and an unidentified jailbreaker accomplice last seen helping two patients escape.”

“He’s bluffing.” Lila says.

Watching the intense stare down between the two of them you reply, “He’s not.” Knowing better then to doubt Five. Cause let’s be honest he would watch you get arrested for fun any day of the week.

“Fine. We’ll go with you.” He says defeated yet again.

“What about me?” Lila asks.

“She yells at Diego when he’s being an idiot, crazy lady can come too.” You tell them while nodding to her.

“You yell at me when I’m being an idiot too, Y/N.” Diego remarks bluntly.

“That’s fair. But I feel like she’s good at playing eye spy, and you’re definitely not. You have no patience, I swear.”

“I don’t know what I just got myself into but I’m glad I met you guys.” Lila exclaims enthusiastically, pleased at your positive answer.

--

A short drive later, you, Diego, Five and Lila begin walking up the steps into Five’s new friends building. Not being overly impressed by much and concerned for this mans mental well being at the fact that he’s Five’s so-called “friend”, you keep walking as Five leads you three up the stairs. When you reach the top, you hear footsteps and the sound of a gun click. Glancing up, you observe a scrawny looking man with confusion and fight in his eyes. He starts to speak all stressed out and loud, barking at you four. “Where did you get the film? The Frankel Footage. The truth this time.” He demands while still holding up the gun at the four of you. Oh yeah, this is Five’s new friend? Seems about right.

“You know this lunatic?” Diego wonders at Five.

“God, his hearts beating so loud, I’m gonna have a headache.” You groan, this guy is on full adrenaline, jeesh.

Five sighs, “New acquaintance. He’s harmless.”

“Are you sure about that?” Lila asks, puzzled.

Without warning this new friend of Five’s starts to yell, sounding like an off cord scratchy violin in your hyper sensitive ears. A quiet room with sudden loud noises makes your hearing extra perceptive. It’s not exactly a beneficial attribute to have at the moment.

“Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?!”

Giving you a precious moment of peace, Diego answers back. “Such an open-ended question, yeah.”

“Really depends on the people.” Adds Five calmly.

Raising the gun up higher the angry guy speaks again, less loud this time. “You move one more muscle, I will blow y’alls brains out.”

“Yeah good luck with that, you’ll deeply regret it in a couple seconds.” You tell him bluntly as he gives you a weird look.

“You want to take this or should I?” Diego asks Five. Always ready to throw hands at any given moment.

“No, I got him.” He replies with apprehensive determination.

An abrupt flash later, Five is in front of the mysteriously angry gunman. Grabbing the gun and pushing the barrel upward where it then goes off. Shooting a bullet into the ceiling. And sending a symphony of booming racket directly into your ears.

“Fucking hell” You mumble while pursing your lips together as the pain in your ears wears off.

Looking back up, you watch as Diego unloads the gun and the crazy southern guy looks at everyone in confusion.

“What the hell just happened?” Lila asks with an amused smile, clearly not expecting anything more weird to take place again.

——

After the fun little greeting Elliot gave you, you and Diego tied him up, you know just normal couple things. So Five could play some home movies, or in other words that Frankel Footage Elliot was yapping about earlier. Leaving him in a dentist’s chair, Lila sat down and started to paint his toe nails some kind of green color. While Five was playing the old film footage, Diego sat on a counter to his left, knees up and knife in one hand. Meanwhile you sat cross legged on the same counter near his shoes leaning your right knee on Diego’s bent legs.

“I love old couples. I’m always so proud of them for not murdering each other.” She says randomly.

“Why are we watching this?” Diego suddenly asks Five, who’s intensely focused on the footage. “Shush” He’s tells him, hyper focused on the projection screen.

The people on the screen begin talking about who they are and where they happen to be at the moment. Dallas, Texas. November 22, 1963. Oh, shit. You think, knowing exactly where this specific moment is going to lead.

Leaning in closer Diego says, “This is it. The grassy knoll. Kennedy’s about to get shot. How do you have this?” He quickly questions Five.

“Hazel died to get me this footage. It must be the key to stopping doomsday.”

“Hazel?” You ask curiously, remembering the masked guy who shanked you with an old iron antique boat when you first met him and Cha Cha shooting up the Umbrella Academy. Damn, he’s already dead.

“Long story.”

“What’s doomsday?” Wonders Lila in confusion.

“Longer story.”

“What exactly did he say to you?” Diego questions in bewilderment.

“Well, he was killed before he could explain. But whatever he wanted us to see, it’s on this film.” He answers earnestly.

Without warning, gunshots go off in the background, signaling that President Kennedy's been shot. All of you watch closer with wide eyes as you three try to spot what Hazel was talking about. Five rewinds the tape for better inspection, moving around to slide the projector back. Giving everyone a better view to watch the footage. “It can’t be.” He says astonished.

“Okay, you guys gonna fill me in now? What the hell is this shit we’re watching?” Demands Lila, weirded out by how the three of you are acting towards this random footage.

Standing up and walking closer to the screen, you, Diego, and Five look on in stunned shock, spotting him. “What the fuck?” You say perplexed.

“No, that’s impossible.” 

“Clearly, it’s not.” Mutters Five.

From behind you three, you hear the muffled voice of Elliot. “What...what is it?”

“Dad” Diego and Five whisper dumbfounded. You only look on in deep thought. How could he have been there, and what the hell was old Reggie doing there in the first place?

——

“Of course Dad would be involved in the assassination. I should have know.”

“No, you’re jumping to conclusions.” Replies Five, while pacing back and forth.

“It’s a bit of a stretch, Diego.” You tell him shrugging.

“What else is he doing standing on the grassy knoll, holding an open umbrella on a sunny day in Dallas the exact same moment the president gets shot?!” Diego yells back at the two of you.

“It doesn’t look good, I admit.” Replies Five.

“No, he’s the signalman for the whole goddamn thing.” He says convincing himself.

“Easy Diego. Seriously.”

“No, it makes sense. This is what Hazel was obviously trying to tell you.” Diego says looking intently at Five. “We have to stop Dad from killing the president.”

“Diego, calm down, all right. Dad was no Boy Scout, but presidential assassination? It’s never been his thing.” Five argues, and you’d have to agree, Diego’s truly jumping ahead of himself.

“How would you know? You skipped out on his golden years.” Diego snaps back.

“Skipped out?” Five scoffed stepping closer, “You think I had it easy, Diego? I was alone for 45 years.” Deciding he’d had enough of Diego’s dad and killing the president shit, Five growls back at Diego. “You know what? We don’t have time for this right now. Dads clearly in Dallas, right? Let’s just go talk to him. Maybe he can help fix the timeline.” He ends with, walking around the room.

“Dallas is a big place. We need to find him first.” Diego replies bluntly.

“Gee, if only we had some magical, old times way of finding people and their addresses.” Five sasses back while putting his hands on his small hips.

“Alright smart-ass, I’ll find the phone book.” You quip, getting up off the counter and walking towards Elliot’s office. Finding the thing laying under a couple of papers and a stapler, you grab it and set it down on the nearby desktop.

“Let’s start simple. His name.” Five says as Diego reads off the names in the H section. “Shit, nothing here.”

“Try his company, what was it Five?” You ask while standing behind them.

“D.S. Umbrella Manufacturing Co.” Five says without missing a beat.

“Yeah, I know the name. Thanks.” Diego replies sarcastically. Continuing his search by flipping through the pages. “Uh....Holy shit. D.S. Umbrella.” He looks at Five surprised, “Eighty-two Olive. Let’s go.” He says, shutting the phone book.

Pulling up the white film screen and walking through the doorway Diego turns to Five. “He okay to leave here like that?” Referring to Elliot who was still tied to the dentist chair.

“Yeah, he’s fine. What about the girl?”

“She’s chilling in the dark room getting some air. So where are we going?” You remark casually.

“The hell is she doing in there, or you?” Diego wonders.

“We were having some quality girl time, nothing you’d be interested in, I promise.” You say winking at him.

———

Pulling up to the building of the hour, you all get out, shutting the doors and walking up to the glass doors. All collectively feeling a bit uneasy about meeting Sir Reginald Hargreeves, that is if he decides to make an appearance or not.

“How long’s it been since you’ve seen the old man?” You ask Five, who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“Forty-Five years.”

“That’s a trip.”

“No kidding.” Five sighs, leaning against the brick wall as Diego makes an attempt to lock pick the doors. “You know, when I was stuck out there in the apocalypse, there wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t hear his voice in my head.”

“What was he saying?” Asked Diego, still fiddling with the lock.

“I told you so.” 

“Well, if Dad’s here, he’s never met you before, so he can’t say, I told you so.” Diego says trying to boost Five’s dampened mood.

“I’m sure he’ll find a way.” Five says while looking back around at the grassy yard. Catching your eye, you nod to him to help Diego out. A flash later and he’s on the other side of the door, unlocking it with ease and letting you two inside. “Right. Gotta remember that” Diego says, clearing his throat, standing up and walking through the now unlocked glass doors. You following right behind him, as Five holds the door open.

Walking fully inside the office building, Five goes to turn on a lamp only for it to flicker off again within seconds of being turned on. “Shit. Guess Dad wasn’t much for home decor.” Says Diego eyeing up the place.

You look around the room yourself, fully taking in your surroundings, as your eyes immediately begin adjusting in the dark room, you’re now able to see everything clearly. Observing the lack of care and vacancy in the area you nod to Five. “This feels more like a front, some kind of decoy maybe?”

“A front for what?” Diego asks, confused.

“Beats me” Replies Five still uneasy about being in here.

“Well, me and Y/N will take the left. Yell if you, uh....get in trouble. Y/N will hear you.” Remarks Diego, swinging the door open.

“Don’t get shot, remember your safety training.” You smirk at Five jokingly, as you walk through the open door that Diego is holding open for you.

“How could I forget.” Fives replies back, slightly amused at your ability to seem calm in a place like this.

Walking down the hallway, Diego opens a door leading into someone’s office. The air smells old and stale to you, clearly no ones actually been in here in quite a while. Diego blows off dust laying lightly on top of a file, who just leaves a random file lying around for anyone to snatch? He starts to flip through it, concentrated on finding a scrap of evidence. When your ears prick up at the sound of light footsteps that apparently Diego can’t hear yet. Then a door opens and the footsteps sound like they’re retreating out the doorway. Diego abruptly looks up at you for reassurance, wanting to know for sure you heard what he just heard too. You nod at him, making your way towards the door to find this mystery person. Diego walks towards the door hot on your heels, catching up and moving past you swiftly. Determined to catch sight of the cryptic individual himself.

Opening the doors, you catch a glimpse of the mystery man briskly walking into the thick foggy night air and out of sight.

“I’ll go after him, you circle around and hopefully catch him off guard if he decides to run.” Telling you the plans, Diego turns ready to catch up with the guy, giving you a flash of a nervous smile before he goes. And then he’s gone, into the fog and out of sight. Yeah fuck that, it’s dark out and this guy could be legitimately dangerous for all you know, idiot. Following behind Diego from a distance were he wouldn’t be able to notice you. Not that it’d be hard anyways, considering you’re kinda a master of stealth yourself.

You climb up into the rafters of this weird barn type building, you hear the faintest sounds of Five yelling for you two from within the office building. As you’re about to jump down to help, you spot Diego walking when another figure drops out of the shadows kicking him in the ribs. Great. Deciding you’d like to sit back and watch for a bit, you climb closer for a better view. Diego then throws a knife and the stranger ducks, completely missing him. “Damn, I bet he’d be fantastic at laser tag.” You mumble letting your intrusive thoughts work their way out subconsciously.

Watching Diego twirl around and make some compelling hits gives you time to get closer and bring yourself nearer to the ground. Incase you needed to lend a hand or two if things got messy. As you finally drop yourself onto the damp floor, you look up to see Diego apparently losing the fight a bit. Getting flipped onto his knees for a second before he runs forward pulling out some type of metal stick from a bunch of wooden crates. Where he then proceeds to backflip off said crates and stick the landing with ease. Show off. He starts swinging it around, advancing on the stranger who’s doing a decent job at holding his own ground.

That is, until the guy looses his dark face-covering, only to reveal, holy shit, the one and only asshole himself, Sir Reginald Hargreeves. Diego must have been just as shocked too, because the next moment you hear a soft “dad” from Diego’s lips. And then Reginald lunges, you see a flash of gold and hide a muffled scream as a small knife plunges into Diego’s side. You hear “amateur” before he turns around and casually walks out of the barn without a single fuck to give.

Gasping you ignore the need to question Sir Reginald, racing over to Diego who’s lying on the floor wide eyed in bewilderment as to what just unfolded a couple seconds ago.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Diego what the fuck!?” You say panicked, ripping your thin jacket off and covering his stab wound with it.

Moaning in pain he looks at you. “I should have let you take him.” He whispers tiredly.

“Shut up I know, FIVE get the fuck over here!” You scream in a desperate panic.

Teleporting to you, he looks down surprised. “Jesus Diego I leave you alone for 5 minutes and this is what happens.” He says bluntly while shaking his head.

“Just go get the car.” You growl at him, while pressing the fabric into Diego's side to help stop the bleeding.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Any tips got people starting their creative writing degree in September? Xxx

oh this is a great question!! sometimes I forget I will literally be an upper year next year :) how did this happen :) still feel like I’m in grade 9 :) lol! but I do have tips!

1. Trust in the process

Okay, this sounds a little gimmicky, but what I mean is, let things happen the way they’re going to happen. I was extremely prepared when I entered first year, and even more prepared for second year, and I’m not saying this is a bad thing--in fact, I recommend having something small (even an idea) at the ready, just in case of emergency writer’s block, time constraints, etc, but I’d love to go back in time and tell myself to chill! I wanted so badly to experience the idea of the Ideal Writing Degree Experience, and so kind of missed out on the actual (great) experience I had in front of me! so let it happen! Take creative risks! stray from your plan if your gut is telling you to!

2. Get involved

In first year, I found it SO helpful to get involved in writer events, or clubs on my campus. I joined my department’s lit journal (which I shall be managing in the fall!) as an intern, and made sure to attend most, if not all the writing events they had on campus, including general fine arts mixers. Though I am a super introverted person, it was actually super fun to make connections, and even so, just make memories of faces that I could later recognize on campus. This is also super helpful for getting to know people in your program! On orientation day, I really tried to huddle with some other Writing undergrads, and that was super fun because we just chatted about our writing backgrounds, etc! If you’re anxious like me, coming up with literal talking points could be helpful the night before, kind of like an “About Me” refresh?? Like, oh my name is Rachel and I write literary fiction, also I am from Toronto, would be what I would say in case someone asked (usually people were very excited to hear I was from out of province lol so this worked as a great talking point!). ALSO!! off campus events! go to readings! Readings are 100% more accessible to attend where I go to school versus where I live at home, and so I def took advantage of this by making sure to go out to multiple literary events! It’s nice to make connections, chat with the readers, or even other audience members! Usually people asked me if I was a student and what program I was in, etc, and because being a Writing major is kind of a Fun Thing To Be at a reading, this was always a great talking point!

3. Remember your writing degree is still work

I know a lot of creative degree pals give this advice to remind undergrads that their creative work for school is still work so they should sit down and do it rather than leaving it to the last minute, but I kind of like to flip this idea on its head by saying: it’s okay to prioritize your “non-academic” work versus your “traditionally academic” work! For example, I took many, many English classes this year, and put about 20x more of my time into those classes than my literal writing classes. I am a writing major?? lol! I could’ve gotten an English degree closer to home?? I did not come here for this?? I think it was easy for me to write off putting time into my writing classes because I was “good at that” and “needed to focus on my academic work” (whatever academic even means), but if you’re there for writing, don’t be afraid to actually... do your writing?? Fighting internalized stigma about my own degree is something I still work on! It’s still work! Which means it’s hard, and you should take breaks (and extensions if necessary/if you can) just like with any other work.

4. If you want to, prep a little

Like I mentioned above, this could be a helpful thing to do, though I do caution over preparation because that was me!! and I feel like one may learn more if they have more room to fail (which sometimes preparation reduces?) but this is also dependent on the type of person and student you are, so disregard if necessary! When I entered first year, I didn’t prep actual work, but made sure I knew what was expected of me so I could mentally prepare myself, haha. I knew there were 5 assignments for 5 different genres (because of COVID they actually axed 1 genre which I am GRATEFUL for rip playwriting), so I kept this in mind throughout the term. If I got an idea for a poem but knew we wouldn’t be doing poetry for the next term, I’d write the poem in advance, or write down the idea. A little bit of prep can help alleviate stress especially if you’re transitioning out of high school, but I do tend to overdo it!

5. SUBMIT your work!!!

This is also totally okay NOT to do if you don’t want to publish your work, but if you are interested in curating a portfolio, it doesn’t hurt to start submitting your work early to literary magazines! I know some people are too nervous to send out their work in first year, but if you’re comfortable with it and want to, go for it! I submitted my work for the first time in first year, and got 2 stories published. If you want to be published, you don’t have to wait for upper years to put your work out there! If you have a piece you like, send it out! This also includes on-campus writing contests if your school runs these. I entered one not thinking anything of it and won first place (HOW), and these experiences were fantastic in shaping my experience in the program and also showing me submitting your work is not so scary!

6. Talk to your profs and TAs

Y’ALL I did not realize how much I talk to my profs and TAs and how much the pandemic took that away from me! It’s so critical to form relationships with the people who are teaching you, not only because they’ll help you to shape your work, but also because they’re a great start to networking! In first year, I sat down with my TAs or prof for literally every single piece I wrote, and the amount I learned is astronomical. I guess this depends on your program, but generally, writing programs are generative based rather than super lecture heavy, and you learn by doing hands-on work (workshops, etc). I learned so much (sometimes, even more) by talking to my teachers. They want to help you and it’s a great way to get to know them. I only attended office hours once in COVID (and it was Zoom office hours), and I certainly feel a difference in my experience. Reach out! When I took an intro journalism course, my prof line-edited every one of my pieces by hand, and while it was nerve-wracking because she is a fantastic writer and a tough critic (and literally right in front of me), it was so rewarding when she’d point out where I’d improved. She was also great at taking her time to explain how I could better my piece. You can’t do that if you’re sitting in a 200 person lecture, but you can if you take some time for a one on one! Highly recommend if you can (coming from someone with social anxiety)!

7. Make friends

I will admit it! I still have not done a great job at this lol. But if you can, try to reach out to your peers. You’re all there to learn, and it’s actually so fantastic to meet likeminded people! My peers are incredibly talented, smart individuals, and when we’re in person, I’d love to chat with them more! In first year, it can be scary to reach out, which is why I did this minimally, though I still made an attempt to jump out of my comfort zone whenever possible. It’s nice to recognize faces on campus and wave at people/have a short conversation before you head into class. Like I said, I interned for my on campus lit journal in first year, so I had to reach out a few times to my classmates to participate in events etc, so this was actually kind of easier for me since I had a lil ~motive that allowed me to muster the courage to chat with people! It could be as easy as joining in on a convo of a subject of interest (for example, a lot of people at my school especially in my program, love D&D. I have no idea what that is/how that works, but if I did, this might be something to talk about if you love it also)! Also - follow people on social media if you can find them, or start a group chat!

8. Don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs

This will be my last tip, and it might be the scariest tip of all, but if you are not happy with how something is going in your degree/classes, speak up about it! If something is not accessible to you, don’t be afraid to speak out about that. Idk if it’s just me, but I’ve been advocating for the betterment of my education since elementary school (why am I like this loooool), but especially in university, you’d be surprised by how receptive some people can be! Shoot your prof or TA an email if you have concerns, and see what they say. Rarely, they can be assholes, but most of the time, they’ll try to work with you to make your class experience better. This is why I also recommend filling out your course evals. Most great profs really want their students to enjoy their classes and succeed, so don’t be nervous to speak out about your needs if xyz isn’t being met.

hope that helps!

[i-know-you-can]

The Story of Us - It takes a village

Time flies and it’s been a little while since I added anything new to my collection of short one shots/drabbles but a few days ago a wonderful idea by @tikigoddess caught my attention and wouldn’t let me go. You can find the original post here or if you don’t want to be spoiled

Read below or on Ao3

“Are you sure you guys are gonna be fine on your own? I can just tell Veronica to reschedule. Or maybe we can stay in. I’m sure she could bring the whole spa over here if she wanted.”

“Betts,” Jughead says, placing a hand on her shoulder to stop her nervous rambling, the other hand cradling their baby daughter against his chest. “We’ll be just fine. Mia will probably sleep most of the time you’re away anyway while I’ll try to get some writing done. No need to worry about us.”

It’s been only six weeks since Mia Isabella Jones has entered their lives, causing everything they do to stop and focus on her. And while Jughead is more than willing to do that, assuming the role of a full time dad with pride, he’s also still a husband, one of his duties being that he needs to force his wife to take time for herself and relax.

“But what if...” Betty tries to protest but Jughead stops her.

“No what ifs. You’re only going to Greendale. If something were to happen, which it won’t, Veronica’s driver will have you back in no time.”

With a resigned sigh Betty nods and Jughead knows just how she feels. Every moment spent away from their daughter feels like forever. And for someone as young as her, it probably is. Even though she spends most of her day sleeping, completely unaware of her parents’ presence.

“I’ll miss this sweet face,” Betty says, her lips down-turned as she strokes Mia’s cheek, the little girl rewarding her with a toothless smile.

“I’ll miss yours too.” Jughead grins, making her chuckle. “But it’s only a few hours and you deserve time for yourself.”

Just then a car honks outside of their house, signaling Veronica’s arrival.

With dozen kisses to Mia’s face and a few spare for him, Betty is out of the door, finally leaving the father-daughter duo alone.

“It’s just you and me kiddo,” Jughead whispers and for a moment he worries Mia will feel the lack of her mother’s presence and break into tears. He sure would in her place. But instead she just lets out a quiet gurgle and snuggles into his chest.

“I know, I’ll miss mommy too,” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Not sure if more for her comfort or his. “But I promise we’ll have fun.”

Jughead may have exaggerated the term fun when twenty minutes later Mia is sleeping soundly in her crib while he stares at the blank screen of his computer, willing the words to come to him. It’s difficult to get into the zone though, as a thought in the back of his mind keeps nagging him, telling him he’s forgetting something important. He’s ran through the mental checklist of baby care twice already, making sure his daughter was safe and satisfied but the feeling doesn’t go away.

It’s only when his phone rings and a frustrated “Jones, where are you? We’ve been waiting for twenty minutes.” comes from the other end that he realizes what he’s been forgetting this whole time. The monthly Serpents’ meeting.

While the previous month, due to Mia being barely two weeks old, Toni, as his second in command, lead the meeting, this month Jughead promised to check back in himself. A thought that quickly slipped his mind in the hustle and bustle of his everyday life.

What was once a five minute bike drive now turned into half an hour as Jughead triple checked the contents of the diaper bag before loading Mia into the car seat and setting off towards the White Wyrm. By the time he arrives, the Serpents are already waiting, faces predictably twisted with annoyance that quickly dissipates and turns into smiles once they notice the sleeping baby strapped to his chest. His daughter does tend to have that sort of effect on people.

“Sorry for the delay, guys,” Jughead says as they all settle into their chairs, “but as you can see, I have a very cute excuse.”

It’s barely ten minutes later when he’s running his hand through his hair in frustration. He’s forgotten how these meetings can sometimes go, especially with new members of the gang and without Betty by his side to shut them up with a single look before they have a chance to say something stupid.

“It’s just weed. What’s the big deal?” the newest member of the gang, a self-nicknamed guy called Sniper, asks, crossing his arms. He looks like a toddler about to throw a tantrum and Jughead hoped he was at least two years away from having to deal with that.

“The Serpents don’t deal drugs. It’s one of the main rules and you know that,” Jughead says, trying to keep his tone firm and serious. He knows that the adorable baby strapped to his chest may be making it a bit more difficult to take him seriously but he tries anyway.

Sniper rolls his eyes with an exaggerated huff, muttering something about the gang being boring. Then he pulls out a pack of cigarettes but Toni slaps the lighter out of his hand before he can light one.

“Are you crazy? There is a baby here,” she says, her eyes flaming with anger.

“Yeah, and Fangs has asthma. The Wyrm is a strict no smoking zone,” Sweet Pea growls, standing up to tower over the new guy for emphasis.

Sniper takes a quick look around him, as if wondering whether anyone will back him up, but the other Serpents just shake their heads and send him disapproving looks. “What kind of stupid gang is this?” he grumbles, kicking a chair angrily.

The sudden noise startles Mia from her slumber, a loud wail piercing through the air in an instant.

“See? Now you made the baby cry. Get out of here!” Sweet Pea snarls, pushing him towards the exit.

Jughead’s hand immediately comes up to Mia’s back, trying to soothe her with gentle strokes. “It’s okay, sweetie,” he talks to her in the softest voice possible, “sorry that poopy head woke you up.” He hears a couple of people snicker at his choice of words but ignores them, bouncing lightly on his feet, hoping to quickly put her back to sleep. The first three weeks of her life, bouncing on a fitness ball was the only sure-fire way to get her to sleep but Betty and Jughead have since moved on from bringing the ball with them everywhere so this is the most he can do now.

The little girl isn’t having it though, her tiny face scrunching up and her cries growing louder. Some of the Serpents, mostly the ones who don’t have kids on their own, start looking uncomfortable, clearly not sure how to deal with the situation. A crying baby is not a common problem during gang meetings.

“Let me hold her. Maybe she’s just sick of all the testosterone in the air,” Toni says and after a moment of hesitation Jughead carefully extracts Mia from the baby carrier.

“Be careful,” he tells her and she shoots him a look that says: “ I know what I’m doing better than you do.” . He supposes she’s right. After all, she has her own tiny person at home and therefore a lot more experience than he does. Still, it doesn’t stop him from worrying whenever he hands his daughter to someone else.

Toni’s presence doesn’t seem to help though, as Mia continues to prove to everyone how strong her lungs are.

“Let me try,” an older Serpent comes up to Toni, reaching his hands out for the baby. “My girls always liked to be rocked in a specific way.”

Jughead runs his hand through his hair, wondering how the direction of the meeting changed so quickly. Ah, right, Sniper was being an idiot.

Betty often teases him about how the Serpents have hardly resembled a gang in the past half a decade. He usually tries to oppose her, saying that a gang isn’t defined by doing criminal activities or riding motorcycles (many of the Serpents have exchanged theirs for family cars). But looking at them now, all he sees is a group of dorks in leather jackets, passing along a crying baby in a poor attempt to get her to stop crying.

“Your ugly face is only making her cry more.” He hears Sweet Pea say to a Serpent called Hisser who is trying to pull funny faces at Mia, before taking the baby from him. “Babies like being sung to,” he says, taking a deep breath before a slightly husky rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star reverberates through the bar.

“You’re singing it wrong,” Fangs interrupts him, starting the song again and several other Serpents start humming alongside him.

To everyone’s surprise, by the time they finish the song for the second time, the crying stops, Mia’s bright green eyes half closed and heavy with sleep.

“We did it, boss!” Fangs whisper yells in excitement as Sweet Pea continues to rock the baby in his arms until her eyes close completely.

As Jughead watches them, he realizes he could hardly ask for a better family for his daughter. Raising a child really takes a village. And sometimes that village is a group of gang member singing lullabies in a bar.

_______________

“Oh my god!” Betty exclaims with a giggle as a video of the Serpents singing to her daughter plays on her phone. Underneath a message from Toni says: "The Serpent Princess already has them wrapped around her tiny finger.”

[nossbean]

I haven’t had as much time as I’d hoped to get stuck in with @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange yet, but from the fraction of the 105 (🎉🎉🎉) fics I have been able to read, a few recs:

Book canon

Innocent This is my gift fic and I’m obsessed. The author did more with my prompt than I could’ve hoped for, their style packs a hell of a lot of punch into a pretty condensed space — I love how they weight emotional/physical/reflective responses — and takes up complex issues (gender! Morality! Innocence! Trauma!) and handles them deftly all whilst also giving a post-LSH Brienne space she needs to grieve, and rage, and be bloody exhausted, and also be perfectly Brienne through it all: grappling with all she’s been through and all she wants to be and all she wants to still believe. so, like, ALL THAT, whilst ALSO having these pitch perfect notes of the relationship she has with Jaime, the relationship Jaime has with her, and how those two things need to come a bit more into alignment if they’re to move forward, and then a *chef’s kiss* of an ending that made me melt and punch the air in equal measure, as it hit a particular target of mine with precision. There’s also a very cathartic scene wherein some stuff happens but I don’t want to give it away but have been thinking about it pretty nonstop since it was posted...! ~enigmatic~ It was just all superb. This recommendation is roughly as coherent as my comment ~1.5 weeks ago, which maybe gives you an idea as to the feelings the fic instills. All in all, WORTH YOUR TIIIMMMEMEMEEE.

that would be enough  This fic!!! It is snappy, and I adored the Brienne and Jaime of this fic. The author captures a whole hell of a lot with the fewest of words (truly, how!!!) and it navigates, again, a post-LSH JB, and that complex thing between JB in a way that feels utterly visceral and true. Leaning into the profundity of their feelings for one another whilst also allowing how terrible they both are at speaking to said feelings, rather both being people of action and trying their best even when things don’t go exactly as they’d hoped (and sometimes even when they do), it’s just a damn satisfying read. There are these character notes throughout that I just wanted to linger in, and have done, on re-read, and anticipate doing time and again. It really is just a pleasure of a read that will nestle into you and linger.

Alternate universes

Love Isn’t a Sprint, It’s a Marathon  This fic is SO MUCH FUN. There are so many clever and delightful easter eggs and overlays from Jaime and Brienne’s Riverrun road trip onto a marathon (!) our two favourite dummies are running in modern Westeros, and it’s fucking GREAT. There are laugh out loud gags and moments, and emotional/romantic beats which land just when you want them, and the author’s style is pacy (running pun intended; this fic taught me things) and just carries you along so pleasingly. It also gifted me with visions of Jaime in a perfectly tussled bun and tight jogging outfit (in Lannister colours, ofc), and Brienne in her favourite blue sports bra, and to the author I say: thank you. The, hm, confounding (to Brienne) history between JB in this ‘verse is revealed throughout the fic, which works so well in conjunction with how the marathon experience is progressing their relationship, building up a satisfying tension between them and rewarding us with a fantastic end. I don’t want to give too much away, so have some emoji in lieu of spoilers: 🥳😍😂😍🔥🎉 🎉🎉😍🥰 also to this introvert, Brienne’s way of interacting with strangers on a marathon course is SO relatable, my god. This is one of those stories that just leaves you happy.

when the sun is coming through, you fill my head with you  This fic is a modern reconciliation/second chances fic with a great premise, and I basically had a meltdown about the author’s prose. It is STUNNING. The fic looks at a JB separated by several years after a botched (or was it?) overture made just before one of them leaves town. Brienne, soaked to the bone and injured after defending a person from four (4) muggers turns up on Jaime’s doorstep one night unannounced. Me, loving this: she went to him because she knew he’d look after her even after all this time 😭😭😭 Things proceed apace from there, and as I said in my comment: Jaime throughout all of this is this wonderful blend of capturing that energy he has with a softness that feels very true to the heart of him. And Brienne! There’s a line in the fic specifically about her which just... yes. The author also manages a really interesting spin on the “I’m strong enough” line, which I went head over heels for. Also I made so many noises while reading over the prose alone but it isn’t just beautiful (it is beautiful), it also weaves so well through character and the situation and omggggg. Make a cuppa and spend some time with this fic, it’s well worth it.

Multichapters

So I’m mostly saving multichapters at the moment, I did get involved in these two, both AUs:

The Shooting Party (complete) Another fic which made me lose my damn mind. The conceit is wonderful and fun and it was played to perfection, but honestly it was the way these two were written here which got me. Set in 1912 on a holiday weekend at the Stark estate, Brienne asks Jaime to pretend to be courting her in order to put off the man her father is bringing as a potential suitor: Hyle Hunt. Jaime agrees, with one two caveats. My comment on this fic was borderline incoherent but possibly the only sensible thing I said was that the author had got to the very heart of Brienne in her POV (she is the sole POV), was written with such evident love for the character, and it was just such pure joy to read. Everything we got of Jaime, too, was just exactly as one (me) might hope, particularly of the circumstances in the fic. I love him always, but particularly here 💖 Truly I literally finished reading this fic only a little while ago and am still processing but Y’ALL. I wanted to live there forever, I was stunned joyful. AND THE AUTHOR’S STYLE! Such a pleasure, my god. This fic expanded in my chest, and I’m trying to keep cozy that joyous feeling as long as possible.

Way Enough (WIP) Currently a WIP, this modern AU follows Brienne and Jaime as they reunite after years apart: the central setting so far has been a rowing boat house, and the author is incredibly evocative with their descriptions of... well everything, honestly, but the loving way they describe rowing is really such a pleasure to read. Jaime and Brienne in this is also great: a particular dynamic I always enjoy wherein Jaime is just so overjoyed to see Brienne again, and Brienne is, too, but in a far more reserved and tentative way. We’ve so far has two out of five chapters posted, but I’m really looking forward to where it’s going.

[yelpfic]

2020 Writing (Year in Review)

In 2019, I posted 3K words on AO3.

In 2020, I posted 214K words on AO3.

I have probably written more fic this year than I have in my entire life... and I didn't even start until April.

Since I feel like I'm new to writing all over again (the last time I wrote regularly was probably about a decade ago), this has been a year of experimentation. One obvious change is that I'm writing from this "alt" account, where I've been posting whatever the hell iddy, gratuitous, self-indulgent stories happened to fall out of my brain. (Perhaps as a consequence, I noticed that the ratio of public bookmarks across all my fics clocked in at around 50%. In other words, half the people who bookmarked my works chose to do so privately!)

I also experimented with:

participating in fic exchanges and prompt memes

writing for a variety of fandoms: big and small, new and dead

varying up my writing style: using present and past tenses, ranging from super florid descriptions to conversational prose

self-promotion on Tumblr, which meant attempting to learn how to use it. I'm sure I still don't have all the etiquette down, but no one's complained yet I guess.

My main project this year has been Once a Runner, the fic that got me started writing again, so I owe quite a lot to it. It's also sucked me deep into Eyeshield 21, a fandom that was active 10-15 years ago but still somehow has a few loyal fans. I am deeply grateful to these folks for... well... existing! In addition to OAR, I've written four other ES21 fics this year, each with a different pairing. In all but one fic, I managed to use a different obscure character tag that has never been used before!

This year, I've done a decent job (mostly) working on one big project at a time. I'm starting to get used to the feeling of always having an active writing project again, letting it churn away in my brain in a background process. Sometimes I'm rewarded with a scene or a plot idea that comes out of nowhere, like a plant that produces mysterious fruit - both delightful and worrying at the same time.

I wrap up this year embarking on a new project, Solid as Stone, which, as currently planned, is going to take me even further out of my comfort zone.

AO3 stats and meme responses below the cut.

My AO3 stats at the end of the year:

Meme questions:

Best title: Cloak and Dagger, Cape and Cowl

Worst title: Lightbringer Mine

Longest title: Their offers should not charm us (their evil gifts would harm us) (65 characters)

Shortest title: Talisman (8 characters)

Best first line: "Don't," the witcher's arm shot out, barring his companion mid-step, "touch."

Worst first line: Yeah, in hindsight, Sena shouldn't have answered that doorbell.

Best last line: "It will be done," he agrees, and presses the lilies into her hands. "My promise is solid as stone."

Worst last line: "I can't win or lose until you bring your strain to market. All I ask is that you hurry up and regrow, so we can really compete."

Conclusion: I need to work on endings.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted? I wrote more than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? Everything. I wasn't into any of these fandoms last year.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. OAR, for sure. It got me back into writing, and I devoted an enormous amount of mental energy to it. Runners up (pun intended) were any ES21 rarepair fics where I lamented the lack of content for a pairing I loved, tried to explain everything I loved about them in fic form, and basically turned into my ship manifesto/soapbox. In fic form.

Okay, NOW your most popular story. Solid as Stone. OAR comes close by sole virtue of being a long, multichaptered work posted over 8 months, but with a single chapter of under 3K words, and having been up for under two weeks, SAS is already beating OAR in some statistics. I never realized Genshin Impact was such a hot fandom, even for a rarepair like this.

Story most underappreciated by the universe? All my stories got quite a bit more attention than I expected (thank you, everyone, sincerely), but I'd say Cloak and Dagger, Cape and Cowl. It's original, it was written in an exchange, and it has a decent plot (if I do say so myself) and even a bit of smut. Perhaps F/F work is not so popular?

Story that could have been better? I could probably list multiple things I'd want to improve about each story, but let me just limit myself to one. Lightbringer Mine had more story in it that I didn't get around to telling, and the ending felt a little abrupt. I feel a little awkward extending it now, though, as it was a gift fic.

Saddest story? Hmm, I think just about every story I wrote had a happy-ish ending. I suppose I'll go with C&D,C&C.

Most fun? TBH, the same? There are several lighthearted moments and a heist scene. 

Most fucked-up story? Stars and Stripes Forever (lack of link intentional)

Hardest story to write? Once a Runner

Easiest/most fun story to write? Always Knew I'd Fall. I went skeet shooting once, and as soon as I had the idea that Kid and Hiruma might be good at it, the story basically wrote itself. I also thought the song from the title was too perfect of a Kid song to pass up.

Top five scenes you would like to see illustrated: I would die happy to see any scene from OAR illustrated. Off the top of my head, the Hiruma and Sena bathtub scene, haircutting scene, or Hiruma taunting Monta in the car when we first meet Monta. From other fics, Kid walking around the course with Hiruma and making him carrying his gun properly in "Always Thought I'd Fall", and Sara Spectacular blocking the shadow bolts in "Cloak and Dagger, Cape and Cowl".

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? I experimented with posting explicit works, and as it turns out, sex sells. I also really put my kinks out there (sexual and otherwise) and was surprised and gratified to find others who appreciated it. Conclusion: it's okay to write the fic that you've always wanted to write. Even if it's embarrassing, or if some will judge you for it, writing for likeminded souls makes more sense than writing to avoid critics.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? I have a lot more ideas for SAS, so I'd like to make that my next big project. I'm also signed up for Five Figure Fic Exchange, so that means I have a 10k fic due by the end of the month that I need to... start... Beyond that, I'd like to write more original works, perhaps something that I can even publish under my real name?? Is that crazy, brain??

Some specific things I've struggled with this year that I'd like to improve: titles and character names, physical descriptions, making my endings less abrupt

[drawbauchery]

The Second Session

fic by cartoons-tothemoon

“So, let’s review, last session, we broke you down to many of your core traits and neuroses.”

“Thanks for reminding me, it’s not like I have the capacity to remember last week.” Skipper muttered.

“Well, now we’re here to build you back up, and work from that onwards.” Hans said. He had his hands folded plainly in his lap, and he’d changed the lighting in the office. Skipper hated it. He hated having to sit across from a smug as shit Hans as he waited calmly and quietly for Skipper to begin talking, with that terrible, blinding light that gave off a strangely clinical feel that makes him more uneasy than anything else. He wonders if Hans would let him sleep for the hour he was meant to spend here. Sure, he’d be paying $35 for a nap, which was crazy in of itself, but he knows from experience that sometimes all you need is a good nap to be a functioning person again.

“I’m not in the position to really diagnose you with anything, and even if I was, I’d still need more time to get to know your mind before I could really prescribe anything for your current conditions.”

“Conditions?”

“Plural. Like children trying to sneak into a cineplex in a trench coat, what was once one turned out to be two or more disorders standing on top of one another’s shoulders. Bouts of aggression and insomnia tied to intense paranoia, a complex that comes from being a leader, and a fear of depending on others. Abandonment issues, repression-“

Skipper waved his hands in a forceful sort of wave, “yes, thank you. Just tell me what to do about it already.”

“What?”

“Just fix me already.” Skipper seemed frustrated. “You’re the one who thinks I’m broken in the first place, the only reason I’m here in the first place is to prevent any future surprise tea parties.”

Hans sighed. They were barely even 5 minutes in, and Hans just knew he was going to be spending the rest of the session constructing arguments for statements Skipper constructed in seconds.

“If this was only to prevent any more…surprise visits from moi, then I would’ve been fine with just the first session. And I think you know that.”

He did. He did know that. Hans suggested the idea of a second session, and so did Skipper, in the way that you do when you’re bonding with people you have a rather hostile history with. No commitment was really stated, which left the ball in Skipper’s court, but what was he supposed to do after that thorough deconstruction, let it simmer in his soul for the rest of his known life?

He couldn’t even let it simmer for a whole week at this point, after all, he was already considering asking RICO of all people if he was too arrogant a leader and intentionally pushing people away.

RICO.

It made sense at the time, Kowalski would question where he was learning such jargon and be able to draw conclusions based on his recent absence, and Private would do nothing but validate him. Because he was just that nice, he supposed.

“Second, it’s not about being “broken” or “fixed” or what have you, the fact of the matter is that you have the most high-stress job in your already high-stress career. As much as I enjoyed our battles in the fish markets of Denmark, it’s not like the experience hasn’t done something to me, or you for that matter.”

Hans sighed, he was already just so exhausted by this…session. He’d even revealed that he too shared in mental health struggles if Skipper was willing to pick up the scraps left behind for him. Skipper looked a little surprised, sure, but fell back into an understood complacency sooner than later.

Was this the closest they were ever going to get to a true understanding of the other?

He supposed he’d have to take it.

“And lastly, I can’t tell you how to “fix” yourself. I’m a therapist, not a life coach. I’m not here to give advice, I’m here to examine your trauma, and give you a better perspective on how to move forward. However, I can’t take those steps for you. You kinda have to figure out a lot of those things on your own.”

Skipper looked positively moody about this, but less in a spoiled, petulant five-year-old sort of way, and more…accepting of it. He looked tired, and less because it was barely just a quarter past 1. It was an abstract tiredness, one not born of resting or restlessness, but a thing all its own.

Skipper sighed. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

“This is a timely process for a reason, Skipper. Many people can spend years in therapy trying to handle these exact issues.”

“I didn’t realize this was a life sentence in the making.” Skipper muttered.

God, this was already such a process. Hans could tell that Skipper couldn’t stand the vagueness of this all. He was an action guy, he wanted an easy solution of doing task A to accomplish thing B, and achieve reward C, and go on with his life.

No, not even an easy solution. A clear solution. Skipper was a problem solver. All of this was already so abstract, and he didn’t even know if he was so vehemently against this whole process just because it was him, or just because it was therapy at all. He even had a client who after a bad experience with a therapist in middle school decided to turn her sessions into stand-up, just because she was already so familiar and so bored with the process.

Maybe that’s what he needed to channel. Therapy in of itself was at the best of times uncomfortable and at the worst of times boring. He was already dealing with a high energy, high stress client, who was uncomfortable as all hell with being there. If he put him back into a comfortable situation, he may or may not get something out of him, and if he doesn’t, at the very least make him more comfortable with spending time with him at all, off the clock, at least.

“What do you like to do, Skipper? In your free-time?”

Skipper eyed him suspiciously. “Uh, why?”

“I’m trying something. Trust me here.”

That could’ve been phrased SO much better, from nemesis to nemesis, but Skipper seemed willing in the moment to run with that trust. “I like working on my combat capabilities, driving around, sometimes I watch TV and movies, I help Private bake when he feels like it, I nap, I gamble…”

Skipper seemed to be drawing a blank for whatever reason. Surely, he had things he did in his free time, right? It wasn’t like he was ALWAYS on the clock, he just never really thought of certain periods of time as…free. What even counted as free-time anyhow? Was it just time that wasn’t spent doing other things? Under that definition, no time was free.

“Can I say this to you as both a friend, an enemy, and somebody who’s known you for quite a few years at this point?”

Skipper nodded hesitantly.

“Jesus Christ, you need some hobbies.” Hans stated, matter of factly. “Working on your “combat capabilities,” as you put it, seems to be a literal constant considering your job as…however your job is defined, so it’s less play and more work than anything else. You mentioned helping Private bake “when he feels like it,” and I wouldn’t exactly call napping a hobby, or gambling a healthy one.”

Skipper shrugged. It’s not like “Stomp the Wombat” ever left the confines of the lair, anyhow.

“It just feels like you don’t have a lot of things you do just for yourself, you know? Driving around and watching TV are the only hobbies that feel wholly your own, something you don’t do for work or for others. Keep in mind that you can keep doing these things you enjoy, but perhaps you should find other things for yourself. Like an instrument, or a cooking class.”

“I told the boys that I joined a bowling league just to be here.”

“And did that seem believable enough for you to do to be here?”

His silence told Hans everything, but not the literal everything of Skipper “going to bed” at 8 just to climb through his window at 12:30, shimmy down the fire escape, and walk to Hans’s office.

But he probably could tell anyhow.

Of course, this kind of put a blight on Hans’s plans to make Skipper more comfortable while being here, and as he told him such, Skipper proceeded to lay down on the couch. Hans couldn’t tell the exact reason for the action, but it did seem to be a point of exasperation for him.

“Well, damn, sorry I “foiled your plot” to make myself comfortable in the den of the beast.”

“Skipper, you insult me. You really think I’d decorate my den with wooden sailboats? Absolutely criminal.”

“You seem to forget that.” He muttered. Hans ignored it.

“Although the hobby talk didn’t exactly lead where I thought it could…It did lead me elsewhere.”

“Goddamn it.”

“What skill have you always wanted to learn? What’s something that you’ve wanted to try for just, so long, and never got the chance to?”

Skipper began to pick at his lip. This whole talk already made him nervous, but now what was he supposed to say? That he figured he’d be in the back of a truck with is hand hanging out the taillight since he was 14, for whatever reason, so he didn’t even bother considering his top 3 colleges, let alone any future ambitions?

Still, if he was quiet for too long, either Hans would judge him, or he’d render his lips a bloody mess, and that’d be a whole different thing to deal with.

“…Archery sounds fun.” He said. Hans nodded.

“That’s interesting. It’s closely related to your pre-established interests but it’s closer to a sport now than something to be used in an actual combat situation, which sort of allows it to be separated from your work.”

Skipper nodded as well, allowing Hans to believe that that was his thought process from the start, and more of just curious to see if he could shoot a flame off a candle like Annie Oakley.

“You mentioned you liked baking with Private. Do you like the idea of baking itself, or just doing it with another person?”

“Food is meant to be shared?” Skipper seemed to be asking, but also stated in a very definitive way. “It’s a process. It’d be weird not to help in the process.”

Hans pulled his hand away from Skipper’s mouth, where a few small cuts were beginning to form. “If you’d like to have a session where we did a low-stress activity you wanted to do, and we talked while doing so, I think it’d put you in the best conductive environment possible to actually combat the problems that seem so visible to me. This was a good first development, though. I just don’t know if I can expect on accidental issues to identify and attack every time.”

Hans sighed and got up from his chair to stare out the window. Skipper didn’t know why he did this, outside of being a dramatic bitch, but it got him to look anyhow.

“It’s so incidental, many people struggle with balancing work and life as is, but this could easily be one of the main causes of your paranoia, as well as causing a level of detachment and depersonalization, which relates to how you relate to others.”

And well, damn. What was Skipper supposed to say to that?

“Our time’s almost up.” Hans said, checking his watch. Skipper was coming to realize how strange time in therapy was. It simultaneously felt like hours and seconds passing all at once. Perhaps it was because there were no clocks, like a casino. Or maybe it was because going to therapy at 1 in the morning didn’t exactly give you a sun to follow in terms of time. Hans handed Skipper a weird sort of rack with string on it, along with some tissues.

“It’s a loom. Fidget with something that won’t bleed for the next five minutes, if you would.”

Skipper glared at him for the snide comment, but Skipper didn’t exactly put it back where Hans had stored it originally. Picking at the strings inanely didn’t feel as satisfying as his usual fidgets, but it would work until he lost focus and the skin had time to heal.

“I’m giving you three assignments until our next session.” Skipper would’ve originally rolled his eyes at the idea of homework, but there was something that felt already strange about this session. Last session, he was so thoroughly antagonized and owned in such a way that his entire psychological history had been exposed, but this made last session feel like…a misstep. It was almost like Hans was trying to give the rug back to Skipper after it had already been so unceremoniously swept away from him.

He seemed as unsure about this as he was, he even confided about the state of his own mental health, something he probably wasn’t supposed to do. Which, honestly, made Skipper feel better about the whole thing. He didn’t like being guided, and as much as he detested having to do this whole thing with Hans in particular, the idea of having to figure out a stranger at the same time they were trying to figure out him sounded like a nightmare. More than this already was.

The whole session felt off, sure, but it wasn’t as off as it could’ve been, and he knows it could only be worse.

“I want you to begin researching archery, if you really want to pursue it as a hobby, you should try to learn what you can about it before jumping in and figuring out it isn’t what you thought it was.”

“I want you to pay a compliment to each of your team members in a casual way, this’ll strengthen your bonds with them, in a way that allows you to affirm that you appreciate them, as much as they appreciate you.”

Okay, that sounded like hippie nonsense, but who was he to judge at this point.

“And finally, I want you to pick out a recipe to prepare during our next session.”

“Wait, what?”

“A recipe. Something that’ll take less than an hour. I have a friend who’d give me access to their kitchen in the middle of the night, so we’ll be on neutral ground, and I’m sure it’ll be more believable to your “boys” that if you really are doing something in the middle of the night, that you have physical proof of it. Considering how weirdly secretive you are already, the idea you covered up secret cooking lessons with a bowling league doesn’t sound too far-fetched.” Hans was muttering at this point. All these things answered questions he figured he’d have, but nothing that helped with where he was NOW.

“I know it’s a weird idea, but the clients who have had the chance to do different, vaguely active things during our sessions tend to be more open and honest with me about things that they’re worried about, things that they struggle with, and they can make for more engaging sessions where you actually take in what I’m telling you, and makes it less of a lecture.” Hans sighed. “If you hate it, we never have to try anything like that again, but, I do really want you to give it a try. This is a two-way street, I can only give as much as I myself get. I just got lucky this week.”

Skipper stopped strumming the loom.

“Text me the address.” He said, and Hans would have burst with joy if such a thing was appropriate in present company, until he realized.

“I…don’t have your number?”

“Oh, no, session’s over! Wow, how did the time fly? Guess you’ll just have to figure that out for yourself, what a swell talk we had, doc,” Skipper yelled as he headed out the door.

“Pay at the front desk!” Hans yelled back before relaxing into his chair. Skipper was never going to be an easy client to deal with. Maybe he wouldn’t ALWAYS dance around the issues at hand, but he was never going to REALLY come clean about it. There may be things they never talk about, the same way Hans did.

And that was fine. Maybe it made what little he did learn all the more rewarding. Maybe it made what little he learned all the more meaningless if Skipper ever reached a point of complete and utter honesty with him, a fantasy he knew would never see come to light.

But who was to say, really?

It was all a matter of time.

After all, this was only the second session.

(Ahh! I can’t believe I didn’t post another fic for a whole! Month! I think it’s just because I didn’t really know what to do for the second session, and I think you can kinda tell, considering it’s not like Hans knows what to do either. Do you guys really want a whole fic series about Skipper going to therapy? I have no idea. It’s pretty fun, though. I don’t know how Hans became a therapist, either, but I guess that’s just what the dude does now. By the way, the client who turned her therapy sessions into stand-up comedy? That was just me in high school with my mandated therapist. I once gave a funeral to a squeaky toy I broke in the middle of the session. It was simultaneously so sad and so funny at the exact same time.

This fic will be up on my ao3, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tadstrangerthings, as soon as @drawbauchery posts it!)

[candied-peach]

ao3: “still standing” rating: T warnings: supernatural au, blood, food, cheating implication (but no actual cheating), remus typical stuff, sympathetic deceit, sympathetic remus, dukeceit genre: angst with a happy ending description: Sometimes the best present is each other. And perhaps a Milkbone? (written for @timelesstragedy as part of sanders sides secret santa 2019 ♡) (beta’ed by the amazing TheLittleTrashCat)

It's getting late, Dee frets, shoving his hands in his coat pockets and wandering down the sidewalk, eyes scanning the busy shops for any sign of his boyfriend. Snowflakes lazily spiral down from a slate grey sky, nestling in the soft wool of his yellow hat, knitted by his friend, Patton. It's a little clumsy, but Dee treasures it.

He also treasures the lack of sun right about now. The stories are, in the whole, wrong (he has no issue with garlic, for instance, and the profusion of selfies on his phone shoot down the pernicious idea that he can't see his own reflection), but the sun certainly doesn't do him any favors. He doesn't burst into flames or anything as dramatic as that, but it does weaken him. And a lack of energy does not bode well when it comes to dealing with his boyfriend.

Speaking of Remus, Christmas is fast approaching and Dee still has no idea what to get him. Nothing that springs to mind feels worthy of the greatest gift to ever stumble into Dee's life. He knows that a lot of people are put off by Remus. They find him abrasive, crude, and obnoxious. Gross, even, by his sense of humor and lack of personal boundaries. But Dee knows he's trying, he really is, and what's wrong with a little exuberance and curiosity? No one else in his life has ever dragged him out of bed at three in the morning to go pelt stray students with open packets of barbecue sauce (they almost got caught by campus police and Dee nearly forgot in his panic to run like a normal human would, not putting on a preternatural burst of speed).

His tongue absently swipes across one of his fangs (dismissed as an unusually sharp canine tooth) as he finally catches a glimpse of Remus, talking animatedly to a mall Santa who looks like he's just clocked out for the day. The mall Santa has a dazed look on his face under the fake white beard. A common occurrence for strangers meeting Remus for the first time, Dee thinks in amusement as he sidles their way.

"-and personally, I think frog spawn makes a great gift," Dee hears as he picks his way across a thin scrim of ice. Remus turns his head, catching sight of Dee, and his whole face lights up.

"Dee Dee!" He exclaims, abandoning the mall Santa without a second thought. "There you are!" As if he's not the one who ran off in the first place.

"Here I am," Dee agrees. The wind is cold suddenly, biting into his exposed skin and making the birthmark that covers one half of his face ache. He still doesn't know why it does that. Perhaps it is a side effect of his vampiric status? It certainly never did it before, or perhaps he never paid enough attention. "Are you ready to go?"

"For now," Remus says. "What next?"

"We're meeting up with Virgil, aren't we?" Dee asks, surprised by the cloud that sweeps briefly over Remus's face. "Is something the matter?"

"No," Remus denies. It's a lie, but Dee doesn't want to push it. Remus will tell him when he wants to tell him and until then, he'll clam up, stubborn as any old hard-headed mule.

Virgil waits for them at the smoothie shop- surprisingly still busy, despite the icy weather. He stands out amongst the festive shoppers, clad in purple and black like a gloomy storm cloud. Purple-dyed hair falls over one eye and black eyeshadow swoops beneath both eyes. He smiles when he sees Dee and Remus, standing up from the tiny table he'd ensconced himself.

"Hey," Virgil greets. "Did you get everything you wanted?"

"Not quite," Dee admits, rueful. "It's so hard to buy for this one." He nudges Remus playfully. "I want to buy him the moon and stars, but sadly, they aren't for sale."

"Ask Logan," Virgil jokes. Logan is the neighborhood librarian, and he is more obsessed with astronomy than any person Dee has ever met.

"Buy me a human skull," Remus suggests, his eyes glittering with suppressed laughter. "Ooh, better yet, Dee Dee, just get me a human skull! A fresh one!"

"I'd rather not end up in prison," Dee says, laughing. "But there's a macabre idea. I like it."

"Want a smoothie?" Virgil asks. Dee nods.

"Nah," Remus says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His shopping bags dangle from his elbows. Virgil wanders up to the counter and Dee takes a seat, sighing as the weight is lifted from his feet.

"Are you still going out with Virgil later?" Remus asks abruptly. Dee nods.

"Present shopping," he lies. In reality, he and Virgil are fang buddies (although he's told Virge more than once never to utter that phrase again), and they need to go and feed.

"Oh," Remus says, his face clearing a little. "Okay."

"Here you go," Virgil says, arriving breathless, his cheeks flushed. He presses a berry smoothie into Dee's hands, sipping on his own mango one. Dee takes a happy sip, offering the straw to his boyfriend. Remus regards it for a moment, then takes a noisy slurp, his cheeks hollowing out.

"Leave some for me," Dee jokes. Remus's eyes sparkle as he swallows his mouthful of ice cold smoothie, before pain creases his forehead.

"Smoothie headache," he says, his voice creaky.

"Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth," Virgil advises. "I think it's supposed to help." Remus looks dubious, but does it anyway. Moments later, relief floods his face. Dee brushes a few strands of his unruly hair out of his face, fingers sliding through the grey streak in front. Remus won't admit if he's dyed it or if it's a stroke of luck that it's all centered in one or two locks of hair (although Dee's money is on Remus dyeing it).

They start the long trek home not long after, Virgil trailing after them. Dee is acutely aware of the other vampire's presence, even as he makes small talk with his boyfriend. He reaches over and snags some of the bags Remus is juggling, purely to grasp the chance to hold Remus's hand. Remus's slow growing smile is a reward in and of itself, and it makes precious warmth bloom in his chest.

"Love you," Dee murmurs, just loud enough for Remus to hear. Red stains Remus's cheeks, climbing up his neck, and Dee smiles in satisfaction.

"You little-" Remus cuts himself off abruptly.

Virgil's phone rings behind them, disturbing the moment.

"Sorry to interfere in your homosexual love affair, guys," Virgil says dryly. "But I gotta take this. It's Patton." He slows further, mumbling into the phone until Dee can't hear him very well.

Patton is a mutual friend who just so happens to be a werewolf. You would never know it, though, looking at his sunny exterior, Dee muses. Slightly chubby, spattered with freckles, and always smiling, he doesn't exactly fit the 'look.' Then again, Dee doesn't really look like a vampire, does he?

Now Virgil, he really looks the part, a brooding emo with purple-dyed hair and a perpetually black wardrobe. People used to jokingly call him a vampire in high school. They never knew how much it hurt him. Maybe it shouldn't have, Virgil told him one night, as they sat on the roof of the school and watched the moon come up. But it did, anyway.

I could hurt them, he remembers Virgil saying, sprawled out over the roof. I could really, really hurt them. Bet they wouldn't make fun of me then.

But you won't, Dee had said, with utter certainty.

No, Virgil had admitted. I won't.

Remus slides an arm around Dee's waist, pulling him free of his reverie.

"Do you have to go so soon?" He whines, licking Dee's ear. Dee scrunches his face.

"Don't do that," he says, laughing. "And I don't have to leave quite yet."

"Good," Remus says smugly, just as Virgil catches back up, stuffing his phone in his pocket.

"Patton wants to join our quest," Virgil says. "If that's okay with you, Dee." What looks like relief passes over Remus's face as Dee nods and he wonders why.

"Fine by me," he says. He knows what Virgil really means. Patton has found a willing blood donor this time.

"Here we are," Dee says, stopping by the walk up to their apartment. "See you in a little while, Virge."

"See you!" He says, giving a short flap of his fingers and continuing on, shoulders hunched.

"I'm going to find you the best Christmas present in the whole world," Dee tells his boyfriend, as they start up the stairs. Remus looks wistfully at him.

"I just need you, Dee Dee," he says. "You know that, right?"

Dee doesn't know what to say to that.

-----

Remus watches his boyfriend continue up the steps, too low to even give his customary salacious wink and wiggle. It's a sign of how preoccupied Dee must be that he doesn't notice. He hopes that it's purely because of what Dee said, he's trying to come up with the perfect Christmas present (Remus himself has long since given up on the idea of perfection). But he can't help but fret there's a more sinister undertone, one that he desperately doesn't want to think about.

It's just your intrusive thoughts, he tries to convince himself, as Dee unlocks their front door and ushers him inside, shopping bags banging against his side. It must be just his intrusive thoughts. Dee wouldn't do something like that, would he? Not with their friend, Virgil.

But he's been friends with Virgil a lot longer than he's been boyfriends with Remus. And they're always hanging out. Dee never outright excludes him, but after a long life in his brother Roman's shadow, Remus knows when he's not wanted.

But Patton will be there, he argues with himself, taking his shopping to put up in the back of the closet, where Dee can't reach without a step stool. He's always been a little persnickety about his short stature, but Remus has to admit it has its uses right about now.

Unless Patton is in on it-

But no. Not even his intrusive thoughts can believe that. The same goes for Logan, the librarian who's so much fun to tease when he gets all prickly. He knows all the cool books about cephalopods, though, so Remus doesn't tease him too much. Besides, if he does, Roman will find out and he's taken great pains to distance himself from his brother.

It's not that he doesn't like Roman. He does. They're twins, after all. But Roman is-

Well, it feels like Roman is everything that Remus is not. Roman is good. Valiant. A prince. Human.

Remus winces as his own thoughts remind him of the monster he transforms into, every full moon. He keeps his human mind when he transforms, but somehow, that's almost worse.

Sometimes he wishes his brother shared it. Other times, he's relieved that Roman, at least, gets to be normal. He knows, of course. It would have been pretty hard growing up otherwise. But it's always been impressed into both twins that it's a family secret. Not even Dee knows, and Remus kind of hates himself for it. Dee isn't hiding some earth-shattering secret like being a werewolf-

No, instead you're just freaking out that he's cheating on you and you don't even have the balls to ask him straight up what's going on. He winces, returning to the living room, where Dee has sprawled out on the sofa, winter coat folded over the arm.

"You all right?" Dee asks, his brows crinkling in concern.

"Never better, Sir Hiss a Lot!" Remus chirps, lying through his teeth. "Just a little tired, that's all." He flops dramatically next to Dee on the couch, hand splayed over his eyes.

"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well," Dee says, deadpan. "Are you going to take a nap then? When I leave?"

"Yeah, probably," Remus says, letting his arm flop to one side. He turns his face aside, avoiding the truth.

He intends on napping. That much is true. But he also knows that curiosity is burning like a trash fire, deep in his belly, and he can't guarantee that he won't try his hand at a bit of espionage. He used to follow his brother around all the time when they were kids, and Roman never suspected a thing.

"Okay," Dee says, cuddling into his side and basking in his warmth. He feels cold and Remus yanks him closer, wrapping a warm arm around his boyfriend and breathing in the soft scent of Dee's shampoo.

There's nothing going on. He's sure of it, he thinks, relief sagging his shoulders. There is no way that Dee can cuddle him so lovingly and have something going on the side. He knows his boyfriend.

But he thinks maybe he'll follow Dee, anyway. Just for the practice.

-----

"Sleep well, my little cephalopod," Dee murmurs, kissing Remus's forehead. His boyfriend whines, clutching at him, and for a moment, he's tempted to text Virgil and tell him that he can't come after all.

But no, it's been too long since he last fed, and it's hard enough to line up willing donors as it is. He feels like an ass when their only option is a blood bank (as funny as it is to think of a vampire stabbing their teeth into a bag of blood like a Capri Sun), but he refuses to feed from someone who's not willing.

Virgil's waiting outside, his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie.

"Remus is gonna take a nap," Dee greets him. "Do you think maybe I should tell him on Christmas?"

"If you want to," Virgil says, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "I don't think that he'd freak out."

"I don't think so, either," Dee says. He bites his lower lip in thought. "I just- What if he doesn't believe me? What if he does and wants to break up with me?"

"What if you're borrowing trouble when there is none?" Virgil counters. Dee laughs shakily.

"All right, good point," he acknowledges. "So, where's Patton and this mystery donor, anyway?"

"The library," Virgil says. "Patton reserved a conference room."

"Only Pat," Dee murmurs, with a laugh. "Afterwards, I still need to buy Remus a Christmas present." He sighs. "I hope Logan and Pat have some ideas, because I am clueless."

"Have you asked his brother?" Virgil asks. Dee looks at him in surprise.

"You know, I still haven't managed to meet him?" Dee says. "Remus always has an excuse."

"I've only met him a couple times when he's hung out with Pat," Virgil says. "But I think he and Remus don't get along very well."

"I wonder why," Dee muses.

"He and Remus are complete opposites," Virgil says. "I prefer Remus, to be honest." A fond smile touches Dee's lips.

"So do I," he says, a dreamy look entering heterochromatic eyes. Virgil snorts, elbowing him.

"Of course you do," he says.

"Dee! Virge!" Patton's exuberant voice spills out of the library doors before the rest of him. He beams at the two of them, hands clasped in front of him. He reminds Dee of a Christmas postcard, dressed in a pastel blue sweater, his familiar cat hoodie tied loosely over his shoulders. It has always amused Dee that a werewolf would be so enamoured with cats (although Patton's deathly allergic and Dee's had to tug him away more than once).

"Back here," Patton says, leading them into the warm confines of the library. Logan nods to them from the reference desk, adjusting his glasses as he bends over his computer. The library is closing soon, but that's all right. Logan and Patton have arranged everything. It's easier for them to do it. Virgil gets so anxious about the thought of arranging his own blood donor that he would rather die of thirst, and Dee's too self-conscious about his birthmark. He still does, of course, but he has to admit that it's easier when Patton volunteers. He likes to arrange for a special tray of Patton's favorite cookies to be sent over afterwards. Patton loves his cookies, especially chocolate chip ones.

"Are they here, Patton?" An unfamiliar voice asks from the dimness of the conference room.

"Yep!" Patton answers cheerily. It's easier when it's dark, Dee thinks as he sidles past the pun-loving werewolf. At least for the initial bite. He doesn't mind seeing afterward, but looking into someone's eyes right before you sink your fangs into them is a little, well-

Uncomfortable, to say the least.

"Don't take too much," Virgil cautions, but Dee already knows the generally unspoken rules. Their new blood donor sits at one of the tables, and Dee can barely see the pale expanse of his neck, bared to him.

"Er, maybe your arm would be better?" Dee suggests, hesitant. "Just so, you know, you don't have two holes in your neck..."

"Oh!" He sounds startled, but soon enough, a wrist is thrust in front of Dee's mouth. "That makes much more sense. I just assumed-"

"A lot of people do," Dee says, trying to hide his amusement. "This will only take a moment."

He sinks his fangs into the delicate skin of the stranger's wrist, just beginning to feed, when suddenly the overhead light flares on, and he looks into the shocked eyes of someone who could only be Remus's twin.

"Remus, I told you, they're busy in the-" He hears Logan's voice stutter to a stop as Dee jerks back from who could only be Roman, eyes wide.

"When I followed you, I thought I had to worry about Virgil, not my own brother," Remus says. He sounds utterly heartbroken, and Dee feels his heart crack that much more, hearing the utter desolation in Remus's voice.

"Remus, it isn't what you think," Virgil tries, but Dee could have told him it's the exact wrong thing to say.

"Really?" Remus snaps. Now he sounds very brittle. "My own boyfriend won't even face me. He's too busy facing my stupid twin." Dee's not facing him because he's too afraid blood is smeared all over his mouth, but how can he say that? As if his boyfriend will believe that he's a vampire now.

"That's what I thought," Remus says heavily. Dee stands there, listening to the plod of his boyfriend's boots, leaving the conference room, and his heart shatters.

"This has gone on long enough," Logan says after several long, tense moments. Dee's eyes burn with the force of his suppressed tears. "Dee, he deserves to know the truth."

"My brother's boyfriend is a vampire," Roman says, staring in wonder at the puncture marks on his wrist. "That's a new one."

"I'm sorry," Dee whispers. It's all his throat will let past.

"No need," Roman says. "Hey-" He thrusts his other wrist at Virgil. "You were gonna feed, too, weren't you?" Virgil jumps, his eyes darting around the room.

"Maybe later," he says. "I uh- this should probably get resolved."

"Agreed," Logan says crisply. "There is no reason to hide the truth of your vampire status from him any longer, Dee."

"But what if he-" Dee starts.

"I think he'll accept it," Roman promises. "I can't say why, but trust me. He will."

Dee heaves a ragged sigh.

"I hope you're right," he says.

-----

A brisk knock on the door interrupts Remus's crying jag. He looks up from the pint of Ben & Jerry's he's dived into, eyes red rimmed and nose running.

"I'm not in the mood to hear it!" He yells at the door. "Why don't you go back to my brother?" Of all the scenes he thought he would walk into at the library, seeing Dee bent so lovingly over his own twin never even came close to the realm of possibility. It still hurts, burning deep inside like a tablespoon of sea salt packed into an open wound.

"Your brother is with us," Logan calls back, his voice measured. "Dee has the key, Remus. We are coming in, whether you like it or not."

"Fine," Remus growls, dropping the spoon into his ice cream and stalking over to the door, jerking it open. Sure enough, everyone is crowded in the hallway. Dee's eyes look just as swollen as his own must be, and Remus feels a vicious splinter of satisfaction at the sight.

"Please let us in," Patton requests, twisting the knotted together sleeves of his cat hoodie. Remus steps back, watching them shuffle past him. Dee won't even meet his eyes.

"What do you want?" He asks sharply.

"You misinterpreted what happened at the library," Logan says.

"I'm not cheating on you," Dee whispers. "I wouldn't- I couldn't, Remus, it would physically destroy me, I love you so much-"

"Then explain your little lovey dovey scene with my brother," Remus hisses. Dee winces.

"It's complicated," he mumbles. "I, um-"

"This will take forever," Logan says, with an exasperated huff of breath. "Dee's a vampire, Remus. So is Virgil. Roman was going to be their blood donor."

"And I'm a werewolf!" Patton pipes up, an uncertain smile spreading across his face.

"What?" Remus asks blankly.

"I'm a vampire," Dee says, glaring at Logan. "Logan's not wrong. Virgil and me- we are best friends, but a lot of the time, when we don't invite you, it's because we need blood, and I, um... I didn't know how you'd react."

"You thought I wouldn't accept you?" Remus asks. Hesitant, Dee shrugs.

"I don't know?" He says. "And that's- well, that's part of the problem, I didn't think you'd take it bad or want to break up or think I was crazy, but I didn't know-"

"Bluebirds on bagels, this is too funny," Remus says, leaning against the wall and wheezing a little. "Roman, you didn't tell them?"

"It's your secret, bro," Roman says. Dee looks at him in confusion.

"It's been a big family secret," Remus says. "And I've been so afraid to tell you, but I'm a werewolf."

"Like me!" Patton squeals, and suddenly, Remus has an armful of Patton, squeezing him round the middle.

"Like you," Remus agrees. He looks up, serious. "I'm sorry, Dee. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. It wasn't fair- to anyone."

"I should have told you sooner," Dee says, his gaze downcast. "I'm sorry." Remus crosses the room, tugging Dee to him.

"I love you," Remus says, kissing Dee's temples. "So much."

"And I you," Dee murmurs. Remus barely registers the others filing out, shutting the door with a quiet click.

"I guess I'll have to find you a real Christmas present tomorrow," Dee mumbles, as Remus leads him to the sofa, curling up on it and pulling him to Remus's side.

"I told you," Remus says, peering into Dee's mismatched eyes. "The only Christmas present I need is you."

tag list: @k9cat @i-wanna-be-m-e @paravigilant-virgil @croftersgamer @airiervessel @bexxbeauty @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @yalltookmyurlideas @matthindavick @killjoy-3000

[gra-sonas]

Heads up, humans: This interview spoils the events of Monday’s Roswell, New Mexico finale. Proceed at your own risk.

“Howdy, partner.” Those two words will haunt Roswell, New Mexico fans until the moment the show returns for its third season — whenever that is. But before we tear this episode apart, twist by twist, here’s a quick recap of what went down:

After deactivating the alien explosive and saving her town, Liz received an unexpected reward from the universe: Diego returned to Roswell with Dr. Margot Meyerson, a renowned scientist who not only offered Liz a fellowship but also volunteered to sponsor Arturo’s citizenship. (Yay!) But when Max learned that Diego was going to bring Dr. Meyerson to Liz’s lab without her permission, he torched the place, ensuring that no one would catch wind of Liz’s alien experiments. (Boo!) Understandably furious that Max resorted to such drastic measures without consulting her, Liz told him that she needs to figure out where he ends and she begins — making the decision to relocate to California even easier.

In other relationship news, Maria broke things off with Michael, Alex kissed Forrest in public (after performing an original song!), a rehab-bound Rosa told Helena — who’s already furious that Jesse Manes died as a “hero” — to leave town, and Kyle was overjoyed to discover that Liz’s interference saved Steph’s life.

Then came the big reveal. Guided the whispers he heard when he touched the alien console, Max took Isobel and Michael to a secret tunnel, where they freed a mysterious stranger — the stowaway mentioned in Tripp’s journals. And he looks an awful lot like an evil, bearded Max. Below, executive producer Carina Adly MacKenzie answers (most of) our burning questions about this game changer:

TVLINE | I’ve never read [Melinda Metz’s Roswell High] books, and I never watched the first Roswell series, so I was really not expecting that final twist. They did have a clone element on the first show, but it was kind of a funny thing. And it wasn’t in the books. Or if it was, I didn’t know about it because I only read the first one. That story actually evolved kind of organically.

TVLINE | We know he’s the stowaway, but what else can you say about this look-alike, if anything? Very little. But after years of watching Nina Dobrev pull double duty on The Vampire Diaries, I’m really excited to throw that challenge at Nathan [Dean]. We had originally considered introducing his father at the end. We were shooting the scene in Episode 3 where the stowaway steps out of the ship, and I called Nathan and asked him to be the person who puts his hand on Nora’s shoulder. At that point, we were like, “Whoever we cast as Max’s dad is probably going to be a tall, dark-haired guy.” And Nathan wasn’t working at the time, because Max was still dead, so he was just excited to come to set. Jeff Hunt directed both Episode 3 and the finale, so I said to him, “We might [introduce a Max double]. Can you shoot it like we’re making a big reveal?” So he did, and then we saved that footage for the finale. Once we saw how cool it looked to reveal that it was a double of Max, I was like, “Well, I guess we’re not casting a dad!”

TVLINE | Since you brought up Nina, I feel like I can say that the “Howdy, partner” line gave me major “Hello, brother” vibes — in a good way! [Laughs] We had fun with that. I think I had Nathan say it 100 different ways on the actual day, because there are so many ways you could do it where it’s either funny or sinister. And it works because, in the end, they are set up to be partners.

TVLINE | So that’s how we can expect Nathan’s other character to speak? Mr. Jones learned how to be a human in 1948 Roswell, and he certainly has a bit of John Wayne to him. I’ve got Nathan watching old cowboy movies now as he develops the voice — and works on growing his beard.

TVLINE | I hate to boil it down to such simple terms, but Max and Liz are definitely broken up? Not just on a little break? They are definitely broken up, not on a break. Their interests are diametrically opposed right now. On a second viewing, I think people will notice there’s more to Max’s choices in the finale than he might be revealing. He blew up Liz’s lab to protect his family and to stop her from continuing her experiments, but there are also some ulterior motives there. He’s had so many secrets for so long, he’s just not a good partner for her in the way she needs him to be right now. He’s got some growing to do before they can reconcile.

TVLINE | I do love them together, but I’m glad she chose her career. She’s always going to be that girl. Sometimes I get notes from the studio and network, saying, “Can we have Liz stop talk about leaving town? The show is called Roswell. The audience knows she’s not leaving forever.” But it’s not about creating jeopardy. It’s about who this woman is, and she’s not settling in Roswell. It’s just not in her bones. Part of the struggle of telling this story, and part of Liz’s struggle, is balancing ambition with home and with love and with family. She’s always going to be doing that.

TVLINE | I’m also proud of Rosa for going back to rehab. What does the future hold for her? She’s going to finish out her program, and she’ll have been sober for a little while when we catch up with her in Season 3. We’ll get to see her grow up and become who she really is as an adult, as opposed to this perpetual teenager trapped in her angst forever and ever — not that I can relate at all. [Laughs]

TVLINE | She had some strong words for her mother at the end. Do you see Helena having a place in this story, even after her plan went up in smoke? A reconciliation between Liz and Helena is a story we’ll explore down the line, but for right now, she had this grand idea of revenge and justice — and justice wasn’t served. She’s going to have to grapple with that. There’s going to be a statue of Jesse Manes in that town. He died a hero, and that’s incredibly frustrating for her. Meanwhile, she’s grappling with addiction and with mental illness, the same things Rosa is up against. Down the line, there’s a story to be told about her showing up for her daughters, but it’s going to be a while.

TVLINE | Lastly, I just want to give Michael a hug. How is he feeling about himself right now? He’s actually, for the first time in a long time, feeling a little bit of hope. He knows he has to get over Maria before he starts anything up with Alex, but I think after listening to Alex’s song, he has some hope for their relationship. At the beginning of the season, he was pretty hopeless, so just that little glimmer maybe there’s still a story to be told here is enough. We’re making progress. Baby steps.

~ TVLine

[slade-neko]

Monster Hunter Rise ~ My Thoughts

Oh, man, Monster Hunter Rise, where to begin?! I guess I’ll start with the game itself in a nutshell is a BLAST! It’s not without a few issues I have with it personally, but I’ve been having a lot of fun playing it nonetheless. I want to take the time to mention I am a second generation hunter myself. Started playing Monster Hunter in 2008 with Freedom 2 on PSP at the tender age of 13. So its safe to say I’ve got a lot to say about this game! If you want to read the full thing then here it is. 

This review is MOSTLY spoiler-free! There isn’t a lot you can spoil in this game... I mention some endgame stuff and there is a screenshot that contains the final boss’s armor but not focused on it. Just a friendly warning if you are a die-hard spoiler avoider. 

The Weapon Types

I’ll start with the fact that the weapon types in MH Rise are all really fun to play and have very well polished movesets. I haven’t extensively played with all the weapon types, but I’d like to say a few things about the ones I have been using. Long Sword feels the best it has ever been in the entire series in my opinion, ironically this game starts you off with a Long Sword equipped too. 

I went ham with Long Sword throughout the main story, but now have swapped over to maining Light Bowgun. I was a big Heavy Bowgun main in MH World, but shield spreadshot builds don't feel the same for me as they did in World, but the Light Bowgun in this game shreds. Narga Piercing LBG for distance shooting and then Magnamalo Spread LBG for getting up close and personal. Evade Extender 3 makes zipping around the battlefield a breeze and next to impossible to get hit making it a very fun and rewarding playstyle. 

My brother on the other hand has been hitting hard with Long Sword and the new Hunting Horn. He misses the original note playing at times, but the damage on HH is insane and healing constantly with the Rampage Horn is a big plus too for a game with no health regen factors. He’s been building sets for nearly every weapon type, but LS and HH are his two mains. Both weapon types were introduced in 2nd Gen, where we started, so maining those two for him is a bit symbolic. Also the fact that LS has been heralded as the most used weapon-type and HH the least used as of recent games is a neat contrast to use both.

The Characters, Setting, and Story

I know Monster Hunter isn’t exactly known for it’s characters or story, heck most games hardly had a story until World came out. Typically Monster Hunter games follow the simple formula of big bad flagship monster causing problems with local village and ecosystem, hunt it, happy ending?, turns out bigger badder scarier secret boss monster was actually causing the problems, hunt it, true happy ending. Nothing wrong with that, I can roll with whatever story they make, majority of players are here for the gameplay. That said, I still enjoy and appreciate what story the devs put together no matter how it turns out. I liked what Rise offered, nothing too grand like World, more of a simple story following the old games formula. 

Surprisingly I haven’t seen many people talk about the characters in this game and the little fact that this is the first time in the ENTIRE SERIES (outside of MH Stories) characters have REAL names! Hinoa, Minoto, Fugen, Yomogi, Iori, Hamon, Rondine, Hojo, Utsushi, like honest to goodness actual NAMES, not “Blacksmith,” “Village Elder,” or “Fish Mongress.” The characters are fun though, nice and memorable, not really annoying. Also following World’s fully voice-acted characters is a nice touch. I sometimes miss the days of old when characters had simple grunts and you read everything, but I doubt that will ever come back now, just something lost to the classic MH games. 

Then there’s the super Asian-inspired ninja-like theme to the entire game. You’ll either love it, hate it, or maybe you don’t care about how the village is at all. I like the whole ninja aesthetic while it does work for this game in particular, but I will admit its a little bit weird in the entirety of Monster Hunter as a series.

The Hunts, Gameplay, and Everything Else

Ah yes, the gameplay, the heart of the Monster Hunter games... while yes I do think this game is a lot of fun overall, I do have a few complaints with it... I’m going to break this down into mini-sections because there is a lot to cover here.

Quest Preparations Maybe I’m just old school, but I feel like they took away a lot of the prep work for going on hunts. No cold/ hot drinks, access full inventory on quests, refill items, no longer eat for attack/ def buffs, monsters always visible on maps, no random spawning on High Rank quests, little things like that. In the old games you had to prepare for each hunt, it was part of the game. You go after a big monster, you make sure you got everything you need to win BEFORE you depart on the quest. It feels like they are double-downing more so on just the fighting itself. 

Tracking Monsters Monsters aren’t even tracked anymore, they’re always visible on your map. No having to run around and look for them like classic MH games... Though to be fair maybe that’s better off in the old games with the paintball tracking system and individual loaded areas than in a game with a fully open-world setting because I got headaches tracking monsters in MH World’s open-world especially the Ancient Forest. 

The Monsters The new monsters in this game a welcome addition. I don’t really have any problems with their designs or fights. Have to say Goss Horag has a very fun fight, but my favorite new monster is probably Rakna-Kadaki. A pelican spider is a dang neat idea for a monster and there aren’t a lot of Temnocerans. Would love to see the return of the Carapaceons though! This is literally the perfect game for Shen-Gaoren to come back with the new rampage system! Bring back my giant enemy crab, Capcom please!

Monster Behavior/ Minion Monsters/ Herbivores Added this subsection to talk specifically about the monsters’ behaviors in this game along with the minion monsters cause while not very important overall there are still some things to be said. 

Same thing in MH World, but the monsters act more like animals now. While yes, that is more realistic and is mostly a good thing, but it honestly gives me second thoughts about hunting them. In World most boss monsters wouldn’t attack you unless you attacked them first. That made me feel terrible walking up to a calm Teostra just chilling in the dunes and then I start smacking the heck outta it with a weapon... Old games the monsters saw you, the “something’s gonna getcha music starts playing” and then it charges you and your in the fight! Now its like you’re the monster killing a bunch of animals (exaggerating a bit, but still!)

What’s not exaggerated is the minions in this game. The old games had minions that were incredibly annoying and I wanted to kill them. This game however has the sweet little bullfangos, jagras, and other minions just lazing around sleeping. My brother and I were in need of Rhenoplos scalps for some gear, set out on a quest to slay some, find them peacefully sleeping by some rocks and I ask my brother, “Okay, so you gonna bash its skull in with your hammer and pop its eyes out or am I gonna fill it full of lead with my bowgun?” Needlessly violent example, I know, but it still makes the point that it feels more like animal cruelty when they aren’t bothering anyone. I’d rather the minions just start charging me and piss me off as a player, so I wouldn’t feel bad defending myself to take them out. 

Lastly, there’s the herbivores. Not a lot to say on the matter, but I feel like they could’ve given a few more herbivore types. Like no Aptonoth in this game? I thought they were kinda a staple of the series for herbivores. I also feel like the maps could feel a bit more lively with more herbivores placed around. Maybe Mosswines in the Shrine Ruins, especially when scaling the central mountain shrine with the mushroom colonies everywhere. Great spots for mushroom piggies! 

The Maps/ Locales I love them! Well for the most part. They are good and I don’t dislike any in particular. My only problems is that they sometimes feel too big, too open, and too empty. I know they have a lot of stuff in them, gathering points, spiribirds, relics, and many other things, but there is an odd sense of emptiness there. Like I mentioned earlier, I think perhaps adding in more scattered monsters might’ve helped that a bit. Only other thing to mention is that the new locales rely too heavily on the Palamutes to get around effectively. I personally like bringing my kitties with me on multiplayer quests, so I am at the mercy of wirebug zipping to get around and often left behind. 

Oh, last thing I will mention on maps is while its not in the base game, I pray they add back the Tower as a map. Preferably the 2nd Gen version where you start at base camp and scale the tower. A game that’s all about rising and verticality, the Tower is literally the PERFECT map to have in this game! 

Spiribirds Love em or hate them, there’s the Spiribirds. Cool concept, but I don’t think it works very well in my opinion. I don’t care about roaming the map to collect my bird buffs, I just want to eat for Attack Up large like old games and be done. I definitely try to grab them when I can, but I can’t be bothered to chase down all the birds each and every hunt just to get my full Attack up buff. 

Wirebugs On with the title of the game being Rise giving meaning to the new wirebugs feature. Wirebugs are fun to use, zip around the map, super attacks, and what-not, but I can’t help but feel its a little out of place in a Monster Hunter game. Feels like I’m Spider-Man or something. I know I praised this when I played the demo and I’m not dissing it now, I still enjoy using them, but I am also admitting that they do feel very outlandish for a Monster Hunter game. Still better than the slinger/ clutch claw though! Let’s never talk about those accursed items again. 

Silkbinds The Silkbind attacks though are fully great! I love having access to super attacks like Hunting Arts and things like that for my weapons, so I sincerely hope they keep some kind of super attack format in future games.

Mounting The mounting system in this game is weird, but pretty cool! Its a great way to let you control a monster for a change and beat the snot out of other monsters as a monster. I saw someone describe it is as “going full on Ratatouille with the monsters” and honestly there isn’t a better way to explain it than that. 

Palicoes/ Palamutes The Buddy System in this game is great! Palicoes still feel about the same as they did in World, maybe a little less powerful now since you can have two of them at once, still love them though and prefer to bring a Palico with me on my quests. 

Then there is the new doggies, the Palamutes! Super cute and cuddly, but also quite powerful! I love the doggos, but I wish the maps weren’t designed around them. I like to bring my cat with me on multiplayer quests, so I don’t get a dog to ride and the maps are HUGE, very wide-opened, lots of running... Wirebugs help, but still not quite as fast as the puppies. 

Oh and two little pet peeve of mine is you can’t see other players buddy names and you can’t change buddy comments! I want people to be able to see my buddies’ names and I need my Garfield cat’s comment to say “I hate Mondays.” and my Sonic dog to say “Gotta go fast!” and my Courage the Cowardly Dog dog to have “The things I do for love.” Unless there is a hidden menu somewhere where you can edit these, but alas I have yet to find it...

Voiced Hunters Hunters have always been the silent protagonists of the games with attack grunts, hurt sounds, and little to nothing more. Now they are full voiced for gestures and full hunting dialogue. I really like this, its funny to hear them shout things and stuff and having some familiar voice actors in the game is really cool to have them voice my characters. My brother rocking the Xander Mobus voice-type on his hunter is freakin’ cool and hilarious at the same time. I am tempted to make a Zentisu hunter, name him Zenitsu, give him the Zentisu voice-type, and go full Thunderclap maining a Thunder-type Long Sword just for the heck of it. Oh and also there’s the fact that CRISTINA VEE IS OFFICIALLY IN A MONSTER HUNTER GAME NOW AS A FEMALE VOICE OPTION! Still feels weird comparing it to previous games, but I’m okay with it because the fun factor in it outweighs the weird for me personally. Besides if you for some reason decided you hate fun you can just mute them in the options. 

Layered Armor (or lack-of) I love Layered Armor... and there is only two sets in this game. The Deluxe Edition’s “Kamurai” samurai looking layered armor and the Magnamalo amiibo “Sinister” layered set with a few head only layered pieces as DLC in the eShop. I was honestly expecting all armor to be layered and unlockable in the base game after the huge demand for layered armor in MH World and Transmog being a thing in the side team’s last game, MHXX/ MHGU. 

I think a mixed system of both Transmog and Layered Armor would be ideal. Transmog system for in-game armors and then additional bonus themed armor sets made as Layered Armors like the Kamurai set. That way players can be rewarded for crafting all the armors with use of a Transmog system even giving an incentive to make multiple sets twice to Transmog differently. While the devs could still make money off cool unique Layered sets as DLC in the eShop. Literally fixes both issues right there. Feel free to use that idea, Capcom, and you’re welcome.

Multiplayer/ Lobbies/ Scaling Four people lobbies are back! Not necessarily a good thing. I mean hey its not bad either, but I honestly preferred the larger lobbies like World had. Having more people doesn’t make it less social. All they need is to force people to do multiplayer quests in the Gathering Hub. I prefer large lobbies and have people do whatever they want and meet up in the Hub for socials. Mainly what I dislike about 4 player lobbies is everyone will be expected to help each other on their quests within the lobby. I just want to chill and do my own thing, but see and interact with other players in the village between quests. Oh, but the ability to join quests late is seriously great! Dropping into a lobby and seeing people already on a quest and being able to jump in with them is a godsend! 

Difficulty scaling is a very weird thing. It’s basically a double-edged sword. Its good to have because you can beat everything on your own, but that also defeats the purpose of multiplayer. In the past games, Hub quests were scaled higher for multiplayer, so getting more people to help only made it easier. Now, why bother with players when you could just do it yourself scaled to an easier single-player difficulty? I can usually get faster times when I solo things now. Multiplayer is there just for the social aspect to goof around with friends or if you just wanna do chill hunting with people. It’s no longer a requirement or an aid for beating the game. Like I said, its a weird thing, not bad, but not good either? I dunno, I just compare a lot of things to the classic MH games. In the past getting a second player to help makes it twice as easy compared to beating a Hub quest by yourself, while getting four players makes it where you’re effectively doing 4x more damage. Now its like you get 4-players and the monster gets 4x the health too. That might not be the exact scaling, but you get my point. 

One last thing I want to touch on which a lot of people have already mentioned is the fact multiplayer can get pretty chaotic. Especially when you have 4 players with 4 palamutes all smacking away at a monster. Hit effects are EVERYWHERE! Creates quite the mess and can be hard to tell what’s happening. 

Quest Difficulty/ Harder Monsters I don’t care too much about how hard the game is and I know this is a touchy subject, but I do like challenging monsters, without relying on gimmicky crap to fight them. MH World was filled with gimmicky fights like Behemoth, Leshen, even Alatreon and Fatalis to some degree. I still have Extreme Behemoth PTSD. I just want good clean fights, no damage checks, unavoidable one-hit kill moves, crap like that is not cool. I want to cart because I screwed up and made a wrong move and got punished by some wicked strong attack from a big bad boss monster. Not a stupid damage check telling me, “Oh, you not do enough damage, you die now.” To be fair, old Monster Hunter games had some gimmicky fights too though. MH4U with Apex Monsters and Wystones, MHGU with HP tank Hyper Monsters, heck even Freedom 2 was unintentionally gimmicky with outrageous hitboxes haha. Oh, that game was brutal! Deviants in MHGU were amazing though! Some really tough fights there, but incredibly rewarding to beat, that’s what I love!

The Endgame/ Secret Bosses (or lack-of) There is no Endgame, we are stuck in the Infinity War for now (or Affinity War as my brother calls it since the meta is all about those crits!) Okay, so that’s a bit harsh, all jokes aside there is an endgame, but its not exactly what I was expecting and leaves me wanting more. One of my favorite aspects of Monster Hunter games is the endgames and the secrets they hold, which this game had very few! They revealed nearly EVERY monster before this game launched. I get it, they want to sell their game, but leave some secrets please. Only monster that was secret was just the final boss. I love getting to the end of the game and unlocking new quests to fight the big scary endgame bosses. I guess World kinda suffered from that too a little bit. Mostly hanging on to old games like Freedom Unite unlocking Fatalis, MH3U getting Abyssal Lagiacrus, and Molten Tigrex in MH4U was very cool! Could just be the state of games these days like Smash Ultimate where they reveal everything before the game is out since data miners will just leak them anyways... kinda makes me sad. 

Updates and Future Content

I know this game has planned updates that will add a lot of content, but I can’t help but feel those “updates” were part of the game that’s been withheld to make the updates feel like so much more. Its like they ripped out the ending of the game and are passing it of as a big huge update to be released after launch. 

The real kick to this is the fact there is no Hunter Rank in the current game... I’ve done approximately 300 quests so far in my game, its going to hurt me very badly when I see the HR update come out and I don’t get any HR for the hunts I’ve done so far. I know some people could care less about HR and just see it as a number, but for me that number is a nice thing to see. I love seeing it go up as I do more quests and play more of the game. Going hard at launch has been a lot of fun, but less rewarding knowing I am quite possibly not getting any HR points for all my gameplay. 

Only reason I can see they would not want to allow a buildup of HR before this update is because this update will add a bunch of new endgame monsters most likely unlocked through getting high Hunter Rank. I pray for my boy Akantor to finally shine again, I know the side team loves him, so let’s please get him into Rise! AND Please don’t show them off in videos, Capcom! Just stealth drop a bunch of Elder Dragons and Endgame bosses into the game!

Final Thoughts

I’m probably just stuck in the old days some, I guess this is just how the games will be going forward, but a bit of that makes me sad. Feels like the game series I loved so much is losing some character and personality of what made is special and unique. This review might’ve got a bit ranty, but I like to critique a game series I am very passionate about. World was very similar to this. From everything I’ve said, by no means do I hate this game. I still love MH Rise and the entire series and I’ll keep playing it having a lot of fun along the way. Best way I can describe Monster Hunter Rise is it’s the Side Team’s Monster Hunter World. Its fresh, new, and very experimental! 

All in all this game is still great and I stand by what I said at the beginning of this entire post, its a blast to play! I hope everyone can enjoy it and remember, Happy Hunting! 

[batgirl-87]

i'll start in good faith: explain some situations that your MC will deal once graduated(like maybe the summer before joining for her dream job, or a specific situation you imagined to happen related to her job)

You know I believe I mentioned before on here that I had this idea for a Curse Breaker movie about Bill and his Curse Breaker partner (Keira =p) that was like The Mummy/The Mummy Returns with some Indiana Jones... Guess I could describe that idea in some more detail...

It would be set in Egypt before the Weasley family goes to visit Bill there - basically the reason they go to visit him because after all this he receives some medal to reward him at the end of all these events. Originally I had imagined Cate Blanchett as Rakepick being Bill and Keira’s boss, but despite not playing the game lately I do know about some things that occur still in the game so... Doubt she’d be their boss but we all would love to see Cate Blanchett as Rakepick right?!

Anyway, I digress... This is clearly a fantasy movie that unfortunately will never be made. So sad... Also I have clearly never written a screenplay. Imagine as best as you can...

It would start out with whoever their boss is - could still be Cate Blanchett =p Maybe Rakepick has a good twin or sister or something? - talking with a couple... let’s call them diplomats? From another Curse-Breaking organization because with the whole world filled with artefacts and susceptible to curses Gringotts can’t be the only organization, right? I like to think there are a few scattered around the world and take on different regions but sometimes need to work together although there’s some animosity or competition... sort of like frienemies? Like how different nations interact - it’s some Curse-Breaker UN.

So Head Curse-Breaker of Gringotts discussing a work collaboration with a couple diplomats from another organization and I’m feeling...Russians... And is telling them about their Curse-Breaker agents, assuring them to put the best on the case, pulling out Bill and Keira’s files. As they tell these diplomats all of Bill and Keira’s accolades, how much they’ve accomplished since starting as Curse-Breakers, even before joining Gringotts! The camera can pan down to their files and fade to Bill and Keira in an ancient Egyptian tomb completing a mission. With the voiceover of their boss claiming them to be excellent and professional Curse-Breakers, best of the best!

However, the end of this mission doesn’t go so smoothly as they race down the corridors trying to escape the tidal wave of water that is flooding the tomb, running with the artefact they risked their lives for (I also like to think they’re taking back artefacts from wealthier individuals who stole them from less privileged people and cultures - probably why they’re cursed to begin with). They eventually find an exit from this tomb via some secret doorway that leads to a slide that shoots them out of the tomb and into some nearby body of water. After being submerged for a bit they pop back up, Keira holding up the artefact triumphantly and Bill commenting that he wished for once they could finish a mission without nearly dying or ending up soaking wet (probably because he’s concerned about his hair).

They return to their tent where they receive word that they’ll have an important meeting with their boss tomorrow when they return with the artefact. And she hopes they don’t show up soaking wet this time or with their clothes tattered and burnt =p They’re playing a radio that was a gift for them probably from Penny and Toto’s Africa begins to play with is totally their song and Keira ‘forces’ Bill to sing and dance around with her to it. This is clearly a common occurrence.

Oh and there’s definitely some mercenary ‘curse-breaker/artefact finder for hire’ they have to deal with – one in particular who they have a sort of weird relationship with because they always seem to run into him and have to deal with him so it’s always like a ‘oh you again. Well how are you? How are things?’ He’s also someone who I feel like tries really hard but is clumsy and constantly messes up but tries so hard to be a cool, tough badass but it really cowardly – like Benny from The Mummy =P

Anyway, so they go to meet with their boss, get told they’re doing a mission jointly with these Russians & will be working with his big Russian Curse-Breaker – makes Bill look tiny and like a twig =p – to find some ancient artefact. Ooo maybe from the Romanov Dynasty?! It’s very important to the Russians but the location is suspected after years and years of research to be in Gringott’s territory – hence having to work together. It’s a little awkward and tense at first – can they trust each other? Obviously there’s some distrust because what if Bill and Keira try to take it themselves instead of giving it to the Russians and can you even trust these Russians? And this guy is big and strong and a man of little words so hard to get to know him. But the three set out on this journey which is surely filed with action and adventure and they work well together when dealing with these mercenaries who get in their way and complicate things.

So they find this artefact and as soon as they accomplish their task they get taken by some other large Russians – turns out the leader of this gang is the older brother of their new Russian partner! Was he just using them all along to find this artefact – which is actually a key to a much larger fortune – and luring them to this trap and possibly their doom?! They were bonding! Thought they were friends! Come on man… But his older brother is an arsehole and keeps belittling his younger brother because he was adopted and therefore, worthless because his family didn’t want him so no one would and the only reason he was adopted was because his family just took pity on him, and he wanted a ‘little brother/servant’ so really he saved him so therefore he had to be appreciative and do everything he said/wanted him to do.

Anyway, so Bill and Keira are tied up by these big Russian guys, trying to figure out what to do and coping with the betrayal from their new Russian friend/partner, while the Russian guys discuss what to do with them in their native language. Fortunately Keira knows a little bit of Russian and can pick up a few words about essentially killing them, starting with Bill. So as one approaches them, or Bill specifically, Keira suddenly speaks up in Russian and Bill is like “wtf you speak Russian!?” She does her best to distract them or humanize herself and Bill but really the words she has learned are mainly related to Quidditch… But they got to like Quidditch right? Bill is just freaking flabbergasted because he’s known Keira for like over ten years and had no idea she freaking spoke Russian – what was happening?! Was everyone some secret Russian KGB agent in his life?! Were Fred and George going to start speaking to each other in Russian next?! (Keira now totally has to teach them some to mess with Bill).

Keira manages to at least distract them enough they drop their guards a bit as she rambles nonsensically about Quidditch =p so she can figure out an escape. Maybe something like kicking a knife or wand out of the one Russian’s hand who was approaching them and that kick also sends her back/down to break the wooden chair she’s tied to so she can get free. And if there wasn’t a knife previously from the guy there’s one on some nearby table because I just need Keira to throw a knife at Bill and tell him to cut himself free and get their wands – because they were clearly taken away from them and stored in this gang leader’s ‘office’ – while she runs off and leads this big Russian brute after her and Bill to be like “wtf?! Freaking almost killed me with this knife and how am I supposed to cut myself free with my hands tied?!” and then him awkwardly trying to figure it out. Cue some fight scene between Keira and a giant Russian which probably has a lot of her trying to bash him over the head with any heavy object she finds and this guy just shaking it off and not going down! She tries punching and kicking him – dude is like a brick freaking wall but she’s a fighter and I feel like this guy at least respects her fighting spirit and finds this pretty fun.

I haven’t exactly figured out a location where all this is taking place and how this is exactly to go down but Keira and giant Russian – evil Colossus – fight leaves a lot of property damage and as they stand facing each other for sort of a final showdown they notice…maybe a small fire they accidentally started closing in on a large propane tank or something… a gas leak… basically an explosion is going to happen so they have to get the hell out of there! They’re staring each other down, they look at the impending explosion, they look back at each other and then they both make a run for it. Maybe some slow motion is called for here?

Meanwhile, Bill manages to cut himself free but then Russian gang leader comes out from his office, with his adopted little brother/former Curse-Breaking partner of Bill and Keira – dude needs a name… Viktor? Ivan? I can’t handle anymore Alexanders or Nikitas… There’s some Ivan’s in the Romanov family so Ivan it is. Ivan follows his big arsehole of a brother out of his office who is clearly pissed to find both of his captures had escaped their ropes and one along with his henchmen were missing. Poor Bill is unarmed though and when big arsehole brother (I should give him a name but it is fun to call him this) takes out his wand to do away with Bill Ivan stops him and knocks him out – Ivan can be trusted! He feels awful for betraying Keira and Bill when honestly they’re good people and he liked them, they treated him well unlike his brother here, and they did bond and forge a friendship. He’s sorry he got them into this mess. And he helps Bill retrieve his and Keira’s wands as well as the artefact.

As they prepare to leave – either via apparition, portkey, or floo network which I have some interesting thoughts on but honestly all could work and Bill and Keira would definitely have a portkey to set destination – they realize, oh yeah, where’s Keira? Who of course during this perfect timing flies in with evil Colossus (omg I’m so happy I thought of this nickname for this guy) from the explosion propelling them through a large dividing window – I really feel like glass is the best option here. Evil Colossus is knocked out – the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Keira needs a moment, her ears are ringing, she’s blinking to try and get her blurry vision to focus and finally notices Bill and Ivan shouting to her and waving at her to come to them so they can get the hell out of there.

The explosion, while it knocked out evil Colossus, stirs Ivan’s arsehole brother who notices this new destruction before him and his henchmen taken out by some little witch? Wtf!? He reaches for his dropped wand to shoot at Keira who does her best to quickly get up and race to Bill while somehow avoiding Ivan’s arsehole brother’s attacks – probably because he’s still pretty groggy and not coordinated and focused after being knocked out so his shots are off. Plus in another world he’d be a Stormtrooper =p More slow motion of Keira running and avoiding attacks flying past her? Maybe… So she runs right into Bill’s outstretched arm, Ivan wraps his large arms around both of them, and they disappear – again, either via portkey, apparition, or floo powder/network.

Cut to a quaint little village surrounded by trees/forests and a calming river running through it. Some figures of people walking through the village and one leaving what appears to be a pub, swinging his bag over his shoulder and waving goodbye to his friends as they shout their goodbyes to him. He walks through the village, saying hi to a couple others he passes by, and crosses a bridge over the river to continue down a path towards his cottage-like home. As he opens the door to his quaint dwellings a trio of visitors surprise him by suddenly appearing and collapsing on his living room floor with some painful grunts and groans.

“Bill? Keira?”

If anyone is interested in the rest of my idea for this let me know. This was actually really fun to remember and re-live. I hope you enjoyed it and I would love it if it could be made into a movie one day.

“Hey, Charlie…”

Thank you for asking!

(This also helped me find a lot of good Keira x Charlie gifs from Outlander so thanks for that 😜)