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one thing that continually surprises? frustrates? me abt having a stable enough life, being not suicidal Anymore is that sometimes I Am again. not in that Means Plans Intent trifecta. Just. a piece of me starts saying "you should kill yourself."

and it's wailing and crying and like when you're responsible for a baby suddenly wailing and crying I can't just Shush it. it's expressing some need that isn't met, some stressor that's overwhelming, some desire for Escape and an Out. but wailing and crying and saying "you shouldn't be alive" because that's what it knows

so I have to gently, exasperatedly, still hearing those chants of "just die, it's easier, disappear", feed and water and care for this baby. give it toys. take it on a walk. wait for those hiccuping sobs to turn to quiet sighs.

then maybe get an answer. what happened. what's gone wrong. the baby didn't like "my friends don't want to go to this thing with me and I'm taking it as a Rejection of wanting to spend time w me" and also "I woke up late and missed a little event I was looking forward to and blame myself because I played video games late into the night when I Shouldn't Have and Knew Better" and maybe "I'm pissed off that I have to go to a Work Event on the Weekend with really unclear expectations when I'd rather be doing something fun" plus "I'm feeling sensitive bc a podcast I listened to hours ago talked abt a way of thinking that is Triggering [for specific reasons] and I might've been mildly dissociating for the better part of this evening"

and parse it out. Okay. I get it. you feel lonely and overtaxed and uncertain about the future and blame yourself for issues now but with the moral valence of [specifics redacted]. also this has caused a fair bit of pain flare.

then your sad, wounded, tired shell has to make a life worth living out of this. and life is worth living, and it will be, and these are now problems you can work on and share honestly with people who care about you and find different ways of balancing your time and energy and give yourself a little treat and connect with something you enjoy

and you're not going to kill yourself. you'll make things better. but it's still tiring.

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they don't make staying up until 3am fun and exciting like they used to

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えへへ(* ´ v｀*)

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i miss my boy (he lives in my brain and i'm free to think about him whenever and however much i want)

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big fan of characters with abandonment + attachment issues so profound that they leave claw marks in everything they touch but would sooner gnaw off their own leg than admit they just want someone to stay for once. in a totally normal well adjusted and not at all projecting way of course.

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So many people who get periods are like “Ugh it sucks that having a menstrual cycle makes you almost die every month” like no that’s not normal you need to go to the doctor

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i really hate coming out but still want my extended family to know, so my mother took it upon herself to invent the game “guess which one of my kids is gay.”

the rules are simple.

sit down with uncle so-and-so

he says something about gay people in passing

my mom says “there’s a gay person at this table right now. guess which of my kids it is!

he looks frantically between the three of us trying to figure out if she’s joking or not and trying desperately not to offend anyone but also she won’t continue with the conversation unless he makes a guess so he has to make a guess

we all enjoy his discomfort immensely

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shoutout to the brief civil war that went down on the balatro subreddit today

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🔥 The beacons are lit; the library calls for aid

The Trump administration has issued an executive order aimed at dismantling the Institute of Museum and Library Services - the ONLY federal agency for America's libraries.

Using just 0.003% of the federal budget, the IMLS funds services at libraries across the country; services like Braille and talking books for the visually impaired, high-speed internet access, and early literacy programs.

Libraries are known for doing more with less, but even we can't work with nothing.

How You Can Help:

🔥 Call your congressperson!

Use the app of your choice or look 'em up here: https://www.congress.gov/members/find-your-member

Pro tip: If your phone anxiety is high, call at night and leave a voicemail. You can even write yourself a script in advance and read it off. Heck, read them this post if you want to.

Phones a total no-go? The American Library Association has a form for you: https://oneclickpolitics.global.ssl.fastly.net/messages/edit?promo_id=23577

🔥Tell your friends!

Tell strangers, for that matter. People in line at the check out, your elderly neighbor, the mail carrier - no one is safe from your library advocacy. Libraries are for everyone and we need all the help we can get.

...Wait, why do we need this IMLS thing again?

The ALA says it best in their official statement and lists some ways libraries across the country use IMLS funding:

But if you want a really specific answer, here at LCPL we use IMLS funding to provide our amazing interlibrary loan service. If we can't purchase an item you request (out of print books, for example) this service lets us borrow it from another library and check it out to you.

IMLS also funds the statewide Indiana Digital Library and Evergreen Indiana, which gives patrons of smaller Indiana libraries access to collections just as large and varied as the big libraries' collections.

As usual, cutting this funding will hurt rural communities the most - but every library user will feel it one way or another. Let's let Congress know that's unacceptable.

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Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he's legally untouchable he's ethically unfuckable. You don't like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.

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hey... don't cry.... tesla recall for most cybertrucks, okay? >46,000 vehicles affected <3

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LGBT people, I need you to know that any “pedophile execution bill” passed in the US is meant to put you, personally, to death. When the right says “groomer,” they’re talking about you. When they say “predator,” they’re talking about you. When they say “pedophile,” they’re talking about you. Any actual child sex abusers who are convicted and executed would be, to them, a happy accident, a cherry on top of a law that’s meant to exterminate anyone who deviates from the cisgender, heterosexual norm.

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reminder that there's nothing wrong with needing medication to do things.

it doesn't make you any less than the people that do those same things without any medication.

taking medication has no moral value, it's about looking after yourself and your health and it's not fair of people to try and imply that there's anything "good" or "bad" about taking any sort of medication.

taking something that works for you and helps you feel better is never a bad thing.