#and i want to have a functioning tablet again!!!

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[tchaikovskym]

The hypnotic effect of listening to tma before bed has ended, unfortunately.

My best guess as to why:

I'm literally too excited to listen to it. I love it so much.

I let my sleep schedule too loose during the winter holidays, even tma can't fix it.

My body probably feels stress abt going back to work and school after the holidays.

I ran out of my funky tablets (prescribed to me for unrelated reasons) that apparently had a thing (5-HTP) for serotonin synthesis, in turn now making me lack melatonin and sleep.

All of the above.

[comicaurora]

How do you manage to motivate yourself when you're feeling tired or depressed?

Usually I try to give myself time to rest until those feelings lessen, since they're generally symptomatic of having pushed too hard, but on occasions where tiredness seems to be getting a little too cozy with depression, there's a few things I do.

I've observed in myself a habit of sort of… waiting in a holding pattern for something to push me into action. "Something" isn't defined clearly, but it becomes a real problem on depressed or low-executive-function days. This might just BE what low executive function feels like, tbh; like there's some invisible trigger and I can't Do The Thing until something trips it. When I notice I'm stuck in a holding pattern, I have a few tricks to snap myself out of it:

Flip a coin. Heads I get up and Do The Thing, tails I don't. The simple act of challenging myself is enough to motivate me sometimes, regardless of the outcome, but sometimes this makes me realize that I am legitimately tired, so I stay put and recharge a little until I want to flip for it again.

Set a five- or ten-minute timer and do whatever I need to do until the timer runs out. An artificial deadline can bypass the holding pattern. Sometimes this gives me momentum, and when the timer runs out I keep going. Sometimes this does NOT build momentum, and I crash after the timer runs out - but I crash with five more minutes of progress done. Any progress is better than no progress.

Assume Direct Control. This one only works sometimes, but sometimes it's as simple as breaking down a list of individual units of tangible progress - Get Off Of Bed, Put On Pants, Plug In Tablet, Etc Etc - and just grab the manual controls in my brain and make myself do each thing in turn. Sometimes I'll assume direct control to make myself take a Stupid Mental Health Walk, which has thus far worked every time to improve my mood and energy even though when I am in a Low Mood the last thing I want to do is subject myself to the mortifying ordeal of wearing pants and dealing with people.

I also find that sometimes it's helpful to pull the thread of what you're waiting for. Sometimes I'll realize I've locked myself into a weird paralysis because I've accidentally made something a prerequisite for other tasks. For example, I might realize I'm feeling weirdly frozen and uncomfortable because I haven't taken out the trash, and I've told myself I can't do X Y and Z until the trash is taken out, but I don't want to take out the trash, so I've locked X Y and Z behind Unpleasant Task in a subconscious attempt to motivate myself to Do The Task but instead I've just dramatically reduced the number of things I feel I can do. Often just noticing this pattern is enough to break out of it.

I also find that sometimes the invisible trigger I'm waiting for is just waiting to want to do something. That is unfortunately a trap. There are many things you can enjoy or benefit from without wanting to do them beforehand, because the thought of it is unpleasant or scary or anxiety-inducing or otherwise loaded down with what-ifs and caveats. I will never WANT to have a doctor's appointment, but I feel very good AFTER arranging and going to one. I very rarely WANT to exercise, but after the fact I feel very rewarded and more confident in my abilities. I've only WANTED to go on like a third of the walks I've taken this year, but every single one of them has been pleasant and beneficial to my mental health. Sometimes you just gotta say "I don't WANT to do it, but I'll be glad I did it" and manually pilot yourself into Doing It.

[requinoesis]

⭐The Magic Drawing Pad! 📱✨

I was surprised to receive a Tablet from XPPen in exchange for a review. Here’s my experience! 📝✨

Initially, I thought the tablet's design, meant for drawing away from a workspace and outdoors, didn't suit my lifestyle. As an introvert who rarely leaves the house or is socially active, I decided to review it from a homebody’s perspective.

I've never drawn on a display tablet before, only on regular digital tablets like the Wacom Bamboo and my current Huion Inspiroy Ink. Now, I have the XP-Pen Magic Drawing Pad to try out!

At first, it was frustrating! Everything I drew looked crooked and ugly, and I felt like a fraud. But it wasn't the tablet's fault; it was like learning to draw all over again since I was used to the computer and had abandoned traditional art.

I was rushing, thinking I should be perfect immediately. I took a deep breath and remembered that learning a new tool takes time and patience. Once I gave myself the time to adapt, things started to work out.

I only explored the tablet's basic functions, but its interface is similar to an iPad or cell phone and works well. I transferred files to my computer via Telegram, but Google Drive could also be used.

There are several illustration apps available. I chose Infinite Painter first because it is similar to Procreate. I found it amusing that the process of creating art was recorded while I was drawing!

In conclusion, I find the Magic Drawing Pad to be an ideal tablet for beginners venturing into screen drawing for the first time. It offers a practical and enjoyable experience!

Feel free to ask any questions about this tablet, and I'll do my best to answer them!

They also told me to say that there would be up to 45% off during the Prime Day event on the Amazon store and the official store from July 16th to 17th! 🛍️✨

⭐ - US store: https://amzn.to/3L08x36 ⭐ - CA store: https://amzn.to/3VanP9W

They also recommended this keyboard!

⭐ - ACK08 smart keyboard: https://bit.ly/3VCgAYv

Thanks a lot to the XPPen team for their patience and for the opportunity to try out this tablet!❤️✨

---

I did this little speedpaint experiment too if you want to see! The function of recording while drawing is a very cool experience!

That's it, I hope you like it!✨

[dandylovesturtles]

I'm trying to get myself back into writing by doing some little things here and there. This is the first one that is actually worth it to post here lol

Awhile back I asked on discord for suggestions of things I could write and then for a long time I didn't actually do anything lol BUT I finally did something. This ficlet is based on a suggestion @abbeyofcyn gave me about Donnie feeling anxiety over a having a new home post S2 (at least I remember it being Cyn but the message is so old now I can't find it orz I'm sorry if it was someone else)

I hope you enjoy it!

---

The subway station has been closed to the public since the nineties. Most of the ways in are already blocked off, and it will be trivial to finish that work to keep out any intruders. The tracks and maintenance station make an ideal garage and workspace for the tank. The old electrical wiring and water pipes are easily accessible. There’s still functioning toilets in the old bathrooms, and ventilated spaces ideal for cooking. There’s easy access to the street, the rest of the subway system, and the sewers. Splinter hums approvingly as he circles an old staff area with a tape measure. His brothers shout as they call dibs on rusted out train cars. April enthusiastically notes that the station is close to her new campus.

It checks all the boxes on their list, and then some.

So why has the sick feeling in the pit of Donnie’s stomach gotten worse instead of better?

There must be something wrong with it. Some flaw they aren’t seeing, some con they haven’t considered. He needs to go over his lists again; double check and triple check from every angle. They’ve only been here an hour - it would just be irresponsible to make a decision so quickly!

He desperately fires up his tablet again and pulls up his list, scrolling with hard taps as his eyes fly over the compiled criteria. There must be something… Something!

It’s structurally sound. There’s ample space for skateboard ramps and arcade machines. There’s plenty of lighting that will only need simple maintenance to be functional. There’s a big space that can be used for a new lab. It checks all the boxes, but there must be at least one it’s not checking, or why would Donnie’s blood curdle at the thought of actually living here?

The way the air moves through the space is wrong. The way the sounds echo off the walls and floors is unfamiliar. The smell is not the one he spent his whole life inhaling. It’s all wrong in a way that embeds itself in Donnie’s very skin, leaves him feeling slimy and nauseous and off kilter, like everything was just tilted at a dutch angle.

He scrolls to the bottom of the list and taps a few more times to be sure. “Air feels right” and “Echoes are normal” and “Smell is bad” are not boxes to be checked, so it can’t be any of those things. It has to be something else… It has to be something!

He scrolls back to the top of his list. Then he scrolls back to the bottom. He can’t find it. But it has to be there.

“Whoa,” says Leo, and Donnie jolts, his head snapping up. “I’ve never seen Donnie look like he wants to murder a computer before.”

“Please don’t tell Raph that something’s wrong with the structural checks or whatever,” says Raph, just behind Leo. They’re all coming up to him, probably wondering why he’s been standing in the same spot for… 

Donnie glances at his screen and jolts again. Twenty four minutes and thirty seven second!?

“Come on, Dee, this place has got to be perfect,” says Leo. “I already know exactly where I’m putting my action figures in my new digs!”

“And I’m already getting sooo many ideas for graffiti!” says Mikey excitedly, bouncing in place where he stands next to April. “And I can’t wait to design the kitchen layout! I can’t believe I get to start from scratch and do it just how I want!”

“Raph already knows exactly where the dojo is goin’,” Raph joins in. When Leo blows a raspberry, Raph pushes him forward and smirks when he has to catch himself.

“I think this is the best you guys are gonna get,” says April. “Unless you wanna move to the Hidden City.”

“We can’t, Raph still has a warrant for his arrest.”

“I keep tellin’ you guys, that ain’t Raph!”

“I only wish I had known about this place earlier,” comes Splinter’s voice as he joins them. “So much square footage!”

They all start talking excitedly, so fast it blends into a whir in Donnie’s ears. They’ve all already decided, but don’t they see? They can’t live here, because it’s wrong!

“No.”

Donnie’s declaration kills the conversation in its tracks. Everyone stops to look at him, and the sudden attention doesn’t feel as good as it might otherwise.

“No,” he repeats, shaking his head and looking back at his list. “This won’t work.”

A chorus of “What!?” comes from everyone else. Donnie keeps his eyes on his list, scrolling frantically, looking for the problem that he knows is there.

“Is there something wrong with it?” asks April, tone measured.

“Yes,” he says, but doesn’t elaborate, because he doesn’t know what it is yet and how can he answer if he doesn’t have any data?

It’s clear they aren’t going to wait for him to come up with the answer.

“Well what is it? Ventilation? Structural integrity? The wiring? Come on, Dee, give us somethin’.”

“It’s… it’s just wrong. I know it is.” Donnie looks up from his list then, and their skeptical expressions make him coil around his tablet in defense. “We’ve barely seen all of it! How can we know for certain that it will really suit our needs?”

He’s protesting too much, and it’s no surprise when Leo catches on, immediately narrowing his eyes as he hones in on Donnie’s uncertainty. 

“You’ve said no to every place we’ve looked at, dude! Are your standards that high, or do you just like living in Barry’s crappy apartment that much?”

“I obviously do not,” Donnie snaps, because he has made no secret of the fact that he hates it there. Sure, it was nice of Draxum to take them in now that they’re homeless and all that, but the apartment is too small, and the sheets are too scratchy, and the way the air conditioner sounds is all wrong, and the street noises bother Donnie at night…

Of course he doesn’t want to keep living there! He never wanted to live there in the first place!

“Then what’s the problem?” Leo asks, folding his arms, and Donnie scowls back.

“I just think we shouldn’t rush into such a big decision just because it sucks to live in Draxum’s apartment,” he reasons, reasonably because he’s being very reasonable!

“And what, wait for our realtor to find us a few more listings?” Leo says with heavy snark. 

“Leo,” says Raph with a warning tone, before looking back at Donnie. “Look, we can take tonight to think about it,” he suggests. “But if there’s nothing really wrong with it, I think this is gonna be the best we can do.”

Donnie shrinks back. “You say we’ll take tonight to think about it, but you’ve all already decided.” He shakes his head. “But I’m telling you, we can’t live here. It’s wrong.”

“Donnie…” Mikey’s hand touches Donnie’s elbow, and it takes everything in him not to jerk it away. “Is there an actual problem with the place, or is this a feelings problem?”

Donnie jerks away.

Then he turns and sprints away down the nearest subway tunnel.

…

He only makes it to the next condemned platform before he collapses against the wall, panting. Maybe he really should take up Raph’s advice to do more cardio… If he can ever face any of them again, that is.

He sinks to the ground and rests his chin on his knees, looking around at the unfamiliar scenery. He knew the old tunnels of his home like he knew the curves and grooves in his favorite wrench. But his favorite wrench is lost forever under an insurmountable amount of rubble, and the tunnels around him are foreign and imposing.

He doesn’t want to live in Draxum’s apartment anymore.

But he doesn’t want to live here.

He wants to go home.

The ugly, bitter feeling in his stomach twists again, and he groans and presses his face into his knees, covering his head with his arms. He knows exactly what would fix this, and it’s something he can’t have.

He did the tests himself, over and over again. He knows that their old home would take years, decades to make livable again. They simply can’t fix it. It’s too big to be fixed.

Which means he cannot be fixed.

The understanding that he’ll feel this way forever washes over Donnie, leaving him desolated. How is he ever supposed to function again?

How can the rest of his family move on so easily when he’s still like this?

Footsteps echo off the walls, and he tenses up, curling tighter into himself. It’s no surprise that one of them came after him. He’s just glad it’s only one set of footsteps, and not five.

He doesn’t look up as they draw close. He doesn’t have to. A barefooted tread, light and airy with a bit of a hop to it even when the mood is somber. He’d know it anywhere.

Mikey plops down next to him and says, “Ready to talk to Doctor Feelings?”

Donnie shakes his head without looking up.

Mikey hums. “Wanna talk to Doctor Delicate Touch?”

Donnie shakes his head harder.

There’s a shuffle, and then warmth against Donnie’s side. “Wanna talk to your favorite little brother in the whole wide world?”

Donnie finally lifts his head enough to look at Mikey with one eye. “Winning by default isn’t something to brag about,” he notes.

A huge grin crosses Mikey’s face. “Hey, there you are!”

“Here I am,” Donnie notes dryly, and it sounds miserable even to his own ears.

Mikey’s expression falls into something more soft. He scoots around to Donnie’s front, then says, “You’re homesick.”

Homesick feels too small for the dark feelings that are swallowing Donnie whole. It’s just not enough.

“...I don’t want to live somewhere new,” he says, and it sounds like, I don’t want everything to be different.

“Yeah, it’s a lot,” says Mikey, even though Donnie knows he can’t be feeling it like this, or at least hopes his little brother isn’t. “You’ll get used to it, though!”

It almost makes Donnie laugh. He can’t begin to imagine it ever feeling anything but terrible. “How do you know?”

“Because I have experience,” says Mikey breezily, like it’s obvious. 

Donnie hopes the skepticism shows on his face. “Really? Micheal, we were both too young when Papa moved us to the lair.”

“Yeah, I don’t remember that. But I do remember when we all got our own rooms!”

Donnie considers that with some surprise. He vaguely remembers that… mostly because he was happy that Raph and Leo couldn’t put their stuff on his side anymore. “Ah yes. A joyous day for all of us.”

“Well it wasn’t too happy for me!” Mikey retorts, folding his arms. “I didn’t want any of us to get our own rooms. I… wasn’t ready to be without you guys.”

Actually, now that Mikey says that, Donnie does remember that part of it. “I also remember that you weren’t without us, because you slept in one of our rooms every night for two months.”

Mikey nods seriously. “Yeah! Because I wasn’t ready for change!”

“And we had to make a rotating chart so that each of us could get a full night of sleep once in a while.”

“Huh?” Mikey pouts. “What do you mean? I sleep like an angel!”

“Kicking and chewing on anything in grabbing distance seems more like demon behavior,” Donnie notes, and Mikey huffs and makes a big show of being offended. 

“The point, Donald,” he stresses, “is that it was a big change! And I wasn’t happy about it for a loooong time.” He leans back. “I didn’t get why you guys were so happy about moving out when I wasn’t. It felt like you were all leaving me behind.”

Donnie frowns. “But we were literally a few feet away,” he notes. “As you proved nightly.”

Mikey points at him excitedly. “Exactly! It was a big change, but I still had you guys. And eventually, you guys helped me get excited about it, too.”

Donnie tries to remember what exactly they did to accomplish that, but… “All I remember is that we helped you hang up your finger paintings and put glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling.”

“Yep!” Mikey nods sagely. “You helped make it my own. I got where I was excited to be in my room, because it was how I wanted it to be!” He falters, tapping his chin. “And also I remember Leo said something about all my toys being sad if they were alone in my room at night…”

“Ah. Manipulative tactics,” Donnie observes.

“But that’s not the point! The point is that when I made it my own, change wasn’t so scary anymore.” He waves back down the tunnel. “And that’s what’s going to work for you, too! Because you’re going to build yourself a big new lab and decorate your room just how you want it, and you’re going to love it!”

Donnie feels absolutely no confidence in that. The idea of building a new lab, of decorating his room, of getting used to the new space, doesn’t fill him with excitement. There is only dread there, and exhaustion, and an insurmountable realization that nothing is ever going to be the same as it was before.

“That might work for you,” he says softly, tiredly. “But I don’t think it will for me. I don’t think I will ever stop feeling…” 

He still doesn’t know what to call this. 

“...Homesick.”

“But you will,” says Mikey, putting a hand on his arm. This time, Donnie doesn’t jerk away. “You know how I know?”

“How?”

“Because you went through it with the rooms too, Dee.”

Donnie scoffs, shaking his head. “I was glad to have my own room,” he asserts. “The rest of you kept getting your things into my space. It was annoying.”

“Sure, maybe you were happy about that part,” says Mikey simply, “but do you remember the big storm? The first one after we moved into our rooms, that was sooo loud we could hear it?”

Again, Donnie thinks he vaguely recalls something like that. It clearly didn’t leave as large an impression on him as it did on Mikey, though.

“I… might,” he says.

“I remember,” says Mikey, “that I was so scared, I ran straight to Raph’s room! And he was already awake, and he was under the covers, and we made a tent together.” He giggles. “And then you came in, and then Leo! And I realized then, maybe you guys weren’t really as happy about sleeping in separate rooms as I thought.”

He shifts around again, pressing himself into Donnie’s side.

“We went through that all together. And we’re gonna go through this together, too. And that’s how I know it’ll be okay!”

Donnie can’t help but make a skeptical noise. He’s not sure it will be. It just feels like too much.

“We’re all homesick, too,” Mikey confides. “We show it different than you… But we are. We’re going through it with you.”

Donnie knows they miss home, too. He knows that. But still…

“What if you’re wrong,” he says, “and it’s not okay?”

“Then…” Mikey trails off, thinking. “Then I’ll use the money I saved up to buy you that limited edition Atomic Lass figure you wanted!”

Donnie twists his head to stare at him. “That figure currently values at eight hundred and fifty dollars,” he says.

Mikey grimaces. “I will give you all the money I have saved up to help you buy it!” he amends.

Donnie snorts. Then he laughs. Then he leans into the warmth of his little brother.

He doesn’t want to live somewhere new… but it won’t be entirely new. His family will still be there. Just a few steps away.

“Does the laughing mean you’ll come back with me?” asks Mikey. “Because this tunnel is cold.”

Donnie snorts again. “I will go back with you,” he agrees, “because I actually don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“Yes! I did it!” Mikey hops to his feet, extending a hand. “Another W for Doctor Feelings!”

“Winning by default is nothing to brag about,” says Donnie again. But he takes Mikey’s hand, and they go back to the station together.

[help-itrappedmyself]

Dead On Main part 7

Masterpost

dedicated to @cervinebotanist and @leafyeyes417 for responding so quickly and with such enthusiasm to part 6. Thank you for the encouragement and support.

Danny takes a deep breath. He can hear scrambling from somewhere else in the car, but he can’t pay attention to what’s happening as he focuses inward. He closes his eyes, and reaches inside himself.

Jason has a tiny baby core! Danny almost coos at it, but it’s so underdeveloped that he’s sad instead. Danny can feel ectoplasm in himself, in Jason’s body. But it isn’t enough. This ectoplasm has been reused, reduced, recycled one too many times. It’s got barely enough to stay alive left in it. Jason is mostly being sustained by his human half right now. It feels like play-doh that turns to dust where it should stretch, dried-out and old. It makes him even more sad. And slightly ill. But the sadness makes the rioting ectoplasm calm back down inside him.

Danny opens his eyes. He’s slightly disoriented, but calm now, eyes no longer glowing. They had stopped the car. He looks at Tim, who is leaning against his door and braced against it and Dick’s chair, giving Danny as much space as possible. His hand is almost on the door handle and his tablet on the floor. Dick and Bruce are exchanging panicked looks in the front seat, both now unbuckled for some reason and completely turned to face the backseat.

“Hey, speaking of ectoplasm, this body really needs some.” Danny informs them. “If it doesn’t get some new ectoplasm soon his core is going to cease functioning, and that would be really bad, and possibly irreversible.” 

“Uhhh.” Dick’s panicked look is turning straight to confusion, as is everyone else’s. “What?” 

“I didn’t realize that Jason was, I mean he had mentioned he died, but he- well, I guess I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone either. Does make it easier to talk about since we’re the same, but of course we couldn’t have known yet. But his core needs some help, do you not have access to ectoplasm back home?” Danny is rambling, brain spinning at the thought of how much he and Jason have in common. This big thing that no one else would truly understand by each other. And Vlad, sort of, but nobody likes Vlad. “It’s amazing that we ended up soulmates. He’s only the third person in the world I’ve even heard about with this condition. How long has he been without ectoplasm? Is he having trouble finding any, or does he not know he needs it? Either way, I’m giving him some as soon as possible.” Danny doesn’t know whether he should freak out over that fact that his soulmate is as dead as he is, that he’s currently dying from lack of ecto, or that his soulmate’s entire family is probably going to end up learning about him and ghosts, or the fact that he is currently taking another body that the GIW is going to want to study straight to them. All of these things seem like great reasons to freak out on their own, so all together he is just panicking.

Danny doesn’t seem to be able to breathe. 

“Hey, come on, that’s fine, you can totally give Jason some… ectoplasm.” Dick says.

“Danny, you have to breathe, okay.” Tim is much calmer than Dick, so Danny focuses on him as Bruce and Dick whisper in the front. “Danny, match my breathing.” Danny stares at Tim, who is making very exaggerated breathing movements, and tries to time his breathing to match. “We’ll figure everything out, but we don’t need to do it right now.” Tim is still helping Danny, talking calmly, but he says this with enough force to distract the two in the front seat enough for them to shut up for a second. Danny appreciates the bit of silence.

“You need to start driving.” Danny, tells Bruce. “Right now, his human half is sustaining the rest of him almost entirely. If Jason doesn’t get more ecto soon, his other half will die, and I’m not sure what will happen to his human side if that happens. He may die again completely.”

There’s a beat of silence in the car. Bruce stares right into Danny’s eyes.

“You are saying there is an active threat to my son’s life, ” Bruce asks, voice hard. 

Danny nods. Then everyone is buckled back in and Bruce is pulling them back onto the road. 

“You know what’s happening and how to help him?” Bruce asks, voice steady but Danny can sense all the emotion underneath. Bruce is really worried right now, he looks around the car and realizes that Dick and Tim are as well. They both have phones out, but are tense, tuned into his conversation with Bruce.

“Yeah, It’s a simple enough fix, I’m just worried because he’s really…” Danny takes a moment to think of the right word. “Ecto deficient? His core is definitely malnourished, and his body and mind definitely need it. They are being sustained with human stuff for now, but eventually that won’t be enough.” 

“How urgent is this?”

Danny feels for Jason’s core, feeling like he’s invading his privacy, but without other options to check. It’s not cracked, but it’s not fully formed either. Half starved baby core, not even strong enough to present. Its link to an obsession is strong, but frayed enough that Danny can’t tell what it is. The core is not strong enough to produce it’s own ecto, even in response to the obsession being fulfilled. Everything is stable, but strained.

“I’m not an expert, but he’s sustained himself this long. And we’re already on the way. We should be fine, but I’ll keep an eye on it just in case.”

[ms-demeanor]

Hello! First, I wanted to say thank you for your post about updating software and such. I really appreciated your perspective as someone with ADHD. The way you described your experiences with software frustration was IDENTICAL to my experience, so your post made a lot of sense to me.

Second, (and I hope my question isn't bothering you lol) would you mind explaining why it's important to update/adopt the new software? Like, why isn't there an option that doesn't involve constantly adopting new things? I understand why they'd need to fix stuff like functional bugs/make it compatible with new tech, but is it really necessary to change the user side of things as well?

Sorry if those are stupid questions or they're A Lot for a tumblr rando to ask, I'd just really like to understand because I think it would make it easier to get myself to adopt new stuff if I understand why it's necessary, and the other folks I know that know about computers don't really seem to understand the experience.

Thank you so much again for sharing your wisdom!!

A huge part of it is changing technologies and changing norms; I brought up Windows 8 in that other post and Win8 is a *great* example of user experience changing to match hardware, just in a situation that was an enormous mismatch with the market.

Win8's much-beloathed tiles came about because Microsoft seemed to be anticipating a massive pivot to tablet PCs in nearly all applications. The welcome screen was designed to be friendly to people who were using handheld touchscreens who could tap through various options, and it was meant to require more scrolling and less use of a keyboard.

But most people who the operating system went out to *didn't* have touchscreen tablets or laptops, they had a desktop computer with a mouse and a keyboard.

When that was released, it was Microsoft attempting to keep up with (or anticipate) market trends - they wanted something that was like "the iPad for Microsoft" so Windows 8 was meant to go with Microsoft Surface tablets.

We spent the first month of Win8's launch making it look like Windows 7 for our customers.

You can see the same thing with the centered taskbar on Windows 11; that's very clearly supposed to mimic the dock on apple computers (only you can't pin it anywhere but the bottom of the screen, which sucks).

Some of the visual changes are just trends and various companies trying to keep up with one another.

With software like Adobe I think it's probably based on customer data. The tool layout and the menu dropdowns are likely based on what people are actually looking for, and change based on what other tools people are using. That's likely true for most programs you use - the menu bar at the top of the screen in Word is populated with the options that people use the most; if a function you used to click on all the time is now buried, there's a possibility that people use it less these days for any number of reasons. (I'm currently being driven mildly insane by Teams moving the "attach file" button under a "more" menu instead of as an icon next to the "send message" button, and what this tells me is either that more users are putting emojis in their messages than attachments, or microsoft WANTS people to put more emojis than messages in their attachments).

But focusing on the operating system, since that's the big one:

The thing about OSs is that you interact with them so frequently that any little change seems massive and you get REALLY frustrated when you have to deal with that, but version-to-version most OSs don't change all that much visually and they also don't get released all that frequently. I've been working with windows machines for twelve years and in that time the only OSs that Microsoft has released were 8, 10, and 11. That's only about one OS every four years, which just is not that many. There was a big visual change in the interface between 7 and 8 (and 8 and 8.1, which is more of a 'panicked backing away' than a full release), but otherwise, realistically, Windows 11 still looks a lot like XP.

The second one is a screenshot of my actual computer. The only change I've made to the display is to pin the taskbar to the left side instead of keeping it centered and to fuck around a bit with the colors in the display customization. I haven't added any plugins or tools to get it to look different.

This is actually a pretty good demonstration of things changing based on user behavior too - XP didn't come with a search field in the task bar or the start menu, but later versions of Windows OSs did, because users had gotten used to searching things more in their phones and browsers, so then they learned to search things on their computers.

There are definitely nefarious reasons that software manufacturers change their interfaces. Microsoft has included ads in home versions of their OS and pushed searches through the Microsoft store since Windows 10, as one example. That's shitty and I think it's worthwhile to find the time to shut that down (and to kill various assistants and background tools and stop a lot of stuff that runs at startup).

But if you didn't have any changes, you wouldn't have any changes. I think it's handy to have a search field in the taskbar. I find "settings" (which is newer than control panel) easier to navigate than "control panel." Some of the stuff that got added over time is *good* from a user perspective - you can see that there's a little stopwatch pinned at the bottom of my screen; that's a tool I use daily that wasn't included in previous versions of the OS. I'm glad it got added, even if I'm kind of bummed that my Windows OS doesn't come with Spider Solitaire anymore.

One thing that's helpful to think about when considering software is that nobody *wants* to make clunky, unusable software. People want their software to run well, with few problems, and they want users to like it so that they don't call corporate and kick up a fuss.

When you see these kinds of changes to the user experience, it often reflects something that *you* may not want, but that is desirable to a *LOT* of other people. The primary example I can think of here is trackpad scrolling direction; at some point it became common for trackpads to scroll in the opposite direction that they used to; now the default direction is the one that feels wrong to me, because I grew up scrolling with a mouse, not a screen. People who grew up scrolling on a screen seem to feel that the new direction is a lot more intuitive, so it's the default. Thankfully, that's a setting that's easy to change, so it's a change that I make every time I come across it, but the change was made for a sensible reason, even if that reason was opaque to me at the time I stumbled across it and continues to irritate me to this day.

I don't know. I don't want to defend Windows all that much here because I fucking hate Microsoft and definitely prefer using Linux when I'm not at work or using programs that I don't have on Linux. But the thing is that you'll see changes with Linux releases as well.

I wouldn't mind finding a tool that made my desktop look 100% like Windows 95, that would be fun. But we'd probably all be really frustrated if there hadn't been any interface improvements changes since MS-DOS (and people have DEFINITELY been complaining about UX changes at least since then).

Like, I talk about this in terms of backward compatibility sometimes. A lot of people are frustrated that their old computers can't run new software well, and that new computers use so many resources. But the flipside of that is that pretty much nobody wants mobile internet to work the way that it did in 2004 or computers to act the way they did in 1984.

Like. People don't think about it much these days but the "windows" of the Windows Operating system represented a massive change to how people interacted with their computers that plenty of people hated and found unintuitive.

(also take some time to think about the little changes that have happened that you've appreciated or maybe didn't even notice. I used to hate the squiggly line under misspelled words but now I see the utility. Predictive text seems like new technology to me but it's really handy for a lot of people. Right clicking is a UX innovation. Sometimes you have to take the centered task bar in exchange for the built-in timer deck; sometimes you have to lose color-coded files in exchange for a right click.)

[lionar0und]

Dada! - Leona fic

Leona has some conflicted feelings about his baby This is mostly my late night rambling

Warnings - Fem reader Kinda, mostly leona and cub centered, Small doses of traumatized Leona

Special thanks to @queen-shiba for all her help. Thanks Bestie!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leona loves his sleep. It's a known fact that he almost loves sleep more than he loves his wife.

Almost. He certainly loves her enough for-

"Dada!"

There she is. Leona has...conflicted feelings about being a father. His wife wanted a cub, so they had a cub. He wanted to continue his legacy anyway...but Seven, he's struggling.

It was fine at first - mildly unnerving, but fine. You were struggling, and he hated it. But you wanted Melody so badly. He can't ignore the adrenaline rush he felt when he first felt his cub kicking; or the jolts of joy whenever he held you, arms around you and holding your belly.

But now that she's here?

She's beautiful. She's everything he never thought he could love that he would live for. He'd die for her to but dying is just sleep to him...and sleep is easy. It's numb and comfortable. But living? Waking from bliss to feed his tiny mewling cub as she wails, face red and tiny fists shaking is hard. Giving up some of his late nights out, facing the embarrassment of her sobbing at royal functions; all those judging eyes watching?

Yeah. That's rough.

Really rough.

Today's rough too - He only just got back from another Spelldrive practice, and now that hes a pro, his energy has to be up to play!

But duty calls.

"DADA!"

"Oi, don't shout at baba," He grumbles weakly, "It's late, nugget."

"I want hair." She huffs. For a second his heart stirs. She has your eyes.

"You have hair. See? It's right here." He tapped her head...and it started again. The instant panic because what if his nails are too sharp? What if he hurt her?

He represses the urge to throw up when remembering the feeling of his own parent's claws raking over his eye.

"No dada. Your hair. Pretty!"

"My hair? Baby, what-" He is cut off by a sharp tug on his hair.

Oh.

"You want locs?" It's more of a surprised gruff squeak than anything else. "You want your hair to look like mine?"

"Yes!" She squeals excitedly, hopping on the bed with him. "Hair like yours!"

Shit. Shit, he doesn't do his own hair! He's a prince, he has a stylist-

"Dada?"

Damn it...look at that sweet face. Funny, he didn't realize Melody had his grumpy face.

"Alright, come here grumpy cat." He quickly grabbed his phone. "Kifaji? Yeah...bring me all that hair stuff my stylist uses and my tablet stand."

===========================================

As Leona works diligently, he silently notes to raise his stylists salary.

Melody is squirmy after a while...but luckily his baby girl is just as nerdy as him. Nothing a chess tournament on TV can't fix. Besides, hes a good multitasker! He watches the how-to video on his Ipad while carefully doing his precious cub's hair and violently judging the shitty chess plays.

How many more clips does he need? This kid has a lot more hair than he thought...

"Almost done?"

"Almost baby." He grumbles, trying to pick up the clip he dropped.

Sevens, his hands are sore! Twisting Melody's hair lovingly yet firmly, he feels that familiar bubble of annoyance. Why can't the royal stylist just do this instead?

Stop it, Leona. He thinks bitterly. Be the dad you wanted. Suck up being tired! You overblotted and still played spelldrive after! This is for your cub!

But it's been over an hour. And he is so, so tired. And he has practice tomorrow.

And his baby girl wants to be just like him.

He tries to ignore the weird feeling in his throat he gets when those doubts creep in again.

Come on man. Just a bit longer.

====================================

Almost two hours later, he's done. He's oddly proud of himself. And his reward?

He gets to go deaf!

Melody is squealing in glee now, running around with her tiny mirror.

"I look just like dada!" The tired dad hears her screaming down the hall. It's making him feel oddly smug, too. He actually did it.

Finally, he can reap his rewards. Snuggled tightly into his bed and using your maternity pillow he stole , he can finally sleep.

"DADA I WANNA PLAY DOLLS!"

...but for his baby girl, maybe sleep can wait until tomorrow.

[finalvortex]

Completely overanalysing Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings Episode 1

The opening is a deliberate parallel to the scene leading into Maria's death (images taken here from Shadow '05, although this scene is also in SA2). If you're paying attention you can immediately tell it's a fakeout, though: there's no alarm blaring, the lighting is blue rather than red, and Maria is pulling Shadow along instead of the other way around.

It's the aurora borealis. You can only see them from certain latitudes down there, but up here, we can see the whole...

Maria's a nerd.

Shadow is immediately prepared to catch Maria when she collapses.

The low gravity here only keeps your condition in remission. You should know better than to exert yourself.

This is new information I think? I don't think this makes scientific sense but I guess it provides a justification for why Maria is up here aboard the ARK beyond 'that's where the research is being done'. Only, the ARK was a space colony, there were other civilians aboard it as well, like the future GUN commander.

I can't wait for the day when we can finally return. I was created here. I don't know if there's a place for me on Earth.

I just wanted to highlight this exchange as significant to Shadow's overall character arc across his history, being one where he has carved out a place for himself on earth.

Love the way Maria comforts shadow here.

You and grandfather are doing your best. I'm just as happy to spend time with you here, while you both research-

I think this is just awkward wording, but surely Shadow isn't doing any researching?

My boyyyy

Hull breach in the experimental weapons wing! Multiple subjects are free of containment!

Multiple subjects? Given the events of Lost Impact, things are just escaping from here all the time, huh.

Here's the entries on this incident from Gerald's journal in Sonic Battle:

The higher ups are threatening to shut down this research facility. I had no choice but to hand them the Gizoid to buy more time for my research. I tried to be careful and commanded it to never absorb any dangerous technologies. However, I have heard that other researchers have been making the Gizoid absorb weapons. Apparently, the way to cause the Gizoid to form a new "Link" is to show it power that surpasses that of its former master. While this poses immense danger, I cannot risk losing Maria.

My worst fears have come true. The Gizoid has absorbed enough weaponry and technology that it has started to go out of control. The resulting rampage resulted in the destruction of most of the "Ark." ... I have deciphered the rest of the stone tablet. It says, "When the Gizoid had learned all that it could, it became a god of wrath, and all was destroyed." The researchers somehow managed to subdue the Gizoid and sealed it away.

That robot was heading towards Grandfather's lab! Shadow, you have to save him!

Why was Emerl - uh, well, I guess Project Gizoid at this point - headed directly for Gerald? If he was overloaded with power, like at the end of Sonic Battle, he should just be destroying things indiscriminately, right? So... was this a deliberate ploy by GUN to get rid of Gerald?

Maria grabbing Shadow's hand breaks the illusion briefly and triggers a trauma-induced flashback (forward?) to the GUN soldier shooting her. Compare with the actual scene from Shadow '05:

Again, why is Emerl specifically targeting Gerald here?

Not much to say about the fight scene aside from the fact that it's really well animated, and it happens with no background music to emphasize the weight of the blows being thrown. It's also really cool how Emerl copies Shadow's spin attack - you don't need to know how the Gizoid functions for that to be a cool visual, but it's a nice nod if you do.

Ok this is really confusing me. Is there any mention of GUN having a space fleet anywhere? Where did these things come from? They don't even share the same aesthetic as other GUN vehicles, they look more like the Egg Fleet.

Nice look at Shadow's Air Shoes from below the glass floor.

Next Shadow lands into Gerald's cell on Prison Island, which raises the question: why is this in Shadow's memories? Is this just his memory of the recording from SA2? Or was Shadow not put on ice until after Gerald's execution? We know it wasn't immediately after the ARK was destroyed, since he was around long enough for Gerald to alter his memories.

There is a bit of static distortion here, with an analog effect that implies it might just be the video.

On the other hand, we actually get these very brief flashes of Gerald's execution here, which we don't see in SA2 itself.

The professor gets farther and farther away from Shadow. He can no longer reach him.

Shadow then falls into a red sky, with bits of debris floating all around him, reflecting the final battle against Devil Doom in Shadow '05.

Interestingly, this scene is mixing imagery from both Gerald and Maria's deaths. The image of the GUN soldiers is the firing line that killed Gerald, and the sound of the lightning turns into automatic gunfire, as opposed to the single pistol shot that killed Maria.

Finally, Shadow falls into the giant face and outstretched hands of Black Doom.

Waking up from his nightmare in a panic, Shadow uses that damn fourth chaos emerald* to Chaos Spear this unfortunate tree.

*Okay, the fourth chaos emerald was the white one.

The moon looks so good.

Shadow stands in a field surrounded by lilies, a flower which can be used to symbolise purity as well as death, and is a flower commonly used at funerals. In particular, they are often placed on the graves of children.

That was no mere nightmare. And it all began in view of the ARK. Could he have survived? No, that can't be. I need answers.

Shadow seems to think the sight of the ARK is what triggered this nightmare. I think the only 'he' that makes sense here is Black Doom, since Gerald and Emerl are both pretty definitively dead.

Based on the trailer, I think from here Shadow is going to collect Team Dark to raid an Eggman base so they can obtain a rocket to get up to the ARK.

The song that plays over the credits is a remix of Throw it All Away. I have no idea why it shows footage of the biolizard fight, beyond "this is the Sonic Adventure 2 focused episode".

[where-dreamers-go]

I love your Dbh Connor writing 😍 can you please write something (if you'd like) in his pov of him realizing he *feels* for the reader, though he'd likely not know what that entails and what to call it. Just something introspective exploring his inner logic when it comes to his newfound deviancy? Thanks so much ❤️ I hope life treats you well!

“Feelings And Deviancy” Rk800 Connor x Reader

(A/N: Awh! I’m glad you’re enjoying them. Here’s a little something where Connor finds himself in a new routine with feelings he can’t pinpoint just yet. Warnings: Use of (Y/N) for your name. Word Count: 1,072 words)

Detroit held much to be discovered, especially when living was a new concept.

No more demonstrations or frantic humans in the streets.

It was almost quieter.

Connor took up walking to explore the city upon his deviancy. To rediscover the world.

Androids and humans were coexisting again. Nothing was perfect. Never was.

On one of his walking routes he had noticed a change. More life in a small bookstore beside an always popular coffee shop. The display window no longer appeared as a physical advertisement or thumbnail. No longer the attention-seeking images. Lined, stacked, and decorated with air plants were books. Physical books. Yes, there were always tablets for sale, but the display was not leveled. Nothing about it was symmetrical.

He was compelled to enter.

That was two months and two days ago.

Blinking, Connor found himself there again. The colorful bookshop in the shadow of quick service caffeine. He stood in front of the display. New books had been added, angled to show their spines, designed in detail to allude to the story’s tone.

Spying movement from inside, Connor moved to open the door and entered.

Familiar bookcases remained in their usual placements. Each shelf neatly arranged with books categorized by genre, author, and title. The usual.

I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Connor urged himself to search by sight and not scan. To take his time was a skill in need of practicing.

Light display flickering to yellow, he stepped further into the shop. He wasn’t alone inside. Towards the back, a couple of older individuals could be heard in hushed tones. They were regulars, almost every Friday.

He’s probably holding a stack of books for her again.

Connor found himself doing the same; visiting every Wednesday and Friday. Creating another routine.

What interest could a deviated android have in a bookshop?

Connor pondered on that question each day. Every time he would picture you instead of a simple answer. A connection to books, stories, and knowledge. The person responsible for decorating the shop’s window.

He found a particular interest in you, one of the shop’s employees. It started the first day you greeted him with your friendly smile and had yet to be stored away.

“Connor, hi.” Stepping around a table display, you waved to him while balancing three volumes in your other hand.

“Hello (Y/N).” He smiled, feeling something akin to happiness.

“How are you?”

Opening his mouth, ready to respond, Connor said nothing.

What was a truthful answer?

Connor sure wanted to know.

I am functioning properly, Connor thought. I’m not feeling any negative emotions. But they don’t want to hear that.

“I’m well.” He answered. “Thank you for asking.”

“No problem. I’m glad you’re well.”

At your smile, Connor took notice of his thirium pump increasing its speed. Something he was trying to look into over the past few weeks.

“How are you? Do you need help with anything?”

You laughed lightly and shook your head. “I’m pretty good.” Stepping over to the main counter, you added, “I can handle a few books. Just double checking these are in shelves too. Someone’s doing a pickup later. But thank you for asking. Again.” You sent him a teasing smile.

“Oh.” Connor stood still beside the counter, eyes downcast.

Embarrassment, he knew that emotion. Connor knew how it felt and it wasn’t his favorite. Feeling it while around you made him want to reset his system.

Do I ask to help them every time I’m here? Connor thought back to previous encounters and his embarrassment grew. I’m being polite. He urged himself to be more neutral with the fact of him wanting to help you.

Why wouldn’t he want to help you?

You were kind, had a good work ethic, and you made time to talk with him.

Connor appreciated you.

He appreciated other too, but he didn’t find himself trying to consistently learn their interests. That happened when he was with you, asking you handfuls of questions.

The more Connor learned about you, the more he could talk to you. Information one could not find online or in databases. Time one could not simulate.

“So what brings you here today, mister questions?” You inquired as you walked around the counter. Pulling out a tote bag, you placed the books inside one by one.

The corners of Connor’s lips lifted. A jolt of something registered through him. Not physical. An emotion that made him want to remain standing in your presence and perhaps hear you give him another nickname.

“I was wondering…”

You hummed shortly, letting him know you were listening.

“If there was a book you think I should read.”

Your eyes lit up in joyous surprise. “A million times yes.” You rushed out from around the counter and headed between a row of bookshelves.

Connor followed after you without hesitation.

“I don’t think I can just pick one,” you stated with two books in hand already. “So you have some options.”

“That’s great. Thank you.”

You sent him a smile over your shoulder. Then you resumed scanning the shelves, not wanting to miss a book you had in mind for him.

Knowing you already had options for him made Connor smile endlessly.

You thought of him.

They’re thorough. Connor thought as he got lost in watching you search.

Connor had never been around someone who he��felt such a variety of emotions for. Deviancy hadn’t lasted long enough for him to name them all.

How could he?

The situation and environments he found himself in was calm and new. Full of books, unique displays, and people going about their business. Seeing you had become a constant. Something he could count on even if each time would be different, lively.

Connor did not have anything in his past to compare his present to.

If I had more context, he thought, I could figure out what I should be doing. I like their company. I know that, but big deal. That doesn’t tell me what to do about besides visiting them twice a week. But…I do like being with them.

Slightly frustrated with himself, he made sure to keep it to himself.

So, Connor remained standing, keeping you company during your shift, and making you laugh. Soon three books purchased and all his own.

What would come from him having feelings for you?

Connor hoped he would find out in his new way in life.

~~~

(If you love my writings and want to support me, I have a Ko-Fi where you can buy me a coffee. I would be eternally grateful. coffee

Best wishes and happy reading.)

~~~~~

DreamerDragon Tags: @cubedtriangle

Detroit Become Human Tags: @shewhobreathesfire @

**Let me know if you would like to be tagged in insert readers, either through replies, ask, or message.**

[whump-imagines]

Ice

Will & reader (could be platonic or early relationship.)

900 words

For anyone else who was missing a certain red head on Wednesday...

You felt like Bambi trying to make your way across the parking lot toward the hospital. Between sleeping through your alarm and the icy road conditions you were running very late for your shift. In your haste to get out of the house, you’d thrown on your regular shoes rather than your boots.

About halfway to the door your tractionless shoes slipped and you took a full cartoon style fall– both feet up in the air to land hard on your back. The hit knocked the wind from your lungs and it took a moment to suck in a breath.

Seconds later, the pain registered. Your back and head hurt. Before you could even think of what you should be doing next, Will was kneeling beside you.

“Don’t move,” he said. He started to run his fingers down either side of your neck in search of any abnormalities. “You hit your head pretty good. Does it hurt?”

You coughed, your lungs still trying to function properly. “Uh, yeah. My back too, kinda like up between my shoulders.”

“Okay, can you squeeze my fingers?” He placed two fingers against both your palms and you did as he'd asked. “Good, and push against my hands like you're pushing the gas pedal.” Again, you did as asked.

“Fuckin’ ice,” you muttered quietly.

“Okay. Do you think you can sit up?” Will asked.

You took another deep breath. “Yeah.” He offered his hand and very slowly pulled you into a seated position. You closed your eyes tightly as dizziness set in. “Woah.”

“Talk to me, sweetheart.”

You peeled your eyes open, locking into his concerned ones. “Just dizzy. Really dizzy.”

“You probably have a concussion,” Will suggested.

A shiver ran down your spine. “Yeah, well, won't matter if I freeze to death out here.”

Will chuckled. “We are going to move slowly. I don't need you passing out because you stood up too quickly.” He shifted so he could stand to help you up. “Ready?”

“Yup.” You winced as you straightened up, pain flaring through your back. You took half a step to get closer to Will and your feet slipped slightly. You gripped onto his arm so tightly your knuckles turned white.

“Okay, you're okay. I got ya.” He started to walk slowly and carefully towards the doors.

Once you made it to dry flooring, you sighed in relief. Will kept your hand wrapped around his arm as he headed towards the nurses station.

“Hey, Mags,” he greeted. “What's open? She took a hard fall outside.”

“Oh, sweetie.” She rubbed your shoulder gently. “Take treatment one.”

“Thanks,” said Will. “Can I get thoracic and cervical spine x-rays and a head CT?”

“And something for the pain? Please?” You asked.

“Let's get 50 micrograms of fentanyl, too,” Will added. “Oh, and a warm blanket.”

“You got it,” Maggie noted all the requests in the tablet she was holding. “Any blood work?”

“No, just the scans for now.”

About an hour later, you had finished all the scans and were trying your best not to doze off under your second warm blanket. April had brought a new one when she'd come to check your vitals.

Will came in with the tablet in his hands. “How're you feeling? In too much pain?”

You gave him a thumbs up. “I'm possibly too comfy. I'm fighting the nap hard.”

“Good news then. You can nap shortly,” he said.

“Yay!” You said lazily.

“You do have a mild concussion,” he explained. “As well as two bruised ribs. So you're stuck here for observation until at least tomorrow but you can sleep if you want.”

“Well that's gonna hurt tomorrow. Awesome,” you added sarcastically.

Will squeezed your hand gently. “At least nothing is broken. Get some rest, alright?”

“Mmhmm,” you hummed, already giving into the pull of sleep.

You had no idea how much time had passed when you woke up. It seemed a safe guess that the pain was what had roused you. It felt like someone was digging a knife into your shoulder blade and breathing made it even worse.

You groped around the bed for the call button as tears welled in your eyes. A moment later, you found it and proceeded to push it several times. April pushed the curtain back soon after.

“You're awake,” she stated.

A tear rolled down your cheek. “It hurts. It hurts a lot. I feel like I can't even breathe.”

She quickly moved closer and took your hand. “Just squeeze as hard as you need to. Take slow breaths.” Within a few minutes she had calmed you down quite a bit. “I'm gonna go find someone to get you something for the pain. I'll be right back.”

She leaned out the door and you heard her tell someone that you needed something for pain. Will came in a second later and gave April a dosage for morphine.

“That should help,” he started. “I'll make sure to get you a prescription before we send you home too. Sound good?”

“Thanks, Will,” you said. He took your hand. “What would I do without you?”

He laughed. “Probably would have just frozen to death in the parking lot. So my shift is over soon and you're getting moved upstairs. What do you say to some pizza and a movie?”

“Ooh, yes. Please! Hamburger, bacon and extra cheese for me.”

“Okay. I'll see you upstairs in an hour or so.”

[yuseirra]

I really enjoy drawing them as gods! :) I'll keep drawing this version too while I can (and even after things clear up~)

I jotted about these guys earlier AGAIN and it's so funny, I'll put it in the read more

(was written in another language, translated in bulk by chatgpt~)

I set up my tablet to draw all weekend and started listening to Fatal again.

Seriously, this song… it’s just Kamiki, saying, “I can’t live without Ai~~ I want to see Ai so badly… Without her, I’m really going to die, I feel like I’ll die—what am I supposed to do?” That’s exactly what it sounds like.

It’s like Ai is Ame-no-Uzume, and Kamiki is her husband. He’s like a god who lost his wife and went completely insane. I can’t hear it any other way, seriously. If this isn’t the case, I’d be so disappointed! There’s just no other explanation for all the bizarre situations in the story. Every time I hear this song, I feel like I’m losing my mind because of this interpretation…

This isn’t Aqua. Right now, Aqua let go of his wish for Ai and is sinking deeper as he saves Ruby. No, it’s Kamiki who’s crying about not being able to live without Ai, wanting to see her that badly. What are we supposed to do with him? Why does he love Ai this much? (To be fair, the backstory is there. Watching his character unfold, I thought, "Yeah, it makes sense he’d fall for Ai.” Even before the song and Chapter 154 came out, I was certain of it.) He’s the only character who’d have such a “lack of Ai.” He lost Ai, and now he’s like, “My destiny is to get her back!” I’m sure that’s what’s driving him. He studied science in college, built a company, and went around doing all these things while telling himself, “It’s my fault, my fault,” and witnessing people dying. Seriously… what is this?

And his eyes—I feel they were originally golden, but it feels like something mixed in because of that black star, which changed the color. His eyes look so murky. I don’t think they were meant to be purple. Every other character has clear eyes, but whenever they show his in the anime, his color is cloudy, almost like something else is mixed in.

The Hoshino family’s eye colors connect to their names, but Kamiki’s name means “light,” so why the sudden purple? It could be, but his eyes look so cloudy, and no other character’s eyes have that quality. He’s not in his right mind… he really seems possessed. And why are the lyrics like this? Why do they have this meaning? If this isn’t revealed, I’m going to seek out the author myself. It’s almost funny. This song is just so strange.

It sounds like constant crying—a song of intense longing, he’s losing his mind. Once again, this isn’t Aqua’s emotional arc. Kamiki’s emotions are ten steps deeper than Aqua’s, maybe even more unhinged. He literally seems unable to live without Ai. But this makes sense if they’re a divine couple; they literally can’t function without each other. They need to be together, which even aligns with the things Kamiki says in the story. He was hers and she was his- What is he, really? He isn’t your average person. He’s genuinely strange. What he does is something that can't just be explained with charisma or “because he’s charming.” No, Ai and Kamiki must have originally been gods.

Honestly, Kamiki must be a god who was deeply devoted to his wife, driven to madness because people killed her. That’s why Aqua was assigned to dunk him into the sea to get him… This storyline would make so much more sense if this is it.

Ai must be crying in heaven if she sees what’s become of her husband. It’s so absurdly tragic. I feel like this direction would make more sense. I mean, what kind of story would it be if Kamiki were just “the bad guy”? We already know he was fundamentally a good person. How could an ordinary person even do all these things? I know the setting is modern, with cell phones, electronics, law enforcement, etc. But honestly, people buying into this guy’s ideals to this degree is baffling. He could only pull this off if he were a god.

Fatal… I’m sure I’ve shared my thoughts on this song countless times, but every time I listen to it, I feel like I’m one step closer to understanding its meaning. This song’s emotions are just so Kamiki. If this is Kamiki, though… well, he must really have loved Ai. He’s struggling so much, and you can really feel what it means to not be able to live without someone. He simply can't bear it. That’s how strong his love is.

At this point, can’t we just let him meet Ai again already? He fell apart because he couldn’t see her, even though he wanted to so badly. Was he really at fault for all of this? Is he actually responsible for Ai’s death? I don’t think so… If Ai had been there, he probably wouldn’t have ended up like this.

We need to find out the real reason Ai died, don’t we? This song has to mean something, right? There has to be a reason this song came out. I wouldn’t have started down this path if I didn’t feel I already knew the answer. If I were the author, I’d never make a character who wants to see Ai so desperately into her killer. Maybe Kamiki has some godly power that became unstable out of his anxiety, causing the chain of events that led to her death, but...

Now that we know Ai truly loved Kamiki, I can’t believe he’d even lay a finger on her. It just doesn’t fit his character or story. His behavior shows he isn’t capable of that. This is the same person who couldn’t even retaliate against people who treated him horribly, even those he cared less about than Ai. He was a kind person.

Looking at Kamiki’s consistent behavior, there’s always this gentleness, almost peacefulness. Even if he’s lost it now, that gentleness seems closer to his true nature. I feel like something forced its way into him and twisted him.

The person Ai loved was probably this part of Kamiki, the gentle exterior. If you look at it, it makes sense why she’d fall for him. He’s fundamentally that kind of person, but something happened to him.

I’m rarely wrong about things like this… There aren’t many chapters left now, so if I’m wrong, I’ll just take it as it comes.

Was Kamiki really the kind of person Aqua could treat that way? Honestly, I wasn’t satisfied watching the interactions between Tsukuyomi and Aqua. It didn’t feel good to watch them connect and talk sympathetically. Plus, if it turns out Ai loved someone who was truly insane, that’s another problem.

If Kamiki really did do horrible things, it would make more sense if they were god-level punishments from a god who went insane. If he were just a regular boy who lost it and became a serial killer… what even is that? That would be so disrespectful to people who have similar backgrounds. For a character like this, I feel like there should be a certain amount of care in how he’s handled. Otherwise, I'd really be upset. I’m sure the author understands that.

Anyway… it feels like the answer’s already in the song. Like the answer’s already been given. There aren’t many chapters left, so I guess we’ll find out soon.

[daceydeath]

Cigarettes and Cliches (Part 8)

Pairing: Felix x Reader Word Count: 4.7 Genre: Collage AU, Slow Burn Romance Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, Swearing, Explicit Activities, Alcohol

He was the most impractical guy for you to be interested in, the incredibly handsome cliché bad boy who collected girls like trophies. As hard as you wanted to hate him his persistence and hidden softer side just could be your undoing.

Managing to sneak into your shared apartment unnoticed you saw that both Seungmin and Jeongin's shoes were just abandoned in the entryway making you think they must have been at least more than tipsy when they got home the night before and from the lack of noise as you crept down the hallway it looked like they had not yet surfaced which helped you to relax and return to your room to quickly shower and change your clothes. By the time you had reemerged from your room and settled on the couch with a cup of coffee you could hear the sounds of bumping furniture and groans coming from one of the bedrooms which from the cursing that followed you recognized as Jeongin.

"Morning sunshine" you teased as his fluffy haired frowning face came around the corner into the kitchen, eyes scrunched up to protect him from the light.

"M’ning" he groaned, barely able to focus on you and he bumped straight into the cupboard he was trying to open to get a glass.

"How hard did you guys go last night?" you laughed silently getting up to help him get water and painkillers in his rather useless state “looks like it was a big one”.

"Seung and Minho had a drinking contest so he was fuuucked and I was playing beer pong and lost.... a lot" he smiled weakly taking the water and pills from you.

"I'll take some water and painkillers into Seung then and check he is still alive" you nodded knowing that they would have been so messy last night that they probably just passed out once they got into bed not noticing that you weren't home.

Taking a bottle of water into Seungmin's room you noticed he was still totally dressed from the night before and just laying on his front so you left the packet of tablets and the water on the bed side table and put your hand on his back to make sure he was in fact still breathing.

"Not dead, just wanna be" Seung's very croaky voice came from somewhere under his hood and bed head hair.

"Just checking, there's something to help" you smiled, patting his head and walking back out to the lounge room. Your phone chimed so you fished it out of your pocket to see who was texting you, only to hear more loud swearing from the kitchen as Jeongin spilled his coffee all over the counter and began wiping it up begrudgingly making you giggle again. Stepping around him you helped him pour another cup.

When can I see you again baby? I already miss you. 

You read the message and grinned at the butterflies that were now filling your stomach, and were starting to make you feel a little giddy. Felix always knew how to make you feel like a silly little school girl without any effort at all.

"What are you smiling at?" Jeongin asked, screwing his eyes up as he walked into the brighter side of the room clutching the coffee in his hands tightly.

"Just funny memes" you lied easily knowing he was too hungover to challenge you anyway.

"Oh you free tonight?" He blurted suddenly louder than you expected as the thought popped into his head.

"Yes.... why?" you blinked recovering from the jump scare he had just unintentionally delivered to your system.

"Dinner, all of us, tonight" he looked up at the ceiling like he was trying to remember all the facts he needed to tell you. "So like us, Chan, Changbin and Han, maybe the whore club at 8 but I forget where".

"I can do dinner but maybe give me Chan's number so I can text him for the details" you chuckled slightly at how much Jeongin was struggling to function "Then go back to bed Innie I'll order us food for lunch that you can eat when you wake up again".

"Thank you, you are the fucking best you know that? Plus hot you're also hot" he mumbled giving you his unlocked phone and shuffling back to his bedroom. You opened his contacts scrolling through until you found Chan's number then added it to your phone, also copying out Changbin's and Han's contacts in case Chan was in the same position that Innie was in.

“When did the agreement between you and Seung to tell me I look hot or cute or whatever happen?” you asked in confusion, after his retreating figure but he totally ignored you disappearing into the darkness of his room.

Are you and the guys coming to dinner tonight? 

You quickly texted to Felix before composing a text that didn't seem too random or confusing to Chan, in case he too was as under the weather as your two roommates. His reply came back pretty quickly giving you the details and being amazed that you had actually even spoken to either of your severely hungover friends.

The thing at Chan’s? Yeah we're going. We will have to sneak off so I can kiss you again baby

The images that your mind created of the two of you sneaking off had a flush creeping across your cheeks and down your neck as you read Felix’s reply. You would have to make sure that if you could sneak away you would and then it hit you that if you snuck away with Felix it would essentially be lying to your friends and the guilt began to set in. Not telling either Seungmin or Jeongin was essentially lying by omission and that made you a terrible friend in your mind at least, friends don't willingly lie to their friends about things like this.

Going back into your room you started up on some homework that you knew you should have been getting done but had left for a few days. If you were going to use the too busy to come home because of schoolwork excuse you needed to get as far ahead as possible so it was believable. You knew the two small tests you had at the start of the semester were going to be easy you had been prepared for them before they were announced knowing that they were also only a mock partial exams helped too since you could, hopefully ace them, and make your parents think you were now back in the top position in each of your classes. You also knew you needed to finish the last draft of a major assignment so that you wouldn’t have to deal with the stress later. By the time lunch time rolled around and you were hungry the others still hadn’t ventured out of their rooms so you ordered as much fried chicken as you could knowing that they would be happy to eat it left over if they didn’t surface when they smelt it. 

You pulled out some clothes to wear for the dinner and put them on the end of your bed, you knew you didn’t need to dress up to go the Chan’s apartment so you just grabbed some jeans that were a little tight around your butt and a slightly cropped top to that it would look like you hadn’t made no effort but you weren’t hoping to impress anyone. The buzzer from the door camera let you know the chicken had arrived and you went down to get it hoping that you would feel less nervous about what would happen later that evening. As you had predicted Seungmin managed to surface as the smell of fresh hot fried chicken followed you up the hallway and Jeongin followed suit sitting down at the table while you got them a hangover cure each and yourself a juice.

“Fried chicken, top choice” Seungmin smiled, taking a drumstick and tearing into it like a starving caveman making you pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Again the best” Jeongin agreed, picking up his own piece but not shoving it in his mouth quite as enthusiastically as Seungmin.

“I texted Chan and it's 8 o’clock tonight and their apartment” you informed both of them “I said you were both in but you can text him if you don’t want to go”.

You showered and started getting ready, your preplanned outfit and basic makeup to make you like nice but not too out of the ordinary, finally throwing Felix’s hoodie over your outfit so that you would be warm on the way there and also so you smell his scent without actually being close to him. If Seungmin or Jeongin noticed that it was a different hoodie they didn’t say anything but you did often wear super comfortable clothes which did annoy Jeongin at least to no end, so another large hoodie was nothing to take note of. Jeongin drove, having been sure that he was not going to have any alcohol left in his system and you sat in the back watching the buildings go by until you got to Chan’s. Knocking on his door, you waited with the boys watching the last of the colored traces of the day fade into the inky darkness of dusk, you suddenly realized that this must be what it was like to be normal, have a normal social life and a normal set of friends. It caused a small ache in your chest suddenly like you had missed out on something very important but it also gave you a rush of fondness for the two boys standing either side of you leaning on either the stair railing or the wall beside the door.

“Oh you two aren’t dead! Well done” Han laughed as he let you all in, listening to Seungmin grumble something under his breath as you slipped off your shoes “I’m glad you could make it tonight” He grinned at you turning his attention away from the others.

“Hi Han” you smiled back following him up the hallway to the lounge.

“The princess and her two trolls are here” Han announced as you turned into the kitchen waving to everyone else that was there. Changbin chuckled as whatever Jeongin called from down the hallway was muffled by the sounds of the six guys already milling about talking. Felix's eyes were already on you when you looked towards them, his lips turning up at the corners making you subconsciously bite your lower lip in response. 

“Pleased you actually got the message about tonight” Chan shook his head at the teasing that was already ramping up.

“Thanks for inviting me Chan” you replied, making your way around the kitchen to the other side of the island bench trying not to stare at Felix as you went.

“Hello kitten” Minho smirked as you sat yourself on one of the bar stools making you roll your eyes at him.

“Minho, you seem to be in pretty good shape considering you tried to kill Seung last night” you raised your eyebrows at him finally noticing the identical looks of mischief on both he and Hyunjin’s faces.

“Aw, didn’t know you cared so much” he teased, easily making Feix’s jaw clench and you rub your temples in faux annoyance and Jeongin came and sat down next to you placing a drink in front of you.

“Ignore Captain fucks-a-lot” he sighed sticking his tongue out and Minho.

“Rude” Minho laughed playfully, punching Jeongin and going to grab a beer from the fridge.

“We're just getting pizza. Is that good for you?” Chan asked, drawing your attention away from the others.

“That’s perfect. As long as it doesn’t come with a side of anyone's psycho ex” you quipped making Han and Seungmin burst into laughter.

“Yeah I can assure you the place we get our pizzas from doesn’t have that” Chan beamed, seeming much happier that you were comfortable enough to be cracking jokes. 

“When are you coming out to party with us again?” Changbin asked loudly, his voice easily blocking out the others.

“Um, I don’t know” you shrugged “I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to babysit me” you pointedly looked and Seungmin then Jeongin.

“Hey! we have cause, Felix had to rescue you last time” Seungmin challenged playfully.

“Yeah then had to sit through accusations of having sexy eyes by Innie” you gestured with your thumb to the boy to your right.

“When did I say that?” Jeongin yelped, completely confused.

“While you were staring at the ceiling I think” you recounted “you slurred something about why the fuck was Felix in the apartment, something about me being off limits and no sexy eyes then Seung had to help you get to bed” 

“All of that is in fact true bro”Seungmin confirmed as more laughter filled the room.

“Well I don’t remember it so it didn’t happen” Jeongin sulked, pouting slightly. Chan ordered the pizzas on his phone and got everyone more drinks, turning on the TV to pass time until all the food arrived. You noticed how close Hyunjin and Minho were to Felix and how annoyed he seemed to be at them so you just kept your distance and subtly watched them trying to figure out what was up. Feeling a little warm with all the scrutiny you slipped Felix’s hoodie over your head laying it on your lap until you could put it somewhere safe, you didn’t notice the look that Felix gave you as your shirt rode up or the fact that all the others had seen slightly more of you than you had planned.

“So what are you doing this week? Want to come hang out with us?” Changbin asked, clearing his throat and breaking you away from another glance at Felix. 

“I’m back at work next week but you can always come by and hang out there if you come around my break” you looked from him to Han who were both sitting on the other lounge to you.

“Did those bitches get expelled too?” Felix interrupted, confusing just about everyone else.

“Yes, both of them did. You don’t have to worry Felix no one is throwing hot coffee on me” you sighed heavily frowning lightly.

“Hold the fuck up what?” Han spat his voice harsher than normal as he looked between you and Felix.

“Two of Nali’s friends had planned to throw coffee on me at work, they were reported to the police and they were part of the group expelled so it’s fine. It’s over now” You explained biting on the inside of your cheek.

“Well we will definitely drop by the cafe then so we can keep an eye out” Chagbin nodded, his tone turning serious and Han and Chan both looked concerned.

“That old guy at the convenience store was right. I do have far too many bodyguards” you groaned, a loud knocking on the front door indicating that the food had arrived and you were being saved from furthering the conversation about how Felix knew this and some of the others didn’t. Lining all the pizzas up in the kitchen you all grabbed plates and helped yourself going back into the lounge to eat Chan putting a movie on in the background to fill the silence of you all chewing.

“Forgot to mention princess” Hyunjin grinned slyly “You looked extra cute in that hoodie”.

“Um, thank you Hyunjin” you answered slowly, looking at him suspiciously, noting that Minho raised his eyebrows suggestively from where he sat next to him.

“I swear I’ve seen one like that before” Minho added Hyunjins smirk growing and Felix who was now sitting at the end of the lounge beside Han and Changbin narrowed his eyes deliberately making you catch on finally to where they were going with the compliments, your stomach dropping at the realization that they both knew, because of course they knew, they lived with Felix they would recognize his clothes and here you were wearing it in front of them like an idiot.

“I imagine because it isn’t the only one in existence” you shot back hoping to sound sarcastic not panicked.

“What are you two up to?” Seungmin snapped at them, making them dissolve into knowing chuckles.

“Fuckers” Felix muttered quietly gritting his teeth.

“Idiots” Han rolled his eyes “So what kind of hours do you actually work? Can we just come hang out?”

“Oh yeah you can come by and just stay for as long as you want” you grinned toothily happy for something to change the conversation “I’m on pretty much every afternoon for the next week so starting at 2 finishing at 7. So I guess we could grab dinner one night instead if that was easier for you guys too” you mused thinking as you pulled out your phone to check if anything else was on your schedule.

“Absolutely” Chan nodded “That sounds like a good idea for us all to hang out without too much organizing”.

“And Seung and I can keep an eye out for you” Jeongin added, looking at you seriously.

“I swear you are more protective than my dad” you grumbled playfully making both Seungmin and Jeongin flush with embarrassment.

You continued talking about stupid stuff all only partially concentrating on the movie that was still playing in the background and eating until you felt like you couldn’t eat anything else. It was just another standard superhero movie so the fight scenes and graphics were easy to get lost in. Excusing yourself to the bathroom you made your way up the stairs phone in your hand as it chimed with a text.

God you looked so good in my hoodie baby ;) Just want you all to myself

You couldn’t help the spark that shot through you at Felix’s words chewing your lip. You thought about how forward you wanted to be when you responded.

I like wearing your clothes Lix, I like feeling like I’m yours.

You took a huge breath before you pressed send hoping that he would respond to that in a good way and not think you were being too much of a tease, even though part of you knew he would never think that considering how much you had already made him wait to even touch you let alone kiss you.

Fuck baby are you trying to get me to kiss you? because that is exactly how you get that to happen saying things like that.

You swallowed hard, Felix probably looked totally indifferent as they all say around drinking beer and matching the movie while you were standing in the bathroom looking like a tomato had decided to replace your face. Holding your hands under the cold running water you pressed them to your cheeks to try to calm yourself down. A soft knock made you freeze on the spot.

“It's just me baby” Felix chuckled quietly, almost sensing your dilemma. Letting out the breath you were holding you opened the door for him to find him leaning against the door frame looking devilishly handsome. 

“Hi” you whispered as he stepped into the bathroom, instantly sliding his hands around your waist, his fingers brushing against your skin agonizingly slowly, before pulling you against his chest pausing to let you decide what happened next. Leaning into him you brushed your lips against his tentatively feeling him smile against your lips. 

“You are definitely going to be the death of me” he murmured, kissing you needily pulling a soft moan from you as his teeth tugged on your bottom lip. Pulling away from him gently you backed out of the bathroom hoping no one would be any the wiser leaving him to shut the door behind him.

“You know I will never understand why girls take so long in the bathroom” Hyunjin smirked as you finally returned to the lounge and slipped back into the seat you had been occupying.

“I’m pretty sure it’s because we have better hygiene” you quipped looking at Hyunjin expectantly only for the others to laugh and whatever comeback he had to die on his tongue. Felix returned a couple of minutes later going to the fridge to get another drink.

“So I heard through a couple of girls that you are claiming to have a girlfriend, Lix. What the fuck is with that?” Han asked mockingly, making the others all laugh.

“Really? Is that because they came to you after I turned them down” Felix smirked, one eyebrow raised challenging Han.

“Are you going through our sloppy seconds Hannie?” Minho jeered, laughing at Han’s shocked face.

“Hardly sloppy seconds if she got rejected, is it?” Seungmin asked, brow furrowed in faux confusion.

“Even worse she’s bad enough to get turned down by Lix and you can’t even get her” Hyunjin cackled, throwing his head back.

“Who said she turned me down? But that isn’t what I was asking” Han pushed leaning towards Felix as though he expected an answer.

“Wow I’m gone for 5 minutes and were being mysoginists and slut shaming nice one boys” you screwed your nose up in slight disgust.

“Slut shaming?” Changbin parroted looking at you for an answer.

“You know most women love being referred to as sloppy seconds. It really makes us feel loved and respected” you replied deadpaned crossing your arms across your chest.

“Oh shit yeah, sorry about that” Han sheepishly scratched the back of his neck apologetically.

“I don’t care where any of you stick your dicks, as long as they aren’t psychos, but can you not be so gross in front of me?” you asked with slight disgust in your voice.

“You are right, of course we will be respectful from now on,” Chan promised, genuinely making the others murmur apologies to you and dropping the subject all together for the moment. As the night continued on you yawned your head falling back against the back of the lounge with a soft thud.

“We should get you home” Jeongin interrupted, patting your shoulder lightly. Both he and Seungmin had decided not to drink, which you were thankful for because you didn’t really want to have to visit them in hospital with alcohol poisoning.

“I’m alright Innie, we can stay as long as you want” you smiled lolling your head towards him. “Besides it’s nice to be here and not be puking with stress that a random lunatic has caused" making him grin at you.

Seungmin pulled you to your feet, stopping you from collecting the last of the plates scattered around the room and walked you towards the kitchen with Jeongin behind you. You waved around Jeongin's shoulders before stepping into the hallway and getting your shoes to go home. It had been a really nice evening. You had fun hanging out with them and nothing bad had happened which you felt was a huge success considering your previous visit to Chan’s place. Watching the streetlights pass the car window, your drooping eyelids were interrupted by your phone chiming and Seungmin and Jeongin’s conversation from the front seats. 

Goodnight baby, I miss you already ;) 

You typed back knowing that Felix wouldn’t be able to avoid the questions the others had now that you were away from them but that he could talk his way out of just about anything you had seen him do just that before, throwing out something else that could be used to take the piss out of one of the others to avoid having to admit anything .

Goodnight Lix

“So do you reckon the girlfriend thing is a cover to try to keep himself out of trouble? Or do you think there is some poor girl he’s leading on because she’s not bright enough to know what he’s like?” Jeongin asked Seungim, turning his head to look at him, his face red from the brightness of the traffic light in front of you.

“I’d like to think it's the former to be honest. Hyunjin said he got chewed out by the university head after the stuff with Nali so using it as an excuse to keep other loons away is a good cover” Seungmin shrugged checking the traffic before turning. 

“There is a third option though but to be fair I don’t even want to entertain the idea” Jeongin sighed, checking the mirror on the back of his visor to look at you while you looked at your phone pretending to be oblivious to the conversation they were having.

“I thought of that too and I’ll be honest I don’t love the idea but we can do anything about it either way” Seungmin muttered still staring out at the traffic around you.

“I know but I worry” Jeongin sighed. “What if it turns out like last time?”. Silence filled the car and you figured the conversation must be over so you leaned against the car window shutting your eyes.

“It’s not the same situation, and Felix isn’t Hyunjin” Seungmin finally conceded, making you wonder what the hell they were talking about. You stayed in the position you were in until your phone chimed again making you frown as you opened the message.

Baby. I’m sorry Hyunjin recognized the hoodie and told Minho so they have figured it out. Well they think they have figured it out.

The feeling that bloomed in your stomach was not easy to identify, it wasn’t fear and it wasn’t worry it was something else, making you wonder did you actually care if people knew you were dating Felix? Was what was happening between you even dating?. You could tell from the way Seungmin and Jeongin spoke they were referring to you and Felix just now but they didn’t seem angry, they seemed concerned or even a little bit unwilling to accept that perhaps there was something between you. 

Your thoughts were jumbled, what if the revelation of you and Felix being together made people think that there had been some truth to what Nali has said about you? Or what if by some bizarre set of circumstances your parents found out and had you pulled from university? There was no way that you could imagine that they would realistically find out, no one from home knew what you were even studying let alone what your personal life was like and none of the guys would rat you out to parents they knew treated you badly. Remaining deep in thought you missed the following messages that he sent, not even realizing until you were in your room 20 minutes later.

They won’t tell the others if you’re scared of their reactions, baby. They wouldn’t hurt you like that.

I’m willing to tell everyone we’re together if that’s what you want.

I know this is new to you, I don’t want to push you baby.

Are you overthinking again? 

I’m guessing from the silence you are, I'll give you some time then.

Staring at the messages you weren't sure how to react. You had been on one date with Felix. You had kissed him a handful of times and you had shared a bed when you had gotten caught in the rain. But the futhest he had gotten with you was making out and he had even apologized about moving to fast when you had. But the fact that he had called you his girlfriend and told you repeatedly he was serious about you didn’t change thee fact that neither of you had actually discussed it, he had told you he had said it to make girls feel less hurt when he turned them down and when he said it to you it was always unserious.

Felix, am I your girlfriend? Is that what this is? Or are you still just saying that to let other girls down gently?

You washed up and changed into some pajamas so you were ready to go to bed while you waited for him to reply with anxiety gripping at your chest as you waited for the little dots to show he was typing.

Will you give me that chance? I only want you no one else matters to me just you.

Before you could answer Felix you needed to know why Seungmin and Jeongin were comparing you and Felix to their previous roommate and Hyunjin and why it was some kind of sticking point for them and since you weren’t sure if you would get the full story from them you knew you would need to ask some of the others or even Felix before you could make a decision.

A/N: Thank you for reading my lovelies as always your support means the world to me xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @armystay89, @damnyouficc, @roamingpolar, @bakedlilgoonie, @shiy, @is2cb97, @beautifulixr, @skyhold-tara, @army-stay-noel, @skizzel-reblogs, @facelesswrittes, @animehideout, @mrsseals16, @honey-pop, @fawnpeaks, @leeknowinggg, @uno7, @seungminluv3, @obeythemasters, @tanzen-ist-gold, @thicccurls @juskz @3rachasninja @reiheis @partyparty-yah @leeknowyah @warren-thedarkangel

[nyahkmenrah]

thinking about trans exhibits

hear me out,,, one of the exhibits is trans, what are their options for transitioning?

the statues and wax figures could easily have their bodies altered with some sculpting and carving during the day, so when they wake up at night they've basically had surgey. The minis could do that too, although it'd be very fiddly to pull of because they're so small. The fabric based exhibits like the maniquens could be sewn, or cut and re-stuffed with fabric scissors. same goes with the taxedermy exhibits. the issue would be hiding it from the day staff/public. Some of these exhibits are priceless historical artefcats after all, Larry would defs loose his job if he gave top surgey to an ancient statue. so some exhibits may unfortunaley be unable to surgically (gender affirming arts and crafts?) transition due to the fact they're priceless artfeacts.

For mummies and other reanimated corpses,,, I mean I suppose a really good surgeon may be able to pull off surgey on a mummified body?? Otherwise it'd have to be done at night when they're alive, put under anestesia, but again, the whole priceless artfect thing. Can't be messing with ancient bodies unless you want to catch charges.

Not sure how hormones would work on people made of wax and stuff, the tablet does seem to replicate bodily function since the exhibits can eat and breathe and stuff, so maybe it could work?? or maybe theres something the tablet can do to change how it simulates bodily functions for that individual.

Aslo imagine Larry stressing the hell out with an exacto-knife trying to give surgey to a mini, making Nicky hold a magnifyling glass still and sweating bullets.

[lraerosesims]

How I draw: Silver Metallic Buttons for Sims 2 Textures

As we all know, Sims 2 doesn't really appreciate large file sizes/dimensions for it's textures, so sometimes you have work very closely with the individual pixels. Here is how I draw buttons. Video is sped up so don't feel like you need to draw as fast as me!

Side note: this tutorial is created on the basis that you already know how to use the basic functions of Sims BodyShop to extract the texture file. There's plenty of tutorials out there explaining that so please don't ask me to clarify on that part. Anyway, on to the buttons...↓↓↓

What you need:

A PC

Digital Drawing app (like Photoshop, Krita etc)

A Graphics Tablet with pen - you could try this with a mouse but I wouldn't recommend!

And obviously Sims 2/Sims 2 BodyShop

First off, create a new layer - we don't want this button permanently stuck to our base texture. Then I get a standard hard edge brush (I use Krita as my drawing software, so just use whatever hard brush is available in your preferred software/app). Because I'm making relatively small buttons, I make my brush 7.09px in size. Select a mid to light grey colour as the base. Make a single circle.

Then decrease the brush size to be nice and small. As a comparison to my 7.09px circle, I decrease to 0.01px for this next step. Choose a slightly darker grey colour and lightly sketch in a 'semi-circular line' about 3/4 of the way around just in from the edge of the circle. By lightly sketching - and not pressing down hard, you'll get varying tones on each pixel to represent different reflections on the 'metal'.

Next choose a darker grey again, and lightly sketch around the similar area as the last colour, but don't be too fussy on hitting the same pixels - we want varying tonal values for our shadows.

Then choose white and lightly sketch the 'catch light' part of the button. This doesn't need to be right in the centre, in fact it's better if it's off to the side, or towards the top more. We're not always facing directly towards a light source so this creates a more realistic lighting effect. You'll see me select the same mid to light base grey I used just to lightly dust over the edges of the white area to soften it a tiny bit (only do this if your white edge is a little to crisp).

After that I go back and forth between a few different tones of grey to lightly sketch over the parts we haven't really drawn on yet. This just helps create some gradual shading that enhances the 'roundness' of our very flat, very 2D button texture.

Once you're happy with the shadowing (remember it looks somewhat janky this close up, but you can always zoom out to see if the button looks more smooth when further away), you can then make another layer, and drag it below your newly made button layer in the layer menu. Select a soft edge brush and increase the size to slightly wider than your buttons overall size (I chose 9.14px compared to my 7.09px button)

Choose black from the colour wheel/palette and lightly build up the shadow underneath the button, gradually increasing size and opacity until desired tone. If the colour of the 'garment' in this texture is light then keep the shadow to a minimum, if it's dark then the shadow needs to be deep enough to show up.

Zoom out and inspect how this button looks further out. If you're satisfied, then merge the button and shadow layers together, copy/paste it as many times as needed for the garment you're texturing and Voila! You made buttons for a Sims 2 Texture!!

Feel free to ask any questions below - I'm definitely no professional, especially in creating tutorials so I'm more than happy to clarify if something didn't make sense.

[cityzenshark]

Terran Mirage with Malto Terrans -- Jawbreaker

1 - Hashtag | 2 - Twitch | 3 - Jawbreaker | 4 - Nightshade | 5 - Thrash

(disclaimer: this is a fanfic, don't take it seriously with the canon)

[A.N: the full story is now fixed! Enjoy reading!]

Mom said hugs heal all hurts yet told Jawbreaker not to give Mirage a hug unless he asks, which didn't look like it'll happen anytime soon. So how can Jawbreaker help make the Diaz Terran get comfortable with the Maltos?

“Let him help you find an alt mode,” Hashtag suggested, “with the power of cinema!” she gestured at the video camera JB was holding.

The next thing Jawbreaker knew he was holding Dad’s tablet reading interview questions prepared by Hashtag while Mirage sat next to him, confused out of his mind.

Even though the whole take went awkwardly, Mirage shared that he simply wanted his alt mode to look pretty and that he did not think much of its function. Having a pretty alt mode sounds nice, thought JB, but he did not want it to be just pretty. He wanted his alt mode to be… He has no idea.

So Hashtag brought him and Mirage to see Megatron and Elita-One.

Though still feeling lost, JB took Elita’s advice to spark that his alt mode didn’t need to be a vehicle. He also noticed that she kept staring strangely at Mirage to which he asked her about it. The Autobot answered it was nothing.

After Nightshade chose an owl alt mode, it clicked to Jawbreaker that he could choose to have a beast form. However, every large animal photo he went through did not resonate his spark still. While his siblings stop pushing him to keep searching, Mirage kept suggesting whatever large animal that seemed most suitable for JB. He appreciated it a lot but his indulgence ran out of enthusiasm eventually.

On one late night Jawbreaker went to the cow paddock alone, his mind empty whilst his spark continued to long for an alt mode he has yet to have. He thought he’d be alone with the cows. To his surprise, Mirage was there as well, staring longingly at the night sky.

“What are you doing?” asked JB.

“Night sky-watching.” Mirage answered.

“You mean stargazing?” Twitch and Thrash said they’ve done it many times before knowing how to sleep.

“No. I’m looking at everything in the sky. The moon, the clouds and the stars, too.”

It made sense. “Can I join?”

Mirage appeared hesitant. “I don’t want to talk right now…”

“It’s okay. We can night sky-watching together.” Jawbreaker heard from Dad that if someone didn’t want to talk didn’t always mean they were refusing company. Maybe Mirage needed one now.

It turned out he did. He thanked the bulky Malto and two watched the night sky for hours on end.

They did it again on the following night after Bumblebee’s ruined race (after Twitch hurt Mirage). And again to calm down after the not-so-peaceful lesson at the Spacebridge Memorial. And for the last time when Mom and JB’s sisters brought him back after the terrifying incident in the city, this time with Hashtag and Nightshade accompanying them both.

Jawbreaker couldn’t understand why Thrash did not like Mirage Diaz. The ‘envy’ in their link hurt. His triplets agreed. Hashtag was very upset at Thrash whereas Nightshade advised her and JB to not be harsh on their big brother even though Nightshade was upset at him, too.

On the day when Mirage was about to leave with his family for New York, Jawbreaker promised to inform him whenever he finally gets an alt mode. When they meet again weeks later, the now orange and spiky JB ran to him in excitement and transformed.

“My favorite dinosaur!” Mirage hugged stygi Jawbreaker by the neck and squealed in pure delight. Jawbreaker curled tighter to the embrace, feeling happy himself.