#but also i did start on S10 and

[psalmsofpsychosis]

by gods, for all that i fucking hated the second half of season 9 and had been hating Fiona's characterization since season 5 basically, her leaving doesn't get easier even if you watch the scenes 50 fucking times

[birddcandle]

hermit portraits of Joe, Jevin, and Joel

[clumsycapitolunicorn]

.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

man I really would love to see an (explicitly) religious companion on Doctor Who. esp one who's written in such a way as makes their faith relevant to the storylines and challenges and tests it but ultimately remains respectful and keeps the theme of it relevant within the specific science fiction setting that Doctor Who occupies. I personally just think that would be great.

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

[babysoftboyking]

why did supernatural become a sitcom comedy in later seasons…. like it’s so bad.. it’s clinical

[fceriestcrdst]

my autistic ass avoided watching the x-files because i knew it would consume me....

& now here i am fully consumed even though I've only watched the first few handful of episodes of s1 (i'm regaining spoons needed for media consumption), but let me tell you w h a t!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so excited i started crying because it combines unbridled pining, a skeptic & her believer husband partner, true crime, weird mythology, aliens (which i already knew abt obvi), unlikely besties who are prepared to square up at all times (re; scully being cold towards the agents mocking mulder & mulder being ready to fight g o d whenever anything happens to scully).

i just love the show a lot & i expected this but goddamn!!!!!! it's wormed into my spin category & now my alien spin is returning along with my 'unexplained happenings spin!!!!! i'm being consumed i tell you!!!!

[notscarsafe]

OKAY SO what with the TWO new Hermits implied by the updated banner I will say that, though the Skizz truthers have me convinced, I now have room to do my own crazy red string monologue and throw my hat in for my choice

1) Mythical J. Sausage (the J is silent) is a multitalented S-tier builder that absolutely deserves to be shoulder to shoulder with the Hermits. The man does buildings, interiors, terraforming, custom trees, and he does them SO WELL.

2) The production values!!! Beautiful replay mod sequences with shifting camera perspectives, shaders, music that sets the tone for each segment that's different from series to series. He already has more than a million followers on YouTube and for good reason!!

3) He has been SO consistent lately. He started a hardcore world about three months ago (about the time you might expect the Hermits to finalize their s10 choices maybe...???) and already has 15 episodes and hasn't gotten involved in any other big content. (He did just start playing a little of the BCG server but from what I understand that's super casual /copium copium copium).

4) That hardcore world is conveniently about to reach a good "pause" point. He started his world on a cherry blossom biome island that he's filled with a medieval village and starter farms, he's said it's almost full and what's left is the castle. I'm guessing the new season will start the first week of February, so if Sausage puts out a video this week building out that Castle and finishing that island it will be MIGHTY CONVENIENT TIMING.

5) This man can GRIND. His Hardcore world hasn't even been going half a year and he's built... So much??? Magnificent! And when he was on the Hermitcraft server he did the Razorcrest for scar AND the player head baby yoda/stormtrooper merch AND the noteblock themesong AND still built in the xmas village and other "diamond of peace" and so many other shenanigans. Did the man even sleep? He can grind with the best of them.

6) He can do redstone, too! Maybe not unique designs, I honestly don't know, but he builds farms for build materials no problem.

7) The DRAMA this man loves his improv and his backstory and trauma lore! For every series he does! Can you imagine if he gets to interact with Ren for an extended period of time, what that would do to them, to us?? Give Martyn a run for his money!!

8) Which brings me to my next point, which is that Sausage is already One of The Gang, because he's been in series with so many of the Hermits already! Empires and the crossover, obviously, but also Pirates with Cleo and Origins with Scar, and he's even done MCC! Joel is the only other player with the same depth of different series but there are other people truthing him already.

9) The EPIC BROMANCE with Pearl. My god the devotion of this man to his sunflower goddess bestie. I would try to do ot justice but y'all have seen floweroflaurelins work, you already know.

10) He's already a PG streamer but with HILARIOUSLY PG-13 tendencies. Imagine him and Cleo cracking each other up at an HHH stream, *grips your shoulders* IMAGINE IT.

11) Sausage comes with his own mascot in the form of interdimensional dog extraordinaire Bubbles, but he's also just an animal lover on general. Mans drinks his "I love Jellie" juice and had her in his world even before the sad news of her loss.

12) Diversity win! No one should be hired just for their gender, race, sexuality etc etc unless it's truly necessary to the job, but we were all happy when more women got added to the server in s8 and I know a lot of people would be happy to see some ethnic diversity added, too.

... That bulletin board had a lot more pins in it than I thought it did but anyway MYTHICALSAUSAGE TRUTHERS/ALL OTHER TRUTHERS RISE UP SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! we'll only get to wildly speculate for a few weeks so we might as well make it everyone else's problem ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!!

[chiisana-sukima]

nine people i want to get to know better

Thank you for the tag, @slutsons-blog! Starting a new post because I'm autistic and therefore mostly only care about the "Current Obsession" question, and want to ramble excessively as usual in that one.

Last song: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team: Pokemon Square because I'm currently playing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with my daughter. Otherwise I honestly couldn't tell you. Whatever was on in my car.

Fave color: Purple

Currently watching: Star Trek Discovery

Last movie: Knives Out

Sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet, tart, salty

Relationship: married x 27 years

Last thing I googled: the word "dependent", for spelling assistance. which is a good thing because I spelled it "dependant".

Current Obsession: it's been spn since 2016. Truly we are the Hotel California of media franchises. I did recently play Disco Elysium twice in a row in quick succession, and I follow the DE tag. I can't recommend the game highly enough.... but I can feel my Special Interest-level obsession with it fading already. Spn has never faded even a tiny bit and I wonder if it ever will.

@slutsons-blog I feel after reading that you're watching spn for the first time, that I did you a bit of a disservice with my Sam takes to you before in that I mostly talked about Sam's evolution as a character as the show goes on and very little about him from the first five seasons.

Gotta be honest and tell you that although I liked both brothers all along, I was a Dean girl until the end of s6/beginning of s7, when the balance of who gets whumped the most started shifting and my subconscious suddenly decided to switch allegiances. It's not that I liked Dean any less; my id just loves a sopping wet pathetic kitten of a man who has been sexually abused, and Sam got suddenly way more kitteny and pathetic after the Cage. So I don't actually have a ton of takes on "what to love about Sam in the early seasons". I do love early seasons Sam too--she is my beautiful baby princess--but my early seasons takes are a lot more inchoate.

I count myself lucky about my id's sudden defection though, because I think we have limited control of who our blorbos are, and having Dean as a blorbo is a tough row to hoe as the later seasons go along. You know how you noticed that in s6, Dean suddenly gets a lot more assholey without apparent reason? Unfortunately he never gets better again, and in fact keeps getting worse and worse as the years go by, until by the last seasons he is openly far more abusive to their joint child(-in-an-adult body) than John was to him and Sam. It's a realistic picture of what can happen when trauma keeps piling up on people, but it's also honestly pretty distressing, especially if he's your blorbo.

If one is in it for the ship, there's some good destiel content in the later seasons, but if you're in it for Dean, you're left either 1) dealing with the fact he's got extremely significant interpersonal problems that he never gets much of anywhere on solving and that negatively impact his chosen family in profound ways, or 2) pretending he's the same character he was in s1 and Sam is the same Sam from s1, only more boring, and Dean is just trying to put up with him because he was brainwashed by John (or ig 3- something in the middle between those two. But that seldom seems to happen in practice for whatever reason). These two versions of the show are poorly compatible, and that's how the Sam girls and the Dean girls end up in isolated silos. A few people manage to live in both, but not many.

Anyway, I feel like without the context of how Sam and Dean change in the mid to late seasons, the two fics I recc'd as Sam character studies are going to seem insanely Dean-critical, so if you haven't read them yet, you might want to wait until s10. In the meantime, the general recs are fun reads and hopefully do a good job of showcasing both characters earlier on.

Tagging (but I would be a huge hypocrite if I didn't specify there's no pressure to respond, since I almost always fail at responding to tag games myself): @adihildilid @aliusfrater @quietwingsinthesky @sammygender @ardentpoop

@peanutbutterandbananasandwichs @schizosamwincester @normalbrothershow @jellybracelet.

[yaboihaisel]

Artober day 2, I pulled these lovely green and blue markers and didn't know what to do with them until a friend pointed out that they are the exact colors of Gem's outfit, so... here's Gem lol. (More ramblies below the cut)

I was genuinely so tempted to cheat and use a third sharpie to color her hair orange but I resisted! Day two is too early to be breaking my own rules lmao. In the past for Artober, I've always started with a solid rule set, then I break the rules bc "oh it's just for fun I can add another color" and then it spirals out of control and I'm burnt out by day 10. So, I'm sticking steadfast to my two sharpies rule until it is genuinely no fun, but like I said. Day two is too early, and I did have fun with this drawing! I actually loved the sketch so much I took a picture of it, so maybe after Artober is done I can revisit this and render it digitally. No promises lol

Anyway, I made her a moose NOT JUST BECAUSE SHE'S CANADIAN but also bc moose fits her vibe better. Moose are pretty chill... until they're not. Which fits our dear Gemini Slay very nicely I think lol. Plus it also fits her s10 base theme bc moose are excellent swimmers! Look it up, it's wild how deep they can dive

Oh also its a small detail but I put friendship bracelets on her as a reference to her latest vlog. You better believe one of them is the pickle bracelet lmaooo (in my mind. In reality it is circles lol)

[shallowrambles]

I love the view that Dean figured out his deeper feelings for Cas in 6 & 7, and the majority of 8 was Dean arcing out of his hero-worship and people-should-never-let-me-down neuroses.

And then.

Post-perceived rejection… (Remember: Cas threw OFF Dean’s hand in Purgatory, and cut OFF cupid’s hand when it was aimed at him.)

So. Late Seasons 8 to mid-12 are Dean actively trying to get over Cas. In s9, he’s off-key paralleled with Josie Sands and Abaddon. (When it’s actually Hannah who’s “the Josie.”) Then he transitions into a reversal-power arc, towards being force-fit into the cartoonish, dare I say ham-fisted Cain role and its parallels. (They spell out the parallel in a distinctly odd way, esp for SPN. Too on the nose. Prescriptive. That’s because it’s actually mirroring Dean’s power fantasy according to Dean’s deepest, least charitable, nihilistic wishes.)

In s10, Dean still appears hung up on Cas, trusting him with the blade and begging him to help kill him if he becomes disinhibited/loses his free will again. Also, “I’m glad you’re here, man,” and Cas’s awkward reply, “Another time. There’s a female waiting in the car.” In a way, Dean’s feelings and fantasies serve to taunt him. The Cain parallel itself feels like a taunt.

Dean may realize Cas “admires” him but it’s definitely not the way Dean wants, that is: not like a secret admirer. Dean is mad for the unbalanced power dynamics re:Cas in the past. Now in Dean’s power reversal: Cas gets the wife treatment and Dean gets paralleled with the powerful Cain figure. He gets to beat Cas just as Cas beat him.

And it’s no accident the Dean’s power reversal arc culminates in a reverse-crypt. Because that’s what Dean’s bitter about. (“That’s not gonna be a problem = You can’t hurt me anymore, not like you did.”) It’s rooted in the bitterness of perceived rejection. That’s why Cas bears the brunt of Dean’s anger here.

Afterwards, Dean feels soooo guilty for being angry.

Later…

At various points, he tries to reassure Cas he’s okay with and appreciates how things are: a best friend, a comrade, a brother. Acceptance!

Dean spent season 10 dealing with his baggage and hoping hopelessly, then in season 11, I think he resolved to accept things. He may have toed the water with sexual tension and short shorts at times, but overall he was trying to live with Cas and let Cas off the hook.

He also encouraged Amara to deal with her own baggage the way he’d worked through his. Season 10 was his reversal arc: him in power for once, with Cas getting the wife treatment and Sam’s corruption being highlighted for once. And in season 11 he was spirited away, dealing with being powerless once more.

After that was done, he tried to swallow his feelings and let go of Cas, the way he encouraged Amara to let go of him.

He may perceive season 11 as his letting go of irrationally wanting Cas. The car scene may represent him giving Cas an out. Even releasing him from any perceived obligations.

So when Cas shows interest in season 12, I do think that threw him! Made him so nervous that he started hoping again, getting all tentative with his little mixtape.

Then Cas returns the damn mixtape. (Burned again!) But instead of getting bitter, Dean says to keep it, it’s a gift. Then he mumbles another “we’re all stronger together,” lil spill to cover his embarrassment.

Because now, he’s fully accepted that he loves Cas. Dean’s feelings haven’t faded so he has resolved to live with them as they are. No matter how many times he gets his hopes up and disappointed.

But now, Dean’s more scared. In season 8 he was ready to tell Cas “I love you.” He spent four years trying to navigate those unrequited feelings and convert them into familial camaraderie.

It’s much scarier in s12 with cosmic consequences on their heads, and Dean with everything he’s ever wanted just at his fingertips.

My fave thing about it all is that Dean and Cas are ready for each other at wildly different points and hardly ever sync up in between all the disasters.

[ladykakata]

I just saw your post about ian’s disorder and how it distorts his reality and makes him question why mickey remains in his life and you really hit the nail on the head. people rarely talk about gallavich’s relationship battles from ian’s perspective unless it’s to criticise him and I think a lot of people find it difficult to relate to his issues ig? but mood disorders go hand in hand with anxiety, identity and confidence issues. but I also think its a writing issue because so little of ian’s experiences with his illness comes from his own perspective. so it makes sense the audience tends to sympathise more with mickey because we don’t get to see ian’s personal struggle or his reasoning for certain behaviors and s10 is one of the rare examples where he got to explain his issues and the audience still couldn’t understand. sorry this is ranty lol but I’m just happy to see more meta that defends some of ian’s actions 😊

Thank you <3 It makes me sad to see so many comments practically demonise Ian, and while Ian DOES do questionable things, he's no more or less blameless than Mickey.

A comment on my post mentioned that Ian fought for Mickey just as much as Mickey fought for Ian ... in the early seasons. Remember, Mickey literally beat Ian up in frustration over the situation with Svetlana and the forced marriage. Does him attacking Ian get him off the hook for what he did? No. Does it justify it? No. It's context, not justification, which can be two entirely different things. Ian refused to let Mickey go, he loved Mickey and was visibly heartbroken at the idea his man was slipping away, even if Mickey was trying to cover up his own upset by acting aggressively. Stans might paint Ian as in the wrong again, saying he should have been supportive of Mickey going through the forced marriage and understanding it's not as 'easy' as Ian makes it sound for Mickey to just deny his father. But bearing in mind, their relationship was still very young, Ian knows Terry is a disgusting and violent man, but the sense of doom and horror is not the same unless you've grown up with it and lived it like Mickey.

Ian fought for Mickey. And Mickey fought for Ian during his bipolar struggles. Keeping score is NOT wise in relationships, so I wouldn't call this keeping score, more them trading places in who is asking the other to stay or saying they love the other during dark times.

Another point is that this was all before Ian's bipolar condition really started to manifest, so Mickey must have been even more confused that the man who was distraught over him entering a meaningless marriage was suddenly pulling away and questioning his devotion. Emotional permanence is difficult in a lot of conditions, again I am not bipolar myself but DO have pretty erratic emotional issues that mean I can go from feeling adored to feeling like the scum of the Earth everyone hates, and there's the persistent background hum of feeling unwanted that's lifelong. Ian gets a triple-hit in that he's a middle child (younger than Fiona and Lip, older than Carl, Debbie and Liam), he's inherited Monica's bipolar disorder and his chronically unstable home life tends to lead to the idea of feeling wanted by his parents and forgotten by most. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt like his mother just rejected him/abandoned him considering how often she is gone, Frank has literally attacked him unprovoked and it was only when he grew in height and gained some confidence he really started to push back, and he is neither the baby of the family nor the parent figures that Fiona and Lip were forced to be. The people he tends to form relationships with tended to lean towards lust with no real chance at a stable, happy relationship (Kash, a married man with children, and Ned, who is the same albeit Jimmy is an adult) before Caleb and Trevor, which wouldn't surprise me if he again subconsciously thought he was disposable.

I guess I'm picking up on the side effects of Ian's neurodivergence, and it pairs with a comment remarking on how people are supportive of mental health disorders until their effects affect them, then suddenly everything is unacceptable. Again, some of Ian's actions are not justified - I'm once again referring to him baiting Mickey into a physical fight by calling him slurs - but he himself explains why he did it. Mickey looked past it, and I do wonder if he's realising that yeah ... Ian, the man HE knew and who was proudly gay with very little tolerance for homophobia, suddenly turning around and calling him slurs was incredibly out of character and likely another moment of Ian's brain lashing out.

Ian did negative things to Mickey, and he should apologise. Just as Mickey has done things to Ian and should apologise. One is not better than the other. Mickey's reasons for doing things can lie with his upbringing, PTSD and circumstances, Ian's reasons can lie with bipolar disorder, his upbringing and circumstances. But they are still well-intentioned for each other, and I think they do help bring out the best in each other.

[iheartmoons]

ok ok ok i was thinking about why people think ian doesn't show mickey enough love again. (i used to think so too a while back, but i stopped and i'll explain why)

i think s10 and 11 gallavich are slightly inaccurate, but i do think there's also some truth to it that the writers probably didn't even intend. not sure if this is a common thought in the fandom, but i think ian loves control and normalcy. i think sometimes he takes it too far, like when he was starving himself, but there's other times like his enjoyment of ROTC and his love for the gym + doing all the running w/ carl and pilates classes w/ mickey which suggests that he enjoys having a routine. i think that's because his disorder makes him feel out of control, even if he does have meds, and so he feels like he needs to prove to himself that he is a controlled and calm person (which he is, he's like the second most normal gallagher when he's on his meds). a lot of people say that mickey has a loud love language and does a lot of wild things for ian, and in contrast ian is very reluctant to reciprocate. (i mean, he did almost go to mexico with mickey... but again, he felt himself losing control and proved that he does have self-restraint to not throw his entire life away). anyways, so when ian doesn't immediately agree to throw his parole or marry mickey, people feel like he doesn't love mickey enough.

how i see it, ian has had to work really hard to find a life which is comfortable and normal (which he also threw away during an episode and ended up in prison). so he doesn't do crazy shit for mickey and instead likes to talk things through (i REALLY hated their marriage plotline when i first watched it, but rewatching, i realised that ian is actually being really rational even if it is a bit mean + hurts mickey). the reason he talks things through and doesn't act quickly is because ian's view of a good life is one that's controlled and comfortable, so it makes sense that he wants his love life to reflect that. he doesn't want to start being impulsive or crazy for love, because he already does enough of that when he's triggered. his active effort to be stable with mickey and not immediately marry him etc, just shows that he cares about their love and doesn't want to fuck it up by doing something crazy based purely on emotions (+ the other reasons he doesn't wanna marry). in fact, i think it's a really good thing that ian's a bit more quiet and rational about loving mickey because it really balances them out. i'm also glad mickey realises his flaw in wanting ian to do crazy shit for him. ian can show his love in other, better ways <3

[golden28s]

Acts of service is in a very obvious way Mickey's love language so that's probably why it feels like Ian barely did anything similar to that, because Mickey's grand gestures were obvious and loud but Ian had his grand gestures with him too.

Those grand but subtle gestures start in s1, he makes sure Mickey has enough money when he's in juvie, he even "threatens" Kash for it. In his own way, he protects Mickey. But it continues in s2 when Frank sees them and Ian tries to talk to him, he's desperately trying to protect Mickey again and make sure he doesn't go back to juvie. He tries, he tries to keep the secret that they were until that point for Mickey's safety even if he wants more, even he thinks they have nothing to be ashamed of. He does it anyway because that will keep Mickey safe and next to him too.

In s3, he tries to "rescue" Mickey from a forced marriage, from his dad. In his head, he's doing that. In his head, with his words and going there, he's helping Mickey. He, once again, desperately wants Mickey to see that he can get out there, that he can leave that behind and Ian would help him. He goes to that wedding thinking he can save Mickey from something he doesn't deserve, from something that is hurting him, that keeps him locked in a too dark closet. He wants to be Mickey's freedom but it doesn't work, Mickey's too scared and when you think about it maybe they were trying to protect each other. In s4, he's the only person that has Mickey's back when he comes out. He's there ready to fight Terry if that means there's going to be some type of justice for the hell Mickey had to go through because of him. He fights for Mickey and with Mickey, they share anger and hatred. And he's there to kiss Mickey's head when everything's over, he's there to hold him in the aftermath.

In s5, he breaks up with Mickey. And it might sound crazy but in Ian's mind that's an act of service, that's a grand gesture because he views himself as someone hurtful, destructive and he's pushing Mickey away so he doesn't get hurt, so he survives the destruction. He breaks up with him so he doesn't have to carry the responsibility that Ian feels he is, the chore that in his mind he is. He takes that weight off Mickey's shoulders and begs him to run away, he's not broken and that means that his destructive and hurtful nature can't be fixed, it's part of him and he doesn't want that for Mickey. He's protecting him, again. He's making sure Mickey is safe, again. Then, in s7 he's doing this too. He gives all his money to Mickey, he drives with him to the Mexican border and makes sure he crosses it safe and sound. It doesn't matter when he decided that he couldn't do it, the whole time he's making sure Mickey has a plan, and money and a real possibility of succeeding. And he doesn't wanna leave until he knows Mickey crossed that border, until he knows Mickey's safe again.

In s10, he tries to stay with Mickey in prison. He's willing to throw away his parole for him, to stay with him. The only reason why that doesn't happen it's because Mickey doesn't think he deserves those type of sacrifice and he doesn't let Ian do it, he doesn't belong there and Mickey won't let him be stuck in prison. Mickey thinks Ian deserves so much better than that, than risking that much for him so he doesn't let him sacrifice his freedom because he deserves it, because Ian was once the freedom he didn't have. But Ian wanted, Ian wanted to that so badly. In s10 too, Ian hears Byron talking about Mickey (we all know what he said) and he literally beats the shit out of him, it's like he's defending his honor.

Like I said Ian's acts of service seem more subtle because Mickey's are all these grand gesture. There's also the fact that Mickey doesn't feel worthy of those gesture, of those sacrifices so he doesn't let Ian risk anything. But they're there, Ian would do anything for Mickey too.

[dotthings]

Have many thoughts from my rewatch of My Bloody Valentine. Good example of how some episodes (in this case one that was already strong) gains even more richness on rewatch and with knowledge of a full series run.

So Dean fully loses all his appetites. While Cas, who doesn’t have food appetites, takes Dean's plate and starts eating. Just something about Dean and Cas being yin-yang in how Famine is affecting them. Cas taking Dean's plate to eat.

What Dean needs, the reasons he feels hollow, isn’t something that can be fulfilled by food or one-night stands and what Cas actually wants isn’t anything to do with food either.

And this is all Cas not Jimmy. Even if Cas blames Jimmy his vessel by name, but canonically, Jimmy's soul is already in Haven by this point. Jimmy's been gone since the start of S5.

To review: Cas was blown to bits by an archangel twice, at the end of S4 and the end of S5. In The Man Who Would be King (S6), Cas specifically references being put back together after being exploded at the end of S5, however, the same thing happened to him at the end of S4. In The Things We Left Behind (S10), we get a reveal that Jimmy’s soul was freed after Cas was blown to bits and reassembled but which time isn't specified. “The human soul, it can only occupy a body while it retains a certain … structural integrity, and this vessel, it was … It was ripped apart on a subatomic level by an archangel” and he tells Claire that Jimmy's soul was freed from his body and he's in Heaven. The "subatomic level" fits the end of S4, since both times the body left physical traces (end of S5 Bobby is splattered with blood, start of S4 Chuck has a molar stuck in his hair).

In season 5, Cas's body is his own, a soulless container that holds Cas's grace and essence.

Therefore, in My Bloody Valentine, Cas blaming Jimmy is Cas in denial. It's all Cas, or rather, his own physical shell, and Cas's own feelings of emptiness, in play. Even if on its own, Cas's grace might be unaffected by Famine, he is vulnerable because of his meat suit. (At the time MBBV aired, we did that explanation, now it's transformative bleedback that adds another layer for Cas in MBBV and the Dean mirroring is more than a slightly symbolic displaced thing where it being Jimmy is a way to suggest it's also Cas, no, it's textually all about Cas).

In MBBV Cas isn’t facing up that it’s his own feelings of hollowness. And he not only tries to push it off on Jimmy (whose soul is gone), he uses the language of addiction.

“I’ve developed a taste for red meat…I’m an angel I can stop any time I want.”

This conversation with Dean and Cas plays out in background audio, while on screen we see Sam spiraling into withdrawal symptoms.

(The shift in Cas’s language makes me wonder if there was already a note in a file somewhere about Cas's vessel and it didn't get spelled out until S10. Authorial intent is tricky, and my thesis isn't based on authorial intent but full series knowledge/reveals, but there are signs in MBBV that Ben Edlund may have intended that it's all Cas, just Cas in there, and Cas is an addict in denial. Who knows.)

While Dean and Cas’s effects from Famine are framed as yin-yang, or complementary, Sam’s is on its own track, as his craving for demon blood gets jacked up.

Sam has grown in self-awareness to the point where he asks to be “locked down” and Dean and Cas team up to continue working the case. Which fits with the yin-yang of Dean and Cas in this ep.

But it isn’t just Dean and Cas who are mirrored. Sam and Cas are mirrored through addiction behaviors. Cas’s denials. Sam’s withdrawal symptoms. While Dean is his own category with his absence of appetites or addictions. Dean is his own black hole of emptiness.

Cas then moves beyond the denial stage of the addiction and admits to Dean that burgers make him “very happy.” Cas is spiraling, yeah, but it’s also Cas no longer falling back on distancing by using Jimmy as an excuse or addiction denial or bragging about how because he's an angel he's immune. It's vulnerable. Yet he's still in denial because unlike Sam, Cas can't admit he has a liability and he pops out of the Impala to go kill Famine by himself before Dean can even finish speaking his sentence of his doubts about the plan.

Before that, Cas asks Dean why he’s not hungry and Dean’s explanation is almost plausible: that because Dean doesn’t deny himself his appetites the way many people do, he’s “well fed” and content, therefore not hungry.

We know that's not really it. I like how Cas asked. Dean showed his concern for Cas’s sudden gluttony, Cas shows his concern for the total absence of appetites from Dean.

Famine to Dean: “Hunger doesn’t just come from the body. It also comes from the soul...that’s one deep dark nothing you’ve got there, Dean. Can’t fill it, can you?…I can see inside of you, Dean. How broken you are. How defeated. You can’t win and you know it but you just keep fighting. Just keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry, Dean, because inside you’re already dead.”

Which is Famine speaking some truths on what Dean is feeling in S5. Famine sees the truth of the torment Dean is in. But it isn’t The Truth about Dean.

Famine wants Dean to give up and give into the despair inside of him, because that's the way he'll say yes to Michael and how Famine, the horsemen, and the archangels all get what they want. But we know Dean won’t give in and that Famine is wrong, because that isn't all Dean is. He maybe going through it in S5, but he isn't giving up and he’s got plenty of life in him. He’s more than how their enemies see him and he’s more than what their enemies wish would devour him whole, the things they have wanted Dean to believe about himself.

Because so long as Dean keeps fighting, they know they’re screwed.

Famine is giving a truth that’s also a lie. Dean in fact isn’t empty. He thinks he is, and Famine picks up on it, but Dean isn't empty. He’s full of love. And strength. But that doesn't mean he's not depressed. It doesn't mean he can't fall into despair.

What’s extra heartbreaking about Dean’s lonely prayer to God at the end of the episode is that he’s looking for help in the wrong place.

First we see Cas sharing Dean’s vigil while Sam goes through withdrawal in Bobby’s panic room. Dean isn’t alone, and Cas tries to comfort Dean. But Dean’s in so much pain he walks out, away from his friend who cares, to pray alone in the junk yard to an uncaring God.

God was never on your side. God doesn’t care. God’s entertained by all this suffering in fact. God’s not even God, he’s the demiurge, and Sam and Dean are his playthings. The help, the answers, are each other. The help for Dean is the people who love him, who he loves. He has Sam and Bobby and Cas. And they will be enough.

[gayleviticus]

assorted empire of death general thoughts:

one of the sloppiest rtd deus ex machina endings in a long while - 'bring death to death' is a cool concept (and rather christpilled) but the mechanics just dont make any sense. and im not one to complain that it doesnt adhere to rigid rules but the logic just is inconsistent. sutekh becomes a god by entering the time vortex and then proceeds to be killed by same time vortex. blowing dust on people kills them but sutekh seeing all of time and space again revives them.

even as much as i hate the journey's end meta crisis deus ex machina, the mechanics of it do make sense.

normally rtd deus ex machinas are justifiable by the character work going on, but this honestly felt rather hollow. like. nothing is going on in this episode outside of beating sutekh until the ending which tacks on Ruby's arc at the end.

lassoo-ing sutekh into the vortex felt a bit like an asspull and inconsistent w the prior vibe. like. it felt like they set it up as if sutekh was possessing the TARDIS; treating it so grossly physically feels like an exorcist story where the priest gets the victim to sneeze the demon out.

the meta-angle of playing on the mystery of Ruby's mother being overblown is a bit interesting and does inject some genuine emotion back into a story that would otherwise have been engulfed by dramatic god confrontations etc. but it's also like. a total retread of clara and the leaf, hell bent etc. we've seen this trope in DW before, and I think this usage lacked both the novelty and emotional/thematic depth it had before. 'bait and switch mystery box' is starting to be actually more formulaic than a straightforward reveal.

it's also a shame given how many interesting theories fans had developed about tv show theory, ruby as the perfect companion etc that we did basically get Clara and the Leaf 2.0.

Mel continues to honestly have no point in even being here. 3 episodes that wouldn't change in the slightest if she wasn't around.

it is getting a bit comical how quick Kate is to recruit every single person in the universe to UNIT

overall s14 thoughts:

for me i think this season, while not bad, sits above only the chibnall era, and a bit above series 7. the inidividual episodes are much better, and 15 and ruby have better chemistry, but it cribs a lot of its overall arc from being largely a retread of s7s. Ruby is more charming than s7 clara, who has a tendency to get written by everyone other than moffat as Generic Companion #47, but this series feels like it's significantly lacking the emotional depth every other rtd and moffat series has had.

i think it's also a bit similar to series 10, which didn't really have a strong emotional arc for Bill in favour of just a fun dynamic, but the s10 finale knocks anything in s14 out of the park. s10 was also just a lot funnier.