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lilover131 · 3 years ago

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Chapter 58 Analysis

Hey there everyone!! I’m still alive, I promise!! The new chapter is slated to come out in a few days, so I wanted to get out my thoughts on the last chapter, Chapter 58, before it was too late!

This chapter felt very similar and had a lot of similar themes to the last chapter, but it definitely gives me a feeling. To explain what I’m talking about, let’s waste no further time and dig right in! Under the cut due to spoilers and length!

As usual, I’ll start off talking about the color page! It is so refreshing to see Ruby Moon and Yue on a page together! They look absolutely fabulous, as usual, but I love how it expresses their relationship with each other too. They fought of course during the final battle in the Sakura Card arc, but once things were cleared up, it was like nothing had happened at all. The two of them seem to get along quite nicely now and Yue has never really seemed bothered by Ruby’s presence at all. He doesn’t necessarily seem excited about it either, but he’s just overall calm, and that says a lot about how he views them.

Anyways, this chapter begins with continuing a bit of the Twin Alice story, and we learn in particular more about the cat that Alice has befriended. This cat has been described again as a guide of sorts, and Alice finds that in these places she goes in her dreams, she is able to speak the languages and even read their books as well. This sounds almost eerily similar to Akiho, since she is able to read Alice in Clockland, which no one else can do. She also has travelled to many places, and I imagine that she might have been able to speak the languages in those countries as well as she does in Japan. That, or she has a mobile translation device like Mokona in Tsubasa. Haha!

The story tells us of how Alice fought against strange things like wind, water, and even sweets, and the images seem to show similarities to Sakura’s battles with Gale, Aqua, and Appear. But occasionally, Alice would find herself trapped, and when in those situations, her cat would rescue her using time magic. The time magic use certainly points to Kaito once again, but I certainly didn’t miss seeing Kaito’s magic circle used specifically under the cat in this panel!! It seems confirmed that the cat is meant to represent Kaito (Yunya D Kaito!! XD), and that these rescue situations might be related to the times he has had to come in and stop her before the magic inside her got out of control (ex: after Akiho went to Fujitaka’s library, at the school pool, or in the courtyard at school before Momo intervened).

However, even though Alice was able to do these amazing things in these other worlds and see impossible things that could only be explained by magic, she was sad because the people she loved were not with her. I think Akiho and Sakura can both resonate with this idea. Sakura uses magic all the time, but she’d rather have her loved ones over all the magic in the world. And Akiho, knowing of magic and being judged for not having it, also feels the same. I imagine she would much rather have a loving family and Kaito by her side than any magic.

Further showing the connection between the two girls, the next panel has them reading a line out loud at exactly the same time, by accident it seems. The two of them are so in tune now, and it’s probably only a matter of time before ‘that time’ comes around. I think the plan all along was to have them connect in this way, and I think that if you were to change their appearances, it’d be awfully difficult to tell who is who in some circumstances.

This is eerie on its own, but it’s what Naoko says to them that I honestly find way more terrifying. She brings up reading “Ten Nights of Dreams”, and if you remember, this story was brought up much earlier in the series, but done rather casually as a story being read in class. Those of us who are familiar with CLAMP’s works, the way it was written in seemed as if it would be relevant at some point and mean more than just a random story read in class, and it seems like now is the time that this is finally being brought up again. Naoko talks about how the final part of the story is that the last night itself was a dream as well and that the reader never wakes up. She mentions how she thought it would be awfully terrifying if you could not wake up from a dream you were having, and that this was part of the inspiration of her story. This is a haunting thought, because it seems to imply that one of these girls might find themselves trapped and unable to escape, or god forbid already in this situation. I am sincerely praying that this is not going to turn into a situation where the entire story was one big dream. I would honestly be really angry if that happened, because that was a theory early on in the series’ serialization often thrown around, and I hated it. I had thought we were in the clear for that one until now, but again the ‘it was all just a dream’ theory shows its ugly head! Don’t let me down CLAMP! You’re better than that!

Next comes an incredibly important part. Who will play who? This may seem trivial to some, but CLAMP seems to be expressing its importance, which means that right now, the role they are choosing may mean far more than just a role in a play. They may very well be choosing what future they choose for their actual life. We don’t actually get to see them work out this decision in real time but rather in the future when the girls are talking to their protectors, Syaoran and Kaito. Sakura is confirmed to be playing the role of the Alice lost in the dream world, and Akiho playing the Alice who cannot find her way back home. Sakura explains that initially she wanted to play the role of the other Alice, but Akiho insisted on playing this role instead as she felt she could resonate with this character and understood how the girl must have felt to not be able to find her way home.

Now, when Akiho says this, I don’t think that she means she can’t actually find her way home as it doesn’t really seem like she has any intentions or desire to go back to England. I think the issue here is that she has still yet to actually find a place that feels like home. So far, Japan may be the closest thing, but she may still be thinking in the back of her mind when she might end up being forced to leave this place and all the friends she made behind. When will she lose all of these wonderful things she’s come to know? All she’s ever really known is suffering, so it’s natural for her to probably be frightened to some extent upon good things actually happening to her.

She looks incredibly sad when she says this, and again Kaito’s hand seems to reach out subconsciously to comfort her, but he stops himself. Compared to the last chapter, this one seems much more uncontrolled and blatant. It’s so much so in fact that Kaito even has to make up an excuse this time to try and cover up this ‘slip-up’ of his. He even holds it behind his back like he’s trying to hide the evidence that it ever happened. It seems more and more his heart is trying to speak and he is struggling to keep it locked away. I don’t think it will be much longer before he finally starts dealing with some actual feelings instead of shoving them down. He can’t go much longer like this.

But Akiho can’t be fooled by this and knows him too well, stating that she wants him to rest. The way Kaito reacts rather surprises me, as it seems almost a rather extreme reaction to what she says. However, it’s also so super sad. He says to her that he must be a failure as a butler to have worried her so much, and although one could see this as a way to try and end the conversation quickly, I genuinely think that in some respects, this is how he actually feels. I think he sees her worry, especially over him, as a failure. He’s working so hard to make her feel secure and happy at any cost, but Akiho is even more sad than ever over her worry for him. It makes me wonder if perhaps he has intentions of trying to erase himself in the future in thought that she’d be happier without him….and I know that is a really heavy and dark thought to think about. Maybe this is why it’s so difficult for Kaito to face these feelings of his, because he’s had them so bottled up for so long, that they’ve become something real scary to look at. There is almost nothing scarier than having to face yourself, and that’s something I’ve learned from personal experience over time.

Poor Akiho appears to be dealing with insecurities of her own, feeling like she is a bother to him with her worries. It’s clear that he is uncomfortable when she discusses it, and seeing as she was rejected by so many people before, it’s honestly heartbreaking to imagine just how damaged these two are that these discussions cause so much pain, and I feel like a lot of us out there can relate to one or both of them.

Kaito responds by telling Akiho that he only wants her to think of herself above anything else, but honestly what he’s asking of Akiho is impossible for her. She is far too good a person to think only of herself, but I know that Kaito’s main concern is that she often doesn’t think enough about herself. Kaito is the one who likely needs this advice the most though!! Beautifully, Akiho responds that she does think of herself, but that she wants to think of him too. She understands that it’s important to care for oneself, but it’s also important to care about others too. There is a healthy balance, and maybe she’ll be the one to teach him how to do this. Ultimately, I think Akiho is the only one who can get through to him as she may very well be the only person Kaito genuinely cares about right now, so her words will mean so much more.

In the next page, we see Sakura dreaming for what seems like the first time in a while, or at least it somehow feels that way (I also realized I literally typed this myself before realizing Sakura says the exact same thing herself. Twinsies! Haha). Sakura doesn’t seem at all afraid anymore and seems very comfortable digging right into the conversation and asking very direct questions. I honestly really like this more direct Sakura who doesn’t beat around the bush. It’s also really nice seeing her actively working things out in her mind, and it really goes to show how much she’s paying attention and observing things. Our baby is growing up and learning! I was a bit shocked when she came out and just asked if it’s Akiho, though I can honestly see how she came to this conclusion now. Since she knows Kaito can use magic and Akiho lives with him, it’s reasonable to come to this idea at this point in time. Had she not yet known about Kaito, I can see her continuing to really struggle to try and identify this cloaked figure.

In the end, we never got a true answer on that one, but it does bring more questions for us. So since Syaoran isn’t exactly the same height as Sakura and the cloaked figure in this dream is, that certainly does seem to imply Akiho. However, obviously we’ve had plenty of situations in which Syaoran has been clearly identified as the cloaked figure. Naturally, this is confusing and makes us question a lot (this also explains why CLAMP was okay with the director making the cloaked figure Akiho in the anime), so it seems fitting and also almost taunting in a way from CLAMP that Sakura wakes up with the creation of a card called “TRUE OR FALSE”. It’s definitely the longest and most unique card name so far, and it seems like it is a Clear Card version of the anime only card ‘LIBRA’, but I think the question CLAMP is trying to present to us here is “Which one is the truth?” (and again, I literally typed this before scrolling to the next page and seeing Sakura literally ask herself this question. Lmaaoo). I think, much like the twin Alice story, it’s going to be up to Sakura to decide what the reality ends up becoming. Even Kaito said in his battle with Syaoran that “It is for the strong to decide what the future holds in store for all of us”. I believe that a very important decision is about to be proposed to Sakura very soon, and maybe even possibly it has already been made….

Sakura goes downstairs and sees Touya there, who tells her that he was still up due to working on a paper due the next day, but knowing Touya, he already knew this was going to happen and has no paper at all. He then rather assertively tells her to sit down and gives her warm milk and honey to drink. For those who are not aware, this was something their mother used to make for them, particularly when they were sick, and Sakura has even made this for Syaoran when he came down with a fever in the Honey Milk Tales. It’s rather nice to see them drinking this in the regular series but not being sick. I suppose it can even just be used as a source of comfort.

Sakura decides to confide in Touya a bit and asks him how you can tell when something is true or not. He brilliantly answers “True? According to who?”, going on to say that if he were able to determine what was true or not, then he’d go with whatever protected the things he doesn’t wish to lose. I think this pretty much confirms the thought that Sakura will be the one making the decision of what is true or not. And I think Touya provided her comfort by reminding her that everything will surely be all right, because ultimately she can decide her destiny and choose to go with the answer that protects the things she cares for. It does sound simple in theory, however I think it will become much more complex in nature when it comes down to it. After all, what do you stand to lose if denying the other choice? What if it comes down to her having to choose between losing Syaoran or losing Akiho? She can’t forsake either of them, after all…so how would she fare in a situation where no matter what, the choice will be painful?

Since these last two chapters were incredibly calm, and this next one is going to be the last chapter of the volume, I have a feeling that something dramatic is going to happen VERY soon. I predicted not long ago with chapter 56 that I felt like something bad in particular was going to happen to Syaoran within 4-5 chapters, so we’ll see if I was way off base or not in the next 3 chapters. But this chapter definitely has a ‘calm before the storm’ feel, and I feel like ‘that time’ is very very close now. I’m buckling myself in already for the emotional roller coaster, so I’m super excited to see what happens next!!

#cardcaptor sakura #clear card #chapter 58 #sakura #akiho #touya #syaoran #alice #naoko #true or false #spoilers #manga #leave it to CLAMP to leave us questioning everything all the time #chrissy talks a lot #theory #analyzation #analysis

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alexbraindump · 4 years ago

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Night in the Woods & Optimistic Nihilism, Pt. 1: Constellations

“So I believe in a universe that doesn’t care and people who do.”

Night in the Woods manages to create one of the most realistic narratives I’ve ever seen crafted in a video game. And that’s a bold statement, one that shouldn’t be tossed around lightly. Yet I feel entirely concrete in saying it. It’s quite the diverse game, dealing with a range of topics so wide that it’d be hard to cover all of them in one single post. I hope to cover more of them someday, but today I’ll be narrowing in on one specific point that resonated especially well with me personally: finding purpose in an existence that is inherently devoid of it.

And it’s here that I’m going to say that, to anyone who hasn’t played NITW yet, stop reading this right now and go pick it up. It’s only $20 and with it comes an experience that remains consistently enjoyable and impactful throughout its entire runtime. I won’t be holding back from relevant spoilers for the rest of this post, so now’s your only chance. Go away. But come back once you’ve played the game. That’d be pretty cool I think.

~~~~~~~~~~~MILD SPOILER TERRITORY BELOW~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that the uninitiated are gone, it’s finally time to wrap back around to that quote at the beginning of this post. A universe that doesn’t care, and people who do. It perfectly aligns with the definition of optimistic nihilism, a term seemingly dubbed by a youtube channel in 2017. For those who are unaware, optimistic nihilism is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s the philosophy that the universe is inherently uncaring, that there’s no concrete meaning to life that we can grasp onto, yet we as human beings are uniquely capable of creating our own meaning without requiring some higher power or order to do it for us. We can choose to pursue what we wish for out of our lives, free to choose our own individualized path through the blank slate that is existence and draw whatever patterns we may choose from it.

As you read through that brief summary you may have already begun to understand exactly why I consider Night in the Woods to align particularly well with optimistic nihilism. The game is not exactly lacking in the theme of finding meaning within things that may be meaningless in the most literal sense. It’s been there since the very beginning, with NITW’s first supplemental game Longest Night. It’s a simple little game featuring Mae, Bea, Gregg and Angus identifying various constellations and making characteristically entertaining quips about each of them. Despite the game’s relative simplicity it acts as an early (over 3 years before NITW itself released!) establishment of NITW’s ever-present theme of establishing meaning in things that don’t have meaning by themselves by using one simple thing: constellations.

Constellations are a perfect medium to establish the philosophy of optimistic nihilism and it is evident that Infinite Fall were acutely aware of that from a very early point in the development of NITW. All constellations really are just patterns of stars we may see in the sky at night that people have assigned their own patterns and meanings to. Most stars sit so far away from the Earth that the human brain struggles to even comprehend how far away they truly are beyond a simple “Wow! That’s pretty far!” They’re balls of gas, unable to care about or even recognize whatever we humans see within them. Most of them have existed for longer than we have and will continue to persist long after we die. Yet the human race has taken it upon themselves to assign patterns to them and continue recognizing said patterns long after we’ve obtained knowledge about what the stars that form them truly are. In nature they hold no inherent meaning and have no rhyme nor reason to their locations relative to each other from our perspective, yet we have used our minds to instill meaning into them and draw patterns that can only be drawn from where we stand. The universe did not care about how it put them there nor how any living being may interpret them, but people cared enough to give them meaning.

Years after the release of Longest Night, Night in the Woods proper came out. And in it the usage of stars was far from ditched. Their function as being one of the elements perpetuating NITW’s optimistic nihilism was only expanded. Every two days in the game you are offered the opportunity to choose to hunt for dusk stars with a character named Mr. Chazokov. The interactions with him themselves don’t offer much in the ways of adding upon the pre-established theme of finding meaning within none, though their mere inclusion does help cement the theme as an important part of the game. The true point in which the theme is finally brought front and center is when the player can choose to go ghost hunting with Angus at Possum Jump. After some uneventful ghost hunting, Mae and Angus decide to rest at the top of a hill and do some stargazing. At this point the game essentially retraces (literally and figuratively) all the ground covered in Longest Night. Mae connects constellations together and Angus names them and gives a brief explanation for each of them. It’s a charming little moment that eventually evolves into Angus explaining the abuse he endured throughout his childhood to Mae. But what’s relevant to this specific analysis is Angus’s attitude throughout. He continually stays true to and loops back upon the fact that, while the stars themselves are very real and the stories given to them do very much exist, the stars really don’t mean anything by themselves. It all culminates with Angus explaining his tragic childhood to Mae. But what’s important to the overall narrative of this essay is Angus’s response when Mae asks him if he believes in anything.

It’s at this point that the game gives its most obvious addressal to its philosophy of optimistic nihilism. It’s like the pot finally boils over and it says “alright, time to finally talk about this.” As a response to being prompted about his beliefs, Angus explains his thoughts by using the constellations recently outlined as a convenient example. It’s here that the quote that spurred this whole essay on shows its head. “So I believe in a universe that doesn’t care and people who do,” is the final quote summarizing Angus’s philosophy on meaning in the universe. And if that isn’t the clearest possible representation of optimistic nihilism in NITW then I don’t know what is. It’s a simple little quote, yet it manages to single handedly encapsulate what optimistic nihilism is. Of course, it’s framed as the view of one character in the game, and a character thinking something doesn’t immediately mean that the entire work subscribes to that philosophy, but as you think about NITW and its various elements more and more it becomes increasingly apparent that it is indeed representative of the philosophy of optimistic nihilism.

And with that vague statement I’ll be leaving off the first part of this little mini-project for the time being. I do intend to come back to it at some point in the (hopefully near) future, as I feel that there’s a lot more that could be said about the themes of finding meaning in Night in the Woods. Currently I’m planning on writing about why I enjoy Mae Borowski as a character so much and see her as one of my favorite video game protagonists, so that’ll probably be done before any other parts to this essay come out. Keep an eye out if you enjoy what I’m posting and want to see more, and don’t be afraid to offer any feedback you may have. There’s a contact section on my profile if you’d like the most effective ways to get in touch.

#night in the woods #nitw #analysis #optimistic nihilism #writing #fiction #nitw angus #night in the wood angus #angus delaney #video games #games #indie game #longest night #nitw spoilers

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connorinabeanie · 5 years ago

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A slightly salty take on North and fandom

Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is meant as an attack on anyone. Fandom is subjective and you have the right to interpret media, form your own conclusions, and create whatever you want. These are my opinions about what I’ve seen, as well as my experiences in previous fandoms and the patterns I’ve seen play out over and over again. It’s okay to disagree with me, and it’s okay to have a respectful discussion in reblogs/comments! Just keep it civil. That out of the way…

North. She’s polarizing character in DBH; she tends to be loved or hated, and I’ll admit it: I didn’t like her at first either. I wanted to, but as I played through my first time I just couldn’t get past one of her traits in particular, which was that she was so convinced she was right; she blamed Markus for every mistake, refused to adapt her tactics or consider other methods, and seemed more driven by vengeance than anything else. So as much as I wanted to enjoy her character, I found her to be a poorly written “strong female character” archetype that fell flat in execution, as most characters of that type do.

Honestly, I think this is the reason most people who dislike North dislike her, at least consciously. They genuinely think she’s a terribly written character, and they’re not necessarily wrong. One playthrough on a standard route, with no extrapolation or extra consideration, combined with a lot of people getting the awkwardly forced romance (I actually avoided this, completely unknowingly, on my first playthrough) leads to a dislike of this character. That’s understandable! I would expect this from people who played the game once. But that’s where the problem comes in, for me.

People active in a fandom usually haven’t consumed the media they’re into just once. They usually don’t engage in surface-level interpretation, and they usually don’t lack context. But I find it hard to believe that so many of the opinions and interpretations regarding North could possibly come from people who have approached her character with an open mind and additional information, because just one major path divergence shows a completely different side to North’s character.

I’m talking, of course, about North’s leader route. When we see her in Markus’ role, leading instead of advising, her true motives come out: she loves her people and is willing to fight for them. She isn’t interested in playing nice with her oppressors, and why should she? There’s a whole discussion here about how oppressed people are judged for how nicely they fight for the rights they should already have, where there’s a ‘good’ way of protesting and a ‘bad’ way of doing it (which is, ironically and showing how tone-deaf Cage can be, supported in the narrative of DBH as well), but I won’t go into that in depth; other people have posted really good takes on this already. I’ll just mention it here and there where relevant.

Once of those relevant places is that, as I said, in North’s leader route she isn’t interested in peaceful protesting. And you know what? When I played this game the first time and had Markus, I had been peaceful up until Night of Soul, which is where North would be making her first major decision as a leader if you don’t have Markus. Yet when it came down to it I made the same decision with Markus that North makes on her own, because you know, as a Jewish woman, I wasn’t super interested in peacefully protesting at the gates of camps that were currently killing people. Playing nice hadn’t worked, and it was time to fight.

So maybe I’m in a different position that some others when it comes to interpreting North’s choices, and as I saw that she made the same choice that I did when playing Markus, I’m just… Not impressed that the fandom tendency to criticize this choice as warmongering, unreasonable, and a ‘betrayal’ of Markus’ peaceful actions (always assuming that Markus had been completely peaceful before, which is the way the story pushes on you, but certainly isn’t a given.) As far as I’m concerned, North is taking the action needed to save her people who are in danger right that instant, and humans don’t deserve a nice civil protest (and if I were in her position with Markus alive, I would be furious that he wanted to just sit and talk while people were dying.) They need to be stopped, and she’s going to stop them.

But it wasn’t just her choice in the church that brought me around to North’s side during her leader route, it was her behavior during Crossroads. Specifically, it was her behavior toward Connor, and how it contrasted with some of her actions earlier. So, going back a bit to Spare Parts, where the Jericrew goes on a mission to steal parts from the Cyberlife warehouses at the docks, and you run into John. North votes against taking him with them, citing that they can’t trust him and it’s too dangerous. Moving on a little, to Stratford Tower, if (or, more likely, ‘when’ since it’s pretty difficult to avoid) Simon is injured, North suggests shooting him. These are pretty harsh marks against her, because they seem needlessly ruthless, but are they really?

With John, the answer is maybe yes. But think about it from her perspective; they’ve never seen the ability Markus used, in turning an android deviant. So as far as North is concerned, John was a threat to them about two minutes earlier, and now wants to go with them? With no traumatic catalyst or trusted android vouching for and giving him the key to Jericho? To North John is a potential threat, a potential danger, and she has no reason to trust him. But as the story goes on, North never makes another objection to an android joining them in this way, because she knows they’re truly deviant. As soon as an android is deviant, they’re one of her people.

With Simon, the answer is probably no, because North is exactly right; if Simon lives, and Connor finds him, Connor finds Jericho. It’s that simple, and it’s not a rare series of events. North might be a little fast to jump on the option, because there’s a genuine argument to be made that it isn’t worth killing someone just because there’s a chance that something (even something very serious) might go wrong, but she clearly isn’t choosing this option because she wants it; she’s choosing this option because she thinks it’s the most guaranteed way to protect her people. It’s a difficult, ruthless decision to make, but it isn’t one made out of malice.

(It’s also worth noting that Simon suggests leaving North when she’s in danger in Crossroads, when the only people that would be at risk from saving her were Markus and Connor, and this happens whether or not North suggested killing Simon one the rooftop. Yet this choice is almost never criticized, because it comes from Simon, and I’ll get into that later.)

But with those particular attitudes from North out of the way, it’s interesting to see how she reacts to Connor in her leader route. North instantly shows concern for him, never blames him for the attack on Jericho, and—like Markus—tries to prevent him from going on his suicide mission to Cyberlife Tower. She’s kind and understanding, and it’s clear that she accepts Connor immediately as one of her people.

This is a place where I have some trouble with fandom interpretations of North and Connor’s relationship, specifically in terms of North being angry, cold, or extremely suspicious of Connor (a little suspicion, especially in a more ‘good end’ route where she has less direct interaction with Connor during the revolution, is reasonable; I’m talking about outright refusal to even consider accepting him.) It bothers me for two specific, and somewhat different reasons.

One is that it directly contradicts a theme of North’s history, which is that deviant androids are not their pasts. They’re not what they were before they woke up. The idea of North holding someone’s past, before they turned deviant, against them is just… I can’t imagine it. I can imagine her suspicion, as I mentioned before, until she's very sure Connor is truly deviant, but that seems very apparent to her right away in any route (I find it hard to believe she’d think he was faking deviancy after delivering the army to Markus.) Some concern or suspicion after finding out about the attempted hijacking makes sense, but the way I see it portrayed in fic is often jarring; it seems completely out of character for her to blame Connor for something like that, as opposed to being angry on his behalf, because North wants androids to be free (and, more deeply, she’s experience being used for something she never wanted.) She wants androids to have the chance to live, to become their own people, and to leave their pasts behind them. Why would she blame Connor for what he was made to do, whether before he was deviant or when Amanda tried to take control of him? It goes against everything North stands for, and that leads me to my second reason:

I think people choose this interpretation because it makes North a villain. Maybe it’s not an active conscious decision to do this (and in fact I doubt it usually is), but it reminds me very painfully of the trend in fandom of villainizing a character—especially a female character—in order to woobify a male character (and, often, get the female character out of the way of a ship) and I can’t help but see that here. It seems like a cheap, easy way to excuse other characters turning against North for her behavior, and therefore getting her out of the way as well as causing drama and conflict for the characters the writer really wants to focus on.

And that seems like a good segue into the big topic that people are gonna get mad about being called out on: misogyny. And even more specifically, misogyny when it comes to shipping.

I’m just gonna state this super clearly at the forefront: I have no problem with shipping whoever you want, whyever you want. I’m not personally into most ships for various reasons, but I do have some favorites (most of which other people aren’t into) and shipping is fun! Not everyone agrees on shipping, and that’s okay; not everyone has to like what you like, we can all still exist in harmony.

But that isn’t to say that people don’t engage in, for lack of a better word, ‘problematic’ behavior in their ships. As opposed to just going ‘hey, I like this, I’m gonna do it’, way too many people become obsessed with justifying their ship (and I think this comes from an underlying desire to ‘prove’ it’s canon or based in canon, as a way of making it seem more legitimate, which is a whole other topic I could rant about.) In the process of these justifications, and then often as a part of the fixation or obsession that some people develop about their ships/characters in their ships, any character or ship that ‘threatens’ someone’s favorite is a target that must be destroyed. And, in what I would say is arguably the vast majority of times, that threatening character is a canon female love interest.

Open bashing has (with good reason) gone out of fashion in fandom, so the way to get characters ‘out of the way‘ is to argue an unlikeable interpretation of them. I feel like this is what happens a lot of the time with North, and with the poor writing and flat portrayal of her character in the ‘good end’ route, it’s very easy for people to take the worst of her personality, say it’s canon, and then get rid of her. This is usually a bit side-eye worthy when it happens in any fandom, but it’s extra ridiculous in DBH for one very distinct reason:

North doesn’t have to be a love interest. As I mentioned before, when I first played through I never got the ‘lovers’ scene, because North said way back when Markus first met her that she didn’t want to talk about her past and so in the scene on the roof I just didn’t ask her (and I could write another whole discussion about how no means no and pressuring someone to tell you their past is NOT how to get a romantic option with them, but that’s an issue with another time.) The rest of the game progressed completely as normal, with the only changes being a lack of kissing options in a few later scenes. There’s no reason why fic writers can’t just choose this option for their fic’s canon, and move on.

And yet I can’t tell you how many times North is an obstacle that has to be overcome in order to get Markus with Simon or Connor (because let’s be real, North, Simon, and Connor are the only major ships for Markus even though Josh is RIGHT THERE, but again that’s another topic for another time.) It’s completely unnecessary, and yet there it is: North is this unreasonable, horrible person who is terrible to [insert love interest here] and Markus has to overcome this internal struggle to break free and be with [whoever] and truly be happy.

It’s such nonsense. It’s using this ‘undesirable’ female character as a source of drama and angst for this poor sad male character to have to deal with, as opposed to taking even a moment to treat the female character as a person who might have motivations, experiences, and emotions, and I’ve seen this over and over and over in every single fandom I’ve ever been in. This isn’t a North-specific thing, it’s a female character thing, and honestly if Kara’s storyline weren’t so separate from the fandom favorite shipping characters then I think the same thing would happen to her (as opposed to her existence just being entirely ignored.) This is such a pattern in fandom that I find it very difficult to believe this is a special case where it’s somehow legitimate.

One of those reasons is that the ‘justifications’ for disliking North tend to be complete double standards between North and whatever love interest the writer is going for, whether that’s Simon or Connor. With Connor, it’s extremely obvious; almost all of North’s negative traits are traits he has to some extent as well (ruthlessness, solving problems through violence, stubbornness,) but those traits are not only not usually treated negatively in Connor (and instead are depicted as justified and necessary in context, which I’m not saying they aren’t, but that it’s unfair to say that about him and not her) but often erased entirely, leading to the obnoxiously delicate, wilting flower version of Connor that shows up in so much fic. But again, an issue for another time.

For Simon, it’s less obvious because North and Simon are quite different, but not in opposite ways; North and Josh are opposites in many respects, but Simon is, in a sense, perpendicular to the line North and Josh are at opposite ends of. Simon doesn’t have particularly strong opinions about anything, just going with the flow and being supportive; his strongest opinions are about being cautious and not taking risks. Except, of course, for that scene I mentioned before, where he outright says they should just leave North to die. For such an overall bland character, that needlessly harsh moment stands out to me and I find it kind of amazing how it’s just completely ignored, often while holding it against North that she suggested shooting Simon on the roof.

So I guess the whole point of this rant is that I wish people would think more critically about North as a character, rather than a flat archetype, especially in the context of shipping. It’s cringey and painful to see blatant flanderizing of her character for the sole purpose of being ‘able’ to ship other characters together, whether to use her as an antagonist or just to get her out of the way, when it’s completely unnecessary to begin with. It’s also very obvious where someone’s priorities and biases lie when they’re happy to write North off but then obsess over other poorly written, bland, or even outright purposefully antagonistic characters that they deem somehow to have more potential and be more worthy of attention and character development.

Overall, there’s no requirement to like a character. It’s totally fine not to like a character. But double standards and needless demonizing of a character go far beyond not liking them, and it’s important to stop and think about why it might be happening. Is it always misogyny with North? No, I don’t think so, there are definitely people who don’t like her for her traits and that’s fine. But I think it’s very telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior then spends time in fan works purposefully making her a villain for the benefit of drama in their pet ship. It’s even more telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior, yet they celebrate the potential of characters that are canonically far worse (but who just so happen to be attractive men.) And, unfortunately, both of those situations coincide quite often with vocally disliking North, and there are only so many ways to interpret such a correlation.

#detroit become human #dbh north #my posts #I wanted to include screenshots but #I'm on a really terrible laptop and it was just not in the cards #so sorry for the wall of text #also writing this has just reminded me of how many other rants I want to go on #there's so much to talk about

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orangenfrottee · 4 years ago

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Hey ho there, feel free to ignore this and I hope I'm not bugging you as I awkwardly slide in here, but I must ask: if you had full creative control of the show, how would you run season 5? You can pick and choose whatever leaks you want to include.

Ah!!! Thank you for your ask <3 I might have spent a couple nights typing out my answer, but in short: I'd cherry pick old story arcs, bring back everyone I like and who doesn't run when they hear Riverdale's calling.

I'd definitely get some decent writers (I'm partial to Jane Espenson, but no idea if she'd be a good fit) and definitely some diversity. I might accidentally fire all men and then play up all their shitty recurring themes for fun as a weird inside joke between me and the show.

I think if they ever gave me creative control of the show it would swerf hard to the crazy and not leave that lane because honestly, i think that's what Riverdale does best.

So, where would I start...

Instead of giving season four a decent ending, I would start with an extra long pilot with the title 'previously on' where the best and most important bits of the teens' school lives is shown with a heavy focus on Jason and the Farm. Parallely, we get to see the lovestory of Chic and Charles. The episode ends with a few very short scenes of the prom where everyone's happy and pretty.

Then we'd start on the real season five. It's been seven years and our characters are older and more grown up.

The show would at first only present the present lifesbof our characters and the barest bones structure to keep as much a little mysterious as possible (but here I tell you what happened during timeskip, too).

Archie is often considered the main character, so let's start with him:

Archie went to the Army after school (though he didn't actually pass his exams and thus didn't graduate, Mr Honey was quite amused). On his most recent tour he met someone special: Eric, his new friend.

Archie was wounded in battle with a... giant mutated elephant with sharp teeth and hallucinogenic venom. Or something. He isn't really sure what happened, but he's got a huge new scar all over his torso. The abs stayed in tact, but oh his pride. During recovery he met new wheelchair user (and on occasion crutches) Eric who has trouble walking since his legs are misshapen/he only has one. Archie thinks Eric got maimed by the same elephant he was, but thinks it rude to ask.

For Eric I'm picturing Sabrina's Ambrose.

With his hurt pride, Archie can't stay with the military and decides to go back to Riverdale.

Eric doesn't have a place to go, so Archie invites him along.

They need a job and since Eric has a calendar full of sexy half naked firefighters AND since they both have abs, Archie decides that type of uniform is the perfect fit for them and trades his newly renovated and well running boxing gym against the old fire station Penelope Blossom owns. (Literally, they even meet at Pop's to exchange keys and sign papers Penelope brought that Archie doesn't even skim.)

The fire station is quite out of everything, but it has a huge pool Eric likes to swim in and a fire truck. To make ends meet Archie sells his sperm to the Greendale sperm bank.

Archie is of course in love with Eric but unfamiliar with the concept of bisexuality and struggles to identify his attraction for what it is. Eric is a foreigner to Riverdale (or is he?) and unfamiliar with the town's culture and quirks. Still, something going on in Sweetwater River seems to be related to him.

Archie and Eric share the Andrews' House - and in the house next door... live Gladys Jones and Polly Cooper!

After Jughead and Betty left for College Alice' horrid mom impulses settled on Jellybean who didn't stand back, grind her teeth and took it but instead broke Alice' teeth. Her and FP were not amused (though FP was also angry at Alice for being too strict). Alice moves out but stays as a journalist in town.

FP gets in trouble for being a brutal gang leader without a gang beating up criminals behind the boxing gym on tape. Not wanting to go to an illegal fighting club prison, he hides with Canadian Serpents behind the border. (Joaquin's identical twin brother and Ricky live there, too. They're happy there.)

Maybe he'd call once or twice with misleading wrong snake facts that have nothing to do with the current mystery of the episode but fit into perfectly by chance.

Jellybean was invited along, but she chose to stay because she thinks Riverdale is rad and the old Cooper House is luxurious as hell. Also, her mom came back to become the new Sheriff!

Nearly seven years in, Gladys still holds the position because no one legally qualified wants it and she manages to keep gang violence at an all time low for Riverdale. Plus, she and Mary Andrews are not exactly friends but able to work well together. When there's another serial killer running wild in town she has no problem with having another girlfriend of Mary who happens to be a skilled professional in the most relevant field take over for a bit. If needed, the Riverdale gangs are usually willing to add muscle to good causes, too.

Jellybean has left Riverdale for university and will only be present for holidays and breaks. She'd still be played by Trinity because I love her and honestly, real nineteen year olds look like fourteen year olds everywhere in the world. Also this gives the viewers 'Archie vision': he will always see his best friend's toddling baby sister in the young woman which makes her the only undatable (legal) female on this planet for him.

While attending Riverdale High she lead the Andrews Boxing Gym and made it the most successful gym in the area. It won't be a plot point in the show (apart from her being angry at Archie for just trading it against trash) but there will be framed newspaper articlesband the like in Gladys' house.

Around the time everyone graduated, Polly was released from Shady Grooves and is back to her old smart self - and really missing her babies! As Choni leave for whatever private college Blossom women have always gone to, Polly takes them and goes home - just to learn on the porch that not only did her mother sell her childhood home more than a year ago without anyone ever telling her, the college fund she never had gotten legal access to and planned to use for the twins is gone too and her sister left town without saying goodbye.

Gladys has always taken care of all the stray kids she found no matter how tight the budget was and now there's this young desolate mother with twin toddlers in front of her posh murder house she'd gotten for cheap and she has this new gig as sheriff. Of course, she takes them in.

They stay in Betty's old room at first, but they soon get to remodel the attic to give Polly her own room. At present, Dagwood has Polly/Chic/JB's old room and Juniper the one facing Archie's. (When Archie sees her in the room, he actually has a flashback once to when he and Betty used to be so young, but then Juniper turns her gead, stares at him really creepily and smiles weirdly. Archie will be somewhat scared from then onwards and be reminded of when everyone thought Polly might gave killed Jason. Juniper would murder.)

At first, Polly's a full time, stay at home mom, but once the kids are older, she starts working part-time: for Gladys.

It turns out they work amazing together. Gladys tends to jump to convenient conclusions and threatens violence way to freely. Also, she is intimidating as fuck.

Polly is everything she isn't: level headed (to a point, in comparison at least), brilliant at combining clues and steering people (remember how she infiltrated Thornhill and made Cheryl unknowingly assist in her snooping plans?). On top of that, she has these stepford smiles and all the ways to appear unthreatening drillend into her head. Honestly, she and Betty are quite alike. While Betty has the lockpicking skills and knows her way around cars, Polly used to be really into fashion (or something) and, with all her experiences at the Sisters, the Farm and Shady Groves, Polly knows psychology.

She started solving some of Gladys' cases at the breakfast table, but now she's officially a deputy or an advisor or something. They're essentially like FP and Jughead, just that Polly is an adult (and that she wouldn't be in a gang beating suspects up regularly).

(These characters would all be mostly in the background though.)

Veronica finally gained perspective on her relationship to her father and grew up. Hiram's cut out of her life for good. They won't ever interact. (In fact, Hiram either moved to New York or he had a minor traffic accident where he lost all of his memory for good and now lives as Ram Rod and works as a trainer at Penelope's newly acquired boxing gym. Everyone is confused about it but doesn't care to ask.)

Veronica is successful at whatever she's doing and doesn't plan on ever moving back to Riverdale, but maybe something is up at Pop's that requires her checking up on in person and she just happens to cross paths with Betty who is also just there for the weekend. And they haven't had quality time together for years, because it's so hard to stay in contact sometimes even with people you love so much you'd die to keep them safe.

If I could come up with something meaningful for them to catch up on emotionally, I'd have them sitting together in a booth at Pop's for a whole episode just talking (but I'm not that deep).

Veronica might be engaged, but we see it fall through without really getting to meet the guy. She mostly just talks to Betty about him on occasion but in a somewhat messed up way. Ultimately, she realises how she treats him in some regards like Hiram treated her and her mother. She wants to grow up further and not be like her father anymore. Since the fiance was only a trophy pawn, she breaks it off and concentrates on introspection/ maybe therapy for a bit.

Later that season her sister comes back and surprise: Hermosa embraced becoming Daddy.

(These would have to be restricted to two half episodes only, she definitely deserves story arcs that aren't about her dad.)

Careerwise: she has a couple businesses, maybe a restaurant chain or a franchise and she seems to collect startups. She reinvests a lot and has to travel quite a bit but can work remotely too.

Everyone seems to want FBI agent Betty and if I'd go that route I'd have her demask Charles as the fraude fake FBI who hires guns for hire and fake emergency teams while making up fantasy horror stories about serial killer genes to scare his biological family into killing each other that I wholeheartedly believe he is. But I also like Betty's interest in mechanics and would love for her to have a career in mechanical engineering. Maybe she switched majors at uni and now works for a company developing prosthetics. Maybe she tries to get Eric into joining a study. (I mean, prosthetic legs would help his work as a fire fighter...).

She's in town to visit Polly and the twins but after talking to Veronica she spontaneously stays in town. She can do her work remotely, really. The two of them move into a two bedroom 'shared bnb' (or whatever it was called in season two) and we finally get to see their friendship on screen.

Betty isn't in a relationship at the moment abd she's so into her work, she isn't looking for one either.

Jughead had broken up with Betty seven years ago and never really had a well working relationship after. He's grown obsessed with finding a way to recreate what he had with Betty.

Not in a totally creepy psycho way, he's simply not understanding that he might be sex positive and he had been in love with Betty, but he is ace and quite aro, too. It doesn't help, that he finds people sexually attractive on their online profiles just to be repulsed by the tought of even kissing them goodbye in person.

(I don't think tv is generally a fitting medium for this, but I guess he can narrate for himself and make it work.)

I guess he has to be an author. Obsessed as he is about finding love again (he wouldn't call it like that) he figures it had either been the location or the constant fear for his life. He chooses to return to Riverdale. He probably instantly moves with everything he owns to Riverdale (not that it's much beside a modern laptop, the typewriter and his camera).

Archie gives the great advice how Jughead is obviously still innlove with Betty, duh.

He of course runs into Betty some day, they end up investigating some random murder together and find themselves in familiar positions and kiss - but it just isn't there anymore. Jughead feels nothing and Betty isn't really into it either.

Veronica later points him in the direction of maybe not being allo (because she used to question herself as aro).

Funfact: Jughead would have failed graduation with Archie if Mr Honey didn't forge some records that weren't actually submitted from Stonewall (they claim all records were deleted during a power outage). Jughead knows and is deeply shamed.

Thornhill has been renovated! Toni is pregnant! Choni will be raising their kids (surprise, it's going to be twins!) in Cheryl's ancestral home. Choni are married and happy.

Toni has reopened the White Worm with Fangs somewhere at the Southside and yes, let's make her the official Serpent Queen. Let her work lots of social causes (remember toys for tots?), grey area rule bending for good and of course she works well with Gladys. I've seen talk about her being a social worker floating around and honestly, I think that works amazing. She's working the local cases (and a few unofficial ones) and I think she and Cheryl are registered foster parents. On occasion (like once) they'd be shown taking care of a random kid.

Cheryl used her College time to study two things: business and Riverdale town history. Remember how in season two she took so much pride in her ancestors because she believed them to be good people? She might be disillusioned but she is the Blossom heiress and her and Toni's as well as Jason's kids will one day inherit a better family legacy. She'll invest in Southside rebuilding projects, advocate for new town memorials, maybe rebrand some of the Blossom product lines. Something like that

She won't run for mayor yet, but she's definitely invested in (local) politics.

Of course the pregnancy was with artificial insemination, the donor was either an unsuspecting red head from the Greendale Sperm Bank or they use some of Jason's that has surly been saved to guarantee the Blossom line when everywhere was scary talk about sperm counts going down due to mobile phones.

In addition: the maple factories need worker bees! Cheryl has a few programs with Toni to get Serpents/random Riverdalians newly released from prison or just with bad luck into a steady job and a cushy appartement overlooking the ex prison on the Southside. Pop's is also participating. Ethel works as a landlady for said appartement complex.

Also, why not add a second Blossom-Topaz lovestory to underline this incest-adjacent show and bring back Toni's grandpa and set him up with Nana Blossom. XD

Then during this season's arc, the Blossom uncle's corpse will be found in the river and the mistery is whether the FBI will figure out who the corpse us and what happened or not.

I love Reggie. Since Varchie is unlikely thanks to Eric, him and Veronica rekindling their relationship would definitely be a possibility I'm into, but he also seems to have an interesting connection with Kevin and Fangs that could be built on.

He would definitely have a car he'd love very much and I think it would still be Bella.

I'm not sure about his career, but it wouldn't include his father's car dealership. Maybe he'd be a successful movie star just in town between movie shootings.

Kevin was doing something with musicals on Katy Keene, I think? Writing or directing? He was trying to nake it big, but some plans fell through. Now he's back in Riverdale. Luckily, they are just about to open Riverdale's first theater in the relatively newly built but forever closed prison. Next to the Southside Theater the complex holds a mall and the White Worm.

Fangs works full time as the manager of the WW that he co-owns with Toni. He meets Kevin again once he's back in town.

Sweet-Pea somehow ended up as a junior doctor at the Riverdale hospital. He spends all of his scarce free time at the WW.

Some of the background Pretty Poisons officially work for the police now. Different than Gladys, they are actually ccccc for the positions they hold.

Peaches works as a manager for one of Cheryl's companies. She's happily married and has a kid (or something).

How long in prison do you get in the US for standing in as the head figure of a crazy pen and paper cult that has literal murders committed in his name? As a blond white dude probably just parole? So honestly, once they actually bring his case to court (and they have nothing against him because anyone could have been under the mask at any one time and people know of different gargoyle kings) he's released of all charges. No one in Riverdale actually knows though since his case took forever, Bughead had already left Riverdale and Alice didn't step up to follow the case. No one wrote about it, so no one knows. They just assume that of course the guy will be locked away forever, he's guilty.

In reality, he and Charles have bought a house somewhere in a different street of Riverdale where they aren't quite known and have adopted a couple kids.

Charles meets Alice regularly for lunch and she thinks he's this workaholic FBI agent only living for solving crime. They play a long con game I don't know the goal of.

(They have been behind the tapes even if that storyline gets totally ignored. They pretend FP being in exile is their doing, but the tape responsible was just a random security camera in the area.)

Josie's plans in New York sadly fell through (I haven't seen any Katy Keene but I want her back)

Lot's of bonding scenes with her brother Kevin who's also back in town. The two share a flat and on occasion burst into song together. Since I've already invented the Southside Theater, maybe she'd find a job there, too.

Val and Melody stayed in Riverdale aftee highschool and made careers in town for themselves. Maybe Melody at city hall and Val as a marketing specialist at the farm, Riverdale's most outstanding new grocery mart. Half of all Riverdalians don't get the controversy of the name, the others either think it's brilliant or tasteless. (Kevin for example has repressed the nemories so gard, he doesn't get it. Josie is very protective and angry at Val for working there.) The store belongs to the eccentric redhaired Eva Everafter or whatever pseudonym Evelyn can come up with to thinly hide her identity behind.

Somewhere in it I'd throw in a few lines vaguely referencing older happenings like "I still can't drink tap water" and the very first time Veronica sees Archie again after seven years she identifies him through his ab muscles.

So in short: Archie would be very dumb, everyone else is just there.

Also: Pop's would serve 50% vegan burgers and milkshakes so I could dig in with gusto.

#riverdale speculation #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale #asks #arsenicpanda #fun #my writing #i guess

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daesungindistress · 4 years ago

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Now that you bring it up past anons, I don't think how I'll ever get over how everything went down. I found kpop through Bigbang right at the 10 year anniversary mark, and learned that I started out at the top. Learning how powerful Bigbang was all those years was euphoric. Buy then it was like watching the fall of an empire, and it's just been cataclysmic. Nothing but scandals a country's worth of immense hatred and a fandom civil war! I'm loyal beyond rationality, but good grief I want to experience good days as a vip for once, because from Last Dance era onward feels like I'm constantly burning 😭😭😭

Sorry I'm dramatic, but every experience is tainted and somebody needs to hit the refresh button QUICKLY

See, this is what happens when I reply to anons in a regular fashion -- you all start talking to each other through me. What do y’all think I am, a VIP conduit 😭

lol I’m just playing. And it’s better than y’all fighting through me, which is one of a few reasons why I’ve stopped responding to OT5 provocations here. But yeah... the fall of an empire... and what a fall it was. First there was SR and Burning Sun starting in late winter and ramping up in spring. When he left, a surprising number of people were sure it spelled the end for BB. Then another YG group lost a member (iKON) because of Burning Sun; Han Seo Hee, though I think we can all agree she’s a snake, claims the handling of Burning Sun and the whistleblower situation re: the chats emboldened her to speak up about her dealings with Hanbin. Of course, this brought her past with TOP from several years prior back to the public’s attention. Great. Then YG lost its founder to similar accusations as SR -- and soon after, its CEO. Then another BB member came under scrutiny, and at that point all I could do was hold my breath, wait out the gunfire, and hope for the best.

2019 was a fun year, huh? All this while fending off OT5s whose modus operandi is turning a blind eye.

Coincidentally, my favorite band ever, who’s been around exactly as long as BB, went independent in 2019 and spent the year working on a war-themed album, which, when completed, was also coincidentally scheduled to be released on the same day BB were set to play the first weekend at Coachella in April 2020 -- though with COVID lockdowns going into effect they were able to fast-track the release date and get their music to fans a week ahead of schedule. A perk of being independent, I guess.

Anyway, in June, around the time things were heating up again with YG and related parties, this group dropped a single called The Evening Hate. And there’s this part in the bridge that I thought summed up the situation surprisingly well:

like cinders it rains

we fall, we fall

an empire in flames

we crawl, we’re crawling out

It’s pretty heavy, so for those who aren’t into that sort of thing there’s a far softer and very pretty alternative version here.

Anyway, in terms of warfare, BB aren’t in the trenches anymore, so where are they? Hiding in the woods or something. Waiting for an opportune moment to reveal themselves and announce their presence again. As a reformed team of four, of course.

The thing is... when it comes to comeback stages, nothing beats Coachella. That was it for them, that was what they needed to pull them onto their feet and propel them back into, what... relevancy? Tragically, it’s gone down in history as a false start. Or really, no start at all. Our starting line keeps getting pushed back, pushed back, pushed back, our flower road walled off until another, kinder spring.

The world is still struggling with COVID, yes, and Korea in particular seems to have its hands full with a third wave that’s proving more severe than the first two. I follow a few kpop news accounts on Twitter and every day is filled with updates on this or that music show, pre-recording, online concert, etc involving a staff member who tested positive for COVID, and suddenly everything’s halted, production put on hold, and all the members of these idol groups are undergoing testing and self-isolating with their agencies announcing the results. Blackpink was supposed to stream an online concert at the end of this month, but unsurprisingly, that too has been postponed. In conclusion, this is no time for BB to attempt to be active. No time for their grand, long-awaited comeback. No time at all.

They will rise again, it’s just a question of when, where, and how.

we are fighting to survive

from the ashes we ignite

we live, we die

we fall, we rise

You know, I had a dream once that BB came back with an album called RESTART, but hey, REFRESH works too.

#no need to apologize for being dramatic #if I'm in the right mood (a writing mood) I bet I can out-dramatic all of you #bigbang #red #ask #anon #I also made a graphic poking fun at the whole 'civil war' thing lol #so it seems you and I are on the same page anon #ps. I hope this makes sense if it's a little disjointed it's probably bc I've had a whole bottle of wine tonight and am a tad tipsy

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kinktae · 6 years ago

Text

groovy || pt. 2 (FINAL)

↳ PART OF MY REWIND SERIES

Even in the 70s, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t have feelings for your best friend’s little sister.

pairing: tae x childhood friend!reader

word count: 10k

genre: 1970s au, fluff, ANGST, eventual smut, f2l

warnings: tae & OC do the NASTY (smut is being edited), Jimin is an endearing pothead, themes of death, unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol and sex

A/N: This fic was entirely inspired by the song If I Could Tell her by from the musical Dear Evan Hansen. Go give it a listen ;)

OFFICIAL PLAYLIST

01 | 02 (FINAL)

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

PART TWO (FINAL) **UNEDITED**

Hoseok crossed his arms over his chest, "Jimin, you gotta be higher than a kite to stand here and tell me that Jaws is scarier than The Exorcist."

"Objection, your honor! How is that relevant to the argument?" Jimin turned towards Taehyung, his bottom lip jutting out ever so slightly.

"Overruled. I'll allow it just this once." Taehyung stated decidedly, rubbing at his chin dramatically.

"Fine." Jimin squinted, turning back towards Hoseok, looking coy. "I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation, but I still vote Jaws."

The two friends were in a heated debate over which of the two films reigned supreme. What started as a mere difference in opinions quickly turned into something far more dramatic, the three boys using it as a means to pass the time as the final hours of the day approached.

"Regan's head literally spins. She was like a fucking owl, man." Hoseok emphasized.

"The Exorcist is unrealistic.” Jimin waved off easily. “Ya know what's real and scary? Sharks.”

Hoseok shook his head in frustration, his dark locks shifting as he did so.

"I don't deny that Sharks are scary but a little possessed girl crab walking down the stairs? Scarier."

"Dude, The Exorcist was gross." Jimin frowned.

Hoseok gasped, quickly turning to his blond friend. "Objection! Your honor, that was a biased claim on his part."

"Sustained. No raggin' on either film." Taehyung agreed, causing Jimin to sigh.

"Fine. The Exorcist was graphic.” Jimin corrected himself. “Who wants to see a little girl projectile vomit all over herself?”

Suddenly, Hoseok brought his hand down onto the counter, the loud noise causing both Taehyung and Jimin to jump.

"Exactly!" He declared far too enthusiastically. "It's grotesque— disturbing even! That's what makes it so damn scary. The Exorcist is the superior horror film. I rest my case."

"Uh... is now not a good time?"

The sound of an entirely new voice appearing suddenly caused all three men to turn around. You were standing by the shop’s door, a perplexed yet amused expression on your pretty face. Taehyung was so taken aback by your sudden arrival that he nearly missed the Tupperware container that was being held between your hands.

"Y/N, Hey!" Taehyung exclaimed, an embarrassed hue crawling over his face. "No, uh, we were just... We didn't hear the bell, sorry!"

You laughed lightly, "No worries."

It hadn't been long since the last time Taehyung had seen you. As a matter of fact, just yesterday morning he had driven you back home so it didn’t make much sense for his heart to be pounding this loudly at the sight of you standing here in front of him.

Your hair had been thrown up in a ponytail that looked last minute but neat all the same, but it wasn’t your hairstyle that caught his attention. Crawling up your legs and underneath your denim skirt were a pair of bright yellow stockings, very much like the ones you used to wear when you were younger.

You were brilliant, he realized. Standing there in all your colored stocking glory, you were absolutely captivating and the blond boy suddenly wished he had put more effort into getting ready today.

His hair was lying flat against his head, having gone unstyled, and he had run out of his contact lenses, forcing him to wear his unflattering frames today.

You took note of his glasses' sudden appearance immediately; the last time you had seen Taehyung with them was when the two of you were still both puberty plagued teenagers. Still, there was something about the bespeckled boy that was comforting to see and much to his chagrin, you stared at him openly.

"U-Uh, you’ve met my friends Hoseok and Jimin, right?" Taehyung stuttered, growing flustered under your stare.

At his words, you looked over at the two boys in question– the shorter of the two had light brown hair and offered you a pleasant smile while the other one stared at you stone-faced, arms crossed over his chest.

"Jung Hoseok, right?" You recalled, flashing the solemn boy a nod.

Hoseok's eyes noticeably widened.

"Wasn't sure you remembered me." He responded cautiously.

You cocked your head to the side, "You were the first guy to ever kick my brother's ass. Hard to forget a moment like that."

"Yeah, well, someone had to knock that asshole down a peg." Hoseok smirked causing Taehyung to bump his shoulder into the dark-haired boy disapprovingly.

"Uh... no disrespect, of course." Hoseok corrected himself. You shook your head.

"No, you're right. He definitely had it coming." You smiled softly.

The exact moment the two of you were referencing had occurred in your junior year of high school, before Jungkook's death. You didn't know much of your brother's social life other than that Taehyung was in it but you remembered hearing the name Hoseok thrown around once or twice. From your understanding, he was someone in Jungkook's social circle that he didn't particularly care for but seemed to tolerate for Taehyung’s sake.

That all changed, however, one day in your school’s courtyard.

You weren't surprised to hear that your brother had started yet another fight in school– he had an awful temper and an even worse ability to control it –but you were, in fact, pleasantly surprised to find out that the fight had ended with Jungkook getting his ass handed back to him by Hoseok.

Both boys were suspended but Jungkook's punishment lasted far longer than Hoseok's was– the fight having not have been his first offense on school grounds.

Jungkook never got to see the end of his suspension, you realized suddenly. He died two weeks before he was due back.

Pushing that dark thought away, you shook your head, putting on a pleasant expression.

"I don't know what was more bruised, his eye or his ego." You joked. Hoseok grinned at your words, clearly surprised at how lightly you spoke of the situation.

“I gotta say, Jeon, you’re not nearly as shitty as your brother.” Hoseok chuckled.

There was something off about the smile that you gave him in reply and, for a split second, he feared that he had said something out of line. Taehyung noticed it too. Seeping through the place where your lips met was a bitter truth– a silent disagreement that you were in fact just as shitty as your brother but lacked the courage to say it.

“Hey, what’s in the container?” Taehyung finally spoke up, eager to shift the topic to something lighter.

“Oh. Right!" You blinked, your entire demeanor changing, "That’s actually why I came. I made brownies.”

Jimin noticeably perked up, eyes falling onto the container silently.

“What kind of brownies?” Jimin wondered lowly.

Hoseok shot him a look before turning to you, "You made us brownies?"

You shrugged, "Well, technically, I made them for Blondie but you guys are more than welcome to have some."

Taehyung's ears went pink. The idea that you made and brought brownies specifically for him was so overwhelmingly endearing he thought his heart might combust.

"F-For me?" He stuttered. You nodded eagerly.

Something you always liked about Taehyung was how easy it was to know what he was thinking, even if he didn’t want you to. He wore his emotions on his sleeve and was pretty much an open book to all.

You knew there was a small part of you that was jealous of him. Jealous of how transparent and honest he was. Because if you tried to be that way it wouldn't be something admirable or wonderful at all. It would be ugly and spiteful.

When Jungkook first died, you were something like a bomb, fragile yet on the verge of exploding at any given moment. You were angry all the time and lost a lot of friends who you treated poorly, taking from their wells of forgiveness until they had entirely run dry.

So for the moment, you were content with presenting a false version of yourself to others. If you had to paint a picture of yourself for them then at least you would make sure it was a pretty one.

"Yeah. Think of it as a thank you for letting me stay over the other night." You continued.

Hoseok's eyebrows raised, finding the context of your words incredibly interesting given the last thing he knew of your and Tae’s relationship was that it had been severed when Taehyung had tried to kiss you in your brother’s room.

"Oh? Is that so?" Hoseok mused cheekily causing Taehyung to send him a glare.

"It's... uh, no big deal." Taehyung dismissed easily, ignoring the way his friend was staring at him suggestively.

"So," Jimin spoke up once more, "are they just regular brownies or...?"

"For fuck's sake, Jimin, they're not weed brownies!" Hoseok laughed, causing the shorter boy to huff.

"What makes you think that's why I was asking? I could have a nut allergy for all you know." Jimin defended.

Taehyung blinked, "You don't have a nut allergy?"

"Yeah, I don't." He admitted, turning to you with a boyish smile.

"They're just regular brownies. Sorry to disappoint." You laughed, setting the container down onto the counter.

"Don’t sweat it. I’m still stoked." Jimin shrugged, walking over to pry open the container. "Free food is free food.”

And with that, the three boys finally began to dig in and you watched cautiously as they did so, hoping that at least some of your mother’s baking ability had been passed down to you.

"These are ace!" Was your eventual reassurance, coming from a satisfied looking Jimin, who shot you a thumbs up with his unoccupied hand.

Taehyung and Hoseok made noises of agreement, mouths too full to verbally agree.

“Aren’t you gonna have one?” Jimin pressed, shoving his mouth with the remaining piece of his brownie.

“They’re really good, Y/N.” Hoseok added.

You shook your head, “Oh no, I don’t really care too much for sweets. I just know Taehyung loves the recipe my family uses.”

Taehyung's head turned towards you, swallowing down the food in his mouth harshly as he looked at you in surprise.

“I didn’t know you knew that.” He admitted, licking his lips clean. You tucked your hands into the pockets of your skirt, a familiar memory creeping into your brain.

“I remember one Sunday night when you were sleeping over my mom made brownies and you ate like eight pieces. And then, when you thought everyone was sleeping, you snuck back into the kitchen for more.”

Taehyung’s eyes went as wide as saucers, “Wait, hold on... you knew about that?”

Honestly, this was the first time Taehyung had thought back on the moment in years but he remembered it vividly. Slipping out of bed without waking up a sleeping Jungkook and tiptoeing past you and your parent’s room felt like mission possible at the time and he was under the impression that he had gotten away with it.

“Yep. I heard you walk past my room. I got curious so I followed you into the kitchen and watched you pig out.” You laughed heartily, your ponytail swaying side to side as you did so.

“You watched me?!”

“I was always watching you.” You admitted coolly, picking up a brownie crumb from the container lid and plopping it into your mouth.

“That sounds... kind of creepy, Jeon.” Hoseok muttered, flashing you a concerned look.

You shrugged, leaning your hip against the counter.

“I was a kid and, well, I wasn’t exactly allowed to just go up and talk to Blondie. Jungkook would’ve literally killed me if he found out that I had a cru–”

Cutting your sentence off abruptly, you cleared your throat, oblivious to the way Taehyung had gone stiff, heart in his throat.

“Anyway, where were you guys with the trial?” You turned towards Hoseok, face burning as you change the topic onto the debate that was taking place before you arrived.

Holy shit.

You had a crush on Taehyung?

He felt like he had been dunked into an ice-cold pool; was it really possible that you ever saw Taehyung the way he still saw you?

He exhaled in disbelief, tucking a hand into his jeans.

He could die of happiness. They could bury him six feet under and it wouldn’t phase him in the slightest. It didn’t even matter that you no longer felt the same way. Just knowing that his one-sided love for you wasn’t always so one-sided was fulfilling enough.

Then again… he could be wrong. Maybe he was jumping to conclusions. You hadn’t finished your sentence, after all, you could’ve gone on to say any number of things. He was probably just overthinking like he always did. He spent nearly every second of his teenage years watching you, he would’ve noticed if you had any sort of feelings towards him... Right?

Your face felt like it was on fire. Worst yet, you could feel Taehyung’s eyes on you. He wasn’t saying a word and it made your chest feel tight.

“Oh. That. Whatever, I retract my statement, let Hobi have this win.” Jimin shrugged, too concerned with grabbing a second brownie to keep the debate going.

“Wait, really?” Hoseok frowned, suspicion gleaming in his eyes.

“Sure. If you say The Exorcist is scarier, then it's scarier.” Jimin concluded, moving to bite into his brownie.

“Right on!” Hoseok laughed, throwing an arm over the shoulders of his passive best friend suddenly.

The action took Jimin by surprise as he was yanked into Hoseok’s side, a small noise of disappointment escaping his lips as he lost grip of his brownie and it flopped onto the floor.

Hoseok showed no indication that he even noticed, his cocky grin persisting.

“This is why I keep you around, you know.” Hoseok teased. “What’s that you always say? Get laid, don’t fight?”

“Make love, not war.” Jimin grumbled, still mourning the loss of his fallen snack.

“Same shit.” Hoseok dismissed, turning towards Taehyung. “So then, your honor, what’s the final verdict?”

Maybe if Taehyung weren’t so preoccupied with staring at you, then he would have heard Hoseok’s call, but it wasn’t like he had much of choice. You were staring down at your shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world, bottom lip tucked in between your teeth as you appeared lost in thought.

“Tae? Anyone home?” Jimin laughed, finally pulling the blond out of his Y/N focused trance.

“Huh?” Taehyung replied.

Something both of his friends never gave Hoseok enough credit for was his ability to read people. So the moment he laid eyes on Taehyung staring at you like a love-struck puppy, he knew he had to do something to help.

“Actually… I think it’s about time Jimin and I headed out.” Hoseok announced suddenly, glancing down at his watch lazily.

“What? Why?” Jimin turned towards Hoseok in confusion.

“Yeah, what? You guys can stay until closing, you know that.” Taehyung added.

"You mean stay and have to help you clean and close up shop? Nah, man.” Hoseok scoffed, waving off the idea with a hand.

“Listen, I’m sure you and Y/N have lots of other nostalgic brownie stories to reminisce on.” Hoseok turned to meet Jimin’s eyes. “Besides, Jimin and I have stuff to do. Isn’t that right, Jimin?”

Jimin blinked, unsure of what was happening but knowing Hoseok well enough not to question whatever scheme he had cooking up.

“Uh… yeah! Lots of things. You know us, busy busy! People call us the busy boys, you know.”

Taehyung squinted, recognizing the boy’s awkward rambling as his attempt to lie. While Hoseok had a real knack for trouble, Jimin was just not cut out for such mischief.

“No one calls you guys that.” Taehyung pointed out flatly.

“Well, they should.” Hoseok chimed in, pulling the flustered hippie towards the door.

“Guys–”

"Check ya later, Tae!" The older boy called out, the door’s bell harmonizing with his goodbye. Taehyung frowned.

“Bye, Tae. It was nice meeting you, Y/N. Thanks for the brownies!” Jimin added, flashing you both a wide smile before the front door closed shut, leaving Taehyung alone with you.

There was a record playing somewhere in the back of the room. You remembered hearing it when you first arrived but forgot all about it once you began to speak to Taehyung and his friends.

It sounded somewhat familiar, but not familiar enough for you to pin down a title. You thought you recognized the artist– The Isley Brothers, maybe?

You crossed your arms as you listened briefly, opening your mouth to ask Taehyung before shutting it before you got the chance.

Taehyung was doing that nervous sleeve thing, you noted.

God, this was so awkward. You had to say something. Maybe you should clear up what you meant earlier.

“Hey, I’m–”

“Do you–’”

The two of you spoke in unison, surprising each other. Taehyung felt his shoulders relax as you burst out into light giggles, clearing finding amusement in the situation. Your laugh could lift any mood, he was sure.

“You go first.” Taehyung insisted happily.

Things were okay, you realized. There was no need to go back and dwell on things that would just make things complicated.

You shook your head, “No, nothing, I just… Your friends are nice. I like them. I miss that feeling.”

“What feeling?”

“Being surrounded by friends, I guess. I don’t really have any. I miss hanging out with people.” You shrugged.

Automatically, Taehyung flashed you a sympathetic look. You knew it was a normal response and that it came from kindness but it made you feel uneasy. You were far too used to people looking at you with pity.

“So.” You say, clearing your throat.

“So.” Taehyung countered.

“What were you going to say?” You asked.

“Huh?”

“Before I interrupted you, what were you going to say?” You reminded. A look of remembrance flashed onto Taehyung’s face before a lopsided smile crept onto his face.

You cocked your head at his expression, raising an eyebrow as you awaited his next words.

“Do you want Burger King?”

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Yes, I know I should have called sooner.” You sighed, listening to your frantic mother’s voice seeping through the phone.

“Mom, I–”

Your eyes flickered over your shoulder, meeting a worried-looking Taehyung who was holding a fry up to his mouth. You stuck your tongue out at him, hoping to lighten up the mood.

He could hear your mother’s muffled but clipped voice through his house phone. Naturally, after the two of you picked up food, you found yourself back at Taehyung’s house to eat it. It wasn’t until you had finished your meal that you realized you hadn’t come back home as scheduled and that your parents were most likely furious.

Despite Taehyung’s efforts to get you home in one piece the other day, your lack of change in clothes clued them in on the fact that you hadn’t gone out to spend the night at a friend's like you had claimed.

One heated confrontation later and the truth of your excursion came to light. Your mother had broken down into tears when you told her that Taehyung had found you drunk and alone on the side of the road; as far as your parents were concerned, you had stopped such reckless behavior years ago.

You let your mother ramble over the phone for a bit before finally explaining yourself.

“Mom. I’m at Taehyung’s.” You explained. Your words were met with a brief pause on your mother’s end and Taehyung quirked his head in confusion.

Something he couldn’t hear must have been said, however, as a satisfied grin took over your face and you bid your mother a light-hearted goodbye, promising you’d call when you were on the way back home.

At the sound of the line going dead and you putting the earpiece back into the phone, Taehyung spoke up.

“Everything okay?”

“Mm? Oh yeah. All it took was mentioning you and her whole tune changed.” You nodded, walking over to where Taehyung was sat on his couch.

The blond boy flashed you a toothy grin.

“Really? That’s all it took?”

You laughed.

“Are you kidding? Your every parent’s dream kid. Kind, responsible, hard-working... Man, they love you, Taehyung.”

Suddenly, a pensive look fell over you as you appeared to get lost in thought.

“It’s hard not to.” You sighed finally, grabbing a fry from Taehyung’s plate and popping it into your mouth casually.

He wasn’t sure what to make of your words but warmth found his face all the same.

Lately, it felt like he was always finding double meaning in your words and he wasn’t sure if they were purposeful or if he was just getting more and more desperate to paint the narrative that you somehow loved him too. He had to force himself to push back such ideas, his own selfish desires too much for his fragile heart to endure.

“Taehyung?”

Realizing that you had been standing while he sat all this time, Taehyung stood up suddenly. It was an awkward repositioning but you paid it no mind, your next words clearly weighing heavily on your mind.

"What would've happened if my parents didn't come home that day?”

Taehyung froze. He opened his mouth to respond but thankfully shut it right away, needing a moment to collect himself.

The question had blind-sighted him; he had spent the better half of the past three days trying not to think about the unfortunate event that went down in Jungkook’s bedroom.

He’d never stop hating himself for that moment.

Still, he wasn’t sure what to make of your question. He allowed for a few more moments of wordlessness before he decided that answering honestly would be his best bet.

Tucking his hands into his pockets, he swallowed harshly. "I probably would have kissed you."

He had no doubt he was blushing, especially with the way your eyes refused to pull away from his face.

"To comfort me?”

"I, uh… No."

“Then, why?” You pressed.

Taehyung bit down on his lip, wondering just how honest to be with you right now. Was this how he was going to admit that he had been in love with you all these years?

He shook his head.

“I just… wanted to.” He admitted, before continuing hurriedly, “B-But I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking– seriously, I shouldn’t have taken advantage of such a vulnerable moment. I’m really, really sorry. I should’ve apologized sooner.”

You nodded.

“It's okay. I’d just prefer if you didn’t, you know, try to kiss me in my dead brother’s bedroom.”

Taehyung grimaced at your words, offering you an awkward laugh and sheepish smile, “Yeah… Definitely not the right time or place.”

Taehyung felt like he could breathe easier now knowing you hadn’t looked too deeply into the attempted kiss. Hopefully, this meant things could stop being so awkward between you two and things could go back to the way they were before. He missed having you around.

“Um…”

Taehyung’s thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of one of your hands reaching out and gripping onto the fabric of his sleeve, much like the way he would himself when he was nervous. He glanced down at the gesture, eyes wide at your proximity.

"We’re not in his room anymore." Your words were muttered lowly, as if suddenly shy.

Taehyung blinked.

What?

Did that mean what he thought it did? Did you just imply that he could kiss you? Or did he just fail to wake up this morning and was stuck in another one of his sad, pining dreams about you?

Gaze fixated on where your fingers were still wrapped around the fabric of his sleeve, you were unable to meet his eyes.

"Huh?" Taehyung replied, simply because he couldn't conjure up a single intelligent thought.

Your eyes met his for a moment before flickering away once again, brows furrowed.

"My parents aren't here either so..."

Taehyung's heart was banging against his chest as if wanting to lurch right out of it and offer itself to you as you were its rightful owner.

No way.

There was just no way the girl he had been in love with since he was fifteen was standing in front of him asking him to kiss her.

“I'm... Are you–"

"Geez, Blondie." You cut him off, voice pitched high at the thought of having to repeat it. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

If it were in any other situation, the tone in your voice would have suggested that you were angry, but the way you tugged at his sleeve let him know you weren't upset, but rather just incredibly embarrassed, unable to express directly just how much you wanted Taehyung to kiss you.

To your surprise, instead of Taehyung awkwardly stuttering out an apology, two large palms found either side of your face, forcing you to look back over at him. Before your eyes even got the chance to make contact with his, however, his mouth found yours, eliciting a small noise of surprise from the back of your throat.

The kiss was everything you imagined a kiss from Taehyung would feel like.

Soft. Gentle. Perfect.

His mouth felt warm against yours, distracting you from the subtle way his hands trembled. Despite the way your mouths moved against each other cautiously, still unfamiliar with such intimacy, something about the exchange felt natural, as if the two of you were always meant to embrace each other like this. And as Taehyung pulled away, you let that thought run through your mind, his warm eyes holding yours.

Silence rang between the two of you; Taehyung bit onto the inside of his cheek, waiting for you to say something but neither of you could seem to work up the nerve.

“Should I not have done that?” He spoke finally, heart in his throat.

“Probably not.” You murmured, still slightly dazed from the kiss.

Suddenly, you placed a hand against his chest, the faint pounding of his heart kissing your palm. Part of you was thrilled to see that the kiss had affected him as much as it had you, but there was also a part of you— a bitter one— that knew that taking this any further would be unfair to Taehyung.

Something told you that if you asked Taehyung for his heart that he’d give it to you, that he was just that kind, and that scared the hell out of you. Taehyung deserved a hell of a lot more than the selfish little sister of his dead best friend.

Sure, you did your best to paint a pretty picture but that didn’t negate the parts of you that were monstrously ugly.

When Jungkook first died, you picked up drinking; weekends usually blurring by as you drifted through the days without regard. You used to think it helped, that drinking all night only to wake up the next morning still just as intoxicated would silence your screaming thoughts of self-loathing, but you came to find out quickly that alcohol was merely a temporary novocaine.

That’s when you turned to sex. It was usually coupled with alcohol, having had realized that inebriation was a great crutch to cling onto the next morning when you hated yourself for your actions.

You weren’t exactly sure when the thought process behind it manifested but you had turned to nameless faces and their bodies to help make you feel desired as you couldn’t love yourself. Whenever friends would raise their concerns, you would brush them off with a clipped tone, claiming that you were merely having fun, oblivious to the fact that all your self-worth was stemming from how many people you could lure into bed with you.

Both reckless behaviors were meaningless attempts at filling a void you refused to acknowledge and if it weren’t for your parents eventually stepping in, there’s no telling just how bad things could have gotten.

You and Jungkook were similar in that aspect, you suppose. Both Jeon siblings having had their tendencies for self-loathing and self-destruction, only Jungkook ended up a corpse on your bathroom floor while you got to walk away without a scratch.

Sometimes, when your mind got particularly dark, you wondered why Jungkook was dead and not you. Why were you the one who had to remain alive, damned to hold up the crushing burden of being the living sibling?

With your brother dead, you had to stay alive— not just for your parents, but for Jungkook as well. If you were going to be chosen as the Jeon sibling that lived then you couldn’t go and destroy your life, not when Jungkook had lost his.

So you tried your best to clean up your act.

You cut off all ties to your old habits and old friends; it was lonely sometimes but you were sober and your parents were happy, and so were you for the most part. Denial became your coping mechanism and any sadness you felt towards your brother passing morphed into anger, forcing you to detach yourself from him altogether.

It was healthier than the other ways you had tried to cope but it was still just a temporary numbing solution, one which Taehyung had wiped away easily, which is why you had turned once again to alcohol and sex. Thankfully, Taehyung found you on the side of the road that night.

“Y/N?” Taehyung called out, watching the way your expression had darkened. You furrowed your eyebrows, eyes flickering up to meet his.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I can’t do this to you. Let’s stop.”

Taehyung frowned, “Do what to me?”

Taehyung looked so incredibly confused that you found yourself looking away, unable to face him.

“I know you care about me which is why we shouldn’t go any further than this.”

Taehyung felt his heart sink into his stomach. Was kissing you a mistake? It didn’t feel like one but you couldn’t even meet his eyes so he knew something was wrong.

You let your hands fall off his chest before continuing.

“I… I care about you. You mean a lot to me, probably more than you know, which is why I won’t risk you getting hung up on someone like me.”

He could see the way you had begun to shrink; you were standing in front of him like you were insufficient and frail when he knew you weren’t any of those things.

“Someone like you? What are you talking about?”

“I’m not the girl you think I am. I’m not the girl you knew when we were kids anymore. I’m bitter and angry and have got so much baggage– I’m not going to put you through carrying any of that. You deserve a lot better than that.” You explained, hating yourself for the way your voice was wavering.

Once again, you were crying in front of Taehyung and you couldn’t stand it.

“Y/N, c’mon—”

“I’m serious!” You cried, hands shaking. “I used to drink myself numb and I slept around with so many people— the majority of them whose faces I don’t even remember —and I’ve hurt and pushed away everyone who's ever cared about me and just— fuck, Blondie! I’m a fucking shitty person!”

“No, you’re not.” Taehyung said quietly, hand coming up to cup your cheek.

“I know you, Y/N. Maybe you’re not the girl who dances in her room or reads teen magazines anymore but you’re still the girl who wears yellow stockings and bakes me brownies just because she remembered I liked them.”

As his thumb ran over your wet cheek, you weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry so you did both, once again crumbling under his touch.

“You’re more than just a series of bad decisions. You’re hurting and you’re doing it alone when you shouldn’t have to. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for and,” Taehyung swallowed roughly, losing footing of his voice, “And you deserve better too, dammit. You deserve so much more.”

There were only a few things Taehyung couldn’t forgive himself for, and leaving you by yourself after Jungkook died was one of them. He knew what it felt like to sink back into the dark place he was in after his best friend’s death but he had his parents and his friends to pull him back out– it made his heart heavy to think that you had been drowning in that lonely limbo this whole time.

“You don’t have to be alone. You don’t have to do this on your own. You’re not made out of stone, Y/N, you’re human. It’s okay to rely on others and accept help and love and everything we think we're not worthy of.”

Taehyung could see the way his words were hitting your skin; he could see the way you flinched as if you couldn't believe them but the way your watery eyes held onto his told him that you wanted to.

“Don’t push me away.” He pleaded finally, voice firm but tender all the same.

You wish you could’ve told him straight up that you wouldn’t, but your mouth was void of any and all words as you answered him with a kiss, hoping for it to say everything you thought Taehyung deserved to hear.

The kisses grew more heated and emotions became intertwined and there was a small voice eating away at the back of your mind telling you that you didn’t deserve this, that you didn’t deserve him. Even as the two of you found yourself in Taehyung’s bedroom, laid out on his bed, the voice persisted, silenced only by the sound of Taehyung speaking suddenly.

“Is this okay? For me to kiss you like this?” Taehyung asked, breathing heavy as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip nervously.

You fought back the blush that wanted to make its way onto your skin, the question catching you off guard as there wasn’t any need for it in the first place. You wanted Taehyung to do far more than just kiss you. Taehyung had you pinned underneath him, your legs parted by his thigh as he hovered over you, and you were alight with an insatiable need for him.

Your fingers found his glasses; they were struggling to hold onto his face as he stared down at you. Gently, you took them off, chest tightening as Taehyung’s eyes widened at your action.

“Taehyung.” You cooed, eyes flickering to his lips. You wondered if their red color mirrored yours right now.

Taehyung wanted so badly to kiss you again but the last thing he wanted to do was to push things in a direction you weren’t comfortable with.

“Yeah?”

“Touch me, please.” You murmured, causing Taehyung’s heart – among other parts of him – to stir.

A small sound of surprised content escaped you as Taehyung’s mouth found your neck, wasting little time as he began to bruise the delicate skin there. He wasn’t being nearly as gentle as you imagined he would, taking your skin between his teeth before soothing over the bite with a soft flick of his tongue before moving to another spot.

His fingertips were running up and down your sides frustratingly; it was a side of Taehyung you had never seen and it excited you to no end, small whimpers and sighs falling from you.

Taehyung was in absolute bliss– he had the girl he had been in love with for years laid out underneath him, panting his name as he marking you as his, loving the way your hips were rutting up, not so subtly trying to grind against his thigh.

He felt it too, of course; the strain of his aching cock pressing against his pants becoming harder and harder to ignore, and before he could think to ask, he moved between your legs, urging your skirt up to your waist so that he could grind into you.

A low grunt left his mouth as he began to rock into you, your soft whines only edging him on. But he knew there were far too many layers separating the two of you.

“Why don’t… Why don’t you go ahead and take some clothes off?” Taehyung suggested, slightly caught up in the feeling of your legs tightening around his hips.

You let out a small huff, not because you didn’t like the idea but because he had stilled his motions. As lovely as the friction was, it wasn’t nearly enough to get you where you wanted. You sat back up on your elbows.

“Should I leave the yellow stockings on for nostalgia’s sake?” You joked dryly. You hadn’t meant it seriously, of course, you were hoping to elicit a laugh from Taehyung but to your surprise, his response was anything but humorous.

His palm came down onto your covered thigh, moving forward to bring his mouth to your ear.

“Unless you want a few new rips in them, I’d suggest you take them off as well.” He hummed darkly, his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

A grin found Taehyung’s face as he leaned back away from you, watching as your expression fell into one of surprise, clearly not expecting such a forward statement from him.

Flustered, you began to undress clumsily, struggling to do so as the feeling of Taehyung pressing kisses against your jaw was incredibly distracting.

Where the hell did this surge of confident from Taehyung come from and why the hell was it so hot?

The second you finally freed yourself from your garments, you threw a leg over his lap, forcing him back down onto the bed.

Your fingers found his shirt without so much as a second thought, undoing the buttons of his shirt as you began to trail hot kisses down his chest. A low sound emerged from Taehyung’s chest and if you had any shame whatsoever, you might have felt embarrassment as the sound caused your panties to dampen.

His skin was soft and you let your tongue trace the ridges of his abdomen. You imagined you might have stopped to press some more permanent marks on his skin if you didn’t have another destination in mind, hand slipping down further and further.

For the second time today, Taehyung wondered if dreaming; you were sat up on his lap in nothing but your panties, lips parted as you tried to catch your breath, hand rubbing over Taehyung’s clothed cock lightly.

Taehyung let out a groan, causing you to smirk.

“Poor, Blondie. Bet you’re dying to get out of these pants, huh?” You teased, applying more pressure to your touch.

“Fuck, Y/N. You really are such a tease.” Taehyung hissed, thrusting up to meet your touch.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You replied innocently, cocking your head one side to truly sell the act.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna give you five seconds to stop that little game you’re trying to play with me and lay back down on the bed.”

“And if I don’t?”

“I’m going to cum in my pants and, fuck, I’d really much rather cum inside of you.”

You paused your actions begrudgingly, realizing you also would rather him cum inside you. You crawled off him and laid back beside him as instructed.

“Good girl.” He praised, kissing one of your bare breasts, causing you to whine. “Why don’t you let me play with you now, hm?”

One of Taehyung’s hands was quick to make its way between your legs, wasting no time to drag this out any longer.

“Oh, fuck.” He hissed, middle fingering running up and down your clothed slit. Your eyes fluttered shut for a moment, his actions earning him a sharp inhale of his name.

“Sweetheart, you’re so wet.” Taehyung cooed. “We only just started too.”

“D-Don’t tease me.” Your voiced hiccuped slightly as the tip of his finger found your clit, rubbing at the swollen pearl lightly. Taehyung laughed, pressing a peck against your bottom lip that was jutting out slightly.

You took advantage of the moment immediately, hand reaching out to slip into Taehyung’s hair so you could deepen the kiss. You could feel him smile into the kiss, clearly pleased with how desperate you were for him.

The feeling of one of Taehyung’s long fingers sinking into you caused you to grasp, pulling away from the kiss as his fingers ministrations began to occupy all your attention.

Taehyung admired you from his spot beside you, watching the way your face scrunched up and you threw your head back as one finger became two.

“You’re so pretty like this, baby.” He found himself purring into your ear, head too clouded with the sounds of your moans to hold himself back.

“God, I... fuck.” Was your intelligent response, hand clasped around his wrist as his motions began to quicken.

Your thighs were beginning to shake, the obscene sound of Taehyung’s fingers entering your wet pussy filling the room.

A particularly hard rub against your clit sent out a chirp of his name, pulling Taehyung away from your breasts, where he had temporarily fixed his attention.

“You need something?” He teased, flicking his tongue against your nipple frustratingly.

You let out a groan, sending Taehyung a glare as a sharp wave of pleasure ran through you, causing your spine to arch.

And just like that, his fingers were pulled off you, evoking a small cry of disappointment from your lips. The kiss that followed, however, was enough to silence your protest, Taehyung moving to rest in between your hips again, only this time, he fumbled to take off his jeans.

“I’m going to make love to you, sweet girl. Is that okay?” He asked as he freed himself of his garments.

Your eyes widened at the sight of his cock, swollen and red-tipped, and you nearly begged for him to fuck you right then and there.

You nodded eagerly, eyes still fixated on Taehyung’s newly revealed state. You bit down on your bottom lip, insides fluttering with desire as Taehyung adjusted himself, rubbing the length of his cock against your sopping center.

A small cry left your lips as he finally entered you and Taehyung knew he was absolutely ruined, wrecked by the way your warm, velvet walls wrapped around him.

“F-Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Taehyung was absolutely beside himself as he began to rock into you, moaning as you took every inch of him, profanities spilling from your swollen lips.

You jolted as his thumb found your clit, clearly set on getting you to cum.

“That feel good?” He hummed, pressing a kiss to your collarbone cheekily.

Your eyes were shut, overwhelmed by the feeling of Taehyung filling you, bringing you closer and closer to your climax with every rock of his hips and fingers.

“So... ah, so good.” You whimpered, voice trembling as you tried to meet every one of Taehyung’s thrusts.

Taehyung was close to his own release, balls tightening as he relished in how well you took his cock and how pretty his name sounded falling off your tongue like that. You were so beautiful– your chest and neck glistening lightly with sweat, breathing labored as you entirely lost yourself in the sensations being sent your way.

“Taehyung, I–”

Your sentence was cut short as your orgasm washed over you, a broken whine leaving your lips. Taehyung hardly had time to admire the lovely way your body was shuddering in pleasure when his own orgasm hit him, your walls tightened around him as he coated your walls with hot spurts of cum.

Tangled sounds of pants and whimpers fell between the two of you as you both came down from your highs.

“You okay?” Taehyung spoke finally as he pulled out of you.

You let out a sigh at the feeling, suddenly empty. You offered a nod in response, not trust your voice to respond to him verbally. Taehyung laid down beside you, gesturing for you to come closer; the cold of his room had suddenly caught up with you both as you huddled into one another for warmth.

Your head found itself on Taehyung’s chest, listening to the way his breathing evened out with post-coital bliss.

His fingertips were running along the length of your bare arm as the two of you lay there, causing light goosebumps to pull at your skin.

“What are you thinking about?” Taehyung said suddenly, sensing the melancholy that lingered in the air.

You didn't respond immediately, taking a few moments to yourself before pulling yourself up to face Taehyung.

"I was thinking about my family and how they'd react if I told them about us." You admitted.

"My parents would be thrilled. Both of them. Dad has always seen you like a second son and if my mom were twenty years younger, she would've snatched you up herself."

Taehyung let out a contemplative hum, "And Jungkook?"

It was the question that was weighing on both your minds. There was a small prickling feeling of guilt there as if the two of you were doing something behind his back, even though he was gone.

"I'm not sure."

“I think Jungkook would kill me if he knew I slept with you.” Taehyung admitted honestly, his frows furrowing ever so slightly.

“Probably.” You nodded before pausing. “But he would’ve forgiven you.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding? You were his favorite person, he never shut up about you.” You chuckled, laying back down beside him.

“You’re a good guy, Blondie. I think that’s why he liked you so much. Everything became so bad so quickly but you stayed good. You never left his side. You always had his best interests in mind, even when he didn’t deserve it.” You yawned, pulling the blanket up to your chin.

Suddenly, Taehyung’s expression fell into an unreadable one, the room’s atmosphere growing heavy as his aura suddenly darkened. Your eyes ran down his profile as he stared off across the room, clearly deep in thought.

“I knew.” He said finally, voice small.

“You knew what?”

“The drugs. I knew.” He clarified, turning his head towards you.

“I didn’t know exactly what he was using but I knew something was wrong. And I didn’t say anything. I hate myself every day for nothing saying something.” Taehyung confided solemnly.

You turned away towards him, silence fell over the two of you. You didn't know what to say– the idea that Taehyung wasn't this perfect, happy human completely throwing you off guard. Not once did you think to consider how Taehyung had dealt and continued to deal with the death of his best friend. You contemplated his words for a moment.

Shifting slightly, you moved further down the bed, letting your head rest on his chest once again.

“How do you live with yourself?”

Your question wasn’t malicious in any sense. No. It was pure, unadulterated curiosity that prompted it and Taehyung was felt a quiet feeling of relief in that fact that you hadn't dwelled on his confession any further than needed. You held no judgment in your tone, but rather a desire to understand, undoubtedly stemming from the need to replicate the answer for yourself.

“I learned to forgive myself.” He said before pausing.

“I learned to forgive him.” He added after a moment of silent contemplation.

You frowned, letting your eyelids fall shut.

"I can't. Not yet, at least." You confessed wistfully.

Taehyung let out a hum, "That's okay. I didn't know at first."

“So what did you do before you found yourself at that point?”

You could hear Taehyung's sigh through his chest, it was soft and reverberated lowly.

“I looked for the things that made me happy. The music, the people– you just gotta keep on keepin’ on. It'll start to hurt a little bit less every day until one day you'll wake up to find that the good outweighs the bad.”

"You're a good." You said suddenly, catching Taehyung by surprise.

"Huh?"

You lifted your head, turning it so that you could face him.

"The bad is heavy and it hurts but... you're definitely a good." You murmured gently. "You're my good, Blondie."

Taehyung didn't care that he was blushing or that you could probably feel the way his heart rate had spiked because, as you leaned over to kiss him, all he could find himself caring about was the fact that he was your good and that you were his too.

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"You're a sneaky little minx, you know that, right? I gave in that time but now I seriously have to go." Taehyung sighed, causing you to frown.

Taehyung had been taking a shower, on his way to get ready for his morning shift at Rose's when a certain someone slipping into his shower had extended his time spent in there tenfold, unable to resist your advances.

The two of you were in towels now; your fooling around in the shower now over.

"Nooo." You whined. "Stay."

You had pulled Taehyung into an embrace, your arms snaking around his waist as you propped up onto your toes and pressed kisses onto his collar bone.

The nature of the kisses seemed harmless, but with the way two of you had spent all night, and now morning, Taehyung knew that things would only escalate from here.

"As much as I'd love to make love to you all day, I'm needed at the record shop." He stated decidedly, causing you to pull your mouth away from his skin.

"Can you call in sick?" You moped childishly. Taehyung shook his head no, chuckling as he leaned over to place a chaste kiss against your mouth.

"Seven years, Blondie! We were robbed of seven years together. We deserve to be going at it like rabbits." You looked up at him through your lashes, a sour pout on your lips.

The blond boy let out an abrupt laugh as if he wasn't expecting those words to leave your mouth.

"So dramatic." He hummed teasingly.

Despite his words, the truth was he couldn't agree more and if it weren't his moral obligation to his job, then he would gladly spend the day with you in bed.

You tilted your head in contemplation, "Has it not been seven years since you first started liking me?"

You felt Taehyung physically stiffen against you, and it suddenly occurred to you that Taehyung was still under the impression that you had no idea about his childhood crush on you.

"You knew?!" Taehyung gaped, mouth falling ajar slightly.

You raised an eyebrow at him, "Of course I knew."

"Wha– How? For how long?" Taehyung pressed, voice rising in pitch. You tried your hardest to suppress your amused smile, enjoying the way he was growing increasingly flustered.

"Well... you trying to kiss me in Jungkook's room was a huge giveaway," You laughed, "but I think I figured it out when you talked about the purple streaks I put in my hair."

At your confession, Taehyung frowned, clearly not understanding. You pulled away from him, letting out a sigh as you accepted the fact that you weren't going to convince Taehyung not to go to work any time soon.

"You told me Jungkook liked my purple hair."

Taehyung paused for a moment, digesting your words. He nodded slowly; it was a lie he had told you in an attempt to comfort you. He should have figured it would come back to bite him in the ass.

"... Yeah?"

"I dyed my hair after he died." You revealed, leaning back against the bathroom sink.

Taehyung thought back to Jungkook's funeral, trying to make sense of where his memories had gotten muddled.

You were right, of course.

Your entire family was dressed in all black, as were you. But sprinkled throughout your hair were bright streaks of indigo, contrasting almost purposely against the dark and gloomy day. Taehyung remembered thinking it suited you; the color was just as vibrant as you were, even if you remained silent and solemn the entire time.

"I dyed it the night before Jungkook’s funeral actually. I couldn’t fall asleep so my mom went out with me to buy the supplies and she helped me do it. It was a nice distraction for both of us." You remembered, your expression slightly melancholic. "Jungkook never got to see my hair. But you did.”

Taehyung's cheeks grew pink. "Not everything I told you was a lie. Everything I said before that really was Jungkook."

You nodded, a small smile visible, "Thank you for that by the way. Whether it was you or Jungkook saying those things, it meant a lot."

The corner of Taehyung's lips curled upwards.

"What about when we were younger? Did you know I liked you back then?" He wondered innocently.

"Thinking back on it now, it was kind of obvious that you did but I think I was too concerned with feelings for you to notice." You admitted through a laugh.

"So, you did have a crush on me?" Taehyung asked, a wide smile of disbelief growing on his face. You nodded shyly.

“You think I bugged you guys for all those years because I enjoyed Jungkook telling me to fuck off?” You grinned lightly. “I did it because I wanted to spend time with you.”

"I still do." You reminded him of the conversation's previous topic, pointing a finger against his naked chest.

Taehyung was absolutely buzzing, his chest full of pride at knowing that you had liked him all this time. If there were a cloud higher than cloud nine then he'd be on it– Hell, he'd be king of it.

Suddenly, the gravity beneath your feet shifted as you were scooped up in Taehyung's arms, a loud squeal of surprise leaving you.

"What are you doing?!" You laughed, arms scrambling to better hold onto Taehyung in case he accidentally dropped you.

"Screw work, I'm about to make your teenage dreams are coming true, baby." He grinned cheesily as he laid you back down onto his bed, laughter all but breaking the kisses the two of you began to exchange.

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“Are you okay?” Taehyung spoke finally.

You bit down onto your lip, contemplating your next words carefully.

“I feel dumb.”

Taehyung let out a sigh, “Y/N…”

“Sorry, sorry. I just… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” You replied, causing him to shrug.

“Just do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Your hands found one another as you let those words sink in for a moment before nodding, ultimately sinking down onto your knees, the damp grass wetting the knees of your jeans.

“Hey, shrimp brain.” You began cautiously.

The headstone you spoke to was a light grey. Granite. There was a toss-up between granite and marble but you remembered that your parents had decided on granite.

“It’s, uh, me. I’m sorry we haven’t... talked." You frowned, still unfamiliar with the idea of talking to your dead brother's headstone.

It was actually your idea, but if it weren't for Taehyung's reassurance – and car – you would have never actually made it here.

Part of you feared that this was a mistake, some useless waste of time, but the larger part of you knew this was something you needed to do. Something you should have done a long time ago.

"I’m sorry for a lot of things actually.” You began, fingers intertwining themselves.

Laid out in front of the tombstone were a bunch of wilting flowers, undoubtedly placed there by your mother. They were sad to look at and you knew that in just a few days they would be replaced with new ones, but you couldn't help but feel Jungkook would've liked them this way. Taehyung thought so too, noting it complimented Jungkook's fashion sense as a teenager.

“Blondie and I are together now. And before you freak out, you should know that I’ve always liked him. I sometimes kinda feel like you already knew that but yeah. I hope you’re okay with that because he makes me really happy." You found yourself smiling before continuing. "I hope you're happy and blasting Jimi Hendrix... wherever you are.”

Suddenly, you felt a wave of emotion roll over you, taking you by surprise. It wasn't any kind of overwhelming anger or sadness like you usually felt, but just a slow melancholy, the kind that brought tears to your eyes but still let you hold onto your breathing.

“I know being sappy was never really our thing but I just wanted to say... that I miss you. And I love you. I’m sorry I never told you that while you were still around.”

A few moments of silence ticked by, filled only by the occasional chirp of a nearby bird, sat somewhere in one of the trees in the cemetery.

Taehyung watched as your frame began to shake slightly, placing a hand on your shoulder as he kneed down beside you.

“You’re okay. You’re doing great.” He cooed, his presence along helping to calm you down.

You sniffed, wiping your cheek dry with the back of your sleeve.

“But yeah. I hope you don’t mind if I swing by more often to bug you with some more one-sided conversations. Gotta uphold my title as the annoying little sister, after all.”

Taehyung let out a chuckle from beside you and that was all the reassurance you needed.

“I guess I’ll see ya later, shrimp brain.” You concluded finally, letting out a breath as you pushed yourself off your knees and back onto your feet.

Taehyung followed suit, eyes fixated on his best friend's gravestone.

"You really think he knew we liked each other?" He mused lightly.

"Going by what my mom said when I told her we were dating, literally everyone knew we liked each other." You laughed bitterly.

"Everyone but us, I guess." The blond boy laughed.

The sun had shifted its way behind a passing cloud then, and you couldn’t help but miss the warm feeling of it against your skin.

"What a bummer." You sighed, looking down at your brother's final resting place.

Taehyung tucked a hand into his pocket, watching the way you were standing beside him silently. He had a feeling that your words weren't just in regards to you and him anymore.

You heard the grass crunch as Taehyung moved, walking to stand behind you.

“It's not all bad."

You raised an eyebrow, opening your mouth to ask what he meant when you felt the weight on his chin rest against your shoulder.

"We found each other in the end." He said softly, causing your chest to tighten.

Because you too knew that this wasn't just about the two of you. Because although you had lost your brother, every day that you spent with Taehyung made me feel closer to your brother than you had ever been. The two of you would exchange memories of him, some of which you didn't even remember and some of which felt unimportant back then, but now brought you comfort. Sure, neither of you had a full picture of who Jungkook really was, but the pieces he had left behind finally made sense now that the two of you could hold them up beside one another.

And as Taehyung wrapped his arms around you, you let yourself sink back into his chest, for once not worried about feeling small or vulnerable.

"Yeah." You agreed, cheeks warm. "I guess we did."

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dreamingsushi · 4 years ago

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Under the Miracle Cherry Tree - Overall review

I had to make a separate post on this drama, even if I wasn’t trying out this overall review thing, I needed more space to talk about this drama. It really entered my top favourite dramas, i’m still not over it, not yet. This is a masterpiece in my opinion, and there’s so much to say about it so, without any further due, I’ll just start my review.

Plot

The story revolves around a teenager suddenly coming back to life and reconnecting with his friends. And mostly, making them reunite. One thing I really liked about this drama is the fact that there is main plot, which is about Kota being brought back to life, but every episode could almost be taken separately because they have a one episode plot line. Of course, it’s all a chronology in the same story, but really if this was on specific day on TV and you miss a week, you would be easily able to follow. The simplicity of the plot, the scenario, everything was on point, everything was coherent. Nothing was unnecessary.

I think the major strength of this drama was the way it talked about mourning and going on after losing a loved one. I lost just recently my grandad, it’s not the same as losing the one you have a crush on, but I could relate to Mei’s journey. And even Iori’s journey, with the guilt he bears. And we kind of know all along the outcome of the whole story, but we still want to keep on watching. Also, it’s just such a perfect circle, when we got at the end of the last episode, I felt it was very satisfying.

One other thing I liked is that even though they added some under-plots if I may say like this, they were always relevant to the main plot, there wasn’t any additions that didn’t make sense or was just there to make us feel good or to put it simply, only to fill the blanks. Everything was well balanced.

This drama deserves a solid 10/10 for me. It was fresh and unique, even though it’s not the first a deceased character comes back to life. This drama was just spot on real.

Acting

As opposed to when I started watching J-drama, the acting style just changed so much, I see more and more mature themes and that’s what I really like about Japanese dramas, even though I still like shows like Hana Kimi where everything was over the top. In this specific one, it’s honestly so real, you would tend to forget that they are acting. Not even once did I got pulled out of the story because the acting was too forced or literally too bad. I genuinely laughed and cried along with the characters of the story. It felt pretty intimate. Sano Hayato and Iitoyo Marie did an excellent job and I’m only mentioning the two of them because they were the main leads. But everyone was very good. I wouldn’t say it was perfect, sometimes I kind of thought that some emotions weren’t conveyed exactly well, but overall, it was.

A good 9/10.

Soundtrack

I have to talk about the music all alone for this drama. There weren’t a lot songs for it, but the soundtrack was just so on point, whenever the “theme” song I would feel my heart start beating faster and it built the anticipation very well. Plus the melody was just so beautiful. I think that listening to it right now would stir up the same feelings then when I watched because it just fitted the whole plot and aesthetics so well.

Another 10/10

Visuals

There’s not much to say about costumes and props because it then again a modern day drama. Some outfits might have been questionnable to me, but fashion in Japan and Canada are different, which is totally normal, so I can’t have any judgement on that. However, one thing worthy of noting is the cinematography. The shots are beautiful. The set of the drama too. There was lots of thought behind it, seriously and like... It was just amazing. Not only was the story interesting, but it was visually enchanting. So I was very pleased. It’s always such a shame when a movie or a drama have such a great plot and everything, but visuals from 20 years ago. It shouldn’t be that important, but it still is. Because we tend to watch less of what isn’t pleasing to the eye.

Again, solid 9/10

Would I recommend or not?

I absolutely recommend this drama. If it’s not on your watchlist, I suggest you consider adding it. I you like stories about friendship, about mystery and growth, this drama is absolutely for you. It’s well written, the plot is refreshing and interesting. The episodes are short and there’s not many of them so you’ll watch through everything pretty quickly. I would rewatch it. That’s just how much I enjoyed it.

List of full recaps

If you are interested in reading my full recaps for Under the Miracle Cherry Tree, here’s the list and all links to every single posts.

All / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8

#under the miracle cherry tree #iitoyo marie #sano hayato #jdrama #j-drama #japanese drama #drama review

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mittensmorgul · 5 years ago

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I just rewatched 7.08, and while think I ran through this bit of the loop once already since 15.04 aired, I didn’t make any comments on it (must’ve been a busy day for me or something...). Anyway, the last time I posted rewatch notes for this episode was way back in July 2019:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186196686115/708-season-seven-time-for-a-wedding-sams

(actually, trying to do TNT loop math in my head, I think I may have watched 7.08 shortly BEFORE 15.04 aired, which is probably why I don’t yet have better rewatch notes yet... but please do go read what I wrote in July, because heck, 15.04 just reinforces ALL of it)

(no, really, please go read that post before continuing on this one... it’s not very long, but incredibly relevant to the transformation in Becky we see in 15.04, AS WELL AS DEEPLY RELEVANT TO THE DECEPTION SAM IS ABOUT TO BE LED THROUGH BY CHUCK OVER THE NEXT SEVEN EPISODES)

And remember, while you’re reading all of this, that the person who wrote 7.08... was Andrew Dabb...

7.08 was Becky’s Lowest Moment, but Sam... gave her the power to find her own salvation. We wouldn’t see the payoff for eight more years, but HECK WAS IT EVER SATISFYING. My only complaint here is that SAM has no idea how profoundly he was able to affect Becky’s life for the better. He and Dean remember her as “superfan99″ or whatever, the woman so obsessed she’d deceived herself into believing that Sam actually loved her back, and nearly lost her soul to a demon, and was willing to literally trade Sam’s free will over it. Sam and Dean don’t know that, after these events, she found a healthy and satisfying life, with a loving family and a thriving business, all because of this:

SAM: You roofied me! BECKY: A roofie? I'd never. We had a great time together. You were happy.

And yeah, while under the effects of a love potion, Sam hadn’t questioned anything, hadn’t worried about his own free will, in other words. Which, in context of what Lilith would ask Dean in 15.05, seems effectively along those exact same lines--

Ashley: It's all just so random and awful. Wouldn't it be great if everything was just planned out for you... if it was all just already decided? Dean: No, not really.

OF COURSE NOT! But back in 7.08 Becky was in that exact mindset:

BECKY: He said it wouldn't even work unless you already loved me, deep down. It just activates it. SAM: So you think I love you? BECKY: Deep, deep down? SAM: Then untie me. BECKY stuffs a handkerchief in SAM's mouth. SAM: [muffled] No. No! BECKY: You're still working through your emotions.

and then, after Guy tells her she’ll have to pay for the potion from now on, now that she’s “addicted” to her false relationship with Sam, it’s gonna start costing her directly to keep it:

BECKY: I know what I am, okay? I'm a loser. In school, in life. Guess that's why I like you so much. SAM: What? BECKY: I mean, not that you're a loser, but you had that whole character arc about being a freak, and... I can relate. SAM: [muffled] Oh, my God. BECKY: Honestly... The only place people understood me was the message boards. They were grumpy and overly literal, but at least we shared a common passion. And I'll take it, you know? Then I met you guys – the real Sam and Dean. And I started dating Chuck. And everything was... amazing. But you left, and Chuck dumped me. I think I intimidated him with my vibrant sexuality. I just want someone who loves me for me! Is that too much to ask? [SAM says something muffled. BECKY snatches the handkerchief out of his mouth.] BECKY: What? SAM: If you want somebody to love you for you, maybe don't drug them. BECKY: But I want you! And this is the only way! [BECKY takes the vial out of her pocket.] SAM: Becky. Becky, you're better than this. BECKY: That's sweet, but... I'm not so sure.

We didn’t see what happened to her from the time this episode ended, and the beginning of 15.04, but heck... it’s clear she took Sam’s words to heart and made real changes in her life. Because of what Sam told her, she became better than that.

And we had to wonder how much of what we knew of Becky before, how badly she’d been directly manipulated by Chuck into the story, because she was vulnerable, because she was susceptible back then, was a direct result of Chuck. Not just of him pulling a random obsessed fan into the story because he knew she’d do exactly what he wanted, because she was an easy mark BECAUSE of everything she confessed to Sam in 7.08, but literally because Chuck manipulated her into all of this.

Which Lilith basically says flat-out in 15.05.

And which Chuck will use to much subtler effect with Eileen over the next few episodes after that.

Between 15.04 and 15.05, these two specific women directly connected to Chuck through 4.18 (for Lilith), and through 5.01 and 5.09 (for Becky)-- and specifically connected to Chuck via themes of deception and manipulation, and even MORE specifically connected to Sam through manipulative romantic propositions... it makes me wonder how ANYONE could watch 15.06 and think everything was clearly exactly what it looked like on the surface, and not even bothering to question whether Chuck had his grubby mitts all over that entire situation from the start.

This... is Dabb’s story. This is how he’s unmasked Chuck’s manipulative treachery.

And if you think the kiss between Sam and Eileen in 15.09 “makes them clearly romantic” or think “they kissed, it’s canon!” Then Sam and Becky are equally “canon.” Because Chuck was equally complicit in both.

I mean, even if you DO feel that Sam and Eileen have some great romantic connection, I humbly invite you to at least understand why it makes me deeply, DEEPLY uncomfortable to see it that way.... Eileen may not have used a love potion here, but neither she nor Sam had known how much of her actions Chuck had been affecting-- love-potion style-- between 15.06 and 15.09. And until they sort out their own feelings from the story Chuck forced them into in order to drive his own tragic romance narrative, it’s impossible for me to feel any sort of squee about them as a romantic couple. Because Chuck is a shitty writer, and lies and manipulation are at the very core of his story.

And I’ll apologize, again, to everyone who is able to divorce these themes from 15.06 and watch it without the baggage of this specific sort of emotional manipulation. Hell, let’s call it what it is. It’s gaslighting, and it’s something I’m personally hypervigilant about, because that’s how this sort of trauma works. But it’s also literally the MAIN THEME OF S15 AS A WHOLE, and how each of the characters are coping with this theme and how it directly relates to their own past history. It feels irresponsible to me to handwave the reality here to insist that in this one instance it’s “cute” or “romantic,” just because the result is personally desirable. That’s... the whole freaking POINT.

And it’s set up in 7.08, by Dabb, and made blatantly clear in 15.04 and 15.05.

I guess I just like Eileen as a character too much to wish a noncon romance on her, even if it’s with Sam, and I can’t unsee it as that. (Especially with the fact that Chuck only brought her back to romance Sam so that he could kill her again to break Sam’s will. Chuck himself intended her as nothing more than a manipulative tool for the sake of manpain.) Will she be back of her own free will? Heck, if so, then I’ll question it, but I’ll accept her choice. I couldn’t do it, myself. It would be like Sam going back to Becky and trying to make it work with her. It doesn’t look any different to me below the surface. On the surface, it’s different because Sam and Eileen actually LIKED each other before, years in the past before her untimely death. But take that layer away, at there’s no difference in how I see what happened from 15.06 on, because none of it was actually real. All I, personally, can see is the manipulation. Yet one more reason I truly appreciate the tag “get fucked chuck.”

#spn 7.08 #spn 15.04 #spn 15.05 #spn 15.06 #spn 15.09 #spn 4.18 #spn 5.01 #spn 5.09 #s15 meta rewatch #spiders georg of the tnt loop #it's spirals all the way down #the special agony of brainwashing #or in this case forced but super skeevy noncon romance >.>#chuck's process #get fucked chuck

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annabethbreakstherules · 5 years ago

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OUAT and why “mystery box” narratives are doomed to fail

Once Upon a Time premiered on Oct 23, 2011 to 12.9 million viewers and fairly positive reviews from critics who praised the performances of the main cast, the surprisingly complex and interesting takes on storybook characters, and the impressive special effects. This quote from the Wikipedia page essentially summarized what was so compelling about the show (and hints at ultimately why it failed):

“‘Rick Porter gave the pilot praise for bringing together the central theme, saying "No other new show this fall is attempting to tell a bigger story, and we're hoping the rough patches smooth out and it fulfills the potential that's there in its very strong cast and premise.’”

Once wasn’t unique for its fairytale remixes, which was also being done concurrently for a time on NBC’s Grimm, but for it’s intrigue and mystery. Emma Swan is pulled into the uncanny world of Storybrooke and into a scheme much bigger and more complicated than she could imagine.

Premiering a year after the controversial Lost finale, OUAT was propped up as the next project from Lost producers Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, promising a series built on unknowns and mysteries that unravel as time goes on. The first season utilizes the Enchanted Forest to give the audience hints and clues that line up with discoveries Emma makes in the town in the real world. It’s laden with pockets of missing information that get revisited and stories told out of order to better serve the overall narrative. It works. The first season was critically and commercially successful, pulling audiences in the 12-9 million range in the Sunday night slot. However, as time went on and the show unfolded, things changed and the show declined in viewership and quality. A lot of the qualms with the latter season of the show stem from the fact that from the second half of season 3 onward it essentially became a weekly hour long commercial for Disney properties, with the recent or upcoming films and their characters being woven into the story. Certainly this is likely true as the show originally so compelling for its unique take on characters that challenged their pervasive PG interpretations but also didn’t simply turn to the original Brother’s Grimm tales. However, this shift is storytelling is a side effect of the larger problem the show faced that it failed to overcome, ultimately ensuring its eventual downfall.

OUAT was sold as a mystery box show, but it ended as your average villain of the season supernatural/fantasy show bogged down by Disney and recycled plots. No matter what direction this show took, because of the original premise being rooted in a mystery box plot, like the previous project the show runners worked on, it was bound to come in contact with narrative problems.

Part 1: The JJ Abrams and the Lost finale of it all

What exactly is a “mystery box”? Here is a link to a TedTalk where Abrams himself describes the concept: https://www.ted.com/talks/j_j_abrams_the_mystery_box?language=en

Essentially, he breaks down the power of mystery and specifically how his conception of mysteries and the unknown as opportunities for incredible feats of human imagination factored into the creation of Lost, where the first two episodes, which he wrote and shot with Damon Lindelof in the span of 11 weeks and set up a bunch of questions that end up driving the plot of the subsequent episodes and seasons. In his TedTalk, Abrams talks about how mystery boxes stand in for unknowns that when revealed, often lead to much broader and deeper truths that speak to things bigger than the narrative itself. This was supposedly the idea behind Lost.

However, this didn’t end up being the reality. Abrams exited the show in the third season and (allegedly) pretty much left the new showrunners and writers room with little idea of what was inside the mystery box he’d set up. Thus, it was up to people who didn’t create the show to guide it through three more seasons and attempt to land a satisfying ending. The details of the finale aren’t important, what matter is that it came with a lot of controversy. Fans found it confusing or unsatisfying and felt it ultimately failed to provide good answers to the questions it set up. While not relevant to this story, Abram’s handling of the Star Wars sequel trilogy suggest a pattern of setting up a mystery box he doesn’t intend to answer himself (and then fumbling when he attempts to solve the equations he wrote).

Opinions on the finale have changed over time, but in 2011, just a year after the show had concluded, ABC and Kitsis and Horowitz were very aware of the precarious view many people had of the show’s conclusion. With OUAT, ABC was clearly trying to recapture the magic of Lost, where the television mystery became a massive phenomenon as people wrote think pieces and articles, tuned in every week for more clues, and talked about their theories online. They wanted another show that would keep people guessing and, therefore, encourage them to discuss it publicly and drum up more interest. However, they knew they couldn’t afford to fumble the bag this time and risk alienating people who were unsatisfied with Lost, but had enough good faith to give the show a chance. Kitsis and Horowitz saddled themselves with this task, despite likely having no real idea how to best address the problems Lost had. The concept of “the mystery box” was championed by Abrams and he had yet to really prove a mastery over the thing he created. This motivated the decision making behind the structure of the show for better or for worse.

Part 2: Looking inside the box too soon

Lost was built on the question of what exactly was going on with the island and whether or not the people on it could escape. OUAT was built on the question of what was going on in Storybrooke and what it had to do with Henry’s book of fairytales. The Enchanted Forest identities of Storybrooke citizens, who cast the curse, and how to break it were shrouded in mystery and slowly revealed through flashbacks and Emma’s own investigation. It was pretty compelling TV that provided a few good gasp worthy reveals over the course of the season. It all built towards the final reveal that Emma was the Savior, the fabled hero of the Enchanted Forest, the daughter of Snow and Charming, and that True Love’s Kiss is the way to break the curse. The curse is lifted and everyone regains their memories. The mystery is solved. And therein lies the problem.

The entire marketing campaign around the show either capitalized on the fairy tale aspect of the show or the mystery, usually both. Every episode trailer was about what information the flashbacks would reveal next, what new characters we might meet, what we might learn about characters we already knew, and what Emma and Henry would learn about Storybrooke itself. The genre of the first season of the show is obviously a mystery and a good one with several branches that, while connected, all had their own unique and complex answers or causes. The majority of these questions were answered in the season finale, which seemed an odd move from the network and producers who brought audiences the six season long Lost, where even in the finale things were left unanswered.

It’s clear ABC and the showrunners wanted to capitalize on the success of the show while also trying to rectify the problems that had plagued it. One of the reasons the finale to Lost was likely going to be unsatisfying to many no matter what it contained, was that the show had simply been on for long and there was so much speculation and hype about how it would end that there was no way anything they could write would live up to fan expectations. Additionally, over the course of six season, plot holes began to build up that one two-part finale could never hope to make sense of. That’s the burden of putting long narrative mysteries on TV, they’re hard to land. This is why we’ve seen many shows that revolved around mysteries or crimes turn to the anthology format where every season poses a new question that is solved in a limited amount of episodes. This was likely the intent behind “looking inside the mystery box” at the end of OUAT’s first season; it was better to present a coherent and condensed mystery narrative than drag it out and risk creating a mountain of contradictions. This isn’t a terrible call, especially because Kitsis and Horowitz and their writers delivered on the promises they set up and presented great characters. It was a great set of 22 episodes. Had the show ended after 1 season, there would be little to talk about, it might even be regarded as one of the most competent mystery shows ever to air on a major network. However, the problem doesn’t lie in the first season, but what comes after it.

Part 3: What happens now?

OUAT managed to pull off a feat that should not have been possible considering the circumstances. After solving most of the mysteries that drove the plot and made the show interesting in season 1, they somehow managed to pull of a second season that didn’t drastically decrease in quality. In fact, on Rotten Tomatoes, season 2 has the highest critic and audience scores. The team behind the show had left just one stone unturned in the final episode of season one: what was the ultimate fate of the Enchanted Forest after the curse?

The dual settings of the storybook land and the town had never collided. The showrunners took advantage of this and capitalized on the new dynamic of Emma going to the Enchanted Forest. Suddenly, in addition to the flashbacks that continued to flesh out recurring and new characters and the going-ons of Storybrooke, Emma’s adventures in the present of the Enchanted Forest became a third arm to the narrative. The show was still pretty exciting and had some fun twists and turns, but it was fundamentally different. It was no longer about small town social politics, intrigue, and putting together the pieces of a past in a magical world that how somehow leaked into reality. While the show had always been based in fantasy, the mystery kept it grounded. The second season launched it full speed into the fantastical and committed itself to being a strictly fantasy show. Regina remained a prominent antagonist, but the new villain was her mother, Cora, who became the first in a long series of villains who stayed around for a half to a whole season before either being defeated or fading into the shadow of a new big bad. There was no longer a larger ultimate goal the show was heading towards as it had been in its first season. The show’s identity had completely changed and this created a lot of problems.

Part 4: A wuick summary of the decline

The first season was fairly streamlined with each episode serving a clear purpose in pushing the mystery forward, with the new goal being to simply defeat the new bad guy, filler episodes began to crop up with some frequency as the writers tried to shoehorn in as many fairy tale characters as they possibly could. The flashbacks also began to double back. In order to line up with the new big bad narratives each season, the backstories of many characters had things retroactively inserted into them that didn’t really line up with what the audience already knew of the characters.

The writers also kept trying to chase the magic of the first season, introducing new curse after new curse and continually undoing Regina’s character development to keep her as a constant antagonist. The show had nowhere to go, so the writers began throwing things at the wall and seeing what stuck. There was time travel and rewriting the past, there were other fantasy worlds where characters from other public domain stories that weren’t traditional fairy tales lived. The show ultimately did a soft reboot and basically recreated the storyline of the first season in the final season with Henry taking up Emma’s mantle of main investigator. And it was all...pretty lackluster.

However, the biggest downfall of the show came in season 4. Season 3b had seen the writers managed to weave in Oz, which was featured because of the upcoming Disney flop Oz the Great and Powerful, and create a moderately interesting character and plot through the introduction of Zelena. This seemed to embolden them, because, whether forced by ABC and Disney execs or inspired by the massive commercial success of the film, a Frozen plotline was introduced. This wouldn’t have been too terrible had they not ripped the character designs and stories directly from the film itself. With Oz they’d put their own spin on the world, but Elsa and Anna received no such treatment. They were simply carbon copies of their film counterparts, which felt wildly out of place in a world where Peter Pan was Rumplestiltkin’s father and Prince Charming had an evil twin brother. Viewership began to decline in earnest over the fourth season, yet the writers never really learned their lesson, with most new introductions to the show being fairly similar to their previous appearances in films.

The show had the benefit of continued good performances and the foundations of good characters. They also chose not to introduce a true love interest for Emma until the second season and didn’t begin to develop their relationship until the third. Their continued success hinged fairly squarely on the shoulders of shippers who cared more about Captain Swan than the actual narrative of the show.

The turn to weak season to season plots was ultimately what hurt OUAT as the writers clearly ran out of viable ideas long before the show ended. This turn was ultimately necessitated when the show continued to be renewed despite having fulfilled its premise so early on.

Part 5: Conclusion and the future fate of “mystery box” shows

Lost was fresh and unique and exciting when it premiered; there was really nothing else like it on TV. The desire to recapture what Lost did continues to this day (see NBC’s Manifest feat. OUAT alum Josh Dallas). However, should Lost be something writers try to recreate? The show had mass popularity, but the finale can routinely be found on lists of worst TV finales or TV finales that ruined shows along with the likes of Dexter and Game of Thrones. Lost ultimately failed to deliver on its promises. Some fans may enjoy the ending now or have come to understand it after rewatching the show a few times, but its still pretty controversial, enough so that pretty much every anniversary of the finale is marked by interviews with the cast and crew and articles about whether the ending worked or not. A successful mystery story shouldn’t leave audiences wondering if the mystery was actually solved.

OUAT certainly doesn’t have the fanfare surrounding it as its predecessor. The show croaked to a finish in 2018 with a fraction of the viewership it had in its first season. OUAT had a really strong first season, proving that mystery box narratives can work in an episodic structure and come to a satisfying end. However, the problem was that the show continued on past that, shedding its mystery identity for a time and then desperately trying to go back to it when things began to turn.

The show pretty strongly supports the thesis that mystery box shows might only work for one season. If stretched for too many seasons they either become extremely convoluted and impossible solve in a way that the audience will understand and enjoy or eventually have to solve the mystery and shift to a new structure to stay fresh (see Westworld which somehow manages to do both). Anthology mystery shows seem to have the right idea. However, what OUAT proved is that when a mystery box has a planned answer, they make for good television with satisfying payoff.

This isn’t to say OUAT couldn’t have continued on extending the mystery of the original curse into more seasons. I see a world where it could’ve occupied a majority of the second season, with more questions being raised. However, OUAT suffered under network and showrunner fears of repeating mistakes. Drawing out a mystery over multiple seasons hadn’t, so they shied away from that. The premise of OUAT was brilliant and interesting, capitalizing on past trends while also adding a the new element of fairy tales; this brilliant premise and strong mystery was ultimately its downfall. Like many shows that were once Tumblr darlings, OUAT has some of the best seasons of television early on, but now many former fans are embarrassed to have been associated with it. The puzzle was completed too soon, yet fans wanted more content. The result was lazy and lackluster storytelling that have greatly tarnished the initial success and genius of the show.

#I've been thinking about this for literal years I can't believe I finally wrote it #once upon a time #ouat #ouat meta #once upon a time meta #lost #meta #tv analysis #I'm gonna rewatch it huh.....#do not let this flop

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uncle1milty · 5 years ago

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Darkness

Look into the Darkness

In 1948, when Maharaj Jagat Singh Ji became the master, many people were surprised by his way of giving satsang. For forty-five years the Great Master had given very long satsangs, full of stories and anecdotes. Now, Maharaj Jagat Singh Ji gave very short, very precise satsangs, getting right to the point. No frills. No extraneous matter. In his diary, Rai Sahib Munshi Ram, the secretary to the masters, comments again and again on how Maharaj Jagat Singh’s satsangs focus on only the absolutely most essential teachings.

So we might think, if we were going to boil down all of Sant Mat to only the essential teachings, what would that be? We might say that there is one power that permeates everything, and that the One is Love. Or we might say that our own true self is the same as that One who is Love. Or we might say that Shabd is the power that creates and sustains the whole creation, and that we can follow that Shabd back to its source. Rai Sahib Munshi Ram writes:

He [Maharaj Jagat Singh Ji] is precise, to the point, and does not tell stories or narrate anecdotes. Emphasizing only meditation, he says: “Keep your attention between the eyes and do simran. While doing simran, do not try to listen to the Sound. As far as possible, do not let your attention wander. If you cannot see the light, keep looking into the darkness. Even looking into the darkness with the seeing faculty of the soul, the nirat, is difficult. As the mind becomes focused through simran, the nirat stops wavering.… During simran we should not attempt to listen to the Shabd. If it comes of its own, well and good, but we must not abandon simran and run after it. The attention must not stray away from the point between the eyes. Even if you see beautiful sights inside, continue with simran and keep the nirat fixed.”1

So it’s about action. What Maharaj Jagat Singh focuses on is just this: what do we need to do? He gives instructions for meditation. Why? Because if we actually follow these instructions we will find out for ourselves whether or not there is one power, one Lord, and whether He is Love. We will find out for ourselves whether or not our own essence is the same at that Lord. We will find out whether or not Shabd is the power the brought the creation into being.

Otherwise, it’s just theory. And theory, without personal realization, is just dogma.

In this quote from Maharaj Jagat Singh’s satsang, there are three themes that particularly stand out about meditation:

First is about attention. He lays great emphasis on where we keep our attention. We have to hold the attention at the eye center.

Second, he says that for those of us who do not yet see light, we have to keep looking into the darkness at the eye center. Just placing the attention at the eye center won’t keep it there. We have to actively use the seeing aspect of attention to look into the darkness.

And third, he tells us that just looking into the darkness is difficult. And it is a little surprising, because it seems like such a simple instruction, why should it be so difficult?

Interestingly, these three same themes come up again and again in the satsangs in the first year after Maharaj Jagat Singh becoming the master. Perhaps this was the message that the sangat particularly needed to hear at that time. But it is probably relevant for some of us now too.

So, first: Attention – Attention is key

Maharaj Jagat Singh tells us: “Keep your attention between the two eyes.” And he repeats: “The attention must not stray away from the point between the eyes.”

We are so used to our attention going instantaneously and automatically to whatever the mind directs it to. Eyes see something – attention goes right to it. Ears hear something – attention goes right to it. Mind generates some stream of memories, worries, old grudges, whatever – attention goes right along for the ride. Rai Sahib Munshi Ram quotes from one of the satsangs in 1948:

The mind is weak. It cannot move without the help of surat [or attention] and cannot activate any of the senses unless the attention is focused on the sense it wants to activate.2

Mind is weak? Of course, this is exactly what Baba Ji keeps telling us also. He tells us that the mind has no power of its own; he says we give it power. How do we give it power? Attention. The idea that the mind has no power – that it can’t even activate any of the senses unless we agree and put the attention there – this is revolutionary! In the above quote it says that mind can’t even move at all without the help of the attention!

So Maharaj Jagat Singh is telling us that, in meditation, remaining aware of where we are keeping our attention is key. Regardless of what distractions the mind cooks up, our job is to hold our attention at the eye center.

We have to face the fact that mind is not going to stop generating thoughts, images, memories, fears, and all sorts of other stuff. Saints say that our minds carry the impressions from millions of lifetimes – in so many forms. It’s not just this one lifetime, but millions of lifetimes have left impressions. With all those impressions stored in there, obviously mind is going to go on and on generating images, thoughts, memories, imaginations, desires, feelings. That’s going to happen. This is its nature and to think it is going to stop is kidding ourselves.

Do we have to give our attention to all that activity in the mind? Can we actually just detach our attention, just put it somewhere else? And if we don’t give our attention to this activity of the mind, is it true that mind really helpless, unable to do anything, unable even to move?

But, we have to ask: If our attention is such a powerful thing, then why does our attention seem like a helpless victim, dragged here and there, wherever the mind wants to take it? Saints tell us that is because it is scattered. It is diffuse, all spread out.

The masters repeated assure us that simran is the easiest and quickest way to collect the attention at the point between the eyes, at the eye centre. And, they assure us, once our attention is collected to one point, it will begin to know its own power.

But if simran is the quickest and easiest way to collect the attention at the eye center--- we might wonder why, if we’ve been practicing for many, many years, why is the attention still scattered? Rai Sahib Munshi Ram paraphrased another of Maharaj Jagat Singh’s satsangs:

While explaining [the shabd] Maharaj Ji said that only a few people really know how to do simran, so that even though many practice it, their inner eye is not opened. If the mind does not go out during simran and the attention remains fixed between the eyes, there is no reason why the mind and the soul should not gradually collect there.3

He is saying that if we practice simran but don’t also keep the attention fixed at the point between the eyes, then we might practice for many years without the inner eye opening.

Look into the Darkness

So that brings us to the second theme – that we need to keep looking into the darkness at the eye center. As Maharaj Jagat Singh said, “If you cannot see the light, keep looking into the darkness.”

Saints tells us that there are two aspects to our attention; the hearing aspect of attention, or surat, and the seeing aspect of attention, or nirat. If we want to hold the attention at the eye center, we have to occupy both the hearing aspect of attention and the seeing aspect of attention – the surat and the nirat.

The surat is occupied with repeating simran – we hear the words repeating. But we also have to occupy the seeing aspect of attention, the nirat, by keeping on looking and looking and looking into the darkness at the eye center. As Maharaj Jagat Singh said, “Keep the nirat fixed.” Fixed means focusing our attention and looking into the darkness. Rai Sahib Munshi Ram wrote:

Maharaj Ji gives satsang like a professor; he is to the point, stresses devotion to the Guru and Nam, and asks satsangis to concentrate between the eyes during simran and while doing simran to not try to visualize the Satguru’s form. He advises them to look into the darkness, saying the Five Names, concentrating on any light that might appear.4

Of course, Baba Ji gives the same advice: He says the dhyan of the Satguru’s form will come naturally once a certain level of focus is there; and it will come naturally as a result of an intensity of love. But we should not make an effort to visualize his form, or that very effort will distract us from the focus on simran. As Maharaj Jagat Singh Ji says: If we are not seeing the light, we just have to “look into the darkness, saying the Five Names, concentrating on any light that might appear.”

In another of his satsangs, Maharaj Jagat Singh says that the nirat is asleep and needs to be awakened:

Until the light appears within one can assume that the nirat has not awakened. Once the nirat is awakened, the mind becomes fixed on the light. This is dhyan of the Satguru. The path to the higher regions will be closed until the nirat awakens.5

There’s so much depth in this short quote:

He says: Once we see the light within, then the nirat will easily stay fixed, gazing at the light.

Then he also says: Seeing the light within is dhyan of the Satguru. The Satguru is a power within. That light is Satguru. As Baba Ji stresses so often, Satguru does not mean a person. Satguru is a power, an inner reality.

Then Maharaj Jagat Singh says: the path to the higher regions will be closed until nirat awakens, that is, until that eye opens, until we see something other than darkness.

At one of the Hostel 6 sessions last year, someone asked Baba Ji, “It’s obvious that the door is wide open. Why don’t we go through?” And his answer was something like this: “Because your eyes are closed.” Great Master points to this same truth when he says:

There are two currents of the soul: Surat, which knows and hears, and Nirat, which sees. The Nirat goes ahead of the Surat in the spiritual journey, just as a person on a journey first looks at the path ahead and then follows it.6

Rai Sahib Munshi Ram paraphrased another satsang, saying:

Surat is blind, and unless led by nirat, it cannot make any headway. Nirat is the seeing faculty of the soul. Devotees who do not use their nirat remain blind inside.

Like the flame of a lamp in the breeze, nirat is always flickering. How can the soul go inside before it becomes steady? The object of meditation is to hold the nirat at the eye center.7

But we might wonder why – if nirat isn’t even awake yet as long as we don’t see light – then why is it so important to look into the darkness at the eye center? Maybe there’s a clue to why it is so important when he said: “Devotees who do not use their nirat remain blind inside.” Maybe looking steadily into the darkness is ‘using’ the nirat? Even though it is not awakened yet, not seeing any light, but maybe we are using it, exercising it?

This seems to be confirmed by Hazur, Maharaj Charan Singh Ji, when he writes in Light on Sant Mat: “Make your nirat strong by fixing your attention between the two eyebrows, all the while repeating the five Holy Names with the attention of the mind.”8 Interestingly, the context is a letter to a woman who is hearing the sound of the bells, but he tells her, “Make your nirat strong by fixing your attention between the two eyebrows.”

Maybe, possibly, also there’s a clue to why it is so important in something that Baba Jaimal Singh Ji wrote to the Great Master in Spiritual Letters. In this letter Baba Jaimal Singh Ji is giving Great Master (before he became the master) a message he should pass along to all the satsangis who live in his area. He writes that they should: “…slowly and gently fix the inner hearing and seeing faculties, surat and nirat” and then he says “– the inclination of the inner mind towards love is called nirat…”9

We have often heard nirat defined as the inner faculty of seeing, but here Baba Jaimal Singh Ji says that nirat is “the inclination of the inner mind towards love.” Probably we have never thought of it that way.

Hazur always used to repeat over and over: Do your meditation with love and devotion. And as he often explained, the love and devotion he was talking about did not mean the fleeting, temporary swell of emotions that we generally associate with ‘love.’ The love he referred to is something much deeper, something permanent and unchanging. How do we do this daily practice of meditation with that love? Well, possibly, if nirat is somehow intimately connected to love – if nirat is, an inner faculty of seeing, but it is also “the inclination of the inner mind towards love” – then maybe looking into the darkness really is a way of doing our meditation with love and devotion.

Looking into the darkness is difficult

Then that brings us to the third theme in Maharaj Jagat Singh’s satsang: that looking into the darkness is difficult. Rai Sahib quotes from another of the satsangs in 1948:

It is easy to hear the Sound, but it is difficult to fix the nirat. Success is achieved when the nirat becomes fixed. This happens after many years of effort and honest and virtuous living. …When doing simran, rather than trying to listen to the sound, devotees should concentrate on fixing their attention between the eyes. 10

He says it’s easy to hear the Sound, but difficult to fix the nirat. Great Master lays emphasis on the same point in Spiritual Gems when he writes: “If the nirat is not developed, the veil will not be rent, even if you go on listening to the Sound all your life.” 11

So looking into the darkness is important, but as Maharaj Jagat Singh reminds us, this simple looking is difficult. He said, “Even looking into the darkness with the seeing faculty of the soul, the nirat, is difficult.”12 We might wonder why this seemingly simple task should it be so difficult.

Maybe we don’t like darkness?

Maybe it’s like looking at nothing – and we don’t like to look at nothing?

Is it fear of the dark? Or fear of the unknown?

Are we afraid of the unknown in that darkness, so we run away from the unknown, circling back to the familiar – taking comfort in the very familiar chattering of the mind?

Well, whatever the reason that it is difficult to hold the attention looking into the darkness at the eye center, the more important question is how do we change ‘difficult’ into ‘easy’?

Baba Ji has given two answers about how we can make ‘difficult’ melt away into ‘easy.’ First he tells us that it is our frame of mind that makes it difficult or easy. If we remember that our only job is the effort, and the results are really irrelevant to us – then when we try to hold the attention at the eye center, the question is not – what am I seeing? – but only – am I looking? If it’s only a matter of ‘am I looking into the darkness?’ Then how can it possibly not become easy?

Baba Ji has also given us another way to turn ‘difficult’ into ‘easy’. We only have to remember that we are doing nothing…. He reminds us to be glad we don’t have to crawl on our knees to some holy altar. All we have to do is nothing.

Well, doing nothing ought to be easy. But, probably the day we actually are able to do nothing, that day we will also be nothing – and it’s game over. Once we can be nothing, then only the Lord is.

Well, we might not be at that place just yet. So we’ll have to take Maharaj Jagat Singh’s solution. He assures us that simran – just continuing simran -- will eventually make the nirat strong and steady. He said: “As the mind becomes focused through simran, the nirat stops wavering.” 13

So, as always in Sant Mat, simran is the key. If our nirat is like a flimsy flame that is blown right and left by every breeze that comes along, we just have to keep on looking unflinchingly into the darkness…all the while doing simran. And through simran the nirat will stop wavering, and we’ll step through that wide open door.

Rai Sahib Munshi Ram, With the Three Masters, RSSB, ed. 2018, vol. 3, pp. 6-7

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p. 59

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p. 26

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p.18

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p.48

Spiritual Gems, Letter 198

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p. 59

Light on Sant Mat, ed. 1985 letter 41

Spiritual Letters, ed. 1998, p. 153, letter 100

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p.48

Spiritual Gems, Letter 9

With the Three Masters, vol. 3, p. 6

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 4 years ago

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“Why” tags are going here because Tumblr’s a baby who can’t handle all these words at once. :P

Why:

#but i spent my whole life absolutely CONVINCED that wings belonged on my body. it just... tok me a good long while to figure out Why.

#Oh THAT'S why everyone's freaking out over that post.

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#??? why do people do these awful things to Good People though

#i don't know how or why and i don't remember ever having Learned about That Letter? but my mind automatically knew it was 'hath' somehow

#Of course that DOES beg the question of why a LORd of CHAOS doesn't... you know. CHANGE it? ??

#first of all: REM WHY ARE YOU COMING to OHIO of all places???

#okay but. randy how did they MEET what's the STORY why are they HATING on TEXAS

#or like. a Sarcastic Joke because cyborg was once like ''why aren't you miss mary sunshine''?

#''What are you DOING. You RUN. ALWAYS RUN.'' and i was like. ''why bother getting into adventures if you're gonna RUN though..''

#I don't know why but I always score better on Customer Service Questionaires when I choose responses like ''I'm sorry

#i've never seen that still before and I CAN;T FATHOM WHY because that is FANTASTIC!

#I don't know why but ''novice suddenly ends up with super incredibly powerful abilities'' is one of my FAVORITE TROPES!

#I have no idea how/why but these just gave me Massive Leyla and Srentha Feels.

#my usual turnaround time for Dreams to Real Life is about two weeks. not sure why but it happens to like 7 people in my immediate family

#Especially with the bells. I don't know why but bells always remind me of that place. ~<3

#Nobody intrinsically knows how to solve problems that hurt another person. That's why COMMUNICATION is so important!

#also: Good Post re: Why Danny is So Actually-Great

#why does everyone spell ''bear with me' like that?

#i know right? Why did I never think of that??

#why do i love this so much

#that's basically why Evanescence became my favorite band. it's not all romo-/sexually-centric

#i've always read it the same way and didn't notice Why Everyone Stopped Liking Her but that also brought that particular Change to light...

#groans eternally in Tumblr's direction. why even bother with all these updates.

#Oh THAT'S why Eda could do glyphs! /joke

#thaaaat's probably why Fancie Word Choice has always been a strength in my writing.... {lD;;;;;

#velvet and sheer... why have I never seen that combination before? It's GLORIOUS

#That's probably why he's so good at spontaneous Travelling too. Lots of practice when trying to find her... /owo

#This is why House and Senate votes count though! The President may have a lot of control over the military but a strong H+S

#I know MC Escher was a master of this (whatever This is) and that's why he's one of my favorite artists.

#okay but I'm intensely curious why he didn't have a plan to take HIMSELF out and thought he'd have to rely on THEM dsfndsgmfhdgj

#I wonder why he'd need to attack/defend while shifted? Can he also use such magic when he's not shifted?

#but I think that variety is why her every new album is so refreshingly Different. Her singing ALONE improves so MUCH with every album!

#the only difference is that I imagined the fire came with smoke and that's why her gasp was so strangled and she grabbed her throa

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#i'm cleaning my room and i misplaced it. badfnmkngjf;lk this is why i hate cleaning

#but scenes like this are why i love DC's latest gen of animated movies

#that Friends As Family theme was super important to why i love the 80's comics too..........

#this is why i read fanfic

#i think she feels slighted in some way but i can't pinpoint Exactly Why let alone HOW.

#and it's like.. Halfo f why lapis's characterization is so Shaky for me? Because the girl barely talks??? And she has like 7 Speech Modes

#^^^^ GUYS THIS WAS ALERINA. This is the environment Dove was raised in! This is why losing her mother tore her apart! ^^^^^

#This is so so SO important and delves deeply into why language is so important for learners and general humanity alike. ~<333

#that's why my tag for Old People Stories isn't specific to any generation. it's just Shitty Adults Being Shitty

#I write primarily about OCs and I know that's why my readership is so low. I write stories for a Dead Fandom that has declined sharply.

#you know? so that's why my Affirmations Tag is like 60% Steven UniversE Content at this point. 8F It's Helping Me Learn!

#It's a CIRCADIAN THING not an INSOMNIA THING. I don't know why my doctors don't believe it's NOT the same as INSOMNIA

#oh is THAT why my love language is ''all of them''?

#and i hardcore headcanon ry ouwearing glasses when he gets older. so why not?

#i Suck at the aCTUAL DRAWING art but i'm i na bit of a fallow period with the org and personal life. so why not?

#i'm already planning an aviary for the doves. so why not? (they'd be Very Separate from teh raven though. for obvious reasons)

#let's add to the Emotional Whiplash of Today pile. sure! why not!!

#but i got the dvd and i have vlc so why not use them i guess? i already had it in the drive for the extras and this way there's .....

#She can hop dimensions so why on Earth-- ALL the Earths-- hasn't she Been Relevant to ANY multi-timeline crisis yet???

#yes of fucking COURSE Dove and the rest are in Team Transition too!! Why on Earth-- on ANY earth! wouldn't I transition them too?!

#so why on earth did danny chase get shafted so hard?????

#about WHY or if she's GONNA be OKAY or HOW or--

#So gentle and soft and concerned and really quite quiet and subtle... which might be why others didn't pick up on the Love Vibe

#but the last one I reblogged didn't have that specified! 8O i don't know why one of my special interests is Unusual Instruments

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's about ''they're very different. but they're friends!'' It just never talks about why or how that's important.

#(i think that's her full name for some reason but i don't know why or when i heard/saw it. somebody please correct me if i'm wrong!)

#I must be an Asker. I've never understood why people are so convinced they Can't Say No if someone asks?

#i also think PTSD makes you react to fear Differently from Pure Adrenaline Responses... but i can't unravel Why right now

#And also at the time I couldn't fathom why someone would think she was autistic. because i didn't know myself

#god this foreshadowing was just. so sincere and heart-rending and when this episode came out I *DID* wonder why she'd say that...

#I'm STILL trying to figure out why Srentha thought Dove was confessing that she has heartworm. (i know she Does Not in fact

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#i can't figure out why though

#If my Harmony Core theory is correct: it would explain why they're playing their music So Hard.

#the fact that my first reaction was ''why though'' is..... concerning?

#raven's like How? Why The HELL. and dove doesn't have a good answer besides ''it felt like i needed it.''

#fun fact: i misread this as ''zatana zatara / MICHIGAN '' and i was like... ''why the fUCK--''

#i don't know why there's all this fanart of

#and also sugar skulls are delightful but you should really know what they MEAN and REPRESENT and WHY they're sweet and flamboyant

#if someone is passionate; angry; or distressed over a topic: She doesn't always understand WHY until they EXPLAIN it. If they do at all.)

#oh hey why was THAT line never a meme

#this is why we need

#but that doesn't make it any less FRUSTRATING because I've been wORKING THROUGH the pptsd and why won't it STOP?

#(because that's why we have to pay for everything from movies to individual channels now. let's be real)

#i've never understood why winter and fall were the only ~fashionable~ seasons for wearing black.

#I mean to be FAIR some of the government DID mobilize and that's why we got the Stimulus Bill.

#But DC... this bullshit is why we can't have nice things

#and as soon as I looked it up: y first thought was ''Oh is that why we call them Abner?'' My second was ''Is that what *I* am?''

#also if you're as powerful as zee it probably comes second-nature so why WOULDN'T you throw it around to stop an argument?

#okay but if SPINEL doesn't know then how/why would BLUE know

#what? no i didn't just stare at this for a solid two minutes and read it over five times. no.. why would I do that?

#that's because it's not ''cool'' to hate on it so why would it be ''cool'' to like it ironically?

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's not like a ragey angry thing. it's like........ war of attrition? why yes i think i WILL sign the 47th petition for the same thing

#over and over again and rewound and replayed until i got the whole spell written down. why YES I'm a little hyperfixated! why do you ask!!!

#tag game #rhs blog

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verumking · 5 years ago

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⚔️ *:･ﾟ✧┆HEADCANON : RE/MIND TRAILER ANALYSIS

I’ve been working on this since the final Re/Mind trailer was LEAKED, but now that it has been officially released I can finally POST IT! This headcanon post encompasses all three Re/Mind teaser trailers and some of the events of KH3. I know this is structured like a THEORY POST, but take it all with a pinch of salt: this is just a LORE DUMP for how I’ll be roleplaying Yozora until the DLC actually comes out. I’m not aiming to be ‘accurate’ or right, just stringing bits of CANON to line up with my portrayal ;v; So, without further ado, let’s jump right in...

( Warning, this is a stupidly long post ! )

ONE. ┆ THE TWO HALVES OF THE SKY - YOZORA VS SORA

Without a doubt, Nomura has been planning this ARC for years. It is my firm belief that he was planning SORA and NOCTIS to eventually meet, the latter being axed from the joining the KH PLOT after Nomura was removed from XV’s development. Here is what Nomura ORIGINALLY SAID in 2013 about Sora and Noctis’s dynamic:

Do you know the name Sora mean the “sky”, in Japanese and Noctis, his family name is Caelum which mean sky as well so basically, Noctis means “night sky”, so they are kind of complete opposites to each other. There is a reason why I named these characters as opposites.

I don’t believe that Sora and Yozora are the SAME PERSON, nor is Yozora a FUSION of Riku and Sora, but rather, they PARALLEL each other narratively, like what Nomura originally INTENDED for Noctis and Sora. Yozora and Sora are simply OPPOSITES of each other.

I believe as much as SORA embodies light and hope, YOZORA embodies darkness and despair. SORA, not being TECH SAVVY ( see any interaction he has with a COMPUTER, or the first time he uses a GUMMIPHONE ), and YOZORA, who uses hyper-futuristic weaponry with EASE, and comes from a world where ROBOTICS is commonplace.

Aside from the obvious VISUAL JUXTAPOSITION between the optimistic keyblade wielder and the austere newcomer, I also believe that they are going to OPPOSE each other in abilities and goals. Much as Sora used the power of waking to BRING BACK LIVES, Yozora has just as much power to TAKE THEM: see the characteristic skull motif upon Yozora’s sleeves, as well as the prominent THEME OF DEATH within Versus XIII lore.

Which ties in perfectly to my headcanon about the role of REINCARNATION within the KH and Verum Rex worlds respectively. YOZORA is a harbinger of DEATH, and SORA is the harbinger of REBIRTH. Rebirth, of course, being the meaning behind the TITLE of the DLC, as mentioned by Nomura himself:

“ ... The meaning of what I just mentioned and the double-meaning are the same. It means “remind”, “reconfirmation”, “ reclaim the heart* ”, and so forth. ”

(*Note: 心 means “heart” and also “mind”, and 再生 can mean “regeneration”, so 心の再生 can also mean “regeneration” or “rebirth” of the “mind”. Also, “Reclaim Your Heart” is a phrase used on the back of the box for Verum Rex in Toy Box)

The TWO SKIES, like day and night, perpetually maintain this SAMSARA of death and rebirth. Both UNAWARE of each other’s existence, and IMPACT upon the wider universe.

UNTIL NOW. Given the description of the DLC mentioning ‘a secret episode and boss battle’ in a separate line, this is most likely alluding to YOZORA. As such, Yozora will play an antagonistic role towards SORA, at least for the events of Re//Mind. Yozora confronts Sora, after he ABUSES the power of waking to bring back all of his FRIENDS from death. The friends YOZORA was intending to REAP. And thus, the boss battle begins.

Whether Yozora CONTINUES to antagonise Sora even after Re//Mind, it can’t be ascertained at this point. But Sora had been REPEATEDLY WARNED that he will have a price to pay for abusing the POWER OF WAKING ( see the section on YMX below for more detail ). I believe YOZORA has come to deliver this retribution.

TWO. ┆ A SEA OF STARS - THE FINAL WORLD

There has been a lot of speculation about the ‘FINAL WORLD’ we see at the end of the Re//Mind trailer, and whether it IS EVEN the Final World, or the SAME 'Final World’ we have been visiting thus far with SORA.

So far, YOZORA’S WORLD has only been depicted at night. This, PAIRED with Yozora’s name meaning ‘night sky’, could imply that YOZORA HIMSELF caused the Final World to shift from DAY to NIGHT. The two ‘Final Worlds’ are one and the same.

But WHAT IS the Final World exactly? Chirithy describes the FINAL WORLD as a place where “the edges of sleep and death touch”, and that Sora had VISITED the Final World “more than once before on his visits to the Station of Awakening”. Chirithy also mentions that SORA previously came to the Final World “out of his own choice” and can’t just “wander out like his other visits”, when he came to the Final World after PERISHING at the Keyblade Graveyard. The fact that Sora QUESTIONED “What is the Final World?”, despite visiting NUMEROUS TIMES before, implies only one thing: Sora visits the Final World in his DREAMS. And, like most humans upon awakening, he fails to REMEMBER what he dreamt.

The fact that YOZORA is also present in the Final World, in a fully CORPOREAL FORM, implies that he also visits the Final World in his DREAMS, rather than simply arriving there after PERISHING. Their SHARED LINE from the KH1 opening says it all:

“I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately. Like... is any of this for real? Or not?”

The Final World is a realm one visits on the BRINK OF DEATH, and with Yozora and Sora being agents of DEATH and REBIRTH, they visit this realm even in their SLEEP. Yozora’s visits during his sleep are a PREMONITION orchestrated by the Watchmen of Fate, alluding to his destiny to ascend as the VERUM REX: aka the god of death.

THREE. ┆ A STRONG SENSE OF PURPOSE - THE NAMELESS STAR

I joked a lot about the NAMELESS STAR being Yozora’s love interest, but it may be CLOSER TO CANON than I originally thought: especially given Yozora’s appearance in the FINAL WORLD, and how accurate her DIALOGUE is to Stella Nox Fleuret: the infamous LOVE INTEREST from Nomura’s cancelled project, Versus XIII.

Aside from the obvious indicators ( “They took away my name, everything about me” ), the male she “PINES” for also fits perfectly with MY DEPICTION of Yozora. She mentions that he has been “changed beyond recognition, his heart replaced with another’s”. Aside from the developmental parallels of NOCTIS becoming YOZORA, it’s also accurate to my Yozora’s HEART being replaced with an ASTRAL CORE, with the Gigas experimentation CHANGING HIM beyond recognition ( his hair and eye colour ).

The NAMELESS STAR also mentioned that “were he to regain his old self again, he would be distressed by my absence”. Whatever HAPPENED to Yozora that made him forget about his LOVE INTEREST, his presence in the Final World alongside SORA gives the impression that he has REMEMBERED his love interest, and has come to rescue her-- much has SORA had returned to the Final World to rescue KAIRI.

Delving a teeny bit more into my OWN META here. I find it interesting that the NAMELESS STAR gave Sora advice about how to OVERCOME the TASKS before him. What intrigued me the MOST, is how she mentions his ability to RETAIN his PHYSICAL FORM in the Final World, due to his “strong sense of purpose”. The word ‘PURPOSE’ is distinctly emphasised by her voice actress, so I want to BELIEVE that there is importance to it.

MY PORTRAYAL of Yozora and his world encircles the concept of the ‘KARMA’ that lies inside all humans, as per the back of the VERUM REX BOX COVER in Toy Box. To summarise that post, this KARMA is the sum of a person’s grasp of FATE + CONSEQUENCE, and their connection to the SPIRITUAL REALM. The stronger your hold on your DESTINY, aka your karma, the stronger your CONNECTION to the cosmos. It is Sora’s POWERFUL HOLD ON FATE that gave him his corporeal form in the Final World-- much like YOZORA at the end of the Re//Mind trailer.

It thus becomes obvious that the NAME the Nameless Star whispers to Sora is YOZORA. Which not only explains why he looked so SHOCKED after hearing it, but also why Sora RETURNS to the Final World alone in the Re//Mind trailer. He was explicitly LOOKING FOR YOZORA, and was calling out his name-- and expressed the same level of SHOCK upon discovering that Yozora is MORE THAN just a video game character.

FOUR. ┆ AN AGENT IN THE SHADOWS - YOUNG MASTER XEHANORT

Puzzling enough, the Re//Mind trailers also REVEAL that Young Master Xehanort has been WORKING ALONGSIDE the Master of Masters. How is this relevant to Yozora, you ask? Consider the following:

1. YMX was the MAIN VILLAIN in the Toy Box world. He was responsible for introducing SORA to Verum Rex, quite literally, by THROWING HIM into the Verum Rex video game ( which I canon to be the ‘data’ version of YOZORA’S WORLD... but that’s for another post lol ). 2. YMX is WORKING with MoM, who appears along with Yozora in the SECRET ENDING, in the Shibuya district of Yozora’s world. 3. In Dream Drop Distance, YMX made a PROMISE with two characters from The World Ends with You, a game directed by NOMURA encircling the concept of reapers, also based in SHIBUYA. The promise being to bring them back to their world, if they brought Sora and Riku to him. Perhaps YMX did FULFIL that promise, and RETURNED the TWEWY characters to Shibuya. Which implies that HE KNOWS how to reach Shibuya: where MoM was present.

Nomura mentioned in the KH3 ULTIMANIA, that the Shibuya featured in the SECRET ENDING is in a “different reality” compared to the TWEWY Shibuya. What if the SHIBUYA of Yozora’s world, coexisted with the Shibuya of TWEWY? Much like how the worlds were SPLIT IN TWO, not only in Dream Drop Distance, but in Toy Box as well?

4. More specific to my META for Yozora, YMX finds it INTRIGUING that “even empty puppets can be given strong hearts”, and that “a heart can be placed in a vessel of our choosing”. My Yozora was essentially moulded into a PUPPET of Gigas Corporation after having his heart replaced with an ASTRAL CORE, with the intention of making him rise as a ‘HIGHER BEING’: an elevated version of humanity. Also note how YMX says ‘OUR’... what if he was not alluding to True Organisation XIII... but HIMSELF AND MoM?

5. YMX also plays a ROLE in Sora abusing the power of waking. Before unleashing the FINAL BOSS of Toy Box on Sora, he whispers “Find the hearts joined to yours”. In the Re//Mind trailer, SORA re-emphasises this: “But, follow my heart? Hearts are all connected. Trace the connection!”. YMX also APPEARS again, after Sora dove into all of the Sleeping Worlds, claiming that he nearly “buried himself in the dark of sleep”, TWICE OVER: once in DDD, and once again in KH3-- instances where YMX was both present.

Note how also, Nomura chose SAN FRANSOKYO as the final Sleeping World that Sora reaches, before YMX appears. San Fransokyo being very AESTHETICALLY SIMILAR to Yozora’s world ( Both being TOKYO CODED CITIES, with a night time setting ).

Despite LEADING Sora down this doomed path, YMX WARNS him that there is a “high price to pay” for wielding such power FOOLISHLY, and that he had now “paid (this) price”. The price? HIS OWN LIFE. This is reiterated several times in the GAME and PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL:

a. On the BACK of the Verum Rex box cover in Toy Box, it mentions ‘A JOURNEY WITHOUT A PLACE TO RETURN’. b. In the Re//Mind trailer: once by XEHANORT himself: “Seeing that you have also taken the FORBIDDEN PATH, you too must be ready to make the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE”. c. And once again by CHIRITHY, claiming that Sora will “vanish from this world”, and that “without ( his ) powers, ( he ) can’t return to the world ( he ) came from”. Sora has not only LOST the power of waking, but had also SACRIFICED HIS LIFE.

Stranded in the FINAL WORLD, with no one left to turn to, Sora calls out a NAME. The name of a person he knows is COMING to the Final World... to save his lost star.

SHOUTOUT to Steph ( @kyecupio ) for fuelling the big galaxy brain with XEHANORT and YOZORA’S connection fgjhfg.

FIVE. ┆ THE WATCHMAN OF FATE - MASTER OF MASTERS

We’ve gotten an INSIGHT into YMX’s intentions, but what has the MoM got to do with all of this? Why does he APPEAR in the secret ending?

We already know that MoM is working alongside YMX from the brief Re//Mind trailer, where it is disclosed that the MoM GIFTED YMX the characteristic black coat that wards off darkness. YMX is also seemingly REPORTING to MoM about a ‘world tour’, which I assume MoM advised him to go on. What is this ‘world tour’? Difficult to tell at this point.

But what I do know is that MoM is OBSESSED on keeping universal order. He created the GAZING EYE to allow himself to see into the future and write the BOOK OF PROPHECIES, and refuses to give LUXU a copy of the book to ‘avoid temporal paradoxes’. Nomura has definitely created an ANTAGONISM between Luxu/Xigbar and Xehanort, especially NOW with it being revealed that YMX is working with MoM.

WHATEVER Nomura is planning with LUXU vs MoM/YMX, I can’t be certain. But what I do know, is MoM’s MOTIVES are extremely similar to MY META for the Watchmen of Fate, something I have come up with exclusively for MY PORTRAYAL of Yozora and his world.

The WATCHMEN OF FATE are responsible for maintaining the BALANCE AND ORDER of the universe, and are CHARACTERISED by their dark reaper’s hoods. Note how the MoM never takes his hood off, and this HOOD is strikingly uncanny to a GRIM REAPER. Furthermore, the Watchmen of Fate in my canon are not only NOTED for keeping the order of the universe, but some are also ‘TRICKSTERS’ by nature and occasionally like to manipulate fate. Note how MoM also has a PLAYFUL PERSONALITY despite his wider goal.

I believe the MoM has a greater power in the UNIVERSE, and has advised YMX to lead SORA to the Realm of the Dead where YOZORA resides. For what purpose? To UNITE the agents of DEATH and REBIRTH under the same sky. To fulfil the cycle of KARMA. To achieve the REINCARNATION of all worlds.

To reincarnate Kingdom Hearts.

TO CONCLUDE:

1. MoM and YMX are rogue Watchmen of Fate, trying to REBIRTH the universe together via KINGDOM HEARTS. 2. They want to UNITE SORA ( who embodies rebirth ), and YOZORA ( who embodies death ), to achieve the REINCARNATION of the universe ( death + rebirth ) 3. SORA is seeking Yozora because he TALKED to the Nameless Star, YOZORA is seeking Sora because he USED the power of waking to REVERSE DEATH, they both meet at the FINAL WORLD. Yozora initiates the BOSS BATTLE because “ you broke the rules, perish ” 4. YMX ( + MoM? ) possibly SPLIT SHIBUYA into two: one comprising of YOZORA’S REALITY, and one comprising of TWEWY’S REALITY ( not sure of the reasons yet but it’s suss ) 5. ( Specific to my VERUM REX META ) YMX and MoM are potentially connected to GIGAS CORP, given YMX’s intrigue about placing STRONG HEARTS in EMPTY VESSELS, much like Gigas Corp are, thus already serving as ANTAGONISTS to both Yozora and Sora.

#⚔️ *:･ﾟ✧┆a synthetic heart bled dry by the hands of fate. ❪ headcanons ❫#( this is a mess but i just want to post it jfhjfhg )#( i'll tidy it up later if this makes any sense-- )

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the-desolated-quill · 5 years ago

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The Quill Seal Of Approval Awards - The Best Of 2019

Hey guys! I’m still alive!

Sorry for my two month absence. Things have been pretty difficult at home lately. I’ve been having a really hard time at university lately, my mental health has suffered as a result, and oh yeah, there’s a worldwide pandemic going on and we’re all probably going to die!

So thanks to this Coronavirus, my uni has been shut down, which means I now suddenly have a lot more free time. So I thought I’d take this opportunity to catch up on things I’ve missed. Yes it’s once again time to hand out the most coveted and prestigious of awards that every writer, producer and director so desperately craves (or at least they would if they actually knew this existed). The Quill Seal Of Approval Awards. Where I list the very best the creative industry had to offer over the course of 2019. (yes I know it’s now March 2020, but if Jon Campea can release a best of 2019 list in February, then I should be able to get away with it). For there is no greater honour on this planet than to have your work of creative artistry praised and acknowledged on an obscure blog by an anonymous snob. That’s the dream, isn’t it?

First a couple of parish notices. Obviously due to various other commitments, I haven’t had the chance to experience everything 2019 had to offer, so this list will be limited to the media and literature I personally got to experience. So sorry that HBO’s Watchmen TV series won’t be on this list. I know everyone loves it, but I’ve only seen one episode so far (and will be posting a review on that soon) as I’ve only just gotten around to watching it. Also bear in mind this is my subjective opinion. If you disagree with my choices, that’s fine. Go write your own list. I won’t be upset. You have every right to like what you like.

...

But if you disagree with me, then you’re a philistine and a poopyhead. That’s not my opinion. That’s a scientific fact that’s been proven in a lab by grown-ups. Sorry. The truth hurts, I know.

Shazam!

Do you remember the days when superhero films used to be fun? When they weren’t some heavily militarised, dark and angsty loners with all the charm and charisma of a pub toilet at closing time? If you do, then you’re going to love Shazam. A funny and moving film about a kid that can transform himself into a Godlike chosen one figure through space magic.

Joking aside, Shazam is an exceptionally good movie with a strong cast, great writing and a very personal and intimate story about self worth and finding your place in the world. For those who have grown sick of these soulless, big budget, CGI heavy superhero flicks with world ending conflicts that end up meaning nothing in the grand scheme of things, Shazam serves as the perfect antidote.

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

I’m very much late to the party when it comes to John Wick. I’ve never exactly had the highest opinion of Keanu Reeves as a credible action star and I’ve always found the Matrix movies to be overrated trash with delusions of grandeur, but after constant nagging from my friend @dicapitoe I eventually gave in and watched the first one. I loved it so much, I watched the second one immediately afterwards, and then the following day I went to see Chapter 3 in the cinema. Now I think it’s safe to assume I’m a fan.

I actually don’t want to say too much because I want to do in-depth reviews of these films at some point, but needless to say, John Wick: Chapter 3 earns its place on this list. Hell, the whole franchise deserves a Quill Seal Of Approval Award. John Wick is a masterclass in visual storytelling and worldbuilding, and Chapter 3 continues this exciting and dramatic narrative with great confidence and skill. Oh and Keanu Reeves, I take back every snide comment I’ve ever said. You sir, are a national treasure. Can’t wait for more :D

Joker

No! No! Stop! You, yes, you, the one who’s about to comment saying how wrong I am and that Joker is a derivative, dangerous movie. May I remind you once again that this is my list. It’s fine if you don’t agree. In fact I can understand completely why some people really don’t like this film. That being said, I very much enjoyed it and I feel it represents a unique achievement for the comic book movie genre. As superhero movies from The Dark Knight to Captain America: The Winter Soldier to Black Panther have been slowly and steadily proving that these films can not only be socially relevant, but can also be considered high art, Joker represents the genre’s apotheosis. It’s a smart and sharply written film that doesn’t shy away from exploring its themes of mental health, social neglect and narcissism, and it demonstrates the reason why characters like Batman and the Joker have been a staple of popular culture for so long. Even after all this time, we’re still finding new ways of reinterpreting them and exploring them. Combined with Hildur Guonadottir’s amazing score and a career defining performance from Joaquin Phoenix, Joker is truly a force to be reckoned with, much like the title character himself.

Elementary - Season 7

CBS’ brilliant adaptation of Sherlock Holmes sadly came to an end in 2019, but not before one last excellent season.

Elementary has always stood head and shoulders above its BBC counterpart in terms of quality, but personally I always felt that the show never managed to live up to the heights of its very first season with Moriarty. While Moriarty ultimately doesn’t return sadly, we get a great substitute in the form of Odin Reichenbach, a tech mogul who uses social media for his own ends in his misguided pursuit of justice. He serves as a great source of moral conflict for Sherlock and Joan, who have been known to use morally questionable tactics themselves, and is a compelling antagonist. Under showrunner Rob Doherty’s expert direction, Elementary ends on a high as we see the stories of Holmes, Watson, Gregson and Bell conclude in an emotional and satisfying finale. It’s sad to see a great show like this end, but it felt like the right time to stop and I’m glad the Elementary team kept their high standards throughout and were allowed to finish the show properly on their own terms. You will be greatly missed.

The Outer Worlds

Have you heard the news? Single player video games are dead! Nobody wants RPGs anymore apparently! It’s all about ‘live services’ and multiplayer looter shooters. Nobody wants a story driven, single player RPG these days.

Wait! What’s this? A story driven, single player RPG?! And people actually like it?!?! OMG!

Yes, from the people that brought you Fallout: New Vegas comes a new IP that makes a mockery of the AAA industry and their greedy trend chasing. Introducing The Outer Worlds. Set in the Halcyon Colony in the far future where rampant capitalism has taken over and disrupted society, you play as a colonist that’s been recently released from cryogenic suspension and has been tasked with saving the colony from the Board who are hellbent on taking away humanity’s civil liberties and destroying lives all for the sake of profit. The lore and setting is beautifully realised and the writing contains the same wit and satirical charm as Fallout. It also boasts a wonderfully diverse cast of characters, including a very unorthodox vicar and an openly asexual companion. Add to that some super smooth first person shooter combat and a great amount of freedom in customisation and roleplaying, The Outer Worlds proves definitively that single player isn’t dead. Take note Bethesda.

And there we have it. 2019 is finally over and done with. Now we can finally look forward to 2020. Assuming we’re all still alive by the end of the year :S

#the quill seal of approval awards #the quill seal of approval awards 2019 #best of the year #review #opinion

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octaviadblake · 5 years ago

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Ὀδύσσεια + τό ἑκᾰτόν

OR The Odyssey + The 100, an in-depth look at parallels to Homeric canon in season 6, and how the themes and motifs present on Sanctum mirror Odysseus’s 10-year journey back to Ithaca.

DISCLAIMER: I was a Russian Lit major, not a Classics major, so I’m not an expert on this. I did study Ancient Greek and Ancient Greek Drama for 6 and 2 semesters in college, respectively, though, but my expertise is more on The Iliad than The Odyssey so just...cut me some slack lol

If you’re not down for this 2.7k word mini-dissertation, here’s your chance to turn back.

So for those of you who don’t know me, I’m a major Classics nerd. I studied The Iliad in the original in college (and yes, I will be writing a series of metas about how s1-5 are The Iliad so keep an eye out for that), but The Odyssey remains, arguably, Homer’s most prolific epic. I’ve never parsed the text in the original, so I’m not going to be doing any sort of text-to-quote analysis because I think using a translation would be a disservice to the text (major Classics nerd. cannot stress this enough.), but I’m gonna be doing a rundown of all the major stops on Odysseus’s journey and how The 100 has mimicked each and every one of those stops in season 6 thus far.

Still reading? Cool, let’s do this thing.

Some of you may have already read my theory on the anomaly and how I think what lies inside is something like the Island of the Lotus Eaters. If you haven’t read it, you can check it out here, but brief summary: the Lotus Eaters is the first stop Odysseus and his crew make. The Lotus plant is so entrancing that it makes people forget all about their lives outside the island and coerces them to stay there, stuck in a sort of opiate-like blissed out haze of chillness for the rest of their lives, and I think that may be what’s happening in the anomaly, not time travel like others have theorized. Cool, moving on.

The next stop of Odysseus’s journey is the island of Polyphemus, the cyclops who intends to eat him and his men.

(Giulio Romano, Polyphemus)

They manage to escape when Odysseus (using the fake name of “Nobody”) blinds Polyphemus and they hide under the bellies of his sheep in order to avoid detection as they escape his cave.

Let’s think, how does this relate to our heroes? What’s happening right now on the show, going into episode 6x12?

(gif credit: @commander-anya)

Clarke is pretending to be Josephine in order to blindside the Primes and help her people escape.

In The Odyssey, this is a continuation of the theme of “hosting” or “guest-friendship” (a term I’m borrowing from wikipedia since I’ve been out of school for over a year and don’t feel like actually thinking for this pseudo literary analysis). We saw this with the Lotus-Eaters, and we see it again with Polyphemus. But the Cyclops is a bad host. So are the Primes.

Polyphemus’s host gift to Odysseus is that he tells him he’ll eat him last. He won’t spare him, but he’ll give him longer to live than the rest of his men. One of the drawbacks, is that means Odysseus is going to watch all of his people die, one by one, until he meets his demise.

God, how many times have Clarke and Bellamy watched their people suffer? And now the Primes have a way to make nightblood. They’ve turned Echo into a nightblood. Who’s next? Presumably all of them, one by one, until all the Primes are brought back to life. And with Clarke masquerading as Josephine, how many of her people is she going to watch be tortured? How many might she lose in tonight’s episode and in next week’s episode before they manage to beat the Primes and escape? How much have they lost? How much more must they lose?

We also get our first hint of the theme of “cunning over strength” (a term I’m borrowing from SparkNotes because, again, I really don’t feel like putting more effort into this than I already am lmfao) at this point in The Odyssey. Odysseus devises a plan to escape the Cyclops that involves very little violence compared to the blood-soaked battles that we saw in The Iliad. Rather than brute force, he uses his cunning to escape.

Clarke is going in as Josephine. She's not going for brute force. She’s not barging in with an army (that part comes later). This move is pure Clarke, all head. Going with the most cunning plan, not the most direct, not the most violent, the most strategic.

Clarke Griffin is Odysseus.

GODDAMN IM LOVING THIS. I digress.

The next major plot point in The Odyssey is Odysseus running into Aeolus, the god of the winds.

(source unknown by me, but this image is public domain)

He gives Odysseus a bag containing the four cardinal winds which, when opened at the right time, will send him straight home to Ithaca. His men think that the bag secretly contains a treasure that Odysseus is hoarding for himself and they open the bag, releasing the winds, and sending their ship even further off course than before, prolonging their journey.

I stumbled over this one for a second because it could be a few different moments in season 6. Gabriel giving Clarke info on how to take down the Primes? No, where’s the sabotage there? Murphy attempting to help Josephine to get mind drives for him and Emori? No, he ends up doing the right thing and puts them on the right track. Spacekru & friends devising a plan to defeat the Primes and Madi attacking them, sending them off the proverbial course? Hmm, sounds about right.

To make this easier for me, let’s call Bellamy, Echo, Emori, Murphy, Jordan, Miller, and Madi Spacekru 2.0. Well, they’re trying to make their plan to “work with” the Primes so they can get a compound, a home, for them and their people. But Madi is the crew to Spacekru 2.0′s Odysseus. She has her own agenda. She wants the treasure, she wants her revenge.

She attacks the Primes, releases the winds as it were, and all hell breaks loose.

(gif credit: @bellamyblakepositivity)

They’re thrown off course. How will they ever get their compound now? How will they get their home?

[Fun etymology fact break: Homecoming is stylized in The Odyssey as “νόστος” (nostos), when an epic hero returns home via voyage by sea, aka the MAIN theme in this epic. We get the word “nostalgia” from nostos, mixed with άλγος (algos) which means pain. Nostalgia is the pain of yearning for the past or for home. Is nostalgia/homecoming not one of the key themes of The 100? Is it not one of the key themes of The Odyssey? (also you could probably write an analysis of how nostos is a hero returning by sea and the way that space and the sea are often visually/metaphorically compared, the way you navigate both domains in a ship, the way you have an odyssey and a space odyssey....but that’s a discussion for another time)]

Next up on the journey? Aeaea, Circe’s island.

(gif credit: ? if anyone knows, hmu so i can give credit please!)

Circe was a witch who turned men into animals (mainly pigs in The Odyssey, but in another myth, into a woodpecker, which isn’t relevant, I just think it’s funny). Here we get the motif of transformation and false appearances, a continuation of the Nobody plot, and a motif that we also see with the Primes taking over other people’s bodies, constantly transforming their appearances.

While climbing a mountain to reach Circe’s palace, Hermes points Odysseus to a plant which will make him immune to Circe’s transformation magic. Why does this sound familiar......

The neural mesh in Clarke’s head gives her resistance to the mind drive allowing her consciousness to survive the “transformation.”

Like the Island of the Lotus Eaters (and the anomaly) Circe has the ability to manipulate the passage of time, or rather, the perception of the passage of time. Odysseus loses quite a significant amount of time trapped on her island. (It’s not actually 5 years, the mini-series fudged that bit a little since Homer never specifies how long it is, but I’ll forgive you, The Odyssey mini-series, because I love you so very much that I cried when I found you on DVD in a tiny Wal-Mart in the backwoods of Tallahassee two years ago)

We also get another look at the complicated theme of guest-friendship on Circe’s island. She is, quite simply, a terrible host. She traps Odysseus’s men, just like the Primes trap Spacekru 2.0. Odysseus frees them. It’s on Clarke to free her people from the terrible hosts that are the Primes. There’s a joke in there about the Primes bodies being hosts to the mind-drives. Anyway.

Odysseus’s next stop is the land of the dead. He descends into Hades (a very perilous feat) to talk with the blind prophet Tiresias. He also talks to Anticlea, his deceased mother.

My god, if that stop isn’t exactly 6x07 Nevermind.

Clarke talks to Jake Griffin, and tells him she thinks she’s dead, she’s ready to give up, she’s ready to let go. Odysseus tells Anticlea he feels the gods are against him, his journey is fruitless, he’ll never make it home. I don’t think that parallel could be more obvious if it punched you in the face.

I think maybe Monty is Tiresias in this scenario, giving Clarke advice and helping her navigate the mindspace so she can send a message to Bellamy that she’s alive which will give her the advantage of having an ally on her side. Odysseus promises Tiresias he’ll make a sacrifice to him once he gets back into the world of the living bc the dead feast on blood or something like that, but that’s like Clarke promising Monty she’ll do her best to continue to honor his challenge to her to do better. So cool. Love it.

(gif credit: @janemichaels)

Thematically, this mimics the theme of “testing” that’s present in The Odyssey (thank wikipedia again for helping me on this one lmao). You get Odysseus’s men’s loyalty being tested, and you get Odysseus’s identity itself being tested.

Clarke is tested when she is faced with the option of giving up and letting go. Spacekru 2.0 (and particularly Murphy and Emori) are tested when they learn Clarke is gone, then learn she’s alive. Will they be loyal enough to her to save her? Hint: yes, obviously, because Spacekru 2.0 is way better than Odysseus’s crew. Will Clarke decide to push forward and fight for her life? Hint: yeah, duh, because she’s just as badass as Odysseus.

Next comes the sirens.

Odysseus’s ship sails through the isle of the sirens, whose song lures sailors to their deaths. Odysseus makes his men stuff their ears with beeswax so they won’t be tempted by the song, but he ties himself to the mast, wanting to hear it. I kinda struggled with this one, but then I realized, at this point, we’re not looking at Clarke as Odysseus.

We’re looking at Octavia as Odysseus.

Octavia is faced with her greatest fear. She ends up running into the anomaly after Diyoza. If I’m right about the anomaly being sort of the Lotus Eaters, then we could assume that the anomaly holds Octavia’s deepest desires; that might have been what she’d have seen if she’d chosen the green box. She hears the call, and resists. The temptation and the overcoming thereof.

I think that’s clear enough, so I’m gonna skip ahead to the passage between Scylla and Charybdis.

Earlier, Circe had warned Odysseus of this choice he would have to make. Choose the 6-headed monster on the left and lose at best, 6 of his men. Choose the whirlpool on the right, and lose them all.

[Sidenote: how interesting is it that the anomaly is associated with a spiral shape, mimicking that of a whirlpool? Should we believe that if they enter the anomaly it is, in fact, certain death that awaits them? Or is it a metaphoric whirlpool, and they’re just being sucked in, never to return to their original mission of returning home (*cough* Lotus Eaters again *cough*)?]

(gif credit: @aryastarktheshewolf)

So I think this choice is reminiscent of Octavia’s choices of the red box versus the green box. Presumably, face her greatest fears or her deepest desires. She chooses the red box. Better to face her fears and risk dying that way than face her desires (the same green of the anomaly anyone??) and risk getting sucked in like Diyoza was, never to return.

She never saw her deepest desires in the forest (from what we saw) so it makes sense that she would choose the red box. She knows she can escape her fears. Blodreina no more. But if she faces her desires, who’s to say she could ever turn back?

(gif credit: @daeneryskairipa)

Cool cool, so freaking cool, I love these parallels so much, y’all.

Now we get to explore the most Prime-like example of “guest-friendship” in The Odyssey.

Ogygia. Calypso’s island.

[Fun etymology fact break: “Kαλύπτω” (kalupto), the word that lends its root to Calypso’s name, means “to conceal” or “to deceive.” Calypso is “the one who conceals,” she’s “the deceiver.” “Ὠγύγιος” (ogugios), which lends its meaning to Ogygia, means “primeval” or “primal.” The Primes...the first settlers of Sanctum...the ones from the earliest ages (another interpretation of the word). The Primes, the deceivers. The Primes, the primeval ones. Hmmm.]

(screencap from The Odyssey mini-series, 1997. btw, Vanessa Williams will ALWAYS be Calypso in my mind)

Calypso offers Odysseus a home on Ogygia, but he will have to abandon his dream of returning to Ithaca, to his home, to his wife, Penelope, and to his son, Telemachus. She actually prevents him from leaving for seven years (more warped passage of time a la the anomaly), effectively keeping him prisoner. But he wants for nothing there. He is fed and clothed and bathed and sheltered.

Our heroes are offered a home on Sanctum, but it’s not all it appears. It’s not the paradise they’re lead to believe it to be. They’re deceived.

[EDIT: Leah @braveprincess offered an interesting take on Calypso, which I absolutely HAVE to share with y’all:

Anyway, let my rant continue]

In order to stay, they must sacrifice Clarke, Madi too, and well, now, all of their people the Primes want to make into nightbloods. They’re prisoners in Sanctum. They can’t leave, not only because the Primes won’t let them, but because what awaits them is the Children of Gabriel and the mysteries of this new planet. Their best chance at survival is with the Primes. But that also means compromising and losing people they refuse to be without.

Bellamy is Odysseus now. Clarke is his Penelope.

(gif credit: @bellarkedaily)

He won’t negotiate with the Primes. He won’t sacrifice Clarke. Shut up, I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Athena asks Zeus to intervene, so he sends Hermes to tell Calypso she must release Odysseus. Odysseus leaves to continue the next, and last, part of his journey. His return home.

Bellamy leaves Sanctum to save Clarke. Once he has her back, they can continue their final journey, building a home on this new world. Or so we hope.

But who knows? We haven’t seen the finale yet. Maybe they’ll stay on this world. Maybe not.

Some people have been theorizing that they’ll return to Earth (via time travel or whatever it is, which I don’t really buy but whatever), which would be a really nice conclusion to the theme of nostos, but the problem with that is right now, there is no Earth to return to. Nostos only works if there’s a home to go back to. And that home, usually, must be unchanged from when the hero left to fit into the proper meaning of the word.

So, what would be the best way for The 100 to get our heroes back to Earth to fulfill this Odyssey-esque narrative that they (probably unwittingly) have set up?

SEND ‘EM INTO THE ANOMALY!

Let them chill there, enjoy a little bit of paradise, let time pass super fast in the outside world while it passes normally for them, let Earth recover, and send ‘em back. But that bit is more of a pipe dream than anything else and I doubt that’s what they’ll do. I’m not a big fan of most anomaly theories, but I think that could be a cool one. Who knows.

Anyway, that’s all I have for today. Next week post-finale, I’ll probably work through the rest of The Odyssey, with Odysseus’s return to Ithaca, defeating the suitors, and winning his wife back, if all goes to plan with beating the Primes. So if you liked this (admittedly rambling half-cocked mini thesis paper), keep an eye out for that one.

After this season, I’m gonna be doing a series on how seasons 1-5 are actually The Iliad, so if you wanna scream about Classics & The 100 with me, just drop a line in my ask :)

#the 100 meta #meta #the 100 #the100meta #the 100 spoilers #the 100 is homer and you cant convince me otherwise #my transliterated greek is ancient greek pronunciation not modern greek #so dont @ me about that lmao ik upsilons are different in modern #i hope u enjoyed and uhhhh come yell with me about classics

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