#but also I’m just like idk man they’re queer

[sen-ya]

Still was probably reading early Dressrosa when I did this one. It’s wild looking at these drawings tbh lmao.

[grace-williams-xo]

RAMBLING THOUGHTS AFTER FINISHING PART TWO. GONNA ADDRESS MY P1 THOUGHTS FIRST. SPOILER WARNING.

1 & 2: I think Debling could’ve worked in the second half, and I’m kinda sad Cressida didn’t get a happy ending. The Creloise fell of a CLIFF after ep 5 but I think it could still be saved

5: no cishet man has ever loved his wife more than Anthony Bridgerton I’m gonna be ill

6 & 12: kanthony’s absence was felt BAD in the finale, I think their reactions to LW were sorely needed. Also Jonny and Simone have both said they’ll be at every sibling’s wedding and stick around for years but they missed Francesca’s??? Also felt their absence too much then. They’re both booked and busy I think we’ll continue to only get a couple episodes a season from them

8: Francesca did get to thrive happy in pt 2 my baby I love her

9: I think they managed to disconnect the mondrich plot even further like 😭 once again, I don’t mind them their plot just feels very empty

10: Pen and Delacroix CONTINUE to be my fave duo I love them so freaking much and they can never get rid of it

13: Portia’s growth this season continued to be 10/10 I loved her and Penelope’s relationship it really showed what it’s like to be closely related to people you oppose and the process of needing to forgive and understand them for your own peace of mind

14: that was not how I was expecting Colin to find out about Whistledown

15: Marcus felt a little rushed in part two but I think I need to watch the whole season together to fully decide

17: this was indeed the longest 27 days of my life I got Covid day after it dropped lmfao

MY ~NEW~ THOUGHTS:

We finally got character development from Cressida and if they write her out I’ll be inconsolable (as will Jessica Madsen)

I hope they paid Golda Rosheuvel good for her feet exposure. Worth more than titties in this economy

I feel the need to tell everyone that £5000 in 1815 is in the realm of £500,000 today and we cannot brush over the fact Penelope has made herself the equivalent of a literal millionaire

Anthony has two moods ‘I’m obsessed with my wife’ ‘I want to win this game’ like it is comical how drastically different his facial expression is in the game of charades compared to pretty much every other scene

Anthony saying the marriage is perfect and not hard work and Kate being like BOY I will humble you,,,, doing the lord’s work I love her so much

At some points I felt like Francesca was fighting Anthony for ‘Violet’s least favourite child’ award lmao

John saying he’s off to look at the wainscotting was unfairly funny

Cressida in the red dress is even better than I imagined fuck even if she’s not gay then I am

Peneloise back together the universe is healing I love my babies all we need now is creloise lovers and peneloise friendship simultaneously I don’t like it being one or the other sue me

However much Brimsley is getting paid isn’t enough,,,, Hugh Sachs the man that you are

I adored Penelope’s wedding dress so much and as bitter as I am still about no kanthony wedding in s2, it felt kind of right somehow for Polin to be the first wedding we properly see in this show

Most of the costumes and makeup feel like they got worse,,,,, big ‘I hired a 14 year old’ energy. I don’t need historical accuracy but I would like a modicum of care and the costume/hair/makeup dept looking at a single historical reference from before 1850,,,, please

We all got the bi Benedict we’ve been asking for and I appreciate it, and recognise that he needed Tilley to explore that, but I still would’ve preferred if they first main queer experience was not a threesome

If they go straight into benophie in s4 (which idk, I’m so torn bc I feel like F, E and B all could work well next season) then I also feel like bi Benedict was just them throwing a bone for 5 mins but meant nothing

The CONTENTIOUS Michaela Stirling,,,,, I was undecided until I saw it but that was the definition of gay panic from Francesca and it worked so well I am so excited.

As your resident peerage expert, it is much easier for women to inherit titles in Scotland than England so I wonder (not that anyone on this show knows anything) if that was a reason they chose Francesca to be sapphic [general peerage info and female inheritance info if you care]

On the above, if they can canonically end racism with one marriage then they can end homophobia with one marriage as well

We all know Eloise was the easy and obvious choice to be the queer love story but part of me does kind of like them not taking the easy route, and them going something more unexpected, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want Creloise/Sapphic El like they had eight children let’s be honest

Finch’s sneeze and Phillips’s “now Varely! The bugs!” were unfairly funny

Everything Lady Danbury said to Penelope about suspecting her and what not felt very in character and you can fight with the wall idc

Did they tell us the name of Polin’s baby boy???

Hyacinth saying she thinks of Gregory as the family pet,,,,, girl you an icon walking amongst mere mortals

Predictions I got right:

Anthony didn’t kill Colin, but “are you gonna duel your own brother” lmao I was on the right track

I knew Polin would win the Featherington baby race and I love that for them (but why were Prudence and Phillipa pregnant most of the season, barely showing, Kate was showing almost immediately, and then in the epilogue the sisters all had baby’s similar-ish ages???? Give the writers room a calendar please)

I SAID FROM DAY DOT THAT THE FURNITURE THEY BROKE FROM SEX WAS A CHAISE I CANT FIND THE POST BUT I KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT WHERE DO I COLLECT MY PRIZE SOME OF YOUR GUESSES WERE TRULY FUCKING COOKED

Okay that was too long if you made it this far I’ll make you cookie ily

[n0ts0surel0ck]

Just to put my two cents in on the whole no Johnlock in Podlock situation;

There’s no one correct way to interpret the Holmes/Watson relationship. It feels very clearly queer to me because I am a queer person who is attached to these stories. Others might not interpret it that way. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong or I’m wrong. Just ya know. Two different people interpreting a character in the public domain.

Something that encouraged me is that Joel said they had no plans for any of the main three to get together. I was nervous, especially after the Gloria Scott that we were heading for John/Mariana territory (which, to be clear, I do like them together. Marianna is just so cool. I know she’s a stand in for Mrs. Hudson of course, but I think she’s also a stand in for Mary Morsten and the best portrayal of her I’ve seen so far. I wouldn’t be upset, per se about these two being together, it’s just…. Another straight romance for John isn’t really breaking new ground).

I really hope that the Podlock team sticks to their guns here. I quite like the idea of a strictly serialized set of stories, with three characters who clearly share love for each other. Because they don’t have any intentions of giving any of them a romance, it means we as an audience can fill in the blanks for ourselves. Yes, we want clear explicit queer representation. But I don’t think Sherlock & Co. has to be that, ya know?

Me personally, I will be listening to the episodes and knowing that the three of them are doing it sloppy style in between cuts. You, other nebulous listener, can cast them as sexless crime solving creatures. You, other nebulous listener, can make Johnlock canon for you. Idk man. This isn’t BBC Sherlock. I don’t feel like the Podlock team is dangling a queer love story in front of us and snatching it away at the last second.

I think Joel and the team saying explicitly here at the beginning that Johnlock isn’t the plan is actually like… really nice. They could get a lot of listeners by going “ooo maybe John and Sherlock will kiss this episode you don’t know!!” Instead, they’re giving their queer audience the respect they deserve by saying “that isn’t the textual story we’re telling, but if you want to read it’s subtext that way, they belong to us as much as they do to us.”

I just really respect that, I guess.

[gunnrblze]

Random Elias headcannons (pre ODIN/death(?) idk)

➤homebody when he’s off duty

➤ambivert^would rather spend his time relaxing when he can, but does like spending time with the ghosts/Hesh & Logan especially

➤has trouble relaxing though, a little high strung. feels the need to always be doing something

➤likes to garden, did it a lot with Miss Mama Walker

➤type of fella to eat cornflakes for breakfast lol. Raisin Bran ass old man

➤paces a lot for various reasons. “shh, I’m thinking” he’ll say if you try to interrupt

➤relatively chill but will go from 0 to 100 very quickly. levelheaded enough to rarely get out of control though. temper, but he knows how to tame it

➤takes his coffee black with a little creamer, no sugar

➤closeted. even to himself a bit, like he just does not really clock the fact that he likes men in a serious way

➤lovedddd Miss Mama Walker with his whole heart and soul, and i think she knew he was a lil queer and just kinda let it be, cause he was devoted to her regardless and they were locked in

➤sudoku king

➤very hard worker (capricorn energy lol), had that quality instilled in him by his father, and did the same thing with Hesh and Logan

➤regularly wears those ridiculously tight t-shirts as seen above (zoo wee mama thank you) cause he’s a little oddly proportioned. his shoulders are so wide that shirts just always fit a lil weird

➤history buff. ask him anything and he can probably tell you a great deal about any given major event. type of guy that has “fun facts” that you actually might not have known (at least, they’re fun to him lol)

➤would quiz Hesh and Logan as kids on military history/general history. he’s not so secretly a bit of a nerd, so every once in a while Hesh and Logan will also just be like “did you know the first ever living creature in space was a dog-“

➤loves lemonade. complains when it gives him acid reflux. still drinks it

➤gives the best side eye/glares. the wordless type that definitely make you start acting right

[shakespearean-dream]

TW!!! — blood, scarring and mild body horror ahead 🥲

benny’s turn!

before i start i wanna clarify i hesitated a bit on posting this because lovely mutual @vor-leser just posted his benny interpretation (go look at it and follow him btw), and idk if we like mind melded or smth but our human benny’s are super similar LOL. i damn near scrapped the whole thing out of fear someone would get mad at me but i Would Not be able to start over and get this done ever so this is as good as we’re gonna get. 😭 my apologies niko love u /p

this has been like a full 7 days in the making 😭😭 the art block that i felt coming on while doing ellen and ted hit me like an optimus prime sized semi truck this week along with a depressive episode so i definitely appreciate that happening and i am not upset about it at all! /s i’m totally good so don’t worry or anything /gen, mental health is just weird and i also wanted to explain the gap in my posts 😔

i do not know how to feel about this drawing if i’m so fr with you; i’m proud of myself for AM-ified benny cause i think i got the slowly rotting from the inside out primal freak energy down pretty good, but on the other hand this feels kinda empty?? i usually have a lot more commentary squished in here but i think my brain’s a little fried 🤦‍♂️ i love drawing me some beautiful buff men though so drawing normal ben was familiar territory. however his wack ass haircut i gave him is his punishment for being a PRICK!!! go sit in the corner and think about ur actions benjamin.

like ted n the rest of the sillies i’m not straying too far from canon with his personality, he’s an ass and a murderer and a hella smart dickhead who desperately needs to be punished by the universe (thank you for that one AM). hot take i did not like his “redemption arc” in his game scenario and i don’t think with how he was throughout the entirety of his life (and also throughout the game, main example his inner dialogue) he would actually go out of his way to help the kid because he means it??? n prove he changed to the guys he killed cause he means it??? i dunno maybe AM torturing him made him have a main character “omg i’ve been in the wrong this whole time!!1” moment like the game suggests i’m just not buying it 💀 i’m sure it’s just cause bennys scenario couldn’t be too long and they couldn’t fully flesh him out which i won’t fault the game makers for. i’m a steven universe fan, i know what time constrictions can do to a plot and redemption arc 😭 looking at you white diamond…

his wife n kids are up top and they’re kinda neat to me— i was considering the hc that part of the reason manya (his canon wife) left him is because she realized she was a lesbian which would be funny as fuck considering benny’s also One Of Them Queers 😭. i think during the brief times he was home and able to parent his daughters they got really scared and tired of him, one because he’s just a very threatening powerful and overbearing man, but also because i feel like he would’ve been on their ASS about everything. grades, extracurriculars, friends, wardrobe, this guy was micromanaging his family to an annoying extreme (ofc because of his perfectionist complex). he probably loved manya and the kids in his own weird way, but it was more contractual to him than any real personal relationship. maybe he inherited that from his own parents?? i doubt he ever talked to them after he moved out.

that’s about the end of my thoughts on this fucker. 🥲 funny storyyyy i just remembered i have laundry to finish so im gonna go do that, lord help me. thank you for reading all this if you did!!!!! we’re over halfway through so who do yall want next? wanna save AM or nimdok for last? i’ll see u guys later :]]]

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Ahh gotta ask for more of this

🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏼‍♀️

I don't remember if you've mentioned how long you'll think it'll be, is a shorter one or a longfic?

Thanks💕💕 💋

Awesome! And I think it's just going to be a longer-ish one-shot. Like 15-20k? Idk! I'm at about 5k rn.

120 or 1k - whatever I reach first:

---

“Yes!” Eddie exclaims. Potentially unwisely but he’s unable to assess long term repercussions right now. “Yes, yes. Just like you. And… And I get why you haven’t told anyone here.”

Buck’s eyes widen. “I couldn’t! No one would believe me!”

Eddie frowns. Well, okay. He’s not that stealthy, if that’s what he thinks. Eddie figured it out. 

“Well, they might…” Eddie says carefully. “But I get it. Not a lot of people know about me either.”

Buck considers this. “But you’re from El Paso?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah? We’re everywhere, man.”

“Even inland?” Buck asks. 

What the hell? Is he like, against the South? There are queer people everywhere! The west coast and, like, New York, aren’t the only place with trans people. Also, Texas has coastline. Even if El Paso doesn’t…

“Yes, even inland,” Eddie replies. 

“Wow,” Buck exhales. “When did it happen? How?” 

What? What does he mean how? Same way it happened to him, presumably?

“Dude,” Eddie says. “I think you’re really high right now.”

Buck blinks. “I am. I am really high.”

“We should… Maybe we can talk about this sober,” Eddie suggests. 

“Yes!” Buck agrees. “Yes, I want to.”

Eddie smiles. “Okay. Grreat. That’s… That’s great.”

“Can I… There’s a beach! Can we talk at the beach? You know, privately?”

The beach? Why does he want to go to a beach? Is that a normal place to talk? He’d think, like, one of their places… A coffee shop? A park? Eddie can’t say he’s a big fan of the beach. Not that he’s spent much time at one, but… Well, he doesn’t imagine it’s a super comfy experience for him.  

“Uh, okay. Sure. If that’s what you want,” Eddie replies. 

“Yes! Please, I’m so excited, Eddie. I’ve never met anyone else like me,” Buck beams. 

“Never?” Eddie gapes. 

“No,” Buck confirms. “Why? Are there a lot of us?”

Buck is so fucked up right now. Damn.

“Yes,” Eddie replies. “Especially in L.A.”

“Oh! Is that why you moved here?” Buck asks.

“It was a factor, yeah.”

“Wow. Okay, wow,” Buck is grinning. “I’m so happy.” 

Eddie smiles. He might have too much LSD in his system to feel the requisite fear for what he’s just done, but he’s happy too. He thinks it’ll be really good to have a friend he can fully be himself around. 

🌻

Buck texts Eddie the next morning. Sends him a location. Not even an address. A latitude longitude location. It’s a small, rocky stretch of beach with road access between Los Angeles in Malibu. Strange, Eddie thinks. There are so many nicer options. Eddie wonders if, like himself, Buck is just nervous. Wants somewhere quiet. Again, one of their homes would have worked. 

When he parks the truck at their agreed upon meet-up time, Eddie knows Buck is already there. The Jeep is parked, but he’s not inside. He must already be down by the water. Alright. Whatever. 

Eddie gets out of the truck and heads down a wooden stair accessway. He sees Buck at the bottom, standing near the water, barefooted and just far enough away from the edge of the water to avoid getting wet from incoming waves. He’s wearing swim shorts and a tank top. Oh god. Buck doesn’t think they’re going swimming, does he? Eddie is really not okay with that. 

His hands are shaking by the time he makes it to the stony, uneven surface of the beach. It’s been so long since he’s ever slipped and told anyone. Of his own volition. That person died. And then… And then the next people to find out? They hadn’t wanted Eddie around anymore. So this? This could be a disaster. But it could also be great. He and Buck, they could be really great friends. Eddie thinks he needs that. More than he realized. 

“Buck,” he calls out, stepping awkwardly to avoid discomfort on his feet. There are a lot of fucking rocks. 

Buck turns around, wide grin on his face. “Hey! Eddie, hi!”

“Uh, so why this beach?” Eddie asks.

“It’s super private, for one,” Buck says. “Out of the way.”

“You’re afraid of being seen,” Eddie says. 

“Yeah, aren’t you?” Buck frowns. “I mean, I’ve tried to be so careful.”

“I don’t think anything about this is going to out us, Buck,” Eddie says quietly.

“Right, because it’s a quiet beach!” Buck grins. “You ready?”

Eddie blinks. “Ready to… Talk?” 

“Well, yeah. Talk,” Buck says, final word said with air quotes. 

Why the air quotes? 

[art3misg33k]

i see ur most recent post and obviously i have to ask abt trent

My favorite character right out the gate lets go!!

(Ok wow this got sooo long I am sorry)

Starting with my personal takes & headcanons Trent is so nonbinary to me. They give such vibes of being like “idk man I’m just existing” as well as at first thinking they just really didn’t care about gendered stuff bc society is stupid about it but then realized just how deep those feelings were. I also love just any headcanon of Trent not being cis in general. The gender queer vibes are so strong with that one. In terms of sexuality I’m really not sure? I think they’re to multiple genders but idk in what way. Bi, Pan, and Unlabeled are the ones I’m stuck between.

On a slightly more analytical note in I think in Island they are well showcased as a nice chill person but also having the capacity to stand their ground and be intimidating (that one scene with Cody).

I don’t think they’re really good with social queues and may be a bit gullible seeing how things went down with Heather. On the outside has that mysterious energy but can be a real goober when you get to know them. Insane silliness potential that was wasted in my opinion.

Crossing into the semi-headcanon but also canon implied type stuff is their neurodivergence. In TDA it’s obvious that Trent has some neurodivergent tendencies. I personally think OCD and autism. I hate the way it was handled, not because they gave Trent these traits in the first place but how they framed them as a crazy person. That treatment was definitely very damaging to Trent and most likely made them go to heavily masking, even more so than before. Being pitied so much also felt incredibly frustrating to them.

The way that Trent was launched into fame right after a messy breakup on international television definitely made things worse. They seemed like they were thriving while the band was together but in reality they were only being seen for their music and not who they really are, pointedly ignoring their neurodivergence, flaws or any wrongdoing on their part. It hurt seeing how they were treated so horribly when it came to their mental health but as soon as they started singing they were suddenly this sweet, emotional, amazing guy.

And in terms of my headcanon they were also dealing with a ton of dysphoria being seen a guy in the Drama Brothers because they were closeted. I personally think that they had only found out a couple of months before Island so they weren’t comfortable telling anybody yet. They felt like they could tell someone close like Gwen eventually but didn’t want to come out on tv so they said nothing. I think in the days between the finale and TDA Trent became afraid again not wanting to ruin things with Gwen in fear of her being upset that they wouldn’t be the cool talented boyfriend that she expected. On the Aftermath they didn’t really have anyone truly there for them only having those who pitied them or who thought they were an awful person, leaving them isolated not just about dysphoria but just their existence in general.

I do believe that between TDA and WT as well as onwards that Trent was able to build a genuine friendship with Justin, Harold, and Cody despite how messy things got with the band at times. Unintentionally they started unmasking a bit around them closer to when WT started and when they weren’t met with judgement (maybe a bit that was just genuine misunderstanding that got corrected but still) Trent was starting to more and more feel like they could be themself. (Back to more headcanony for a sec) After WT Trent came out to the three of them and was met with acceptance! From there Trent is able to progressively come out more and more from their shell and from the closet to more people!

Also hopefully patching things up and becoming friends with Gwen eventually but that’s just like a wish I have

I think I just unintentionally typed out a whole outline of what I think their life is instead of just my opinion on them in general but yeah.

Some random headcanons!!:

- (Stolen from Courtney-deserved-better) A lot of people think that Trent looks so cool and mysterious but in actuality they are usually just zoned out

- Biggest sensory issues are with sound. They’d go insane without headphones/earbuds bc the music is nice and their noise as opposed to how horribly loud life can be (Kinda projecting on this one but it makes sense for them so shhh)

- Listens to most genres but especially the ones within the general indie/alternative umbrella. A good amount of ppl think that they only listen to mainstream pop type stuff so when they’re with Trent and some darker/depressing type shit like CSH comes on from one of Trent’s playlists they are so surprised.

- Likes some of what the Drama Brothers made but a lot of their brand was pushed into them by producers and the whole band kinda hated how fake things felt at times. After WT they manage to get away from that company and the band gets a lot more creative freedom making what they want. (Also changing the band name eventually bc of Trent if we’re talking in a world with my nb headcanon. Not sure when or if Trent would publicly come out but if not before the name change then they all just make something up about rebranding)

About ships! - I personally love tons of td ships being a massive multi shipper, especially with characters that are my faves (With an exception of Raj I don’t rlly see him with anyone but Bowie). Gwent was the first ship I ever got into with Total Drama and it has a special place in my heart. It’s not my absolute favorite but I still love seeing them together and au’s where they actually work things out healthily during Action or where Action and or TD didn’t happen. I love a lot of other ones too like Trustin and Trody and a lot more! I think my favorite Trent ship may actually be Trenoah, it’s really my favorite rare pair. Ik they didn’t really interact but the POTENTIAL!! They would play off of each other so well and ahhh dude I think I’d need to make a separate post just taking about those two

And that’s the basics of my thoughts on Trent! (well maybe not the basics but trust me it’s not all that I have to say about them).

I think in the future I’ll make a post about what I think their potential backstory is bc I got carried away and didn’t rlly cover that here. @ashyjingles if you want me to @ you in that just let me know!

[meeks-just-wants-to-scroll]

Micah x Javier x bill is so weird but im so curious, what do they think of each other?? Who’s big spoon and who’s little spoon?? Is it an actual ship or what???????

“Is this an actual ship” made me laugh a bit. Idk! You can put names together and call that a ship in my mind.

Opinions of each other:

- overall, dislike each other but the shared experience of being socially unsupported gay/queer men brings them together.

- Javier -> Bill: out of the two, he has the least beef with Bill. He tolerates Bill’s lack of tact and at worst he’ll punish Bill for being an asshole to him. Javier will lend Bill some patience; talk with him and ask how he is.

Javier likes making light jabs at Bill, which sometimes go over his head or land and annoy him. Whatever pairing they have going on, Javier gets a kick out of prodding Bill. He has no fear of Bill’s retaliation because Javier knows he could out smart or out maneuver Bill. ♥️ he likes his men a little doofy. (Maybe that’s why he and John are friends).

- Javier -> Micah: this is a curious pair because you’d think Javier would hate Micah, but Javier tolerates Micah enough to not initiate squabbles with him. It’s only when Micah prods him with insults/racism that Javier won’t hesitate to knock him down a few pegs.

They work well on missions and can be amicable when drunk. Watch the camp interaction of them drinking together, they’re a giggly duo. Javier is the listener to Micah’s yapping.

- Bill -> Javier: hard for him to admit it but he does respect Javier. Bill being ever the social shrimp doesn’t know how to go about it so he kind of loudly (and embarrassingly) blabbered about how Javier is so intimidating and makes grown men piss their pants.

His anger in life is misdirected outwards and Javier gets caught in the crossfires because of Bill’s racism and swiftness to pick at any pickable part of Javier’s person.

Though they have ups and downs (many downs), Javier does save Bill from bounty hunters and would even do it alone. Javier has saved Bill’s ass too many times to count. This further builds on the respect and debt Bill feels he has towards Javier.

He has periods of emotional maturity and is like “heeeeyyy, so I was an asshole and drunk and I don’t actually mean what I said. I’m just a god damn fool and I say things I don’t actually mean and I don’t know why—“ and Javier just waves him and says it’s fine, and do not get himself so worked up.

- Bill -> Micah: Bill doesn’t get micah but Micah has flirted with him enough times to tell Bill something is up. He is desperate for validation and attention and if Micah, the asshole who eggs on his hot head, is the one who offers it then so be it.

When they have a common goal and aren’t bickering, they’re pretty good as a pair on missions. Micah complains how Bill lacks tactic and speed, meanwhile Bill complains Micah lacks patience and foresight.

I’ll just say it. They both want their dicks sucked so bad. They are desperate and they are staring each other in the eyes because they’re the only two men who drop hints of being gay (Javier is good at hiding his queerness; it goes over Bill’s head).

- Micah -> Bill: like Javier, he prods at Bill except instead of harmlessly, Micah actually tries to get a reaction.

Micah and Bill get along when drunk but instead of micah talking and the other listening, they both sort of talk drunkenly. Bill understands the conversation even less than when sober, but he is far more honest when drunk and more capable of being vulnerable. Pair that with Micah being drunk and you get a combo that leads to a gay admission of needing some sugar.

Micah also just likes Bill’s laugh… he likes hearing Bill make a fool of himself. And Micah makes a fool of himself too so it’s not so imbalanced.

- Micah -> Javier: they spit and bicker. Micah sees through Javier’s fancy clothes and sees a vain man who clings to authority for guidance in life and value in his person. Micah is similar and hates seeing that reflected. Again, misplaced anger.

When drunk tho, Micah is so much kinder to Javier. While micah is in no real debt to Javier nor is he especially amazed by Javier’s skills, he can see him as one of the guys who can take his insults and not immediately walk off. He likes a man who can take rough treatment and still punch back (it’s hot).

There is so much sexual tension when drunk. Micah tried to be intimidating and get in Javier’s space, but Javier doesn’t back down and it means they’re now just close together and drunkenly whispering and hot in the face. Kiss already.

- The Triad (F of a Feather): I bet the three of them were camped out on a mission one time and got to talking while alone. Assume they all had some sort of sexual tension before this point on their own individual pairs. Now they’re eyeing each other like it’s a stand-off… they all thinking “I’m the weirdo here for having fantasies about the others. I’m such a perv.” Little do they know that they are ALL desperate closeted gay men!

Cuddle politics:

Javier is spooned by Bill or Micah.

Micah is spooned by Bill.

The other two can try and spoon Bill but it’s hard. It turns into laying on Bill’s chest.

They rarely cuddle as a trio. They are a polycule but look like pairs and then one third wheel. (they wouldn’t call themselves a polycule or a couple. Idk what they’d call it. It’s just an agreement they have that they are all hungry for the other and there is no jealousy to be had because “none of us are dating.”)

Who is the pair and who is the wheel changes and had no cycle. Micah is most likely to go off on his own and leave Javier and bill to be bromance buddies.

And that’s roughly what I have. It’s a lot.

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive

[qprpbj]

so like,,, big group of queers in new york, drag queen ringleader,,, yeah this is my kind au

sorry if you've already answered this but, how do ponyboy and johnny navigate through new york before this drag queen finds them?? is it, like, immediately they find community or no? how does it happen?? sorry i have waaaayyy to many questions i love this idea so much

and for the big group of queers, is there anyone dating or are they all friends? also how tf much is rent if they're all living together LMFAOOO save them i hope they're makin good money over there

i have so many more questions asdkljldskjlkas too many

I LOVE UUU this is like my fav au i honestly dgaf howwww unrealistic it is i just Want My Kids to find community somewhere fr and them running away is!! half canon!!! or at least their plans were!!!! and either way like. (underground) communal living DID exist and NEEDED to exist bc there were SO many unsafe queer teens and adults who wouldn’t have even lived if they didn’t have each other and community to lean on. anyway there’s my spiel

honestly idek. i’ve been in new york for all of five days in my life and i was confused as fuck the entire time so i assume they do a pretty fucking shit job at it BUT i mean. they actually somehow managed to get there on their own so maybe i’m discrediting them a little too much 😭 i think it probably takes them like a month or a couple to settle in - they probably find some random odd jobs with their fakes and they find some shitty little shelter temporary or something to live in - and stumble on this bar that they get into but immediately these ppl who are part of/run some underground queer community living situation can tell they’re. absolutely not fucking 21 lmfao. something about who let these babies in here? ..im 19!!! and there’s a bed opening up at my place soon if y’all need a place to sleep and then. well. something something the rest is history

i have not put a lot of thought into whoooo exactly they live with but there’s def some older trans dude pony gets hella attached to and lets him know who he gets his t from/helps him begin to transition 🙂‍↕️ even if it’s probably maybe not theeee safest but. what else were they gonna do. pony’s already gone stealth anyway and i assume since they’re like 16-19 y/o they get helped out a lot by their new friends/roommate situation/idk whatever. as for rent man honestly idk i’m not american lol but it’s my magical fictional universe <3 they can get by with the power of fictional unrealism <33

PLS ASK AWAY this has been. so fun. omfg i love this au so deeply.

[cheesysoup-arlo]

Cady’s Cousin (pt.2)

(pt. 1)/(pt. 3)/(pt. 4)

A/N: sorry this is mostly like “texting” also the relationship/couples I have in here are (karen and gretchen), (cady and regina), later I’ll add (janis and reader) and maybe (aaron and kevin g) idk maybe lol I won’t be tagging the ships since they’re not the main ship I hope y’all liked this lol

(Sunday 8:30pm)

*Cady created a group chat*

Cads 🦁: hey guys I made this group chat so (Y/N) can get to know you guys, you guys can get to know them, and just for fun 👍

???(1): aw Cady that’s so sweet, this is Aaron by the way lol

(Y/N): can everyone send their name please 🙏

???(2): karen 💕

???(3): Beyoncé

???(4): that’s Damian ^, this is janis 👾

Damian🌟: janis you’re no fun this is homophobia

Janis👾: yeah I hate the gays 🙄

karen💕: ??? u hat me 😞

Janis👾: no not you karen just Damian

karen💕: o okie 😽

???(5): the hottest bitch you’ll meet

(Y/N): hi Regina

Cads🦁: Y/N!!!

(Y/N): cads chill I know she’s off limits

Regina👛: aw baby you’re so cute when you’re jealous

Janis👾: barf 🤮

(Y/N): 😭😭😭

(Y/N): wait where’s Gretchen?

karen💕: sleping 😴

Damian🌟: Important question! Y/n are you one of them queers?

(Y/N): I would be offended if you thought I wasn’t

*damian has named group chat “fruit loops”*

Janis👾: I-

(Y/N): oh that’s-

Damian🌟: OK STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC TO THE GAY BLACK MAN IM A MINORITY HERE

Regina👛: how’s everyone feeling about school tomorrow? I’m kind of excited mostly because the school cheese fries just hit different yk?

Cads🦁: I’m excited too but for classes I picked an extra math class this year

(Y/N): ha nerd 🤓

(Y/N): I’m nervous lol but at least I have you guys

Janis👾: I’m not excited I hate school it keeps me from doing more important things

(Y/N): like what?

Janis👾: sleeping

Damian🌟: I’m excited I decided that I’m gonna take the new senior only theater class which is a little out of my comfort zone but I’ll manage

Aaron🧍‍♂️: I was supposed to be graduated last year so I’m not excited at all

(Y/N): YOU GOT HELD BACK?!?! WHAT?!?!

Aaron🧍‍♂️: yeah I failed English and history so I couldn’t graduate

Cads🦁: it’s ok Aaron now you get to be with us for another year 😊

(Sunday 11:50pm) fruit loops

(Y/N): guys I can’t sleep

Janis👾: same I’ve been lying very still and it’s not working

Damian🌟: janis did you take the melatonin I gave you?

Janis👾: yeah but it’s not working 😔

Damian🌟: welp that’s a you problem then

(Monday 2:30am) fruit loops

(Y/N): do you think I can fit 40 mini marshmallows in my mouth?

Janis👾: oh absolutely

(Y/N): omg ur still awake too?

Janis👾: yeah lol

(Y/N): I just put 35 mini marshmallows in my mouth idk if I can fit more

Janis👾: if you fit all 40 I’ll give you 5 bucks

(Y/N): challenge accepted

(Monday 2:37am) fruit loops

(Y/N): I fit all 40 and almost choked lmao

Janis👾: lmao nice your $5 will be given at school

(Y/N): yippieeee

(Y/N): dude I literally can’t sleep

Janis👾: wanna call? That’s what me and Damian used to do before he got a good sleep schedule lmao

(Y/N): um sure me and my friend back home used to do that too

*incoming call from Janis👾*

“Hi” you whispered suddenly feeling a little more tired with her company even if it was only over the phone “hey” janis said with a small yawn “nice shirt” you say seeing her Lego movie shirt “oh um thanks” she says with a laugh “so what’s up?” “Let’s take turns asking each other questions until we fall asleep” you say with a little yawn “hmm ok favorite color?” She asks you “ooo definitely (your favorite color), how about you?” “Hmm either green or purple” “ooo good choice, hmm hobbies?” “I sing and write a little but I guess art even though I don’t consider it a hobby it’s more of a lifestyle” “art? Can I see some?” “Yeah sure I’ll show you some stuff tomorrow” you both yawn “shit it’s 3 am” janis sighs “fuck” you chuckle sleepy “um I’m getting tired” janis says with a tired laugh “me too” you say starting to close your eyes “good night (y/n)” “good night Janis” you say with a yawn falling asleep as she hangs up

Monday 5:30am

“Pst…(y/n)? You gotta wake up” your cousin said lightly shaking you “ugh five more minutes” you mumbled “no come on up you gotta get ready” she insisted, you got up against your body begging to go back to sleep “good morning sleepy head” Cady said with an enthusiastic smile “cads what time is it?” “5:33” “doesn’t school start at like 8:30?” “No it starts at 8 and I wanted to make sure you had enough time to get ready and have breakfast, breakfast is very important” “uh huh…mm thanks cads” you say with a yawn deciding to get up and look through your clothes “meet me in my room when you’re done getting dressed, ok?” Cady said “um ok?” You said grabbing your favorite jeans and shirt then going to look for your jacket as your cousin left

(Monday 5:40 am) fruit loops

Gretchen🌷: good morning everyone soooo so sorry for not texting yesterday I went to bed early

Regina👛: it’s ok Gretch don’t worry about it

Regina👛: also damn I think Janis and (y/n) our new insomniac duo

(Y/N): unfortunately yes I’m so fucking tired also good morning Gretchen

Aaron🧍‍♂️: why are you guys up so early it’s not even six yet? I literally woke up because of all the buzzing

(Y/N): cads woke me up :(

Regina👛: my skincare and makeup routine take like and hour

Gretchen🌷: I like mornings ☀️

You finished getting ready and headed over to Cady’s room like she asked you to. “What’s up cads?” “Eee (y/n) ok so first of all how are you feeling about your first day” “a little nervous and tired I only got like 2 and a half hours of sleep” “oh goodness (y/n) why didn’t you sleep sooner?”cady says concerned “Because I wasn’t tired?” You half joked. Cady hands you a paper. “That’s a map of the school the way Janis sees it she gave it to me on my first day I feel like it could be helpful for you” “oh um wow thanks cads” you say giving her a half hug. Your aunt knocks on Cady’s open door “hey girls good morning” “good morning mom” Cady says enthusiastically, you yawn “morning” you say with a small smile “I’ve got to head to work but I’m assuming you girls have a ride?” “Yeah Aaron’s gonna pick us up I think?” Cady answers “alright I love you two, be on your best behavior and call me or text me if you need me” your aunt says as she leaves “bye” you and Cady say at the same time. You head to the kitchen and pour yourself a bowl of cereal

(Monday 6:40am) fruit loops

Regina👛: my mom is doing a coffee run what does everyone want?

Damian🌟: iced coffee, oat milk, vanilla

Gretchen🌷: just the usual for me and Karen

Janis👾: iced coffee, oat milk, lavender

(Y/N): um (your coffee order) please

Cads🦁: can you just get me a tea?

Regina👛: yeah of course I’ll get your favorite

Aaron🧍‍♂️: regular coffee, cream and sugar please

Regina👛: ok also who’s picking up who today? I can get Karen and Gretchen as usual

Aaron🧍‍♂️: my mom said I don’t have car privileges this week so I can’t give anyone a ride

Damian🌟: I can get janis for sure but if anyone else needs a ride I can get them too

Cads🦁: can you give (Y/N) and I a ride please we’re ready whenever you are 👍

Damian🌟: yeah I’ll be over in 10 then we’ll go get Janis because I know she’s not ready yet

Janis👾: I would be offended but it’s true

Regina👛: alright meet at our usual spot?

Aaron🧍‍♂️: 👍

Damian🌟: sounds good see y’all soon

[biohazard-inevitable]

See, like- I want polyam, but I dont want the sex.

But like- theres so much sex focused talk and stuff in society that its like- well how do I even find people?

Like sure, maybe theres going to a queer bar, but like- when people hit on you at a bar, they’re mostly looking for sex first, maybe romance later, like- a funky little thing.

But like- i dont want that? I dont really trust people like that, nor am I comfortable with sex.

So like- how the fuck do I find people to maybe see?

Cause whats WORSE is I also dont feel comfortable dating someone I barely know, like- if i’m gonna date someone, I have to have known them for a while! It just makes SENSE! As cute as love at first sight is, i dont… experience that???? Its like- something so foreign to my brain that someone can look at someone and then without EVER have spoken to them go “hey, man, they seem awesome i wanna spend my entire existence with them” like????? You dont even know them???

Like sure, yeah, someone can be REALLY pretty and i can totally understand the IDEA of wanting like- sex or something with them, but romance???? Looking at someone and going ‘wow i want to hold their hand and see them smile and go on lunch dates and wake up next to their smiling face’ like- for me to even START having thsoe thoughts i gotta have known them for a while, i currently only feel that sorta way towards two people, one of which is kinda new and im still tryin to figure out where WE’RE at regarding all that because of THEIR current partner

Idk- i used to not be as comfortable saying that kinda stuff as i am now cause i didnt want to thing i was on the aro spectrum for a very long time for whatever personal insecurity was there, but now i know that it was an irrational insecurity I am and im more comfortable with it.

I just- i want to be able to find and date people who are open to polyam but don’t immediately expect sex or super deep romance out of it and thats SO INCREDIBLY HARD TO FIND

So in the meantime i kissa my single boyfriend on the mouf even if hes a thousand miles away

[girlnephew]

I’m a transbian egg and is it weird if i like . . . genuinely hate the gay men who hit on me? I know it’s not their fault. I dress in metal t-shirts and sports jerseys and jeans (go Rams!), so I’ve got that straight dude vibe, and these thirsty homos want a bit of trade. Can’t blame a fag for wanting to get it, in a way. It happens every single time my queer friends take me out clubbing to gay places and it always makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’m closeted to literally everyone (they think I’m the token cishet) but it makes me feel so much grosser when men hit on me than women. Even if they’re also queer, i feel we share absolutely nothing in common. I feel so ill when they think I’m a man and want to bond over it. Like, ewwww. Disgusting. Especially, even, sincqe lesbian stuff rules and gay male culture just seems frivolous and vile to me, as a dyke. Gay men overwhelmingly focus on surface level pop culture bullshit. I’ll take talking about sports with a dozen straight men (actually usually pretty nice) to talking about, idk, Lady Gaga with any gay man (uniformly suffering). Like, with straight chicks, i think I could talk them into lezzing out a bit. Cishet chicks, I can work with; in fact I wish they’d hit me up more. But dude-fags are just repulsive, beyond repugnancy, beyond boredom, beyond communication, since their brains are all corroded by the latest transmisogynistic Ru Paul shit; lady-fags can absolutely get it though.

is this a copypasta or something

[aashiqeddiediaz]

i don't really go here but y'all acting really excited when they're doing this storyline not with your ship but the dude buck and another man. Like when I saw the stuff I was like oh wow they went their with the two firefighters the show has been building for what 7 years now, instead it's just one of those firefighters so IDK I'd be disappointed if I was y'all not celebrating it. But happy that at least one of them is gonna be into men.

buck’s queer realization is for buck and buck’s character arc, not a flimsy plot device towards buddie. i’m actually really glad that they’re giving buck the individual attention right now, and then my hope is that they’ll give eddie’s his when it’s due.

and you know that people can ship multiple ships right? like yes my endgame ship is always going to be buddie but for the time being i’m enjoying buck and tommy - not least because tommy is the most interesting love interest buck’s had but because he’s a safe place for him to land in this realization of what it means to be a queer man in his profession, with someone else who came out later in life. i repeat, this is not about eddie.

as for eddie and buddie, the show isn’t over yet. also eddie’s dating someone else right now - i would hate if they ruined it by making him cheat or whatever. anyway, we have an early renewal for s8, and it’s very much a matter of being patient with these characters as they navigate a world that was, previously, completely unknown to them.

so anon, am i disappointed? absolutely not. i’m a manner of speaking, they did go exactly where they’ve been building buck’s queer arc over the last 7 seasons. because you don’t even watch the show, but if you did, you’d see exactly why it fits so well for what we know.

[kori-dearest]

Hey hey, don’t cry, Kane and Jason from Love and Luck podcast, ok?

design notes under the cut <3

Kane:

- hes my favorite bc hes just like me Fr <3 anxiety ridden trans bi man with a thing for loud men <3

- also he’s a bear and I adore bears so obviously I had to make him unimaginably hot. At least to my artistic abilities.

- idk when I decided that he was aboriginal, but in my heart it’s real and true ❤️ hope this helps

- he’s described as looking a lot like his mother, and Julie is said to have black coily hair <3

- in my heart he’s had no surgeries, occasionally binds or packs, but usually he’s just lettin it hang <3 Im using him to live out my trans fantasies just let me HAVE THIS

- he’s called Papa Bear for a REASON. He dresses like a FATHER. I will not take any criticism on this, he wears KHAKI CARGO SHORTS and NEW BALANCES.

- the white strands in his hair are just a quirk of having hair as dark as his, but he blames it on the kids <3 (he also blames it on the kids leaving though, he can’t ever make up his mind <3)

- i like to think he’s taller than Kane, but slouches so much that people genuinely forget he’s like. 6ft tall. Big fuck 👍🏻 no truck 👎🏻

- i also hc that he’s always touching Jason <3 not in like an overly affectionate pda kinda way, but just. Pressing up against him while they’re behind the bar, or holding hands while they chat, or a hand on his waist while they’re on the train together <3 just gentle touches, bc he’s in love and needs to touch his man CONSTANTLY.

Jason:

- he says in the first couple episodes that he’s very visually queer, so I took that and sprinted with it <3

- even if he isn’t visually a punk, his attitude and radical acceptance is so punk rock and I just <3 I refuse to believe otherwise (I’m a punk and this is me again living through a character)

- they absolutely at least tried to make at least one custom Best of Luck Bar patch, but then the embroidery got too much, so Jason just painted on ‘love and luck’ <3

- i feel like he’s beefy, but it’s a CRAZY sleeper build. Fucking coma build. Looks like a skinny lanky fuck till you ask him to arm wrestle and he knocks you out in 4 picoseconds

- i feel like he’s less touchy feely in public, but he’s strapped to Kane’s back in private <3

- i also feel like he’s the local magpie. The kids bring him shiny things and he goes Oh!!!! And before he even knows it it’s in his pocket. And soon enough in a little container that Kane uses to collect his trinkets while he’s doing laundry ❤️

- in my heart he wears a rope with knots on it from Kane <3 for safety <3 and also good vibes and love

[norbezjones]

Bez Reviews Independent Books 1: Memory Leak

Hey everyone!  I wanna do little reviews/writeups for the independently-published books I find on itch.io, and so, here I am.  I want to review one book every month or two (or quicker, if I’m lucky); it’ll get me reading more, and get authors who often go without feedback some thoughts on their work!  I think it’ll be cool for everyone!

If you want your book reviewed, the only requirement I have is that it’s hosted on itch.io.  Even if itch is just one of many places you can get the book, I want to review books that have a home there at least.  Feel free to get in touch with me with your books—I’m @NaomiNorbez on Twitter (I refuse to call it X), Pillowfort, Threads, and Instagram; I’m @norbezjones on Tumblr; I’m norbez2.0 on Discord.

Looking forward to seeing your books! <3

__________

The first book I’m reviewing Is Memory Leak by @maxkirin !  M. Kirin is a streamer who I happened to follow not long before their book release.  That’s how I heard about it.  Some light spoilers below, but nothing too big is revealed.  Most of the major stuff discussed you can read about right on the book’s itch page.

The plot is basically this: a trouple made a controversial game that won many awards, and also got lots of hate.  Now, they’re trying to make a new project to follow up such a release, but spooky things are happening.  Will they find out why strange events are occurring, or succumb to the haunting?

Everyone’s trans, and I love it.  Adrian’s trans.  Eva’s trans.  Casey’s . . . idk, very queer at least.  She’s also missing for a while, which has turned the game making trio into a duo as they’re trying to finish their new game based on Twelfth Night by Shakespeare.

Most of the book is about blackouts & memory loss, which occur as development goes on.  Reading about those things hurt.  Especially the part where Adrian says, “It didn’t matter if he didn’t remember. He was making something. Something that mattered.” (pg 17-18).  That hit hard, as someone who’s experienced intense periods of memory loss in the past—that was during my pseudo-dementia era (more on that here if you wanna hear the full story).  I had a similar thought to Adrian when I was making A Single Ouroboros Scale while I had pseudo-dementia.  I was desperate to make an impact because I was convinced I would soon forget everything I knew, including how to make games, and everyone would forget me in turn.  It came out as well as you can expect from a very sick, depressed person (which is to say, not good), as I talked about in the postmortem.  I imagine that for our game development trio, the same result occurs.

The hauntings in Memory Leak are rooted in real-life problems in the game development industry, mainly crunch and overworking yourself in order to meet a deadline.  Though in the case of Adrian, Eva, & Casey . . . was a deadline ever specified?  It’s strongly implied, but not overtly stated, as I recall.  Regardless, as a creator in the internet/social media age, you do have to act quickly to release new works, or the public will forget you.  Perhaps that’s why they feel like they need to work as quickly as possible.  There’s some irony in that—the characters’ rush to be remembered, all while they forget more & more.  It’s sad sometimes, the things we sacrifice to be known.

Also, it turns out the famous game the trio made, King Leer, possibly indirectly caused the death of multiple people, and that isn’t mentioned until about halfway through the book?  It’s surprising how that information flies out of nowhere, like a sucker punch.  If one of my games indirectly caused a person to die, I would be haunted by that for the rest of my life.  But the trio seem to have gotten over it, somehow.

My main little nitpick about the writing is that Adrian is referred to as “the young man” quite a bit, and I didn’t like that.  It felt too impersonal, distant.  That’s also something I do in my own writing, referring to the character as anything but their name to avoid saying their name too many times in a row (I blame my OCD [which I literally do have, that is not a figure of speech]).  So maybe it irks me because I see myself in that repeated action. 

As much as I like the writing style, I do have to acknowledge that it keeps us as a distance from the characters.  They’re young men, young women, lost souls.  It’s like we’re also haunting them, a ghost from beyond getting a peek into their lives from the top-down.  The chapter openers reinforce this: in those, you, the reader, are brought into the story, from a second person perspective, and given information about Starling games from YouTube videos, forum posts, messages, etc.  We see them win Game Of The Year, watch as fans deride & praise them, stuff like that.  It’s definitely an interesting way to give us information.

A big issue is that we’re told a lot that these characters love each other, but that bond isn’t quite shown to me. One can argue that it is between Adrian & Eva at least, but Casey?  In the beginning, it seems like she dislikes Adrian & Eva, but then there’s still a scene where she cries while apologizing to Adrian for yelling at him, saying how much she loves him.  I got the sense that she clings to Adrian & Eva because she used to love them, for a long time, and she doesn’t want to let that go.  Because to let that go would be venturing into unknown & very awkward territory.  How do you break up your polycule if you rely on them to earn a living and make games?  Short answer: you don’t, so you pretend instead.  And when you pretend enough, it can become real again.

This is a problem because the love these characters have for each other is a core tenant of the book, especially in the climax.  I wish we could’ve spent more time seeing how they fell in love with each other, back when Starling Games was new.  At least Casey’s love for the others becomes clearer as the book goes on; that’s a good thing.

As for the big twist, I saw the first part of it coming from a mile away.  That’s not a bad thing—a good twist should fit the plot & themes, not be 100% unpredictable, and this twist did.  The second part of the twist is mentioned on the book’s page, but the execution is so interesting you can almost forget that fact.

Last note: I was hoping the book would tell us why the works the trio make are so fucked up, if they’re a reflection of the soul, or just dark spurts of creativity.  The reason is revealed, and it’s fascinating—after all, if we’ve learned anything from The Beginner’s Guide, it’s that art doesn’t always reflect the author.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book.  It was a very interesting story about the struggle of game development, and how our search for a legacy can haunt us.  The characters are interesting, and the story is very well told.  I would recommend it.

If you want to read Memory Leak, you can do so FOR FREE right here!  Give it a look!  Please!  I’m begging you!

Thanks for reading!  The next review will be of To Wield The Darkest Night by Beau Van Dalen.  But I don’t know what I’m doing after that, so please send me your lovely books!