#but all at the same time. does she really want to reflect the exact system that killed her ?

[thewistlingbadger]

I don't like ep7 of s2 but I had a little thought about the episode that I thought was worth considering and sharing. One of the starkest contrasts between the Arcane Universe and Episode 7's universe is Jinx and her much healthier mental state. In the Arcane Universe, Jinx is a character who has mental illness from a very young age, potentially even being born with mental illness. Her illness only gets worse with each traumatic experience she lives through, resulting in extreme meltdowns and hallucinations. But in Episode 7's universe, Jinx doesn't seem to have any of those same issues. People have theorized that it's because she has a more of a support system/a better support system than she does in the Arcane universe or because Episode 7's universe is more peaceful than Arcane's universe. However, I think the reason why Jinx and Powder are so different, despite loosing Vi at the same age, has to do with Ekko.

One of the things that really bugs me about this episode are the discrepancies between the Arcane universe and Episode 7's universe. For example: In the Arcane universe, Mylo really dislikes Jinx. He doesn't enjoy her company and he often blames her for every little thing that goes wrong. If Powder and Mylo had this relationship as kids in Episode 7's universe, as I suspect they did since Episode 7 seems to be pretty identical leading up to the kids' heist, then why doesn't Mylo blame Powder for Vi's death? Why are they able to have such a good relationship years later, despite all of the belittling Mylo subjected Powder to as a child? Well, what if it was because in Episode 7's universe, Powder isn't blamed for Vi's death- Ekko is.

When Arcane Ekko asks Powder if she was responsible for Vi's death, she scoffs and gets really offended, not guilt ridden or hurt. If she felt responsible for Vi's death then her reaction would have reflected that but instead what's the first thing that comes out of her mouth?

"You were the one that gave us the tip."

Now THIS is interesting because it's 100% true. We can play the blame game with everything that happens in arcane all we want and go all the way down the chain, and we'll eventually land on this fact. Jayce went to the undercity to purchase items from Benzo. Ekko saw him and instead of just up-charging him and leaving him alone, he followed Jayce ALL THE WAY to his home and proceeded to tell the other kids about how rich he was and the exact location of Jayce's home. Had Ekko not done that, then the kids would have never went on that heist. Powder would have never found the crystal, the apartment would have never blown up, Silco wouldn't have been able to make his move, enforcers wouldn't have flooded the lanes, Benzo would have lived along with everyone else in the family, they would have stayed together, Jayce would have never met Viktor, he probably would have never cracked hextech. And just like that, the events of Arcane never occur.

This is addressed in Episode 7's universe but it is NOT addressed in Arcane's universe. In the Arcane universe, Ekko and Jayce meet years later but show no signs of recognizing each other or the ramifications of their initial meeting. Earlier in the story, Ekko talked to Vi about the dangers of blaming herself for the events that unfolded post her arrest.

"That's a good way to drive yourself crazy."

And WHAT does Powder say about Ekko in Episode 7's universe?

"Oh, you know those ugly twins. Genius and Madness!"

Now isn't THIS fascinating. Arcane Ekko's line implies that he has his own past issues with blaming himself for what happened to his family and Zaun as a whole. However he no longer struggles with this and he doesn't blame himself at all, it's not something we see him struggle with. Ekko does not live in the past. He honors his losses but does not dwell on them. Jinx is the opposite way. Jinx has a hard time living with the present because she lives in the past. All she knows is dwelling on her losses and it's a struggle she never overcomes. Jinx does blame herself for everything that has happened and just like Ekko's line to Vi, it has drove her crazy.

But in Episode 7's universe, there's a potential that this dynamic is the reversed. In Episode 7's universe, Powder does NOT blame herself at all for Vi's death and the tragedy that was inflicted on her family. She is at peace with Vi's death and what happened that day. She honors Vi's memory and her issue isn't that she can't stop living in the past, her issue is that she can't stop living in the present. She likes the life she has and the community she has built but her life is stagnant. Nothing changes, she doesn't change, and even though the life she's living is comfortable, she's not really living her life. And while we don't have any definitive proof that Episode 7's Ekko blames himself for what happened, we do have evidence that points to this claim. We have the fact that Powder refers to him having both genius and madness. We have the fact that when asked about Vi, her first instinct is to remind Ekko of the role he played that day, and how Vi would still be alive if it weren't for the tip they got. We have the fact that it's thematically interesting and compelling. We have the fact that no one seems to be concerned about Ekko's odd behavior outside of Powder. They react to his strange reactions and inappropriate questions like it's just another day for Ekko, and maybe it IS. Maybe in this universe, EKKO is the one that struggles with his mental health and not Powder. At least not to the severity that Jinx struggled.

Additionally as I was writing this I figured out something HUGE to my own understanding of this episode as well as the characters and their parallels. Powder's flaw with living in the present is also Arcane Ekko's very same flaw. Arcane Ekko lives in the present but he's living too much in the present. He fails to consider the future. This is reflected in the fact that the firelights have no long term goals, nothing that they're actually striving for. Their only stance is silco bad, piltover bad. Once Silco is out of the way, the firelights literally have no idea what to do. They didn't plan on actually defeating Silco, and they didn't plan on housing and providing for all the extra firelights they're getting because ekko and his faction don't consider the future. They were fighting against Silco because they opposed him, not because they had a better alternative in mind. Once Ekko disappears, the firelights fall apart and fall into complete irrelevancy. They don't do anything new, they just all stay stagnant, only in the present. Without silco to fight they have no real cause, especially since piltover is too powerful to fight.

One of my biggest issues with episode 7 was the Ekko's journey felt pointless in regards to his character. I was constantly asking myself why Ekko was sent to this specific universe? What exactly did he learn from this experience? It wasn't that he had to go back home and do the right thing and not stay in paradise. Because Ekko addresses this really early on in the episode. While Ekko did greatly enjoy his time in Episode 7's universe, he struggle with the temptation of staying there because he recognized he had a duty and responsible to his own people, and that they come first. So that's not the lesson he had to learn. The lesson also wasn't that Jinx is a person worth saving, even though Ekko did spend a lot of time with Powder, because Ekko already came to this realization back in season one with his fight against Jinx. The reason why Ekko's relationship to Powder is so important in this episode is because he's able to realize his biggest flaw through her. Likewise, the reason why Powder finds Arcane Ekko so fascinating is because he is like her. It's only after Ekko has formed a relationship with her and seen her life that he realizes the importance of being active in his life and looking to the future. This is how he's able to save the day in the end. Or at least this is what I hope I was supposed to get out of this episode, considering im just now reaching this conclusion months after the episode came out.

Additionally, I'd just like to say that for me, this is why timebomb are a "doomed" relationship. Their worldviews are too drastic to be compatible without one of them changing. In Episode 7's universe, we can infer that between the two of them Ekko is the one stuck in the past while Powder is the one who's able to live in the present. These two characters canonically do have a romantic relationship, but we also know that even if Ekko struggles with the past, he's nowhere near the level Jinx struggles, so they're able to last. Arcane Ekko and Jinx don't reconcile until months after Jinx has been living in the present and not in the past. So the only way for these two characters to be together is if one of them changes their perspective.

[devilsrecreation]

You know, I’ve briefly mentioned Wakali here and there and how Kiburi adopted her, but I never really went into their dynamic. So now I bring you

Papa Kiburi headcanons!

Kiburi wasn’t exactly thinking of having kids of his own when he took Wakali in. Just because she was in his float didn’t mean he was gonna raise her himself. He thought she’d be more attached to Tamka and Nduli. However, Wakali immediately liked him and wanted his approval.

He found her kinda annoying at first took but took a liking to her when she started cuddling his tail. Then he was like “You’re not so bad, kid”

Much like his father was with him, Kiburi always genuinely smiles with Wakali

He was a bit “embarrassed” of her at first, not just cause she was albino, he didn’t want anyone else thinking he’d gone soft now that he took in some kid. Having said that, he quickly learned to overlook it (just…don’t call him soft)

Kiburi’s surprisingly very supportive of Wakali’s condition. Every time she got teased, he did nothing but lift up her spirits. He tells her not to care about what the other animals say cuz they don’t know shit. All she has to worry about is the crocodile way

The two are very close for a number of reasons, with the main thing being how different they are compared to others. Not only is Wakali different appearance-wise, but she also agrees with some of Kiburi’s opinions such as how crocs deserve better

They also bond over sparring. He taught her all of his moves and was so proud when she used them to fight. His exact words were “That’s my girl”

Kiburi gets pretty protective towards her upon learning the risk factors of albinism, like how Wakali’s more sensitive to the sun and how much more vulnerable she is to predators. She’s his #1 priority as a leader and he will kill anyone who even attempts to hurt her

One thing he does is make sure Wakali’s near the volcano most of the time. It’s perfect for warmth and not much sunlight gets through during the day so it’s perfect

Wakali would absolutely jump in to defend Kiburi when she thinks it’s necessary. She was too scared to do it the first time Hatari tried to attack the float, but during the final battle, she actually got a good hit on him after he hurt Kiburi. Kiburi didn’t notice at first but he was so proud when he found out

It took time for them to get so close, but the moment Wakali called him dad was one of the best he’s ever had. Kiburi proudly called Wakali his daughter the same day

Wakali’s a daddy’s girl. All she has to do is bat her red eyes and Kiburi lets her do what she likes….as long as she has supervision. That being said, he’ll absolutely scold her if she put herself in danger. But she’ll always be his little girl

They go on these daddy-daughter walks every week where the two of them walk around the Outlands talking about life and whatever else they have in mind. It’s a tradition they keep for years , even when Wakali’s an adult

Neither of them realized it yet but…they kinda needed each other. Kiburi gave Wakali a loving home and an excellent support system and the talks he has with his daughter make him open up. Her questions really make him think/reflect on his problems and that makes him a better crocodile. But he was always a great dad

[trailblczed]

✧ the whipgraft delusion: the phenomenon in which you catch your reflection in the mirror and get the sense that you're peering into the eyes of a stranger.

obscure sorrows drabble prompts ( 1 + 2 ) | Not Currently Accepting.

WARNING: Injury / Self Injury

Ever since the events in the Fyxestroll Garden, Caelus has been a bit.. cautious around reflective surfaces- primarily mirrors ( especially if it's old or seems far more decorative and designed than a simple wall mirror ). He isn't unfamiliar with being "possessed" ( which is insane to think about ), but that time was.. different. Being actively trapped in a world created in your own mind while your body is used to aide a Heliobus intent on becoming all powerful.

But this... this is different. It's a whole new level of upsetting.

The lad had gone into his bathroom, intending to take a shower at the end of the system day, when the mirror near the sink caught his attention. More so- what he saw in the mirror had caught his attention. Caelus did not see himself, which was odd enough, but what was there was an individual he doesn't know.. at least, he doesn't think he does. The person is more feminine looking than he is- with much longer hair, shoulder width a tad smaller, eyes much larger than his own- but this figure's hair and eye color are the exact same as his own.. Surely it's not- Caelus raises a hand to the air, slowly moving it side to see the one in the mirror do the same gesture. The similarity is uncanny, and Caelus can't help but feel unsettled.

That's not him. This lady couldn't be him. Maybe she was him. Or maybe, he is her. Maybe she was his previous life. Or the person he was created to replicate- to replace. The lad feels tense, hands now clenched at his sides as he stares at the reflection- and the reflection stares back. The woman is no longer mimicking his motions, instead crossing her arms while giving him a bored stare. The action startles him, his own eyes widening with the shock, a single step take to back away. Her voice is lower than he would expect it to be, but it somehow.. seems to be on a same pitch as his own..

❛❛ Do you really think you are your own person? You are me reborn, S̷͚͑͐ţ̴͌é̸̜̝l̸̠̆l̶̛̙ͅĕ̴̯., aŚ̸̩̼͒t̸̞͂͜ë̸̱̣́̕l̴͎͕͗̄ḽ̴͋́ạ̶͊̒r̶͚̥͑o̶͔̝̓ṉ̸̙̎͋ ̵̜̌͝H̶̫̏̿ù̵̯n̵̖̱͒̚t̷͔͂ẽ̴̖̘r̴̤̊̈́. ❜❜

Part of the statement is unintelligible, sounding almost as if it were a glitch in a game, but it hardly matters when all he can focus on is the fact that she is claiming Caelus is her. He always wonders whether he is himself, or some deceased person's soul shoved into a robotic body. He prays this is some sort of hallucination, but part of him drowns at the declaration, accepting it to be true. Even so, hasn't get done enough to be able to say he is no longer who he was created from? That he was his own being? Hell, even if this woman was someone who died and he came from her, Caelus has died twice on his own, and came back with his sense of self still in-tact.

❛❛ You can't hide from your past. You can't change the fact that you are simply a replacement for me. ❜❜

She's not even yelling or being aggressive, she's talking so matter-of-factly that he can't help but believe her. Is this what Kafka meant by being unable to defy fate? Being stuck to a script that has your destiny set in stone? No.. no.. No, he is himself. He's gone against the odds and won, changed an outcome, restored destroyed places and pride. He can't be-- but what if what he's doing is simply what this woman would have done..? What if he is following what she has written out for him? That's can't be true.. No- Nonononono--

❛ I am not--- I am not!! ❜

❛❛ Why do you think Kafka left you in that space station? Because you were a defective substitute that she did not want. She tried to bring me back, but all she got was you. ❜❜

❛ SHUT UP! ❜

CRASH.

He hadn't even realized how close he had gotten to the mirror until a bare fist ( he had taken his gloves off beforehand, he had intended to get clean after all ) made contact with it, shattering the thing into pieces that fell into the sink below and to the floor ignoring the shards still embedded into his knuckles. His breathing is harsh, quick to match his racing heart, chest rapidly rising and falling. He blinks at the mirror blind to his own injured limb slow to process what he had just done. His knees gradually lose their ability to keep him upright, falling to rest on his knees getting a few of the broken shards stabbed into his legs and tearing into his "skin". There's gold staining what is left of the mirror hanging on the wall, there's gold trickling down his arm, and there's a small amount pooling under him. His first instinct isn't to check on himself, but how guilty he feels for damaging something he worked hard to earn from Pom-Pom. Pom-Pom is going to be so mad at him for breaking stuff again.

Tears have already fallen down his cheeks, face growing damp as the amount grows larger the longer he kneels there in his bathroom, surrounded by the destruction of his own making. Everything hurts, and he doesn't know how to make it go away. What is he supposed to do? He's doomed to whatever script has been made for him. He is a prisoner of a fate he doesn't even know. He feels his throat constricting as he tries and fails to get his breathing under control, as he struggles to get the tears to stop, as hands lay limp at his sides, as he tries to get the image of a female look-alike out of his mind, tries to erase a voice similar yet distinctly not his own out of his ears.

He can't take it anymore, slipping off his knees as his body crumples under the heavy weight of his heart. Legs awkwardly folded against the floor, adding a few more scrapes to the limbs as trembling hands come to tangle in his hair, desperately gripping at silver locks as his head lowers in shame and grief. Even as he speaks to himself, every word is croaked out.

❛ I'm not.. I'm not..... I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm no--- ❜

An anguished mantra, repeated to an audience of one in hopes that it will some day be the truth.

[eradicatetehnormal]

Just Finished Class of '09 the Re-Up

I never played the original, I just watched some playthroughs on Bijuu Mike's channel. I liked the black humor and the characters. There's just something so great about a female character who is unapologetically shitty. I like having a vessel to enact my worst tendencies.

Honestly, I didn't like the Re-Up's endings as much as I liked the original's, but I understand why they're like that since this is only taking place in the senior year. Although it does make me wonder why it costs more than the original.

I still liked the game, though.

The first ending I got was the one where I busted the teacher. That was an interesting one. I particularly liked the part where Nicole was just like "Yeah, there's no real difference between sex work and retail work." Of course, she's not a leftist or a Zoomer, so she doesn't flat-out say "We all sell our bodies under capitalism," but I know what my commie queen meant. Stuff like that is fun, though. As someone who was 4 during the time this game takes place, it's always fun to see parallels between how teens supposedly acted in the 2000s vs now.

I believe the second ending I got was the one where Nicole went to jail. I wanted to slap the shit out of her when she was giving that speech to Jecka. Bitch is so aware of her privilege...Until she's not. I do like that the ending made her reflect on her actions as well as gave some commentary on how prison systems make shitty people worse.

The third ending I got was the one where Nicole stole that Catholic girl's man. It's just like, damn, all that 'cause he wasn't getting his dick sucked. Like yeah, the Catholic girl was controlling, but he left her for a girl who fake-offered him sex, but hey, just plays into this game's series' hard-hitting and compelling theme. That all men are trash.

The fourth ending I got was the one where Nicole used Ari. I feel like in terms of impact, this one was the jail ending but better. The steps it took to get there were painfully realistic, with Ari staying in a terrible relationship because she had nowhere else to go, and then was forced back into the closet. I didn't expect Nicole to actually feel bad. It's interesting that Ari is the only partner she feels any remorse for. Nicole is probably gay and she's the embodiment of that one twitter post. I can't find it but it said something like "Don't leave your shitty male ex for me, I will literally treat you the exact same way." I just feel bad for Ari...Or at least I did, until...

The fifth ending I got was the one where Ari's house got caught on fire because of a hate crime. During this ending, it's revealed that Ari is a fucking femcel, SO FUCK HER! Alright, alright, Ari's not that bad. She's certainly got nothing on some of these dudes in the game but this ending really made me have soured feelings towards her, and her being okay with a supposedly racist Nicole in another route did not make me feel better.

The sixth ending I got is probably one of my favorites just because of the path to get there. This game had me shipping Nicole and Emily so hard. It was great to see someone who could actually out-do Nicole and match her personality. They would've been such a fun couple if uh.. You know...Didn't happen.

Last ending I got was the one with the racist teacher. That's probably the closest this game has to a "good" ending. I had my suspicions about the teacher when she said that 2pac was a fantastic and thought-provoking rapper, but that Kanye, 2008 Kanye, had nothing but music about bitches and hos. I had to turn my computer's volume down when she started reading Nicole's essay. Not only is she racist, she's just ultra-fake and bad at her job? First, she dismissed the nuance of modern rap and then she couldn't even recognize plagiarism from a book that was being read IN THE SCHOOL? ALSO, SHE WROTE A PAPER ON HOW INTERRACIAL DATING WAS MISOGYNISTIC TO WHITE WOMEN? Is it weird that I kind of want to know how she went about that? Did she argue that black men were fetishizing white women or that white women were left behind because she couldn't get a black boyfriend? It's probably the former but the latter is way funnier.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Let me just start this off by saying that if you have not been reading Liminality, you are MISSING. OUT. I am banging pots and pans, standing on the roof, screaming at the top of my lungs to get everyone's attention about this story.

Werewolf Frankie, you guys. WEREWOLF. FRANKIE. Better yet, Protective! Werewolf! Frankie!

And if that alone isn't enough to convince you, this story also has:

All of the TF guys (+ Yovanna!), characterized beautifully.

Smut of the passionate, intimate & scathingly hot variety.

Legitimately fun and funny moments.

DANGER! HIGH STAKES! DRAMA! BETRAYAL!

It's own very involved history and lore.

Did I mention that Francisco Catfish Morales is a friggin wolf?

In conclusion, what are you waiting for??

Okay. That was my case for the story as a whole. Let's dive into this chapter specifically now, shall we?

^ live look at me during and after reading part 16. This shit is bananas (b-a-n-a-n-a-s) and it has officially hit the fan and it's going down for real and sugar we're going down swinging for the goddamn fences.

This is the chapter that the whole story has been building toward and it was everything I wanted and so much more! The stakes (and emotions) have already been high throughout, but they went through the roof in this chapter - and it worked perfectly. The action scenes, the fighting, the surprise factor, Reader & Frankie's injuries, the interrogation, the fear, Tom being the lowest, scummiest lifeform on the planet, Frankie having to deal with two of the worst things imaginable in the same damn day - killing a man who was once a brother, and "failing" to protect the woman he loves more than life itself. Oh, fuck, how my heart ached and ached and ACHED for him here. I know, and he knows, that they are so solid and strong together that they'll be alright and they'll get through it all right by each other's side. But still, it's not what they wanted. It's more than not what he wanted, it was the exact thing he did not want. But that is life sometimes, and the silver (ooooo maybe not the best to line things with silver in this universe) the golden lining is that they have the world's best support system in Benny, Will, Pope, Yova, Ashley and Alec.

There were so many details that I obsessed over. Frankie's eyes and the way they change to reflect his feelings, instincts, ferocity etc. being my favorite by far. I also love the way that the guys have all taken Reader in as part of their family, and how they aren't shy about telling her how good they think she is for Frankie and how deeply he feels for her.

TOM. THAT FUCKING SMARMY BASTARD! I really didn't think it would be possible for me to hate him more than I already did but fuck, I definitely do. The fact that his grand plan was to turn reader and then make her watch Frankie die - not only to crush her in that moment but also so she'd have to deal with the consequences of the bite alone? I'm so glad his corpse is destined to become gator shit. Looks like this asshole gets a closed casket funeral in every universe. I only wish his wife and daughter could know what he was and what he did because he does not deserve their tears or grief.

I am not at all scared about Reader handling the bite. She's got Frankie and the guys and Ashley, and she's already so knowledgeable when it comes to navigating this world. What I am scared of, and have been the entire time Tom went on his rabid little rampage, is the Chaos line leaders showing up like the fucking Volturi. Although if I were them I would probably thank Frankie for taking care of their biggest mistake. Still though, I am anxious.

I love this story way more than a normal amount, and I cannot wait to see where it goes next. Thank you for writing such a thrilling, fun, action-packed love adventure, you are incredible and we are all lucky to get to read your stories!

Liminaliy: Part 16

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Female Reader

Word Count: 11,975 (it's a big one.)

Rating: I'm going to go with an M. This is a heavy chapter with very heavy themes. Included: violence, blood, gore, injury, death.

Summary: Waiting at the RV for Tom gives you a chance to focus on every possible thing that might happen.

And when things come to a head, it all moves so much more quickly than you anticipate - but hey, at least you finally get some answers... right?

Author’s note:

It's the February full moon tonight, so what better day than to post this chapter? I've been looking forward to this one for a long time. There's only a little more to go in this story - the end of it is so close I can SEE it. Thank you so much for reading along up to this point, I hope you enjoy this one.

Masterlist (for the journal entries and all of the other 'extras' + previous chapters)

“It’s after midnight, Benny.” You checked your phone with one hand, the fingers of the other buried in the fur on the back of Frankie’s neck. “He’s just fucking with us now.” Frankie sighed, looking up at you from where his head rested in your lap. “Maybe he’s not coming. Maybe it was all just to put us on edge.” 

“Nah, it was a threat.” Benny stood, stretching both arms above his head. “This ends tonight one way or the other.” He began to pace in front of you, hands sliding into his pockets. “I’m guessing he couldn’t figure out how to get outta that conference early and had to cut it real close with making it back here before sundown.” Benny stopped moving, scanning the treeline. “He wouldn’t be able to sneak up on us. Not with ‘Fish’s nose, so he’d need to figure something else out.” Frankie whined at that but didn’t make any attempt to get up. 

When, after an hour or so had passed and Tom hadn’t shown his face, you stood to stretch your legs and do a lap around the clearing, Frankie had immediately followed, walking beside you - and between you and the treeline. And when you’d chosen to fold the blanket up and sit on it instead of getting back into your chair, he’d dropped down beside you, turning his head to rest it on your knee. 

Neither of you had moved after, and you would have been lying if you’d said that having him so close while a wolf wasn’t comforting. When Benny had excused himself to use the bathroom, leaving you and Frankie in the quiet darkness, you’d started to pet the wolf, fingers stroking along the top of his head. It soothed you, and when you started talking quietly, you hoped your words did the same for him. 

“It’s got to be killing you not to run.” You took a deep breath. “But you’re saving your energy. And Tom won’t be able to do that.” He whined again in response, the sound quick. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I’m glad you trust me to do this.” Bending forward, you kissed him between the ears. “You really are beautiful this way, Francisco. I hope you know that.” You sat up, the sound of the RV door opening again drawing your attention - and breaking the moment. “Have you heard from anyone else, Benny? Pope or Will or Yova?” 

“No. All quiet. I think they’re waiting to hear from me.” He crouched down in front of you, clearing his throat. “Maybe you want to take another look around, hmm? Go out a couple yards into the trees and do a circle around us?” Frankie raised his head, staring at his friend. “Can’t hurt, right?” 

To your surprise, Frankie stood and stretched, turning back to look at you - and then opened his mouth, extending his tongue to lick the side of your face. It made you laugh, but before you could say anything, he was trotting away from you and back toward the trees, head held high. 

“It’s weird tonight.” You both watched as he disappeared into the night, leaving you behind. “Last time, when Tom showed up, the bugs and animals went quiet. Tonight, they’re already quiet because Frankie’s here.” 

“I don’t know what the fuck we’re going to do if he doesn’t show up.” Benny whispered the words, purposely trying to keep his voice down. “I figured he’d be here by now.” Me too. “Will’s wife is safe, she’s in the city. And Pope and Yova are too far away for him to find.” You nodded. “The bar’s too busy and too public, so he won’t go there. Carmen and Becca … Lakeland’s on the way between Tampa and Orlando, but I really don’t think…” 

“He wouldn’t. Benny, he… The Chaos line they don’t… kids are off limits. I don’t think I remember ever reading anything about -” But Tom didn’t seem to care who he attacked, and you were a prime example of that. And that’s terrifying. 

Frankie returned, yipping softly to let you know it was him, and when he sat in front of you, he jerked his head back and forth twice. Nothing. Where the fuck are you, Tom? “Worth a shot to look.” Benny lowered his head, pulling his hat off and resituating it. “Hey.” He looked over at you, and then pointed at the RV door. “Do you need to go inside?” You did - and agreed, pushing to your feet and taking the few steps over to the door before pulling it open.

Benny had turned the TV on, the volume low while a movie played. Smart. You didn’t turn the lights on, and after doing what you needed to, you opened the refrigerator, reaching for one of the cans inside. Caffeine will be good. I need - 

Your thoughts were interrupted as Frankie’s low growl filtered in through the window, followed by the crunch of gravel. Something’s happening. Drink forgotten, you broke for the door and went back outside to find Benny standing with one hand at his hip, fingers hovering over the butt of the gun there. 

Frankie was crouched low, his tail puffy as he faced the far trees - the same ones Tom had emerged from the previous month… and then you heard it, a low, ominous howl that carried on the breeze. “He’s here.” Your hand went to your waist, too, and you pulled out the tranquilizer gun, making sure it was loaded before lifting and pointing it. “Benny, wh-”

“Where is he, ‘Fish? I can’t see ‘im.” Benny stepped forward, using the RV to protect his back. “In front? Behind? Side? Where the fuck is…” The howl came again, and at the sound, Frankie growled - that one louder than the first one, and lingering in his throat as he inched forward. His head moved back and forth as he searched in the darkness, and then without warning, Frankie took off, running for the trees and disappearing into them, leaving you and Benny behind. “What the fuck?” Benny took a few more steps, eyes on where the wolf had gone. “Why did -”

“He’s got to get Tom out of the trees.” You winced as you heard the snapping of branches and the rustling of leaves, eyes darting back and forth as you searched the darkness. “He’s forcing an attack and taking away the element of surprise.” Benny swore, and even though your heart was racing, you felt calm. More than I should, anyway. “If -”

The rustling turned to snarling, and then that turned into the distinct sound of fighting - barks and yelps accompanied by crashing noises, the sounds getting louder by the second. “They’re coming back. They -” Benny swore again as both of them tumbled through the tree line and into the clearing, teeth bared in snarls. 

Your hands wavered when you saw the size difference. 

Tom was much larger than Frankie, his jaws snapping as the two fought. They were a mess of fur and limbs as they moved toward you, and you realized that even though Frankie was focused on Tom, he was also consciously making the effort to bring him closer, giving you and Benny clearer shots. 

Stepping away from Benny and giving yourself a different angle, you took a deep breath and tried to focus, watching as the fight raged on. Realistically, there’d need to be more than one dart used. Tom was big, and the more of the drug you got into the system, the better off you’d be. 

You winced as Tom snapped his jaws and almost got a mouthful of Frankie’s neck, but the longer the fight played out, the more you realized that even though Tom was bigger, Frankie was faster - and much more confident in his movement. Good. You inched closer, waiting for your shot. 

Frankie lunged, catching Tom by surprise, and moments later, the two wolves were rolling over the ground, Frankie’s jaws locked around one of Tom’s legs. They came to a stop with Tom on top, and though the fighting - and snapping - continued, Frankie didn’t try to get back up. He’s giving us a shot. 

You aimed, took a breath and then fired as you let it out, the sound of the gun surprising you - and echoed moments later by a shot from Benny. One of the darts hit - and stuck - though you didn’t know whose it was, but the interruption didn’t phase Tom. They continued to fight, even as Benny fired again, swearing as the dart went wide. “I’m out! I need to reload!” You swore, flexing your fingers, and then fired again, too, that dart making contact and sticking out of Tom’s back. Thank God.

But he didn’t stop attacking Frankie, and you could see that the smaller wolf was getting tired, even if he was still holding his own. Glancing over at Benny, you watched as he grabbed for more darts - but your attention went back to the wolves as you heard Frankie howl in pain. 

Tom’s jaws were locked around Frankie’s neck, but he wasn’t biting hard - despite Frankie struggling. You acted without thinking, dropping the gun before rushing forward as you reached into your pocket for the extra darts. “Tom! Let him go, you shitbag!” 

Both wolves froze at the sound of your voice, and you heard Benny yell for you to back off - but you stood your ground, hand in your pocket and your fingers wrapped around the dart barrels. Shoot him, Benny. Fucking shoot him. I gave you time, what are you waiting for. 

Frankie moved first, attempting to twist out of Tom’s hold but couldn’t. The other wolf clamped down and then jerked his head back and forth, shaking Frankie before letting go. You watched him fly across the clearing, eyes following the movement as you cried out. Your body moved forward without thinking, even though there was no way to get to Frankie unless you passed Tom. 

Tom turned his attention in your direction, launching himself at you - and rather than fear, you only felt resignation. At least Benny will be able to get him. But before Tom got too close, you saw a red dot at the center of his chest, and your brows knit in confusion. What’s that from? Moments later, another cluster of darts landed there, sticking out of the dark fur. What? 

That was the last thought you had before he collided with you, knocking you to the ground. 

Your head bounced as you hit, but there was no time to think about it, the weight of Tom’s wolf settling atop you. You heard screaming but didn’t know where it was coming from, and as you kicked at Tom, trying to reenact what you’d done the previous month, you reached up and stabbed him in the side of the neck with the handful of darts, opening your mouth to scream in rage as you made contact. Take that you fuck. There was a sharp pain in your shoulder, and then his weight was gone, the sound of growling loud in your ears as you laid there, dazed.   

What the fuck just … Attempting to push yourself upright, you hissed as you put weight on your left hand, and were stunned to see that Benny and Will were running across the clearing, carrying the net to where Frankie and Tom were still fighting - the two wolves rolling around in the gravel. Will? I’m seeing things, I … 

“Oh, sweetheart.” You gasped as a pair of arms went around you from behind, and when you looked up, you saw Pope’s face, his eyes filled with concern. “Any one of us coulda told you thatt trying to be the hero’s a really fucking stupid idea.” 

“P…Pope?” Your voice was shaky, but you continued. “How are you … why are you…” 

“Not now.” He glanced up, and then looked back at you, reaching down to unzip your hoodie. “Need to get this off of you, alright?” You nodded, the small movement making your head throb. When you lifted your arm to pull it free from the sleeve, you were alarmed to see blood on it. Is that mine?

“I’m bleeding.” Where is it coming from? You felt fear coursing through you, but you kept your eyes on the ruined material, head shaking back and forth in disbelief at the sight of the tattered garment. Why is it ripped? “Pope, I -”

“It’s alright.” He tossed it to the side and then reached down, pulling off his own shirt and folding it, the man using both hands to press it against your shoulder. “It’s alright, you’re going to be alright, you -”

“He bit me.” You looked down, watching as the blood began to seep through the cotton. “Didn’t he. Pope, he -” What if I turn? What if I turn now and I hurt him? Or one of  - “Get away from me.” You pushed against him with one hand, weakly trying to fight him off as tears began to leak from your eyes. “Pope if he bit me, I might -”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He wound an arm around you and used the weight of your body against his chest to hold the fabric against your skin. “And neither are you. I’ve got you. You’re with me, alright? Look. Look at them. Focus on them.” 

You finally looked out and saw that Tom and Frankie were circling each other, the larger wolf clearly exhausted and beginning to succumb to the drugs in his system. He tripped but recovered, rearing back as Frankie lunged and snapped his jaws. Tom landed awkwardly, stumbling forward - and then he toppled over, giving Will and Benny a chance to drape the net over him. 

He growled, the sound weak, but didn’t make any attempt to move. Got him. After one final look at Tom, Frankie turned in your direction. He snarled and sprang into action, crossing the distance to you and then skidding to a stop. He growled, his gold eyes blazing, but Pope didn’t flinch. “‘Fish, I -”

Frankie growled again and you reached out with your right hand, waiting for him to push his nose against your palm. His muzzle was covered in blood but you didn’t care, and as soon as he made contact, you started crying harder. He’s ok. 

“I need to see it, Pope.” Glancing up, you saw that Will had made his way over from where Tom was trapped, his arms hanging loosely by his sides. “I need to see how bad it is.” Yeah, I need to know too. Straightening up, you winced when the pressure lessened and sucked in a breath as Pope pulled the t-shirt away from your shoulder, exposing the wound. “Oh, fuck.” 

Will swore, covering his face with both hands. It’s bad. All you could do was stare at Frankie, trying to figure out how worried you needed to be based on his reaction. You watched as he sat down on his haunches and then tipped his head back before letting out a howl that was filled with so much anguish it sent a fresh round of tears streaming down your face. It echoed through the clearing, and you felt Pope flinch at the sound of it. Ok, so it’s really bad.

Letting your hand drop back into your lap, you took a deep breath and then looked up at Will. Shit.  “Maybe sometime I’ll come out here and not get hurt.” He cracked a smile, jerking his thumb at the RV. 

“Maybe. I’ll go get the first aid kit, alright? Then we’ll get you cleaned up.” Pope shifted behind you as Will walked away, and when you stayed upright, he got up, too, moving to stand in front of you.  

“When Ironhead comes back out here, we’ll get you over to the picnic table.” Pope reached up, using the hand that wasn’t bloody to rub at the back of his neck. “Did you bring other clothes? We’re going to have to cut that shirt off, and -”

“Inside.” Swallowing around a lump in your throat, you closed your eyes. “There’s a couple of them in my bag.” He nodded, opening his mouth to say something else but you cut him off. “Go inside, Pope. Wash your hands. It’s fine. If… If Tom tried anything, I think Benny would - “

“If this asshole so much as moves an ear, it’ll be the last goddamn thing he does.” Benny looked over, and even in the dim light, you could see the sadness in his expression. “You alright?” No. “Stupid fucking question, I know. But -” 

Pope followed Will inside, and that left you with Frankie, whose head was bowed, making it possible for him to avoid looking at you. You looked down at your shoulder, eyeing the wounds. I don’t want to look at it, either. 

They were still bleeding freely, streams of red running down your skin and dripping onto your pants and the ground. It hurt - the pain a dull ache that radiated through your arm and the left side of your body. It’s going to hurt worse tomorrow. Moving it slowly, you bent your arm at the elbow and pressed your forearm against your belly. I need to keep it from moving. 

“Francisco. If I was going to turn tonight, I would have already, right?” Frankie finally looked up, meeting your eyes. His were still gold, but there was so much of him in them that it made you gasp. “Right?” 

His head moved up and down once, and though it was confirmation, it didn’t give you any real relief. It just means I have a month to sit and wait. Frankie whined, leaning forward to nudge at your uninjured arm with his head. You lifted that hand, stroking the side of his face. There’s nothing he can do right now and it’s got to be killing him. 

“I want you to take these.” Will appeared again, holding out two circular tablets. “Pain pills. Might make you a little loopy for a couple hours, but your arm can’t feel good and it’ll help me do what I need to do.” You took them and then Will reached into the bag he carried and pulled out a bottle of water. “I’ll help you.” He knelt down in front of you, and to your surprise, Frankie growled again, moving closer to where you sat - almost like he was going to put himself between you and Will. “‘Fish, you -”

“Frankie, it’s fine. He’s just …” You pushed your shoulders back, wincing at the way your skin pulled. “He’s trying to help. Stop growling at him.” He curled his lip but did as you asked, staying put - and quiet - while you put the pills in your mouth and Will lifted the bottle to your lips. You took it from him, tipping your head back as you swallowed. 

“How’s your head feel? You’re bleeding from there, too, I think.” Will took the water and set the bottle down after recapping it. “Let me check.” He reached for you, carefully turning your head back and forth as his fingers prodded gently at your hair. “You are bleeding, but it’s not a lot.” He sighed. “I’m going to help you up. We’re going to walk to the table, and then I’m going to clean your shoulder. It’s not going to feel good.” 

“Pope’s getting me a new shirt.” You gestured to yours. “I don’t think I’ll be able to wear this one again.” The corner of his mouth twitched, but Will didn’t speak as he stood, waiting for you to shift your position so that you were kneeling. He reached out for you, using one large hand to grip your good elbow, and then steadied you with his other hand at your waist, helping to pull you to your feet. 

You swayed as a wave of dizziness hit, stumbling forward as Will caught you. “I’ve got you.” He spoke quietly, the words barely audible over a whine from Frankie. “Can you walk? It’s just a couple feet.” You thought so and told him as much. As Pope reemerged from the RV, you eased into a sitting position on the picnic table’s bench, your back pressed to the edge of the tabletop.

“Do you need me over here, Ironhead? If not, I’m gonna go over with -”

“Why are you here?” You took a long breath as Will unzipped the first aid kit, reaching for scissors. “How are you here? Yova posted the -”

“Will and I got here this morning. He’s been up in the blind, and I was on top of the RV.” Pope shrugged. “Hid our scent using the same shit hunters do, and we just hoped Tom would think whatever he could smell was lingering from when we were here before.” He smiled. “Yova and I went to St. Augustine a couple weeks ago and took that. She’s there now, and so is my phone, so it’ll be like I was there, too.” 

Frankie had moved to sit beside you, paws settled neatly in front of his body as he watched the three of you talk. “We needed clear shots at him.” Will spoke as he started to cut at your shirt, the scissors sliding easily through the thin material. “I never had one because they were fighting. Pope got one when he came toward you.” 

“I got him with a couple darts, too.” You winced as he peeled the cotton from your skin. “I hope there’s enough left to keep him sedated until morning.”

“There is.” Pope patted his pocket. “I’m going over with Benny so we can keep an eye on that.” You nodded and he turned away, walking slowly across the clearing and leaving you with Frankie and Will, who was getting things ready from the kit. 

“I’m sorry you have to keep bandaging me up.” You buried your fingers in Frankie’s fur, fingers curling tightly as Will began to wipe the blood away. Ow. “Can’t imagine this is what you want to be doing, so -”

“Not your fault.” He set bloody towels into a plastic container, sighing. “And I’m just glad I am here to do this for you, because as much as I love my little brother, he would have done a shit job.” He was quiet as he got back to work, and you focused your attention on Benny and Pope, the two circling slowly around the body of the wolf beneath the net. 

“How bad is it?” Tilting your head away from your injured arm, you closed your eyes. “Do you need to stitch it, or -”

“Shouldn’t suture puncture wounds.” Will prodded gently at your skin, urging you to lean forward. “Traps the bacteria inside and makes infection more likely, even if we clean it.” Oh. “And … I won’t lie to you. He got you good. Couple of these marks will probably scar bad.” He touched your back again. “I think he hit bone here. Might actually have to stitch that one up, it’s more of a tear…” He sighed again. “Tom bit you. He bit you while in wolf form, and -”

“I know what that means.” You blinked back tears again. “I don’t think I’ll turn tonight. I asked Frankie and he -”

“It probably needs some time to work through your body.” Will began to clean your wounds and you hissed at the sting of it, though you assumed that with the drugs in your system, the pain was much less severe than it could have been. “I wish I could tell you that because you didn’t turn tonight, you wouldn’t, but …”

“I know.” You opened your eyes again, watching as Benny leaned over Tom and gave him another dose. “I guess I’m just in wait and see mode until next month, but …” 

“He’s such an asshole.” Will wiped at the front of your shoulder, more bloody towels joining the others moments later. “I can’t believe he -”

“I can.” You weren’t gripping Frankie’s fur anymore, instead you were petting him, the soft hair between his ears slipping along your palm. “He’s miserable. And he had to know that I wouldn’t die from this, so he wanted me to have to deal with it for the rest of my life.” Absently, you swiped at your face, wiping the tears away. “What if because he bit me, I turn into one of them? An asshole wolf from an asshole line, and -”

“We won’t let you.” Will sighed. “‘Fish certainly won’t let you. And I don’t think you would let yourself do that, either. If Frankie was able to keep himself under control without help from another wolf for years, I think you can do it with all of our help.” 

“You didn’t sign up for this, Will. You and Benny and Pope have your own lives and families, and -”

“You’re with ‘Fish. You’re part of that family, wolf or not.” It floored you - he spoke with such certainty, the admission matter of fact in a way that shouldn’t have surprised you from someone like him who clearly valued the people he was close to. “Now I need you to lean forward. It’s cleaned up, but I want to stitch some of it before I use antiseptic, and the part that needs stitches is low.” You did as he asked, Will reminding you to relax as much as possible. 

He started stitching moments later, and even though it hurt, it was more of a background pain than anything else. “Frankie.” You hummed his name, fingers trailing over his fur. “You should go and get this blood off of you.” He got up, turning to face you, and then cocked his head to the side. “Your face. It’s…” Wait. “Is that yours? Are you bleeding?” You scanned the area where he’d been sitting, and only saw a few drops on the ground. “Are you OK? He threw you through the -”

He whined, tossing his head back and forth before he turned in a slow circle in front of you. No wounds. “He heals pretty quick like that.” Will cleared his throat. “His body’s real resilient.” Frankie sat again, looking between you and Will. “But she’s right. You should take a minute and go clean up, otherwise when you turn back, you’re going to be covered in blood.” 

He didn’t want to leave you - you could tell in the way he sat, his attention unwavering. But he needs to. “It’s fine, Frankie. Go. There’s a creek close by, right?. He whined, pawing at the ground. “I’ll be here when you get back, and Will will be done, and -” He stepped forward and rubbed against your knees, and then spun away and trotted toward Benny and Pope. He paused long enough to growl at Tom and then broke into a run, disappearing through the trees. 

“I’m almost done.” Will trailed his fingers over your skin, voice low. “Some of these are really deep, so they’ll probably keep oozing for a while. But I’m going to bandage it all for you. We’ll change them as needed, but definitely tomorrow when we get back home.” You nodded, staring off into the distance. “Now that he’s not here, how bad is it?”

“It fucking hurts.” You took a deep breath and sat up straight when you felt his touch disappear. You couldn’t see all of your wound, but you could see enough to know that it wasn’t pretty. “I need you to take pictures of it. I need to be able to show -”

“I already did.” He chuckled, nudging you with his elbow. “While you were talking to Pope. Used a burner so that there’s no real evidence of it just in case, but …” He sighed. “I’ll take more now that it’s all cleaned up.” He stood up and took photos - from the front and the back, before setting the phone down on the table. “Antiseptic, bandage and then we’ll get you dressed again. How’s that sound?” 

“Good.” Looking up at him, you managed a smile, too. “I can’t say I’m too happy that I’ve been sitting here in just a bra for twenty minutes. Frankie’s probably not too thrilled, either.” 

“Luckily for him - and for you, I am happily married.” He began to smear the antiseptic over your skin, the gel cold. “But this had to be done, otherwise it would have gotten infected for sure.” He wiped his hand on a clean towel and then reached for bandages. “I’m going to need you to hold the front of this in place while I tape it down, alright?” 

You did as he asked, fingers gingerly pressing against the surface of the covering while Will secured it. And when he stretched it up and over your shoulder, you lowered your hand back into your lap. “I’d do it again, even knowing I’d get bitten.” 

“What?” Will set the tape down, taking off his gloves and sticking them in with the rest of the trash. “Tonight, you mean?” “Yeah.” You eyed the trees, waiting for Frankie to come back. “Protecting him was … instinct. Getting Tom’s attention was the only thing that was going to keep him from going after Frankie again, and since I had the darts, I …” I think I knew what was coming. “I knew what a risk it was, but it didn’t matter.”

“He’s not going to see it that way.” Will murmured the words, leaning in so he could talk quietly. “He’s going to blame himself for not being able to take him down on his own.” I know. “No way in hell he could ever believe you don’t love him now, though.” Will leaned in, kissing the top of your head. “Come on, let me help you get this shirt on, and then we’ll get you inside, so -” “No.” You stood, wobbling again on unsteady legs. “You can help me get dressed, but I’m staying out here.” 

Will didn’t argue with you, but after a few minutes of trying to get you into the new shirt, it became painfully obvious that putting it on the right way wasn’t an option. He used a clean pair of scissors to cut up the side of it - and through the sleeve - and that was enough. The material settled into place, and then with the help of a few large safety pins, he secured the side so that it wasn’t flapping. 

That done, he reached into the kit and pulled out a sling, situating it on your shoulder and easing your arm into it. “It’s probably overkill, but anything you can do to keep it from moving right now will be good.” You nodded, still feeling woozy and a little lightheaded. “Are you cold?” 

“No.” It surprised you - the night air was chilly enough that the sweatshirt had made things comfortable, but the thought of putting another one on made you frown. It’s adrenaline. Or… maybe it’s the wolf. “I’m fine, but thank you.” You put a hand on his chest, saying his name. “Thank you, Will. For taking care of me. For keeping a level head. For being such a good goddamn friend to Frankie and to me and -”

“I’d hug you, but you’re injured.” He smiled, the expression sad. “You’re welcome, though.” He gestured to the RV. “I’m going to go inside and clean up. And then I’m going to come back out here and light a fire to burn this shit.” He pointed at the bucket. “Your pants should probably go in there, too, but if you don’t want to do that, I understand. 

“No, I need to.” Rubbing at the bridge of your nose, you sighed. “Help me inside, Will.” 

Ten minutes later, you were dressed in a new pair of sweatpants the old ones were well on their way to becoming ash. 

Frankie had returned while you were inside with Will, and when you’d stepped back outside, he was waiting for you, his clean muzzle resting on his paws as he eyed the door. He stood as you passed him, staying close by as you made your way over to where Tom was, Pope and Benny seated on camp chairs and staring down at the ground. 

“Will get you taken care of?” Benny fidgeted with his hat as he questioned you, his eyes darting back and forth between you and Tom. “Do you want to sit? You can have my chair, I’ll stand. Can’t promise I’m not going to kick this motherfucker in the head a few times, though, and -”

“Benny.” Pope held up a hand. “Cool it.” Benny’s mouth snapped shut, and despite the seriousness of the situation, the urge to laugh was strong. 

“No, I don’t want your chair. I’ll sit on the ground.” You yawned and then frowned. “What time is it? I didn’t even check my phone.” 

“A little after 3.” Will walked up behind you and draped a new blanket over your shoulders. “Just about four hours until the sun starts to come up.” There’s no way I’m going to make it that long. “Those pills are probably making you tired.” He pressed his lips together, narrowing his eyes. “Your eyes were alright before, so I don’t think you have a concussion. You can sleep if you want.” 

“I’m staying out here. I want to be here when he wakes up.” But sitting down would be nice. Reaching out, you braced yourself on Will’s arm and then began to lower yourself toward the ground. He followed your lead immediately, only moving away once you were settled - but then Frankie sat next to you, tilting his head so that he could touch it to yours. “It’s alright, Frankie. I’m just tired. I -” You yawned again, opening your eyes to his paw on one of your knees. “What?” 

He spun in a circle and then laid down, positioning his body so that he was facing Tom. Does he want me to lay down, too? The thought was appealing - you figured he’d be comfortable, and so with the other guys watching, you eased yourself down so that you were able to rest your head against his side. Frankie whined quietly as you settled in, but didn’t make any effort to move. 

The others started talking after a few minutes, but you just stared forward, eyeing the slow rise and fall of Tom’s chest as he breathed. 

You knew that you were likely in shock. You knew that everything happening so quickly had almost definitely kept you from dwelling on the severity of your situation.You were focused on Tom - and on finding out why he’d made the choices that he had. And when that’s done, I’ll have time to think about what he did to me… and what it means. 

But Frankie’s deep, even breathing and the presence of the painkillers in your system distracted you even more, and only minutes later, your eyes closed and you slipped into sleep. 

— 

You woke when Frankie moved, his head turning so that the could nudge you with it. And you woke to pain, your eyes opening to the early morning twilight accompanied with a wince. “Ow.” It all came back at once - the attack, the capture of Tom, the way Will had taken care of you. And the way Frankie protected me while I was sleeping. 

“Will went inside to get you more painkillers.” Pope spoke up. “Sunup’s soon. You slept for -”

“Hours.” Using your right hand, you pushed upright. “How the fuck did I …” 

“Adrenaline wore off.” Benny sniffed, nose wrinkling. “You’re hurt. The pain pills… all of it together?” He met your eyes. “I’d fall asleep, too.” 

He was probably right. And even though you were still in pain, the hours of rest had helped - at least with clearing your head. “Thank you for letting me sleep. You’ve all been awake for hours, though, and -”

“I napped in the blind.” Will handed you medication, and then took a seat next to you, holding a bottle of water. “Benny slept the fuck in today. And Pope slept for a couple hours on top of that RV, too.” You swallowed the pills, still eyeing the unconscious man in front of you. “We’re all good.” But what about Frankie? 

He sat all the way up, his ears going back, and you wondered what he was sensing - something in one of you or in Tom, though you didn’t ask. “If you say so.” The blanket slid to the ground as you rubbed at your eyes, thinking. “What next?” You took another drink of the water, gesturing at Tom with the bottle. “Do you think he’ll wake up as soon as he turns back? Or -”

“Donno.” Benny shrugged. “But as soon as he’s conscious, he’s got it coming.” Frankie’s answering growl chilled you, but you didn’t disagree. 

You sat in silence as the light continued to brighten, though it was dimmed thanks to cloud cover, and when Frankie moved again, it was to stand - turning around and picking up your blanket in his teeth. He’s about to turn back. “Clothes are by the table, ‘Fish.” Will sighed. “Go do what you need to do.” He hesitated, but then walked away, dragging the blanket behind him. 

Only a minute or two later, you heard him whimpering, the sounds turning into human-leaning groans and grunts. Part of you was happy you couldn’t see what was happening that time, because you knew that as soon as he was human again, Frankie would be in anguish. And I don’t know how I’ll respond. 

You didn’t have long to wait. He was by your side again rapidly, dropping down onto his knees as he reached for you with both hands, cradling your face between them. “I am so fucking sorry.” He swallowed, head shaking back and forth. “I should have stopped him. I should have taken him the fuck down. I -”

“I did what I did.” Reaching up, you ran your fingers through his curls. “It was worth it, Francisco.”

“You won’t be saying that next month.” He blinked, a few tears coursing down his cheeks. “I failed. I fuc-”

“He’s changing.” Pope’s tone was urgent, and at his words, you and Frankie turned your attention to Tom. Oh, shit. Frankie helped you to your feet and then stood with one arm around you, both of you a safe distance from where the half-man, half-wolf Tom laid. 

The others rose, too, Benny holding one of the guns in his hand, and Will’s hand hovering over his hip. “Pope, I need you to come here.” Frankie called for his friend, and moments later, they’d switched places. It felt odd to have his arm around you, but you understood why it was happening when Frankie approached Tom, bending over to rip the net off of him. He grunted, the silver still irritating his skin even as a human. 

When Tom was uncovered, the transformation happened faster - pale skin reemerging and his limbs lengthening, though there was no indication he was actually awake. “Can we cover him?” You muttered the words, rolling your eyes.”Last thing I want to see is Tom naked.” Pope actually snorted, but it was Benny that moved, the man crouching down and then flinging a piece of fabric at Tom. Boxers. It’s boxers. 

None of you spoke after that, just waiting, and you felt the anger in you growing by the second. You were angry for what he’d done to you, but you were almost more upset at the betrayal of his friends. After everything they went through. “Wake the fuck up, Redfly.” Frankie stepped forward, lashing out with one foot. “Get up.” You didn’t know if it would work, because you didn’t know how recently he’d gotten a dose of the tranquilizer. But they would have backed off close to sunrise. 

Shifting your weight, you leaned against Pope, trying to ignore the dull ache in your shoulder. They’d removed all of the darts from Tom’s body while he slept, and there was no indication that there’d been a fight earlier - except for  the blood smeared across parts of his skin. “Is the bite on his side?” You tried to angle your head to see it, but couldn’t from your position. “Benny?”

“Sure fuckin’ is.” He stepped forward, too, the gun still drawn. “Right fucking there.” Benny froze when Tom’s arm twitched, and you held your breath as his leg joined it, Frankie’s posture stiffening briefly. Here we fucking go. 

Tom groaned, moving one hand to his face and rubbing at his forehead. “Don’t even -”

“I’m not going to fucking try anything. I know you’ve got fuckin’ guns on me, Cat.” Frankie’s lip curled, but Tom kept going. “Do I get to put pants on, or are we going to have this conversation like this?”

“You get a pair of underwear and that’s only because I don’t want you to try and justify any of this shit with your dick in my face.” Tom reached for the fabric and you looked away as he pulled the material on and up his legs. He kept his eyes averted, and when they were in place, he drew his knees up, resting his arms atop them. “Talk.” 

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” Tom looked between all of you, his gaze lingering on you. “You know what I did. You know what I am. You -”

“Why?” You spat the word out, gesturing to yourself. “Why the fuck did you do this? To me? To Alec? To all of the other goddamn people you’ve attacked?” 

“Who the fuck is Alec?” Tom cocked his head to the side, obviously confused. “That name wasn’t in any of the …” He laughed, licking his lips as it clicked. “The one with the wolf.” 

“My cousin.” You snarled the words out, straightening up. “My cousin and the mother of his fucking child.” He hadn’t expected that - and even though you knew Frankie had a lot of things to say, you kept going. “My family has been looking for a wolf in the Chaos line for years. So how the hell did you manage to find one and convince them to turn you, Tom?” 

“Your family? How do you know what the line is called? Who the fuck are …” He trailed off. “Are you goddamn hunters? Not doing a great job of that, if you and your cousin are both fucking the wolves you were looking for.” It would have made you laugh if you weren’t so angry, but instead it just ignited the rage in you more. 

“We weren’t just looking for wolves, you asshole. We were looking for the Chaos line, and it led me straight here. To you.” 

“Why, Redfly?” Frankie planted his feet, arms crossed over his chest. “Why the fuck did you do this? After we came back from South America, we had a plan, and you just …” He scoffed. “You just decided to say fuck it and get yourself bitten so that you could go on a goddamn rampage across the state?” 

“I found wolves a couple months after we got home.” Tom stared at Frankie, his breathing deep. “Real fuckin’ easy when you have money and spend all day online at work.” He looked over at the others, rolling his eyes at the way Benny was pointing the gun at him. “You really gonna shoot me, Ben?” Tom laughed. “You wouldn’t.”

“You wanna bet?” Benny took a slow breath. “I just have a lot of shit I want to hear you say before it happens.” Damn straight. “Keep fucking talking.” 

“It took a hell of a lot of convincing, but after a while, they finally…” He reached over, settling his hand on the bite mark. “You don’t appreciate what this is, ‘Fish.” He smiled, the expression turning your stomach. “I feel so fucking strong. Powerful. People fucking respect me again, and -”

“No they don’t.” You stepped forward. “Nobody respects you, Tom. You hurt people. You killed people.” You pointed at your shoulder. “You fucking bit me, and -”

“Now you get to see how great this is.” 

“She didn’t fucking want to.” Frankie inched closer, his tone filled with rage. “Just like I didn’t fucking want to. This isn’t a gift, Tom. None of the people you hurt wanted it, either. They were just -”

“Wrong place, wrong time.” Tom shifted his weight, his smile growing. “That’s one of the things the woman who bit me made me understand.” He rolled his neck, letting out a sigh that turned into a satisfied groan. “For that one night a month, I am a fucking God. People should be afraid of me… of us, ‘Fish. And if you just let yourself be what you are…. Fuck. Don’t you miss it? Don’t you miss the way we felt while we were enlisted? The way we could -”

“No.” Frankie straightened his shoulders, his voice unwavering. “I don’t. I don’t miss hurting people or intimidating people or acting like a piece of shit.” It had started raining as they talked, a fine mist falling through the tree limbs above you, and you shivered. Of course it’s raining.

“Oh, get off your fucking high horse.” Tom pushed to his feet, and you could feel the others tense up, though they all stayed in place. “Acting like you’re better than me after all the shit you did. After all that coke and losing your license, and -” Frankie moved first, one arm shooting out, fingers bent into a fist. He made contact with Tom’s jaw, the sound an audible crack even from a distance. “Wasn’t expecting that.” Tom rubbed his cheek, giving Frankie a lopsided smirk. 

“Does Molly know?” Will cut in, diverting Tom’s attention. “Does Tessa know? Are they aware that you’re -”

“No.” He spun toward the older Miller, his eyes wide. “No they have no fucking idea, and that’s how it’s going to stay.” One question answered. “Just like they have no idea about South America. I don’t make it a habit of telling everyone my secrets just because I’m sleeping next to them.” 

It was a low blow - and you all knew it, but Frankie still took the bait. “Well that’s another way we’re different. I think the person I’m sleeping next to should know all of my secrets.” Tom’s laugh was loud, and you heard Pope swear from next to you, the hand on your back pushing a little more firmly. “What was your plan, Tom? For tonight, I mean. Were you going to kill all three of us and then just go back to your life?”

“No.” He turned to look at you. “I was going to make her watch me kill you and then bite her so she’d have to live through it without you.”

“You think I would have just let that fucking happen?” Benny’s hand shook but he didn’t lower the gun. “Kill my best friend and hurt someone else I care about and then just run off? Fuck that. Fuck you.” 

“You’ve been holding? that gun on me for I don’t even know how long. If you were going to shoot me, you would have done it already.” Tom’s head swiveled to Will and then to Pope, his brow arched. “None of you have the balls to fuck with me. How many times have I saved your ass since we met? How many times have I carried the entire fucking mission? In South America, I -”

“You’re the reason I got bitten.” Frankie cleared his throat. “You insisted we take all that extra money. You wouldn’t let us get rid of it when I said we needed to. You’re the one that pulled the trigger first on those guys in the village.” Frankie pointed at Tom. “Some of it’s my fault, because I should have fucking known better. But you, Tom, are the main reason why I’m standing here right now like this, and the fact that you still think you’re the good guy is un-fucking-believable.” 

“I’ll introduce you to the people that turned me.” He gestured at you. “You and your little girlfriend. You can learn about what it means to be a real -”

“I’d rather be dead than ever take advice from a Chaos wolf.” You pushed forward, closing the distance between yourself and Tom. “You might have fucked me over for the rest of my life, but I will never be like you.” Tom stayed quiet but his smile widened, and you caught a red flash in his eyes. He’s wound up. “Frankie and Ashley are proof that you don’t have to overcompensate for your shortcomings as a human while you’re a w-”

“Fucking bitch. You come here and you think you can just change everything?” Frankie’s jaw was clenched, but he let Tom continue. “I should have made sure when I attacked you last month that I fucking killed you. You don’t deserve this.” 

“Well you didn’t.” Your heart was pounding, and the dizziness was back. “That time or this time. You fucking failed, and -”

He lunged at you, and in the same moment, Pope pulled you backwards and Frankie jumped forward, tackling Tom to the ground. They fought for a little while, rolling around in the gravel and sparse grass, and you winced at the way they traded punches, fists flying and the sound of flesh on flesh punctuating their grunts. 

It was brutal, especially since both of them were likely exhausted, and when they separated, both of them were bleeding - Frankie from a split on his cheek and Tom from his mouth, his teeth stained red. 

“What’s it gonna be, ‘Fish?” He pushed himself to his feet, eyeing the other man. “We gonna keep fighting like this, or are you going to actually do something about it?” Tom spat blood onto the ground and then wiped at his face with the back of his hand. “Because I’ve been looking for a reason to fucking destroy you ever since I made this choice.” He laughed, the sound unnerving. “Maybe when I get out of here I should go pay Becca a visit. Or Yova. We can all be -”

Frankie darted in again, and for the first time, you realized just how much helping to coach Benny had served him. His jabs were quick and accurate, landing against Tom’s ribs and stomach, and even though the larger man got a few hits in, they were nowhere near as devastating. C’mon, Frankie. You leaned into Pope’s side, unable to do anything but watch the fight in front of you.

But in the early morning light, it was easy to see when Tom gave up, his eyes closing as he inhaled, chest expanding. “He’s turning, Frankie!” You yelled out as it happened, Tom’s transformation almost instantaneous. Once he was the wolf, he didn’t move to attack, instead just circled Frankie slowly. 

Benny and Will backed up a few steps, and with some surprise, you felt Pope pull out and aim a third gun at Tom and Frankie. “Can’t even fight me like a man, can you.” Frankie laughed, fingers rising and combing through his already damp hair. “Piece of shit. You’re pathetic.Threatening women? You’re a goddamn coward.” Tom lunged forward, but Frankie sidestepped him, his gaze rising to meet yours briefly. 

You’ve got to do it, Frankie. He’s not going to make it easier for you. You didn’t know if Tom would actually let Frankie turn all the way before he attacked, but it was the only option you had - unless Benny and Will were able to get the net back over him. Unlikely though. It was too far away - and diverting attention from Tom even for a second to get it was dangerous. And speaking of danger… “I don’t have a weapon, Pope. I -”

“You won’t need one.” He planted his feet, still watching Frankie and Tom. “We’ve got it.” You had to trust him - for Frankie’s sake, and for your own. 

Tom continued to growl, the two of them circling each other, and then almost out of nowhere, Frankie’s body exploded into the wolf’s, the transformation happening before you’d even had a chance to blink. Oh, shit. He hit the ground and sprung toward Tom, jaws open… and then the real fight started. 

Will and Benny spread out, guns still drawn, and you heard Pope swear from beside you, the end of his gun wavering slightly as he watched it unfold. 

There was no reason for either of them to hold back that time, and it was clear from the way they snapped and clawed at each other, fur flying with every strike. Frankie drew first blood, his jaws closing around Tom’s shoulder, and when he jerked his head, you watched the larger wolf’s skin tear, Tom howling in pain. Good. You fucking deserve it. Frankie backed away, ears back as he growled, waiting to see what Tom would do. 

“C’mon, ‘Fish.” Benny called out, voice rising. “Get him. Fucking get him.” You wondered how Tom felt hearing his other friend rooting against him, but it didn’t seem to deter him. You gasped when he lunged forward, diving for the ground and rolling onto his back. The low position gave him an opening to snap at Frankie’s front leg, and you winced at the way he responded - the sound filled with anguish as he struggled to free the limb. If he breaks Frankie’s legs it’s over. 

But Frankie got free, barely giving himself a moment to assess the damage before he was attacking again, going for Tom’s belly before the other wolf could get upright. There was more blood, and even though it had started raining harder, you could see it dripping from both of them. Swiping your hand over your face, you cried out as Tom jumped toward Frankie again, ramming into him and knocking him over, his weight falling on top of the smaller wolf. 

“No!” You stumbled forward, ears trained on the way Frankie’s growl had turned into a whine and then a whimper, Tom whipping his head to the side as he attempted to get his jaws around his neck. He’s going to snap his neck. He’s going to kill him. “Tom, stop!” You fell to your knees, heart pounding, and you wondered why none of the others had fired. They could have shot him. They could have weakened him. They could have … 

But they were giving Tom and Frankie a chance to keep it between them, and part of you respected that - even if you wouldn’t have done the same. Just as Tom’s muzzle began its descent toward Frankie’s neck, the sound of a gunshot rang out, both wolves freezing. 

It was only a moment’s pause, but it was enough, and Frankie was able to twist out of Tom’s pin and get back to his feet, shaking himself out as he stabilized. Ok. Ok, that’s better. That’s… Frankie growled again and jumped, rising into the air and sailing over Tom’s back before landing and pouncing. 

The move was a surprise, and when Tom turned his head toward Frankie, Frankie went in the other direction, finding an expanse of his throat and clamping down on it. Tom flailed - feet scrabbling on the wet ground as he thrashed back and forth, the sounds coming out of him enough to make your hair stand on end. This is it. 

You watched as Benny and Will stepped closer to the wolves, and then felt Pope do the same, his body tense and the gun still pointed forward. But you didn’t think it would be necessary, as Frankie’s jaws locked onto Tom’s throat again, the bite deep. 

“He’s done. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Will spoke from beside you, his voice quiet. “Shit.” Tom was losing strength, but still managed to throw Frankie off of him, the smaller wolf skidding a few feet before he stood up straight, shaking his head. He was limping, the bite on his leg from Tom obviously bothering him, but as he circled the spot they’d been fighting, you realized that the roles had reversed - and it was Frankie taunting Tom. 

“You don’t have to watch.” Will spoke directly into your ear. “It might change the way you feel about -”

“That’s why I do have to.” You reached up, swiping beneath your eyes and wiping the tears that had gathered there away. “I’m part of this now, and I can’t hide from it.” You weren’t sad that Tom was going to die. But you did feel for Frankie, especially knowing that he’d remember every moment of the fight and the process of killing someone that had once been like family. 

It happened without warning, Frankie darting forward and angling his head, Tom unable to get out of the way in time. His teeth bore down on the center of Tom’s throat, and that time, when his head jerked away, a large chunk of muscle and fur came with it. Frankie tossed it to the side as Tom toppled to the ground, and when, moments later, you watched as his chest stopped rising and falling, Frankie lowered his head, too. 

He sat, staring at the body of what had been his friend… and then Frankie tipped his head back and howled again, the sound almost unbearably loud. If you’d thought he sounded sad after realizing that you’d been bitten, you didn’t know how to describe the sound he made then, a mixture of triumph and agony, the tone of it shaking you to your core. 

You understood - no matter how much Tom’s behavior had changed and how deserving he was of the ending he’d been given, there were years of history there. And not just for Frankie. For the rest of them, too. 

A quick look around the group proved that the others were just as torn - Benny’s eyes focused on the wolves, unblinking as the rain hit his skin. Will’s arms were crossed, his head held high, but the telltale tic of his jaw made it clear he was struggling, too. And Pope’s response was the most surprising of all, the man stepping forward and then kneeling, shoulders rising and falling as he stared at the two in front of him. 

You wondered if Tom was going to change back, but the longer you all waited, the more you thought that the answer was no. Which is better because then there’s no human body. But Frankie hadn’t changed back either, which was a surprise to you - especially with how soon after the monthly shift it was. Maybe he needs help. Maybe he needs … 

Stepping forward, you rounded Tom’s body and knelt in front of Frankie, trying to ignore how much your arm hurt. “Hey. Francisco.” You kept your voice low and didn’t let yourself reach for him, even though you wanted to. “You need to change back now. It’s ok. There’s no more threat.” He blinked slowly, turning his attention to you, and for the first time as a wolf, his eyes weren’t gold - they were deep brown and entirely Frankie. “Hey you. It’s alright.” Your voice shook, but you didn’t even know if he realized it. “Come back to me. Please?” 

It took a few seconds, but when Frankie rose onto all fours and shook himself out, you released a breath that you hadn’t realized you were holding. There was no gradual change that time either, and only moments later, Frankie was laying on the ground in front of you - naked, soaking wet, and covered in blood and bruises. 

The first place he looked was at Tom, but he didn’t linger there, turning his head toward you without lifting it, his lips soundlessly forming your name. You scrambled toward him without thinking, and gathered him carefully against your chest, ignoring the pain and only focusing on comforting him. He clung to you, his entire body shaking as he began to cry. You needed to get up - needed to get out of the rain and get Frankie cleaned up, needed to take care of Tom’s body and the clearing… but you couldn’t move. 

When a blanket covered the two of you, you looked up in surprise, catching Benny’s eye. “Just stay with him, we’ll take care of -”

“No!” Frankie growled the word out, lifting his head and looking at his friend. “No, I’m helping.” You didn’t argue and neither did Benny, and when Frankie slowly got to his feet, wrapping the blanket around himself, he finally looked at you again, reaching for your hand. 

The two of them helped you to your feet, and then as you walked away from the body, you tried to gather your thoughts. Tom was dead. Frankie had killed him. And it stood to reason that that meant there was significantly less danger to worry about. But it means a different kind of danger, too. 

You went back and stood under the awning, leaning against the picnic table. Frankie rushed past you, going back into th RV and coming out with some of the blood gone from his skin and wearing another new set of clothes - tattered ones that you’d never seen before. He stopped next to you, reaching out to cup your cheek in his hand, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Keep an eye on the fire, alright?” Will came up next to you, holding a pile of damp fabric. “We’re just going to keep adding stuff to it as we clean.” You nodded without looking away from Frankie, leaning in when he swiped his thumb over your cheek. We have so much to talk about. 

“I wish I could do more.” You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “But whatever you need, I’ll take care of.” Will thanked you before setting the pile down next to the firepit, and then he motioned for Frankie to follow him. He was limping - and you knew he would be for a while, but as they approached Tom, you admitted to yourself for the first time and things could have gone much worse. For all of us. 

As you started slowly adding the scraps of clothing to the flames, you kept half an eye on what the men were doing. 

It didn’t take them long to come up with a plan, all of them conferring as they gathered around the body before separating. Pope headed back toward you, carrying another small pile of clothing. “We’re going to take him to one of the swampy areas. ‘Fish says there’s gators in all of the ones around here, so that should take care of the… body.” He sniffed. “Gotta go grab a bag of marshmallows though, just to be sure.” 

That made you smile, but it was short lived. “Can I do anything while you’re doing that?”  

“No. Just the fire. Make sure everything’s ash. Once we come back, we’re going to start on the clearing, but the rain’s going to work in our favor.” He sighed. “Thank you for helping.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” You added another piece of shirt, glancing down to make sure it wasn’t just going to smolder. “Just make sure he’s alright.” Pope assured you he would, and then went back into the RV, coming out with a bag in his hand. 

He stuffed it into the front of his shirt and made his way back to where everyone else was. You watched as they worked together to lift the wolf’s body before carrying it toward the tree line. Once they disappeared, you sat down, finally alone with your thoughts for the first time. 

It was still raining - the puddles on the ground growing by the second, and you wondered just how much the water would disperse the blood - and if it would be enough. They know how to cover their tracks. You poked at the flames with a branch, and then put in another piece of fabric - one of the blankets - which was much larger and much drier, the flames growing and brightening as it caught. 

And then, as you waited for it to turn to ash, you focused on the ache of your arm, the pain radiating from your shoulder and throughout the rest of your body. You’d been bitten by a werewolf during the full moon, and you knew what that meant. Your entire life was going to change, and you had no idea what the outcome would be. 

It was devastating - to have finally found what your family had been searching for for decades, and then to have been unable to safely do your expected job without getting bitten. And it meant that the hunting of the Chaos line was definitely finished, too, whether you liked it or not. You blinked through tears, standing and making your way into the RV for the bag of your ruined clothing, and when you caught sight of your reflection in the mirror hanging beside the door, the tears spilled over. 

It was partly because of your bite, but your sadness was also for Frankie and his friends - the finality of what they’d done and witnessed likely not settled in yet, and the difficulty of what was to come likely to be an uphill climb. For all of us. Wiping at your eyes, you only gave yourself a few seconds before heading back outside and to the fire, ripping the plastic open and adding both pieces at the same time. We’ll need to get the zippers out of the ashes. 

Instead of sitting, you wandered back out into the clearing and looked for any fabric that might have been missed, along with anything else that you could burn. There wasn’t much - a few scraps of t-shirt from Frankie, and some torn elastic from the waistband of Tom’s underwear - but you picked it up nonetheless, carrying it back over and dropping it into the flames. 

It was almost 9 am, and you knew that Yovanna was likely going crazy since she hadn’t heard from anyone, so you went back inside and typed out a quick message to her that told her nothing explicitly - but still let her know that everything at the RV was alright. Good morning, hope you guys are having better weather at the beach than we are here; it’s raining so hard! Can’t pack up and go home until it slows down - yuck. 

She answered almost immediately, sending a picture from through a window of the ocean and the blue sky, along with a message of her own. 

Fingers crossed it stops soon. The weather is perfect here. 

Leaving your phone on the table, you grabbed an armful of towels and then went back outside, just in time to see the guys coming back through the trees. Will was in the lead and the others followed close behind. They were all soaked to the bone, and you had no idea how the clothes they wore would burn. They won’t. Biting your lip, you watched as they got closer. 

To your surprise, they all stopped and began to strip about ten feet from where you stood, piling their clothes in front of them. Under any other circumstances, it would have been a beautiful thing to see, but that morning, it was somber. Will dragged his hands through his hair and Benny swiped his locks away from his face, both of them heading for you in only their underwear as Frankie and Pope stayed behind, deep in conversation. 

They grabbed towels, thanking you for thinking of getting them as they started to dry themselves off. “Is… how did that go?”

“Gator came and grabbed him almost as soon as we put him in the water.” Benny rubbed at his face. “And then a couple more joined in.” That was a good thing, though you didn’t imagine that it had been easy for them to see. “He stayed a wolf, which is lucky for us. So even if something is eventually found, it won’t be …” It won’t be Tom. 

“I’m sorry about your friend. I -”

“He got what was coming to him.” Will cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for his family, but Tom made his choice.” You agreed, but that didn’t negate the guilt you felt. “We’re going to take turns cleaning up. Can’t fully shower here, because there’s too many of us. But we need to wait for the rain to stop to check the clearing. So we’re going to be here for a while.” 

“Should I make breakfast? You’ve all got to be starving, especially Frankie.” It would keep you busy - and from getting too lost in your own thoughts. “I don’t know what’s here,  but there’s got to be stuff in the cabinets.” 

“You don’t have to do anything.” Pope and Frankie stepped up, and Benny handed them each a towel. “You need to eat too.” 

You agreed, but didn’t get anything else out before Pope said he was going to go inside and make a pot of coffee. Benny and Will followed moments later, leaving you and Frankie alone - and under the awning, the sound of rain hitting the metal above you soothing. 

It was different between you - a distance that had never been there previously feeling like it was growing by the second - and you hated it. “Frankie, are we …. Are we alright?” You didn’t like asking - didn’t like voicing your worry to him, especially after what he’d been through, but you couldn’t help yourself. “This feels … I just …”

“I don’t want to have this conversation here.” He turned his head, eyes scanning the open space in front of you. “I want to do it when we’re warm and dry and showered.” That made sense, but it still didn’t answer your question. “Are you doing ok? Aside from the bite, I mean.” 

“I think so.” You inched closer, nodding. “I don’t think it’s really hit me yet, though. So much has happened in the last few hours, and -”

“You know I’m gonna be right there with you, right? Next month, I mean. You’re not alone, and you won’t be.” He cleared his throat. “And even if you don’t want to stay here and go through this in Florida with me, you’ve got Ashley and Alec, and they’re your family, so -”

“I don’t want to go anywhere.” You put your hand on his chest, his skin warm despite the fact that he was still damp. “If… when I turn next month, there’s no one else I want to be with.” You saw the relief on his face, and for the first time, realized that Frankie had not only had to go through the previous hours dealing with Tom, but with the thought in his mind that because you’d been bitten, you wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore. “Frankie, this doesn’t change how I feel about you.” You stepped closer, making sure to make - and hold - eye contact with him. “Not at all.” 

“You sure?” He ducked his head, tucking his chin against his chest. “Because I’d understand if you wanted to get the fuck out of here and not look back. I did this to you. I -”

“This isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you. I blame Tom. You didn’t do this to me, he did.” You leaned in, hesitating only briefly before pressing your lips to his. “I love you, Francisco. That didn’t change overnight, and it won’t.” It seemed to be enough for him, because he nodded and then reached for you, winding both arms around you and pulling you closer, though he did it gently. “We need to go inside. We need to get dry clothes on and eat something, and -”

“Yeah.” Frankie agreed but didn’t let you go. “Yeah, we do.” 

— 

[th-xeno]

I. have thought about doing it for a while. and the recent drama's multiplied it. so, even if it's unusual for me,

an analysis of Mlynar Nearl (and the Nearls' arc as a whole) and Why He Is My Premium and Beloved Babygirl.

tbh at first I almost hated him when I read Maria's event. he seemed like an arrogant holier-than-thou asshole and I was like, you know what? fuck you for me and my little girl! she just wants to be a knight like her sister! 

but in Near Light, I started to like him. he was just so tired, so hopeless. he said he was dissapointed, but asked his friend to protect his nieces. his said he didn't care, but protected the Infected under assassins' attack. 

and then I thought, he lies. constantly, but mostly to himself. because he's not an arrogant asshole. he's just... so bad at feelings.

so deeply broken.

and now the Obscure Wanderer arrived and Oh My God.

first of all, there're multiple times when he says the exact opposite to what he does, so let's take this knowledge and come back to the start, Maria's event. 

he doesn't say "you're weak and useless to defend our glory" or "your sister is better than you" like I thought at the time. no, he tries to say, he wants her not to risk her life. not to let the system break her light like it broke almost everyone in his family. 

his brother and sister-in-law were great knights that fought for the glory of their country, and now they're gone. the system threw them away like garbage. his niece fought for their family, for the chivalric ideals, and she was hunted and then exiled. 

and finally, Mlynar himself. an idealist that found out, there's no point in fighting the capitalism. there's no hope. and between losing life in endless conspiracies and losing himself working for corporations but helping his family to survive, he chose the latter. 

but Maria didn't need to choose. she could be free of the weight of the noble titles, of the useless principles, and yet she chose to fight - and almost got killed, if not for her sister.

of course Mlynar was pissed. 

moreover, he was pissed because Margaret came back in the first place. she could have live a happy life far away from this rotten place. she didn't need to risk all of it for the country that will never remember her efforts. he was afraid for her. 

and then, Near Light. Nearl the Radiant Knight.

Mlynar saw her actions as a reflection of his own faults. Margaret tried to play the system's rules to change it, but Mlynar knew it was pointless. the system didn't care. the Radiant Knight will be forgotten, just like her parents. 

but when Margaret came back, she was different, and maybe she understood her uncle more then anyone.

she, too, saw defects of the system (how the Infected were treated). she, too, went through the war (with the Reunion).

but she didn't lose hope.

I may overanalyse it, but I guess she knew the power of the symbolic action because of Talulah. Talulah fucked up the Reunion, she lost, she was insane - and yet the Reunion didn't die in Chernobog, because Infected acknowledged that they can change the world. 

and Margaret tried to do the same. it didnot matter if she won or lost. it didnot matter if her false infection was made public.

she was the Light in the Darkness. she stood up for the weak. she was a Knight.

and that awakened something in Mlynar.

he decided to help the Infected so his family can leave in peace. to help the weak. to restore justice. to do the very same that he thinks a knight must do.

and so, he acknowledged the power of Margaret’s actions. that she really can change something. because she changed him.

she awakened hope in him, and he needed time to proceed it. 

and so (in less than 800 words haha) I come to the main topic, Mlynar's event. and oh boy, this i-am-not-a-knight is more knightly that many.

he shits on knighthood not out of hatred for chivalry, but out of belief in it. the modern knights do not care about the weak, so he doesn't want to be a knight nor be called one. because he is not interested in fight, but in help.

and he doesn't want anyone to see it.

stop corrupted corporation of taking important task? what a naive assumption! 

help two infected girls to stop the riots? pfft, what a joke.

fight a corporation so they don't hunt an innocent? MAYBE YOU'LL ALSO SAY HE HELPED CHILDREN IN DANGER??? 

but unlike in his youth, he doesn't challenge the system, doesn't try single-handedly to change the world. small changes that can make a little better.

gentle light, not blinding.

he hates what his country has become, but still - even as an ordinary man - even lying to himself - tries to make it better. that's why he want everyone to leave but himself. because deep down in his cynical, angry, depressed personality still lives an idealistic knight. 

still lives a hopeful man that believes that his brother and his sister-in-law are alive. that his family can be whole again, even if no one else do. 

he just cares for his family so deeply. he wants his nieces to live happily (somewhere else). wants them not to repeat his mistakes (even if it breaks their dreams). wants their parents back. he just can’t properly express himself. 

but the funniest thing? I think they know it. Margaret, because she knows how bad his trauma is. Maria, because she could see how office work and Margaret’s exile changed him. Zofia, because she knew him well enough.

and so, all of them were happy when he went to Rhodes Island. because they did the world better, and maybe will make Mlynar feel better. 

as a conclusion,,, GOD his depression and burnout are so big. TAKE THIS MAN TO THERAPY. HONEYBERRY, SAVE THE DAY. I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH. MY GRUMPY ANGY BABYGIRL.

[calllamander]

Okay I'm ready I've made up my mind , here's a little backstory no one wants to hear: my sister just got engaged and I cried for about half an hour because I was so freakin happy for her sooo I'm in such a lovely mood , maybe you can pick that up and write a little engagement thingy ? :) idc if it's drabble hcs or else , whatever works best for you sweetie 😊 also you can pick the character ...... but we both know who works always for us lmao

Thank you so muuuch and take all the time you need ! 💖

ahhhh! this is so sweet! nonnie congrats to your sister!! when I got this ask I literally started smiling so wide in my online class that everyone was really confused 😂 I hope this is alright...and plausible haha I’ve never been proposed to (hurry up Tooru smh) - sorry for the wait, this is my piece de résistance and I wanted it to be as good as it could be ❣️

Hq boys proposing

KUROO smiled at you from the passenger seat, your hand in his as usual as you drove, Tokyo fading into the patchwork fields of country. “tetsu...” you ask, laughing as the wind tangled you’re hair, “where are we going?” it seemed almost as if he had been waiting for you to ask because he suddenly looked nervous, very nervous, the kind of nervous where he accidentally blurts out chemistry pick up lines on the first date (it’s a miracle he got a second one). he looked over, emboldened by your easy enthusiasm. “do you remember when we were still in high school, and you used to call me and just say ‘get me out of here?’ ” his voice is low and serious, and impossibly gentle with emotion. you nod, and your smile gets sadder at the memory, the memory of you. “well,” he stops the car and opens up his door, hurrying round to do the same for yours, composing his thoughts as you start the walk, down the path off the road, along the river, and he feels a flush of pride as recognition illuminates your face. it’s a perfect evening, the sky is watercolour pink and orange, and the water reflects it perfectly. “we found this place by chance” he continued speaking faster from nerves, “and when we walked down this- this exact path, i knew that this was different from anything else. my whole life I have had a good life, and I had been with good people and yet I‘d just felt...” he paused, and looked you right int he eyes, before sighing out: “restless.” your mouth opens slightly and you whisper his name. “And you know when I’m with you I just feel still” he continues, starting to blink back tears. “and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything y/n l/n, and” he got down on one knee: in front of the setting sun, and the river refracting the light. and he did look still. he looked radiant and relaxed and so so happy. and you covered your face with your hands but stopped yourself because you didn’t want to miss any of this. “and this is my moms ring” he said, “and i wish she could’ve met you but I know she would have“ his voice cracked and he looked away for a split second, swallowing hard, “would have loved you almost as much as I do.” he grinned in spite of himself and you smiled too, even through your tears. “so,” he laughed, “after all this, I guess ill just....” he laughed again, messing his hair up agitatedly, “will you marry me?”

“yes!” you laugh and run towards him, “a thousand times yes!”

OIKAWA looked himself over once more in the mirror, he’d tried hard to look like he’s trying but also casual which makes him feel kind of stupid but that paradox of appearances and feelings is just how he’s wired. casual. not I’ve-been-planning-this-for-forever-and-if-it-goes-badly-i-don’t-have-the-faintest-idea-what-I’d-do. that’s not what he wants. it needs to be a total surprise. the rings already in his breast pocket, right above his heart. the ring feels like happiness. “princess?” he spins and offers you his arm, “ready?” And when he’s sees you he blushes down neck like when its genuine, because you look beautiful in that dress, and he might be getting a little bit choked up, and ducking down to hide it. because...because it’s you, because he’s actually doing this. with you. actually. finally. “lets go then” you laugh and he laughs back with a determination usually reserved for the court. because this is everything. the drive is a short one and the night air is cold against your cheek, the streetlights make oikawa’s hair a coppery halo round his head and the wind fluffs it up in a way he gets frustrated about but you could stare at all day. “i love you ” you sigh, looking over at your boyfriend, and he blushes and stutters and tries to focus on the road. “I love you too darling” and he gives you the gentlest smile that he‘s ever shared with anyone “te amo, mi alma.” he parks and takes your hand. the observatory is empty: long closed, and your heels clack on the tiled floor. the stairs are steep, but the two of you are young and you‘re boundless because that’s what love does to people. in no time at all you step out, into the round room that forms the top floor, and gasp. there’s candles set in the corners and there’s flowers and there’s your boyfriend looking utterly ethereal, his white shirt a buttery yellow in the candle light. and you feel your heart just ache with how much you love him. he presses a button, and, as the roof starts to open up like a flower, he takes a deep breath. “when I was younger every time I felt lonely I used to think about space” sliver by sliver the roof was opening up, and you could see a glass dome, snatches of stars, pinpricks of light. torus voice was gentle, and fragile, and proud and horrifically insecure and somehow everything because it was him. “theres more out there“ He glanceable up at the sky unfolding, “than we can ever comprehend...I liked it. I liked that it was infinite. i liked that I belonged to something that was chaotic and orderly and empty and full” he swallowed hard. “and then there was you. and you were the best person I had ever met. and I thought that maybe I would have to be something else for you, because i’ve felt like that my whole life. but you - you just...made me feel like I belonged. and I didn’t need the night sky anymore because this,” the roof finally opened all the way and for one perfect moment it was just you, tooru and the universe: the heaviness of him, and the lightness too. “this is infinite.” he dropped down on one knee. “y/n l/n I love you with everything in the solar system and I will until every last star is blown out, and a thousand years more. and this isn’t horrifically corny so I’m going to just ask: will you marry me?” You let out a sob

“yes”

SAKUSA leant into your touch the way he never had for anyone else. like a warmth he never knew was missing, a tiny puzzle piece in his soul. your hand was running through his hair, occasionally creeping down to rub his back. he blushes, because irritatingly he can’t stop himself (but does he wean them to?). you‘re off guard now, relaxed, eyes closed, breathing in the night air from the roof of your apartment block. his face is in your neck and it’s all very peaceful (so peaceful it makes his heart hurt). he takes a deep breath (its now or never). “...hey y/n?” you hum, opening your eyes to show you’re listening. he struggles to think of what to say. “i love you” he settles on. you kiss his hair, “I love you too omi.” you say it like it’s obvious and he shakes his head, sitting up a little more so he can look at you. “no, I mean...I- I didn‘t know what love was. and I didn’t realise how badly I wanted it, until I met you. and I just” he exhales, momentarily turning his head up to stare into the sky. “I want to spend forever with you. that. that’s what I want. and I don’t have a ring, or a dramatic plan and maybe that’s what you would have wanted-” he’s looking down now, he knows, getting nervous, and he forces himself to get back on track. “but” He realises he should be kneeling and goes to do so in front of you. “I would be the happiest man alive if you would marry me.” and there, on a camp bed that he dragged onto the roof and covered with bedding just because you mentioned you liked the night, under the cloudy 11 o clock sky with the love of your life. you said yes.

@anonanonymousanon

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. To add to your collection of RS's old tumblr ask screenshots (LO canvas league era), i distinctly remember there was an ask where someone asked why is mortal realm so behind olympus technology-wise and RS responded something along the lines of technology timelines not being aligned "because the gods don't wanna share the goodies" (the quotations are her exact words, to be precise) and it was kind of an early red flag for me? I mean, the greek myths are all about gods helping humans and giving them the means to survive or about explaining natural phenomena that benefits humans whether it's prometheus with introducing fire or athena and hephaestus spreading the knowledge of crafts among humans or even ares and poseidon making way for the first court trial in greece on areopagus. You don't get the permission to "deconstruct" the myths if you don't even know what they are initially about

2. What makes me tick is RS makes everything up instead of working with mythology (first thing she'd have to do is to...ummm, know mythology but oh well). She seems to see original mythology as something limiting to her creativity instead of something that unlocks more possibilities for more interesting storytelling. If someone wants concrete examples, let's say persephone's half-bothers plutus and philomelus who'd make an interesting dynamic of maybe two protective/concerned older or younger bros (it'd lessen the portrayal of demeter's "bad" parenting) and she'd have a support system of two guys who don't have the motive to get in her pants, unlike , ykno, the rest of the male cast.  Also it'd even out the playfield between Perse and Hades finance and power-wise as Plutus is a god of wealth and Perse,aside from being a heiress, can also turn to her brother for financial help instead of being reliant on Hades all the damn time. Intead RS put Arion just for some lame joke of persephone having a horse brother and is stripped away from any familial connections (male or female) she has in myth so she'd fit in Hades's waifu mold with no risk of going sweet home alabama that myth implies so much

3. the fact persephone is barely over the age of 18 doesn't help when there's so much panels and art of her where's she's literally just naked. if she was 300 or smth we could at least know we are likely not looking at a naked underage girl, but instead it's like??? you're just praying youre not?? especially when she's around grown adults like hermes and hades?? rachel please i dont want to be put on a list -

4. i feel so bad for RS' partner because apparently hermes is based off them (and everyone knows persephone is her self insert) yet in comic hermes' whole purpose is to simp for a woman who literally doesnt like him and being a walking joke. like idk id be so offended my partner sees me like that?? like damn i cant even be with you in your fantasy?? you rather run off with blue mads mikklesen if given the chance?? anyway poor hermes and that kiwi i appreciate you 😭

5. I can’t take Persephone serious as a protagonist she failed to grow as a character in her own. She can’t do anything without Hades she didn’t fight back against Apollo, she failed to tell Zeus the truth, and hen warrant for her arrest was made she didn’t think about her mother at all being in danger! And her punishment was basically doing her job and growing her powers…?

6. "the art is subjective!" well i wish i wasnt subjected to it 🤔

7. I know this whole comic is full of un-self reflective hypocrisy, but are we really not supposed to find it stupid minthe is basically slut shamed for wearing a revealing dress around a child, but its perfectly fine for persephone to wear as revealing of clothing around the same child they're so concerned over? it's not even a cause of showing hades' hypocrisy, it's just straight forward "yep! minthe is evil no matter what but it's ok with persephone does the same thing!" like ???

8. There's something funny of LO fans trying to accuse Ava's Demon of ripping of LO as if it wasn't already published and popular in 2012, aka nearly SIX YEARS before LO even came out. Hell, it was HUGE on tumblr when RS was on it, there's no way she didn't know about it, and a lot of the LO characters seem awfully similar to Ava's Demon (Hades and Gils being a VERY obvious similarity). I'm not saying she did so, but if any sort of ripping off did happen, it would be from RS, not Michelle.

9. This is coming from someone who does have a huge age gap in their parents marriage(about 8 to 9 years apart) but the reason I don't see a problem with mine is that they both meet when they were MATURE ADULTS with jobs. Persephone cleary is not mature enough for Hades minus all the other problems with this relationship. 

10. LO fans hates Hadestown because tthey can't stand complexity, the cast and crew who love to shit on HxP, or the Persephone actresses who especially love to push a Hermes/Persephone supremacy agenda!!

[bqstqnbruin]

Always be my plus one

Here we go, y'all. We're ignoring that it's 3:30 in the morning but I'm just yeeting the first part of this into the wild and hoping it goes well. Ignore typos, we all know that everything I post is a first draft.

I need to thank @hockeywocs, @chara-hugs, and @zinka8 (WHY CAN't I TAG YOU) and all the anons who have come into my ask box to help me with this! ily all!

WARNING: some description of child birth

Hope you like it!

Series masterlist

------------------------------

Part 1: Christmas Day and the day after Christmas

The name for Christmas comes from the shortening of “Christ’s Mass,” a traditionally Christian holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ to the Virgin Mary and Joseph in a manger in Bethlehem. Although the exact date of his birthday is unknown, around the fourth century the Catholic church fixed the date of this celebration to be December 25th. Other religions and belief systems have similar celebrations around the same time, such as the Winter Solstice, or Midwinter. Celebrations include a mixture of pre-Christian, Christian, and non-secular traditions, such as gift giving, completing an Advent Calendar or Advent Wreath, Christmas music, church services, a special meal with family and loved ones, Christmas trees, lights, nativity scenes, and Santa Claus to name a few.

The day after Christmas, known as Boxing Day in some European countries, is traditionally known as a shopping holiday. In America, this is typically the day when people start to return any unwanted Christmas gifts, stock up for next Christmas on items that are marked down on sale, or see friends that they hadn’t been able to see before Christmas.

=============

December 21, 2021

“One fifteen means fifteen minutes before I have to clock in. Fifteen minutes before a twelve-hour shift that I’m not ready for and don’t have enough caffeine for,” Anne muttered to herself, staring at her reflection through her car's rearview mirror. “But, fifteen minutes before getting to do something that I thankfully love, something that I enjoy doing.” No matter how long the shift in front of her, Anne had developed a habit of giving herself a pep talk before she got out of her car. “Whatever happens, you’ve helped someone.”

The last part wasn’t always true, knowing that there was the possibility that something could go wrong that she and the other nurses and doctors wouldn’t be able to fix. Lying to herself that everything was going to be ok was the only want to convince herself to go into the hospital every day. Finally mustering up enough courage to get out of her car, she grabs her bag from the backseat, heading in for yet another long day right before the Christmas holiday.

The maternity ward where Anne worked never ceased to be hectic, the miracle of life happening at least once an hour. No matter how much Anne had studied in nursing school, nothing could have prepared her for the stress that could come from the job, the long hours, the potential for something so right to turn so wrong in a minute, the way nothing can go planned since the baby dictated all, the mess that comes with every birth, or the joy that results from a former patient sending her the occasional picture of a baby she helped deliver as they’re growing up.

“Hey, Tyson, come on!” comes from inside the open doors of the building, Anne not paying attention to who it was coming from, causing her to collide with a stranger, spilling her much-needed coffee all over the both of them.

“Shit,” she says, not looking up from the brown splatter on what should be mint green scrubs. “I am so sorry.”

Standing in front of her was a curly-haired boy, about her age, wearing what she was sure was a Colorado hockey jersey. Beyond that, she had no idea. “No, no, it’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Let me buy you another,” he offers, ignoring the persistent calls from his friends to hurry up.

Anne checks her watch: 1:19. “It’s ok. I don’t really have the time, I have to clock in in eleven minutes, and knowing the cafeteria or the vending machines, it would take a lot longer,” she says, trying to get by him. Before he can protest, she gets to the elevator that would bring her to her floor, thankful that it was ready to get her there without her having to wait. The doors start to close, only to be stopped by a hand stuck through them, the curly-haired boy with the coffee stain down the front of him getting on the elevator with her. Anne gives him a confused look, begging him to explain why he was trying to make her late for her shift.

“If you aren’t going to let me buy you one now to make up for it, at least let me see where you work so I can drop one off for you.”

Anne rolls her eyes, unamused by the man in front of her as he attempts to flirt with her. “That would be nice, but the chances of me getting it before it goes cold are slim to none, so you need to suggest something else if you really want to buy me a coffee.”

“Let me get your number so I can buy you one when you aren’t working?” he asks, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. 1:25. “I’m Tyson, by the way.”

The elevator dings, signaling that they were on Anne’s floor, opening the door to nurses and doctors running around, expectant fathers who were probably kicked out of the delivery room for making the mom too nervous pacing the halls, grandparents trying to control younger children who had little to no idea what was going on as they waited in the strange building. Anne walks to the backroom to drop her stuff off and clock in, typing her information into the stranger’s phone as he followed her like a puppy, his friend’s texts coming across the top of his screen asking where he went so they could leave.

“I’m Anne, and I’ve got to go,” she tells him, handing back his phone. There was no way he was going to text her, and it’s not like the coffee was that big of a deal to him. She could go to the vending machine down the hall and grab one during her break, or have someone else on their break do it for her if she needed it sooner.

“Can’t wait for our coffee date, Anne,” he says, winking at her before shoving his hands in his pockets and sauntering back down the hallway.

“Who is he?” her coworker, Jess asked, popping up out of nowhere. “He’s hot.”

“In more ways than one, apparently,” Anne jokes, “he’s also wearing my hot coffee on his shirt.”

“You didn’t,” Jess scolds her, turning her around to see the coffee that was spilled down Anne’s own outfit, knowing Anne’s tendency to be a little absent-minded as she gets wrapped up in her own thoughts. “Anne, you did.”

“Not on purpose!”

“DeFormicola?” Anne’s supervisor, Jackson, pops his head into the room just as she was clocking in, “We need you in room 414.”

“Saved by the bell,” Anne teases, walking down the hall to where all the noise was coming from, trying to throw on the appropriate clothing before she went into the room, struggling to get the gloves on as she entered.

“Ok, Erin, we’re going to need you to push,” one of the doctors says, Anne standing behind him as she watched the baby’s head crowning.

This was her favorite part of the job, helping the mother stay calm and trying to make sure that despite the child coming out of her, she was as comfortable as possible. Normally, she would be with the mom as soon as she came in, Erin clearly nervous as to what was going on. They had to be first-time parents, the dad going back and forth to Erin’s side and behind the doctor, looking mortified each time and clearly regretting what he was seeing.

“It’s a boy!” the doctor says, handing the new baby to a breathless Erin.

“A boy! A boy!” the dad yells, going out to the hallway, Erin clearly unamused by whatever antics he was going about.

“Don’t worry, he’s not the first one to do that,” Anne reassures her, knowing that something like that would happen at least five more times during her shift, hearing the father’s voice repeating the phrase. “I’m going to get him cleaned up and then get him right back to you, ok?” Anne asks, reaching for the baby as everyone else around her tries to clean everything else up.

“Be careful with him,” Erin warns, not meaning anything bad by it. She was definitely a first time mother.

“I will be,” Anne tells her, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket as she does. “So you have a name picked out yet?”

“We were thinking Matthew.”

Anne turns her head, smiling at Erin. “That’s a good name. My older brother is named Matthew.”

Erin smiles at her, the father finally coming back in, clearly overjoyed by the birth of their new baby. Anne hands him back to his parents, Matthew screaming his head off as they get wheeled into another room.

Anne goes over to the desk, sitting down where she was supposed to be for the start of her shift to do paperwork, but the uncertainty in the hour by hour of the schedule was not surprising. She pulls out her phone, ‘Maybe: Tyson’ coming up across her screen.

“He’s already texting me,” she alerts Jess whose head whips away from her computer to look over Anne’s shoulder at what message the mystery man could have sent her.

“He’s horny.”

“Jessica!” she squeals, wishing she was more shocked by what her friend had said. “Why is that always your first reaction to a boy sending a message?”

She shrugs, swiveling back to her own computer, “I’m normally right. What’s he saying?”

“He wants to know when he can buy me coffee.”

“Horny.”

“Enough.”

“You should date him.”

Anne turns to her, clearly unamused by Jess’s need to continue the conversation. “I don’t have to date anyone.”

Jess lets out a long sigh, Anne knowing that she was rolling her eyes. “I’m not saying you have to, I’m saying you should.”

“Ok, I don’t want to date anyone.”

“Oh, come on Anne,” Jess says, getting up and plopping herself on the desk in front of Anne, fiddling with the wire connecting the mouse to the rest of the computer. “You work in a maternity ward where people become parents every day, and you haven’t even thought of finding a man?”

“You don’t have a point,” Anne tells her, not making eye contact with her.

“My point,” Jess says, leaning over to block Anne’s view of her computer screen, “is that you can’t be single forever.”

“Says who?”

“Didn’t you tell me that you were named after the patron saint of the town your grandmothers were from?”

Anne rolls her eyes, knowing where this was going. It was going in the same direction that this conversation always went in when she had it with her mom every single holiday. “All four of us are named after the patron saints of the towns our grandparents are from.”

“St. Anne is the patron saint of child care, grandparents and mothers.”

“She’s also that patron saint of unmarried women, so your argument is invalid, as usual.”

Jess takes in a breath to say something, cut off by Jackson calling for Jess to go into one of the delivery rooms. “Just don’t say no because you think you have to be single,” she advises as she walks away.

Anne leans back in the chair, rubbing her hands over her face. “This is how Christmas is going to go, isn’t it?” she asks herself.

=============

December 25, 2021

The number of cars lining her parent's driveway meant that she was one of the last ones there, but knowing her aunts and uncles, she wasn’t the last one there. Her parents were the ones who did Christmas Day for her dad’s family, Christmas Eve being the anniversary of her mom’s mom’s death, and, on top of that, Teresa doesn’t talk to her family over some argument and grudge being held over their parent's house.

Scanning the cars, she didn’t see the one belonging to her brother Matthew, or his wife, Stephanie. “I’ll just leave Harper’s gifts in the car,” Anne mutters to herself, trying to juggle as many gifts as she could while also balancing the box of pastries her mom asked her to pick up for dessert.

Without a free hand to open the door, Anne did everything she could to ring the doorbell with her elbow, praying that someone would come to open the door before she dropped anything.

Her younger brother, Sebastian, opens the door, a disappointed look on his face. “What the fuck is all this for?” he asks, taking some of the bags from her arms to lighten her load.

“Merry Christmas to you, too,” she remarks, “Yours is still in my car if you’re wondering.”

“Did you have to get gifts for everyone?” he asks, Anne greeting her aunts and uncles on the way to the tree to put everything down for later.

“Well, it’s Hazel’s first Christmas," she explains, referencing their sister's youngest daughter, "So getting her something and not getting the other children something seemed wrong, and then Jessica took me shopping and kept saying things like ‘oh this would be perfect for Lucy,’ or ‘oh don’t have you an aunt who likes mystery novels?’ And everything went downhill from there.”

Sebby groans, walking with Anne back out to her car to retrieve the rest of the gifts, Anne still holding the box of pastries since they hadn’t made it to the kitchen yet. “Please tell me you didn’t get Aunt Lisa that Agatha Christie illustrated novel that the bookstore was selling.”

“Please tell me you didn’t get Aunt Lisa that Agatha Christie illustrated novel the bookstore was selling,” Anne laughs, Sebby nodding his head. “I got a gift receipt.”

“What did you end up getting Matthew?” he asks her. Anne had texted Sebby in panic on Black Friday, coming home from a day of shopping with Lucy that left her without a gift for Lucy’s twin brother.

Grabbing the rest of the gifts and handing them to Sebby, she closes the door to her car and starts to go back inside. “I found this ‘make your own wine’ kit that I think he would like. That way Steph doesn’t have to listen to him complaining about how the stuff she drinks is ‘too sweet.’”

“What about for me?” Sebby asks, nudging Anne with his elbow as they arrange the rest of the gifts in the already mountainous pile under the tree.

“Oh, I knew there was someone I forgot,” she says sarcastically, Sebby ripping the bow off one of her carefully wrapped presents and throwing it at her. “Ok, now I’m never getting you a gift again.”

Sebby laughs, helping his older sister off the ground. The two of them wander into the kitchen, slipping in unnoticed due to the sheer number of family members and noise that was filling the room. “Aunt Anne! Aunt Anne!” Harper and Skylar squeal in unison when her nieces spot her, hoping that either she or Sebby had grabbed Harper, Matthew, and Stephanie’s gifts. She didn’t think there was anything left in her trunk.

“Hey there, fireflies,” Anne greets them, bending down as they both kiss her on the cheek. “Guess what? Santa stopped by my place and left some gifts for you, but he made me promise that you two were really good today if you want to open them after dessert, ok?”

The two girls nod excitedly, bouncing up and down at Anne’s words. To still be young and believe in Santa, that must be nice.

“Hey, ma,” Anne finally finds her mother, putting down the box of pastries in front of her and kissing her on the cheek. “Upstairs or downstairs fridge?”

“It goes downstairs. Come on, I have someone I want you to meet,” her mother says, dragging you away from your aunts that had aggregated around her. They all had excited looks on their faces, something that instantly worried Anne as she followed her mother down the stairs with the box. She could hear Matthew and Lucy’s voices, knowing that her brother and sister’s wife and husband had to be down there with them, too. “Matthew told me about this friend of his who couldn’t make it home for Christmas,” her mother whispers before she got to the last step.

“Mom, no,” Anne says, already knowing where this was heading. “I told you: I don’t need a boyfriend.”

“But I don’t have a grandson,” her mom whines, shaking Anne’s hand in her own against her chest.

“How is that my fault?”

“If you just find a nice boy, and get married, I just know you’re going to be my child that has a boy.”

“Oh my god,” Anne groans, pushing past her to get to the fridge.

Teresa pulls Anne over to the couches where her siblings were, Lucy sitting on one with her feet in Jason’s lap, Jason’s hand lazily rubbing his wife’s shins. Matthew was on the other, Stephanie nuzzled against his shoulder, all four of them with a glass of wine and three bottles open. Next to Matthew was a guy sitting there awkwardly, straightening his back when he saw you while Sebby tried to contain his laughter as he sat on the floor. “Jeremy, this is my youngest daughter, Anne. Anne, this is Jeremy,” she introduces the two of them before running up the stairs.

“I do have a girlfriend, actually,” Jeremy says, “So I’m sorry.”

Anne and her siblings burst out laughing, Lucy pouring her sister a glass of wine. “If only this were the first time Ma tried to set Anne up with a guy who was seeing someone.”

“I even tried to tell her that but she didn’t listen,” Matthew adds. “It’s better than when she tried to set you up with Adam,” he says, referencing Lucy’s partner at their optometry practice.

“Yeah, his husband wasn’t too thrilled by that potential match,” Sebby says.

They all keep talking, Anne just sitting and listening to them reminisce about all the people their parents had tried to set her up within their desperate attempt for her to no longer be single. It didn’t help that the last time she listened to them about dating was Andy, the boy who cheated on her when they got to college. Apparently going to school half an hour from each other wasn’t enough for him to keep up their two-year relationship instead of shoving his tongue down multiple girls throats before doing god only knows what else.

“When do you think they’ll stop trying to set me up with someone?” Anne finally pips in, accidentally cutting off something Jeremy was saying as she stared at the wine she was swirling in the glass.

“When you get a boyfriend,” her siblings say in unison.

“I hate all of you for doing that,” she laughs. “But, seriously, why is it so important that I have a boyfriend?”

“Oh, you know your mother,” Jason says, putting his glass down on the floor. “She saw what Lucy and I had and then wanted that for all her children.”

Lucy playfully shoves him, kissing him as Anne and Sebby groan. “She just wants you to be happy, and to her and dad, happiness is marriage and a family.”

“Where am I going to meet someone if I go to work or here where they try to bring in non-single non-potential suitors?” she asks, looking over at Jeremy. “Sorry.”

He shrugs, not able to get a word in before Matthew starts, “What if you met someone at work like how Steph and I met?”

“Yeah because there are so many single men walking around the maternity ward,” she says, her phone buzzing in front of her. “What about you, though, Seb, how’s Collins?” Anne asks, changing the subject.

“Eh,” he shrugs, his eyes wandering to Anne’s phone screen, “I’m not sure we’re going to last to graduation.”

“What?” Lucy squeals, causing Jason to jump as she threw her legs out of his lap. “I thought you said she was ‘the one’?”

Sebby looks down at his glass, a stupid smirk on his face. “Nah, that changed. She doesn’t want me to go to law school in Boston, she wants me to stay here or move to California with her.”

“But the adventure of moving with your girlfriend to another state!” Matthew offers, Stephanie rolling her eyes.

“Matthew, not everyone needs adventure like you do, hon.”

Anne’s phone buzzes again, a reminder that she had a text waiting for her. Picking it up before Sebby can see who it is, ever the nosy little brother, she sees a message from Tyson popping up as they continue their conversation about Sebby’s love life and Anne’s lack thereof. . They had only been texting for a few days since their encounter at the hospital, but every time his name came up she couldn’t help but smile, lifting the wine glass to her lips to cover it in hopes of her siblings not noticing.

How’s your Christmas been so far?

A simple ‘eh’ as a response was all that she needed to send. It could be worse, but her mom trying to set her up with a guy with a girlfriend was definitely not something that made for a good Christmas. The only thing that could be worse is if their dad came home early from the flight he was on with a guy he picked up in whatever country he had to go to that prompted him to miss the holiday. Normal dads who had to travel would bring their kids back little trinkets or a postcard, but Anne wouldn’t put it past Tony to borderline kidnap someone from the plane he was flying and bring them home for Anne.

Tyson’s contact comes up again, an incoming call that prompted Anne to step away so she could answer it. “What’s up?”

“You said your Christmas was ‘eh.’ What’s going on?”

“It’s a long story,” she groans, pressing her back up against the fridge.

“Well, what if I have something that might make it better?” he flirts.

“Oh? Like what”

“What if I said I’m 100% free to buy you that coffee any time tomorrow, since I know you said you didn’t have work, and you can tell me about Christmas then?”

Anne hears her siblings laugh not ten feet away, praying that they couldn’t hear her conversation. Taking in a deep breath, she knew that her cheeks were turning pink at his words. “Sure, that sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asks, walking back over to join her siblings.

“I’ll text you details,” he tells her, hanging up.

“Oh, my god,” Lucy yells, interrupting their conversation. “Anne was talking to a boy.”

“What the hell? What makes you think that?” she asks.

“Your cheeks are red," Lucy says, prompting Anne to raise her hand to feel the heat radiating from her face, "Who else would you be seeing tomorrow?” her sister eggs on, her eyebrow raised since she knew she was right.

Anne tries to find her words, unable to think of a name that wasn’t a guy's name to blurt out.

“Is it Tyson?” Sebby asks, Anne’s unlocked phone in his hand.

“You jackass!” she yells, lunging at her brother to try to get her phone back.

Teresa’s footsteps sound down the stairs, her poking her head between the gap in the stair rail and the steps themselves, Anne and Sebby looking like a deer in headlights when they see their mom. “I was coming to say that dinner was ready, but what’s going on here?”

“Anne has a boy she wasn’t telling us about,” Sebby blabs, earning an ‘I’ll kill you’ look from Anne.

“Oh! Annie!” their mom squeals, running down the stairs to pick her up off the ground and hug her. “Why didn’t you tell us about him?”

“I, uh,” Anne starts, still not sure what to say.

“You have to bring him to New Year’s Day at Uncle Vince’s house,” she tells her, the rest of the siblings following Anne being dragged back up the stairs for dinner, her mom announcing that Anne had a boyfriend when she, in fact, didn’t.

=============

December 26, 2021

“So, are you going to tell me why your Christmas was only ‘eh,’ or am I going to have to guess?” Tyson asks, setting down two cups of coffee in front of them. Tyson had asked Anne to meet him at a small coffee shop that was within walking distance of her apartment, thankful that she didn’t have to drive through Denver on the day where everyone was returning anything unwanted, like her Aunt Lisa returning one of the copies of the Agatha Christie novel that her and Sebby each got her.

Anne groans, the images of last night’s dinner flashing through her mind. “Can we talk about something else, first?”

“Fine,” Tyson says, taking a long sip of the coffee, “What did you get for gifts?”

She raises her eyebrow at him, Tyson mirroring her expression except with a goofy grin on his face. Rolling her eyes, she starts listing off the stuff she got: “My parents got me a new attachment for my KitchenAid stand mixer since my younger brother, Sebby, broke it last time he was over and a voucher for a flight anywhere in the country like they do every year, um, some gift cards from my aunts and uncles, my nieces all did their best attempts at drawing a portrait of me, Sebby told me he was going to come over and make dinner for me, which scares me because he can’t cook, Matthew and his wife got me some books they thought I would like, and Lucy and her husband got me this bracelet,” Anne tells him, extending her arm out to show him.

“I have so many questions,” Tyson starts.

“I might have answers,” Anne tells him, raising her cup to him.

“How big is your family?”

“I’m the third of four, Lucy and Matthew are twins and are about five years older than me, then Sebby is a year younger than me. Lucy has two daughters and Matthew has one. My dad has two brothers; one older, one younger. The older one has three kids, the younger has two and then three grandchildren.”

“Mom’s family?”

Anne looks down at her coffee. “I’m the only one who talks to anyone on that side of the family. My mom and her brother got into a fight when their parents died over what was left to them. My uncle has two daughters and two granddaughters.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking between the coffee and Anne.

She shrugs, not really bothered by it at this point. “It’s whatever. I talk to them because I want to, so it’s fine. What other questions do you have, though?”

“The ticket voucher?”

“Yeah,” Anne laughs, “Our dad is a pilot with Southwest Airlines, so every Christmas they give us a voucher to fly anywhere we want. They say they want to make sure that we take time for ourselves, but I think Dad gets some sort of bonus for every voucher he buys.”

Tyson throws his head back laughing. It wasn’t that funny, but seeing him so happy, Anne couldn’t help but smile back at him. “What about you, what did you get for Christmas?”

“My mom and sister flew down and basically restocked my kitchen for me.”

“Ok, that’s a great present, though,” she says. “Where was your dad?”

The smile from Tyson’s face fades, not looking up at Anne. “I never knew him. My mom and grandmother raised me.”

“Oh, Tyson,” she says, reaching out for his hand. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

He shrugs, a forced smile on his face. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything, I don’t think. My mom and my grandmother are the reason I am who I am. I wouldn’t give that up or change it.”

The two of them sit there, Anne trying to think about how many times she helped deliver a baby when the father was nowhere to be found. She normally figured they were busy or just not in the delivery room, not being there all together was something she couldn’t even begin to imagine. “But enough about me. Why was your Christmas ‘eh’?”

“My family has it in their heads that I need a boyfriend,” she admits, Tyson smirking at her words. “And my brother saw your texts coming up on my phone and being the asshole that he is, announced that I was texting a boy, so now, I need to find someone to bring with me to my uncle’s house on New Year’s Day that I can pass off as you.”

Tyson gives her a confused look. “Why wouldn’t you just bring me?”

Anne sits there, a shocked look on her face. “Because they think ‘Tyson’ is my boyfriend, and you aren’t?”

“So we pretend. They don’t need to know,” he shrugs, acting like it was no big deal.

“That would never work,” Anne dismisses him.

“Why not? You don’t think I’m a good actor?” Tyson whines, acting insulted at Anne’s words.

She scoffs, “Ok, one, hockey players are never good actors, and two, Sebby or Lucy are bound to figure out that you are not my boyfriend. Sebby wants to be a lawyer so he analyzes everything and Lucy is just this perfect anomaly of a human who would be bound to figure it out.”

“I think I can play your boyfriend for New Year’s Day,” he says, confidence dripping in his voice.

“No, I can’t have you do that.”

The maternity ward where Anne worked never ceased to be hectic, the miracle of life happening at least once an hour. No matter how much Anne had studied in nursing school, nothing could have prepared her for the stress that could come from thhe job, the long hours, the potential for something so right to turn so wrong in a minute, the way nothing can go planned since the baby dictated all, the mess that comes with every birth, or the joy that results from a former patient sending her the occasional picture of a baby she helped deliver as they’re growing up.

[refinedbuffoonery]

Hey love 🌸 I was wondering if you could write a story which would occur after Jack's potential death where Riley decides to get Kovac by herself using her hacking skills with no backup? On the Macriley front, Mac would certainly be pissed that she goes by her own and that he could potentially lost yet again a member of his family and Riley might have the exact same thought process to not include him. Though getting K doesn't change the guilt that Jack wouldn't have had to die if he had had help

So this isn’t really what you asked for, mainly because I’m too lazy to do a whole episode rewrite. It’s the same feelings but reformatted as more post- 5x05 angst. I think you’ll like it though. Fair warning: this one hurts way more than the previous 5x05 angst from Riley’s POV. 

*****

Mac has never been afraid of Riley before. 

He’s seen her angry and upset before, but the rage-filled woman he’d stopped from killing Vitez with her bare hands is someone he’s never seen before. 

The frightening part is that Riley isn’t a hot-headed person. In work mode, she’s cold and calculating, and for her to go after Vitez like that...something inside her snapped. 

Every time he looks at her now, Mac remembers holding Riley back, fingers digging sharply into her waist until she stopped fighting him. He sees the fury radiating off Riley’s body like heat waves off asphalt—sees the way she clings to it, finds purpose in it, letting it consume her so there’s no room for guilt or grief. 

Mac knows the feeling all too well. And he also knows there will be a very loud thud when she finally comes crashing back down. 

But he also knows that the woman is like a loaded gun, safety off and itching to hit something. 

Which is why he worries when Matty calls them in for an op and Riley isn’t there. She’s at Vitez’s trial, Matty informs them, but that doesn’t make Mac feel any better. This new Riley is obsessively vengeful, and if someone doesn’t reel her back in soon, Mac is afraid Riley might do something she can’t come back from.

After the op, Mac drives to Riley’s apartment. Upon arrival, his ears are assaulted by Riley’s upstairs neighbor blasting Macklemore’s greatest hits. Mac hears the lyrics clear as day, even though both his truck windows and the apartment windows are closed. The music is just that loud. Riley really shouldn’t have moved out of Mac’s house, not if this was her best option. 

The GTO is missing. Riley should be back from the trial by now, but Mac has a sneaking suspicion where she went. 

The drive to Jack’s apartment seems to take forever. The brick building sits in an older neighborhood, one of few affordable ones with trees planted along the sidewalks—a luxury in LA. Sure enough, the GTO is parked on the curb, not far from the fire escape that connects to Jack’s living room. Mac looks up and sees a familiar body perched on the stairs. 

He finds Riley sitting on the fire escape, soaking in the last rays of sunlight. Her eyes are closed, and her head rests against the brick wall. Mac doesn’t say anything as he sits beside her on the narrow metal stairs, their hips and thighs just touching. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Should he hug Riley? Hold her hand? Leave her alone? She’s not a super touchy person. Mac decides on the latter, picking at his fingernails while his gaze drifts west to study the sunset. 

Several minutes pass before Riley speaks. “Hey,” she offers. Her voice is low and scratchy, like she’s been crying. 

“Hey,” Mac repeats. “How long have you been here?” 

Riley shifts beside him, sitting up. “I don’t know. A while.” 

“This isn’t the first time you’ve come here, is it?” 

A sigh. “No, it’s not.” Mac figures as much. Aside from the constant clamor of the city, Jack’s apartment is relatively quiet. It’s not in the greatest neighborhood, but it’s safe enough for Riley to sit alone and think. Or not think. Whatever she feels like doing. 

Riley rests her head on Mac’s shoulder, and a wave of protectiveness floods his system. It’s new, this need to watch her back more than the others’. It came on so gradually that Mac doesn’t know when it started or what triggered it, only that he feels it all the time now. Especially after Jack’s…

He avoids examining the feeling too closely. 

Without warning, Riley says, “If you hadn’t held me back, I would’ve killed her.” 

Knowing exactly who she’s talking about, Mac glances down at Riley in surprise. He knows it's true—thought so himself—but hearing it come out of her mouth makes his stomach turn. The last, and only, time Riley killed someone...it took her months to piece herself back together afterward. And that death was in self-defense. 

This one would’ve been murder. Intentional and vindictive. 

Mac isn’t sure Riley could come back from that, at least not as herself. No, the woman who would emerge from that would be a total stranger inside his best friend’s body. Mac suppresses a shiver. 

“I know,” he says. 

��Thank you for stopping me.” Riley’s voice is quiet. So, so quiet. 

“You would’ve done the same for me.” Gingerly, Mac wraps his arm around Riley’s shoulders, ready to let go at the first sign of her discomfort. When she doesn’t react, he relaxes and holds her more surely. 

The sky is painted in vibrant oranges and reds, fading into deep blue overhead. Subtle strokes of pink outline the scattered clouds hanging above the horizon. Out of all the sunsets Mac has seen, all over the world, nothing quite compares to the ones here at home. He wishes Jack was here to see it. 

Mac spends far too long debating whether to bring it up before asking, “Why did you go to the trial?” Agents, especially secret ones, don’t go to trials, mostly to keep their identities safe. Publicly tying oneself to a case is never a good idea, for more reasons that Mac can begin to name. 

“I swore I’d be there every step of the way. I meant it.” Mac tries not to bristle at the snarling, defensive edge to Riley’s tone. “Eventually, she’ll make a mistake, and I will be there when she does. And then I’m going to rip out her entire organization from the roots up.” 

Fear wraps its ugly hand around Mac’s heart. Until every single person associated with Kovac is behind bars, there will be a target on Riley’s back, and Riley will have put it there herself. Losing one person to Kovac is more than enough; Mac refuses to lose Riley too. 

“How can I help you?” 

Riley looks up, eyes wide like she was expecting him to try to talk her out of it, not offer to help. “You don’t have to do that.” 

“And miss out on all the fun?” Mac almost smiles as he quotes her. Almost. 

She sits up. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m going to hack Interpol first, to see which of her colleagues might also be dirty. So unless you secretly picked up hacking…” 

Mac huffs. “Sorry, I only hack hardware.” He expected some insane, crackhead plan, not something so…reasonable. Maybe Riley isn’t as off-the-rails as he thought. 

But only maybe. 

A seagull perches on the railing below them, honking and squawking for seemingly no reason at all. Gulls are just like that. It glares at Mac, pinning him to his spot with a beady yellow eye, challenging Mac to shoo it away. 

Go find some tourists to harass, Mac wants to snark at it. Leave us alone. 

The seagull cocks its head, as if to say, I know something you don’t. 

Mac narrows his eyes. I bet you do. 

He swears the seagull shrugs before taking off, flying low over the GTO before sailing over rooftops on its way back to the ocean. It passes a billboard advertising a new blockbuster spy thriller, the product of millions of dollars and Hollywood plot recycling. Mac’s seen the trailer. The movie is about a soldier who comes home and joins the CIA in a quest for retribution after his best friend comes home in a box. Usually Mac likes watching spy movies—mostly to make fun of them—but this one hits a little too close to home. 

It takes a monumental effort to tear his gaze away. 

When his eyes finally meet Riley’s, Mac understands the silent ache in them—the ache that’s surely reflected in his own eyes. He and Riley are drowning, but at least they’re drowning together. Mac frowns. That must be the dimmest “on the bright side” thought he’s ever had. 

Riley doesn’t say anything more, so neither does Mac. They sit on the fire escape until long after the sun sets and the temperature drops, and the city's nightlife stretches its limbs as it wakes. Mac shivers, but Riley seems oddly unaffected by the cold. That or she’s too numb to notice. 

He threads his still semi-warm fingers through her icy ones, letting their joined hands rest on his knee. It seems like his last tether to the Riley he knows and loves, one who’s slowly slipping away from him and being replaced by a woman who might very well bring the world to its knees as payback for all that it’s done to her. 

Mac has no interest in ever meeting that woman. Mostly because he refuses to lose his Riley, but also because Mac knows he won’t be able to resist that other Riley. She will slash his restraint beyond repair, and Mac would follow her to the ends of the earth. 

He’ll find a way to keep them both afloat. He has to. 

Or else the Phoenix may very well be hunting him and Riley again, and this time, they’d deserve it.

[bronzebtch]

though it is begrudging, rhea cannot help from extending a crumb of respect to the hand.

she, too, after all, had greeted plenty of lords without rising from her desk or looking at them completely until she has deemed that they are fully worthy of their attention. or, she supposes, rather than respect, there is an odd and profound fascination with the act that she had displayed so many times to others being now reflected back to her. and how common, she realises, these sort of mannerisms could come across those of nobleborn when rhea knew, with a heartfelt intensity of any fond memories she held, that not once had her father taught her to behave so dismissively of others. no. yorbert royce was a firm lord when need be, but he was also courteous, and ardent, and warm.

yorbert royce had also not been married off to a spouse who had vehemently reject him. then stood to watch as the same spouse not only wilfully neglect him, but they neglect the duty they have taken an oath to, and had lain disrespect and insults of him whenever the opportunity arise. yorbert royce did not have to take the seat to his ancestral keep, and had had to learn to defend it completely on his own, and without the support he was promised. he had the space to be courteous and ardent and warm. he was not born a woman, plain and simple — and though rhea cannot fault her father for that, all the same, she cannot help from feeling envious whenever she recalled it.

she wonders sometimes if he had ever had an inkling that her marriage was barren and spiteful, and that the house of the dragon have betrayed them, have turned their backs upon their oath, or had he died in ignorant bliss — sincerely believing that his daughter was well, and she will be kept safe under a targaryen's protection, and that their family line will continue to prosper ? rhea does not know. not all wonderings help; not all wonderings provide one with comfort. and so she doesn't. not much, not anymore.

❝ i suppose that is where we differ, my lord. i care not what my husband disrespects me with regardless of time or place. i have taken worse insults at his tongue. surely a lord as distinguished as you, who have seen many in your time servicing the court, and with far more experience than i, would know to give him as much attention as one would to the boy who cried wolf. ❞ direct, sharp, and short enough of a cuss or a mocking tone that it will not be considered impolite. though one cannot disagree: rhea royce does not mince her words.

❝ i seek you, lord hand, for i wonder if my letter regarding runestone's request for the crown's aid to support my mission in uniting most of the mountain tribesmen have been reviewed. ❞

" lady rhea, " he greeted with the slightest dip of his head, a sign of respect though he made no move to rise from his desk nor look at her directly. the lady of runestone remained an extension of her lord husband, no matter the state of their relationship and how often the prince referred to her as he did. they were too much of the same for otto to set aside his grievances with the rogue prince with the rare dealings with his estranged wife. the truth of the matter was that the lord hand would rather not deal with either of them and if he had his way, daemon would stay permanently in the vale where he could not cause trouble within the court. but viserys' weakness for his brother had allowed his return to court and his continuous misbehaviours.

why do you let him rile you so? he ignores her mention of prince daemon's offer at the council meeting. a matter, he would not lash out at her as he did the prince, as he held no ill will or hate towards daemon's lady wife, no matter his feelings for the rogue prince. " is there a reason you have sought me out, lady rhea? " he implored, tapping the excess ink off his quill before he set it to the side. he could not imagine she had sought him out to offer herself to him, nor would he accept such an offer from her or the wastrel she called a husband. he remained the hand of the king, no matter how daemon targaryen treated or envisioned him.

" your husband seeks only to paint me in a bad light before the king, a farce we have long grown used to in his time on the council. he disrespects us both by speaking such things before the king and council. "

[itsnothingofinterest]

I’ve often said that it seems like a lot of the main pros below All Might seem to end up representing serious flaws in hero society; specifically the ones on the hero side of things. So as a fun little exercise I thought I’d go over all those main pros and what flaws they represent (should be easy, they’re usually their own personal character flaws). Maybe also give my assessment to what I think their chances of living to the end of the series are while I’m at it, since representing serious flaws in the old guard can be hazardous to your health if treated poorly.

Endeavor

A man who needs no introduction if you’re any kind of HeroAca fan. love or hate him, everyone knows the new no.1.

Funnily enough, he’s actually the main exception to the rule we mentioned before about a pros’ character flaw being the flaw they thematically represent. See, his character flaw is that he focus so much on heroics, his career in heroics, or just his own general needs over his family; to the point that he only had a family to have children he could live vicariously though, and felt no obligation to love the ones he couldn’t live through. What he represents, is actually two-fold: 1) the toxicity of the ranking system which makes heroics so competitive and encourage heroes focus on some arbitrary number, and 2) the power heroes have that let them do horrible things and get away with it. They’re connected concepts, for sure, but not exactly synonymous.

And with that said, what are his chances of survival? Well, the ranking toxicity is out of his hands, but besides that...it can be hard to tell. He has, under semi-aggressive guidance of his family, publicly taken responsibility for the things he’s done and vowed to make up for it; which helps his chances considerably. But in that same scene he also said that the only way he can atone is to keep doing what he’s always done; beat up villains and at least 1 family member. It sends a mixed message. But in general; I want to say that he’s gotten enough development that he doesn’t feel set to fail his arc now. I’d be tempted to say his chances look pretty good...were it not for all the separate reasons I think he’s likely to die anyway. Oh well, no one’s situation can be perfect.

Hawks

The controversial hero; Hawks!

I’ve summarized Hawks’ main flaw before as ‘hubris’, partially because he’s an Icarus figure so generalizing it like that feels clever, but it’s a bit more complex than that. Hawks main flaw isn’t so much pride as it is self-righteousness. Hawks represents the belief that everything is just right as it is, and the status quo must therefore be protected at all costs. A denial that the heroes he believes in have done anything wrong even after staring their mistakes in the face and spending months talking with those the heroes failed. In fact to contrast Endeavor’s line to the press; Hawks tried to excuse what he did as though it had to be done. That’s the opposite of promising.

With that said, what are his chances of survival? Well, I’d actually put him at 50/50 odds; since I see 2 endings for him, and it’s too early to tell which is more likely. See, while we’ve only got two instances of a “pattern,” Hawks seems like a guy who falls to the ground, recovers and gets back up, only to fall even further down because he never learns. So his two futures are either: A) To actually learn. Take a fall so hard that in the aftermath, he can’t convince himself he was right all along. Maybe he gets Endeavor killed, or does something to sever their relationship. Something that’d force him to self-reflect. B) To take a fall so hard it proves fatal; his mistakes catching up to him in a way that doesn’t give him a chance to self-reflect.

Best Jeanist

Sir Long Neck McImagine Obsession himself.

Best Jeanist represents the self-interest in hero society can have over justice itself. Already known for being focused on superficial image; he’s dramatic reappearance revealed just how deep that went. For when it’s revealed by a villain that a hero has committed great crimes that ended up motivating that villain’s actions; Jeanist’s immediate concern was the damage this would do to the reputation of heroes. More than what kind of person he’s been working alongside, and even more than saving lives, Jeanist’s first thought went the wellbeing of the industry he works in and how bad they would collectively look to the public; that’s what he’s most angry at Dabi for.

Chances of survival are...maybe 40-50%? There’s no real leaning one way or another frankly, so that kind of feels like it’d put him at even odds for the exact opposite reason as Hawks. Will he live? Will he die? Who can say? Leaning just a bit towards death though, because again, representing flaws in the old guard can be hazardous to your health.

Mirko

And here we have the violent one.

While I’m tempted to lump this one with Hawks, I actually think Ms.Mirko represents the heroes use of incredible violence best. See, Mirko is someone who really likes to beat people up, even once in a spin-off said Bakugou’s drive to murder was a good thing in a hero. And while she won’t even feel the need to kill like Hawks apparently did, her response to fighting the High End Nomu was something like “finally, some villains I get to just kill with no ethical issues, that makes things easy”. (Which, considering the High Ends are sentient is, um, hmm). Her love of violence borders on villainous, and she freely admits it is simple obligation that prevents her from crossing that boundary. It’s reminiscent of when Shigaraki pondered what the difference really was between heroes’ & villains’ violence. And, well, if it closes the gap in morality between heroes and villains, it’s going on this list.

Regarding her chances of survival, like Jeanist she’s not exactly defined enough to really say anything for sure or end up on any extreme end; I’ve no real reason to think she’s very likely live or die. That said; on the one hand she seems a bit more eagerly reveling in the flaw she represents, plus a blood knight getting back into the fight after sustaining heavy injuries is never a good sign. On the other hand, Horikoshi clearly likes her for reasons we won’t address here. I think I’m gonna average it out to 50%. Maybe even 60%.

Kamui Woods & Mt. Lady

You wouldn’t think some of the most plain as bread heroes would be joining the ranks of the problematic, and in fairness that’s because they mostly aren’t, but they are the ones who best represent a serious issues with heroes. They represent the way heroes will focus on flashiness & the problems they cause/exasperate in the process. Misconduct performed in the quest for fame; in so many words. Kamui showed this in chapter 1; calling a giant purse snatcher “evil incarnate” because that villain was attention grabbing and disturbing the peace. This is especially noticeable in hindsight, after we’ve see some real problems heroes could be dealing with but aren’t; like lost children on their way to becoming villains. And Mt. Lady represent it by how she operates in a big city despite her powers really working better for more rural or neighborly environments; because city work makes her more popular and rakes in the cash (that she loses paying for repairs).

That said, even if those are flaws I feel are highly associated with them, none of that is stuff they’re actively involved in; they’re naïve at best, and have already improved considerably (for minor characters at least) into better heroes. Frankly speaking, their changes of survival are probably averaging at 85% (80% for Kamui, 90% for Mt.). Like, they’re not gag characters per se; but they’re not super serious characters, they’re not connected to the MCs in any real way, and they don’t knowingly contribute to any of society’s corruptions. Really, so long as big H doesn’t really want to off someone we know for a shock, they’re probably fine.

Gran Torino

And lastly, the only non-big shot on the list, the unpleasant old geezer himself; Gran Torino!

What GT represents better than any other, I think, is the idea of passing any blame a hero may have for the actions/very existence of a villain on to the villain in question, thus allowing the heroes to better absolve themselves. You know like how with Shigaraki, he ignores any fault he has with that guys’ existence and simplifies him down to a criminals they can only beat down; and how dare he exist and thereby hurt Toshinori’s feelings. On that note, I’d say he also represents the idea that the villains are what they are, they’re too far gone, and there’s nothing the heroes can do about it. The most convenient excuse to not ever have to try to make up for what they did wrong, which you can’t even blame them too much for because they “tried their best” (even if they really didn’t).

So, what are his odds? Well frankly I wanna put him at 0% just cause he’s so old that if a villain doesn’t get him, time will. But that’s cheating. In actuality, it’s hard to say; dude’s a stubborn old man, and it really feels like it will depend on his ability to admit how wrong he handled things regarding Tomura. Now admittedly, he did admit to making the wrong choice in handling Kotaro, but he’s said nothing of Tomura so far. For now I’ll put him at 30%, but we’ll have to see if he sticks to his guns regarding current events next time he talks with All Might or whoever to really get a gasp on his chances.

And that’s about all the big ones so we’ll wrap it up. Anyway the point is it feels like a lot of heroes are gonna need to get their acts together lest they risk coming down with Not Alive Syndrome sometime in the future.

[linkspooky]

Shigaraki’s Family

Shigaraki has to date fought against villains, won, and then taken something from them in his victory. This time however he’s not up against a villain but a bad hero. The lesson Shigaraki is going to learn from Endeavor is exactly as he says: you heroes hurt your own families just to help complete strangers. Family is more important. It’s also what makes him the opposite of Endeavor, Shigaraki always chooses his found family over his own ambitions, whereas Endeavor puts his ambitions to be a hero over his family. MORE UNDER THE CUT.

1. Shigaraki and Endeavor

There is actually a lot of connecting threads between Shigaraki and Endeavor’s characters. They are both characters who are considered inferior replacements to the previous king of both the hero and villain worlds, Shigaraki is called a worthless successor again and everybody prefers All Might to Endeavor. 

They are also characters who both believe they need to become stronger than anyone. Their quirks are partially incompatible with their bodies and they often hurt themselves going overboard using them and because of that they feel weak even when they are strong. Shigaraki in part - chooses to have Ujiko experiment on his body, even if it is an influenced choice. They both try to settle things with power first. 

However even in that they are different: Shigaraki was raised to believe by AFO that he owed AFO, continually made to feel unworthy for everything AFO had given him and had his ambition to be king of villains thrown on his shoulders. Endeavor decided to do those things all on his own from a position of relative financial security and safety within hero society. 

However, the way they treat the people closest to them is completely opposite. The League of VIllains that Shigaraki creates is again and again remarked upon as a place where people are allowed to be themselves. The league is a place of trust and acceptance. It’s remarked several times that the league genuinely trusts one another. 

Consider Shigaraki’s main personality traits, anti-social, awkward, immature. He’s modeled to act like a NEET and an overgrown manchild. He easily could have made no connection at all to the League of Villains. He could have stayed the person he was at the start of the story, someone willing to kill new recruits five minutes after meeting them. He could have even run things like AFO, choosing to either turn his followers into worshippers, or act entirely from the shadows controlling them like a puppeteer. 

My point being - Shigaraki is not the easiest person to get along with, or even understand, and yet he made a deliberate choice to get closer to the league. The league is this way because Shigaraki is this way. The league values people first, because Shigaraki puts people first. It’s who he is at the core of his being. Tenko played with the kids nobody else would play with, stood up to bullies, and wanted to be a hero even when his father told him no. That part of Shigaraki hasn’t changed. 

It’s Shigaraki himself who creates the healthy environment of the league. Somewhere along the way, Shigaraki began to consider them a family. Even if he’s not direct in stating it, or even as outwardly friendly as Twice about it. 

Shigaraki’s definition of family is made clear in his dreams and flashback. Family doesn’t reject you. Shigaraki in making the league his family sets out to do the opposite of what his father did, create a place where the people close to him are accepted for who they are and valued as individuals. They aren’t judged by their quirk, or even their contribution to the team. Giran is saved even after he stops being useful, Spinner’s quirk is so weak he can only cling to walls and yet he’s trusted as one of the top members. 

The way Shigaraki treats his own family - his allies is the exact opposite of Endeavor. He doesn’t try to control who they are, he doesn’t force them, but he does lead and they choose to follow. Even members who insist again and again that they don’t care about the other members of the league, and they’re not in it to help Shigaraki like Dabi are trusted. 

Compare this to Endeavor’s interactions with Hawks, someone who has been in Endeavor’s corner from the beginning and yet someone Endeavor absolutely refuses to trust or even understand a little bit. Shigaraki always gives Dabi free reign, Endeavor snaps at and threatens Hawks several times, getting angry in all of their interactions. 

If the League is somewhere where you are free to choose who you are, Endeavor creates an oppressive environment. Even if he is repentant about his past actions with Shoto, he still takes every oppurtunity he possibly can to mould Shoto into who he wants him to be. 

Even post redemption - Shouto has to be his heir, Shouto has to master his technique. Not only that but if Endeavor suddenly decides he wants to act more like father and son Shouto has to go along with that too. Endeavor’s view of the world is still self-centered. He’s the patriarch,he’s in a position of power, and he uses that to revolve everything around his own desires for other people. 

In Shigaraki’s words, Endeavor rejects who Shoto is.

Endeavor has status, prestige, and connections in the hero world and he uses that to get what he wants: Shoto working alongside him, Shoto learning from him, Shoto allowing him to pass on his technique flash fire. When Shoto is reluctant, Endeavor will put pressure on him, send him multiple messages, contact him when he’s not wanted. When Shoto doesn’t want to play father son with Endeavor, and only wants to apprentice to him in an official capacity Endeavor acts disappointed. 

Endeavor still views Shoto as the one he pours the most attention into because Shoto has the strongest quirk. Endeavor creates an oppressive environment, Shoto is not free, Shoto is not valued as an individual. 

The one good thing Endeavor does is back off with Natsuo and Fuyumi, and allow them to live in a house separate from him even though he personally wants to be with the rest of his family. However, his behavior towards Shoto for the most part hasn’t changed (which is you know the foiling, Endeavor did to Shoto what AFO did to Shigaraki). 

2. Family First

Endeavor’s ambitions will always be more important than his family. We see this in the choices he makes so far his arc. Let’s look at the last thing Endeavor remarked upon before the battle started. 

He regrets that Toya, a child he was responsible for died under his watch. We still don’t know the exact circumstances but considering the parallel with Shigaraki it’s very possible, Endeavor’s ambitions to be a hero were what directly hurt his own son. 

If Endeavor is repetant then family should come first before his ambitions correct: but here are the choices Endeavor makes this arc. 

Remember Endeavor is someone who literally tried to raise a child soldier, by forcing five year old Shoto into aggressive quirk training. He of all people should be sensitive to what exactly is wrong with the Hero Commission’s plans to use children and students as a backup against villains who will be using lethal force in a war zone to try to kill them. 

Not only that but he chooses this action without permission and without consent of the families of the children. Natsuo and Fuyumi have no idea what is happening to Shoto right now. 

In general, the heros choose actions again and again to put the people they should be responsible for into danger. When Midnight is being overwhelmed by villains rather than telling the children she’s supposed to be protecting to retreat from the monster capable of destroying cities she asks them to do something illegal.

Whereas, the league always makes the opposite choice this arc. They choose to protect one another in the tight knit family group. 

The league watches out for each other’s well being. 

Shigaraki’s first order was to bring his family to him. Gigantomachia would have made it to Shigaraki’s side already, if Shigaraki didn’t value the league so much that he protected them first over himself and instructed Gigantomachia to do so as well. 

The heroes right now are choosing again and again to sacrifice not only the individual, but the individuals they are personally responsible and let them go into danger for the sake of a victory. 

The villains are making the opposite choice. Shigaraki is personally responsible for the found family of the league as the leader, and the league’s every choice has always been to protect each other and put the safety of their allies first rather than sacrificing them for a cause. It’s even reflected in Twice’s final choice that leds to his death. He cares more about the league  to the point where he acknowledges he might be thrown out after all of this is over and still chooses to use his last act protecting them anyway. 

While yes, the heroes do make these sacrifices to protect innocent people. Innocent people also get hurt from these same heroes. Hawks was innocent, a disadvantaged child that the hero commission took advantage of. Shoto was innocent, but raising him up as a hero was more important than Shoto’s health and well being as a child. Heroes are supposedly making these sacrifices to protect innocents, and yet innocents still get hurt underneath the hero system that they’re giving everything to protect. 

That’s why the themes of friendship and even family resonate so well with the league of villains because we’ve seen them consistently choose each other over and over again. That is likely what Shigaraki is going to awaken to at the end of his fight with Endeavor, that he’s not doing this for ambition like Endeavor, or AFO, that he really is fighting against the whole world to protect his small family. 

[technomaestro]

Top 5 Video Game Soundtracks

Ok. Let's try this *again*. I had a whole thing written up and I accidentally refreshed the page, so tumblr ate the entire thing, and I lost it.

Destiny 2 There's a reason D2 is one of my all time favorite games, and the music for it is one of those reasons. Destiny 2's sweeping orchestral soundtrack is full of songs that encapsulate that grand, epic nature of the world and conflict you find yourself in as the Guardian. From the mission tracks like 1AU/Forge Ahead , Valkyrie, and Guns Blazin which provide this cinematic backdrop as you fight for your victories, to the epic swelling of the raid bosses where the tension in their first phases is replaced with triumphant moments where the tide turns as seen in Riven of a Thousand Voices or Insurrection Prime (even the most hated boss in Destiny has a pretty baller theme with tons of brass in it as you get ready to put him in his grave one last time after fighting him multiple times throughout the raid). Locations such as the Dreaming City have tracks that manage to encapsulate the mystery and history behind each location. No matter my feelings and critiques on the gameplay or the story, the music in Destiny 2 is just an absolute gift of musical genius. Michael Salvatori (yes, that same Michael Salvatori from Halo) is one of my favorite composers for the work he's put into that series. Favorite track: Journey ft. Kronos Quartet. This is the song that plays after the deafening silence that comes from escaping the city during the initial Red War campaign, where you montage your way through an unforgiving wilderness, powerless, as the city fades into the distance behind you. You've been beaten, your home taken from you, but the music swells with hope as you follow a sign from the Traveler - and you know you'll return to reclaim your city. I highly recommend taking a peek at the mission, as you can't play it anymore, to see what I mean as to how the track absolutely enhances the experience.

Hades Supergiant games - the people behind Bastion and Transistor, two other games with amazing soundtracks - really did knock it out of the park with Hades. This game's soundtrack is a wonderful blend of classic acoustic instruments (Check it out - it's called a Bağlama) mixed with metal and electronica to create a theme that evokes not only the aesthetics of the region, but also give it a modern twist that meshes with the dark, haunting vibes of the underworld that you reside in. Each track flows so well from one into the next, mixing perfectly with each area or character you encounter. And the two musical characters you encounter - Orpheus and Eurydice - add in plenty of musical flair to the game themselves. The motifs present in the songs are called back frequently to make it a coherent, consistent soundtrack, and it remixes so incredibly well. Favorite Track: God of the Dead - the theme for the final boss of each run, this track is incredible. Not only does it reflect the theme of Zagreus in a different key, showing the link between Hades and his son, before delving into this heavy, frantic track that perfectly encapsulates having to fight

Payday 2 There are exactly two ways to play Payday 2. The first is stealth - you won't have much in the way of music as you silently slip by cops, cameras, and civilians to reach your score. The other is the way I play, where you suit up in the heaviest body armor you can get, grab two automatic shotguns, and go to town to some of the best soundtracks in the game. Payday 2 has a unique musical cue system with it's audio during loud heists, where it amps up the tracks in time with what the cops are doing. At first, before you've been detected, you have the Stealth track which is always low and very basic to not intrude. In low points, like when you first go loud and the first responders arrive on the scene, you're in a Control track. Then, as the police gear up, it switches to a higher temp Anticipation Track, and then when the police storm your position, the Assault track. So each "song" in Payday 2 is actually 4 songs in one, that the game blends seamlessly together in order to match the audio with the gameplay. It's an incredibly clever system that keeps you immersed in the tension of the heist even as Bain, your mastermind, calls out over comms with instructions. And it helps that almost all of the tracks are exceptional bangers in their own right, with amped up electronica with great percussion and bass lines alongside rebellious hard hitting metal and rock. But during those assault tracks, there's something satisfying about hearing the build, reloading your guns, then timing you leaving cover to unleash fury with the bass drop. There's a great playlist here with links to the different types of tracks if you want to take a peek yourself. Favorite Track: I Will Give You My All - one of the few tracks with built in vocals. This particular track feels like the exact kind of music I'd see in a movie, and with the build I run in game for Loud stuff at the moment which incentivizes me running face first at bulldozers and cloakers, giving it my all is *exactly* what I intend to do in that game.

Horizon Zero Dawn HZD's soundtrack is full of the same sort of sweeping orchestral stuff that made me love Destiny 2, with tracks that serve to accentuate the world around you. The only reason it's down here at 4 and not higher is because there's a somewhat lack of variety; as a singleplayer story game, most of the music you encounter tends to be in cutscenes, rather than during gameplay. That isn't a *bad* thing however, and over the hundreds, if not thousands of games I've played, reaching #4 on the list is no small feat. The actual orchestral bits pair so well with being able to cultivate this theme of a world full of grandeur, the kind of which you'd see in nature documentaries. The various tracks illicit this feeling of a long forgotten hope, which if you know anything about the plot, ties in perfectly. The music that *does* play outside of the incredible cutscenes add to the world's aesthetic so well, pairing the sort of instruments you'd find people playing in the civilizations you encounter with the environments you find them in. Even the battle music, when there is battle music, is a tense affair; the game incentivizes you to stalk your prey, as Aloy is not a frontline fighter: she's a hunter among predators, and the music matches that tone. Favorite Track: A tie between Aloy's Journey, which provides not only natural sounds mixed with the instruments of the Nora and the underpinning of techno that permeates the story (in addition to one of my favorite musical things where you have these grand sweeping vocals that aren't actually lyrics) and Your Hand of Sun And Jewels, which gives off this sort of air of walking through city streets in golden sunlight, where people dance just a block away and you can smell the fragrant spices of the local cuisine. It makes me yearn and if I listen to it on full blast I can forget that I'm stuck at home for a moment.

Pokemon Heart Gold & Soul Silver Pokemon OSTs hold a special place in my heart because as much as I loved games as a kid, getting started on things like Mappy for the NES (which, now that I write that, really shows how fuckin *old* I am), Pokemon was one of the first things that I basically turned into my personality as a child. Silver version especially was one of the ones that *truly* got me going, as in Blue version I always felt one step behind my brother but Silver was *my* game, my generation. I have extremely fond memories of that game, from the Lake of Rage to trying to beat a ghost gym with a Sentret and it taking four hours because normal types and ghost types are just... immune to each other. But when Soul Silver came out and remastered the soundtrack, it brought back this wave of nostalgia. The bit tunes I remember had been brought to life, in a way that was recognizably Pokemon. Hearing it again brought back the waves of wanting to journey and be a hero again that when the game came out, I was sorely missing. The music in the game is upbeat and chipper, befitting a near solarpunk world that I want to live in. Iconic tracks remain iconic but with a bit of cultural flair, showing that the Johto region hasn't lost touch with it's roots. While it isn't the almighty trumpeting of Gen 3, the nostalgic tracks that are already evocative of nostalgia brings a yearning back for a time when things were simpler and I could just play games. Also, the Rival theme is *rocking*. Favorite Track: Route 26 Theme. Route 26 is also known as Tohjo Falls, the place which connects Johto and Kanto together. And for me, this route represents having reached a triumph and the energy to explore what's next. It's a critique directly against the Hero's Journey's unfortunate end, that they can never go home - the hero here *can* go home, but they choose to set out again for new sights. It's full of the fact that when it plays, you're taking your steps into something new, something bold, and full of new challenges that await you. It is, by far, one of my favorite tracks and the orchestral version brings me to tears.

[lxme-xss-imxgines]

When the Day Met the Night

Prompt: What happens when polar opposite celestial beings are plopped onto an island alone in mortal form?

Pairing: reader (moon) x jung hoseok (sun) 

Genre: fluff, angst, bad flow of writing lmfaooo n e way 

Word count: 4.6k

Warnings: !!!!!! attempted suicide (nothing graphic), SO much angst 

A/N: wow I love the song When the Day Met the Night by P!ATD, so here’s this lil thing. its kind of short but cute ???? Still not rlly sure if I like it or not but yk hahahaha n e way enjoy :)

***

when the moon fell in love with the sun

all was golden in the sky

all was golden when the day met the night

 The moment the sun was created, he knew his job. Begin the day on earth and then bring it to an end. It was simple, as the earth and everything else revolved around him - quite literally. He didn’t really have anything to occupy his time, so he tended to do a lot of thinking. 

One of his many questions, perhaps the one he thought about most, 

“What happens when I go down? Is it just  . . . darkness?”

He didn’t expect that one day, he would get his answer. 

When the sun found the moon

She was drinking tea in the garden 

Under the green umbrella trees

In the middle of summer

He had never thought that he would be anything more than a hot ball of fire in the sky. So when a piece of him detached and began to float somewhere new, he was worried. 

Would he be able to return to the rest of him to become whole again? Where exactly was he going? To bring light somewhere else?

Not quite. 

A voice rings and it startles him as he continues his journey through the universe, just drifting about. 

“Who are you? Where are you taking me?” 

Don’t be so nervous, Hoseok. There’s someone we want you to meet. 

“I- I have so many questions. Who are you? Who am I to meet? Hoseok . . . is that my name?”

We’re everything and nothing all at once; don’t think about it too hard. 

He did. 

You’ll be okay. Rest assured. We’ll talk again on your trip back. 

“Wait! You still haven’t told me-” 

Until later, Hoseok. Enjoy your time. 

A bright light is suddenly visible, almost seeming to bring a light ache. 

He can feel something beneath him, not hard but not too soft either. It was comfortable. Slowly, the light began to dim. He could feel something tickling him, and a sound erupts from him - laughter? Hoseok thinks to himself. 

New vocabulary seemed to rest in his head, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to use it properly or not. Or even what to use it for. 

Over the past few minutes, the brightness in his eyes has completely faded to somehow reveal a pale blue sky with clouds scattered amongst it. 

Is this what they see? 

He looks down at his surroundings, the amount and vibrancy of colors shocking his eyes open even wider. 

The green grass, the multicolored flowers, a fountain flowing ever so softly a few yards in front of his feet. A stone path lay to his right. 

Hoseok prays that no one is watching him as he takes his very first steps ever, as it is quite embarrassing, like a colt attempting to stand for the first time. He takes notice that his legs are rather long - how old is this body that he’s inhabiting? He has no real concept of human age, but assumes in the very least that he is in a fully matured form. 

He thinks he’s safe once he gets a little more confident in his steps, taking it little by little. 

And then he hears the faintest laugh, startling him and he loses balance, landing in the grass on his hands and knees.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I really didn’t mean to startle you. I didn’t really think I was capable of doing so . . .” 

He wearily looks up to face the owner of the voice, feeling his cheeks heat from his own embarrassment. 

When the moon found the sun

He looked like he was barely hanging on

But her eyes saved his life

In the middle of summer

He didn’t really know what to expect, but he surely wasn’t expecting her.

Long silver hair framed her face, matching her set of silver eyes that were glimmering as she looked down at him. Her skin held a glow, not quite like his, but more subtle. Yet it was somehow more eye-catching, the glimmer that spread across her skin catching every ray of his light and reflecting. 

“I-uh,” Hoseok shakes his head, finally reaching for her hand,”you don’t have to apologize. It’s just kind of embarrassing is all.” 

He pulls himself up with the help of this mystery girl, finally feeling like his legs are his own. 

They kind of stand there for a second, hands still touching as they observe each other. However, Hoseok startles out of it first, pulling his hand away. 

“Um, I suppose you’re who I’m to meet? I’m Hoseok . . . I guess you may know me as the guy that lights up the Earth and what not.” he tilts his head, wondering if he’ll get recognition. 

Her eyes widen like saucers, her mouth dropping open slightly,”You’re the sun? They didn’t tell me I would be meeting you! Oh goodness, I feel so unprepared . . . “ her hands come up to squish her face out of anxiety, and she completely forgets to return the introduction. 

“I, uh . . . can I know your name?” 

She looks up with a small gasp, her hand coming up to hit her forehead,”I’m sorry, I’m such a space case. No pun intended. I’m y/n, or better known as the one who lights up the night, as you would say.” 

Hoseok’s face crinkles in confusion,”There’s someone who lights up the night? But isn’t the night  . . . dark? I mean, that’s what happens when I’m not there, right?” 

The moon’s shoulders drop, any excitement previously held from meeting another being gone. Her eyebrows furrow,”Uh, yeah. I don’t really light it up like you do the day . . . it’s more like a night light. When you go down, I come up. The sun’s job is to provide light and warmth, otherwise the Earth would freeze over. And the moon- well, I really don’t know what my purpose is quite yet. I think I can do something to water . . . I don’t know.” 

She fiddles with her hands and stares at her feet, and Hoseok feels a pang of guilt hit deep in his chest. Why does she know so much about him, yet he didn’t even know she existed? Another being, in the same solar system - was he that self centered? Absorbed and made ignorant by his own light? So swallowed by his own loneliness that he didn’t even consider the fact that maybe he might not be completely alone? 

So he said, "Would it be all right

If we just sat and talked for a little while

If in exchange for your time

I give you this smile?"

 So she said, "That's OK

As long as you can make a promise

Not to break my little heart

Or leave me all alone in the summer." 

“Then we can figure it out together, yeah?” He lets his hand float in the air in front of her, hoping the offer was appropriate. His heart beats in anticipation.

She looks up, eyes widening once again,”huh?”

“Why you’re here, your purpose. We can figure it out together,” he flashes her a smile so bright and warm that she almost feels faint, her head going dizzy. Little did she know, she was having the exact same effect on him. “If that’s alright with you, of course?” 

She hesitantly grabs his hand, settling for just hooking their pinkies. Her lips form a small smile,”I was just having tea under those trees, over there by the fountain. Would you like to join me?” 

He restrained the strong want to smile at her nervousness, which he found strange (only because he’s never experienced it before) but also completely endearing. 

She lightly pulled him toward a table with two chairs on opposite sides, nestled between two trees and only a few short steps away from the calm trickling of the fountain. One side of the table was a glimmering silver, the other a sparkling gold, with chairs to match.  It made him chuckle lowly to himself. 

He pulled out her seat for her before she could even think about it, a blush forming on her cheeks from the gesture. 

He took the seat across from her and watched intently as she poured them each a cup, quietly offering him milk and sugar. He shook his head, regretting it not seconds later when the bitter liquid assaulted his newly formed taste buds, his scowl earning a chuckle from his counterpart. 

He suddenly took notice of the detailing on the table. What he assumed to be a moon is carved into his side of the table, and a sun carved on y/n’s side. 

“It’s supposed to be representative of a yin-yang symbol, if I remember correctly. A symbol of balance. Light and dark, male and female, day and night.” 

Hoseok is quiet for a moment at this revelation before a question eventually bubbles into his head,”Where did you learn all of this? About me, about yin and yang, about tea?” 

She giggles, but he’s not offended by him. He didn’t think it was possible, but his heart warms a little bit more at the sound. 

“You help me find my purpose, and I’ll teach you about all the things I’ve learned. Deal?” she reaches her hand out over the table, anxiety bubbling in her gut at the thought of rejection. He senses her nerves, and if he had the strength to tell her there's no reason to fear rejection from him, he would. 

However, he meets his hand with hers once again as reciprocating the handshake was all he could muster.

“Deal.” 

And so their friendship began. 

Well he was just hanging around

Then he fell in love

And he didn't know how

But he couldn't get out

Just hanging around

Then he fell in love

“Hoseok, be careful not to over-water the plants! You’ll drown them, silly,” y/n rushes over to where he’s standing in the garden, carefully tipping back the watering can before he turns their flower bed into a river bed. 

Hoseok reaches behind his head, awkwardly scratching his neck,”I’m sorry, y/n. The soil was just looking a little dry. I didn’t mean-” 

“Hey, sunshine. It’s okay. If those ones would’ve been overwatered, we can always just plant more,” she gives her usual small smile and carefully takes the watering can from him before returning it to the inside of their cottage. 

Sunshine, one of her many nicknames for him. The difference with this one is that it always seemed to make his heart skip a beat when it left her mouth. 

They had been staying on their little island for about a month and a half now, and they seem to have fallen into a comfortable rhythm of things. Drinking tea together, gardening together, swimming together - there was a small amount of activities that they did separately. 

They both knew it was odd, as they were deemed to be polar opposites and honestly shouldn't be getting along so well. But yin-yang rang true, and they balanced each other out perfectly. 

The only thing the moon did that annoyed the sun at times was something they call her “dark days”. He tries his hardest to understand it, but it’s difficult to empathize with a feeling you never experience. 

Hoseok believes that it’s partially - no, scratch that - he believes it’s completely his fault. 

When they first arrived he’d promised her he’d help her find her purpose, the reason she goes up into the sky at night; with a promise of knowledge about the universe in return. 

Whilst he has received an immeasurable amount of knowledge thanks to y/n, it seems as if he hasn’t made any progress figuring out what she’s here for. He knows she has a purpose, he is 100% certain and he feels it in every fiber of his being. He just hasn’t figured out what exactly it is yet. 

He still feels confused when she shuts herself in her room, and won’t come out for the majority of the day, only revealing herself to grab a glass of water and say goodnight to Hoseok. 

And although he hasn’t quite grasped the feeling yet, he knows that it hurts her. He knows this because it’s what he feels on the days he doesn’t see her, the days she locks herself away. He doesn’t understand why it upsets him so much. 

Today, luckily for both of them, is a good day. Or at least it started out as one. 

As y/n’s eyes flutter open, the scent of something hits her nose. It’s bacon, she thinks - but it just smells a little-

“Oh no,” she practically rolls out of bed, darting into their kitchen to see Hoseok holding a pan of burnt bacon in one hand, the other hand reaching to turn the knob off. 

“Y/n! I, uh, I’m sorry. I was trying to make breakfast for us, but ironically I haven’t really gotten a grip on the whole fire thing yet and-” 

“Hobi, sunshine, it’s okay,” she walks over, taking the pan from him and pouring the grease into a jar before discarding the burnt bacon into the trash.

“You’re not upset?” he questions. He didn’t want to come off judgemental, but there was a day where y/n found a dried out worm on the pathways and proceeded to cry over it for two hours. If she shed some tears over burnt bacon, it would not have shocked him in the slightest. 

“Of course not, you tried your best and that’s all that really matters,” she strokes his cheek slightly to comfort him before returning to make the breakfast he attempted. 

He’s shocked by her upbeat demeanor, but he knows better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.  

“So, what did you want to do today?” he leans against the counter and watches intently as she places bacon in the pan once more. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe go for a walk? It’s cooler out today,” she close-mouthed smiles, knowing that means Hobi was feeling calm today, that most likely nothing was troubling him. 

“That’s a great idea! Maybe you’ll find a new flower or berry or something!” 

“Always the optimist,” she gives a light sigh as she flips the bacon, almost seeming to go out of focus; something she does quite often, Hoseok has noticed. It was odd, how she’d have this far off look in her eyes and yet still be able to complete whatever task she was working on. Like her body took control as her mind wandered away.

Breakfast continued without a hitch. They ate in relative silence, but it was a comfortable silence. One filled with stolen glances and small smiles. 

After cleaning up, they chose a trail to take their walk on. It was one they’d only been down maybe once or twice, which left hoseok hoping y/n could discover something new. Something to distract her for a bit longer as he continues his research to figure out why y/n is here. 

Sometimes Hoseok thinks that there’s no particular reason why Y/n is here, and he thinks of ways to explain that it would be okay if she didn’t have a reason, if she were to just be existing. But he plays the conversation in his head and he can see her facial expression after the words leave his mouth and then his stomach drops and then he forgets about even bringing it up to her all together. 

“Hoseok?” 

y/n calling his name knocks him out of his thoughts, his eyes landing on her small form. He smiles,”let’s go.”

She shakes her head and giggles slightly,”alright. Onward then.”

He gestures for her to walk first, and so she begins their trek down the trail. This one in particular winds through the woods, cuts through a clearing, and then leads down to the river. Even though they’ve only been down this one a small amount of times, and there is probably other trails, y/n thinks this one may be her favorite. 

The breeze flutters y/n’s dress and hoseok’s loose white button up as they walk through the woods, the only sound heard being their footsteps and the occasional noise coming from an animal. 

“Hobi?”

“Yes, nightlight?” 

She hopes he doesn’t see her cheeks turn red. 

“I know how you say I think too much and I should probably stop doing that-”

“But?” 

She stops for a second, glancing up at him. He notices a second later, pivoting to return her gaze. 

She lets out a little breath,”Do you not think about why we’re here? I mean, if it happened to you the same way it did me, a voice came to you and told you that they wanted you to meet someone, and all of a sudden you had a body and then you were here. I was here for a bit before you, and I thought the worst. I had done something wrong and now I was being banished to spend my life, however long that would be, on this island. Alone. And then you showed up . . . and now I’m even more confused.” 

He can see her eyes starting to glaze over, and his stomach drops. That was the expression he was trying so hard to avoid seeing. Maybe he hadn’t tried hard enough to find out why she’s here. She was upset all over again and it was his fault. 

He takes a step forward,”Y/n, just give me more time-”

“You shouldn’t need more time, Hoseok!” she grabs onto his sleeves, tears starting to flow from her eyes,”The reason why you can’t figure out why I’m supposed to be here is because I don’t need to be! I am unnecessary. You light up the whole earth and bring light and the day, hobi. What do I do? Why did they put me on this cage of an island with you of all beings? So I could feel even worse about myself?”

Her words startle him into speechlessness as he just stares at the tears flowing down her cheeks; he is frozen.

Her hands drop from his sleeves moments later and he still can’t find his voice. 

“Just accept that I’m right, Hoseok. I am nothing.” she sighs once more and turns away from him, heading back down the path and toward the cottage. 

The word nothing hits him like a bullet, so much force he almost actually stumbles backward. He’s suddenly out of his trance, and he marches forward, gently grabbing her shoulder and spinning her to face him. 

“Don’t you dare call yourself nothing ever again. Ever.”

“Why not? It’s true, Ho-”

“I love you! Do you hear me, y/n? I am in love with you. Do you think that if you were nothing, if you meant nothing I would fall for you like I have? Do you know how insulting it is to have you call the thing I love most nothing? That is the last word I would use to describe you.” 

“I-I’m sorry. But . . . that still doesn’t explain why I’m here. This isn’t about you, Hoseok. I understand the whole universe revolves around you and everything, but just because you fell in love with me doesn’t mean I have purpose all of a sudden. This doesn’t change anything.” 

Her voice shook the whole time and tears kept leaving her eyes, all signs saying she didn’t mean a damn word she was saying - but to the sun, it felt as real as it could. 

She walks away once more, and it wasn’t until she was out of his line of vision did he realize his cheeks were wet with hot tears. 

One week later

Hollow. 

Hollow is how Hoseok feels. 

He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He has never felt this in his entire existence before. 

Does he talk to her? Plead with the universe to return back to his place in the sky? Lay in his bed for the rest of eternity and wallow in self-pity? 

The last one seemed the most appealing. 

“You are the sun, Hoseok. The fucking sun for god sakes. And you can’t even manage to convince the girl you love that there’s purpose for her existence. Why isn’t my love for her enough? Why isn’t the way she makes me laugh, the way I get butterflies when I look at her . . . why isn’t that enough? Is this how she feels?” 

Hoseok sits up as realization hits him like a freight train. He knows why she’s here. He’s finally figured it out. 

***

Light knocks on wood are heard throughout the otherwise silent cottage as Hoseok’s knuckles rap against y/n’s door. 

“Please come out. I- I really need to talk to you. I think . . . no, I know now. I figured it out, if you just- y/n? Why haven’t you started yelling at me yet?” slight worry settles in his stomach as he reaches for the doorknob, confusion filling his head as the door opens easily. 

The room isn’t a mess as it had been previously, as y/n had a tendency to have her things scattered about. It was almost unsettling how clean and organized everything is. And sitting on her nightstand next to her bed is a folded piece of paper that makes his heart drop. 

He hesitates to pick it up, but reluctantly opens it to see that it’s addressed to him. 

“Dear Hoseok, 

I am sorry. I can no longer bear the weight of having a physical body in which my consciousness resides. They won’t let me return back to my place in the sky where my celestial being is currently, so I must find a way to force them to. I just want you to take one thing away from this, if anything; 

This is not your fault. I should not have given you such a big responsibility. It was my journey to embark on and I could not handle it, and I should not have expected you to be able to. Please do not blame yourself for the demise of my mortal body. 

Thank you for everything. 

Love, y/n” 

The letter is crumpled into his fist as hot tears stream down his face. He begins to rip the letter into pieces and notices something. 

“The ink is smearing . . . this has just been written  . . . oh no,” he drops the remaining pieces of the letter and dashes out of the cottage. “If I were y/n, where would I go?”

He suddenly feels something wet on his face, and looks up to see a dark sky. It’s always sunny here. What is happening? 

“The moon . . . pulls the tides. She’s going to try and drown herself,” hoseok starts running faster than he ever thought possible, trying to make it down to the shoreline in time. Although the island isn’t very large, she could be at any part of the shore. 

Hoping that his intuition will take him to the right spot, he just keeps moving. 

I have to make it in time. I have to. 

Feeling as if his lungs will collapse once he finally reaches the shoreline, he panics as he can’t see her at first. But then he hears her, sobs racking her body. 

Most of her body is submerged in the icy water, only visible from her elbows up as she sits in the sand. 

He slowly approaches her, going in until the water hits his knees,”Y/n?” 

“They won’t l-let me, Hoseok. They won’t let me,” another sob escapes her mouth, her shoulders shaking. 

“Won’t let you what, nightlight?” he murmurs so soft he almost thought she couldn’t hear him.

“They won’t let me die!” a deep breath leaves her,”I can’t die. I can’t return to my home. I’m just stuck. Here, watch!” 

He reaches out for her as she tries throwing herself in the water,  but she doesn’t even hit the surface before the ocean comes rushing back toward her, standing her upright once again. Hoseok watches in awe. 

“It’s yourself, you know. You won’t let yourself die. Because you know that’s not what you’re meant to do.” 

“How exactly am I not letting myself die? Is throwing myself into the ocean not convincing enough for you?!” y/n is inches away from his face at this point, irritated at the complete calmness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, but I was under the impression that it was the moon who controls the tides. I’m not saying you’re doing it on purpose. But deep down, you still think there’s a reason that you’re here. There’s a part of you that wants to live and find out. And I’m here to tell you.”

Y/n perks up at this, although there’s still tears welled in her eyes,”there’s no way you figured it out. You’re just saying that to try and stop me.” 

“I don’t think you understand, y/n. Without you, the whole world would fall out of balance. You know of yin and yang, correct? Warm and cold. Light and dark. Day and night?” 

“Yeah, I’ve read it all. What is your point here, Hoseok?” 

“Love, you bring things that I could never provide. I could never move the tides. I could never shine among the stars like you do. I can never bring comfort during the dark like you. Don’t you understand? Everything shines the brightest when it is darkest. You are loved by so many. I may bring warmth and light. But you bring beauty, comfort, and understanding. Understanding that without the night, we would never cherish the beauty of the dark, and what lies in it. Darling, don’t you see? You are the one everyone truly loves. You bring light in the darkest of times. How can you not see that?” 

Y/n looks as if Hoseok had just slapped her in the face, waves of tears making their way down her cheeks freely. She stumbles forward, almost drunkenly and blinded by her tears, and begins weakly beating on his chest. 

“H-How can I believe you? I-I just . . . What if you’re just saying this because you love me?” she lets out an exasperated breath, finally looking up into his eyes. 

“So what if I am? You don’t think those humans love you almost as much as I do? Or did you just forget everything that I said? That is the whole point, nightlight. Everyone on Earth loves you just as much as I do. You just needed someone else to tell you so that you’d finally believe it.” 

Silence sweeps over the both of them as they breathe heavily, exhausted physically and emotionally. 

“Look y/n, I- 

Hoseok doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence as the force of her body knocks into his, nearly knocking him over. Relief floods his body as he relaxes into her embrace, the sky growing lighter in time with his heart. 

“Hoseok, I’m so sorry I said all of those things to you. I was just so . . . I am so scared,” she sniffles quietly. 

He releases himself from y/n, looking down at her with a confused look,”Scared of what?”

“Of loving you. And everything that comes with it. But I, um, I think it’s much too late for that.”

Hoseok’s eyebrows shoot up, a beaming smile coming onto his face,”are you serious? You- you love me? You actually love me back?” 

“I think there’s a better term for it, the humans use it to differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings. I don’t just love you, sunshine. I am in love with you.” Her hands come up and rest on his cheeks, his doing the same. 

“Uh, I, is this where -”

“Oh my stars, just kiss me already you dork.” 

The legend says that the upper beings were so pleased, the sun and moon were allowed to stay on their island together for the rest of eternity. 

All was golden in the sky

All was golden when the day met the night. 

The End

[sepublic]

Reset Eda?

           So @kprapture brought up the idea of Eda being de-aged back to her pre-curse self, the typical antics she’d get into with Luz… And how Lilith might consider the idea of making this reversal, this reset, permanent- So Eda could live the curse-free life she properly deserved, with a support network of a wiser Lilith, Luz and King, a Hexside that would let her study multiple tracks, etc. And this idea is just messing me up, because…

           There are two ways to approach this. Option A, Reset Eda has no memories of her original life growing up, getting old from the curse, meeting Luz, etc. Option B, Reset Eda DOES retain those memories;

           Option A would be messed-up, because it wouldn’t just kill the Eda we know… It’d effectively wipe her out of existence. If there’s an afterlife for the Boiling Isles, which there probably is since the Oracle Coven exists, and we’ve already seen at least one ghost in this show… Then, I don’t see Eda choosing this option on her deathbed, because then she’d never move on to the afterlife, maybe never get to see her parents, and then catch up with her loved ones when THEY inevitably die…

           The thing about Eda, is- I think she doesn’t regret her life. She doesn’t regret the decisions she’s made, and ultimately she’s content where she’s ended up, especially since Luz and King are there. Having written about her in the past, I see Eda as someone who if given the chance to change it all, would have it remain the same; Yeah, her life isn’t ideal, but still. Eda owns what happened to her, she makes it her own, and I don’t think she’d want to let go of that, alongside her sense of identity…

           Now, there ARE better ways to learn the things that Eda, ways that are less painful and torturous. Whatever Eda learned from the curse, she could’ve easily learned without it- It’s why she’s so adamant as a teacher towards protecting Luz from the traumas that Eda herself endured… Because Eda knows that Luz can learn just the same things she did, without having to go through that pointless pain. And maybe some lessons just aren’t worth it, but what’s done is done so you may as well make the most of the knowledge you got. That trauma isn’t going away… Except in this scenario, it could.

           It’s kind of an ethical dilemma, and I could potentially imagine Eda maybe, just maybe, considering ‘sacrificing’ her entire existence up until this point, to pave the way for a better, happier Reset Eda… I’ve talked a lot about Eda being used to loss and trying to weaponize and make the most of it by turning into a sacrifice for the greater good, for someone else to benefit from her tragedies. Maybe Eda might see it this way- Giving up her life so some other kid, as this Reset Eda would be considered ‘different’ from her, can have a happy and better life…

           But the thing is; Eda’s life is saving, she knows this, an entire crowd knows this and protested against Belos over this indisputable reality. She doesn’t have to die, just to ‘save’ a life that neither exists, nor is meant to… Eda can invest that energy into other kids who already exist, or are intended to be by their would-be parents, and she certainly doesn’t have to DIE just to make life better for them! Eda can even invest that energy into making herselfhappier, her own life better… Yes, her time on this world has unfortunately been shortened thanks to the curse, but it’s still there and remaining, and Eda DID have plenty of time with it that she ultimately made the most of.

           I’ve written about it before, but I think that Eda would ultimately decide not to change a thing, she made it clear to Lilith that living as a wild witch would’ve happened even without the curse, and that was Eda’s intention as a child before she learned of the curse no less. And, I can see Reset Eda agreeing… Because if Reset Eda is presented with this reality, with Luz and King and Lilith explaining how she grows up with a curse, and the kind of life she lives… Well, we see how young Eda casually tosses aside the Coven System to her sister. She’s very much Go Big or Go Home, the kind of person who fully commits to her own actions and owns them, fully accepting what happens. I think Reset Eda would at least appreciate the perspective she’d get from her cursed life, and how it can be helpful towards vouching for that kind of thing to never exist for anyone else…

           Now, Reset Eda might hesitate about getting cursed- But if it’s to save and retain herself in a sense, her own actions and accomplishments, a life she made for herself and was proud of? I think Reset Eda would shrug, and ask Lilith and the others to bring it on, to bring her back to the present- Because she’s impatient to get to that point, I imagine Reset Eda would ‘miss’ her life as Eda the Owl Lady, sister to Lilith, surrogate mother to Luz and King, creator of Owlbert, begrudging acquaintance of Hooty, etc.

          Her cursed life wasn’t ideal, but there’s something good and irreplaceable to it, just as each and every person is unique in their own special way; And Reset Eda wouldn’t want to lose something that had existed and is at stake here, just for a life that never actually did. Even if her life was garbage, well- Eda is always someone who finds meaning and value from garbage, and even creates it when none is there, or disagrees with the purpose others originally intended anyway! She says how she feels about what she has in life, not others!

           Reset Eda might agree with her older self about getting that better life for other kids, like Luz, because that’s what Eda DID work on doing, and she made some decent success at this no less! Of course, I can imagine some initial angst and dilemma, as Reset Eda isn’t as wise as our Eda- So it might take her longer to reach this conclusion, or she’d be a bit more hesitant. But then again, Young/Reset Eda openly defied the Coven System to the Emperor’s Coven own face, publically… So she seems both proud and unapologetic about her choices, to the point of fully owning the consequences and trouble that come with them- Just like our Eda. We don’t know the exact differences between Young Eda and our Eda, but we know that there are a lot of fundamental similarities in ideals.

           Plus, I imagine that if Reset Eda were to be undone, and returned to the Eda we know… Well, she’d retain her memories of having been ‘reset’, as a young Eda who suddenly woke up surrounded by Luz and King and a much older Lilith, and got to know them and her own future before making the decision to keep it. It’d be sweet for Eda to reflect on what just happened and what she missed, to look at Luz and the others… And then smile and nod, remarking that she’s really missed this and definitely wouldn’t have given it up for anything. Besides, it’s not like she’d deprive Luz and the others of the Eda they know and love, she’s not going to do away with that Owl Lady, any time soon! Reset Eda would still ‘remain’, she just wouldn’t have lived out THAT life… In exchange for retaining her cursed one. Harsh, but she’s not losing anything that was ever actually, already there.

          And Reset Eda, the one we meet after the initial reversal, she’d still exist, she’d still live on in our Eda… The only thing she’d have lost was the potential of that new life, but would she really give up her past one for that? Young Eda couldn’t bear being at the top of a system that hurt and oppressed others… And while she may be apprehensive about getting cursed, it’s not like she has to relive it, just bring back the effects, and restore her old self. Like I said, Young Eda already planned to be a wild witch; I think she’d be fine with a curse, if it meant saving her old life and self in the process, VS sacrificing it entirely just to have no curse…

           …But, this gets us onto Option B; The idea of Reset Eda retaining her memories, in which case… She’s literally just OUR Eda, just with a heavy dosage of Youth Elixir and no curse. In which case, I can definitely see her being a lot more open to the idea… Maybe a bit hesitant, because she doesn’t want to outlive her sister, Lilith- But Lilith would definitely reassure Eda that the two will catch up in the afterlife anyway, when Eda herself has to inevitably kick the bucket, curse or no curse. I could see Eda having concerns about the logistics of being much younger, but in the end… I can legitimately imagine Eda accepting this option alongside the others. It’d be weird having the body of a very young kid with the mind of a fully-grown adult, and no doubt very awkward… It’d definitely make most romantic relationships a very touchy subject that’s probably to be avoided; But in the end, I think Eda’s already content with the familial bonds she has with the others.

           Eda would hate to have her youth restored, and be cured of the curse while watching Lilith bear it on her own… But I could see Lilith reassuring her that she already lived plenty of years without the curse, anyway. And she still has a support network, her worst guilt and sins would be alleviated almost entirely… I think Lilith would be very much fine, because she’s going to grow old and die either way. This way, however, she has Eda the whole way through- Because if we’re being brutally honest, regular Eda is probably going to die of old age before Lilith. So to Lilith, having her little sister, happy and living a new and better life, while still retaining her old one… Having THAT Eda by her deathbed, that’s much better than being without Edalyn entirely.

           Plus, maybe a youth-restored Eda could just… Douse an aging potion to match her biological age with her chronological one, if she really had reservations- Doing so would still leave out the curse, depending on how this reset works. And, who’s to say Eda won’t try to apply this spell to Lilith as well? Have them BOTH have their bodies reset but their memories and life retained… Of course, this option sounds extremely ideal, so I can see it not happening for this exact reason; As well as any other variation of Option B, for that matter.

           Lilith, however… This is Lilith we’re talking about here. I’ve talked about how she may have already learned some lessons, and is likely bound to do so before this Reset option occurs. If it were Option B, it’d probably go on without too much of a hitch… But Option A? In a scenario where Reset Eda decides that she wants to go back to her old, cursed life? I can see Lilith not only disagreeing, but… Maybe becoming SO adamant, that she refuses to undo the reversal, at any cost! Because to her, Eda’s lost potential, the life she deserved but never got; It’s her worst sin by far. It’s her worst guilt that killed and ate her up from the inside for decades, and it’d be SO easy, so relieving to just let it go, to just undo it… While STILL making things right, right?

           The thing about Lilith is that she’s willing to go lengths for Eda- Even go as far as threatening Eda’s own kid, Luz, just to cure her curse. Sure, she’d have made some character development by then and already has… But on the chance of actually curing Eda’s curse, AND saving her from all of that trauma and pain, getting her that life she never got- Something not even Belos could provide? That’s going to really complicate things, and I can see Lilith conveniently ignoring the reality that this option would kill our Eda, because… She really doesn’t want to dwell on the ethical dilemma of it all, she just wants an easy out and it’s so easy to relapse into this mistake, especially since it’s a much more understandable scenario for her.

           But, again- Lilith has learned to respect Eda’s decisions, and if she really retains and applies her lessons, then she’ll do so, even in this case where it seems like she could have it all… Because she DOES love our Eda, the one who grew up cursed, she does do so unconditionally- So it WOULD hurt her to sacrifice that Eda for a new, reset one… And that’s something Lilith is going to have to acknowledge. That this isn’t just her own loss she has to factor in, it’s Luz and King’s and the others’… On top of Eda herself being deleted and not exactly wanting that. Could Lilith bear to kill her own sister? Obviously not… And it’d be a painful and begrudging realization, a frustrating one that Lilith would so badly want to ignore, to set aside…

           But, she can’t- She knows it deep down, in her heart, and once it’s there, it’s there to stay, just like the curse… Once again, Lilith is going to have to be mature, because the LAST time she did something harmful to Eda, believing it was for her own good- It didn’t pan out. And the last time she harmed Eda just for her own selfish desires –the curse- that REALLY didn’t play out well… Lilith is no doubt going to be grappling with misguidance, a genuine desire to help Eda, her own selfish desire to alleviate her guilt, etc. She’s going to confuse how much of herself is doing this for Eda, or just for her own conscience… But when it becomes clear that Reset Eda wants to go back, Lilith is going to have to admit that once again, she’s being selfish and making Eda’s decisions for her.

           Especially with Luz and King to serve as pretty harsh reminders of what Lilith did, and force her to reflect on what she’s done in the past, to always remember that. Lilith is going to hate it, she’s going to hate herself the entire process through, and maybe feel even worse for letting this opportunity slip through her fingers… Having hope built up, only to be brought crashing down, harder than ever- But I imagine that once Lilith reunites with HER Eda, the one who grew old and cursed… She’s going to realize how much she missed her, and be glad she got her sister back. She might mourn the potential of Reset Eda, but that life never existed and wasn’t going to- And again, like Eda, Lilith can invest her energy and efforts into making lives better for other people… And Eda REALLY wants Luz to have it good, so…!

           Still- Imagine Lilith being so desperate, so drawn to the idea of erasing and relieving her past mistakes, believing that she’s helping Eda that she… Legit has to fight Luz and Reset Eda over bringing back OUR Eda- And maybe during the fight, we get to see Reset Eda’s prowess as a child, leading to Lilith reminding her that doesn’t it feel good to have full, unrestricted access to magic? Isn’t Eda glad she has it now, surely doesn’t want to LOSE this, does she…? Kind of a callback to Agony of a Witch, how Lilith goads and taunts Eda about the curse, as if to smugly remind Eda why she should join the Emperor’s Coven to be cured.

          Surely Eda has to see her point by now, obviously Eda can’t be in so much denial when the proof is right there in her face, because this fight makes it so obvious. In Agony of a Witch, the duel made it clear how much magic Eda has lost and is losing and it’s why she needs a cure- And now this time, the duel makes it clear to Reset Eda how much she has to lose, and what’s at stake for her. Either way, attention is drawn to Eda’s magical ability in that fight and how it’s doing, what she WILL lose should she not listen to Lilith, and how it must be preserved…

          And that’ll make Reset Eda hesitate, because she knows that she’ll lose that magic if she goes down the cursed path… And that might cause the most reservations about her choice- Up until she sees Luz fighting alongside her, sees how proficient Luz is with Glyphs… And then Reset Eda realizes she still learned bile-magic as an adult, and got the chance to start with glyphs as well! She’s even got Owlbert, so Eda won’t be entirely bile-less… Reset Eda would realize she’d lose magic, but Luz would show her that she doesn’t have to completely give up magic, just one form of it. And, yeah- Ideally, Reset Eda could grow up with access to bile magic AND glyphs. But again, considering who’s at stake here… Reset Eda would see it as simply not worth it, especially when her own self seemed pretty pleased about the outcome- And our Eda is a lot older, wiser, and more experienced… Our Eda managed to live her own life, help people and inspire them in a lot of ways, and taught Luz!

          Our Eda made Owlbert, established the Owl House, became reputed as an unstoppable criminal and one of the hottest witches around… I think Reset Eda would consider our Eda as someone worth looking up to, and emulating. It’s kind of funny- The idea of her looking to herself, the best version of herself, as a role model… Which I guess just echoes what the Oracle Sphere told Gus- That he’s always the best version of himself. Sometimes who you are and are bound to become is great enough as-is, and I think that’s a realization that Eda figured without any divination artifact… If Eda really is so sure of herself, then she can trust the decisions she’s made in the future- Especially since Reset Eda is already leaning heavily towards those beliefs herself!

          And Lilith… if Lilith realized that she needed to listen to Eda and trust her, back when they were kids AND when they were older… Then she’s going to have to stop. Because Our Eda and Reset Eda are making it obvious what she’s choosing, and Lilith needs to recognize that while she shouldn’t avoid helping others- Disregarding what people choose for themselves because she thinks it’s best for them, is something that has only caused others and herself pain in the past… It’s something Lilith deliberately tried to avoid for years, even, when she insisted on protecting Eda from the Emperor’s Coven, until the allure of Belos’ cure and his threats got to her. Does Lilith want to erase her progress, her lessons? Obviously there were better ways to learn such wisdom than from cursing her own sister…

          But in the end, what’s done is done. If her lessons and development truly stick, then she’ll finally learn to let go when she has every reason and desire, both selfish and altruistic, in the world not to. Because when she realizes she’s fighting her own sister again- Lilith is going to remember how Eda lost her magic because of this. She’s going to remember how much it breaks her heart to be at odds, that Reset Eda WILL hold this against her… And Lilith can’t just be content with losing her sister’s love under the hopes that Eda herself will fare better without her. Just like that fateful ‘duel’ when they were kids, Lilith will realize that she’s really only doing this for herself- And she’ll stop what she’s doing in remorse, because she can’t let history repeat itself in her attempts to undo it.

          This would just leave an even stronger impact on Reset/Our Eda when it’s all over… And this kind of respect towards Eda’s autonomy, this final concession of her choices, will really show to Eda that Lilith now truly understands her after all this time, and I think Lilith will have a new future to look forward to with her sister because of this. Eda DOES want to be with her sister, just on her own proper terms… So maybe Lilith can properly provide this happiness for once, and continue to do so! Don’t take it away like last time… Because Eda also cares for Lilith as well and knows she’ll be happier this way, and THAT makes Eda happy in her own way! It’s not hopeless, either- Lilith is sharing the curse, and they’ll do it together as always… Lilith may have hurt Eda in her attempts to be together, but that doesn’t mean separating the two will make them any better or happier- Not when years of loneliness has indicated otherwise.

           And I can just imagine Lilith and Luz having a heartfelt, teary goodbye to Reset Eda… Before she casually explains that she’ll still be around when she goes back to normal, she’s just giving up a life that never came back to be, to return to the one she always had! And as I said before… Reset Eda returns to normal, she opens her eyes, and proves that she remembered everything that happened then; And she appreciates how she can affirm her decisions in life, because when given the choice to undo them… Eda decided to keep going through with it, even knowing exactly what laid ahead of her- Maybe even precisely because of this, because look around her! That’s what she’s getting… Eda knows for sure that she wouldn’t change a thing, and it’ll just make her so much more proud and confident of who she is and what she does because of this!